Quentin is Dead

So i got this text from Snacks, "omg lol wtf crl quentin oot 4 2-3 wks omg uge brk 4 twns lol omg bbq." I eventually figured out that it means Carlos Quentin is out for 2-3 weeks, and Snacks thinks it's like the hugest thing ever and still believes in the Twins like a sucker. And by the way, why would the world's best manager put in an "overworked" Guerrier in the 8th inning of a 10-2 game instead of someone like Boof? It's genius like that I'll never understand.

Anyway, clearly snacks is bonering over Quentin being out. My initial reaction is that he swings weird, runs like a girl, and can't throw. Yet, I know the numbers tell me differently. So let's look at how good Girlos Quentin really is.

Also I've just been informed someone named Morrow is no-hitting the Yanks through 7. Since I've never even come close to hearing of him, I'm going to assume it doesn't happen.

Anyway, Quentin is from Stanford, and everybody knows that all that comes out of Stanford is steers and queers. That's pretty much the only negative.

Dude has crushed the ball like a Foxx this season (get it, Foxx?). His OPS of .965 is third in the AL behind Alex "Jesus" Rodriguez and Milton "Seriously?" Bradley. You know, in all MLB, he's 8th? You know who is ninth? Ryan Ludwick. I have no idea who that is.

You know where Quentin would have ranked in OPS last season? 13th. So this is a pretty big blow to the Sox. It wont' matter because the Twins are all chokey, but it certainly hurts the stupid gay White Sox.

This would make more sense if my parents hadn't watched Wonderbaby all night. I'm too drunk to make sense. Or be funny. Screw you for judging me.