About Last Night......10/13/2011

Is this a new feature?  Maybe. 

1.  Justin Verlander is on a whole different plane of existence than anybody else.  It's not that he pitched 8 innings in a game where the team's bullpen was essential empty (because Valverde and Benoit had pitched three straight days and everybody else sucks), and not even because he threw 133 pitches.  I can't decide what was more impressive - the way he clearly didn't have his best stuff early, but made the right pitches at the right time, got a little bit of luck, and, as much as I hate to use this word, gutted it out, or that walking off the mound after the 7th he was sitting at 123 pitches and you knew damn well he wasn't giving up the ball.  It didn't quite work out since he got an out and then gave up a single and a home run, but still it was pretty awesome.

Is this more Scott Baker, or Kevin Slowey?  Can't decide.

Honestly, what do you think would happen if a Twins pitcher threw over 130 pitches in a game?  I'm guessing Gardy and Anderson would shut him down for the next two weeks to look for signs of arm fatigue, even if he felt fine.  In the regular season this year starters threw over 120 pitches one-hundred thirty times - only 2 of those were Twins (Blacky, Liriano).  The last time a Twin hit the 130 pitch mark was Kenny Rogers in 2003 - since then 86 non-Twins have thrown over 130 in one game, including the great Livan Hernandez a mind-numbing 14 times. 

Look, I get it.  Not every pitcher is capable of that kind of performance, whether physically or mentally it's not something everybody can do.  Fine.  But every October you see it - whether it's Verlander, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Curt Schilling, or Fatbathia, there are some truly magnificent pitching performances that come with their own aura.  And the Twins have babies, whether because of coaching or the pitcher's own limitations, and I'm just sick of it and I'm sick of all of you.  Maybe this post was a bad idea.  I need a drink.

SIDE NOTE:  The Twins' pitcher who holds the record for most pitches in a single game?  Willie freaking Banks with a mind-blowing 151 pitches in a game in 1993. 

Not long after this his arm fell completely off

I was going to write other stuff about other stuff too but then I got drunk forgot. 

Tuesday Talkings

I wasn't planning on posting anything tonight because, let's face it, just the idea of writing two days in a row makes me tired, but there's nothing else to do.

-  I'm watching the Twins for some reason (it's currently 3-2 Twinkies in the 2nd) and holy crap is Chris Davis the worst hitter ever.  Last night, when the Rangers scored something like 30 runs and had 64 hits, he went 0-6 and made two errors.  Now I've just watched him just wildly flail at two Pavano pitches.  He strikes me as the kind of guy who can crush a fastball if you try to blow it passed him, but any finesse whatsoever and he's hacking at it like Delmon Young wearing a blindfold.  Should end up being a hell of a softball player in a few years.

-  You want to know what sucks worse than Jose Mijares?  When you make a bet against Ryan Howard doing well because he's going up against Tim Lincecum and then Lincecum is scratched with the flu and Barry freaking Zito gets the start instead and gives up a home run to Howard in the first inning.

-  As you could have predicted there are a ton of rumors/stories/whatever regarding NFL player movement since they're actually going to play now, and there are plenty regarding your precious Vikings - McNabb, Sid Rice, Tavaris Jackson, Ray Edwards, and Kyle Orton are all linked to Vikings in one way or another.  I was going to run down each of these things individually but then I yawned and now I'm bored.  So I'll just say that T-Jax going to Seattle makes me giggle.  And lest you think they are just handing him a starting gig they've also signed sexy Matt Leinart.  And they still have Charlie Whitehurst who I'm pretty sure is a werewolf.  So yeah, I'd say they're in pretty good shape. 

 -  Other than that I guess losing Sidney Rice would be a big deal, but only because they don't have any other options, not because he's all that good.  He had one good year because Brett Favre realized that you can just throw the ball up high to him and no matter how not open he actually was he'd just go catch it.  Give him a real QB and he can't do jack.  Do you really think Ponder is going to come in and start flinging the ball around like he's playing drunk foosball?  No.  He needs precise route runners with good hands who can get open.  Rice can't do that.  If he comes back to the Vikes he's going to be bust city.  With Seattle he'd have a fighting chance, if only because none of sexy, crappy, or the werewolf are real QBs so they might buy into the whole "lob it up" strategy.

That being said, the Vikes still need him because what's the other option here, Bernard Berrian?  Buzz.  Your girlfriend.  Woof. 

-  Those two broads behind home plate are ridiculously hot.  God bless Texas.

-  I can't prove it, but I strongly suspect Carl Pavano is actually pitching underhanded.  It's the only explanation.

-  I finished the new Song of Ice and Fire book (same series that gave us the Game of Thrones TV show) and I'm stunned.  I cannot believe Voldemort was Frodo's father.  That is just stunning.

-  Chris Davis is the next Brooks Robinson.  Just so smooth, and such a termendous gloveman.

-  J.J. Hardy hit two home runs tonight.  That gives him 16 homers on the year.  You know who else has 16 homers this year?  The entire Twins roster combined.  Fact.  Hardy has become a top five shortstop in all the majors, meanwhile the Twins are hoping either a foreigner who dances around at the plate like Natalie Portman in that lesbian movie or a 28-year old who everyone is still waiting to reach his potential to take over the SS role.  Great.  At least the guys they got when they traded Hardy have done really well. 

-  FUN FACT:  Justin Verlander is completely unhittable against everyone in the league other than the Chicago White Stockings.  Tonight's line: 8ip, 7 hits, 1 walk, 7 Ks, 4 ERs.  Not bad, right?  As a Twins fan we'd take it every night, but not a great outing for Verlander.  The interesting part?  That's just the third time he's given up more than 3 earned runs in a start this year - two of them against the White Sox.  That's just the 8th time he's allowed as many as 7 hits in a game - three of those were against the White Sox.  That's just the 7th time he's had 7 or fewer strikeouts - 3 against the White Sox.  He's allowed 14 home runs this year - six of them against the Sox.  And it doesn't really matter because Detroit won and Verlander got the win, but it's kind of interesting.  Nobody else can hit him.  

-  Matt Capps just threw a fastball that was 93mphand pretty clearly had significant tail on it.  I'm pretty stunned too.  This is just like the ending of The Village - never saw it coming.

-  FUN FACT:  If Tim Lincecum is supposed to pitch and gets scratched they wipe out all player prop bets for that game.  The good news is that I didn't lose my Ryan Howard bet now.  The bad news is that I also had a bet on Aubrey Huff to not get an RBI and Vance Worley to throw more than 99.5 pitches, both won, neither was remotely affected by Lincecum not pitching, and neither is a win now.  Not fair.

-  Thome just came a few feet away from an opposite field jack to take the lead in the ninth.  Which is extra funny because I was just typing how I was watching this game and barely typed anything about it because the Twins have broken my brain.  Also funny - teh ball Thome hit should have been caught by Hamilton.  Looked like he misjudged it a little, got a little off-balance, and lunged a little too far in the wrong direction.  Just like that guy he killed by tossing him a ball.

Too soon?

-  Nishioka is a retarded version of Ichiro, and he just tied the game with a retarded version of a hit by hitting a bouncer up the middle and getting an infield hit out of it.  I really kind of hate him.  Only partially because of racist reasons.

-  Mauer pinch hitting.  Runners on the corners, tie game, one out.  Texas playing back at all infield positions.  You know why?  Because Joe Mauer is god damn ground ball machine and they know they can turn two.  Announcer guys are stunned by them playing back, but that's because they're idiots.  If you took a pitching machine and pointed it at the ground and fed it balls and had a contest with Mauer to see who could hit the most consecutive balls on the ground I'm pretty sure the machine would win.

-  Well fuck me.  You know that Simpsons episode where Skinner says something like, "You know none of these kids are going to college" and then when he realizes the kids are listening he says "Prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong"?  Well that's what I was doing there - daring Mauer to prove me wrong.  I'm a great motivator.

-  I also was going to try to look that quote up and to do it I just typed "google.com" into the google search engine box.  Maybe it turns out I'm the dumb one?

-  By the way, when Nathan blows this one I'm going to bed and not sticking around for extras.  I've got the new James Rollins book to read.

-  Ripped single, fielder's choice, hit batter, strikeout, strikeout and the Twins win and I gotta say, that was vintage Nathan:  some very good unhittable stuff with some terrible pitches mixed in.  He's back, baby.  Now somebody trade something good for him.

MLB 2011 Mid-Year Check-In, Part I

Since we're at the symbolic mid-year point for the 2011 MLB season, I might as well give you some thoughts to chew on from my super smart brain.  I'm going to go with the pleasant resultss so far this year today, and tomorrow I'll toss out the big disappointments.  As usual, we'll be covering the entire league as well as your local nine.  In no particular order:

1.  Michael Cuddyer.  I wrote him up glowingly just a week ago, but I'm just stunned by my own turnaround him.  Thanks to his knack for picking up his hitting when the team most needs his bat as well as his willingness to play wherever and whenever he's needed (unlike many others on this sissified team) I've come around on everything I used to hate.  The two things I hated most were his inability to law off the outside slider in the dirt when he had 2 strikes even though he knows it's coming and his media-whore-ishness. 

At this point, however, I've just come to accept that almost everybody has a hole in their swing and that's just his, and I'm beginning to realize his mediawhoreishness is really just attempt to be a team leader.  Seeing how Joe Mauer is an emotionless robot and Justin Morneau usually can no longer remember what day it is or what his name is, Cuddy's tried to become the leader the team needs.  Since he's really just a country bumpkin at heart it doesn't really come off all that well but at least he's trying.  

Hopefully they trade him for a prospect and then resign him at a reduced price next season.   Although I want Kubel back as well.  So I guess they need to trade Delmon Young, whose value is at an all-time low, and Denard Span, who looks like he may never play again.  This team can't even build a roster correctly. 

2.  Jose Bautista.  Let me guess.  You, like everybody else, figured Jose Bautista for a Brady Anderson like fluke last year, whether it was due to steroids or just some weird convergence of craziness or something.  I did, but after his start to this year - leading the majors with 31 homers already - I'm sold.  Maybe I'm really stupid, and obviously it's not out of the questions that he's getting pharmacological help for two years rather than just the one, but I'm now a believer.  Maybe I just want to believe.  I don't know.  It's not like this kind of neither never happens - it's just rare.

3.  Ben Revere.  I have to admit I was never really all that excited for Ben Revere.  All I ever heard was how he was basically the next Juan Pierre, and statistically Pierre isn't all that great.  He gets a lot of hits but makes a lot of outs because he never walks and he's fast with no power.  I wasn't interested.  But now that Revere is here, I get the good stuff.

Yeah, he'd still be better if he walked a bit more often and unless he develops some power he's going to struggle because the outfielders, especially the left-fielders, can play him shallow and take away that slap single to left, but he's fun to watch, no doubt.  Incredible fast, maybe the fastest Twin on the bases I can remember along with Guzman and Gomez, hits well enough, can steal bases, and is the best defensive CFer the team has had since Puckett.  I'm on board.  Whether he can ever develop into a true leadoff type hitter or will be more doomed to be a #9 is yet to be seen, but his downside is an exciting bottom of the order guy with his upside an all-star lead off hitter.  What's not to love?

4.  Adrian Gonzalez.  Remember how Gonzalez put up like sickening good numbers hitting in the grand canyon that is Petco Park while being surrounded in the lineup by guys like Chase Headley and Ryan Klesko and everybody said that he'd kill the league after he signed with Boston?  Well it's happening.  .354 to lead the league with 77 rbi to lead the league and 17 homers (ranks 10th).  If you're curious, a season with a .350 BA, 25 homers, and 120 rbi has only been done three times since 2000 (Pujols, Larry Walker, Magglio Ordonez) and not once since 2007.  Pretty crazy stuff.

5.  Justin Verlander.  Speaking of crazy, Verlander is having an absolute monster year of a career year, which is pretty amazing considering he's already finished in the top-11 in Cy Young voting four times in his six year career.  His ERA of 2.15 is a full run better than his previous career best while his WHIP of 0.87 is 0.3 better than his career high and his 12 wins so far are nearly 2/3rds of the way to his high of 19 (that's right, somehow Verlander has never won 20 in a season).  Looking at the nerd stats he's pitching nearly identically to how he usually does style wise, but the results have been better so we can expect Verlander to come back towards his career averages a bit (which is good for Twins' fans) but he's still a damn good pitcher either way wit the inside track on his first Cy Young win.  I really really wish the Twins could find a way to get somebody like this someday.  Come on, Kyle Gibson.

6.  Jose Reyes.  The Mets aren't very good or anything, but have been slightly better than expected aat around .500 and the biggest reason is that Jose Reyes has been completely and totally ridiculous.  He's currently leading the NL in batting average at .354 which is made even more ridiculous by the fact that he was hitting just .310 on May 22nd but has hit .413 in the 34 games since with multiple hits in 22 of those 34 games.  Basically with a crappy team whose #2 and #3 players are hurt in David Wright and Johan Santana they're in a position to get a huge return if they can find a trade partner for Reyes.  He's a free agent so they need to move him (or sign him I guess since they're a New York team).  Maybe the Twins could get him for a Mauer + Casilla combo.  Do it. 

7.  Paul Konerko.  Sort of lost in all the hub-bub over Jose Bautista transforming from 4th outfielder to most feared hitter in the AL has been Konerko's transformation from washed up old man to 2nd most feared hitter in the AL.  Although I'm sure all Twins' fans have noticed.  From 2004-2006 he was incredible with 3 top-22 MVP years, but then started a skid that looked like it was pretty much the final slide of his career.  In fact, for 3 straight years from 2007-2009 he was pretty average and an average hitting first baseman isn't very good.  But then last year - boom - .312 with 39 homers and he's continued it this year by hitting .319 with 22 HRs to this point.  Actually, know that I think about, Konerko's resurgence should probably be more suspicious than Bautista's transformation, but it just isn't because he's a rare commodity (a non-douchey White Sock) and it's fun to say Konerko Konorked it.   


8.  Scott Baker.  With all the hand-wringing over the Twins', and particularly over the state of the starting pitching, somehow it's been lost that Baker is having a career year.  His ERA at the break is just 3.01, ranking him tenth in the AL, which is a full run better than his career mark.  And, after an uncharacteristic start to the season where he was struggling to find the strike zone he's now got his walk rate down back where it traditionally belongs and is doing it while putting up a career high strikeout rate.  Basically he appears to really be coming into his own and he's doing it by doing things he can control:  strikeout rate, walk rate, and home run rate (which is down this year).  He's shown too many flashes in the past for me to be straight up excited by this and I have to say there's a big part of me that's just waiting for the regression, but I'm definitely mildly intrigued. 

9.  Michael Pineda.  Credit goes to Snake for drafting this guy for our fantasy team, but he's been an absolute gem.  His 8 wins lead all AL rookie pitchers and he also leads in WHIP at 1.04, ERA at 3.03, and strikeouts at 103.  In short, he's been a complete rookie stud who is the leading candidate to win AL Rookie-of-the-Year and a fabulous compliment to Felix Hernandez, giving Seattle an excellent 1-2 punch at the top of the rotation.  Unfortunately outside of those two, Justin Smoak, Ichiro, and Dustin Ackley the entire team is worse than the worst Twin.  Yeah, for real.

10.  Pittsburgh Pirates.  Speaking of teams that are usually really bad you have to hand it to the Pirates who, at 47-43, have a decent chance to finish over .500 for the first time in 18 years, and actually sent three players to the All-Star game.  Since they hired Neal Huntington as GM in 2007 they've been very patient and have worked to build their farm system and it's now starting to pay off (not unlike what the Royals are doing).  They've mainly worked through the draft (picking up Andrew McCutchen, Neil Walker, Pedro Alvarez) that way, but have also done well in trades, nabbing Jose Tabata from the Yankees (in the Xavier Nady/Damaso Marte trade that also netted Jeff Karstens), Ronny Cedeno from the Mariners for Jack Wilson, as well as starters James McDonald (from the Dodgers) and Charlie Morton (from the Cubs) for Octavio Dotel and Nate McLouth and they signed all-star Kevin Correia as a free agent and grabbed all-star Joel Hanrahan from the Nats for nothing.  They're definitely building something in Pittsburgh.  Whether they can go any further or if this is it, it's gotta be exciting if you're a Pirate fan.  Assuming those still exist.

Week in Review 6-27-2011

I know I had mentioned that I was going to try to do a retro live blog of the NBA draft since I couldn't watch it myself, but I just couldn't do it.  I already knew what happened.  It's kind of like tivoing a Gopher basketball game, finding out the lost by 10, and then watching it anyway.  You just wouldn't do that, because the fun of watching sports is watching an event with an uncertain outcome in which you are emotionally invested in the result.  Knowing what happens and then watching is stupid.  I know there are people who would tivo a game and then watch it even if they know the end result already.  Those people are psychopaths.
 

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Minnesota Timberwolves.  I think they'd have been better off using #20 by either keeping Motiejunas or grabbing Marshon Brooks (or trading it for a veteran SG or C - Brad Miller is retiring) but I can be talked into Kahn's madness because #1 - it's fun and #2 - they did get a future 1st.  The real reason I'm going to praise the mad man here is because, despite himself, he did the right thing and picked Derrick Williams - and kept him (at least thus far).  In my opinion Irving is the surest thing - his downside is probably a long-time starter - but I think Williams has the most upside in the draft.  I suppose this belongs in the back-handed insult department, but kudos to Kahn for not outsmarting himself even though it became abundantly clear he wanted to.  So hurray for competence, accidental or otherwise.

2.  JaJuan Johnson.  The awesome thing for him is that he managed to get himself drafted in the first round, so like, congrats.  What I'm really fascinated about, however, is that the player Snake and I have been calling "College KG" for four years because his skill set was so similar to KG (and Hakim Warrick, FYI) will now be playing with the real KG.  I'd say he couldn't find himself in a better situation with the perfect player to pattern himself after on the same team, but the word "mentor" doesn't exactly come to mind when you think about Garnett.  How is he going to react to a young, new player showing up who has the same game KG himself had 15 years ago?  Fights?  Verbal assaults?  Undermining his confidence?  Or maybe he'll actually see an opportunity to sort of live on after he retires by doing everything he can do help Johnson.  I doubt it, and I'm thinking more of the pushing and yelling is likely, but I'm totally fascinated here.  I've never watched Hard Knocks or whatever, but if they did a show like that on the Celtics this year I would totally watch.  And just fast forward to the KG/JJ parts.

3.  Evan Longoria.  Big sexy is back, in case you missed him.  Longoria struggled so far this year after returning from injury, but he finally broke out this week.  Well, maybe not a total breakout, but in his last four games he has two 2-HR games, including Sunday's game against the Astros where he went 4-6 and missed he cycle by a triple.  Interestingly enough, this little hot streak has started ever since Longo dropped the batting gloves which reminds me of this dude I played amateur baseball with.  See, I hit with no batting gloves because I like to feel the wood (insert your own joke here).  Snacks played on the team too, and he liked to wear eye black because it was the most effective way for him to keep the sun out of his eyes in the outfield.  We had another guy who used a ton of pine tar, another guy who wore two big wristbands around his forearms, and another guy who wore his hat slightly cocked to the left.  All these things were done because they worked for people.  But then we had this one little weiner dork on on our team who did all of them - no batting gloves, eye black, pine tar, wrist bands, and hat cocked.  God he was such a little idiot, and he sucked too.  This really has nothing to do with Evan Longoria any more.  

4.  J.J. Hardy.  Well the Twins didn't need him now did they?  While the revolving door of Tolbert/Casilla/Nishioka/Plouffe has put up a combined .225 batting average and a whopping .339 slugging, Hardy hit as many home runs this past week (3) as Twins' shortstop have all year.  He also has multiple hits in 6 of his last 7 games, and for the season has the 4th highest average of all MLB shortstops (.304), the second-highest OBP (.369), the highest slugging (.538), the highest OPS (.907), and the fourth most homers despite only playing in slightly more than half the team's games.  Basically he'd be the best hitter on the Twins:  only Kubel has a a higher average and he'd lead the team in both on-base and slugging and be tied with Cuddy for the HR lead at 10.  Meanwhile Jim Hoey's averaged more than 2 base-runners allowed per inning in his 17 shitty innings.  I hate you, Bill Smith.

5.  Justin Verlander.  I think he's a cyborg of some kind, sent from the future to rescue major league baseball from crappy, wussy pitchers who both suck and are marshmallow soft.  Him and Roy Halladay (and maybe a couple of others) are just a completely different species.  I've always wondered what would happen if Gardy was managing Verlander.  Say it's the bottom of the 7th and the Twins were up 2-0, Verlander is at 98 pitches and just gave up back-to-back singles with Mijares warm in the bullpen.  When Gardy goes out there to try to get the ball from him do you think they would actually get in a fist fight?  Is there any way we can make this happen?


WHO SUCKED

1.  Minnesota Twins.  Well it's over.  I hope you didn't get sucked into believing this team actually had the ability to turn around that 13-29 start or whatever it was.  I know the weak division and sliding Indians and everything made things look possible, but all you had to do was keep looking at that lineup.  50% of that lineup every game should be hitting ninth, which, based on the rules of baseball as set down by the great Abner Doubleday, is illegal.  I know injuries have played a huge part of it - the team only has four guys who have enough plate appearances to qualify for the batting title for christ's sake - but there were some pretty bad decisions made this offseason.   Specifically not looking for a viable back-up catcher when you know your starter is a china doll who only plays 2 out of every 3 games when he is healthy, deciding, "yeah, we'll go to war with Alexi Casilla as an everyday regular even though he's failed year after year after year" and not getting someone, anyone, to be insurance in case Morneau wasn't ready.  The season was set-up to be a  high-wire toward success, and the team tipped over and has gone splat on the city street below.  When you dig yourself a hole you can't weather a 5-game losing streak.  2 or 3, yeah.  Five?  It's over. 

2.  Sacramento Kings.  Let me get this straight.  First, the Kings trade the only guy on their roster who ever considers passing for John Salmons, a gunning ballsink with an absolutely enormous contract and the right to move down in the draft.  Then they usually their newly acquired 10th pick to draft Jimmer Fredette so they can team him up with Tyreke Evans in their back court.   This means their two starting guards both need the ball in their hands at all times and are both shoot first kind of guys, and their first man of the bench shoots the ball every time he touches it.  I think the two second round picks they made in Tyler Honeycutt and Captain Circus Ball himself were solid, but that can't over shadow this insane roster.  Fredette, Evans, Salmons, and DeMarcus Cousins?  Is anybody ever going to pass the ball?  And how quickly do you think Jimmer asks for a trade, before or after he's threatened with bodily harm by Cousins and/or Evans?

3.  Adam Dunn.  I'm going to admit that I was terrified when the White Sox signed Dunn.  Since he basically only hits homers, walks, or strikes out and the Twins' pitchers don't walk or strike out anyone I figured he basically just stand at home plate and hit tape measure home runs all day.  Turns out, however, the he's decided to completely suck instead.  This entire week he managed all of 2 hits (which both came in a game where he got 7 at-bats) and struck out 14 times.  14 times in one week!  I'm not a guy who looks at strikeouts as a huge negative, especially when balanced out with power, but holy crap that's ridiculous, especially when he's now struck out in his last seven consecutive at-bats and is now hitting .179 on the year with an OPS nearly identical to Luke Hughes.  Of course, it's still higher than Justin Morneau's so there's that. Plus Morneau is a huge girl.

4.   Madison Bumgarner.  It already feels like it happened 100 years ago, but you remember Captain Stripper Name's game against the Twins, don't you?  Let me refresh you:  single, double, single, double, single, double, single, double, strikeout, double, gone.  1/3 ip, 9 hits, 8 runs allowed.  Now  he did bounce back with a good game last night against Cleveland, but I feel like when you get shredded in such an epic way these things need to be mentioned whenever possible.  Especially when the team that shredded you ranks in the bottom 7 of all of MLB in runs scored, batting average, OBP, slugging, and OPS.  God what a fun year this has been.  I'm going to become a Lynx fan.


Just kidding.

5.   All the idiots who shouldn't have entered the NBA Draft.  There are always plenty of idiots who get bad advice and/or have an overinflated ego who go into the NBA Draft despite everyone knowing they have no chance of getting drafted or maybe a slight prayer at getting snagged in the second round except for them.  Some of those geniuses this year include Terrence Jennings of Louisville, who could have been a major player in the Big East next year, Jereme Richmond of Illinois who had a ton of potential but didn't bother to let it develop, Willie Reed of St. Louis who never had a prayer, Josh Selby of Kansas, who did get picked in the late second but probably could have been a lotto pick in a year or two, and Jordan Williams of Maryland, who was also picked in the late second but, like Selby, could have ended up a lottery pick in another year or two.  Well done, gentlemen.  Well done.  All of you will be awarded an Anderson Hunt Memorial Award for terrible draft decisions.


I finally started watching Game of Thrones.  Best show on TV, and it's not even close.  If you don't have HBO do yourself a favor and order it, download all the Game of Thrones episodes on HBO on Demand, watch them, realize how good this show is and how you've been wasting your time, and then cancel HBO after a month.  Brilliant.

Tuesday Talkings (+bonus surprise happy fun-time US Open Preview)

-  First off, congrats to Dirk Dirkington and the Mavs on winning the NBA title.  Just as Lord Locksley once told us "Never fear, good will overcome.  Trust in that" and it once again rings true with the evil Heat vanquished by the shining whiteness of Dirk.  Of course, rather than focus on that most of the media is trying to dissect what's wrong with Lebron, but at this point it should be pretty obvious, especially to anybody who spent a lot of time watching the Timberwolves.  Forget Jordan.  Forget Magic, even.  He's basically a more athletic, shorter, Kevin Garnett.  They both have skill sets that are amazing for someone their size, they're both physical freaks, and they're both very intense on the court - for 3 quarters.  Just as KG didn't want to be the man (or maybe simply couldn't be the man) with the game on the line, Lebron is similar, which is why his pairing with Wade generally works (don't forget, they did make the finals, even if they lost).

-  Two quick notes on AL Central pitchers:  First, Justin Verlander is the best pitcher in baseball.  He pitched a complete game 2-hit shutout tonight (7.1 no-hit innings) with 12 Ks and just one walk.  He now leads the majors with a 0.89 WHIP and has struck out 105 Ks while allowing just 73 hits.  105 Ks vs. 73 hits meaning you're 50% more likely to strike out against him than get a hit.  Not to mention just knowing he's going to go out there and throw and give you a solid game is an amazing luxury to have.  He's thrown at least 115 pitches in a game 7 times this year (and never thrown less than 104).  Jered Weaver is the only other pitcher who has done that at least 6 times.  He's just so good.  Best pitcher in the league, and I'm not even sure who else you could make an argument for.

The other AL Central pitcher worth noting is Carlos Carrasco of the Indians.  You may remember him as the dude who shut down the Twins and I'm guessing you figured he was just the latest in a long, long line of shitty pitchers who looked like jesus odin against the crappy Minnesota bats, joining the likes of Kyle Drabek (just sent to AAA), Aaron Laffey (demoted to bullpen), Mark Rcepczynski (also bullpen), Luke Hochevar (plain sucks), Jeff Niemann (either hurt or in AAA, can't find it), and Luke French (back in AAA for the third sraight year) - jesus would you look at that crap?  Anyway, Carrasco followed up his Twink shutdown by doing the same against the Yankees as well.  He might actually be good.  I'm not saying I'm just saying.  Keep your eye on him.  I'm distracted now though because Mrs. W is watching the Voice and Xtina's boobs have gone from sublime to ridiculous.  Of course, it's the kind of ridiculous that is also has some bad that goes with it, but I'd still pay a significant amount of money to motor boat those puppies for a few seconds.

-  Speaking of boobs, I was planning on writing more tonight but I just got a text message and an email from the one, the only, the great Grandslam with his always awesome golf preview, this time for the US Open which is happening this weekend.  So here we go:

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2011 U.S. Open Preview

It seems like every year the U.S. Open comes around, we’re discussing how it will be the longest course in U.S. Open History.  This year’s version will be exactly that.  The 111^th version of the U.S. Open will be held at Congressional Country Club in Bethesda, MD, and the course will measure at 7,574 yards making it the new U.S. Open record.  This year’s version will look much differently than it did in 1997 when the tournament was last held here.  The most notable change will be to the finishing 18^th hole which will once again be a par 4 after experimenting with a par 3 finish in ’97.  

The U.S. Open is flat out the most entertaining golf tournament of the whole year.  Many fans don’t like to watch a tournament where the possible winning score could be over par.  I personally enjoy watching the best players in the world struggle to get their ball in the hole.  It’s entertaining to watch a birdie fest, but watching a golf course that makes players of this caliber look like players at the local municipal is as entertaining as it gets.  USGA executive director Mike Davis has a theory every year when setting up the U.S. Open course, and that is to make it the hardest event these players play in all year.  To go with the length of Congressional, players can expect extremely fast greens, dry, fast fairways, and the longest, thickest rough players will see all year……if Mother Nature cooperates.

 

Once again the top story leading into a major is Tiger Woods.  However, this year’s story is a little different; the story is his absence from this year’s U.S. Open.  Tiger hasn’t played since The Masters and was expected to make his return this week.  Tiger continues to have problems with his left leg, leading critics to wonder when we will see him again.  I believe Tiger will return to form sooner than later, but from what we’ve seen from him lately, if he was playing this week, would he even be a factor?

Whether Tiger Woods was in the field or not this week, the 111^th version of the U.S. Open is wide open to the majority of the field.  With a winning score that I believe will be somewhere around even par (which the USGA is looking for) that brings a lot more players into the mix.  Schwartzel, Kaymer, Oosthuizen, McDowell, Mickelson, Yang, Cink, Glover, Cabrera, and Harrington…….what do these players have in common?  They won’t win the U.S. Open this year.  In the last ten major championships, we’ve had ten different winners.  Maybe we will have a first-time major champion if recent history repeats itself as the last four majors were all first-time winners.  

As for who to look for this week…….Well I don’t have all the answers, but whoever drives it long and accurate this week will almost surely find their name towards the top of the leader board.  As is every year in the U.S. Open, there will be a premium on hitting fairways as the rough will be up to 6” or more in some areas.  As well as accuracy, length will be a key to attacking the longest course in U.S. Open history.  I think it’s safe to say that the odds on favorite is Luke Donald.  He’s #1 in the Fed Ex Cup standings, #1 on both the PGA Tour and European Tour money lists, and oh yeah……the #1 player in the world.  Although Luke Donald has won twice this year (1 on each tour) including the biggest win of his career at the WGC-World Match Play, he will NOT win his first major this week.  Luke Donald has had an outstanding 2011 season thus far, but it could’ve potentially been record breaking.  Donald can’t seem to close tournaments on a consistent basis.  He has lost multiple times in 2011 in playoffs, and just can’t seem to find the consistency down the stretch on Sunday’s.  He’s a top-10 king this year, and that’s exactly where I see him finishing this week.

             

Alright Ladies and Gentleman, get ready to take these picks straight to Vegas……or at least your office pool.  Since this is my preview, I get to chose two players in each category so I don’t want to hear about it.

Winner:  Steve Stricker, Matt Kuchar

Contender:  Brandt Snedeker, Jonathan Byrd

Sleeper:  Kevin Streelman, Gary Woodland  

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And there you have it.  Grandslam says he doesn't have all the answers, but lucky for you I do.  Look to Hunter Mahan, Rory McIlroy, and Steve Stricker (good call here by Slam) as your favorites (along with Phil of course) with possible sleepers Jason Day, Jeff Overton, J.B. Holmes, Robert Allenby, Ben Crane, and and Brian Gay (all 100-1 or worse).  I also really like the Byrd call.  Side note:  Mrs. W is in love with Byrd.  If anybody knows him let him know if he wins the US Open and wants to work out some kid of indecent proposal that he should give me a call.

Week in Review - 05.09.2011

I was all set to write up something about Ralph Sampson staying in the draft, Tubby Smith sabotaging Gopher basketball, and idiotic decisions, but I've now see some tweets that indicate he may have pulled out at the last minute (unlike his dad) so I'll save that speculation for later in the week when something more concrete comes out.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Justin Verlander.  Remember when I picked Verlander to win the AL Cy Young?  I'm pretty sure that his no-hitter on Saturday proves that I was right.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking he only struck out four guys and I just recently downplayed Liriano's no-hitter for a lack of domination so how can I praise this one?  Well first off Francisco Liriano fucking sucks while Verlander is a god of pitching.  Second, Verlander only walked one dude and threw about 70% of his pitches for strikes while Liriano treated the strike zone as if it was .  Thirdly, did you watch the game?  Justy Just completely dominated fools.  The Blue Jays only hit two balls remotely well and really after about two batters you knew Verlander had a shot at doing it.  Just so good.  So dominating.  I swear every time I watch him pitch he makes me hate the Twins and every time Leyland let's him pitch his 125th pitch of the game I hate Gardy.  I hate everything.

2.  Vancouver Grizzlies.  Gotta admit out of all the surprising things in the sporting world, including VCU  making the final four and Alexi Casilla once getting a hit, Vancouver's playoff run thus far is way up there.  Of course a big part of that shock is because I had no idea Vancouver was in the playoffs until like Game Three of the first round, but they're gettin' it done now.  Knocking off the #1 seeded Spurs was surprising, but not as surprising as the semi-dominant fashion in which they did it (and my favorite part was watching Zach Randolph kick the crap out of that old man whiny bitch Tim Duncan.  Honestly the guy would send back soup at a deli)  Now they're up 2-1 on Oklahoma City after stealing game 3 with a furious second half comeback and surprisingly dominant performance in overtime.  With the Lakers getting bounced and the Grizz up, it's suddenly not ridiculous to think Memphis might end up making the finals.  Read that again.  Now set your own face on fire because Memphis is a title contender while the T-Wolves should just be contracted.

3.  Cliff Lee.  Clifford is always fun to watch pitch, but you never know which version you're going to get.  There's the don't-walk anybody, let the batter hit your pitch right where you want it version, and then there's the don't walk anybody, strike everybody out version.  Both are dominant in different ways, and both are fun to watch.  However, more accurately the version where he just strikes everybody the hell out is way more fun and that's the version that showed up this weekend to throw against the Braves and strike out 16 guys.  Of course the bad news is that he gave up 9 hits and 3 runs and they lost which may make some people wonder why I'd give him credit for being awesome.  Those people should just shut their big fat faces.

4.  Dirk Nowitzki.  God I love watching this guy.  He's too slow to be devastating, but he can shoot the lights out, he's six foot thirteen, and he knows how to use his body to create open shots.  I don't know if I love that slow motion spin and fade better or if I prefer the weird, awkward step back fadeaway that looks more like something that a dude who had never played basketball before would do, but it's impossible to stop and I'm pretty sure he shoots like 90% with that one.  He's just unstoppable and sweet.  And the best part is, as Bill Simmons laid out in a recent column, once he gets to the point where he can't carry a team anymore he's going to have a role as a more deadly version of Sam Perkins.  Probably with the same amount of pot though.  

5.  Andre Ethier.  Yes his 30-game hit streak came to an end over the weekend but it should still be recognized because a 30-game hit streak is really pretty remarkable.  More importantly have you seen this guy?  You look at his adonis like looks and his hair, realize he's a multi-millionaire who plays baseball and lives in Los Angeles, and I'm assuming he's basically beating gorgeous girls off with a stick.  His list of conquests must be epic.  Of course, it's tough to beat Derek Jeter who has gone out with Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Adriana Lima, Jordana Brewster, and Minka Kelly.  Then again, while I assume Ethier is a tender and considerate lover you know Jeter is just using these chicks - using them to cover up that he's a raging homosexual, I mean.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Los Angeles Lakers.  Wow, talk about a gutless performance.  Not only did the defending two-time champs - and defending two-time champs with nearly the same entire squad back - get bounced in round 2 but they got swept.  And not only did the get swept but they got ugly swept, losing the first two games at home and then getting run by 30 in the deciding game four.  No other word for it but pathetic.  The Lakers might be the most talented team, especially in the West, but it was clear they weren't 100% engaged in round 1 and they couldn't just flip the switch when they suddenly ran into a better than we thought Dallas team.  And that, in a nutshell, is the biggest reason Kobe will never be the next Michael Jordan.  Other than a very good game 1 (36 pts) Kobe basically was completely disinterested and finished the series with averages well below his season averages for the series in literally every category.  What a douchebag.  By the way, a rapist, a homophobe, and a black guy walk into a bar.  Everybody there was like, "Hey Kobe."

2.  Kentucky Derby.  Not so much for the race, because watching Animal Kingdom shoot from the middle to the front for the win was actually pretty exciting, but it was just kind of meh.  There was no great horse in this field and no great stories so there was no good lead-ups, so much so that most of the Kentucky Derby rubes I know said this was the least interesting derby in years.  Even the whole Calvin Borel, winner of three of the last four derbys, angle was lame because he ended up sitting on a horse that everybody knew was a shitbox.  Didn't help that I didn't win money (although I know Bogart was on Animal Kingdom so congrats there).  I hit a bunch of the mid-range horses and with Mrs. W's pick (Stay Thirsty) and Wonderbaby's first ever pick (Soldat) I basically had everybody covered as long as a long shot (other than Santiva) or the favorite didn't win.  Then this freaking dirtbag horse who has never even raced on dirt before and whose regular rider was out with an injury (yep, an injury to a jockey.  WTF has never seemed more appropriate) goes out and wins.  Least satisfying Derby ever.  And Animal Kingdom has no shot at even contending for the triple crown.  None.  Lame.  Gay.  Stupid.

3.  Brandon Lyon.  Can anyone explain to me why this dingleberry keeps getting closing jobs?  He's fucking terrible, which he proved once again this week by trying to close a game against the Reds, a game in which he dudes he faced went walk-single-single-single-double and suddenly a 2-0 lead was a 3-2 loss - a game that would have been rookie Aneury Rodriguez's first career W.  Although I don't know why anybody would be surprised since Lyon has sucked every year.  He sucked with the Diamonbacks, sucked with the Tigers after they gave him a nice 1-year deal and then said thanks but no thanks, and has sucked with Houston the last two years (after their inexplicable 3-year/$15 mil contract) and leads the league in blown saves this year.  Not since Ambirorix Burgos has a worse player been given the ball to close games.  Except maybe Matt Capps.

4.  Carl Pavano.  Hey, do you guys remember when there was all that talk about signing Pavano long-term, and everybody was like damn dude, you gotta be careful with this one because his margin for error is razor thin and at his advancing age things could fall apart in a big ole hurry?  Well I'm not saying he's done done, but there are some ominous signs.  And I'm not even talking about the really obvious stuff like getting slapped all over the yard in consecutive games by the Royals and Red Sox (2 games combined:  10 innings, 22 hits, 13 runs).  No, the scary part here is in those two outings Pavano tallied as many strikeouts as hits Joe Mauer's had since April 12th - a big fat zero.  Now, Pavano's never been a big time K pitcher but he's generally been around 5-7 per 9 ips.  Last year he set a career low at 4.8, and this year he's been even lower at 4.1 (before today's game).  That' a terrible sign.  Am I saying he's going to be terrible the rest of this year and probably end up waived before we even get to year 2 of his contract?  Yes.  Yes I am.

5.  Justin Morneau.  Sigh.  No doubt you are aware he's been bad this year, but do you know just how bad he was this week?  He hit .105 (2-19 and obviously no extra base hits).  Guess how many of his teammates had a worse average for the week?  Nobody.  At all.  Butera hit .143.  Casilla hit .125.  Repko, Tolbert, and Revere all beat him.  Unfortunately he's cooling off (if that was even possible) right as Cuddy, Span, and Valencia are starting to remember how to hit and the team just added the shortstop of the future in Trevor Plouffe, who probably deserves a spot in the WHO WAS AWESOME section but I forgot about him until just now.  This team can't win without Morneau's bat.  I mean, they can't really win with it either, but at least with him going they have a chance, however small.  Maybe somebody needs to just smack him in the head with a tire iron and joggle everything back the way it was before.  I'll volunteer.


In conclusion the Lakers suck are a punch of punks led by King Punk Kobe.  Although I have to give him credit for not being the biggest little bitch on the team in this series.  That honor would to to Andrew Bynum who pulled this move at the end of the shellacking the Mavs put on them to cap off the sweep:


I'm not even sure what my favorite part is, but I can narrow it to five parts:

1.  Steve Blake not really trying to get through a screen while guarding Barea.
2.  Ron Artest making zero effort to help out on said screen or when Barea starts to drive.
3.  Shannon Brown's "help defense" which consisted of a half-assed swipe at the ball.
4.  The biggest guy on the court (Bynum) completely destroying the littlest one while he's defenseless (but in Bynum's defense he was the only one who played any kind of defense on that play).
5.  And, of course Bynum taking off his jersey for some reason.

Basically just class personified right there.  In summation, fuck you Lakers!  I couldn't be happier.

Detroit City is Garbage

I made sure to get all my shit done today in the cesspool that is Detroit so I could pick up some beers, load 'em up with ice and put them in the sink, and watch the Tigers vs. Twins nightcap.  Then I get to my room, and guess what?  This gay hotel doesn't carry Fox Sports Detroit, which means no dice on the game.  They have ESPN on here twice, but no FS.  Sweet.  Luckily the hotel bar does, and that's where I am right now, drinking $5.50 16oz Miller Lites, which I luckily don't have to pay for.  They also claim they have wireless down here, but I can't seem to figure out how to connect.

-  We are in the bottom of the third right now, and it's 1-0 Tigers which has already been rubbed in my face by my waitress.  I must have been staring rather intently at the one tv the game is on down here, because she was asked if I was rooting for Detroit or Minnesota.  After it was 1-0, she came over and said, "My team is winning, my team is winning" and then asked, "whoever wins this game plays the Yankees this weekend, right?"  Jesus lady.  Braggy fans are bad enough, but at least try to have a clue.  Tip amount......dropping.

-  Ok, I now figured it out and I'm logged in, although I'm not sure how much good that does me.  I now just need to figure out an outlet.  My computer has been on since I left Minnesota, on account of I can't turn it off because when we were trying to watch True Blood Season 2 online I somehow downloaded like 20 viruses, most of which I've eliminated but one pesky one keeps hanging on and makes me have to reboot about 10 times to get my computer to restart.  It's pretty awesome. 

-  Now 3-0.  Maybe I won't have to worry about power after all.  Looking like a short night.  Thanks Dunce-ing.  Ha.  I just made that up.

-  Seriously, 3-0?  And Verlander looks as sharp as I've seen him, which of course, I predicted early.

-  Kubel with a hit, of course.  Now if Cuddyer can just stay hot and not look like the fool that he did in his last at bat.  Seriously, the need to get a run here soon. 

-  Nope, and we're scoreless through four.  Well, I mean the Twins are, obviously not the Tigers who are treating Duesning like Liriano.  Verlander is at 55 pitches (40 strikes, jesus) so he should peter out just in time for Fernando Rodney to shut the door.  Awesome.

-  In non-related news, Chuckie Knoblauch is in trouble for choking his common-law wife, which seems about right for a hick.  Tough break for her.  If he had just tried throwing things at her head she would have been golden. 

-  Dear lord is this guy next to me a loud eater.  Take a break tubby, the food will still be waiting for you in a few minutes. 

-  Duensing gives up a double and a single that inning, but manages to pitch his way out of it and thank god since Gardy had Keppel warming up.  They're still playing with fire here, need to get something going.  I'd also like to mention that the squeeze play in Game 1 might have been one of the worst decisions of all time.  I didn't get to see it or anything, since I was on a god damn plane, but I stand by my opinion.  Between that and taking Kubel out for a pinch runner, sometimes I think he tries to lose. 

-  Verlander with another dominant inning, including two strikeouts on some of the best pitching I've seen since Santana was in town.  Just filthy.  This guy needs a nickname.  Let me think on it.  Of course, my little waitress friend had to point out it was still three nothing.  And she keeps doing this thing where she rubs her shoulder on mine while kind of moving up and down.  It's very weird.  I wouldn't mind if she wasn't like, 70.  I'm going to start pretending she's hot.  Otherwise she's going to start noticing that I shudder every time she comes near me.

-  Duensing with a leadoff walk to Raburn, who moves up to third on a couple of outs and then they intentionally walk Cabrera, which probably ranks as the first smart strategic decision Gardy has ever made.  No we have Thames, and I'm pretty sure this is either going to be a home run or a strikeout.  I'm rooting for the strikeout.

-  Ok, a walk.  No problem, nothing hurt.  Inge is up, and he sucks.  Oh crap.  Nevermind, Gardy is going with Keppel.  I think my heart just broke.

-  First pitch, 2-run single.  Let's go ahead and put this one in the books folks.  I'd recommend Gardy just leave Keppel out there for the rest of the game, save the bullpen for the next two games.  Pavano vs. Bodine and Baker vs. Robertson.  Twins have the advantage in both games.  This was the game the Twins were most likely to lose, so I'm not going to quite wave the white flag on the season just yet.  Win the next two and it's tied, with the Twinks facing the Royals and the Tigers going against the Sox.  Yes, the Royals are pitching Greinke in a game, but I just read that Ozzie shuffled the rotation and now Peavy will pitch one of the games against Detroit.  He gave some stupid reason, but you know he's trying to spoiler, and god bless you for that Ozzie Guillen.  God bless you.  I'm sorry I called you gay.

-  Wow, a hit.  And a double even.  Denard Span breaks the streak of I think 34 consecutive outs by Verlander (29 Ks).  Don't worry, this won't go anywhere.  Verlander is still looking like a curve ball pitcher while the Twins look like Jesus Christ.

-  Cabrera knocks him in, but I'm still not excited.  Also just because he's played well these two games that's no reason to sign him for three years at $5 million per.  Settle down, Dawger and PA.

-  Mauer doubles, runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out and the best hitter in the AL up.  Still not confident. 

-  Kubel hit it well, but not well enough.  Gets a run home on a sac fly, still a runner on for Cuddy.  If they can get it to 5-3 going into the bottom of the sixth I'll feel pretty good.  Also Gardy can take Keppel out at any time.  Verlander up to 95 pitches. 

-  Cuddy swings right through a fastball, after changing his apparently irrestible candy of a down and away breaking pitch.  That puts Verlander at 100 pitches.  I'll feel much better if they get to the pen, but of course, Keppel has to hold the lead at three - not bloody likely.

-  Great catch by Mauer in foul ground, or in the stands, actually.  Looks like a fan got a piece of it, but they called the out.  I'm not 100% sure on the rule there, but I don't think that should be an out.  I'll take it though.  The Detroit fans at the table next to me (chubs left, probably to go order room service and porn) are livid right now.  Dudes.  Chill.  You're winning.  Spaz out tomorrow after Pavano tosses a no-no.

-  You're probably wondering what I had for dinner tonight.  Well, it was pretty non-descript.  We were in the air through lunch so had an early dinner at 4:30 at Buffalo Wild Wings.  I went with the Desert Heat, their new dry rub.  It's excellent.  I love a good dry rubbed wing.  Usually most places with a rub offer cajun, which 80% of the time just means "really salty" - although Sensor's has excellent cajun wings and so does Boston's - but this is a really unique spice.  It's got a hint of sweet and then a good chile pepper taste.  Highly recommended.  Keppel has gotten two outs and given up two hits.  Now we are getting Mahay.  Clearly Gardy has punted this game.

-  Mahay gets out of it.  Time to shine boys, time to shine.  *cue Eminem*

-  Or just go down as the easiest inning of all-time.  Brutal when Gomez has the best at-bat of the inning.

-  Snacks just texted me, "If Mauer is a 1B and Cabrera is a catcher, Cabrera is the MVP, right?"  So let's look because it's difficult to watch Crain pitch. 

Mauer:  .368/.442/.598 with 28 homers and 92 rbi
Cabrera:  .329/.399/.550 with 32 homers and 100 rbi

Jesus Snacks, I thought you were smarter than this.  Mauer's numbers kick the hell out of Cabrera's.  Also he leads the league in average, on-base, and slugging.  HE LEADS THE LEAGUE IN AVERAGE, ON-BASE, and SLUGGING.  Mauer could play DH and Cabrera could be Ozzie Smith at short and this still should go to Mauer.  Wow.  This is pretty embarrassing.  Kind of wish I hadn't started this blog entry right now.

-  Crain gives up no runs despite throwing more balls than strikes.  Good work. 

-  According to baseball reference, where we sponsor the Mo Sanford page, Joe Mauer's OPS+ this year is 181, while Cabrera is at 145.  That's the same as Barry Bonds career vs. Vladimir Guerrero.  Think about it.

-  Back to back singles with one out by Span and Cabrera, Mauer up and Verlander still in at 122 pitches.  This is quite the showdown right here.

-  RBI ground out.  Pretty anti-climactic.  Gets them to within a Kubel swing of a tie game though.

-  Big RBI double by the best hitter in baseball.  There is now a permanent ban on Kubel-bashing on this blog.  You dumb people keep trying to tear him down, and he keeps showing how he's the next Lou Gehrig.  Tying run on second with two outs and the Twin Cities' latest hero in Cuddybear up at the plate.  Still not excited.

-  Cuddy grounds out like a girl, reaching for yet another breaking pitch outside the zone.  5-4 as we head to the bottom of the 8th.  The good news is that Fernando Rodney is maybe the worst 35 save pitcher in history.  Just keep it to one run.

-  Guerrier gives up a leadoff homer in the 8th to Granderson.  Great. Waitress comes over to tell me she just loves Granderson because he has such a cute face.  Tip = 0%.

-  Down 2, heading to the top of the ninth with suckface Rodney coming on.  *cue Eminem again*

-  This city is really weird by the way.  I'm not going to bash it - yet - but I'll spend a lot more time down here tomorrow so I'm sure that's to come.  So far, it's looking very much like a have/have not situation, with a lot of really seedy, run down looking bars right next to pretty high end looking restaurants.  I don't think it knows what it's identity is.  And the cars are weird too.  For being mo-town, like the motor city, there are an inordinate amount of crappy cars and cars with damage that are still tooling around.  I'm not a car guy by any means, you pretty much have to be driving the ferrari from Ferris Bueller's Day Off for me to notice, but even I picked up on the multitude of shitty cars here.  Weird.  It's like if nobody here could play hockey.

-  Delmon lead off infield hit.  He's just so fleet of foot.  Willie Mays Hayes like, you could say.

-  Morales strikes out on a pitch at his eyes, and we're left with Tolbert and Punto.  Confidence is high.

-  Punto with a double over Granderson's head?  I have no idea how that happens.  Must have been a great pitch.  That was like when Katie Holmes took her shirt off in The Gift, completely unexpected and completely awesome.  All up to Span here.  Please, just please.  Come on. 

-   Nope, lazy fly out.  Like I said, that's ok.  This was the game they couldn't really expect to win.  Now they need to get the next two, no way around it.  I'll be in attendance tomorrow, so hopefully I have something to cheer about and get beat down by Detroitians who are angry at life because of the cities crappy economy. 

-  70 year old super hot waitress just came over and said, "well they still have the doubleheader tomorrow."  Ugh.  Seems like a good way to end the night.

Thursday Things (Twins, Threesomes, and shitty ptiching)

- How the holy hell did the Twins win today? Naturally the game wasn't on television, because there's far too much fishing, racing, and poker to be shown on Fox Sports during the day, so I couldn't watch it in our conference room, but I had the gamecast from MLB.com up on my computer at my desk in my big office on the 30th floor with the big window. Justin Verlander was mowin' down fools, like I warned he would, with twelve strikeouts of idiotic Twins' hackers and no runs allowed through six. Scott Baker the home run maker had matched him through five, also giving up no runs (which I assume meant the Tigers were hitting a lot of line drives right at defenders), but then came the inevitable implosion in the top of the sixth. The Tigers lit him up for five runs in the inning, which included a hit by Adam Everett (ADAM. FREAKING. EVERETT.)

At this point I mercifully had a meeting which I would love to tell you all about but I wasn't paying attention because it was boring and I was busy thinking about my girl Bianca Kajlich:


So when I get back to my desk, the Twins have somehow won 6-5. I have no idea how. It appears Verlander's arm was pretty much about to fall off when they brought him out in seventh (ended up with 122 pitches) and he promptly (after striking out Crede of course) gave up a rare hit to Buscher and a walk to Punto and was yanked for Bobby Seay - who I have decided to call the Matt Guerrier of Detroit. Seay got just one out and gave up three hits and a walk to lose the game. Actually, Crede got the game-winning hit off Zach Miner, but Seay definitely Jesse Crained this one.

And of course, Gardy got thrown out for being an idiot. I love when he throws his gay little temper tantrums. It really makes me proud to have him as a manager. Well, that and his gameday genius. Like batting Matt Tolbert second. Second. Right after first. Between the next Ricky Henderson and the Baby Jesus. Essentially guaranteeing the Twins could never get three hits in a row to start a game. Because Tolbert sucks, you see.

He is, of course, hitting just .200 now after a stellar 0-4 today, in which he decided to not even come close to making good contact. Sure, 30 at bats so far this year is a pretty small sample size, but I feel pretty comfortable saying that his ceiling is Denny Hocking.

Let's go ahead and ignore the hitting second thing, and instead point out that Brendan Harris should probably be the everyday second basemen, especially over Tolbert who has now started in EVERY SINGLE GAME SINCE HE WAS CALLED UP. All 8. Go ahead and count it. I'll wait.

It's just so frustrating to have a jackass like this as manager. It's like that manager in little league who plays his kid over players who are better, except he's running a multi-million dollar business.

Back to Brendan Harris. He's hitting .309/.360/.441 so far this season. Those numbers put him 10th, 12th, and 12th amongst second basemen in the majors. Better average than Chase Utley. Better OBP than Dan Uggla. Better slugging pct. than Dustin Pedroia. Plus he can play three positions. Yet he's behind Tolbert, Punto, and even Buscher. Makes zero sense, except, like I Hate Cuddyer Guy said, "It's just because Gardy is a fucking dipshit who plays favorites right?"

Plus, check out this story from The Todd. Originally relayed here in the comments, but it deserves to be promoted to main post status:

[I was fortunate enough to attend the Twins game this afternoon, compliments of work.

And as luck would have it, a coworker of mine seems to know EVERYone. He played college ball at St. Thomas so that has to say something right?

Anyway, he informed me during the game that Brenden Harris has been bangin some UofM chick for a while now and when he does, insists that the doors be open so all the girls in her house can hear it (classy if you ask me).

Moving on, he's wanted and has been pressuring her like hell to have a three some with some other chick in the house. Well apparently this all came to a head last weekebd (or two), said chick broke down whilst wasted calling the cops etc etc. Harris now has a restraining order against that entire house. Or so he says.

God I love baseball!

I need another drink.]

How do you NOT start that guy?

- Speaking of the Twins, do you remember the god awful pitching rotation the Tigers of 2003 trotted out? You remember, the team was terrible and everyone knew they were going to be terrible and overall the ended up losing 119 games? It was supposed to be a group of young bucks who would eventually develop into something special but out of Mike Maroth, Jeremy Bonderman, Nate Cornejo, Adam Bernero, and Gary Knotts not one of them has pitched an inning in 2009 and only Bonderman has a shot at being anything at all.

Well, those guys, who combined to go 25-77, had a combined ERA that year of 5.50. The Twins five "young guns" this year have a combined ERA of 5.17.

I'm just sayin'.