Tuesday, July 21, 2009

No this Blog is not Dead.

No, we aren't dead. Some brain dead jackass asked me this weekend if this blog was going to die, and the answer is no. As I've mentioned in every post I've made this month, although admittedly there haven't been many, I'm swamped at work and with weekend things going on all month. I promise once we hit August things will pick back up. Of course, it wouldn't hurt if one of the other contributors on this site would like to toss up a post or two. I know Dawger is dying to talk Twins. Anyway, I do have a little bit of time tonight, so I'll make a couple quick comments.

- I should probably go ahead and start with the British Open, since the winner is my arch enemy, the uncalcuably gay Stew Cink. Make no mistake, he got lucky and it probably shouldn't count. Think about it. How hard is it to beat an old man? An old man who has already played 72 holes in four days in the freezing cold and wind and rain? Most guys Watson's age would have been out by hole 11. Hell, most guys Watson's age would have woken up the morning after the first round and been unable to get out of bed and have to use that clicker thing or whatever it is that the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady advertised. Seriously, what was it? A clicker of some kind? A phone? Wow, I can picture the lady but I don't remember the product. Is that good advertising or bad?

Anyway, I had originally planned to call Watson a choker, but now that I think more about it I'm guessing he was just a bit tuckered. Although there isn't much more disappointing than thinking you are watching the story of the year (at a minimum), but instead you get some bald-headed, gigantic sloth freak sneaking in the back door and stealing that 59-year-old leprechaun's gold. Crying shame.

And Ian Poulter should be ashamed of himself for that performance. From a solo 2nd last year to dead effing last this year. And he was even playing well going into this tournament. I have no clue what happened, but I'll never trust that dandy again.

- Speaking of advertising, Kmart's advert for lay-a-way is for a blow up shark. I mean, I like blow up sharks as much as the next guy, but are we really doing lay-a-way for them? I thought that was for poor people who can't afford a love seat, not average suburban white couple who need lawn water toys. I might have to look into this.

- In what has become a Twins' tradition, your favorite team needed help at a position and went out and signed the oldest, cheapest option available; this time giving a minor league contract to 39-year old second basemen Mark Grudzielanek.

I actually think is a pretty good idea. Minor league contract means no risk - probably the biggest reason they made the signing, but even last year Grudzy put up some decent numbers (.299/.345/.399) - not much for slugging the ball, but it's basically what Luis Castillo gave them that one year he was here all season (.296/.358/.370). And it wasn't a fluky season either - Grudzielanek has hit no worse than .294 in his last six seasons, and hasn't hit lower than .271 since his rookie year way back in 1995. No major risk here, especially when the Tolbert/Casilla/Punto trio is doing nothing but making outs at a prodigious rate. If he can still hit anywhere near his career average and isn't a total stiff in the field (major questions due to a late ankle injury last year that has had him sitting out almost a full calendar year), he's a major upgrade. Of course, since this is a Twins' signing, I'm going to fully assume that they essentially signed Steve Lombardozzi (the current, 48-year-old version).

- Since we're chatting about Twins' busts, how about a little Jesse Crain update (who I have pretty much completely forgotten about)? He's thrown twelve games down in Rochester so far, compiling 17 2/3 innings and a 2.55 ERA and 1.19 WHIP. Toss in a 22-8 K/BB ratio, and I'd say thus far the experiment with Mr. Seashell Necklace has been a success. Expect to see him up again soon, especially with the Twins' bullpen in full on implosion mode. I'm sure with the bullpen blowing leads and giving up monster home runs, Crainsy is feeling pretty left out.

- I'm trying to muster up the energy to give a crap about the most recent T-Wolves trade, but it's hard. I dig on how Kahn has come to town with a "Let's start this garbage over" mentality, because that was definitely what was needed. Madsen is little more than a crowd favorite, which means a white jackass who hustles and has no talent. He will be missed by drunken idiots with more money than sense only. Telfair and Craig "the Manatee" Smith, were able to put up ok numbers on a crappy team, but I'm pretty sure that was their upside. Telfair will be little more than a career backup, and Smith will eat himself out of the league as soon as he signs his first non-rookie contract (book it).

So by not losing anything, the Wolves automatically win this trade. Getting Q Richardson back isn't going to really add much to the team in terms of win, but it at least gives them a big-time shooter to replace Mike Miller. Plus, with $9+ million in salary coming off the books next off-season he adds a little bit of flexibility to any off-sesaon plans that little munchkin has cooking in his little brain.

Not a monster improvement, but a very good little trade. Although I will miss watching the Manatee cross mid-court on less than half his team's possessions.

- The Onion is almost always a guaranteed laugh, but this might be my favorite of all-time, "Derek Jeter makes easy play look easy."

- Another funny link: Ed O'Bannon is suing the NCAA for use of his image. I'm not even 100% sure what this means, but it makes total sense that O'Bannon would need money. The best thing he could do is shoot some sort of anti-early entry warning video. I know he didn't leave school early, but he's a great warning for guys who are great in college that they might not quite pan out as pros. Him, Shawn Respert, Adam Morrison, Randolph Childress, Pervis Ellison, Marcus Fizer, and George Lucas can get together and teach a class on dissapointing people.

- Lastly, you should know that WonderbabyTM is already the most advanced in her gymnastics class and might have to be moved up to the more advanced class. That's right, guess who is the only one in her class who can hang from a bar? Yep. Her teacher/coach/volunteer/weirdo loner cat-lady person already said, "She's really advanced. A real natural athlete." Hopefully this will translate to non-gay sports like basketball and softball baseball, but if she ends up in the Olympics, so be it. She'll be the Michael Phelps of gymnastics, but without the weed and overall douchiness.

I'll leave you with a picture of her showing off her skills:


8 comments:

snacks said...

That's funny, I was actually up at Sensor's playing bar trivia last week and there was a question asking what the I've fallen and I can't get up ad was advertising. I can't remember the answer exactly, but it was some kind of emergency response system.

Also, what is that ad for on the side of the page? I have no idea what its for and am not interested regardless, but I do really enjoy the chick with the giant rack. Nice addition to the page.

Will said...

It's Life Alert.

WWWWWW said...

I have no idea what that ad is for, but that is very nice. Everyone should click on that ad at least once a day. Maybe if you do it enough she will come to life through your computer and fulfill your wildest fantasies.

You never know. It can't hurt to try.

SSF said...

Dawger kicked me off the blog again.
He said my last post made me look like a retard and that it was gonna get me fired from my job.

God, I hate him. He is probably gonna karate kick me if he sees this.

James said...

SSF, He couldn't get his fat little leg up high enough to karate kick you. For once Dawger was right about something, you did sound like a retard.

SSF said...

That is a given.

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