Tuesday Talkers

 I hate this time of year.  Not because of Christmas because I love Christmas because hey, no work, but because there's so little going on.  College basketball is just so slow.  There might be an interesting game or two, but in general it's pretty boring.  And next week is even worse with Christmas and stuff.  I have no idea why college kids can't play basketball over Christmas week.  I doubt they like their families anyway.  So since I have nothing else to write about and I just did a movie blog, here's just some stuff.


- Things should be a bit more entertaining when Rutgers joins the Big 10 than previously hoped.  Not because they're any good, because they're still pretty terrible at 5-7 this year (with a loss to William & Mary!) but because former Hoya Greg Whittington has committed to play for the Scarlet Knights after getting kicked off the team at Georgetown.  Whittington is a solid player who averaged 12 points and 7 rebounds per game for Georgetown last season before being ruled ineligible.  Of course I suppose it's a a question of if he ever actually arrives there considering that being ruled ineligible and then getting kicked off the team, not to mention he's dealing with ACL tear right now.  And I don't know when he'd be eligible to play or how many years he'll have left since his circumstances are a bit weird.  Hooray for information!

-  North Carolina is a fascinating team this year, and I don't just mean because they've beaten Louisville, Michigan State, and Kentucky while losing to Belmont and UAB, although that's pretty crazy in and of itself.  I mean because they're playing a completely different style than anyone else in basketball.  The average basketball team takes 32.5% of their field goal attempts from behind the 3-point arc, and scores 26% of it's total points on three-pointers.  The Tar Heels take just 15.9% of their shots from three, and that shot makes up just 10.7% of their points - both of those are dead last in the NCAA.  The team in front of them in % of attempts (Lamar) takes 19.8% of their shots from three, and the team in front of them for % of points from three (Bowling Green) gets 14.3% of their points from deep.  So North Carolina ignores the three point shot to at extent that nobody else can even touch, and it's intentional because almost every year under Roy Williams they've ranked in the 330s in those metrics (I had no idea).  It's probably a good thing since they shoot under 30% and Marcus Paige is their only halfway reliable shooter, but isn't that weird.  I think it's weird.  And I'm sharing it with you because you deserve to know weird things that are weird.

-  If you're wondering about the Gophers, and I'm sure you are since this is allegedly a Gopher blog, they take 39.6% of their shots from three (48th) and get 32.1% of their points from there (54th), shooting an above average 35.7% (vs. 33.9% national average).  These numbers are all up considerably from last season when the Gophers were ranked in the 270s, which makes sense both given the change in roster make up and Pitino's emphasis on the 3-ball.  Plus, it's way more fun.

-  Semi-Gopher related, but if Rashad Vaughn ends up at Iowa State (I said if!!) he's in for a monster year.  Hoiberg gives his guards so much freedom offensively and such little responsibility defensively that he'll end up averaging like 25 a game.  I don't know that it's the best thing for his development, but it's not like a bad defensive year will suddenly drop him out of the first round of the draft.  I really hope he's a Gopher next season, but I can see the Iowa State appeal no doubt.

-  Apparently Miramax is going to be producing a sequel to Rounders and will be turning Good Will Hunting into a television series.  These both sound like horrible ideas.  Rounders 2 could be good depending on where they take the characters, but for some reason I'm picturing a version of the Hangover with more gambling, and I suppose that could be entertaining even if it isn't necessarily "good" if you know what I mean.  The Good Will Hunting series is baffling.  I have no idea what they'd even do with it.  Hopefully someone smarter than me has that one figured out already.

- Tons of stuff going down in baseball with the winter meetings and everything, way too much to comment on in depth even for me, but I'll tackle a couple things:

• The Twins signed Phil Hughes, Ricky Nolasco, and Mike Pelfrey and are still chasing Bronson Arroyo.  I read one comment along the lines of, "I've never seen a team retool by chasing so much mediocrity" and that may be true, but mediocrity is a huge upgrade for this team.  Twins' starters had an ERA of 5.26 last season, worst in the majors by nearly half a run (0.45 to be precise).  They were the second worst in 2012 with an ERA of 5.40, better than only the Rockies.  2011?  Fifth worst at 4.64.  From 2011-2013 Twins' starters' ERA was 5.08, worst in the majors.  So yeah, Hughes, Nolasco, Pelfrey, and Arroyo might be mediocre, but they almost can't be worse than what they've been trotting out there.  Right?  RIGHT?
• Jason Kubel is back with the Twins, and that's cool because he was always one of my favorites and I even had a Kubel shirt which I have since gotten rid of (waa waa).   He signed a minor league contract with an invite to spring training, and it surprised me they got him so cheap.  Yes he was brutal last year, but in 2012 he hit 30 homers and OPS+ed 120.  He's become even more useless against lefties, but he should be a solid platoon player against right handed pitchers.  Considering Doumit hits lefties pretty well that could be a pretty good DH combo.  Of course there's no chance of that actually happening because Gardy.
• Speaking of the AL Central, I am really not liking what the White Sox are doing.  Everyone has ranked them for years as having the worst farm system, so the thought was they'd be terrible for like a decade and that made me smile because fuck the White Sox, right?  Well now all of a sudden they've acquired a young promising outfielder in Avisail Garica, a young promising outfielder in Adam Eaton, a young promising third baseman in Matt Davidson, and the latest big swinging Cuban in 1B/DH guy Jose Abreu.  The pitching is still a huge question mark behind Chris Sale, but I liked it better when Kenny Williams was burning the team down by trading away all youth and trying to fix problems by throwing money at them.  I can't remember this new guys name but he's been making a lot of mostly under the radar, smart moves and I don't like it one bit.  Now, with the two new guys, Alejandro de Aza is suddenly available, and this stupid guy will probably do something smart with him.  Sucks.
• By the way, Eaton is 5-8 and describes himself as "gritty dirt bag" kind of player.  So that should be a blast.  Hawk will probably have an orgasm on the air at some point.

-  Finally got all subscribed up with Netflix and we started watching Orange is the New Black.  Really good show.  In a world where I'm having more and more trouble finding new good shows and even some of my old favorites seem to be heading off the rails, it was refreshing to find a show that is both well made and entertaining since there are like 3 of those left.  Check it out.  It's not Breaking Bad, but what is?  Nothing.  Nothing is.  God such a good show I miss it so much.  Magnets, bitch!

-  Plus, it brings Amazonian hot Laura Prepon back in my life, which is a solid plus.

-   Semi-Gopher related, but it seems Syracuse fans have little to no interest in traveling to Houston for the Texas Bowl against the Gophers.  Instead, the fantastic Syracuse blog Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician is organizing a donation drive among readers/fans to send under privileged Houston area kids to the game for free, with a goal of getting tickets for 200 kids (plus a hotdog, soda, and a freaking Cuse shirt).  I don't know if it's the Christmas season or getting older or having my own kids or what, but I thought this was really, really cool.  Or maybe it's just the Gopher connection.  Let's go with that.

-  I love Jay Cutler.

-  If you don't know the story behind this, it's here.

-  I know the last thing anybody really wants to hear about is someone else's fantasy woes (Jay Cutler would weight in on this one) but indulge me for a moment.  Due to Andrew Luck falling off a cliff post Reggie Wayne injury and Alex Smith suddenly lighting the world on fire I benched Luck for Smith two weekends ago in our quarterfinal.  Ended up losing by 2 points on Brandon Marshall's last catch Monday night, and would have won easily if I had kept Luck in there.  Then I would have won easily this week, so I should be in the championship, but I'm not instead at sitting around like a loser.  Fantasy football is really stupid.  And so are you.

-  I took this quiz and got 198/200 (missed Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine).  I feel both proud and slightly embarrassed.

-  Good news for the Gophers, Florida State absolutely crushed Charlotte tonight.  The same Charlotte squad who beat Michigan earlier this year, and, with a certainly possible good year in a weak Conference USA, could end up a top 100 RPI team.  Thus, since Florida State beats them and the Gophers beat Florida State through osmosis that helps the Gophers' RPI.  Or something.  I don't know.  I'm not that bright.

-  I was gonna right more but first I got distracted by Orange is the New Black and then I realized I really hate you.

Morneau, Gopher Football, Hoops recruiting, and stuff

Plenty of stuff happening out there.  Crazy world.


1.  Justin Morneau traded to Pittsburgh.  I know trading Justin Morneau makes your heart hurt and I get it.  He's been a Twin forever and for you people with human emotions it makes you sad that he's gone.  Just look around at all the Twins' blogs and newspapers and there are nothing but heartfelt good-byes, and with good reason.  But objectively, trading him was the correct move because he won't be around to be part of the team when they're good again, he's not that good anymore (although a hot August is probably what got him traded), and it made sense to try to get something for him rather than nothing when he walks at the end of the year.

What they got was actually better than I had expected, but isn't a team builder kind of a trade which just tells you how much Morneau has slipped since that damn concussion.  The Pirates sent the Twins back of Alex Presley, a definite major leaguer but more of a depth/4th outfielder type, and rp Duke Welker, who is a fireballer with little idea where it's going after it leaves his hand, making him an intriguing lottery ticket.

Presley is 28 and still doing the bounce around from AAA to the majors thing for the Pirates, but he should slot in nicely for the Twins since he can play all three outfield positions and has a little bit of speed and a little bit of power.  He's not much of a walker (which you know the Twins love) and so far this year he has 19 strikeouts against just one walk which is not real good but he's an ok player even with limited upside.

More upside comes from Welker, who is 6-7 and throws in the mid-90s and strikes out about a batter per inning but also walks more than 4 batters per 9 (that's really shitty for a reliever).  His other numbers look pretty good - 2.29 ERA, 1.24 WHIP - and he already hit the show for a bit with the Pirates (4 batters faced, 4 outs, 1 K) so he could be ready by next year (or even this year).  The Twins pride themselves on getting their pitchers to throw strikes, right or wrong, and if they can help Welker out with his command without hurting his stuff or going with the "pitch to contact" nonsense he could be a nice middle reliever.

Yes, it sucks that the Morneau era ended and how it ended. He went from one of the best hitters in all of baseball to a below average first baseman, hitting .286/.358/.511  prior to that stupid concussion and .256/.317/.412 after, essentially become a league average hitter which becomes well below average when you're playing at a premium offensive position.  It's hard to believe a concussion could have that kind of impact on someone's ability, but it's not like it's unprecedented and the Twins' training staff has proven itself to be pretty much incompetent over the years so, you know.  I was already going to be rooting for the Pirates, but this gives me a little more incentive.

Also, if you have found yourself saying, "Well he's a free agent after the season the Twins' could just resign him" please go ahead and hit yourself in the nuts with a pitch fork.

2.  Gopher football is undefeated.  Even if the win was only over UNLV a win is a win and Gopher football needs to take whatever they can get (especially since I bet on the OVER 5.5 season wins).  It wasn't exactly an impressive win, and Philip Nelson's QB style seems to be making one read and either forcing it to that read whether he's open or not or just pulling the ball down and running.  Luckily, UNLV's quarterback seemed to come from the same QB school.  The Gopher gameplan was also less than imaginative and looked like something out of Tecmo Bowl (not Super Tecmo Bowl, just regular Tecmo Bowl) but the Rebel's offense looked more like they were drawing the plays up in the dirt while in the huddle so the Gophers had the advantage there too.

I'm no football expert, but it looked to me like the Gophers have a really crappy offense, a decent defense, and ended up blowing UNLV out thanks to three big plays (kick return TD, Interception TD, and blocked kick TD) that are non-repeatable in any meaningful way.  That's a clear indicator of an overstated spread (they're favored by 17 pts) in their next game against New Mexico State, so go ahead and join me in betting against the Gophers because there's no way they should be favored by 17 on the road no matter who they're playing.

3.  A whole lot is happening recruiting-wise, and we're still waiting to hear any good news.   Kyle Kuzma committed to Utah.  Wade Baldwin signed up with Vanderbilt.  Quentin Snider dropped the Gophers out of consideration.  J.P. Macura, who was supposed to be a sure thing, keeps doing things like visiting Purdue and Xavier.  Rakeem Buckles didn't get his waiver to play immediately and will remain at FIU.  And Lourawls Nairn visited this past weekend and left without committing to Pitino, even though he's explicitly stated multiple times he was going to take all 3 of his planned official visits (Oklahoma, Indiana) before making a choice we're all panicking anyway.

There remain enough intriguing options and realistic possibilities that there's really no reason to panic, but the raging optimism from a month or so ago has certainly flagged.  Along with Nairn and Macura there's still some optimism around Isaiah Whitehead, even if he hasn't yet set an official visit here, there's a realistic shot at two of the local kids (Travis and Vaughn), and Paul White, Josh Martin, and Marial Shayok are taking officials to the U.  I'm not worried at this point, but I would like it a whole lot if somebody, anybody, would just make a verbal to the Gophers.  Just so I know it's possible.

4.  I discovered Breaking Bad. You know how when everybody is saying something is awesome it almost always sucks like Rudy or Glee or Jennifer Lopez?  Well this is the opposite of that.  Everyone who watches the show says it's pretty much the best show ever, and they're right.  If you're not watching it yet, start.  If you are, you know what I'm talking about.  You just never know what's going to happen next and it's never boring.  It's been like a week since I started watching and I'm on Season 3, Episode 5 already.  Sure, I'm ignoring my family and haven't gone to work in a week, but at least I'm catching up on my pop culture and will be able to act all snooty to people who haven't watched this show yet.  "I mean really, Audrey, you can't talk about great TV if you've never watched Breaking Bad." *rollseyes *sipsbrandy

5.  Josmil Pinto made his major league debut, going 2-4 with a double.   This is significant to me because with Morneau now on the Pirates and Chris Parmelee proving to be terrible the door is wide open for Joe Mauer to move to first base full-time, and after this concussion mess it seems more likely than ever the Twins will go in that direction.  The question then becomes who is the catcher of the future, and it's probably either Josmil Pinto or Chris Herrmann.

They're both considered around the same prospect level (Gleeman has Herrmann at #20 and Pinto at #37, John Sickels has them both in his OTHERS TO CONSIDER which means just outside the top 20).  Herrmann's been up since July, and although he hasn't been great he hasn't been terrible either, showing a pretty good batting eye and some decent pop in his bat while being a halfway decent defensive catcher and outfielder, although Pinto's minor league numbers were much better this year than Herrmann, hitting .309/.400/.482 between New Britain and Rochester.

Neither Herrmann nor Pinto is likely to become a big-time impact player, but both are likely to become useful players and either (or both) has a chance to evolve into a full-time starting catcher and hold down the job for a while.  Pinto probably has the better bat, but Herrmann is much better defensively and offers the additional benefit of being able to play the outfield competently while Pinto is either a catcher or DH.  While the Twins have tons of questions and not many answers with the squad right now, catcher is one where they can probably feel good - Mauer or no Mauer in the mix.  Seems weird.

6.  Johnny Manziel can play some football.  I know everybody likes to jump on Johnny Football and tear him apart for doing things like going to a casino and watching a basketball game because everyone is jealous and people generally suck, but let's not forget that this dude can play some fucking football.  After he served his weirdo 1st half suspension, he came in for the second half and went 6-8 for 94 yards and 3 TDs as the Aggies beat Rice 52-31.  Watching the highlights made it clear Manziel is one of the best Qbs in the country, as if winning the Heisman last year didn't prove that already.  80% of college QBs can make one read and then it's time to run (like P. Nelson), and another 15% can go all the way to a second read and that's it.  There's only like 5% who can play QB like a real, actual QB, and that's why it's so much fun to watch guys like Manziel and Andrew Luck back when he was in college. 

7.  Not how I'd get fired up for the NFL season, but over at the blog Pat is Crazy long-time friend of the blog Joe U. (that's his quote up on the banner) decided to re-watch the 1998 (or 1999 depending on how you want to define it) NFC Championship game, also known as the game that destroyed the ability to actually enjoy sports for many, many Minnesota sports fans.  And he blogged it, live blog style.  Don't make his pain meaningless, go read it.

Thursday Thoughts

-  Can anyone explain this Derrick Rose thing?  So with the Bulls up 3-2 they have a chance to close out New Jersey in Chicago, knowing a loss sends this back to a game 7 in Jersey so this is basically a do or die game.  Both Kirk Hinrich, who started at PG in place of Rose all year, and Luol Deng, probably the team's best perimeter defender, are out and in case you forget New Jersey has Derrick Williams.  In Game 5 in a similar situation (no Hinrich) Williams abused Nate Robinson for 23 and 10 assists, and as I write this mid-way through the second quarter he already has seven assists.  All this could potentially be handled by Rose, you know the former MVP and all, coming back and playing which, by the way, his doctor's have cleared him to do.  It's just weird. 

- I'm all over Revolutionary for the Derby on Saturday (10/1 right now I believe).  He's got good results, he's ridden by Calvin Borel (the pimp daddy of all jockeys) and he drew a position near the rail but not on it (#3) which is where Borel loves to be.  There's also a good possibility of rain and Revolutionary rates as the 2nd best wet track horse in the field (behind Oxbow) and Borel likes sloppy tracks as well.  Everything sets up well for Revolutionary, which actually kind of scares me a bit, but I put a good amount on him to win and boxed him up with Normandy Invasion and Orb in a trifecta.  I also let the wife pick a horse (Goldensoul because she's a hippy at heart) and let the daughter pick one as well (Charming Kitten because she's five) while throwing a bit on Will Take Charge as my longshot and still hold a WIN ticket on itsmyluckyday that I put down on a couple of months ago.  I hit the winner 3 years ago (Super Saver) and wife hit it last year (I'll Have Another) so I think we're due for another win.

-  I made the decision not to get HBO this year in order to save money and I knew Game of Thrones was going to be the biggest test.  They tried to suck me in with the free preview that let me watch episode 1 but I held strong.  Then I spent the night at Snacks' place and he's got HBO and has all the episodes and we watched two over there and I thought I was screwed, but luckily I remember that all HBO subscribers get access to HBOGO so I can used Snacks' ID and stuff and watched the last couple to get all caught up and my god this show is just so amazingly good.

I am a huge fan of the books and I never, ever imagined they could have done it this well.  All the cool shit from the books was done right and all the stuff they changed, added, or eliminated has been done exceptionally well to the point where I honestly don't have any complaints.  There's tons of hot chicks and boobs and butts and stuff which is of course welcome, but honestly the story and the drama completely sucks me in even though I know what's going to happen already.  Daenarys with the unsullied, Jamie's hand, the fight at Craster's, even something with no action like Sansa discussing Joffrey with Margaery (hot as fire) and Lady Tyrell are all good enough to be the biggest moment of the season in pretty much any other show, and we ain't seen nothing yet.  If I had to pick the best 3 non-comedic tv shows in history I'd go with Lost (the first 3 seasons or so), Walking Dead, and Game of Thrones, and GoT is so far beyond those other two it'd be like if Jim Thome raced a horse.  A good horse.  Also no, I have never seen The Wire or Breaking Bad (although I plan to eventually) so shut it.

- So Kahn out, Flip in, eh?  Tough to fault it, and I'm sure Glen Taylor pours himself a drink every time he watches Steph Curry score 16 points in a quarter and then thinks about Jonny Flynn is probably on the And 1 Tour at this point.  Really, outside of Darko over Melo and Wade and Oden over Durant that might end up the worst draft pick of this generation.  Unfortunately, because otherwise Dawger will rake me over the coals in the comments, I have to admit that I thought Steph Curry was on the fast train to bustville.  I was convinced his big numbers at Davidson were because he played sub-par competition and his team was so dependent on him that he was going to score big no matter what, but I though his absolute upside was a spot up shooter like Steve Novak or Craig Hodges.  My oh my was I ever wrong.  The guy is a completely dynamic scorer and one of the best shooters I've ever seen.  If he ever figures out how to drive to the rim he's going to be unstoppable, and he kind of is already.  It takes a strong man with a great character to admit when he's wrong, and that man is me.

-  So Byron Buxton hit another home run tonight.  That's his fifth for Cedar Rapids and coming into the night he was hitting .383/.510/.667 with 5 doubles, 3 triples, 4 HRs, and 10 steals in 14 attempts.  Simply put - he's killing low A ball in just his second year and he's just 19 years old.  I know you don't want to rush a teenager, but it's just silly.  He's walking more than he's striking out, hitting for a huge average and showing massive power while stealing bases like crazy.  He leads the Midwest league in slugging, OPS, runs, and walks, is #2 in average and OBP, and is top 5 in homers, total bases, steals, RBI, and triples. Between him and Miguel Sano (.368/.435/.747 with 9 homers) the Twins might end up with two top 10 prospects when the mid-year Baseball America prospect ratings come out.  Pretty cool shit.

- I still can't believe Joe Johnson was ever a max deal player.

Monday Musings (World Series, Vikings, Billy Beane, Racism in football, etc.)

I'm watching the World Series right now (currently 2-0 St. Louis in the 3rd) and watching the Rangers work on imploding, which is exactly what Detroit did to hand the Cards their last World Championship, when they were once again a substantial underdog.  So far C.J. Wilson has walked Lance Berkman after being ahead 0-2, and Berkman then advanced to third on David or Daniel Murphy's error on a single to left (which scored Holliday), and then scored when Keith Moreland's kid booted a ground ball.  C.J. Wilson also threw a Furcal bunt away, but was able to pitch out of it.  And now Moreland just hit a Thome-sized home run.  Looks like a ball game.  I'm not going to live blog it like, but I'll just do that thing where I type whatever comes into my head about whatever.  I guess that's what I usually do.  Whatever.  Shut your big fat face.

-  So I suppose, for the first time in two years, there's something worthwhile to talk about with the Vikings.  Of course, this is only because they have clearly jumped into rebuilding mold and Ponder gave everyone hope, but despite being impressed with Ponder I'm not exactly looking forward to the next couple of years. 

Here's your problem - too old and/or too bad.  What do you have?  Well you have a good start because you have one bona fide superstar on each side of the ball (AP and Jared Allen), both of whom will probably be able to give you 3-5 more years at a high level.  That's an excellent start, and far better than a lot of teams can build around.  But from there it's tough.

Ponder looked very good for it being his first start.  He made his mistakes, misjudged just how fast even an old cornerback is in the NFL, and made some interesting decisions, but he also made a lot of good throws, showed a lot of poise for a rookie, and never seemed rattled.  I don't know what exactly his upside is, but, at the very least, he looks like a young QB the team can build around.  It's been a long time since this team has had that (Culpepper), and I'd say Ponder's downside is as a middle of the pack type starter.  That's very, very good.

But what else do you have?  Nothing.  On offense the only other person who has big-time potential is Percy Harvin, but it's hard for me to see him as anything more than a kick returner slot receiver type.  I think his absolute upside is the kind of guy who can have a 5 catch-180 yd-2 td day and then follow it up the next week with 1 catch for 8 yards.  Who else is there?  Kyle Rudolph I guess, but I'm pretty sure everybody loves him because he's white and he's best friends with Ponder who, it turns out, is also white and everybody loves.  We'll see. 

The real problem here is that there is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, on that offensive line.  There is not one single player who starts on that line who would start for any other team in the league with the possible exception of Steve Hutchinson, but that doesn't matter because he's too old to matter when this team is 2-3 years away at a minimum.  Loadholt I suppose has some potential and I wouldn't exactly give up on him, but he's not nearly as good as I had hoped and the rest of these guys are fuckin' clown shoes.

And the defense?  Who, outside of Allen is remotely interesting?  Greenway is alright and Robison is fine as long as you're ok with a mediocre DE2, but that's it.  E.J. Henderson?  Please.  Guy is so overrated and still can't move around correctly.  Maybe after another year of healing he'll be ok but I'm not betting on it.  Kevin Williams is done, I have no idea who the other DT or LB is, and the only half-way decent defensive backs are a guy who has had 2 knee surgeries and a guy who is currently in jail.  Antoine Winfield is one of my favorite players ever but he's pretty much done unless he can move to safety which they should definitely try because Hussain Abdullah's one skill seems to be allowing the big play and also because he's probably a terrorist.

The good news is there are some legitimately nice players here - AP, Allen, Harvin, Ponder, and Greenway are all quality players.  The bad news is this isn't baseball or basketball and you can't just trade veterans from prospects and/or picks.  It's unfortunate, because guys like Winfield and Hutchinson would be perfect trade bait in other sports, but not the NFL so their kind of stuck.  So I guess my point is that the Vikings will be bad for a while but should at least be fun to watch.  So I guess that's something.  The Gophers are going to be terrible and no fun to watch, so I guess point NFL.

-  You know what I'd rather watch than that Captain America movie that's coming out on DVD tomorrow?  Anything.

-  You know what I do like though?  Walking Dead.  Very good show so far.  Not exactly the most realistic, but if you're looking for realism in a show about zombies I contend you're kind of lost already. 

-  Last time Pujols came up there as a runner on third with 1 out and they walked him.  Holliday grounded into a double play.  Now there are runners on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.  They're walking him again.  The intrigue is so thick you could cut it with a spoon.

-  Ground out to short.  Holliday is terrible.  Billy Beane was right again.

-  Know who the A's got for Holliday?  Shane Peterson, Clay Mortensen, and Brett Wallace.  Mortensen was then traded to the Rockies for Ethan Hollingsworth, Wallace was shipped to the Jays for Michael Taylor, and Peterson is still in the minors (along with Hollingsworth and Taylor).  And Beane originally had to give up Carlos Gonzalez, Huston Street, and Greg Smith to get Holliday.  So essentially he flipped a superstar outfielder (down year notwithstanding), a still capable closer, and a young starter who is already in the majors for three minor leaguers, only one of which (Taylor) is considered a top 20 prospect in their system.  I guess Joe Morgan was right, moneyball schmoneyball.

-  So not only am I playing in the fantasy Big 10 hoops league with my friends (Snacks, Dawger, Snake, Bogart, Optimator, Elk, and Grandslam), but I'm playing in a bigger college hoops league as well, similar to the won I played in - and won - 2 years ago.  We've got 13 teams and we're using the Big Six leagues plus the meaningful outliers (UNLV, BYU, New Mexico, Memphis, Gonzaga, etc.).  It's a lot harder, and I wish I could talk about it more in depth but unfortunately TRE from Still got Hope? (which if you don't read you should) is also in the league, so I can't divulge my secrets.  We fire up the draft tomorrow and it's slowish style so I might get like 2 picks per day.  I pick 9th, and I'll give you a hint (and also TRE picks after me) - if he's there I'm going to go with a guy whose name rhymes with Shumbakwe and probably has a huge crank.

-  That "huge crank" talk is probably inappropriate but I'm going to leave it in there because it's just going to help the google search results.  Also megan fox lesbian kiss midget vagina fart ass sex nick punto.

-  Speaking of Nick Punto vagina farts, he just struck out with runners on 2nd and 3rd and 2 outs.  Big spot there.  Punto's definitely the guy I'd want up in that situation.

-  Adrian Beltre just hit a home run on a lollipop curve ball from his knees.  No lie.  That was pretty weird and impressive.  Now 2-2.  This has been a great series.

Big fuckin' deal, Beltre.  I could've done that do if that dickhead Veeck would've let me swing.

-  So this morning before work one of our Direct TV remotes stopped working.  It had been going and even when we switched batteries it didn't get any better and today it was just done.  So I looked it up on their website and I can get a replacement remote for $15.  I figured cool, that's a reasonable price and I'll swing by the nearest retailer to my house and see how much more it is, thinking I'd be willing to pay $5-$10 to have it tonight rather than waiting for it to ship.  So I get home from work, grab my damn wiener kids so Mrs. W can do her Tae Bo or yoga or whatever it is tonight, and run up to said retailer.  Almost immediately find the remote.  It's priced at $44.99.  Forty.  Five.  Fucking.  Dollars.  Naturally I walked out without it and am now watching the game with no ability to flip channels on the commercials or mute Tim McCarver, but I'm sure as shit not paying 200% more than I have to.  I'll wait a couple days, thanks.

-  Top 7, tie game.  Allen Craig or someone with a name like that, walks with one out and then tries to steal second and is out by two billion feet.  And now they're walking Pujols.  And guess what they would have done if that steal would have been successful?  Yep.  Walked him.  Since he's nearly as likely to hit an XBH as get a single, maybe you just stay put on first, ok?  I get the stolen base and it certainly has it's place, but these two managers both seem to be way to obsessed with it and have both screwed their teams over in this series.  Also let's see if Holliday can go 0-3 after getting slapped in the mouth.

-  Hey a base hit!  Way to go little buddy!  And thanks to a whole bunch of thrown the ball around-itis, we're at 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.  20 bucks says Berkman strikes out for the 3rd time tonight.

-  I missed what happened with Berkman but the bases were loaded when David Freese struck out so I assume they walked him.

Let me guess, you were expecting a picture of Arnold as Mr. Freeze?  You probably don't even know who this is, do you you unoriginal bastard? 

-  By the way you should probably ignore everything I wrote about the Vikings above.  I made most of that up. 

-  Bottom 7, 1 out, Kinsler on first.  20 bucks says they send him here. 

-  Nope, but Elvis Andrus struck out on 3 pitches.  God they'd be so much better if they hit Napoli or Cruz or even Beltre second.  But of course, Ron Washington can't do that.  You gotta have a guy there who can handle the bat, right Gardy and every other manager in the stupid world.  And Dawger.

-  Ever want to combine racism with football?  Go nuts. 

-  After a leadoff hit by Yadier Molina I'm pretty sure the Cardinals just pinch hit for Skip Schumaker with Ryan Theriot just so he could sac bunt.  You're telling me a dude named Skip can't bunt?  You might as well tell me that sliding into first doesn't get you there faster.  I can't believe it.  I won't.

-  Punto blows it again, striking out in a still tied game with a runner on 2nd and 1 out.  Takes a special kind of guy to constantly disappoint two franchises.

-  In one fantasy league I'm in today I was offered Cam Newton and James Starks in exchange for Hakeem Nicks and LaSean McCoy.  So that was pretty fun.

-  Bases loaded.  One out.  Bottom of the 8th.  2-2 game.  Mike Napoli up.  A hit, and particularly an extra-base hit, would help my bank account tremendously.  Na-Po-Li.  Na-Po-Li.  Na-Po-Li.

-  Double, scores 2.  Damn dude, shit never works out like this for me.

-  That message board I posted earlier really thinks Peyton Hillis is being held down because he's white.  Why can't they just accept that he's terrible at football?  Probably a good blocker though.

-  I couldn't tell you one thing about Lance Lynn.  Well, other than he's a pitcher for St. Louis who is about to come into a high leverage situation in the World Series.

-  Your name is Lance Lynn and you're gonna roll out the perm?  Interesting choice.  Also he just intentionally walked Ian Kinsler and then got yanked.  Looks like LaRussa  has his overmanaging pants on again.

Oh hello.  I pitch for the Cardinals.

-  Feliz now in for the ninth and he gets 2 strikes on Craig and then plunks him right in the back shoulder on a pitch that was so zeroed in on him that there was no way Craig could've gotten out of the way even if his life was on the line.  Pujols up.  Tying run, can't walk him.  Nice.

-  Jesus Pujols has a great eye.  Now at 3-2.  Laid off three close ones but were clearly balls.  He's really good at hitting stuff. Not unlike Chris Cook, I suppose.

-  Strike 'em out throw 'em out.  Pujols whiffs on a pitch that was ball four and Craig is tossed easily and I have no clue why they sent him.  I know Albert doesn't strike out a ton, but you just took a runner out who, really, didn't matter.  If he gets to second and scores on a single who fucking cares, you're still down by a run.  Stupid play.  Tony LaRussa outsmarted himself here tonight.  I hope Holliday hits a home run here.

-  Holliday walks.  Will probably get thrown out stealing.  Stay tuned.

-  Berkman whiffs.  Texas wins.  Pretty sure we're going 7 folks.  Adios and good night.

Trading Nothing for Nothing gets Nothing

Obviously the big news is that the Twins gave up on the world's largest Largemouth Bass, Delmon Young, and shipped him off to division rival Detroit.  I'm never a fan of trading someone when their value is at an all-time low, but I suppose when you combine lazy with malcontent and frustrating there's no guarantee that you're at the nadir no matter how much you feel like it must be.

On the other hand, the return for Delmon essentially equates to the proverbial bag of balls, and I'm just not sure that's the way to go, especially when you're trading a 26-year old who was once the top prospect in the game and finished 10th in MVP voting last year(no shtick) to a division rival.  There are about a million different ways this can backfire, but apparently the team has decided they would rather pursue signing both Cuddy and Kubel this offseason instead of getting any value out of trading Matt Garza.  Delmon was almost guaranteed to be criminally overpaid next year if they offered arbitration, so now instead we're looking at a likely overpaid Cuddy and Kubel.  I don't know.  Maybe that whole hometown discount thing might exist with these two.  Seems possible.

Anyway, I was going to break down Delmoney's stats and then talk about Cole Edina or whatever his name is that they got back, but it turns out I'm drunk and tired and really you're asking a lot here.  All you need to know is that you can't find Cole on any list of top prospects in the Tiger system anywhere, and they're a thin system.  I even found one that went to 40, and he's still not there.  So they almost literally gave him away.  Which, frankly, is pretty stupid.

The real problem for me though is I just have trouble caring.  I'm not really scared of Delmon.  I'm just not.  There's nothing about what I've seen from him in the last however many years that makes me think he's suddenly going to put it altogether.  Even the fact that he finished 10th in MVP balloting last year seems completely ludicrous to me.  He's never inspired confidence that he was putting it together, he just somehow had a good year.  To me he'll always be the swing at everything bumbling fielder he's always been.  Except for tonight, apparently, where he decided to hit a bomb off Liriano (like that's hard) and make a play in left that he's never made ever ever before.  So I just don't care.  I always trust Bill Smith and his eye for talent.

- Speaking of Bill Smith and his penchant for sucking at roster management, just how dreadful has Nishioka been?  Is there even one facet of his game that is remotely presentable right now?  He's like the fat girl with small boobs and a bitchy personality.  And the saddest part is that it was obvious to see.  If you aren't Ichiro or Hideki Matsui (and those were the two best players in Japanese history not named Oh) and you're coming over from Japan you're going to suck.  Kaz Matsui was terrible.  So Taguchi might have been worse.  Iwamura has been completely meh and Kosuke Fukudome is heading down the same path.  Remember Orestes Destrade?  He was a masher in Japan and was supposed to tip the balance of the league, and he was terrible.  Perhaps the biggest indictment on the Japanese League?  Guess who is tied for the single-season HR record in Japan and who holds the single season hit record?  Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes and Matt "Fucking" Murton.  Two dudes who were basically forced to retire from MLB because they sucked on a Tobertian level.

Yet the Twins paid billions of dollars to sign Yoshi.  Why, you may ask?  Because a .280 career hitter with minimal power suddenly had a career year by hitting .346 with minimal power - in a league where MATT MOTHERFUCKING MURTON hold a major hitting record.  Basically they signed the Brady Anderson of Japanese ball banking on him becoming J.J. Hardy when he has so far been worse than any single year Punto put up.  And at least Punto was an awesome fielder, while Nishi looks lost hitting, fielding, running, being in position, or knowing how many outs there are.  Honestly this team makes me want to quit baseball for life.  Where for art thou, Andy McPhail.  You never McPhailed in my heart.

-  Oh and the actual big news of the night is that Jim Thome hit his 600th home run, which is sadly a bit less holy shitty than it used to be.  He's still only the 8th guy to do so, and only the fifth to do it legally.  I don't want to get all caught up in the puritan steroid talk or anything, but there really is something refreshing about a dude like Thome.  I mean he's really not all that different from Matt Stairs, who I idolize.  He just did it more often and for longer.  Ok that isn't actually remotely true because for several years in the late 90s/early 00s Thome was a truly elite player.  In a way he's a compiler because he's been bombing them out for 21 seasons now, but it's not like he's been holding on like Pete Rose or Brett Favre or Al Pacino.  His OPS last season was actually the fourth best of his career.  The guy is basically completely bankrupt at running or fielding or not being old, but he can still crush the ball.  He's probably one of my ten favorite players of all-time, and if you remember this you just remember knowing it would be him.  Love the guy.  Congrats.

-  Moving on from the world's worst baseball team, let's talk about the world's best basketball team - the Minnesota Golden Gophers.  They're in another early season tournament, which is good, but this time they're the favorites with every single ESPN nerd picking them to win the Old Spice Classic.  And really you can't even argue with it.  They play DePaul in game 1, who is maybe the worst team in D-I history so suck it Krys Faber, and then in the semis they'd either see Texas Tech or Indiana State.  Unfortunately Tech just graduated everybody of relevance (from a bad team) and Indiana State is just pesky enough to possibly end up as a "bad loss" with no shot at becoming a "good win."  Then, if they make it to the championship game they'd either get Dayton, Wake, Ariz State, or Fairfeild, where Fairfield is probably the best choice but really nobody offers much upside.  It's a tournament where, no matter how well they do, they can't really win but could definitely lose.  Although based on this team's past I suppose third place could be considered upside.  Minnesota sports are awesome and  I love them.

-  Made some pretty awesome Teriyaki-Pineapple chicken drumsticks this weekend.  Need to use less Pineapple juice because it waters down the Teriyaki, but the sauce was stellar overall.  Try this:

1/3 c. Soy Sauce
1/3 c. Water (tempted to use Beef Broth here next time)
1/4 c. White Sugar
1 T Worchestershire Sauce
1 T White Vinegar
1 T Olive Oil
2 T Dried Onions
1 t garlic powder (could probably go a little more, maybe 2 t)
1/2 t ginger

Marinade Chicken overnight if possible, then dump the whole thing in a crock pot and cook on low for 5-6 hours. I used a full cup on pineapple juice but I'd cut down on that by at least half next time and probably add in some green pepper as well, but you're on your own here.  And even if you don't try this I can't stress more how awesome cooking chicken drumsticks (or wings) in a crockpot is.  They are like falling off the bones.  So awesome.

-  I lost 3 units this past week gambling on my baseball props.  Just the third losing week this season out of 13.  Still smarts. 

-  The best moment in this entire season of True Blood, outside of every Anna Paquin nude scene, was when Jessica killed Hoyt, and it might have been the best scene since season 1.  Unfortunately it turned out to be a hallucinatin/dream of Jessica's.  But what was awesome about it was that someone semi-meaningful died.  Hoyt isn't a top tier character and probably isn't even tier 2, but at least he's tier 3 and someone who has been around since Season 1.  Maybe I'm spoiled by Game of Thrones, the series and the books, but I like shit better when people who matter can/do die.  Season 1 of True Blood had both Grandma Stackhouse and Rene go down, and they were meaningful.  Since then has anybody of any import died?  You're telling me they couldn't kill of Tara or Andy Bellefleur?   It's just dumb now.  It's like watching Scooby Doo with boobs.

-   Finally, if you're looking for a Gopherhole type place for the Twins but less homery and dumb, dig on this site.  It's like talking Twins with the commenters on this blog, if only they were less retarded and weren't convinced Nick Blackburn was a star.  Big fan.

Week in Review 6-27-2011

I know I had mentioned that I was going to try to do a retro live blog of the NBA draft since I couldn't watch it myself, but I just couldn't do it.  I already knew what happened.  It's kind of like tivoing a Gopher basketball game, finding out the lost by 10, and then watching it anyway.  You just wouldn't do that, because the fun of watching sports is watching an event with an uncertain outcome in which you are emotionally invested in the result.  Knowing what happens and then watching is stupid.  I know there are people who would tivo a game and then watch it even if they know the end result already.  Those people are psychopaths.
 

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Minnesota Timberwolves.  I think they'd have been better off using #20 by either keeping Motiejunas or grabbing Marshon Brooks (or trading it for a veteran SG or C - Brad Miller is retiring) but I can be talked into Kahn's madness because #1 - it's fun and #2 - they did get a future 1st.  The real reason I'm going to praise the mad man here is because, despite himself, he did the right thing and picked Derrick Williams - and kept him (at least thus far).  In my opinion Irving is the surest thing - his downside is probably a long-time starter - but I think Williams has the most upside in the draft.  I suppose this belongs in the back-handed insult department, but kudos to Kahn for not outsmarting himself even though it became abundantly clear he wanted to.  So hurray for competence, accidental or otherwise.

2.  JaJuan Johnson.  The awesome thing for him is that he managed to get himself drafted in the first round, so like, congrats.  What I'm really fascinated about, however, is that the player Snake and I have been calling "College KG" for four years because his skill set was so similar to KG (and Hakim Warrick, FYI) will now be playing with the real KG.  I'd say he couldn't find himself in a better situation with the perfect player to pattern himself after on the same team, but the word "mentor" doesn't exactly come to mind when you think about Garnett.  How is he going to react to a young, new player showing up who has the same game KG himself had 15 years ago?  Fights?  Verbal assaults?  Undermining his confidence?  Or maybe he'll actually see an opportunity to sort of live on after he retires by doing everything he can do help Johnson.  I doubt it, and I'm thinking more of the pushing and yelling is likely, but I'm totally fascinated here.  I've never watched Hard Knocks or whatever, but if they did a show like that on the Celtics this year I would totally watch.  And just fast forward to the KG/JJ parts.

3.  Evan Longoria.  Big sexy is back, in case you missed him.  Longoria struggled so far this year after returning from injury, but he finally broke out this week.  Well, maybe not a total breakout, but in his last four games he has two 2-HR games, including Sunday's game against the Astros where he went 4-6 and missed he cycle by a triple.  Interestingly enough, this little hot streak has started ever since Longo dropped the batting gloves which reminds me of this dude I played amateur baseball with.  See, I hit with no batting gloves because I like to feel the wood (insert your own joke here).  Snacks played on the team too, and he liked to wear eye black because it was the most effective way for him to keep the sun out of his eyes in the outfield.  We had another guy who used a ton of pine tar, another guy who wore two big wristbands around his forearms, and another guy who wore his hat slightly cocked to the left.  All these things were done because they worked for people.  But then we had this one little weiner dork on on our team who did all of them - no batting gloves, eye black, pine tar, wrist bands, and hat cocked.  God he was such a little idiot, and he sucked too.  This really has nothing to do with Evan Longoria any more.  

4.  J.J. Hardy.  Well the Twins didn't need him now did they?  While the revolving door of Tolbert/Casilla/Nishioka/Plouffe has put up a combined .225 batting average and a whopping .339 slugging, Hardy hit as many home runs this past week (3) as Twins' shortstop have all year.  He also has multiple hits in 6 of his last 7 games, and for the season has the 4th highest average of all MLB shortstops (.304), the second-highest OBP (.369), the highest slugging (.538), the highest OPS (.907), and the fourth most homers despite only playing in slightly more than half the team's games.  Basically he'd be the best hitter on the Twins:  only Kubel has a a higher average and he'd lead the team in both on-base and slugging and be tied with Cuddy for the HR lead at 10.  Meanwhile Jim Hoey's averaged more than 2 base-runners allowed per inning in his 17 shitty innings.  I hate you, Bill Smith.

5.  Justin Verlander.  I think he's a cyborg of some kind, sent from the future to rescue major league baseball from crappy, wussy pitchers who both suck and are marshmallow soft.  Him and Roy Halladay (and maybe a couple of others) are just a completely different species.  I've always wondered what would happen if Gardy was managing Verlander.  Say it's the bottom of the 7th and the Twins were up 2-0, Verlander is at 98 pitches and just gave up back-to-back singles with Mijares warm in the bullpen.  When Gardy goes out there to try to get the ball from him do you think they would actually get in a fist fight?  Is there any way we can make this happen?


WHO SUCKED

1.  Minnesota Twins.  Well it's over.  I hope you didn't get sucked into believing this team actually had the ability to turn around that 13-29 start or whatever it was.  I know the weak division and sliding Indians and everything made things look possible, but all you had to do was keep looking at that lineup.  50% of that lineup every game should be hitting ninth, which, based on the rules of baseball as set down by the great Abner Doubleday, is illegal.  I know injuries have played a huge part of it - the team only has four guys who have enough plate appearances to qualify for the batting title for christ's sake - but there were some pretty bad decisions made this offseason.   Specifically not looking for a viable back-up catcher when you know your starter is a china doll who only plays 2 out of every 3 games when he is healthy, deciding, "yeah, we'll go to war with Alexi Casilla as an everyday regular even though he's failed year after year after year" and not getting someone, anyone, to be insurance in case Morneau wasn't ready.  The season was set-up to be a  high-wire toward success, and the team tipped over and has gone splat on the city street below.  When you dig yourself a hole you can't weather a 5-game losing streak.  2 or 3, yeah.  Five?  It's over. 

2.  Sacramento Kings.  Let me get this straight.  First, the Kings trade the only guy on their roster who ever considers passing for John Salmons, a gunning ballsink with an absolutely enormous contract and the right to move down in the draft.  Then they usually their newly acquired 10th pick to draft Jimmer Fredette so they can team him up with Tyreke Evans in their back court.   This means their two starting guards both need the ball in their hands at all times and are both shoot first kind of guys, and their first man of the bench shoots the ball every time he touches it.  I think the two second round picks they made in Tyler Honeycutt and Captain Circus Ball himself were solid, but that can't over shadow this insane roster.  Fredette, Evans, Salmons, and DeMarcus Cousins?  Is anybody ever going to pass the ball?  And how quickly do you think Jimmer asks for a trade, before or after he's threatened with bodily harm by Cousins and/or Evans?

3.  Adam Dunn.  I'm going to admit that I was terrified when the White Sox signed Dunn.  Since he basically only hits homers, walks, or strikes out and the Twins' pitchers don't walk or strike out anyone I figured he basically just stand at home plate and hit tape measure home runs all day.  Turns out, however, the he's decided to completely suck instead.  This entire week he managed all of 2 hits (which both came in a game where he got 7 at-bats) and struck out 14 times.  14 times in one week!  I'm not a guy who looks at strikeouts as a huge negative, especially when balanced out with power, but holy crap that's ridiculous, especially when he's now struck out in his last seven consecutive at-bats and is now hitting .179 on the year with an OPS nearly identical to Luke Hughes.  Of course, it's still higher than Justin Morneau's so there's that. Plus Morneau is a huge girl.

4.   Madison Bumgarner.  It already feels like it happened 100 years ago, but you remember Captain Stripper Name's game against the Twins, don't you?  Let me refresh you:  single, double, single, double, single, double, single, double, strikeout, double, gone.  1/3 ip, 9 hits, 8 runs allowed.  Now  he did bounce back with a good game last night against Cleveland, but I feel like when you get shredded in such an epic way these things need to be mentioned whenever possible.  Especially when the team that shredded you ranks in the bottom 7 of all of MLB in runs scored, batting average, OBP, slugging, and OPS.  God what a fun year this has been.  I'm going to become a Lynx fan.


Just kidding.

5.   All the idiots who shouldn't have entered the NBA Draft.  There are always plenty of idiots who get bad advice and/or have an overinflated ego who go into the NBA Draft despite everyone knowing they have no chance of getting drafted or maybe a slight prayer at getting snagged in the second round except for them.  Some of those geniuses this year include Terrence Jennings of Louisville, who could have been a major player in the Big East next year, Jereme Richmond of Illinois who had a ton of potential but didn't bother to let it develop, Willie Reed of St. Louis who never had a prayer, Josh Selby of Kansas, who did get picked in the late second but probably could have been a lotto pick in a year or two, and Jordan Williams of Maryland, who was also picked in the late second but, like Selby, could have ended up a lottery pick in another year or two.  Well done, gentlemen.  Well done.  All of you will be awarded an Anderson Hunt Memorial Award for terrible draft decisions.


I finally started watching Game of Thrones.  Best show on TV, and it's not even close.  If you don't have HBO do yourself a favor and order it, download all the Game of Thrones episodes on HBO on Demand, watch them, realize how good this show is and how you've been wasting your time, and then cancel HBO after a month.  Brilliant.

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday Night

It's some random thoughts on a Tuesday night, much like the title told you.  What the title didn't tell you, however, and what you know that people who just read the title and clicked close don't, is that I'm sucking back some sweet, sweet alcohol while I type this, in the form of vodka & iced tea.  Is that weird?  I feel like that might be weird, but it's good.  So suck it.

- I read something today where a writer asked if Dayton was the next Butler, college hoopswise. I wish I could find the damn article, but nevertheless it sent me into a rage, as you'd guess, because I hate Dayton worse than I hate you. If you recall, or if you're new, you might remember that the Bar I frequent when I go to Chicago for the NCAA Tournament with Snacks, Snake, and Dawger when we visit Bogart and his giant TV is also a Dayton bar, and one year we were there Dayton was actually playing and their fans were some of the biggest idiot poser fancy boys I had ever seen.

So, last year when I was previewing the Atlantic 10 I referred to Dayton fans as hipster doofuses and predicted they'd miss the NCAA Tournament. Dayton fans found the blog and did not much appreciate my comments. Several emails of an unsavory nature were exchanged, there was mention of my living in a trailer (note: not true), and let's just say it wasn't pretty. Also, I fucking hate Dayton. Thus, said article which I can not find pretty much prompted this entire post.

And it deserves to be written about, because Dayton is about as far from Butler as Nick Blackburn is from a competent pitcher. First, Dayton's conference is light years beyond Butler's. The Horizon is a perennial one-bid conference, whereas the A-10 almost always sends between two and four teams; might as well ask if Xavier is the next North Carolina. Secondly, what exactly are we basing this dynastic prediction on, four straight years of underachievement topped off by an NIT Championship?  One NCAA berth in the last six years?  Really, an NIT Championship doesn't mean anything - really, despite what they want you to think nobody uses it as a springboard to success, ever - and even if it did, Dayton is losing seven players and 3 starters so who cares?  This whole dynasty is based around an overrated PF (Chris Wright) who can't ever stay healthy, and now they need a freshman and a transfer from fucking Drake to be their ballhandlers.

Dayton is a dynasty the same way Two and a Half Men is a good show - it's not true and you'd have to be a god damned moron to think so.  The Flyers and their fans can all bite me.

-  Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to be guesting on Law & Order:  SVU?  Man, how far has she fallen?  If you have a chance and haven't, go rent Heartbreakers and prepare for boner city.  No kidding, probably the hottest chick in a movie ever not counting Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Audrina in Sorority Row, and Tiffani Thiessen in anything ever.  You forget, but Jennifer Love Hewitt used to be at the absolute top of the hot chick pyramid.  Now she's doing Lifetime movies and guest spots.  She's now the Dayton of hot chicks.  Sad.

-  I'm all for relaxing, but anybody else think the Twins might want to continue playing this season instead of just packing it in until the playoffs start?  I'm not entirely sure of the rules here, but I think if they don't start winning games Bud Selig might step in and renounce them from the playoffs.  And who the hell is going to be the fourth starter now?  Slowey threw batting practice yesterday, and tonight Blackburn is getting lit up by Mike Aviles and Kila Ka'aihue for christ's sake.  Everything is set up for Baker, and he's probably the best choice anyway because he's the least likely to give up 6 runs in 3 innings.  Not that he's necessarily not likely, just slightly less likely than the velocity haters he's in competition with.

Seriously, close your eyes.  Now take off your pants.  Now imagine it's game four of the ALDS, we're at Yankee stadium, and the Twins are down 2 games to 1, but all games have been closely played.  They need someone to shut down the Yankees on the road.  Who is the last pitcher you'd want out there?  Correct, it's Nick Blackburn.  I would have also accepted Kevin Slowey, Anthony Swarzak, or Jeff Manship.  Scott Baker ranks slightly ahead of them because he's more likely to be absolutely lights out, no matter who he's facing.  Of course, we could also see the longest home run in the history of Yankee baseball (and Mantle allegedly hit a 600 footer).  Yes, longer than Mantles.  Imagine a 3-0 count on A-Rod.  Now take off your pants again.  Now imagine the bases are loaded and the winning run is on third, so Baker has to throw a strike.  How far could A-Rod hit that ball?  700 ft?  800?

- Anybody else watching The Event? I don't think it's terrible just yet, but I do think it's trying awfully hard to be both Lost and 24, even though I never ever watched 24 because it takes more than gun fights and explosions to entertain me. Anyway, it seems ok and any time D.B. Sweeney is involved you know I'm a fan, but this show could take a wrong turn in an awful hurry. I mean, this "plot" is like tightrope thin. Kind of like how the Dark Tower series by Stephen King could be brilliant on TV in the right hands, but would be a laughable train wreck if handled incorrectly. Or like the Game of Thrones series coming up on HBO. Real delicate stuff here. Actually, I'm not really sure why I made that comparison, except that those are two of my favorite book series and one is coming to TV and the other might be soon. Really, so far The Event is weird and doesn't make much sense and I only watched about half of episode two, but it's got this chick in a bikini so I'll keep watching:

-  Speaking of Episode 2, Mrs. W bought Wonderbaby^TM a Star Wars coloring book today, which she loved, and she likes to watch me play Lego Star Wars, so we watched a half hour of Episode I today (went with that one because it's most kid friendly) and she thought it rocked and didn't want to turn it off.  I'm looking to have her fully nerdifyed by age 4.

-  So who's excited for the Ryder Cup?  I am.  I think the Euro team is far better than the Americans, but we have a few units down on the USA just because, like Billy Mitchell, I'm proud to represent my country, even when I'm not really representing anything and really am more just betting on people who are representing my country.  Like Lex Luger.  Anyway, Sergio sucking too bad all year to not make the team is a huge break for the Americanos, because that dude is a machine at this stuff (career 14-3-3 record).  Nobody on the American team is a good Ryder Cup player, and Mickelson and Furyk are two of the worst, and unfortunately Jeff Overton made the team and then Rickie Fowler got picked for some reason, so really there is no reason to be on the USA except blind faith in good ole apple pie and blue jeans.  And a good underdog payout. 

-  The Rockies are losing again tonight, and most people don't really care, but we have the Rockies at OVER 85.5 wins for the year, and currently they are at 83-73 which means they need to go 3-3 to win the bet, which is starting to look less and less likely due to this incredible un-Rocky-like skid they are in which, if they lose again tonight, will have them at 1-8 in their last 9 games.  Which means that nine games ago they were 82-65 and needed to go just 4-11 to win it for us.  Thanks assholes.  I blame Helton. 

-  Also the Mets just need to lose two more games.  Pray for us.

-  I'm sure there's more, but the baby is waking up and by the time I get done feeding and taking care of him, whatever mojo is driving this post will be long gone.  So I'll just leave you with this:  Dez Bryant is going to destroy the NFL, Randy Moss style.  If not this year, then next. 

Make your time.

Weekend Review - 8/2/2010

Remember how these Weekend Reviews used to be just for the weekend stuff, and then they morphed into the full week in review?  Well, now that I'm doing daily postings, they're going back to weekend reviews only.  I think.  For now.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Kevin Slowey.  You know, if he had just pitched like this all year nobody would be worried.  When he's on he's just an excellent, efficient, strike-throwing, out-recorded machine.  Obviously we haven't seen enough of that version of Slowey this year, leading to all the Haren/Oswalt/Lilly talk, but with Pavano and Liriano essentially dominant at this point if Slowey (and Baker) can start pitching well the Twins could end up being a serious problem for somebody in the playoffs.  Or those two will continue to suck, leading to down-to-the-wire pennant race where the winner gets swept in the first round.

2.  Francisco Liriano.   Seven innings, 2 hits allowed, no runs, eleven strikeouts, and it's really just a ho-hum effort at this point.  He's now tossed 21 straight scoreless innings, and is looking very close to his 2006 form.  Honestly I'm almost getting sick of writing about him, even as he's getting more and more enjoyable to watch.  Seriously, is there anything better than watching him carve up a lineup, and do it in a completely different way than Pavano?  Man I really hope those other jackasses in the rotation get their shit together.   This next week and a half is going to tell us a lot, with the next 10 games on the road including matchups with Tampa and the White Sox.   

3.  Stuart Appleby.  Do you remember two years ago when Stewart Cink won the British Open and I had to say nice things about him because he won?  Well I hate Cink, so that really sucked.  This also sucks, because Stuart Appleby is basically nothing but a cotton-headed ninny-muggins, and he won the Greenbrier Classic this week because he shot a 59 on Sunday, and a 59 is a score that has only been reached like five times or something like that, so it's pretty impressive.  Less impressive was Jeff Overton missing a 3-foot birdie putt on 17 that would have tied Appleby and then blaming a ballmark for the miss.  Also, how is this thing called the Greenbrier "Classic" when it's in its first year of existence?  Seems like false advertising.  

4.  Gavin Floyd.  Why is he so good now?  He pitched six perfect innings on Sunday against the A's before it was broken up, but finished with yet another sparkling outing.  Since June 8th, here are his earned runs allowed by game:  1-1-1-0-2-1-1-1-0-0.  That's ridiculous.  And it feels like the entire team has started doing this crap.  The Twins are a far better team than Chicago, but if they keep getting pitching like this they're going to be awfully tough to beat.  Luckily the just acquire Edwin Jackson, so we're good.

5.  Texas Rangers.  Not because of their play this weekend, when they dropped two of three against the Angels, but because they have now positioned themselves as a darkhorse World Series candidate.  The rotation was already pretty good with the emergence of Tommy Hunter, Colby Lewis, and C.J. Wilson and they added Cliff Lee.  The bullpen is outstanding.  Parts of their lineup were already stacked (Josh Hamilton, Elvis Andrus, Nelson Cruz, and Michael Young) and where they had weaknesses they went out and acquired pieces to address it:  Cristian Guzman at 2B, Jorge Cantu at first, and Bengie Molina behind the plate.  None of those guys are awesome or anything, but they all shore up weak areas for Texas.  Look out for these guys, serious sleeper potential. 

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WHO SUCKED

1.  Chicago White Sox.  So let me get this straight.  First of all, they weren't able to get the guy they really wanted, Adam Dunn, or either of there backup plans, Lance Berkman or Manny Ramirez, and they even had a deal in place for Berkman but he vetoed it.  Then they end up trading for Edwin Jackson, a pitcher who has been on three teams in three years, has a 5.16 ERA in the National League this year, has a career 4.74 ERA, leads the NL in earned runs allowed, and is going to make $8.35 million this year.  And they traded two of their top 10 prospects for him.  And the only reason they traded for him is because the Nats made them think that getting him was the key to getting Dunn.  Psych, I guess.  Well played Nats, well played.  White Sox?  More like White Sux, am I right?

2.  Seattle Mariners.  Wow, way to not put up any resistance at all, and following up a sweep by the White Sox as well leads me to the conclusion that the Mariners are the most worthless team in baseball.  Yes, the same Mariners that I said were a sleeper World Series candidate.  Let's all agree that I never said that, k?

3.  Bryce Harper.  I'm pretty sure Bryce Harper is a douche.  I mean, I already kind of did, considering he has been anointed a future star since he was like six and he wears war paint when he plays like some douche from Precision Tree, but check out his facebook profile (No, I didn't stalk him, this is from an article on yahoo)

I mean really.  Between the picture and using his status as a tool to try to get a better contract?  Ugh.  Count me out.  I hope Strasburg beans him in BP, assuming Bryce gets to the bigs someday.  Really, I'd think a former Twin would raise his kid better than this.

4.   Early season NFL injuries.  Are there always this many injuries before practices even start?  Dez Bryant.  Knowshon Moreno.  Percy Harvin.  DeSean Jackson.  Wes Welker.  I mean, how are people getting hurt?  Isn't this the part where they don't do anything but watch film and do non-contract drills?  Sounds like a bunch of sissies to me.  I  guess we already know Harvin is, thanks to his Justin Morneau-like response to headaches.  Just seems weird.  Or maybe I'm stretching for subjects to write about.

5.  Angelina.  Seriously, why is she even there?  None of the guys want her there.  None of the girls want her there.  She's only there because she's jealous of the fame these dorks have now achieved, however much they don't actually deserve it.  Perhaps the best part is that she thinks nobody likes her because she left early last season, but in reality nobody likes her because she's a terrible person who talked trash about all of them.  And why would anybody talk shit about JWoww.  That chick would straight up murder you in your sleep if she so much as thought you looked at her wrong.  Honestly as hot as she is if she wanted to sleep with me I'd turn her down because I'd be afraid that I wouldn't perform up to her standards and her response would be to break a bottle on the headboard and then stab me in the balls.


The End.  I would have written more but it's Shark Week.  Holla.

The First Ever DWG Mailbag

Big sports day today.  The world's longest Tennis match and a big win for the U.S.A. soccer team to win their pool at the World Cup.  But since I am equal parts don't know enough about it (not that that's stopped me before) and don't really care, I'm going to take a pass on writing about either of those things.


Instead, we're going to go with the first ever DWG Mailbag.  Thanks for writing, those of you who did. 



Q.  Which incoming Gopher basketball freshman are you most excited about?  And what's a reasonable expectation for the upcoming season?  I was unbelievably excited about last year until the debacle, but I'm actually getting pretty excited for this year as well.  I think we have the chance to be better than people give us credit for.

-  James M.

A.  None of the above?  Really, this is an incredibly underwhelming class.  You have a throw-in point guard with a cool name, a skinny white foreigner who might not even be eligible, a skinny shooter with a high basketball IQ who might have to redshirt, and a string bean prairie white boy center with chicken legs who might have to redshirt to go along with Mo Walker.  Since Walker is the only top-100 type, and maybe the only top-200 type, I'd go with him.  If you want a less obvious answer, I'll say Austin Hollins (the skinny shooter with a high IQ referenced above).  Shooting and a high IQ are good traits for a sleeper recruit to have, and a skinny kid can always grow into his body (Tayshaun Prince excepted).

As far as next year goes, if Mbakwe plays and guys like Rodney, Devoe, and Ralph continue to develop I could see a Sweet 16 run, but more likely they'll end up with a lower-upper division finish in conference and around a 6-7 seed.  If Trevor doesn't end up playing and everybody stagnates, you're probably looking at an NIT bid.

Q.  What do you see as the pros/cons of the Twins going out and acquiring Cliff Lee? & are you as baffled/outraged as I am that the Twins allegedly have interest in guys who have been designated for assignment by crappy teams like Pittsburgh and (not as crappy) Toronto (Encarnacion from Tor & some other reliever guy for Pittsburgh)?

-  Andrew W.

A.  The pros of acquiring Lee are that you have an established, proven, shut-down pitcher who always gives you a chance to win and is capable of essentially winning a game all by himself.  Not to mention an outstanding 1-2 punch at the front of the rotation, which can be all you need in the playoffs.

The cons would depend on what you gave up.  I highly doubt they'd be able to or even interested in signing Lee, so you're essentially paying for his services for a few months.  Additionally, every contender is going to be after him, so that price might get driven up pretty high.  The real worry is if they make the trade, don't advance beyond the first round, and then one or more of the traded pieces develop into a star.

Even so, I'm still advocating a Slowey/Ramos/third prospect offer.  Slowey is the kind of pitcher the Twins' minor-leagues are riddled with, so there should be no real issue with trading him.  He throws strikes and has below average stuff.  They have 10 more of these guys ready at AAA.  Ramos is obviously the center piece of the deal, and I'm not saying they should be jumping at the chance to get rid of him, but it's obvious catcher here is taken care of for a while, and they need to use this chip before the shine wears off.  Even if Ramos turns into an all-star, if Lee gets the Twins to the World Series it's worth it.

Also I am pretty sure there is no way they will have the balls to make this trade.  They will be too afraid to "mortgage their future" and instead will continue with the routine of making the playoffs and getting bounced by the Yankees.  Lame.

And I don't know anything about the Pirate reliever, but as far as 3B goes I'm just fine with the Twins exploring any and all possibilities to fill that hole, even if it means looking at the Blue Jays' castoffs or 93-year old Mike Lowell.

Q.  I’ve caught hints in a couple of posts that you watched LOST.  I’d be curious to know what you thought of the final season/finale and the series as a whole.

- John R.

A.  Faithful watcher of Lost since episode 1 here.  The show kind of lost it's way, but it veered pretty hard from what I thought I was getting myself into in the first place.  I was expecting a "stranded on an island with monsters and shit" and instead got something essentially out of the Twilight Zone.  Not that I'm complaining.

One of the best TV moments I can remember watching ever (EVER) was the first flash-forward episode in the season finale of I think season 4.  An absolute, knock-you-on-your-ass-holy-shit-no-way moment if ever there was one.  Or the opening to season 3, where The Others are sitting around, living a normal life and you think it's a flashback.  Nope, it's in real time, and the plane just crashed.  Awesome, awesome tv.  Right up until they started in on the Time Travel, this was the best show I've ever seen.

It was still good, just not great, and I was looking forward to the finale and have mixed feelings about it.  The island stuff was solid, giving you a nice wrap-up to the whole thing, and although they didn't answer all the questions, they answered enough for me.  The sideways world thing I think they could have done without, and if the final season focused on the island, and solely the island, I think it would have been stronger.  That being said, I also understand the need to finish with a big emotional payoff, giving you a happy ending for the characters you watched for the last 6 six years, and it did that.

Overall, I was luke-warm on the finale at first, but I've warmed up to it.  I would still strongly recommend the series to anybody who hasn't seen it, just know that after being blown away for four seasons, you just kind of coast to the end.

Q.  Which is your favorite shark movies of ALL the shark movies?

-  Kaylyn K.

A.  They rank like this:

Tier 1:  Jaws (not just a tier 1 shark movie, a tier 1 movie of all-time, and one which desperately needs to be released on Blu-ray)
Tier 2:  Jaws 2
Tier 3:  Jaws 3, Spring Break Shark Attack
Tier 4:  Almost everything I've blogged on here
Tier 1000000:  Shark Hunter, Deep Blue Sea
Tier 1000001:  Jaws 4

Out of the crap in tier 4, it's tough to pick a favorite.   Malibu Shark Attack will always have a soft spot in my heart for the worst science out of all of these (not counting Jaws 4).  Raging Sharks had Vanessa Angel, which is good, but also had some sort of alien crystals which caused sharks to attack humans, which was very, very bad.  And who could forget one of the Baldwins in Sharks in Venice?

But the best for pure campiness would have to be Shark Attack 3:  Megalodon.  Just go ahead and click on that link, and if you don't want to read the whole thing just watch the Youtube clip at the end.  Totally awesome.

And by the way, I really want to see Red Water again, a movie about a bull shark in a freshwater river starring Kristy Swanson and Mr. Belding (and Coolio).  I watched it when it first came out in 2003 and haven't seen it since, and it never seems to be on TV.  If you ever see that it's going to be on, please please please let me know.

And that's that.  Thanks for the mailings, folks, it was fun.  Feel free to go ahead and email at anytime if you have questions you'd like answered.  I can't say the amount of mailings was anywhere near enough to make this a regular thing, but still, go ahead and email anytime, and I'll get back to you (on here, probably).  Or, if I get enough again, the second ever DWG mailbag.

Two last things:

1.  It seems Super Sioux Fan has finally gone ahead and cracked.  And I mean all the way this time.

2.  It seems Wendy Peffercorn turned into quite the party girl.  No idea if Benny or Ham were involved.

It was probably Squints' fault, anyway.