F the Buckeyes

That's a terrible post title, but I couldn't really think of anything else because I'm so damn tired.  Seriously, I'm exhausted.  I probably have mono.  Or AIDS.  I haven't had any gay sex lately or hugged Magic Johnson, so it's probably not AIDS. 


1.  Is Ohio State more of a "final four" team like you said, or "not a top 100" team like Dawger said?  It should be obvious at this point that any time Dawger and I disagree, you just take my side and you'll be good, and this is just another example.  Since the Gophers beat them at Williams, they have won at Purdue, vs. Wisconsin, and at Iowa and lost at #12 West Virginia by 6.  The team's RPI this year is 41, they're ranked 14th by Ken Pomeroy's numbers and 20th and 24th in the two polls, and are 12-3 when Evan Turner plays.  I'll admit "final four team" might be a little bit strong, but "not a top 100" team is just plain old ludicrously stupid.  Much like everything else that comes out of Dawger's mouth.  You can still get them at 75-1 to win the National Championship.  I recommend you throw a $5-spot on it.

2.  So just how good is this Evan Turner?  If you can get past the fact that he turns it over a ridiculous four times per game he's pretty damn good.  His 18.4 ppg ranks third in the Big Ten.  His 9.9 rebounds per game ranks first in the conference, and his 5.5 assists ranks second.  He's also tied for fourth in steals per game at 1.7 and is twelfth in blocks at 0.9 per game.  All this while shooting 55%, good for fourth in the Big Ten, and he's a guard.  The team is 12-3 with him, including wins over Purdue, Florida State, and Cal, and is just 3-3 without him with a loss to Michigan.  He might legitimately be the best player in college basketball this year, and if he hadn't gotten hurt would be a legit National Player of the Year candidate.   

3.  Tell me about the rest of guys, but be quick about it.  I don't have all day. Fellow wings David Lighty and William Buford are basically knockoffs of Turner, and both can carry the team if they need to.  Lighty scored 18 in the second-half alone this week against Iowa, and Buford played his best game of the year last weekend against West Virginia with 22 on 9-13 shooting.  Jon Diebler is the only player in the conference with more three-pointers made than Blake Hoffarber this year, shoots 44% behind the line, and has hit five or more threes in a game seven-times already (and can get his own shot).  Finally, manning the paint is Dallas Lauderdale, who is an offensive retard but leads the conference in blocked shots and is a pretty intimidating force in the middle - good thing the Gophers don't have anybody who can drive into the paint anyway.  

4.  How is the post-Al Nolen point guard thing going?  Well Justin Cobbs has been a non-factor.  He played just four minutes against Michigan State because he was way, way, way, way too freaking hyper resulting in two turnovers in those four minutes.  In the next game against Northwestern he played better, putting in 12 minutes of work and getting almost nothing on his stat line, good or bad.  I didn't notice him for his good play, but didn't notice him for bad either.  Devoe Joseph had a great game against Michigan State with 16 points and 7 assists against just 1 turnover, but kind of disappeared against NW with just six points and four turnovers.  So, in a word, pretty uneven.

I'm encouraged because both Joseph and Cobbs have shown flashes the past two games, but they'll need to play even better if there's an NCAA bid in the future.  Ohio State doesn't match up well against quick point guards because there best guys are bigger wings and their only "true" point guard is a gigantic douchebag.  I just don't know if either of our guys would be classified as a "quick" point guard.  As usual and in every game the rest of the year, point guard play is going to be a huge key.

5.  This would obviously be a huge win for the Gophers, is there any reason to believe?  Not really.  Ohio State is almost as good defensively as the Gophers, but are a far, far better offensive team - one of the best in the country (16th in offensive efficiency).  They can thrive either in the halfcourt or in an up-and-down fast-paced game and have not only the best player out of the two teams, but maybe the best two or three.  I'm hoping the Gophers can keep it close to the end and find a way to sneak a win out somehow, but I think a blowout is more likely (and not the good way).

Ohio State 74, Minnesota 62. 

   

The Legend of Evan Turner

Not a lot of time to write anything to in depth, but if you follow Gopher Basketball you probably follow Big Ten Basketball and thus you are familiar with Evan Turner, who is basically the key to this game.

Sure, Ohio State has some other good players.  Jon Diebler would probably finish second to Blake in an all Big Ten Three-Point contest (actually, Chris Allen might win - if he didn't he'd finish last) and has put up some really nice games this year.  David Lighty is kind of a Turner-Lite and can do a little bit of everything and William Buford is kind of in-between the two of them.  Dallas Lauderdale is a defensive beast and P.J. Hill is still a douche (although he lit up Eastern Michigan - woo hoo!). 

All of that is very nice, but Evan Turner is what turns this group from a bubble team to a final four contender.  I said it earlier this year and I'm sticking by it - if he comes back all the way, this team could make a March run - he's that good.  He came back from his injury on Wednesday against Indiana and logged 20 minutes in the win, putting up 8 points, 4 rebounds, and 5 assists.  I didn't get to watch the game so I don't know how he is playing right now.

This is sort of like the Legend of Boggy Creek, where Turner is a killer Werewolf who might or might not exist.  The Gophers are basically going to the Creek (granted, this works better if the game were in Columbus) and they don't know if the Werewolf is going to be there to rip their collective head off and dine on their sweet, sweet, organs.  Of course, in this case even if the Werewolf doesn't show up there are all kinds of goblins and bugbears who can do some serious damage.

I just don't think the Gophers have quite enough Perseus in them to navigate the Fire Swamp.

Ohio State 75, Gophers 63.

At least Ohio State is fun to watch.

Week in Review - 12/7/2009

Well, that was an unimpressive Vikings performance.  Favre sucked, there was no running game, they refused to get any pressure on Kurt Warner, and as a result he carved them up like Portland against the Gophers.  I'm not inclined to make too big a deal out of it though.  They were pretty much due for a stinker, and it may even be a bit of a help in the "kick-in-the-ass" kind of way.  So it's alright.

The Gophers were good this weekend as well, but it was much like the exhibition games against UMD and Mankato or whoever else it was - the opponent was just too terrible to make any kind of real judgement.  Tuesday is Morgan State, which will likely be more of the same based on name alone (I will do a little research and maybe a preview if you are lucky), but Saturday will at least be a ok opponent in St. Joe's.  Not a good opponent, but ok.  The Gophers can't afford any stumbles, and will still have their work cut out for them in the conference season, but I am still cautiously optimistic. 

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Wisconsin.  It was tempting to put the whole Big Ten here for finally shedding the embarrassment of never winning the Big 10/ACC challenge, but then I remembered that Michigan and Minnesota both sucked and couldn't bring myself to do it.  Instead I have to praise the red menace, the most hated of hateds, the Roy to my Jim, the Mondego to my Dantes, the Crimson King to my Roland (actually that's a great description with the whole Crimson in the title) - the dirty Badgers.  And what ever happened to Jim Caviezel anyway?  I thought he was a great Dantes in the movie (which I saw in Ames, by the way - and it was better than the book, yeah, I said it) and he was also excellent in a little time-travel movie called Frequency (and had a nice supporting part in that army court movie with a still hot as hell Ashley Judd).  Then he was in a movie with J-Lo and played Jesus.  Those are both career killers, and he did both in a 3-year span and killed his career (to the best of my knowledge).  Whoops.  Oh, and anyway I guess Wisconsin had a good week and Trevon Hughes looks like Al Nolen with a jump shot, a three-point shot, and an ability to finish in the lane.  Whatever.  Redneck queers.

2.  Texas Tech.  First of, let me just say that I don't believe that Texas Tech is a good team this year.  Second of all, I don't think it much matters what I think, because they just keep winning.  They rolled through their super easy schedule to start the season, and were then matched up against Washington this week in the Pac 10/Big 12 Hardwood Challenge, in a game I expected Washington to win by 20.  Not so much.  Tech ended up beating the Huskies by seven in overtime after scoring a ridiculous 19 in the five minute extra period to run their record to 8-0.  Mike Singletary (not that one) and John Roberson are very good all-around players and give them a nice back court.  It seems this team is worth keeping an eye on.

3.  Alabama.  For the football, obviously, genius.  That was an absolutely brilliant game they put together against Florida, and although Teblow did choke a bit - particularly on that INT in the endzone - but make no mistake, the Tide played brilliantly.  I was most impressed by Greg McElroy, the Tide's quarterback, who may not be the most talented player out there but was definitely the most valuable on Saturday.  His stats are nice (12-18, 239yds, 1 TD, 10 rushing yards) but not eye-popping, but he made the throws when he needed too and, more importantly, the runs.  McElroy had two huge runs, one for a first down while the Tide were driving that saw him hopping down the sideline to pick up a big first down by mere inches, and the second was a nice run down to the 2-yard line on the game sealing drive - a run that had the announcers embarrassingly calling it "Tebow-esque."  And that's the best part of Alabama winning - no more Tebow.  Actually it's not so much him that bothers me - he is a very good college QB - it's the constant Teblowing of him by the media and his image and his holiness and his goodness and all that crap that bothers me.  I like my football players to be semi-literate thugs, thank you very much.

4.  Charlotte.  I don't believe the 49ers were really considered as an NCAA team this year, maybe on the fringe, but after a complete dismantling of Louisville - at Louisville - it's time to take a deeper look.  Charlotte beat the Cardinals 87-65 by holding them to 36% shooting, destroying them on the boards 46-35, and forcing someone named Mike Marra to take the most shots of any Cardinal player.  This win runs the 49ers record to 6-1, with only a loss to Duke in the negative column.  Outside of Louisville there isn't really a good win in those six (Hofstra would be the closest), but this team could be sneaky.  The have a nice inside/outside balance (of the top five scorers, 55% of the points come from the backcourt, 45% from the front court), take care of the basketball (35th in turnover percentage), and might have a legitimate star in Shamari Spears (19.7ppg, 5.8 rpg).  In a two week span at the end of the month/beginning of January, they play Old Dominion, Georgia Tech, and Tennessee, so pay attention to see if this team is a contender, or just a lucky team that caught Louisville on a bad day (*cough* last year's gophers *cough).    

4.  Jersey Shore.  This is the new show on MTV and I'm telling you, find it, record it, watch it, live it, love it.  Simply the greatest show I've ever seen.  It's basically the Real World, with eight strangers thrown together in a house they couldn't afford if they pooled their future lifetime earnings, but there's a delicious twist this season:  every one is a Guido or Guidette, and they are put right in Guido Heaven - the Jersey Shore.  The comedy is simply off the charts.  If you aren't sure what a Guido is, look at this:

And every single guy on the show is just like this guy (and the girls are basically female versions who, for reasons that are impossible to fathom, are attracted to guys like this).  What's even better, is these kind of people don't even realize the rest of the world is laughing at them, and all worship the exact same traits that 99.9% of the population can't stop pointing and laughing at.  If you've ever seen the True Life: I have a Summer Share episode, it's like that, but even better.

The breakout star is without a doubt Mike, who calls himself "The situation" and constantly refers to himself in the third person.  Such as, "Yo baby, you know you want to get with the situation."  Yes, it really is that awesome.  He's like Rickey Henderson crossed with the Gotti kids.  I love it.  This show gets my highest recommendation since "The King of Kong."  You know MTV is rerunning it constantly, so find it and watch it.  You'll be pleased.     


WHO SUCKED

1.  Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Good god, is there a curse of Jim Kelly now?  Or is it a curse of QB Bills?  That second one there makes more sense, so let's go with it.  The curse of QB Bills is out of control, and the latest poor victim who would otherwise have great skills is Fitzpatrick, who was 9-23 for a whopping 98 yards (and one INT) on Thursday (including just 31 yards to T.O., who I took a chance on starting in a must-win fantasy game).  Thanks, dick.  But it's not really his fault, it appears nobody can play QB in Buffalo anymore.  Here are the main QB rating scores since Kelly retired in 1996 (wow I am way old):  69.5, 87.4, 75.1, 82.2, 76.4, 86.0, 73.0, 76.6, 85.6, 84.9, 70.4, 85.4, and 74.1.  How bad is that?  I have no god damn clue.  Who the hell can make heads or tails out of that formula?  What I do know, is that T-Jax's career mark is 77.8, which means Buffalo's QB has only been better than T-Jax level six out of thirteen years.  The best a Buffalo QB has done since QB Bills retired was Flutie's 87.4 in 1998.  That's basically what Kyle Orton has done this year.  So the best Buffalo QB in the last 13 years was Kyle Orton.  Yoinks.

2.  Evan Turner.  Not so much for sucking, since he put up yet another ridiculous line earlier this week against Florida State (25-13-6), but for getting hurt and making a really fun team to watch a lot less fun.  In case you missed Turner went up for a dunk against Eastern Michigan on Saturday, got fouled, could quite catch his balance on the rim and fell, breaking his back.  No, seriously he broke his back.  Luckily it's not the paralyzed kind, but he is expected to be out for the next two months at a minimum.  What this really means is that William Buford and David Lighty are going to have to become stars instead of complimentary players, and if they pull it off and Turner comes back at full strength the Buckeyes are going to be awfully tough.  Of course, it's just as likely that the team collapses in on itself without it's do-everything guy.  I'm rooting for that second option right there. 

3.  The Pac 10.  I know this is at least the second and maybe the third time I've singled this conference out, but sheesh they are just awful.  Nobody in the conference can beat any decent competition.  This week Washington State lost to Gonzaga, Arizona lost to UNLV at home and got killed by a bad Oklahoma team, Cal lost to New Mexico, Washington lost to Texas Tech, UCLA didn't bother to put up a fight against Kansas at Pauley, Arizona State lost to Baylor at home, Oregon got crushed by Missouri, USC lost by 26 against Georgia Tech, Washington State got blown out by Kansas State.  The conference's record this week was 5-11, which included wins over CS-Bakersfield, CS-Northridge, and Arkansas-Pine Bluff, and this is a supposed top-six conference?  The best win any Pac-10 team has managed so far this season is either Arizona State's win over LSU or Cal's win over Iowa State - both about the equivalent of beating Penn State.  Wow.  Just ugly.  This might be the worst major conference in history.  They might end up being lucky to get two teams in the NCAA Tournament.

4.  Portland.  So much for them being at-large bid kind of team.  The Pilots got crushed by Idaho of all teams, and looked awful doing it.  The Vandals beat them 68-48, and held Portland to just 32% shooting.  Remember that damn midget T.J. Campbell who destroyed your beloved Gophers?  He shot 1-11 for the game and turned the ball over four times.  Remember Mr. Do-Everything Nik Raivio?  He shot 3-13.  How about Robin Smeulders, who you may remember destroying Iverson and Sampson?  He shot 1-6 and turned it over three times.  Seeing as how this team has already lost to CS-Northridge and Texas Southern, I'm going to go ahead and say this damn near kills Portland's shot at an at-large bid, barring a nearly undefeated run through the WCC, and certainly doesn't make the Gophers' loss look any better.  Thanks Pilots.  You couldn't have at least ended being a really good small conference team, could you?  And I just know noticed that they lost earlier in the week to Portland State as well.  So much for not having to worry about the Portland loss going down as a "bad loss."   

5.  NCAA Fascists.  You dicks.  You total dicks.  I get that you can't put someone like TCU or Boise State in the championship, not when you have an undefeated Alabama and an undefeated Texas.  Ok, fine.  I think TCU could hang with and possibly beat either team, but I get it.  What really sucks is that you are sending TCU to the Fiesta Bowl to play........BOISE STATE!  Come on, man!  We want to see these schools play some of the big boys and find out if it's true that non-BCS teams can't hang with the big boys, or if the Horned Frogs and Broncos are really every bit as good as the big time teams.  How can we find that out if you make them play each other, fascists?  But I'm guessing you know that, don't you?  You know that's what everybody want to find out, but if TCU beats Florida and/or Boise beats Georgia Tech, suddenly it's time to take the non-BCS teams seriously.  Apparently Utah beating Alabama last year wasn't quite enough, so you manage to completely sabatoge everything so the "BCS" conferences get to keep their stranglehold on the National Title.  Real god damn fair.

Week In Review - 11/16/09

Holy crap dude, how freaking crazy was Belicheck going for it on fourth and two with a six point lead and just two minutes left from his own 30 yard line?  Was that anything other than, "We know damn well if we punt you're going to score and beat us, so we better keep the ball as long as possible?"  Either that or Belicheck has finally lost it.  Just bizarre, but what any entertaining game in general and a great comeback by Manning.  College basketball is finally back as well, and my thoughts on the Gopher hoops game are right here.  If you're looking for Gopher football thoughts, god save your soul.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Evan Turner.  I mentioned this in my Big Ten Preview, but I'll say it again - Evan Turner is ridiculous.  He certainly didn't disappoint in the opening week, putting up a triple-double in the opener against Alcorn State and following it up with 24-17-4 against James Madison.  Sure, the competition wasn't the best, but Turner and the rest of the Buckeyes looked very, very good, winning the two games by an average of 34 points.  I'm telling you, with Turner, David Lighty, and William Buford this team is going to be very tough and Memphis-y.  If Jon Diebler keeps shooting like he did last year (or better so far), this is going to be a really good team.  We'll know more after next week when they play Carolina, but watch out folks.

2. Rotnei Clarke.  Corliss Williamson didn't do it.  Scotty Thurman didn't do it.  Patrick Beverley didn't do it.  Clint McDaniel, Todd Day, and Ronnie Brewer couldn't do it. Hell, not even the great Oliver Miller could do it, but apparently Rotnei Clark can - break 50 points in a game, that is.  Clarke became the first Arkansas player to ever score 50 points in a game, putting up 51 in Friday night's 130-66 win over Alcorn State.  Clarke had 31 at halftime, and hit 13 three-pointers on 17 attempts for the game breaking the SEC record held by former Arkansas guard Alex Dillard.  It's good timing, too.  I had just read an article about how the Razorbacks had a bunch of players suspended (including superstud Courtney Fortson) and would need Clarke to step up in order to take some of the pressure off their star center Michael Washington.  Step up indeed.

3.   Dayton.  There are a ton of really good games starting this week, but over the weekend it was mostly blow-outs or mid-level teams squaring off.  There was, however, one game between two teams that both had NCAA Tournament aspirations:  Creighton vs. Dayton.  Seeing as how Dayton is listed at the beginning of this entry, you would probably guess that Dayton won, and you'd be correct.  The Flyers trailed most of the game, but outscored Creighton by 15 in the second half behind a strong showing by Chris Wright, who scored 25 on 9-12 shooting.  I'm still not entirely sure what to make of Dayton, other than that their fans are deluisonal, but even though they had more trouble with Creighton than they probalby should have, this is still a good win on a resume.

4.  Brandon Jennings.  I've been trying to avoid talking about Jennings' great start to his NBA career since he really pissed me off by skipping college to go play in Europe, but after Saturday night's 55-point explosion, I don't see any way to put it off any longer.  First off, this is a really solid fifty-point game, with a high shooting percentage (21-34 from the floor, 7-8 from three) and some other contributions (5 rebs, 5 assists) - and they won.  Second, something like this probably shouldn't be too surprising, especially since he burst into the league and almost had a triple-double in his first ever NBA game (17-9-9).  Thirdly, everything I'm reading says that this kid is already the quickest guard in the league and is essentially unguardable one-on-one, and compares him to Allen Iverson.  Finally, this really sucks because now I'm going to have to make an effort to watch a Milwaukee game.  Thanks Brandon.

5.  Ekpe Udoh.  Other players may have put up gaudier numbers so far (like Isaiah Thomas's 24.7ppg in three games or Al-Farouq Aminu's 25 and 11 boards per in two games), but nobody surprised me more than Udoh, the former Michigan Wolverine and current Baylor Bear.  Udoh put up 18 points and 11 boards (with 3 blocks) in the opener vs. Norfolk State, and followed that up with 21 and 7 with 5 blocks in game 2 vs. Hartford (Vin Baker U).  I remember Udoh as a all-defense no offense type, like a young Dikembe Mutombo or any of the endless parade of seven-foot "project" from Senegal into the NCAA.  His career average was just 5.5 ppg coming into this season, so either this is merely a case of playing inferior opponents, or Udoh learned some offensive skills.  The Bears play two more cupcakes before taking on Alabama and then Arizona State, so we won't know much until then.  If he has learned to play offense, it's going to torture Baylor fans because this was the exact piece they were missing last year.

[UPDATE:  Found this on ESPN:

When he decided to transfer from Michigan, Baylor's Scott Drew thought he was going to get a super-defensive stud in Ekpe Udoh. He didn't know that Udoh would also be an offensive threat.
Udoh saved the Bears from falling to Hartford yesterday, hitting a 20-foot fadeaway game winner. In addition to his five blocks, Udoh scored 21 points and is now averaging 19.5 ppg through his first two games.
Udoh worked exclusively on his offense during his redshirt season and over the summer. Besides Kevin Rogers, Scott Drew has never really had an offensively-dominating big man. He normally runs the offense entirely through his guards. While this still shouldn't change, it should be nice to have a threat down low in Udoh.]

  

WHO SUCKED

1.  Mississippi State.  I read in a couple of places that Miss State was a "dark-horse" final four contender.  I love Jarvis Varnado more than I love my wife, but I wasn't quite ready to buy that - at least not until they figured out who they were going to get their offense from.  Still, I expected good things.  Well, they are not off to a very good start, losing their opener at home to Rider 88-74.  Two major issues:  three-point defense and scoring.  They allowed Rider to shoot 10-16 from three-point range, which is tough to overcome for anybody, particularly when nobody can throw the ball threw the hoop on your own team.  Pimp-Daddy Varnado was 8-8 (complete line:  22pts, 14 rebs, 7 blocks - such a stud), but the rest of the team shot just 18-54.  The three point defense could jsut be a fluke, but perimeter scoring will need to greatly improve.  They run a three guard offense, and the three starters shot a combined 9-31.  Varnado deserves better.  Pick it up, jerkstores. 

2.  Utah.  The Utes lost their top four scorings from last season, but still had three starters back as well as a bunch of talented new comers, so I don't know if anybody knew what to expect from them this season.  I feel reasonably confident, however, in saying that nobody expected to see a team that would lose to Idaho in their season opener, the Vandals first win over Utah since 1938.  Now, Idaho is actually a better team this year than most people think, but this game is a stinger for the U of U, and I have a feeling this is going to be a very frustrating year in Mormonville.  Special shout out to the Utes two best players, Carlon Brown and Marshall Henderson for shooting a combined 9-27.    

3.  Jay Cutler.  LOL.  Nice job Cutty, five interceptions against the 49ers (17 for the season, , including two in the red zone, one of which was in the end zone at the end of the game.  The game that the Bears lost 10-6, meaning if they manage even just two field goals or a TD out of those trips, they win.  Oh, and also the niners scored all 10 of their points off two of his other picks, with both drives starting in Bears territory.  Is it really fair to say he single-handedly lost that game for the Bears?  Yes.  Yes it is.

4.  Timberwolves.  Ok, I think we all knew it was going to be bad, but did we know it was going to be this bad?  After winning the opener over a hapless New Jersey squad, they have now lost ten straight, including a brutal 0-4 this week that inluded a loss to Memphis who had lost seven straight of their own prior to beating the Wolves.  Earlier in the season they were at least putting up a fight - the loss to Boston was a great game - but now they're just getting killed.  Their four losses this week were by 41, 23, 12, and 10, with only the 12 point loss to Dallas being in the realm of respectability (the 10 point loss was the Memphis game, and might be more embarrassing than the 41 pointer against Golden State).  I know Love is out and now Jefferson is out, but *newsflash* Jefferson was in the lineup for both the Golden State and Portland games, and trust me, it's not just him.  Flynn, Love, and Jefferson are the only players who should ever see a starting lineup in their careers, everybody else is a role player at best.  Still, better to be a Wolves fan than a fan of Iowa.  

5.  Iowa.  Seriously, you guys are embarrassing the conference.  You lost to Texas-San Antonio.  AT HOME!!  BY TWELVE!!!  Good lord, they're a middle level Southland Conference team.  They're called the Roadrunners for god's sake, and they had never beaten a Big Ten team.  I know they lost a couple pretty good players to transfers after last season, but Anthony Tucker, Matt Gatens, and Jarryd Cole + filler should be enough to beat damn UTSA.  I guess when Tucker and Gatens shoot 2-15 from three for the game, it's tough to win.  Well, way to go Lickliter, your dismantling of the Iowa basketball program is nearly complete.  Honestly, it's like the guy is a double agent.  He's my new favorite coach.

As for me, there will be a preview of Stephen F. Austin up shortly, then I'm going to be in New Jersey the rest of the week.  I'm sure they'll be a post or two, because what else am I going to do?  Until then......