Sue Come to Mariucci

The puck drops on Gopher Sioux weekend tomorrow night at 7 PM. By the end of this weekend the Gophers will either have a prayer of home ice in the WCHA Playoffs or be dead and buried. This weekend could also determine Don Lucia's future behind the bench. With a solid weekend against our #1 rival Lucia could remove some of the heat he is taking from fans. If the Gophers get run off the ice the fans will be chasing Lucia out the door.

Since WWWWW steals all his ideas from other people, sources and sites, I have decided to do the same. I am stealing WWWWWW's “five things about the game" idea. Here are my top five things to watch for this weekend.

1) Gophers attack or lack of attack- If the Gophers are going to win a game or two this weekend they have to score 3 to 4 goals each night. That won't be an easy task because they struggle to score 3 goals vs. crap teams like Tech, Harvard and Bowling Green. To make matters worse, North Dakota is one of the top defensive units in the country. UND goalie, Brad Eidsness, is a good goalie but not great. If the Gophers settle on shots from the blue line all weekend Eidsness can sleep his way through the series. The top line for MN (Schroeder, Cepis and hopefully not white) need to chip in some even strength goals this weekend. Schroeder needs to start producing instead of counting the days until he turns pro. If he gets shut down like he did back in October the Gophers are in big trouble. I am just hoping here, but consistent production from one of the bottom three lines would also be nice. This all equals bad news for the Gophers.


Did you know the telephone pole is North Dakota's state tree?

2) Power Play- The Gophers power play has been brutal all season. Its like watching the gophers basketball team in a half court set. Part of the issue is the talent level placed on the top unit. There is no reason why MN's top unit isn't made up of Hoeffel, Schroeder, Cepis, Ness and Fairchild. They can do what ever they want with the 2nd unit, but I will cut myself if I see Tony Lucia or Jake Hansen logging major power play minutes this weekend. The Gophers should get plenty of PP chances this weekend, especially on Friday. North Dakota will try and knock the Gophers around early on Friday to set the tempo. As long as players like Flynn don't draw stupid retaliation penalties the Gophers should get some early chances. They need a minimum of three PP goals this weekend.


What has 24 teeth and breathes with it's mouth open? The front row of a UND hockey game!

3) Tony Lucia- Before you fall off your chair laughing, hear me out on this one. Lucia is the one player who seems to get under the skin of North Dakota. His game is suited for this series because he will throw his weight around, can play shut down hockey and he likes to run his mouth. He also has some history with North Dakota. Tony piss pounded Kaip (I think that was who he fought) after a Saturday game two years ago. Last year he baited Green into jumping him in the face off circle. Lucia skated away and left Green looking like a complete retard as the refs pulled him to the penalty box. although nothing really happened up in North Dakota earlier this year, the hot rumor was the Sioux wanted a piece of Lucia. If Tony can be a pest all weekend he could draw lots of attention and plenty of penalties.


Why does the wind blow so hard in North Dakota? Because it also can't wait to leave the state.

4) Goaltending- Alex Kangas needs to be a savior this weekend. If he gives up a goal it needs to be a good goal. Enough of the fluff goals. Kangas also needs to make a couple saves he has no business making. I can’t remember the last highlight reel save he has made. Eidsness is not known for gift wrapping goals so the Gophers can’t be giving away any free ones. I would give Wonder Baby to a band of North Dakota gypsies to see the Kangas of 2008 return this weekend. -Side note- You can add goalie handling and lack of goalie development to my list of MN coaching complaints.

Fact- In North Dakota it is still legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon. "That explains the logo."

5) Heart- Just play 120 minutes of solid hockey this weekend and I will not be completely miserable. Honestly, our #1 rival is coming to town. People are openly questioning the players heart. The coach is getting hammered by fans and media. This is the perfect storm to rally the troops and play inspired hockey. If they can’t do it this weekend lets board up the arena for the rest of the season because it is over. God Damn this team pisses me off!

Why are date rape numbers so low in North Dakota? Livestock can't talk!

My Predictions- Sioux win 5-2 on Friday and Gophers win 3-2 on Saturday. Also, Chicks with guns are hot!

Winning at Home

I was thinking today about the Big Ten overall this year and how, outside of Iowa and Indiana (and maybe Penn State) it's a very balanced league (especially if you aren't sold on Michigan State).  In a situation such as this, defending home court may be the most important thing when it comes to gaining an NCAA Tournament bid.  If you split home/away games you would go 9-9, but say you beat Iowa and Indiana on the road and then steal one from someone else without losing a home game - you're suddenly 12-6 and basically a lock.  That doesn't really sound that hard, does it? (I know it's an unbalanced schedule, just work with me here).

I know it's awfully early, but let's take a peek at who is doing this well so far, giving 1 point for a road win (not counting Iowa/Indiana) and subtracting one point for a home loss or a loss at Iowa/Indiana:


Wisconsin:  +2 (won at Penn State and at Northwestern).  Real Record:  4-1.  Even if their two road wins are against teams just a step up from the dregs, they're still Big Ten road wins, and beating Northwestern without Leuer is impressive.  Wins over Duke, Maryland, and Marquette all look good.  As long as things don't come crashing down while Leuer is out this is an NCAA Tournament team.  Again.

Michigan State:  +1 (won at Northwestern).  Real Record:  4-0.  With a win over Gonzaga and no bad losses they have practically wrapped up a bid already.

Ohio State:  +1 (won at Purdue).  Real Record:  2-3.  The record doesn't look good, but the +/- score should give you a hint that the schedule-maker wasn't exactly forgiving - four of their opening five conference games were on the road.  With just five road games left (including against Iowa and Indiana) and Evan Turner back to where he started they are actually in pretty good shape, although their non-conference profile is starting to get worse with Florida State and UNC struggling.

Illinois:  0.  Real Record:  4-0.  Being talked about as the surprise of the Big Ten by people who have no idea what they are talking about, they haven't played a conference game yet that they weren't favored in and struggled in a couple of those.  Non-conference results show this isn't a very good team.  Expect everything to fall apart starting this weekend.

Minnesota:  0.  Real Record:  3-2.  The record isn't gaudy, but it looks good if you break it down.  I consider there to be four "good" teams in the conference this year (MSU, Wisc., OSU, Purdue) and the Gophers have already played three - two on the road.

Purdue:  -1 (lost to Ohio State at home).  Real Record:  2-2.  I'm not really sure what to make of the loss to the Buckeyes, but I think it is more of a positive to Ohio State than a negative to Purdue.  Considering the wins over Tennessee and West Virginia already I have a feeling these guys are going to be just fine.  They have their next two on the road against middle of the road teams (Illinois, Northwestern), which could be interesting.

Michigan:  -1 (won at Penn State, lost at Indiana, lost at home to Northwestern).  Real Record:  2-2.  Barring a miraculous run the rest of the way or a win in the Big Ten Tournament they've pretty much put themselves out of the NCAAs already with seven total losses.  I still think they remain a dangerous team, and going into Ann Arbor and getting a +1 is going to be just as tough as anywhere else.

Northwestern:  -1 (won at Michigan, lost at home to Wisconsin and Michigan State).  Real Record:  1-3.  I still have no idea what to make of these guys.  There are a bunch of decent wins against middling teams (Iowa State, Notre Dame, Stanford) but the only "good" teams they've played have handled them with ease and all three in Evanston.  Maybe they are the kings of the mediocre?  Sounds like time for a big NIT run.  

Penn State:  -2 (lost at home to Wisconsin and Michigan).  Real Record:  0-4.  Yeah, they're not good.  I don't know why, exactly, I chose not to include them in the Indiana/Iowa group but I've already done all the math on this and I really don't want to redo it. 


I'm not exactly sure what all this means, but the higher the number the better the team is doing at defending its home court and stealing road games, keys to getting a tournament bid.  The Gophers are in good shape, having done exactly what you would expect at this point.  If they can win at Indiana on Sunday, split with MSU/Purdue at Williams, win their other home games, and steal a road game at either Northwestern/Penn State/Michigan that would put them at 11-7, which should certainly be good enough.  The path is clear, just take it.

Frustration Levels Boiling Over

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You know what?  I had a whole rant up there outlining everything that was driving me crazy and basically being an angry fan.  But I'm not going to print it (at least not until the Director's Cut version of this blog comes out).  It's not really fair, and the team did hang with a top 10 team pretty much all the way until the end.  I'm still going to mention my frustrations, however, I'm going to do it in a kindler, gentler manner.

-  Defensive lapses.  The team is, no doubt about it, one of the overall best defensive teams in the entire country.  And that is precisely what makes things like Damian not showing on a screen, Westbrook turning his head and losing his man away from the ball, Ralph failing to get over and help on a penetrating guard, and Nolen getting lazy and getting blown by on the dribble (all of which happened last night and led to easy Spartan baskets) all the more frustrating.  Good teams don't lose focus like that.  And where was the press all game, especially the second half?  The Gophers create turnovers by pressing and MSU is a turnover prone team.  I just don't get it.

-  Offensive Stagnation.  How many possessions over the last two years have we watched where the ball is passed/dribbled around the perimeter for 30 seconds and then some poor guard has to heave a desperation jumper as the shot clock runs out?  Over and over and over again, and it seems like every time something is working they go away from it.  Case in point:  last night towards the end of the first half the Gophers were running a flex offense which resulted in back-to-back possessions in a Ralph dunk and another easy shot for someone I don't remember.  TV timeout, and suddenly they completely stopped running it.  Not just for the half, but for the rest of the game.  Baffling.

-  Dumb plays.  Everybody makes dumb plays from time to time, but it seems like the Gophers make more than your average team.  I can remember thinking, "my god what a stupid play" about a hundred times last night, loudest of which would have been following Westbrook's extremely lazy pass to DJ with about a minute left - inexcusable. 

The original post had a whole lot more than this in with a lot more anger and a lot worse language, including a pretty choice rant about a certain Gopher player and how he doesn't belong in the Big Ten, but I'm going to let all that go for now.  The only other thing I feel the need to write about right now is a little something about Ralph.

I ignored all the signs and what everybody else was saying and focused solely on his skill and his potential but it might be time to start examing the criticisms.  Watching him closely since I believed he was the key to the Gophers winning, I noticed a disturbing lack of effort at times.  Not just failing to blockout on a rebound (although this happened frequently) or passing the ball back out after getting it on the block with a shorter guy on him and no double-team (this happened a few times too), but just a full on failure to make a play at a ball.  It happened on Michigan State's offensive rebounds, it happened on loose balls on the floor, it happened catching passes, and it happened when Durrell Summers flat-out out-efforted him when he should have had an easy o-board and a dunk but failed to grab the ball.

I can no longer sit idly by and enable this behavior by my constant, blind praise as if I was a parent whose child just drew on the wall with a permanent marker or a woman beaten with a 2x4.  I have to take a stand like J-Lo in that one movie.  Ralph ->  Get your shit together.  If you don't really want to be a basketball player just go ahead and quit and go play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma or whatever you need to tap into the inner peace and happiness you desire because right now you are wasting your potential.

Remember that scene in Swingers where Trent and Sue are talking to Mikey about how he's a big bear with giant claws and big fangs and he doesn't know how to kill the bunny?  Or that scene in Superbad where Evan finally gets Becca all drunk and horny on the bed and she's all like "I'm going to give you the best blow J ever" and he's all like "Wait, stop, maybe we should talk about it" and stuff?  Combine the tentativeness of Evan with the failure to live up to his potentialness of Mikey and you've got Ralph. 

I sitll think he could be a Big 10 POY candidate by his senior year (assuming he doesn't drop out for the cello), but he's got to want it for himself as badly as I do.  I'm some drunken redneck texas hick dad who wants his kid to grow up and worship football and be awesome.  Who are you Ralph?  A dedicated trooper like Lance Harbor?  Or some soft, sissy kid like Mox?

Ralph's Coming Out Party?

You know how if you have to do some unpleasant task or there is some kind of problem and if you just ignore it sometimes it will go away?  If we all collectively agree to just ignore this game against Michigan State maybe it will just go away and we won't have to watch it.  No?  Fine, but I'm going to back to that five question style of preview I did for the Purdue game that everyone raved about.

1.  How do the Gophers match up?  It's not good.  The Spartans only go seven deep, but they cover just about everything:  big bruisers (Draymond Green), long and athletic forwards (Delvon Roe), guards who can penetrate (Kalin Lucas, Korey Lucious) and guards who can knock it down from outside (Chris Allen), all-around scorers (Raymar Morgan - although moreso his sophomore year) and hyper athletes (Durrell Summers).  Pretty much the only thing they are missing is a big-time center, and that might be a pretty big key (more on this later).

The Spartans are very balanced, with five players scoring in double-digits and four players averaging four boards or better per game.  They rank in the top 15 in offensive efficiency and top 40 in defensive efficiency.  They are a very good and very talented team who shares the ball extremely well and have a lot of guys who can hurt you at any time, and I don't think the Gophers have answers for Summers, Roe, or Green.  Yes, I'm worried.       

2.  What do we think of Blake now?  I have to say Blake is winning me over and last game against Ohio State where he put up 27 points might have been the biggest tipping point for me.  The Buckeyes are the exact type of team I expect to shut Blake down - super athletic, quick, and able to get around the perimeter in a hurry.  But he proved me wrong - he can find the space and opportunity to get his shot off against anybody (other than Purdue, apparently) with that lightning quick release.  As long as he stays hot (and please stay hot) the Gophers can play with anyone - although he is still a terrible defender and I have no clue who he is going to guard in this game.

3.  What's going on with Kalin Lucas?  Lucas, a popular pick for Big Ten Player of the Year, has had some issues with coach Tom Izzo this year, culminating in his being sent home from practice and then held out of the starting lineup for a game at the end of December due to, what Izzo called, "a lack of leadership."  Apparently on last year's team, which is nearly identical to this year's, the unquestionable leader was Travis Walton, and with him gone Izzo is looking for Lucas to fill that role and he hasn't delivered.  In the three games since the benching, Lucas has averaged 15.0 points, 3.0 assists, and 3.7 turnovers per game while shooting 44% - numbers that are all worse than his full season averages to this point.  Some of that can be attributed to those three games all being conference games and therefore tougher, but is Izzo's message getting through?  If I had to bet money, I'd guess that everything is and will be fine between Lucas and Izzo, but it's interesting to think about.

4.  Who is the key to the game?  The key to tomorrow night's game is Ralph Sampson.  Yes, you heard me.  As I mentioned above, Michigan State doesn't really have a center.  Without a key player bigger than 6-8, Michigan State is going to have to cover Ralph with either a freshman who averages eight minutes per game (Garrick Sherman) or cover him with a smaller player like Green or Roe.  I'm not including Colton here, because although I think he can be a factor on the boards - and will have to be - I do think his offensive output can be neutralized, but IF Ralph asserts himself and IF he wants it and IF the team looks for him, he could be huge.

Looking at MSU's games this season, the player I think is closest to Ralph is Robert Sacre, the center from Gonzaga.  He put up 17 on 7-12 versus a season average of 12 despite playing just 19 minutes due to foul trouble.  Sampson will need to do something similar and look to control this game.  And if he has success on the block and/or high post it's going to open up a lot of shots for Blake (and Westy and Devoe). 

5.  So are the Spartans beatable?  Actually yes, more beatable than I expected them to be when I started this preview.  Yes, they are ranked 7th and have a nice 13-3 record, but who have they beaten?  Looking at Ken Pomeroy's rankings they have only beaten two top 50 teams - Wisconsin at #5 and Gonzaga at #50 - the same amount of top 50 wins the Gophers have.  Two of Michigan State's losses are to Florida (#45) and North Carolina (#42) - both who rank worse than Texas A&M (#40).

It's interesting.  Despite having watched the Spartans dismantle a respectable Northwestern team, I have a weird feeling here.  If the Spartans have one weakness on the offensive end it's that they turn the ball over too much - which plays right into the Gopher defense's hands.  They also don't turn teams over much on the defensive end and I expect the Gophers to get many of the same looks they did against Purdue, except this time they almost have to fall.

In the end, the Spartans are probably way too good on the boards at both ends, have more talent, are extra tough at the Breslin Center, and Ralph probably isn't quite there yet where he can carry the team, so this one should be tough and down to the wire with Sparty pulling it out in the end.

But I've just got a weird feeling.

Minnesota 62, Michigan State 60.

Welcome to the National Map, Ralph.

Gopher Hockey....Its Not Very Good

It is Gopher vs. Sioux week. WWWWW has been emailing me on a regular basis to write about hockey and I figured this would be a good week to post. I will be taking in Fridays game live from Mariucci. A gopher vs. Sioux preview will follow later this week. Right now I am going to write/vent about the state of America’s favorite hockey team.

The Gophers head into this weekend with no momentum, no heart and no future for this season. There are plenty of Gopher puck apologist who keep sighting the team has won 6 of 7 heading into this weekend. I guess that means things have turned around and the program is once again heading in the right direction. Wrong! What those apologists don’t point out is the teams the Gophers have beat are the bottom feeders of D1 hockey. If the gophers have really turned the corner they would sweep a very average Sioux team this week or take 3 pts. I am not holding my breath.

Lets recap how bad things are at 4 Oak Street this season. Goldy’s only quality wins this season are against middle of the road Michigan St. and Wisconsin teams. The season has seen the team get swept at home vs. Denver (shutout both games) and Duluth, and drop home games to Bemidji, Mankato and Northern Michigan. The team also had another player leave in the middle of the season. Sophomore Sam Lofquist decided to call it a career after being benched during the Wisconsin series. Lofquist is another soft teat who played with no heart and is a huge snatch for quitting after a little adversity. I will defend his decision based on the fact he was benched in favor of Brian Schack (sorry Todd). How in the hell do you bench a kid for Schack? The Gophers also lost their top goal scoring threat, Jay Barriball, for the season thanks to a knee injury. The only good news from the injury is Barriball accepted a medical red shirt and plans to play next year.

On top of the terrible results this season the on ice product is completely unwatchable. At times this team is like watching an MLS soccer game on ice, but less scoring. Some might chalk the scoring issues up to poor talent, but I still argue talent is not the issue. The front line is loaded with kids who have scored goals their entire careers and came into the program highly rated. Once they arrive at the MN they all turn into 3rd and 4th line players? The blue line is also full of high NHL draft picks that are known for being creative puck movers. The combination should add up to fun hockey, a great power play and lots of goals. The issue isn’t talent, but development and use of said talent. This issue falls squarely on the shoulders of the coaching staff.

The main issues I see with the coaching staff are poor assistant coaches (a.k.a. John Hill), no player development, recruiting the wrong style of player, catering to 17 year old kids who have no heart, a poor locker room, and the system hockey they now play. All of these items fall squarely on the shoulders of the head coach.

Things started going down hill when Bob Motzko left the Gophers for St. Cloud. Since Motzko’s departure the high end individual talent up front stopped coming to MN. The next year Mike Guentzel was removed from the program. When Guentzel left so did all the grit and passion on the bench. We are now left with an unqualified Grant Potulny and John Hill. I do think Potulny will develop into a good coach. I just don’t think he is ready for the gopher’s bench.

John Hill on the other hand is a complete F’ing tit. The best compliment I hear about Hill is he’s a nice guy. In the coaching business there is nothing worse than "being a nice guy" as your best quality as a coach. Hill comes off as easily confused and not very inspirational. Nothing proved this point more than the look of confusion and terror on his face when he filled in as head coach at UND last year. His interviews during intermissions should be grounds enough for firing. I can’t imagine showing up to practice and having to look at and listen to this roly poly son of a bitch. Hill must go.

Two years ago we/I pounded Kyle Okposo, and his ginger hair, for leaving the team in the middle of the season. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I should apologize to Okposo. Okposo was smart enough to realize he wasn’t getting what he needed from Gophers and was actually going backwards in his development. He was bright enough and brave enough to get out before he got stuck in a rut like the rest of the current roster. Bear pointed this out to me during an email exchange late last week and I don’t think Bear has ever spoken a truer word in his life (other than when he called Dawger the worst Yahtzee player of all time). The reason players are leaving and not happy, is the lack of development. The coaching staff is chasing results by playing system hockey and not letting gets skate and develop. I am just surprised they continue to get top end talent while playing this style of puck.

The gophers have also shot themselves in the foot with their recruiting the past couple of years. Not only are the gophers taking more kids right out of high school, but they are now taking players who accelerator their high school studies so they can play college hockey as seniors in high school. The main reason this has failed is these players aren’t concerned about coming to MN and winning a national championship. They are coming to MN to improve as an individual player and move onto the pros. This leaves you with a team full of kids who only play for themselves, which leads to a split locker room, which leads to a garbage team. It also seems like the coaches cater to these players which has pissed off the older players on the team. This was a huge issue with the Phil Kessel/ Holy Cross team.

I am not about to call Lucia a bad coach. Obviously he has had great success as a college coach and turned MN into the premier hockey program in the country from 2000-2005. He also gave me the greatest gift of my life (that includes my two kids) when he led MN to the 2002 national championship. Since that time things have slowly deteriorated to the point we are at today. Which is why I think it is time for a fresh start and Lucia to move on.

I have been saying this for a couple years now, but it is time to bring in Dean Blais. He is a Gopher guy, which will make all the idiot booster who worry about that silly shit, happy. He wins every place he goes, he develops talent, and he will recruit kids with heart and won’t take any shit from prima donnas or their parents. Hiring Dean Blais will also fire up a fan base which is in a rut right now. Dean just led the USA U-20 team to a world championship victory over Canada so his hiring would give an instant jolt to the fans and program. Hopefully Maturi has the seeds to make it happen.

At least North Dakota sucks so I am able to enjoy that portion of this college hockey season.

Snacks here is a picture for you. I know you missed them you sick bastard.

Week In Review - 1/11/2010

I have a lot of words to write so let's just get to it.  No time for love, Dr. Jones.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Gopher basketball.  If you are like me and consider the Purdue game not a failure and actually a pretty good effort you have to consider this a pretty good week in Gopher hoops after they spanked Ohio State 73-62.  Although I'm pretty sure I overrated Ohio State by a good margin, I also think a lot of that had to do with the Gopher defense (and the fact that there wasn't a full moon so we got more of a Scott Howard Evan Turner than a Teen Wolf Evan Turner).  I was baffled by Turner.  I have no idea if he just isn't all the way back or what, but I really wasn't impressed.  His 19-8-7 stat line looks great, but he wasn't in control of the game the way I expected and made some really poor decisions (4 turnovers) and basically just seemed completely baffled by the Gophers double-team press thing.  I thought I'd be blown away.  Instead I was disappointed.  I'm guessing it's similar to how Mrs. W felt the first time we were "together."

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about things like that, and you shouldn't be so interested, perv.  Let's talk Gopher awesomeness.  Blake continues to be completely unconscious.  At this point there literally isn't a single shot he could take that would upset me.  He could pull up from 40 feet on a 2-on-1 break and I would applaud.  I've never seen anything quite like this run he's on.  And he only needs the smallest window to get his shot off.  It's hard to not love him at this point.  Plus he's white.  Everybody loves white people.

Speaking of white people, everybody needs to get back on the Ralph Sampson bandwagon with me.  There is a huge difference when he is in there compared to Colton.  I live Colton, but he's no Ralph.  One will end up being a good center, the other is already good and could end up being a star. Join the fan club now folks, we might be all full up by season's end, and you don't want to miss out.

2.  Garrett Gilbert.  It's a horrible name, no doubt, but Gilbert looks like he might end up being a hell of a quarterback down at the U of Texas after getting thrown into his career in the most high pressure way possible.  When Colt McCoy pinched his nerve in the National Championship game and decided not to risk his NFL prospects and sold out his team by not even trying to come back in, it was up to Gilbert to do something.  He was a bit uneven, and ended up throwing four interceptions and completing just 15 of his 40 pass attempts, but there was something there.  He made some excellent throws against a very good defense, and would have had better numbers but Longhorn receivers dropped at least three balls and their running back was directly responsible for one of those picks when he decided not to hold on to a shovel pass.  Don't forget that he also managed to throw a couple of TDs and not only kept Texas in a game they shouldn't have been in but actually had a chance, however slim, to win (a chance derailed by a big time missed block).  If he can do all that as a freshman with only 27 pass attempts coming into the game, I'd look for big things from him next year.

3.  Louisiana Tech.  I've tried to avoid spotlighting these guys because I figured I was a bit too attached after watching them play Utah State in person last year and falling hard for Magnum Rolle as if I was Ben Stiller and Rolle was that one chick in that one movie, but it's probably time to point out that La Tech is dominating fools all over the place.  Ok, dominating fools is maybe a little strong considering they have a loss to Arizona on their record, but they are now 3-0 in the WAC and that includes wins over both league favorites, Nevada and Utah State, and the win over the Aggies was a 22-point massacre earlier this week, mainly thanks to Rolle.  Magnum (tell me that isn't a sweet name) dominated the white guys USU trotted out in the paint to the tune of a 22 point, 14 rebound performance and is now leading the WAC in blocked shots at 2.6 per game.  And he's not alone, guard Kyle Gibson (not the Twins' pitcher) leads the conference in scoring and wing Olu Ashaolu is third in rebounding and put up a 21-board effort earlier this year against Houston.  With that weak non-conference schedule the Bulldogs will probalby have to go pretty damn near undefeated to secure an at-large, but it's suddenly looking like it might be possible.

4.  Wisconsin.  You know what pains me?  Writing this.  But it's time we all step back from our completely justified hatred of the neanderthals who reside in the world's worst state and acknowledge not only that the team is good this year, but also that Bo Ryan might be a really good coach.  I mean, Tubby still owns Bo, but Bo might not be that bad considering this year's version of the Badgers has almost no talent but still managed to beat Purdue this weekend.  The Badgers are now 3-1 in conference play, and have two of the toughest challenges out of the way.  With wins over Maryland, Duke, Marquette, and Purdue in their pocket and a relatively easy schedule the rest of the way, it looks like the gay-ass Badgers will almost certainly be in the tournament once again.  At least Trevon Hughes is fun to watch, because none of these other guys are (and now it sounds like Leuer is hurt pretty badly, so maybe no tournament after all, but I can't bring myself to count Bo Ryan out - unless he's facing Tubby).

5.  Manabu .  First the story:

DANIA BEACH, Fla.—A man was being credited with tying the 77-year-old world record for catching the biggest largemouth bass. The International Game Fish Association announced Friday that it had confirmed the 22-pound, 4-ounce fish caught by Manabu Kurita. The Florida-based group said Kurita caught the fish July 2 on Lake Biwa, Japan's largest lake.

Kurita's fish tied the record of George Perry, who caught his bass on Georgia's Montgomery Lake on June 2, 1932.  Kurita used 25-pound test line and a live blue gill

And now the picture:

Holy.  Effing.  Crap.

Although using a live blug gill is kind of BS if you ask me. 




WHO SUCKED

1.  Paul Hewitt.  You know, he may be a hell of a recruiter there at Georgia Tech but he sure as hell can't coach.  The level of talent at Tech the last few years has been almost as good as anybody:  Anthony Morrow, Thaddeus Young, Chris Bosh, Jarrett Jack, Will Bynum, and noted gun enthusiast Javaris Crittenton, but his team's have done nothing due to his mismanagement.  Now he might be wasting yet another top level talent in Derrick Favors, who his incredibly talented and is porbably the best player on the team, but is getting just 8 shots a game despite shooting 58% and being the most talented big man in the ACC.  A team with Favors, Iman Shumpert, Gani Lawal, Mfon Udofia, D'Andre Bell should coast to the NCAA Tournament, but instead with Hewitt at the helm they lose to the world's crappiest team (and their in-state rival) Georgia.  Of course after the one year he managed to luck himself into the Final Four he was rewarded with a giant ass contract, so the Jackets are pretty much stuck with him.  Shame.  
[NOTE:  I wrote this before the Jackets picked up a huge win by beating Duke on Saturday.  A more respectable and responsible blogger would probably delete this and type something else up, but I already did a lot of work here so just deal with it.  Once game doesn't mean Hewitt doesn't suck - Favors still only got 6 shots.  And a Georgia Tech fan I know said about that game,  
"They won that game in spite of him.   FT shooting bailed Hewitt out for wasting all our timeouts again. Could have used one with just under a minute left when trapped underneath Duke's basket. Instead give up the easy dunk and put them right back in it.
GT would be just fine if we just played street ball and let the talent determine the results."   

So I'm sticking with "sucks."]

2.  Cincinnati.  Freaking DWG Jinx strikes again, and suddenly the Bearcats are a big ole barrel of suck nation, losing both of their conference games this week to crappy Pitt and terrible Seton Hall to fall to 2-2.  I'm not ready to totally write them off quite yet or anything but I mean, come on guys, what the hell?  Pitt sucks.  Seton Hall sucks.  How are we going to cash in on my 200-1 bet if you dickheads can't even beat bottom middle-tier Big East teams?  And when, exactly, does Lance Stephenson plan on becoming Carmelo Anthony?  Six turnovers against the Pirates isn't going to get it done my friend.  And four points against CS-Bakersfield (a Cincy win sandwiched between the two shameful losses)?  Carmelo would have lit a team like that up for forty.  I'm getting awfully close to dumping them as my second favorite team and jumping on the Ole Miss bandwagon, and lord knows I don't want to do that.  Just beat St Johns and Notre Dame this week and we can all be happy.

3.  Michigan.  We had our first "must-win" game for both teams in Big Ten play this season on Sunday between the Wolverines and Northwestern, and the Wolverines came out on the bottom, 68-62.  Northwestern needed to win because after a great start that included wins over Iowa State, Notre Dame, and Stanford they had started conference play with two losses (including a rout by Michigan State in Evanston) and really needed a win not only to avoid falling to 0-3 but also to get some confidence back.  Michigan was predicted to be an NCAA tournament team and was ranked #15 in the country to start the season but has been awful so far.  They had won back-to-back conference games to get to 2-1 in the Big Ten, and need to win every single game they should win, especially at home, to have the slimmest prayer at a tournament bid.  And, as I said a couple sentences ago, Northwestern won, essentially ending the Wolverines season and it's just early January.  You want to see disaster?  In a ten day span starting January 17th Michigan plays UCONN, Wisconsin, Purdue, and Michigan State.  Ouch.

4.  Washington.  If it seems like a Pac-10 team ends up in this section every week it's probably because they freaking suck, and after a disastrous week by the Huskies it's suddenly gone from a 2-team league to a one teamer and might as well be the WCC at this point.  Washington took a little trip down south to take on the combined 1-4 in the conference Arizona State and Arizona and walked out after getting killed twice.  On Thursday they got beat 68-51 by the Sun Devils after shooting just 36%, totaling just 8 assists, and getting beat on the boards 38-27 and then followed it up by losing to the Wildcats 87-70 after letting Zona shoot nearly 50% from there and getting killed once again on the boards 36-22.  It turns out this really isn't a good team.  I guess when your two best players combine to have a 1-to-3 assist-to-turnover ratio and you have zero post presence you aren't going to have much success.  Want a gambling tip?  Fade Washington the rest of the year.  The public is going to keep thinking they are good, keeping the line a point or two further in Washington's favor than it should be.

5.  Kansas City Royals.  I realize it probably seems a bit odd to have a baseball team in this spot, but there are reasons and said reasons are numerous.  Most recently, and this week which is what qualified them for this spot, they signed Scott Podsednik to a $2 million dollar deal with an option for another year at another $2 million, which altogether is about $3 million too much for a guy with a career OPS+ of 87 coming off a best since 2003 OPS+ of 98 thanks to a silly batting average on balls in play of .342 (league average is about .300 which means he had a very, very lucky year).

This follows up other excellent moves such as signing Jason Kendall (last year OPS+ = 72) for 2 years/$6 million (seriously, I'm not making this up) and trading for Yuniesky Betancourt (OSP+ = 67).  In fact, the Royals lineup this year could, very seriously, end up looking like this:

LF Scott Podsednik (2009 OPS+ = 98)
CF Brian Anderson (69)
RF David DeJesus (106)
1B Billy Butler (124)
DH Jose Guillen (80)
3B Alex Gordon (86)
2B Chris Getz (74)
C   Jason Kendall (72)
SS Yuniesky Betancourt (67)

Wow.  Just wow.  That's like four Matt Tolbert's, two Delmon Young's, an Orlando Cabrera, a Jose Morales, and a Mike Cuddyer.

Zack Greinke must want to kill himself.


Finally, I want to leave you with four discussion topics, and if you've read this far you might as well go a step further and comment on one of these:

1.  I watched Jennifer's Body this weekend (which I enjoyed the hell out of by the way), and found Amanda Seyfried far more attractive than Megan Fox.
2.  Dawger claims "Ohio State isn't even one of the top 100 teams in college basketball this year."
3.  Dawger claims "Cedric Benson is more of an MVP candidate than Philip Rivers."
4.  Dawger claims "Alan Trammell deserves to be in the Hall of Fame just much as Cal Ripken."

Thoughts?

I take it back

I take it back

Wow does turner suck. No

Wow does turner suck. No full moon i guess.

The Legend of Evan Turner

Not a lot of time to write anything to in depth, but if you follow Gopher Basketball you probably follow Big Ten Basketball and thus you are familiar with Evan Turner, who is basically the key to this game.

Sure, Ohio State has some other good players.  Jon Diebler would probably finish second to Blake in an all Big Ten Three-Point contest (actually, Chris Allen might win - if he didn't he'd finish last) and has put up some really nice games this year.  David Lighty is kind of a Turner-Lite and can do a little bit of everything and William Buford is kind of in-between the two of them.  Dallas Lauderdale is a defensive beast and P.J. Hill is still a douche (although he lit up Eastern Michigan - woo hoo!). 

All of that is very nice, but Evan Turner is what turns this group from a bubble team to a final four contender.  I said it earlier this year and I'm sticking by it - if he comes back all the way, this team could make a March run - he's that good.  He came back from his injury on Wednesday against Indiana and logged 20 minutes in the win, putting up 8 points, 4 rebounds, and 5 assists.  I didn't get to watch the game so I don't know how he is playing right now.

This is sort of like the Legend of Boggy Creek, where Turner is a killer Werewolf who might or might not exist.  The Gophers are basically going to the Creek (granted, this works better if the game were in Columbus) and they don't know if the Werewolf is going to be there to rip their collective head off and dine on their sweet, sweet, organs.  Of course, in this case even if the Werewolf doesn't show up there are all kinds of goblins and bugbears who can do some serious damage.

I just don't think the Gophers have quite enough Perseus in them to navigate the Fire Swamp.

Ohio State 75, Gophers 63.

At least Ohio State is fun to watch.

Down with Goldy: Year in Review 2009

Last year at around this time, I did a round up of the best comments on this site for the year to some popular acclaim.  I'd love to do that again, but it is a lot of god damn work to go through all those comments so I'm not going to.  Those of you who really like that kind of thing and have organizational skills are no doubt saying "Why don't you just make note of all the good comments on a daily/weekly/monthly basis and make it easier on yourself, dumbass?" and to that I say shut up and leave me alone.

Instead, why not look at a month by month basis of what was going on and see if I actually managed to say anything funny (doubtful) or insightful (super doubtful) about anything?  Interestingly, of the three years this site has been in existence, this year had the least posts (296 this year vs. 405 last year vs. 348 in 2007).  At the same time, I'd be willing to wager that I've written a lot more words this year compared to any other year.  I may post less often, but when I do I seemingly can't shut up.  Like this post right here.  I just keep writing an intro, when I have no doubt I will write far too much once I get to the wrap up review thing or whatever.  So I'm going to stop.  Right now.  I promise.

January

We started off the year with threats to the guy who sits next to me at the Gopher game, my first ever criticism of Tubby Smith, and a spirited rant after the Spartans blew the team's doors off.  (This post also included a comment where Dawger corrected me on a Tiffani-Amber picture, to my everlasting shame).  We also got the beginning of my Ralph crush after the Gopher win against the Buckeyes, which was also the post that made my mom ask me if I had any plans to "clean it up."    Carl Pohlad died and here is that best comment post I mentioned.  Super Sioux Fan posted a couple of times, included one where she tried to show us all Dawger's weird nipples.  The Gophers beat the Badgers in Mad-Town, and I was actually there in what might have been the most fun I've ever had at a basketball game (and then Dawger slapping pizza out of some poor kid's mouth was the icing on top of the awesome cake).  The month ended with a trip to L.A. in which I ended up hanging out with Larry David.  Damn, that was a good month.  I didn't even have to use my A-K.

February  

We got a Royce/Rodney game review from Dawger that seemed slighly racist, then he later posted a picture of The Hoff and his hot sister (even money on which one Dawger would rather spend a night with).  Was this the end of the Dawger?  I miss his posting.  I traveled to Utah and took in a very fun Utah State game and also sat by Rich Gannon at Williams.   Snacks made one of his rare posts.  We got not only a post from Super Sioux Fan but a live blog from Optimator.  I went to Chicago (ditching out on Bogart), there was some Crede talk, I ran down the stats of some dudes who were almost Gophers, and we closed out the month with the best cartoon in the history of the world.

March   

There were a bunch of conference tournament previews that aren't worth linking but were worth reading at the time and screw you if you didn't like it.  I compared Lawrence Westbrook to Anakin Skywalker.  Snake's favorite picture made an appearance again.  I nearly quit blogging after a loss to Michigan.  The Netherlands made a run in the WBC and fantasy baseball started up.  I drunkenly Facebook chatted a Gopher star.  Snacks got in a fight with Andy Glockner.   I went to Chicago to watch the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament and Dawger passed out at the bar at nine.  Old Man W tossed a perfecto.  There were several drunk posts at the end of the month thanks to work travel and being in New Jersey.  Also a healthy dose of Sidler.  

April  

 With basketball sadly over I fired off some MLB predictions (I went with a Rays/D-Backs series and predicted the AL Cy Young would be Liriano - ouch).  Travis Busch quit the Gophers, which devastated me, and the Masters was a barn burner that was won by whoever made the least mistakes.  I also started an ill-fated mission to write a post every day summing up what happened the night before which didn't last long.  Wonderbaby had her first birthday, I predicted Glen Perkins would keep up his hot start and have a nice season, and we got a rare (though promised to be regular) movie review from Dawger.   This month also had the post that brought in the most traffic in DWG history, my NFL Mock Draft (using video game players) that was linked by With Leather.  And the month ended with me getting the swine flu in New Jersey and posting the teams Dawger and I drafted on the way to Madison.

May

May started with the return of Joe Mauer, which I tried to mock and failed after he hit a home run.  The first Favre rumors started and I wasn't enthused.  Our sponsorship of Scott Stahoviak ran out at baseball reference and I was looking for suggestions - finally settling on Mo Sanford - and I indulged in a bit of rumor-mongering regarding Brendan Harris's penchant for threesomes.  I went to Texas and wrote some words while drinking, and then compared Mauer to A-Rod. And I must have been bored because I wrote not one, but two Live Movie Blogs.

June

A few associates of DWG took a road trip and drafted all-time baseball teams (Team #3 is still the definite winner), while I stayed home and live-blogged a Liriano vs. Felix ball game.  The Twins made their picks in the Amateur Draft and I tried to pay attention, and then posted my Rico Tucker career retrospective.  The NBA draft happened, as did some random Super Sioux Fan thoughts and two more Live Movie Blogs.  The month wrapped up with me seeing a letter in the Star Tribune opining that Roger Maris should be in the hall of fame and making sure that anybody reading understood just how wrong that was (Hrbek gets in first).   

July

I was pissy about traffic one night, which read to some long ramblings which included a monster bass, and speaking of monsters there were live blogs about a giant squid and a giant crocodile.  Kevin Mulvey got rocked, Tom Watson didn't win the British Open, and I got sick of Brett Favre - again.

August

Super Sioux Fan broke my heart when she quit and started her own blog, although not quite as much as when John Hughes died, although that led to a pretty good tribute post.  Got into a ton of Twins talk, including pro-Gomez, anti-Cuddyer, Mauer MVP talk, and a live blog that sucked thanks to the Royals kicking the crap out of the hometown nine and an unprecedented combo Twins/Vikes live blog.  I got screwed out of a Tubby Smith autographed ball (and cracked the Mbakwe case), but still had time to squeeze in my favorite Movie Blog yet.    

September

The month started with me in New Jersey and ended with a trip to Detroit, with Patrick Swayze dying and Tubby signing two recruits (to my luke warm reaction) in the middle, all while Brewster managed to feud with the biggest (only) sports radio station in town despite having accompished nothing.  The Dawgers came over for a cookout and everybody survived, although Kevin Mulvey didn't, and neither did my attempt at doing a live blog of a college football game.  I called the White Sox the Gay Sox for the billionth time, and also got busy with some predictions - My Atlantic 10 preview caused A-10 fans to crawl out of the woodwork to call me stupid, but my NFL predictions were fairly good (picked 7 of 12 playoff teams and a Colt/Viking Superbowl looks good).

October

My trip to Detroit continued with a detour to Canada and a night spent at Comerica watching the Twins get blasted, and we said good-bye to the dome with a hell of a final game (with a tribute in pictures).  I spent the Twins/Yankees series avoiding Hippies in Portland, but still managed to live blog a Red Sox/Angels game and the first three games of the World Series.  We also branched out into other sports with Snake's WCHA Preview,  Optimator live blogged the Gopher/UND hockey match, and I looked at the T-Wolves and the NBA in general.  I also predictably live blogged movies about a squid (featuring Dawson Leery) and less predictably defended Goldy Gopher's behavior.    


November

With basketball season finally starting, Gopher fans had some distractions in Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe, but still managed to win a big game over Butler (and then promptly fell apart after that).  There was plenty of other college basketball going on as well, not to mention the finish of the World Series (Yankees are still assholes).  It sucked when Carlos Gomez was traded (and Dawger was bored with the whole thing, yet advocated the Twins getting guys like Miguel Tejada and Melvin Mora) and it also sucked when I had to go to New Jersey again, but my fantasy college basketball league was awesome.  Not nearly as awesome as this Fresh Prince video, however, nor a movie about a genetically engineered Crocodile/T-Rex. 

December

The live blogs of the month didn't go well, with both the Gophers and Vikings losing the games I chose to type while I watched.  Even so it was an exciting month, as I not only discovered Jersey Shore but also Captain Share-the-Ball himself, Reggie Holmes (who did end up with 2 assists in one game later in the month).  Wonderbaby took in her first Gopher game, which is still one more than Royce White has played to this point.  Luckily the Hoff has been there to carry the team.  We wrapped up Christmas with gifts for others, and a gift for you reader guys. 


And there you go, a year in the life of Down with Goldy.  When you lay it all out like that you can really see how awesome I am.  Or lame?  I'm awesome, right?  Please?  My self-esteem is at an all-time low right now.  I might have to steal one of Wonderbaby's teddy bears to sleep with to make me feel better.