Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Good times

Because WWWWWW is a complete degenerate and is at the bar right now (me, Optimator, OMW, and WWWWWW already spent a good two hours pounding pre-game drinks at Sgt. Prestions before the game) after the Gophers game despite it being 11:30 pm on a week night (yes, he actually has a job), it falls on me, WWWWWW's younger, more successful, handsomer brother Snacks to give a post-game recap of the Gophers v. Hoosiers tonight (WWWWWW drunkenly texted from Jimmy's NE that he is too drunk to do it). Here is my concise explanation of the game:


Stay with me here. This is my real world analogy for the game: It's like you got real drunk one night and you don't even remember what the hell you did, and you probably vomited profusely as in the picture. But, you still have your phone, your car keys, and your wallet, which actually still has money it it, and you apparently didn't sleep with any fat chicks. So all in all, the end result was fine, and whether or not you looked like an idiot, or any asshole, or really cool, along the way, it doesn't really matter at this point. All you know is something happened and you are in good shape now. Well, that was this Gopher game. It was terrible, cover your eyes awful, like when the Todd is real tuned up. But, when it comes to selection sunday, all that matters is that they won, so the fact that it was ugly is irrelevant and we should all just forget about it. Gophers won, end of story, that's all you need to know.

Well, hopefully this awful performance isn't a precursor to them completely screwing up the Penn. St. game on Saturday, like how the Todd screwed it up with the girl in yellow. But that's another story...


18 comments:

WWWWWW said...

That is a fantastic analogy. All I can possibly add is that it is complete bullshit how sometimes you get upgraded to first class on a flight because you are so awesome, and you order a cranberry/vodka.

So then you get it, and there's no lime and you're like, "well, that's ok because I didn't specify and I like booze so I'll drink it." And then you finish it, and order another and they are all like, "we have no limes"

What the mother F is that crap? I thought this was first class not 2nd class. In first class I should be able to ask for an asian hooker with a fetish for bondage and get it no questions asked. Instead I can't even get a freaking lime. Garbage.

As for the game, this team sucks. I would like to write more, and I'm sure I will, but for now, they just suck. They are the suckiest bunch who ever sucked.

This was awful. I kind of hope they just go to the NIT so maybe they can win a couple games.

WWWWWW said...

Wow, it turns out I got a bit sidetracked there. I really meant to just say your analogy was perfect.

WWWWWW said...

Also if you don't think Sarah Chalke is hot you should probably die.

You probably don't get the stat chick either. 8/10.

The Todd said...

Not much of story there with the girl in yellow other than she likes guys with dongs longer than 3 inches = I'm out.

Tonight I'm on a mission to find a picture of Optimator, freshman year of college, in exactly the same predicament as the girl above...priceless.

Also, Snake is the coolest MF'er alive. He got me a Gopher team poster Herbie Hancocked by Brian Shack.

Lastly, the game was so bad last night, I resorted to watching the Real Housewives of Orange County.

klinger said...

If the incident that the Todd speaks of is the one I'm thinking of, I don't know if pictures exist...We were all too young and stupid, and thought the poor bastard was actually going to die...As such, we didn't take the golden opportunity to document the tremendous occasion. Damn it!

WWWWWW said...

I still have a picture of the girl in yellow.

The Todd said...

Oh how you question my disregard for life and eagerness to find humor in any situation. I so have a picture of the carnage...I just need to find it. Optimator can confirm as I threatened to mix that in somehow during his wedding reception.

snacks said...

I thought I might still have the picture in an email somewhere and was going to include it in the post but i was too tired and didn't have the energy.

Optimator said...

Probably the most regrettable night of my life. Let's just let that one go.

If you must post a pic at least post the naked one of me. The Nutter's homoerotic behavior freshman year was concerning, but it least he got sweet pic of my hot ass.

That appetizing right? Who wants lunch?

klinger said...

As your fat sidekick, I witnessed some of the fuggos you threw the mack down on at the Alamo, so I'm going to go ahead and (dis)respectfully disagree with your assessment of that being the most regrettable night of your life.

Here's to shots of Sapphire!

Claire said...

Didnt Snacks kiss this girl in Duluth one night?

WWWWWW said...

Who the eff is Claire?

snacks said...

damn. good one. all of us who were there know that I didn't know she had puked when we made out. and besides, show me one guy who hasn't made out with a chick who puked in college.

Brady Robertson said...

Your brother.

klinger said...

Reclarification of question...

Name me one guy, who has kissed more than one girl in his life, who hasn't made out with a chick who puked

The Todd said...

Question - who goes ass to mouth like me?

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