Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I KNEW it would be

I KNEW it would be Thome

Ramirez is definitely the scariest

Ramirez is definitely the scariest White Sock not named Thome

Cuddy looks lost, pinch hit

Cuddy looks lost, pinch hit Kubel

The Eck!!!!!!!

The Eck!!!!!!!

I found a Kubel t-shirt

I found a Kubel t-shirt at the proshop in Roseville. Crisis averted. I got a fever........

I have a terrible, terrible,

I have a terrible, terrible, terrible feeling about tonight. Please let me be wrong for the millionth time in a row.

Monday, September 29, 2008

So here's a big game for ya

White Sox. Tigers. Catch the fever!

- As far as pitching matchups go, Chicago definitely has the advantage with Gavin Floyd up against Freddy Garcia. While Floyd was arguably the Sox best pitcher this season, posting a record of 16-8 with an ERA of 3.91 and a WHIP of 1.26. Good, not great. He hasn't pitched particularly well of late, with his ERA jumping a third of a run over his last six starts. Detroit's choice of Freddy Garcia is an interesting one. He's a few years removed from being a good pitcher, and has pitched in just 13 games the past two years - two this season. He's gone just five innings in each of his starts, pitching well in one (2 hits, 0 ERs) and poorly in one (7 hits, 5 ERs). Who knows what you're going to get, but he has the motivation of being a former Sox pitcher so hopefully that will give him a little extra juice. My main concern is even if he pitches well, he hasn't gone more than five innings in over a year, so the game will end up in the hands of Detroits bullpen - the bullpen whose coach has already been fired, along with the pitching coach. This could end up being a big ole mess. The Twins better be ready.

- I just found out the Tampa vs. Chicago/Minnesota series starts Thursday at 1:30pm. A day game. What the hell? How am I supposed to watch that when I have to be in meetings? They go out of their way to have most playoff games on for everyone, to the point where some games don't get over until after midnight, but for this series they play it on a weekday during the afternoon? Horseshit.

- Here's a non-sports question, if you're driving down the road and suddenly realize you're in the wrong lane and about to miss your left turn, which of these two options do you choose: 1) keep going straight to the next light, make a U-Turn, and then turn where you need to, or 2) slam your breaks and attempt to cross over three lanes of traffic, only to not make it and get stopped at the red in the left straight lane, at which point, although you aren't in a turn lane, you put on your left blinker because you are going to just go ahead and turn from there, even though it's an "arrowed" turn light so when the main lights turn green and the arrow stays read, you block an entire lane of traffic from going straight. Just curious.

- I don't know how I missed this, since he's one of my all-time favorites, but Mike Mussina won yesterday to pick up his 20th victory on the season - his first 20-win season of his career. Hard to believe, but true (although he almost certainly would have gotten to 20 in the strike year - he had 16 wins in just 24 starts). Congratulations to the Moose.

- Rain Delay. I heard on the radio earlier that if this game isn't played due to weather the Sox will play tomorrow, and if they win they play the Twins right after that. What a weird deal. Right now I'm watching Aliens instead. Never seen it. It's not too bad.

- I can't decide if I want to watch this on WGN with those retarded homers or with the ESPN guys. I know Hershiser is pretty good over on ESPN, but the train wreck factor of listening to Hawk and whoever the other guy is come close to killing themselves here if the Sox lose is pretty strong.

- I'm going to take a nap. Someone text me if this game ever starts.

- And away we go, just three hours late.

- Floyd looks really, really wild, and just hit Sheffield. Hopefully this continues.

- Bah. Floyd gets out of it, even after Sheff stole second. He still looks a bit shaky, despite a very nasty cutter to strike out Ordonez. Let's go Freddy!

- Effing Garcia walks Cabrera to start the game. And now Wise. I really want to turn this off - like right now.

- Picks to click: DJ - Griffey, Hawk - Wise, the Crew - Konerko. My pick - everyone on the Tigers.

- Thank god Garcia gets out of it only giving up one run on Dye's single. First three guys get on, gets the next three out. This is too stressful, I'm having a beer.

- Jesus, they've now said "their" team can't play in the Metrodome, Justin Morneau should be MVP, and Bert Blyleven needs to be in the hall of fame. It's like they're kissing the Twins ass to soften them up or something.

- I really don't understand the booing of AJ every time he's up when he plays at the Dome. The dude is a quality ballplayer who had a lot of good seasons for the Twins, and then got traded through no action of his own. On the otherhand, when Mientkewicz comes back, he gets a nice positive ovation despite being a completely baby and a dick when Morneau was coming up. Truly dizzying.

- 1-2-3 for Garcia thanks to Inge jumping into the stands to grab the third out. I'm still not confident because that third out came on a horrible pitch of a hanging curve down the middle that Uribe missed, but it's a positive sign.

- Hawk and DJ are now upset because the White Sox fans sitting in the first couple rows were "too cordial" in getting out of the way of Inge. Essentially saying they should have interfered. I love homers.

- Another steal against AJ/Floyd, another strikeout when the Tigers need a big hit, and suddenly Floyd's curveball is starting to rival Sandy Koufax's. Or Blyleven's, if you prefer.

- Garcia with a six pitch inning, maybe he's settling down. Let's keep it going The Rock's twin brother.

- Ordonez gets a hit, but Cabrera pops out and Thames hits into a double play, which is not one of three true outcomes so it's weird but whatever. Nobody can get a big hit all of a sudden. If this comes down to bullpens, it's going to be ugly but definitely advantage to the Sox.

- Uh oh. Garcia just had Thome frozen on a curveball that was clearly a strike but was called a ball, and then reacted by throwing his arms in the air like, "WTF, Guy?" I don't see a lot of calls going his way in the future.

- Crisis averted, Garcia getting a ton of close calls. Plus, Alexei Ramirez just started trotting to first on a pitch that ended up being called a strike, so the teams are even in the all important, "acting like a jackass towards the umpire" category.

- Base knock for Ryan Raburn, who, by the by, is a player who Mrs. W once said, "Who is number 25, he's really, really cute. I told her it was Magglio Ordonez. That way if she ever talks about him with anyone if that person knows baseball they'll think she's crazy. Take that, wandering eye!

- Stolen base number three by the Tigers, they can't stop anybody. Nice work, Raburn Magglio!

- Double by Inge as Wise pulls a Torii Hunter on a shot to the wall. Sweet. Now someone called "Dusty Ryan" is up. I am going to call him "Dusty Diamond" instead.

- Base knock for Dusty Diamond. Nobody out, runners on first and third. Floyd's wildness catching up to him as he's just grooving them right now.

- There are four different Roms of Dusty Diamond All Star Softball you can download here. As far as an emulator goes, just look yourself. Jesus man, I can't do everything. I'm watching baseball and drinking beer. Leave me be.

- I think "he gone" has replaced "you can put it on the board.....YES" as the stupidest thing ever.

- Floyd strikes out his second straight batter, this time on a full count. DJ lets us know that a 3-2 count is the hardest one to hit against. I looked it up, and actually historically the hardest count to hit on is 0-2. Next is 1-2. Then 2-2. Then, wait for it, 3-2. Eat it DJ. Also Sheffield grounded out so Dusty Diamond was stranded at third, and all the momentum is now on the White Sox side. I'm not a huge "momentum" guy, but I'm also not dumb enough to pretend it means nothing.

- ESPN's first NBA Power Rankings are out for 2008-2009, and the Wolves are third from the bottom. Great, just great.

- Nevermind, 1-2-3 for Garcia. I freaking told you momentum was overrated.

- Awesome. Cabrera scores after a double, a monster of a line drive by Thames caught by the third basemen, and then Raburn hits a little dribbler in front of the plate that Floyd doesn't field cleanly and "pulls a Slowey" chucking the ball into right field. 2-1 Tigers.

- Floyd up to 118 pitches. Ozzie really doesn't trust his bullpen.

- I really don't understand why they are still making the Geico/Caveman commercials. The first one was funny. After that? Not at all. And am I drunk or didn't they try to make a show about them? Like, they were the main characters and it failed? So why go back to that bit as your hook for your commercials? It's clear nobody likes it.

- Another walk to Wise and a steal. Tying run on second with nobody out. Garcia still looking pretty solid, but he's in the sixth now. Nevermind, Garcia is out. Here comes, um, somebody. Thanks homer announcers. But, again, Garcia looks just like The Rock. Look it up.

- Tigers are going with Armando Gallarraga, after Garcia is pulled supposedly for an injured neck or something. He's a starter, so this is a little weird, but hey, whatever works man.

- Galarraga throws back to back wild pitches that are nowhere near the plate to tie the game up and put the go ahead run on first. This guy is clearly on the take. Leyland goes ahead and yanks him. Love to see Jimmy treating this like a must win. Sort of want to light Galarraga on fire.

- Bobby Seay comes on, and HE tosses a wild pitch to get Dye to second. It's an epic meltdown, much like the fifteen errors Tiger pitchers made in the world series a couple of years ago.

- Seay strikes out Thome, but then walks Griffey after an intentional walk to Konerko - bases loaded, one out, tie game. It should be noted that the Sox don't have a single hit this inning.

- Grand slam, Alexei Ramirez on Gary Glover's first pitch. At least we get to watch a Twins game tomorrow.

Weekend Review


1. Tubby Smith. As reported below, Tubby signed Rodney Williams over the weekend, adding to an already impressive class that includes Royce White and Justin Cobbs. A top 20 player, a top 100 player, and an unknown in Cobbs. He's only ranked two stars by scout and three by rivals, and doesn't even make the positional rankings. ESPN ranks him as the #49 point guard in the country. To be honest, if this sounds like a Monson kind of recruit - but I'm not worried. I have no problem giving Tubby the benefit of the doubt here, and trust that he sees something that maybe nobody else does.

2. CC Sabathia. Pitching his third straight start for the Breweres on three days rest, he tossed a four-hit shutout against the Cubs to get the Brewers into the playoffs for the first time since 1982. Sabathia finished at 11-2 with the Brewers with an ERA of 1.65 and WHIP of 1.00, validating the Brewers front office and their one year rental of him.

3. Scott Baker. Overshadowed by Sabathia is Scott Baker's performance, which has no convinced me that yes, he is an excellent big game pitcher. Hopefully we get to see him pitch again this year.

4. Camilo Villegas. Not bad, taking the last two tournaments of the FedEx Cup playoffs, finishing in second place to Vijay Singh and cashing $3 million to go along with another $1.26 for winning the tour championship. If it weren't for a missed cut at the Barclay's, Villegas would be taking home the 10 mil after finishing 3rd, 1st, 1st to close out the year.

5. Me. Well, more accurately me, Theory, Dr. Acula, LunnDale, and Pee Wee. Since Mrs. and Baby W are out of town, we all headed up to Aitkin to spend a weekend at my parents cabin. At the Meat Raffle Saturday we were all-stars, winning nine times and bringing home a haul of six NY strips, six Ribeyes, 3 lbs. of bacon, a huge package of hot dogs, two big packages of chicken. That's some good eatin'.


1. The AL Central. I mean, come on guys, somebody wants to go the playoffs, no? I'm scared if they get to the playoff, so I'm really hoping Detroit somehow manages to knock of the Sox today (in a game I might be live blogging since I'm working from home today). I just don't like Blackburn going out and pitching at Comiskey (whatever). Go Tigers!

2. Gopher Football. Losing 34-21 at Columbus is nothing to be ashamed of if the game was competitive. But it wasn't. Two garbage touchdowns in the fourth quarter make the score look better than it was. They covered the spread, so it's not a complete disaster, but any fans who managed to talk themselves into thinking this team was special in any way had a rude awakening. Or are delusional.

3. USC Football. Speaking of disasters, the Trojans managed to throw up all over themselves, losing at Oregon State for the second straight time. With the number 1 ranking and a craptacular Pac 10 even worse than the Big 10, USC had the red carpet rolled out all the way to the championship game. Oops.

4. Survivor League Football. Massive carnage in survivor leagues this week, as both Denver and Dallas went down - the two most popular picks of the week.

5. NY Mets. Another year, another collapse, another no playoff result.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I was Wrong, Dawg was Right

Well, it turns out my fears of Rodney Williams signing with Santa Clara were needless, as RW Jr. is officially on board the Gopher train. With Royce White, Rodney Williams, and Justin Cobbs all signed, 2009 is shaping up to rival the 2008 class.

Also, I posted this before your precious Daily Gopher did. SCOOPED.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

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Friday, September 26, 2008

omg omg omg

Wow. Simply wow. All the cynicism/pessimism/realism or whatever you want to call it is completely gone right now. Being at that game was AWESOME. I can't recall the last time I was that fired up. A complete and thorough domination in that series, with the exception of one single inning that pretty much wanted to make kill myself and/or rush the field and light everyone on fire. But we're not talking about that. It was simply awesome.

I was there with my friend from Brazil, and he had never been to a baseball game before and what an introduction. I've never seen him so fired up about anything. He went to school at Michigan State, so his reaction after the game was to try to set a car on fire. I had to put a stop to that, as much as I would have enjoyed it. Just awesome.

I don't really understand how the world's worst bullpen can go into complete shut down mode for two games, but whatever man, I don't care - just awesome. I personally would have gone with Bonser for another inning, but again, I don't care. Gardy is a genius. Carlos Gomez is an excellent hitter. The Metrodome is a wonderful ballpark. Nick Swisher totally swung at that ball. The Gophers are going to beat the Buckeyes. People with Twins' jerseys with their own names on the back are not idiots.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

That was SPANtastic!

WWWWWW gave up on them, don't let him tell you otherwise.

Unbelievable game.  I'm not sure what was more amusing, Carlos Gomez's post-game interview or watching Ozzie Guillen look thoroughly unamused in the dugout every time something went the Twins way.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


So Will MacKenzie won the Viking Classic last week in a playoff kicking off the Fall Series on the PGA Tour, oh yeah and the US won the Ryder Cup. What!?!?! I know I was shocked that the Fall Series started already too. But really if you were anyone other than a player in the event you did not have a clue it was even taking place, Will won by putting well(Top 3 in both putts per round and putts per green in reg) and hitting greens at a 73% clip. Sidenote #1- Brian Gay, another player that hangs around, think Tim Herron with less fat, year after year lost in the playoff this weekend, he is a good player but never seems to put it all together kind of like Harrison Frazier who also is very good, been on the tour for like over a decade and still cant get a win.

So a quick preview and then on to the Ryder Cup review. Tour rolls into Hotlanta this weekend and unfortunatly there will be no drama this year as to who takes home the cup but there will still be some good action in this cutless field as they all compete to pad the pocket book with 1.26M for the win. I think the resounding favorite here is Veej, he will likely be so focused on winning and showing his dominence I don’t see how anyone else will come close to matching his determination to win. Normally I would say that coming off of a victorious Ryder Cup run one of the US boys might challenge for the title but I think this victory was too much for most of them to recover from, I think their heads will not be in the game this week and rightly so. They deserve all the attention, celebration and fanfare they have received. Veej wins, Cink playing on his home course gays it up some more, Kim is the only American that comes close and if anyone else wins well just chalk it up to dumb luck.

Ryder Cup Review

Oh you’re tired of all the chatter over the Ryder Cup, well piss off, here we go. Let me just tell you that contrary to popular belief the US won the Cup, the Euros didn’t lose it. The US played better in every format, they putted better and for once in 9 years they had more fun than the Euros. Azinger should be given a lot of credit, he mastermined a gameplan that brought a bunch of individuals together to play as a team and it worked. If you had not heard his secret plan was to break down his players into three PODS or GROUPS if you will to create bonds and prepare them to be partners within the breakout group(#1-Phil/Kim/Leonard/Mahan #2-Boo, Holmes, Perry, Furyk #3-the rest). It worked well and he should be commended for a great Cup, however he should not be brought back in 2010. There are other deserving players that need to get their shot before their time passes. Basically to be a US Ryder Cup Captain you need to have a couple things on your resume. One, be a part of at least two Ryder Cup teams(cup winner or not), two you need to be a major champion and three you need to not make any stupid comments about the PGA or the Ryder Cup, like Mark O’Meara saying players should be paid for playing in the matches, he would have been a captain but not once he said that…Dumbshit. As far as Faldo getting his ass handed to him by every member of the British press, I think there should definitly be critism but not to the extent he is getting lambasted. For one thing he did not swing a club all week, his top three players (Westwood, Garcia, Harrington) totally deserted their team and played like shit and he ran into a team who just plain wanted it more this year. Where I think the critism is fair is saying Clarke and Monte should have been the captains picks, I know Poulter was the MVP of the Euro team but look, as much as he tried he could not lead the rest of them, I guarentee either Monty or Clarke could have played just as well and done more to inspire the rest of the squad showing leadership that only expierience can bring. Another thing is his lack of assistant captains, he needed more help out there to let him know whats going on with all his players so he could make adjustments or get out to players who needed a encouraging nudge or a slap to the head as to say snap out of it and play like a man. All in all he just got out captained by the Zinger, that pushes his record against Faldo to 5-0.

Everyone seems to be handing out grades to the players, I have seen some people grade the US guys no lower than a C and give the Euros no higher than a B, well I am going to grade these guys but I certainly will give you the straight scoop, not some US biased bullshit.

Lets start with the Euros

Poulter-A, this guy was the only player worth a piss for the Euros and I think this will likely be his spring board to greater things to come, like a win on the PGA Tour…in America.
Rose-A-, Rose was good, however he should have played in every session, plus he punched the 2nd ranked player in the world right in the face, Phil had no anwser to Rose.
McDowell-B, like I said in the preview he is a good player and had no problem amassing points he also beat a far more seasoned cupper in Stew Cink.
Wilson-B-, ummm yeah we were all saying what the fuck is an Oliver Wilson, well I will give him above average marks for winning a full point and not puking on himself or shitting his pants, as far as we know, plus no one was going to beat Boo.
Stenson-C, 1.5 points total for arguably one of the best match play players on the tour, that’s just average at best and he should have done more.
Hansen-D, no one expected much and he delivered even less, nice work!
Casey and Jimenez-D-, seriously, not a win between these two, both are great players and niether showed up. Jimenez may be on his last run but Casey needs to get it together and start winning not only in the Ryder Cup but on Tour as well.
Sergio, Paddy and Westwood-F, F should stand for Fucking Fuckoffs, these guys had fatigue, blisters and excuses about not being able to work on their games, all and all just loser talk. Westwood got upset with US players making the crowd go crazy, well he doesn’t seem to mind when its 1000 brits yelling about the queeen and high tea but he sure as shit got upset with the American red necks chewing his ass up and down the fairways. These guys are the reason the Euros lost, they did not play competitively and it showed.


Weekley, Kim, Mahan, Perry, Holmes-A, they all get A’s, listen Boo was a straight killer out there, Kim, as a rookie, put the hammer down with Phil and basically said hey Phil you’re here so play like you care or I am going to go Kung Foo on your ass, Phil listened and Kim played awsome too. Mahan got too excited on Sunday and pumped his final tee shot in the drink but other than that he played like the young lion that he is, undefeated in my book gets you an A. Perry could have folded under the pressure of the whole home state thing and gearing his year around this one event but he didn’t, he played well and aurguably with the most pressure (self induced) as any player on the team, plus did you see his old man on Sunday, he was the really old guy with the overalls. Holmes for the same reason, home state and a rookie and this guy just went out there and hit 350+ driver after 350+ drive, he hit his irons well and putted clutch all week.
Leonard, Furyk, Cambell-B, Didn’t do anything great but didn’t fuck up anything too much either, Leonard could have made a couple more putts Sunday but really all three played well.
Curtis-C, you are a rookie and came away with some points, good expierience and huge win over Lee Westwood on Sunday. All and all, average.
Cink, Mickelson, Stricker-F, Cink you suck and I never want to see your homo lovin ass anywhere near a Ryder Cup ever again, vets play with passion and need to win…Loser. Phil you seriously suck in anything not geared towards individual achievement, it wasn’t always that way, when Phil was younger he used to care more now he really just doesn’t show how good he truly is in these events. Stricker, I am sorry but you really choked and if the US didn’t win you would be getting killed right now from everyone who follows golf, close circuit to Zinger, you should have taken Rocco. Stricker should be embarrassed for taking that spot.

Well that’s pretty much it, I hope a lot of you tuned in at some point over the weekend as there was some great action, especially Sunday there was a good hour there where guys were stuffing iron shots, chipping in and making insane putts; that’s what its all about they play way more loose and aggressive for the more part and typically are rewarded.

Go Veej!!


Miljares gives me a boner

Miljares gives me a boner

I love using boof as

I love using boof as a setup guy. Please work

I am totally confident in

I am totally confident in the bullpen craig breslow is awesome



Tuesday, September 23, 2008

So This Is It

Well here we are, about to kick off the huge series against the White Sox, needing a sweep to put the Twins in command. Winning two would help, but would leave a lot to chance. Granted, the Twins would be in ok shape going up against the not-as-hapless-as-I-would-like Royals for three down 1.5 games with the Sox having to play Cleveland, including a likely last game of the season matchup against Cliff Lee. That being said, if they can't put it all together and take all three games in this must win series, I'm not so sure they even deserve to get in the playoffs.

Game 1: Scott Baker vs. Javier Vazquez
Advantage to the Twins here. Don't forget that Vazquez is a high quality pitcher though, and could definitely hold the Twins down. He's posting a 1.30 WHIP this season to go with an ERA of 4.32. The negative here is that his WHIP is as high as it is mainly because of a high walk rate (to go with a high K rate). Given that the Twins don't walk much, they could end up struggling for base runners, and, as such, runs. He's also been pitching pretty well lately, although not his last time out, so with a little luck he'll be off his game.

Baker has somehow acquired a reputation for being a "Big Game" pitcher, although I'm not entirely certain how that happened. He's going to need to live up to it tonight against a very good Sox lineup, even without Quentin. He'll have to keep the ball in the park, and I'm thinking he'll do it. I'm predicting a Twins victory here, keeping hope alive. Baker goes 8 strong, and Nathan has a shaky, but effective ninth for a 2-1 Twins victory.

Game 2: Mark Buehrle vs. Nick Blackburn
This matchup sucks. Buehrle has historically been very good against Minnesota, and since he's lefty Gardy will probably sit down Mauer, Morneau, and Kubel against him. The good news is that he's struggled against the Twins in two of his three starts against them this season, but in his one good start he completely shut them down. He's hot right now, with four straight excellent outings.

Blackburn started strong, but has tailed off in a big way lately, try not to remember his last start when he didn't even get out of the second inning. I'm hoping he can dig down for one last big time start, but I don't see him getting through more than six. Handing it over to the bullpen is not a good idea, and that's where this one falls apart. Blackburn keeps it close, but the bullpen ruins it all once again as the Sox take this one 8-2.

Game 3: Gavin Floyd vs. Kevin Slowey
I'll be at this game, so history would tell us that the Sox will roll. I'm counting on Slowey to not do that. He's been the team's best pitcher this season, and his two shutouts were nothing short of masterpieces. Up until his last outing, he had been on a roll and hopefully can keep it up.

He'll have to against Floyd. Floyd is probably the Sox best pitcher, but he's not all that dominant and the Twins can definitely get to him. Not that they have this year, but I still think they can. This one is going to be close, and will end up being a 3-2 win for somebody. Too tough to call, but if I have to, I'd say the Sox take it and the season ends in flames.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Weekend Review

NOTE: The Gophers have signed PG Justin Cobbs, meaning my dreams of Eric Bledsoe are not to be. I will write more on this at some point probably.


1. USA! USA! Nice win for the US team to take back the Ryder Cup for the first time in a hundred years or something. The entire tourny was a good watch, with the US jumping out to a big lead on the morning of Day 1 and never looking back. Special note goes to Hunter Mahan, who led the US team in total points, and Anthony Kim, who beat Ryder Cup superstar Sergio Garcia in the first match of singles play and set the tone for the US on Sunday.

2. Ian Poulter. It wasn't just about the Americans this weekend, as Poulter let everyone know he is for real, going 4-1-0 to lead all players in points. When Poulter was taken by Faldo as one of his captain's picks there was a lot of second guessing, wondering if he should have gone with an established Ryder player like Darren Clarke or Colin Montgomerie, but Poulter certainly shut up all those second guessing commies. He may be ready to take a big step forward in his game next season.

3. BYU. Don't look now, but the fighting mormons are 4-0 and kicking the piss out of the less pious teams in their way. The won 44-0 over Wyoming this weekend, following up a 59-0 whooping of UCLA. They have a tremendous offense, lead by QB Max Hall, who is completing 75% of his passes so far, with 15 TDs to just 2 INTs. The defense isn't too shabby either, only allowing five TDs in their four games thus far. They could very easily end up going undefeated and ending up in a BCS game, with their toughest game being the season finale against the fellow unbeaten crazy mormons of Utah U.

4. Gopher Football. I suppose if I'm mentioning 4-0 football teams, I should bring up the mighty mighty Gophers. I didn't watch the game, mostly because they suck and are boring, but it sounds like a thorough ass-whooping of a revenge game. Things area about to get very real in a hurry for our beloved Gophers, as next Saturday the head on over to Columbus to take on THE Ohio State University. It ain't gonna be pretty.

5. Gus Frerotte. He certainly wasn't a superstar, but threw for over 200 yards and led the team to victory. How crazy was it to see someone actually know how to play quarterback wearing purple? I actually saw him look both right and left, it was crazy. I swear T-Jax was playing some version of call your field when he dropped back. Nice to see an actual professional back there.


1. Minnesota Twins. I have no doubt there are those of you out there still holding out hope and believing in the crap face team, but they pretty much blew their final chance only getting a split against Tampa. They managed to squeak out the first game by getting crazy lucky, and finished out the series with a gem from Liriano, but in between they looked like total ass. The Sox have done everything they can to give the division to the team, winning just 2 out of their last five, but they continue to refuse to take it. Down 2.5 games with just six remaining, it's not mathematically over, but this team sucks so brutally bad I don't see any possible way this is happening.

2. East Carolina. Wasn't that long ago I was writing here about how the Pirates were awesome, and now the suck after dropping an easy win against NC State over the weekend. Look, a team like ECU from a conference like C-USA pretty much needs to go undefeated to have a chance at a BCS game. The Pirates were in great shape to do so, and with wins over VA Tech and WVU already were a shoo-in for a BCS Bowl. Now? They'll probably end up playing the Gophers in the Poulan Weedeater Independence Bowl.

3. New England Patriots. Yikes. I guess if you're going to end your 21 game regular season winning streak at home against the crappy Dolphins, getting rolled by 25 is the way to do it. I thought Cassell might be able to handle his business, but now it looks like the Pats are in trouble in a big way. Suddenly those of us who traded for Randy Moss from panicked owners in our fantasy leagues have become panicked owners ourselves. Think they've called Culpepper yet?

4. Cleveland Browns. Oh oh, everyone's happy little sleeper team has turned out to be a giant pile of crap. Derek Anderson was a pro bowler last year, but suddenly has turned into Tavaris Jackson without the running part. And my guy, Braylon Edwards, is looking to shatter the NFL record for drops. Um, he's not so much my guy anymore. And speaking of horrible predictions....

5. Houston Texans. WORST. SLEEPER. PICK. EVER.

Eyewitness Report: Evan Longoria is really good at baseball

My 1-year old son has two observations--

The wave is dumb and makes him cry

Dennys Reyes is his favorite player since he gave him a ball.

Day 2 at the Trop

Hey, Twins...don't suck this time

Rodney a gopher?

Nadine Babu from gopherhole.com had a great interview with Rodney Williams Jr. yesterday at the Gopher football game.


She doesn't beat around the bush when talking to Rodney. She asks him point blank if the gophers are his front runner, if we can expect to see him in Maroon and Gold next year, is MN the best fit for his game, Who else is he considering, etc. He basically gave a verbal to Nadine yesterday. Unfortunately I don't think she is authorized to accept verbal commitments but it's promising none the less.

As I stated earlier it appears that Rodney is cashing in on a free trip to California with his visit to Santa Clara. I stand by my 0% chance of him signing with Santa Clara. Don't let Debbie WWW Donwner shake your confidence that Rodney will in fact be a gopher.

WWWW what are your thoughts on 13 going on 30? I think that belongs on your short list of good chick flicks.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Just Kill Me Now

After a long awesome day of watching the Ryder Cup and looking at the Sharks at the Mall of America, I owe my wife a bit so we are about to watch Made of Honor, a phrase that truly makes my skin crawl. But, since I'm watching football tomorrow, sacrifices must be made. And since this is going to suck, you're going to have to read about it.

- This movie stars that dude from Can't Buy Me Love and that one show that all the chicks love. I will be referring to him as "Ronald Miller" today.

- The lead female is someone I've never heard of nor seen. What a waste. If people are going to make stupid crappy chick movies, at the very least they should have to give the female lead to a super hot chick like Linda Cardellini:

($20 says Snacks says she isn't attractive)

- So quick background: Ronald Miller is a player. His not attractive "best friend" is getting married and for some reason that would never happen in real life, she asks him to be her Maid of Honor. Even less realistic, he accepts. Anyone who rents this movie and likes it should probably be killed, and I'm only ten minutes into it. I will bet you five thousand dollars that they end up together in the end. And didn't they already do this movie with Cameron Diaz and Julia Roberts? I'm kind of angry right now.

- I had a black & white cookie today from some place on Grand Avenue. There's a Seinfeld bit where he equates the black & white cookie with racial harmony. The funny thing is, my cookie broke in half in the bag before I even got it home. And it broke right on the racial dividing line, so instead of a black & white cookie, I had a black cookie and a white cookie. I'm not exactly sure what that means. Maybe I'm a racist. Ok, fine. Probably.

- OMG they're flirting!!!1 the sexual chemistry is OFF THE CHARTS they totally belong together it's crazy!!!!one1!!

- Yes I'm drinking.

- Sometimes I think I should take all this energy I pour into this shitty blog and try to write a book or something, but I'm pretty sure I know how it would go: "There once was a man and and a woman. They sucked. The End. P.S. You're an idiot if you bought this book."

- HOLY SHIT!! Dwayne Wayne is in this movie. I'm totally not kidding. I now have a new opinion of this movie: It's awesome. AND Dwayne Wayne is going to play basketball, just like out of White Men Can't Jump. We goin' Sizz-la. We goin' Sizz-la.

- Uh oh. Ronald Miller is starting to realize he's in love with not attractive chick. He just made a weird phone call very reminiscent of Mikey in Swingers. THINGS ARE REALLY PICKING UP NOW!!

- Your sleeper NCAA Hoops Pick this season: Baylor Bears. Currently 80-1.

- OH NOes!! he just admitted to his friend, Dwayne Wayne, that he has feelings for Hannah! (That's his friend, the not attractive girl). He also said, "I've realized there's more to life than sleeping around." That's quitter talk. He's going to ask her to marry him when she gets back from England. You know what marriage is? Prison. A man-made prison.

- Oof. She got engaged in England to some other dude. And she wants him to be Maid of Honor. That's like getting kicked in the nuts and then having your head cut off like Medusa in that movie with the flying horse.

- And the guy she's marrying is from that failed show Journeyman, which was an ok show, but mostly a poor man's Quantum Leap.h

- Sunday pairings up for the Ryder. Most intriguing: Garcia/Kim, the first match of the day, Karlsson/Leonard, Stenson/Perry, Poulter/Stricker, and Jimenez/Furyk. Although I have to question using Chad Campbell as your final golfer. Is that really who you want bringing it in if it comes down to the last match? And his matchup is Padraig? Who you think is going to take that one if it comes down to it? The dude who has won three majors in the last two years, or some fat ass down syndrome looking guy who I don't really get why he's even on the team?

- Busy Phillips is in this movie too. If you don't know who that is then you better axe somebody.

- They're making fun of a fat chick now. I can get on board with that, even if the movie is mostly pretty homo.

- You know what's really freaking gay? They took Boy Meets World completely off TV. It used to be on both the Family Channel and Disney, so you could watch the wacky adventures of Corey, Shawn, Topanga, Mr. Feeney, and the rest as much as four times per day. Now it's all gone. Is a shame, really.

- Remember when Cory made out with Marley Shelton, even though he was still with Topanga? Actually, Cory and Topanga once broke up because Cory had "feelings" for Linda Cardellini, who is also mentioned above in a non-related context. That's CRAZY!

- Hey, the dude from Journeyman just dunked from a standstill in a totally realistic scene that in no way stretches the boundaries of belief. And now, despite the fact that his character is from Scotland and has never played basketball he's awesome and we get a little "I got the Power" action. And now, in a moment I wish I was making up, they make it clear that he has a gigantic penis. This is quite seriously one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Mostly because I'm jealous.

- According to this site, Kadeem Hardison once dated Cree Summer, who was the voice for Clogged Duanne, Pagan Megan, Plain Jane, Heartless Hal, and Trashed Tracy on the Garbage Pail Kids cartoon.

- Don't forget, Rodney Williams is visiting the U this weekend. If he doesn't sign by next weekend, expect him to join Santa Clara.

- Ooh, Busy Phillips just tricked Ronald Miller into accidentally throwing a "Pleasure Party" instead of a baby shower and the grandma ends up with anal beads around her neck. Now not hot girl is mad at him. You know, how like in every Romantic Comedy there's the part where the girl is mad at the guy? Yeah, we're at that part.

- Ok, here's what I don't get. The title of this movie is "Made of Honor" obviously a play on Maid of Honor, implying our lead, Ronald Miller, is "made" of honor. Then the dude spends the whole movie trying to steal this chick away from her fiancee. How the hell is that honorable? That's not even the least little bit honorable. It's like, the oppositive of that. Like, dishonorable. This movie should be called, "Made of Dishonor." Or "Faggy."

- Yo mamma so poor, I saw her kickin' a tin can down the street and I assed her "what you doin?" she said, "Movin."

- By the by, if you are interested in playing online poker you can get a free $50 from here by clicking the Doyle's Room promotion. Upside is it's free and you don't have to give them any kind of bank or credit card info. Downside is you have to give them your number to have them call you and it takes about a week to get your money. Up upside is that it's a free $50.

- I'm not even paying attention anymore. Everybody is dressed in kilts now. I don't know why. Probably to represent just how gay this movie is. And now they're throwing trees, which are really just giant phallic symbols. So the main character is dressed in a really short skirt and is handling a very big phallus. I think I've seen a different version of this before.

- Oh my. The main chick wanted to taste some of her fiancee's chocolate cake, and she tried to eat it off his plate and the dude was all like, "Oh no you didn't" and instead HE CUT HER A PIECE AND PUT IT ON HER PLATE FOR HER. How dare he? How dare he? I guaran-damn-tee a woman wrote this garbage.

- You, know, I'm not some gun-toting, animal-killing, car fixing, manly macho manly man. I like a decent chunk of chick movies. I like The Cutting Edge. I loved Can't Buy Me Love. I think 10 Things I Hate About You is a very clever way of retelling The Taming of the Shrew. I consider Mean Girls to be one of the best written movies of the 2000s. So I'm not against chick movies. I'm just against this chick movie. There's nothing clever, witty, or intelligent about this at all. It's generic. It's not even interesting enough to be called cheesy. If you rent this movie, you will probably die.

- Ok. So, if you want to know how dumb and predictable this movie is, Busy Phillips gets drunk and goes to Ronald Miller's room the same night he tells not attractive lead chick that he loves her and she decides she loves him but then sees Busy Phillips trying to get on him and misinterprets whats going on and makes a big deal of it. just like every other stupid chick flick ever.


- Does anyone know what that killer song was from that one Nike commercial? It's also from the Frankenstein movie starring Robert DeNiro and Kenneth Branaugh.

- We're laughing at the fat chick again.

- You want to know how bad this is? Mrs. W just fast forwarded through a good fifteen minutes of it. And she rented it. And she likes anything romantic - probably because I'm such an ass.

- We just had the big speech here at the end that wins over the girl. It made me fart.

- It won her over anyway. I bet Journeyman wants to go back in time and fix this, and fix it but good. I wish he'd go back in time and shoot me in the face before we rented this.


The Trop > Metrodome

Delmon sucks

Live from the Trop

Cowbells are lame

Ryder Cup, better late than never...

Hey now! There was some seriously good action two weeks ago at the BMW. Veej, barring a catastrophe on his way to the Tour Championship is your new 10M dollar man and rightly deserved, he just basically schooled everyone on how to wrap this trophy up, his recipe: win twice by doing the thing everyone thinks you suck at (putting), do all the things everyone knows you are good at better (driving and ball striking) and throw in a hand full of don’t fuck anything up too bad and there you have it, your Fed-Ex Cup champion Vijay Singh. Great to see Camilo win his first tour event too bad it was just that, a good win, it ended up meaning nothing to the playoff race but 1.26M in the old “Bailey” savings and loan account isn’t half bad for a kid from Columbia that could have been selling these tour players blow instead of kicking the crap out of them all while wearing a picture of the most famous Columbian ever on his shirt, that’s right how can you play badly with Juan Valdez with you every step of the way, also he speaks very good conversational English, those dykes would be so proud.

Ryder Cup

Let’s light this candle, time to roll out the big preview of this year’s Ryder Cup, ok well this is a preview/review maybe even a little live blogging action (due to the fact that I forgot to post the original preview and just realized it). The table is set for some great action, there is no Tiger which I will contend is the real reason the Americans could win this and the captains hate each other. This should be awesome. Side note #1: Zinger and Faldo tangled 4 times in this event as players, never once did the more seasoned/decorated Faldo get the best of the Zinger, just typing these words has probably jinxed the Americans chances but I am fine with that.

So from the top down:
Phil Mickelson-Needs to be the great player that he is this week needs to be a leader and needs to make putts.
Stewie Cink-Americans are doomed here, Cink is a gay choker.
Kenny Perry-After a great year this guy has turned into a cry baby, talking about it being unfair that if he played bad in the playoff he would not make the Tour Championship. He will need to shut up and play better than he has in the last month, being that he’s from KY and has based his whole year around these matches I think you can bank on him being good.
Jim Furyk-Just a solid player who will give consistently good play, he was the anchor when teamed with Tiger he should be just as good paired with anyone else and he is a straight killer in singles.
Anthony Kim-Great young player does not have much match play experience but is just a horse that can carry a lot of teammates with his great game.
Justin Leonard-Great veteran in these matches this guy always putts well and putts clutch but in the Ryder Cup he dials it up a notch or 6.
Ben Curtis-Ahhh, lets hope he can just play a couple matches without puking on himself.
Boo Weekley-This guy is kind of a wild card, he is a very straight driver and has a good short game but will he fold under the pressure or will he just be Boo and kind of nonchalantly make his way around the course not really caring about the golf and just wondering when he can go fishing. Side note #1: Boo, Bubba Watson and Heath Slocumb all played for the same High School team in FL.
Chad Campbell-Boring and doesn’t do anything really well but doesn’t usually fuck up anything too badly either.
JB Holmes-This guy choked once on a big stage but I don’t see it happening here, look for this god ol boy to have a great week.
Hunter Mahan-Great pick here, Mahan played awesome last year in the Presidents Cup matches look for that to continue, he loves to represent his country.
Steve Stricker-Another boring guy who could anchor a match with someone like JB Holmes or Mickelson.

Ok the Tigerless Americans will need to do just one thing really well this week, MAKE PUTTS, and they will need to make them when they count the most. This has been the downfall of a lot of US teams, including many that featured the best clutch putter (except in the Ryder/Pres Cup matches) Tiger Woods. I really think that the US will benefit from not having Tiger around, they can just play their game without the added atmosphere that having Tiger around brings, it will give other great vets (Phil, Furyk, Leonard) a chance to carry the team and be apart of what would be a great win that they can always say they did without Tiger.

In no particular order:
Sergio Garcia-Should continue his dominant play and he always playes better in the Ryder Cup.
Soren Hansen-Steady Euro nothing glamorous, Faldo would have loved this guy to not make the team but he is here now, plays exclusively on the European Tour and his best stat is Greens in Reg where he is 6th best on the Euro Tour.
Oliver Wilson-Who?!? Owen Wilson would have been a better option. Side note#2: as i want to post this Wilson just canned a put from like 30 feet to beat Kim and Phil...great!
Paul Casey-Great young Brit that will do damage here this week. Hits it a mile, has a good iron game and at least during the Ryder Cups can putt the lights out.
Paddy Harrington-Seems to be putting together another great year, two majors and seems to have the game that will lead to great success this week.
Miguel Angel Jimenez-Cigar smoking, ponytail wearing, unorthodox swinging Spaniard that is fun to watch, he is very confident and can play well in America as well as in Europe.
Robert Karlsson-WWWWWs favorite, ummm I currently think he is gayer than a three dollar bill.
Ian Poulter-Awsome player and could one day be great if he can rise to the challenge and win in America and a major or two, he will be solid in this years cup as well, having to prove his selection was a good pick.
Justin Rose-Probably the best player in Europe that plays there on a regular basis, he was the Order of Merit winer last year and will likely dominate, especially in the team formats.
Graeme McDowell-Good young player, not much experience but really capable of winning points.
Lee Westwood-Will be the leader of the pack now that Monty and Clarke are not there, always plays well in this format will need to be better in the singles matches.
Henrik Stenson-Great player, one of Europe’s best but doesn’t get much recognition but has won big events like the WGC match and beat Tiger and Ernie in Dubai once.

Euros are known for one thing, great team camaraderie, which leads to them being very good in the team formats but they often struggle on their own. Much of the true veteran leaders like Olazabal, Monty and Clarke are not playing so the young guns like Rose, Garcia, Casey and Poulter will need to step up and play well on their own with out having the old boys anchoring the team. I still see Europe being hard to beat this year; they just seem to make more putts in this format and it’s where the seemingly unknown become heroes. I see the Euros taking it but it will be close

Odds and Ends

Fourball-Each player plays their own ball and then they take the best score for the hole against the best score from the other team.
Foursome-Alternate shot format, the order changes every hole, so if one player starts on one hitting first on the second the other player will hit first and they will alternate until the ball is holed. This is typically the hardest format to play, for one there is a lot of strategy to whom hits first on what holes, you want to gear your longer players on Par 5s and long Par 4s, and you want your really good iron players on the Par 3s. Also there is always good conversation over whose ball do they play in the team format. Most guys play a Titleist but guys like Furyk play Srixon, Mickelson plays a Callaway. And if you think it doesn’t matter well it does they don’t have every ball companies balls on the range at every tournament for nothing, these guys use one ball for every shot they play every year and now someone will need to adjust.

Ok so we are a day and a half into the action, some of my thoughts in the preview look good and some don’t, one thing we have seen is the Americans having fun out there, they look loose and are playing confidently. There are some questions out there though, like why the fuck is Sergio not playing in the morning round today. Also if Phil and Kim play together one has to play the anchor, what I mean by that is that one needs to play the steady guy and one can be more aggressive. Also really want to see the all KY pairing of Holmes and Perry, I would think these two would be unbeatable but on the first day Holmes went with the other southern bumpkin Boo Weekley and played pretty damn well together.

That’s all I got, sorry for the delay, will be back next week to sort it all out and preview the Tour Championship, but seriously get to NBC this weekend and watch the action the Ryder Cups are always full of holed chips, great putts and shots that make your head spin. Seriously if these guys, Americans and Euros, played half as well as they do during the cup when they are on tour Tiger would have a ton of guys competing for #1, so watch a little.



Testing to see if I can post from The Trop this weekend.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Lets Get Denarded!

Call me a glutton for punishment but even after the Twins pissed the last two late game come backs down their legs I decided to buckle up and watch the game against the Rays. It appeared to be another colossal waste of time for the majority of the game but the "Little Engine" again kept it interesting long enough that I couldn't manage to change the channel. This might have been because NBC's Thursday night season premier's don't start until next week or it might be because my gambling, degenerate friend Bogart predicted that the Twins would end up winning the division despite their miserable play of late. This provided just enough optimism to sit through one more potential heart breaker.

Finally the Twins delivered. It wasn't because of good pitching, because the bullpen again failed miserably, or clutch fielding because we coughed up another unearned run. Shockingly the Twins bats kept the playoff push alive. Lets also not forget Gardy going to into his deep bag of tricks and calling in the fake bunt, slap a double to left call from the dugout. Sidler may chalk that call up to randomness but that is called great managing. I also particularly enjoyed

WWWWWWWW aka Debbie Downer gave the Twins no chance this season. Only a miserable SOB can continue to harp on the Twins current situation. They are 1.5 games out with 11 games to play. If you can't shelve your negative attitude for 2 weeks and get behind your baseball team then you should find a new hobby or buy a Red Sox hat.

Maybe the Twins don't can't catch The Sux. Maybe they make the playoffs and lose in the first round. I for one could give 2 craps. They had no shot at the beginning of the year and have made this season interesting.

Matt your post wreaked of envy thus proving Bogart's theory. The Twins win year in and year out despite your laundry list of negativity. You are a hater and a loser.

Dr. Clutch comes through

Good thing Gardy is a genius and knew Adam Everett was due to hit a double.

Baseball is a fucking random game. I give up.

This time Gardy doesn't have Casilla bunt...

and he hits a 2-run HR to tie it up.

More bullpen fun coming up for the Twins...time to get another beer.

Continuing the quasi-liveblog

Down 3 with 9 outs remaining in the game. Runners at first and second, no outs, a fast guy at the plate. Why the hell does Gardy call the sac bunt?

At least we get to see David Price now.

Snacks just called that Gomez

Snacks just called that Gomez will hit fifteen home runs next year. Please remember this.

Perkins needs to embrace his

Perkins needs to embrace his Moyerness.

I got a fever, and

I got a fever, and the only prescription.....is more Kubel.
p.s. season's over

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Crappy QBs, featuring Tarvaris Jackson

That didn't last long. After all the off- and pre-season posturing, it took all of two games for Chili to bench Tarvaris Jackson. And now the Vikings turn to Gus Frerotte...whenever that's the answer, the question sucks.

I'm not here to pile on Jackson's shitty QB play, the coaching, the desperation involved in turning to a washed-up vet like Frerotte, or how the front office has handled the QB situation completely opposite of how they've handled the rest of the roster.

No, I'm more interested in the effects a bad QB decision can have on a franchise and how much of a failure the strategy of drafting a mid-first to second round QBs has been lately.

Between 2002 and 2006, the following QBs have been drafted between round 1 pick 19 and the end of the second round: Patrick Ramsey, Kyle Boller, Rex Grossman, WWWWWW's boy JP Losman, Aaron Rodgers, Jason Campbell, Kellen Clemons, and Tarvaris Jackson.

These dudes were drafted in 2007 and 2008 and haven't had the chance to suck: Brady Quinn, Kevin Kolb, John Beck (safe to say he's terrible), Drew Stanton, Joe Flacco, Brian Brohm, and Chad Henne.

Not that this is an indicator of much, but what is there, one guy from that list who is starting for more than 10% of the fantasy football teams out there? If you look at the year they were drafted and compare it to two years later, only one of their teams had any improvement (Bears went from 4 to 5 wins, wow). And only the class of 2005 is still starting.

The stats for the group include an 81-94 W-L record, 188 TDs and 181 INTs. Only Aaron Rodgers, in his two starts, has a completion % above 60% and he's the only one with a QB rating over 80. These players represent a lot of wasted starts on what could have been some good teams.

Beyond the shitty individual and team performances, the spiral of suck caused by a wrong QB choice can be staggering. Plenty of teams have been through it with top 10 picks as well...Texans/Carr, Lions/Harrington, Bengals/everyone but Palmer, Colts/Jeff George...

But here's a worst-case scenario for the Vikings and the fallout from TJack being a CFL-quality QB:

Year 1 - TJack drafted but not ready, team sticks with over-the-hill Brad Johnson for one more season. Season is lost.

Year 2 - Brad Johnson is so over-the-hill that TJack starts his rookie season. Predictably, he plays terribly and the team misses the playoffs.

Year 3 - TJack again handed the starting job, turns out he still sucks. Gus Frerotte is the savior...I'm going to say this season has a good chance of being wasted.

Year 4 - What do the Vikes do...is TJack completely out or does he get one more chance...does Frerotte keep the job or is another old vet brought in...do they draft another QB? This could be another lost season without a good move by the front office.

Year 5 - Let's say they drafted a QB the previous year and put him in...first-year QBs often suck. Another lost season.

Year 6 - Hopefully the new QB is not TJack and the team can finally put a decent passing offense together. But what's the rest of the team like at this point?

One crappy decision at QB could screw the franchise, in year two of what appears to be a win-now strategy, for 5 years.

Well Done Bill Smith

I posted this in the comments section of the below post, but I think it warrants putting here:

LaTroy Hawkins:
Picked up by Houston. 17 games, 14 innings, 5 hits, 3 walks, 20 K's, ERA of 0.00, WHIP of 0.57

Arthur Rhodes:
Acquired by Florida. 27 games, 12 innings, 9 hits, 2 walks, 12 K's, ERA of 0.00, WHIP of 0.94.

Chad Bradford: Picked up by Tampa. 16 games, 14 innings, 15 hits, 8 walks, 4 K's, ERA of 1.29, WHIP of 1.64

Eddie Guardado:
Picked up by Minnesota. 7 games, 6 innings, 12 hits, 2 walks, 4 K's, ERA of 10.13, WHIP of 2.63.

It's Over

Pack it in. It's done. Stop hoping and be real here people. It was pretty much over already, but with Victor Martinez playing Jamie Quirk and Joe Nathan playing Ron Davis, that seals the deal.

The Twins are now down 2.5 with 11 left to play. Having pissed away every opportunity to win this division, it's finally over. Excellent job going 8-11 against the easiest stretch in the schedule ever. And what a waste of a year, mainly thanks to the god awful bullpen and the inability of management to acquire a good set up man at the trade deadline, when they knew damn well the bullpen was a liability and knew they were in a pennant race, not a rebuilding year. The Twins were fourth in run differential in the AL, and thanks to the bullpen were unable to make the playoffs, wasting what might be career years from Buscher, Casilla, and Span - though I hope not.

I hate this team.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Weekend Review


1. Darren McFadden. Oh boy, here we go. It was said that McFadden might be on the same talent tier level as Adrian Peterson was last year, but due to his situation he wouldn’t be able to have the same kind of season despite similar talent. After yesterday, that might not be true. McFadden went for 164 yards in just his second career game and is now averaging better than 6 ypc in his two games. Of course, the 164 was against Kansas City, who also let Michael Bush, who I think has two fake legs right now, go for over 90, so take it for what it’s worth.

2. Buffalo Bills. It’s looking like my pick of the Bills as a sleeper team last season was one year too early, as Buffalo went to 2-0 yesterday with a win over Jacksonville. That, along with their week 1 victory over Seattle has people taking notice. Marshawn Lynch is a grinder, Trent Edwards is what I thought JP Losman could be, and the defense is playing very well. In a wide open AFC, you could be looking at a playoff team.

3. Aaron Rodgers. I was really, really hoping Rodgers would suck so that Green Bay would implode upon itself and we wouldn’t have to deal with those queers every again, but no such luck as it turns out he’s pretty freaking good. He followed up his dismantling of the Vikings by torching the Lions – granted not that tough but it still counts. Pain Killer addiction imminent. And let’s just go ahead and stop with the A-Rodge stuff right now, ok?

4. Denver Wide Receivers. Holy geez it’s like Jerry Rice and John Taylor running around on Tecmo Super Bowl right now up in Denver. Last week, Eddie “Casino” Royal hauls in 9 catches for 146 yards and a score, and this week it’s Brandon "Brandon" Marshall registering 18 catches, WHICH IS NOT AN NFL RECORD, for 166 and a TD. It’s almost like Jake Cutler is a really good quarterback all of a sudden, but that can’t possibly be true because look at that porn stache. For reference, Minnesota wideouts have 10 catches for 148 yards in their two games combined.

5. Me. Played in our family’s golf tournament over the weekend, and not only did my team win but I also took the prize for longest drive, netting me a cool $15. Not only that, but after two weeks my NFL sleeper teams are a combined 6-3, while my teams who will suck are 4-5 (remember, these teams were supposed to be playoff type teams).


1. The Ohio State University. This could actually just read Big Ten Football in general, which has become an absolute joke. Ohio State has been head and shoulders above the rest of the conference in recent years, and every time they have a chance to make a statement nationally they get whomped, culminating in Saturday’s 35-3 thumping by USC. Luckily dirty Wisconsin was able to win by 3 at Fresno State, or this would be a thoroughly embarrassing weekend for the conference as a whole. Michigan got worked by Notre Dame. Purdue lost at Oregon, which isn’t that bad but still a missed opportunity. Minnesota and Northwestern beat I-AA teams, and Illinois almost lost to a Sun Belt opponent. Other than Wisconsin, the most impressive win here is Iowa at home over Iowa State, who sucks. I think it may be time to take the Big Ten out of the BCS and let the Mountain West or the WAC or C-USA in or something. It’s only fair.

2. Ron Gardenhire. Yes, I know they swept, but let’s talk about that doubleheader and Gardy’s lineup decisions, ok? When you are in a pennant race with only 16 games remaining, you cannot afford to take one of your only two good hitters out of the lineup in any game, you just can’t, yet Mauer was out of the second game on Saturday. Why not just DH you ask? Well no shit, that’s the obvious choice that any sane manager would choose, but it seems it was critical to get Randy Ruiz in the lineup instead. I get that catchers need days off, I do, but not DHing him is a decision so dumb it truly defies explanation.

3. LaDainian Tomlinson. What the F is going on here? It seems that toe injury may just be a much bigger deal than originally thought, as LT did almost nothing this weekend. He left the game at one point, they looked at his foot, he tried to come back, and then he was done. With Darren “Sproilies” Sproles filling in admirably, who knows how many games LT might miss, even with two last second losses making San Diego fans antsy. Also San Diego means Whale’s Vagina.

4. Minnesota Vikings. What a crappy way to lose a game. The Colts were thoroughly dominated pretty much the entire game, but because the Vikes and T-Jax were unable to actually score a TD and had to settle for five Ryan Longwell field goals the Colts were able to take the game away. I have no idea why he passed as often as he did, with AP running right through the Colts with ease. Now at 0-2, and confidence in Jackson at an all-time low, the Vikes could be in real trouble. Feel free to trade for Jeff Garcia, if only to get his wife, Carmella Decesare, here. Google is your friend.

5. Milwaukee Brewers. Pretty much gave away the NL Central after losing 3 of 4 to the Phillies over the weekend to fall 6.5 behind the Cubs, watching their team batting average fall to .219 in the month of September. Chief among the chokers is the super overrated Ryan Braun, who leads the Brewers in pretty much offensive category, who is now hitless in his last 18 at bats as Milwaukee completes their shame spiral. The good news for them is they still lead the Wild Card Race by a game over the Phillies. The bad news is that the Phillies are hot, and Milwaukee sucks as I previously alluded to.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Gopher Basketball Schedule Recap Thing

Since it's Friday I should probably put up something, and since I can't guarantee I'll be drinking tonight and typing up ever random thought in my head, I might as well take a look at the Mighty 2008-2009 Gopher Basketball schedule and see if I can come up with an expected record. From the Barn did this and came up with 21-9 (11-7) and The Daily Gopher came up with 23-7 (12-6). I don't know about you, but these look AWFULLY optimistic to me. Let's look:

Concordia-St Paul: Nice opener. Did Glen Mason put this together? WIN

Bowling Green: Will the Eagles avenge their football loss? No. Of course not. Antonio Daniels graduated like five years ago. WIN

Georgia State: Who? WIN

@ Colorado State: This is a toughy. On one hand, CSU sucked last year. On the other hand, they have four returning starters and a good coach in Tim Miles. Since it's on the road, against a young Gopher team, the nod goes to the Rams. LOSS

Eastern Washington: A few years ago this would have been a good test - when Rodney Stuckey was still there. Now, it's just another cupcake. WIN

North Dakota State: All those annoying white guys are still around, but the Gophers showed last year that, well, they aren't all that good. I still expect a good fight, as NDSU could be a tournament team this year, but the Gophers should pull it out. Like me with your mom. WIN

Virginia: The Gophers catch a break in getting Virginia in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge. The Cavs are a complete mess, not even taking into account there's no more Sean Singletary. WIN

Cornell: A solid, disciplined, fundamentally sound and talented team? Recipe for success against Minnesota. Tubby has made huge leaps with this team over Monson, obviously, but Cornell brings solid talent along with all those Ivy League smarts. LOSS

South Dakota State: WIN

Louisville: This isn't going to be close. LOSS

SE Louisiana: A good team to recover against. WIN

High Point: This could actually be a decent test, as High Point isn't exactly terrible, but they aren't in the Gophers class either. Or at least I hope not. WIN

Michigan State: With luck and continued good recruiting, this will be a good game in about three years. LOSS

Ohio State: Even with the continually loss of good players, the Buckeyes reload and reload and reload again. This will be the most disappointing game of the year. LOSS

@ Iowa: If either team get's into the fifties, I'll be impressed. WIN

Penn State: Iowa and Penn State back-to-back? Good way to build confidence. WIN

@ Wisconsin: And they'll need more than confidence in Madison. LOSS

@ Northwestern: Another disappointment in Evansville, though I'm sure Shamala will light up the joint. A solid recruiting class + Coble + Thompson + Moore spells disaster for the U. LOSS

Purdue: No favors done here after returning from a disappointing road trip. LOSS

@ Indiana: Ugh. Indiana and Iowa are going to fighting for the worst Big Ten team I've ever seen, and that includes the Kris Humphries Gopher squad. WIN (you suck Verdell)

Illinois: I hate this team. WIN

@ Michigan State: Nobody can possibly think they have a chance in this game, right Dawger? LOSS

@ Ohio State: Or this one. LOSS

Indiana: Big blowout potential. A nice twenty point win will feel pretty good right about here. WIN

@ Penn State: They won there last year when I didn't give them a chance, so why not do it again? WIN

@ Michigan: You know, everybody thinks Beilein is a wizard, and I know it's only been a year, but I don't see any big transformation coming soon. Gophers' defense should destroy these clowns. WIN


@ Illinois: Comes crashing to an end. The Illini are nothing special, but by this time should be playing pretty well and I don't think the Gophers could win in Champaign if they brought their all-time team, including Rico Tucker. LOSS

Wisconsin: I would love to predict a win here. What the hell. This is enough time for the new players and everybody on the Gophers to have it figured it out, and against these queers they could put their best game of the year together here in the Barn. WIN

Michigan: Still garbage. WIN

So there you have it. 18-12 overall, 9-9 in the conference. Good enough for an NIT berth and a win or two. I call that pretty successful with this squad, and expect an NCAA Tournament appearance the following year.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Recruiting Updates

If you've been reading The Daily Gopher, and why wouldn't you, you'd know there has been a flurry of recruiting activity of note to Gopher fans lately. Of note:

- Minnesota boy Sam Dower heading to Gonzaga. Dower, a center from Osseo, is a late bloomer who recently shot up the ranks after averaging 22 points per game for in AAU ball this summer after putting up just 13 per game in high school. Gonzaga was after him early, and had the inside track. After visiting the campus, Dower made his choice. The Gophers got in the game late, and I was never optimistic Dower would sign here. Dower is currently ranked #119 on the Rivals Top 150.

- Torin Walker to Oklahoma State. Walker is another center Tubby wanted, and I'm quite a bit bummed he didn't get him, mostly because Torin Walker just sounds like a good name for a player. Walker was supposed to take a visit to the Minnesota campus, but after visiting OSU he canceled all other visits. I'm guessing he was set up with some very nice female "superfans" of the program. Take note for the upcoming Rodney Williams visit to the U please.

- Trevor Williams to Colorado State. Yet another center to spurn an offer from Tubby Smith, although for the life of me I can't figure out a single reason why anybody would want to go to Colo State. This was another case of a player having a visit scheduled to Minnesota, but opting to sign with another school following a visit there. There was a lot of chatter about Williams, and the Gophers were involved in his recruiting early so this one does sting a bit.

Not a Minnesota target, but of interest nonetheless is Hopkins' Mike Broghammer committing to Notre Dame. I'm not entirely certain why Tubby never chose to get involved in recruiting Broghammer, but I'm guessing it is because he is related to Christian Laettner, who once stomped on a Kentucky player and all the hearts of Kentucky fans. And Tubby still loves Kentucky.

Also of interest is Eden Praire's Ethan Wragge committing to Creighton last night. Wragge was never in Tubby's sights, but the a three-star instate player is still worth mentioning.

Does this all mean that Tubby is losing his touch? After the miracle class of 2008, are we sunk for 2009? No, not really. Calm down, spaz. Plenty of quality players still on the radar, particularly if Williams signs here. Other possibilities:

- PG/SG Darius Smith, #113 on Rivals. According to Scout, Smith considers the Gophers the Gophers his favorite school, and had a visit scheduled for last weekend at the U. He hasn't signed following that, which makes me nervous. I haven't heard a single peep about how the visit went, which also makes me nervous. I don't know if it actually happened or what. Expect Smith to sign with Bradley.

- PG Eric Bledsoe, #67 on Rivals. I've mentioned him before, and he is absolutely, without question my number 1 guy I want for this team for 2009, above even Rodney Williams. Everything I read about this kid gives me a boner. The problem is it's going to take a major coup to steal him away from Mike Davis and UAB. He's from Alabama, they've been recruiting him forever, he likes Davis, and he loves their running style. Odds on landing Bledsoe are around 10% or so, but if anybody can do it, Tubby can. Please.

- PG Johnnie Lacy, #110 on Rivals is also still a possibility, and has been written about here plenty. If Bledsoe doesn't work out, I'd be more than happy to get Johnnie, assuming he's eligible.

- Lastly, two Power Forwards from Georgia I've never heard of apparently have received offers from the Gophers according to Scout: Terrence Shannon and Kadeem Batts. Shannon is the superior player, coming in at #125 on Rivals while Batts is unranked. Batts is mostly being pursued by middle tier major conference teams, while Shannon has Florida State and Memphis as his leaders, with the Gophers listed as a longshot.

Grabbing any one of those guys along with Rodney to fill out the two remaining scholarships for 2009 would be an excellent, excellent class following up the #25 class of 2008 according to ESPN.

Once again, I want to say I'm absolutely convinced right now that the Gophers must get a verbal from Rodney on his official visit in a week and a half. The week after that, he is heading out to Santa Clara for a visit with his friend and Bronco commit Raymond Cowels. The fact that he narrowed his list to just two, and Santa Clara is on there instead of Kansas or UCONN tells me he's very serious about the possibility. Can't you see it? The two guys, visiting a beautiful campus in California right near the ocean. All around them are beautiful women in bikinis, the weather is nice after leaving the shitty fall weather of Minnesota. The rest of the Santa Clara team telling him how it's beautiful there all winter with no snow. Cowels talking to him about how the two of them can join together to help raise the Santa Clara program to national prominence once again.

Think about it, this is probably the most important recruit visit to that program since forever. They will pull out all the stops and roll out the red carpet to kiss his ass in a huge way. I'm telling you right now, if he doesn't sign with the Gophers during his visit and actually makes his way out to Santa Clara for that visit, he's going to sign there. I guarantee it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Oh My Sweet Jesus

Wow. Tavaris is not a good QB. And there's no possible way anybody could think differently. Unless they're really dumb. Bogart probably loves him.

Actually, he'd be a really good college QB. Highly mobile. Can only make one read and if it's not there takes off running. Routes he can throw to are limited to slant, swing, screen, and fly. Questionable decision making. Perfect for like, the Gophers. A nice step up from I-AA. Good job, T-Jax.

Additionally, how much does Aaron Rodgers want to be Brett Favre? Let's see, you have the ill advised random toss deep downfield that works out. You have poor throws in the redzone that find where they need to go (that TD pass was either the best throw of all time or very lucky - you go ahead and guess which). And, even worse, you have the constant unsnapping of the chin strap after every single god damn play. Throw in a vicodin addiction and making his wife get cancer and you get Favre. But I miss the long hair, he looked exactly like Cook, a friend of a friend. But less pretentious. It's funnier if you know him.

So, my real issue here is with Vikings fans. What the hell is wrong with you people? You embarrass me. Here are my favorite people from tonight.

1. Guy in the Vikings Crocs. Crocs are pretty much the worst invention ever. Girls can kind of get away with them, but they have boobs so they could pretty much get away with anything. But on a guy? And Vikings crocs? Do you have zero self respect? At what point in your life do you not only give up on respectable footwear, but go with a team-themed version? And it's not like regular sandals are so uncomfortable you have to go with something else. Jesus, you make socks with sandals guy look like a fashion wizard.

2. The guy in the Rod Smith jersey. This guy was awesome, and I'm not kidding. it's nice to see someone else appreciate a top 5 receiver of all-time.

3. The dude in the Chris Walsh jersey. My feelings on Chris Walsh jerseys are well documented. I have nothing more to add. Except to say just stop it.

4. The chomo in the specially made #35 jersey with his own last name on the back. Honestly, if you know anybody with their own name on the back of a Vikings jersey, you should probably sit them down and have a long talk. There's so much wrong with this I can't even describe it. When I saw this dude, I thought "How sad." When Mrs. W saw him, she said, "What's wrong with that guy?" and when Snacks was told about him, he said "did you tell your daughter people like that can't be trusted?" I mean, it's a just a sample size of three, but I think if you take a poll of America, the overwhelming majority would call this guy a douche.

5. The dude wearing the Onterrio Smith jersey. I'm not even exactly sure how to react here. Snacks said, "That will never go out of style" and I'm inclined to agree. You know, it's a special kind of flame out that involves whizzinators and what not. Also that Brody dude from the Hills is a total ass. Heidi is so stupid for staying with him. I mean, come on.

6. The guy with the Troy Williamson jersey. You know, I feel like I'm being too hard on Bogart here, but if anybody I know would ever buy a Williamson jersey, it's him. You know, get super pumped about his potential and go all out and throw a bunch of money at him and get no payoff. Much like the Viking front office.

7. Every chick in a pink jersey. STOP.

8. The guy who needed to talk about 8 thousand decibels too loudly while telling his friend about the plays that the Vikings should have called or what T-Jax should have done. Look, I think Jackson is just as horrid a QB as you do, really he is, but you aren't better, and you wouldn't make better decisions. And no matter how poorly you think the play calls are, I'd bet Childress knows this shit infinitely better than you do. He's making millions. You're in a shitty ass bar, wearing your faded Culpepper jersey with your porn stache and ranting and raving like a crazy psychopathic lunatic. I was going to say more but now I'm distracted because Audrina and LC are arguing and I'm hoping they make out.

9. No such luck. And I can't remember all the other people I hated, but it occurs to me that the perfect burger may very well be a juicy lucy, but using pepper jack cheese and cajun spices on the burger part. Dear lord, I'm going to have to try that.