Thursday, February 26, 2009

Gopher/Illinois Game Blog

Yippee skippee. I feel sick before this game even starts, and it it's not from the Cheeseburger Ranch Hamburger Helper (made with Turkey) we had for dinner. It's also not from drinking, because I'm not.....oh wait. Hello Cranberry & Vodka (with Lime). How did you get in my hand? Weird.

Hopefully I'm wrong and the Gophers, at the very least, acquit themselves nicely here, if not squeak out a win. Gophers need to play tough man-to-man defense, and get into the lane on offense in order to win. On to the game, Illinois favored by eight, I have no money on the game.

- I really hope the bad Illinois shows up tonight. And the good Gophers I suppose as well.

- Good start - two handed slam by DJ on a nice feed from Ralph. Points in the paint - good trend.

- They are continuing to attack inside and have a 5-2 lead with 17:30 left and haven't shot a three yet. I would be just fine if they don't shoot a three ball all game.

- Twins are 2-0 this spring after thumping the Reds 10-4 today. And who needs Joe Crede? In the two games, Twins third basemen (Brendan Harris, Luke "the future" Hughes, Brian Buscher, Danny "the other future" Valencia, and someone named Deibinson Romero) have combined to go 8-11 with two doubles and four runs scored. I say we trade Crede now for bullpen depth. Or make him play shortstop.

- DJ with an incredible stretch, scoring a fast break layup then getting a steal for a dunk to stretch the lead to 9-2. I am really like how this is shaping up so far, on both ends. Although it is still very early and things could fall apart in a hurry.

- God damn it, three straight turnovers - a blocked shot, a steal, and then Nolen drives and loses it out of bounds. Suddenly it's 9-7, momentum Illini.

- Wow, Tubby definitely reads my blog. Gophers really attacking in the paint right now and just killing Illinois with it. Not to mention absolutely crashing the offensive boards - and another layup for DJ as we speak, who has 12 of the Gophers 15 right now. I couldn't have scripted this much better.

- In other good news, I just completed a trade in our keeper fantasy football league for Dwayne "The Show" Bowe. The downside is that I had to give up the #2 overall pick in the rookie draft. I hope Michael Crabtree is a bust.

- Why is Travis Busch in the game? Not only does he completely suck on defense, but he's undermining everything they're trying to do on offense right now. It's clear that the focus of the offense is to get the ball inside to a big guy on the block and let him go to work. Well, Busch isn't an offensive threat even a little bit, and when he gets the ball the Illini defense just laughs. It just makes zero sense.

- Illinois on a 9-0 run with Busch in the game.

- I also want to note that the Gophers are 0-8 from three. STOP.

- Halftime, Illinois leads 28-23. Positives are the Gophers seem to have a plan in attacking the basket from the paint, hitting the boards hard on both ends, and they are forcing the Illini to settle for jump shots. Negatives are they still will chuck a stupid three far too often instead of getting it inside, are turning the ball over way, way too often, and the continued regression of Al Nolen. Despite some negatives, I still very much feel like the Gophers are in this and have a decent shot at pulling it out.

- People not named Damian Johnson are shooting 4-21 at the half for the Gophers. Oof.

- Right off the bat the Illini dump it inside to Tisdale. He missed, but I definitely like it better when Illinois was doing their Gopher impression and refusing to get closer than 15 feet from the hoop.

- A couple Illinois jumpers and it's suddenly 32-23. It's getting very nervous in here.

- Don't you miss The Bear? I do. I emailed him to make sure he wasn't dead, and he isn't, and he claims he still reads all the time but he hasn't left a comment in months. Hopefully baseball season and Dawger's insanely idiotic comments and his Jack Cust love and draw him out of his cave of hibernation.

- Damian Johnson is utterly and completely unstoppable on either end. He's like the new JaJuan Johnson who is the new Hakim Warrick who is the new KG.

- Oh good, Travis Busch is in. That makes sense.

- Trent Meachem takes it right at Busch who is camped in the lane and Busch can do nothing but Greg Paulus flop. Running tally is now 11-0 Illinois with Busch in the game.

- Fine, he hit a three pointer. Congratulations. Even better, announcer guy just said Busch is playing a very good game. Um, it's Illini 11, Minnesota 3 when he's in the game. His reason: good energy. Seriously, anybody can come in the game and run around like a god damned retard wearing a helmet at Christmas-time. But when your team gets outscored while you try to see how many times you can fall on the floor, you're not doing anyone any good. Why are people so dumb? Why do they always buy into the scrappy, hustle-y white guy thing? I want to blame David Eckstein, but it's been around way longer than that. Read this. Know it. Live it. Love it.

- Iverson might have the worst hands since Bogart's guy Troy Williamson. Or Randy Carter.

- Suddenly the Gophers are winning thanks to Damian Johnson just stealing and/or blocking everything. Oh, not any more thanks to a lob pass right over that midget Busch's head.

- Seriously, if the Gophers could hit anything from the outside at all they'd have this one in hand. But, well, they can't.

- Where's Ralph?

- Seriously, they called a moving pick on the Gophers? John Thompson would be happy. (One time Thompson was doing commentary on a game on ESPN, and he spent pretty much the whole game complaining about all the moving screens. It was awesome).

- Tubby's tie is hilarious. It's gold and maroon striped, but as Mrs. W just said, , "it looks like it's from Harry Potter." Zing.

- There's Ralph. Dominating. 42-41 Illinois, 6 minutes to go. Come on you stupid jerks.

- You know what? When Demetri McCamey has the ball at the three point line all alone, somebody should probably go and try to guard him. He got the ball, hesitated, and when nobody bothered to guard him he shot and made it. I rewound the play, and Snake's guy Westbrook was the closest to him, but just stood there like a fat lazy slug who doesn't give a crap. God that's just so frustrating.

- and then on offense he gets the ball in the corner and just holds it for the last five seconds before the shot clock runs out, and the Gophers don't get a shot. 45-41 Illini with 4 and a half to go, but I'm more than a little bit afraid this one's over. Especially since Westbrook is still in there, trying to lose. Expect him to hand the ball directly to McCamey at some point.

- What the hell happened to getting the ball into the post? And what ever happened to Hoffarber's jump shot? This whole team is one big regression line.

- Game over, Illinois wins 52 to 41. My head says the Gophers played a good game and what more can you really ask for going into Champaign. My heart says screw this shit, I'm done with this after they fell completely apart in the last five minutes by playing like idiots. We'll see who wins.


Dawg said...

The greatest part of the game last night is after Busch made another bone headed play, Snake had a meltdown of epic proportions cursing the day that Busch was born. Buschy's ears must have been ringing because he snuck up behind Davis and stole the ball after a rebound, kicked the ball around for a few seconds and then drained a 3. It was the perfect chain of events following Snake's meltdown.

Lefty Snake said...

WWWWWWWWW, I asked this of Dawger last night. Do you think Nolen and Westbrook are shaving points? Honestly, it looks just like the movie blue chips only the kid shaving points in the movie did a better job of covering things up. Westbrook and Nolen just put it out there for the whole world to see. Hair Pie is dead to me.

Dawger, you just used the word "epic" in a post. What a FAG!

WWWWWWW, God I ripped you off in that trade......what a sucker!

SSF said...

We officially have a new "epic guy". Loser

WWWWWW said...

Shaving points hadn't occurred to me, but you may be on to something here.

It's not the missed shots or some of the stupid decisions, it's the sheer amount of poor decisions they make, plus some of lazy, lack of effort plays they've both started making in the last month or so. Just standing around, not going after loose balls, not picking up the open man, and not getting back on defense.

I think you're right. IT'S A FIX!

And Dwayne Bowe is the next Andre Johnson, while Jonathan Stewart is the next Lamont Jordan and Michael Crabtree is the next Robert Meachem.

SSF, I think we need a new post from you.

Bear said...

This blog sucks! There, happy?

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