It's Football Time!

It's that time of the year again.  The time where oversized humanoid types put on ineffective padding and run into each other over and over again at full speed - Yes, football.  Although I generally deal with more elegant sports like baseball and basketball here, I do like to dip my tow into the football waters once in a while because hey, more clicks and also because I really like predicting things since I'm almost always right.  So why not a quick look at the Vikings and the NFL, and then a preview of this weekend's Gopher football game since I'll be in attendance.  I'm not sure who they're playing but I'll look that up later.

So the Vikings.  The state's favorite squadron.  What are the betting expectations for the Vikings this NFL season? (look for the best odds from Sportbet.com).  Sportbet has the over/under for wins at 6.5, and if I'm a betting man, and I am, I'm going for the over (cautiously).  Matt Cassell is boring, and far more boring than my guy Teddy Bridgewater, but he is a competent QB which is a major upgrade from your guy Christian Ponder.  Cordarrelle Patterson is supposed to do that thing everyone says and become good, and don't forget Greg Jennings didn't just forget how to be a major league receiver, it's just Ponder did things like throw the ball into the ground and throw the ball into the ground again.  Cassell tends to do things more like throwing the ball in the air.  That's a plus.  And of course if Bridgewater ever gets to start the Vikings will start putting up 50+ points per game, but that's a given.

A lot of people seem to be excited about an upgraded defense, which makes sense, since the team is going from a defensive minded coach to a defensive minded coach and somehow this new one is better than the old one I guess.  I don't know.  Personally, I'm more excited about the personnel changes.  I mean, these guys have some sweet names:  Captain Munnerlyn is one of the best names in the league, and Linval Joseph isn't that far behind except that he's slower now after getting shot.  Really though those guys are upgrades, Anthony Barr has looked good this preseason, Harrison Smith is healthy, and Sharrif Floyd should be better because he can't be worse.  Plus Xavier Rhodes is awesome.

What's realistic for the Vikings?  If Cassell starts all year they'll be somewhere around 8-8.  If Bridgewater starts they'll win every game he plays, up to 15-2 and a Super Bowl victory.

Other quick NFL hits:

• The Panthers will be terrible
• The Cardinals will be the surprise breakout team, led by Michael Floyd and Andre Ellington
• Dallas will be a complete dumpster fire, but they'll give up so many points that Dez Bryant will have a career year and one of the best receiving years in history
• Atlanta will be a playoff team with a bounce back year from Matt Ryan
• The Eagles will regress badly
• The Packers will be annoyingly good and probably make the Super Bowl
• The Colts will win the Super Bowl
• Cleveland will win 3 games or less
• Derek Carr will win Rookie of the Year
• C.J. Spiller will re-breakout.
• Matthew Stafford will have even more weapons, put up even better stats, and still somehow screw the Lions into a 6-win season
• Ryan Tannehill will become a top 10 type QB

All of this will come true.

Now onto the college game, which is also fun!  And the internet tells me our beloved Gopher footballers are going up against the Middle Tennessee State Blue Raiders.  Whoa that sounds scary!  And they're 1-0!  And they won 61-7 last week!  Are the Gophers doomed?  Is their run to the BCS playoffs over before it really even starts?  No.  MTSU beat Savannah State who once had something like a 60-game losing streak in basketball so they're probably terrible in football too.  Let's look at these "Blue" "Raiders" a little more carefully, but keep in mind I'm only looking at stats like some kind of nerd who lives in his mom's basement because I have to admit I have never seen MTSU play football.  Nor have I heard of anyone on their team.  Seriously if you want a "real" "preview" I'd check out Still Got Hope, who are back and cranking out some seriously awesome Gopher football love (they're the kind of nerds who go watch practice, so you know it's detailed info).  

Last season the Blue Raiders went 8-4 including 6-2 in the Sun Belt, probably, and made the Armed Forces Bowl where they lost to Navy 24-6.  They played two real teams and lost to North Carolina by 20 and BYU by 27.  So far the intimidation level is low to quite low.  Which I suppose it should since the Gophers are favored by 16.  

Last year they ranked 83rd in passing offense, 31st in rushing offense, and 62nd in total offense.  That's some good running, boys, but a bad passing attack may be worse as their QB has moved on to do something else.  They do have both of their top RBs and one of their top WRs back, but not having a thrower guy back and replacing him with a guy who completed 45% of his passes last year is not a positive.  This new guy, Austin Grammer (Kelsey's son), did play well against Savannah completing 15 of 17 for 250 yards, but I assume those DBs were basically played by folding chairs so whatevs.  The running backs are worth looking at since the two returnees (Jordan Parker and Reggie Whatley) both had over 650 yards last season and they added a new guy, Tony Rowland, who split carries with those two in their first game.  Rowland and Whatley are both tiny (5-7) so they're both probably really fast, and Parker is built like a real running back so he's probably good and stuff.  I'd keep my eye on those guys.

Defensively they ranked 26th in passing yards allowed and 107th in rushing yards allowed, which is good for Minnesota because they hate passing anyway and would rather have one of their 20 running backs or their QB who is built like a grizzly bear and throws with similar accuracy to run down your face and smash into you over and over again.  Maybe their biggest strength last season was turnover margin, where they finished 12th in the country at a +12.  Their two safeties picked off 8 passes between the two of them last year and they're both back, so probably still not a good idea to throw the ball.  

Basically both teams suck at passing and are good at running.  Whoever stops the other team from running the ball well will win and that should probably be the Gophers.  Plus all this running and stuff probably means the under 52.5 is kind of money.  So let's do this.  Just as the Gopher basketball crushed the hopes and dreams of the Middle Tennessee basketball team in the NIT two years ago, so now will these Gophers crush MTSU's dream of a National Championship. 

Gophers 28, Blue Raiders 10.  

Gophers vs. Huskers and some World Series stuff.

I know what you're thinking - DWG doesn't cover football after TRE quit like a little girl.  And you're right, we generally don't and that's only because I don't know what I'm talking about - not really.  The only football preview I think I've ever written here was this year's Iowa game and that's because I was feeling all #HATEWEEK-y and then I didn't even watch the game because I was at a Meat Raffle in Aitkin.  But this week I stumbled into some tickets and will be taking my son to his first Gopher Football game (he's 3 so he won't remember it anyway) but since I'm going I'm also going to write some kind of a short preview because then I will at least know more players on Nebraska than just Taylor Martinez who is actually hurt according to the internet so that sucks I guess.

Despite the Martinez injury which sounds made up, the Huskers are still an eleven point favorite even on the road against your favorite team.  That's because even without Martinez they've been killing teams - really bad teams (So Dak State, Illinois, and Purdue) - but even so killing is killing as Jason Voorhees always says.  Mainly they've been able to kill teams because they have an awesome rushing attack and they have two back-up QBs who can both play.  Looks like the Huskers generally just play both until they figure out which one sucks and then they let the other one finish out the game.  And again, it doesn't really matter who is at QB because they're just going to give the ball to one of their three awesome RBs over and over again.  The Huskers are like the Gophers in that they want to run the ball like, all the time, and only pass when absolutely necessary, except the Huskers are the varsity version of that while the Gophers are the junior high squad.

And.......I'm already bored with this.  I hope the Gophers win but they probably won't because Nebraska is a lot better even without their QB.   I think I heard Leidner has a tummy ache so that means Philip Nelson will start which is probably good because even though Leidner is like giving the ball to an alligator Nelson is better thrower guy which the Gophers will need against Nebraska.  Probably.  I don't know.  I'm more of a David Cobb guy.  Starting to look awfully shifty out there.  Is he the next Gary Russell?  Yes, clearly.

-  Real quick, the Cardinals are looking an awful lot like the 2006 Tigers tonight.  You remember 2006, a magical season when Justin Morneau won the AL MVP, and how the Tigers looked to have the World Series wrapped up before it even started.  St. Louis snuck into the playoffs with just 83 wins but then outlasted everybody else to make the World Series while the Tigers won 95 games and went 7-1 against two other 93+ win teams to make it and looked poised to stomp the Cards.  Then the games started (because they aren't played on paper you know, nerd) and then in the five games the Tigers made at least one error in every game and had two games with 2 or more errors, throwing the ball all over the place, giving easy runs to the Cards, and ended up losing to an inferior team by playing like idiots.

Now the Cards have already made two errors with plenty of other mistakes including a pop-up that didn't make the pitcher's mound that fell in for a "hit."  It's a total repeat of 2006 except instead of a somewhat likeable team being the beneficiary of the meltdown instead this time it's Satan's team.

Even better?  In 2006 I bet on Detroit.  In 2013?  I bet on St. Louis.  Gambling is so stupid and I hate it and you and your family.

Let's Talk Football

If you follow a little too closely on Twitter, you're aware that our football guy, TRE, has left DWG to pursue other opportunities.  This means that we have no football guy.  However, this being HATE WEEK with the HATED Iowa Hate-eyes coming to town means I really need to put something down about the game.  I don't follow college football per se, but I do watch most Gopher games and plenty of other games because I'm an avid follower of College Football Spreads and a big fan of gambling.  As such, I'm going to try to write something about Saturday's game.  Please be gentle.

The hated jerks from Iowa come to TCF as about a one point favorite, which means this could be a hell of an entertaining game as long as the Gophers win.  Those dudes are 3-1 which is great because the Gophers are 4-0 which means Minnesota is clearly the better team.  Their loss was to Northern Illinois who I thought was supposed to be pretty good because they have that quarterback who I've heard of, but they almost lost to Eastern Illinois who I don't think is a FBS team which means Iowa must be really shitty.  Plus I found some power rankings that had Iowa at #72 and Minnesota at #41, so, you know, CHAMPIONSHIP!

One other important thing when evaluating competition is to look at how the team has played, not just the results.  Since I have not seen one minute of Iowa football against a non-Gopher team in the last, say, 5-6 years, I'm going to solely have to rely on stats, which seems pretty dumb but I have no other options plus as they say in math "Numbers Never Lie."

The first thing that pops out at me is that Iowa can play some defense, ranking 19th in the country in yards allowed per game.  Of course they played Western Michigan and Missouri State as two of their opponents and those teams are terrible, but you know what they say about how those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw shoes.  The worst part is they're mostly good at defending the running game (12th) and not as good at defending the pass (46th) but that doesn't matter since the Gophers don't throw the ball nor should they.

Offensively Iowa is pretty terrible which plays into the Gophers' hands because their defense completely sucks.  They are god awful at throwing the football, and despite their QB (Jake Rudock) clearly being more of a runner guy than a thrower guy they still like to sling that pill like he was Mox.  I'm guessing it's mostly little slants and screens though because I don't really think Kirk Ferentz (he's still the coach, right?) is an idiot, just a jackass.  When they do throw it's probably going to Kevonte Martin-Manley (terrible name) who has 20 catches and nobody else has more than 7 thanks to "One Read" Rudock.  Their tight end only has seven catches which is weird because Iowa really seems like a team who would use their tight end a lot.

Iowa main running jerk is Mark Weisman who if I remember correctly is white so he's probably not very fast.  He averages 4.9 yards per carry which sounds kind of fancy but this is college and all the Gopher running guys are laughing at him, including both QBs.  There other two running backs are Damon Bullock (too tall at 6-1) and Jordan Canzeri who is only 5-9 so he's probably really fast and brittle.  They are terrible.

As for the Gophers they don't throw the ball unless they have to which is a pretty good strategy I think because I'm not certain they even have any wide receivers.  Sticking to running it with David Cobb and Rodrick Williams, both perfectly proportioned to be running backs, and Mitch Leidner who I'm betting will grow up to be a lumberjack or an alligator wrestler or something seems like a solid plan of attack.  Unfotunately, like I mentioned before up there, Iowa is pretty decent at stopping the run probably because they're all so fat and ugly.  This means at some point Leidner is going to have to throw the ball in the air.  Will this be successful?  NO ONE CAN SAY!  Leidner has never had to throw the ball as far as I recollect because he usually is too busy running people over and stomping on their heads.

Basically what's going to happen is Iowa's shitty offense is going to clash with the Gophers swiss cheese defense and Iowa will probably score about 21 points.  Simple enough, right?  The Gophers just have to score more, and to score more they'll need to hit on a few passing plays.  The difference in the game will be if they can do it, and I'd guess they probably can since they have Mitch Mother Fucking Leidner.

No guarantees, so I'm only going to make one prediction:  there are going to be a lot of people running into each other and falling down.


Also if you ask Wonderbaby^TM what Iowa is like she will answer "it smells like poop."  From the mouths of babes.  Also it really does smell like poop. And poor people.

Morneau, Gopher Football, Hoops recruiting, and stuff

Plenty of stuff happening out there.  Crazy world.


1.  Justin Morneau traded to Pittsburgh.  I know trading Justin Morneau makes your heart hurt and I get it.  He's been a Twin forever and for you people with human emotions it makes you sad that he's gone.  Just look around at all the Twins' blogs and newspapers and there are nothing but heartfelt good-byes, and with good reason.  But objectively, trading him was the correct move because he won't be around to be part of the team when they're good again, he's not that good anymore (although a hot August is probably what got him traded), and it made sense to try to get something for him rather than nothing when he walks at the end of the year.

What they got was actually better than I had expected, but isn't a team builder kind of a trade which just tells you how much Morneau has slipped since that damn concussion.  The Pirates sent the Twins back of Alex Presley, a definite major leaguer but more of a depth/4th outfielder type, and rp Duke Welker, who is a fireballer with little idea where it's going after it leaves his hand, making him an intriguing lottery ticket.

Presley is 28 and still doing the bounce around from AAA to the majors thing for the Pirates, but he should slot in nicely for the Twins since he can play all three outfield positions and has a little bit of speed and a little bit of power.  He's not much of a walker (which you know the Twins love) and so far this year he has 19 strikeouts against just one walk which is not real good but he's an ok player even with limited upside.

More upside comes from Welker, who is 6-7 and throws in the mid-90s and strikes out about a batter per inning but also walks more than 4 batters per 9 (that's really shitty for a reliever).  His other numbers look pretty good - 2.29 ERA, 1.24 WHIP - and he already hit the show for a bit with the Pirates (4 batters faced, 4 outs, 1 K) so he could be ready by next year (or even this year).  The Twins pride themselves on getting their pitchers to throw strikes, right or wrong, and if they can help Welker out with his command without hurting his stuff or going with the "pitch to contact" nonsense he could be a nice middle reliever.

Yes, it sucks that the Morneau era ended and how it ended. He went from one of the best hitters in all of baseball to a below average first baseman, hitting .286/.358/.511  prior to that stupid concussion and .256/.317/.412 after, essentially become a league average hitter which becomes well below average when you're playing at a premium offensive position.  It's hard to believe a concussion could have that kind of impact on someone's ability, but it's not like it's unprecedented and the Twins' training staff has proven itself to be pretty much incompetent over the years so, you know.  I was already going to be rooting for the Pirates, but this gives me a little more incentive.

Also, if you have found yourself saying, "Well he's a free agent after the season the Twins' could just resign him" please go ahead and hit yourself in the nuts with a pitch fork.

2.  Gopher football is undefeated.  Even if the win was only over UNLV a win is a win and Gopher football needs to take whatever they can get (especially since I bet on the OVER 5.5 season wins).  It wasn't exactly an impressive win, and Philip Nelson's QB style seems to be making one read and either forcing it to that read whether he's open or not or just pulling the ball down and running.  Luckily, UNLV's quarterback seemed to come from the same QB school.  The Gopher gameplan was also less than imaginative and looked like something out of Tecmo Bowl (not Super Tecmo Bowl, just regular Tecmo Bowl) but the Rebel's offense looked more like they were drawing the plays up in the dirt while in the huddle so the Gophers had the advantage there too.

I'm no football expert, but it looked to me like the Gophers have a really crappy offense, a decent defense, and ended up blowing UNLV out thanks to three big plays (kick return TD, Interception TD, and blocked kick TD) that are non-repeatable in any meaningful way.  That's a clear indicator of an overstated spread (they're favored by 17 pts) in their next game against New Mexico State, so go ahead and join me in betting against the Gophers because there's no way they should be favored by 17 on the road no matter who they're playing.

3.  A whole lot is happening recruiting-wise, and we're still waiting to hear any good news.   Kyle Kuzma committed to Utah.  Wade Baldwin signed up with Vanderbilt.  Quentin Snider dropped the Gophers out of consideration.  J.P. Macura, who was supposed to be a sure thing, keeps doing things like visiting Purdue and Xavier.  Rakeem Buckles didn't get his waiver to play immediately and will remain at FIU.  And Lourawls Nairn visited this past weekend and left without committing to Pitino, even though he's explicitly stated multiple times he was going to take all 3 of his planned official visits (Oklahoma, Indiana) before making a choice we're all panicking anyway.

There remain enough intriguing options and realistic possibilities that there's really no reason to panic, but the raging optimism from a month or so ago has certainly flagged.  Along with Nairn and Macura there's still some optimism around Isaiah Whitehead, even if he hasn't yet set an official visit here, there's a realistic shot at two of the local kids (Travis and Vaughn), and Paul White, Josh Martin, and Marial Shayok are taking officials to the U.  I'm not worried at this point, but I would like it a whole lot if somebody, anybody, would just make a verbal to the Gophers.  Just so I know it's possible.

4.  I discovered Breaking Bad. You know how when everybody is saying something is awesome it almost always sucks like Rudy or Glee or Jennifer Lopez?  Well this is the opposite of that.  Everyone who watches the show says it's pretty much the best show ever, and they're right.  If you're not watching it yet, start.  If you are, you know what I'm talking about.  You just never know what's going to happen next and it's never boring.  It's been like a week since I started watching and I'm on Season 3, Episode 5 already.  Sure, I'm ignoring my family and haven't gone to work in a week, but at least I'm catching up on my pop culture and will be able to act all snooty to people who haven't watched this show yet.  "I mean really, Audrey, you can't talk about great TV if you've never watched Breaking Bad." *rollseyes *sipsbrandy

5.  Josmil Pinto made his major league debut, going 2-4 with a double.   This is significant to me because with Morneau now on the Pirates and Chris Parmelee proving to be terrible the door is wide open for Joe Mauer to move to first base full-time, and after this concussion mess it seems more likely than ever the Twins will go in that direction.  The question then becomes who is the catcher of the future, and it's probably either Josmil Pinto or Chris Herrmann.

They're both considered around the same prospect level (Gleeman has Herrmann at #20 and Pinto at #37, John Sickels has them both in his OTHERS TO CONSIDER which means just outside the top 20).  Herrmann's been up since July, and although he hasn't been great he hasn't been terrible either, showing a pretty good batting eye and some decent pop in his bat while being a halfway decent defensive catcher and outfielder, although Pinto's minor league numbers were much better this year than Herrmann, hitting .309/.400/.482 between New Britain and Rochester.

Neither Herrmann nor Pinto is likely to become a big-time impact player, but both are likely to become useful players and either (or both) has a chance to evolve into a full-time starting catcher and hold down the job for a while.  Pinto probably has the better bat, but Herrmann is much better defensively and offers the additional benefit of being able to play the outfield competently while Pinto is either a catcher or DH.  While the Twins have tons of questions and not many answers with the squad right now, catcher is one where they can probably feel good - Mauer or no Mauer in the mix.  Seems weird.

6.  Johnny Manziel can play some football.  I know everybody likes to jump on Johnny Football and tear him apart for doing things like going to a casino and watching a basketball game because everyone is jealous and people generally suck, but let's not forget that this dude can play some fucking football.  After he served his weirdo 1st half suspension, he came in for the second half and went 6-8 for 94 yards and 3 TDs as the Aggies beat Rice 52-31.  Watching the highlights made it clear Manziel is one of the best Qbs in the country, as if winning the Heisman last year didn't prove that already.  80% of college QBs can make one read and then it's time to run (like P. Nelson), and another 15% can go all the way to a second read and that's it.  There's only like 5% who can play QB like a real, actual QB, and that's why it's so much fun to watch guys like Manziel and Andrew Luck back when he was in college. 

7.  Not how I'd get fired up for the NFL season, but over at the blog Pat is Crazy long-time friend of the blog Joe U. (that's his quote up on the banner) decided to re-watch the 1998 (or 1999 depending on how you want to define it) NFC Championship game, also known as the game that destroyed the ability to actually enjoy sports for many, many Minnesota sports fans.  And he blogged it, live blog style.  Don't make his pain meaningless, go read it.

Gopher Football Preview: The Defense

As usual, high levels of procrastination and just plain shitty planning have forced me to do one big defense preview rather than separate previews by position like I did with quarterbacks, running backs, receivers and offensive line.

Last season, the Gophers D was 45th in points against, allowing 24.7 points per game.  They were 33rd in yard allowed per game (358.6).  They were 12th in passing yards allowed per game (186),but were 72nd in rushing yards allowed per game (172).  On one hand you might say teams don't need to pass much when they're leading and are able to run the ball so well.  However, I tend to think that the offense didn't do them any favors, which left the defense on the field more than you'd want.  This isn't exactly a big time passing conference either.

The defense loses both starting cornerbacks in Michael Carter and Troy Stoudemire.  They also lose starting linebackers Keanon Cooper, Mike Rallis and more importantly, Mike Rallis's hair.  Finally, they lost starting defensive end DL Wilhite.  These losses are significant given that Stoudemire and Rallis were the top two tacklers, Carter was the team leader in interceptions and Wilhite led the team in sacks.

The Secondary

In reaction to losing Stoud and Carter, the secondary shuffled the deck a little.  The team's best returning tackler, Junior Derrick Wells, has been moved from safety to cornerback.  Unfortunately, Wells has shoulder and hamstring issues and is questionable for the UNLV game.  He's the best player of this group and is a key to make sure there isn't a drop-off from losing the two starting corners.  Sophomore Eric Murray is the other starting corner.  Both of these guys are 6 feet tall and can hit; they should be effective in helping against the run.  The starting safeties are Sr. Brock Vereen and Junior Cedric Thompson.  Cedric is straight outta Compton, which is pretty awesome.  Jr. Briean Boddy-Calhoun, So. Damarius Travis, Sr. Martez Shabazz and So. Antonio Johnson should provide depth in the secondary.  Freshman Jalen Myrick has also impressed, but you have to wonder if he isn't going to redshirt.  Boddy-Calhoun would likely get the start if Wells can't go -- he's a quick, aggressive corner that has impressed coaches in practice.  I think him of him as more as a cover guy than a tackler.  In a nickel formation, Boddy-Calhoun would move to the outside and Wells would bring his hard-hitting presence to the nickelback.  

This group has a lot to prove, but it *feels* like they have a great deal of talent.  I could just be drinking the Golden Kool Aid but I like the veteran presence of Wells and Vereen along with some athletes like Eric Murray and Thompson.  Wells needs to get healthy, and if that involves him missing the first game against UNLV, so be it.  A lingering shoulder issue could really affect his season. 
 
The Linebackers

Similar to the wide receivers on the offensive side; the linebackers are the area I have the most concern for on the defense.  It's not that Keanon Cooper and Mike Rallis were all-world players, it's just that there is a lot of unknown and we're potentially looking at two players starting that weren't with the program at all last season.   Returning is RS Sr. Aaron Hill (6'2", 231) will definitely be a leader on the defense.  Last year he tied with Wells for 3rd on the team with 74 tackles; he also had three forced fumbles and two interceptions.  Hill's story is pretty cool because he started as a walk-on and is now one of the more important dudes on the team.

It looks like JuCo Jr. transfer Damien Wilson will start at the middle linebacker spot, but nothing is confirmed and redshirt freshman Jack Lynn may also see the field even if he's not named the starter. Wilson is bigger at 6'2, 254 -- Lynn is a more lanky 6'3", 234.  Claeys is playing this one close to the vest, "Like I’ve always said, if [Wilson] doesn’t practice well the next few days and Jack ends up starting, that’s the way the ball bounces,” Claeys said. “We don’t decide until the morning of the game." (source)

At the other outside linebacker spot there's another battle between Sr. James Manuel and JuCo transfer RS So. De'Vondre Campbell.  Manuel played in all 13 games last season and has actually appeared in every game in his three years at Minnesota.  Despite being fast, he is a converted safety after all, I've never got the feeling that he's totally comfortable at OLB and that at times he gets a little lost out there and maybe lacks immediate play recognition and quick reaction.  Manuel recorded 50 total tackles last year.  While Manuel will likely start on Thursday due to his veteran status, it's De'Vondre Campbell that has the coaches abuzz.  (abuzz?)  Like the MLB situation, Claeys has indicated that Campbell will get time even if he's not starting.  He's 6'5" and 225lbs and with his dreads has a bit of a MarQueis Gray look to him out there.  He's super long and rangy and coaches have been impressed with his ability to correct mistakes and see in infrared like the Predator.

Other linebackers that will likely see time include RSSo Jephte Matilus and RSFr Nick Rallis.  Freshmen Ray Dixon, De'Niro Laster and Chris Wipson have been mentioned by coaches as potentially earning playing time as well. 

The Defensive Line

The D-line starts but doesn't end with redshirt senior Ra'Shede Hageman.  If you follow this blog you already knew I was in love with him based on this blog post.  After he wrecks fools this year, you'll be watching him on Sundays.  There's more to like about this year's line beyond Optimus Prime though.

The other starter on the interior is RS Jr. Cameron Botticelli (6'5", 290).  Cameron started alongside Shede most/all of last season and recorded 21 tackles and a half of a sack.  He's a year older and likely better/stronger/faster and he continues to hold off the players behind him; so that's probably a good thing.  The depth at defensive tackle includes Sr. Roland Johnson (6'1", 286), So. Scott Ekpe (6'4", 281) and RS Fr. Yoshoub Timms (6'2", 276).  Roland played in 10 games last year and had 21 tackles and 2 sacks before blowing an ACL.  He's healthy now and will rotate in with Botticelli quite a bit I would imagine.  Ekpe is likely Hageman's backup, so we hope he doesn't play much.

As for the ends, the starters are RS So. Theiran Cockran (6'6", 238) and Jr. Michael Amaefula (6'2", 244).  Amaefula had 19 tackles and 2.5 sacks last season as a starter.  Cockran is new to starting, but had a couple of sacks in the August scrimmage.  The backups are So. Alex Keith, RS Jr. Ben Perry and freshman Hendrick (Hank) Ekpe. Perry has had his chances in the starting lineup and is a solid rotation option.  Ekpe (6'5",251) has impressed so much that there is no longer any doubt that he plays right away.  Another freshman, Owen Salzwedel (6'6", 240) has the potential to get playing time, but they might want to hold off and preserve his redshirt. 

Year 3 of the Jerry Kill regime seems to continue to trend upwards as we climb out of the Brewster cesspool. There seems to be so much more depth at all positions and stars and leaders are emerging on the team.  The B1G schedule did not get any easier this year though; and in order to really show that this team is making another big step forward, Kill will have to get a big win or *gasp* two over the legitimate Big Ten power programs.  I'm conditioned to say this won't happen because I've had my heart torn from my chest cavity too many times from this team.  However, there is a buzz not just locally, but nationally, about the strides the team is making.  "Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Ronald Reagan

Ponder Apology and Other Stuff

Listen up, buddy

 Ponder Apology

I think it's time I issued Christian Ponder an apology.  I watched quite a bit of Ponder when he played at Florida State and I often felt that despite being surrounded by talent, Ponder failed to live up to expectations.  He threw for 49 TDs and 30 INTs and averaged about 2200 passing yards during his 3 years as a starter.  His arm wasn't much in doubt in college, but his decision making and accuracy were.

Fast forward to the Vikings taking him 12th and Ponder starting at QB for 11 games of the 2011 season.  Again I found Ponder largely unimpressive.  Occasionally he'd make some plays, but so did Trent Dilfer.  My opinion going into this season was that Ponder's upside is a middle of the road NFL quarterback.

Ponder, I'm sorry.  I had no idea that you'd come into 2012 looking like a right-handed Steve Young.  You're completion percentage this year is 15% higher than anything you did in college or last  year.  Incredible!  Ponder did throw his first two INTs of the year against the Titans, but I think he was just bored.  Some credit has to go to the offensive line and the play-calling.  The bottom line though is with time and opportunity, Ponder has taken advantage and made some great throws.  Keep up the good work, it's fun to watch.

Ced, no!

 Gophers Owe Me an Apology

Two Saturday's back the Gophers went into Iowa with a 4-0 record and got mutilated by the hated Hawkeyes.  They came in with a number of injuries;  Gray, O-line, the secondary...  This didn't help, but I also thought the play-calling was a little wonky.  It's ok to predictable when your line and quarterback can flat run the defense over, but this offense did not seem to cater too well to our personnel.  Again, maybe this was due to injury.  Shortell missed a number of throws that I'm sure he'd love to get back and our white speed receivers had some opportunities to bail him out and they couldn't come up with the big plays.  Even worse was the defense.  The Gophers D was putrid against the run and the pass.  Ced Thompson got absolutely murdered several times in the secondary.  What's even worse though is we didn't have injuries to our DEs and OLBs and they were getting killed against runs on the edge.  Much credit has to go to the Iowa offensive line, but you can guarantee the rest of the B1G took notice and we'll see a lot of runs attacking our ends and OLBs.  

All 6'7" of Ted "The Mad Stork" Hendricks

Mega Linebacker

Over the last 10-15 years we've seen a greater prevalence of the big, play-making tight end in the NFL.  There used to be the occasional Shannon Sharpe or Tony Gonzalez or Antonio Gates, but now the league is filled with these guys.  They're generally massive and athletic.  Most of the time, NFL defensive coordinators defend these guys by roughing them up with linebackers and keeping some safety coverage over the top.  This isn't working though, and I'd contend it's because most of the time the LBs and Safeties are not tall enough to compete with these passes.  Last year, 5 of the NFL's leaders in receptions were tight ends.

Why isn't there a position to cover these guys?  Many times, a big, athletic wide receiver will convert to cornerback or safety because he's not cut out to be a wide-out or he's just more suited for the defensive side of the ball.  This should also be happening with tight-ends.  There should be a mega linebacker position that is big and fast enough to hang with these tight ends.  Mega-LB, think about it... the time has come.

That's not how you hang yourself, Gardy.

Did the Twins Play a Season?

It seems like just yesterday I was mildly disinterested in whether our Twins could win 65 games or not.  Now it's all over.  You can always tell it's all over when you receive your annual Twins management apology email.  You know the one, where they promise to work hard all off-season and bring it all together next year.  Oh, and by the way, season tickets are available, you guys!

Sadly, the Twins are in danger of being this poopy for several years.  They have no pitching.  None.  Look at DWGs post about their pitching.  Brutal.  Their other big problem is that they have set their "budget" at a point that doesn't allow the opportunity to take any big chances in free agency.  Look, they might scrape by with the offense the way it is and there really isn't much in free agency there anyway unless they're signing Josh Hamilton (they're not).  They positively cannot scrape by with that pitching staff though.  And there are several middling, not too old, starting pitchers that will be free agents, but you're going to have to give them 3+ years and maybe $7-10MM per year.  The Twins should get at least 2, if not 3 of those guys.  Losing Pavano would free up a lot of that money.  Pavano now throws 84, he's done.  Here are a few starting pitching free agents I'd take a long look at if the purse strings were opened just a little bit:

Edwin Jackson (29) $11mm - Last off-season I was saying the Twins should give Edwin 4 years and $40MM and see what happens. He had a very nice year for the Nats despite ending up with a 10-11 record.  He lowered his walk rate significantly and ended up with a 1.22 WHIP, which rules.  Apparently last year Boras was looking for $12 a year for Edwin, again if I could do 4/40 I would.  His average season over the last 3 years has been: 207 IP, 3.94 ERA, 1.36 WHIP, but a lot of his numbers continue to trend in the right direction.

Brandon McCarthy (29) $4.275 - McCarthy had an unlucky 2012, first with shoulder trouble and then being hit in the head by an Erick Aybar liner.  There is supposedly a chance of Brandon returning for the A's in the playoffs, but they're likely out the door before that comes to fruition.  Unlike Blackburn, McCarthy is a sinkerballer that actually keeps the ball down and is effective.  Since coming to Oakland from Texas he's had an ERA in the low 3s and a miniscule WHIP.  He doesn't miss a lot of bats.  The head injury could possibly get you a discount on McCarthy. 

Shaun Marcum (31) $7.725 - Marcum is damn near a 31 year old Pavano clone.  Doesn't walk anyone, 1.22 career WHIP, no fastball at all, workhorsey.  He kind of broke down last year, but if healthy he's the type of dude the Twins love.  He has much success with a good change-up and a solid slider.  2-3 year deal in the $7-8MM range probably gets him.

Anibal Sanchez (29) $8MM - Sanchez put together two and a half solid seasons with Miami before being moved to Detroit. Sanchez has a very effective change-up as well, with a fastball in the low 90s.

Kevin Correia (32) $4MM in 2012 - Correia throws around 90mph, which the Twins would love.  He sports a career 1.37 WHIP and is coming off one of his best seasons where he only threw 171IP and had a 4.21 ERA.  He's on the cheap side of middle rotation filler guys.  Maybe 2-3 years at $4-5MM a season would do it.  He could also be a 1 year contract type depending on the market.

Jorge De La Rosa (32) $10.75MM - De La Rosa only had 3 (bad) starts this year as he was coming off of arm Tommy John in May 2011.  He has an $11MM option for 2013 that the Rockies are unlikely to take, imo.  Before arm surgery, the lefty was around 93mph and was sort of a late bloomer, winning 16 games in '09.  Despite doing next to nothing for the better part of two years, I suspect a 3yr/25MM deal would be the neighborhood you'd have to be in to get Jorge.


Other jerks that would probably be a top 3 starter for the Twins: Derek Lowe (40), Jonathan Sanchez (30), Scott Feldman (30), Erik Bedard (34), Hiroki Kuroda (38), Kyle Lohse (oh god, 34), Ryan Dempster (36), Carlos Villanueva (29)

Cold MN might make Amanda McCarthy sad. :(

Monday Musings

-  Do you realize that we've officially hit the month (October) which is the same month the NBA starts (October)?  I didn't either, but a co-worker mentioned to me the NBA actually starts at the end of this month (October) and sure enough, he's right.  Crazy.  I know I don't write a ton of NBA stuff because I only casually follow it during the season because college hoops is so much better, but every season I get excited for the start of the season before watching one game and remembering everything that bores me about it until the playoffs.  I actually started this post as an early NBA preview but then I got bored.  I'm sure TRE or I will have something up as we get closer to the season.  Two predictions:  T-Wolves make the playoffs as a 7 seed and the Sixers take the 2 seed in the East.  Also hopefully everyone on the Lakers dies.

-  Ok a little bit more on the Wolves, who I am optimistic about despite not knowing exactly when Rubio will be back.  Kevin Love is an absolute superstar, even if it's sometimes hard to think of him as such when you keep remembering the chubby unathletic kid from UCLA who you were convinced would be an NBA bust, but finishing 4th in the league in scoring and 2nd in rebounding while knocking down a ton of 3s (led the team and 21st in the league) is pretty clearly superstar type numbers (not to mention finishing 6th in MVP voting on a non-playoff team).  Not to mention how many amazing nights did he have when your jaw would just drop?  The double-double streak.  The 20-rebound games.  The 40 (and 50) point nights.  The four game stretch where he averaged 37 & 16.  The buzzer beater against LAC?  Obviously I love this guy, and having him guarantees the Wolves will at least be competitive for a spot in the playoffs this year.

And the complementary pieces just work.  Pekovic will be back and oh my he is just a beast and you know he's killed at least three people with his bare hands back in Mother Russia.  We might as well call him Zangeif.  He's the perfect guy to put down next to Love because if anybody starts shit with Love Zangeif will just rip their head off and make them eat it somehow.

In mother Russia, ball rebounds you!

Then Ridnour/Barea are just fine to fill in until Rubio comes back, and that's not even taking into account Alexey Shved who has a chance to be a little bit of a Rubio Lite.  Adding Andre Kirilenko gives you a defensive stopper (and a few too many commies, if you ask me) even if he's a bit long in the tooth.  The biggest weakness last year was on the wing, but with Roy (if his knees hold up), Derrick Williams (who apparently lost weight to play more on the wing), Chase Budinger, and Kirilenko two of them should work out well enough.  Back up big men are a little shaky with Lou Amundsen and Greg Stiemsma, but if everything goes according to plan you just need them to get in the way on defense and please god don't shoot on offense and shouldn't that be enough to get into the playoffs?  I say yes.  Plus, and I know everybody has made these jokes already a million times, but have you ever seen so many white guys on one team?  Crazy.  Not Camila and her sweet rack from Road Rules/Real World Challenge crazy, but crazy.

A little crazy can be a good thing.

Seriously I hate being so optimistic.  Between the Wolves and the Gophers my basketball boner for this season is off the charts.  If I had to rank my confidence that they'd each have a good season (playoffs for the Wolves, top-4 conference finish and NCAA win for the Gophers) on a scale of 1-10 I'd be at a combined 18, much higher than the old record of 6.

- I suppose I should say something about the Gopher footballers poor performance against Iowa on Saturday.  Unfortunately by the time I realized the game was on and turned it to ESPN2 it was already 17-0 and then Shortell kept throwing interceptions so eventually Wonderbaby and I played Super Mario Brothers on the Wii instead.  We won!

-  If Tony Romo doesn't start throwing the ball to Dez Bryant I swear to god I'm going to kill someone.  With a pitchfork or something else really stabby.  God Romo just sucks.

-  Pretty epic choke job at the Ryder Cup, which is much less sexy than it sounds.  Sadly I missed most of it watching football because like most of the free world I assumed there was no possible way the U.S. could lose and also because I was at my parents' house with Bear and they have Red Zone Channel and I was like whoa.  As such, I missed seeing Furyk and Mickelson pee down their legs, but thanks to a well-timed text from Snacks I was able to flip over in time to see Stricker wrap his putter around his neck.   I know people who don't watch golf don't quite get it (like Bear was talking about how the Ryder Cup is stupid on Sunday before I distracted him by talking about men in bike shorts), but this is devastating.  It seems hard to believe when you're talking about something that only happens every two years between groups of people who never play as a team, but if you watch it and watch it every two years you know what I'm talking about.  Europe has been destroying the U.S. almost every time out, and for the Americans to jump out to what would usually be an insurmountable lead, on their home soil, only to give it away by letting Europe win nearly every match when it came down to man vs. man?  Luckily everyone can go back to being an individual instead of a team for the next 2 years and try to forget (yeah I know they have the President's Cup or whatever but let's not pretend anybody gives a crap), and hopefully in two years everyone will be done thinking/talking/obsessing over this.  Ha ha just kidding.  In two years just wait to see how much this is talked about.  Prepare to throw up all over yourself like Stricker on 17. 

-  As for my thoughts on the upcoming presidential election, I'm just kidding.  God bless you whackos.

-  And I forgot to mention the Vikings.  They still suck, but now they're winning while they suck which is pretty much better than losing while sucking and actually worked for that Trent Dilfer team who sucked all year long until they won the Super Bowl.  So am I saying the Vikings are going to win the Super Bowl?  Yes, yes I am.

-  Seriously Tony Romo is absolutely fucking terrible.   You know how bad Fat Stafford looked this Sunday against the Vikings?  That's like Tony Romo 14 games a year.  Being a Dez fan is hard enough watching this, I can't believe there are Cowboy fans who haven't killed themselves yet.  God this must be brutal for 16 weeks a year.

-  Pretty fired up for the baseball playoffs.  Do you realize the Orioles are going to be in the playoffs despite not having won 70+ games since 2006, 80+ games since 1997, and their preseason OVER/UNDER on season wins was 69.5?  That shit is nuts.  And there's a good chance the A's are there as well, and they've won 80+ just once since 2007.  Not to mention that the probably best team (Nationals) shut down their best pitcher for the playoffs for some misguided, though well intentioned, reasons and the two best starting staffs amongst the contenders (Angels and Rays) likely won't make the playoffs.  Crazy.  I'm guessing TRE and I will have some sort of preview up, so until then........

Monday Musings (gopher football, stupid Wisconsin, and Gopher hoops recruits)

Some thoughts from the weekend:

-  Gopher football was pretty awesome this weekend.  Well, awesome is probably a bit strong considering all they did was beat a Division II team, but since the Gophers were 0-2 in their last two against D-2 teams I'd say this is a step in the right direction.  Even more impressive was how they won, because this wasn't some squeaker like against UNLV, they came out and and put a whooping on New Hampshire, leading 30-7 at half en route to a 44-7 victory.  Honestly, it was an even bigger ass-kicking than that.  Now, a pessimist could say that the only reason they beat them was because New Hampshire's QB got knocked out with an injury after throwing just two passes and his back-up had only thrown 8 career passes going into this game, but I'm going to choose not to go down that path which I admit is not the way I would have predicted I'd go.  But I mean, of the top 50 athletes/players in that game the Gophers had 49.  They also had the two best quarterbacks and probably three if Philip Nelson had gotten into the game.  Is it impressive they beat New Hampshire?  No.  Is it impressive they beat them by 37?  No, not really.  Is it a sign that maybe the program is finally moving back towards respectability after Brewster tried to kill it, perhaps intentionally?  Well, that's the way I'm going to choose to interpret this.  As Bob Wiley once said, "Baby-steppin."  And also "New Hampshire??!!??"

2nd best Bill Murray movie of all-time

- Suck it, Wisconsin.  Awesome.  Just awesome.  Sea-son's-ov-er *clap clap clap-clap-clap*.   Not only did they lose already this early in the season, but they lost to a Pac-10 team, and as everybody knows the Pac-10 sucks at everything that matters.  Seriously, nobody cares about fencing or water polo, but congrats on winning whatever that thing is called that goes to the school that wins the most total championships to you Stanford.  Way to rock at discus.  My favorite part of Wisconsin losing is how Danny O'Brien, who was supposed to be all like Russell Wilson 2.0 and come in with an established pedigree of being awesome but taking advantage of the transfer rules in order to make Wisconsin a National Title contender just sucked.  Completed just 20 of 38 passes - and a couple I saw were just awful throws (not MarQueis Gray vs. UNLV awful, but plenty awful).  Who am I kidding, I didn't have a favorite part.  The whole thing was my favorite part.  Iowa losing to Iowa State was just the gravy on the thanksgiving taters.

Interestingly, I don't feel nearly so gleeful about the Packers losing.   Yeah they lost at home but it was to another Super Bowl contender and they could easily rip off 15 straight wins now and probably will because why not, whereas Wisconsin is now doomed.  DOOMED!  Hopefully the basketball team is this shitty too, and they should be considering they'll be relying on Jared Berggren and Josh Gasser, but then again I'm pretty sure we've been here with the Badgers before.  That deal with the devil Bo Ryan made has to be expiring soon, right?

-  Three potential future Gopher hoopsters visited campus this weekend, including watching the Gophers thrash New Hampshire.  The visitors, in no particular order:

• Cedric Hankerson, a 6-3 shooting guard from Miami who is unranked by either Rivals or ESPN.  Also holds high major offers from Oklahoma State and Virginia Tech, as well as a smattering of offers from smaller nerd schools like Penn, Boston U., and Brown.  Smart kid who had a 25 on his ACT and comes from a basketball family (dad is all-time assist leader at Hampton or Wagner I forget which, brother played at Alabama and is now at Wyoming) so he's probably got a good basketball IQ, which would be sweet if the Gophers were putting together a team for the Knowledge Bowl.
• Gavin Schilling, a 6-9 center who also comes from a basketball family as he's the younger brother of former Gopher Shane Schilling and Cody Schilling, Gavin is unranked at Rivals and comes in at a 79, good enough for three stars, according to ESPN.  His best offers are from Illinois, Kansas State, and Vandy.  Notable that he is attending Findlay Prep this year, the same school where Gopher recruits Devoe and Cory Joseph attended.  You know, the guys where one would rather reduce his senior season by half rather than stay at the U and the other who never came here at all.  Fingers crossed you guys.
• Nigel Hayes, the most highly regarded of the group, is a power forward from Ohio who ranks as the 100th best recruit in the class of 2013 according to ESPN and gets 3-stars from Rivals.  He's also being chased by Ohio State, Wisconsin, and Stanford, although his brother played football for the Buckeyes but just transferred so I'm not sure what that means.  His post game is ok but needs work, however he's already got a jumper out to 19-feet and is athletic, although he needs to gain strength.

So there you go.  Pretty underwhelming.  Other than Hayes, who would be a great get with Mbakwe graduating, these other two guys would just be depth which is fine sometimes however I'm pretty sure that would describe this year's incoming class as well and when you do that too many years in a row you end up as Penn State.  No thanks.  I'm starting to wonder if they're going to sign anyone at all.

-  I was going to put some NFL stuff in here too but I gotta say something for the rest of the week.  Plus I spent most of Sunday at Chuck E. Cheese, so what do I know?

Gophers' Kick-Off The Season

I was considering making this a live blog of the Gopher/UNLV tilt, but there area few issues with that:

1.  I don't care enough about the Gopher football team to write about it exclusively, even in one post.  Honestly off the top of my head right now I can name exactly one player, MarQueis Gray, and that's probably only because his name is so sweet.  It's not that I never watch the team.  I probably go to 2-3 games a year at TCF Bank and watch a handful more on the tv.  It's not appointment viewing like the hoops team, but if I'm home and they're playing I'm watching.  The problem is that every time I watch a game I immediately forget every player whose name I learned.  Plus the Gophers are always so shitty that nobody is ever good enough to notice until they get to their senior year, and then they're gone.  So it's really not my fault.

2.  The game starts way to late for an old man who doesn't care.  I don't want to start a live blog and then end up bailing at halftime because I passed out fell asleep. 

Instead, I will watch the game and may write a thing or maybe two things or maybe more.  I don't know.  What am I, Kreskin?

Naturally, to make the game interesting I am involved in some wagering.  I have the Gophers -2.5 as the third leg of a three-team, six-point teaser with Vandy already having hit (need BYU to win by 5.5 or more as well to win this), OVER 52 total points, OVER 25.5 total points first half, Gray OVER 11 completions, and whoever UNLV's boner running back is over 69.5 rush yds.  Should be a hoot.  As Jack Napier once asked, "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

-  Great, it's 10:02 and I still haven't found the game because it's on some weird channel.  I assumed I'd be able to handle this.

-  BOOM!  I'm there and I didn't miss a minute of action.  Although I'm guessing that's not necessarily a positive thing.

-  Troy Stoudermire is still on this team?  This has gotta be like, year 7.  He's stuck around college longer than older brothers Damon and Salim combined at this point.

-  UNLV just picked off Gray in the redzone on a batted ball that was only batted because Gray threw the ball so directly to a linebacker on the Rebels that he was too stunned to actually catch it.  And this on the same drive where Gray missed a wide open guy for a TD a few plays after missing a wide open guy for a first down.  Gonna be a long year.

-  Seriously remember how like, when Glen Mason was here he'd get your hopes built up that maybe this Gopher team was different before ripping your heart out midseason in some gruesome, Mola Ram style?  It's nice to not have to deal with that anymore.

-  Good thing the Rebels are terrible.  Field Goal.

-  Official Gopher basketball schedule was released today and there's really no way to sugarcoat this - it's freaking awful.  Gopher Nation spent more time on it here than I'm going to, but basically even though the overall non-conference schedule is good (Duke and likely two other quality teams in the Battle for Atlantis and a trip to Florida State) but the home slate is awful.  Check it:

• American - a powerhouse in the Patriot, but likely staring at a down year.  Terrible.
• Toledo - terrible
• Tennessee State - a top tier team from a bottom tier conference.  Not an NCAA Team, but sadly probably the second best home opponent.
• Richmond - a mid tier team from a mid tier conference.  And that's strong praise for this slate.
• North Florida - terrible
• South Dakota State - best home NC opponent by a significant margin, yet still the kind of team that has to win their conference tournament to make the NCAA tourny
• North Dakota State - terrible
• Lafayette - terrible

Oof.   Gopher Nation (at the link above) does a nice job of spinning seven of the eight games (you can't spin the Lafayette game) and if you're optimistic you can actually make an argument for Toldeo and NDSU being better than terrible, but really this is awful.  The U is basically stealing money from season ticket holders with this crap.  Richmond, in a down year, should not be a highlight of the home NC schedule for your fans.  Gross.

-  Wow this is absolutely terrible.  The Gophers have punted like twice or something and UNLV can't really do anything.  Pretty sure the Vikings are going to win more games.

-  Jesus this is just like watching a Twins/Royals game.

-  Gray with three completions in the first quarter, which is technically on pace to cover my "OVER 11 Completions" bet.  Not on pace?  The over 25.5 first half and over 52 game.  It's 3-0.  And I think it's actually been worse than that so far.  No chance I'm getting to a second half.

-  Is there anything better than a d-back picking up a clearly incomplete pass and starting to run it back as if it was a fumble?  No.  There's not.

-  If Gray and this UNLV QB guy had a contest where the balls were actually rigged so if they hit a live person they'd explode and you had to stand there and let them throw at you from 10 yards away you'd die of old age.  Or boredom.

-  Do you want to know what sucks about the Twins' training staff's complete inability to diagnosis, recognize, or treat any kind of injury?  Besides of course making it take longer from injury date to return date on guys like Kyle Gibson?  If Matt Capps and/or Carl Pavano were healthy these last 9 months or whatever and actually pitching the Twins could get value out of them.  If they held on to them all year and they were at least not totally putrid they could do that thing where you offer arbitration, then when they signed multi-year deals elsewhere the Twins would get draft picks or, to be safer because god knows you don't want Capps to sign anything to stay on your team, just trade them.  Assuming Pavano was doing his usual 200 innings, 4.50 ERA thing you know somebody'd give up something for him.  And Capps?  Even though he sucks he could be great Dodger bait right now.

The Dodgers' closer, Kenley Jansen, was just shut down indefinitely because of a heart condition.  This is a team so desperate to win and win now they took on a shitload of possibly dead money just to acquire a slugging first baseman (and a disgruntled pitcher) and gave up a couple quality pitching prospects for the privilege.  You're telling me at this point they're not panicking?  That they wouldn't overpay to get a "known closer" with 150 career saves (which he'd have if he pitched all year) and who had 42 just two seasons ago?  I mean, yeah he sucks, but teams are idiots about the save statistic, and team's who are panicking are even dumber.  Then add in their desperation to win and keep relevant compared to the Angels, the billions they falling out of their asses, and "shiny new toy" syndrome the new owners are falling prey too and you know the Twins could fleece them.  Well, I should say a normal team could fleece them, the Twins would probably end up trading Kyle Gibson along with Capps to get a slap hitting middle infielder.  Because lord knows they don't have enough of those.

-   Gopher TD!!!  I have no idea what happened.

-  These pictures of Vegas make me want to go gamble and play craps at the Tropicana.  Seriously, Tropicana is the second best craps run of my life.  First would be the San Remo, which is now Hooters, which is probably the most depressing thing ever.  That place blows now.

-  I know you can win in college ball with a QB who doesn't throw very well but who can run like a mo-fo, I know this.  But I really don't like it.  I want a QB who can sling that pill like Mox.  Is that so much to ask?

-  Gophers miss a 10 yard field goal with a minute to play in the half.  I'm going to bed.  All my bets suck.  The Gophers suck again.  This is all highly annoying.

-  And for the record no, I have not danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, but it sounds sexy.

Week in Review - 10/31/2011

You know you've missed it. 

WHO WAS AWESOME


1.  Gopher football.  Awesome is probably a bit strong, but when the team is looking, convincingly, like they're unlikely to win another football game all year and there's no reason to root for them to lose because, it turns out, there's no draft picks in college football, this win is a bit of a relief, and the fact that it comes against Iowa, even in a down year for them, makes it all the sweeter.  I thought the storming of the field was a bit much and kind of embarrassing, but I'm probably not the right person to make that judgement (full disclosure:  I watched maybe 10 minutes of the game).  For those sickos that live and die with the Gopher football squadron, perhaps this was a "storm the field" worthy event.  Too each is own, even the weird psychos.

2.  Case Keenum.   You know the drill with Houston QBs by now - or at least you should - and Keenum is the latest big numbers Cougar QB, and Thursday against Rice might have been his magnum opus as he threw for 534 yards and 9, yes 9, touchdowns, an NCAA record, all while setting the all-time record for career TD passes.  So yeah, he puts up huge numbers, no doubt.  But there's a reason Andre Ware and David Klingler flamed out in the NFL and Kevin Kolb seems to be heading in that direction.  There's a reason Timmy Change and Colt Brennan and Graham Harrell aren't playing on Sundays and Ty Detmer was a career back-up.  Gimmicky offenses can put up big numbers and even win games when you aren't playing great teams, but NFL success is certainly not tied to it - and may even be inversely proportional.  That being said, Houston has perfected this system and used it for years, and it's god damn fun to watch. 

3.  Justin Blackmon.  Oklahoma State has a big-time offense.  They're third in the NCAA in total offense, fourth in passing offense, and second in points scored.  So yeah, they're putting up big numbers.  That's why when one player accounts for over half the team's catches and more than 62% of their passing yards, which Blackmon did with his 13 catch-172 yard-2 TD game in a 59-24 win over Baylor, it's worth mentioning.  Of course, it's not like this is out of the ordinary for Blackmon, who is top-3 in the Big 12 in catches, yards, and touchdowns and is 4th, 14th, and 2nd in all of NCAA D-I.  He's an interesting case because he clearly is in a class above college d-backs, but scouts say he lacks the true speed that a top flight NFL receiver needs and the stats bare that out - his ypc of 11.3 is 28th in the B12 and 275th in D-I.   He could end up an NFL star, a possession receiver, or even a complete washout and I wouldn't be surprised at this point.  If I had to bet I'd lean star, but those ypc and 4-time measurements are a concern.  For now though, he's nearly unstoppable.


4.  Cam Newton.  It's not often that I admit I'm wrong - mainly because it hardly ever happens - but I missed the boat on Newton big-time.  I thought Auburn tailored their offense to fit his talents so much that he wouldn't have a shot at transitioning to an NFL scheme because you actually have to make more than one read.  Even after he burst on the scene with that 400 yard passing game I figured it was just fluky, and still was in that camp when he did it a second time.  All season he's put up good numbers and I've convinced myself it was fake somehow, but after watching him on Sunday there's no doubt in my mind that he's got a real shot to be a star, and at worst will be a quality NFL QB.  I suppose there's still a chance he ends up more Kordell Stewart than Randall Cunningham (because we can only compare black QBs to black QBs, you see), but he is already one hell of a QB.  

5. Steven Jackson.  The Rams picked up their first win of the season on Sunday and did it in pretty impressive fashion, taking out an awfully good Saints team 31-21 and doing it with A.J. Feeley playing quarterback.  Of course the reason they were able to pull it off had very little to do with Feeley, and mainly happened because Jackson pulled a Kirby Puckett moment and put the whole team on his back.  Jackson rushed for 159 yards and 2 TDs and added 32 more yards receiving, all of which means he ended up accounting for over half the Rams yards in the game.  I don't really have anything interesting to add, just thought it was notable because I've had Jackson on a couple of my fantasy teams and he's been pissing me off all year.  Nice to see him do something.  Jerk.


WHO SUCKED

1.   Ron Washington.  I don't know how else to say it, but this guy is a terrible game manager, more married to old school ways than even Ron Gardenhire, which is extra funny because he was actually a coach on those Oakland A's teams when Moneyball was written.  And even if you forget all about his constant infatuation with sacrifice bunts and stealing bases/hit and runs, he made some just horrible calls.  After the rainout he could have saved Derek Holland and pitched him in Game 7 - following up his nearly complete game shutout in Game 4 - but instead used him in relief (instead of Mike Adams or Mike Gonzalez, relief specialists they traded for at the deadline) and used a shaky Matt Harrison in Game 7 instead.  Then there's the constant use of Alexi Ogando out of the pen despite the clear evidence that he was gassed, Esteban German being used as a pinch-hitter more than Mitch Moreland, and Mike Adams pitching fewer innings than Darren Oliver.  I wouldn't blame him for the Rangers losing, after all they have to play the games and it's not like he can run for Ian Kinsler or tie a rope around his waist to keep him from getting picked off like those weird parents who put their kids on leashes and they make them all cute like a monkey backpack but we all know it's a leash you weirdo, but he sure didn't help.

2. Wisconsin.  It's so sweet.  The dirty dirtball Badgers, looking by all rights to be a legit contender to make the BCS National Championship game (where they would have no doubt gotten embarrassed) just straight blew everything to hell.  Two weeks ago they lost at Michigan State on that hail mary which was sweet as your mom's ass and knocked them pretty much out of national title contention, and just to make sure this season goes down as a complete disaster in Sconnietown they lost on Saturday against a super crappy Ohio State team.  That, of course, gives them two losses and essentially knocks them completely out of any kind of BCS bowl contention.  All that has to happen now is Green Bay to not win the Super Bowl and the Badger hoop team to miss the tournament and you gotta call it a pretty good year.  Yes, apparently it's come to this.

3. Kevin Kolb.  Oh my god this guy is terrible.  I mean, he's just awful.  I got to see a little bit of the Zona/Baltimore game and he holds the ball too long and then makes terrible decisions/throws when he does finally get rid of it.  Even worse, when Peyton went down I needed a QB for my keeper league team and after getting snaked on Stafford I ended up going for Kolb as my "QB of the future."  Christ on a cracker that isn't working out.  I've since traded for Sam Bradford but since he's been in a walking boot (I don't even know what that means - as Nancy Sinatra said all boots are made for walkin') for two weeks I've actually started Christian Ponder over Kolb.  And now, after finally getting to watch him, he's about to be cut and we're going to roll with Ponder until Bradford gets unhurt.  WHAT A GREAT DRAFT PICK BY ME THAT WAS! 

4.  Tony Romo.  Is it just me, or does Romo play well against crappy teams and then always fall on his dick whenever he's playing anybody good or in a big game?  This goes all the way back to the time he dropped that snap in the playoff game, but he might have saved his best for tonight against the Eagles, a prime time that was supposed to be a big chance for Dallas to make a statement - and I suppose they did.  He was just garbage.  Other than a bunch of late, garbage-time yards and a fluky 70-yard touchdown he did nothing, and he's killing Dez Bryant, maybe the most talented receiver in the game.  I almost hope they somehow manage to make the playoffs just so we can watch Romo destroy all Cowboy fans' hopes and dreams.  Because that's always fun.

5.  Tim Tebow.  This experiment can't go on for too much longer, can it?  He's just terrible.  I get the allure, both from a skills standpoint as well as a PR/publicity/marketing standpoint and there are an enormous amount of people out there (and Jesus) who desperately want him to succeed.  But it's just not going to happen.  He's terrible.  He's what I thought Cam Newton was going to be.  His accuracy on his throws is far below Michael freaking Vick, and I'm pretty sure if he and Terrelle Pryor had an "accuracy-off" Pryor would actually win, probably the only person in America he could beat.  There's basically no chance the Broncos win another game if they stick with him.  


And I will always be thankful to sports jesus, who makes sure that just as the World Series is ending and you feel all sad about it, you don't have long to feel bad because the only other sport that matters, college basketball, is already here.  Yeah, that's right.  You might not even be aware of it, but both Michigan State and Missouri played (and won) exhibition games on Sunday heralding the beginning of the college hoops season.  (NOTE:  I'm sure other teams played too, these are just the two I am aware of).  Of Note:  MSU's freshman power forward Branden Dawson had a nice debut, leading the team with 15 points and 9 rebounds (and 14 field goal attempts) while Draymond Green seems already settled in the dude they run the offense through, going for 11 points, 6 rebounds, and 8 assists, which shouldn't really be a surprise because he's awfully damn good.  Seriously, we're gonna see at least a couple triple-doubles out of him this year.  With no real point guard he's going to basically run that team.  You could do a lot worse.



Finally, because I haven't talked nearly enough cooking lately and with college hoops firing up I probably won't, here's a pretty stellar Jamaican Jerk rub I used over the weekend:

1 T Coriander
1 T Brown Sugar
1 T Ginger
1/2 T Onion Powder
1/2 T Garlic Powder
1/2 T Salt
1/2 T Cayenne Pepper
1 t Black Pepper
1 t Thyme
1/2 t Cinnamon
1/2 t allspice
1/2 t cloves

Combine, throw it in a baggie/bowl with some wings or drumsticks and coat, then toss in a crockpot on low for 3-5 hours.  The ginger smells really strongly and you'll end up worrying you're making ginger wings, but they end up just fine.  Give 'her a shot.


Also Happy Halloween, jerks!  I hope at least one of you gets hit by a truck.

Monday's Musings - 10/11/2011

Don't read this.  No, seriously, I mean it.  I don't know when it happened but somehow I've become painfully unfunny lately. This blog is brutal.  For inspiration I read through some of my posts from a year or two ago and they were pretty good, but not only that they inspired some pretty awesome comments that led to awesome conversations in the comment section.  Now?  Nothing.  I've got nothing.  This is going to be terrible.

-  First off the big news is that the Lynx won the WNBA championship.  Here are my thoughts on that:

-  Next up I suppose we need to discuss the Vikings, despite the fact that Don McNabb has somehow managed to combine a noodle arm with the inability to throw the ball anywhere near where he's trying to.  I mean seriously, have you ever seen a worse QB than McNabb?  Have you ever, for kicks, decided to try to throw a curve ball when you play catch with a football?  And it doesn't actually curve or anything, it just goes through the air with a complete wobble, about as far from a spiral as possible?  That's what McNabb's ball is looking like these days.  The Vikings have no chance to win more than 4 games this year unless Christian Ponder is the next Andy Dalton.  Poor AP.  He's wasted like Rico Tucker was wasted that one year.

See these blast points?  Too precise for Donovan McNabb.

-  Speaking of the Gophers, once again the football team got waxed in embarrassing fashion.  Here are my thoughts on that:

-  Also in the shitty football team department, how about that "Dream Team."  In case you missed it that's how the Eagles were being described this off season after signing Asomugha, Steve Smith (the bad one), and Vince Young.  Now they're 1-4 after getting beat by the Bills, and wait what?  Somehow signing Vince Young is supposed to be a good thing?  Sometimes a guy who was great in college and sucks in the pros just sucks.  He doesn't always need a change of scenery or a new scheme or whatever - Vince Young just sucks.  And so do the Eagles apparently.  Who knew that just assembling a bunch of talent with no real regard for how it fits together wouldn't work out   Too much crazy.

-  Speaking of crazy, are you watching this Terra Nova show?  Fuckin' dinosaurs, man.  I don't really know what the plot is yet, but next on House:  some crazy disease nobody can figure out, a crazy doctor who plays by his own rules, and a plot twist.  Sounds spicy!

-  You know what's sweet?  Winning an over 9 runs bet in a game that was tied 3-3 in extra innings when the home team hits a walk-off grand slam.  That, my friends, is luck.

It's like the luck of the Irish only I'm not Irish so you figure it out

-  Anybody still in a survivor pool for the NFL?  If you are it means you're either incredibly smart, and knew not to trust Eli Manning even in a home game against a horrid defense (unlikely, but possible) and also knew that Tavaris Jackson and Charlie Whitehurst would combine to play an efficient, solid game with few mistakes (impossible), or you're stupid.  So yes, I'm telling you if you're still alive you're stupid, because the Giants were the obvious play and not taking them meant you trying to be cute which usually doesn't work out.  So if you're still alive congratulations on being dumb and lucky.  You suck.

-  So what exactly is the deal here with the MLB playoffs, we're going to go from an awesome Divisional round to a shitty Championship round?  Actually I guess we shouldn't really worry yet since it really doesn't matter if the early games are blowouts or are close, just as long as we get to games 6 and especially 7 and they're close it'll be entertaining.  How awesome was last round?  Three Game 5s that all ended as one run affairs including one that went to extra innings?  AND the Yankees lost?  It was a little slice o' heaven.  I shed a tear and I swear as A-Rod was whiffing on that Valverde heater I could hear Hallelujah playing in the back ground.  With the song and the crying it was just like when Marisa Cooper died.


Anyway, I thought Girardi made one of the absolutely most brilliant managerial moves I've ever seen, but then followed it up with a classic bit over over-managing.  First, his pull of Nova after just two innings and 31 pitches was just a great move.  Nova had given up two first inning home runs and a double in the second, but he'd also struck out two batters and retired the last three batters he'd faced.  Sounds like an ok beginning, but watching the game you could tell he didn't really have it.  Most managers would let the pitcher go another inning and try to get him through the fifth.  Girardi saw Nova didn't have his A game and yanked him immediately.  Great move.

Of course, much like that damn overconfident hare who somehow lost to the turtle, Girardi thought he was awesome and made one too many moves, pulling Phil Hughes after just an inning and a third despite the fact that he was dealing but had just given up a hit.  That didn't come back to bite him immediately, but Hughes was looking like he could have pitched deep into the game and suddenly Girardi had to really stretch his bullpen.  That included pitching C.C. Fatbathia on short rest and he eventually blew the game.  I'm just really curious how things could have worked out if he left Hughes in - and he should have.

Lost in all this, of course, is that Fister (Fister?  I hardly know 'er) was looking amazing, which is no real surprise because he's been a whole different pitcher since being traded to Detroit.  His Ks/9 jumped by 50% from around 6 in his career with Seattle to 9 per 9 innings once he came to the Tigers and was suddenly completely unhittable and looked it that night.  I can't help but wonder if it's because of Leyland.  Maybe Seattle was like the Twins and were trying to force him to pitch to contact or some similar retardation and Leyland just cut him loose.  It's possible and you damn well know it.  Why do you love Gardy so much, sicky?

-  Speaking of the Twins, I'm pretty sure I'm done with those season wrap-ups I was doing.  In my defense I got through 3 positions so that's pretty good I think considering how shit-boxy this team was.  And all the positions left are depressing.  Middle infield?  Gross.  Starting pitching?  Vomit.  The bullpen?  Yuck.  I guess the outfield is semi-interesting, but mainly that's because of Ben Revere and Joe Benson.  Can Revere develop a little power or learn how to walk?  Either one of those would make him a legit big league leadoff hitter.  And can Benson become the five-tool stud he's purportedly potentially possible to be or is he going to end up moving to the middle of the country where he becomes a bouncer at the Double Deuce and starts up a fling with the local doctor while feuding with the local rich guy who kind of a dick?

Future Joe?

I don't know.  I mean, I guess it'll be a semi-interesting offseason with decisions to be made on several guys, but most of those decisions are going to be of the "offer a contract: yes/no" rather than trades which are way more fun.  Hopefully they do some interesting things and figure out how to get this team back on track.  God knows I'll be here.

Also, obviously, I learned how to caption photos that I post, so that's probably going to get run into the ground.

Oh Come On!

Obviously even the most casual and rational sports fan knows the NBA Lottery is occasionally rigged - Ewing to the Knicks, Webber (Penny) to the Magic, Duncan to the Spurs, and LeBron to the Cavs are all pretty obvious examples - but I've never seen a more obvious case of rigging than tonight.  I mean really?  In a draft with one of the most obvious number one picks in recent memory the Cleveland Cavaliers snagged the #1 pick, moving up from the 8th spot (a pick they acquired from the Clippers), just one year after their previous savior, franchise identity, city identity, and generally Mr. Cleveland personified ripped the city's heart out in the most public and humiliating way possible.

I mean come on.  It's hard to feel too pissed because what LeBron did was a legitimate cold blooded move that brought the city to it's knees, not to mention Cleveland is such a moribund sports town that they could use some good fortune, but what the hell about us?  The Gophers suck at everything and the one time they were good was only because they were cheating so badly that it's still the scandal against which all academic fraud is measured.  The Vikings cycle in high/low spurts where the highs culminate in pure heartbreak.  The Wolves haven't had a winning season since 1957.  The Twins, the tough little engine that could until it ran into a big bad engine in the playoffs every year, have finally run out of gas and are sliding back down the hill into a canyon of doom.  And the Wild, well, I don't actually know anything about them because hockey is for douchebags.

Sure, the Wolves got the #2 pick, which normally would be great.  However this is a 1-player draft, even if I like Derrick Williams.  Just like when they had the #3 pick in a two-player draft and were stuck with Laettner, or the #4 in a 3-player draft and got Donyell Marshall, or the #3 in a two-player draft and took OJ Mayo (ok that one worked out with the Love trade).  Like I said I like Derrick Williams and think he'll be a solid pro, borderline all-star, and a good pick, but he's just non-consensus enough that the Wolves could end up talking themselves into some foreign dork or Tweener McGee (Kawhi Leonard).  This just opens the door, again, for a chronically mismanaged franchise to get mismanaged again.  Honest to god, if they ever wanted to contract a couple of teams in the NBA can you come up with a single possible argument against getting rid of the Wolves?  I sure as hell can't.

God I hate sports.  Even our one great shining hope year after year is now dead, with the Twins sucking worse than your mom.  I don't even know where it ends.  1998 NFC Championship game.  41-donut.  Swept by the Yankees every year.  Final Four berth stripped.  Monson.  McHale.  Brewster.  David Ortiz winning a championship.  Kevin Garnett winning a championship.  Randy Moss breaking every receiving record with the Patriots.  The Joe Smith debacle.  Isaiah Junior J.R. Jay Rider.  Sex boat.  Favre throwing across his body.  The Randy Moss trade.  Marty Cordova.  The Johan Santana trade.  Troy Williamson.  Ndudi Ebi.  Marbury forcing his way out and killing the future.  Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau's constant injuries.  Olowokandi and the taser.  Gopher basketball players fleeing the program.  The mismanagement of Rico Tucker.  Malik Sealy.  Gopher basketball rapists.  Gopher football rapists.    Darko's contract.  Baseball from 1993-2000.  Gopher basketball since 2000.  Gopher football since the 40s.  Latrell Sprewell and feeding his family.  Sid Hartman.  Patrick Reusse.  Paul Allen.  Jeff Dubay.  Alexi Casilla.

I am sure I could go on, but after Casilla I just can't do it anymore.  I was planning on writing more but what's the point.  I think I'm going to start watching SyFy movies again.  They don't break my heart.  As much.