What should the Vikings Do in the NFL Draft?

The NFL draft begins Thursday night with the first round starting at 7pm on ESPN.  If you're an idiot like me, you still tune in to KFAN from time to time and you're hearing the bottom of the barrel when it comes to baseless speculation regarding who the Vikings may take in the first round.  Let's look at what local knobs are saying and maybe a couple of mock drafts and then talk about what the Vikings should do in the first.


Heard on KFAN and on USA Today Mock draft:  The Vikings should trade up for Tavon Austin

What is it with everyone's desire to immediately replace a piece they just lost?  We went through this before when the Vikings traded away Randy Moss to the Raiders and then drafted Troy Williamson because he was fast.  Even the wikipedia language indicates they needed to do this: "The Vikings needed a receiver with deep speed after trading Randy Moss to Oakland, drafting Williamson with the 7th overall pick in the 2005 NFL Draft."  Speaking of which, Troy is a free agent!

So, now since we traded away a shifty slot guy that can return kicks well so now we need to trade up and immediately fill that hole with Tavon Austin.  The USA Today mock has the Vikings jumping all of the way up to 6 noting that "the buzz has been growing for months" and that he's "not as thick as Harvin but offers a similar skill set".  Mel Kiper has Austin going #16 to the Rams and says he's "versatile" and can replace the loss of Danny Amendola.  The thing is, not every small guy that's a great returner turns into MVP-type-when-he-tries Percy Harvin.  Austin could end up being much more Dexter McCluster than Harvin.  In fact, that's what people should probably expect.  Not that McCluster is bad, he's a useful player that can do a lot of things and was taken #36 overall by the Chiefs.  I just don't think you should sell out your draft/future drafts by making a huge leap to get this guy.  The Vikings just have too many holes to fill to give up multiple picks to get Austin.  There are also a number of WR prospects that will be there that could be a fit anyway.  If he falls to the late teens and the price is right; sure, try and move up.  I mean, he did run a 4.34 and played every game at West Virginia despite his size.  Here's Todd McShay fawning over him (has him going #13):

Heard on KFAN, USA Today, Kiper and from everyone you talk to:  The Vikings should draft Manti Te'o

Everyone knows the Vikings need a MLB and despite it not being a super strong class for MLBs, many insist the Vikings will take Te'o in the first round with their #25 pick.  Manti would be most notable for being a Heisman trophy finalist if it wasn't for getting catfished by some dude.  Instead he's known for falling in love with a guy on the interwebs. 

In some ways this is understandable as MLB is a need and the Vikings have had some success with drafting Irish in Harrison Smith and Kyle Rudolph.  However, I'm unconvinced this is the right choice for a couple of reasons that go beyond him getting punked on the internet by some dude.  By most accounts Te'o is a run stopper in the middle and will rack up tackles, but isn't much of a playmaker.  He did make plays at Notre Dame including a whopping 7 INTs, but also has looked poor in big moments including the nationla championship and spraining his knee in the Sun Bowl in 2010.  As mentioned before, the Vikings have a ton of needs and in my opinion MLB is much easier to fill later or outside of the draft.  Players like Rey Malauga (Cincy), Michael Boley (Giants) and Nick Barnett (Bills) are free agency candidates.

Also, there are a bunch of decent, but not elite MLB options and Te'o is just one of them.  Kevin Minter (LSU), Alec Ogletree (GA) and Nico Johnson (Bama) are all possibilities.  Why not wait on MLB and get a lineman or secondary player as that seems to be the deeper?  Then there's the dreaded "Manti is only a two down player" argument.  I don't care about that as much if he's elite for those two downs, but with his speed and other problems, he doesn't seem to project to elite status.  Go to the 2:20 mark on this vid for Manti talk:

So what should they do?

First, I like grabbing a WR at either 23 or 25 assuming you're getting one of the top guys.  Landing Jennings was expensive, but somewhat necessary to stay competitive in the division.  Adding to Jennings with a quality prospect would be great.  Jarius Wright showed some flashes of being useful last year as well and could be a slot-type if necessary so you don't have to pigeon-hole yourself into getting the new slot guy.

Kiper has the Vikings taking Cordarrelle Patterson of Tennessee.  He was another multi-tool type of player as he had 300 yards rushing, nearly 800 receiving and was a return guy.  He has more size than Austin (nearly 6'2"), but is not as fast (4.48 vs 4.34).  However, he's quick and strong and seems to have some big upside. 

Cal Junior Keenan Allen is also 6'2" and runs in the 4.5 range.  He can get up and battle for balls downfield, but doesn't blow you away with raw speed. 

Justin Hunter is another Tennessee WR.  He's big (6'4") and he's a leaper. 

Roberts Woods of USC and Deandre Hopkins of Clemson are also considerations.

There are several options and hopefully the Vikings have a couple of these guys that they like.  I'd go Cordarrelle if I could though.  Check out this kick-ass sports science on all of the cool stuff he can do:

For the other pick I'd like to see them take the best available player...especially if it's a defensive lineman or someone in the secondary.  Generally, I have some faith in the current regime based on some of their recent selections.  Maybe they think taking a MLB in the first is a bad idea too.  Some players I'm interested in that may be there in the mid-20s are:

Sylvester Williams, DT UNC - Sly is going to be 25 during the season, which kind of sucks but he looks like a beast inside and has shown good ability to get into the backfield.  He's a guy that I've seen kind of all over from the teens to the end of the first round in mocks and I think that's at least partially due to the depth at the position.  Plus he has big thighs:

Geno Smith, QB WVU - JUST HEAR ME OUT!  It's a LOT cheaper these days to sign a QB in the first round thanks to the new salary slotting, so it's less of a blown gambit than say drafting Christian Ponder looks like it may have been.  The Vikings have Cassell in the fold now, so I doubt they go here, but if Geno is available at 23, they have to take a hard look at him.  Something called Anthony Sulla-Heffinger at the NYPost has the Vikings taking him at 23 and here's what he says in his blog-thing:

Smith has the tools to be successful in the NFL, but I think everyone is getting a little ahead of themselves on the West Virginia signal caller because of the success of Robert Griffin III and Cam Newton over the past two seasons. Smith has a tendency to shy away from the pocket when faced with pressure and while it is not as big of a deal as it once was, he played almost exclusively out of the shotgun while with the Mountaineers. Minnesota, which drafted Christian Ponder in the first round two years ago, certainly do not seem married to the idea of Ponder as their franchise QB, so if Smith is here, Minnesota will give him a long look. -Anthony Sulla-Heffinger

Bjoern Werner, DE FSU - 6'3", 266lb speed/power rusher that runs a 40 at the same speed as Manti Te'o.  A boatload of defensive lineman are free agents at the end of the year and could be out the door.

 Desmond Trufant, DB Washington - Trufant has two brothers in the NFL and he'll be the third.  At just hair under 6', he's got good size and great speed with a 4.38 40 time.  He'd be a great fit in the secondary.

Good luck to our Vikings tomorrow!

My 10 Predictions for the NFL season

1.  Dez Bryant is going to be a monster.  Seriously.  Physically he's one of the most gifted wideouts in the league.  Everybody knows most WRs breakout in their third season, and his first two years (45/561/6 and 63/928/9) point two a guy who is figuring it out (on the field, at least).  Dude may be a mess at times, but assuming he doesn't do something stupid like bringing a pound of weed through airport security or beating up a fan for making mom jokes and getting suspended he's going to be huge.  I'm talking 90/1,400/12 this year.  Of course, Tony Romo completely sucks donkey balls so it's possible he's too scared to throw it down field and just dinks it to Miles Austin and those TEs all the time, in which case I'd put the odds at 50/50 of Bryant blowing up Romo's car.

2.  Ryan Williams will be one of the better backs in the league.  He has to beat out Beanie Wells first, but let's be honest here that's not really going to be a problem. Williams was an absolute monster for Virginia Tech for two years, breaking the Va Tech single season rushing record and the ACC single season TD record, before the Cardinals took him early in the second round of the 2011 draft.  He then destroyed his knee on his first carry in his first preseason game, which is why Arizona fans and football fans in general were subjected to another year watching fatass Wells fall down again and again.  Williams is a threat to score every time he has the ball.  Wells is a threat to become the next Lendale White.  Of course, Williams also missed all of last year and the second half of his final college season due to injury so he's got a bit of china doll syndrome possibly going on so maybe everyone will get lucky and get to watch Wells again.  Joy!

3.  The Falcons are going to miss the playoffs.  Way way way way way too much hype here, and whenever that happens the results are generally in the exact opposite direction.   Matt Ryan is going to throw for 2 billion yards with Julio Jones and Roddy White both somehow catching for 1.5 billion apiece!  Jacquizz Rodgers is the next NFL super star!  Michael Turner will be rejuvenated by this holy crap passing offense!  Please.  Worst nicknamed player ever Matty Ice hasn't won anything, Michael Turner is going to Shaun Alexander this year, and Rodgers isn't the kind of runner who can be a feature back.  Atlanta won't be able to run this year, which means Ryan is going to have to throw a ton and even if his (and those wideouts who I confess are pretty damn good) stats look great he's also going to throw 40 interceptions.  Plus their defense sucks.  Everyone is going to feel stupid at the end of the year when they suck except me because I'm right, and then you're going to acknowledge me as your god.

4.  Percy Harvin is going to have a break out season.  No, he's not going be like Dez Bryant or anything, but Harvin should finally break the 1,000 receiving yards barrier and probably hit 100 catches.  You can see it coming if you're a Vikes fan who's been watching him for three years, but just to put some quantitativeness to the qualitativeness - from week 7 forward last year (which is when Christian Ponder) took over, Harvin touched the ball 100 times which was the most in the NFL.  Second place was Wes Welkerbury with 76.  Yeah, Ponder digs him some Percy.  He does get more touches than most WR due to the lining up in the backfield he does, particularly once AP went down to injury but even prior to that he was averaging more than 3 rush attempts per game.  Looking forward to this.

5.  Antonio Gates will break TE records.  I know everyone is all over Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham as the world's greatest tight ends - and rightly so because they had the two best seasons by a TE ever last year - but don't forget about Antonio Gates, who is primed to have an even better season that either of those two did last year.  You know Philip Rivers is going to throw for a whole bunch of yards just as sure as you know he's going to cry at least once this year, but who gets those yards?  Vincent Jackson is gone (#2 in catches last year).  Mike Tolbert (#3) is as well, and Vincent Brown (who was supposed to ascend to their new #1 WR) is out half the season with an injury.  That leaves Malcom Floyd (please) and Gates as your two main targets, and Antonio is finally healthy again after two injury plagued seasons where he still managed to average 57/780/8.  Before getting hurt he had the best 1.5 seasons of his career, and everything points to a career year for him - expect him to break 1,400 receiving yards, a new TE record.

6.  Andrew Luck will be better than Robert Griffin III this year.  Seems like 95% of opinions I've read on these two say Luck will have the better career but RG3 will be better this season.  Well I think Luck's better in both cases.  Nobody argues he's the more polished QB already, so the other two factors would be if Luck struggles to pick-up the offensive scheme and if RG3 had markedly better weapons surrounding him, but I don't see it in either case.  Luck basically called his own plays at Stanford, a team run by a "cerebral" former QB type like Jim Harbaugh (and by cerebral I mean in comparison to blockheads like Brad Childress) so I don't think he's going to majorly struggle with any system he's asked to run.  And as far as weapons, both Indy and the Skins are a mess at RB although I'd give the edge to the Colts based on at least having a clear idea of who is going to get the majority of the carries, and I'll take Reggie Wayne/Austin Collie over Santana Moss/Pierre Garcon every time.  What am I missing?  Clear advantage to Luck.  Also garcon means boy.

7.  The Chiefs are going to suck.  I have no idea why it seems everyone is picking these guys to win the AFC East this year.  None at all.  They're horrid.  The have three good offensive players and two play the same position and were both hurt all or most of last year (fun fact:  Jamaal Charles' middle name is Rashaad - that's a lot of a's), and the other one is Dwayne Bowe who is likely to end up shooting himself in the leg or getting suspended after buying weed in Mexico.  Matt Cassell might very well be the worst starting QB in the league, and the Chiefs have one of the worst pass defenses in the entire NFL going up against the pass happy Chargers (6th in passing yds last year) and Raiders (11th and should be even better) and a team that just upgraded from Tim Tebow to Peyton Manning.  Speaking of which....

8.  The Broncos will win their division.  Yes, I'm on board the Peyton train.  I kind of have to be since I drafted him like 15 years ago in our inaugural keeper league draft and have held him since, but I truly believe he can make a huge difference for Denver.  Demaryius Thomas has all the skill to be a lead WR and Eric Decker has both the game and the smarts to become Peyton's #1 target or at least a 1b to Thomas's 1a.  That offense should be good enough to put up some points, and that hyper aggressive defense (big on sacks and turnovers, low on actual stops) could turn for the better.   I'd feel better if I had heard of anyone on their offensive line and if their running back was someone better than Willis McGahee, but I feel pretty safe putting my blind trust in Peyton Manning and Champ Bailey.  Especially if this was 2003.

9.  The Saints are going to the Super Bowl.  Seems to me like everybody is ignoring the Saints, and I rarely hear them come up when postseason stuff is talked about.  In fact I don't think anyone on ESPN picked them to make the Super Bowl, but you best believe they'll be there.  They have the best QB on the planet (or #2 after Rodgers) who has a whole mess of weapons to throw too, and while most teams with three running backs have a mess on their hands they have three guys who would all start in many NFL situations.  That offense is straight up sick.  And you don't think that defense is going to be playing with a major chip on their shoulder?  Don't forget if this team doesn't see Alex Smith miraculously morph into Joe Unitas they're probably in the Super Bowl last year (they would've beat the Giants, I promise).  Now take that same basic team (oh no, Robert Meachem left!) and add a big ole steamy plate of gritty emotions?  They'll be there.  Other playoff teams:  NY Giants, Packers, 49ers, Lions, Eagles, Broncos, Texans, Pats, Ravens, Steelers, and Chargers.  And your champ.....

10.  The Ravens will win the Super Bowl.  That's right, I'm backing Joe Flacco.  I think we've got a perfect storm here.  A young QB coming into his own with an offense being revamped to take advantage of his talents and a WR (Torrey Smith) coming into his own right along with him.  Maybe the best offensive weapon in the game (Ray Rice) and one of the best defensive players (Haloti Ngata).  Veterans who can still play who know this might be their last shot (Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Matt Birk, Anquan Boldin).  And, similar to the Saints, you've got a team here who was very close to making the Super Bowl last year (if Lee Evans catches one more pass they're in) and has done very little tinkering.  Terrell Suggs injury is a bit of an unfortunate wrinkle, but so is your face.


HONORABLE MENTION:  Others who will be awesome - Eli Manning, Jay Cutler, LeSean McCoy, Chris Johnson, Matt Forte, Steven Jackson, Carson Palmer, Marshawn Lynch, Brandon Marshall, Hakeem Nicks, Marques Colston, Greg Olsen, David Wilson, Mark Ingram, and Brandon Pettigrew.  Those will suck - Cam Newton, Mike Vick, Darren McFadden, Arian Foster, Frank Gore, Ahmad Bradshaw, every Lions RB, Jordy Nelson, Victor Cruz, Miles Austin, Steve Johnson, and Vernon Davis.

BOOK IT.

Week In Review - 11/2/09

Thank the lord basketball is back, am I right fellas?  Honestly, I was getting a little tired of writing about football all the time, with all it's cover 2s and zone blitzes and drop kicks and statues of liberties.  I don't even know what most of that means, but all I know is I'm damn glad to be watching a little roundball again.

And speaking of Roundball, it sounds a lot like we may be getting some bad news from the U and Joel Maturi about Trevor Mbakwe today.  I don't want to get too much into it until the details all come out, but if what I think is about to happen does happen, this is just a horrible, horrible decision at best, and irresponsible and ruins someone's future at worst.  I am sure I'll get more into that later today when the everything is official. [NOTE:  It's official.  Post coming shortly]


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Adam Weber.  It's hard to evaluate the team's overall performance, since there are plenty of awesome things you can point to, but just as many sucky ones, but there's no doubt Weber impressed in Saturday night's big 42-34 win over the Spartans.  In his first full game without the next Wes Welker, Weber went 19-31 for a career high 416 yards and five scores, including two sixty-ish yarders to Duane Bennett, one of which was of the "immaculate reception" variety.  Weber seemed to choose Tow-Arnett as his new favorite receiver, and he caught 8 of the 19 completions the Gophers recorded for the game, but overall the ball was spread out, with six different Gophers making a catch.  I don't know if this is a step back in the right direction, or a good game against a forgiving defense, but for one week at least, Weber was certainly awesome.


2.  Carmelo Anthony.  Tearing.  It.  Up.  Like Zack Morris at a high school prom.  He's completely out of control.  In the Nuggets' three games this year (all wins) he's put down 30, 41, and 42 points.  As impressive as that is, he has shot 50, 53, and 58% in those three games from the floor, with overall shooting percentages of 54% from the floor, 43% from three, and 88% from the free throw line.  Oh, and he's also averaging 7.0 rebounds, 4.3 assists, and 1.3 steals, all of which would be career highs other than the rebounds (would be second best).  Want more?  He's also turning it over just two times per game, which, yes, would be a career best.  His 2003 draftmates Lebron and Wade may have had more success, and Lebron has an MVP while Wade has a championship, but Anthony looks like a whole different player.  I'm declaring this the Year of the Melo.

3.  Boston Celtics.  It seems the reports that the Celtics were too old or fading weren't exactly true.  Ok, so those might have been just eminating from my head and not the national media, but the point is that the C's went 4-0 here on opening week, and in impressive fashion at that.  The four wins were over title contender Cleveland, playoff teams Chicago and New Orleans, and a complete ass-stomping of doormat Charlotte.  As per usual, they did it with good defense (opponents FG% ranged from 31 to 42%) and a balanced scoring attack, with three different leading scorers and eight different players hitting double-digits in the four games.  KG looks like maybe he did hit a wall, and is maybe not quite the same player, but he's smart enough and still good enough (and tall enough) to play a good complimentary role.  If nothing else, that win over Cleveland let's all y'all know - the Celtics are a title contender.

4.  Jonny Flynn.  Looking very, very promising so far, leading the Wolves in scoring in their first two games with 17 and 18, including a big run in the fourth quarter of their first game (and only win) against New Jersey.  Now, he's not exactly the best distributor yet, with just three assists per game (which sadly leads the team), and turns it over a bit too much, which is typical for a rookie, but his overall play has been a delight.  He leads the team in scoring (15.3), as well as free throws both made and attempted (14-16).  He's proving difficult to guard, gets to the paint, and draws a lot of fouls.  Once his shot further develops and he becomes a better passer, he's going to be a star.  Sorry Rubio, point guard spots taken.  

5.  Percy Harvin.  Did you know that Brad Childress regularly ends special teams practice by having Percy return kicks with no blockers against the regular kickoff team - and he scores nearly 80% of the time?  Did you know Percy once raced Secretariat, and won by five and a half lengths?  Did you know Percy can catch a bullet fired out of a .357 Magnum between his fingers - from three feet?  Did you know Percy can get to a Donkey Kong kill screen every time?  Did you know Percy once knocked up your girlfriend just by winking at her?



WHO SUCKED

1.  Charlotte Bobcats.  While reading up for the coming NBA season, I saw more than one preview that mentioned the Bobcats would be much improved this year.  Then the season started, and they lost by thirty to the Celtics.  Then they only beat the craptastic Knicks by two and needed two overtimes to do it - at home, so I decided to actually look at their team and figure out if they were good or bad, and trust me - they're bad.  Not only did they shoot under 38% in both games, including a 31% failure against Boston, but there is nobody on this roster.  Ray Felton is solid, but behind him the only intriguing prospect is D.J. Augustin, and he plays the same position.  They are starting Gerald Wallace and Stephen Graham, and Vladimir Radmanovic is their seventh man.  This isn't an improving young team, this is a crappy team who can't even say it has a bright future, whoever is in charge has destroyed this team. 

2.  Michigan.  You probably pay more attention than I do, so you probably know that Michigan sucks in the conference season, but I didn't, so it's news to me.  I remember them coming out in the non-conference season and going 3-0 with a nice win over Notre Dame, and then nothing, but according to the standings they have gone just 2-4 since then, including what could only be called an embarrassing loss to Illinois on Saturday by the count of 38-13 - ouch.  Basically, other than Notre Dame their wins this year are over Indiana, Delaware State, Western Michigan, and Eastern Michigan.  It seems the reports that Wolverine football is back might have been a bit premature - just like you last night, from what I hear.

3.  Brad Lidge.  Christ, I don't even know where to start with this fucking guy.  First of all, if it's your job to cover third, cover third.  Secondly, don't hit a guy who has like, one hit in the entire world series.  Thirdly, don't get hit around by the next couple of guys as if you were Phil Humber when you're supposed to be an elite closer, to the point where the only reason you even got out of the inning is because Posada got tossed trying to go to second.  Look, you were known as "shaky" this year already, but this is unforgiveable.  I thought the whole Blanton starting thing was a huge mistake by Manuel, and they really needed to copy New York and go to a three man rotation, but they got a good effort out of Blanton and were right in the game at 4-4.  Enter Lidge, who is a walking implosion.  You just can't do that.  We can go ahead and give the rings to the stupid Yankees now if you want.  I give up.
 Screw you Philllies.

4.  Corey Maggette.  Started the season with a 3-14 shooting performance, and then followed it up going 2-7, all of which adds up to a 5-21 start and a 24% shooting percentage - worst in the NBA amongst qualified players.  And, just so you're aware, he also has twice as many turnovers as assists thus far.  Way to go Corey!  I always thought Magette would be better than he ended up being.  But I'm kind of an idiot, so no big shocker. 

5.  NCAA Fascists.  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  Who's with me?  FREE DEZ BRYANT!  FREE DEZ BRYANT!!  FREE.....



Now who is ready for some NCAA Basketball (even if it's just exhibition games)?  I can't wait.

Weekend Review - 9/14/2009

This was a really good weekend.  Gopher football, NFL season starts, Twins are still playing, and the golf tournaments still matter and aren't the weird World Series of Golf crap and other made for TV events.  Other than college basketball season and specifically March Madness this might be my favorite time of the year.  If only we could get some nice, crisp fall weather instead of this sweltering heat.  Anyway, let's get on with it.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Michigan Football.  It's nice to have a chance to write something positive about a Big Ten team, and Notre Dame is full of a bunch of queers, so it's great to see Michigan knock of the Irish 38-34 to break into the top 25.  There wasn't a whole lot of defense in the game, and it would have been a lot of fun to watch if the stupid people at the stupid bar would have been able to figure out how to change their satellite to a local channel.  Seriously, I thought all that local channels business was straightened out in like, 1999.  I know that everyone I know with satellite has their local channels as part of their regular package, so there is no complicated switching of satellite feeds or anything.  And they didn't even know how to do it.  Yet they advertised drink specials during Vikings' games, which are on local television stations.  I should have gone back during the Vikes game to see if they had that crap figured out yet.  Arg.  Oh, and your friend Micheal Floyd caught 7 balls for 131 yards and a score.  It seems he's pretty good.  Like the opposite of that stupid bar.

2.  Adrian Peterson.  It is just sick how good this guy is.  Just another how hum day at the office, compiling 180 rushing yards and 3 scores.  It's just so fun to watch him.  He has the power to barrel right through people, the quickness to make them miss, and the speed to run away from them.  Favre and Harvin both looked good yesterday too.  Harvin is going to be a handful, running and catching.  He has a world of talent (second only to Hakeem Nicks of the receivers in ths class).  It's clear that Favre's lack of practice has had an effect on his chemistry with the wideouts, since a couple times he threw to an empty area because the receiver went somewhere else, but that can still happen even with a full practice schedule (see Brady Quinn's interception) and should get better with time.  If Favre can contain himself and play just like that all year, there's no reason this isn't a Super Bowl team. 

3.  Drew Brees.  Talk about having your way with someone, Brees violated the Lions yesterday, basically whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, finishing the game with 356 yards and 6, yes 6, touchdowns.  One of those TDs went to Robert Meachem, who I told you was going to break out this year.  Also Mike Bell had 28 carries for 143 yards (a 5.1 ypc average) while Reggie Bush rushed 7 times for just 14 yards.  Seriously you guys, Reggie Bush is a terrible running back.

4.  Brian Duensing.  I am totally falling in love with this guy.  Another start, and another gem, he pitched 7 shut-out innings on Sunday to help the Twins miraculously actually win a game.  This runs his totals as a starter (5 games) to an ERA of  with a WHIP of .  Just incredible.  He's the Francisco Liriano we thought we had but didn't but now do again because of Duensing.  It's tough to find a gem in this lost season of perpetual disappointment.  Seriously, how many Twins are you happy with this year?  Mauer, Morales, Duensing, Nathan, Span, Kubel, and Mijares?  Tough to put Morneau or Cuddyer in there despite their good numbers.  Their dueling late season slumps haven't exactly left a nice impression.  Anyway, Duensing is a stud, and is now 3-0 with a 2.00 ERA and a 1.14 WHIP as a starter.  A quick check of BABIP, K/BB, and GB% tell me this probably isn't a fluke.  If the Sidler was still alive, I'd ask him to do some nerd analysis on this kid, because he looks like the real deal to me. 

5.  TCF Bank Stadium.  The team won, and put out a very good defensive effort against Air Force, a team that runs an offense that can be hard to stop, but I was more impressed by the new stadium.  There were a few issues, such as lines of 30 minutes + for concessions (and longer at halftime), souvenir stands running out of t-shirts, and both Dino's Gyros and Subway stations running out of food, but overall it was a fantastic experience.  It was the first major sporting event I have ever seen in Minnesota out doors, and that's truly how sports should be.  Our seats were in the first row of the upper deck, visitor's side, on the 35 yard line, so we had a great view but it looked like the seating was laid out perfectly, and you would have a great view no matter where you were sitting.  I'd like to write more about it, but really you just have to experience it yourself.  The best way I can sum it up is that it finally felt like watching a real college football game.  If you can snag a ticket, I highly recommend it.

Of course, the real highlight of the night was listening to some 70-year old man say if he ever saw Joel Maturi he would punch him in the face. . It seems he's had season tickets for 56 years, and lost his spot on the 50 yard line and is now on the 15, as we learned on the bus ride from a local establishment to the game.  He was not very happy about it.

WHO SUCKED

1.  Michgan State Football.  I don't live in Michigan, but even I know that when you are Michigan or Michigan State, you don't lose to a directional school - yet that's what Sparty did on Saturday, falling 29-27 to the Chippewas of Central Michigan (aka Chris Kamen U).  The Spartans certainly did everything they could to lose.  CMU scored with just 32 seconds left in the game to bring the score to 27-26, then elected to go for the win and the 2 point conversion.  They failed.  Michigan State then botched the recovery of the onside kick, giving the Chippewas another chance.  They quickly drove into position for a 47 yard game winning field goal - which was missed.  But wait.  Sparty was offsides.  Given another chance, the CMU kicker drilled the 42 yarder for the upset and the embarrassment.  Seriously, this conference is awful.  There's no reason the Gophers can't finish in the top 4.  Other than the fact that they aren't very good either.   

2.  Terrelle Pryor.  Good god is this guy terrible.  The numbers are awful (11-25 for 177 and a pick passing, 10 carries for 36 yards rushing), but they don't even tell the whole story.  Ohio State had every chance to win that game and get the "can't beat the good teams" monkey off both their and the Big Ten Conference's back, but Pryor just couldn't make a play when they needed him to.  He's not a very good passer, is a tentative runner, and is a deer in headlights against a good, fast defense.  Luckily for him, there aren't many of those in the Big Ten so I expect he and the Buckeyes will have a good year once again, and then get destroyed in whatever bowl game they end up in.  I also want to admit here that I have no idea why people use "in a minute" as slang to mean "a long time."  Like as in, "I haven't seen you in a minute" would mean I haven't seen you in a long time.  That makes no sense.  A minute is actually a very short unit of time.  I think it's the stupidest slang I've seen since saying "hella-" before everything.  If you do this, stop. 

3.  Oklahoma State Football.  Remember last week when everybody was all like, wow Oklahoma State what a huge win over Georgia they must be really good lets rank them fifth and put them into the conversation for National Champion contenders?  Well they flushed all that right down the toilet by inexplicably losing to Houston.  The Cowboys came out flat, falling behind 24-7 at halftime.  As good teams tend to do, they came roaring back with three unanswered touchdowns to take a 28-24 lead.  Then, as good teams usually don't do, they pissed it all right away, letting Houston score three times in the fourth quarter including an INT returned for a touchdown when OSU was trying to drive for a winning socre to seal the deal and the 45-35 Cougar win.  So we don't have to worry about them winning a National Championship anymore.  And Dez Bryant is still a superstud.

4.  Cincinnati Bengals.  Remember how I predicted the Bengals would be a playoff team this year?  Nevermind.  They couldn't even beat the shitty Broncos at home, and not even after taking the lead on a Cedric Benson TD run with just 38 seconds left in the game.  Then, knowing full well that the Broncos were basically going to have to chuck the ball deep, they somehow managed to let Brandon Stokely catch a deflected pass and run 87 yards to win the game.  Seriously I have no idea how somebody could let that happen, but then again, it's the Bengals.  Really not a shock. 

5.  Jake Delhomme.  Yuck.  Wasn't this guy actually pretty good a few short years ago?  And now he's an absolute trainwreck, as shown by yesterday's outing - possibly the worst game by a QB in the history of football.  Jake went 7/17 for just 73 yards and threw four picks, and was so bad that not only did the Panthers bring in Luke McCown, they also brought in Matt Moore (who?).  I really wish I would have watched the game, just to see what that kind of performance looks like.  You can go ahead and scratch the Panthers off your Super Bowl contenders list - which I already told you to do.  God I'm brilliant.

In New Jersey and I'm Lame

Now out in New Jersey, there may be a part two, I don't know, the title is optimistic.  You know what was really fun?  Sitting in the middle of a bunch of post-college frat guy types on the flight out here.  Frat guys are pretty much always douchebags, but this group truly excelled.  Besides calling each other names like Beatnik, Obama, Peanut, and Cheddar, and talking about some game of Ultimate Frisbee that was truly "epic", they also kept us entertained, loudly entertained, with their "humor."  This including not only taking picutres of their friends when they were sleeping and then giggling like middle school girls, but also showing us their incredible wit, such as when the the flight attendant guy came over to us in the exit row and asked if we were familiar with the procedures and how the exit doors work.  Frat guy's response, "Oh my god, you mean we're on an airplane!  Why didn't anyone tell me?" and then proceeding to ask if they should test out the door right now or wait until we were in the air.  Classic frat guy, classic.  So that was a pretty painful flight.

-  Holy geez, I had forgotten how terrible Chris Berman is.  If you're the first to start with the catch phrase crap and all that, shouldn't you at least be somewhat entertaining, rather than ear splittingly annoying?

-  Watching a bit of the Vikes game here before I head out to meet my co-workers for a drink, and holy crap is Adrian Peterson ridiculous.  First play, 75 yard touchdown.  And it wasn't even close.

-  Wildcat offense with Percy the "QB."  I'm not so sure here.  It worked for about 7 on a handoff to AP, and I'm not necessarily completely against it per se even though I think defenses are going to be prepared to stop any team that runs it, but I don't know about unveiling it in a preseason game.  The team never ran it last season, so why let anybody know you have it in your playbook now?  But hey, I'm no offensive genius guru like Childress, so what do I know?

-  I'm back.  It was pretty boring.  We had asked the one local amongst us to take us to a sports bar, so somehow we ended up at Chevy's Mexican Restaurant, and even ended up at a table in the back, not in the bar, and no where near a TV or sports bar type of place.  I guess that's what happens when you put a girl in charge.

 - So 17-10 Vikes.  And I just saw a deep ball to Andre Johnson.  Andre Johnson?  Why is he still in the game?  It's still preseason, right?  I would say I hpe he gets hurt, except he's pretty important to my fantasy team so I just hope they get him the hell out of there.

- Christ, Favre isn't even in anymore and the announcers are still slobbering all over him.  Even though I'm going to be rooting for him this year, it's going to be very, very trying season.

- I thought I would write more tonight, but it turns out I'm actually quite tired and have quite a bit to do tomorrow, so I'm going to have to cut it short.  Hopefully there will be more tomorrow.  This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Welcome to Minnesota, Pete Rose! (and then Twins)

7:00 - Well he's here, the Pete Rose of football. I'm glad he's here because I think he gives the Vikes the best chance to do more than limp to an NFC Central title and a first round bounce, but I still hate him. In any case he's here, and like all the rest of you ass clowns, I can't help it but I need to get a look at this. So why not blog it? Also, Mrs. W is super annoyed right now. She doesn't like football, hates Favre, and especially hates the preseason because there shouldn't be football in August. Plus, I never watch the preseason, ever, so this is extra irritating right now. I might have to watch something like Mona Lisa Smile to get back in her good graces after this. I hope you're freaking happy.

7:03 - The superlatives are flying.

7:04 - This commercial with Paul Allen "announcing the couple" bringing their couch inside their house, and then they pull the sheet off and it's a Vikings couch? It needs to go. It's embarrassing. And does anybody else thing PA is just a little too into his job. Jesus, dude, relax. He's going to have a heart attack within three years. I won't miss him.

7:06 - Percy Harvin and Favre shake hands, right as the camera is zoomed in on them. Yeah, that's not contrived.

7:07 - Sideline chick (note: not hot) has her microphone not work when they go to her for a story that was presumably about Favre and Booty, since they showed their pictures. Nice job ABC. This is why you lost your NFL contract. Well, actually it was because of money, but still.

7:09 - Vikes start on D, and force major pressure on Cassel two of the three downs and stuff old ass Larry Johnson on second down. Of course, Cassel still manages to find the world' s fattest, slowest, whitest tight end for 12 yards and a first down.

7:11 - Chiefs fumble, Vikes recover. Good defense. Of course, when KC refuses to throw the ball to one of the best receivers in football (Dwayne "the Show" Bowe) that'll happen. By the way, if you don't think Bowe is having a huge year, you really need to axe somebody.

7:14 - Favre's first pass attempt as a Vike: attempted two yard dump to some dumbass fullback - two feet in front of him, incomplete. Freakin' Tavaris could have done that. My football wang remains flaccid.

7:15 - Third and eight. Favre completes to Harvin (Favrin?) but shy of the first down by a half yard. That looks really familiar. They go for it on foruth down and AP gets stuffed. Chefs ball. I don't know, I would have put in Chester Taylor right there. Or ran a half back pass.

7:19 - In all seriousness though, do you realize that with Brett Favre at QB Thomas Jones led the AFC in rushing last season. Thomas Jones. T-Jones. Yes, that one. I'm serious. I'm not making this up. No, I will not shut up. Yeah, I'd put the over/under for AP yards this season at about 2,800.

7:21 - Catch Dwayne Bowe! Thirteen yards and another KC Chief.....FIRST DOWN!!!!

7:24 - Challenged by the Vikes, overturned. What do you think the combined IQ of the coaches of the Twins and Vikings is? Dawger + Super Sioux Fan level?

7:25 - The Twins are already down 1-0. Of course they are.

7:27 - Field goal, and it's 3-0 Chiefs. The Royals are about one hit away from having that same lead on your precious Twins and Nick Blackburn. Wow. Twins/Royals. Vikings/Chiefs. What a night to be alive.

7:30 - After a fake reverse kick return by Percy (which I admit got me kind of excited) we see Favre running back out for another series. Announcer guy definitely has a boner. I remain unmoved.

7:31 - I hate to divulge secrets when I know many of my fantasy golf leaguemates read this blog, but I have to just tell you that I know who is going to win the Fed Ex Cup: Padraig Harrington. Book it.

7:32 - If the Twins get beat by Luke Hochevar I quit. He doesn't even bend his hat brim. And he's white. Christ.

7:33 - Favre throws one about five thousand miles an hour, but misses the receiver by approx. 100 feet. Announcer guy wants us to know, "I'm ok with that. That should be a completion once the QB and receiver get to know each other." I can't wait until they're still saying that in week 9.

7:34 - Big time blitz not picked up. Instead of eating the ball, Favre tosses it up randomly like you would do in Madden when you're facing Engage 8 (unless you're the Colts). Luckily it just harmlessly hits the ground. These two series were super unfulfilling. I have to watch Mona Lisa Smile for this?

7:35 - Oh god the chin strap thing! Maybe nothing has annoyed me more over the years than Favre's constant need to unhook his chin strap the second the play is over - every. single. time. And now I have to root for that guy. I didn't realize how hard this would be.

7:39 - Bad thing number two, as I once again listen to the announcer say things like, "Man, Favre is down there talking football with Berrian, I want to be down there" - the constant, constant, constant, overstated praise of Favre, not matter what the situation actually is. I don't know that I can handle this. Also the defense seems to be sacking Cassel a lot, which I think is good.

7:42 - T-Jax in. At least he can't be worse than Favre.

7:44 - Ok, he was worse. He just scrambled, ran five yards passed the line of scrimmage, and then threw a pass. Oh, sure, the receiver was open. That'll happen when you run where the linebackers used to be before you toss the ball. My god. It's time to cut bait.

7:48 - Another Royal ding-dong. Blackburn sucks and so do the Twins. I can't do this anymore.

8:40 - I'm back. Did you miss me? BB Gun decided to start throwing BBs, and somehow the Twins scratched out three runs against this year's Pedro Martinez, and we're all tied at 3-3 heading to the 7th.

8:41 - Cuddyer whiffs on three pitches, the last being a slider so far outside and so far in the dirt that a retarded monkey with a hairlip wouldn't have gone after it. That dude is driving me crazy.

8:44 - According to Coomer the ball Crede just hit, "Would have been out of here if he hadn't hit it in August." What. The. Eff.

8:47 - They're forcing Ragarm McTiredarm out there for the bottom of the seventh because everybody in the bullpen (save Nathan) is currently icing their arms thanks to this starting rotation. I'm expecting bad things.

8:56 - T-Jax is 9-11 for 117 yards and a touch? I almost wish I had kept watching.

Almost.

8:59 - Well I was wrong. Still tied, top o' eight on it's way.

9:04 - Casilla bunts Gomez over to second after Gomez got on first somehow. I'm not sure, I wasn't paying attention. In any case, here is a spot I actually agree with a sac bunt. I generally agree with a sac bunt most times when it's used properly. When Gardy has Cabrera sac bunt in the first, however, is where we have problems.

9:10 - Twins take the lead on a Span single and the worst throw I've ever seen from the KC center fielder. Also the remote control is missing.

9:12 - Tavaris is now 12-15 for 202 yards and 2 touchdowns. I almost wish I had been watching to see how this was possible.

9:16 - Yeah, you go ahead and walk Mauer to face Kubel. Let's see how that works.

9:18 - Dammit.

9:21 - I FOUND THE REMOTE!!!!!

9:25 - Dwayne Bowe had a TD today. Expect to hear that about 16 times this season.

9:29 - The Guerrier/Mijares combo works how it was supposed to all year (including a pick offed runner at first), and we head to the ninth with the Twinks still up a point.

9:30 - Did Strasburg end up signing with the Nationals? Jesus I don't even know. Hold on.

9:31 - Yep, four years, 15.1 million. Everything I've heard says he could pitch now. I'm assuming the Nats will at least hold off until next season, but I'm looking forward to seeing this kid. Hopefully he doesn't follow in Mark Prior's foot steps.

9:34 - It's bizarre to me that Cuddyer just struck out. I mean, this is equivalent to striking out Joe Sewell.

9:35 - Crede flies out to center. I'm guessing if it wasn't August that ball is gone.

9:36 - Del-Money hits like he usually does, and we go bottom (like your mom). Nathan on. I'm struggling to stay interested.

9:42 - Nathan struggling to handle Teahen of all people. This doesn't bode well. I'm predicting extra innings.

9:43 - Teahen grounds out. This whole thing with Calipari is kind of garbage, to be honest. Suddenly Memphis is not only vacating it's most succesful season ever, but is also on probation for the next there years (I haven't seen what this entails).

Say what you want about Calipari's culpability (I've heard excuses that neither Memphis or Cal knew Rose cheated on the SAT), but this is the second time he's taken a team to the final four only to have that appearance stricken from the record books due to cheating - and yet once again he has escaped scott free.

Let's be honest here, the guy is dirty as all hell, he's just been pretty good about staying ahead of the law. Kentucky is the perfect place for him. Those rednecks will do everything they can to cover for him. Marriage made in heaven.

Oh yeah. Rose took his fraudulent SAT test in Detroit. He's from Chicago. A lot easier to have someone take a test for you in a state you aren't from. I have a very hard time believing Calipari didn't know this.

9:47 - Someone named Brian Pena (related to Tony? I don't know) just tied the game. Told you Nathan didn't have it. I suppose when your team gets you a save chance once every month you probably get a bit rusty.

9:50 - Coomer (is this even Coomer? I'm just guessing. Where's Bert? What's happening?) goes with the "the ball doesn't carry in August" angle again as some guy I've never heard of almost wins the game with a ball that only goes off the wall. You know, that might possibly even be a true thing, but when I hear some jackass just popping off on a broadcast, I need a little more than anecdotal evidence. And now we head to extras. Brian Pena is a dickweed.

9:56 - Oh good, Soria is in. The new Mariano Rivera. Assuming he goes two innings, no chance the Twins could possibly win this until the tenth. And they just showed Jesse Crain warming in the Twins' pen. This couldn't be more over.

9:59 - Casilla bloop, Cabrera bloop misplayed by Willy freaking Bloomquist and the Twins go back on top. Horseshoe up ass kind of stuff going on here.

10:00 - Another intential walk of Mauer. Don't let me down Kubes.

10:06 - Oh, I forgot to mention that he let me down. Nathan still pitching. One out, one on.

10:14 - Two runners on with nobody out, and Alberto Callaspo has fouled off about six straight two strike pitches. There's no way he should still be in there. Nathan doesn't have it tonight, and we saw he didn't have it last inning. I know what you're thinking, "Who else could they put in?" and I have no idea, but it's clear Nathan is not on his game tonight. And Callaspo fouled off two more pitches while I was typing that. This is ridiculous.

10:18 - Joe Nathan has thrown 48 pitches. Joe Nathan has thrown 48 pitches. JOE NATHAN HAS THROWN 48 PITCHES. Ok, 49 now. Great job Gardy.

10:20 - Fifty.

10:21 - I can't find a website where I can get pitch counts by game, but I'm willing to wager my house that this is the most pitches Nathan has ever thrown in a game as a Twin, and I would almost bet it's the most a closer has thrown since the early 80s, or at least towards the top of that list.

10:22 - 52

10:23 - Line out. Twins win. Nathan's arm probably shot. Not that it matters. This season is a dick.