Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
All-Star Tuesday Talkings (British Open Preview)
Yep, it's all star Tuesday so I'm writing, but I don't plan to write a single thing about the All-Star game because it's just so stupid. Let me get this straight, this game counts for something pretty important now, but the starters are still voted in by idiotic fans? And they take rosters of 33 freaking players on each team, and managers are bound by some stupid unwritten rule to try to play everybody? And you can't let any pitcher go more than one or two innings because if Roy Halladay hurts his arm in his third inning of work somehow every one will be mad at you even though he routinely goes nine innings every fifth day? It's like the collective league is Regina George and the manager is Gretchen Weiners.
I just don't get how something so far removed from real baseball can give such an advantage to a team in the quest to win the World Series. Seriously, if this rule was in place in '87 and '91 and the NL won the all-star game, we'd be sitting wondering if the Twins will ever win a World Series. I mean, I'm not exactly a huge fan of the random element they used to have but it's better than this - and better than giving home field advantage to the league that has a better record in interleague play, which I've also heard bandied about. That's also idiotic.
It's really simple. Home field advantage goes to the team with the better regular season record. That's how all the other leagues do it. Why? Because it makes a lot more sense to reward a team for a great 162-game season than it does to reward a team whose league won a stupid exhibition. And if you insist on keeping that dumb rule, then Gretchen Weiners has to stick up to Regina like that time she wore sweat pants to the lunch table. Throw Halladay three innings. Then throw Greinke three. Then go through the closers and end with Rivera. Bam, game. But they won't. It'll be one inning, one inning, one inning, and eventually either Tim Wakefield or Andrew Bailey will be in and it'll be tee-off time for the NL. Stupid.
What makes it even worse is that I actually get a little bit pumped up when they do all the fanfare before the game. They always give it a nice historical perspective, whether it's tonight's little St. Louis baseball mini-history or like the year they brought out Ted Williams and Willie Mays, it's a very nice touch and I enjoy it. Then the game starts and it's a big joke. Let's just move on to something else.
- I'm mainly writing tonight to give my half-assed British Open preview, much like my half-assed Masters and US Open previews, which didn't quite get the winners right. All that really means is that I am due. In the same tradition, I will give you my top ten (after Tiger) picks to win.
1. Steve Stricker. It's weird to pick a noted non-closer to win an event like the British, but it all seems to be in place for Stricker. Two wins in his last four events, including a win last week, and recent success at the Open, finishing 8th and 7th the last two years. No reason he shouldn't be right there at the end.
2. Ian Poulter. It's almost a certainty that Ian Poulter will be winning a major at some point, probably while wearing pink pants, and it makes a lot of sense that it could be this one. Poulter is a very solid Open player, topping off with a second place finish last year at Royal Birkdale, has been very solid in the other majors (31st, 20th, and 18th) and is having a good year.
3. Lee Westwood. Westwood isn't super, duper great at the Open, but he does have two top tens in his career and has made the cut the last three years, so he's not horrible either. He's familiar with links style golf, being a communist and all, and is getting hot at the right time, with a tie for 8th last week in the Scottish Open coming on the heels of a runner-up finish in the French Open.
4. Hunter Mahan. This guy is quietly playing some of the best golf of anybody right now, but at the same time is a bit under the radar since he hasn't actually picked up a victory. He has top 10s in his last three starts, has made the cut in every event he has played this season, and has top tens in both of this year's majors. He did miss the cut last year at the Open, which gives me slight pause, but last year was a rough one for him, and not only has he found his game again but two years ago when he was playing well he pulled a sixth place finish at Carnoustie.
5. Sergio Garcia. Usually this sexy son of a bitch would be my #1 pick after Tiger, but a slow and disappointing year so far has really left me scratching my head. Still, the spaniard is a wizard when it comes to the British Open, with six top 10s in his last eight attempts and he does seem to be getting his game figured out, notching a tie for tenth at the US Open and has played better across the pond than here in the States.
6. Henrik Stenson. This guy is another one who it feels like is just waiting to win a major, and could be set up to do it this week. He already won this year at the "fifth major", the Players Championship at Sawgrass, and has been in contention at pretty much every major recently, with three top tens in the last four majors. He's a cool customer, since like most Swedes he has no soul, so if he's in contention coming down the stretch he isn't likely to Van de Velde it up.
7. Rory McIlroy. It's weird to pick a kid this young to be a top contender at the Open, but he's just tough. This year his four toughest events have resulted in a Quarterfinal finish at the Match Play, a 20th place finish at both the WGC-CA and the Masters, and a tie for tenth at the US Open - clearly he's not intimidated. Add in the fact that he is ripping it up on the European Tour (fifth in the Race to Dubai), and it wouldn't surprise me to see him right in the thick of it on Sunday.
8. Jim Furyk. Boring? Predictable? How about we go with steady instead. Top 11 in five of his last six tournaments, made the cut in fourteen of his last fifteen majors, and two top fives in his last three Opens, with a tie for twelfth in the third. He did miss five straight cuts at the British from 2001-2005, which shows me that this kind of golf can swallow him up at times and keeps me from putting him any higher on my list, but I expect him to hang around and at least make a little noise.
9. Paul Casey. I was looking back at my Masters and US Open previews, and I picked this clown first after Tiger and second after Tiger and Furyk, and he rewarded me with a T-20 and a missed cut, but I still can't drop him all the way, especially at the British where he finished seventh last year. He absolutely dominated the Euro Tour early, and still leads the Race to Dubai, but has faded in recent weeks. I expect being back in Europe will rejuvenate him.
10. Justin Leonard. This is a straight up hunch pick, which I can't really justify. He's had success at the British, but his win and his runner-up were both in the 1990s. Since then he's missed the cut as much as he's finished top twenty (three each) and he doesn't come in particularly hot, with two missed cuts in his last three tournaments. But I'm feelin' it!
And that's it. Some notable names are missing. Geoff Ogilvy, Zach Johnson, and Luke Donald are both garbage at the Open. Paddy is the two-time depending champion, but he's missed the cut in four of his last five events, and his game is just not in the right shape here again. I don't think Anthony Kim is ready just yet, and the wunderkind of the early season, Nick Watney, has fallen back to earth. Cink is still gay, and Els and Goosen are too far gone. One sleeper I've seen mentioned somewhere is Martin Kaymer, a commie who comes in hot, having won the last two Euro Tour events. Don't believe it. He doesn't have that kind of game.
- Finally, hold on to your butts people, the Sci Fi channel is having the marathon of all marathons on Saturday, July 25th, and I can't wait. Unfortunately, the Egyptian is getting married that day and I am an usher, so I can't exactly watch live, but the Tivo will be a crankin'. Check out the schedule:
8am - Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep
10am - Croc
Noon - Super Gator
2pm - Lake Placid 2
4pm - Spring Break Shark Attack (third best shark movie ever)
6pm - Deep Blue Sea
8pm - Malibu Shark Attack (World Premiere!)
10pm - Eye of the Beast (Dawson in a Squid movie)
I'm tivo'ing everything on that list except for Lake Placid 2 and Deep Blue Sea, which are super lame. Expect an influx of Live Movie Blogs in the coming weeks, as long as I can get Mrs. W to watch a few of these.
Also, Sci Fi renamed itself SyFy for some unfathomable reason. Can anyone explain this one? Cutesy for the sake of cutesy? I really hope somebody gets fired for this. This is even worse than the time Itchy ripped out Scratchy's spine and played it like a xylophone, but got two different notes from hitting the same rib.
That's it for now. I would expect to see a more indepth preview from Faldo tomorrow some time, and if we're really lucky maybe Super Sioux Fan will send in a new post.
I just don't get how something so far removed from real baseball can give such an advantage to a team in the quest to win the World Series. Seriously, if this rule was in place in '87 and '91 and the NL won the all-star game, we'd be sitting wondering if the Twins will ever win a World Series. I mean, I'm not exactly a huge fan of the random element they used to have but it's better than this - and better than giving home field advantage to the league that has a better record in interleague play, which I've also heard bandied about. That's also idiotic.
It's really simple. Home field advantage goes to the team with the better regular season record. That's how all the other leagues do it. Why? Because it makes a lot more sense to reward a team for a great 162-game season than it does to reward a team whose league won a stupid exhibition. And if you insist on keeping that dumb rule, then Gretchen Weiners has to stick up to Regina like that time she wore sweat pants to the lunch table. Throw Halladay three innings. Then throw Greinke three. Then go through the closers and end with Rivera. Bam, game. But they won't. It'll be one inning, one inning, one inning, and eventually either Tim Wakefield or Andrew Bailey will be in and it'll be tee-off time for the NL. Stupid.
What makes it even worse is that I actually get a little bit pumped up when they do all the fanfare before the game. They always give it a nice historical perspective, whether it's tonight's little St. Louis baseball mini-history or like the year they brought out Ted Williams and Willie Mays, it's a very nice touch and I enjoy it. Then the game starts and it's a big joke. Let's just move on to something else.
- I'm mainly writing tonight to give my half-assed British Open preview, much like my half-assed Masters and US Open previews, which didn't quite get the winners right. All that really means is that I am due. In the same tradition, I will give you my top ten (after Tiger) picks to win.
1. Steve Stricker. It's weird to pick a noted non-closer to win an event like the British, but it all seems to be in place for Stricker. Two wins in his last four events, including a win last week, and recent success at the Open, finishing 8th and 7th the last two years. No reason he shouldn't be right there at the end.
2. Ian Poulter. It's almost a certainty that Ian Poulter will be winning a major at some point, probably while wearing pink pants, and it makes a lot of sense that it could be this one. Poulter is a very solid Open player, topping off with a second place finish last year at Royal Birkdale, has been very solid in the other majors (31st, 20th, and 18th) and is having a good year.
3. Lee Westwood. Westwood isn't super, duper great at the Open, but he does have two top tens in his career and has made the cut the last three years, so he's not horrible either. He's familiar with links style golf, being a communist and all, and is getting hot at the right time, with a tie for 8th last week in the Scottish Open coming on the heels of a runner-up finish in the French Open.
4. Hunter Mahan. This guy is quietly playing some of the best golf of anybody right now, but at the same time is a bit under the radar since he hasn't actually picked up a victory. He has top 10s in his last three starts, has made the cut in every event he has played this season, and has top tens in both of this year's majors. He did miss the cut last year at the Open, which gives me slight pause, but last year was a rough one for him, and not only has he found his game again but two years ago when he was playing well he pulled a sixth place finish at Carnoustie.
5. Sergio Garcia. Usually this sexy son of a bitch would be my #1 pick after Tiger, but a slow and disappointing year so far has really left me scratching my head. Still, the spaniard is a wizard when it comes to the British Open, with six top 10s in his last eight attempts and he does seem to be getting his game figured out, notching a tie for tenth at the US Open and has played better across the pond than here in the States.
6. Henrik Stenson. This guy is another one who it feels like is just waiting to win a major, and could be set up to do it this week. He already won this year at the "fifth major", the Players Championship at Sawgrass, and has been in contention at pretty much every major recently, with three top tens in the last four majors. He's a cool customer, since like most Swedes he has no soul, so if he's in contention coming down the stretch he isn't likely to Van de Velde it up.
7. Rory McIlroy. It's weird to pick a kid this young to be a top contender at the Open, but he's just tough. This year his four toughest events have resulted in a Quarterfinal finish at the Match Play, a 20th place finish at both the WGC-CA and the Masters, and a tie for tenth at the US Open - clearly he's not intimidated. Add in the fact that he is ripping it up on the European Tour (fifth in the Race to Dubai), and it wouldn't surprise me to see him right in the thick of it on Sunday.
8. Jim Furyk. Boring? Predictable? How about we go with steady instead. Top 11 in five of his last six tournaments, made the cut in fourteen of his last fifteen majors, and two top fives in his last three Opens, with a tie for twelfth in the third. He did miss five straight cuts at the British from 2001-2005, which shows me that this kind of golf can swallow him up at times and keeps me from putting him any higher on my list, but I expect him to hang around and at least make a little noise.
9. Paul Casey. I was looking back at my Masters and US Open previews, and I picked this clown first after Tiger and second after Tiger and Furyk, and he rewarded me with a T-20 and a missed cut, but I still can't drop him all the way, especially at the British where he finished seventh last year. He absolutely dominated the Euro Tour early, and still leads the Race to Dubai, but has faded in recent weeks. I expect being back in Europe will rejuvenate him.
10. Justin Leonard. This is a straight up hunch pick, which I can't really justify. He's had success at the British, but his win and his runner-up were both in the 1990s. Since then he's missed the cut as much as he's finished top twenty (three each) and he doesn't come in particularly hot, with two missed cuts in his last three tournaments. But I'm feelin' it!
And that's it. Some notable names are missing. Geoff Ogilvy, Zach Johnson, and Luke Donald are both garbage at the Open. Paddy is the two-time depending champion, but he's missed the cut in four of his last five events, and his game is just not in the right shape here again. I don't think Anthony Kim is ready just yet, and the wunderkind of the early season, Nick Watney, has fallen back to earth. Cink is still gay, and Els and Goosen are too far gone. One sleeper I've seen mentioned somewhere is Martin Kaymer, a commie who comes in hot, having won the last two Euro Tour events. Don't believe it. He doesn't have that kind of game.
- Finally, hold on to your butts people, the Sci Fi channel is having the marathon of all marathons on Saturday, July 25th, and I can't wait. Unfortunately, the Egyptian is getting married that day and I am an usher, so I can't exactly watch live, but the Tivo will be a crankin'. Check out the schedule:
8am - Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep
10am - Croc
Noon - Super Gator
2pm - Lake Placid 2
4pm - Spring Break Shark Attack (third best shark movie ever)
6pm - Deep Blue Sea
8pm - Malibu Shark Attack (World Premiere!)
10pm - Eye of the Beast (Dawson in a Squid movie)
I'm tivo'ing everything on that list except for Lake Placid 2 and Deep Blue Sea, which are super lame. Expect an influx of Live Movie Blogs in the coming weeks, as long as I can get Mrs. W to watch a few of these.
Also, Sci Fi renamed itself SyFy for some unfathomable reason. Can anyone explain this one? Cutesy for the sake of cutesy? I really hope somebody gets fired for this. This is even worse than the time Itchy ripped out Scratchy's spine and played it like a xylophone, but got two different notes from hitting the same rib.
That's it for now. I would expect to see a more indepth preview from Faldo tomorrow some time, and if we're really lucky maybe Super Sioux Fan will send in a new post.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I've gone Rogue (Live Movie Blog)
Hello again folks. Wife is gone for the night at some kind of girl's night which I assume involved lingerie pillow fights, and the baby's sleeping, so I need something to do. Tonight we're going to be tackling yet another masterpiece of American Cinema, and we're staying with the Crocodile theme. This time we're going to take in Rogue, a flick about "stranded riverboat passengers who become fodder for a monstrous crocodile." Sounds pretty damn good to me.
I will say that I'm a little worried about this one. Unfortunately, this might end up being an actual good movie, which ruins all the fun. I say this because it is rated a 6.6/10 on IMDB.com, which is off the charts high for this kind of movie. People are usually idiots, but the kind of idiots who don't spot the fun in crappy, cheesy "monster" type movies, so I'm worried this is a serious movie. It also won an award for best visual effects in Australia (and was nominated for a writing award), and was nominated for best limited release horror movie by Fangoria.
Or maybe I'm looking at this all wrong, and I should be excited that there might be another movie about a giant creature killing people with good writing and good special effects. I don't know. Let's just watch and find out.
- We open with several panning shots of the African wilderness set to generic African religious chanting. Seriously, you can already tell this movie had an actual budget. And within 20 seconds a croc just ate the crap out of a wildebeest that shouldn't have gotten that close to the water. I'm officially pulling back my reservations, and now actively hoping this is a good movie. We're off to a very good start.
- Our main character just arrived, and he's played by that guy from Alias and also from Never Been Kissed which I realize I just admitted to have watched. If only there was a button on this computer to push to make things I type go away. Oh well, I guess I'm stuck for now.
- I think this is supposed to be in Africa, but Alias guy just rolled into a general store populated entirely by southern stereotypes, including cranky old white guy, cranky old black guy, and young cajun guy. And they say things like, "Yah, it's gonna be a scorcha out thah today." Hopefully this isn't Africa.
- Old white guy has a pet pig in the store. No chance this is Africa, it's definitely the great American South. Which means apparently Louisiana has wildebeests now. Who knew?
- Oh, now I get it. They're in Australia. Australia is kind of like a combination of the deep south and Africa (with a little bit of Dusty Rychart thrown in) so I am good now. It would be pretty sweet if Dusty got chomped by a croc. I'm just saying.
- I should clarify that this is the movie Rogue, not anything about the X-Men character Rogue, who was played by Anna Paquin, who is not only very attractive but also starts in the series True Blood on HBO, as I mentioned before but must write again. Seriously, just watch it. And this calls for another picture of Anna Paquin, which I think puts her in second place for being pictured on this blog next to Audrina. Anyway, here:
And just for kicks, I'll throw in a little Audrina -
That was fun.
- FORESHADOWING - Tour guide chick (everyone is on a tour now - on a Riverboat) said, "The Northwest Territory has the largest concentration of salt water crocs in the world." I bet one shows up now - it's obvious thanks to the quote. Well, that quote and the movie's plot summary above. Incidentally, there are like twenty people on this cruise. Since I can pretty much already guarantee that Alias guy and Tour Guide chick are going to be the final two survivors (they're already flirting like drunk freshmen at their first keg party), that means we are in for a whole lot of killin'. Excellent.
- Hm. It's a croc-watching tour. And we were just informed that "crocs can learn your routines and anticipate what you're going to do." Bet that comes up again later.
- RIP Billy Mays. I work for a company whose products he endorsed, and there's a life sized cardboard cutout standup thing of him in our office. Brings a tear to my eye every day now. I'll get by. Don't worry about me. You stay strong.
- I taped this off HBO during a free movie weekend, so that means it could have nudity. And it does. Naked hairy male ass. Sweet. From Australian rednecks, who proceed to harass the tour as only drunken rednecks can. I told you Australia was half-deep south.
- If I can sound gay (well, gayer) for a minute, the scenery in this movie is breathtaking. I've always wanted to go to Australia so I could get chomped by a shark at the Great Barrier Reef, but now I want to go also so I can get chomped by a croc in the Northwest Territories.
- Our tour saw a distress flare in the distance and went to check it out, finding only an overturned fishing boat. Then, of course, they were attacked by something, knocking the boat out of control and forcing it to crash on the beach of a convenient island. The lesson of course, is to never help anybody ever.
- Ha ha. Stupid dog got eaten by the croc. Awesome. Dogs are dumb.
- Wait. Nevermind. It was a person, not a dog. They didn't really show anything though (note: we still haven't seen the croc, taking a nice page out of the Jaws playbook) so I guess I got confused. That and the fact that I'm only paying half attention and the guy's name was Everett. I just assumed when the lady was screaming that name that it was a dog, because whose name is Everett? Just like the name Toby. Only dogs are named Toby. Or Max. Or Rex.
- Here come the rednecks to save the day. Or, act like drunken retards and get eaten by a croc. You guess.
- The new plan is somehow string a rope across the water from the island to the safe area or whatever in order for everyone to shimmy across. Of course, someone has to swim the rope over first. I actually hope he makes it, because I've been to Gatorland Zoo in Florida, and saw a different movie crocodile jump like thirty feet in the air, so this would be like corn on the cob to our rogue.
- Well, he made it and got the rope, and unfortunately the writer missed a golden opportunity to have the croc jump up and eat people. What they did instead was have the rope break, and the three people on it (not Alias guy or Tour Guide chick) fall in then swim back safely to the other side. What? This movie doesn't have enough killing. We're still looking at like fifteen people who are all still alive. This is some bullshit right here.
- I was looking up "what age can kids throw and catch a ball" because Wonderbaby can already throw and catch really well. Well, you know how google has a drop down auto-fill feature when you start to type something? Well, if you start with "what age can kids" the two most popular searches are "stay home alone" and "be left home alone." So there are millions of parents all over the world who are reliant on google to raise their kids rather than a little bit of god damn common sense. Fantastic.
- Also "can my kid" goes to "get herpes from me" and "can my k" goes to "kitten catch my cold." Honestly, I'm not sure which of these is more terrifying.
- Oh my god that was so sweet. First glimpse of the croc as it grabs some jackass who was standing too close to the water and flips him over its head back into deeper water, then turns around and takes him down with a whole lot of dude screaming. Also, very well done on the effects. The croc looks very natural and real, and not oversized (think the shark in Jaws compared to the one in Jaws 3). God that was sweet.
- Man, it really sucks for these guys that their boat crashed. Probably shouldn't have had a woman driver.
- The dude who wrote this also wrote the movie Wolf Creek, which was a pretty good horror movie loosely based on an actual Australian serial killer. It's not the greatest movie of all-time, but you could do a lot worse for a rental. Think Hostel but way less stupid.
- Speaking of good movies, we watched Mean Girls earlier this week, and seriously, that is an awesome movie. Hot chicks all over the place, well acted, and extremely well written with a sarcastic, biting wit that makes it hilarious. Seriously, that might be the best movie of the decade. According to filmsite.org, it was one of the fifty best movies of 2004 - what more do you need? Although in some ways it makes me very sad to see this version of Lohan and know what she would eventually become. Another picture? Ok, fine. Last one:
Great googly-moogly. And speaking of Mean Girls, the chick who plays Janis Ian is in True Blood and got all naked. She looks good.
- New plan - they baited a hook with something (I hope it was the dog) and are hoping the croc gets itself hooked so then they can swim across to the other side and actual land. I didn't catch this at first, but apparently the tide is rising and in a half hour the island they are on will be under water and they will all be dead. This all sounds super realistic.
- Well fuck me, it worked. I feel like Will Scarlet in Robin Hood: Price of Thieves. Well, it mostly worked. Everybody got to the other side except for Alias guy, who is still stranded on the quickly flooding island, and tour guide lady, who got kilt. That's a major curveball folks. She was all set up to be the female survivor, but she got chomped all to hell.
- So with every body safe except for Alias guy (and that damn dog, which wasn't bait), I don't know what we're supposed to watch. This has suddenly turned into Castaway with a Crocodile. Actually that doesn't sound half bad.
- Dude just fell down into some underground cave, just like those freaky ginger twins in the Great Outdoors. I don't think we're going to see a Bear here, but we do have a dead body. Hopefully the croc shows up and eats this dick so the movie can just end. This is getting SUPER boring. Think a less interesting castaway with zero crocs. He's seriously just walking around looking for that stupid dog - it ran away from him - and I swear that's been going on for half an hour. Nothing but him trudging through swamp saying, "Kevin (that's seriously the dog's name) Come here. Kevin, where are you?" Lame-a-saurus.
- Well, he found dead Tour Guide lady. She's been all chomped up. God I wish something would happen.
- This is apparently the croc's lair, and it would seem this particular croc has a peculiar, un-croc-like habit of storing dead bodies to feast on later. Thanks for making sure to have a completely unfactual made up quality to your movie beast. The special effects actually made me start to respect this movie, but in the end, the lame ass everything and complete lack of action and killing were super lame, and adding in a quality to an animal that it does not possess is really just the topping on the shit cake.
- Dude is carrying that chick's body around with him everywhere he goes. She's either alive, despite missing half her calf, or he's just way too attached. At this point I'm not ruling out necrophilia.
- Apparently she's alive. Great. Good job movie. Nice career, Alias guy.
- Ug. So the croc attacked him while he held a tree branch and it impaled it's own brain. I don't even have the strength left anymore to properly describe the climax. Just know it was shitty and involved symbolism with a praying mantis.
- Overall, the special effects and realistic croc portrayal were cut down in the end by the evil fake facts and horrible, horrible, horrible plot. This may have started well, but the depths it plummeted to and the lack of death (I think there were only like four kills) made me realize it sucks badly. I really should have rented Giant Octopus vs. Mega Shark instead. I had this on Tivo though, and figured I'd just watch it. Huge mistake. Someday, maybe somebody will be able to combine a good, realistic, interesting story with a giant animal and a whole bunch of killing. Today is not that day.
Off to Duluth tomorrow for a bachelor party and some of the worst golf imaginable. Check you later.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tuesday's Rage
I feel compelled to write tonight as an outlet for my rage - rage against stupidity and failure to not be an idiot. I left work late tonight, and was already in a pretty good lather due to co-worker incompetence and some stupid ass parade that went on for five hours down town and forced me to listen to marching band music the entire time while in my giant office with a giant window because I'm so awesome. Marching bands infuriate me, so I wasn't in a good mood heading home and wasn't helped by the massive herds of massive hippos waddling into the metrodome to watch the Twins suck and refusing to get out of the crosswalk or even stop to consider anything regarding the laws as they pertain to pedestrians.
Anyway, I was already in a bad mood, and then I hear Gordo ask Danny-boy Gladden, "The Twins were swept four straight games by the Yankees earlier in the year, do you think they are looking for a little payback here?" Naturally, since I'm not an idiot and I pay attention to the home town club, I knew that at the very least Joe Nathan had said, "We need some revenge", which I had read not only in the linked article but had also heard straight out of Nathan's mouth on the radio. You'd think the radio announcer or color man or resident white trash retard or whatever you want to call him would pay a little attention, but instead we get, "I guarantee you there isn't a single player in that clubhouse who is thinking about revenge." I shit you not. He guaranteed it. A statement that is completely and 100% falsifiable with just a modicum of research, and it's guaranteed. I have no idea why that hack has a job announcing baseball games. If I hear something insightful out of him it will be the first time.
Then, just to add insult to injury, here comes a radio interview with Twins' resident media whore Mike Cuddyer. The question? "The Twins have been playing much better recently than they were the last time these two teams met, what has changed?" The answer from Cuddy Bear? "Nothing's changed. We are just playing better now and not making the mistakes we were making earlier this season." lka;jdf;lsa hgoigh. THOSE. ARE. CHANGES. The definition of changes. You just said nothing has changed and then told us two things that had changed in the SAME SENTENCE. Doesn't this crap bother anybody else? Is it that I'm mad, or is it the rest of the world that is stupid? Isn't that like saying "I'm not gay, I just like giving dudes oral and taking it from behind?" Seriously?
Finally, just to make sure my head explodes, Coom-doggie gives us this on the TV box, "Sabathia is one of those pitchers who if you don't get to him by the fifth, he's pretty much unhittable." Guess what his two worst innings are? Yep, the fifth and sixth. Of course. What else would it be? Now, granted, his point isn't terrible, because Sabathia over his career is pretty much unhittable once he gets to the 7th, 8th, and 9th, but after everything else I had to deal with today, it's the last straw. I've decided to deal with my rage/depression by drinking heavily and blogging about less offensive sports.
- First up, a little bit of a scouting report from an informer who was at the Howard Pulley games last night, in the form of two text messages:
- Secondly, I want to recognize with some propers our very own Rockies guy, who called out a Loooooooooooooooong time ago (back in April somewhere, I can't find it) that Jason Marquis was the man. A couple of nights ago Marquis became the majors first eleven game winner, so I'm inclined to agree with Senior Rockies. And since I'm not a retard who judges pitchers solely on wins, I should add he also has a good not great ERA of 3.61 and a WHIP of 1.29. Those are decent numbers on any squad, but for a dude who pitches approximately half his game in Coors he's having a very good season.
Rockies guy also said that Clint Hurdle was the worst manager in the majors next to Gardy, and after canning Hurdle's ass the Rockies have been on fire, bringing their sorry asses back over .500 after starting the season 18-28. Todd Helton is having another solid season (sorry Rockies guy, I know you hate him but it's true), Brad Hawpe is suddenly one of the better hitters in the NL, and Jason Hammel is looking like a future star since being plugged into the starting rotation. The Division is probably too much to ask for being nine back already, but they're just two games out of the Wild Card. I'd expect to see them make the playoffs so Helton can suck again and break everyone's heart one more time.
- Oh hey, speaking of retards who think wins are the best way to measure a pitcher's ability, check out his quote from Joe Morgan's chat today on ESPN, "The name of the game, people always want to forget, for pitchers is wins and losses. If you beat a team 1-0, as he did recently, or 5-4, it doesn't matter. If you win, that goes on the team's side of the victory column. I'm not so much for a guy that has a low ERA and a losing record. That tells me that the other pitcher pitched better than he did, because that team scored more runs." On a single game basis? Yes. For a season? This is what sucks about Firejoemorgan.com going out of business. I really don't have the energy to tear this one apart too much, but here's a simple quiz.
Which pitcher would you rather have on your team in 1992?
A. Jim Abbott, 7-15 with a 2.77 ERA
B. Jack Morris, 21-6 with a 4.04 ERA
If you chose Morris, please chainsaw your own face off (yes, that means you Dawger).
- On a non-sports note, Mrs. W and I recently started renting the HBO Series True Blood, and I have to say it is awesome. It's set in Louisiana, in a world where Vampires have revealed themselves to the general public, and just want to live amongst humans in peace (well, some of them, at least - there are still evil ones). It is masterfully written and very well acted, and to say I'm smitten with female lead Anna Paquin is a major understatement. I recommend this highly. Very highly. And here's a picture of the lovely Ms. Paquin, if you need extra incentive (plus it's on HBO, so it's boobs all over the place:
- A new list of all-time disappointments now needs to start with Rangers' 1B Chris Davis. I mean, sure, it's early and he's only 23 so it's probably too early to judge, but I'm going to anyway.
After a rookie season last year that saw him knock seventeen dingers in just 295 ABs (and a respectable .285/.331/.549) and saw him become THE NEXT BIG THING. Unfortunately, he kept the power this year but lost everything else (15 homers but .202/.256/.415) and a lead leading 114 Ks (in 258 ABs). He was sent down to AAA this week to "get things together." When a guy has a strikeout of an unheard of 44% and doesn't walk very much, he's pretty much screwed. When he can't hit the ball, it's even worse.
Davis's contact rate (% of balls swung at and made contact with) was all of 58%. To give you an idea of how awful that truly is, here is a distribution of all major league players' contact rates, with Davis included:
I'm not going to sit here and explain just how bad that is. If you don't get it, I'd rather you don't even read this blog to be honest with you. Simply put, he's three standard deviations away from the mean, which means 0.1% of all players in history have put up this kind of contact rate. I feel pretty good just giving up on him. Plus, bonus, he was on my fantasy team this year. Go me.
- Speaking of prospects flaming out, the Twins signed some dude from Germany who is apparently a pretty big deal. I've never heard of him and know nothing about him, but with a name like Max Kepler he sounds like a pretty solid Nazi. Super Sioux Fan and the rest of South Dakota or North Dakota or wherever she's from should be pretty stoked.
- The last thing I want to mention is a quick little update on WonderbabyTM, as I know I have been lacking in that lately and I'm sure you are dying to know what's up. Well, WonderbabyTM has joined her first organized activity, a tumbling class at which she excels and is already a supremely gifted athlete. You can fully expect her to not only be the first female major league pitcher, but also the first pitcher to play a position on her off days. I will leave you with a picture of the most beautiful child of all time doing her gymnastastics:
Ok not the last thing. You should also look at this awesome fish I caught this weekend. I'm awesome at everything. You should try it sometime. Life is much easier for me than you.
And that's the second biggest fish I've caught this year. Recognize.
Anyway, I was already in a bad mood, and then I hear Gordo ask Danny-boy Gladden, "The Twins were swept four straight games by the Yankees earlier in the year, do you think they are looking for a little payback here?" Naturally, since I'm not an idiot and I pay attention to the home town club, I knew that at the very least Joe Nathan had said, "We need some revenge", which I had read not only in the linked article but had also heard straight out of Nathan's mouth on the radio. You'd think the radio announcer or color man or resident white trash retard or whatever you want to call him would pay a little attention, but instead we get, "I guarantee you there isn't a single player in that clubhouse who is thinking about revenge." I shit you not. He guaranteed it. A statement that is completely and 100% falsifiable with just a modicum of research, and it's guaranteed. I have no idea why that hack has a job announcing baseball games. If I hear something insightful out of him it will be the first time.
Then, just to add insult to injury, here comes a radio interview with Twins' resident media whore Mike Cuddyer. The question? "The Twins have been playing much better recently than they were the last time these two teams met, what has changed?" The answer from Cuddy Bear? "Nothing's changed. We are just playing better now and not making the mistakes we were making earlier this season." lka;jdf;lsa hgoigh. THOSE. ARE. CHANGES. The definition of changes. You just said nothing has changed and then told us two things that had changed in the SAME SENTENCE. Doesn't this crap bother anybody else? Is it that I'm mad, or is it the rest of the world that is stupid? Isn't that like saying "I'm not gay, I just like giving dudes oral and taking it from behind?" Seriously?
Finally, just to make sure my head explodes, Coom-doggie gives us this on the TV box, "Sabathia is one of those pitchers who if you don't get to him by the fifth, he's pretty much unhittable." Guess what his two worst innings are? Yep, the fifth and sixth. Of course. What else would it be? Now, granted, his point isn't terrible, because Sabathia over his career is pretty much unhittable once he gets to the 7th, 8th, and 9th, but after everything else I had to deal with today, it's the last straw. I've decided to deal with my rage/depression by drinking heavily and blogging about less offensive sports.
- First up, a little bit of a scouting report from an informer who was at the Howard Pulley games last night, in the form of two text messages:
TEXT 1: “U r gonna love this cobbs kid!!! Royce and Rodney combo. Wow”So there you go. We here at Down with Goldy are always striving to bring you the most accurate and up to date information. Glad to help.
TEXT 2: “Nvmd. Wrong kid. Cobbs not here. But the kid I thought was him is a freak lol.”
- Secondly, I want to recognize with some propers our very own Rockies guy, who called out a Loooooooooooooooong time ago (back in April somewhere, I can't find it) that Jason Marquis was the man. A couple of nights ago Marquis became the majors first eleven game winner, so I'm inclined to agree with Senior Rockies. And since I'm not a retard who judges pitchers solely on wins, I should add he also has a good not great ERA of 3.61 and a WHIP of 1.29. Those are decent numbers on any squad, but for a dude who pitches approximately half his game in Coors he's having a very good season.
Rockies guy also said that Clint Hurdle was the worst manager in the majors next to Gardy, and after canning Hurdle's ass the Rockies have been on fire, bringing their sorry asses back over .500 after starting the season 18-28. Todd Helton is having another solid season (sorry Rockies guy, I know you hate him but it's true), Brad Hawpe is suddenly one of the better hitters in the NL, and Jason Hammel is looking like a future star since being plugged into the starting rotation. The Division is probably too much to ask for being nine back already, but they're just two games out of the Wild Card. I'd expect to see them make the playoffs so Helton can suck again and break everyone's heart one more time.
- Oh hey, speaking of retards who think wins are the best way to measure a pitcher's ability, check out his quote from Joe Morgan's chat today on ESPN, "The name of the game, people always want to forget, for pitchers is wins and losses. If you beat a team 1-0, as he did recently, or 5-4, it doesn't matter. If you win, that goes on the team's side of the victory column. I'm not so much for a guy that has a low ERA and a losing record. That tells me that the other pitcher pitched better than he did, because that team scored more runs." On a single game basis? Yes. For a season? This is what sucks about Firejoemorgan.com going out of business. I really don't have the energy to tear this one apart too much, but here's a simple quiz.
Which pitcher would you rather have on your team in 1992?
A. Jim Abbott, 7-15 with a 2.77 ERA
B. Jack Morris, 21-6 with a 4.04 ERA
If you chose Morris, please chainsaw your own face off (yes, that means you Dawger).
- On a non-sports note, Mrs. W and I recently started renting the HBO Series True Blood, and I have to say it is awesome. It's set in Louisiana, in a world where Vampires have revealed themselves to the general public, and just want to live amongst humans in peace (well, some of them, at least - there are still evil ones). It is masterfully written and very well acted, and to say I'm smitten with female lead Anna Paquin is a major understatement. I recommend this highly. Very highly. And here's a picture of the lovely Ms. Paquin, if you need extra incentive (plus it's on HBO, so it's boobs all over the place:
- A new list of all-time disappointments now needs to start with Rangers' 1B Chris Davis. I mean, sure, it's early and he's only 23 so it's probably too early to judge, but I'm going to anyway.
After a rookie season last year that saw him knock seventeen dingers in just 295 ABs (and a respectable .285/.331/.549) and saw him become THE NEXT BIG THING. Unfortunately, he kept the power this year but lost everything else (15 homers but .202/.256/.415) and a lead leading 114 Ks (in 258 ABs). He was sent down to AAA this week to "get things together." When a guy has a strikeout of an unheard of 44% and doesn't walk very much, he's pretty much screwed. When he can't hit the ball, it's even worse.
Davis's contact rate (% of balls swung at and made contact with) was all of 58%. To give you an idea of how awful that truly is, here is a distribution of all major league players' contact rates, with Davis included:
I'm not going to sit here and explain just how bad that is. If you don't get it, I'd rather you don't even read this blog to be honest with you. Simply put, he's three standard deviations away from the mean, which means 0.1% of all players in history have put up this kind of contact rate. I feel pretty good just giving up on him. Plus, bonus, he was on my fantasy team this year. Go me.
- Speaking of prospects flaming out, the Twins signed some dude from Germany who is apparently a pretty big deal. I've never heard of him and know nothing about him, but with a name like Max Kepler he sounds like a pretty solid Nazi. Super Sioux Fan and the rest of South Dakota or North Dakota or wherever she's from should be pretty stoked.
- The last thing I want to mention is a quick little update on WonderbabyTM, as I know I have been lacking in that lately and I'm sure you are dying to know what's up. Well, WonderbabyTM has joined her first organized activity, a tumbling class at which she excels and is already a supremely gifted athlete. You can fully expect her to not only be the first female major league pitcher, but also the first pitcher to play a position on her off days. I will leave you with a picture of the most beautiful child of all time doing her gymnastastics:
Ok not the last thing. You should also look at this awesome fish I caught this weekend. I'm awesome at everything. You should try it sometime. Life is much easier for me than you.
And that's the second biggest fish I've caught this year. Recognize.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Happy Fourf Everybody
Happy Fourth of July all. I know I haven't been able to post much lately, and with a three day weekend starting tomorrow involving an out of town trip to the cabin to catch mucho bass, I figured I better get something up here before my lack of posting causes the next Watts riots. Of course, I don't have anything really to say, and the Crocodile movie I have on Tivo will have to wait until Mrs. W is not around. So I'll do the next best thing - drink some booze and type whatever comes to mind.
- We are starting with a little Spotted Cow Ale, from New Glarus, Wisconsin and purchased by Mrs. W on a trip across the border to dirty dirtville. It is fantastic beer, and thank you Dr. Acula for turning us on to it. Of course, Mrs. W also came back and said she would love to live in Hudson someday. After I came to from my blackout, I decided not to divorce her unless/until she actually tries to make me move. Although some preventative violence might be in order later tonight. You know what they say, if you don't beat your wife you must not really love her.
- Not much going on in Gopher recruiting, which is where I usually like to start this kind of thing, but I did find an article by Ryan James outlining what sounds like a very busy night for Mbakwe:
This sounds pretty good, and I need articles like this because I am not really high on Mbakwe. Based on his less than stellar time spent at Marquette, I actually didn't even see much of a reason for the Gophers to recruit him at all. But between this and his ESPN profile it sounds like he has really developed since then. Good. He's no Ralph Sampson, but he could end up being the second best post player on the team - not that it would be all that difficult. Seriously, other than Ralph who has a post move on this team? I suppose Colt has his up fake, duck under retarded thing, but that works just once per game even though Colty tries it around fifteen times. Everybody else on this team is a perimeter player. Wow, I just talked myself into loving Trevor Mbakwe. Tonight already sucks, and it's not even nine.
- By the way, we're watching Taken right now, and the daughter in it is one of my all-time favorites, Maggie Grace. Here, look:
- FYI - In case you are unawares, Kirk Cameron is 100% certifiably insane. Here's proof. Or just watch this:
- I know you're probably not aware of just how good Jason Kubel is, since few folks seem to be, but dude is kicking some serious ass this year. His average of .308 is 11th in the American League, ahead of your fancy boyfriend Derek Jeter and your other fancy, but slightly grittier, boyfriend Jacoby Ellsbury. And since he hits for power and isn't a retard who hacks at everything thrown near the plate his OPS is a stellar .910, good for 13th in the AL. His thirteen homers and 42 RBI are both in the top thirty.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that Jason Kubel is having an all-star caliber season, but because of jackasses like Morneau and Mauer nobody seems to notice or care. He could legitimately be an all-star this year with his numbers - he won't, but he could be. Let's all make a concerted effort to pay less attention to the canuck and the juicer, and pay more attention to a real american hero, born in South Dakota (which practically counts as Minnesota). Come on, what do you say?
- This movie is pretty good. Although Mrs. W is now singing songs from Mary Poppins for some reason. Well, the reason is because I said I had never seen it, which apparently is weird. Because she referenced the hand bag Ms. Poppins had and how it was apparently bottomless and infinite. I said "Kind of like a Bag of Holding in Dungeons & Dragons?" at which point she looked at me like I was some kind of freak and then broke into song. We're very special people.
- Roland had a bag like that too in the Dark Tower series. God I'm a nerdo.
- Interesting fun fact about the Twins' this year; they have five players in the top 32 in the AL in On Base Percentage (Mauer, Morneau, Span, Kubel, and Cuddyer). Last year, they had 2. This year, they are 8th in runs and on-pace for 166 home runs. Last year, they were third in runs and hit 111 home runs. Wait. What? The Twins were third in the AL in runs last year? How is that possible, they
F this. Blogger is being a dick and keeps effing up and interrupting mid typing. I'd keep going but I can't fight the internet and apparently the Twins massive arm of censorship which extends into the brains of computers and effs them up. Enjoy your holiday and
Damn this crap I'm do
done.
- We are starting with a little Spotted Cow Ale, from New Glarus, Wisconsin and purchased by Mrs. W on a trip across the border to dirty dirtville. It is fantastic beer, and thank you Dr. Acula for turning us on to it. Of course, Mrs. W also came back and said she would love to live in Hudson someday. After I came to from my blackout, I decided not to divorce her unless/until she actually tries to make me move. Although some preventative violence might be in order later tonight. You know what they say, if you don't beat your wife you must not really love her.
- Not much going on in Gopher recruiting, which is where I usually like to start this kind of thing, but I did find an article by Ryan James outlining what sounds like a very busy night for Mbakwe:
Going toe to toe with former Minneapolis Henry and Oklahoma 6-foot-8 banger Johnnie Gilbert in the late contest Trevor Mbakwe held his own down low and gave the crowd examples of the maturation in his game. Mbakwe went to the line 11 times last night and the first trip started with an intelligent dive cut to the basket. He brought Gilbert up for a pick and roll screen but noticed Johnnie overplaying the help on the screen so Trevor dove hard to the cup, received a pass, and was fouled.
Two possessions later Mbawke worked hard to seal Gilbert deep on the block and then gave his passer a target. After catching Trevor faked a move to his right and that shifted Gilbert's weight and when that happen Trevor turned his body the other direction shifting his hips to get Gilbert on his backside clearing space for Mbakwe to explode up to make a short jump hook. Against J'Son Stamper on the block the former Gopher tried to cut the baseline off defending against Mbakwe's spin but Trevor used his power to bump Stamper off and then Mbakwe's length and vertical allowed him to jump to the other side of the rim and make a reverse lay-in.
This sounds pretty good, and I need articles like this because I am not really high on Mbakwe. Based on his less than stellar time spent at Marquette, I actually didn't even see much of a reason for the Gophers to recruit him at all. But between this and his ESPN profile it sounds like he has really developed since then. Good. He's no Ralph Sampson, but he could end up being the second best post player on the team - not that it would be all that difficult. Seriously, other than Ralph who has a post move on this team? I suppose Colt has his up fake, duck under retarded thing, but that works just once per game even though Colty tries it around fifteen times. Everybody else on this team is a perimeter player. Wow, I just talked myself into loving Trevor Mbakwe. Tonight already sucks, and it's not even nine.
- By the way, we're watching Taken right now, and the daughter in it is one of my all-time favorites, Maggie Grace. Here, look:
- FYI - In case you are unawares, Kirk Cameron is 100% certifiably insane. Here's proof. Or just watch this:
- I know you're probably not aware of just how good Jason Kubel is, since few folks seem to be, but dude is kicking some serious ass this year. His average of .308 is 11th in the American League, ahead of your fancy boyfriend Derek Jeter and your other fancy, but slightly grittier, boyfriend Jacoby Ellsbury. And since he hits for power and isn't a retard who hacks at everything thrown near the plate his OPS is a stellar .910, good for 13th in the AL. His thirteen homers and 42 RBI are both in the top thirty.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that Jason Kubel is having an all-star caliber season, but because of jackasses like Morneau and Mauer nobody seems to notice or care. He could legitimately be an all-star this year with his numbers - he won't, but he could be. Let's all make a concerted effort to pay less attention to the canuck and the juicer, and pay more attention to a real american hero, born in South Dakota (which practically counts as Minnesota). Come on, what do you say?
- This movie is pretty good. Although Mrs. W is now singing songs from Mary Poppins for some reason. Well, the reason is because I said I had never seen it, which apparently is weird. Because she referenced the hand bag Ms. Poppins had and how it was apparently bottomless and infinite. I said "Kind of like a Bag of Holding in Dungeons & Dragons?" at which point she looked at me like I was some kind of freak and then broke into song. We're very special people.
- Roland had a bag like that too in the Dark Tower series. God I'm a nerdo.
- Interesting fun fact about the Twins' this year; they have five players in the top 32 in the AL in On Base Percentage (Mauer, Morneau, Span, Kubel, and Cuddyer). Last year, they had 2. This year, they are 8th in runs and on-pace for 166 home runs. Last year, they were third in runs and hit 111 home runs. Wait. What? The Twins were third in the AL in runs last year? How is that possible, they
F this. Blogger is being a dick and keeps effing up and interrupting mid typing. I'd keep going but I can't fight the internet and apparently the Twins massive arm of censorship which extends into the brains of computers and effs them up. Enjoy your holiday and
Damn this crap I'm do
done.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Roger Maris in the Hall of Fame? OMG WTF?
I know, I know, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. June has been god awfully busy and July isn't looking any better. Once I hit August I should be good to go.
In the meantime, I want to bring your attention to this little ditty I read in the Star Tribune. It's a letter to the editors, and one they named "Letter of the Day" which I really hope was sarcastic. It's from some doof named David in Coon Rapids who thinks it's high time we get Roger Maris in the hall of fame.
Of course, when it comes to the hall, there are plenty of arguments to be had. Tim Raines? Andre Dawson? Bert Blyleven? Alan Trammell? Jack Morris? Sure, they all have a compelling argument to get in. No matter which side you fall on, you can find reasons to at least listen to the other side. Roger Maris? Not really. Sorry David from classy Coon Rapids.
Let's take a quick look at David from Coony's arguments, solid as I'm sure they are:
"While the sportswriters of the world ponder whether Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, etc., will ever make baseball's Hall of Fame, I would like to see similar questioning as to why a star from the past isn't there. Namely Roger Maris."You know why they ponder if Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa will ever make the hall and not Maris? Because Bonds, McGwire, and Sosa have the numbers - Maris doesn't. Here are their career home run totals: 762, 609, 583, and 275, ; career hits - 2935, 2408, 1626, and 1325; and career OPS+: 182, 162, 128, and 127. Guess which one in each group is Maris. Yep.
"there are only two players in history who have hit 60 home runs in a season without the specter of steroids hanging over their heads. One is Hall of Famer Babe Ruth, and Maris is the other."This is the one and only point I will concede in this letter. LETTER OF THE DAY.
"Maris was a spectacular fielder"One gold glove in 12 seasons, a below league average range factor, and just five runs allowed better than average per season.
"an outstanding baserunner"All of 21 career steals (Delmon has 28 already).
"a two-time MVP and played in six World Series, winning four."Two MVPS mean something. Winning four means less - particularly when you hit a combined .217/.298/.368. It especially means less when he actually won only three (1961, 1962, and 1967 while losing in 1960, 1963, 1964, and 1968) - and actually played in seven. You're a liar David in Coon Rapids. A liar and an idiot. And that's the worst kind of idiot.
"You also have to remember he broke Ruth's record at Yankee Stadium, despite hatred from even his own fans -- through no fault of Maris."Completely, totally, and unfathomably irrelevant.
"Skeptics always point to his lifetime batting average, but to me that would be like denying Greg Maddux a spot in Cooperstown because he wasn't a great strikeout pitcher."This is probably my favorite part. Maris's career average is .260, not in the top 1,000 career marks (that's as high as baseball-reference.com goes - that's baseball-reference.com, where we sponsor the Mo Sanford page). Greg Maddux struck out 3,371 batters in his career, good for tenth all-time, and if you want to get all pissy and insist we use K/9 instead, he ranks a respectable 211th (and is 19th in K/BB). Maris topped the .300 mark zero times in his career, with a career high of .283. Maddux struck out more than 190 batters in a season five times, with a career high of 204 (and was in the top 3 in the league five times) AND THE REST OF HIS STATS ARE SOME OF THE BEST WE HAVE EVER SEEN FROM A MODERN PITCHER HOW CAN YOU MAKE THIS COMPARISON YOU GOD DAMN REDNECK COON RAPIDS HICK!!?
Sorry. Idiocy causes me blackout rage fits. I'll just end this portion with the fact that Matt Stairs, Tony Womack, Stan Javier, and Neifi Perez all have more career hits than Maris. Hall of Fame? Really? You have more? Well by all means, carry on.
"Plus, isn't the Hall of Fame at least partly about achieving fame? I would venture that Maris' name is more familiar than at least half the current members of the hall."I'd bet more people know of Jose Canseco than Roger Maris. And if you want famous, how about Eddie Gaedel, the
Look, I get the argument that famous people should be in the hall of fame, but it's about numbers, too. You can't just toss dudes in there for a one-season trick. Earl Webb and George Burns have the two highest single-season double hitting seasons in history, but nobody's schlepping to get them in the hall. Of the players with the ten highest single season batting averages in history, four of them aren't any where near the hall, and they all should probably slide in before Maris. Hell, Joe Wood won 34 games in 1912, the second most ever by a pitcher since 1910. He ended his career with just 117 wins. Do you think he's going to get in?
And moments from great season actually are recognized. Pretty much everything. Ichiro's bat from his 262 hit season, Rickey's spikes from his 130 steal season, and almost certainly something from Maris's 1961 season (sadly, I can't find a comprehensive list of what's in the Hall anywhere). Look, if you have a great season, or even a great game (Kerry Wood's 20 K game is recognized) you will get a spot, even if it's just a glove, ball, or bat. It doesn't mean to get a plaque. There are only 289 inductees, only 202 are in for being major league players. It's a special thing. One hit wonders need not apply. You don't see Snow in the Rock and Roll HOF, do you?
"Major League Baseball and Commissioner Bud Selig must find a way for this blatant injustice to be corrected."Blatant injustice? Really? Blatant injustice is what Dan Monson did to Rico Tucker. And Bud Selig couldn't correct his ass with both hands. The use of the words "blantant injustice" convinces me this is just a bit by David from Coon Rapids, because there's now way anybody could believe Maris is a sure-fire HOF candidate. No es posible.
Let's run down some career numbers.
HOME RUNS: 275. Kent Hrbek = 293
HITS: 1,325. Kent Hrbek = 1,749
RBI: 851. Kent Hrbek = 1,086
AVERAGE: .260. Kent Hrbek = .282
ON BASE: .345. Kent Hrbek = .367
SLUGGING: .476. Kent Hrbek = .481
RUNS SCORED: 826. Kent Hrbek = 903
TOTAL BASES: 2,429. Kent Hrbek = 2,976
OPS: .822. Kent Hrbek = .848
OPS+: 127. Kent Hrbek = 128
In case you weren't keeping track, that's Hrbek 10, Maris 0. Hey, I'm all for getting Hrbek in the hall, I love that slob. If getting a mediocre hack with one (or two) miraculous seasons in the hall can open that door, I say let's do it. Good call David in Coony, good call indeed.
[EDIT: I just remembered there is a comments section after star trib articles. I would leave my own comment, but for the life of my drunk ass, I can't figure out how. Instead, I will supply a quick sample of the comments.
GOOD: "Obviously this wasn't written by a person who knows a damn thing about sports or baseball HOF voting. This is another case of Minnesotan's being homers (even though he's from Minot[W'S NOTE: actually born in hibbing])"
BAD: "I can see the point that his career wasn't great, but what he did in one year will be remembered in baseball forever and to me that's worth it to get into the HOF."
UGLY: "I don't know why I didn't know that Roger wasn't in the Hall. I guess I didn't give it a second thought that he wouldn't be there. It is long overdue for him to be in the Hall of Fame. Or maybe without him, the Hall of Shame. Why isn't he there? I can think of a bunch a players that should have gone in AFTER Roger. It's time for baseball to right this wrong." [W'S NOTE: It says 15 of 16 people liked this comment. I hate everyone forever.]]
Thursday, June 25, 2009
First Annual (but not really) NBA Draft Diary
Draft time. I usually just comment on the picks that night or the next day, but this should be fun right here. A lot of picks, and already a lot of trades in the NBA (not just the Wolves). The Shaq trade is interesting. I won't pretend to know enough to really break it down, but I know Shaq is still good enough to average 18 and 8 and the Cavs got him for essentially zero. And his contract expires after next season, so they really aren't giving up that flexibility. Basically I have no idea what the Suns are freaking doing. And I just learned that Vince Carter is headed to the Magic for Skip 2 My Lou and change. I haven't really looked at it yet, but my knowledge tells me anybody getting Vince Carter is on the wrong end of the deal.
Anyway, it should be cool, and I'll be here to document all the mistakes, like whoever drafts Stephen Curry, Brandon Jennings, or Roy Hibbert II (Thabeet), as well as whoever grabs the bargains, like Ty Lawson, Austin Daye, Earl Clark, or Sam Young. So here we go.
- Clippers take Blake Griffin, no surprise. You know, people who believe in curses, as just profiled on ESPN and in Billy Simmons article on ESPN, are idiots, but man have the Clips have a shit-ton of bad luck. Danny Manning and Shaun Livingston's injuries are two of the worst derailers I can remember, not counting Len Bias. Griffin and Eric Gordon are a nice young inside/outside punch. Maybe they finally turn it around?
And speaking of idiots, can Dazzle and Gordy please please please stop talking about the Sports Illustrated curse? Please. I'm begging. I'm seriously on my knees right now, begging. Please? That's the kind of stupid thing that only dudes like Dawger believe in, but he also believes in things like tarot cards, alien abductions, leprechauns, and the holocaust, so what does that tell you? {NOTE: El Chupacabras and vampires are real.)
- Fun Fact - Blake Griffin wants to host Saturday Night Live, and Tivo's it every week. My money is on his favorite sketch being "The Target Lady."
- The Memphis nightmares take Thabeet, and thank god for that. Look, he might end up being a Dikembe Mutombo, but I don't think he'll even end up that good. His offensive game is barely functional right now, and he is awfully soft for a 7-2 shot blocker. He makes me very, very nervous, but everything I read said he's a good fit for the Grizzlies, so good for them. Fun Fact - Thabeet's MUST IMPROVE: Offensive game. Well no shit.
- And Kevin Durant gets play with James Harden, in what I consider a surprise. I didn't expect harden and is Urkel-suit to go quite this early, I figured the Wolves could grab him at 5 or 6. The real good news here is that the Wolves are going to get either Evans or Rubio. Of course, they are now set up pretty well to take your boyfriend Stephen Curry, too.
- The Kings steal Tyreke at #4. I love this pick. I think, other than Griffin, Evans has the biggest chance to be a star out of this class. He's also kind of an idiot, but he's young and his ability to get to the rim, play defense, and overall out-athletic everybody makes him an almost automatic success. Crap. At least we'll get Rubio.
- BAM! Ricky Rubio on his way to the Wolfies. Obviously, I wish I had seen this kid play so I could evaluate him, but everything I've heard I like. Young kid, held his own on the international stage, has been a pro in Europe since age 14, is just supposed to be an overall stud. As a bonus, he speaks broken Engrish so he's going to a quote laugh machine. The downside is that he's only 18 and the groupies are going to eat him alive, and he looks like a Jonas brother. Jay Bilas just said, "Rubio has a Gretzky-like feel for the court." What?
- I don't even want this pick right now. I hate Hill and Curry, and there's no way they'll take Flynn here. Either figure out a way to trade it, or just take Terrence Williams. Crap, they're going to take Curry, aren't they? They are, right? Just tell me, I can take it.
- Oh thank god. Flynn is the pick, and I'm not sure but I think might have just gotten a little bit of a boner. Two PGs is a bit of a question mark, but Rubio is going to take some time (like a season or two) to be ready, so you put the ball in Flynn's hands now and then see how the two of them develop together. Flynn is supposedly a good leader, although all I saw is him leading Donte Greene to shoot nothing but threes and Eric Devendorf to hit some bitch, but I don't give two craps about that. He can ball, and he can get to the rim. Loving this pick. LOVING.
- I'm pumped.
- Atlanta just traded for Jamal Crawford, giving up Acie Law and Speedy Claxton. I'm bored by this. Twenty bucks says the Warriors take Hill here.
- Nope, they go with Curry. Wow. And, unfortunately for me, this is probably the one place Curry can thrive (or the Knicks, actually, whose fans are booing like crazy right now). A team without much of a half-court game that relies on the run and gun and doesn't play much defense is actually a good recipe for success for Curry. They'll be in their best shape if they have a good PG (I seriously have no idea. Tim Hardaway?) so he can just find his spots on breaks. Crap. He's going to have a good year but he still straight up sucks.
- Knicks take Jordan Hill. That guys a nightmare. Not for opponents, for the team that picked him. Mark it down.
Speaking of marking things down, I heard a discussion between Danny Gladden and Gordon today on the radio about who the Twins best pitcher had been this year. Gladden said, "Well, Blackburn has the innings and the ERA, but Slowey has the wins so I'll go with him." I shit you not.
- Derozan goes 9th to Toronto. The only thing I know about the Raptors is that they have Chris Bosh. The only thing I know about Derozan is that he is the reason Lil Romeo ended up with a scholly to USC. (FYI Lil Romeo - 2 minutes per game, 0.5 points - career high = 2 vs. UT-Martin).
- Milwaukee takes noted gigantic crybaby whiner idiot failure Brandon Jennings. HAHAHAHAHA. Way to go Wisconsin. You guys always suck at everything that isn't college football or basketball, up to and including just being a human being. And now this isn't going to help. Although Jennings will fit in well with all the other failures of humanity in that god-forsaken state. Other than Mike Redd, have the Bucks every had a a good pick? Don't forget, they traded Dirk Nowitzki for Tractor Traylor. I love Wisconsin.
- Just saw more details in the Vince/Skip 2 My Lou trade. Orlando also gave up Courtney Lee (bummer) and Tony Battie (more irrelevant than Dawger's opinion), but New Jersey also gave up Ryan Anderson, formerly of Cal. That is going to be the sneaky difference here. Anderson was an offensive stud in college, but was (and still is) weak on defense, but he will continue to develop. He put up 7 and 5 in twenty minutes per game this year. Looks like a throw-in, but makes this trade a very shrewd one by Orlando.
- Crap, NJ takes Terrence Williams who I was still hoping against hope would keep sliding. Hopefully Earl Clark will be there instead. There are a lot of uninspiring big men/wing men that the Wolves could end up with, but Clark would be a steal. Fun fact: Williams carried his books in a barbie backpack in high school to be "different." Suddenly, and politically correctly, I'm very happy he didn't end up a Wolf. We don't need no queers in the locker room, I'm pretty sure most of that team is a couple of glasses of wine and a back massage away from some "experimentation."
- Bobcats (that still cracks me up) take Gerald Henderson in a pretty uninspiring pick. Isn't that team made up of nothing but Tar Heels at this point? Isn't this like introducing a stupid dog into a house of awesome cats? Seems like team chemistry would be destroyed here. Ron Gardenhire isn't going to be happy about this.
- Pacers go for Hansbrough at 13. It's kind of a shame, he would have been absolutely perfect for Salt Lake City, but the second best fit is Indiana. Don't they just seem like they always have a bunch of white guys flitting about, going back to Smits and Schrempf? Also I love the NY crowd, firing up an overrated chant. Sweet. Amount of seconds his mouth was closed during his interview = 0.
- Fun fact: Hansbrough helped a man having a seizure on a plane on the way back from the Maui invitational. See haters, hustle and gamey-ness always come in handy. I bet Nick Punto would have found a way to rebuild that guy as the next 6-million dollar man.
- Phoenix, seemingly in give up mode after throwing Shaq to Cleveland for basically nothing, crush my hopes and dreams by taking Earl Clark. Damn you Dan Majerle. Damn you to hell.
- DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now they're going to take someone stupid like BJ Mullens. Ugh. Don't ruin it now, you're doing so well! Please, please, please take Austin Daye instead. Please.
- Jennings being interviewed about skipping college to play in Europe, "It's a great experience, I think more kids will do it and more kids should, it was great." Really? What happened to this? You're a god damned liar, Jennings.
- Ugh, kill me in the face. Daye gets taken by Detroit at 15. Yes, he's a little soft and a little weak right now, but his all around game is absolutely off the charts. This sucks. I love this guy. BJ Mullens here we come.
- Dickie V loves the Hansbrough and the Curry picks. I'm shocked. Claims Hansbrough should have been a lottery pick and Curry will be rookie of the year. Isn't it about time to "retire" him. Like, the way they "retire" snitches in the mob?
- The Bulls take James Johnson from Wake, which surprises me since they are probably losing Ben Gordon. Johnson never impressed me either. I'm calling this the fourth worst pick behind Curry, Thabeet, and Hill.
- You know who would be great at 18 now? DeJuan Blair. He's like Craig Smith, but with skill, drive, hustle, and talent. This would be excellent.
- 76ers take Jrue Holiday. I watched a couple UCLA games last year, and he really never stood out to me - at all. I haven't seen nearly enough of him to really bash this pick or anything, but I know he's no Cameron Dollar.
- Wolves up. With #18 they go with Ty Lawson. I love this pick, but they already took two point guards. Best player available strategy? I am a little confused, but I don't really love anybody else here, and I think Lawson is absolutely the best pick in this spot, if you aren't paying attention to positions of need. Trade in the works? I don't know, I'm too drunk to really evaluate this pick right now.
- UPDATE: Lawson is heading to Denver for a future first round pick that is originally coming from Charlotte. Since Charlotte is so shitty, I definitely approve of this. You realize this could end up being Ralph "Black Jesus" Sampson III next year.
- I had some Chuckles this weekend. You know, Chuckles.
Black and Orange are the best, Green is the worst. I didn't even know they made them anymore, but sure enough, if you go to the gas station with the White Castle in it in Hinckley, you can get not only Chuckles, but also Bottle Caps, Necco Wafers, and Charleston Chews. It's like a time machine created by a joint venture between Jesus and Willy Wonka, only with stench of White Castle Ass wafting in from the background.
- Jeff Teague from Wake at #19 to the Hawks. I could pretend I know anything about Atlanta here, but I'd be lying. When I saw they made the playoffs this past season I assumed I had wandered into a time machine - one perhaps created by Jesus and Willy Wonka.
- Jazz take Eric Maynor. Very good player, excellent pick, but Utah is a horrible fit. The Jazz have the point locked up for the next ten years in Deron Williams. They just grabbed a guaranteed back up point guard in the first round. Although Snacks has been texting me bitching about the Rubio/Flynn combo and how they drafted a backup point at either 5 or 6, despite the fact that there was nobody there to pick at 6 other than a point guard and I assume they couldn't trade it. Nobody ever said Snacks was a good basketball mind.
-Charlotte New Orleans Hornets go with Darren Collison, continuing the run on back up point guards since they already have the supremely overrated Chris Paul. I don't like Collison much. He's very much like a Jacque Vaughn. I mean, I guess if you're looking for a fluffer you're good here.
- Portland apparently moved up from 24 to 22 for some reason when I wasn't paying attention, or so Stew Scott tells me. And they take some Spanish retard. The Blazers have a ton of young guys under contract for a few years, so a Euro makes sense, but I really don't get moving up to get him. There's a lot of weird shit going on these days. I'm cautiously optimistic about the new Wolves' guy so far. Two PGs at 5 and 6 is a bit off, but they were the two best players available and nobody else really stood out at those spots. The trade of the 18th pick didn't cost you anybody overly exciting after Clark and Daye were scooped up, and has a good chance of being a lottery pick next year, since it comes from Charlotte, not Denver. Like I said, cautiously optimistic.
- I'm starting to think they need to sell Vodka by the keg. That would probably be a negative on my draft resume.
- Speaking of Vodka, Sacramento takes some Russian. Actually, they're trying to tell me he's from Israel, but he doesn't look Jewish so I stick by my Russian call. The part of the draft when everybody takes the commies is super boring. Let's get into the drafting of college guys who I have heard of but have no shot at being good in the NBA.
- They just interviewed Shaq about the trade. I fast forwarded through the whole thing. Eff that guy.
- Dallas takes BJ Mullens. Isn't this the same franchise that took Shawn Bradley? And some other guy whose name began with an A who I don't remember? I actually think Mullens has a shot to be decent, even though I bashed him earlier. He showed some seriously nice moves at times last season, and has more polish than a lot of seven footers who hit the NBA. I'm thinking he will either end up being a very, very good player or completely disappear. Not a lot of in between here.
- I just made a reference to Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine to Mrs. W, who proceeded to ask me just what exactly was wrong with me. Somebody else has to remember them, right?
- Somebody who is picking take another foreign bastard. What is going on here? Do I need to shut this down? How are DeJuan Blair and Sam Young still on the board?
- The Bulls take Taj Gibson, one of the most overrated players in the history of history. And he's not that much different than Ty Thomas, so I'm not sure what the point of this pick is.
- Finally a good pick, seems like it's been forever. Memphis takes Demare Carroll from Missouri. Although, again, they already have Hakim Warrick, so not sure what the exact point is. Is this what the draft has been reduced to - picking backups? I don't really know, I haven't paid this much attention to the draft in years, but I remember the entire first round seeming very impactful. Maybe it was my own naivety.
- Interesting pick here by the Wolves at #28 in UNC's Wayne Ellington. Nobody would ever think he'll be a star, but he could be a good fit with the Wolves. With Miller and Foye shipped out, there really isn't a shooter left on this team. With Rubio and Flynn, there are going to be some drive and kick opportunities. Similar to Curry, Ellington might have just found himself in a situation where he can thrive and produce well above his actual abilities. I don't love this pick, but it could work - work to help them win 21 instead of 19 games the next couple of seasons, but still.
- Ok, screw that. I can't believe they didn't take Blair or Young here. Either of them would have been a good pick at #18, and they are both still there. Ellington is only a good pick here if you are on the cusp of contending and need a shooter to put you over the top. He has no room to improve, and is a good bit role player, but with an upside of Mike Miller. Blair and Young offered you more. Dropped the ball here, big time.
- Lakers take Toney Douglas from FSU and Cleveland grabs some dude from the Congo (genetically altered Ape programmed to kill? That would be a good pick) to close out round 1. I'm tired and drunk and tired and am a little burned out. I'll take a look at round 2 tomorrow.
Anyway, it should be cool, and I'll be here to document all the mistakes, like whoever drafts Stephen Curry, Brandon Jennings, or Roy Hibbert II (Thabeet), as well as whoever grabs the bargains, like Ty Lawson, Austin Daye, Earl Clark, or Sam Young. So here we go.
- Clippers take Blake Griffin, no surprise. You know, people who believe in curses, as just profiled on ESPN and in Billy Simmons article on ESPN, are idiots, but man have the Clips have a shit-ton of bad luck. Danny Manning and Shaun Livingston's injuries are two of the worst derailers I can remember, not counting Len Bias. Griffin and Eric Gordon are a nice young inside/outside punch. Maybe they finally turn it around?
And speaking of idiots, can Dazzle and Gordy please please please stop talking about the Sports Illustrated curse? Please. I'm begging. I'm seriously on my knees right now, begging. Please? That's the kind of stupid thing that only dudes like Dawger believe in, but he also believes in things like tarot cards, alien abductions, leprechauns, and the holocaust, so what does that tell you? {NOTE: El Chupacabras and vampires are real.)
- Fun Fact - Blake Griffin wants to host Saturday Night Live, and Tivo's it every week. My money is on his favorite sketch being "The Target Lady."
- The Memphis nightmares take Thabeet, and thank god for that. Look, he might end up being a Dikembe Mutombo, but I don't think he'll even end up that good. His offensive game is barely functional right now, and he is awfully soft for a 7-2 shot blocker. He makes me very, very nervous, but everything I read said he's a good fit for the Grizzlies, so good for them. Fun Fact - Thabeet's MUST IMPROVE: Offensive game. Well no shit.
- And Kevin Durant gets play with James Harden, in what I consider a surprise. I didn't expect harden and is Urkel-suit to go quite this early, I figured the Wolves could grab him at 5 or 6. The real good news here is that the Wolves are going to get either Evans or Rubio. Of course, they are now set up pretty well to take your boyfriend Stephen Curry, too.
- The Kings steal Tyreke at #4. I love this pick. I think, other than Griffin, Evans has the biggest chance to be a star out of this class. He's also kind of an idiot, but he's young and his ability to get to the rim, play defense, and overall out-athletic everybody makes him an almost automatic success. Crap. At least we'll get Rubio.
- BAM! Ricky Rubio on his way to the Wolfies. Obviously, I wish I had seen this kid play so I could evaluate him, but everything I've heard I like. Young kid, held his own on the international stage, has been a pro in Europe since age 14, is just supposed to be an overall stud. As a bonus, he speaks broken Engrish so he's going to a quote laugh machine. The downside is that he's only 18 and the groupies are going to eat him alive, and he looks like a Jonas brother. Jay Bilas just said, "Rubio has a Gretzky-like feel for the court." What?
- I don't even want this pick right now. I hate Hill and Curry, and there's no way they'll take Flynn here. Either figure out a way to trade it, or just take Terrence Williams. Crap, they're going to take Curry, aren't they? They are, right? Just tell me, I can take it.
- Oh thank god. Flynn is the pick, and I'm not sure but I think might have just gotten a little bit of a boner. Two PGs is a bit of a question mark, but Rubio is going to take some time (like a season or two) to be ready, so you put the ball in Flynn's hands now and then see how the two of them develop together. Flynn is supposedly a good leader, although all I saw is him leading Donte Greene to shoot nothing but threes and Eric Devendorf to hit some bitch, but I don't give two craps about that. He can ball, and he can get to the rim. Loving this pick. LOVING.
- I'm pumped.
- Atlanta just traded for Jamal Crawford, giving up Acie Law and Speedy Claxton. I'm bored by this. Twenty bucks says the Warriors take Hill here.
- Nope, they go with Curry. Wow. And, unfortunately for me, this is probably the one place Curry can thrive (or the Knicks, actually, whose fans are booing like crazy right now). A team without much of a half-court game that relies on the run and gun and doesn't play much defense is actually a good recipe for success for Curry. They'll be in their best shape if they have a good PG (I seriously have no idea. Tim Hardaway?) so he can just find his spots on breaks. Crap. He's going to have a good year but he still straight up sucks.
- Knicks take Jordan Hill. That guys a nightmare. Not for opponents, for the team that picked him. Mark it down.
Speaking of marking things down, I heard a discussion between Danny Gladden and Gordon today on the radio about who the Twins best pitcher had been this year. Gladden said, "Well, Blackburn has the innings and the ERA, but Slowey has the wins so I'll go with him." I shit you not.
- Derozan goes 9th to Toronto. The only thing I know about the Raptors is that they have Chris Bosh. The only thing I know about Derozan is that he is the reason Lil Romeo ended up with a scholly to USC. (FYI Lil Romeo - 2 minutes per game, 0.5 points - career high = 2 vs. UT-Martin).
- Milwaukee takes noted gigantic crybaby whiner idiot failure Brandon Jennings. HAHAHAHAHA. Way to go Wisconsin. You guys always suck at everything that isn't college football or basketball, up to and including just being a human being. And now this isn't going to help. Although Jennings will fit in well with all the other failures of humanity in that god-forsaken state. Other than Mike Redd, have the Bucks every had a a good pick? Don't forget, they traded Dirk Nowitzki for Tractor Traylor. I love Wisconsin.
- Just saw more details in the Vince/Skip 2 My Lou trade. Orlando also gave up Courtney Lee (bummer) and Tony Battie (more irrelevant than Dawger's opinion), but New Jersey also gave up Ryan Anderson, formerly of Cal. That is going to be the sneaky difference here. Anderson was an offensive stud in college, but was (and still is) weak on defense, but he will continue to develop. He put up 7 and 5 in twenty minutes per game this year. Looks like a throw-in, but makes this trade a very shrewd one by Orlando.
- Crap, NJ takes Terrence Williams who I was still hoping against hope would keep sliding. Hopefully Earl Clark will be there instead. There are a lot of uninspiring big men/wing men that the Wolves could end up with, but Clark would be a steal. Fun fact: Williams carried his books in a barbie backpack in high school to be "different." Suddenly, and politically correctly, I'm very happy he didn't end up a Wolf. We don't need no queers in the locker room, I'm pretty sure most of that team is a couple of glasses of wine and a back massage away from some "experimentation."
- Bobcats (that still cracks me up) take Gerald Henderson in a pretty uninspiring pick. Isn't that team made up of nothing but Tar Heels at this point? Isn't this like introducing a stupid dog into a house of awesome cats? Seems like team chemistry would be destroyed here. Ron Gardenhire isn't going to be happy about this.
- Pacers go for Hansbrough at 13. It's kind of a shame, he would have been absolutely perfect for Salt Lake City, but the second best fit is Indiana. Don't they just seem like they always have a bunch of white guys flitting about, going back to Smits and Schrempf? Also I love the NY crowd, firing up an overrated chant. Sweet. Amount of seconds his mouth was closed during his interview = 0.
- Fun fact: Hansbrough helped a man having a seizure on a plane on the way back from the Maui invitational. See haters, hustle and gamey-ness always come in handy. I bet Nick Punto would have found a way to rebuild that guy as the next 6-million dollar man.
- Phoenix, seemingly in give up mode after throwing Shaq to Cleveland for basically nothing, crush my hopes and dreams by taking Earl Clark. Damn you Dan Majerle. Damn you to hell.
- DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now they're going to take someone stupid like BJ Mullens. Ugh. Don't ruin it now, you're doing so well! Please, please, please take Austin Daye instead. Please.
- Jennings being interviewed about skipping college to play in Europe, "It's a great experience, I think more kids will do it and more kids should, it was great." Really? What happened to this? You're a god damned liar, Jennings.
- Ugh, kill me in the face. Daye gets taken by Detroit at 15. Yes, he's a little soft and a little weak right now, but his all around game is absolutely off the charts. This sucks. I love this guy. BJ Mullens here we come.
- Dickie V loves the Hansbrough and the Curry picks. I'm shocked. Claims Hansbrough should have been a lottery pick and Curry will be rookie of the year. Isn't it about time to "retire" him. Like, the way they "retire" snitches in the mob?
- The Bulls take James Johnson from Wake, which surprises me since they are probably losing Ben Gordon. Johnson never impressed me either. I'm calling this the fourth worst pick behind Curry, Thabeet, and Hill.
- You know who would be great at 18 now? DeJuan Blair. He's like Craig Smith, but with skill, drive, hustle, and talent. This would be excellent.
- 76ers take Jrue Holiday. I watched a couple UCLA games last year, and he really never stood out to me - at all. I haven't seen nearly enough of him to really bash this pick or anything, but I know he's no Cameron Dollar.
- Wolves up. With #18 they go with Ty Lawson. I love this pick, but they already took two point guards. Best player available strategy? I am a little confused, but I don't really love anybody else here, and I think Lawson is absolutely the best pick in this spot, if you aren't paying attention to positions of need. Trade in the works? I don't know, I'm too drunk to really evaluate this pick right now.
- UPDATE: Lawson is heading to Denver for a future first round pick that is originally coming from Charlotte. Since Charlotte is so shitty, I definitely approve of this. You realize this could end up being Ralph "Black Jesus" Sampson III next year.
- I had some Chuckles this weekend. You know, Chuckles.
Black and Orange are the best, Green is the worst. I didn't even know they made them anymore, but sure enough, if you go to the gas station with the White Castle in it in Hinckley, you can get not only Chuckles, but also Bottle Caps, Necco Wafers, and Charleston Chews. It's like a time machine created by a joint venture between Jesus and Willy Wonka, only with stench of White Castle Ass wafting in from the background.
- Jeff Teague from Wake at #19 to the Hawks. I could pretend I know anything about Atlanta here, but I'd be lying. When I saw they made the playoffs this past season I assumed I had wandered into a time machine - one perhaps created by Jesus and Willy Wonka.
- Jazz take Eric Maynor. Very good player, excellent pick, but Utah is a horrible fit. The Jazz have the point locked up for the next ten years in Deron Williams. They just grabbed a guaranteed back up point guard in the first round. Although Snacks has been texting me bitching about the Rubio/Flynn combo and how they drafted a backup point at either 5 or 6, despite the fact that there was nobody there to pick at 6 other than a point guard and I assume they couldn't trade it. Nobody ever said Snacks was a good basketball mind.
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- Portland apparently moved up from 24 to 22 for some reason when I wasn't paying attention, or so Stew Scott tells me. And they take some Spanish retard. The Blazers have a ton of young guys under contract for a few years, so a Euro makes sense, but I really don't get moving up to get him. There's a lot of weird shit going on these days. I'm cautiously optimistic about the new Wolves' guy so far. Two PGs at 5 and 6 is a bit off, but they were the two best players available and nobody else really stood out at those spots. The trade of the 18th pick didn't cost you anybody overly exciting after Clark and Daye were scooped up, and has a good chance of being a lottery pick next year, since it comes from Charlotte, not Denver. Like I said, cautiously optimistic.
- I'm starting to think they need to sell Vodka by the keg. That would probably be a negative on my draft resume.
- Speaking of Vodka, Sacramento takes some Russian. Actually, they're trying to tell me he's from Israel, but he doesn't look Jewish so I stick by my Russian call. The part of the draft when everybody takes the commies is super boring. Let's get into the drafting of college guys who I have heard of but have no shot at being good in the NBA.
- They just interviewed Shaq about the trade. I fast forwarded through the whole thing. Eff that guy.
- Dallas takes BJ Mullens. Isn't this the same franchise that took Shawn Bradley? And some other guy whose name began with an A who I don't remember? I actually think Mullens has a shot to be decent, even though I bashed him earlier. He showed some seriously nice moves at times last season, and has more polish than a lot of seven footers who hit the NBA. I'm thinking he will either end up being a very, very good player or completely disappear. Not a lot of in between here.
- I just made a reference to Goofus and Gallant from Highlights magazine to Mrs. W, who proceeded to ask me just what exactly was wrong with me. Somebody else has to remember them, right?
- Somebody who is picking take another foreign bastard. What is going on here? Do I need to shut this down? How are DeJuan Blair and Sam Young still on the board?
- The Bulls take Taj Gibson, one of the most overrated players in the history of history. And he's not that much different than Ty Thomas, so I'm not sure what the point of this pick is.
- Finally a good pick, seems like it's been forever. Memphis takes Demare Carroll from Missouri. Although, again, they already have Hakim Warrick, so not sure what the exact point is. Is this what the draft has been reduced to - picking backups? I don't really know, I haven't paid this much attention to the draft in years, but I remember the entire first round seeming very impactful. Maybe it was my own naivety.
- Interesting pick here by the Wolves at #28 in UNC's Wayne Ellington. Nobody would ever think he'll be a star, but he could be a good fit with the Wolves. With Miller and Foye shipped out, there really isn't a shooter left on this team. With Rubio and Flynn, there are going to be some drive and kick opportunities. Similar to Curry, Ellington might have just found himself in a situation where he can thrive and produce well above his actual abilities. I don't love this pick, but it could work - work to help them win 21 instead of 19 games the next couple of seasons, but still.
- Ok, screw that. I can't believe they didn't take Blair or Young here. Either of them would have been a good pick at #18, and they are both still there. Ellington is only a good pick here if you are on the cusp of contending and need a shooter to put you over the top. He has no room to improve, and is a good bit role player, but with an upside of Mike Miller. Blair and Young offered you more. Dropped the ball here, big time.
- Lakers take Toney Douglas from FSU and Cleveland grabs some dude from the Congo (genetically altered Ape programmed to kill? That would be a good pick) to close out round 1. I'm tired and drunk and tired and am a little burned out. I'll take a look at round 2 tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wolves Breaking News!!
As much as I hate to step on a Sioux Fan post (please make sure to read the post below this), a big T-Wolves deal is something I have to comment on.
According to ESPN, The Wolves have reached an agreement with the Wizards to send Randy Foye and Mike Miller to Washington in exchange for Darius Songaila, Etan Thomas, and Oleksiy Pecherov, as well as the #5 pick in Thursday's draft.
Wow. Kahn is really going ahead and putting his stamp on this team immediately. Getting rid of Miller isn't a big deal, and is pretty unsurprising. He's still good enough that he can contribute on a team that needs outside shooting help (the #1 need of the Kings), and is affordable at just $9 million this year with the contract expiring next season. An attractive piece to both trade and trade for. If he was on the team by draft day it would have been an upset.
Trading Foye is pretty much Kahn saying, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm in charge now! I want my own guys!" I'm not saying he's right or wrong here, as I am not exactly sold on Foye myself. He's not really a point guard (4.3 APG/2.1 TO), and he's not really a shooting guard (40% floor, 36% from three), but he did score over 16 points per game last season and he's still playing under his rookie contract, not to mention he's improved every year (sans shooting). In short, it's a huge risk and a huge gamble, and takes some huge balls right off the bat by this Kahn fella. I LOVE it. Even if it doesn't work out, at least he's not afraid to try.
As far as what's coming back, it's pretty much just the fifth pick and three players to match Foye and Miller's salaries. Thomas was a great shot blocker in college for the Cuse and showed some defensive potential in his six years in the league but has pretty much evolved into a bit player (and still has two years on his deal at $6.8 mil per). Songaila was an interesting player at Wake back in the day, and is a slow, white big guy but he should be able to impact the rotation if nothing else. Pecherov is a second-year communist Greg Ostertag but not as talented, but at least his name sounds like "Pecker Off" which makes me laugh.
I'm guessing the Wolves have basically fallen in love with two players in the draft (since Kahn has said he won't use #5 and #6 to move up to #2 - thank god) and wants to get them both. What I'm hoping is they grab Tyreke Evans and James Harden, then either trade #18 and/or #26 or use one of them on a wing player (if Earl Clark or Terrence Williams slip that would be ideal).
If they trade the pick, a good bet would be that they send the pick to Portland for SF Travis Outlaw. Word is the Blazers are trying to move some of the backcourt, and Outlaw is one of the names being tossed around. The Wolves would have to toss in Sheldon Williams to make the salaries match and couldn't after July 1st, but it's a possibility.
PG Tyreke Evans
SG James Harden
SF Terrence Williams/Earl Clark/Travis Outlaw
PF Kevin Love
C Al Jefferson
Fun.
In any case, a fun NBA draft for the Wolves just got a whole lot more fun. And don't think I'm not aware of the fact that this now doubles the chances they draft Curry.
Please god no.
Now go read the Sioux Fan post under this one if you haven't yet. It's a doozy!
According to ESPN, The Wolves have reached an agreement with the Wizards to send Randy Foye and Mike Miller to Washington in exchange for Darius Songaila, Etan Thomas, and Oleksiy Pecherov, as well as the #5 pick in Thursday's draft.
Wow. Kahn is really going ahead and putting his stamp on this team immediately. Getting rid of Miller isn't a big deal, and is pretty unsurprising. He's still good enough that he can contribute on a team that needs outside shooting help (the #1 need of the Kings), and is affordable at just $9 million this year with the contract expiring next season. An attractive piece to both trade and trade for. If he was on the team by draft day it would have been an upset.
Trading Foye is pretty much Kahn saying, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm in charge now! I want my own guys!" I'm not saying he's right or wrong here, as I am not exactly sold on Foye myself. He's not really a point guard (4.3 APG/2.1 TO), and he's not really a shooting guard (40% floor, 36% from three), but he did score over 16 points per game last season and he's still playing under his rookie contract, not to mention he's improved every year (sans shooting). In short, it's a huge risk and a huge gamble, and takes some huge balls right off the bat by this Kahn fella. I LOVE it. Even if it doesn't work out, at least he's not afraid to try.
As far as what's coming back, it's pretty much just the fifth pick and three players to match Foye and Miller's salaries. Thomas was a great shot blocker in college for the Cuse and showed some defensive potential in his six years in the league but has pretty much evolved into a bit player (and still has two years on his deal at $6.8 mil per). Songaila was an interesting player at Wake back in the day, and is a slow, white big guy but he should be able to impact the rotation if nothing else. Pecherov is a second-year communist Greg Ostertag but not as talented, but at least his name sounds like "Pecker Off" which makes me laugh.
I'm guessing the Wolves have basically fallen in love with two players in the draft (since Kahn has said he won't use #5 and #6 to move up to #2 - thank god) and wants to get them both. What I'm hoping is they grab Tyreke Evans and James Harden, then either trade #18 and/or #26 or use one of them on a wing player (if Earl Clark or Terrence Williams slip that would be ideal).
If they trade the pick, a good bet would be that they send the pick to Portland for SF Travis Outlaw. Word is the Blazers are trying to move some of the backcourt, and Outlaw is one of the names being tossed around. The Wolves would have to toss in Sheldon Williams to make the salaries match and couldn't after July 1st, but it's a possibility.
PG Tyreke Evans
SG James Harden
SF Terrence Williams/Earl Clark/Travis Outlaw
PF Kevin Love
C Al Jefferson
Fun.
In any case, a fun NBA draft for the Wolves just got a whole lot more fun. And don't think I'm not aware of the fact that this now doubles the chances they draft Curry.
Please god no.
Now go read the Sioux Fan post under this one if you haven't yet. It's a doozy!
Well this Should Liven Things Up
I knew my post below about the US Open wouldn't generate a whole lot of discussion, mainly because most of you out there are pure white trash and can't stand a white collar game, especially one dominated by a black (?) man. Luckily, while sifting through my DWG mailbox I came across an email from Super Sioux Fan, sent way back on Friday. These trainwrecks usually generated some discussion, so here you go. Speaking of white trash..........
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rando thoughts by Siouxper Sioux Fan.............
-I never realized how great brussel sprouts were until this month. They are my new favorite veggie.
-Thinks it is amazing that I have been a receptionist for over 2 years now and I am by no means a "nice and cheery" person. I go out of my way to cut you off and be unpleasant and somehow in these economic times I still have a job....just doesnt seem right.
-Did you know that I have Never stepped foot on an airplane? Being from North Dakota I dont think that is that weird.
-Baby Dawger/Sioux Fan loves to shhhh...us, Shhhh...mama Shhh....daddy She pretty much runs our house, I guess someone has too might as well be the almost 2 year old.
-Baby Sioux fan will be 2 in exactly one month! I cant believe me and Dawg are still together to celebrate it!
-Me and Dawger forgot about our 3 year anniversary this year.....we just totally forgot about it until we were watching "he's just not that into you" and then at the part where Jennifer Aniston is complaining about how her and her bf have been together for like 7 years and he still hasnt popped the question...it totally hit me......We forgot our anniversary and Dawg will never proprose. This was an Epic fail in our relationship.
-We now have a gay roommate! Dawg is especially a fan of this ;)
-I am pretty much offically over facebook...but I am 26 so I think it is appropriate.
-People who wear Ed Hardy REALLY are douchebags
(my brother in law LOVES Ed Hardy)
-Everytime I send out a "sorry" letter to someone who interviewed at my company I really have the urge to put in something totally fucked up like
"Dear Mr. showed up in a suite and red converse shoes"
This is not a Four Letter Lie show and we do not hire Emo's. Sorry but good luck on your career search.
Try hot topic you emo fag.
-TAB is still the worlds most amazing beverage
-I hate most things and most people.....I am sure this is not that shocking
-I smack Snake 9 out of 10x that he walks by me at work this is the most enjoyment I get out of my job
-I am making my first ever trip to Home Depot today to buy a saw for fathers day....when I know all he really wants is The Hills on DVD.
-Children are the best excuse to getting out of shit at work. Thank you baby sioux fan
-Do people acutally still smoke cigs? Isnt that just something that people tried back in the 90's and that they do in trailer parks and bingo halls? I dont get it. I mean I tried smoking for awhile because sex in the city made it look cool but even that was still early 2000's.
It is fucking disgusting and I think Obama should fix it along with the 10 million other things he promised.
-I was dissapointed when I found out that Katy Perry wasnt really a lesbo.
-Speaking of that...I tried to use the word Lesbo in a scrabble game against dawg last friday night and he wouldnt let it fly. Granted I think I spelled it Lezbo but come on. He plays strictly by websters dictionary...I asked if we could compermise and use the urban dictionary...I mean we DO live in North Minneapolis. But he still said no...god he is gay.
-I am really glad that guys dont frost their tips anymore....
-I really wish I had a dick some days...it would be so much easier to masturbate.
-Scott just walked by me carrying a picnic table....haha and now he just winked at me. I think that is his way of hiding his embarrasment.
-Sometimes I wonder how smart I am compared to the average person and every time I decide that I dont want to know the answer
-Me and Dawger once went a WHOLE week without a single fight (last week). We are currently not speaking but dont worry this is very normal for us. Instead of saying good bye this morning I gave him the finger
-Everyone who bought a Wii is realizing that it just sits and collects dust because you actually have to be ambitious to play it and lets be honest we are Americans...Cause this is America
-I am proud of you if you got the Ricky Bobby quote up there...congrats you offically suck less at life then you did a min ago.
-I dont get why people think that people from GF are racist? There arent any black people to discriminate against up there....therefore it is not possible.
-And another picnic table.....jesus what are we having an employee picnic inside the office today that I was apparently not invited to?
-My job consists of talking to assholes all day and sending out fedex's. I am pretty sure this is what happens when you are catholic..kill yourself and end up in purgatory for eternety. FML
-And another wink......
-Epic looks like he dyed his hair today.....but he swears he didnt. I dont think I believe him.
-Okay I am bored now.....
suck it
Sioux Fan Out
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brain and my soul both hurt. I'm going to go home and drink until I forget that this happened.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rando thoughts by Siouxper Sioux Fan.............
-I never realized how great brussel sprouts were until this month. They are my new favorite veggie.
-Thinks it is amazing that I have been a receptionist for over 2 years now and I am by no means a "nice and cheery" person. I go out of my way to cut you off and be unpleasant and somehow in these economic times I still have a job....just doesnt seem right.
-Did you know that I have Never stepped foot on an airplane? Being from North Dakota I dont think that is that weird.
-Baby Dawger/Sioux Fan loves to shhhh...us, Shhhh...mama Shhh....daddy She pretty much runs our house, I guess someone has too might as well be the almost 2 year old.
-Baby Sioux fan will be 2 in exactly one month! I cant believe me and Dawg are still together to celebrate it!
-Me and Dawger forgot about our 3 year anniversary this year.....we just totally forgot about it until we were watching "he's just not that into you" and then at the part where Jennifer Aniston is complaining about how her and her bf have been together for like 7 years and he still hasnt popped the question...it totally hit me......We forgot our anniversary and Dawg will never proprose. This was an Epic fail in our relationship.
-We now have a gay roommate! Dawg is especially a fan of this ;)
-I am pretty much offically over facebook...but I am 26 so I think it is appropriate.
-People who wear Ed Hardy REALLY are douchebags
(my brother in law LOVES Ed Hardy)
-Everytime I send out a "sorry" letter to someone who interviewed at my company I really have the urge to put in something totally fucked up like
"Dear Mr. showed up in a suite and red converse shoes"
This is not a Four Letter Lie show and we do not hire Emo's. Sorry but good luck on your career search.
Try hot topic you emo fag.
-TAB is still the worlds most amazing beverage
-I hate most things and most people.....I am sure this is not that shocking
-I smack Snake 9 out of 10x that he walks by me at work this is the most enjoyment I get out of my job
-I am making my first ever trip to Home Depot today to buy a saw for fathers day....when I know all he really wants is The Hills on DVD.
-Children are the best excuse to getting out of shit at work. Thank you baby sioux fan
-Do people acutally still smoke cigs? Isnt that just something that people tried back in the 90's and that they do in trailer parks and bingo halls? I dont get it. I mean I tried smoking for awhile because sex in the city made it look cool but even that was still early 2000's.
It is fucking disgusting and I think Obama should fix it along with the 10 million other things he promised.
-I was dissapointed when I found out that Katy Perry wasnt really a lesbo.
-Speaking of that...I tried to use the word Lesbo in a scrabble game against dawg last friday night and he wouldnt let it fly. Granted I think I spelled it Lezbo but come on. He plays strictly by websters dictionary...I asked if we could compermise and use the urban dictionary...I mean we DO live in North Minneapolis. But he still said no...god he is gay.
-I am really glad that guys dont frost their tips anymore....
-I really wish I had a dick some days...it would be so much easier to masturbate.
-Scott just walked by me carrying a picnic table....haha and now he just winked at me. I think that is his way of hiding his embarrasment.
-Sometimes I wonder how smart I am compared to the average person and every time I decide that I dont want to know the answer
-Me and Dawger once went a WHOLE week without a single fight (last week). We are currently not speaking but dont worry this is very normal for us. Instead of saying good bye this morning I gave him the finger
-Everyone who bought a Wii is realizing that it just sits and collects dust because you actually have to be ambitious to play it and lets be honest we are Americans...Cause this is America
-I am proud of you if you got the Ricky Bobby quote up there...congrats you offically suck less at life then you did a min ago.
-I dont get why people think that people from GF are racist? There arent any black people to discriminate against up there....therefore it is not possible.
-And another picnic table.....jesus what are we having an employee picnic inside the office today that I was apparently not invited to?
-My job consists of talking to assholes all day and sending out fedex's. I am pretty sure this is what happens when you are catholic..kill yourself and end up in purgatory for eternety. FML
-And another wink......
-Epic looks like he dyed his hair today.....but he swears he didnt. I dont think I believe him.
-Okay I am bored now.....
suck it
Sioux Fan Out
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My brain and my soul both hurt. I'm going to go home and drink until I forget that this happened.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sorry Folks.
I know I haven't written in a while, and that will probably be the status for the rest of the week as I'm swamped at work, but I have been running around like a crazy person.
Last Thursday I brought WonderbabyTM to her first ever Twins game, and since I know you're curious, you'll be happy to know she loved it. She clapped when everyone else clapped, danced when the played loud music, and laughed and yelled when everyone was cheering. It was awesome. Smartest 14 month old ever. Need more proof? Whenever Snacks gets near her she bawls like Adam Morrison and desperately tries to get away. See, told you.
Then this past weekend was Grandma's marathon and we headed up there so Mrs. W could run the half (no, not me, are you crazy?). I'm very proud to say that despite the intense heat, a record amount of people dropping out needing medical attention, and a mild case of heat stroke, Mrs. W crossed the finish line and received her medal. I couldn't be more proud. The rest of the weekend was a good ole time, with the Optimators, Klingers, Dr. Aculas, and The Todd showing they still know how to have a good time (although The Todd did lose a refried bean eating contest to a girl). I also just want to say RIP Titus. And that's that.
Then was father's day activities on Sunday and softball last night (we won both games and I was awesome), so I've been a bit busy. This work week is a nightmare as well, so I won't be around much, but I I feel the need to drop a comment or two on the US Open.
I actually thought it was pretty boring. And not because Tiger effed up in round 1 and could never really get back into contention, I consider that a positive. Just because, once again, it seemed like nobody rose to the occasion to win. Glove won with a final round +3, and the other guy in the final group, Ricky Barnes, completely wet himself with a +6. Nobody behind them was able to make a run to the win, with nobody in the final top five shooting below par. I just don't like golf when nobody separates himself from the pack with an excellent Sunday (or Monday in this case).
There were only two real "moments" I can remember that fit the category. The first was Glover's huge birdie at 16 where he stuck his approach about five feet away, timed with a bogey from both Duval and Mickelson it jumped Glover from a tie at the top to a 2-stroke lead, which ended up being the final margin. The other was Mickelson's incredible Eagle on 13, when he hit his second shot on the par five to about four feet. Just an amazing shot, and after the putt he was suddenly tied for the lead at -4 and had all the momentum and looked like this was his to lose, exactly the kind of golf that is fun to watch.
As usual with Phil, however, when the U.S. Open is his to lose he couldn't get out of his own way, including two short missed par putts, one from about three feet and one from about six. This loss is certainly easier to take for Phil, as he has the family issues excuse conveniently at hand - I'm not saying it didn't play a part or that it isn't serious, just that if it wasn't there we would be hearing a lot more talk about Phil dropping an Open that looked to be his. That's five runner-up finishes without a win now. Like the guy who can't quite close the deal with the drunken strumpet at the bar night after night, it's got to be frustrating.
As for Glover, he has always been a pretty much middle-of-the-road golfer, and had never even made the cut at the Open so this is doubly huge for him. One thing I didn't know is that Glover is actually only 29 despite looking closer to forty. He's still a young golfer, so this could be the springboard that vaults him into a higher tier. I doubt it, but it's possible.
Lastly, and nobody seems to realize this, but Hunter Mahan is absolutely a US Open stud. Even though he isn't having a very good year, he still managed to tie for sixth and might have been higher if his absolutely perfect approach on 16 hadn't hit the flag pole which was apparently made of trampoline. That gives him three top-18s in three Open trips (we won't count 2003). Mark my words, Hunter will win this tournament in the next few years.
- NBA Draft on Thursday, and I heard on the radio that the Wolves new GM (David Kahn?) is the busiest GM in the league right now. Awesome. Other than Jefferson and Brewer (since they are coming off of injuries and you won't get fair value) should be in play to be traded. I hope they don't trade Love, and if they do it better be for more than him + #6 for #2, but if the right offer is there I'd be ok with it. With all those picks and expendable parts, it could be a fun night. Will there be a live blog? Strong maybe.
- One last thing before I return to being a slave for the man: Dolphin Stadium is being renamed Land Shark Stadium thanks to Jimmy Buffett. So awesome, and not because of that crappy beer. As you know if you read here often, I love sharks, so having the name Shark in a stadium is a victory for everyone. Plus, the Dolphins play there, and they are a shark's natural enemy. Expect a lot of dissention and unrest amongst that team this season.
Last Thursday I brought WonderbabyTM to her first ever Twins game, and since I know you're curious, you'll be happy to know she loved it. She clapped when everyone else clapped, danced when the played loud music, and laughed and yelled when everyone was cheering. It was awesome. Smartest 14 month old ever. Need more proof? Whenever Snacks gets near her she bawls like Adam Morrison and desperately tries to get away. See, told you.
Then this past weekend was Grandma's marathon and we headed up there so Mrs. W could run the half (no, not me, are you crazy?). I'm very proud to say that despite the intense heat, a record amount of people dropping out needing medical attention, and a mild case of heat stroke, Mrs. W crossed the finish line and received her medal. I couldn't be more proud. The rest of the weekend was a good ole time, with the Optimators, Klingers, Dr. Aculas, and The Todd showing they still know how to have a good time (although The Todd did lose a refried bean eating contest to a girl). I also just want to say RIP Titus. And that's that.
Then was father's day activities on Sunday and softball last night (we won both games and I was awesome), so I've been a bit busy. This work week is a nightmare as well, so I won't be around much, but I I feel the need to drop a comment or two on the US Open.
I actually thought it was pretty boring. And not because Tiger effed up in round 1 and could never really get back into contention, I consider that a positive. Just because, once again, it seemed like nobody rose to the occasion to win. Glove won with a final round +3, and the other guy in the final group, Ricky Barnes, completely wet himself with a +6. Nobody behind them was able to make a run to the win, with nobody in the final top five shooting below par. I just don't like golf when nobody separates himself from the pack with an excellent Sunday (or Monday in this case).
There were only two real "moments" I can remember that fit the category. The first was Glover's huge birdie at 16 where he stuck his approach about five feet away, timed with a bogey from both Duval and Mickelson it jumped Glover from a tie at the top to a 2-stroke lead, which ended up being the final margin. The other was Mickelson's incredible Eagle on 13, when he hit his second shot on the par five to about four feet. Just an amazing shot, and after the putt he was suddenly tied for the lead at -4 and had all the momentum and looked like this was his to lose, exactly the kind of golf that is fun to watch.
As usual with Phil, however, when the U.S. Open is his to lose he couldn't get out of his own way, including two short missed par putts, one from about three feet and one from about six. This loss is certainly easier to take for Phil, as he has the family issues excuse conveniently at hand - I'm not saying it didn't play a part or that it isn't serious, just that if it wasn't there we would be hearing a lot more talk about Phil dropping an Open that looked to be his. That's five runner-up finishes without a win now. Like the guy who can't quite close the deal with the drunken strumpet at the bar night after night, it's got to be frustrating.
As for Glover, he has always been a pretty much middle-of-the-road golfer, and had never even made the cut at the Open so this is doubly huge for him. One thing I didn't know is that Glover is actually only 29 despite looking closer to forty. He's still a young golfer, so this could be the springboard that vaults him into a higher tier. I doubt it, but it's possible.
Lastly, and nobody seems to realize this, but Hunter Mahan is absolutely a US Open stud. Even though he isn't having a very good year, he still managed to tie for sixth and might have been higher if his absolutely perfect approach on 16 hadn't hit the flag pole which was apparently made of trampoline. That gives him three top-18s in three Open trips (we won't count 2003). Mark my words, Hunter will win this tournament in the next few years.
- NBA Draft on Thursday, and I heard on the radio that the Wolves new GM (David Kahn?) is the busiest GM in the league right now. Awesome. Other than Jefferson and Brewer (since they are coming off of injuries and you won't get fair value) should be in play to be traded. I hope they don't trade Love, and if they do it better be for more than him + #6 for #2, but if the right offer is there I'd be ok with it. With all those picks and expendable parts, it could be a fun night. Will there be a live blog? Strong maybe.
- One last thing before I return to being a slave for the man: Dolphin Stadium is being renamed Land Shark Stadium thanks to Jimmy Buffett. So awesome, and not because of that crappy beer. As you know if you read here often, I love sharks, so having the name Shark in a stadium is a victory for everyone. Plus, the Dolphins play there, and they are a shark's natural enemy. Expect a lot of dissention and unrest amongst that team this season.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Ahhh the US Open in all its glory...
This week the PGA Tour heads to its toughest test of the year, the US Open at Bethpage Black. The rough will be long, the fairways will be narrow and the greens will be lightning fast. The USGA prides itself on keeping the winner at or over par and this week should be no different. Bethpage will play to a par 70, with some of the longest and toughest par 4s out there, the hardest being #7 which is 525 yards that dogs right, it requires a 280-290 yrd drive to get past the trees and have an open look into the green . There are very few true scoring holes out there and every player will need to find fairways, while being somewhat long (the course can play 7400 yrds and it will feature only two par 5s) and make putts. Let me take you down my list of will’s and wont’s for the week.Will Contend
1. Tiger – Plain and simple here, he hit 49/56 fairways two weeks ago at Memorial and if he continues to do that I am not sure if there will be anyone who could beat him. The only thing he seemed to be lacking was his normal dominance with his putter. If the flat stick goes to shit others will have an opportunity win.
2. Jim Furyk – He is such a grinder, he will be there Sunday, you can always count on him playing very smart and conservative around the course which is the game plan for any US Open.
3. Geoff Ogilvy – He has a game built for Opens. Very long and accurate enough to keep it around the fairway. His putting is also top notch, he is 2nd in putts per round and 7th in putts per green in regulation as well as being 1st in birdies per round. He has the demeanor to win and should be there come Sunday.
4. Paul Casey – This guy has been very hot this year, winning 3 times worldwide and ascending to #3 in the world ranking. He is T17 in total driving, 7th in putts per round and 5th in birdies per round. He has not made it happen in the majors but this could be his time.
5. Brian Gay – Tell me this guy didn’t get made fun of as a kid, well he showed them, Gay has won 3 times in the last two years, twice this year where it wasn’t even close and he is married to a big titted broad that ain’t to hard on the eyes. Well if that doesn’t give him enough confidence his putting should. He is inside the top 10 in both putts per round and per green in reg. He also knows how to finish rounds, T3 in scoring average. Riding the MO train from last weekend’s win so I think he can put it together.
Won’t Contend
1. Phil – I may eat my words here as he is one of the most talented players in the field but I just think there is too much going on. If you have just woken up from your Hibernol induced coma Phil’s wife has breast cancer. There have been many a rumor about his alleged infidelity but it seems like the last few years have been spent close to his family and this seems to genuinely be killing him to have her sick. I hope he contends or even wins he has had so many close chances only to be outplayed.
2. Anthony Kim – He was dominant in stretches last year but in 2009 he has only played in 11 events making the cut in 8 while his best finish is 2nd he has not really been close to winning. Nagging injuries are to blame for most of this but he still has just not put anything together.
3. Padraig Harrington – He is in the middle of a swing change and I just don’t see him being able to trust it for 4 rounds in the toughest conditions.
4. Rocco Mediate – Hard to say this but we may never see him contend in a major again. It has rained and is supposed to continue to be a wet four days. This will make an already long course even longer. Rocco just doesn’t hit it far enough to have a chance at contending.
5. Henrik Stenson – A lot of people are high on the Swede, well not this guy. He has disappeared since the win at the Player’s and I don’t think he has putting to win an open. His best chance at a major is the British or the PGA.
I thought it would be fun to look back 7 years at the last Open at Bethpage and see if it offers any insight to this week's US Open.
Tiger Woods, $1,000,000
67-68-70-72--277
Phil Mickelson, $585,000
70-73-67-70--280
Jeff Maggert, $362,356
69-73-68-72--282
Sergio Garcia, $252,546
68-74-67-74--283
Nick Faldo, $182,882
70-76-66-73--285
Scott Hoch, $182,882
71-75-70-69--285
Billy Mayfair, $182,882
69-74-68-74--285
Tom Byrum, $138,669
72-72-70-72--286
Padraig Harrington, $138,669
70-68-73-75--286
Nick Price, $138,669
72-75-69-70--286
Tiger has continued his ways, Phil was majorless but has since broken through, hard to believe Sergio still doesn’t have a major and Harrington has been one of the best players in recent years. Maggert and Mayfair are what we thought they were, perennial guys grinding out a living. Price, Byrum and Hoch have hit the senior tout with Hoch and Price finding some success. Faldo stunned everyone and took his game to the booth; he captained a losing Euro team last year in the Ryder Cup and doesn’t play much if ever on the senior tour. Also make sure to compare the cash they pull this year compared to 2002.
Alright well that’s all I’ve got, I am going to box my superfecta with Furyk, Gay, Poulter and Angel Cabrera. My dark horse pick is Sergio, I do not think he can actually win but if the putter gets hot and the Mich Ultra starts flowing who knows.
NF
PS - This is the sign that is in front of the 1st tee box, this is a muni couse and anyone can play there. Best of all look for the NY fans to get real drunk and rowdy showing their true colors.
BIG TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Quick Site news:
1. Delmon Young sucks. Worse than Al Nolen, even.
2. If you search 'Joe Mauer Steroids' on google we come up fifth.
3. We are now the proud sponsor of Mo Sanford's page at www.baseball-reference.com (well, we aren't up there yet, but it's paid for and we will be as soon as it's processed). Go get 'em, big fella.
Meredith Leroy "Mo" Sanford (born December 24, 1966, in Americus, Georgia) is a former Major League Baseball pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds, Colorado Rockies, and Minnesota Twins.
Sanford pitched five games for Cincinnati in August 1991, but was not in the majors in 1992. He was selected by Colorado with the 62nd pick in the 1992 expansion draft, and appeared in 11 games, starting six, in the Rockies' inaugural season. After a season in the minors, Sanford pitched 11 games in relief for Minnesota in 1995.
Meredith. lol.
1. Delmon Young sucks. Worse than Al Nolen, even.
2. If you search 'Joe Mauer Steroids' on google we come up fifth.
3. We are now the proud sponsor of Mo Sanford's page at www.baseball-reference.com (well, we aren't up there yet, but it's paid for and we will be as soon as it's processed). Go get 'em, big fella.
Meredith Leroy "Mo" Sanford (born December 24, 1966, in Americus, Georgia) is a former Major League Baseball pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds, Colorado Rockies, and Minnesota Twins.
Sanford pitched five games for Cincinnati in August 1991, but was not in the majors in 1992. He was selected by Colorado with the 62nd pick in the 1992 expansion draft, and appeared in 11 games, starting six, in the Rockies' inaugural season. After a season in the minors, Sanford pitched 11 games in relief for Minnesota in 1995.
Meredith. lol.
U.S. Open Preview
Hopefully Faldo will show up here to give his much more in depth and intelligent U.S. Open preview but in case he doesn't, and since I like to hear myself type, I figured I'd give you a little preview myself.
Here are your top ten contenders to take this one down (after Tiger, of course):
1. Jim Furyk - My pick to win this week (my super sleeper pick I referenced before was Davis Love, but it turns out he didn't qualify to play so there goes that idea). It makes me a bit nervous that he missed the cut the last time the Open was at Bethpage in 2002, but he was in the midst of one of his worst years, missing the cut in three of the four majors so I'm going to throw that out. Furyk has one U.S. Open win (2003) and four other top fives in his career, so you know he likes this kind of courses. He's also having a quietly awesome year - quiet because he has yet to win this season. Instead, he has six top tens in his twelve events, as well as finishing no worse than 11th in his past four. With a third place finish in a WGC event, a fifth at the Players, and a 2nd last week at the Memorial, he's in great shape to take home the trophy.
2. Paul Casey - Did you know Casey is the 3rd ranked player in the world? Me neither, but it's the truth. I suppose that will happen when you finish in the top 20 in six of your eights starts on the PGA Tour. He also picked up not only his first ever PGA victory this year at the Shell Houston Open, but has two wins across the pond on the Commie tour as well. Since coming into his own he's made the cut at the US Open the last three years, including a 10th and a 15th place finish.
3. Geoff Ogilvy - He's cooled off a bit since his hot start to the season and didn't play in the Open here in 2002, but Ogilvy might be peaking at the right time once again. The 2006 US Open Champion is coming in off a 10th place finish at the Memorial, and would have been better except for a single nightmare of a blow-up hole on Sunday - take that out and he played very well. And you can never count Ogilvy out of a high profile tournament; of his six career PGA Tour wins, four are high-profile events (US Open and three WGC events).
4. Steve Stricker - He's having one of his best years (a win and five other top tens) and he's a very good US Open player (6th, 13th, 29th last three years). In fact, he's actually a pretty phenomenal player overall, with five top tens in his last 11 majers, due to steady iron play and being one of the best putters on the tour year after year. His major issue is that he is kind of a headcase when it gets to the final round, having coughed up several leads on Sunday over the past few years. He did pick up a win at Colonial just three weeks ago, so maybe that part of his game is behind him.
5. Camilo Villegas - Everyone is still waiting for him to make that huge leap (his win in the Tour Championship in 2008 almost counts), and the timing might be right. Camilo plays well in the US Open, including a 9th place finish last year, and has improved his finish each year (CUT-59th-26th-9th). He's been steady this year, not spectacular, but seems to be zoning in and has made his last 8 cuts after a rough start, including three top 15s. He is thisclose to breaking all the way through.
6. David Toms - Since I can't have my Davis Love pick, I'll take David Toms instead. Similar to Love, Toms was one of the better players on tour a while back, and then faded away only to roar out to a very, very good year this season. He has six top tens already this season (compared to just one all of last year), and finished in second place last week at TPC Southwind. He's not a big hitter, but he's very accurate and plays well in US Open conditions (3 top tens in 8 starts). Like Love, things just seem to be lining up perfectly.
7. Tim Clark - Interesting stat. Guess who leads the PGA Tour in Proximity to the hole? Yep, Tim Clark. He's also top 20 in putting. Those two things seem pretty important when it comes to the Majors, and especially the US Open. He also has two top tens in his last four starts and, although he hasn't been great in the majors, has made a couple of runs at it. Could be his year.
8. Phil Mickelson - The only guy who can take the spotlight off of Tiger, Mickelson will be the media darling this weekend if he's in contention thanks to his dealing with his wife's cancer. He's a stud when it comes to the US Open, with seven top tens in his career and a second place finish last time it was at Bethpage in 2002. Normally he'd be a no brainer pick for #2 contender, but for a guy who sometimes gets caught up in his own head the family issues, combined with the pressure he always seems to feel in the US Open, might be too much for his sensitive self. He's only played once since May 10th, but I can't count him out. Toughest guy to rank this week.
9. Lee Westwood - Westwood hasn't been heard from much over here, but that's because he's been spending most of his time playing across the pond, including putting up a couple of top tens. Westwood is one of those sneaky communist bastards who only shows up over here when he wants something, like a big tournament victory, and usually manages to get himself in the running. He has three top tens in the U.S. Open in his career, topped off by a third place finish last year when he just missed being included in the playoff with your boyfriend Tiger and Rocco.
10. Brian Gay - Normally I wouldn't pick someone who just qualified for the Open the weekend before and who hasn't played in a US Open since 2004 and has never made a cut in the US Open, but Gay is just so impressive sometimes (insert your own joke here). When he's playing well, he's not messing around and kicks some serious ass, as he did last week at the St. Jude. He got out to the first round lead, and unlike most slackers, never relinquished it, winning going away by five strokes. That wasn't even his biggest win, as earlier this year he won at the Verizon Heritage by 10 shots. Tough to bet against a guy who can be that dominant, especially when he's coming in hot.
A few notable names missing, but that's because they have no shot. Garcia and Harrington suck right now. Els and Goosen are too old. Anthony Kim and Hunter Mahan have regressed. Kenny Perry looks like a cartoon character. O'Hair is dealing with an injury and is kind of a baby. Bubba Watson is a side show. Nick Watney and Rory McIlroy are too green. Stewart Cink is too gay. Ian Poulter is too Euro, and Vijay is awful at the US Open.
Two guys who didn't make my top ten do get honorable mentions, Zack Johnson and Henrik Stenson. If one of the twelve mentioned (thirteen with Tiger) I'll be shocked.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Breaking News All Over the Place!!!!!!!!11!!!1
Ok, so not so much breaking news, but news worth a little chat nonetheless. Three little nuggets:
1. Sammy Sosa was on steroids. Wait. Wrong file. That's not in my "breaking news" file, that's in my "no shit, sherlock" file. Everybody already knew this, didn't they? The only guy more obvious than Slammin' Sammy was Bonds.
You gotta respect a guy who is willing to cheat in all kinds of different ways, though. Not only did he bring the roids, but if you recall he was busted using a corked bat, too. He might as well have just gotten an aluminum bat that was painted like a wooden one. That's genius, actually, scratch that. It's like playing Madden and using the rewind button if you throw a game-losing interception, but then hitting the reset button too. And claiming it was an acccident.
I'm glad Stammerin' Sammy finally got outed officially though, since apparently there were some people who didn't know. Never liked him. His whole joyful act when McGwire broke Maris's record was the phoniest thing I had ever seen until Kobe and his teammates celebrated their new NBA title as if every single one of those guys wouldn't have shanked Kobe in the kidney if they thought they could get away with it.
2. The Twins finally did to Jesse Crain what they should have done to Matt Guerrier last year, and shipped Jesse Crain down to AAA when Glen "Perk" Perkins came off the DL. Crain has been an absolute nightmare this season, sporting an ERA of 8.15 (397th of 415 pitchers with at least 10 ips) and a WHIP of 1.92 (385th) and basically has made Guerrier look like Juan Berenguer. Ideally, he will spend his time in Rochester fixing whatever is wrong with him and get back to his 2005-2006 form, although it wouldn't surprise me if we don't hear from him again (Hi Jack Cressend!).
Of course, Crain hasn't been in the minors since 2004, so I'm assuming this is pretty humiliating for him and maybe it will motivate him to get in gear. Although when a guy sports a chin warmer and a sea-shell necklace like some kind of outcast frat boy who just got action for the first time from a 250 lb. drunken behemoth in cancun who just puked, I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot of shame left in him.
3. Finally, the big news we have all been waiting for. After a lengthy battle for his services, which I'm assuming involved a lot of money under the table, free cars, and copious amounts of willing and available trim, your hero and mine Travis Busch has signed on to attend (and apparently play basketball at) Colorado State next season (due to his hustle, he was granted a waiver and doesn't have to sit out next season and becomes eligible immediately.)
What? How did this happen? I thought he was going to fall down a lot and be scrappy for a D-2 type school like Winona or Metro State, but now all of a sudden he's heading not only D-I, but to a team in the Mountain West? It's not exactly a power conference, but it's not the Summit League either. I know they lost there ball-hoggy scoring point guard guy so they need scorers, but I don't think Mr. 2.6 points per game is really the answer here. Actually, I'm pretty sure a 6-3 (yeah right) 210 lb. power forward is the answer to anything, unless the question is "Who can dominate at the local YMCA adult pick-up?"
Do you remember just a few years ago Colorado State had three seven-footers? And now they are going to bring in a six-foot power forward who couldn't guard a black guy to save his life (he should do ok against BYU and Utah). It's pretty clear Tim Miles has run that program into the ground, or whatever is below the ground; Magma - I don't know, I'm not a geologist, all I know is these quotes from Miles really speak for themselves:
I swear I didn't make either of those up, although they are damn close to what I would write if I was making them up - but with more references to falling down. When reached for comment, Devron Bostick said, "He do b hustlin."
Also I'm very sad that Austin Daye stayed in the draft, I hit a home run at softball last night, Jason Kubel is still awesome, and this food on a stick thing at the State Fair has got to stop. I just saw a show that profiled the Rueben on a stick and Spaghetti and Meatballs on a stick. Ridiculous. Just knock it off. Although I also learned that the Meat Raffle was invented in Minnesota. Awesome.
If you're lucky I might have a US Open preview tomorrow.
1. Sammy Sosa was on steroids. Wait. Wrong file. That's not in my "breaking news" file, that's in my "no shit, sherlock" file. Everybody already knew this, didn't they? The only guy more obvious than Slammin' Sammy was Bonds.
You gotta respect a guy who is willing to cheat in all kinds of different ways, though. Not only did he bring the roids, but if you recall he was busted using a corked bat, too. He might as well have just gotten an aluminum bat that was painted like a wooden one. That's genius, actually, scratch that. It's like playing Madden and using the rewind button if you throw a game-losing interception, but then hitting the reset button too. And claiming it was an acccident.
I'm glad Stammerin' Sammy finally got outed officially though, since apparently there were some people who didn't know. Never liked him. His whole joyful act when McGwire broke Maris's record was the phoniest thing I had ever seen until Kobe and his teammates celebrated their new NBA title as if every single one of those guys wouldn't have shanked Kobe in the kidney if they thought they could get away with it.
2. The Twins finally did to Jesse Crain what they should have done to Matt Guerrier last year, and shipped Jesse Crain down to AAA when Glen "Perk" Perkins came off the DL. Crain has been an absolute nightmare this season, sporting an ERA of 8.15 (397th of 415 pitchers with at least 10 ips) and a WHIP of 1.92 (385th) and basically has made Guerrier look like Juan Berenguer. Ideally, he will spend his time in Rochester fixing whatever is wrong with him and get back to his 2005-2006 form, although it wouldn't surprise me if we don't hear from him again (Hi Jack Cressend!).
Of course, Crain hasn't been in the minors since 2004, so I'm assuming this is pretty humiliating for him and maybe it will motivate him to get in gear. Although when a guy sports a chin warmer and a sea-shell necklace like some kind of outcast frat boy who just got action for the first time from a 250 lb. drunken behemoth in cancun who just puked, I'm guessing he doesn't have a lot of shame left in him.
3. Finally, the big news we have all been waiting for. After a lengthy battle for his services, which I'm assuming involved a lot of money under the table, free cars, and copious amounts of willing and available trim, your hero and mine Travis Busch has signed on to attend (and apparently play basketball at) Colorado State next season (due to his hustle, he was granted a waiver and doesn't have to sit out next season and becomes eligible immediately.)
What? How did this happen? I thought he was going to fall down a lot and be scrappy for a D-2 type school like Winona or Metro State, but now all of a sudden he's heading not only D-I, but to a team in the Mountain West? It's not exactly a power conference, but it's not the Summit League either. I know they lost there ball-hoggy scoring point guard guy so they need scorers, but I don't think Mr. 2.6 points per game is really the answer here. Actually, I'm pretty sure a 6-3 (yeah right) 210 lb. power forward is the answer to anything, unless the question is "Who can dominate at the local YMCA adult pick-up?"
Do you remember just a few years ago Colorado State had three seven-footers? And now they are going to bring in a six-foot power forward who couldn't guard a black guy to save his life (he should do ok against BYU and Utah). It's pretty clear Tim Miles has run that program into the ground, or whatever is below the ground; Magma - I don't know, I'm not a geologist, all I know is these quotes from Miles really speak for themselves:
"We are excited to have Travis join us. He is a person who values education, he's got a dynamic personality, and he is a relentless basketball player. He will be a great fit for our program."
"I expect he will step out of his role of a complementary player and into a leadership position on our team. He's got the tools and work ethic to make big things happen for Rams basketball"
I swear I didn't make either of those up, although they are damn close to what I would write if I was making them up - but with more references to falling down. When reached for comment, Devron Bostick said, "He do b hustlin."
Also I'm very sad that Austin Daye stayed in the draft, I hit a home run at softball last night, Jason Kubel is still awesome, and this food on a stick thing at the State Fair has got to stop. I just saw a show that profiled the Rueben on a stick and Spaghetti and Meatballs on a stick. Ridiculous. Just knock it off. Although I also learned that the Meat Raffle was invented in Minnesota. Awesome.
If you're lucky I might have a US Open preview tomorrow.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Inner City News
No, not that kind of inner city news. The Inner City All-Star Game, which is apparently a real thing. An anonymous commenter supplies some info:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Not the place for this but...
Royce White was named the MVP of the inner city all star game this evening. 20-5-4 or something similar. I still think he will be BTFOY; he is a man among boys at the HS level.
The dunk contest was a disappointment, but RWJR's 2 attempts from outside the foul line and his 3 attempts with a 360 from 2 steps inside the line were very impressive!!! Rodney takes home the crown over; dylan hale (texas state), cedric martin (JUCO), and Royce White.
Raymond Cowles (santa clara) was lights out from 3 to take home the 3 point contest.
After talking to numerous HS coaches tonight everyone seems to be in agreement that RWJR will not see much time next year unless he really adds some muscle and buys into defense and effort! Exciting raw bball player, and will be fun to watch in the years to come!
Teams with multiple participants (-): Hopkins (3), Cooper (2), Washburn (2) Johnson (2), Spring Lake Park (2)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Anonymous. You know what they say about journalists trusting anonymous sources, so good thing I'm not one and can take this as gospel.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Not the place for this but...
Royce White was named the MVP of the inner city all star game this evening. 20-5-4 or something similar. I still think he will be BTFOY; he is a man among boys at the HS level.
The dunk contest was a disappointment, but RWJR's 2 attempts from outside the foul line and his 3 attempts with a 360 from 2 steps inside the line were very impressive!!! Rodney takes home the crown over; dylan hale (texas state), cedric martin (JUCO), and Royce White.
Raymond Cowles (santa clara) was lights out from 3 to take home the 3 point contest.
After talking to numerous HS coaches tonight everyone seems to be in agreement that RWJR will not see much time next year unless he really adds some muscle and buys into defense and effort! Exciting raw bball player, and will be fun to watch in the years to come!
Teams with multiple participants (-): Hopkins (3), Cooper (2), Washburn (2) Johnson (2), Spring Lake Park (2)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks Anonymous. You know what they say about journalists trusting anonymous sources, so good thing I'm not one and can take this as gospel.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Bloody Awful Blood Surf (Live Movie Blog)
So here's the scoop. Mrs. W went to Dr. Acula's wife's birthday party (we couldn't find a baby sitter so I'm at home watching the kid) and had a shot or two and is now staying over at their house. So I'm here all alone, and unsure what to do with myself. I know you are all used to me live blogging while I watch Shark movies, and I think we can all enjoy that, but from time to time, a guy has to branch out a bit. Take in some new culture, new types of entertainment, and experience new things. In that light, I thought I would take a step away from the usual shark movie, and bring you something completely different.
I present, "Blood Surf", a movie about a giant crocodile. Your summary via DirectTV "A monstrous saltwater crocodile terrorizes a group of documentary filmmakers in Australia." Sounds good. And possibly somewhat realistic. No mutants. No prehistoric creatures come back to life. No revenge (I hope). Call me cautiously optimistic. I know, I know, two live movie blogs in one weekend? I must be in heaven.
- This was directed by someone named James D.R. Hickox. Tell me that doesn't sound like a director of more, um, adult, entertainment.
- We start out with a close up of an eyeball, and then cut to an Asian in some water, and back to the eye, and back to a different asian, and back to the eye, and so on, getting faster and faster and faster until the tension is so thick I feel like I could puke. It starts moving too fast to really tell what's going on, but I saw some teeth and some bloody water (or Blood Surf, if you will) at one point. I have a feeling this one is going for "artsy-fartsy." That always works when your antagonist is a giant crocodile.
- Now there's a bunch of stoner/surfer types in a float plane above some kind of tropical paradise. They are using words like gnarly and shredding. I really hope they crash and get eaten, and that this isn't our intro to our main characters. Cautious optimism waning.
- One of the stoners, who I am starting to suspiciously suspect are our main characters, references the movie Jaws. I take it as a good sign that the writer of this crap has at least heard of that movie.
- Oh man, I just got the main plot point of the movie, and I can't decided if it's awesome or stupid. These stoners are going to chum the water to attract sharks, and then go surfing in shark infested waters. And they are going to call it, "Blood Surfing." Wow. Since this is a crocodile movie, I'm guessing a croc shows up and ruins the fun. Which makes no real sense, because what could one crocodile do that a whole mess of sharks couldn't? God damn it why do I always try to rationalize these stupid movies? Why do I even expect anything to make sense? Why do I even watch them? I'm an idiot, aren't I?
- I was rewatching Mean Girls the other day (still one of the best movies of the 2000s) and holy cow the amount of talent in that movie was sick. Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Amanda Seyfried, and Lacey Chabert? Holy wow. Plus Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. And one of the best written movies in a long time! Just a great flick. Add in the janitor from Scrubs and that movie had it all. This movie doesn't.
- Jesus we're only 3 minutes into this movie. The opening credits are still rolling. This is going to be the longest movie blog ever. Rock on.
- NBA draft early entrants have to make their decisions by Monday, and there are still a few interesting fellas who I feel I should comment on.
AUSTIN DAYE, GONZAGA: Probably a mid-first, but doesn't have a guarantee of first round. I really hope he stays another year in college, because he is absolutely one of my favorite players. Reminds me a ton of Keith Van Horn, but blacker.
PATRICK MILLS, ST MARYS: This guy is a big one because I read the Wolves have a lot of interest in him, and I'd love to see him on the team. I don't really see how he can improve his stock much, so this year would be the time to go.
GREIVIS VASQUEZ, MARYLAND: Snacks loves this commie, and he is a very solid all-around player. It appears he isn't likely to go first round, so he should probably stay in school, but he has a lot of skills and honestly I think could be a Manu Ginobli type. I hope he stays in the draft and the Wolves get him late.
JODIE MEEKS, KENTUCKY: Big time scorer, and yet not projected to go until round two. I don't really know what else he could do to improve his stock unless he goes to John Stockton camp and learns how to really handle the ball. Might as well stick around and help his legacy at Kentucky so he can become an assistant coach some day. He's not an NBA player.
LUKE HARANGODY, NOTRE DAME: Not a first round pick, but apparently he might be ok with that. I don't see him hitting the first round at all. He's Michael Madsen, who I once played in a softball tournament against - very spastic there too.
There are plenty of others, but I'm tired. Plus I'm super excited to see what happens with this movie.
- They just showed some jackass surfing with an angle from below, and guess what? Yep he looked just like a seal. Seriously, why even add the chum in the water when surfing is already the most dangerous thing in the world? You're basically playing russian roulette already, but now they want to add chum? It's like playing russian roulette with a bazooka. This movie is already irritating. I need another drink.
- The main chick in this movie looks like Molly Sims, so that's what we are going to call here.
- The two main surfer dudes are super homo-erotic. Think Iceman/Maverick levels of sexual tension going on here. Even though one of them just hit on Molly Sims. That doesn't prove anything. Maverick hit on Kelly McGillis, and it turned out she was a man.
- They just hired this movie's version of Quint to take the boat out and chum the waters and all that about the Blood Surf or what not. Except he reufsed to do it, saying he would be "an accessory to murder." His girlfriend is this movies version of "super hot chick in a 95% see-thru tank top and no bra" - who is now shakin' that thang in the middle of the bar for no discernible reason. It's kind of like in Roadhouse how when that one hot blonde girl does a striptease in the middle of Dalton's bar for no good reason. Man did I rewind that part a lot. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, for some reason her dancing in the middle of the bar convinced her husband, Quint, to agree to take the surfer guys out to the sharks. Makes total sense.
- I just looked this movie up on IMDB, and it's original name was "Krocodylus." That is the most awesomest name ever. Why would they change it.
- By the way, if you google "Shane Schilling drunk" now, we are the first AND second link. Awesome.
- So we have Quint, Quint's girlfriend, hot foreign chick, some asian chick, a more annoying Matthew Lillard-type with spiked hair, Molly Sims, an old asian dude, a pretty boy, and the mastermind who looks a lot like DJ Tanner's boyfriend all on the boat going to the "lagoon" where all the sharks are (and apparently Krocodylus). Got it?
- Asian chick and asian dude just did a prayer circle to protect the surfers. I bet it doesn't work.
- Well, their chum has fish parts in it. They're already a big step ahead of Megalodon.
- The sharks showed (still no Krocodylus, unfortunately) and it was pretty underwhelming. Jazzy music, hyper fast effects including sharks moving way too fast accompanied by "whooshing" sound effects, and shots of great whites, blue sharks, and bull sharks (and what I think was a tuna). Oh they tried to make it dramatic by having the camerawoman (wearing chain mail so pretty much 100% safe) get surrounding in about ten feet of water, but it didn't work. Twenty-nine minutes in and nobody has bothered to die yet. Lame. Man I really wish I could have a bunch of drinks, but seeing as I'm the only adult here, I'm going to have to limit myself.
- Ok, message received. A shark just got kilt, but all we saw was a fountain of blood and then some bubbling blood in the water. Krocodylus? Or Shark-exploding AIDS?
- Did I ever tell you that WonderbabyTM can recognize a shark, and say the word? Whether it's on TV, a real picture, a stuffed animal, or a drawing in one of her books, she see's it and she says, "Shark." Seriously, she knows like, 15 words and one of them is shark. That's so awesome.
- So right now more-annoying version of Matthew Lillard is banging Foreign chick, and DJ Tanner's boyfriend and Molly Sims are going at it too while Pretty Boy Surfer is out on the water by himself. Sounds like a good time for Krocodylus to appear.
- Random asian chick just jumped in the water too, which makes no sense because Asian chick and old asian dude are the ones that are all hyper about their being too many sharks in this area of the lagoon. yet she's all like, I'm going in the water and he's all like ok even though he is the one who was having such a spaz earlier. Once again, really top notch writing here.
- Something bumped the boat, which knocked old asian dude into the water and then there was a blood spurt and I guess he's dead or something. Because crocodiles ram boats all the time. I guess it's contagious and they caught it from all the sharks that are swimming around. I'm still waiting for my first Crocodile roar. That would really make tonight complete.
- And there he is, roar included. He just ate the foreign chick. It's nighttime now though, and nobody has even acknowledged the missing asian dude. It's like the WW2 interment camps all over again.
- Damn, they keep answered all my questions. They just found the arm of the asian dude, and the boat is missing. Well, not so much missing as sunk. The crocodile sank the entire boat. As we all know, crocs hate boats, so it makes sense.
- I have no idea what is going on. The dock is exploding. Not with fire, but exploding nonetheless. Sequentially too. Like, there's a little explosion, moving closer to shore each time, every two seconds or so. I don't get it. I wish this movie was over already. This is by far the worst one yet.
- Oh dear god. Apparently this island is populated by Pirates. Pirates. PIRATES. Most movies would be better with Pirates. That crappy cheerleader movie from last night would have been 10x better if Pirates showed up to raze the cheerleader camp. Think about how much better Forrest Gump would have been if suddenly pirates showed up and destroyed the Bubba Gump boat. What if pirates showed up to F with Frodo and Rudy? Awesome, right? But when you already have sharks and crocodiles, you don't need anything else. What's next, bring in the ninjas?
- Anthony Swarzak grew up a bit today. Even though he had a couple of good starts to start his career, a big knock on him was that he was getting lucky. He was letting a lot of runners on base who were luckily not coming around to score, and he had a 1-1 BB/K ratio, a number that essentially guarantees a pitcher's doom. This bore itself out in his next two starts where he got killed, and honestly things were not looking good for our young friend. Today against the Cubs, helped by Jason "the awesome" Kubel's massive bomb of a home run, Swarzak picked up the win. He stuck around for seven innings, giving up just four hits and one walk while striking out six. Those are some very solid numbers. Based on this last outing, and the movement I see on his fastball, I think he's going to end up being pretty solid.
- Ok, so I'm barely paying attention here, but the Pirates decided they were going to rape Molly Sims since she's the only girl left. Right as he's about to get into it, Krocodylus leaped out of the water and grabbed the potential rapist by the head and took him down for a nice meal. And they were on the second floor of the boat. And the boat had a roof. So it jumped about twenty feet in the air with perfect aim to get it's snout threw the window to grab rapist guy. And our heroes pushed every pirate off the boat in the confusion and started to drive away but then a Pirate shot at the boat and hit the gas tank and now the boat is on fire. Confusing to you? Trust me it's every bit as confusing to me watching it. I don't know if I can get through the rest of this movie.
- That Quint guy just showed up to take the good guys back to the safety of the island. Turns out he wasn't actually with them the whole time. My watching comprehension skills are sorely lacking.
- Ooh, they aren't safe yet. Instead of trying to get everyone to safety, he's trying to attract the salt-water croc because Quint hates them. Turns out he had a cruise with some people, and they all got killed by a croc so, in a huge twist, he's out for revenge instead of the animal (I guess only shark's are in the revenge business). We learn all this info from Quint's girlfriend who is now wearing a slightly different, 80% see thru tank top with no bra.
- IT'S THE SAME CROC!!!!!1111111!!
- Now he's fishing for the Croc with some kind of crazy bobber that looks like the bouncy kickball WonderbabyTM likes to kick around the house. Yep, it appears I'm raising a soccer player. Kill me now. Any tips, Snake? Other than hunting squirrels, which I know you love to do.
- Serious question: If you could be a vampire, would you? You'd have to survive on blood, but you could get around the whole killing people bit by eating rats or deer or mexicans. And you'd live forever, and think of all the crappy movies you could watch. I pick yes.
- Fun fact: I was all prepared to comment on how the Croc roars constantly in this movie, but I actually wasn't sure if they do in real life or not (my animal's that don't roar expertise only extends to sharks) and according to this site which ends in .org so it has to be legit, they do. So, you know, there's that then.
- Molly Sims was in the water to film them catching Krocodylus, because they are still trying to make their documentary, and he got off the line and came after her and she escaped by climbing up a ladder and he couldn't get her. Keep in mind this is the same creature that leapt twenty feet through a window to get a rapist. Clearly, crocodiles hate rape and it motivates them to incredible feats of athleticism.
- No worries, he got to eat Matthew Lillard instead, despite him trying to stab his head with a knife and having it make the same sound as banging two cooking pans together. Fun fact: Crocodiles have heads like stainless steel pots.
- This fake Molly Sims has a nice rack (middle):
- Ok, this movie can just die. DJ Tanner's boyfriend saw a surfboard floating on the water and decided he was going to take the surfboard back to safety, even though it's a half day away by boat - you know, with a motor (their boat is grounded or something, I don't know) because apparently that's something someone would actually do in real life. Of course, he "surfs" right into Krocodylus's mouth. As Michelle would say, "How rude." Pretty Boy's reaction, "Well that sucks." I'm going to assume he's talking about this whole movie.
- Krocodylus just ate Quint in pretty much the identical scene from Jaws. Flooded boat, animal's head poking in through into the boat, tries to fight but basically falls into his jaws. If Pretty Boy ends up killing it by shooting an air tank it it's jaws I'm going to be pissed. Actually that would be kind of awesome.
- The Pirates are back. Jesus Christ.
- I found that scene, but it's in like, french or something - which explains a lot.
- So they blew up the great Krocodylus. Or, more accurately, they blew up the rocks around him which fell on his head. Of course, it's still sitting there, not moving or anything but they are sure it's dead because "If that didn't do it, nothing will." Twenty bucks says one of the three people still left dies, and fifty bucks says it's Quint's girlfriend because the other two are romantically involved (Molly Sims jumped on Pretty Boy as soon as DJ's boyfriend died).
- Yep, Quint's girlfriend decides to kick the "dead" croc in the face while shouting "I hate you" over and over again (which sounds like kicking a cooking pot, for some reason) and the croc wakes up and eats her face. Also Pretty Boy keeps calling the chick Sis which confuses me like you wouldn't believe because they were making out pretty hardcore a few minutes ago. What is this, Star Wars?
- It jumped at them and landed on a pointy tree. It is now impaled, as if Vlad Tepes had risen from the grave and orchestrated this himself. Please let this be over.
- They're making out again. WTF?
- Ah ha! Her character name is Cecily. Thus, it's Ces or Cis or something, not Sis. Still weird.
- Thank god it's over. I'm not going to lie, that was seriously the worst movie ever, outside of Jaws 4. I'm now going to cry myself to sleep.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Man, I am FIRED UP (Live Movie Blog)
Fired up to watch a bad movie that is. No sharks or other beasties, which I know is preferred round here, but I did a live blog of the movie Made of Honor to some critical acclaim, so I'm back for more.
Tonight we are taking in "Fired Up", a movie about two guys who skip out on football camp to instead go to Cheerleader Camp to "score chicks." Should be thrilling.
- I watched about half the hockey game tonight. It was a good time, actually. Congrats Penguins. I hate the Wings, and I don't even watch hockey. I don't know why I do, but I do. Probably because Bear used to kick my ass all the time with Fedorov and the Wings on Sega's NHL games. God those were awesome. Yves Racine was pretty damn good on there for the Canadians, too.
- The two male leads in this are Hunter from the Office (Jan's assistant who made bad music and slept with her) and Gunter from Beerfest. Yes, I plan to refer to them as Hunter and Gunter throughout this live blog. Seriously, that just made this movie about ten times better.
- We have a real American Pie vibe going on here so far. A makeout party of four but the dad's of the girls show up to interrupt and are now chasing Hunter and Gunter who jump a fence and end up in a pool filled with hot chicks in bikinis. Verdict so far: Not the worst thing I've ever seen yet.
- Holy crap! Their football coach is Bookman. You know, Library Cop Bookman! Awesome-o. His pissed at our heroes right now because while they are in the football huddle they aren't concentrating on football and are looking at hot chicks instead. This movie has a real one track mind. I wish I was drunk. Nothing my good friend Jeremiah Weed can't fix.
- Hunter is not only a superstar football all-star stud and get's all the hot trim, but he's a genius at science too. Damn this guy sounds a lot like me.
- Bookman just yelled at Gunter in the hallway. His exact speech was, "Let me tell you something, funny boy... You know that little stamp? The one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole helluva lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before -- flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Why's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me.... Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. What about that kid, sitting down, opening a book right now in a branch of the local library and finding pictures of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers. Doesn't he deserve better? Look, if you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped. Or maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld... Maybe that's how you get your kicks... You and your goodtime buddies... I've got a flash for you, joy boy. Partytime is over." Crazy, right?
- Oh my gosh you guys, Hunter & Gunter just decided to go to cheer camp and the "300 girls who all want it" instead of sweating their balls off at football camp. Of course, Gunter also just said, "I could have a dick in my mouth and two in each hand and I'd still be straight." So, that was awkward.
- Hey it's the hot chick from Disturbia. She's the head cheerleader. I'm going to make a wild prediction here, and say that underneath their horny teenage piggery, either Hunter or Gunter has a heart of gold, and Disturbia lady learns to love him as he renounces his player ways. Of course, I'm guessing there will be some kind of misunderstanding at some point that causes her to distrust him and he has to win her back over. I know, crazy, right?
- FYI - it was 15 years ago today that O.J. was framed. Thank god the justice system saw through that little charade. Now if only someone can untangle the web of lies and injustices that got Chuck Manson behind bars.
- The cheerleader coach is Ed Rooney's assistant from Ferris Bueller's day off. Those two doofuses just asked her if they could join the cheerleading squad, and she said, "Well, with your bad back you really shouldn't be throwing anyone." HI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- oooooh plot twist. Cheer camp lasts 3 weeks, but there's some big party our heroes want to got to in two weeks. The plan is to hook up like crazy for two weeks, then bail, pissing everybody off, and get to the party. I'm predicting that Gunter, who is clearly not the one with a heart of gold (think Cooper from Eurotrip), will convince Hunter to leave and go to the party which will make Disturbia chick pissed off and that will be the conflict and then somehow he will win her back. Ugh.
- You know, there are a LOT of hot chicks with big racks in this movie. I'm almost positive I could watch this on mute.
- Here's a picture of that Disturbia chick, FYI:
- Dudes' bunkmates: Gay, hilarious Indian (dot not feather) dude, a mascot who doesn't talk, black guy trying to be the first in his family to go to college by getting a cheer scholarship, and a long-haired dude who seems like he wants to party but is actually really into cheering. It's like the freaking U.N.
- Wow, this movie is really not subtle. They just referenced a cheerleader move called the "Fountain of Troy" but then the cheer camp head dude said, "That move is way too dangerous and way too hard and it's completely off limits." I wonder if Hunter and head cheer chick are going to end up doing that later. I like a little subtly in my movies, but this is pretty much as subtle as a Shannon Tweed movie on Cinemax.
- Why are Heidi Fleiss, OJ Simpson, Ted Kennedy and Greg Luganus the worst golf team ever assembled? Because Heidi Hooks, OJ Slices, Kennedy is in the drink and Greg is always in the wrong hole.
- I just realized this movie is rated PG-13 which, these days, basically guarantees there won't be any nudity. So the one thing that could really save this, gratuitous nudity, can't. I'm making my next drink a double.
- There sure is a lot of making out in this movie. This might as well be an abstinence parable along the lines of Twilight at this point. Plus, they are both making out with a different girl in every scene, including a montage-type scene stolen right out of Wedding Crashers (except set to the immortal Jackson 5's immortal ABC). That's not very holy, and it's not very safe. Especially in these swine flu laden times, not to mention Mono, Herpes, and I think you can get the HIV from kissing too. This movie is really irresponsible, and is unsafe for the youth of america to watch. I'm writing a letter.
- Remember Eliza Dushku in that one cheerleading movie? Man was she hot. Remember?
- Disturbia girl is starting to fall for Hunter. I'm on pins and needles here folks. Pins. And. Needles.
- Whoa. Disturbia girl has a fiance, who just showed up at camp, completely ruining Hunter's plan. But, huge shocker here, he's a giant douchebag. I'm actually kind of upset with myself that I didn't see that coming. He's taking her to Red Lobster. Which makes me kind of hungry, because I really like shrimp. But not that hungry, because I had steak from super classy Outback tonight. Not Snake though. He had possum that he and his psycho kid shot with a BB gun. Not kidding.
- Hunter admits he likes Disturbia girl. Gunter not pleased. Conflict brewing.
- Hot chicks practicing cheering in a lake while wearing nothing except their underwear. This is the greatest movie ever.
- BOOBS! BOOBS! In a PG-13 movie! This is a great day for me, and for America.
- Shit. I just laughed out loud for like the fourth or fifth time. Between that and the boobs, this movie might not suck as much as I originally thought it would. Plus they just showed a clip from that cheerleader movie with Eliza Dushku and Eliza Dushku was in it. Look, I'm not saying it's good, but it's not as horrid as I thought it would be. Like way better than Made of Honor.
- Have you ever seen You, Me, and Dupree? Dawger is basically Dupree.
- Disturbia chick's boyfriend was talking to his friends and admitted he doesn't even like Disturbia chick but his parents approve of her so they buy him stuff and also that he cheated on her over and over again. And of course, Hunter overheard him. So this would be where he tells her, she accuses him of lying, he leaves camp to go the party, but then she really needs him to win the competition, so he agrees to do the Fountain of Wayne or whatever and they pull it off and win the championship. I'd be willing to just turn the movie off now, but you never know when there will be random boobs in this movie apparently, and I can't miss it.
- Ooooh. Disturbia and Hunter were almost going to kiss, but then he started to drop the water cooler he was carrying. My heart was all a twitter too. And now it's time to go to the party, and Gunter wants to leave (he's had enough of the cheerleader chicks) while Hunter wants to stay (he cares about the team). I told you. Note: they decided not to go.
- You know what else I told you? That Dan Haren would be awesome this year, and sure enough, he is. Leads the NL in ERA at 2.33 and WHIP at 0.85. Zero point eight five!!! That's exactly half of Jesse Crain's WHIP. Although when you put it that way it's not nearly as impressive, but then again I assumed Crain was allowing about three runners per inning or so.
- Our main characters' word for Douchey is "Nickelbacky." Awesome.
- Oh my. All the cheerleaders on the good team start whining about how they aren't very good, and Hunter, in a COMPLETE AND UNEXPECTED 180 from his earlier persona gives them a big pick-me-up speech, using phrases like, "Take chances or you shouldn't even be here", "you can go as far as you want", "Bet big or go home ", and "big ass titties." Well I'm fired up. I'm going to go join a high school cheerleading team. :money:
- TRAINING MONTAGE!!!!!
- Busted. Douchebag Disturbia boyfriend guy found the dude's bus tickets and showed them to Disturbia chick. And even though she admits to knowing initially he was only there to get chicks but thinking he started caring about cheering, and even though they decided not to use the tickets to go home, she gets pissed. This makes no sense. THEY ALREADY MISSED THEIR BUS BECAUSE THEY DECIDED NOT TO LEAVE. This is like, days after they needed to get on the bus. This movie was actually decent, but now I hate it. I hate it more than I hate all of you. And I hate all of you alot. Now our heroes are on their way home. Sad.
- Wow, we have an anal beads in the mouth joke. Everything about this is going downhill in a hurry.
- At their party, not having fun, depressed, decide to go back to cheer camp, blah blah blah. I'm out.
- Big speech, team takes them back, chick still pissed. Ugh.
- Brandon Marshall skipped Bronco mini-camp, in the least surprising thing that's ever happened. I'm not entirely sure, but with all his legal issues and team discipline problems, he might be the worst person ever. He's like the Michael Vick of the NFL.
- We've just had about fifteen minutes straight of actual cheerleading performances. Awesome.
- THEY'RE GOING TO TRY THE FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE MOVE!!! Who could have seen this coming? Crazy!
- And they pulled it off. All that without ever having practiced it. My heart stopped. I'm truly touched. You know, the first hour or so of this was actually pretty entertaining. The last half hour was garbage. I'm going to go ahead and give this a non-recommendation - but just a mild one. Believe me, I'm shocked to be giving it anywhere near that positive of a review. I mean, there aren't even any sharks in it, how good can it be?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thursday Things (Schilling, Leonard, Facebook, Rico - A lot of Rico)
Well, since I get to work from home tomorrow, I might as well drink some vodka and post some things. I know, I'm surprised too. But sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zone and do things we don't like to do. Bear with me.
- We'll start with an article I had seen but was brought up again in the comments here about your beloved Shane Schilling, called an "ex-basketball standout" in a case of hyperbolic journalism if I've ever seen one. What is not hyperbolic, however, is how big a whackjob this guy turned out to be.
The latest is that Schilling has been jailed on charges of drug possession and making terroristic threats - which does not mean threatening to blow up buildings (that would be Shamala). Apparently, since I assume if you're still here you aren't reading the article, Schilling had the cops called on him because of a loud argument accentuated by breaking glass and talk of "injections." When the cops showed up, superstar called them pigs, told them to leave, and threatened that he would kill them if they stayed. Three hours later, Schilling abruptly decided to open the door and layed down to be handcuffed without further comment. Police found a hatchet, knives (a ninja, perhaps?), and meth.
Following up on his brush with the law for attempted robbery, auto theft, receiving of stolen property - an event which included attacking some poor student on Washington Avenue and skipping town after being charged in Orono, this dude is pretty much fucked. And of course, don't forget his drunk driving incident where he crashed an explorer, then fled the scene but left his ID in the car. (NOTE: I can't find a link to this story anywhere, but I know it happened). Clearly he is dealing with his post-college life very well.
But I'm not here to dwell on the negativity. And shame on you. Let's remember the good times. Like when he scored 9 points in his first ever game as a Gopher. Or his Gopher career high 16 points his freshman year against Ohio State. Or any of the 16 other times he hit double-figures in scoring as a Gopher. Or his explosion his senior year to average 16.3 points per game, hitting 20 points six times including a huge 26 point, 8 rebound, 4 steal effort against Long Beach.
So you see, there is plenty of good stuff here to talk about. I'm really sick of all you people always having to dwell on the negative. You don't have to tear others down to build yourself up. Grow up, jerks.
By the way, if you google "Shane Schilling Drunk" we come up as the fourth website listed. Awesome.
- Speaking of Google, I started to google "How long do babies hate males" since Wonderbaby is NOT my biggest fan this past week and seems to have a real hate on for males and is in love with all females and you know that auto fill thing google has? It comes up first as "How long does weed stay in your system" as in, that's the thing people most often google that starts with the phrase "how long." The third thing is "How long does cocaine stay in your system." I'm serious. It looks like Mr. Shilling has been doing ALOT of googling.
- This week's horrible golfer who really let me down award goes to Justin Leonard. This week is the St. Jude classic, held at TPC Southwind, and not only is Leonard the defending champ, he also won this event (same venue) in 2005. Additionally he comes in hot, with a 5th, 16th, and 13th in this last three events. Should be good to go, right? Wrong. Captain Dickface instead shoots a 76, +6 on the day, good for 149th place (out of 156). Thanks, ass. You're already six shots off the cut, assuming it doesn't move, and you're 8 shots behind Notah Begay III, who generally makes about one cut a year. Adam freaking Scott would have probably shot even par for god's sake, and he might be the worst golfer in the world right now. Leonard is officially in my "go-to-hell" pile along with Sean O'Hair and some other guys I don't remember right now.
- Putting DWG on facebook has already been a resounding success. I'm friends already with both Melvin Newbern and Vincent Grier. If you haven't signed up to be our friend yet, you should. More than daily updates and a little discussion here and there. You're missing out, nerd.
- So everyone knows that Rico Tucker is the most athletic player in Gopher history, despite the fact that a bunch of dingleberries are trying to say that Rod Williams will be when he arrives. Leaving aside that nonsense, I thought it might be fun to check out what Rico's resume was coming out of high school in San Diego.
One thing I forgot or possibly never knew is that Rico made the Rivals150 the year he came out (2004). He was ranked #129, ahead of Rodney Stuckey, Chris Lofton, and DeMare Carroll. I don't really want to note this here, but it should also be said that Spencer Tollackson was ranked #118, so we probably don't need to pay too much attention to these lists. But that's not the point.
The point is, Rico was ranked the #20 point guard that year. Right behind Taurean Green and ahead of Lofton, Ramon Sessions, and Zam Frederick.
A lot of potential. I think we all saw that. Early in his freshman year, I unfortunately don't remember who the opponent was, but Rico got the ball in the far corner, drove by his man baseline side, and rose up for one of the most impressive dunks I have ever seen on any level, except some stupid white guy fouled him so he missed the dunk. Nevertheless, if you were paying attention, you were in man-love.
You probably don't remember this either, but Rico hit double-figures in scoring in both of his first two games. Two games which also totaled five steals and no turnovers, with better than 50% shooting. Overall in his freshman year, Rico hit double figures ten times, including a 17 point outburst against Loyola-Marymount that came with three trey balls. Alas, of those ten double-figure outputs, only two came in conference player, as Tucker's minutes dwindled. In team's first 13 games, he hit 20 minutes 10 times and never played less than 15 minutes. In the final 18 games he only hit 20 minutes four times, and totaled just 47 minutes in the team's final seven games. He ended up leading all Big Ten freshmen in steals and was 10th overall in the conference.
The following year his minutes were down from 17 a game to 14 a game, with a corresponding drop in almost every stat. He hit double-figures in scoring just four times, and hit 20 minutes played in just four conference games. His shooting dropped to just 30% on the season, and his assist to turnover ratio was an abysmal 0.63. What happened? He was Monsoned.
Those of you who remember that team should remember. Any missed shot, Rico was pulled. Any turnover, Rico was pulled. Hell, I remember a couple of times where he hit 2-3 shots in a row, then missed one, and was out at the next whistle. I question why Monson would even recruit an elite athlete, who was an unpolished gem, if we wasn't going to give him any free reign. It was a frustrating season for both Rico and Rico fans, and predictably he bolted for better pastures after that season, transferring to his home town Pepperdine.
In a new, more wide open system with a coach who was willing to give him room to thrive, Rico flourished. He opened the pre-season by winning the team's dunk contest, but then struggled played for Pepperdine until a December game against Montana State where he put up 24 points. The rest of the season, including conference play, Rico was on a terror, hitting double figures in ten of the team's last 11 games, stealing, assisting, and rebounding while cutting down on the turnovers that plagued him throughout his career. He made the all-tournament team at the Montana State tournament. He led the Waves in assists in fifteen times while leading the WCC in steals, finishing sixth in assists, and 15th in scoring. Things were looking very good, and very up for Rico, but then a knee injury ended his junior year, and basically wiped out his senior season as well.
His final year at Pepperdine, Tucker was only able to average 11 minutes per game, and hit double figures in scoring just once. He wasn't any where near the same player, as an athletic player with just one knee isn't a good combo, and played double figures in minutes just once in the team's last nine games. It was a lost season.
Really, I know I talk Rico up too much on here, but seriously think about it. He was a highly rated talent coming out of high school and had a very promising early freshman season before stupid Dan Monson decided he didn't like him or something and tanked the second half of his freshman year and his whole sophomore season. After the transfer, he started to really come into his own before the knee injury killed him.
I stand by my contention that not only is Enrico Tucker the greatest athlete to come into the Gopher basketball program in history, but also that with a better coach and/or no injury issues, he could have been a star. Well, maybe not a star, but a very, very good player.
I'm going to end the post here. Think on this for a while. Think on this.
- We'll start with an article I had seen but was brought up again in the comments here about your beloved Shane Schilling, called an "ex-basketball standout" in a case of hyperbolic journalism if I've ever seen one. What is not hyperbolic, however, is how big a whackjob this guy turned out to be.
The latest is that Schilling has been jailed on charges of drug possession and making terroristic threats - which does not mean threatening to blow up buildings (that would be Shamala). Apparently, since I assume if you're still here you aren't reading the article, Schilling had the cops called on him because of a loud argument accentuated by breaking glass and talk of "injections." When the cops showed up, superstar called them pigs, told them to leave, and threatened that he would kill them if they stayed. Three hours later, Schilling abruptly decided to open the door and layed down to be handcuffed without further comment. Police found a hatchet, knives (a ninja, perhaps?), and meth.
Following up on his brush with the law for attempted robbery, auto theft, receiving of stolen property - an event which included attacking some poor student on Washington Avenue and skipping town after being charged in Orono, this dude is pretty much fucked. And of course, don't forget his drunk driving incident where he crashed an explorer, then fled the scene but left his ID in the car. (NOTE: I can't find a link to this story anywhere, but I know it happened). Clearly he is dealing with his post-college life very well.
But I'm not here to dwell on the negativity. And shame on you. Let's remember the good times. Like when he scored 9 points in his first ever game as a Gopher. Or his Gopher career high 16 points his freshman year against Ohio State. Or any of the 16 other times he hit double-figures in scoring as a Gopher. Or his explosion his senior year to average 16.3 points per game, hitting 20 points six times including a huge 26 point, 8 rebound, 4 steal effort against Long Beach.
So you see, there is plenty of good stuff here to talk about. I'm really sick of all you people always having to dwell on the negative. You don't have to tear others down to build yourself up. Grow up, jerks.
By the way, if you google "Shane Schilling Drunk" we come up as the fourth website listed. Awesome.
- Speaking of Google, I started to google "How long do babies hate males" since Wonderbaby is NOT my biggest fan this past week and seems to have a real hate on for males and is in love with all females and you know that auto fill thing google has? It comes up first as "How long does weed stay in your system" as in, that's the thing people most often google that starts with the phrase "how long." The third thing is "How long does cocaine stay in your system." I'm serious. It looks like Mr. Shilling has been doing ALOT of googling.
- This week's horrible golfer who really let me down award goes to Justin Leonard. This week is the St. Jude classic, held at TPC Southwind, and not only is Leonard the defending champ, he also won this event (same venue) in 2005. Additionally he comes in hot, with a 5th, 16th, and 13th in this last three events. Should be good to go, right? Wrong. Captain Dickface instead shoots a 76, +6 on the day, good for 149th place (out of 156). Thanks, ass. You're already six shots off the cut, assuming it doesn't move, and you're 8 shots behind Notah Begay III, who generally makes about one cut a year. Adam freaking Scott would have probably shot even par for god's sake, and he might be the worst golfer in the world right now. Leonard is officially in my "go-to-hell" pile along with Sean O'Hair and some other guys I don't remember right now.
- Putting DWG on facebook has already been a resounding success. I'm friends already with both Melvin Newbern and Vincent Grier. If you haven't signed up to be our friend yet, you should. More than daily updates and a little discussion here and there. You're missing out, nerd.
- So everyone knows that Rico Tucker is the most athletic player in Gopher history, despite the fact that a bunch of dingleberries are trying to say that Rod Williams will be when he arrives. Leaving aside that nonsense, I thought it might be fun to check out what Rico's resume was coming out of high school in San Diego.
One thing I forgot or possibly never knew is that Rico made the Rivals150 the year he came out (2004). He was ranked #129, ahead of Rodney Stuckey, Chris Lofton, and DeMare Carroll. I don't really want to note this here, but it should also be said that Spencer Tollackson was ranked #118, so we probably don't need to pay too much attention to these lists. But that's not the point.
The point is, Rico was ranked the #20 point guard that year. Right behind Taurean Green and ahead of Lofton, Ramon Sessions, and Zam Frederick.
A lot of potential. I think we all saw that. Early in his freshman year, I unfortunately don't remember who the opponent was, but Rico got the ball in the far corner, drove by his man baseline side, and rose up for one of the most impressive dunks I have ever seen on any level, except some stupid white guy fouled him so he missed the dunk. Nevertheless, if you were paying attention, you were in man-love.
You probably don't remember this either, but Rico hit double-figures in scoring in both of his first two games. Two games which also totaled five steals and no turnovers, with better than 50% shooting. Overall in his freshman year, Rico hit double figures ten times, including a 17 point outburst against Loyola-Marymount that came with three trey balls. Alas, of those ten double-figure outputs, only two came in conference player, as Tucker's minutes dwindled. In team's first 13 games, he hit 20 minutes 10 times and never played less than 15 minutes. In the final 18 games he only hit 20 minutes four times, and totaled just 47 minutes in the team's final seven games. He ended up leading all Big Ten freshmen in steals and was 10th overall in the conference.
The following year his minutes were down from 17 a game to 14 a game, with a corresponding drop in almost every stat. He hit double-figures in scoring just four times, and hit 20 minutes played in just four conference games. His shooting dropped to just 30% on the season, and his assist to turnover ratio was an abysmal 0.63. What happened? He was Monsoned.
Those of you who remember that team should remember. Any missed shot, Rico was pulled. Any turnover, Rico was pulled. Hell, I remember a couple of times where he hit 2-3 shots in a row, then missed one, and was out at the next whistle. I question why Monson would even recruit an elite athlete, who was an unpolished gem, if we wasn't going to give him any free reign. It was a frustrating season for both Rico and Rico fans, and predictably he bolted for better pastures after that season, transferring to his home town Pepperdine.
In a new, more wide open system with a coach who was willing to give him room to thrive, Rico flourished. He opened the pre-season by winning the team's dunk contest, but then struggled played for Pepperdine until a December game against Montana State where he put up 24 points. The rest of the season, including conference play, Rico was on a terror, hitting double figures in ten of the team's last 11 games, stealing, assisting, and rebounding while cutting down on the turnovers that plagued him throughout his career. He made the all-tournament team at the Montana State tournament. He led the Waves in assists in fifteen times while leading the WCC in steals, finishing sixth in assists, and 15th in scoring. Things were looking very good, and very up for Rico, but then a knee injury ended his junior year, and basically wiped out his senior season as well.
His final year at Pepperdine, Tucker was only able to average 11 minutes per game, and hit double figures in scoring just once. He wasn't any where near the same player, as an athletic player with just one knee isn't a good combo, and played double figures in minutes just once in the team's last nine games. It was a lost season.
Really, I know I talk Rico up too much on here, but seriously think about it. He was a highly rated talent coming out of high school and had a very promising early freshman season before stupid Dan Monson decided he didn't like him or something and tanked the second half of his freshman year and his whole sophomore season. After the transfer, he started to really come into his own before the knee injury killed him.
I stand by my contention that not only is Enrico Tucker the greatest athlete to come into the Gopher basketball program in history, but also that with a better coach and/or no injury issues, he could have been a star. Well, maybe not a star, but a very, very good player.
I'm going to end the post here. Think on this for a while. Think on this.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Twins MLB Draft Review
Last night was the big MLB draft, and even though I know very little about it, I nonetheless feel pretty much just as qualified as most morons who write about sports on mainstream sights, so I'm going to break it down anyway.
- Stephen Strasburg, unreal stud RHP out of San Diego State went first overall to the Nationals in what was apparently a no-brainer. Of course, no brainer pitchers early in the draft are always a guarantee. I mean the last ten first overall picks who were pitchers have been David Price, Luke Hochevar, Brian Bullington, Matt Anderson, Kris Benson, Paul Wilson, Brien Taylor, Ben McDonald, Andy Benes, and Tim Belcher. Not exactly an all-timer list, and Taylor was probably the biggest bust in history - more so even than Ryan Leaf. All the talking head people assure us that he is the real deal and is already all the way polished thanks to his time throwing in college, but I remember hearing the same things about Mark Prior. So everything sounds good, and he was definitely the no-brainer pick at #1 - and could even possibly hit the majors this year, but let's all just settle down and not start handing out Cy Young's just yet.
- The #2 and #3 picks were the only other two people I have heard of in this draft, not counting that one Gopher guy who is good. The Mariners took CF Dustin Ackley out of North Carolina at #2 and the Padres took CF Donavan Tate, a high school kid, with the #3 pick. The only thing I know about these two is that Ackley is that he is pretty much unanimously considered the best pure hitter in the draft but is also coming off of Tommy John surgery and has had to play first base for the Heels because of it. Kind of a big question mark, but if he can hit, I have no doubt a place will be found for him. I know even less about Tate, but he sounds like an incredible athlete who hasn't really learned to hit yet. After watching Gomez for a year and a half, I'd pass on this kid faster than Al Nolen passes on an open jump shot.
- The #4 pick was the Pirates, and they took some kid I've never heard of, a catcher from Boston College the likely made up name Jorge Sanchez, even though I they already have Ryan Doumit, maybe their best player, behind the dish and I had heard they were going to go after some latino shortstop with three names. Whatever. Enough of all these people I haven't heard of and don't care about. On to the Twins.
- Mrs. W just asked if I wanted to get Grey's Anatomy Season One from Netflix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.
- The Twins first pick, #22 overall, ended up being RHP Kyle Gibson out of U of Missouri (Arty Johnson U, holla). He's a very interesting pick, and one that LaVelle brought up previously on his blog at the Star Tribune site. According to Mr. Neal, Gibson was ranked as the fourth best prospect in the draft (he neglected to cite his source and I neglected to look one up due to Mr. Vodka), but slipped for two reasons. The first was concerns he would ask for a huge bonus. Knowing the Twins as well as I unfortunately do, I assume they made sure to get this figured out before they drafted him. Second, he's dealing with a stress fracture in his pitching arm - always a positive sign for a pitcher. But apparently the kid is the shit. He hits 94 with his fastball at times, but is more of a sinking fastball type with two other plus pitches in his slider and changeup. If that wasn't enough to convince you he is Twins' material, check out this line from last season: 99 innings, 18 walks (123 strikeouts to boot). Sounds pretty good if the injury checks out. I'm giving this a cautious thumbs up.
- We're watching some weird show about weird religious people with a billion kids right now (well, the Mrs. is, I'm obviously blogging about very important social issues) and this super naive religious guy was talking about taking medicine and he called his wife "The Master of Swallowing." I don't care who you are, that's funny.
- The Twins second pick just came through, their "sandwich pick" for losing Dennis Reyes, which is pretty funny when you think about it - because he's fat, you see. It would probably make me hungry, but I made the World's Greatest ChiliTM tonight so I'm good. What was my point? Oh yeah, with the #46 pick (which seems incredibly generous for getting rid of Reyes) the Twinks took LHP Matthew Bashore out of Indiana U. Seeing as this is a Gopher blog, you'd think I'd be familiar with some of the pitcher's around the Big Ten. Well, you're super wrong. But I CAN tell you what the internet says about him.
Bashore dealt with arm issues in the off-season, being relegated to the bullpen in the Cape Cod League of Summer Catch fame, in what is seemingly a conscious draft theme at this point, but recovered once he got back to the Hoosiers to post five quality starts in his last six outings - I have no idea if that is impressive or not in college. The scouting sounds pretty solid, as Bashore is reported to have four good pitches including a nice splitter and is said to be a very polished college player. So yeah. Go team.
- As we wait for the last Twins pick of the day I think I don't really remember I just remembered the fourth guy I had heard of. His name is Aaron Crow, and he's a pitcher who was actually drafted at #9 last year but didn't sign. He then decided to go play in the independent league for the Fort Worthless Cats which makes me angry all-over again about how much that god forsaken city sucks, but it seems he pitched pretty well for the newest stopover for top prospects, supplanting the Saint Paul Saints (Luke Hochevar and Max Scherzer pitched their previously).
Crow pitched three games, totaling 17 innings with 17 strikeouts and just five walks, while opponents hit just .196 against him resulting in an ERA of 1.06. Pretty solid. What I read had him as the #2 pitcher on the board (after Strasburg), yet he fell all the way #12, the eighth pitcher taken, falling right in Kansas City's lap. With Greinke, Hochevar, and now the potential of Crow, KC is poised to possibly make some noise in a couple of years. Although Hochevar will flame out, Crow will end up as a middle reliever, and Greinke will be a Yankee. Hooray MLB Draft!!!!
- The Magic shot 75% in the first half tonight, and they are up only five at the half. Christ, this garbage is pretty much over.
- Ok, the Twins have taken their next two selections, their last for tonight. They went with another couple of pitchers, this time RHP William Bullock out of Florida and RHP Benjamin Tootle out of Jacksonville State. Tootle has powerful stuff, and although he was a starter in college most scouts see him as a reliever in the pros (is he ready, like, today, by any chance?). He continues a theme of banged up players in the draft for the Twins - he battled some kind of crazy virus (swine flu?) when he was in the Cape League, causing him to slip. Billy Bullock is similar to Tootle, but without the flu problem. He is called the best bullpen guy in the draft from the SEC by Baseball America, and can hit 97 on the radar gun. Given the Twins problems in that area, I am happy with these last two picks.
- Home run #16 for Morneau. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Mrs. W always refers to Morneau as "big head" and refuses to refer to him as anything else. That's all.
- Delmon with an RBI already tonight and it's only the fifth. That gives him 15 already on the season. And it's still early.
- Kobe missed a layup. Nice job queer.
- Delmon Young's middle name is Damarcus.
- Kobe misses free throws. Nice job queer.
- I got nothin' left. In penance, I offer up this picture of Alyssa Milano in Twins' gear:
If we aren't square after that, I don't know what else to do.
- Stephen Strasburg, unreal stud RHP out of San Diego State went first overall to the Nationals in what was apparently a no-brainer. Of course, no brainer pitchers early in the draft are always a guarantee. I mean the last ten first overall picks who were pitchers have been David Price, Luke Hochevar, Brian Bullington, Matt Anderson, Kris Benson, Paul Wilson, Brien Taylor, Ben McDonald, Andy Benes, and Tim Belcher. Not exactly an all-timer list, and Taylor was probably the biggest bust in history - more so even than Ryan Leaf. All the talking head people assure us that he is the real deal and is already all the way polished thanks to his time throwing in college, but I remember hearing the same things about Mark Prior. So everything sounds good, and he was definitely the no-brainer pick at #1 - and could even possibly hit the majors this year, but let's all just settle down and not start handing out Cy Young's just yet.
- The #2 and #3 picks were the only other two people I have heard of in this draft, not counting that one Gopher guy who is good. The Mariners took CF Dustin Ackley out of North Carolina at #2 and the Padres took CF Donavan Tate, a high school kid, with the #3 pick. The only thing I know about these two is that Ackley is that he is pretty much unanimously considered the best pure hitter in the draft but is also coming off of Tommy John surgery and has had to play first base for the Heels because of it. Kind of a big question mark, but if he can hit, I have no doubt a place will be found for him. I know even less about Tate, but he sounds like an incredible athlete who hasn't really learned to hit yet. After watching Gomez for a year and a half, I'd pass on this kid faster than Al Nolen passes on an open jump shot.
- The #4 pick was the Pirates, and they took some kid I've never heard of, a catcher from Boston College the likely made up name Jorge Sanchez, even though I they already have Ryan Doumit, maybe their best player, behind the dish and I had heard they were going to go after some latino shortstop with three names. Whatever. Enough of all these people I haven't heard of and don't care about. On to the Twins.
- Mrs. W just asked if I wanted to get Grey's Anatomy Season One from Netflix. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.
- The Twins first pick, #22 overall, ended up being RHP Kyle Gibson out of U of Missouri (Arty Johnson U, holla). He's a very interesting pick, and one that LaVelle brought up previously on his blog at the Star Tribune site. According to Mr. Neal, Gibson was ranked as the fourth best prospect in the draft (he neglected to cite his source and I neglected to look one up due to Mr. Vodka), but slipped for two reasons. The first was concerns he would ask for a huge bonus. Knowing the Twins as well as I unfortunately do, I assume they made sure to get this figured out before they drafted him. Second, he's dealing with a stress fracture in his pitching arm - always a positive sign for a pitcher. But apparently the kid is the shit. He hits 94 with his fastball at times, but is more of a sinking fastball type with two other plus pitches in his slider and changeup. If that wasn't enough to convince you he is Twins' material, check out this line from last season: 99 innings, 18 walks (123 strikeouts to boot). Sounds pretty good if the injury checks out. I'm giving this a cautious thumbs up.
- We're watching some weird show about weird religious people with a billion kids right now (well, the Mrs. is, I'm obviously blogging about very important social issues) and this super naive religious guy was talking about taking medicine and he called his wife "The Master of Swallowing." I don't care who you are, that's funny.
- The Twins second pick just came through, their "sandwich pick" for losing Dennis Reyes, which is pretty funny when you think about it - because he's fat, you see. It would probably make me hungry, but I made the World's Greatest ChiliTM tonight so I'm good. What was my point? Oh yeah, with the #46 pick (which seems incredibly generous for getting rid of Reyes) the Twinks took LHP Matthew Bashore out of Indiana U. Seeing as this is a Gopher blog, you'd think I'd be familiar with some of the pitcher's around the Big Ten. Well, you're super wrong. But I CAN tell you what the internet says about him.
Bashore dealt with arm issues in the off-season, being relegated to the bullpen in the Cape Cod League of Summer Catch fame, in what is seemingly a conscious draft theme at this point, but recovered once he got back to the Hoosiers to post five quality starts in his last six outings - I have no idea if that is impressive or not in college. The scouting sounds pretty solid, as Bashore is reported to have four good pitches including a nice splitter and is said to be a very polished college player. So yeah. Go team.
- As we wait for the last Twins pick of the day I think I don't really remember I just remembered the fourth guy I had heard of. His name is Aaron Crow, and he's a pitcher who was actually drafted at #9 last year but didn't sign. He then decided to go play in the independent league for the Fort Worthless Cats which makes me angry all-over again about how much that god forsaken city sucks, but it seems he pitched pretty well for the newest stopover for top prospects, supplanting the Saint Paul Saints (Luke Hochevar and Max Scherzer pitched their previously).
Crow pitched three games, totaling 17 innings with 17 strikeouts and just five walks, while opponents hit just .196 against him resulting in an ERA of 1.06. Pretty solid. What I read had him as the #2 pitcher on the board (after Strasburg), yet he fell all the way #12, the eighth pitcher taken, falling right in Kansas City's lap. With Greinke, Hochevar, and now the potential of Crow, KC is poised to possibly make some noise in a couple of years. Although Hochevar will flame out, Crow will end up as a middle reliever, and Greinke will be a Yankee. Hooray MLB Draft!!!!
- The Magic shot 75% in the first half tonight, and they are up only five at the half. Christ, this garbage is pretty much over.
- Ok, the Twins have taken their next two selections, their last for tonight. They went with another couple of pitchers, this time RHP William Bullock out of Florida and RHP Benjamin Tootle out of Jacksonville State. Tootle has powerful stuff, and although he was a starter in college most scouts see him as a reliever in the pros (is he ready, like, today, by any chance?). He continues a theme of banged up players in the draft for the Twins - he battled some kind of crazy virus (swine flu?) when he was in the Cape League, causing him to slip. Billy Bullock is similar to Tootle, but without the flu problem. He is called the best bullpen guy in the draft from the SEC by Baseball America, and can hit 97 on the radar gun. Given the Twins problems in that area, I am happy with these last two picks.
- Home run #16 for Morneau. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Mrs. W always refers to Morneau as "big head" and refuses to refer to him as anything else. That's all.
- Delmon with an RBI already tonight and it's only the fifth. That gives him 15 already on the season. And it's still early.
- Kobe missed a layup. Nice job queer.
- Delmon Young's middle name is Damarcus.
- Kobe misses free throws. Nice job queer.
- I got nothin' left. In penance, I offer up this picture of Alyssa Milano in Twins' gear:
If we aren't square after that, I don't know what else to do.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Monday Musings
- First off, as you can probably read right above this, Down with Goldy is now on Facebook. I'm not exactly sure why or what the point is, but most likely I will be updating the status whenever those little thoughts pop into my head that don't quite deserve a post of their own. So go be my friend. I promise you'll like it.
- In Gopher hoops news, it seems Tubby has stayed busy and made two offers to big men towards the end of May - which I somehow missed. The first went to noted ginger kid Alex Kirk out of New Mexico, who just picked up an offer from Arizona as well to go with his whole mess of Pac 10 offers. The second was to another big man, 6-11 center Elliott Eliason from Nebraska, where he was the high school player of the year last season. Eliason is on his way up, but Minnesota is probably his most impressive offer. Both of his home state schools have also given Elliott an offer (Nebraska and Creighton), and are said to be in the lead to gain his commitment.
Keeping up on the 2010 recruiting trail, it's obvious Tubby is really going after a big man or two. I can only assume it's because he expects Ralph Sampson to be heading pro after next season. Personally, I'm still awfully concerned about point guard. GET CORY JOSEPH. The problem? Louisville has said Joseph is their #1 target for the class. Yikes. I still don't think the program is quite there yet, but being legitimately in the game for guys like Joseph and Harrison Barnes is an awesome, awesome step, even if they don't get either of them.
- El Tigre won yet another tournament this weekend, this time the Memorial - the fourth time he's won at Muirfield Village. I was watching, and I was all prepared to write a post complimenting Jonathan Byrd, who held a two shot lead over Tiger, Jim Furyk, and Davis Love III through twelve holes. Despite the charge by Woods (he was -5 on the day at this point), Byrd just kept doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well, and was looking like he wouldn't follow Sean O'Hair and Alex Cejka as guys who recently collapsed with the lead on Sunday.
Of course, he then proceeded to three-putt for a bogey (including a miss from four feet) on 13 and double-bogeyed 14 to cough the lead right back up, before birdying fifteen to stay in the mix. It was very entertaining golf in the end, with Tiger, Furyk, Woods, and Byrd all holding the lead at different points before Tiger, of course, pulled away with back-to-back birdies on 17 and 18 with two of the best approach shots you're ever going to see. God he's freaky good. And it was awesome to see some good golf on Sunday instead of the usual collapses we've been seeing lately (yes, the two guys tied for the lead after 54 holes shot +1 and +3 to drop out of contention, but there were enough good players and good golf to make it a fun tournament.) US Open in two weeks at Bethpage should be awesome. And I already know who's gonna win. I can't tell you yet, he's quite the sleeper pick, but I'll let you know in a couple weeks.
- Watched some of the Twins game as well, which they lost of course because that's what they do, and at one point Mauer took a strike to fall behind in the count 1-2. Dick says, "Most hitters struggle with two strikes, but with Mauer the count doesn't even matter." Since I like accuracy, I naturally had to look it up to see if there was any truth to this, or if it was another example of Dick wildly throwing out words that may or may not be true.
Guess what? Dick was just making shit up. I know, I couldn't believe it either. For his career, Mauer hits .323/.405/.476, but with two strikes he drops to .262/.316/.379. Maybe he was talking about this year alone, you say? More of the same. Overall he's at .419/.507/.812, but with two strikes drops to .270/.343/.444.
So despite all anecdotal evidence to the contrary, Joe Mauer is a human being who is affected by many of the same things other mortal human hitters are, such as a 2-strike count. Consider my world rocked.
- We rented The Uninvited this weekend, and I would recommend it. It's a horror movie, a remake of a Japanese horror movie, about a hot chick (Emily Browning) who comes home from a mental institution to her hot sister (Arielle Kebbel), dad (the guy who played Eddie Cicotte) and his hot new, younger wife (Elizabeth Banks). There's a ghost, some scary dreams, and the hot sisters become convinced their new hot step mom killed their real mom - the event which sent sister #1 to the nut house. It's got some legit scary moments, and is more of a psychological thriller than a supernatural thriller, which gives it a nice edge. If you're looking for something to watch, you could do a lot worse.
- The MLB draft is Tuesday, and our beloved Twins are picking 22nd. The first mock draft I found by using the Google has them taking a high school outfielder named Evert Williams. I have no idea who that is. I have heard of only a handful of guys who are going to get drafted, and other than Stephen Strasburg that's only from a little bit of reading I did this weekend. After the draft, I'm sure I'll have more opinions as I read them from other people. As for the #22 pick, Glen Perkins was picked there by the Twins. David Aardsma, noted Twins killer, was a #22. As were Gil Meche, Rick Helling, Steve Karsay, and Jayson Werth. So it's impossible to get a good player at #22.
- Finally, I was watching the NBA Finals and J.J. Redick proving he's the only shooting specialist in the league who can't make a wide open shot, and they had one of those "Where Amazing Happens" commercials featuring this shot:
This shot continually appears on lists as one of the greatest moves of all-time, but can somebody please explain to me why? I didn't get it then, I didn't get it year after year when it is always replayed, and I still don't get it now.
First of all, it's not hard. In my very short basketball prime I couldn't jump and my strengths did not include athleticism, and yet I could go up with one hand and switch to the other and make the shot without much trouble. Secondly, he didn't even need to do it. There's no reason when he goes up with his right hand to even switch to the left. There's NOBODY there. Just lay it in with your right hand, show off.
Can anyone explain this to me? Is it just because it was Jordan and everybody wants to make out with him? Is it because Marv Albert reached Kevin Harlan levels of excitement? I don't get it. At all. And yet that play is always included in all sorts of all-time lists, so either everybody is an idiot or I just don't get it.
I'm open to all possibilities.
- In Gopher hoops news, it seems Tubby has stayed busy and made two offers to big men towards the end of May - which I somehow missed. The first went to noted ginger kid Alex Kirk out of New Mexico, who just picked up an offer from Arizona as well to go with his whole mess of Pac 10 offers. The second was to another big man, 6-11 center Elliott Eliason from Nebraska, where he was the high school player of the year last season. Eliason is on his way up, but Minnesota is probably his most impressive offer. Both of his home state schools have also given Elliott an offer (Nebraska and Creighton), and are said to be in the lead to gain his commitment.
Keeping up on the 2010 recruiting trail, it's obvious Tubby is really going after a big man or two. I can only assume it's because he expects Ralph Sampson to be heading pro after next season. Personally, I'm still awfully concerned about point guard. GET CORY JOSEPH. The problem? Louisville has said Joseph is their #1 target for the class. Yikes. I still don't think the program is quite there yet, but being legitimately in the game for guys like Joseph and Harrison Barnes is an awesome, awesome step, even if they don't get either of them.
- El Tigre won yet another tournament this weekend, this time the Memorial - the fourth time he's won at Muirfield Village. I was watching, and I was all prepared to write a post complimenting Jonathan Byrd, who held a two shot lead over Tiger, Jim Furyk, and Davis Love III through twelve holes. Despite the charge by Woods (he was -5 on the day at this point), Byrd just kept doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well, and was looking like he wouldn't follow Sean O'Hair and Alex Cejka as guys who recently collapsed with the lead on Sunday.
Of course, he then proceeded to three-putt for a bogey (including a miss from four feet) on 13 and double-bogeyed 14 to cough the lead right back up, before birdying fifteen to stay in the mix. It was very entertaining golf in the end, with Tiger, Furyk, Woods, and Byrd all holding the lead at different points before Tiger, of course, pulled away with back-to-back birdies on 17 and 18 with two of the best approach shots you're ever going to see. God he's freaky good. And it was awesome to see some good golf on Sunday instead of the usual collapses we've been seeing lately (yes, the two guys tied for the lead after 54 holes shot +1 and +3 to drop out of contention, but there were enough good players and good golf to make it a fun tournament.) US Open in two weeks at Bethpage should be awesome. And I already know who's gonna win. I can't tell you yet, he's quite the sleeper pick, but I'll let you know in a couple weeks.
- Watched some of the Twins game as well, which they lost of course because that's what they do, and at one point Mauer took a strike to fall behind in the count 1-2. Dick says, "Most hitters struggle with two strikes, but with Mauer the count doesn't even matter." Since I like accuracy, I naturally had to look it up to see if there was any truth to this, or if it was another example of Dick wildly throwing out words that may or may not be true.
Guess what? Dick was just making shit up. I know, I couldn't believe it either. For his career, Mauer hits .323/.405/.476, but with two strikes he drops to .262/.316/.379. Maybe he was talking about this year alone, you say? More of the same. Overall he's at .419/.507/.812, but with two strikes drops to .270/.343/.444.
So despite all anecdotal evidence to the contrary, Joe Mauer is a human being who is affected by many of the same things other mortal human hitters are, such as a 2-strike count. Consider my world rocked.
- We rented The Uninvited this weekend, and I would recommend it. It's a horror movie, a remake of a Japanese horror movie, about a hot chick (Emily Browning) who comes home from a mental institution to her hot sister (Arielle Kebbel), dad (the guy who played Eddie Cicotte) and his hot new, younger wife (Elizabeth Banks). There's a ghost, some scary dreams, and the hot sisters become convinced their new hot step mom killed their real mom - the event which sent sister #1 to the nut house. It's got some legit scary moments, and is more of a psychological thriller than a supernatural thriller, which gives it a nice edge. If you're looking for something to watch, you could do a lot worse.
- The MLB draft is Tuesday, and our beloved Twins are picking 22nd. The first mock draft I found by using the Google has them taking a high school outfielder named Evert Williams. I have no idea who that is. I have heard of only a handful of guys who are going to get drafted, and other than Stephen Strasburg that's only from a little bit of reading I did this weekend. After the draft, I'm sure I'll have more opinions as I read them from other people. As for the #22 pick, Glen Perkins was picked there by the Twins. David Aardsma, noted Twins killer, was a #22. As were Gil Meche, Rick Helling, Steve Karsay, and Jayson Werth. So it's impossible to get a good player at #22.
- Finally, I was watching the NBA Finals and J.J. Redick proving he's the only shooting specialist in the league who can't make a wide open shot, and they had one of those "Where Amazing Happens" commercials featuring this shot:
This shot continually appears on lists as one of the greatest moves of all-time, but can somebody please explain to me why? I didn't get it then, I didn't get it year after year when it is always replayed, and I still don't get it now.
First of all, it's not hard. In my very short basketball prime I couldn't jump and my strengths did not include athleticism, and yet I could go up with one hand and switch to the other and make the shot without much trouble. Secondly, he didn't even need to do it. There's no reason when he goes up with his right hand to even switch to the left. There's NOBODY there. Just lay it in with your right hand, show off.
Can anyone explain this to me? Is it just because it was Jordan and everybody wants to make out with him? Is it because Marv Albert reached Kevin Harlan levels of excitement? I don't get it. At all. And yet that play is always included in all sorts of all-time lists, so either everybody is an idiot or I just don't get it.
I'm open to all possibilities.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Liriano's Last Stand
I was considering watching Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy tonight, but I found out it's not actually about Hammerheads. It's actually about some kind of crazy Hammerhead/Human hybrid science experiment gone rogue. Think Armaggon from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (see above). Lame. How can I bitch about faulty science and shoddy research if the movie isn't about something real? That's the blessing and the curse of Sci-Fi; you can make up anything you want. The Hammerhead/Human thing could speak fluent Esperanto, shoot lasers out of it's eyes, and have a chainsaw for a left hand and it could just be explained away as "that was the result of the experiment that created the creature." I can't handle that. Plus I don't speak Esperanto and I hate sub-titles. So instead I'm going to watch Francisco Liriano try not to lose his job.
This is a huge game for Francisco. He's been a giant pile of dung lately, failing to get to the fifth in his last three starts. With Glen Perkins coming off the disabled list soon, and Anthony Swarzak pitching well enough to stay in the bigs (mirage that it may be), this might be Liriano's last chance to stay in the rotation. If he falls flat again, expect to see him either sent down to AAA once again or thrown to the bullpen.
Liriano will once again be taking on Felix the King, the third time these two enigmas have dueled this season. Felix beat the Twins 6-1 on opening day, and the Twins got him back with a 9-6 win on May 9th, chasing him after just four innings thanks in large part to back-to-back jacks by Mauer and Morneau.
Felix is having a lot more success this season, sporting an ERA of 3.41 and a WHIP of 1.28. The Twins are hot but honestly I don't really like their chances here. More important than the win though is Franky pitching well. Let's watch.
Oh, and I'm going with Sweet Tea Vodka and Lemonade tonight. Nostrovia!
9:09 - Hmm. Buscher DHing tonight. I was really hoping for some Delmon action. If I'm live blogging, there's nothing better than a little Delmon.
9:12 - Mauer is 10-16 lifetime against Felix. 10-16! That's unreal. He has a career OAVG of .260, and Mauer just owns him (small sample size, yes). Of course, a lazy fly out to center is the only logical outcome.
9:14 - A 1-2-3 first inning on something like 7 pitches. Yeaaaaaaaaaah!
9:16 - This is not a scary Mariner lineup. Just looked it up, and they are last in the AL in runs scored and on-base percentage, and 2nd to last in slugging. If he can't handle these guys, it's time to move him while he still has value.
9:17 - We get Gomez instead of Cuddyer, too. At least there's some entertainment.
9:19 - Fly out, Strikeout of Branyan (of course), and another fly out. Looked good too.
9:21 - Kubel whiffs, chasing a curve in the dirt for strike three. Tonight the roll of Delmon Young will be played by Jason Kubel.
9:23 - By the way, did you know Delmon Young has all of two extra-base hits this year? Two! His Isolated Power (slugging - batting average), basically a different way to look at slugging without singles and a high average mucking it up, is the fourth worst in all of baseball. You know is the worst? Nick Punto. You know who is the fifth worst? Alexi Casilla. Jesus, the Twins have less power than Obama, who we all know is just the nominal head of a shadow government working behind the scenes for a One World Order.
9:25 - Base knock for the pervy alcoholic (Brendan Harris) as Bert let's us know just how racist against asians Felix is. He is 1-3 with a 7.22 ERA when Kenji Johjima catches, and 4-0, 0.83 when someone else does. Bert tells us if you can't communicate with your catcher, you can't win. Maybe Bert is the racist one? Buscher stikes out to end the inning.
9:31 - Mike Sweeney ding dong to start the second. I think he was the clown who broke up Baker's no hitter last year too. In my experience watching Liriano, once there's a run, several more will soon follow. Like kids in a trailer park family.
9:35 - Liriano settles down, getting a weak ground out and two strikeouts to finish out the second. Got to see him use the elusive changeup, too, and got a swing and a miss. Oh, and it's some white dude catching for the Mariners, so it's safe to say the Twins are effed.
9:39 - Gomez leads off the third with an infield hit. They need to institute the Willie Mays Hayes program for him - every time he hits the ball in the air, it's twenty push ups. There's no reason for Vince Coleman 2.0 to ever hit the ball in the air. By the way, this is the guy Snacks said would hit 30 home runs some year. He's the next Scott Stahoviak.
9:42 - Infield hit for Casilla now. The Isolated Power here is off the charts.
9:44 - And of course, Gardy is having Span bunt. He's your second best hitter (canucks and roid-heads ineligible), don't take the bat out of his hands - especially in just the third inning. What, you really think you're only gonna need one or two runs? Freaking Liriano is on the mound, you better look to get at least five or six, which means no sac bunts in a potential big inning. God I hate Gardy so much. If this town wasn't so retarded about the "blue collar mentality" he would have been run out of here already for being a dipshit.
9:45 - Mauer walks, setting up the double-play. Speaking of Morneau, did you know that there are two Canadians in the top 3 in the AL in RBI? It's an invasion. We were busy watching the south, but they got us from the north. A classic diversionary invasion. Sun Tzu would be proud.
9:48 - They end up getting one to tie it on a Morneau sac fly. Good use of the sacrifice that inning. I'm so proud.
9:51 - Some clown for the Mariners lays down a bunt and then tries to slide into first Punto-style. Shocker, he was out. Where is Punto? Is he hurt? No way Gardy has just stopped playing "his guy Nicky", right?
9:53 - I looked it up. He's on the DL with a groin strain, same injury I got last time I humped your sister.
9:55 - Liriano actually just walked Ichiro. Do you know how hard that is to do? In his career he walks in 6% of his plate appearances, and that walk right there gives him a whopping eleven this year. He's so awesome, he can even walk guys who hate to walk worse than fat softball players. And now we get to watch him try to pitch with a runner on, which is where he usually falls apart - and there's a single for Branyan, which actually I didn't know he ever did. Now here's Beltre. That god there are two outs.
10:01 - God dammit. Had him 1-2 and ended up walking him after he fouled off a bunch of pitches. I'm going to go ahead and say this is the at-bat of his season. If Sweeney takes him to a gap and clears the bases it's time to trade him before the implosion plays all the way out. If he can get out of it, maybe he can turn it back around and stop sucking.
10:06 - Lazy fly ball, out of the inning. Honestly, I think what Snacks and Sidler said about it being mental might be right. Watching him once a runner is on base is like watching a whole other pitcher. He's afraid to throw it over the plate, gets behind, and then has to groove it. He needs to stop that and get over it. Kind of like how Theory was afraid of being our softball pitcher because he was convinced he was going to take a line drive in the melon. Like that, but not as girly.
10:08 - Effin' Dick just stole my bit. Said that might have been a "crossroads" type inning for Liriano.
10:13 - Sean O'Hair can go to hell by the way. That little bitch dropped out of the Memorial at some point between round one and two. I can't find any news on why, but I'm going to guess his dad yelled at him and made him cry. Also, Adam Scott is absolutely wrecked somehow. He finished 77-81 and missed the cut at +12. Seriously, the guy has died faster than David Ortiz.
10:17 - What kind of name is Wladimir? I swear, black people can misspell anything.
10:24 - What the hell? Suddenly Span strikes out on a ball out of the zone. That means both of my favorites, Kubel and Span, who I love for their plate discipline, have struck out on pitches well out of the strike zone tonight. The only possible explanation is that Felix is the Jesus of pitching. He's the Joe Mauer of pitching.
10:31 - Two one, two out for Kubel and he just misses a pitch and ends up flying out. Twins are knocking Felix around and drawing walks, but can't get the big hit - which almost always comes back to haunt them. Middle of the fifth, still 1-1.
10:34 - Four pitch walk to start the fifth. Great.
10:40 - I've never seen anyone so afraid to throw the ball over the plate. The only called strikes he gets are when he nips the black on the outside corner with his slider. I have no idea if he doesn't have it since the surgery or if he just thinks he doesn't, but somebody needs to get in that guys head and fix it back up. He struck out Beltre with a low change up (a really good pitch) to end the inning after two walks, but he just looks like it's a struggle the whole time he's out there. Still, it's 1-1, and if he can get his confidence back up I'm convinced he can still be a 1/2 type pitcher. I BELIEVE.
10:45 - Joe Crede sucks
10:51 - Couple more hits, still no more runs. They are squandering every opportunity. It's not every day Buscher gets a hit, you need to take advantage of that, man.
10:57 - Two quick outs for Liriano, and then Wladimir somehow hits a soft ground ball that somehow gets passed Crede and down the line, and then Denardo drops it into the bleachers going from glove to hand. Ends up as a 2-out double for Vlad.
11:00 - Bert wants us to know that he hasn't seen Liriano shake off Mauer at all tonight. He then continues to praise Mauer and essentially give him the credit for Liriano's solid outing (which is likely now over after a weak fly out since he's through six and over 100 pitches now). What can the baby jesus not do? Oh, right, stay clean.
11:03 - Span down on strikes again. I hope he isn't broken. Mauer and Morneau follow it up with a couple of easy outs. It's now bullpen vs. bullpen. I have no idea who Seattle has, but I like their chances.
11:12 - Crain manages to get two outs, which is weird. Now we are going to get Mijares to go after Ichiro - who is still hitless and stuck on his 27 game hit streak. This might be his last time up.
11:15 - Easy ground out, still 1-1 going to the 8th. Good game. Not a lot to bitch about so far though, which sucks.
11:19 - Seattle goes with Sean white, who appears to be about 6-10 and Mrs. W says, "He could be cute. Wait. Nope, nevermind." He gets Kubel to ground out, but then somehow manages to walk Crede, which is nearly on par with walking Ichiro. Harris and Buscher coming up next doesn't exactly fill me with hope. It's more like, the opposite of hope. But not quite despair. We'll call it, Less Hope.
11:23 - When I mentioned to Mrs. W she made the blog, she asked how and I told her and she was underwhelmed. She would like me to mention to all of you that she ran 10 miles today in her prep for Grandma's half-marathon in two weeks. If I can have a moment of seriousity here, let me say that she is pretty awesome.
11:25 - Tolbert steals second, and I have no idea where Tolbert came from. Apparently he's so much faster than Crede that taking away Crede's bat and putting Tolbert's (the equivalent of a little girl) in is a worthwhile thing to do. Meanwhile Harris strikes out on a ball in the dirt, and Mrs. W (who is suddenly paying attention) sees Buscher at the plate and asks "Who is this Pud (pronounced with a long u)?" He then lines it off the second basemen's chest and somehow this all results in Tolbert being thrown out at home. Good call on taking out Crede, ass.
11:28 - I'm really in the mood for some chili. During some of the commercials we put it on a show that is doing a feature on a chili tavern in Seattle. Looks good. I'm making some tomorrow. If you know where I live you can come over and have some.
11:29 - Now that I see the replay, Tolbert is a jackass. He tried to run over the catcher, when he would have had a better chance trying to go around him and hook in like Dawg's guy Randy Bush, especially since his running into the catcher looked like a Deion Sanders tackle. I think I hate Matt Tolbert. Of course, Dick's reaction is "Wow, did the ball in the glove ever touch Tolbert, I'm not sure." God you're an ass, Dick.
11:30 - ASSDICK!!
11:31 - Guerrier in for the bottom of the 8th. I am predicting a three run Seattle lead after this inning.
11:33 - Beltre hits a weak fly ball which Gomez decides to break back on and can't get back for it. So it's now a single instead of a can-of-corn. Guerrier doesn't get that many people to hit the ball poorly. When he does, you really need to get an out.
11:35 - Double play. I've always been a big Guerrier fan.
11:37 - I've never been a fan of white pizza. I need the red sauce. And fancy toppings aren't really necessary either. Just give me sausage and pepperoni. I mean, I also like olives (green not black, sicko), peppers, and onions, but they aren't necessary. And thin crust, for the love of god thin crust. And I'm not adverse to weird pizza necessarily. I went to some super fancy pants restaurant and we had pizza as an appetizer, but it was goat cheese, bacon, and green apple pizza, and it was good. But for my money, there is nothing better than a thin crust, sausage and pepperoni cut into squares and not from a chain. Let me recommend Donatelli's if you are in the North St Paul type area? Second best pizza ever. I think I'm going to go there tomorrow. Pizza and Chili. I'm so healthy.
11:41 - Yes, we are still watching food shows during the commercials.
11:47 - Span gets tossed trying to steal with Mauer up. Man, the steal is such an awesome weapon. It's so important to get Span to second there with two outs. I mean, what are the odds Mauer would hit the ball in the gap? No way there's a chance at all Span could score from first on anything Mauer could do. Thank god we have Gardy to make all these super smart decisions for us.
11:50 - Hooray for more Guerrier. Also I want to mention once again that Gardy might be the worst game manager of all-time. That attempted steal by Span is simply inexcusable.
11:53 - I don't know how this happens, but Guerrier puts them away 1-2-3. I also don't understand how Mrs. W can be complaining right now because she's out of Michelob Ultra and "has to" drink my Red Stripe. That's like saying you have run out of Mike Redmond at bats and have to play Mauer intsead. And he's up right now, which is probably why I used that as my analogy. I'm not very clever.
11:57 - Roid boy hits it to the wall, but not over. I can't decide if that would have just been a fly out or if he is between cycles and a little weaker right now. Actually he was mostly helped out by Seattle's center fielder who played that fly ball like the helpless kid in little league who loves to play the piano and listens to Mozart but his parents want him to be well-rounded to get into Harvard so they make him play baseball.
11:59 - So that was a double, and then they walk Morneau to get to Kubel. The intentional walk is Mrs. W least favorite thing eve, and she is currently in mid-rant about how dumb and gay and stupid it is and how it should be illegal and I'd write more but Kubel just hit the hell out of the ball and it should have been a 3-run dinger but stupid Gutierrez, who is probably an illegal, made a great catch to rob him. So now we have first and third, one out, and Joe Crede isn't up because instead we have Tolbert. Sounds like a double-play waiting to happen.
12:03 - A suicide squeeze????? A suicide squeeze?????!! Gardy needs to go. This is the worst managing I've ever seen. Oh, they pitched out, so they knew it was coming and Mauer, who was on third, just 90 feet away from scoring with one out, is now out. Stunned. I'm stunned. I've heard people say they were stunned but I didn't really get it until now. What the fuck, gardy? I'm shocked he didn't pinch run for Mauer earlier.
12:05 - Tolbert doubles off the glove the same guy who misplayed Mauer's double earlier, scoring Morneau and giving the Twins the lead. So now they will win and everyone will forget how Gardenhire is the dumbest person in history. (ha ha they ruled it an error go to hell Tolbert)
12:11 - One out. Griffey pinch hitting. He's about to go yard and tie this garbage up.
12:14 - Or not. Two outs. Ichiro up. I kind of want him to get a knock here to extend his hit streak. But not a home run. Plus, if this goes any more innings Mrs. W is going to straight up kick my ass.
12:17 - Struck him out. Good win. Suck it Japan.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Thursday Things (McLouth, Ostertag, Babies, Elaine Benes, Kobe, Idiots)
Just finished up a nice meal on the grill (steaks, corn-on-the-cob, baked beans), WonderbabyTM is in bed, and I'm kicking back with a couple of Red Stripes, ready to watch the NBA Finals (for as long as Mrs. W will let me get away with it) and toss up a few observations and what not.
- My all-star ballot:
AMERICAN
C Joe Mauer
1b Justin Morneau
2b Ian Kinsler
3b Evan Longoria
ss Jason Bartlett (this one stings a bit)
of Adam Jones
of Nelson Cruz
of Carl Crawford
NATIONAL
c Brian McCann
1b Albert Pujols
2b Chase Utley
3b Ryan Zimmerman
ss Miguel Tejada
of Raul Ibanez
of Justin Upton
of Carlos Beltran
And I don't have a single one of these guys on either of my fantasy teams. Yippee. God I suck.
- Since we're talking about baseball here, let's talk about this Nate McLouth trade and how little of it I really understand. In case you missed it, the perpetually financially strapped and non-competitive Pittsburgh Pirates traded their best player, third-year outfielder Nate McLouth, to the Braves for three prospects. Normally you'd just say this is a case of the have-nots trading to the haves and trying to reload. But this is gets curiouser and curiouser the more you look at it.
First off, McLouth is not an old all-star on his last legs. He's just 27, and is in just his third season. Last year he hit .276/.356/.497 (an OPS+ of 126, equivalent to Kubel so far this year) with 26 homers, 23 steals, and a league leading 46 doubles. He's putting up very similar numbers again this year, so he doesn't look like a one-year wonder.
Even more, he's not that expensive. McLouth is on the hook for the next 3 years at just $13 million after signing an extension with the Pirates in February. Basically the Pirates agreed to pay him that money in February, and then after he played exactly as expected, they traded him away just 3.5 months later. And he's only scheduled to make $2 million this year (then $4.5 and $6.5) so it's not like there was a lot of urgency to get that money off the books. Why now? Why not wait until the trade deadline when team's are ready to pay higher premiums for players? Or next year? It makes zero sense.
Lastly, the package the Pirates got back was subpar, and described by the Pirates GM himself as "Three players who could become above average players someday." Not exactly glowing praise. They got back outfielder Gorkys Hernandez and pitchers Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke. Hernandez is the "jewel" here the same way Bernard Berrian is the "jewel" of the Vikings' wideouts - more "meh" than anything else. He's a no power, speedy, excellent defender with zero batting eye (sounds familiar) who was ranked the #8 prospect in the Braves system, with Locke coming in at #10 and Morton unranked in the top 40, and in his fifteen starts with the Braves last year he put up numbers nearly identical to Liriano so far this season, but without the strikeouts and might very well be a classic AAAA player.
Essentially, the Pirates traded a young, talented, cheap player for a handful of mediocre two years before he would be a financial issue. Seriously, it looks like the Pirates could have the budget of the Yankees and still suck. Not even Bill Smith is this shitty.
- You know who isn't shitty? My guys Denard Span and Jason Kubel combined for three home runs and seven rbi today to help kick the crap out of Cleveland 11-3. Seriously, those two are the best players on the team by far. Canucks and Roid-heads are ineligible.
- You know what I love about Mrs. W? Every time we watch basketball together when she sees a big dumb white guy she always asks, "Oh, is that their Ostertag?" She knows almost nothing about basketball, but always remembers that. I laugh every time. (This time it was Gasol. I don't think he qualifies. Dumb enough and ugly enough, but slightly too skilled).
- Ha Ha! Kobe missed. Jackass.
- Twice!
- Jameer Nelson is back. There's a guy I never thought would become much of an NBA player, but once again my eye for talent is surpassed only by Bogart, he of the Troy Williamson worship. Downside to Nelson back is we'll get less Skip 2 My Lou.
- Speaking of Bogart, I just poured myself a Cranberry & Vodka (with Lime) in honor of Wonderbaby's future husband's birth. That's right, little Baby Bogart arrived yesterday in Chicago, weighing in at 8 lbs. and 6 oz, ready to start his journey towards eventually becoming my (rich) son-in-law. Since Wonder Woman once had a little thing with Superman, I have decided that Baby Bogart will henceforth also be known as, SuperbabyTM.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to actually try tonight. Magic in trouble (even though they're winning).
- Ok, so there's a trailer for a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Normally romantic comedies are the suck, and Sandra Bullock is really annoying, but Ryan Reynolds is the freakin' man and makes anything good - including that other romantic comedy he was in with that chick from Wedding Crashers. So do I let Mama W drag me to it or not? Decisions, decisions.
- FYI - last night at 2am my Tivo recorded a movie called "Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy." I don't know when I'll get to it, but I'll get to it.
- Tobey McGuire is there!! Sweet!!! And he's sitting with Kevin Connolly!!! The star power is amazing!!! (NOTE: I have no idea who Kevin Connolly is)
- Hedo Turkoglu was the 16th overall pick the year he came out? I guess that's about right. Actually, now that I look it up, he was a top 10 player from that draft, along with Kenyon Martin, Jamaal Magloire, Michael Redd, Jamal Crawford, Mike Miller, Quentin Richardson, Joel Pryzbilla, Eduardo Najera, and Eddie House. Top ten picks Stromile Swift, Marcus Fizer, Darius Miles, and DerMarr Johnson sure worked out well.
- Did you know Kobe Bryant likes to have buttsecks with Pau Gasol? I'm not kidding. I've seen it.
- I've been watching a lot of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" lately. I think I'm falling in love with Elaine Benes (no relation to Andy. or Alan) all over again.
- NOTE: Courtney Lee, as much as I liked him at Western Kentucky, cannot guard Kobe Bryant, aka The Rapisttm. By the way, I'd bet anything Bogart is a huge Kobe fan. Jesus, I really hope SuperBabyTM doesn't get Bogart's eye for talent. I don't think WonderBabyTM could handle that. I know I couldn't. If you take idiocy to a second generation, it's like idiocy2.
- 18 point Laker lead. This shit got lame faster than Jumper. Dwight Howard is the Al Nolen of centers, and they have no chance at stopping Kobe. This finals is going to suck, and my least favorite player ever is going to win another ring, except this one without Shaq which will cause morons like the Sports Guy to say things like, "Kobe is now the third best shooting guard in the history of the NBA." God that guy sucks now. Sports Guy, I mean, not Kobe. Kobe is like the third best guard in NBA history.
- Remember Matt Wieters? The next Joe Mauer, but with power (so like Mauer now that he is on roids)? He's really made a big splash since being called up on May 29th. A stellar 7-21 with five strikeouts and one walk. I know, small sample size and actually his overall stat profile is fine, but I like to make snap judgements. It's easier. That's probably why most people think I'm racist and sexist, but I just think it saves time. And I'm usually right. If not, oh well, I'm sure the jury will acquit.
- Randy Johnson got his 300th win today, which has set off an obnoxious spurt of morons with columns like, "Last 300-game winner ever" and "The End of the 300-win club?" Relax, idiots. There will always be 300 game winners. You realize there are only 24 people who have won 300 games? And four have them have done it in years that end begin with the number 2. That's one-sixth. That's a disproportionate amount based on how long baseball has existed. So settle down, idiots.
- My all-star ballot:
AMERICAN
C Joe Mauer
1b Justin Morneau
2b Ian Kinsler
3b Evan Longoria
ss Jason Bartlett (this one stings a bit)
of Adam Jones
of Nelson Cruz
of Carl Crawford
NATIONAL
c Brian McCann
1b Albert Pujols
2b Chase Utley
3b Ryan Zimmerman
ss Miguel Tejada
of Raul Ibanez
of Justin Upton
of Carlos Beltran
And I don't have a single one of these guys on either of my fantasy teams. Yippee. God I suck.
- Since we're talking about baseball here, let's talk about this Nate McLouth trade and how little of it I really understand. In case you missed it, the perpetually financially strapped and non-competitive Pittsburgh Pirates traded their best player, third-year outfielder Nate McLouth, to the Braves for three prospects. Normally you'd just say this is a case of the have-nots trading to the haves and trying to reload. But this is gets curiouser and curiouser the more you look at it.
First off, McLouth is not an old all-star on his last legs. He's just 27, and is in just his third season. Last year he hit .276/.356/.497 (an OPS+ of 126, equivalent to Kubel so far this year) with 26 homers, 23 steals, and a league leading 46 doubles. He's putting up very similar numbers again this year, so he doesn't look like a one-year wonder.
Even more, he's not that expensive. McLouth is on the hook for the next 3 years at just $13 million after signing an extension with the Pirates in February. Basically the Pirates agreed to pay him that money in February, and then after he played exactly as expected, they traded him away just 3.5 months later. And he's only scheduled to make $2 million this year (then $4.5 and $6.5) so it's not like there was a lot of urgency to get that money off the books. Why now? Why not wait until the trade deadline when team's are ready to pay higher premiums for players? Or next year? It makes zero sense.
Lastly, the package the Pirates got back was subpar, and described by the Pirates GM himself as "Three players who could become above average players someday." Not exactly glowing praise. They got back outfielder Gorkys Hernandez and pitchers Charlie Morton and Jeff Locke. Hernandez is the "jewel" here the same way Bernard Berrian is the "jewel" of the Vikings' wideouts - more "meh" than anything else. He's a no power, speedy, excellent defender with zero batting eye (sounds familiar) who was ranked the #8 prospect in the Braves system, with Locke coming in at #10 and Morton unranked in the top 40, and in his fifteen starts with the Braves last year he put up numbers nearly identical to Liriano so far this season, but without the strikeouts and might very well be a classic AAAA player.
Essentially, the Pirates traded a young, talented, cheap player for a handful of mediocre two years before he would be a financial issue. Seriously, it looks like the Pirates could have the budget of the Yankees and still suck. Not even Bill Smith is this shitty.
- You know who isn't shitty? My guys Denard Span and Jason Kubel combined for three home runs and seven rbi today to help kick the crap out of Cleveland 11-3. Seriously, those two are the best players on the team by far. Canucks and Roid-heads are ineligible.
- You know what I love about Mrs. W? Every time we watch basketball together when she sees a big dumb white guy she always asks, "Oh, is that their Ostertag?" She knows almost nothing about basketball, but always remembers that. I laugh every time. (This time it was Gasol. I don't think he qualifies. Dumb enough and ugly enough, but slightly too skilled).
- Ha Ha! Kobe missed. Jackass.
- Twice!
- Jameer Nelson is back. There's a guy I never thought would become much of an NBA player, but once again my eye for talent is surpassed only by Bogart, he of the Troy Williamson worship. Downside to Nelson back is we'll get less Skip 2 My Lou.
- Speaking of Bogart, I just poured myself a Cranberry & Vodka (with Lime) in honor of Wonderbaby's future husband's birth. That's right, little Baby Bogart arrived yesterday in Chicago, weighing in at 8 lbs. and 6 oz, ready to start his journey towards eventually becoming my (rich) son-in-law. Since Wonder Woman once had a little thing with Superman, I have decided that Baby Bogart will henceforth also be known as, SuperbabyTM.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to actually try tonight. Magic in trouble (even though they're winning).
- Ok, so there's a trailer for a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Normally romantic comedies are the suck, and Sandra Bullock is really annoying, but Ryan Reynolds is the freakin' man and makes anything good - including that other romantic comedy he was in with that chick from Wedding Crashers. So do I let Mama W drag me to it or not? Decisions, decisions.
- FYI - last night at 2am my Tivo recorded a movie called "Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy." I don't know when I'll get to it, but I'll get to it.
- Tobey McGuire is there!! Sweet!!! And he's sitting with Kevin Connolly!!! The star power is amazing!!! (NOTE: I have no idea who Kevin Connolly is)
- Hedo Turkoglu was the 16th overall pick the year he came out? I guess that's about right. Actually, now that I look it up, he was a top 10 player from that draft, along with Kenyon Martin, Jamaal Magloire, Michael Redd, Jamal Crawford, Mike Miller, Quentin Richardson, Joel Pryzbilla, Eduardo Najera, and Eddie House. Top ten picks Stromile Swift, Marcus Fizer, Darius Miles, and DerMarr Johnson sure worked out well.
- Did you know Kobe Bryant likes to have buttsecks with Pau Gasol? I'm not kidding. I've seen it.
- I've been watching a lot of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" lately. I think I'm falling in love with Elaine Benes (no relation to Andy. or Alan) all over again.
- NOTE: Courtney Lee, as much as I liked him at Western Kentucky, cannot guard Kobe Bryant, aka The Rapisttm. By the way, I'd bet anything Bogart is a huge Kobe fan. Jesus, I really hope SuperBabyTM doesn't get Bogart's eye for talent. I don't think WonderBabyTM could handle that. I know I couldn't. If you take idiocy to a second generation, it's like idiocy2.
- 18 point Laker lead. This shit got lame faster than Jumper. Dwight Howard is the Al Nolen of centers, and they have no chance at stopping Kobe. This finals is going to suck, and my least favorite player ever is going to win another ring, except this one without Shaq which will cause morons like the Sports Guy to say things like, "Kobe is now the third best shooting guard in the history of the NBA." God that guy sucks now. Sports Guy, I mean, not Kobe. Kobe is like the third best guard in NBA history.
- Remember Matt Wieters? The next Joe Mauer, but with power (so like Mauer now that he is on roids)? He's really made a big splash since being called up on May 29th. A stellar 7-21 with five strikeouts and one walk. I know, small sample size and actually his overall stat profile is fine, but I like to make snap judgements. It's easier. That's probably why most people think I'm racist and sexist, but I just think it saves time. And I'm usually right. If not, oh well, I'm sure the jury will acquit.
- Randy Johnson got his 300th win today, which has set off an obnoxious spurt of morons with columns like, "Last 300-game winner ever" and "The End of the 300-win club?" Relax, idiots. There will always be 300 game winners. You realize there are only 24 people who have won 300 games? And four have them have done it in years that end begin with the number 2. That's one-sixth. That's a disproportionate amount based on how long baseball has existed. So settle down, idiots.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
What's up with Franky L.?
I'm back. Sorry about no drunk blogging from Philly, folks, but it was our national sales conference which essentially means meetings all day, a very short break, and then a drinks/dinner/reception/event in the evening (with free booze all night) and not getting back to the room until after midnight.
There wasn't really much to report anyway. Due to the economy, there wasn't much in the way of gifts (at the last three (two different companies) we had gotten an i-pod, an i-pod speaker system, and a digital picture frame and this year we got a company logo'd t-shirt) and nothing in the way of events (in the passed we've hung out at the rose bowl, warner brothers studio, sea world, and a Phillies game and this year we never left the hotel). It wasn't a bad trip. I had one of the best dinners ever one night (crab legs, grilled prawns, grilled asparagus with olive oil and sea salt, risotto, lamb chops, jerk chicken with tiramisu, bread pudding, and creme brulet for dessert). It was absolutely fantastic. I also had a conversation with three black people - at the same time - one night. So all-in-all a pretty good trip.
Unfortunately when I returned to the airport and got to my car I found it had been keyed. My car got freakin' keyed. A lot. And it's not like it stands out, it's a freakin' Mazda Protege for god's sake. But sure enough, there it was, a whole shit load of key marks all over the spoiler (don't ask me why there's a spoiler, the car was Dr. Acula's first, ask him). What the hell? It makes no sense. Like Vince Vega said, "There's nothing more chickenshit than effing with a man's automobile." Suck. Anyway, on to the important issue - What's up with Francisco Liriano?
After that incredible first season, the injury and surgery, and disastrous start to last year, he finally seemed to have figured it out in the last two months of last season going 6-1 with an ERA of 2.74 and a WHIP of 1.19 after being called back up in August. Now all of a sudden, *BOOM*, he's blowing up (the bad kind).
After his last disaster of an outing, his third straight with just four innings pitched, Liriano is now posting an ERA of 6.60, a WHIP of 1.62, and the all-important record of 2-7.
Basically we are looking at bad news all-around. His strikeout rate is the lowest it's ever been (7.7 k/9 vs. 7.9 last year) while his walk rate is the highest he's ever posted (4.3 bb/9 vs. 3.8). It continues to get ugly. His opponent's batting average is a career high (.288 vs .257), and he's giving up the most home runs in his career (1.4 HR/9 vs. 0.8). He's giving up more line drives (21% vs. 18% LY) and less ground balls (38% vs. 42%) - these are both bad - and a higher percentage of the fly balls he allows are leaving the yard (12% vs. 8%).
I keep trying to find a silver lining here, but there's nothing. Batters are swinging at fewer pitches out of the zone (25.5% vs. 27.5%) but making more contact, both outside the zone (55% vs. 50%) and overall (78.6% vs. 75.5%). His Batting-average-on-balls-in-play is higher than average at .334, but he's always been a bit high (.313 LY) and a higher number is to be expected with that many line drives given up. He's given up more than four runs in a game just as often as given up less than four (4 vs. 4).
If you want to grasp at something, grasp at these two things:
1. He was masterful in the May 3rd game against Detroit, going 8 1/3 innings and giving up just two runs and four hits to go against 8 strikeouts.
2. He isn't throwing his changeup. This year he throws the changeup just 14% of the time. Last year he threw it 20%, and in his super stud year he threw it on 19% of his pitches. Maybe he just needs to get back to the change up? Although looking further maybe not. In his good starts he's thrown it just 17.4%, 10.6%, 12.5%, and 8.1% of the time.
Seriously? I think he's done. He's absolutely getting shelled out there, and there's nothing in the numbers - or watching him - to suggest it's a temporary setback. If he has another poor outing on Friday night he's going to lose his spot in the rotation with the return of Perkins and the emergence of Swarzak. Whether it's to AAA or to the bullpen, I don't think he'll recover, not a third time. He may develop into a good setup guy, although his strikeout rate isn't as high as I'd like for that anymore.
Sorry kids. Francisco Liriano is the next Lindsay Lohan. The bright shining star who everybody wants to bone one minute, a complete trainwreck starring in direct-to-video features the next. Both cases incredibly sad. What could have been?
Monday, June 1, 2009
All Time Fantasy Baseball Draft.....NERDS!
A few of DWG’s platinum members recently took a trip. In complete nerd fashion they performed an "All Time" fantasy baseball draft to kill time while driving. We had a few rules for our draft. #1, We could only draft players from our generation (we deemed this to be 1986 to the present). #2, Steroids, Cocaine, Aids, DWI’s, Rape and Locker Room behavior could not be held against a player. We just wanted to assemble the best on field teams. #3, A one season wonder (i.e. Brady Anderson) could be drafted but their entire career is what they would be judged on. #4, The draft had to be completed prior to reaching our destination. After that no moves could be made to the rosters. #5, We drafted one player from each position, 3 starting pitchers, 2 relievers and a bench player. #6, The draft was performed in snake fashion (1st pick in draft gets last pick in 2nd round). The first 4 picks of the draft where #1, B Bonds, #2 Griffey, #3 R. Clemens and #4 R. Henderson.I now present the results of the 2009 Nerd Fantasy Baseball Draft so DWG readers can vote on which team they believe is the best.
Team #1
C- I. Rodriguez
1B- A. Pujols
2B- M. Young
SS- Ozzie Smith
3B- E. Longoria
OF- Rickey Henderson
OF- Joe Carter
OF- C. Beltran
DH- J. Thome
Bench-David Justice
SP- Doc Gooden
SP- J. Smoltz
SP- Nolan Ryan
RE- T. Hoffman
RE- F. Rodriguez
Team #2
C- J. Mauer
1B- M. McGwire
2B- R. Sandberg
SS- Hanley Ramirez
3B- G. Brett
OF- T. Gwynn
OF- K. Puckett
OF- V. Guerrero
DH- C. Fielder
Bench- R. Yount
SP- R. Clemens
SP- K. Schilling
SP- R. Halladay
RE- L. Smith
RE- J. Papplebon
Team #3
C- Gary Carter
1B- D. Mattingly
2B- C. Utley
SS- C. Ripken
3B- W. Boggs
OF- K. Griffey
OF- Manny Ramirez
OF- S. Sosa
DH- Ryan Howard
Bench- P. Molitar
SP- J. Santana
SP- G. Maddux
SP- Randy Johnson
RE- M. Rivera
RE- G. Gossage
Team #4
C- M. Piazza
1B- T. Helton
2B- R. Alomar
SS- A. Rod
3B- Chipper Jones
OF- J. Gonzalez
OF- T. Raines
OF- B. Bonds
DH- Frank Thomas
Bench- Larry Walker
SP- Pedro Martinez
SP- B. Saberhagen
SP- M. Mussina
RE- D. Eckersley
RE- B. Thigpen
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I'm All a Rage (Movie Live Blog)
Raging over Raging Sharks that is, the latest piece I picked up off of Tivo in my quest to find a fourth shark movie that doesn't suck (Jaws, Jaws 2, and Spring Break Shark Attack are the other three). I don't have high hopes because it's damn near impossible to find a good shark movie, and yet, here I am once again, drinking and watching shark movies. Is this heaven?
- I'm more than a bit confused here, because we are starting this movie in space. Yes, space. There is a space ship that looks suspiciously like the Tantive IV (the one Leia is on at the beginning of Star Wars) that appears to be docking with some other space ship/space station. And I just saw some aliens. Since I haven't seen any titles yet, I'm going to assume Sci Fi lied to me and this is actually some other movie, since I can't imagine any way possible starting a shark movie in space can end well.
- The two outer space things crash, sending a piece of one of them careening off into the depths of space. Somehow I bet whatever it is ends up on earth and does something to sharks (makes them rage, perhaps) and makes me want to track down and kill whoever wrote this garbage.
- We have confirmation - this is actually Raging Sharks, and it did, indeed, start in outer space. I had no fair warning. Here's the plot summary: "White Sharks terrorize underwater researches and a group of divers in the Pacific Ocean." Nothing in there about outer space sharks or whatever. You should probably warn people about that kind of thing.
- Incidentally, this movie stars three people I have heard of, Corin Nemec - although I don't know why I know his name, Corbin Bernsen - Roger Dorn of Major League fame, and Vanessa Angel - who played that superfly honey from Kingpin. You remember her:
- I just looked her up, and it seems Ms. Angel also starred with Sawyer from Lost in something called Sabretooth, which is about a scientist who recreates a Sabretooth Tiger from old DNA, which then escapes and starts killing people. A rip-off of Jurassic Park? Yes. And yet, here I am, searching the TV Guide to see if it's on any time soon.
- Whatever it is that fell into the ocean has drawn a bunch of sharks to hang out around some underwater research base on the ocean floor. I have a feeling these sharks may start raging soon, and cause a problem. And, shocker of shockers, there is a storm a-brewing so the workers are now trapped in the base and can't get to the surface.
- Note: Vanessa Angel had a lot of work done on her face, and now exhibits the facial range of R2-D2. That's two Star Wars references, damn. I will say this though, Angel and Nemec guy have some actual acting chops. That already puts this movie light years ahead of Megalodon, the actors of which I'm fairly certain were plucked right off the street - and not the streets of Hollywood, the streets of like, Fort Worth.
- By the way, Clint Hurdle got canned. That should make our very own Rockies Guy pretty happy. Maybe Helton will be traded next.
- There's a couple of jackasses who swam out to fix something. I feel like we're going to finally get some shark action. Yep, two dead divers. And guess what? You're not going to believe this, but the shark roared. Again. The shark roared again. I think that makes four shark movies I've live blogged on here now, and in every single god damn one the idiots make the shark roar. It doesn't make any sense. Watch Jaws, that's pretty suspenseful and scary, and they didn't have to add any fake noises to their already terrifying apex predator. That would be like writing a movie where a Lion was killing people, but changing the roar so that instead before it strikes the Lion just yells, "HEY MOTHA FUCKA!!!"
- Now the shark bit some electrical cable for some unknown reason - whilst roaring of course. Actually I think there's two sharks. Both raging. and both roaring. And that electrical cable was their communication cable, so now they are CUT OFF FROM THE OUTSIDE. Bad deal, Kingpin lady.
- Ok I looked it up and the reason I know this Corin Nemec dude is because he was Parker Lewis on that old TV Show "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" which was basically Ferris Bueller's Day Off but on television and was an ok show. Anyway, he's some science guy and Kingpin lady is his wife, only she's trapped on the underwater base and he's somehow on the mainland but I don't know how because I wasn't paying attention.
- Holy effin' crap, Roger Dorn is playing a submarine captain. That's pretty damn hilarious. Also the sub he's captaining is a military sub, and apparently they are sending it down to the undersea base to deal with the shark attack. I wasn't aware they called the military in for that now.
- Dorn's orders to his sub pilot or driver or whatever: "Maximum Depth, Maximum Angle." That's what she said.
- I just looked up the guy who wrote this, and you'll never guess what else he wrote? Sharks in Venice. For realsies. If you remember that one, it was ambitious but horrible. Considering this one started in outer space, I'm guessing it will be more of the same. But Shark movies don't have to be complex. Jaws and Jaws 2 were about a shark that was simply attacking people near a resort beach because it had found fertile feeding ground. Spring Break Shark Attack was about tiger sharks that had been pulled too close to a beach by a new, artificial reef that was put in and all the prey fish that came with it. Simple. Realistic-ish. No roaring. Jaws didn't even bother with tossing in a hot chick and it's still a top 10 movie of all-time. Just keep it simple. Sharks are naturally awesome, you don't have to get cute and full of plot twists.
- Oh, and Spring Break Shark Attack's main female star was Shannon Lucio from the O.C. I like her:
- Man, these sharks sure are raging. Another diver down.
- Kingpin lady and some hot blonde with pigtails have figured out that the Great Whites are hunting in a school, and then discuss how that is not normal for Great Whites. An actual true fact. I don't want to go through all the other shark movie live blogs, but I'm almost positive that's the first scientifically sound plot point in any of them.
- And right on cue some dopey scientist type comes in and says, "Those orange particles we found? There's nothing like them on Earth." So basically this orange substance takes solitary loner creatures and makes them more social. I think Bear could use a little of this.
- Now the raging school of sharks just attacked a float plane (+ diver) when it landed on the water. Just like in Jaws 2. Man, the originality in this one so far is stunning - outside of the genius use of outer space substances and aliens, of course.
- This is awesome. Now, instead of waiting for help, the Kingpin lady is yelling at her poor foreign mechanic guy that he needs to go outside the undersea lab and fix whatever it is that is wrong with it. He's like, "there are sharks out there and I have three kids" and she's all like, "You're a coward." So basically there have been four people in the water in this movie and all four have been killed by the raging, mutated school of sharks, but she thinks this father of three is a coward because he doesn't want to play russian roulette with a loaded gun full of sharks. Mixed metaphor aside, she's quite the bitch. This is kind of how I'd imagine Marge Schott ran the Reds.
- Maassive attack on the local beach, at least five surfers dead. Of course, they'd probably be dead anyway because surfing is really damn stupid. I've said it before and I'll say it again - when you surf you look like a seal from below. Sharks love to eat seals. Ergo, if you surf, you will die. This movie proves it.
- Roger Dorn is PISSED at Parker Lewis. Dorn's sub is now surrounded by Raging SharksTM, and he's got a mad face on, blaming Parker for "crazy experiments." Also we've just been informed that the sub doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. The sub that the navy sent to check out the problems at an undersea lab doesn't have the ability to evacuate an undersea lab. I don't know. I put that as a pretty high priority. If I was sending a sub to check out a problem at an undersea lab, my priority list would go:
1. Doesn't fill up with water or explode upon contact with water.
2. Can evacuate an undersea lab.
3. Full bar.
- Parker Lewis is swimming for some reason that I didn't quite catch because I was in mid-rant. And they are playing some crazy classical music to enhance the drama. It's a solid effort. It kind of sounds like O Fortuna from Cramina Burana (and many, many commercials and movies) but a lot shittier. Anyway, he's out there with some navy escort guy and the sharks spotted them and now there's a lot of roaring and horrible camera work and somehow they both made it. The music led me to believe that they would not. I feel cheated. I'm thirsty for blood.
- Speaking of blood, have you seen the trailers for "Drag Me to Hell?" God that movie looks Effed up. The trailer alone scares me. I can't wait to see, plus I dig that chick (Alison Lohman).
- Ok, so actually the navy escort guy is some kind of marine research cop guy who is there to check and see if this project has been up to safety code and if not shut them down. Hot pig-tailed blonde is unhappy about this development.
- ALARUM!!!! ALARUM!!!!! Somehow the submarine is on fire. Repeat, the submarine is on fire. Apparently somehow or other due to the raging, socially well-adjusted sharks. So that means this sub failed both #1 and #2 on my priority list. I think it's clear that I should be in charge of the Navy. First order of business: Destroy Wisconsin.
- There is now only one hour of oxygen remaining in the undersea lab. The only way to get more is for someone to out in the water and turn the valve on. Kingpin chick, "Well we know it won't be Harvey (the mechanic with three kids who, oddly enough, doesn't want to go in the water with a bunch of killing (and raging) sharks)." His response, "What?" Her response, "We know you're a chicken shit." What the hell is with this chick?
- OMG. Then Parker Lewis (her husband in this) says, "Fine I'll do it" and she says, "No, it's too dangerous." She is either the most evil character ever written, or the most realistic.
- FYI guys, you can get a bigger schwanz if you go to ExtenZe.com. According to the totally believable couple on the commercial, it makes both the dude and the chick happier, and you'll have more sex. Plus, you know, a bigger crank. ($20 says The Todd has already ordered this.)
- I almost don't even notice the roaring anymore. Thanks stupid shark movies, you have now sapped my strength to fight scientific inaccuracy. Damn you to hell.
- Have you read any of this Twilight garbage? It's basically 350 pages of teenage angst, with three pages of Vampire/Werewolf action thrown in. And yet, I just finished the second one and, slowly but surely, I would bet you I read the last two just so I know what happens and what has every female from age 13-65 all a twitter. F my life.
- The little two man submersible Parker Lewis and the marine cop was attacked and ripped to shreds. Cop guy dead, other guy trapped hiding in a reef. Good news is now they want Roger Dorn to fire a torpedo to disperse the sharks so he can get out and turn on the oxygen valve and then get back into the lab. This sounds brilliant.
- FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
- I think the Torpedo just roared.
- Direct hit on a shark, which vaporized, and I'm assuming it was a nuclear torpedo because the blast radius on that sucker would have taken out Hiroshima - again (and it's probably about time, too. They're getting awful uppity). Shark bits are floating all through the water, but naturally Parker Lewis survived. Because he can't lose, you see. It feels like the end, but the Tivo tells me there are fifty minutes left of this. I'm so tired.
- Oh I see. There were so many raging (and roaring) sharks in the school that a lot of them just ran away from the torpedo and now they're coming back. And Parker found the alien canister full of magic socialization liquid, and now they only have ten minutes left of air. Tensions are high. Repeat, tensions are high.
- Ha ha. Remember that dude who was a mechanic and the father of three who Kingpin chick kept trying to get to go swimming with the fishes? He stole the mini-sub from the lab and drove away to the surface, essentially saving himself and dooming the other people. Of course, they didn't bother to think of the mini-sub (which looks like it would fit all six people left). Geniuses I tells ya.
- Oops, now the mini sub is getting battered by the sharks, and movies never reward
- Yep, he's dead now. Tis a blimmin' shame. He was a brave lad.
- Scientist "Styles" has run some tests on the unknown goo and determined it to be Hydrogen Isotopes charged with thermal neutrons - stable cold fusion fuel. I'm almost positive these are nothing but buzz words thrown together to sound fancy. Hydrogen isotopes are all over the earth, and you can't really charge anything with neutrons because they don't have a charge. At least they have determined it's from outer space. Of course, there's really no reason it would cause Great White Sharks to shrug off years of genetically programmed solitude and suddenly become aggressive, raging pack hunters, but whatever. I know facts aren't important here.
- Styles just got killed by some guy with a knife to the back. And now Roger Dorn just radioed and said that guy's boss has never heard of him. And now he has a machine gun from somewhere, and says he's black ops (DIA!) and tells them they have stumbled into a restricted area and now they will have to die. This movie was pretty bad already, but this plot point just went ahead and took a gigantic dump all over the small amount of dignity this movie had.
- I'm so confused right now. The "black ops" guy has now been ambushed twiced, once by some guy I don't think I've even seen before and then again by Kingpin chick. He's stalking the living people around the undersea lab trying to get the cold fusion thing back I think. I'm not sure who is alive or dead. I also don't know why everything seems to be on fire. And some scary looking chick who I don't remember even seeing before just drown. This thing just needs to end.
- "Black Ops" guy just got ambushed again, this time by Parker Lewis. Christ, if an elite military guy can't avoid three ambushes in fifteen minutes by civilians, what does our regular military do? It's a wonder we don't have tanks blowing each other up.
- You know what I really hate? When I pick a guy like Steve Stricker in fantasy golf early in the week, but then by the time I finalize my group I end up taking him out and then he jumps out to a big lead and is currently leading after three rounds (ok he's actually tied for second but he was in first earlier today).
- I watched Fanboys last night. The movie about Star Wars fans who try to break into Skywalker Ranch to watch the Phantom Menace early because one of their friends has cancer. Good not great. If you are a gigantic Star Wars dork (see Tantive IV reference earlier) like I am, there are a lot of really good in-jokes and references you'll like. If you aren't, like Mrs. W, you don't really need to watch it. You'll chuckle here and there but you won't really enjoy it like a true Star Wars nerd will - Snake you will like it. Can you tell I'm doing everything I can to not pay attention to this crappy shark movie? Maybe I need to just stop doing this.
- He just got ambushed a fourth time, again by Parker Lewis. This dude is lucky nobody has any idea how to finish the job, since they can apparently get the drop on him at will. He's no Stephen Seagal in Under Siege, I'll tell you that much. Perfect opportunity for an Erika Eleniak reference here, but I feel like I've already put too many pictures in here as it is. Google is your friend.
- Did you know Under Siege is the highest grossing movie ever that was not screened for critics? True Story.
- The killed the black ops guy. He was about to chop off Parker's head with an axe but Kingpin lady shot him in the back with a harpoon. He's dead. And we haven't seen a shark in like twenty minutes, roaring, raging, or otherwise. This is crap.
- The guy and the girl are the only two still alive, and they are trapped in a burning lab with no way out and almost no oxygen left, and are huddled up in a corner talking about their feelings more than the characters in those stupid Twilight books. This movie sure got gay in a hurry.
- Oh christ, the aliens just showed up. Now their stupid space ship is in the ocean, and it just deployed some alien guy who somehow got into the lab to get his cold fusion crap back while church music plays in the background. And the aliens look like Predators but they unfortunately don't kill anyone. Yet.
- The aliens used their "powers" to somehow teleport the two not only out of the lab and into the water, but in full scuba suits as well. And, of course, they get picked up by Dorn and his sub. Seriously? That's how you're going to wrap this up? Seriously?
- After a somewhat interesting middle part this movie sure went to crap in a hurry. Aliens, no sharks in the last half hour, and an inexplicable ending that comes from the school of, "Oh crap, I have no idea how to end this. Let's just do something miraculous and set it to angelic type music and maybe people will buy it because they are so distracted by our awesome sharks." Ugh. I might have to retire from doing this. I swear to you I didn't make any of this up.
- Off to Philadelphia tomorrow. I have no idea if I will have time to check in here or not. I'll let you know.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Super Sioux Fan Has Some Words For You
A Women's Hockey Update? Oh joy!
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Women's hockey: Lamoureuxs hammer out details for transfer to UND
Oh yes......the most exciting thing to EVER happen in girls hockey. The Lammy twins are going back to their roots transfering back to the most beautiful city on earth, Grand Forks, ND.
Okay so I know that no one give a shit about girls hockey and I know that most of you dont give shit about regular hockey but this is the closest thing to Hockey talk that I have. And without Hockey posts and WWW's Shark Attack movie reviews....I would NEVER repeat NEVER read this blog. Sorry....it is true, I have to listen to Dawg argue stupid points all day every day. Yes you can feel sorry for me, no wonder I am such an angry Bitch who hates Jews.
The girls apparently SHOCKED their coach when they asked for their scholorship to be lifted. To be honest that fact that they actually would stab their family in the back and go to Minnesota should have been the real shocker but why am I not surprised.
They will not be eligible to play next season but they will more then likely playing in the 2010 Olympics. Honestly I know these girls.....well I knew these girls. We used to throw shot put, discus and Javelin on a throwing team in GF and they used to wear berets...so personally I have always thought they sucked. Then when they signed with Minnesota I knew they sucked. But now I must say they suck much less. I would imagine being the 3rd and 4th top players in the game and only being freshman that UND has pretty much got it in the bag for quite a few seasons to come offically making it Hockey Town, USA.
Ps. I only posted this because Snacks told me it would be awesome and that he looked forward to it during a facebook chat yesterday. Yes, I facebook chat at work. My job sucks more dick then The Todd. He also confirmed that El Todd is scared shitless of me. Todd you have never been more smart.
Also Mrs. Snacks is STILL not a lesbian and STILL not into "baby's mama's"........suck
Suck dick Bitches.
Siouxper Sioux Fan
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Thanks again Mama Dawger, you are always entertaining. Although it makes me very nervous and concerned that you and Snacks are chatting away on facebook. Watch your back Mrs. Snacks.
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Women's hockey: Lamoureuxs hammer out details for transfer to UND
Oh yes......the most exciting thing to EVER happen in girls hockey. The Lammy twins are going back to their roots transfering back to the most beautiful city on earth, Grand Forks, ND.
Okay so I know that no one give a shit about girls hockey and I know that most of you dont give shit about regular hockey but this is the closest thing to Hockey talk that I have. And without Hockey posts and WWW's Shark Attack movie reviews....I would NEVER repeat NEVER read this blog. Sorry....it is true, I have to listen to Dawg argue stupid points all day every day. Yes you can feel sorry for me, no wonder I am such an angry Bitch who hates Jews.
The girls apparently SHOCKED their coach when they asked for their scholorship to be lifted. To be honest that fact that they actually would stab their family in the back and go to Minnesota should have been the real shocker but why am I not surprised.
They will not be eligible to play next season but they will more then likely playing in the 2010 Olympics. Honestly I know these girls.....well I knew these girls. We used to throw shot put, discus and Javelin on a throwing team in GF and they used to wear berets...so personally I have always thought they sucked. Then when they signed with Minnesota I knew they sucked. But now I must say they suck much less. I would imagine being the 3rd and 4th top players in the game and only being freshman that UND has pretty much got it in the bag for quite a few seasons to come offically making it Hockey Town, USA.
Ps. I only posted this because Snacks told me it would be awesome and that he looked forward to it during a facebook chat yesterday. Yes, I facebook chat at work. My job sucks more dick then The Todd. He also confirmed that El Todd is scared shitless of me. Todd you have never been more smart.
Also Mrs. Snacks is STILL not a lesbian and STILL not into "baby's mama's"........suck
Suck dick Bitches.
Siouxper Sioux Fan
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Thanks again Mama Dawger, you are always entertaining. Although it makes me very nervous and concerned that you and Snacks are chatting away on facebook. Watch your back Mrs. Snacks.
Sign Ray Durham
Sorry to step on your post, W, but I had a few minutes here and saw Tolbert is in the lineup again today.
You won't see me suggesting the Twins sign a washed-up veteran very often, but I haven't had the misfortune of watching the Matt Tolbert/Nick Punto middle-infield combo before this season. The Twins need to do something, and maybe that something is Alexi Casilla. So unless he officially retired, I say the Twins should go out and sign Ray Durham for the rest of the season.
What can a team expect from Durham this year?
Last year his AVG / OBP / SLG was .289 / .380 / .432
Baseball Prospectus puts his 2009 projections at .273 / .359 / .425
His ultimate zone rating (UZR)/150 games last year was -0.9, so he'll probably cost the team a couple runs with his glovework.
But what will Tolbert give the Twins?
2009 offensive projection: 100% suck
His UZR/150 numbers at second base have been brutal over the last two years, -16.8 last year and -28.3 this year.
Crappy offense, crappy defense, but a hell of a lot of Ecksteinian hustle and grit.
There's a chance (possibly a good chance) that Durham would be a repeat of the Bret Boone experiment from a few years ago. But the bar is so low right now that I have to think he'd be an improvement over the current 2B performance.
You won't see me suggesting the Twins sign a washed-up veteran very often, but I haven't had the misfortune of watching the Matt Tolbert/Nick Punto middle-infield combo before this season. The Twins need to do something, and maybe that something is Alexi Casilla. So unless he officially retired, I say the Twins should go out and sign Ray Durham for the rest of the season.
What can a team expect from Durham this year?
Last year his AVG / OBP / SLG was .289 / .380 / .432
Baseball Prospectus puts his 2009 projections at .273 / .359 / .425
His ultimate zone rating (UZR)/150 games last year was -0.9, so he'll probably cost the team a couple runs with his glovework.
But what will Tolbert give the Twins?
2009 offensive projection: 100% suck
His UZR/150 numbers at second base have been brutal over the last two years, -16.8 last year and -28.3 this year.
Crappy offense, crappy defense, but a hell of a lot of Ecksteinian hustle and grit.
There's a chance (possibly a good chance) that Durham would be a repeat of the Bret Boone experiment from a few years ago. But the bar is so low right now that I have to think he'd be an improvement over the current 2B performance.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday Wankings
- I'll start tonight's post with what I am supposed to be here for, and that's Gopher hoops talk. Scouts, Inc's Antonio Williams released yet another breakdown of the 2009 recruiting classes around the nation, and once again Tubby and the Gophers came out ranked very highly.
Williams gives the Gopher class a B+, second in the conference behind Indiana's A-, and has this to say, "With only two seniors on the roster last season, the Gophers continue to add talent to their already good team. Coach Tubby Smith has made it a priority to keep in-state talent at home, and he passed that test with flying colors thanks to this class" among other things. He also breaks down each of the four players signed (ignoring Allen), but it's pretty much the same old same old we've been hearing on these guys forever.
With this #2 ranking in the Big Ten, combined with the main ESPN ranking of #2 and a Rivals.com ranking of #3, I think it's safe to say this class is as good or better than last year, at least on paper. As long as they perform up to expectations and everyone continues to improve and Al Nolen sits on the bench a lot, this should be a fun year.
- Staying with the Gopher recruit theme, I wrote about Clumsy Heights guard Jacob Thomas before, mentioning how although he's a highly regarded recruit and considered one of the best shooters in the Midwest for 2010, he was still without a single offer and that made me nervous. An article from GopherIllustrated clears things up a bit, with this quote from his coach, "Right now the way it looks for Jake from an academic standpoint, Jake has a lot of work to do to qualify," Braziel explained. "The Gophers requested the transcripts and the like. We still talk to the Minnesota coaches a lot and we are all on the same page."
He's lighting up scoreboards en route to leading Howard Pulley to a win in the St. Louis Eagles Invitational, and it's clear he can score (he was box-and-one'd in the championship game) and can shoot to what sounds like a Devoe Joseph-level or better, but the academics are obviously in pretty rough shape if nobody has even extended an offer yet. I always get a little excited for high quality shooters, so hopefully Thomas can get it together in time to replace Westbrook in 2010.
- Staying within the college basketball theme, suddenly the predictions of Brandon Jennings' defection to Europe causing a trend have a little bit of ammo, with two big-time college players heading to Europe next year instead of remaining in college in Florida's Nick Calathes and Clemson's Terrence Oglesby.
Calathes will be heading to Greece to play next season, despite having two seasons remaining to be a Gator, and Oglesby is heading to either Spain or Italy.
Seriously though, although weird, these two situations are very different than that retard Jennings (who, if you remember, couldn't qualify so he went to play in Europe and then spent the whole season crying about how much it sucked). Both Calathes and Oglesby have citizenship elsewhere along with the U.S. (Calathes in Greece, Oglesby in Norway), both have family ties overseas (Calathes's bro plays in Greece, Oglesby's father played in Europe), both have overseas experience by playing in the FIBA under-20 championships, and neither expects to be a first round NBA pick. Calathes had a chance, but his contract in Greece will pay him over $1 million and Oglesby had no chance to make the NBA but will get a nice contract somewhere instead.
In summation: Calathes and Oglesby - a little weird but do what you got to do. Jennings - a complete and total moron. Also this is what the girls at Florida look like:
- So those two clowns are leaving their teams, but there have been a few transfers of note in the beloved Big Ten that will affect things. PG Anthony Crater is shipping out of Ohio State and will play for South Florida in 2010-2011. Jermain Davis has left Iowa and will go down a class to play for Mankato State. Kelvin Grady is out of Michigan, and has yet to pick a school to transfer to. Jake Kelly (Indiana State) and Jeff Peterson (Arkansas) are out of Iowa, and Indiana has lost Malik Story (Nevada) and Nick Williams (Ole Miss).
Iowa is in the worst shape as Lickliter continues to do everything he can to destroy that program, bringing in not only the possible worst class in the conference, but Kelly and Peterson were the Hawkeyes first and third leading scorers last season, accounting for over a third of the team's points (and Jermain Davis also chipped in with 20 minutes and a few points and boards per game). Good luck, corn humpers.
Indiana is also hit kind of hard, Williams and Story were big contributors, but they are bringing in what is being universally hailed as the conference's top recruiting class, so they probably aren't too concerned about two guys who were worse than Verdell Jones last year.
Michigan probably isn't thrilled with Grady leaving, he made a solid backup point and torched the Gophers in a game last season, but his playing time really dwindled towards the end of last season and it's probably best for him to move on. He was #107 on the Rivals150 when he came out two years ago and has played some pretty decent games in his time at Michigan. I'm predicting a landing place of Xavier, with one of the directional Michigan schools a good contender if he decides to go more after PT than winning.
Lastly, Crater couldn't even beat out the world's biggest douche P.J. Hill to play point for the Buckeyes, so I seriously doubt they're going to miss him or even notice that he left. Hell, Thad Matta probably typed up the transfer papers himself, forged Crater's signature and then drove him out of town himself.
- I know you desperately want a preview of the Crowne Plaza Invitational, but I don't feel like typing up anything overly formal and it's in Fort Worth which is a sucky town, but I'll give you something so here's a bit of a top five:
1. Zach Johnson. I'm kind of getting sick of this guy, but he keeps doing it and doing it and doing it well. Represent Drake but kickin' ass out in Texas. Jesus that was brutal. Replace that with something funny.
2. Jim Furyk. He's played well at Colonial before. He's not having the best year of his life, but I always believe he can win at any time.
3. Luke Donald. Pretty sure he's still one of the best golfers out there, and his wrist should have healed by now. It's kind of a weak field and it's the kind of course where Donald can thrive.
4. Rod Pampling. You probably won't see him on any other fancy pants expert lists on the web, but that's why you come here for true hard-hitting analysis. Pampling likes Colonial, and he made a run late at the Bryon Nelson last week. Don't be surprised.
5. Stephen Ames. Another guy who doesn't get much pub, but he plays well in Texas year after year despite looking like kind of a retard. Pulled down a top 10 at the Valero and likes this course as well. I kind of wanted to put Sean O'Hair in this spot, but then I remembered he has daddy issues.
- Baseballwise, last night Zack Greinke pitched nine innings and gave up just one run - and raised his ERA to 0.84. Good god. He is going to be a star for the Yankees or Red Sox soon.
- Lastly, you people need to wake up. The response from the two people I talked to about Mauer possibly being on steroids: "Now way, no way, no way." and "Oh, he'd never do that." Come one people, open your eyes. We've seen a boost in power, a little roid rage, and a little acne. I'm not saying I guarantee he is on HGH (although it's pretty likely), but at least admit, to yourself if to nobody else, that if this was some other hitter on some other team, you'd have your suspicions. You know you would. Just like you also know, deep down inside, that you hated Travis Busch.
Williams gives the Gopher class a B+, second in the conference behind Indiana's A-, and has this to say, "With only two seniors on the roster last season, the Gophers continue to add talent to their already good team. Coach Tubby Smith has made it a priority to keep in-state talent at home, and he passed that test with flying colors thanks to this class" among other things. He also breaks down each of the four players signed (ignoring Allen), but it's pretty much the same old same old we've been hearing on these guys forever.
With this #2 ranking in the Big Ten, combined with the main ESPN ranking of #2 and a Rivals.com ranking of #3, I think it's safe to say this class is as good or better than last year, at least on paper. As long as they perform up to expectations and everyone continues to improve and Al Nolen sits on the bench a lot, this should be a fun year.
- Staying with the Gopher recruit theme, I wrote about Clumsy Heights guard Jacob Thomas before, mentioning how although he's a highly regarded recruit and considered one of the best shooters in the Midwest for 2010, he was still without a single offer and that made me nervous. An article from GopherIllustrated clears things up a bit, with this quote from his coach, "Right now the way it looks for Jake from an academic standpoint, Jake has a lot of work to do to qualify," Braziel explained. "The Gophers requested the transcripts and the like. We still talk to the Minnesota coaches a lot and we are all on the same page."
He's lighting up scoreboards en route to leading Howard Pulley to a win in the St. Louis Eagles Invitational, and it's clear he can score (he was box-and-one'd in the championship game) and can shoot to what sounds like a Devoe Joseph-level or better, but the academics are obviously in pretty rough shape if nobody has even extended an offer yet. I always get a little excited for high quality shooters, so hopefully Thomas can get it together in time to replace Westbrook in 2010.
- Staying within the college basketball theme, suddenly the predictions of Brandon Jennings' defection to Europe causing a trend have a little bit of ammo, with two big-time college players heading to Europe next year instead of remaining in college in Florida's Nick Calathes and Clemson's Terrence Oglesby.
Calathes will be heading to Greece to play next season, despite having two seasons remaining to be a Gator, and Oglesby is heading to either Spain or Italy.
Seriously though, although weird, these two situations are very different than that retard Jennings (who, if you remember, couldn't qualify so he went to play in Europe and then spent the whole season crying about how much it sucked). Both Calathes and Oglesby have citizenship elsewhere along with the U.S. (Calathes in Greece, Oglesby in Norway), both have family ties overseas (Calathes's bro plays in Greece, Oglesby's father played in Europe), both have overseas experience by playing in the FIBA under-20 championships, and neither expects to be a first round NBA pick. Calathes had a chance, but his contract in Greece will pay him over $1 million and Oglesby had no chance to make the NBA but will get a nice contract somewhere instead.
In summation: Calathes and Oglesby - a little weird but do what you got to do. Jennings - a complete and total moron. Also this is what the girls at Florida look like:
- So those two clowns are leaving their teams, but there have been a few transfers of note in the beloved Big Ten that will affect things. PG Anthony Crater is shipping out of Ohio State and will play for South Florida in 2010-2011. Jermain Davis has left Iowa and will go down a class to play for Mankato State. Kelvin Grady is out of Michigan, and has yet to pick a school to transfer to. Jake Kelly (Indiana State) and Jeff Peterson (Arkansas) are out of Iowa, and Indiana has lost Malik Story (Nevada) and Nick Williams (Ole Miss).
Iowa is in the worst shape as Lickliter continues to do everything he can to destroy that program, bringing in not only the possible worst class in the conference, but Kelly and Peterson were the Hawkeyes first and third leading scorers last season, accounting for over a third of the team's points (and Jermain Davis also chipped in with 20 minutes and a few points and boards per game). Good luck, corn humpers.
Indiana is also hit kind of hard, Williams and Story were big contributors, but they are bringing in what is being universally hailed as the conference's top recruiting class, so they probably aren't too concerned about two guys who were worse than Verdell Jones last year.
Michigan probably isn't thrilled with Grady leaving, he made a solid backup point and torched the Gophers in a game last season, but his playing time really dwindled towards the end of last season and it's probably best for him to move on. He was #107 on the Rivals150 when he came out two years ago and has played some pretty decent games in his time at Michigan. I'm predicting a landing place of Xavier, with one of the directional Michigan schools a good contender if he decides to go more after PT than winning.
Lastly, Crater couldn't even beat out the world's biggest douche P.J. Hill to play point for the Buckeyes, so I seriously doubt they're going to miss him or even notice that he left. Hell, Thad Matta probably typed up the transfer papers himself, forged Crater's signature and then drove him out of town himself.
- I know you desperately want a preview of the Crowne Plaza Invitational, but I don't feel like typing up anything overly formal and it's in Fort Worth which is a sucky town, but I'll give you something so here's a bit of a top five:
1. Zach Johnson. I'm kind of getting sick of this guy, but he keeps doing it and doing it and doing it well. Represent Drake but kickin' ass out in Texas. Jesus that was brutal. Replace that with something funny.
2. Jim Furyk. He's played well at Colonial before. He's not having the best year of his life, but I always believe he can win at any time.
3. Luke Donald. Pretty sure he's still one of the best golfers out there, and his wrist should have healed by now. It's kind of a weak field and it's the kind of course where Donald can thrive.
4. Rod Pampling. You probably won't see him on any other fancy pants expert lists on the web, but that's why you come here for true hard-hitting analysis. Pampling likes Colonial, and he made a run late at the Bryon Nelson last week. Don't be surprised.
5. Stephen Ames. Another guy who doesn't get much pub, but he plays well in Texas year after year despite looking like kind of a retard. Pulled down a top 10 at the Valero and likes this course as well. I kind of wanted to put Sean O'Hair in this spot, but then I remembered he has daddy issues.
- Baseballwise, last night Zack Greinke pitched nine innings and gave up just one run - and raised his ERA to 0.84. Good god. He is going to be a star for the Yankees or Red Sox soon.
- Lastly, you people need to wake up. The response from the two people I talked to about Mauer possibly being on steroids: "Now way, no way, no way." and "Oh, he'd never do that." Come one people, open your eyes. We've seen a boost in power, a little roid rage, and a little acne. I'm not saying I guarantee he is on HGH (although it's pretty likely), but at least admit, to yourself if to nobody else, that if this was some other hitter on some other team, you'd have your suspicions. You know you would. Just like you also know, deep down inside, that you hated Travis Busch.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Is Joe Mauer on the Roids?
Oh settle down. It's a legit question. I have no doubt you are currently swearing at your computer and calling me every simple minded insult your tiny brain can come up with, causing your co-workers to once again question your sanity and intelligence level, but stay with me here.
I'm not accusing your hero of anything, I'm just saying that if this entire state didn't worship Mauer to a level usually reserved for criminally insane cult leaders there would be some questions raised, but since nobody even dares hint at it, if falls on me to do the digging.
The numbers, simply put, are enough to raise the question, as any but the most hard-headed homer Mauer-loving fan would admit. This season, after hitting a pinch two-run home run yesterday, he has hit eleven ding dongs in just 81 at-bats. This is up against just nine all of last season in 536 at bats and a career high of just 13, back in 2006.
Before this season, Mauer hit a home run every 47 at bats. This year, he is hitting one every 7.4 at bats. That's about a 6.5 times increase in his home run rate. The most obvious example of a hitter taking the juice is always Brady Anderson, who hit fifty home runs in 1996 despite a career high of just 21 before that season, and never hitting more than 24 after that. Anderson came into 1996 with a home run rate of one HR every 49 at bats. In that season, he hit one every 11.6 at bats - a 4x increase. This means that so far this season, Juicin' Joe has increased his home run hitting ability MORESO even than Brady Anderson - the poster boy for a roid-aided season.
So what has changed? Simply put, Mauer is hitting more fly balls, and a higher percentage than normal of those fly balls are going over the fence. In his career, of the balls Mauer has put in play, 27.4% of them have been fly balls - this season he is at 36.6%. Of those fly balls, in his career 10.4% of them leave the yard - this year he is at a staggering 38.5%.
What does that mean? We can mostly ignore the fly ball percentages, as both the career number and this season's number fall in a normal range, and on the low end to boot. The home run/fly ball percentages are very interesting, however. His career number of 10.4% is on par with guys like A.J. Pierzynski (9.0), Russel Martin (9.6), and Johnny Damon (9.0) - nice, dependable mid-teen home run hitters who might rarely get to twenty. The 38.5% this season is more like Ryan Howard (33.0), Jim Thome (27.6), and Barry Bonds (25.1). Look at those two sets of names again. That my friends, is what we call, "a huge leap."
We only have data on HR/Fly ball going back to 2002, so we can't look at Brady. Luckily, we have another excellent candidate in Adrian Beltre. Beltre came into 2004 with a career high of 23 home runs, hit 48 that year (a contract year, no less), and then never hit more than 26 again. That year his HR/FB rate jumped from a career number of 13.5% all the way up to 23.3% - a huge jump, but no where near as high as Mauer. A-Rod, who has admitted to being on roids when he was with the Rangers, posted higher than his career HR/FB rates in both years with Texas we have data for.
Look, I'm not here saying Mauer is on steroids. I actually don't think he is, and tend to think more like this article from Fangraphs which thinks this month has just been a blip or this from Aaron Gleeman which compares Mauer to Wade Boggs. Then again, I didn't think A-Rod or Manny were on roids either, and was legitimately surprised when I heard the news.
So enjoy this from Mauer, chances are we won't see a power display like this from him again. But don't surprised if bad news comes at some point. You have been warned.
(I also find it pretty damn hilarious that now that Mauer is finally hitting like a #3 hitter, Gardy finally moves him to #2. It almost has to be intentional, doesn't it?)
Thursday, May 21, 2009
DFW, Take 2
After driving around the Dallas/Fort Worth area for a second day, I realized I wasn't nearly harsh enough before about what a squalid shitbox this area really is. I want to paint a really vivid picture, but I can't come up with the words and you probably wouldn't believe me if I did (we saw a store that advertised two things - Donuts and Jewelry, we saw two guys riding horses on the side of the freeway, and at one place on a road they didn't have stop signs, they instead had painted stop lines on the ground (red lines that said STOP), and another place the stop sign was an octagonal white sign with the word STOP spray painted in green - I swear I'm not making this up).
The best I can do is read this post about Dumpster Arena in Chicago. Now imagine that arena was expanded to the size of two cities, filled with poor people, people who wear cowboy hats, poor people who wear cowboy hats, and people with obscenely large trucks that are older than dirt, and then give everybody a gun and a horse and dump a whole bunch of oppressive heat on them. That's Dallas/FW. Except it's also under construction so badly there is a giant hole in the middle of the main freeway. Anonymous's joke in the comments below is dead on accurate, and I laughed out loud. I can't wait to get out of here. Did you know at the Walgreen's here the Axe Body Spray is under lock and key? Like you have to ask someone to get it out if you want to buy it? Freaking unreal.
Luckily the night ended up pretty well. We had a nice dinner (prime rib, steak fries, and a ceasar salad with a couple vodka & tonics) and then found a Texas dive bar 0.5 miles from our hotel that had cheap booze, golden tee, pool, and alternated between twangy country and eminem. The moral of the story is I'm a little bit drunk right now and have 6.5 beers in the sink with ice that I plan to finish. Rock and roll.
- As good as the news is from Chicago with the Twins breaking their losing streak by stomping the Sox 20-1, there's bad news for Twins fans as well. It seems the Sox and the Padres have agreed to a trade which would bring super stud Jake Peavy over to Chicago, and are just waiting for Peavy to waive his no-trade clause. Reports say it's 50/50 for him, since he loves the west coast and the national league, but with the Padres sucking year-after-year and his former teammate and good friend Scott Linebrink on the Sox, I'm guessing he goes.
And the Padres are getting a pretty good haul. Reportedly it's four players, and the two confirmed already are pitcher Aaron Poreda, Chicago's #2 prospect by Baseball America and a first round pick in 2007, and another pitcher Clayton Richard, their number 3 prospect. It's unknown who the other two might be, but San Diego is looking for a shortstop and with Alexei Ramirez and #1 prospect Gordon Beckham in his way, former top prospect Brett Lillibridge would be a great get for the Padres. He was Atlanta's #6 prospect in 2008, and came over in the Javier Vazquez trade, but has been less than stellar on a pro level. A change to San Diego might do him well, and would sweeten the deal for the Padres.
Also never mind all of this, because I just saw it come across on ESPN that Peavy vetoed the deal so this is all pointless now.
- I love Mila Kunis so much. There are no words.
- Speaking of awesome, did you see that Ricky Weeks is out for the year for the Brewers with a wrist injury? Guy has been pretty hardily maligned in his big league career because he hasn't really lived up to his lofty projections, but I've always been a fan, mostly because I really dig guys with plate discipline. And Weeks has it big time - he was in the top 10 in walk percentage two years ago and in the top 30 last year. He had been more of a Rickey Henderson without the hitting in those years, but this season was finally hitting the ball, putting up 9 homers and a line of .272/.340/.517. Unfortunately, you can forget it, as he's on the shelf for the season. Bummer.
- So let's look at this NBA draft we have upcoming here. It's a pretty big one for the hapless Wolfies, with three first round picks. According to ESPN.com, they will end up with Demar Derozan, BJ Mullens, and Patty Mills. According to NBADraft.net, they will end up with Derozan, Mills, and Terrence Williams. Hopefully, they will end up with Earl Clark, Mills, and Sam Young. Unfortunately, the wolves have a fairly detailed history of screwing this all up, and so I expect them to come out of this with Brandon Jennings, a foreigner, and a trade that gets them Zach Randolph. God I couldn't be less interested in a Minnesota team. Talk about mismanagement. I think I read that they actually hired a new GM so hopefully this guy has his shit together. Somebody has to at some point, right? RIGHT?
- The TV wants me to know that for a good time I should text 55425 for a good time and to talk to hot girls. $20 says The Todd actually tries this.
- Have you heard about this Greg Paulus shit? He's seriously going to go play the football at the Syracuse. I guess when you're a top prospect in both football and basketball, and then it turns out you suck at basketball, you must be a super star in football. Jesus talk about getting the superstar treatment. I have never rooted for Greg Paulus in anything, ever, but I am really hoping he gets the starting job since the Cuse opens against the Gophers next year. I'm sure some guy in the secondary and that one guy who is a corner on the team will be licking their chops going against Paulus. Seriously I can't name one defensive player on the Gopher football team. I'm a very robust Gopher blog.
- HBO Family is showing Fletch. Looks like I will be up for a while.
- You know who was awesome in the 80s? Roy Marble and Jeff Moe from Iowa. What a perfect pairing. Marble was the slasher type, and Moe was what Hoffarber wants to be, the perfect dead-eye shooter. I'm trying to research more info on Moe, and all I can find is that he was coked our of his gourd most of his career. Works for me man, shine on you crazy diamond.
- Oh, one thing I forgot to tell you about Dallas is how freaking ugly Texas Stadium (home of the Cowboys) is. Serously it's very dumpster area-like, and essentially looks like an old rundown warehouse but in a football stadium form. It looks about 100 years old, and I think bricks are actually falling out every single day. Seriously, don't ever visit Dallas. I'm doing you a favor.
- Dr. Rosenpenis. Classic.
The best I can do is read this post about Dumpster Arena in Chicago. Now imagine that arena was expanded to the size of two cities, filled with poor people, people who wear cowboy hats, poor people who wear cowboy hats, and people with obscenely large trucks that are older than dirt, and then give everybody a gun and a horse and dump a whole bunch of oppressive heat on them. That's Dallas/FW. Except it's also under construction so badly there is a giant hole in the middle of the main freeway. Anonymous's joke in the comments below is dead on accurate, and I laughed out loud. I can't wait to get out of here. Did you know at the Walgreen's here the Axe Body Spray is under lock and key? Like you have to ask someone to get it out if you want to buy it? Freaking unreal.
Luckily the night ended up pretty well. We had a nice dinner (prime rib, steak fries, and a ceasar salad with a couple vodka & tonics) and then found a Texas dive bar 0.5 miles from our hotel that had cheap booze, golden tee, pool, and alternated between twangy country and eminem. The moral of the story is I'm a little bit drunk right now and have 6.5 beers in the sink with ice that I plan to finish. Rock and roll.
- As good as the news is from Chicago with the Twins breaking their losing streak by stomping the Sox 20-1, there's bad news for Twins fans as well. It seems the Sox and the Padres have agreed to a trade which would bring super stud Jake Peavy over to Chicago, and are just waiting for Peavy to waive his no-trade clause. Reports say it's 50/50 for him, since he loves the west coast and the national league, but with the Padres sucking year-after-year and his former teammate and good friend Scott Linebrink on the Sox, I'm guessing he goes.
And the Padres are getting a pretty good haul. Reportedly it's four players, and the two confirmed already are pitcher Aaron Poreda, Chicago's #2 prospect by Baseball America and a first round pick in 2007, and another pitcher Clayton Richard, their number 3 prospect. It's unknown who the other two might be, but San Diego is looking for a shortstop and with Alexei Ramirez and #1 prospect Gordon Beckham in his way, former top prospect Brett Lillibridge would be a great get for the Padres. He was Atlanta's #6 prospect in 2008, and came over in the Javier Vazquez trade, but has been less than stellar on a pro level. A change to San Diego might do him well, and would sweeten the deal for the Padres.
Also never mind all of this, because I just saw it come across on ESPN that Peavy vetoed the deal so this is all pointless now.
- I love Mila Kunis so much. There are no words.
- Speaking of awesome, did you see that Ricky Weeks is out for the year for the Brewers with a wrist injury? Guy has been pretty hardily maligned in his big league career because he hasn't really lived up to his lofty projections, but I've always been a fan, mostly because I really dig guys with plate discipline. And Weeks has it big time - he was in the top 10 in walk percentage two years ago and in the top 30 last year. He had been more of a Rickey Henderson without the hitting in those years, but this season was finally hitting the ball, putting up 9 homers and a line of .272/.340/.517. Unfortunately, you can forget it, as he's on the shelf for the season. Bummer.
- So let's look at this NBA draft we have upcoming here. It's a pretty big one for the hapless Wolfies, with three first round picks. According to ESPN.com, they will end up with Demar Derozan, BJ Mullens, and Patty Mills. According to NBADraft.net, they will end up with Derozan, Mills, and Terrence Williams. Hopefully, they will end up with Earl Clark, Mills, and Sam Young. Unfortunately, the wolves have a fairly detailed history of screwing this all up, and so I expect them to come out of this with Brandon Jennings, a foreigner, and a trade that gets them Zach Randolph. God I couldn't be less interested in a Minnesota team. Talk about mismanagement. I think I read that they actually hired a new GM so hopefully this guy has his shit together. Somebody has to at some point, right? RIGHT?
- The TV wants me to know that for a good time I should text 55425 for a good time and to talk to hot girls. $20 says The Todd actually tries this.
- Have you heard about this Greg Paulus shit? He's seriously going to go play the football at the Syracuse. I guess when you're a top prospect in both football and basketball, and then it turns out you suck at basketball, you must be a super star in football. Jesus talk about getting the superstar treatment. I have never rooted for Greg Paulus in anything, ever, but I am really hoping he gets the starting job since the Cuse opens against the Gophers next year. I'm sure some guy in the secondary and that one guy who is a corner on the team will be licking their chops going against Paulus. Seriously I can't name one defensive player on the Gopher football team. I'm a very robust Gopher blog.
- HBO Family is showing Fletch. Looks like I will be up for a while.
- You know who was awesome in the 80s? Roy Marble and Jeff Moe from Iowa. What a perfect pairing. Marble was the slasher type, and Moe was what Hoffarber wants to be, the perfect dead-eye shooter. I'm trying to research more info on Moe, and all I can find is that he was coked our of his gourd most of his career. Works for me man, shine on you crazy diamond.
- Oh, one thing I forgot to tell you about Dallas is how freaking ugly Texas Stadium (home of the Cowboys) is. Serously it's very dumpster area-like, and essentially looks like an old rundown warehouse but in a football stadium form. It looks about 100 years old, and I think bricks are actually falling out every single day. Seriously, don't ever visit Dallas. I'm doing you a favor.
- Dr. Rosenpenis. Classic.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Stars at Night, are Big and Bright...
*clap clap clap* Deep in the heart, of Texas. And that's where I am, deep in the heart of the asshole of America, Tejas.
Sadly, this is my third time here in the last 18 months or so. The first two times, which if you poke around a little bit you can find my posts from, I was holed up in a small little area, and it could have been pretty much anytown, anywhere (except stupid Irving, Tx is a dry city and there are no liquor stores anywhere so I had to drive all the way to Dallas to buy beer), but this time I'm driving all around the Dallas/Fort Worthless area and let me tell you something - this is the worst city in America, and probably the world (not counting anywhere in France).
Seriously. It's all concrete, and there is nothing whatsoever to look at. We ended up driving through scenic downtown Fort Worth, and the only thing notable about the entire downtown was there was a Bail Bonds place on every corner. Everywhere. We also ended up going to the most Mexican Walmart ever. I've been to the Crenshaw Walmart, and that was pretty terrifying, but this might have been worse. I swear to god I saw a guy with one of those tear drop prison tattoos that means he killed somebody. I spent the whole time there looking over my shoulder, and really got nothing worthwhile out of the trip except to remember to "never ever go there again."
Let's just move on. Never visit Dallas. Just don't do it.
- Hopefully you were able to watch the Cleveland/Orlando game tonight. It was pretty awesome. Lebron was unstoppable, but Orlando came up with the answer again and again, finally winning against the team that was 8-0 in the playoffs and had won every game by double-digits. Forget going up 1-0, forget stealing home court advantage; taking away that aura of invincibility is every bit as important and they did it today, mainly thanks to a rare good shooting night by Rashard Lewis.
Even better is that Lebron was hopping around like he had been shot in the leg after the game. It's already a huge story. Expect to get really, really sick of it soon. I predict this will be just like Tiger at the US Open last year. Every time Lebron misses a shot or turns the ball over he'll grab the knee like he was shot again, but if things are going well you won't see it even affect him. And either way, the press will be all over it.
- I just saw J.A. Happ is going to be replacing Chan Ho Park in the Phillies' rotation. Look out for this kid. If you are a fantasy baseball player pick him up (SIDLER PAY ATTENTION).
- David Otiz finally hit a homerun today, his first in 149 ABs. He got a curtain call from the Boston fans. I really hope it was sarcastic, but based on the average IQ I've seen from the Boston douches I've seen, I doubt it.
- Have you heard of this Stephen Stasburg kid from SDSU? If not, look him up and give it a good read. He sounds like a better version of Mark Prior, and if you remember the press on Prior coming out, you know this kid might be a real life Sydd Finch.
- The Twins suck. And I mean bad. I don't know what's up with that guy who keeps leaving comments, but the pitching is brutally bad. Suddenly my 2003 Tigers comparison seems pretty valid.
I'd really love to write more, but I've had a very long day, and I actually have some work I have to do, so I'm going to sign off. Luckily for you and sucky for me, I have one more night in this hell hole. Stay tuned.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Will the Idiocy Ever Stop?
I don't particularly want to talk about the Twins here, because getting swept four straight games by the Yankees when you basically controlled the series other than the final score and watching Texeira kick the shit out of everyone is rather depressing, but I can't let some comments slide.
Heading to the liquor store tonight, I flipped the radio on the Twins' game to listen to the Twins continue to suck, and here's a gem from John Gordon, "The Twins' bullpen has definitely struggled, but I don't think there's a good bullpen out there." Followed by Gladden, "You're right John. Everyone says the Twins' bullpen is disappointing, but I think it's right up there with the rest of the league."
Two separate, yet equally idiotic claims here we'll examine.
1. The Twins' bullpen is on par with the rest of the league.
This one is easy, and I can do it even though I have no idea how to find separate bullpen (vs. starter) stats for all teams, probably because I'm stupid. Seriously if anybody knows let me know.
Anyway, it's easy enough to see that the Twins as a team have blown seven of their thirteen save opportunities. This is obviously not just Nathan, who is a respectable six of eight. It's the rest of the team that sucks at a big ole zero for five.
That puts the team at a 46% success rate. That's 28th in the league. Out of 30. League average is 62%. I feel comfortable saying the Twins' bullpen is nowhere near on par with the rest of the league. Unless this kind of on par is the same as when I told Snacks his intelligence level was "on par" with mine.
2. There are no good bullpens.
Well, I feel pretty comfortable saying Cincinnati (91% save conversion), Boston (86%), Texas (85%) (Texas???), and Tampa (77%) are pretty damn good. The Reds have blown only one save this year, and have Francisco Cordero closing (2.40 ERA/1.40 WHIP) and being setup by the immortal Arthur Lee Rhodes (0.75 ERA/1.08 WHIP) and someone named Nick Masset (1.23 ERA/0.89 WHIP). Sounds pretty good. I guess they are in the NL though, so there's a pretty good chance Gordie and the Dazzle man haven't heard of them.
How about Boston and Papelboner (1.06 ERA), Ramon Ramirez (0.86 ERA) and Manny Delcarmen (0.96) and their 14/16 on saves? Or Texas (I feel so weird saying this) and Frank Francisco (0.00 ERA, 9/9 on saves) set up by Scott Feldman (1.18 WHIP) and Jason Jennings (3.06 ERA) and their 13/15 on saves? And even Tampa, whose bullpen struggled out the gate, has recovered to save 13 out of 16 tries thanks to Lance Cormeir (who?) (2.17 ERA/1.10 WHIP) and J.P. Howell (2.41 ERA) even with Percival and Wheeler tossing less than average innings right now.
And these teams are all deep too. Where the Twins would be trotting out Gopher-Ball Ayala (5.71 ERA/1.85 WHIP) or the Meatball Kid Jesse Crain (8.25 ERA/1.58 WHIP), for example, Boston would have the Asian Invasion Hideki Okajima (2.89 ERA/1.13 WHIP) and Takashi Saito (3.86/1.43).
Ugh. This makes me sad. The whole point of this was that Gordon and Gladden are completely morons, not that this surprises anybody, but instead now I'm extra sad - sadder than I already was - about the Twins' bullpen. I did hear a radio interview with Gardy the other day where he said they would explore all options to fix the bullpen. I assume this means nothing will change.
Since we're getting all depressed in here, I miss old Tara Reid.
Because the new Tara Reid makes me melancholy. Like listening to Coldplay.
Heading to the liquor store tonight, I flipped the radio on the Twins' game to listen to the Twins continue to suck, and here's a gem from John Gordon, "The Twins' bullpen has definitely struggled, but I don't think there's a good bullpen out there." Followed by Gladden, "You're right John. Everyone says the Twins' bullpen is disappointing, but I think it's right up there with the rest of the league."
Two separate, yet equally idiotic claims here we'll examine.
1. The Twins' bullpen is on par with the rest of the league.
This one is easy, and I can do it even though I have no idea how to find separate bullpen (vs. starter) stats for all teams, probably because I'm stupid. Seriously if anybody knows let me know.
Anyway, it's easy enough to see that the Twins as a team have blown seven of their thirteen save opportunities. This is obviously not just Nathan, who is a respectable six of eight. It's the rest of the team that sucks at a big ole zero for five.
That puts the team at a 46% success rate. That's 28th in the league. Out of 30. League average is 62%. I feel comfortable saying the Twins' bullpen is nowhere near on par with the rest of the league. Unless this kind of on par is the same as when I told Snacks his intelligence level was "on par" with mine.
2. There are no good bullpens.
Well, I feel pretty comfortable saying Cincinnati (91% save conversion), Boston (86%), Texas (85%) (Texas???), and Tampa (77%) are pretty damn good. The Reds have blown only one save this year, and have Francisco Cordero closing (2.40 ERA/1.40 WHIP) and being setup by the immortal Arthur Lee Rhodes (0.75 ERA/1.08 WHIP) and someone named Nick Masset (1.23 ERA/0.89 WHIP). Sounds pretty good. I guess they are in the NL though, so there's a pretty good chance Gordie and the Dazzle man haven't heard of them.
How about Boston and Papelboner (1.06 ERA), Ramon Ramirez (0.86 ERA) and Manny Delcarmen (0.96) and their 14/16 on saves? Or Texas (I feel so weird saying this) and Frank Francisco (0.00 ERA, 9/9 on saves) set up by Scott Feldman (1.18 WHIP) and Jason Jennings (3.06 ERA) and their 13/15 on saves? And even Tampa, whose bullpen struggled out the gate, has recovered to save 13 out of 16 tries thanks to Lance Cormeir (who?) (2.17 ERA/1.10 WHIP) and J.P. Howell (2.41 ERA) even with Percival and Wheeler tossing less than average innings right now.
And these teams are all deep too. Where the Twins would be trotting out Gopher-Ball Ayala (5.71 ERA/1.85 WHIP) or the Meatball Kid Jesse Crain (8.25 ERA/1.58 WHIP), for example, Boston would have the Asian Invasion Hideki Okajima (2.89 ERA/1.13 WHIP) and Takashi Saito (3.86/1.43).
Ugh. This makes me sad. The whole point of this was that Gordon and Gladden are completely morons, not that this surprises anybody, but instead now I'm extra sad - sadder than I already was - about the Twins' bullpen. I did hear a radio interview with Gardy the other day where he said they would explore all options to fix the bullpen. I assume this means nothing will change.
Since we're getting all depressed in here, I miss old Tara Reid.
Because the new Tara Reid makes me melancholy. Like listening to Coldplay.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Chomping??? (Live Movie Blog)
I caught the first twenty minutes or so of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon a few months ago, and promised myself I would rent it and/or Tivo it. Well I found it on Sci Fi and Tivo'd it. Go.
- The opening titles are in some kind of faux-3D. I like where we're going.
- It is hard to believe, but it looks like they actually did a little bit of research. The area where they are about to accidentally encounter the Meg for the first time is the Challenger Deep, which is the actual deepest part of the ocean. I'm willing to wager it's the only scientifically sound thing of the movie.
- Also I want to mention here that I will probably call Megalodon "Meg" to save time. I also want to tell you that Meg by Steve Alten, about a modern day Megalodon, is without question the worst book I've eve read, and I've read a lot of books. I don't want to spoil it for you, but I will because I want to save you the pain, but the main character ends up walking around in a Meg's stomach. No lie. Seriously. Steve Alten is a gigantic retard. He also writes books about a giant, mechanical sting ray. He's like the Matt Guerrier of authors.
- GOD FUCKING DAMMIT SHARKS DO NOT ROAR. I just don't understand.
- If you want to picture the lead hero dude in this, just picture a super cheesy (cheesier) Mark Harmon. And also they just showed side boob on the Sci Fi channel. HOT.
- The Shark just roared again. Honestly, it grates on my soul.
- Dude found a shark tooth that is going to end up being a Megalodon tooth. However, it's the size of a medium-sized Great White tooth. Megalodon tooth should be at least 3x bigger. Ominous music plays in the background as guy stares at his baby Great White sized tooth.
- Look here, this is a Megalodon tooth compared to a Great White:
The one they found is identical to the ones one the right.
- Did I ever tell you how I crossed 8 mile road in Michigan? Except I was so far from Detroit at the time it was actually farmland all around, but still: I crossed 8 mile road and lived to tell the story.
- He can't identify the tooth, even though he's a marine biologist and a Megalodon tooth is identical to a Great White's, the most famously recognizable tooth, except bigger. And then he looks it up in the "Shark Tooth Database" and couldn't find an entry. For a Great White shark tooth. In the Shark Tooth Database.
- We then get some action of a shark in the water (and what clearly would have been a topless chick if this wasn't on Sci Fi), but the footage they used was shark footage pirated from some poor documentary, and they didn't bother to make sure all the footage was of the same species. That's right, the supposed shark seems to alternate between being a Great White and a Bull Shark. The it dies, and we don't have any idea why, and the marine biologist guy identifies it as a "Sand Tiger" so everybody loses.
- Marine Biologist guy just talked to blonde Marine Biologist girl and keeps talking about how it's such a big tooth he found and wondering if the shark it came from is large and dangerous. But it's not big. It's not big at all. It's really quite small for a great white tooth. And now you're telling me two marine biologists can't identify it? Where'd they go to school, Dunwoody?
- Finally, Megalodon makes an appearance and eats a punk rocker couple who go swimming at night, but guess what it does right before it attacks? That's right, it roars. Like a lion. Because I guess that's what movie sharks do. At least this time it wasn't for revenge. I don't think. I can't keep up with all the complicated plot twists.
- Oh good, we have a fake Vince Vaughn as the cameraman. I hope he gets eaten soon. You have to be very likable to pull off that shtick. Vince is. Douchey doucherton here isn't.
- Oh for christ's sake. Their chum has no fish in it. It's basically red kool-aid. How expensive are fake fish parts. Hell, real fish parts are probably cheaper and more authentic.
- I guess the red kool-aid worked, because there is now a shark ramming the boat. So far all the video footage of it has of a great white, but it's still roaring. It's even roaring when it's just swimming and not actively attacking/ramming anything, as if just showing the shark swimming was too boring for these jackasses. And there's now a chomping sound effect. Chomping. CHOMPING! It sounds like the usual morons who always sit behind me eating popcorn in the movie theater who have never heard of not opening their mouth when they chew. Freaking retards. Anyway, it plays when the shark bites the bait suspended from the boat that is only there in the shot clearly lifted from a documentary and no longer visible in any actual shots of the boat. But hey, at least they managed to tag it.
- Marine Biologist guy is now in Marine Biologist chick's hotel room and found out she's really a paleontologist. Now is where the beans are spilled. And she smokes. You know what they say, "If she smokes, she pokes." Good work MB guy.
- MB guy wants to kill the Megalodon because it's a danger to the swimmers on his beach and killed some poor dumb bastard who shouldn't have been swimming there. The girl wants to study it because it's an incredible discovery. It's quite the classic battle of intellect here. Like watching Corky and Mr. T argue.
- Oh wow, total curveball here - they're going to join forces. I bet there's no way they fall for each other though. No chance.
- Uh oh. The shark is heading right for the resort. Where's Chief Brody when you really need him?
- And apparently life guards at this resort wear Speedos. Sign me up.
- This shark is one badass. The biologists and what not are chasing it, and then we hear "Go faster! It's heading for that boat!" Nevermind the fact that sharks ramming boats is generally a myth or a case of mistaken identity, but why start using actual facts or realistic shark behaviors in your movie now? It rams the boat - with accompanying roar, naturally - and eats not just one, but two of the drunk mexicans on board. Good way to solve the immigration problem. Do you think they're extra spicy?
- CHOMPING!!!??
- I checked out the two credited writers for this garbage, and one of them appears to be a cameraman who suddenly decided to start writing shark movies, and has written Shark Attack, Shark Attack 2, and Shark Attack 3 (this). The other guy has done nothing but help write and produce this garbage. So basically a cameraman and his rich friend with too much time and money. Seems about right.
- In a scene ripped from every shark movie ever, Marine Biologist guy gets in a argument with resort owner guy about closing the beaches, followed by teary paleontologist chick crying and whining about people dying because she wanted to study a shark. As a bonus, we are getting a level of acting here usually reserved for Saved by the Bell guest stars.
- Here's what I don't get. They keep saying that this is for sure a Megalodon, even though it's only twenty feet long. It's known that a real Meg would be 60 feet or more. So either this is a great white, or it's a baby Meg. But nobody is even mentioning that it's too small. It's my fault, isn't it? To expect sound science and actual facts and sharks that don't make noises that sharks don't make. I have no idea why I keep watching this kind of movies, and to make it worse the two main people just went into a church and lit about 60 candles because, "we're going to need all the help we can get." Oof. Excellent writing, cameraman and rich friend.
- That idiot Nick Punto slid into first again the other night. Except there was no play. He bunted, and A-Rod was playing so far back and the grass is so thick at Yankee Stadium and it was an excellent bunt so there was no play at all. But that jackass slid into first anyway. So it's clear that he doesn't do it because he (incorrectly) thinks it will help him be safe on a close play, he knows he's going to do it before the play even happens. So he's planning to be an idiot in advance. Bravo.
- CHOMPING!!!???!
- Ok, I obviously wasn't paying attention because suddenly the boat is all flooded, I assume from being rammed by the shark because that's what shark's do when they're bored. And bam, there is is again, half in the boat just like the shark in Jaws did when it ate Quint. Except this shark didn't get to eat anyone because it was too busy roaring At least I don't think so. Blair Witch Project levels of shaky camera here. I think this time it's attributable to shitty cameramen though.
- Still roaring. You'd think it would have a sore throat by now. Seriously, Wonderbaby doesn't roar this much and she spends 90% of her awake time wandering around the house roaring like a
- They killed the shark with a shotgun in the mouth (just like Kurt Cobain). Sadly, my Tivo informs me we still have 39 minutes left of this crap, so I'm guessing it's not over yet. Considering that "Megalodon" was only the size of a Great White, I'm guessing the "Mother" meg is going to show up. It has to, right? Other wise this movie would have been called "Shark Attack 3: A Normal Great White."
- Oh my god! This is the most awesome thing ever. The mama did show up, and how they did it was taking normal footage of a shark eating, but then superimposed the footage of a boat where normally the real food would be. So it looks like the world's biggest shark eating a boat, only if the digital effects were done by a team of drunk mexican midgets.
- This, I suppose, is actually kind of a genius idea when your budget for a movie is only about $100 total, but I haven't laughed this hard since Theory ran into a screen door at my parents cabin.
- Creative editing. The resort owner guy is in an argument with MB guy, and he doesn't believe there's a 60 foot shark swimming around off his resort. His response: "Bull spit." I love the FCC!
- Naughty time in the shower between Marine Biologist guy and lying Paleontologist girl who smokes. I just went from six to midnight.
- Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that this is all the fault of the resort owner and some greedy communications company that is trying to get rich by building undersea electrical cables and knew about the Megs and ignored the problem. And they were having a celebratory dinner on a yacht. A yacht which is now being rammed by a roaring shark (for revenge) and doing it's best titanic impression.
- I was trying to come up with words to describe this most awesome of all awesome climaxes, but luckily I found the clip on youtube, so you can see it yourself in all it's glory. Check this out:
Have you ever seen anything so glorious in all your life? There are no words.
- After that Mark Harmon's douchier little brother kills the shark by blowing it up with a "super torpedo." I don't know. It doesn't really matter because you can't top that clip above. Totally made the two hours I spent watching this crap worth it. Well, not totally worth it, but kind of.
Both Marine Biologist guy and Lying Paleontologist girl live. I'm guessing they go make out. Like I'm going to go do. With your mom.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Thursday Things (Twins, Threesomes, and shitty ptiching)
- How the holy hell did the Twins win today? Naturally the game wasn't on television, because there's far too much fishing, racing, and poker to be shown on Fox Sports during the day, so I couldn't watch it in our conference room, but I had the gamecast from MLB.com up on my computer at my desk in my big office on the 30th floor with the big window. Justin Verlander was mowin' down fools, like I warned he would, with twelve strikeouts of idiotic Twins' hackers and no runs allowed through six. Scott Baker the home run maker had matched him through five, also giving up no runs (which I assume meant the Tigers were hitting a lot of line drives right at defenders), but then came the inevitable implosion in the top of the sixth. The Tigers lit him up for five runs in the inning, which included a hit by Adam Everett (ADAM. FREAKING. EVERETT.)
At this point I mercifully had a meeting which I would love to tell you all about but I wasn't paying attention because it was boring and I was busy thinking about my girl Bianca Kajlich:
So when I get back to my desk, the Twins have somehow won 6-5. I have no idea how. It appears Verlander's arm was pretty much about to fall off when they brought him out in seventh (ended up with 122 pitches) and he promptly (after striking out Crede of course) gave up a rare hit to Buscher and a walk to Punto and was yanked for Bobby Seay - who I have decided to call the Matt Guerrier of Detroit. Seay got just one out and gave up three hits and a walk to lose the game. Actually, Crede got the game-winning hit off Zach Miner, but Seay definitely Jesse Crained this one.
And of course, Gardy got thrown out for being an idiot. I love when he throws his gay little temper tantrums. It really makes me proud to have him as a manager. Well, that and his gameday genius. Like batting Matt Tolbert second. Second. Right after first. Between the next Ricky Henderson and the Baby Jesus. Essentially guaranteeing the Twins could never get three hits in a row to start a game. Because Tolbert sucks, you see.
He is, of course, hitting just .200 now after a stellar 0-4 today, in which he decided to not even come close to making good contact. Sure, 30 at bats so far this year is a pretty small sample size, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that his ceiling is Denny Hocking.
Let's go ahead and ignore the hitting second thing, and instead point out that Brendan Harris should probably be the everyday second basemen, especially over Tolbert who has now started in EVERY SINGLE GAME SINCE HE WAS CALLED UP. All 8. Go ahead and count it. I'll wait.
It's just so frustrating to have a jackass like this as manager. It's like that manager in little league who plays his kid over players who are better, except he's running a multi-million dollar business.
Back to Brendan Harris. He's hitting .309/.360/.441 so far this season. Those numbers put him 10th, 12th, and 12th amongst second basemen in the majors. Better average than Chase Utley. Better OBP than Dan Uggla. Better slugging pct. than Dustin Pedroia. Plus he can play three positions. Yet he's behind Tolbert, Punto, and even Buscher. Makes zero sense, except, like I Hate Cuddyer Guy said, "It's just because Gardy is a fucking dipshit who plays favorites right?"
Plus, check out this story from The Todd. Originally relayed here in the comments, but it deserves to be promoted to main post status:
[I was fortunate enough to attend the Twins game this afternoon, compliments of work.
And as luck would have it, a coworker of mine seems to know EVERYone. He played college ball at St. Thomas so that has to say something right?
Anyway, he informed me during the game that Brenden Harris has been bangin some UofM chick for a while now and when he does, insists that the doors be open so all the girls in her house can hear it (classy if you ask me).
Moving on, he's wanted and has been pressuring her like hell to have a three some with some other chick in the house. Well apparently this all came to a head last weekebd (or two), said chick broke down whilst wasted calling the cops etc etc. Harris now has a restraining order against that entire house. Or so he says.
God I love baseball!
I need another drink.]
How do you NOT start that guy?
- Speaking of the Twins, do you remember the god awful pitching rotation the Tigers of 2003 trotted out? You remember, the team was terrible and everyone knew they were going to be terrible and overall the ended up losing 119 games? It was supposed to be a group of young bucks who would eventually develop into something special but out of Mike Maroth, Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Cornejo, Adam Bernero, and Gary Knotts not one of them has pitched an inning in 2009 and only Bonderman has a shot at being anything at all.
Well, those guys, who combined to go 25-77, had a combined ERA that year of 5.50. The Twins five "young guns" this year have a combined ERA of 5.17.
I'm just sayin'.
At this point I mercifully had a meeting which I would love to tell you all about but I wasn't paying attention because it was boring and I was busy thinking about my girl Bianca Kajlich:
So when I get back to my desk, the Twins have somehow won 6-5. I have no idea how. It appears Verlander's arm was pretty much about to fall off when they brought him out in seventh (ended up with 122 pitches) and he promptly (after striking out Crede of course) gave up a rare hit to Buscher and a walk to Punto and was yanked for Bobby Seay - who I have decided to call the Matt Guerrier of Detroit. Seay got just one out and gave up three hits and a walk to lose the game. Actually, Crede got the game-winning hit off Zach Miner, but Seay definitely Jesse Crained this one.
And of course, Gardy got thrown out for being an idiot. I love when he throws his gay little temper tantrums. It really makes me proud to have him as a manager. Well, that and his gameday genius. Like batting Matt Tolbert second. Second. Right after first. Between the next Ricky Henderson and the Baby Jesus. Essentially guaranteeing the Twins could never get three hits in a row to start a game. Because Tolbert sucks, you see.
He is, of course, hitting just .200 now after a stellar 0-4 today, in which he decided to not even come close to making good contact. Sure, 30 at bats so far this year is a pretty small sample size, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that his ceiling is Denny Hocking.
Let's go ahead and ignore the hitting second thing, and instead point out that Brendan Harris should probably be the everyday second basemen, especially over Tolbert who has now started in EVERY SINGLE GAME SINCE HE WAS CALLED UP. All 8. Go ahead and count it. I'll wait.
It's just so frustrating to have a jackass like this as manager. It's like that manager in little league who plays his kid over players who are better, except he's running a multi-million dollar business.
Back to Brendan Harris. He's hitting .309/.360/.441 so far this season. Those numbers put him 10th, 12th, and 12th amongst second basemen in the majors. Better average than Chase Utley. Better OBP than Dan Uggla. Better slugging pct. than Dustin Pedroia. Plus he can play three positions. Yet he's behind Tolbert, Punto, and even Buscher. Makes zero sense, except, like I Hate Cuddyer Guy said, "It's just because Gardy is a fucking dipshit who plays favorites right?"
Plus, check out this story from The Todd. Originally relayed here in the comments, but it deserves to be promoted to main post status:
[I was fortunate enough to attend the Twins game this afternoon, compliments of work.
And as luck would have it, a coworker of mine seems to know EVERYone. He played college ball at St. Thomas so that has to say something right?
Anyway, he informed me during the game that Brenden Harris has been bangin some UofM chick for a while now and when he does, insists that the doors be open so all the girls in her house can hear it (classy if you ask me).
Moving on, he's wanted and has been pressuring her like hell to have a three some with some other chick in the house. Well apparently this all came to a head last weekebd (or two), said chick broke down whilst wasted calling the cops etc etc. Harris now has a restraining order against that entire house. Or so he says.
God I love baseball!
I need another drink.]
How do you NOT start that guy?
- Speaking of the Twins, do you remember the god awful pitching rotation the Tigers of 2003 trotted out? You remember, the team was terrible and everyone knew they were going to be terrible and overall the ended up losing 119 games? It was supposed to be a group of young bucks who would eventually develop into something special but out of Mike Maroth, Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Cornejo, Adam Bernero, and Gary Knotts not one of them has pitched an inning in 2009 and only Bonderman has a shot at being anything at all.
Well, those guys, who combined to go 25-77, had a combined ERA that year of 5.50. The Twins five "young guns" this year have a combined ERA of 5.17.
I'm just sayin'.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Tuesday Talkies (stupid announcing, Gopher Recruiting, Steph Curry, Chris Hoiles)
It's been brought to my attention that I haven't posted since Friday, and apparently people are upset about this for some reason. So here's some things that caught my fancy:
- I want to start with something that world's worst announcer and former world's worst GM Steve Phillips said during the Mets/Braves game last night which makes me even sadder than usual that Fire Joe Morgan closed their doors. In the game the Braves beat Johan Santana and the Mets 8-3, with the NY Mets (my favorite squadron) scoring just one run while Johan was in the game. Cribbed from here for accuracy, this is what Phillips said,
[“You know, we're talking about the run support for a pitcher, and I believe that pitchers often earn their run support, and here is why. I was in the front office for 13 years, at every home game, for many of the road games up in the box, and you start to feel the pattern of the game for each of the starting pitchers.
"Over the course of time it seemed to me there the same guys started to get runs, there was a pattern and rhythm to their game and the same guys didn't get runs because of the pattern and rhythm to their game.”
Orel Hershiser then asked if Santana had a bad pattern or rhythm for an offense, and Phillips responded with this:
“I think it is the feel of his game. Whether it’s his teammates...I don't think it’s a conscious thing. Players always go, 'nah, there is no way, there is no way' but I see it, I feel it every time you watch games. They don't hit for Santana.
"I think part of it is because he is the ace on the mound. They think it’s a low-scoring game, he is not going to give up runs. It’s just this rhythm of the game that he has. Steve Traschel, used to pitch for the Mets, the slowest worker ever. He never got run support. and I think he earned it.”]
What. The. Hell. It boggles the mind that someone who is not only an announcer, but also once held a position of making the most important decisions for his team, could actually believe this. It's the kind of thing that I expect Dawger to try to sell.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Santana's Mets teammates have run up against some very good pitchers so far this year in Johan's starts. In his seven starts - and in case you aren't paying attention he's 4-2 with a 0.78 ERA in those seven starts - the Mets have scored 3, 1, 3, 4, 1, 1, and 2 runs; not very much. Santana's opponents have been Aaron Harang (season ERA: 2.93), Josh Johnson twice (2.34), Yovani Gallardo (3.09), Scott Olsen (7.00), Chan Ho Park (6.67), and Derek Lowe (3.80). Five of his seven opponents are better than league average, with four of those starts coming from guys who are in the top 13 in the NL in ERA.
In conclusion, Steve Phillips, yes the same guy who traded prospect Melvin Mora (1,121 hits since and counting) for a washed-up Mike Bordick (50 hits for the half-year, then resigned with Baltimore in the offseason) is a complete idiot and should probably die.
- High school hoops was in town this past weekend with the Sabes Invitational in Minneapolis. I didn't attend, of course, because I'm not a weirdo, but luckily the internet does a good job of summarizing these bits.
There were a lot of players of major interest in town for this thing, including Harrison Barnes and Chad Calcaterra - Gopher targets I've written about before - as well as Rickey Kreklow, Jacob Thomas, Ricky Kreklow, and Alex Kirk, all of whom are also on the radar.
Barnes is the jewel of the group, ranked #4 on Rivals150, and still has the Gophers' in the mix as he cut down to his top 12. Obviously he's not that good, since his team lost it's first two games, but I suppose I'd still take him on the Gophers. I read somewhere that since he had extra time after being bounced he made it up to campus to check out the U. I'm hoping he got the Jesus Shuttlesworth treatment.
The other guy I've written about before is Chad Calcaterra, who I think I said I was worried could be another Kevin Loge or Kyle Sanden, mainly based on the other schools chasing him. The reviews from the weekend sound pretty good, however. They praise Calcaterra's defensive effort, saying he totally dominated in the paint, and also talked up his ability to get out and run on the break as well as scoring both inside and out. I'm sold. Another reason to trust Tubby.
Speaking of trusting Tubby, that's a big reason I'm not sold on Columbia Heights guard Jacob Thomas. He's known as one of the best shooters in the entrie Midwest for the class of 2010, but he's still waiting on his first offer - from anybody. He's also made it clear that his dream is to play for the Gophers, but even so, Tubby is like "meh." I don't know. The reviews from the weekend are very positive and say he looks like he can score (and he dueled Bradley Beal, a class of 2011 guard with offers from Florida and Kansas already, to a standstill) but then where is Tubby on this? Like I said, I trust Tubby.
The guy I hadn't heard of who I am very intrigued by now is SG Ricky Kreklow, a 6-5 wing from Missouri. He has offers from Missouri and a handful of Missouri Valley teams, but Tubby is showing some interest and had Kreklow up to campus for an official visit this weekend, and has since said if Tubby extends an offer the Gophers would instantly be in his top two or three choices (with Missouri and Creighton). Kreklow is an awesome shooter, which always makes my pants tight, and was also called the best passer at the event. He sounds like the kind of kid who might be lightly recruited because of physical attributes (size/strength + he's white), but just gets it done with a great feel for the game. With my Eric Bledsoe crush no longer in play, I think Kreklow might be my new wishlist guy.
Lastly is Alex Kirk, a 6-10 center from New Mexico. Kirk hasn't received an offer from Minnesota, but he's on their radar. Right now his best offers are from the Pac 10 (Cal, Wash, USC), with a handful of lesser teams trying to grab him as well. I'm not overly impressed with what I've read, and it sounds like Kirk had only one good game out of three this weekend, spending large chunks of the other two on the bench against more athletic teams. Plus, he's a ginger, so we don't want him.
- Doug Gottlieb is usually a moron, but he finally gets something right with this Stephen Curry article about how his skills might not transfer to the NBA. Well no shit. I just can't figure out why the national media as a whole doesn't see it, and instead keeps trying to linguistically hump him. Doesn't blow by defenders off the dribble. Isn't big enough to shoot over NBA defenders. Can't play defense against quick guards. Doesn't fit into a clearly defined role at the next level. Too small for a 2, yet doesn't have PG skills. Jesus christ the more I type about this guy the more and more I get convinced he's going to be a Timberwolf in the future. He and Corey Brewer can sit on the bench together and talk about how awesome they were in college and how they just can't fit in and keep up at the NBA level.
- Patrick Patterson has withdrawn his name from the NBA draft, and holy god is Kentucky going to be absolutely loaded next year, and with a much better game coach in John Calipari as well. Patterson was the fourth leading scorer and third leading rebounder in the SEC last year, and he will be joined by a recruiting class that is ranked as the #1 class in the country, and contains Rivals #2, #22, #23, and #40 along with a big-time JuCo recruit, and they are spread all over the floor, from the paint to the wing to the point. Even scarier? They might be getting even more. #1 recruit in the country John Wall is still unsigned and has Kentucky as one of his finalists, and Jodie Meeks - last season's top scorer in the conference - may still pull his name out of the NBA draft. Make no mistake, Kentucky is back in a big, big way.
- If you're into this kind of thing, here's a stupid little puff piece on the Twins from ESPN's Tim Kurkijan - normally a writer I like. If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I think chemistry in baseball and "good clubhouse guys" is the biggest crock of crap since the moon landing (obviously faked). Seriously, the article is so sugary sweet I got a stomach ache. Plus, Cuddybear is the central figure in most of it, so that ought to make a bunch of people around here pretty happy.
- Lastly, I think Chris Hoiles is the leader for the guy I'm going to sponsor when my Scott Stahoviak sponsorship runs out. You probably had to be a fan of Tony LaRussa baseball II in order to truly get it. That was the game when we (me, Snacks, and Bear) had some truly epic seasons when we were growing up, and Hoiles was a central figure. He was a good catcher, but the best was every player had a picture, and it was clear that the day they took those pictures Hoiles showed up either massively hungover or still drunk. He had bloodshot, glassy eyes, was completely unshaven, and his hat was cocked sideways and barely on his head. Truly a trainwreck.
But even better, and nobody really knows this, but Hoiles had an epically great season in 1993. Yes, G-R-E-A-T.
He hit .310/.416/.585 with 29 home runs in 503 plate appearances.
That .310 was 11th in the league, and 15th best by any catcher from 1980-2000.
His .416 OBP was 5th in the league, and 25th best by a catcher ever (like in all-time).
The slugging pct. of .585 he put up was also 5th in the league, and is the TENTH BEST IN THE HISTORY OF CATCHERS HITTING THE BALL. I'm not making this up.
Put together that OBP and SLG for the OPS, and he was fourth in the league that year and SEVENTH all-time by a catcher, behind seasons by all-time greats Mike Piazza (three of the six better), Bill Dickey, Gabby Hartnett, and Roy Campanella. It boggles the mind.
His 29 home runs in 419 at bats works out to one homer every 14.4 at bats, a rate that ranked him fourth that season, and is 18th best in the history of catching.
Oh, and he also threw out 46 of 113 attempted base stealers that year, or 41% (lg avg = 36%), while allowing just two passed balls all year.
Seriously, we are talking a truly awesome, awesome season. He was really hurt by only knocking in 82 runs that year, since the media and other slack-jawed cretins are wowed by a stat that relies more on opportunity than ability, but still finished 16th in the MVP voting. Looking at pure batting stats, he should have been fourth behind John Olerud, Frank Thomas, and Ken Griffey. And somehow, nobody knows this because it's Chris Hoiles.
Sadly, I can't locate that actual picture from Tony 2, but he looks pretty drunk in this one too. Just imagine him 58% more intoxicated, and not exactly sure where he is or what's going on.
- I want to start with something that world's worst announcer and former world's worst GM Steve Phillips said during the Mets/Braves game last night which makes me even sadder than usual that Fire Joe Morgan closed their doors. In the game the Braves beat Johan Santana and the Mets 8-3, with the NY Mets (my favorite squadron) scoring just one run while Johan was in the game. Cribbed from here for accuracy, this is what Phillips said,
[“You know, we're talking about the run support for a pitcher, and I believe that pitchers often earn their run support, and here is why. I was in the front office for 13 years, at every home game, for many of the road games up in the box, and you start to feel the pattern of the game for each of the starting pitchers.
"Over the course of time it seemed to me there the same guys started to get runs, there was a pattern and rhythm to their game and the same guys didn't get runs because of the pattern and rhythm to their game.”
Orel Hershiser then asked if Santana had a bad pattern or rhythm for an offense, and Phillips responded with this:
“I think it is the feel of his game. Whether it’s his teammates...I don't think it’s a conscious thing. Players always go, 'nah, there is no way, there is no way' but I see it, I feel it every time you watch games. They don't hit for Santana.
"I think part of it is because he is the ace on the mound. They think it’s a low-scoring game, he is not going to give up runs. It’s just this rhythm of the game that he has. Steve Traschel, used to pitch for the Mets, the slowest worker ever. He never got run support. and I think he earned it.”]
What. The. Hell. It boggles the mind that someone who is not only an announcer, but also once held a position of making the most important decisions for his team, could actually believe this. It's the kind of thing that I expect Dawger to try to sell.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Santana's Mets teammates have run up against some very good pitchers so far this year in Johan's starts. In his seven starts - and in case you aren't paying attention he's 4-2 with a 0.78 ERA in those seven starts - the Mets have scored 3, 1, 3, 4, 1, 1, and 2 runs; not very much. Santana's opponents have been Aaron Harang (season ERA: 2.93), Josh Johnson twice (2.34), Yovani Gallardo (3.09), Scott Olsen (7.00), Chan Ho Park (6.67), and Derek Lowe (3.80). Five of his seven opponents are better than league average, with four of those starts coming from guys who are in the top 13 in the NL in ERA.
In conclusion, Steve Phillips, yes the same guy who traded prospect Melvin Mora (1,121 hits since and counting) for a washed-up Mike Bordick (50 hits for the half-year, then resigned with Baltimore in the offseason) is a complete idiot and should probably die.
- High school hoops was in town this past weekend with the Sabes Invitational in Minneapolis. I didn't attend, of course, because I'm not a weirdo, but luckily the internet does a good job of summarizing these bits.
There were a lot of players of major interest in town for this thing, including Harrison Barnes and Chad Calcaterra - Gopher targets I've written about before - as well as Rickey Kreklow, Jacob Thomas, Ricky Kreklow, and Alex Kirk, all of whom are also on the radar.
Barnes is the jewel of the group, ranked #4 on Rivals150, and still has the Gophers' in the mix as he cut down to his top 12. Obviously he's not that good, since his team lost it's first two games, but I suppose I'd still take him on the Gophers. I read somewhere that since he had extra time after being bounced he made it up to campus to check out the U. I'm hoping he got the Jesus Shuttlesworth treatment.
The other guy I've written about before is Chad Calcaterra, who I think I said I was worried could be another Kevin Loge or Kyle Sanden, mainly based on the other schools chasing him. The reviews from the weekend sound pretty good, however. They praise Calcaterra's defensive effort, saying he totally dominated in the paint, and also talked up his ability to get out and run on the break as well as scoring both inside and out. I'm sold. Another reason to trust Tubby.
Speaking of trusting Tubby, that's a big reason I'm not sold on Columbia Heights guard Jacob Thomas. He's known as one of the best shooters in the entrie Midwest for the class of 2010, but he's still waiting on his first offer - from anybody. He's also made it clear that his dream is to play for the Gophers, but even so, Tubby is like "meh." I don't know. The reviews from the weekend are very positive and say he looks like he can score (and he dueled Bradley Beal, a class of 2011 guard with offers from Florida and Kansas already, to a standstill) but then where is Tubby on this? Like I said, I trust Tubby.
The guy I hadn't heard of who I am very intrigued by now is SG Ricky Kreklow, a 6-5 wing from Missouri. He has offers from Missouri and a handful of Missouri Valley teams, but Tubby is showing some interest and had Kreklow up to campus for an official visit this weekend, and has since said if Tubby extends an offer the Gophers would instantly be in his top two or three choices (with Missouri and Creighton). Kreklow is an awesome shooter, which always makes my pants tight, and was also called the best passer at the event. He sounds like the kind of kid who might be lightly recruited because of physical attributes (size/strength + he's white), but just gets it done with a great feel for the game. With my Eric Bledsoe crush no longer in play, I think Kreklow might be my new wishlist guy.
Lastly is Alex Kirk, a 6-10 center from New Mexico. Kirk hasn't received an offer from Minnesota, but he's on their radar. Right now his best offers are from the Pac 10 (Cal, Wash, USC), with a handful of lesser teams trying to grab him as well. I'm not overly impressed with what I've read, and it sounds like Kirk had only one good game out of three this weekend, spending large chunks of the other two on the bench against more athletic teams. Plus, he's a ginger, so we don't want him.
- Doug Gottlieb is usually a moron, but he finally gets something right with this Stephen Curry article about how his skills might not transfer to the NBA. Well no shit. I just can't figure out why the national media as a whole doesn't see it, and instead keeps trying to linguistically hump him. Doesn't blow by defenders off the dribble. Isn't big enough to shoot over NBA defenders. Can't play defense against quick guards. Doesn't fit into a clearly defined role at the next level. Too small for a 2, yet doesn't have PG skills. Jesus christ the more I type about this guy the more and more I get convinced he's going to be a Timberwolf in the future. He and Corey Brewer can sit on the bench together and talk about how awesome they were in college and how they just can't fit in and keep up at the NBA level.
- Patrick Patterson has withdrawn his name from the NBA draft, and holy god is Kentucky going to be absolutely loaded next year, and with a much better game coach in John Calipari as well. Patterson was the fourth leading scorer and third leading rebounder in the SEC last year, and he will be joined by a recruiting class that is ranked as the #1 class in the country, and contains Rivals #2, #22, #23, and #40 along with a big-time JuCo recruit, and they are spread all over the floor, from the paint to the wing to the point. Even scarier? They might be getting even more. #1 recruit in the country John Wall is still unsigned and has Kentucky as one of his finalists, and Jodie Meeks - last season's top scorer in the conference - may still pull his name out of the NBA draft. Make no mistake, Kentucky is back in a big, big way.
- If you're into this kind of thing, here's a stupid little puff piece on the Twins from ESPN's Tim Kurkijan - normally a writer I like. If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I think chemistry in baseball and "good clubhouse guys" is the biggest crock of crap since the moon landing (obviously faked). Seriously, the article is so sugary sweet I got a stomach ache. Plus, Cuddybear is the central figure in most of it, so that ought to make a bunch of people around here pretty happy.
- Lastly, I think Chris Hoiles is the leader for the guy I'm going to sponsor when my Scott Stahoviak sponsorship runs out. You probably had to be a fan of Tony LaRussa baseball II in order to truly get it. That was the game when we (me, Snacks, and Bear) had some truly epic seasons when we were growing up, and Hoiles was a central figure. He was a good catcher, but the best was every player had a picture, and it was clear that the day they took those pictures Hoiles showed up either massively hungover or still drunk. He had bloodshot, glassy eyes, was completely unshaven, and his hat was cocked sideways and barely on his head. Truly a trainwreck.
But even better, and nobody really knows this, but Hoiles had an epically great season in 1993. Yes, G-R-E-A-T.
He hit .310/.416/.585 with 29 home runs in 503 plate appearances.
That .310 was 11th in the league, and 15th best by any catcher from 1980-2000.
His .416 OBP was 5th in the league, and 25th best by a catcher ever (like in all-time).
The slugging pct. of .585 he put up was also 5th in the league, and is the TENTH BEST IN THE HISTORY OF CATCHERS HITTING THE BALL. I'm not making this up.
Put together that OBP and SLG for the OPS, and he was fourth in the league that year and SEVENTH all-time by a catcher, behind seasons by all-time greats Mike Piazza (three of the six better), Bill Dickey, Gabby Hartnett, and Roy Campanella. It boggles the mind.
His 29 home runs in 419 at bats works out to one homer every 14.4 at bats, a rate that ranked him fourth that season, and is 18th best in the history of catching.
Oh, and he also threw out 46 of 113 attempted base stealers that year, or 41% (lg avg = 36%), while allowing just two passed balls all year.
Seriously, we are talking a truly awesome, awesome season. He was really hurt by only knocking in 82 runs that year, since the media and other slack-jawed cretins are wowed by a stat that relies more on opportunity than ability, but still finished 16th in the MVP voting. Looking at pure batting stats, he should have been fourth behind John Olerud, Frank Thomas, and Ken Griffey. And somehow, nobody knows this because it's Chris Hoiles.
Sadly, I can't locate that actual picture from Tony 2, but he looks pretty drunk in this one too. Just imagine him 58% more intoxicated, and not exactly sure where he is or what's going on.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Adios Scott Stahoviak
Over at www.baseball-reference.com, perhaps the worlds greatest website, we have been sponsoring Scott Stahoviak, he of the unrealized 30+ home run potential. This sponsorship runs out at the end of the month.
I'm ready to move on. I want to sponsor someone, but I'm open to who, as long as it's a 10 buck guy.
Like Rich Becker. Or Les Straker (whose first and middle name is Les Paul and whose nickname was apparently Bolnalda). Or Dan Schatzeder. Or Pedro Munoz. Or Keith Atherton. Or Tom Nieto. Or Junior Ortiz.
Doesn't have to be a Twin. How about Razor Shines? Eric Fox (who is somehow only $5)? Al Pedrique? Tom Lawless? Tim Raines, Jr? Danny Heep? Garth Iorg?
Seriously, anybody who:
1. I've heard of
2. Makes me laugh
3. Is available
4. And is only $10 for the year
And I'm in. Current leader is Ron Hassey. Nearly 1,000 career hits! A career OPS+ of exactly 100. An OBP of over .400 in 1986. Career postseason average of .323. The only player in history to catch TWO perfect games. Plus, look at this sexy son of a bitch.
He looks like if Seth Rogen and Andy Samberg had a kid. Definitely the leader in the clubhouse.
Surprisingly enough, Chip Hale is already taken.
I am open to any and all suggestions.
I'm ready to move on. I want to sponsor someone, but I'm open to who, as long as it's a 10 buck guy.
Like Rich Becker. Or Les Straker (whose first and middle name is Les Paul and whose nickname was apparently Bolnalda). Or Dan Schatzeder. Or Pedro Munoz. Or Keith Atherton. Or Tom Nieto. Or Junior Ortiz.
Doesn't have to be a Twin. How about Razor Shines? Eric Fox (who is somehow only $5)? Al Pedrique? Tom Lawless? Tim Raines, Jr? Danny Heep? Garth Iorg?
Seriously, anybody who:
1. I've heard of
2. Makes me laugh
3. Is available
4. And is only $10 for the year
And I'm in. Current leader is Ron Hassey. Nearly 1,000 career hits! A career OPS+ of exactly 100. An OBP of over .400 in 1986. Career postseason average of .323. The only player in history to catch TWO perfect games. Plus, look at this sexy son of a bitch.
He looks like if Seth Rogen and Andy Samberg had a kid. Definitely the leader in the clubhouse.
Surprisingly enough, Chip Hale is already taken.
I am open to any and all suggestions.
Delmon left his power in Montgomery
This ended up being more depressing than I expected...
Here are some stats for one current and five former Twins--the stats are only for the time they spent with Minnesota. Guess the correct player for each stat line:
The players: Delmon Young, Luis Rivas, Doug Mientkiewicz, Cristian Guzman, Jason Tyner, and Jacque Jones.
Yes, I'm biased against Delmon, he's one of my least favorite players on the team...and I get that he's still young and has time to develop. But damn, this isn't exactly an awesome list of players and his numbers are mediocre compared to this mediocre-or-worse group.
I'm sure everyone is just dying to find out if Delmon's isolated power is actually worse than Guzie or Rivas, so the answers will be in the comments Friday afternoon.
Here are some stats for one current and five former Twins--the stats are only for the time they spent with Minnesota. Guess the correct player for each stat line:
The players: Delmon Young, Luis Rivas, Doug Mientkiewicz, Cristian Guzman, Jason Tyner, and Jacque Jones.
Yes, I'm biased against Delmon, he's one of my least favorite players on the team...and I get that he's still young and has time to develop. But damn, this isn't exactly an awesome list of players and his numbers are mediocre compared to this mediocre-or-worse group.
I'm sure everyone is just dying to find out if Delmon's isolated power is actually worse than Guzie or Rivas, so the answers will be in the comments Friday afternoon.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Pete Rose is Back! (+ Gopher Recruit stuff)
No, not the ultimate compiler and horrid human being Pete Rose, or his piece of crap son and his fourteen career at bats. I'm talking about the Pete Rose of football, the Vicodin Kid, the Drama Queen of the last three offseasons, the one and only Brett Farve.
I'm as sick of the circus every offseason as you are, and it looks like it's happening again this time with Favre planning to meet at a top-secret undisclosed location with Vikings' "Head Coach" Brad Childress to discuss the possibility of him coming to play for the Vikings next season. The Jets straight up released the world's biggest drama hog after drafting pretty boy something I don't remember (Mark?) Sanchez to play QB, which eliminates the clause which essentially barred Captain Percoset from playing for the Vikes last year. My reaction: What the hell, go for it.
Sage and T-Jax aren't exactly super bowl caliber QBs. They are more of prayers at this point, hoping to god one of them doesn't make too many mistakes to screw up a good team. That's pretty much Favre's downside here, as much as I hate him, his upside is far greater than either of those two clowns.
I see this going down one of two ways, and both involve him being all fired up to be in the NFC North and wanted to prove himself to everyone, and especially Green Bay.
One way is he hits all the mini-camps. All the optional training camps. Works out like a young person to get back in young person shape. Gets the gold medal in his training drill and jacks up his ratings by seven points. He comes out like the Favre before he became this Favre, lights the world on fire, and leads the Vikings to a Super Bowl. I can get on board with that, even with the world's richest redneck leading the charge.
The other way is he really wants to prove himself to Green Bay, but insists, as he has for the last several years, that he knows best how to do it. He doesn't need to work out with the team or hit the mini-camps or do anything other than show up, play a little grab-ass, halfway study a playbook, and hit the field. In this instance he throws a ton of picks (wow imagine that), can't lead the team to the victories they need because he keeps forcing the ball where he can't get it anymore, gets ripped to shreds, and eventually loses his job to either Sage or T-Jax, completely sullying his legacy to the point where he becomes a running joke. Honestly, I might even prefer this version.
Either way, the circus is clearly in town, and the man who gave his wife cancer is on the high wire without a net. And I'll watch in rapt attention for the same reason I listen to my trainwreck of a co-worker describe her love lift every week - it is a trainwreck from which I cannot avert my gaze. Sit back, relax, and love every minute of it. The only way we lose here is if he never signs at all.
[EDIT: I mentioned to Mrs. W that I was blogging about Favre and how it looks like he's probably coming here. She replied, "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. He's all old and injured and super annoying." So there you go.]
- As long as I'm here, I might as well keep on going, and next up is a very brief look at the Players Championship. Held every year at the TPC Sawgrass, home of the most famous island green in the world, this is the tournament where my homey Sergio Garcia finally breaks out this year. The Spanish Catapult hasn't been great this year (13th at the Honda is his best finish), but also hasn't been terrible and has made every cut this year with, of course, the exception of last week at Quail Hollow.
Normally all this would tell me to stay away, but the guy is one of a handful of guys who you could consider a top-five golfer and you know he isn't going this whole season without contending. Even better, dude loves Sawgrass, winning here last year after finishing as runner-up in 2007. I don't know if he'll win, but I'm seeing a top five for sure.
If you want more of a sleeper, look to the Swede Henrik Stenson. He's only played in three tournaments this year, but has a third place finish at Houston. He is like Garcia and loves this course, who has finished tenth, 23rd, and third here the last three years.
- Gopher hoops is pretty set for 2009, especially with those two boners leaving the team, but how about 2010? According to Rivals, these are the uncomitted players the Gophers have offers out to:
PG Cory Joseph. #110 on Rivals150, 24th best PG in the class. Also has offers from Georgetown, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Louisville, Marquette, Texas A&M, and UNLV. He's also visited Cal and is quickly moving up prospect lists with a very good year and his ability to play both guard spots and might soon jump from a 3-star prospect to a five-star. Given the questions the Gophers have at point with a rapidly approaching Terrance Simmons-level Al Nolen and the mystery that is Justin Cobbs, Joseph is probably the Gophers' most important recruit. It's a matter of if he wants to play with his bro Devoe or not. Let's hope so.
SG Aaron Cosby. 3-stars, not ranked in Rivals rankings, he also has offers from Oklahoma State, Indiana, Butler, Dayton, and Western Kentucky. Cosby might be the least impressive of the recruits in terms of his numbers on Rivals, but Tubby has been after him for a while, and I trust Tubby. According to his scouting report he can already score and has the ability to be a big-time on-ball defender with some effort. Those both sound good, but it still makes me nervous that he seems to be more of a target of the mid-majors.
SG Tim Hardaway, Jr. 3-stars, not ranked in Rivals rankings, he also has offers from Michigan with Kansas State involved. Not really highly sought after yet, it's probably only a matter of time for the first of the next generation of Run-TMC. He's already thought of as an elite shooter, but can do even more as shown by his averages of 23 points, 11 rebounds, and 6 assists last season. Michigan is and has been after him hard, and his three-point ability would fit well in Beilein's offense, but the Gophers are also in the picture. A big time elite shooter always gives me a little boner, so I'd be very much in favor of him showing up in Minneapolis.
SF Harrison Barnes. #4 on Rivals150, #1 small forward. Also has offers from Duke, North Carolina, Kentucky, Iowa State, Kansas, UCLA, and pretty much everybody. I mentioned that I thought Joseph was the Gophers' most important recruit, but Barnes is by far the best, and to the team's credit he is at least showing a modicum of interest. The real issue is that this kid can pick where he goes from essentially anybody (he's known as Kansas's #1 target, for example). The Gophers best bet is to hope he wants to stay close to home, but the issue there is that he's actually right from Ames so if he wants to stay close to home he's got Iowa State. Of course, if he wants to stay close to home and play for a great coach, that's where the Gophers have the advantage since Lickliter and whoever the hell is coaching the Cyclones right now suck. Don't expect to get this kid, but if it happens it's bigger than Royce and Rodney combined.
SF Casey Prather. #30 on Rivals150, #7 Small Forward. Also has offers from Michigan, Alabama, Clemson, and pretty much every mid-tier SEC and ACC school. He sounds essentially like a Rod-Will clone, but there's really no point in focusing on Prather in any way because there's no chance he comes to Minnesota. In a recent interview he detailed his thoughts on his top five schools, and the Gophers weren't part of the discussion. He does mention the in his TOP 14, but come on, who are we kidding here?
PF Chad Calcaterra. 3-stars, not ranked on Rivals. Offers from Auburn, Colorado State, Northern Iowa, UW-GB, and NDSU. Look at those schools, and look at that rank. I have no idea why he's been extended an offer other than the fact that he's from Cloquet so everyone has a boner for him. I'm pretty sure he's another Kevin Loge. With the upside of a Kyle Sanden. Have fun at NIU.
Lastly on the Gopher front, my main main Eric Bledose still hasn't picked a school, but he's clearly not coming to Minnesota and that still hurts me. It looks like he's outgrown UAB - which had looked like a perfect fit, and has it narrowed to Kentucky and Memphis. Basically the news is that he's going to Kentucky, unless John Wall goes to Kentucky, in which case he's going to Memphis. I'd look up if John Wall committed yet since I don't know how old my info is, but I've had a couple of drinks and also I'm quite lazy, so I'm not going to.
- Finally, the Twins finally bit the bullet and sent Alexi Casilla down today, recalling Matt Tolbert to take his place. I'm not Matt Tolbert fan, but it was time for Casilla, and it may be time to ship him off while he still has some value. That may be jumping the gun considering he's not even 25, but his suddenly sloppy defense can't offset his terrible offense anymore. He was never a great hitter, hitting just .257 in parts of three seasons in triple A, and burst on the scene last year hitting over .300 through July before fading to hit just .281/.333/.374. More alarming, check this out:
May, 2008: .340/.417/.520
June, 2008: .304/.330/.412
July, 2008: .308/.333/.385
August, 2008: .234/.260/.362
September, 2008: .221/.321/.253
April, 2009: .174/.231/.202
May, 2009: .135/.233/.135
Yikes. His OPS has declined every single month since he was recalled last year.
That can't be good.
RIP Scrubs. I can't remember a show that I cared about this much ending. Seinfeld, sure, but that show never connected emotionally the way Scrubs could (insert gay joke here, but Dr. Acula knows what I'm talking about). Bye show. I love you.
Monday, May 4, 2009
I've seen this before...
I realize this is piling on at this point, but Alexi Casilla hitting second every night is driving me crazy. And frankly, something needs to distract me from a pathetic fantasy baseball team...it is never good to add Russell Branyan and David Aardsma in the same night, but at least I also added Span.
The problem is, this Casilla thing is all-too familiar.
Here are a some batting avg. / on-base % / SLG splits:
.234 / .260 / .362
.221 / .321 / .253
.174 / .207 / .217
Those are Casilla's Aug 08, Sept 08, and Apr 09 stat lines.
Here's one more:
.210 / .291 / .271
That's Nick Punto's 2007 stat line; the one where Gardy drove Twins fans crazy by keeping Punto entrenched in the 2-spot for most of the season. Punto's April 07 was actually quite a bit better than the one Casilla just finished, sadly.
I get that Gardy wants to let him work through his slump--that strategy seems to be working out well with Cuddyer, who's suddenly hitting again--but let Casilla do it at the bottom of the lineup.
Sweet victory tonight for the Twins; Liriano was locked in, Span was awesome again, Cuddyer maintained his recent form, and the bullpen didn't pour a bunch of gas on the mound and start a fire. Almost everything was awesome except for Mauer, who sucked. I'm sure the Star Trib commenters are foaming at the mouth demanding he be moved to 3B or 2B so we can get Morales back.
Even Casilla got a hit and two RBI, but he also had the worst Twins play of the game when he didn't run out a bunt attempt, which led to a double play. That could be the play that lands him on the bench.
Monday Night Things
Sitting around on a Monday night and realizing I feel really weird that I didn't do the Monday morning weekend review (those will be back in the fall). Instead, here's some random stuff.
- Very cool list of the 25 best stories of "Rickey being Rickey" sent to me by Snacks today. God I love that guy. Guy invented "Manny being Manny", and rocked that shtick so much harder that it actively pisses me off when people even use the phrase "Manny being Manny." An MVP award and two other top three placements, career leader in runs scored and steals, second in walks (he walked more than Babe Ruth for christ's sake) and with a career on-base-percentage of .401, along with being a complete nutcase and yet also loving baseball enough to play his last two major league seasons for a combined total of just $650,000 and then continuing his career in the independent Atlantic League for peanuts, just to keep playing ball. How can't you love this dude? I guess if you're some kind of queer.
- I'm sure you're wondering how the Aitkin Meat Raffle went this weekend. I'll tell you. It sucked. We won a couple of steaks, a pound of shrimp, a whole chicken, and some ribs, but considering it was me, Snacks, Mrs. Snacks, Dr. Acula, Argyle Sweater, and D. Driver, it was a pretty sorry haul. The upside is that all of us (save D. Driver) got pretty drunk and I discovered the wonder that is Jeremiah Weed's Sweet Tea Vodka. I'm telling you, go pick up some of this right now - and then clear a whole day to recover, because it's just like scotch & splenda: get's you drunk like scotch but tastes like heaven. Highly recommended.
- My god is Zack Greinke ridiculous. Another quality outing, with quality being not nearly a strong enough term, going 9 innings for his second freaking shutout (would be three but for an unearned run), giving up 6 hits and striking out nine, all while managing to walk no one. Right now I'm enjoying every minute of it and loving the Royals being in first place (along with the Mariners, Marlins, and Blue Jays - WTF?), but it's already getting a bit out of hand with the "Greinke Overcomes Social Anxiety" stories - so much so that I'm considering hating him. Putting "Greinke Overcomes" into Google already returns 11,600 hits and it's only going to get worse. So Zack, I will love you for your unhittability, and for how wrong I was about you, and our affair will last until probably you start the all-star game. I figure that's about when the media coverage will make me hate you worse than I hate Maxwell Nerdstrom.
- FYI - It costs $50 to even apply for a job in minor-league baseball. G-ay.
- Nice Twins win tonight by the way, mainly because we finally got to see Liriano pitch the way we know he can (7.1 ip, 4 hits, 3 walks, 2 runs) and get his first win. Most importantly, he struck out nine while pitching into the 8th. When Liriano pitches well, he strikes people out. That was his thing back in the day before he had a tendon from his leg inserted into his arm, and it's something he's had some trouble recapturing. Tonight was either a great sign that he might be getting closer to all the way back, or a blip on the radar of teasingness, but it was enjoyable either way.
- Do you know what's embarrassing? Today is National Star Wars day. I'm not making it up. Because it's May 4th. As in, "May the Fourth be with you." Seriously. I'm as big a Star Wars fan as there is. I know the name of Darth Vader's Star Destroyer and the Admiral who commanded it. I can name the members of Jabba the Hutt's band. I know Chewbacca's home planet's name. I know the difference between Wedge and Biggs, and both of their last name's. I'll even defend the prequel trilogy (though not Jar Jar). So when I think something is embarrassing for Star Wars' fans, it's pretty damned embarrassing. And this certainly qualifies. A bad pun. It's almost like George Lucas wrote up this "holiday" himself.
- Ryan Reynolds and I were born just 18 days apart. Let's call that FYI number 2.
- As I feared, the Celtics came out with a less than inspired effort after expending a ridiculous amount of effort to beat the Bulls, losing 95-90 to the Magic while shooting a Stephen Curry-like 38.5% for the game, with my boyfriend Ray Allen going 2-12 and Rondo shooting the same. Pauly Pierce tried to bring them back in the second half, turning an 18 point deficit into as little as three, but it was not meant to be and the Magic have stolen home court advantage. There's really no way they can do it again. The Celts are too old, too thin, and have too little KG to battle back again like they did against Chicago. I don't want Cleveland to win the whole thing, and I really don't want the Lake Show to win, so I have no idea who to root for. I guess I'll go Cleveland. Yippee.
- I can't believe Rebecca Jordan is a lesbian. (Wow. Be very careful googling that. And it's not even the right name. I'll just give you a picture and tell you I'm talking about a character on the kickass show Greek, named Rebecca Logan, played by the weirdly and foreignly named Dilshad Vadsaria.
- I strongly dislike Kobe Bryant. To Emmitt Smith levels. Did I ever tell you about how me, Snacks, and Bear burned a bunch of Emmitt smith cards in an Emmitt Smith cup from McDonalds? That was awesome.
- Finally, I'd just like to rank the Presidents of the United States, in order of how dirty their names sound:
1. Johnson
2. Bush
3. Harding
4. Polk
5. Filmore
6. Pierce
7. LBJ
8. Hoover
9. Bush
10. Clinton
- Very cool list of the 25 best stories of "Rickey being Rickey" sent to me by Snacks today. God I love that guy. Guy invented "Manny being Manny", and rocked that shtick so much harder that it actively pisses me off when people even use the phrase "Manny being Manny." An MVP award and two other top three placements, career leader in runs scored and steals, second in walks (he walked more than Babe Ruth for christ's sake) and with a career on-base-percentage of .401, along with being a complete nutcase and yet also loving baseball enough to play his last two major league seasons for a combined total of just $650,000 and then continuing his career in the independent Atlantic League for peanuts, just to keep playing ball. How can't you love this dude? I guess if you're some kind of queer.
- I'm sure you're wondering how the Aitkin Meat Raffle went this weekend. I'll tell you. It sucked. We won a couple of steaks, a pound of shrimp, a whole chicken, and some ribs, but considering it was me, Snacks, Mrs. Snacks, Dr. Acula, Argyle Sweater, and D. Driver, it was a pretty sorry haul. The upside is that all of us (save D. Driver) got pretty drunk and I discovered the wonder that is Jeremiah Weed's Sweet Tea Vodka. I'm telling you, go pick up some of this right now - and then clear a whole day to recover, because it's just like scotch & splenda: get's you drunk like scotch but tastes like heaven. Highly recommended.
- My god is Zack Greinke ridiculous. Another quality outing, with quality being not nearly a strong enough term, going 9 innings for his second freaking shutout (would be three but for an unearned run), giving up 6 hits and striking out nine, all while managing to walk no one. Right now I'm enjoying every minute of it and loving the Royals being in first place (along with the Mariners, Marlins, and Blue Jays - WTF?), but it's already getting a bit out of hand with the "Greinke Overcomes Social Anxiety" stories - so much so that I'm considering hating him. Putting "Greinke Overcomes" into Google already returns 11,600 hits and it's only going to get worse. So Zack, I will love you for your unhittability, and for how wrong I was about you, and our affair will last until probably you start the all-star game. I figure that's about when the media coverage will make me hate you worse than I hate Maxwell Nerdstrom.
- FYI - It costs $50 to even apply for a job in minor-league baseball. G-ay.
- Nice Twins win tonight by the way, mainly because we finally got to see Liriano pitch the way we know he can (7.1 ip, 4 hits, 3 walks, 2 runs) and get his first win. Most importantly, he struck out nine while pitching into the 8th. When Liriano pitches well, he strikes people out. That was his thing back in the day before he had a tendon from his leg inserted into his arm, and it's something he's had some trouble recapturing. Tonight was either a great sign that he might be getting closer to all the way back, or a blip on the radar of teasingness, but it was enjoyable either way.
- Do you know what's embarrassing? Today is National Star Wars day. I'm not making it up. Because it's May 4th. As in, "May the Fourth be with you." Seriously. I'm as big a Star Wars fan as there is. I know the name of Darth Vader's Star Destroyer and the Admiral who commanded it. I can name the members of Jabba the Hutt's band. I know Chewbacca's home planet's name. I know the difference between Wedge and Biggs, and both of their last name's. I'll even defend the prequel trilogy (though not Jar Jar). So when I think something is embarrassing for Star Wars' fans, it's pretty damned embarrassing. And this certainly qualifies. A bad pun. It's almost like George Lucas wrote up this "holiday" himself.
- Ryan Reynolds and I were born just 18 days apart. Let's call that FYI number 2.
- As I feared, the Celtics came out with a less than inspired effort after expending a ridiculous amount of effort to beat the Bulls, losing 95-90 to the Magic while shooting a Stephen Curry-like 38.5% for the game, with my boyfriend Ray Allen going 2-12 and Rondo shooting the same. Pauly Pierce tried to bring them back in the second half, turning an 18 point deficit into as little as three, but it was not meant to be and the Magic have stolen home court advantage. There's really no way they can do it again. The Celts are too old, too thin, and have too little KG to battle back again like they did against Chicago. I don't want Cleveland to win the whole thing, and I really don't want the Lake Show to win, so I have no idea who to root for. I guess I'll go Cleveland. Yippee.
- I can't believe Rebecca Jordan is a lesbian. (Wow. Be very careful googling that. And it's not even the right name. I'll just give you a picture and tell you I'm talking about a character on the kickass show Greek, named Rebecca Logan, played by the weirdly and foreignly named Dilshad Vadsaria.
- I strongly dislike Kobe Bryant. To Emmitt Smith levels. Did I ever tell you about how me, Snacks, and Bear burned a bunch of Emmitt smith cards in an Emmitt Smith cup from McDonalds? That was awesome.
- Finally, I'd just like to rank the Presidents of the United States, in order of how dirty their names sound:
1. Johnson
2. Bush
3. Harding
4. Polk
5. Filmore
6. Pierce
7. LBJ
8. Hoover
9. Bush
10. Clinton
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Live Blog: Joe Mauer's First At-Bat Back
Since the whole world hangs on the return of the one, the only, the Baby Jesus-y Baby Jesus Joseph Joey Jo Jo Mauer, I better Live Blog.
7:20 - Two outs after Casilla drilled a line out to center. Anyone else hits that pitch out. Except Punto. Or Mauer.
7:20 - Standing ovation.
7:21 - Ball low. What a great eye on this guy.
7:21 - Takes it off the outside corner. Bert espouses on the wonderful batting eye of Joe Mauer.
7:22 - Jesus Christ. Home run. Talk about your all-time backfires.
Thanks Ponson.
7:20 - Two outs after Casilla drilled a line out to center. Anyone else hits that pitch out. Except Punto. Or Mauer.
7:20 - Standing ovation.
7:21 - Ball low. What a great eye on this guy.
7:21 - Takes it off the outside corner. Bert espouses on the wonderful batting eye of Joe Mauer.
7:22 - Jesus Christ. Home run. Talk about your all-time backfires.
Thanks Ponson.
Some Quick Friday Points
- Just in case he hadn't thrown a big enough dagger in your heart last year by winning the ALCS MVP, Matt Garza did it again last night. This time he took a perfect game into the seventh against the Red Sox only to have it broken up by a faggy infield squibber by faggy Jacoby Ellsbury. It would be the only hit Garza gave up, leaving after 7 and 2/3rds after striking out 10. Garza's WHIP now stands at just 1.06, with an ERA of 3.82. Meanwhile Delmon Young is hitting .241, is on-pace for 15 extra base hits this year, and remains one of the worst in the league at swinging at pitches outside the strike zone.
Oh, and Jason Bartlett is hitting .358, tenth in the AL. Eff my life.
- In the "About Freaking Time" Category, former West Virginia QB Major Harris was finally elected to the College Football Hall of Fame. Harris is the first guy I remember really capturing my imagination as a kid, and he was the first run/pass dual threat QB I had seen (I was too young to really watch Rickey Foggie). He was just sick, like QB Eagles but in real life. In his three years he finished fifth and third in the Heisman voting, and took WVU to the national championship game in 1988 and may have won it if he hadn't had his shoulder separated on the third play of the game.
Of course, Harris made one of the worst decisions ever in going pro, foregoing his senior season to enter the NFL draft, only to be picked in the 12th round and never even making the team - or any NFL team. He played one season in the CFL and three in the Arena League before calling it quits and is now a High School Assistant Receiver's Coach. But none of that changes the greatness that was Major Harris. Congrats, Major. I salute you.
- I wrote about the Bulls vs. Celtics playoff series before, but this is getting ridiculous. Last night the Bulls beat the Celtics in double-OT to knot the series at 3-3, and every game has been a classic:
Game 1 - Derrick Rose sets a new record for scoring by a rookie in his playoff debut with 36, with the Bulls winning in OT in Boston.
Game 2 - The game I wrote about above, Rajon Rondo goes for a triple-double but is actually overshadowed by the duel between former UCONNers Ben Gordon and Ray Allen, who go for 42 and 30 with Allen hitting the game-winner.
Game 3 - The only non-competitive game is still entertaining because Boston had lost home court advantage, and took it back by beating the Bulls by 20 and reminding them who the defending champion was.
Game 4 - Chicago evens the series with a double OT win thanks to a huge three by Ben Gordon to tie it up in single OT and push it to double, and Rondo puts up his second triple-double of the series in a losing effort.
Game 5 - Boston takes a 3-2 series lead by winning in overtime thanks to Paul Pierce hitting a jumper at the buzzer to tie it up and then taking over in OT.
Game 6 - Chicago evens the series in TRIPLE overtime, despite 51 points from Ray Allen and 19 assists from Rondo, thanks to 35 points from John Salmons and another huge performance from the suddenly emerging Joakim Noah (and check out this play).
Game seven is going to be this Saturday at 7pm. I'm going to be drunk at a cabin, but I suggest you check it out if you can. Look for the Bulls to pull the upset.
- I'm pretty sure Adam Scott is broken. At the Quail Hollow Championship this week, with a world championship type field all in attendance, Scott shot 77-75 to finish at +8 and missed the cut by eight strokes. That makes four straight tournaments where he's failed to make the weekend. He won the Byron Nelson early last season, so he doesn't have to worry about losing his tour card (and has a 2nd place finish at the Sony Open this year anyway, which on it's own has him at 51st on the money list), but he better get things turned around or the sexiest golfer on tour might suddenly go the way of David Duval.
- One dude who I realized I completely forgot in my video mock draft is CB Dave Waymer of the 49ers on Tecmo Super Bowl. No matter what happened, if he was controlled by a human or by the computer, Waymer would end up leading the league in picks - every. single. season. Waymer did have seven picks, third in the league, in 1990 - the season Tecmo Super was based on, but still. Gill Byrd and Martin Mayhew each had seven that season, and I don't remember seeing them always at the top of the leaderboard. Freaking west coast bias.
- And in case you forgot, PANDEMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and Jason Bartlett is hitting .358, tenth in the AL. Eff my life.
- In the "About Freaking Time" Category, former West Virginia QB Major Harris was finally elected to the College Football Hall of Fame. Harris is the first guy I remember really capturing my imagination as a kid, and he was the first run/pass dual threat QB I had seen (I was too young to really watch Rickey Foggie). He was just sick, like QB Eagles but in real life. In his three years he finished fifth and third in the Heisman voting, and took WVU to the national championship game in 1988 and may have won it if he hadn't had his shoulder separated on the third play of the game.
Of course, Harris made one of the worst decisions ever in going pro, foregoing his senior season to enter the NFL draft, only to be picked in the 12th round and never even making the team - or any NFL team. He played one season in the CFL and three in the Arena League before calling it quits and is now a High School Assistant Receiver's Coach. But none of that changes the greatness that was Major Harris. Congrats, Major. I salute you.
- I wrote about the Bulls vs. Celtics playoff series before, but this is getting ridiculous. Last night the Bulls beat the Celtics in double-OT to knot the series at 3-3, and every game has been a classic:
Game 1 - Derrick Rose sets a new record for scoring by a rookie in his playoff debut with 36, with the Bulls winning in OT in Boston.
Game 2 - The game I wrote about above, Rajon Rondo goes for a triple-double but is actually overshadowed by the duel between former UCONNers Ben Gordon and Ray Allen, who go for 42 and 30 with Allen hitting the game-winner.
Game 3 - The only non-competitive game is still entertaining because Boston had lost home court advantage, and took it back by beating the Bulls by 20 and reminding them who the defending champion was.
Game 4 - Chicago evens the series with a double OT win thanks to a huge three by Ben Gordon to tie it up in single OT and push it to double, and Rondo puts up his second triple-double of the series in a losing effort.
Game 5 - Boston takes a 3-2 series lead by winning in overtime thanks to Paul Pierce hitting a jumper at the buzzer to tie it up and then taking over in OT.
Game 6 - Chicago evens the series in TRIPLE overtime, despite 51 points from Ray Allen and 19 assists from Rondo, thanks to 35 points from John Salmons and another huge performance from the suddenly emerging Joakim Noah (and check out this play).
Game seven is going to be this Saturday at 7pm. I'm going to be drunk at a cabin, but I suggest you check it out if you can. Look for the Bulls to pull the upset.
- I'm pretty sure Adam Scott is broken. At the Quail Hollow Championship this week, with a world championship type field all in attendance, Scott shot 77-75 to finish at +8 and missed the cut by eight strokes. That makes four straight tournaments where he's failed to make the weekend. He won the Byron Nelson early last season, so he doesn't have to worry about losing his tour card (and has a 2nd place finish at the Sony Open this year anyway, which on it's own has him at 51st on the money list), but he better get things turned around or the sexiest golfer on tour might suddenly go the way of David Duval.
- One dude who I realized I completely forgot in my video mock draft is CB Dave Waymer of the 49ers on Tecmo Super Bowl. No matter what happened, if he was controlled by a human or by the computer, Waymer would end up leading the league in picks - every. single. season. Waymer did have seven picks, third in the league, in 1990 - the season Tecmo Super was based on, but still. Gill Byrd and Martin Mayhew each had seven that season, and I don't remember seeing them always at the top of the leaderboard. Freaking west coast bias.
- And in case you forgot, PANDEMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
PANDEMIC!!!
This was supposed to be the night that I got super drunk and blogged funny things, but instead I get hit with the flu which has sapped my will to live. I still have a couple of things to say, and may add to it during the breaks between naps and crying. Also, please pray for Mrs. W, who has the same thing and is stuck at home with a one-year old and nobody to help her out. Oof. God bless that woman.
- Being linked by the best and funniest sports blog out there, WithLeather, is not only an ego boost, but also a traffic boost, as when they linked our Video Game Mock Draft our daily hits were 7.5x higher than a usual day. Thanks again, WithLeather.
- Last night for dinner our group went to a U of Princeton Bar & Grill. There were not equations on the wall and shit.
- At one point in the car I was trying to find a local sports radio station as I usually do, and came across a religious preacherman instead. He said, "I advise teenagers and young people not to date at all. When you are ready for someone, god will give them to you. Spending time in a relationship not given by god is just wasting your time." I love these people.
- Have you ever seen that movie Enough? Me neither, but from what I figured it's about J-Lo who is mad that her husband is beating her up and fights back and probably kills him. That's how I feel about my boyfriend Cole Hamels right now. I gave him everything, forsaking all others, and now how has repaid me? With outright suckitude. He sucked hard in his first two starts, compiling an ERA of 11.17, and although he's been better since, he's also left both of his last two starts early with injuries, first after a line drive hit him in the back and then after rolling his ankle fielding a bunt. This is definitely the part of the movie where I am developing my master plan to kill him to set me free. He can still win me back, but he better be damn charming.
- Now watching the Heat/Hawks game in the hotel bar (while drinking Ginger Ale, pretty much the most depressing thing ever) and I'm seeing Mario Chalmers. Who should have been a Wolf. What a horrible trade. Chalmers averaged 32 minutes, 10 points, and five assists per game and although there's no way he will be rookie of the year since Derrick Rose has that on lock, you could make the argument he's more valuable to the Heat than fellow rookie Michael Beasley (25 minutes, 14 points, 5 boards). Looking at NBADraft.net's latest mock, with the second rounder from Miami (#48, Chalmers was 34) they have the Wolves taking Roderick Flemings from Hawaii (who is my boy but still) with Luke Harangody, JP Prince, and Raymar Morgan as other possibilities. What are the odds those guys come in on Chalmer's level? No way. Just another horrible trade in a long, long list of awful moves.
- Also I should note that it appears the Heat are coached by a hispanic child. Must be some kind of promotion, although I would probably use those in the regular season. Weird time to do it in the playoffs.
- Last thing before I pass out in a swine flu haze: I keep forgetting to post this, but Dawger and I did a little draft of all-time Gopher teams on our road trip to Madison. Which team wins and why? (mid-80s and newer only) -
- Being linked by the best and funniest sports blog out there, WithLeather, is not only an ego boost, but also a traffic boost, as when they linked our Video Game Mock Draft our daily hits were 7.5x higher than a usual day. Thanks again, WithLeather.
- Last night for dinner our group went to a U of Princeton Bar & Grill. There were not equations on the wall and shit.
- At one point in the car I was trying to find a local sports radio station as I usually do, and came across a religious preacherman instead. He said, "I advise teenagers and young people not to date at all. When you are ready for someone, god will give them to you. Spending time in a relationship not given by god is just wasting your time." I love these people.
- Have you ever seen that movie Enough? Me neither, but from what I figured it's about J-Lo who is mad that her husband is beating her up and fights back and probably kills him. That's how I feel about my boyfriend Cole Hamels right now. I gave him everything, forsaking all others, and now how has repaid me? With outright suckitude. He sucked hard in his first two starts, compiling an ERA of 11.17, and although he's been better since, he's also left both of his last two starts early with injuries, first after a line drive hit him in the back and then after rolling his ankle fielding a bunt. This is definitely the part of the movie where I am developing my master plan to kill him to set me free. He can still win me back, but he better be damn charming.
- Now watching the Heat/Hawks game in the hotel bar (while drinking Ginger Ale, pretty much the most depressing thing ever) and I'm seeing Mario Chalmers. Who should have been a Wolf. What a horrible trade. Chalmers averaged 32 minutes, 10 points, and five assists per game and although there's no way he will be rookie of the year since Derrick Rose has that on lock, you could make the argument he's more valuable to the Heat than fellow rookie Michael Beasley (25 minutes, 14 points, 5 boards). Looking at NBADraft.net's latest mock, with the second rounder from Miami (#48, Chalmers was 34) they have the Wolves taking Roderick Flemings from Hawaii (who is my boy but still) with Luke Harangody, JP Prince, and Raymar Morgan as other possibilities. What are the odds those guys come in on Chalmer's level? No way. Just another horrible trade in a long, long list of awful moves.
- Also I should note that it appears the Heat are coached by a hispanic child. Must be some kind of promotion, although I would probably use those in the regular season. Weird time to do it in the playoffs.
- Last thing before I pass out in a swine flu haze: I keep forgetting to post this, but Dawger and I did a little draft of all-time Gopher teams on our road trip to Madison. Which team wins and why? (mid-80s and newer only) -
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
What the f*ck to do with the lineup...
With Baby Jesus days away from rejoining the team, it is time to think about what to do with the roster and lineup.
The easy assumption is that Jose Morales is going to head back to Rochester. He appears to be ready for a backup catcher role--his bat looks more than ready for it, but his defense sucks. There really aren't any other options unless a pitcher is sent down (or released) or the team makes a surprising move like sending Gomez to AAA...I just can't see the Twins doing that.
Now, what about the lineup? The top four hitters on the team are all left-handed, which creates problems. In a world without platoon splits, it probably looks something like this:
Span
Mauer
Morneau
Kubel
Crede
Young
Cuddyer
Punto
Casilla
Unfortunately, that lineup begs the other team to put a left-handed pitcher in whenever the top of the order comes up. As a team, the Twins have a sub-.600 OPS vs. left-handed pitching compared to a .740 vs. right-handers.
Clearly, it would help if the RH hitters in the lineup could get it together...the Crede-Young-Cuddyer triumvirate of suck is creating outs 70%+ of the time.
Gardy's usually predictable, but I have no idea what his lineup will look like this Friday. Forget moving Mauer to third base, can he learn how to hit right-handed?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Yuck.
Sigh. In New Jersey, once again, for three nights this time and before you ask - "Yes, it sucks." Even worse is that instead of being out here for stupid training I don't need or boring meetings that I'm bored of before I even arrive, I'm out here for a pretty important meeting that I play a pretty large role in. So, drinking will have to be in moderation. Well, until Wednesday night, when the only thing going on Thursday is a flight home - then all bets are off. I'm still bored, and I still have opinions, so I'll be blogging, just don't expect it to be funny or entertaining in any way.
- I'm coming to you live from the bar at the Princeton Marriott, thanks to the wonderful technology that is the Verizon Internet Card, which gives me the slowest internet connection imaginable, but I can get wireless pretty much anywhere, so at least that's something. Of course, no travel-related post would be complete without the story of some idiot, and today's idiot was sitting across the aisle from me on the plane. He is what I like to call, "A Know-It-All." Spent at least half of the flight badgering this poor old woman with facts and opinions about everything and everything, until I though she actually slumped over and died. Turns out she just went to sleep, since she was fine when we landed, but I wouldn't have blamed her for just giving up the ghost. Some gems:
* "I don't understand why these people bring these bags that are too big or bags that are so small. It's not that hard to just buy the biggest bag that will fit in any overhead compartment. That's what I have. I did my research. These people are just ridiculous"
* "I can't believe Northwest agreed to merge with Delta. Just a horrible decision. Here's what I would have done..(blah blah blah). It would have worked too, and they'd still have their airline.
* "No, this isn't a boeing. It's not a (some other name) either. It's actually a (some name). What this plane offers that most others don't is (something something)."
* "My daughter is very well known in figure skating circles. Yeah, she does synchronized figure skating, where all the skaters have to do the same moves at the same time. She's very good." (I can't believe this is a real thing.)
* "Yeah, my boys and I watched a religious video last night about this professor who talks about how evolution is so wrong and it's a huge mistake to believe it. He had a lot of facts and some really compelling points." (That's my favorite. If this guy had lots of compelling facts, I'd really love to hear them, since they don't exist. Always nice to go to an unbiased source like a religious video to get the whole story. I guarantee this guy believes the earth is 6,000 years old. This stuff really makes my blood boil."
- Since I'm in New Jersey and it thinks it's New York, I had a chance to watch Justin Verlander of Detroit throw against the Yankees tonight. Let me tell you, I'm worried for the Twins. The guy looked like the Verlander of 2006-2007 than last year's version. He's been awful this season (came into the game with an ERA of 9.00) but that's not what I saw tonight. Tonight he went 7 innings, giving up seven hits but no runs and striking out nine, and was never in serious danger of giving up a run. Not really sure what has been happening with him, but he was blowing guys away with the heater tonight. Could just be a blip, could mean he's figuring it out again. You've been warned.
- Great line from a Simpsons I watched before dinner.
HOMER: I have to go to work
MARGE: It's 4pm. And it's Saturday.
HOMER: I have to count the atoms at the power plant. Conservation of Mass you know, it's the law.
You kind of have to be a major dork to get it, but if you get it, it's pretty good.
- How bad has the Twins rotation been this year? Oof. And Baker's getting knocked around here again. All that hype about how great this young rotation is going to be, instead they run out there and get firebombed like a stereo store during the Watts riots. And just when Slowey steps up and shows how good he can be with a near-shutout, this season's defacto ace so far, Mr. Perkins, remembers he's not supposed to be that good. It's pretty clearly a shitbarn of a division again this year, and 85 wins or so will probably get it done, but the Twins clearly aren't going to outscore teams very often, so the pitchers have got to get it figured out, and quick. Yes, yes, they're still just a couple games back and the baby jesus hasn't played yet. Great. Optimism abounds.
- Speaking of shitty pitchers, I love how Chien-Ming Wang was put on the DL with "weakness in his hip" after getting shelled for a 34.50 ERA in his three starts. I don't think you're fooling anybody. It's that god damn political correctness. If Wang was a cracker, he'd be getting torn to shreds by fans, media, teammates, bloggers, and anybody with a pulse. But because he's a foreigner, everyone backs off and decides to say he's injured. And with Chan Ho Park, Hideo Nomo, and Byung-Hung Kim all flaming out as well, I think we should just round up all the foreigners in MLB and make them play in their own league and they can work harder at getting better. We could lock them up year round too, while we're at it, so they can work all year. It could be like some kind of camp. A camp for concentration or something.
- Speaking of concentrating, have you checked out Jason "The Man-Beast" Kubel? Let's see, he leads the team in average, slugging, OPS, home runs, doubles, triples, total bases, and runs batted in, and is second in runs scored and on-base percentage. Hm. There's been a curious lack of the Kubel bashing that was so prevalent here last year. Just more proof that you should always listen to me.
- Still on the Twins. Although Joe Crede has been mostly unsuccessful hitting the ball to places where he won't get out, hitting under .200 right now, there has been one very pleasant surprise, and that's in his plate patience. One of the main knocks on getting Crede was his low OBP and walk rate. After posting a career walk rate of 5.9% (walks/plate appearances), he has it up to 12.6% this year and tied for the team lead in walks with 8 so far. That takes his unappetizing average and brings it to a still ugly but slightly more respectable .306 OBP. That's about what Gomez's OBP would be if he hit .300, not very good, but it makes his poor average more tolerable. Hopefully he can keep it up, and also pull his strikout rate down, which is at once per every four at-bats, a career worst and almost double his lifetime average. Still way better than putting Buscher over there every day.
- I went to a whole bunch of garage sales in my parents' neighborhood this weekend, and amongst the creepy, dirty white trash clothes, the suspiciously brand new clothes with retail store price tags still on them, broken lawn equipment, crappy romance novels, and discarded children's toys, I found a real gem: The 1993 Sports Illustrated Almanac. This would be the part where I would regale you with facts you don't remember and players you had forgotten, but it's been two days and I already lost the damn thing.
- I know people who read things that other people write like to know more about them, and since you all know so much about me already, I thought I'd let you know that our main hockey guy here, Snake's favorite book is called "On the Wings of a North Wind." It appears to be about birds, and I'm not kidding, it's his favorite book. You know what book I would rather read than that? All of them. Any single one. If nothing else Snake, you're consistent. If you're into that kind of thing, and are a redneck hunter (sorry FishingMN), you can pick it up from that link at just $5.49 for a used copy. I'm already thinking about it.
- Since I have a big day tomorrow, I'm going to call it here. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow.
- I'm coming to you live from the bar at the Princeton Marriott, thanks to the wonderful technology that is the Verizon Internet Card, which gives me the slowest internet connection imaginable, but I can get wireless pretty much anywhere, so at least that's something. Of course, no travel-related post would be complete without the story of some idiot, and today's idiot was sitting across the aisle from me on the plane. He is what I like to call, "A Know-It-All." Spent at least half of the flight badgering this poor old woman with facts and opinions about everything and everything, until I though she actually slumped over and died. Turns out she just went to sleep, since she was fine when we landed, but I wouldn't have blamed her for just giving up the ghost. Some gems:
* "I don't understand why these people bring these bags that are too big or bags that are so small. It's not that hard to just buy the biggest bag that will fit in any overhead compartment. That's what I have. I did my research. These people are just ridiculous"
* "I can't believe Northwest agreed to merge with Delta. Just a horrible decision. Here's what I would have done..(blah blah blah). It would have worked too, and they'd still have their airline.
* "No, this isn't a boeing. It's not a (some other name) either. It's actually a (some name). What this plane offers that most others don't is (something something)."
* "My daughter is very well known in figure skating circles. Yeah, she does synchronized figure skating, where all the skaters have to do the same moves at the same time. She's very good." (I can't believe this is a real thing.)
* "Yeah, my boys and I watched a religious video last night about this professor who talks about how evolution is so wrong and it's a huge mistake to believe it. He had a lot of facts and some really compelling points." (That's my favorite. If this guy had lots of compelling facts, I'd really love to hear them, since they don't exist. Always nice to go to an unbiased source like a religious video to get the whole story. I guarantee this guy believes the earth is 6,000 years old. This stuff really makes my blood boil."
- Since I'm in New Jersey and it thinks it's New York, I had a chance to watch Justin Verlander of Detroit throw against the Yankees tonight. Let me tell you, I'm worried for the Twins. The guy looked like the Verlander of 2006-2007 than last year's version. He's been awful this season (came into the game with an ERA of 9.00) but that's not what I saw tonight. Tonight he went 7 innings, giving up seven hits but no runs and striking out nine, and was never in serious danger of giving up a run. Not really sure what has been happening with him, but he was blowing guys away with the heater tonight. Could just be a blip, could mean he's figuring it out again. You've been warned.
- Great line from a Simpsons I watched before dinner.
HOMER: I have to go to work
MARGE: It's 4pm. And it's Saturday.
HOMER: I have to count the atoms at the power plant. Conservation of Mass you know, it's the law.
You kind of have to be a major dork to get it, but if you get it, it's pretty good.
- How bad has the Twins rotation been this year? Oof. And Baker's getting knocked around here again. All that hype about how great this young rotation is going to be, instead they run out there and get firebombed like a stereo store during the Watts riots. And just when Slowey steps up and shows how good he can be with a near-shutout, this season's defacto ace so far, Mr. Perkins, remembers he's not supposed to be that good. It's pretty clearly a shitbarn of a division again this year, and 85 wins or so will probably get it done, but the Twins clearly aren't going to outscore teams very often, so the pitchers have got to get it figured out, and quick. Yes, yes, they're still just a couple games back and the baby jesus hasn't played yet. Great. Optimism abounds.
- Speaking of shitty pitchers, I love how Chien-Ming Wang was put on the DL with "weakness in his hip" after getting shelled for a 34.50 ERA in his three starts. I don't think you're fooling anybody. It's that god damn political correctness. If Wang was a cracker, he'd be getting torn to shreds by fans, media, teammates, bloggers, and anybody with a pulse. But because he's a foreigner, everyone backs off and decides to say he's injured. And with Chan Ho Park, Hideo Nomo, and Byung-Hung Kim all flaming out as well, I think we should just round up all the foreigners in MLB and make them play in their own league and they can work harder at getting better. We could lock them up year round too, while we're at it, so they can work all year. It could be like some kind of camp. A camp for concentration or something.
- Speaking of concentrating, have you checked out Jason "The Man-Beast" Kubel? Let's see, he leads the team in average, slugging, OPS, home runs, doubles, triples, total bases, and runs batted in, and is second in runs scored and on-base percentage. Hm. There's been a curious lack of the Kubel bashing that was so prevalent here last year. Just more proof that you should always listen to me.
- Still on the Twins. Although Joe Crede has been mostly unsuccessful hitting the ball to places where he won't get out, hitting under .200 right now, there has been one very pleasant surprise, and that's in his plate patience. One of the main knocks on getting Crede was his low OBP and walk rate. After posting a career walk rate of 5.9% (walks/plate appearances), he has it up to 12.6% this year and tied for the team lead in walks with 8 so far. That takes his unappetizing average and brings it to a still ugly but slightly more respectable .306 OBP. That's about what Gomez's OBP would be if he hit .300, not very good, but it makes his poor average more tolerable. Hopefully he can keep it up, and also pull his strikout rate down, which is at once per every four at-bats, a career worst and almost double his lifetime average. Still way better than putting Buscher over there every day.
- I went to a whole bunch of garage sales in my parents' neighborhood this weekend, and amongst the creepy, dirty white trash clothes, the suspiciously brand new clothes with retail store price tags still on them, broken lawn equipment, crappy romance novels, and discarded children's toys, I found a real gem: The 1993 Sports Illustrated Almanac. This would be the part where I would regale you with facts you don't remember and players you had forgotten, but it's been two days and I already lost the damn thing.
- I know people who read things that other people write like to know more about them, and since you all know so much about me already, I thought I'd let you know that our main hockey guy here, Snake's favorite book is called "On the Wings of a North Wind." It appears to be about birds, and I'm not kidding, it's his favorite book. You know what book I would rather read than that? All of them. Any single one. If nothing else Snake, you're consistent. If you're into that kind of thing, and are a redneck hunter (sorry FishingMN), you can pick it up from that link at just $5.49 for a used copy. I'm already thinking about it.
- Since I have a big day tomorrow, I'm going to call it here. I'm sure I'll be back tomorrow.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Baseball Season has Officially Arrived
Relax, everyone, it's finally here. The first Yankees-Red Sox series of the year, which means baseball has now started and nothing else matters (except for the NFL draft, which warrants a ridiculous 20 hours of coverage).
Seriously ESPN, lay off a bit, it's embarrassing. This isn't the Bosnians and the Serbs here, and it isn't a war, it's just baseball. Plenty of other teams out there playing too.
On the other hand...
Seriously ESPN, lay off a bit, it's embarrassing. This isn't the Bosnians and the Serbs here, and it isn't a war, it's just baseball. Plenty of other teams out there playing too.
On the other hand...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
DWG: NFL Mock Draft
Hey, everybody else is doing mock drafts. I figured I might as well take my limited knowledge of the NFL and give it a shot as well.
1. Detroit Lions - QB Eagles, Super Tecmo Bowl.
It's not secret the Lions are lacking playmakers outside of Calvin Johnson, so why not go with maybe the best playmaker of all-time in QB Eagles? He can throw it over 100 yards on the run and hit his receiver in-stride (just ask Freddy Barnett), or he can tuck it down and break a long one on any play. Even with that supporting cast 4,000 yards passing and 2,000 rushing isn't out of the question.
2. St. Louis Rams - OT Walter Jones, Madden.
Everything I've read, which amounts to one article on ESPN, says that offensive line is a massive weakness here, especially with Orlando Pace gone. Why not take the best offensive lineman in Madden history? This guy was ranked a 99 for like ten straight years, and you could pick him in a fantasy draft and ignore the rest of your line, then just call a HB Dive over his right shoulder and bust off a big gainer. Look for Steven Jackson to be a super stud this year running behind Jones.
3. Kansas City Chiefs - RB Bo Jackson, Super Tecmo Bowl.
The Chiefs get lucky with the top talent on the board falling to number three. With Larry Johnson dead or released or injured or maybe still there but all broken down (I don't really remember) Bo injects some new life while opening things up for Thigpen and Dwayne Bowe. Plus, the Royals are always in need of another power-hitting outfielder.
4. Seattle Seahawks - RB Barry Sanders, Madden.
Another team looking for a RB and playmaker, Barry is a nice consolation prize after just missing out on Bo. Barry was a stud throughout his lifetime, but specifically in one of the earlier Maddens, where his spin move didn't just shake a defender, it also would carry him an automatic five extra yards forward. I'm pretty sure just that spin move would be the longest run Mo Morris or TJ Duckett managed for the Hawks last year.
5. Cleveland Browns - OLB Lawrence Taylor, Tecmo Bowl.
One of the worst defenses in the league, and maybe history, gets a huge boost with one man coke-snorting wrecking crew LT coming into the fold at the height of his coke binge. Who else could block the extra point every time, or blow up just about any play? Single-handedly won many a Tecmo game, because that offense was terrible.
6. Cincinnati Bengals - S Ronnie Lott, Tecmo.
Historically, safeties don't go this early. But historically, safeties don't wreck as much shit as Ronnie Lott did, both on Tecmo and Super Tecmo bowl. If he gets EXCELLENT status, look the hell out because your running back won't even get the chance to get into a little tussle to try to break the tackle, you're going straight down. And go ahead and try and put the ball in the air anywhere near him, he's coming down with it. For a shitty defensive team like the Bengals, this guy is gold.
7. Oakland Raiders - WR Randy Moss, NCAA Football.
You know Oakland likes to make a splash, and Moss is perfect for them - at least this version of Moss. Not the Madden one, but the one who played for Marshall on NCAA football. Completely unstoppable, send him deep and he'd usually have ten yards on the DB by the time the ball got there. Plus, let him return punts and he can just run from side to side, never advancing but never getting tackled. Imagine how well that would work if you force the other team to punt down seven with five minutes left. BALLGAME.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR Jerry Rice, Tecmo Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a wideout even after signing Torry Holt earlier this week, Rice fits in perfectly. All you have to do is send him on a crossing route, and if the other team happens to have guessed your play, you can still hit him over the middle for eight yards. Eight yards over and over again will eventually equal a TD, so now the Jags just got unstoppable. Could have gone over Moss, but go ahead and look at that picture. F you, Jerry. F You for what you have become.
9. Green Bay Packers - DE/OLB Alfred Williams, Bill Walsh College Football.
My ESPN article says the Pack needs a DE/OLB type hybrid, and nobody fits the bill better than Alfred Williams from '90 Colorado on Bill Walsh. Williams played DE on that game, and if you slid him outside the tackle a couple of steps there wasn't a single O-Lineman who could get out there and block him, since his speed was on par with a RB. In fact, he was so fast that he could often recover an onside kick IN THE AIR. No kidding. One of only two guys on the game who could. Talk about an unstoppable weapon.
10. San Francisco 49ers - QB Daunte Culpepper, NCAA Football.
One of the worst offenses in the league gets a whole lot better with a dynamic QB under center. Culpepper, the one from NCAA and Central Florida, was one of the most unstoppable characters in history. A slightly more realistic version of QB Eagles, nonetheless he could run around in the pocket and never be caught, giving his receivers time to run around and get open. He then could, of course, throw the ball right on the nuts, even though he was sprinting around and half the time had his back turned. He makes Frank Gore obsolete however, so look for a trade.
11. Buffalo Bills - DT Jerry Ball, Super Tecmo Bowl.
Buffalo needs some serious help for a horrible, horrible defensive line, and Jerry Ball fits the bill. The originator of the only play ever to completely make teams change playbooks, on certain plays (usually out of the pro set) Ball could dive immediately after the snap, going right between the center and guard, and sliding six yards into the backfield to either sack the QB or take down the RB right after the handoff. Truly a game-changer.
12. Denver Broncos - QB Michael Vick, Madden.
With Cutler gone, you don't want to turn the keys over to Orton because that has disaster written all over it. Instead, go with the guy who made 8,000 people quit in the middle of online Madden games. Seriously, if you went online to play, I swear 90% of players were using the Falcons and Vick, whose pass and run combination was only behind QB Eagles and the NCAA version of Culpepper in terms of completely devastating and demoralizing an opponent. Plus, Denver doesn't have any running backs either, so this makes sense to both give them a passer (which he was on the game for some inexplicable reason) and a running threat.
13. Washington Redskins - CB Chris McAlister, Madden.
I believe the Redskins are currently starting Fred Smoot at corner (Fred Smoot!) which makes picking up a corner here a no-brainer. You can't do much better than McAlister, who used to sit in that cover two and just wait for your opponent to throw the out route, and even if the receiver was ten yards passed him he always managed to leap up and grab it. The way Madden set it up, after the pick it was always smooth and wide open sailing for a McAlister TD. It got so bad at one point I actually felt bad for the computer. Until the next time it cheated.
14. New Orleans Saints - RB Christian Okoye, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Saints fans sick of the commitment to third-down-back-at-best-should-be-a-WR Reggie Bush can rejoice, as NO finally gets the manly running back they deserve in the Nigerian Nightmare. Seriously, remember when Okoye was EXCELLENT and instead of going for the endzone you'd just look for little bitch defenders to send bouncing? It didn't get much better than that, my friends. And it's ok that he can't catch, since it's pretty much the only thing Bush can do well. It's kind of like Thunder and Lightning, but more like Thunder and low-wattage Light Bulb.
15. Houston Texans - OL Indianapolis Colts, Madden 2009.
I know you're generally not allowed to draft an entire unit, but since the Texans have given up more sacks in their history than any other franchise, I'm going to go ahead and allow it. Usually on Madden, if you need to blitz you go ahead and use Engage Eight, which sends eight of your guys at the QB, is unblockable, and the only way you get burned is if your opponent sees it and hits somebody on a quick hitter. Not the Colts. Somehow their five guys can block eight guys, and Manning sits back and has his pick of five receivers vs. three DBs. That should help out Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson quite a bit.
16. San Diego Chargers - OT Willie Roaf, Madden.
Similar to Walter Jones way up there, Roaf was rated a 99 for a whole lot of years, and generally just overwhelmed the left side of the line. I just so happened to once team up LT and Roaf in a Madden draft, and LT proceeded to rush for over 2,500 yards that season. So, there you go.
17. New York Jets - RB/LB/DT/TE The Troll, Jerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl.
The Jets need a little bit of everything, and The Troll does a little bit of everything. Unstoppable with the ball, he can get the Jets offense going as he's pretty much an Okoye/Bo Jackson cross if their abilities were squared, and on defense he can rip the arms off an offensive lineman and beat the QB to death with them. I mean come on, not even axes and swords can stop this guy. Truly a steal at #17. Look at this beast:
18. Denver Broncos - DE Hugh Green, Bill Walsh.
Didn't Denver just pick? Well, they got their QB and now it's time to work on the D-Line. Green played for Pitt on Bill Walsh College Football, and everything written above about Alfred Williams applies to him as well, except he pretty much guarantees you a recovered onside kick. Denver could be winning games without the other team every touching the ball.
19. Tampa Bay Bucs - TE Marv Cook, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Tampa has a lot of needs, but there's no way this guy can slip any further, and his pass-catching ability will compliment the dropsies of Michael Clayton (not the crappy movie) and Antonio Bryant well. Nobody was better at finding the cushion of a zone. No matter how late you got in the Tecmo season, Cook could always get open. Even with the noodle-armed Steve Grogan running the QB show for the Pats, he set the all-time record for catches in a season. Really just a solid, solid pick here for the Bucs.
20. Detroit Lions - OT Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes.
Not technically a video game character, the Lions now need someone to protect their investment in QB Eagles, and since I can only come up with two dominant video game linemen (Jones & Roaf), I have to think outside the box a bit here. But who wouldn't want Billy Bob? Pre-concussion, he was a dominant force, able to block two players at once and pancaking both of them and helping lead Lance Harbor to back-to-back All-Texas berths and West Canaan to two state titles. After his concussion he went through a rough patch, giving up the sack that ended Harbor's career and battling his own demons of alcoholism and depression, he could have become the next Tony Mandarich. Instead, he reached down within himself and became once again what he once was, as well as showing the tantalizing ability to run with the ball, making him not only an A+ offensive lineman and a tough, gritty, gutty human being, but also a stellar goalline fullback as well. Who could be better?
21. Philadelphia Eagles - RB Charles White, Bill Walsh.
Poor widdle Brian Westbrook can't ever stay healthy for a full season, and really needs a quality dude to split time with. Enter his perfect compliment, 1979 Heisman Trophy winner from USC and Bill Walsh stud Charles White. Now, White could never hold down a full-time gig, because he gets too tuckered. You see, on his first rush of the half, every single game, White was so fast he couldn't be caught, and if he was caught his spin move would send the defender flying further than Sonic with the badniks. But that was it. One guaranteed TD per half, and then he was spent and worthless, so much so that you pretty much had to pull him for that slacker Marcus Allen. Still though, since he'll only have to split time with Westbrook, this makes a lot of sense.
22. Minnesota Vikings - QB Beau Morgan, NCAA.
The defense is fine, but the offense needs some serious work. Strengths = good o-line, good TE, good fullback, and two good running backs. Weaknesses = no receivers, bad QBs. Solution = wishbone, baby. And nobody ever ran it better than Air Force Beau Morgan on NCAA football. You scoff. You laugh. You say, "You can't run the wishbone in the NFL." But you're wrong. Did you notice how this "wildcat" offense really caught on? The wishbone is the next wildcat, and it all starts with the Vikes and Morgan, AP, Chuck Taylor, and whoever that fullback is.
23. New England Patriots - QB Brian Brohm, Madden 2009.
You know who always finds the diamonds in the rough? Belicheck and the Patriots. And before you question why Brohm is a diamond in the rough, keep in mind that I'm talking about Madden 2009 Brohm, not the one who played for Louisville. The reason why he belongs on the Pats is that he might not have the prettiest ratings, but he's a winner. I saw Bogart draft Brohmy in a fantasy draft on 2009, and he went ahead and took that team to the conference championship in his first year and I foresee great things in his future. And Belicheck wants to be along for the ride.
24. Atlanta Falcons - DT Dan Saleumua, Tecmo Super Bowl.
What Jerry Ball created (nose tackle cheater dive play), Dan Saleumua perfected. He's much faster than Ball, and can usually get to the QB before he can even handoff on the right plays. The other bonus about Samoan Dan is his propensity to cause fumbles. Even better, when he recovers them, he inexplicably runs faster than any other player at any position on any team ever in history, and is completely uncatchable. Seriously, if you take KC for a season you are pretty much guaranteed to have this guy hit for six. Plus, jesus, look at this effing guy.
25. Miami Dolphins - S David Fulcher, Tecmo Super Bowl.
The only other DB behind Lott who can make any ballcarrier, even Okoye, go down with a touch when in EXCELLENT mode, Fulcher will dramatically upgrade a Dolphin secondary in dire need of a playmaker. This quote from Wikipedia says the rest better than I ever could, "Fulcher lives on in the minds of Bengals fans, and through the popular video game Tecmo Super Bowl, where his speed and incredible hitting power continue to devastate unsuspecting wide receivers." Holla.
26. Baltimore Ravens - RB Thurman Thomas, Tecmo Super Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a playmaker, and has been for like, twenty years, the Ravens find themselves very smiley when they announce their pick of Thurman Thomas. Basically Roger Craig 2.0 (but faster), Thomas can kill you through the air and the ground. The biggest threat on Tecmo Super Bowl to go for the coveted 1,000/1,000 mark, Thomas will likely touch the ball on 90%+ of offensive plays the Ravens run.
27. Indianapolis Colts - DT Charles Grant, Madden.
This guy doesn't necessarily have the instant name recognition and memory recall that most of the others have, but trust me when I tell you that he dominated Madden in the early OOs. Grant was the kind of guy who, at least whenever my friend 2P drafted him, dominated no matter the scenario. Whether the games were simulated, or he played but didn't control Grant, or even if he controlled Grant, it didn't matter - the dude killed. It sucked double because 2P sucked at Madden, but Grant really helped him out - as he will the Colts.
28. Buffalo Bills - TE Cap Boso, Tecmo Bowl.
With Terrell Owens now on board, that's going to open up a lot of room in the middle - and we know Lee Evans isn't going anywhere near it - so that makes a nice TE like Boso a perfect pick for the Bills. He's not exactly going to stretch the field in any way, but if you ever played against Chicago on Tecmo Bowl you know that no matter what, even if you guess the play, you can hit Boso over the middle on a slant every single time. With a shitty QB like Trent Edwards, you really need reliability like that.
29. New York Giants - MLB Ray Lewis, Madden.
As good as Lewis was in real life - at linebackering, not at killing people - he was even better in Madden. For a solid nine year stretch or so there, he had the speed of a WR and the strength of an offensive lineman, to go along with the intelligence that only comes from a CPU who already knows the play you picked. It sucked hard going up against this guy. Your only chance was to hope the dude you were playing would switch to him, because you can always juke the manual control, but you can never juke a CPU controlled Ray Lewis.
30. Tennessee Titans - WR Haywood Jeffires, Tecmo Super Bowl.
In reality, I'd probably want a QB if I'm here, because the Titans' choices right now are either captain shitty or professor old man, but I can't think of another QB who really stood out, so I'm going to go with another position they need - wideout. Now, the Oilers were loaded with talent at WR, and Drew Hill had better ratings, and Ernest Givens has more name recognition, but Jeffires was the true killer in Tecmo world. Nobody came down with more jump balls than Haywood. Pretty much anytime you needed to, just call the play where everybody goes deep, drop back as far as you can, and chuck it up to Jeffires - he'd come down with it more often than not. Since Kerry Cocktail can't throw it deeper than 30, this might be Bogart's guy Vince Young's last chance to shine.
31. Arizona Cardinals - RB Neal Anderson, Tecmo Super Bowl.
With Edge old and all weird, and nobody really ready to take up the mantle, most certainly not JJ Arrington, so the best RB left makes a nice pick in Neal from the Bears. He was always good no matter what, but when he hit EXCELLENT status he made Bo Jackson look like Merrill Hoge. He can also catch the ball, which makes him a nice fit for the pass happy Cards, but I can't help wondering how he's going to fare without his boyfriend Brad Muster along to help anymore.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers - CB Marcus Trufant, Madden.
I team with no major weaknesses, the Steelers get better by adding one of the great CBs in video game history in Trufant. I know there are guys with better rankings, and guys who are more well known, but I have never in my video game life seen a guy shut down a side of a field more completely than Trufant. Seriously, the last time I played against him I knew how the coaches that go up against Champ Bailey feel. Of course, the other side was like throwing against Fred Smoot, but that's not really the point.
So there you have it. The first ever NFL Mock Draft I've ever done. I'm sure I missed one or two people who could have made it, and I'm sure you will all let me know, but overall I'm pretty satisfied with the results. I mean come on! Who wouldn't want to see the wishbone? And a troll for god sakes! A Troll!!!!!!!!!
1. Detroit Lions - QB Eagles, Super Tecmo Bowl.It's not secret the Lions are lacking playmakers outside of Calvin Johnson, so why not go with maybe the best playmaker of all-time in QB Eagles? He can throw it over 100 yards on the run and hit his receiver in-stride (just ask Freddy Barnett), or he can tuck it down and break a long one on any play. Even with that supporting cast 4,000 yards passing and 2,000 rushing isn't out of the question.
2. St. Louis Rams - OT Walter Jones, Madden.
Everything I've read, which amounts to one article on ESPN, says that offensive line is a massive weakness here, especially with Orlando Pace gone. Why not take the best offensive lineman in Madden history? This guy was ranked a 99 for like ten straight years, and you could pick him in a fantasy draft and ignore the rest of your line, then just call a HB Dive over his right shoulder and bust off a big gainer. Look for Steven Jackson to be a super stud this year running behind Jones.
3. Kansas City Chiefs - RB Bo Jackson, Super Tecmo Bowl. The Chiefs get lucky with the top talent on the board falling to number three. With Larry Johnson dead or released or injured or maybe still there but all broken down (I don't really remember) Bo injects some new life while opening things up for Thigpen and Dwayne Bowe. Plus, the Royals are always in need of another power-hitting outfielder.
4. Seattle Seahawks - RB Barry Sanders, Madden.
Another team looking for a RB and playmaker, Barry is a nice consolation prize after just missing out on Bo. Barry was a stud throughout his lifetime, but specifically in one of the earlier Maddens, where his spin move didn't just shake a defender, it also would carry him an automatic five extra yards forward. I'm pretty sure just that spin move would be the longest run Mo Morris or TJ Duckett managed for the Hawks last year.
5. Cleveland Browns - OLB Lawrence Taylor, Tecmo Bowl.One of the worst defenses in the league, and maybe history, gets a huge boost with one man coke-snorting wrecking crew LT coming into the fold at the height of his coke binge. Who else could block the extra point every time, or blow up just about any play? Single-handedly won many a Tecmo game, because that offense was terrible.
6. Cincinnati Bengals - S Ronnie Lott, Tecmo. Historically, safeties don't go this early. But historically, safeties don't wreck as much shit as Ronnie Lott did, both on Tecmo and Super Tecmo bowl. If he gets EXCELLENT status, look the hell out because your running back won't even get the chance to get into a little tussle to try to break the tackle, you're going straight down. And go ahead and try and put the ball in the air anywhere near him, he's coming down with it. For a shitty defensive team like the Bengals, this guy is gold.
7. Oakland Raiders - WR Randy Moss, NCAA Football.You know Oakland likes to make a splash, and Moss is perfect for them - at least this version of Moss. Not the Madden one, but the one who played for Marshall on NCAA football. Completely unstoppable, send him deep and he'd usually have ten yards on the DB by the time the ball got there. Plus, let him return punts and he can just run from side to side, never advancing but never getting tackled. Imagine how well that would work if you force the other team to punt down seven with five minutes left. BALLGAME.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR Jerry Rice, Tecmo Bowl.A team in desperate need of a wideout even after signing Torry Holt earlier this week, Rice fits in perfectly. All you have to do is send him on a crossing route, and if the other team happens to have guessed your play, you can still hit him over the middle for eight yards. Eight yards over and over again will eventually equal a TD, so now the Jags just got unstoppable. Could have gone over Moss, but go ahead and look at that picture. F you, Jerry. F You for what you have become.
9. Green Bay Packers - DE/OLB Alfred Williams, Bill Walsh College Football.
My ESPN article says the Pack needs a DE/OLB type hybrid, and nobody fits the bill better than Alfred Williams from '90 Colorado on Bill Walsh. Williams played DE on that game, and if you slid him outside the tackle a couple of steps there wasn't a single O-Lineman who could get out there and block him, since his speed was on par with a RB. In fact, he was so fast that he could often recover an onside kick IN THE AIR. No kidding. One of only two guys on the game who could. Talk about an unstoppable weapon.
10. San Francisco 49ers - QB Daunte Culpepper, NCAA Football.
One of the worst offenses in the league gets a whole lot better with a dynamic QB under center. Culpepper, the one from NCAA and Central Florida, was one of the most unstoppable characters in history. A slightly more realistic version of QB Eagles, nonetheless he could run around in the pocket and never be caught, giving his receivers time to run around and get open. He then could, of course, throw the ball right on the nuts, even though he was sprinting around and half the time had his back turned. He makes Frank Gore obsolete however, so look for a trade.
11. Buffalo Bills - DT Jerry Ball, Super Tecmo Bowl.Buffalo needs some serious help for a horrible, horrible defensive line, and Jerry Ball fits the bill. The originator of the only play ever to completely make teams change playbooks, on certain plays (usually out of the pro set) Ball could dive immediately after the snap, going right between the center and guard, and sliding six yards into the backfield to either sack the QB or take down the RB right after the handoff. Truly a game-changer.
12. Denver Broncos - QB Michael Vick, Madden.With Cutler gone, you don't want to turn the keys over to Orton because that has disaster written all over it. Instead, go with the guy who made 8,000 people quit in the middle of online Madden games. Seriously, if you went online to play, I swear 90% of players were using the Falcons and Vick, whose pass and run combination was only behind QB Eagles and the NCAA version of Culpepper in terms of completely devastating and demoralizing an opponent. Plus, Denver doesn't have any running backs either, so this makes sense to both give them a passer (which he was on the game for some inexplicable reason) and a running threat.
13. Washington Redskins - CB Chris McAlister, Madden.
I believe the Redskins are currently starting Fred Smoot at corner (Fred Smoot!) which makes picking up a corner here a no-brainer. You can't do much better than McAlister, who used to sit in that cover two and just wait for your opponent to throw the out route, and even if the receiver was ten yards passed him he always managed to leap up and grab it. The way Madden set it up, after the pick it was always smooth and wide open sailing for a McAlister TD. It got so bad at one point I actually felt bad for the computer. Until the next time it cheated.
14. New Orleans Saints - RB Christian Okoye, Tecmo Super Bowl.Saints fans sick of the commitment to third-down-back-at-best-should-be-a-WR Reggie Bush can rejoice, as NO finally gets the manly running back they deserve in the Nigerian Nightmare. Seriously, remember when Okoye was EXCELLENT and instead of going for the endzone you'd just look for little bitch defenders to send bouncing? It didn't get much better than that, my friends. And it's ok that he can't catch, since it's pretty much the only thing Bush can do well. It's kind of like Thunder and Lightning, but more like Thunder and low-wattage Light Bulb.
15. Houston Texans - OL Indianapolis Colts, Madden 2009.
I know you're generally not allowed to draft an entire unit, but since the Texans have given up more sacks in their history than any other franchise, I'm going to go ahead and allow it. Usually on Madden, if you need to blitz you go ahead and use Engage Eight, which sends eight of your guys at the QB, is unblockable, and the only way you get burned is if your opponent sees it and hits somebody on a quick hitter. Not the Colts. Somehow their five guys can block eight guys, and Manning sits back and has his pick of five receivers vs. three DBs. That should help out Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson quite a bit.
16. San Diego Chargers - OT Willie Roaf, Madden.
Similar to Walter Jones way up there, Roaf was rated a 99 for a whole lot of years, and generally just overwhelmed the left side of the line. I just so happened to once team up LT and Roaf in a Madden draft, and LT proceeded to rush for over 2,500 yards that season. So, there you go.
17. New York Jets - RB/LB/DT/TE The Troll, Jerry Glanville's Pigskin Footbrawl.
The Jets need a little bit of everything, and The Troll does a little bit of everything. Unstoppable with the ball, he can get the Jets offense going as he's pretty much an Okoye/Bo Jackson cross if their abilities were squared, and on defense he can rip the arms off an offensive lineman and beat the QB to death with them. I mean come on, not even axes and swords can stop this guy. Truly a steal at #17. Look at this beast:
18. Denver Broncos - DE Hugh Green, Bill Walsh.Didn't Denver just pick? Well, they got their QB and now it's time to work on the D-Line. Green played for Pitt on Bill Walsh College Football, and everything written above about Alfred Williams applies to him as well, except he pretty much guarantees you a recovered onside kick. Denver could be winning games without the other team every touching the ball.
19. Tampa Bay Bucs - TE Marv Cook, Tecmo Super Bowl.
Tampa has a lot of needs, but there's no way this guy can slip any further, and his pass-catching ability will compliment the dropsies of Michael Clayton (not the crappy movie) and Antonio Bryant well. Nobody was better at finding the cushion of a zone. No matter how late you got in the Tecmo season, Cook could always get open. Even with the noodle-armed Steve Grogan running the QB show for the Pats, he set the all-time record for catches in a season. Really just a solid, solid pick here for the Bucs.
20. Detroit Lions - OT Billy Bob, West Canaan Coyotes.Not technically a video game character, the Lions now need someone to protect their investment in QB Eagles, and since I can only come up with two dominant video game linemen (Jones & Roaf), I have to think outside the box a bit here. But who wouldn't want Billy Bob? Pre-concussion, he was a dominant force, able to block two players at once and pancaking both of them and helping lead Lance Harbor to back-to-back All-Texas berths and West Canaan to two state titles. After his concussion he went through a rough patch, giving up the sack that ended Harbor's career and battling his own demons of alcoholism and depression, he could have become the next Tony Mandarich. Instead, he reached down within himself and became once again what he once was, as well as showing the tantalizing ability to run with the ball, making him not only an A+ offensive lineman and a tough, gritty, gutty human being, but also a stellar goalline fullback as well. Who could be better?
21. Philadelphia Eagles - RB Charles White, Bill Walsh.
Poor widdle Brian Westbrook can't ever stay healthy for a full season, and really needs a quality dude to split time with. Enter his perfect compliment, 1979 Heisman Trophy winner from USC and Bill Walsh stud Charles White. Now, White could never hold down a full-time gig, because he gets too tuckered. You see, on his first rush of the half, every single game, White was so fast he couldn't be caught, and if he was caught his spin move would send the defender flying further than Sonic with the badniks. But that was it. One guaranteed TD per half, and then he was spent and worthless, so much so that you pretty much had to pull him for that slacker Marcus Allen. Still though, since he'll only have to split time with Westbrook, this makes a lot of sense.
22. Minnesota Vikings - QB Beau Morgan, NCAA.
The defense is fine, but the offense needs some serious work. Strengths = good o-line, good TE, good fullback, and two good running backs. Weaknesses = no receivers, bad QBs. Solution = wishbone, baby. And nobody ever ran it better than Air Force Beau Morgan on NCAA football. You scoff. You laugh. You say, "You can't run the wishbone in the NFL." But you're wrong. Did you notice how this "wildcat" offense really caught on? The wishbone is the next wildcat, and it all starts with the Vikes and Morgan, AP, Chuck Taylor, and whoever that fullback is.
23. New England Patriots - QB Brian Brohm, Madden 2009.You know who always finds the diamonds in the rough? Belicheck and the Patriots. And before you question why Brohm is a diamond in the rough, keep in mind that I'm talking about Madden 2009 Brohm, not the one who played for Louisville. The reason why he belongs on the Pats is that he might not have the prettiest ratings, but he's a winner. I saw Bogart draft Brohmy in a fantasy draft on 2009, and he went ahead and took that team to the conference championship in his first year and I foresee great things in his future. And Belicheck wants to be along for the ride.
24. Atlanta Falcons - DT Dan Saleumua, Tecmo Super Bowl.What Jerry Ball created (nose tackle cheater dive play), Dan Saleumua perfected. He's much faster than Ball, and can usually get to the QB before he can even handoff on the right plays. The other bonus about Samoan Dan is his propensity to cause fumbles. Even better, when he recovers them, he inexplicably runs faster than any other player at any position on any team ever in history, and is completely uncatchable. Seriously, if you take KC for a season you are pretty much guaranteed to have this guy hit for six. Plus, jesus, look at this effing guy.
25. Miami Dolphins - S David Fulcher, Tecmo Super Bowl.
The only other DB behind Lott who can make any ballcarrier, even Okoye, go down with a touch when in EXCELLENT mode, Fulcher will dramatically upgrade a Dolphin secondary in dire need of a playmaker. This quote from Wikipedia says the rest better than I ever could, "Fulcher lives on in the minds of Bengals fans, and through the popular video game Tecmo Super Bowl, where his speed and incredible hitting power continue to devastate unsuspecting wide receivers." Holla.
26. Baltimore Ravens - RB Thurman Thomas, Tecmo Super Bowl.
A team in desperate need of a playmaker, and has been for like, twenty years, the Ravens find themselves very smiley when they announce their pick of Thurman Thomas. Basically Roger Craig 2.0 (but faster), Thomas can kill you through the air and the ground. The biggest threat on Tecmo Super Bowl to go for the coveted 1,000/1,000 mark, Thomas will likely touch the ball on 90%+ of offensive plays the Ravens run.
27. Indianapolis Colts - DT Charles Grant, Madden.
This guy doesn't necessarily have the instant name recognition and memory recall that most of the others have, but trust me when I tell you that he dominated Madden in the early OOs. Grant was the kind of guy who, at least whenever my friend 2P drafted him, dominated no matter the scenario. Whether the games were simulated, or he played but didn't control Grant, or even if he controlled Grant, it didn't matter - the dude killed. It sucked double because 2P sucked at Madden, but Grant really helped him out - as he will the Colts.
28. Buffalo Bills - TE Cap Boso, Tecmo Bowl.
With Terrell Owens now on board, that's going to open up a lot of room in the middle - and we know Lee Evans isn't going anywhere near it - so that makes a nice TE like Boso a perfect pick for the Bills. He's not exactly going to stretch the field in any way, but if you ever played against Chicago on Tecmo Bowl you know that no matter what, even if you guess the play, you can hit Boso over the middle on a slant every single time. With a shitty QB like Trent Edwards, you really need reliability like that.
29. New York Giants - MLB Ray Lewis, Madden.As good as Lewis was in real life - at linebackering, not at killing people - he was even better in Madden. For a solid nine year stretch or so there, he had the speed of a WR and the strength of an offensive lineman, to go along with the intelligence that only comes from a CPU who already knows the play you picked. It sucked hard going up against this guy. Your only chance was to hope the dude you were playing would switch to him, because you can always juke the manual control, but you can never juke a CPU controlled Ray Lewis.
30. Tennessee Titans - WR Haywood Jeffires, Tecmo Super Bowl.In reality, I'd probably want a QB if I'm here, because the Titans' choices right now are either captain shitty or professor old man, but I can't think of another QB who really stood out, so I'm going to go with another position they need - wideout. Now, the Oilers were loaded with talent at WR, and Drew Hill had better ratings, and Ernest Givens has more name recognition, but Jeffires was the true killer in Tecmo world. Nobody came down with more jump balls than Haywood. Pretty much anytime you needed to, just call the play where everybody goes deep, drop back as far as you can, and chuck it up to Jeffires - he'd come down with it more often than not. Since Kerry Cocktail can't throw it deeper than 30, this might be Bogart's guy Vince Young's last chance to shine.
31. Arizona Cardinals - RB Neal Anderson, Tecmo Super Bowl.
With Edge old and all weird, and nobody really ready to take up the mantle, most certainly not JJ Arrington, so the best RB left makes a nice pick in Neal from the Bears. He was always good no matter what, but when he hit EXCELLENT status he made Bo Jackson look like Merrill Hoge. He can also catch the ball, which makes him a nice fit for the pass happy Cards, but I can't help wondering how he's going to fare without his boyfriend Brad Muster along to help anymore.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers - CB Marcus Trufant, Madden.I team with no major weaknesses, the Steelers get better by adding one of the great CBs in video game history in Trufant. I know there are guys with better rankings, and guys who are more well known, but I have never in my video game life seen a guy shut down a side of a field more completely than Trufant. Seriously, the last time I played against him I knew how the coaches that go up against Champ Bailey feel. Of course, the other side was like throwing against Fred Smoot, but that's not really the point.
So there you have it. The first ever NFL Mock Draft I've ever done. I'm sure I missed one or two people who could have made it, and I'm sure you will all let me know, but overall I'm pretty satisfied with the results. I mean come on! Who wouldn't want to see the wishbone? And a troll for god sakes! A Troll!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Glen Perkins: Trend or Mirage?
If you're a Twins fan, and I'm going to assume you are, you've probably noticed that Glen Perkins is by far the best starting pitcher on the Twins this season. I couldn't help but wonder, "Why?"
This season, Perkins is sporting an ERA of 1.50 and a WHIP of 0.83 in his three starts, lasting through eight innings each time out. Last season, his first full and first time as a starter, Perkins had a nice shiny record at 12-4, with a less impressive ERA of 4.41 and a WHIP of 1.47 - ok, but slightly worse than league average in both cases. So is this a case of a young pitcher figuring things out, or simply a hot start? Since the three games were against the Angles, Blue Jays, and Mariners (only one of which has been a quality offensive team this season) it warrants some research.
We have this article from the AP, full of nice fluffiness and rainbows and cuddles, letting us know that "this spring his attention to detail, be it fielding his position, doing squats in the weight room or studying the opposition, has been keen", comparing him to Johan Santana (seriously), and that his dad thinks "It’s just gratifying as a parent to see that [maturity] in your children." Ok great. It's an article full of quotes and interviews and pats on the back, but very little substance and quantitative analysis. So let's go to the Nerd-Stats-Mobile, thanks to FanGraphs.com.
The first thing I always check when evaluating if a player is improving/regressing compared to simple luck is Batting-Average-on-Balls-In-Play (BABIP), or simply, what usually happens when the ball is hit. Generally, the league average is right around .300, and most pitchers will be within twenty or so points of that. Anything outside of that variance starts to look a little bit more like luck, good or bad. Last season, Perkins came in with a BABIP of .310, a number right about where you would expect. This season, his is sitting at .223, a ridiculously low number. Hmmm. This bares further analysis, but at first glance, I would say we shouldn't expect him to keep up at this pace. How far he regresses to the mean is to be determined.
Next up, let's figure out what exactly is going on when the ball is put in play. Again, according to FanGraphs:
Line drive percentage is, well, the percentage of balls put in play that are line drives, and as you could guess has a pretty solid correlation to hits allowed. Perkins having lowered his from 22% last year to 15% this year is a tremendous step, and gives some insight into why he's having this kind of success. Also of note is that although his fly ball percentage has increased (from 40 to 46%), generally a bad sign, but it's tempered by the fact that his infield fly ball % went from 8.5 to 18%, which is excellent, as obviously infield pop-ups are not very scary. The 18% is probably not sustainable (Garza led at 18.1% in 08, Bronson Arroyo at 15% in 07), but if he can keep the number in the teens it bodes very well for future success.
With these numbers, along with strikeout and walk rates that haven't changed much, I would tend to say that he would be improved over last year, but thus far would lean more towards mirage than trend. However, there is one big factor that I think lends more hope to a breakout season, and that's Perkins change in approach.
Here are his percentages of pitches thrown the last two years:
Last season, Perkins threw his fastball 70% of the time and his changeup 15%, and this remains relatively unchanged this year. The big difference is that he has abandoned his curveball, and has come to rely on his slider quite a bit, throwing it 17% this year compared to 7% last year, with the curve going from 7% to 0%.
The results have been staggering. Last year, Perkins induced opponents to swing at 23.7% of his pitches outside the strike zone, one of the worst numbers in the league. This season, he's improved that to a whopping 38.2%, with opponents making contact with those pitches 76% of the time. This means that 29% of the time he throws a pitch outside the strike zone, the batter is putting a bad pitch in play - this goes a long way towards explaining the improvements in his other metrics. That 38% is second in the majors this year to Jamie Moyer, another crafty left-hander.
I wish there was a way to see pitch-by-pitch data, such as what % of the balls swung at outside the zone are sliders and if his curve got hit around a ton last year, but I can't find that data anywhere. I could have sworn it existed, and if you're reading this and know of it please let me know.
As it is, this is what we have. I find it encouraging, but certainly not conclusive. Can Perkins keep up a 1.50 ERA and a WHIP of 0.88? No, of course not. Could you actually become the team's ace? I think he has a shot. If he can get batters to keep chasing his slider and keep getting them to hit his pitches and hit them weakly, he can have a ton of success. His low strikeout total doesn't generally indicate a possible staff ace type, but it's been done before. Tom Glavine struck out a similar amount of batters throughout his career, and he's heading for the hall. Doug Drabek and Bob Welch both won Cy Youngs with a similar number, so it is possible to put up an elite season without striking people out.
Final Verdict: Closer to a trend, but with some caveats. Don't expect him to crack the top five in the Cy Young voting, and I'd say there's a small chance he implodes if teams start laying off the slider, but I'd look for a very, very nice season from Mr. Perkins the rest of the way.
Of course, you know what this means.......
Here's What Happened - 4/20/2009
Neither awesome, nor sucky, but I wanted to mention Torry Holt signed with the Jacksonville Jaguars today. It's a three year deal, with base salaries totaling $13 million and which could reach up to $20 million with incentives. Most interesting is that their is no signing bonus, and only the first year is guaranteed, making this extremely low risk for the Jags. With a better QB (if you consider Garrard a better QB) if Holt can return to his pro bowl form - the form where he was able to gather at least 80 catches and 1,180 yards for eight straight years - this contract is a steal for Jacksonville and a boon for Holt. If he looks more like the creaky, broken down old man he did last year, well, no big hit to the Jags and Holt gets a bit more cash for the pile.
Anyway, on to the real stuff.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. The Celtics/Bulls game. WOW. Just wow. That might have been the best basketball game I've seen since Kansas/Memphis [EDIT: Never mind, I forgot about Gonzaga/Western Kentucky, but it's the best game since that one.] I was going to highlight a player from the game, but who to choose? Rajon Rondo put up a triple double with nineteen points, sixteen assists, and twelve boards, despite Derrick Rose not at all respecting his jump shot and pretty much giving him anything outside of eighteen feet. It didn't matter, as Rondo used his quickness to get to the rim and either score or find teammates beautifully. How about the battle between former UCONNers Ben Gordon and Ray Allen? Gordon finished with a game-high 42, and was absolutely unconscious in the second half. Of course, so was Allen, who finished with 30, 28 coming in the second half, and hit the game winning three with 2.2 left of a Rondo assist following a Rondo offensive rebound. Allen not only has the prettiest shot in the NBA, but it might be the quickest as well. Even Big Baby Davis, filling in for the injured KG, deserves mention for putting up his career high 26 points in a big spot. Just an awesome, awesome game all the way around, and reminded me why I love the NBA playoffs.
2. Ross Ohlendorf. Who? Yeah, I don't know either, but guess who completely stymied the hottest team in baseball (the Marlins) last night? Yep, Rossy. Seven innings, two hits, no runs, and picked up the win when the Pirate bullpen decided not to blow it. Ohlendorf has made just thirteen career starts after two years as a reliever, and has never posted a season ERA of less than 6.35 in his three years. Due to his low strikeout rate, he was never considered an elite prospect, but hey, he shut down the hottest team in baseball. I'm guessing this is more mirage than trend, but who the hell knows? I'm kind of an idiot.
3. Tony Parker. I hate writing about commies as much as the next guy, but my only other choice for this spot would have been Dustin Pedroia, and I hate writing about Red Sox even more, so here you go. Parker led the Spurs to 105-84 victory over the Mavs last night to even their series at 1-1, going for 38 points (on 16-22 shooting) and dishing 8 assists. Of course, this is much less impressive considering he had Jason Kidd guarding him, who would have trouble stopping Travis Busch at this point. Parker has abused Kidd (assuming he played for Dallas all year, I'm too lazy to look it up), going for 31.2 points and 7.5 assists against him compared to 22 and 7 overall this year. And I'm already bored with this paragraph.
WHO SUCKED
1. Andrew Miller. Once a first round pick and top prospect of the Tigers, Miller was shipped over to the Marlins in the Miguel Cabrera trade and, well, has looked more like David West than John Smoltz (they were both prospects traded for veterans, you see). Last night we was the poor bastard to faced the Cy Young candidate Ross Ohlendorf, but it wasn't much of a battle with Miller not getting out of the fifth, giving up five hits and four runs to boost his season ERA to 6.94. In his 35 career starts, Miller is 11-17 and sports an ERA of 5.87 and a WHIP of 1.70. I know what you're thinking: it's only 35 career starts and he's still just 24 years old, but this might be a case of rushing a player to the bigs before he is ready. Last night Miller's fastball topped out at just 87 miles per hour - that's being blamed on an oblique injury (he's now on the 15-day DL), but warning sirens are screaming right now.
2. Baltimore Orioles. The Pirates are 7-6 and showing some life. The Marlins are 11-2 and have the best record in the entire league. The Rays were in the series last year and are considered one of the top contenders to win the whole thing this season. The Royals are on top of the AL Central, and might be able to stay there. Every historic bad team is at the very least giving their team some hope this season - except for the Orioles, who, after a good start, have fallen back to earth and are in the midst of a five game losing streak after losing 12-1 to the Red Sox yesterday in a game where Radhames Liz (my favorite first name in MLB) continued his spectacular flameout from prospect to pitching in the Northern League (maybe) going 0.1 innings and giving up six earned runs while hitting two of the seven batters he faced and walking another. As per usual, the O's can hit and score, but the pitching is atrocious with a team ERA of 6.72, and without a single good pitcher or even one with potential, this is just going to continue. Might as well call up Wieters now to try to get some good PR.
3. Chris Iannetta. Rockies catcher Iannetta went 1-3 last night against the D-Backs, and if you're wondering why that's news it's because it pushed his hit total to a grand total of three on the year, raising his average from .086 all the way up to the stellar .111. Iannetta has been the hot catching prospect for three years now, flaming out in his first season (.218/.330/.350) before bouncing back last year with a nice .264/.390/.505 with 18 ding dongs. Now, this season, he's put up .111/.314/.333 and is striking out once every 2.7 at bats. The plate patience is still nice with seven walks already, but at some point you actually have to hit the ball. He still has power when he does (two of his three hits are home runs) and the potential is still there, but since this guy screwed me in fantasy baseball two years ago he can go suck it. Rockies guy, any insight here?
Anyway, on to the real stuff.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. The Celtics/Bulls game. WOW. Just wow. That might have been the best basketball game I've seen since Kansas/Memphis [EDIT: Never mind, I forgot about Gonzaga/Western Kentucky, but it's the best game since that one.] I was going to highlight a player from the game, but who to choose? Rajon Rondo put up a triple double with nineteen points, sixteen assists, and twelve boards, despite Derrick Rose not at all respecting his jump shot and pretty much giving him anything outside of eighteen feet. It didn't matter, as Rondo used his quickness to get to the rim and either score or find teammates beautifully. How about the battle between former UCONNers Ben Gordon and Ray Allen? Gordon finished with a game-high 42, and was absolutely unconscious in the second half. Of course, so was Allen, who finished with 30, 28 coming in the second half, and hit the game winning three with 2.2 left of a Rondo assist following a Rondo offensive rebound. Allen not only has the prettiest shot in the NBA, but it might be the quickest as well. Even Big Baby Davis, filling in for the injured KG, deserves mention for putting up his career high 26 points in a big spot. Just an awesome, awesome game all the way around, and reminded me why I love the NBA playoffs.
2. Ross Ohlendorf. Who? Yeah, I don't know either, but guess who completely stymied the hottest team in baseball (the Marlins) last night? Yep, Rossy. Seven innings, two hits, no runs, and picked up the win when the Pirate bullpen decided not to blow it. Ohlendorf has made just thirteen career starts after two years as a reliever, and has never posted a season ERA of less than 6.35 in his three years. Due to his low strikeout rate, he was never considered an elite prospect, but hey, he shut down the hottest team in baseball. I'm guessing this is more mirage than trend, but who the hell knows? I'm kind of an idiot.
3. Tony Parker. I hate writing about commies as much as the next guy, but my only other choice for this spot would have been Dustin Pedroia, and I hate writing about Red Sox even more, so here you go. Parker led the Spurs to 105-84 victory over the Mavs last night to even their series at 1-1, going for 38 points (on 16-22 shooting) and dishing 8 assists. Of course, this is much less impressive considering he had Jason Kidd guarding him, who would have trouble stopping Travis Busch at this point. Parker has abused Kidd (assuming he played for Dallas all year, I'm too lazy to look it up), going for 31.2 points and 7.5 assists against him compared to 22 and 7 overall this year. And I'm already bored with this paragraph.
WHO SUCKED
1. Andrew Miller. Once a first round pick and top prospect of the Tigers, Miller was shipped over to the Marlins in the Miguel Cabrera trade and, well, has looked more like David West than John Smoltz (they were both prospects traded for veterans, you see). Last night we was the poor bastard to faced the Cy Young candidate Ross Ohlendorf, but it wasn't much of a battle with Miller not getting out of the fifth, giving up five hits and four runs to boost his season ERA to 6.94. In his 35 career starts, Miller is 11-17 and sports an ERA of 5.87 and a WHIP of 1.70. I know what you're thinking: it's only 35 career starts and he's still just 24 years old, but this might be a case of rushing a player to the bigs before he is ready. Last night Miller's fastball topped out at just 87 miles per hour - that's being blamed on an oblique injury (he's now on the 15-day DL), but warning sirens are screaming right now.
2. Baltimore Orioles. The Pirates are 7-6 and showing some life. The Marlins are 11-2 and have the best record in the entire league. The Rays were in the series last year and are considered one of the top contenders to win the whole thing this season. The Royals are on top of the AL Central, and might be able to stay there. Every historic bad team is at the very least giving their team some hope this season - except for the Orioles, who, after a good start, have fallen back to earth and are in the midst of a five game losing streak after losing 12-1 to the Red Sox yesterday in a game where Radhames Liz (my favorite first name in MLB) continued his spectacular flameout from prospect to pitching in the Northern League (maybe) going 0.1 innings and giving up six earned runs while hitting two of the seven batters he faced and walking another. As per usual, the O's can hit and score, but the pitching is atrocious with a team ERA of 6.72, and without a single good pitcher or even one with potential, this is just going to continue. Might as well call up Wieters now to try to get some good PR.
3. Chris Iannetta. Rockies catcher Iannetta went 1-3 last night against the D-Backs, and if you're wondering why that's news it's because it pushed his hit total to a grand total of three on the year, raising his average from .086 all the way up to the stellar .111. Iannetta has been the hot catching prospect for three years now, flaming out in his first season (.218/.330/.350) before bouncing back last year with a nice .264/.390/.505 with 18 ding dongs. Now, this season, he's put up .111/.314/.333 and is striking out once every 2.7 at bats. The plate patience is still nice with seven walks already, but at some point you actually have to hit the ball. He still has power when he does (two of his three hits are home runs) and the potential is still there, but since this guy screwed me in fantasy baseball two years ago he can go suck it. Rockies guy, any insight here?
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