Friday, February 13, 2009

Gopher Hockey - Seapups (live blog)

Coming to you live from casa de The Todd. No foo-foo drinks here. Whiskey 7's for now. We'll see how the night progresses, this could be a whiskey...night.

7:17 - I just got here, mixed a drink, and finally got the laptop up and running. Gophers are up 1-0 on a Jay Barriball goal. It was a nice play by the Gophers to work it down low and crash the net.

7:25 - I went looking for a pic for this post. I searched for hot gopher girl. This is what I got. Nothing obvious but we are going to go ahead say that these are the top of the class UofM ladies. This is officially a jacuzzi party. The Swede, The Italian Stallion, and the The Todd can take I hike. I need to spend some time with the ladies.

Does someone mix drinks for WWWWWW while he does these things? Seriously. This is going to be almost like work, but with beer. Except for the fact that I did have beer at work today. It was awesome.

7:40 - The Gophers should win this game but I'm going to be honest. This team has looked absolutely terrible lately. Imagine "Hoffbauer", but on skates, and the fact that you have about 5 of them. They aren't bad, they aren't really good. You are just stuck with their lack of experience and overall talent. Or as Common would say, "the best out the lousiest and the lousiest of the best." This team is average. I really thought this team would have come together and progressed more than they have. They may have even become worse then when they started this season. Ya, I know. Debby Downer over here. Somebody mix me a drink.

Also note, The Todd does not have an iPod. WTF? Probably still has Zack Morris phone too. Let's welcome The Todd to the 20th century. He's not quite ready for "high tech".

Intermission Numero Uno:

FYI, Paul Carter and Dovoe Joseph are awesome and are the future studs for the Gophers. The III, not so much. "Suck it Trebek! Suck it long, suck it hard."

Thanks to OMW, Snacks, and WWWWWW I was able to go to the last Gopher hoops game. Snacks's review of their performance was right on. That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the tax trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you. Wait sorry. Sidetracked.

Would you rather?... Marny Gelnar in a 5 star hotel or Erin Andrews in the ladies room at the Metro Dome? Let the ferment for bit and get back to me.

The Todd just brought up an oldy but a goody from SNL, Uncle Jamima's Mash Liqour. "It gets you $*^^(= up for less money! Pancakes are ready!!!!" I realize that even in type, I'm a horrible story teller. Moving on.

Start of Period 2 - RJ Anderson just said that he sucked at bowling and then said he was like Fred Flinstone. Obviously the Flinstones were no longer on the air when these guys were growing up. Fred was awesome jackass! I'm pretty sure OMW and FF would have a tight, best of 3 match, with OMW taking the cash.

8:15 - Gophers still suck. It is still 1-0. We managed to draw a penalty. We better score on this power play. Wait...Stoa makes a bone head play takes a hooking penalty. Move your feet and get position.

Woogism-"The basketball court is just on the other side of the street." This was in regards to the weak ass penalty they called on Sacchetti. Lame. In 26 seconds we went from a 1 man advantage to 1 man disadvantage.

8:22 - Even though the Gophers suck, the Seapups suck waaaaaay more. They have had a few odd-man rushes on Kangas and they can't capitalize. I still fully expect them to tie the game at some point.

Woogism-"They've been missing them high, they've been missing them low." Mazzacco says, "How do you miss them low?" Apparently the Gophers are tricky enough to shoot it under the net. Woog must have taken some sort of advanced physics. He is smart, way smart.

The hits just keep on coming.

Woogism-Mazzacco says, "He slides into the zone on his knees." Woog-"Just like those drills they do at the end of practice." Hmm, no wonder the team took a "dive" at the end of his tenure. Thanks, I'll be here all night.

8:27-Thought you should know, I'm an awesome fantasy golf player. WWWWWW can take a back seat for a fricken change. He has dominated the last couple of years. Crazy. We decided to check in on some highlights from the tourney at Pebble Beach. The Todd just claimed that Kenny G plays a mean skin flute. I tend to agree.

8:30-There it is folks. The Wolves just scored with 1.4 fricken seconds left in the 2nd period. What is that garbage? That is a clear sign of terrible, inexperienced, lazy team. Unbelievable. Wait. No. Not at all.

8:36-Here we go. The Swede just said that he wants to quit his chemical engineering job and become a blimp pilot after seeing the MetLife blimp on the golf channel. He also wondered if they have a black box, and if a leak occurred on the blimp, would their voices would be really high as a result. That would be hilarious to hear that playback. Sick, but funny.

8:40-The Todd just creamed his pants. His favorite movie of all time is on FX, Cliffhanger. I'm not kidding. Not even for a second. He just rattled off several lines from the movies. John Lithgow is awesome though. Stallone, not so much. Outside of Rocky, all of his movies suck. Does anyone remember Judge Dred? Wow that was bad.

8:45-I think WWWWWW needs to do more reviews of cheap horror movies. Those reviews are a good read. I still don't understand his total obsession with these movies but I love the reviews. I don't think I could watch one of those movies myself. I could with play-by-play action by WWWWWW. Somebody sign him up for one of those fancy DVD things with the commentery. I would pay for that.

8:52-The Gophers just got jobbed by a bad no-goal call. They finally got a stoppage and went back to review. It is a goal. Put it on the board. The goal was completely ugly though. Schroeder fans on the puck but luckily it bounces off his skate and still goes in. Terrible, but I'll take it.

9:00-The Gophers just got worked and the Sea Wolves even it up at 2-2. Here we go. The Gophers are in danger of losing at home to Alaska Anchorage. Unbelievable.

9:06-There is 10 minutes left in the game. The Gophers need to turn it on. We need to see some big plays from Barribal and Stoa right now. Get the forecheck going and keep it in the offense zone.

9:07-The Gophers draw a penalty and go on the power play. Knock off the dump and chase. Holy crap. Take it into the zone and set it up. They can't complete a decent pass to save their life. Power play, dead.

9:16-"Man, this place is dead anyways."

Who would want to go to school at Alaska Anchorage? I thought Duluth was cold and crappy but wow. I've never been to Anchorage but I can't imagine it is that great in the winter time. What kind of ladies go to Alaska?

Woogism-"The goalie's legs were widely spread. That was unbelievable." -in regards to Schroeder missing 5-hole. Terrible.

9:21-Where is green guy? He must not be into hockey. He only digs basketball, figures.

9:22-Thank you Kangas! Big save there. Barribal on the rush, can't put it away. Fairchild and Ness totally blow an easy pass back to the blue line. Regroup. Brings it back in but nothing going. Back down into the Gophers end and time expires. I'm not sure we deserve to win this game with this effort.

Also note that the Seawolves have or had a player named Beaverson. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome that is. Sounds like a James Bond character. I think Beavermaster though would be a better fit for 007.


Woog needs a drink. I do as well, a strong one.

So far so boring. Skate it into the zone, turn it over, repeat.

Wow, that was a close call. We are on a 4 game losing streak and that almost made it 5. I haven't seen that kind of slump since WWWWWW sophomore year of college.

Barribal has a wide open net and decides to keep the shot on the ice. Christenson makes an awesome glove save. Snacks could have scored that goal after having 13-14 beers and a blindfold. Bogart could have argued that puck into the goal. EASY!

9:33-OT is not good for Wooger. I think he works his drinks in just right and didn't account for the additional beverages that come with OT. When Mazzaaco says "Desperation is setting in", he was clearly referring to Woog. I agree.

9:36-Final 2-2. They better win tomorrow. This is a 5 game winless streak and is looking like 6.


The Todd said...

I have a sweet middle school girl phone which is optimal for texting considering how big of a texting queen I am. Apple can suck it...I only like apple juice and sauce.

The Todd said...

EA in a heartbeat although I am in love with Gellnar and would give her the biz at the drop of the hat.

If the Wooger is reading this, please adopt me.

Dr. Acula!. said...

I would totally kill you at fantasy golf if I wasn't terrible.

WWWWWW said...

I haven't read this garbage yet but holy mother of god you have one-upped me on the pictures.

Well done.

bcj said...

The green guy was at last Saturday's loss vs Wisconsin.
He almost got escorted out by two ushers because he was hanging out with a kid for a while, which seem mildly inappropriate. But somehow he talked them out of it.

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