Friday, October 16, 2009

Eh, Go Gophers!

Ok. Here we go. Not exactly the matchup I would like to see right out the gate but sometimes trial by fire is the only way to go. Let's just hope to God that we don't get destroyed by a bunch of fresh face freshmen from UND. SSF won't let us hear the end of it, which may cause me to jump out of a 9th floor window from the office. It wouldn't be the first time I've contemplated that.

I asked the The Todd if he wanted to come over and watch the game. He said he would be tooooooo drunk to drive over by game time. A true fan. Also, a true alcoholic.

1:36 in and we give up a dumb ass penalty. Congratulations, you were your ass as a hat. It's not a fashion statement contrary to what your friends say.

F me! F. F. F. F. F. Well, there it is. We go down 1-0 on the road to the Sioux. That is not good. Who the hell was that in front of the net? Way to clear the net. Bush, bush league. If you were a man I would punch you right in the mouth.

We get an interference call. Looks fairly week but we'll take it. There goes Snake Sr's man, Nico. Go Nico! Jackass.

I don't have a clue what our power play stats were last year but I do remember being very frustrated by how pathetic they looked last year. We are controlling the zone nicely but we aren't generating any traffic in front of the net, whatsoever. Everyone is out on the perimeter thinking they are going to snipe one. This is isn't bantam hockey fellas. Power play...dead. No shots on goal. I would say that is -3 on my weird ass point scale. -1 for the dumbass penalty we gave up, -1 for the not clearing the net, and -1 for no shots on goal during a power play. I am not optimistic at this point. I wish The Todd was here. He could get me a beer so I could keep typing and not get up. The only consolation I have is that he is probably sitting at home wishing someone would get him 13-14 beers.

"I might sit down and drink 30 beers in a sitting but I'm NOT going to chug this beer." - The Todd

Finally, commercial break. Bathroom break, beer.

We managed to kill off the penalty. That call was a little ticky-tack but whatever. As long as it goes both ways. Just like I like my girls.

Also, Woogisms. Let's keep track of those. It will make for a great recap of the season. I don't have any yet. If you catch one, post it to the comments PLEASE!

I think a quarter of these skaters played in the MN state hockey tournament last year.

How much trash is SSF talking at this moment. Dawg, I feel bad for you right now.

I suppose W has had about 3 cranberry vodkas by now. Very manly. I'm sure wonderbaby is embarrassed by this fact. I'm currently enjoying a high life light in a night camouflage can.

I love you Kangas! Great save. Defense, you are dead to me.

End of the 1st period. A good physical game so far. I expect things to slow down and teams to tighten up a bit. They cannot afford any penalties. Then again, based on the Gophers last power play the Sioux can hack away.

I should note that I feel like a complete dork right now. Sitting home on a Friday night blogging. What a damn dork. Whatever, I'm going out tomorrow night for what should be an epic bachelor party. Aren't they all though? Cast should include The Nut, The Todd, Snacks, and Klinger.

It makes me sad to have to watch Sioux fans enjoy a fine hopped beverage while at the game. Apparently the second level and Mariucci and the suites inside the new football stadium aren't "on campus" W T F. Cash rules everything around me. Nuff said. Well, only when the cash comes from Fortune 1000 companies. It's not good enough when it comes from the rest of us schleps.

This post is already too long and probably way too boring. If you've made it this far I probably owe you a beer or 10.

Simply embarrassing. We loose an edge in the corner, turn over the puck, odd man rush, goal. No back check, no hustle. SSF just peed her pants in excitement. Dawg has to change two diapers now. (I have no idea if that comment is relevant or not.)

The music at Ralphy leaves a little something to be desired. I enjoyed the Pantera fill in but "Put your hands up in the air" is where I draw the line. Let's do the chicken dance while we're at it.

First Woogism. In regards to Genoway. "Ya, he'd be all-world, if they were all 5' 10" and under." Sick burn, Woog. Sick burn. Too bad Lameriouoieoix just owned a gopher in the corner just before that.

Another power play for the Gophers. Down 2-0, this is a real test. We need to convert this into a goal, desperately.

End of the 2nd period. Gophers look slow and fat. Where are our forwards? At least Darby finally got a damn haircut and stopped looking like a petterass.

Woogism #2: "He's not the cream in the Oreo. Get him out of there."

Well the Gophers just crapped the bed. Giant ass Budish was in position to block the shot but instead provided a screen. No clue what was going on. Up until that piont, Kangas was looking great considering the number shots he has taken and the amount of time that was spent in our zone.

Ha! Correction. Now they have really done it. 4-zip. I think I'm done here.


The Gophers looked overwhelmed, underprepared, and underconditioned. They were out skated, out shot, and out hustled to every loose puck. The defense was repeatedly out of position. The forwards were so quiet and worthless tonight that I couldn't even begin to give an assessment. They did absolutely nothing. The Gophers lost in every possible stat. I can't remember another game that they played this poorly. Lucia did not even begin to get these guys ready for this game. I'm really starting to wonder how much longer Lucia has here. The Gophers have top tier cake-eater talent and didn't do a damn thing. It's not going to be a good year for MN hockey. I'm hoping for a complete 180 tomorrow night but I'm not optimistic. Not at all.


The Todd said...

Christ, I have so much to say. Here goes:

- Optimator, you're the brother I never had but shit, your man crush on me has humbled me beyond belief.

- I hate the Sioux more than the Yankees = A LOT.

- I saw a pic of SSF on Facebook and she either had the best Glamor Shot of all-time or she's actually attractive. Either way, Dawg, you win my man. Wah wah wee wah.

- Please tell me someone saw the pregame? Woog was already blackout drunk, swear to god. Kalman, I love you like anal sex but damn, I wish Woog was my dad.

- I've had to slow it down, just a tad, I think Jimmy John's for lunch today has given me diarrhea. I do not want to gamble and lose in my own home tonight.

- Snake, actually mentioned Schack in their UofM preview. Count it. When can we party? I love you.

- At least you're married. I'm in sweat pants, alone, in a townhouse with my dog and my case of PBR Light is half gone! You do the math. FML.

- And the second period has started. UofM powerplay.

- And I'm cutting off my angry inch, just gave up a shorty.

The Todd said...

- Tomorrow would be fun. If I didn't have a dog, have to drive home and have diarrhea.

- My main point I forgot to say was, has regular Captain Morgan always been only 70 proof? I'm just realizing this now. I thought it was 80 and they had some special shit that was 100. Lame. I guess my "almost" bottle one night freshman year I like to brag about isn't so impressive. Where's the 151?

- Also, what's up with Frank M.'s hair? Dreadful.

The Todd said...

And we've got a Woogism.

Frank: Boy can Genoway quarterback a team out of his own end, can't he Doug?

Woog: Oh boy, he'd be an all world player if they were all 5'10 and under.

I can't make this up!

the todd said...

Pretty sure they have Jock Jams 1997 for the soundtrack at the Ralphy. I also heard the Cha Cha song or whatever one that is. Which I of course love to hear at weddings.

Optimator said...

It's not a man crush. You're just an easy target.

Great minds think alike on the Woogism.

OMG! WTF just happened? They just started play "Who let the dogs out". You have to be joking. That is one of those songs that should never be played again once it reaches is freakish peak of popularity. Much like the Macarana and any boy band song.

the todd said...

And again, just played it.

Pretty sure none of the women up there shave their canoes de douche. Hasn't caught on yet.

Optimator said...

How dare they play Neil Diamond after that garbage.

I once killed a drifter...

WWWWWW said...

1. I gave you posting privileges?

2. Use labels.

3. I refuse to believe you two monster homos aren't watching this together.

Optimator said...

Re: 1. Feel free to revoke at anytime. Don't encourage me.

Re: 2. I did.

Re: 3. Don't feel left out. We still love you W.

WTF! Anthony Lepanta looks like a mad scientist or a meth-head. Paging Puffy.

WWWWWW said...

That recap at the end is outstanding. I thinking I write that same recap about basketball three or four times every season.

Good work. Feel free to keep posting hockey garbage whenever you want.

the todd said...

And now my recap. Holy christ. Once again, welcome to mediocrity. Good thing I went to UMD 1998-2003. Yah, that's right...5 year plan you over achieving shmucks.

So the Gophers looked like shit. Wow. ZERO offense. And zero heart or grit. My god, when all else fails like that, f*cking hit somebody. I would LOVE to be a fourth line forward anywhere. You skate as hard as you can and just bang. No need to stop or a stick. For real, that was bad.

Also, F you Apple. My iPhone shat the bed tonight and I'm in the middle of 'restoring' it. Awesome.

In the middle of J. Damon's post game interview...positive he has down syndrome.

I also noticed Lapanta must be hanging out with Dubay...nice bed head on a Friday night, or should I say methead.

Derek Jeter has herpes...the gift that keeps on giving.

Okay, now that I'm a complete lush at 29, I've almost plowed through a liter of Morgan and 8 PBR's in about 5 hours...I could drive a combine down an Augusta fairway now. I'm guessing the 10 Eggo Waffles retarded that.

My train of thought is gone. If you've ever routed for the Yankees and/or the Sioux, I hope you die a slow, painful death.

Time for a blumpkin.

Lastly, I want to give it to Robin R...down the dirtroad.

SSF said...

Da Da Da Da Da HEY GO SIOUX!!! wooo!!!! Yeah Sioux!!! Of course you all can SUCK IT....and Yes El Todd....I am an ACTUAL model so no that is NOT a glamour shot and quite creeping on my facebook page. Don't think I need so say much other then the gophers and Don Lucia can suck a GF dick.

Peace out!


ssf said...

also check this shit out....hitler doesnt want to move to grand forks,nd. haha