Welcome Aboard, Joey King (this year!)

Just read on the Twitter machine that Joey King, the 6-9 sophomore power (?) forward transfer from Drake, has been granted a waiver making him eligible  for this season.  King, originally from Eagan, transferred home to be closer to a sick family member who I can't recall, and the NCAA actually gave the Gophers some good news, giving a badly needed boost to the Gopher front court.

King, one of those fancy pants stretch fours everybody's talking about these days, averaged 6.9 points and 2.9 rebounds in 19 minutes per game last season for the Bulldogs, which somehow was good enough to make the All Missouri Valley Freshman team.  Since he's a stretch 4 he better be able to shoot is what you're saying, and he hit 35% of his three-pointers with an average of 3 attempts per game, both of which are pretty good numbers for an unheralded freshman.  If Richard Pitino can implement the system he wants a big man who can hit the three, and King should fit the bill.

Perhaps more importantly, however, given the Gophers current front court questions, is can he rebound?  The 2.9 per game doesn't sound all that impressive, but it was good enough for fourth on the team and came about in just 19 minutes per so that's not so bad.  His offensive and defensive rebounding percentages (5.5% and 13.5%) came in third and fourth on the team, respectively.  That may sound good, but Drake was a horrendous rebounding team.  If King put up those numbers on last year's Gopher team he would have been 9th in offensive rebounding % but fifth in defensive rebounding %.

In any case, getting an eligible Joey King certain helps this team by giving them another viable option in the paint.  Assuming, that is, that King doesn't go all Rick Rickert on it and do nothing but flit about the three-point line all day (a concern considering he took 7 threes in the intrasquad scrimmage vs. 0 two-pointers while grabbing only one rebound).  If he treats the 3-pointer as a weapon instead of a crutch, and works to bolster the team's rebounding which is going to a problem either way, this move could go from good to essential.  If he doesn't, we could be looking at a less-skilled version of Rickert, in which case I'm going to be yelling at him all year.

Fingers crossed.

Game Preview: Gophers vs. Lafayette (and some general college hoops stuff)

Let's get this out of the way:  Lafayette is bad.  Like, really, really bad.  All five wins this year (vs. 8 losses) have come at home vs. terrible teams, including a non-D1 school.  The only decent teams they've played this year are Kentucky (lost by 52 yes 52), Maryland (lost by 9), Princeton (lost by 19), and Long Island twice (they split somehow).  Kentucky shot 65% against them.  They've given up 80+ points five times this year despite not being an uptempo squad.  Of the 347 Division I teams, they rank 313th in 2-pt field goal defense, 323rd in 3-pt defense, and 311th in total defensive efficiency.  They're a little better with the ball thanks to good three-point shooting (hit 36%) and great free-throw shooting (76.4% - 21st in the country) but they better take advantage of any shots they can get off because they don't take care of the basketball (227th in turnovers) or rebound their misses (316th in OReb %).  They don't have a single player averaging more than 4.3 rebounds per game, and it's not like they make it into a group effort because they're 324th in the country in rebounds per game.  They're horrible.  Kenpom predicts the Gophers to win this one 85-55.  That might end up being generous.

They've got a handful of semi-interesting players, I guess.  Seth Hinrichs is a 6-7 guard who averages 14 per game, and Dan Trist is a highly efficient (55% FG) power forward who also averages 14 per.  Tony Johnson is the point guard who averages a respectable five assists per game and was the only Leopard to hit double digits in scoring against Kentucky, and Joey Ptasinsky is a three-point chucker who hit seven against Morehead State.  But in reality it's an undersized, undermanned, and under-talented team going against one of the ten best teams in the country (yeah, I said it).  Lafayette could keep it interesting because they move the ball well (assists on 60% on their FGs, 54th in the country), shoot well, and hit all their free throws and in previous years that's the kind of thing that would worry me.  Not this year, however.  Lafayette's inability to rebound and the Gophers dominating defense will collide to make this an absolute ass-kicking of the highest order.  Get ready to see a whole lot of Kendal Shell.  More college basketball thoughts after the girls.

Gophers 90, Lafayette 52.

You're not going to believe this, but there aren't a lot of Lafayette chicks pictures out there.

-  I wish you could bet on things like "Jabari Parker is going to dominate next year."  He just announced he's going to attend Duke (over Michigan State, BYU, Stanford, and Florida) and he's going to thrive their.  Guy is like a more athletic version of Carmelo Anthony.  Granted I'm only basing this on some highlights I've seen because I've haven't watched a game of his because only weirdos watch high school basketball, but that was enough to convince me that Duke will win the National Championship next season.  Look man, I'm not happy about it either but I'm just reporting the facts.  Maybe we'll get lucky and somebody will pull a miracle upset in the tournament.  Seems likely, actually.

-  I'm so disappointed in the Ohio Bobcats.  I thought they'd be good enough this year to get an NCAA at-large bid (if they didn't win the MAC) and even ranked them as the 26th best team in the country this year before the season started.   After starting the season 6-0 (with decent wins over Richmond and St. Bonnie mixed in) things have fallen apart with the Bobcats going 1-4.  They missed out on a chance to add another top 100 type win by losing to UMass, missed their shot at a big-time marquee win by getting killed against Memphis, and threw two very ugly wins on the ledger dropping games to Winthrop (RPI 211) and Robert Morris.  With a weak conference again this year (Akron is the only other decent team) Ohio absolutely has to beat Oklahoma  next week in their last non-conference shot at a Top 100 win and then will have to roll through the MAC at pretty close to undefeated to get a bid if they don't win the conference tournament.  Although, really, that Winthrop loss and the rest of this stretch say it might be too late.

-  After a little bit of a dick tease that the Pac-10 was going to be back to being relevant this year after what feels like 10 years of shittiness they're clearly going for the shittiness thing again.  UCLA was supposed to be a top 10 team but is in shambles (with a loss to Cal Poly) and will likely get their coach fired soon.  Colorado and Cal got off to great starts, but Colorado needed double overtime to beat Texas Southern, lost to Wyoming, and got crushed by Kansas and Cal lost three straight against legit competition including getting absolutely destroyed by a terrible Wisconsin squad.  USC had their sites on a NCAA Tournament bid but has been a total train wreck, Stanford hasn't won a single meaningful game and lost to Belmont, and Washington has lost to Albany and Nevada.  Other than Arizona (fool's gold, trust me) and Oregon (their win over UNLV was more impressive than the loss at UTEP was harmful) I don't know that there's a team in this conference who can win an NCAA Tournament game, assuming anybody else can even get there.  But I suppose we should be used to this.  The Pac-12 is just awful at hoops now. 

-  Obviously it will all come down to match-ups so this isn't a prediction per se, but these are the teams I think are most likely to make the Sweet 16 this year:  Indiana, Duke, Michigan, Syracuse, Minnesota, Louisville, Florida, Kansas, Gonzaga, VCU, New Mexico, and Creighton.  No that's not 16 but I can't find 16.  These 12 I would be willing to bet will make up at least half the Sweet 16.  I'm too tired and drunk to figure out how big a limb that is to go out on, but I'm out on it any way and I'm loving every minute of it.

-  The NCAA is suspending Texas guard Myck Kabongo for the entire season.  Why, you might ask?  Sounds like he might have had some dealings with an agent and/or had a workout paid for by someone when he was flirting with entering the NBA Draft last season.  But wait, you'd say, I thought you only got like a 10 game suspension for that kind of stuff, and you'd be right.  The NCAA, however, has brought the hammer down on Kabongo because he wasn't immediately forthcoming with all the information, similar to when they clamped down on my main man Dez Bryant.  You know, people always talk about how guys like Bud Selig and Roger Goodell are too heavy handed, but the NCAA is a total joke.  They make billions of dollars off student athletes and then rule them with an iron fist.  I was going to write more but I can feel my train of thought going right off the rails as I'm trying to watch The League right now as well.  Effin' Rafi. 

 Yeah that's about it.  Should be plenty.   For those who don't believe in Twitter you'll notice that on the right hand column my tweets are showing up over there so you can read them.  Much thanks to Stroms for the help.

Six Very Important Things from Last Night - 8/3/2011

Here are six very important things from last night.

1.  The Twins did a great impression of a team that can hit, beating the Angels 11-4.  Cuddyer hit two bombs, including a grand slam, Delmon somehow hit two as well, and Kubel lagged behind by only hitting one.  This now brings the Twins to 51-59, 8 games behind the Tigers, 4 behind Cleveland, and 1.5 behind the White Sox.  We all know they can't win the division now, right?  Good thing they moved the pieces that had value at the trade deadline to help rebuild a farm system that is pretty much in shambles.  And let's just go ahead and not start celebrating just yet, because they faced Joel Pineiro who has an ERA of 14.85 over his last four starts and has a career ERA of 4.76 against the Twins.  If they couldn't win this one, they can't win any of them.  And now Haren will probably throw a no-hitter tonight.

Anthony Swarzak picked up the win in relief, going 5 innings and allowing just one hit and proving that, as hard as it is to believe, he might be their only reliable pitcher right now.  I would have said Scott Baker before this, but he was pulled after throwing just 77 pitches last night. He had a 45-pitch fourth inning and didn't return afterwards, mentioning in an interview afterwards that you just can't recover from a 40-pitch inning which is the stupidest and babyist thing I've ever heard in my life.  Seriously, could this team be any softer?  Well, I guess they could, but then they'd be the Gopher basketball team. 


2.  Drunky McDrunkerson will be back catching passes from TD Jesus.  Worth noting due the local angle, in a move that only shocked the very naive Michael Floyd was reinstated by whoever the coach is at Notre Dame.  You may remember that Floyd was suspended indefinitely after his DUI in March, his third alcohol related issue since enrolling at South Bend.  Irish coach guy had said he would either play in every game this season or zero games this season because "a one or two game suspension would not solve the problem" but come on, which way did you think this was going to go?  Floyd is possibly the best receiver in the country and is about to break just about every Notre Dame receiving record - of course he's not going to sit out the year.  And, again, I'm just fine with him being reinstated - college kids do stupid stuff - but what I'm not so fine with is one of the reasons they say he's being reinstated is because he "changed his circle of friends."  So basically he sold out and turned his back on his friends.  Didn't anybody see Above the Rim?

3.  Speaking of movies, Bubba Smith died.  This is only slightly sports related, but Smith played pro football for the Colts and other teams it's relevant.  Of course he's probably more well known these days as Hightower from the Police Academy movies, however many there were.  I tell you what, Steve Guttenberg may have been the star, but there was nothing better than when Hightower used his ability to make crazy sound affect sounds from his mouth that would always fool the chief and/or the bad guys.  I still remember the first time I heard him, it took forever to convince me that those noises were really him and not computer generated.  He was pretty good doing that in Spaceballs too.  Unfortunately I can't find any clips on youtube for "Bubba Smith sound effects" or "Bubba Smith funny noises."  Anyway, rest in peace Bubba.  You were hilarious and talented.

4.  ESPN has started unveiling some of the brackets from the kick-off and holiday tournaments.  It seems worth discussing a little and I had originally planned to do a whole post on it, but it turns out my brain isn't on college basketball yet and I can barely remember who graduated from where or left early.  Some of the things that are interesting that I know enough to talk about are

• Can Long Beach win the Diamond Head Classic?  With their top 3 players back from a good team last year they have a shot.  They're probably the second best team in this thing behind Xavier.  Bad news - LBSU and Xavier play in round one.
• How good can St. John's be?  They have nine new players coming to replace 10 departees, with six of those newcomers ranking in the Rivals Top 150 for this year.  
• Northwestern should let us know early if they're going to contend for that elusive first ever NCAA bid.  The Charleston Classic isn't exactly loaded with talent and the Wildcats should bring home the title.  LSU, Seton Hall, VCU, and Georgia Tech all have the potential to upset, but Northwestern should be able to take this one down.  Emphasis on should.
• Will Vanderbilt dominate?  They have Jeffrey Taylor, John Jenkins, and Festus Ezeli all back from a good team last year.  Beating NC State and Texas would be a great start.
• How will new look Purdue handle no more college KG and no more E'Twaun?  How good will Robbie Hummel be?  And Purdue gets a hell of a test out of the gate in Puerto Rico, taking on Iona - a mid-major on a lot of people's "good mid-major teams" lists.

If you dig on this the way I do pay attention to ESPN, they'll be revealing all the in-season tournament matchups this week, including the Old Spice Classic which features your Minnesota Golden Gophers.


5.  What was your favorite "The Pirates might make the playoffs moment?"  After losing tonight to the Cubs 1-0 that's now their sixth straight loss and not only are they no longer leading the division but they're 6.5 back of Milwaukee, 3 back of St. Louis, and back under .500.  It was a nice fun story and they even made a couple of very smart moves to supplement the weaknesses on their team, but it goes to show you can't win without good pitching.  They've been walking a tightrope so thin it's like Kramer sliced it with his slicer and you can't even see it with a rotation that included Kevin Correia (career ERA 4.59), Jeff Karstens (4.36), James McDonald (3.99), Paul Maholm (4.32), and Charlie Morton (5.28).  You know sometimes the Twins drive you crazy because their whole rotation is a bunch of #3-#4 guys?  Well the Pirates have a bunch of #5 guys (Morton has maybe #3 upside someday) so when the hitting goes, the pitching won't/can't pick them up.  It's especially brutal to waste an excellent performance from Maholm.  They've taken major strides, but until some pitching arrives to go with a pretty good nucleus of batters they aren't going to be able to take that next step.

6.  ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod  Yes please.  Opening night.

Weekend Review

Better late than never, as Dawger wasn't fortunate enough to get to say to Siouper Sioux Fan.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Bill Smith.  Getting Fuentes isn't exactly like stealing away a top of the line reliever, but it does help shore up the bullpen, particularly from the left side because the pick up of Randy Flores was basically worthless.  Fuenes's numbers this year are good, but not great (3.55 ERA and 1.20 WHIP) and are buoyed by a low .250 BABIP, but he's extremely tough on lefties both this year (.132 average against) and in his career (.213).  In fact, lefties this year are hitting .132/.209/.158 against him his season, an OPS+ of 10 which is unheard of and means LH batters are 90% worse against him than he league average.  He's given up just five hits against lefties this year (in 38 at-bats), only one for extra bases, and has 15 strikeouts against 3 walks.  As a left-handed set-up guy who cost you just a player to be named later, which usually means someone below a non-prospect, this is a steal.  Bill Smith might not be a wizard at the deadline, but he's proven himself to be awfully good after the waiver deadline.

2.  Nick Blackburn.  I guess we'll stick with the Twins theme, because you saw that gem coming?  The statistically worst starting pitcher in the entire major leagues this year comes back from AAA in just his second start and throws a near shutout that probably would have been a shut out if his crappy offense had managed to scrap together more than one run?  Inconceivable.  He threw strikes (66 of 98 pitches) and actually struck guys out (6 Ks - most in a game since May '09), and shut the Mariners down despite not getting a huge amount of groundballs (50/50 split).  In other words, this is almost certainly a huge fluke thanks to Seattle being a terrible offensive team.  But hey, we might as well enjoy it, even if the text I got from Dawger "Blacky is back with avengance (sic)!" isn't exactly true.  Or maybe it is completely true, just means something different than what he thinks.  

3.  Daniel Hudson.  I know Edwin Jackson has been pretty lights out for the Sox, but Hudson has been pretty lights out since they shipped him to Arizona as well, and he's also four years younger and makes 4% per year of what Jackson does, plus he's under team control for quite a while.  He had another brilliant outing over the weekend, going 7 innings and allowing just four hits and 2 runs on his way to a win over the Giants.  Since coming to the NL, he's pitched in six games posting an aggregate 1.65 ERA, 0.88 WHIP, and a 42-8 strikeout-to-walk ratio.  Wow.  I know it's the NL and all, but that's just outstanding.  I don't care what Edwin Jackson does the rest of the way, giving up Hudson for him (as well as another good prospect, an18-year old pitcher doing well in rookie ball) is straight up getting fleeced.  Now if the Dodgers can tease another good prospect out of them for Manny, the Sox will have completely tanked their future for a second place division finish.  And that, my friends, is simply awesome. [UPDATE:  Well the Dodgers gave up Manny for nothing.  Way to puss out, pussies.  This is why nobody likes the West Coast.]

4.  Matt Kuchar.  Kuchar outlasted everybody else at the Barclays to pick up what is kind of his first PGA Tour win.  He technically has two others, but one came in a Fall Series event and the other came way back in 2002.  And frankly he deserved way more than Martin Laird, who choked it away and then lost to Kuchar in the playoff.  Laird was in trouble the entire final round (on his way to an even par day while Kuchar shot -5) and only kept himself in it due to a very hot putter that had him saving par from 10 feet or so multiple times on the day.  Plus, Laird sucks, while Kuchar has dominated this year without winning, notching nine top 10s this year and missing just two cuts all year.  He deserved it, and I'm glad he won. Plus Laird is a commie.

5.  Tim Tebow.  Haters better back up, because it looks like NFL rookie-of-the-year is going to be a two man race between Friar Tuck and Dez Bryant.  Tebow should be starting over Orton by week four after the show he put on, and it's sad that some of you people doubted him just because of his relationship with his personal lord and savior Jesus, who loves him so that he takes a rooting interest in Tebow's football games.  Jealous much, hater?  He can still pass (like in college), he can still run (like in college), although he's now picked up a new skill - throwing the ball to Eric Decker.  Sorry haters, looks like Jesus is going to be adding a NFL ROY trophy to his trophy room soon, and probably a Lombardi Trophy right after that.  Tebow has a message for the NFL:  "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through
the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike
down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!" 


WHO SUCKED

1.  Phil Mickelson.  Ok, so maybe it's nit-picking to find fault with the #2 ranked golfer in the world who has won 46 pro tournaments and 4 majors, but is there anybody on tour who disappoints as often as he does?  He's had chance after chance lately to supplant Tiger at the top of the rankings, but hasn't been able to come through, finishing outside the top 45 at the Bridgestone and the British.  He did bounce back to finish 12th at the PGA, although he was never really in contention, and then missed the cut this weekend at the Barclays.  Seriously, take his inability to take that #1 ranking, couple it with all the meltdowns at the U.S. Open (he has 5 second-place finishes), and his poor Ryder Cup showings (he's second in US history with 14 losses and a 10-14-6 career mark), and the second best golfer of his generation might also be the most disappointing.

2.  Stephen Strasburg.  The game of baseball may never be the same.  Of course I'm mostly kidding (Wieters is still in the league, after all) but with Strasburg heading for Tommy John surgery we may be looking at the ultimate what-if.  I know we are watching a success story as Twins fans in Francisco Liriano right now, but that doesn't mean everybody can bounce back that well.  For a guy like Strasburg, the rare talent who was hyped to an unrealistic level and then met that level anyway, well this just sucks.  I'm bummed out as a baseball fan, I can't imagine what a Nationals fan must be feeling like right now.  Good thing there aren't any.

3.  Matt Leinart.  I'm starting to wonder if he's ever going to get it.  Nobody has been given more opportunities to become a star than Leinart, with talent around him that should help the process (great receivers, good line, good defense), and nobody has dropped the ball more often.  He was supposed to be the starter last year, but a poor preseason and lackluster work ethic pushed him behind Kurt Warner again.  Now this year, although his stats look fine in the preseason thus far, he's been demoted behind Derek Anderson.  Derek freaking Anderson.  This guy must have some kind of terrible attitude behind the scenes, and although that will get broads in the hot tub and make Snake fall in love with you, it seems NFL coaches don't necessarily love that.  He's like the anti-Tebow.

  

4.  John Danks.  I love this.  A few weeks ago when Danks shut down the Twins in a big game I happened to be watching the Sox feed at one point and Hawk and whoever the other guy are were tossing around phrases like "Bulldog", "Ace", "Big game pitcher", and "my first choice to pitch for me in a life or death situation."  Awesome, because with the Twins continuing to win the Sox need to keep pace and they were going up against Sabathia and the Yanks with Danksy on the hill - a big game if I've ever seen one.  Well the "bulldog" got bulldogged by the A-Rodless Yankees, giving up 8 runs in four innings, giving up 3 dongs and walking four.  Nice clutch outing.  I haven't seen an "ace" implode like that since John Tudor. 

5.  NCAA Fascists.  FREE OTO OSENIEKS!  FREE OTO OSENIEKS!  FREE OTO OSENIEKS!  FREE OTO OSENIEKS!  FREE OTO O.........    

Week in Review - 12/7/2009

Well, that was an unimpressive Vikings performance.  Favre sucked, there was no running game, they refused to get any pressure on Kurt Warner, and as a result he carved them up like Portland against the Gophers.  I'm not inclined to make too big a deal out of it though.  They were pretty much due for a stinker, and it may even be a bit of a help in the "kick-in-the-ass" kind of way.  So it's alright.

The Gophers were good this weekend as well, but it was much like the exhibition games against UMD and Mankato or whoever else it was - the opponent was just too terrible to make any kind of real judgement.  Tuesday is Morgan State, which will likely be more of the same based on name alone (I will do a little research and maybe a preview if you are lucky), but Saturday will at least be a ok opponent in St. Joe's.  Not a good opponent, but ok.  The Gophers can't afford any stumbles, and will still have their work cut out for them in the conference season, but I am still cautiously optimistic. 

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Wisconsin.  It was tempting to put the whole Big Ten here for finally shedding the embarrassment of never winning the Big 10/ACC challenge, but then I remembered that Michigan and Minnesota both sucked and couldn't bring myself to do it.  Instead I have to praise the red menace, the most hated of hateds, the Roy to my Jim, the Mondego to my Dantes, the Crimson King to my Roland (actually that's a great description with the whole Crimson in the title) - the dirty Badgers.  And what ever happened to Jim Caviezel anyway?  I thought he was a great Dantes in the movie (which I saw in Ames, by the way - and it was better than the book, yeah, I said it) and he was also excellent in a little time-travel movie called Frequency (and had a nice supporting part in that army court movie with a still hot as hell Ashley Judd).  Then he was in a movie with J-Lo and played Jesus.  Those are both career killers, and he did both in a 3-year span and killed his career (to the best of my knowledge).  Whoops.  Oh, and anyway I guess Wisconsin had a good week and Trevon Hughes looks like Al Nolen with a jump shot, a three-point shot, and an ability to finish in the lane.  Whatever.  Redneck queers.

2.  Texas Tech.  First of, let me just say that I don't believe that Texas Tech is a good team this year.  Second of all, I don't think it much matters what I think, because they just keep winning.  They rolled through their super easy schedule to start the season, and were then matched up against Washington this week in the Pac 10/Big 12 Hardwood Challenge, in a game I expected Washington to win by 20.  Not so much.  Tech ended up beating the Huskies by seven in overtime after scoring a ridiculous 19 in the five minute extra period to run their record to 8-0.  Mike Singletary (not that one) and John Roberson are very good all-around players and give them a nice back court.  It seems this team is worth keeping an eye on.

3.  Alabama.  For the football, obviously, genius.  That was an absolutely brilliant game they put together against Florida, and although Teblow did choke a bit - particularly on that INT in the endzone - but make no mistake, the Tide played brilliantly.  I was most impressed by Greg McElroy, the Tide's quarterback, who may not be the most talented player out there but was definitely the most valuable on Saturday.  His stats are nice (12-18, 239yds, 1 TD, 10 rushing yards) but not eye-popping, but he made the throws when he needed too and, more importantly, the runs.  McElroy had two huge runs, one for a first down while the Tide were driving that saw him hopping down the sideline to pick up a big first down by mere inches, and the second was a nice run down to the 2-yard line on the game sealing drive - a run that had the announcers embarrassingly calling it "Tebow-esque."  And that's the best part of Alabama winning - no more Tebow.  Actually it's not so much him that bothers me - he is a very good college QB - it's the constant Teblowing of him by the media and his image and his holiness and his goodness and all that crap that bothers me.  I like my football players to be semi-literate thugs, thank you very much.

4.  Charlotte.  I don't believe the 49ers were really considered as an NCAA team this year, maybe on the fringe, but after a complete dismantling of Louisville - at Louisville - it's time to take a deeper look.  Charlotte beat the Cardinals 87-65 by holding them to 36% shooting, destroying them on the boards 46-35, and forcing someone named Mike Marra to take the most shots of any Cardinal player.  This win runs the 49ers record to 6-1, with only a loss to Duke in the negative column.  Outside of Louisville there isn't really a good win in those six (Hofstra would be the closest), but this team could be sneaky.  The have a nice inside/outside balance (of the top five scorers, 55% of the points come from the backcourt, 45% from the front court), take care of the basketball (35th in turnover percentage), and might have a legitimate star in Shamari Spears (19.7ppg, 5.8 rpg).  In a two week span at the end of the month/beginning of January, they play Old Dominion, Georgia Tech, and Tennessee, so pay attention to see if this team is a contender, or just a lucky team that caught Louisville on a bad day (*cough* last year's gophers *cough).    

4.  Jersey Shore.  This is the new show on MTV and I'm telling you, find it, record it, watch it, live it, love it.  Simply the greatest show I've ever seen.  It's basically the Real World, with eight strangers thrown together in a house they couldn't afford if they pooled their future lifetime earnings, but there's a delicious twist this season:  every one is a Guido or Guidette, and they are put right in Guido Heaven - the Jersey Shore.  The comedy is simply off the charts.  If you aren't sure what a Guido is, look at this:

And every single guy on the show is just like this guy (and the girls are basically female versions who, for reasons that are impossible to fathom, are attracted to guys like this).  What's even better, is these kind of people don't even realize the rest of the world is laughing at them, and all worship the exact same traits that 99.9% of the population can't stop pointing and laughing at.  If you've ever seen the True Life: I have a Summer Share episode, it's like that, but even better.

The breakout star is without a doubt Mike, who calls himself "The situation" and constantly refers to himself in the third person.  Such as, "Yo baby, you know you want to get with the situation."  Yes, it really is that awesome.  He's like Rickey Henderson crossed with the Gotti kids.  I love it.  This show gets my highest recommendation since "The King of Kong."  You know MTV is rerunning it constantly, so find it and watch it.  You'll be pleased.     


WHO SUCKED

1.  Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Good god, is there a curse of Jim Kelly now?  Or is it a curse of QB Bills?  That second one there makes more sense, so let's go with it.  The curse of QB Bills is out of control, and the latest poor victim who would otherwise have great skills is Fitzpatrick, who was 9-23 for a whopping 98 yards (and one INT) on Thursday (including just 31 yards to T.O., who I took a chance on starting in a must-win fantasy game).  Thanks, dick.  But it's not really his fault, it appears nobody can play QB in Buffalo anymore.  Here are the main QB rating scores since Kelly retired in 1996 (wow I am way old):  69.5, 87.4, 75.1, 82.2, 76.4, 86.0, 73.0, 76.6, 85.6, 84.9, 70.4, 85.4, and 74.1.  How bad is that?  I have no god damn clue.  Who the hell can make heads or tails out of that formula?  What I do know, is that T-Jax's career mark is 77.8, which means Buffalo's QB has only been better than T-Jax level six out of thirteen years.  The best a Buffalo QB has done since QB Bills retired was Flutie's 87.4 in 1998.  That's basically what Kyle Orton has done this year.  So the best Buffalo QB in the last 13 years was Kyle Orton.  Yoinks.

2.  Evan Turner.  Not so much for sucking, since he put up yet another ridiculous line earlier this week against Florida State (25-13-6), but for getting hurt and making a really fun team to watch a lot less fun.  In case you missed Turner went up for a dunk against Eastern Michigan on Saturday, got fouled, could quite catch his balance on the rim and fell, breaking his back.  No, seriously he broke his back.  Luckily it's not the paralyzed kind, but he is expected to be out for the next two months at a minimum.  What this really means is that William Buford and David Lighty are going to have to become stars instead of complimentary players, and if they pull it off and Turner comes back at full strength the Buckeyes are going to be awfully tough.  Of course, it's just as likely that the team collapses in on itself without it's do-everything guy.  I'm rooting for that second option right there. 

3.  The Pac 10.  I know this is at least the second and maybe the third time I've singled this conference out, but sheesh they are just awful.  Nobody in the conference can beat any decent competition.  This week Washington State lost to Gonzaga, Arizona lost to UNLV at home and got killed by a bad Oklahoma team, Cal lost to New Mexico, Washington lost to Texas Tech, UCLA didn't bother to put up a fight against Kansas at Pauley, Arizona State lost to Baylor at home, Oregon got crushed by Missouri, USC lost by 26 against Georgia Tech, Washington State got blown out by Kansas State.  The conference's record this week was 5-11, which included wins over CS-Bakersfield, CS-Northridge, and Arkansas-Pine Bluff, and this is a supposed top-six conference?  The best win any Pac-10 team has managed so far this season is either Arizona State's win over LSU or Cal's win over Iowa State - both about the equivalent of beating Penn State.  Wow.  Just ugly.  This might be the worst major conference in history.  They might end up being lucky to get two teams in the NCAA Tournament.

4.  Portland.  So much for them being at-large bid kind of team.  The Pilots got crushed by Idaho of all teams, and looked awful doing it.  The Vandals beat them 68-48, and held Portland to just 32% shooting.  Remember that damn midget T.J. Campbell who destroyed your beloved Gophers?  He shot 1-11 for the game and turned the ball over four times.  Remember Mr. Do-Everything Nik Raivio?  He shot 3-13.  How about Robin Smeulders, who you may remember destroying Iverson and Sampson?  He shot 1-6 and turned it over three times.  Seeing as how this team has already lost to CS-Northridge and Texas Southern, I'm going to go ahead and say this damn near kills Portland's shot at an at-large bid, barring a nearly undefeated run through the WCC, and certainly doesn't make the Gophers' loss look any better.  Thanks Pilots.  You couldn't have at least ended being a really good small conference team, could you?  And I just know noticed that they lost earlier in the week to Portland State as well.  So much for not having to worry about the Portland loss going down as a "bad loss."   

5.  NCAA Fascists.  You dicks.  You total dicks.  I get that you can't put someone like TCU or Boise State in the championship, not when you have an undefeated Alabama and an undefeated Texas.  Ok, fine.  I think TCU could hang with and possibly beat either team, but I get it.  What really sucks is that you are sending TCU to the Fiesta Bowl to play........BOISE STATE!  Come on, man!  We want to see these schools play some of the big boys and find out if it's true that non-BCS teams can't hang with the big boys, or if the Horned Frogs and Broncos are really every bit as good as the big time teams.  How can we find that out if you make them play each other, fascists?  But I'm guessing you know that, don't you?  You know that's what everybody want to find out, but if TCU beats Florida and/or Boise beats Georgia Tech, suddenly it's time to take the non-BCS teams seriously.  Apparently Utah beating Alabama last year wasn't quite enough, so you manage to completely sabatoge everything so the "BCS" conferences get to keep their stranglehold on the National Title.  Real god damn fair.

Week In Review - 11/23/09

If you've been watching basketball on ESPN this week, you would have noticed them pimping the hell out of their NCAA Basketball Encyclopedia, and probably become a bit annoyed by it.  I got annoyed by it, but I have to tell you that I have this book and it is totally awesome.  There is more information in there than any person could possibly need, and I mean that in a good way.  Like, did you know Delino DeShields was a top basketball prospect coming out of high school?  It's full of all that kind of stuff and more.  It's not like a baseball encyclopedia, like where you could say "I wonder what Kenny Lofton's stats were when he played for Arizona" and then look him up, but it's got tons of other info.  It lists every D-I team, their best players, best teams, best coaches, some cool little fun facts and other information, as well as their record every single year and their leading scorer, rebounder, and assister for each season.  Plus a bunch more cool stuff.  I highly, highly recommend it. 

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Zack Greinke.  This was refreshing.  The BBWAA actually didn't screw this up and voted Greinke the American League Cy Young award, which is at it should have been.  In case you forgot, Greinke went 16-8 with a 2.16 ERA and a 1.07 WHIP this year, leading the league in both of those last two metrics, and if you watched him at all he seemed even better than that.  I figured the voters would screw this one up, since they love giving awards to players on good teams (The royals were awful), they love evaluating players based on wins (six pitchers had more wins than Greinke), and they love Yankees (Sabathia looked like a perfect candidate for the idiot voters).  But, for once, they made the right call.  Also a congrats to Tim Lincecum for winning the NL award for the second year in a row.  Who would have known Mitch Kramer would have grown up to be such a success.  

2.  Syracuse.  It seems my prediction of "Syracuse will suck this year" might be way, way off, while the cretins who vote in the polls and had them 24th were closer to the truth (also still underrating them).  After the two gimme wins last week, they headed to Madison Square Garden for the final four of the Coaches vs. Cancer classic, and walked out with the title.  They did it in impressive fashion, as well, beating #12 Cal in the semis 95-73 and #4 North Carolina 87-71 in the championship.  Their defense is still top notch, Scoop Jardine and Brandon Triche have filled in for Jonny Flynn nicely, Andy Rautins is actually making shots, Wes Johnson is as good as advertised, and Arinze Onuaku has stepped his game up.  Very nice week for the Orange.  I still kind of think this might be a house of cards a bit, and also that Cal and UNC were majorly overrated, but Syracuse has already proved me wrong, and it wouldn't shock if they continue to do so.

3.  John Wall.  Well, I think we can go ahead and say "believe the hype."  Wall was the top recruit this season, was picked by someone I read as the National Player of the Year, and so far neither of those seem too ridiculous.  In his three games this year, Wall has averaged 20.3 points, 4.0 rebounds, 7.3 assists, 2.7 steals, and 1.0 blocks per game, all while shooting 56% from the floor.  His turnovers are about the only thing remotely concerning (averaging four per game), but he only had two in Saturday's win (to 11 assists) and for a freshman this early in the season it's not a surprise they are a little high.  Kentucky still hasn't really played anybody, and won't until December, but for now Wall looks very good, and Calipari is certainly squeezing as much out of him as he can in what his likely his only college season - he's played 38, 37, and 35 minutes in the three games.   

4.  Minnesota Vikings.  Are you like me and life as a Minnesota fan, and specifically a Viking fan, has conditioned you to expect the worst at all times?  I mean the Vikes are absolutely rolling, now at 9-1 and just destroying teams, such as the poor, hapless Seahawks who they rolled to such a degree that T-Jax actually played almost an entire half.  Everything is perfect.  Brett Favre has played nearly flawlessly this season.  Adrian Peterson has gone from "possibly the best back in football" to "the best back in football."  Percy Harvin is heading towards a possible rookie-of-the-year award.  Sidney Rice has realized his untapped potential and vaulted into maybe a top 10 receiver in the NFL (Don't believe me?  He's 17th in catches and 3rd in receiving yards in the NFL).  And the defense, although showing a few weaknesses at times, is still an elite unit with a front four that is basically destroying everybody - And all this without Antoine Winfield.  And yet, instead of relaxing, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and someting to go horribly, horribly wrong.  Will it be a Favre injury?  An injury to some one else?  Or will it be smooth sailing until an epic choke job in the playoffs?  I don't know, but you know damn well it's going to be something. 

5.  Rodney Williams.  I think it's finally time to recognize that this kid might not just beat beating up on poor teams, he might legitimately be a Big Ten Freshman of the Year candidate.  It seemed the consensus on the Gopher freshmen coming into the season was Royce = FOY candidate, Cobbs = immediate backup, might steal the starting spot, and Rodney = project, possible redshirt.  Well, after putting up games of 14, 14, and 17 points, all on better than 58% shooting, and adding an average of three boards and two steals per, he's suddenly looking far beyond a redshirt.  Besides his stellar defense and insane athleticism, which were given, he's answered questions about his offense by showing a nice outside touch (3-8 from three) and a good offensive IQ.  I'm starting to wish I took him in my fantasy college hoops league.  Although I did get Damian Johnson, who is just ridiculous in every way.

To give you some example, in the scoring system our league uses (pts, rebs = +1, asts = +2, stl, blks = +3, TO = -2), he has put up 46, 40, and 42 points.  Last year's returning leader was Luke Harangody (also on my team), and he averaged 42 per game.  I realize DJ probably won't be able to continue to put up those kind of numbers, especially the blocks and steals, once competition improves, but in any case, he is just so, so valuable, and I'm talking real life - not fantasy.  I don't care who ends up leading the Gophers in which statistical categories, Johnson is hands down this team's MVP.  Except maybe Ralph. 


WHO SUCKED

1.  Penn State.  Ouch.  It looks like Iowa and Indiana won't be battling for 11th place by themselves, the post-Geary Claxton era is looking ugly.  The Nittany Lions were basically Talor Battle and that's it, and needed somebody to step up and help out this year.  That hasn't happened, and Penn State basically embarrassed themselves at the Charleston Classic this weekend, finishing in 7th place (out of 8).  It was a pretty low-level tournament, and was set up for a South Carolina/Miami final, with Penn State and South Florida as potential sleepers and then four cupcakey-type teams.  Well, the final happened, but Penn State never got their sleeper campaign going, dropping their opener to UNC-Wilmington.  Ok, fine.  At least they should be able to rip through the consolation bracket and salvage some pride, right?  Wrong again.  They lost their first consolation game to Tulane, setting up an epic seventh place game against Davidson, which they mercifully won.  Gopher fans have been there - remember the Old Spice Classic? - so we feel your pain, Penn State.


2.  Pac 10 Hoops.  The Pac was already said to be down this year, but things might be worse than originally thought, especially after watching one of their two "top flight" teams get swept by Ohio State and Syracuse in the Coaches vs. Cancer Classic, and do so without much of a fight (although to be completely fair, the Bears were missing a couple of players).  There are a ton of other black marks as well; Arizona State needed a miracle finish to beat a terrible TCU team, Stanford lost to Oral Roberts, UCLA lost to Bryce Webster and CS - Fullerton, USC was knocked off by a god awful Loyola Marymount team, Oregon lost to Portland, and Oregon State (the conference's big sleeper) lost to Texas Tech to drop to 1-2 and then lost on Saturday to Sacramento State - one of the worst teams in the country - and that all happened just this week.  I honestly can't remember ever seeing a major conference struggle this mightily this early.  At least the Washington schools are still undefeated, although neither has really played anyone yet.  The real winner in this is Arizona, who was heading for a down year and whose 24 straight years with an NCAA Tournament bid record was in jeopardy.  With a decent team, in what suddenly looks like a super weak conference, we could be looking at 25.

3.  Pittsburgh Steelers.  Funny thing about the NFL this year, there are a handful of teams that are so gad awful they never win and never even threaten to win:  Oakland, St. Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, and Kansas City.  Except - whoops - Kansas City beat the Steelers on Sunday, 27-24 in overtime - and did so without Dwayne Bowe, who is suspending for cheating.  I have no idea how it happened.  Roethlisberger threw for 398 yards, but threw two picks and the Steelers turned the ball over three times, and then allowed Matt Cassell to have a nearly perfect second half and overtime, leading to four scoring drives including the game-winning field goal.  I don't even know what else to say.  This is like when Forrest Gump won the Oscar over Pulp Fiction.  Oakland also beat Cincinnati, and in even more embarrassing fashion, but I still feel like the Pitt loss was more stunning even though the Bengals have a better record than the Steelers.  I guess I've learned that you can never trust the Bengals completely.  Kind of like a wife or girlfriend.  Or any female, really. 

4.  Gopher football.  Did you ever think you'd pine for the days of Glen Mason?  I certainly didn't, and yet, that's what I found myself thinking on Sunday watching Maroney run for the Patriots.  I found myself harkening back to the days of Barbaroney (and G-Russ) and thinking, at least when Mason was here the Gophers had some talented players.  At least they were exciting and fun to watch.  And then I stopped myself, and realized what I was saying.  I wish Glen Mason was still here.  I WISH.  GLEN MASON.  WAS STILL HERE.  And I have a feeling if you're reading this and haven't thought that, you're thinking it right now.  Isn't that the most damning evidence that the Brewster era has been a failure? 

5.  NCAA Fascists.  FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!!  FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!!!  FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!!  Who's with me?  FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!!  FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!! FREE RENARDO SIDNEY!!  FREE RENARDO... (also now featured on the front page of the espn college basketball section).


I am crazy fired up for college basketball this year, and this is one of the best times of the season with all the holiday tournaments going on.  We already had the Coaches vs. Classic and Puerto Rico Tip-Off winners, but there's plenty more going on, and I'm most interested in the Maui Classic (other than the 76 Classic, of course).  I've been pimping Cincinnati as a final four sleeper this year, and this will be their first chance to show if I'm at least near the right track or not.  They start off with a good Vanderbilt team today on ESPN2 at 4:30 - check them out.

One other quick note from the weekend - the Gophers opponent in the Big10/ACC Challenge, Miami, won the Charleston Classic this weekend by beating Tulane, UNC-Wilmington, and South Carolina.  That's not really all that impressive, since the first two are weak teams (although Wilmington beat Penn State) and South Carolina's second best player went down with a knee injury seven minutes into the game and never returned, but still, it boosts Miami's profile and therefore the Gophers' if they manage a win on the 2nd - which I certainly think they can.

***UPDATE*** More Good news for the Gophers

With the first exhibition game for our beloved Golden Gopher basketball team coming on Thursday, we should be excited, discussing the exciting possibilities a new season always brings, and debating if Justin Cobbs will take Al Nolen's starting job before or during the Big Ten Conference season.  Instead we're getting nothing but bad news.

On the heels of the ludicrous Mbakwe decision comes the news today that Royce White and Devron Bostick have been suspended by Tubby Smith indefinitely due to a violation of "unspecified team rules."  According to the Pioneer Press article, Tubby stated the suspension could be two to six games, or "It could be 20.  If they take care of the things they have to take care of, then it could be less."

Any guess at what the infractions could be would be nothing but idle speculation, but the quote from Tubby gives me a positive feeling like it's something simple like skipping classes or effort in practice - something that could be fixed in a relatively short time and with a little effort.  Wishful thinking?  Maybe, but with the news so far this week, maybe Gopher fans need a little wishful thinking, otherwise it's starting to feel more like a Bob Huggins team than a Tubby Smith team.

The most troublesome aspect is that Royce White is involved.  I'm sure you remember his disciplinary problems in high school, but Tubby and the school game him the opportunity to play here anyway.  I'd hate to think they made a mistake, and/or he's not taking advantage of his situation.

UPDATE:   The Pioneer Press article has been updated to include the information that Royce White was cited for misdemeanor theft and fifth degree assault at the Macy's at the Mall of America, October 13th at 7:54 pm, and is scheduled to be arraigned November 17th.

Now, I have no clue if this has anything to do with the suspension, especially since Bostick isn't mentioned in the complaint, but it seems odd that Tubby would have waited three weeks after the incident to suspend Royce, and with the above quote I'm not sure this all fits together, unless he's referring to if the charges are dropped or reduced or something he'll let White back on the team.  I have no clue.  I won't rush to judgement until more facts are known, specifically what the hell actually happened and Bostick's involvement, but this certainly doesn't look good.

UPDATE 2:   Ugh.  More details from the Star Tribune.  According to this, White stole about $100 worth of merchandise from Macy's, and when he was confronted by the security guard he pushed him to the ground.  I'm trying to spin this, but really, really having trouble.  Uh, I guess it's good that he won't get jail time, right?

I defended White on this blog, but now I have a feeling he might never play in a game for the Gophers, and if that's the case, I can't argue against it.

Mbakwe Frame Job Nearly Complete

I wouldn't have expected Deebo to be able frame Mbakwe quite so well, but Joel "I'm a fantastically huge pussy" Maturi has decided that Mbakwe will be held out of the team's games until "the matter is "fully resolved."

He can still practice with the team, be part of the team, and attend classes, but won't be able to play in any games or travel to any away games.  All of which means is that this isn't really a punishment, it's nothing more than Maturi covering his own ass, for what reason I can't understand.

First of all, it appears to me at least that Trevor is almost certainly going to be cleared of this.  Not only does he have handfuls of witnesses who can place him away from the scene when this happened, but everybody knows all black people look alike so this is probably going to end up being a case of mistaken identity.  To the best of my knowledge, the entire body of evidence against him is simply one woman's identification, made not long after she was assaulted so who knows her state of mind.  Additionally, eye witness testimony, even identifications, are notoriously spotty.  Given this, I'm surprised they are actually taking this to trial at all, and even more surprised Maturi would hold him out.  When Michigan State is in town I think I'm going to punch Mrs. W in the face, then have her tell the cops Raymar Morgan did it.

Secondly, he says he believes it is both in Mbakwe's and the University's best interests to hold him out.  What?  How does that make any sense?  This isn't remotely in Mbakwe's best interests.  He's here to play basketball.  Now he can't play basketball.  And how is this doing anything good for the school?  How does holding him out do anything at all?  Because if he plays, and is then found guilty and can't play anymore it will disrupt the team?  That happens to every team every year because of injury.  You know what they do?  They take the guy's back up and make him the starter, which is now what Maturi is forcing Tubby to do prematurely.  I also think we should probably hold out Damian Johnson and Ralph Sampson, too.  Just in case they were going to get hurt this year.  We don't want to disrupt the team.

Lastly, whatever happened to Innocent until proven guilty?  I know this isn't a court of law, but does that mean we can/should suspend due process?  Honestly, I'm completely baffled by this whole thing.

There are two questions I have, the answers to which might make this make sense:

1)  Is there more information in the assault than I know about?  Any physical evidence, a witness to the attack, or any reason to believe the plethora of witnesses who can alibi Mbwake are lying?  Any real ironclad reason to think he's guilty?

2)  Is there some penalty to the school/team if a player is found guilty of assault and you didn't "hold them out of games."  Like, say Mbakwe plays in ten games, gets convicted, and kicked off the team - would the Gophers have to forfeit those games, lose scholarships, or be denied post season berths?  Not to my knowledge, which is why, again, I question how this is "protecting the University."

Most of the people I see agreeing with the decision are saying things like "it sends the right message" or "it's the right call."  My question is, why?  What is the message?  Wouldn't a better message be "we believe in our student/athletes", "we trust our players", or "we're behind you 100%"?  Maybe I'm way off here, I don't know.  Gopher Nation from The Daily Gopher disagrees with me, and plenty of other people do too.  I just think this is incredibly unfair to Mbakwe, and incredibly disappointing by Maturi.

Week In Review - 11/2/09

Thank the lord basketball is back, am I right fellas?  Honestly, I was getting a little tired of writing about football all the time, with all it's cover 2s and zone blitzes and drop kicks and statues of liberties.  I don't even know what most of that means, but all I know is I'm damn glad to be watching a little roundball again.

And speaking of Roundball, it sounds a lot like we may be getting some bad news from the U and Joel Maturi about Trevor Mbakwe today.  I don't want to get too much into it until the details all come out, but if what I think is about to happen does happen, this is just a horrible, horrible decision at best, and irresponsible and ruins someone's future at worst.  I am sure I'll get more into that later today when the everything is official. [NOTE:  It's official.  Post coming shortly]


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Adam Weber.  It's hard to evaluate the team's overall performance, since there are plenty of awesome things you can point to, but just as many sucky ones, but there's no doubt Weber impressed in Saturday night's big 42-34 win over the Spartans.  In his first full game without the next Wes Welker, Weber went 19-31 for a career high 416 yards and five scores, including two sixty-ish yarders to Duane Bennett, one of which was of the "immaculate reception" variety.  Weber seemed to choose Tow-Arnett as his new favorite receiver, and he caught 8 of the 19 completions the Gophers recorded for the game, but overall the ball was spread out, with six different Gophers making a catch.  I don't know if this is a step back in the right direction, or a good game against a forgiving defense, but for one week at least, Weber was certainly awesome.


2.  Carmelo Anthony.  Tearing.  It.  Up.  Like Zack Morris at a high school prom.  He's completely out of control.  In the Nuggets' three games this year (all wins) he's put down 30, 41, and 42 points.  As impressive as that is, he has shot 50, 53, and 58% in those three games from the floor, with overall shooting percentages of 54% from the floor, 43% from three, and 88% from the free throw line.  Oh, and he's also averaging 7.0 rebounds, 4.3 assists, and 1.3 steals, all of which would be career highs other than the rebounds (would be second best).  Want more?  He's also turning it over just two times per game, which, yes, would be a career best.  His 2003 draftmates Lebron and Wade may have had more success, and Lebron has an MVP while Wade has a championship, but Anthony looks like a whole different player.  I'm declaring this the Year of the Melo.

3.  Boston Celtics.  It seems the reports that the Celtics were too old or fading weren't exactly true.  Ok, so those might have been just eminating from my head and not the national media, but the point is that the C's went 4-0 here on opening week, and in impressive fashion at that.  The four wins were over title contender Cleveland, playoff teams Chicago and New Orleans, and a complete ass-stomping of doormat Charlotte.  As per usual, they did it with good defense (opponents FG% ranged from 31 to 42%) and a balanced scoring attack, with three different leading scorers and eight different players hitting double-digits in the four games.  KG looks like maybe he did hit a wall, and is maybe not quite the same player, but he's smart enough and still good enough (and tall enough) to play a good complimentary role.  If nothing else, that win over Cleveland let's all y'all know - the Celtics are a title contender.

4.  Jonny Flynn.  Looking very, very promising so far, leading the Wolves in scoring in their first two games with 17 and 18, including a big run in the fourth quarter of their first game (and only win) against New Jersey.  Now, he's not exactly the best distributor yet, with just three assists per game (which sadly leads the team), and turns it over a bit too much, which is typical for a rookie, but his overall play has been a delight.  He leads the team in scoring (15.3), as well as free throws both made and attempted (14-16).  He's proving difficult to guard, gets to the paint, and draws a lot of fouls.  Once his shot further develops and he becomes a better passer, he's going to be a star.  Sorry Rubio, point guard spots taken.  

5.  Percy Harvin.  Did you know that Brad Childress regularly ends special teams practice by having Percy return kicks with no blockers against the regular kickoff team - and he scores nearly 80% of the time?  Did you know Percy once raced Secretariat, and won by five and a half lengths?  Did you know Percy can catch a bullet fired out of a .357 Magnum between his fingers - from three feet?  Did you know Percy can get to a Donkey Kong kill screen every time?  Did you know Percy once knocked up your girlfriend just by winking at her?



WHO SUCKED

1.  Charlotte Bobcats.  While reading up for the coming NBA season, I saw more than one preview that mentioned the Bobcats would be much improved this year.  Then the season started, and they lost by thirty to the Celtics.  Then they only beat the craptastic Knicks by two and needed two overtimes to do it - at home, so I decided to actually look at their team and figure out if they were good or bad, and trust me - they're bad.  Not only did they shoot under 38% in both games, including a 31% failure against Boston, but there is nobody on this roster.  Ray Felton is solid, but behind him the only intriguing prospect is D.J. Augustin, and he plays the same position.  They are starting Gerald Wallace and Stephen Graham, and Vladimir Radmanovic is their seventh man.  This isn't an improving young team, this is a crappy team who can't even say it has a bright future, whoever is in charge has destroyed this team. 

2.  Michigan.  You probably pay more attention than I do, so you probably know that Michigan sucks in the conference season, but I didn't, so it's news to me.  I remember them coming out in the non-conference season and going 3-0 with a nice win over Notre Dame, and then nothing, but according to the standings they have gone just 2-4 since then, including what could only be called an embarrassing loss to Illinois on Saturday by the count of 38-13 - ouch.  Basically, other than Notre Dame their wins this year are over Indiana, Delaware State, Western Michigan, and Eastern Michigan.  It seems the reports that Wolverine football is back might have been a bit premature - just like you last night, from what I hear.

3.  Brad Lidge.  Christ, I don't even know where to start with this fucking guy.  First of all, if it's your job to cover third, cover third.  Secondly, don't hit a guy who has like, one hit in the entire world series.  Thirdly, don't get hit around by the next couple of guys as if you were Phil Humber when you're supposed to be an elite closer, to the point where the only reason you even got out of the inning is because Posada got tossed trying to go to second.  Look, you were known as "shaky" this year already, but this is unforgiveable.  I thought the whole Blanton starting thing was a huge mistake by Manuel, and they really needed to copy New York and go to a three man rotation, but they got a good effort out of Blanton and were right in the game at 4-4.  Enter Lidge, who is a walking implosion.  You just can't do that.  We can go ahead and give the rings to the stupid Yankees now if you want.  I give up.
 Screw you Philllies.

4.  Corey Maggette.  Started the season with a 3-14 shooting performance, and then followed it up going 2-7, all of which adds up to a 5-21 start and a 24% shooting percentage - worst in the NBA amongst qualified players.  And, just so you're aware, he also has twice as many turnovers as assists thus far.  Way to go Corey!  I always thought Magette would be better than he ended up being.  But I'm kind of an idiot, so no big shocker. 

5.  NCAA Fascists.  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  Who's with me?  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!!  FREE.....



Now who is ready for some NCAA Basketball (even if it's just exhibition games)?  I can't wait.

Mbakwe Rhymes with Alibi?

We have kind of a good news bad news post here.

First, the good news, and what you're probably more interested in. According to the intrepid Myron P. Medcalf over at the star trib, future (?) Gopher forward Trevor Mbakwe's future is starting to look a whole lot more rosey with the news that he has an alibi like a mo fo for his assault charge.

If you recall, or if you don't, some lying liar woman said that at 2:45 AM on April 3rd, Mbakwe punched her in the face and then tried to pull her pants down before fleeing on a bicycle, in a scene that honestly sounds like Deebo from the movie Friday. As I've said many times in conversations with myself, this woman sounds like a bit of a loon, and I ain't buying her story.

Well, sounds like me (and Trevor, I guess) have now been vindicated, as Mbakwe's alibi is about as good as you can get. He held a party at his place that night, and both the men's and women's basketball teams were in attendance. His lawyer plans to call four witnesses at his trial in September (although I doubt we get to that point) who can place him at the apartment at the time of attack, and it sounds like he could probably produce even more if need be.

And let's be honest, this sounds ridiculous. I know the poor woman had a fractured cheekbone, but doesn't it seem a little bit like the opposite of every domestic assault story? Like, this girl actually fell down the stairs or ran into a door, but was so embarrassed she blamed the first big black guy she saw. And Mbakwe is 6-8 240 and built like Lattimer from The Program. I think if he hit a chick there'd be a bit more damage than just a fractured cheekbone. Maybe he used a phonebook?

And now the bad news, and I have to tell you the worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was playing in a golf tournament down in Elko for work (one of my teammates was a relative of Joe Mauer, by the way) and it was to raise money to fight MS, so they had a silent auction.

One of the items up to bid was a package of a full size basketball autographed by Tubby Smith and a full size football autographed by Tim Brewster (street value = $600 according to the memorabilia joint that donated them). Obviously one of these things I want very much, and the other I don't care about. The starting bid amount was $150, however, so that was that.

Except after the tournament (we shot +2, finishing in the bottom third, and I was the best player on the team which is terrifying) nobody had bid on this yet, and so they dropped the opening bid amount to just $60. So I bid. Then some dude bids up to $70. I go $80, he goes $90, I go $100. At this point he's eating, and they announce the two minute warning on silent auctions and he hasn't gone near it yet, so I'm thinking maybe I win.

Well, he gets up to head over there, and I have an idea. I stop him before he bids and ask, "Hey I'm the one bidding against you, do you want the basketball or the football or both?" He says, "I don't care, I just want to get something autographed by a Gopher for my kid." So I say, "How about this - I just want the basketball. Don't bid, and I'll win for $100 and I'll sell you the football for $50, deal?" He agrees, they ring the time is up bell, and all is good.

UNTIL.

Half hour or so later they post the winners. The winning bid for the gopher autographed balls is $125. I go up to the guy and ask him if he bid. Nope. In the final 20 seconds of bidding, some little dickweed snuck in and beat our bid. So instead of getting a really nice ball autographed by Tubby for $50, I get nothing. Well, I got some free tees and a t-shirt and a mug and some weird balls with no writing on them at all, plus I won $20 from the Children's Miracle Network by wagering on myself to put it on the green on a par 3 and taking away some kids meals for a week, which was awesome, but not the same. Some little sneaking dickweed.

OR

Was this all a scam? Was there some little dickweed who was a volunteer or an organizer, saw the balls only went for $100, and decided to make a late, illegal, immoral, and dickweedish bid? After I talked to my business partner he was shocked we didn't win. According to him, he looked at the sheet right as the bell rang, and my bid was still the winner.

I've already talked to Snacks about this (actually he was the first one to call shenanigans) and he tells me we don't have any legal recourse here. Well, that's fine because he's not a real lawyer anyway. I'm putting out a call on the BogartPhone^TM. Tell me what we can do.

DON'T LET ME DOWN

Recruit may not be Smart Enough for Marquette

Trevor Mbakwe, a 6-8 power forward from St. Bernard's (Via Henry Sibley) is in danger of failing to qualify academically for Marquette, where he signed a Letter of Intent, according to Charley Walters of the Pioneer Press.

If Mbakwe fails to qualify, he would need to enroll in prep school or a junior college, and would be available to re-recruit for either the class of 2008 or 2009. Mbakwe was also ineligible for part of his freshman season in high school due to academics.

Although I've read a couple of things questioning his heart and desire, Mbakwe seemingly has the talent to be a good player at the high-majors, and I wouldn't mind seeing him in Maroon & Gold in a few years if things don't work out at Marquette, although I'd be a little nervous about the academic issues.

Mbakwe is ranked a four-star and the 29th best PF in his class by Scout, and a three-star and 38th best PF by Rivals. It sounds like he's your typical big, raw player: A terrific rebounder and tough inside, with little ability away from the basket. The perfect kind of guy to head to JUCO for a couple of years and then come back to Minnesota with more polish and help out the Gophers.