Just Watching some Baseball and Stuff

Sitting here watching the Rays/Indians Wild Card game, and since the Danny Salazar vs. Alex Cobb match-up is less than intriguing rather than Live Blog the game I'll just write down some thoughts as they run through my head instead, especially since I haven't been around for a while what with feeling a bit under the weather.

Bets for tonight:

Rays -115
Alex Cobb UNDER 6 Ks (BIG!)
Danny Salazar UNDER 5 Ks (BIG!)
Delmon Young UNDER 2 h+r+rbi
Cobb UNDER 96.5 pitches  (MEDIUM!)

-  Since you asked, yes, I do like the 2 Wildcards in each League format.  I know some people hate it, but some people hate spicy food too - people are morons.  Think about it like this:  when there was just one Wild Card, you had 3 division winners and the WC in each league, so where's the advantage of winning your division when the WC and one of the division winners are treated exactly the same?  If you were out, say, a game from the division lead with 2 games to play and had the wild card wrapped up there was no incentive to try to win it, rather rest your players and set up your rotation for the playoffs.  Now?  There is a HUGE advantage to winning the division - HUGE.  No idea why people don't like it.  You guys are all idiots.

-  Speaking of things that people like, I usually don't like things that people like but I admit I'm pulling for the Pirates this year (and no, it has nothing to do with Francisco Liriano or Justin Morneau).  I just think that after so many years of being terrible I'd like to see them have a nice run, just like if the Royals made it.  I know Pittsburgh has had plenty of success with the Penguins and Steelers, but I don't know, such a historic franchise just being managed into the ground into an almost total failure, then rising 20 years later?  It's a good story.  And one us Twins fans should start to think hard about.  MORE GARDY!  HOORAY FOR BEING CRAPPY BUT LIKABLE! MORE RON GARDENHIRE PLEASE!

-  Oh good, Salazar has it dialed up to 98.  Excellent.

-  My my how things have changed with the optimism regarding the Gopher basketball 2014 recruiting class.  After getting mentioned by many, many top recruits and making numerous final cuts, it looks like they're going to get out with Josh Martin, who, right or wrong, dropped well out of ESPN's Top 100, and whichever of the Big 3 (if any) Pitino manages to grab.  There's still plenty of time and plenty of players left to get a solid class (Carlos Morris, Nate Mason, Josh Cunningham, Bonzie Colson, etc.) but the dream days of a monster class are dead, barring scoring two of the Minnesota kids.  I'm not knocking Pitino and I'm only a little disappointed, if only for myself for expecting a miracle, but it seems shooting for the stars with a brand new head coach with only a short time to recruit for the 2014 signing period may not have been the smartest thing for my mental health.  It turns out obsessively refreshing Twitter on a recruit's decision day just makes you angry and tired.

There's still no reason to panic or to start worrying about Pitino as a recruiter.  It isn't easy to make up ground in one off-season when most of these kids have relationships with other coaches going back years, and it's also tough to sell a program when suddenly someone like Michigan State swoops in at the last hour and steals a kid away like Pennywise the terrifying clown.

Yes, this is Tom Izzo.

So let's chillax a bit, bro, and dial it back.  Grab a couple of decent kids, pray for 1 (or 2!!!) Minnesota guys to stick around, and let's see what Pitino has as far as game planning/game day chops and then give him a full year+ of recruiting before we throw a fit.  Yeah, it's quite the change in tone from the reaction after he was hired and when he had gotten off to an intriguing start with recruiting, and I'm as guilty as anybody, but it's more realistic as well.  What I should have said a long ass time ago was that Pitino probably wasn't a hot shot young kid with a good name who was going to set the world on fire, nor was he an over-matched poor hire who was going to drown, but the truth, as in most things, lies somewhere in the middle.  We'll find out approximately one year from now, if not sooner.  No, this isn't doom and gloom here.  I like the Martin kid, and if nothing else Reid Travis is said to now be seriously considering the U, where he wasn't prior to Pitino coming around.  So that's something.  Love has patience.

-  I caught up on Breaking Bad in about 2 weeks just in time to watch the final 2 episodes "live" and there's no doubt in my mind it's the greatest show of all-time.  I'll admit to not having watched The Wire or The Sopranos, the two shows most think of as being in the running with BB, so the only other things I have to compare it to are Lost and Game of Thrones (Comedy is a different category in my opinion, and that's a Seinfeld runaway - Simpsons would have been right there too if they ended it after like, 8-9 seasons - with Scrubs solidly in second but without the re-watchability factor of Seinfeld).  Lost was right there where Breaking Bad was for 3-4 seasons and then fell completely apart, and Game of Thrones is based on books that I've read multiple times so there are no real surprises.  Thus, nothing compares to Breaking Bad.  Finale was pretty much perfect, and if you disagree you're mentally ill.

-  Good sweet lord, is Delmon Young the greatest playoff hitter of all-time?  He just hit the unhittable Danny Salazar about two billion feet out to left.  I know shit like, "clutch" doesn't technically exist and stuff like that but it's hard to believe when every time you look up Delmon is back in the playoffs hitting another home run.

-  Speaking of the mentally ill and Delmon Young, keeping Ron Gardenhire is still nagging at me.  He's not the worst manager in history, obviously, and a lot of his issues are exacerbated by a front office and club mentality that both enables and emboldens him, but the game has passed him by.  Whether you want to call him "old school" or ""stuck in his ways" depends on how generous you want to be, but he's not a forward thinker.  Whether it's sac bunting all the time, loving the stolen base, the insistence at speed in the leadoff spot at the expense of getting on base, the insistence on someone who can "handle the bat" in the 2-spot at the expense of getting on base, the whole "pitch to contact" thing, the "hit to all fields" thing, the love of the scrappy white player, or his refusal to platoon players no matter how much their splits call for it, that's a lot of "advanced" strategies that he refuses to engage.

I get that the guy is probably a great clubhouse leader and I would probably pick him out of any major league manager in steak grill-off or beer chugging race, but enough is enough.  Look at the teams who made the playoffs:  The Rays, Indians, Pirates, and A's all use advanced metrics, defensive shifts, and platoon situations to take small payrolls and maximize their ability to win games - something the Twins could certainly use.  But look at this quote from Terry Ryan,  

"I don't think he likes to platoon players at all. I don't either. Put guys out there that are everyday players, then you don't have to platoon. You're always looking for players that can play 162 games, right? That's what I'm looking for. I don't go out looking for platoon players."

 That doesn't accomplish anything other than validate the manager's outdated philosophy and style, and explains why nothing has changed from when Jacque Jones was constantly starting despite being nearly helpless against lefties to Trevor Plouffe constantly starting despite being hapless against righties almost ten years later - he hasn't had a reason to change so why should he (oh, right, the success of the A's, Pirates, Rays, and Indians this year).

Last season, for example, the A's had Brandon Moss and Chris Carter - both of whom could crush pitchers who threw with one hand, but struggling against pitchers who threw from the other.  So they put them together and ended up with 556 plate appearances and put up a line of .267/.349/.559 with 37 homers, 91 rbi, and 86 runs scored.  That's basically Josh Willingham last year, except he made $7 million (and was considered a steal) while Moss and Carter combined to make about $6 million less.

At this point baseball has evolved to the point where doing things "the right way" isn't enough because "the right way" is constantly changing.  For a time, building a team on solid fundamentals and not walking opponents was a winning strategy, but you need more.  It's no longer a checkers match, and although chess match might be a bit much it's getting closer.  Too bad the Twins just resigned a manager and still have a GM who are stuck on Connect Four.

BAM!  Don't pretend you don't like that analogy.

Actual Picture

-  Intentionally walking Delmon Young - so it's come to this.  Baseball is a strange, strange game.  And my satellite just went out.  Fucking weather.  God bless you internet.

-  So I have early season futures (To Win World Series) on the A's (33/1), Braves (14/1), and Cardinals (23/1) so that's pretty good.  Of course, I also had Twins, Royals, and D-Backs and that's pretty bad, but I'll take that 50% every time, especially since I wasn't exactly confident in either the Twins or Royals picks.

-  Danny Salazar exits with 4 Ks.  I'm a genius.  Time to get Alex Cobb out of there.

-  I just stumbled across a twitter conversation between a recruiting expert and a Gonzaga blogger, and the gist is that if that Looney kid commits to Duke before Reid Travis makes a move it's suddenly a West Coast battle between Stanford and Gonzaga.  Yes, I know recruiting experts generally know only slightly, slightly more than the the general public with a few exceptions (I'll put Adam Zagoria up there) and bloggers know basically nothing, it's still not a fun read.  I don't want to talk about it.

-  Satellite went out again.  This time the steam I found is in Spanish.  Excelente!

Well the satellite's not coming back and my internet feed is apparently shit.  I'm also tired and have already written too much for any mortal human to read.  So I guess I'll see you guys later.

These MLB Playoffs are Pretty Neat, Guys (+ new Gopher BBall Commit)

Taking a break from the NCAA Hoops Previews to weight on on the baseball playoffs, an awesome collection of series so far.  I'm enjoying the hell out of this, and it helps that I have a ton of money down on futures (Tigers to win AL, Cards to win both NL and World Series not to mention loads of props on every game).  Seriously, it would be great if there was some kind of player rewards card for people who make way too many bets.

Speaking of, check out this information for more on players reward card.  Before I talk hardball, however, I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention that the Gopher hoops team picked up another recruit for 2013 in power forward Alex Foster, joining Alvin Ellis as a future Gopher.  Foster is a 6-8 skinny kid from Chicago who was thought of as one of the best players in Chicago way back when he was in 8th grade, but who has since tailed off a bit and is ranked by ESPN as a middle-of-the-road 3-star recruit (his other offers were from Tennessee and Nebraska, again according to ESPN).  The good news here is that he is super athletic, and with that pedigree (yes back to 8th grade but still) offers considerable upside.  Like Ellis he has been a target of the Gophers for quite some time, which means that even if Tubby isn't signing the greatest players he is at least able to get the guys he really wants to sign here.  Good, not great, signing, but at least things are moving in the right direction again, not to mention setting up a regular pipeline to Chicago (Ellis is also a Chicago kid) can only be a positive.

Also, quick, the reports on my new favorite Gopher Charles Buggs are in from the "Midnight" Madness scrimmage last Friday and by all accounts HE.  IS.  AWESOME.  Led all scorers with 10 pts on 4-4 shooting including 2-2 from 3 and grabbed 2 rebounds, plus was apparently one of the more impressive dunkers in the dunk contest?  Are you kidding me?  He's everything I always knew I always wanted.  I seriously can't wait.  We goin' Sizzla.  

Ok, now on to baseball and I'll start with the Wild Card.  From day one I was in favor of the change to two wild card teams per league with a 1-game playoff and I'm pretty sure I'm right.  I understand the criticisms many people had such as complaining that they were just trying to manufacture drama, that anything random can happen in a 1-game series so it was meaningless, and so on.  But the fact is, winning the Wild Card the last few years was basically the same as winning your division.  Other than not having home field advantage (and one division winner wouldn't have it anyway) and playing the best team (if that team happened to not be from your division) what was the difference?  Basically nil.  Now?  Winning the Wild Card puts you at a drastic disadvantage compared to a division winner because if you get hit with a bad call (Atlanta) or run into a hot pitcher (Texas) you're done.  I think it's awesome and if you don't I hope you get a stomach parasite.

The sucky thing about the Division Series is we lost all the interesting teams.  Only Oakland, Baltimore, Cincy, and Washington haven't been regular playoff fixtures in recent times, and all four lost.  I was glad, actually, to see Washington get bounced just because their decision to shut down Strasburg irked me so irksomely, but I would have loved to see Baltimore, Cincinnati, and/or Oakland advance just because it's more interesting than watching New York and Detroit again.  That being said, how great was it that every single series went the full five games?  And it wasn't just that they went down to sudden death, but how it all happened.  If even one of these scenarios happened this would have been an awesome round of the playoffs:

• St. Louis falls behind 6-0 in the third inning of Game 5 and are down to their final strike twice before rallying for four in the ninth to win their sixth straight elimination game.
• The underdog Orioles refuse to die and push the hated Yankees to the final game with two games going extra innings (back-to-back 12 and 13 inning affairs) and three total one-run games.
• Oakland scares the crap out of Detroit by winning games 3 & 4 after having been down 2-0, leading to Justin Verlander throwing one of the best games in playoff history (in Oakland no less) to advance the Tigers.
• The Giants lose the first two games at home, then win the next three in Cincinnati to knock out the Reds.

So yeah, it sucks that none of interesting teams are still left, but there's still plenty of interesting things going on here in the LCS's, including the incredibly enjoyable collapse of the Yankees.   Granderson and A-Rod are striking out at a World Record pace, but even they aren't hurting the team as much as Robinson Cano (who not only hasn't hit but also made a game killing error (I know it wasn't technically an error because you can't assume a double play but that was an error)) and Nick Swisher (who has been so awful both at the plate and in the field that he's definitely played his way out of New York and may have cut his contract in half both in terms of money and duration).  This has been great in so many ways, and I'm so glad the Yankees hit like crap in the Orioles series as well as this one, because otherwise this would be so set-up to add to the legend of Jeter.  This would all be blamed on them not having "The Captain" and everyone would be in boner mode.

Now I can see this series going one of two ways.  The best way would be that Justin Verlander completely shuts them in game 3 in near no-hitter fashion, they continue to desperately scramble at the plate and resort to crazy tactics (such as hit-and-running with Raul Ibanez and his Matthew LeCroy like speed) to try to score any runs at all and they end up getting swept while the world rejoices.  Or, because the Yankees are some evil demon and everyone knows that demons are notoriously hard to kill, they will somehow manage to destroy Verlander and end up winning this series in 7 games.  I know that would suck, but in another way it would be good to get to root against the Yankees for another series.  I'm still rooting for them to get swept here though, because they are dicks.

As for the NL, how freaking sweet must it be to be a Cards fan?  All they ever do is win.  In 2006 they won just 83 games but played in a crappy division so they won a playoff berth where they managed to beat two superior teams, setting up a World Series against the massively favored Detroit Tigers.  Naturally the Cards won by somehow getting the Tigers to make 8 errors in 5 games and holding them to a .199 batting average despite pitching dudes like Anthony Reyes, making them the worst team (record-wise) to ever win a World Series.  In 2011 they again made the series against the Rangers after qualifying for the Wild Card on the final day of the regular season and fell behind 3-2 and were twice down to their final strike before rallying to win and then won game 7 to take another World Series.  Now they were basically about to be eliminated by the Nationals but somehow turned it around to win that one as well.

I mean, enough is enough, right?  Stop rubbing it in, guys.  They're like the anti-Twins with their postseason play, not to mention that they lost the best hitter of the last 10 years to free agency, lost their starting first baseman (Lance Berkman) and starting shortstop (Rafael Furcal) to injury, and got just 20 starts from Jaime Garcia and 3 from Chris Carpenter, yet here they are.  I like the Giants and all, even without the usual Lincecum, but how can anybody fight that Redbird mojo?  It's a true law of nature like water or dinosaurs.  Sorry Giants, but you can't fight against dinosaurs.

Saturday Night Live

So I'm sitting here at my parents house with the Bear watching both the Gopher hockey match and the playoff baseball.  My kids are asleep and I'm over here because the Mrs. has a fever of 101 so I had to get the kids out of that Outbreak environment.  We just housed some awesome chili that I made using no recipe and just using what I could find around my parents' house - and it was brililant.  Drinking a couple Coronoas sans lime, and I figured, what the hey, might as well try to find the ole mojo and live blog this bitch, amiright?

-  Scores update - Texas up 3-2 and threatening to blow the game open, Gophers also up 3-2 and I don't know if they're threatening to blow that one out because my understanding of hockey comes from NHL 95.

-  Scherzer walks Napoli on a 3-2 count which sucks because I have Napoli to strikeout in this game.  Scherzer is a dick.

-  Look at this douchebag right here.

-  I'm told the Gopher hockey team looks like they're much better this year and the reason is because they brought back Mike Gentzell, because without him all the coaches were nancy boy feelings coaches who told the players "don't worry, it's ok buddy, get 'em next time" when they screwed up.  But this Gensall guy is more of the Bud Kilmer type who will kick your ass if you're reading Slaughterhouse Five instead of your playbook, even if it's an awesome book.  So anyway the Gophers should be a tougher team this year which I suppose should mean they'll be better and also I have no idea what their record is.  Oh, and for the record, I've heard our hockey guy, Black Snake, hates that Gentzell guy.

-  Some mongolian looking lefty just served up a nice meatball to whoever the Murphy is who plays for Texas and it's now looking like I might have to watch hockey the rest of the night.  At least the Gophers are on the power play right now.  That's the only part of hockey that makes any sense to me - pass it around and get a good shot.  The rest of hockey is just a confusing blur.  Can we get that glowing puck thinger back?

-  GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

-  Pretty sure it was the Gophers.

-  Confirmed.

-  You ever do that thing where you switch the first letter/sound of a guys first name and last name that PA now does even though me, Snacks, 2P, and Bear invented in when we were growing up?  What's your favorite:  Bitch Recker or Fuck Chinley?

-  Delmon boots a routine groundball in left, then, even though the boot means the play at home is now not a possibility, he throws it completely over the cut-off man so Kinsler can get to second and take the double-play chance away.  Looked so familiar.

-  It's now 9-2.  I think I'm going to have to watch hockey.  And the Wild is on, and there's a game on the NHL network and then there's a late game on the NHL network.  This is my own personal hell.

-  Nice 'stache Holland.  He must have lost a bet.  That has to be it, right?  Nobody would voluntarily grow something like that, right?

Oh, hello Derek Holland.  I think your mustache looks smashing.

-  Oh, hello Fox Sports North Girls Paige and Jenny.  'Sup?  I have a Protege with a spoiler if you want to see it some time.

-  You know, I have no real problem with the Rangers as long as they aren't killing their own fans, but can we cut the crap with this "loosey goosey fun loving bunch" shit?  That's the same thing everybody would be saying about the Red Sox, but they didn't make the playoffs so instead they fire the best manager and GM they've ever had.  Enough already.

-  Beer isn't working, just impacting on the surface, switching to vodka.  That was a weird mix of a Top Gun quote and a Star Wars quote, but by the time I realized I was mixing them up, like poor Porkins, it was too late to pull out.

-  MAVIS BEACON reference!!

-  Story from the Bear, "So I have this bike, and I don't know what brand it is or whatever but the model name is the Sorrento.  So I took a piece of tape and wrote Paul on it and put it in front of the model name."  I don't know what's worse, that he's 34 years old or that I can't stop laughing.

-  Gopher power play coming up.  The most beautiful thing in all of hockey besides Paige and Jenny or whatever there names were.

-  GGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

-  We've now found some shitty wrestling on the CW.  I cannot believe I used to watch this crap, even as a kid.  At least I had the decency to grow out of it.  If you are over 15 years old and you watch wrestling just go ahead and remove your own eyes with a bucket of acid.

-  Wrestling announcer guy just compared this wrestler guy to Deion Sanders.  Probably because he's black.  Yes we're still watching.  Missed a UMD goal in there somewhere but it's worth the tradeoff to me.

-  Ring of Honor camerawork is just terrible.  There's a lot of crazy shit happening outside the ring between the tag-team guys who aren't in the ring and we're missing all of it.  Looks like someone didn't get the script.

-  The team in the black pajamas beat the team in the purple booty shorts using the small package move after a kick in the junk - double entendres galore.

-  The ref is asking the winning team if they kicked the guy in the nards and they won't admit to it.  You know who would admit to it?  That kid from that commercial about basketball and sportsmanship who is all like, "It was out on me coach, it was the wrong call" and then goes to tell the ref he got it wrong.  There's no chance that ref wouldn't tell the kid to get the hell out of his face, right?

-  5-4 now Gophers, we missed another goal by the dirty Bulldogs.  ROH wrestling is officially bad luck.

-  Jesus Christ Delmon Young is the worst hitter in history.  So glad I bet on him to have more total bases than David/Daniel/Dale Murphy, who has two singles tonight.  I hate everything.

-  GOPHERS WIN!!!  GOPHERS WIN!!!!  Boner!!

-  The Wild might have just lost in OT.  TOO SOON TO TELL!  There were 8 people in the crease, the goal scored off a skate, and the goal was off it's posts.  If that counts as a goal I'm going to burn Canada to the ground - for inventing hockey, you see.  Actually I should probably do that anyway.  Plus their money looks weird.

-  Need Napoli to K here.  It's going to have to be looking because there is zero fucking way Brad Penny can put one past anybody.

-  Fucking hell.  I hate gambling.

- Text from Bogart:  "I ate a steak tonight that cost $129."  What a dick.  Outback is a special treat for me, and Black Snake usually eats squirrel or possum or whatever he can shoot out his backyard window.  And I think Dawger subsists on Ramen and veggie-burgers.

-  Just took Arizona State +18.5 so we have something to watch besides wrestling.  Will probably still watch wrestling.

-  Musberger just told us that some freshman for Oregon is nicknamed "The Black Mamba."  What the hell is that shit?  Kobe is the Black Mamba and everybody knows that.  You can't recycle the nickname of a guy who is still playing, especially when it's something unique like The Black Mamba instead of just initals like LT and LT.  Although I suppose this information is coming from the guy who actually said, "This is for all the Tostitos" while announcing the Fiesta Bowl, so I suppose it's exceedingly possible that he got his tip sheet for this game mixed up with one from the NBA Finals from a few years ago.  Likely, even.

-  I miss Leapin' Lenny Poffo.

-  World's Greatest QB Andrew Luck threw for 336 yds and 4 TDs today.  More importantly, did you know his nickname is The Black Mamba.

-  Nelson Cruz just hit another home run.  I'm impressed by his postseason, but not really impressed by that home run because he hit it off of Brad Penny, who once again did not strike Mike Napoli out, because he's freaking terrible.  I don't even think he could strike Austin Jackson out.  Also Buck and McCarver are the worst combo ever.  Of anything.

Yep, worse that this.  Which me, Snacks, The Egyptian, and assorted others drank one New Year's Eve 

when we ran out of booze.  Was a bad decision what the hell is going on with this spacing?

-  If Delmon can get a 2b here I can push my bet, anything more I can win it.  And the waste of talent hits a squibber in front of the mound.  I am terrible at everything.  Except cooking.

-  We've been flipping to Monday Night Raw (which doesn't make much sense tonight) for 20 minutes or so.  Still no wrestling.  The soap opera crap is a bit out of control, but apparently people watch this.  Sickos.  But I can tell you what, this guy in the ponytail isn't very happy.

-  Just found a live stream of the Hopkins/Dawson fight.  Also just threw down a cool $10 spot on Hopkins.  I'll bet on anything.

- Bernard Hopkins is 46 years old.  He also wears an executioner's hood into the ring.  I can't decide if these are good omens or bad.  Probably bad.  Also, on Raw, some weird dude in a nose guardy face mask thing like Willie Burton wore just ran in the ring and beat up some guy who was supposed to be fighting some fat black dude.  Then he put a paper bag on the dudes head after he beat him up.  This is the weirdest night ever.

-  ROUND 1 Summary:  Nobody did anything.  Dawson tried one rush but missed everything.  I score that round Hopkins 0, Dawson 0, not watching boxing 8 (and I love boxing).

-  ROUND 2 Summary:  What.  The.  Fuck.  So the match has been called a no-contest because Dawson kind of picked Hopkins up and then Hopkins either hurt his shoulder or pretended he hurt his shoulder and couldn't go on, so they called it.  Honest to god between this and the Mayweather fight I don't really know what to do with boxing.  I haven't watched in years, and now as I try to get back to it I get this garbage.  I give up.  Also on wrestling there were just two hot blonde broads fighting some asian chicks and then it cut to Keith Hernandez.  I told you this was the weirdest night ever.

I don't always watch wrestling, but when I do, I prefer broads.

-  Took Oregon -7.5 for the second half.  So if the Ducks win by between 12 and 17 we win double money.  Anything else and it's a minuscule loss.  Had to be done.

-  God Seth Meyers is awesome.

-  Argument:  I think Anna Faris is hotter than fire.  Bear thinks she's a "plain jane."  Discuss.

Oh.  Hi.

-  Oh for fuck's sake they ruled it a TKO for Dawson.  Boxing is so stupid and I lost more money.  I'm going to go throw myself off a bridge assuming someone can drive me to one.

-  Just flipped over to bull-riding.  You heard me.  The dudes riding the bulls are now wearing kevlar vests and goalie masks.  The last bastion of the true man is now dead.  The only real man left is Ron Swanson.

-  Just learned Bear is a big Jim Rome fan.  Seems like a good time to call it a night because I'm pretty sure I need to punch him in the nuts now.

-  Bear:  "I need some wrestling up in here."  So we switch to Raw or whatever, and we see some wrestler guy limping off into the locker room.  Wrestling and Boxing are completely interchangeable.  Sad.  Also the Miz is wrestling so this seems appropriate:

I taught the Miz about black people!

-  Bear requesting some popcorn chicken up in here.  And at the same time we discover the WWE is doing a battle royal.  I don't recognize any of these people, and there's some giant ginger dude who's wrecking shit, but I'm all in.

-And the big Ginger is elimnated!  This is the worst fucking thing I've ever watched and I've watched bull riding tonight.  Such a weird night.

-  Everyone was elminated within like 4 minutes.  Now it's just Miz and some dude.  And oh my god controversey!  The both went out at the same time oh my god kill me.

-  Middle on Oregon and Ariz state coming down to the wire.  very dramatic.  You're drunk.

-  Wide open ASU reciever for a tD. through his hands, right to a duck.  MIddled.  boom.  I can't type and neither can you and I just won money so eat it.

About Last Night......10/13/2011

Is this a new feature?  Maybe. 

1.  Justin Verlander is on a whole different plane of existence than anybody else.  It's not that he pitched 8 innings in a game where the team's bullpen was essential empty (because Valverde and Benoit had pitched three straight days and everybody else sucks), and not even because he threw 133 pitches.  I can't decide what was more impressive - the way he clearly didn't have his best stuff early, but made the right pitches at the right time, got a little bit of luck, and, as much as I hate to use this word, gutted it out, or that walking off the mound after the 7th he was sitting at 123 pitches and you knew damn well he wasn't giving up the ball.  It didn't quite work out since he got an out and then gave up a single and a home run, but still it was pretty awesome.

Is this more Scott Baker, or Kevin Slowey?  Can't decide.

Honestly, what do you think would happen if a Twins pitcher threw over 130 pitches in a game?  I'm guessing Gardy and Anderson would shut him down for the next two weeks to look for signs of arm fatigue, even if he felt fine.  In the regular season this year starters threw over 120 pitches one-hundred thirty times - only 2 of those were Twins (Blacky, Liriano).  The last time a Twin hit the 130 pitch mark was Kenny Rogers in 2003 - since then 86 non-Twins have thrown over 130 in one game, including the great Livan Hernandez a mind-numbing 14 times. 

Look, I get it.  Not every pitcher is capable of that kind of performance, whether physically or mentally it's not something everybody can do.  Fine.  But every October you see it - whether it's Verlander, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Curt Schilling, or Fatbathia, there are some truly magnificent pitching performances that come with their own aura.  And the Twins have babies, whether because of coaching or the pitcher's own limitations, and I'm just sick of it and I'm sick of all of you.  Maybe this post was a bad idea.  I need a drink.

SIDE NOTE:  The Twins' pitcher who holds the record for most pitches in a single game?  Willie freaking Banks with a mind-blowing 151 pitches in a game in 1993. 

Not long after this his arm fell completely off

I was going to write other stuff about other stuff too but then I got drunk forgot. 

MLB Playoff Preview

When TRE, from the latest and greatest Gopher blog Still Got Hope? reached out to me to ask if I wanted to do a co-MLB playoff preview with him my first though was "jesus that sounds like work."  Then I remembered that I've seen TRE in real life and he's a gigantic monster man who would probably rip my arms out my sockets and beat me over the head with them wookie-style if I angered him, so I figured I better do it.

So here's the protocol - I'm previewing the AL, he's previewing the NL which works well for me because my knowledge of the NL is on par with Super Sioux Fan's knowledge of cooking - NOT ALL THAT MUCH.  Then we'd each write a paragraph in response to the other's original paragraph.

Will we agree?  Disagree?  Fight?  Will we come to blows?  TOO SOON TO TELL.  But it should be exciting.  My pants are already half-off in anticipation.

AMERICAN LEAGUE



TEXAS RANGERS vs. TAMPA RAYS  

DWG:  Classic match-up here of momentum vs. unstoppablenessittude.  The Ranger offense is really good at hitting and scoring, much like Bobby Brown, and really has no holes.  But that's the fun thing about good pitching, it creates those holes.  Tampa has the two best pitchers in this deal in Shields and Price, and in a short series sometimes that's all you need.  Evan Longoria is looking sexy and mashing baseballs, and the Rays have heaps of karma from playing the role of Will Hunting to the Sox Carmine Scarpaglia, and saving the world from the hoards of Boston douchefans that always come out of the woodwork for the playoffs.  THAT ROBAHT ANDINO IS WICKED GOOD!  This should be a dogfight, but I give the edge to pitching and karma.  Rays in Five.

TRE:  Evan Longoria is as good a hitter as he is a dreamboat.  On Wednesday he basically willed the Rays into the playoffs and it was amazing.  TREbro cried like a river when the Sox missed the playoffs. (he's a longtime fan, don't try and make sense of it)  TREbro's wife bombarded facebook with Red Sox propaganda too.  None of that could make Carl Crawford not suck extremely hard.

The Rays and Rangers did this dance last year and it took five games for the Rangers to take them down.  They're a year wiser and a year better.  Rangers noob Napoli had a monster second half (.383 AVG, .706 SLG) and co-noob Adrian Beltre has returned from the hamstring injury and has destroyed in September. (Player of the Month I guess!) Tampa may have a slight edge in starting pitching, but Texas has a TRE's head sized edge in the bullpen.  Especially with Ogando and Holland joining the pen for the playoffs.

Oops

DWG is right that the edge should go to pitching, but wrong in choosing Tampa for having the edge.  This series goes to the Rangers.  Ron Washington will do a head spin on that bald pate of his afterwards.  Verdict: Rangers in four.

 


NEW YORK YANKEES vs. DETROIT TIGERS

DWG:  Obviously nobody likes the Yankees, that's a universal law like water or dinosaurs, but the question is do the Tigers have enough to knock them off?  Both teams have a stone cold ace at the front of the rotation and a bunch of question marks to follow so game 1 is even more important than it usually is in a 5-game series.  Just like the Death Star, Justin Verlander has one weakness, and his is giving up home runs.  If that comes into play with the 230 foot right field fence in Yankee Stadium and a bunch of power-hitting lefties the Tigers could get shoved in a hole they can't climb out of, especially since Jim Leyland has already said he won't pitch Verlander on short rest in Game 4 even if Detroit is facing elimination (Sabathia is already slated for Game 4) which makes so little sense to me I'm convinced Leyland was replaced with Ron Gardenhire.  Easily the most difficult series to pick.   It's either Yankees in four or Tigers in five.  I say Detroit gets two wins from Verlander and squeaks one out somewhere else.  Tigers in five.

TRE:  I love Verlander and think he's the best pitcher in baseball.  All of the cool kids are saying that now, but if you ask Doctor Detroit, I've been saying this for awhile.  I get this feeling though that the Tigers believe too much.  Fans think Doug Fister is the new Bob Welch.  A lot rides on CC Sabathia.  Can that big SOB that was somehow robbed once on the street get the best of Verlander?  If he does, it's freaking over.  Doug Fistplay will curl up into the fetal postion.  The bad news for the Yankees is they're not playing the Twins.  Since 2002, they're 12-2 in ALDS games against the Twins and 5-12 against everyone else.  Last time I checked though, former Twin Delmon Young was batting in the 3-hole.  Even Ivan Nova and Freddy Garcia can get Delmon out.  The Tigers are ready for this.  They're going to join the Twins in the slop bucket of AL Central victims by leg sweep.  Verdict: The Jeterses in three.

NATIONAL LEAGUE


ST LOUIS CARDINALS vs. PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES

TRE:  The Cards snuck into the playoffs on the last day of the season. They were down 8.5 games from Atlanta on September first, but went 18-8 in the month and watched Atlanta piss the bed. The Phillies get an opponent that they struggled with in 2011; going 3-6 against them. It sounds like we'll see Roy Halladay against Kyle Lohse in game 1 and Cliff Lee against Edwin Jackson in game 2. So, that's basically 2-0 Phillies. Since this is a best of 5 series, the Cardinals are pretty much screwed at this point. I assume they'd throw Chris Carpenter in game 3 against Cole Hamels; perhaps on short rest. That might get them a win, but then they'd lose to Roy Oswalt in game 4 against Jaime Garcia. Matt Holliday has an injured hand/wrist and is unlikely to start the series, but Allen Craig has played well of late. In my opinion the Cardinals lineup just doesn't stack up with the Phillies. It's basically Pujols and The Big Puma and pray for HBP. The Phillies have a lineup that's solid from top to bottom and they even have some decent depth on their bench. I suppose that explains the franchise record 102 wins. Verdict: Phillies in four.


DWG:  Ok great, the Cards went 6-3 against the Phillies this year.  That's awesome and everything but I mean, come on.  Nobody really thinks the Cardinals can win, do they?  It's taking every ounce of restraint and personal responsibility I have to not put the largest wager of my lifetime down on the Phils to win this series at -300.  Then again, the last time I discounted a Cardinals team this badly they ended up winning the World Series after the Tigers pitchers took turns playing the smash hit game "Throw the ball into the dugout."  Still though, the Phil's worst pitcher (of four) is better than the best St. Louis can trot out there and outside of Pujols their second string offense might be better than the Cards' starters.  Phillies sweep.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS vs. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

TRE:   This is an intriguing series and sadly will probably be the least watched due to market size. The Brewers have a solid lineup headed by my NL MVP choice Ryan Braun. Prince Fielder, Corey Hart and Rickie Weeks all bring a lot to the table as well. Casey McGehee took the year off, but I give him a break because he's bald and ugly like me.

The Brewers led the NL in homeruns and did it while posting a decent average, OBP and a relatively low strikeout total. They also brought in some pitching that doesn't blow goats. Shawn Marcum and Zack Grienke joined with Yovanni Gallardo to provide a solid top 3. Lefties Randy Wolf and Chris Narveson round out the rotation. They also have a solid bullpen with Saito and K-Rod joining Axford for the late innings.

Arizona also packs a pop with Justin Upton, Chris Young (the black one, not the tall dork from Princeton) and Miguel Montero being the core run producers. They also have a solid top 4 starters with Ian Kennedy, Daniel Hudson, Josh Collmenter and Joe Saunders. This is a five game series to me. Kennedy went 21-4 and will likely start the series against Gallardo. I really dislike that the Diamondbacks abbreviate themselves with "D-Backs". That's a little too close to d-bags. Verdict: Brewers in five.

DWG:  I agree that this will be an interesting series because these teams are pretty evenly matched.  Milwaukee has more star power with Braun, Fielder, Greinke, and Weeks and seem more glamorous, or at least as glamorous as annything from dirty, dirty Wisconsin can be, but Arizona is a surprisingly good, and complete, team.  Kennedy, Hudson, Collmenter, and Saunders might not sound like much, but they're one of the best starting groups in the NL.  I know, I didn't believe it either, but every single one of them has an ERA under 3.70 and a WHIP under 1.32.  Not really a true ace in the group, sorry Kennedy but I'm not buying it yet, but that really plays well for them.  They can reasonably expect to hold Milwaukee to 3 runs per game, so all they have to do is score 4 runs three times in five games.  They have one of the highest scoring offenses in baseball, so that shouldn't be a problem, and Justin Upton is the Patrick Jane of baseball.  D-Bags in five and TRE is an idiot and a traitor.

Game 1 - Yankees/Twins running Diary

I just finally got the baby to sleep (for how long who knows, stay tuned) but I'm just now able to put some thoughts down on virtual paper here for your game 1 Yankees v. Twins matchup.  We're in the bottom of the second, and here is what I have to say so far:

-  I really hate sac bunting in the first, especially with the second batter of the game.  If the pitcher just doesn't have it early, you're giving him a free out.  Plus, there's that whole thing about how sac bunts don't really help you very often, which has been statistically proven.

-  Liriano pees his pants when Marcus Thames is up.

-  Sabathia intentionally throwing at Thome because of that one time when they played together in Cleveland and Thome didn't invite him to a BBQ party at his house.

-  If Cuddy was saving it for the playoffs this year, I'm ok with that.  Although he owes us about 10 more based on his play all season.

-  So that's where we stand.  2-0 Twins, Liriano looking mostly good.  Sabathia just struck out Valencia who did an awfully good impression of someone who has never seen a slider before.  CC looks good, I have a hunch he's on tonight, but after intentionally beaning Thome because he slept with his wife he made his one mistake to Cuddy and luckily he was able to take advantage, so Liriano needs to keep this up and keep the Twins ahead because I don't think they're going to get much more.

-  Tonight's drink of choice:  Three Philosophers beer.  To be followed by Coors Light.

-  Double for Hardy, which proves that all of you who questioned me when I said the Twins had the advantage at shortstop can now suck it.

-  Slower Vince Coleman swings like a girl - again.  Inning over.

-  So I had the most fantastically interesting dinner last night.  We went to Vincent with work, the kind of thing I desperately miss with my new job, since if you pay way to much attention here you know I used to get fancy dinners all the time (along with a lot of fun travel) that I don't anymore, so I was really looking forward to it, and I ended up trying several things I'd never had.

We opened with appetizers both comforting (baked camembert) and exotic (escargot), and I did end up trying the snails, which was my first time ever.  They basically drenched them in a garlic butter sauce (to mask the taste) and serve them boiling hot (to mask the texture) which leads to me to ask why exactly people eat them at all, but I tried them and other than being hot they were fine.  Of course, I mostly tasted garlic butter, which I think was the point.  Back to the game, more about the meal later.

-  Leadoff walk to Gardner.  This, frankly, sucks, and Liriano is doing that thing where he looks scard to throw a strike, nibbles nibbles nibbles, and walks a bunch of guys.  At least Jeter's up, this is a double play waiting to happen.

-  OMG throw a strike asshole.

-  Base hit Jeter.  First and second nobody out and I want to cry.  That's the second 0-2 count he's had where he's allowed the runner to reach base.  I can't help but feel like we've got the bad Liriano tonight.

-  Two fly outs and a K of A-Rod that left him looking absolutely silly.  So maybe we have the good Liriano, although I'm starting to suspect they are one in the same.

-  TNT just let us know Sabathia and Orlando Hudson are good friends dating back to 1999 when they were teammates in the Sally League.  I wonder what color skirts they wore and who baited the hook when the went fishing.  Base knock, Hudson.

-  Mauer grounds out with Hudson running and slides into first like an idiot (but is out), but noone of that matters because O-Hud ends up taking third like Jake Taylor on a bunt.  Brilliant play.  I guess Hudson skirt is the color of rocket fuel and veteran savvy.  And he just scored on a wild pitch, 3-0 Twins.  I'm starting to feel good and I hate it.

-  Ron Darling, one of our announcers tonight, "Along with throwing, giving up passed balls has been a big weakness of Posada this year."  So what, exactly, is left?  I know.  I bet he always invites Sabathia to the BBQs at his house.

-  Favorite text so far tonight, courtesy of Snacks, "I will commit murder at a twins game someday due to bathroom etiquette rules."

-  Liriano gets Thames out.  Everything is coming up Millhouse.

-  Great inning for Liriano, which brings me back to my great meal.  The next course I had was a poached eggs with a salted cod puree, bell peppers, and little slices of some kind of sausage.  I'm not usually an egg fan, at all, but the other option for this course was a pureed soup of root vegetables, and I do not like pureed soups, so I went with this.  The accompaniments were good enough to offset my usual distaste for egg, and I thought it was quite good, although not very exciting.  More coming up.

-  Here's an idea - the Twins sign Carl Crawford for next year, trade Kubel or Delmon for a pitcher, and outright cut Cuddyer.  Who's in?

-  Next course I was really tempted to go with the white fish, because there's nothing more I like than a really well cooked piece of fish (other than maybe properly cooked, rock-salted prime rib with a well seasoned au jus) but I just couldn't bring myself to pass on the wild boar because, really, when am I going to have wild boar again?  It was pretty good, stringy to be sure and the closest taste I can come up with to it would be beef jerky (which is not remotely an insult) but overall quite good and I'm glad I had it.  Also came with brussel sprouts which I had also never tasted, and these were pretty outstanding.  I don't know if they were just good plain or if it was the squash puree mixed with them, but I was impressed.

-  1-2-3 for Liriano including a couple of strikeouts and he's back to looking sharp.  I'm really glad I didn't jump in my car, drive to Target Field, hop the fence, run on to the field and tackle and/or choke Liriano whilst yelling "They can't hit you asshole!" Not that I was contemplating it.  Barely even warmed up the car.

-  Oh, and FYI - I'm chatting with a Yankee fan as I watch, and if he's any representation of that team they are really, really down on this year's squad and don't feel remotely confident.  As in, win this first game and the fans, if not the team, will curl up and die faster than a snail in a boiling vat of garlic butter.  My biggest concern is who pitches the 8th.  That inning is going to make or break this game.

-  Easy inning for Sabathia, and through five these are a couple of good pitching performances, although nothing compared to Halladay's no-hitter earlier today.  Which, incidentally, is what the announcers for this game just talked about for that entire half-inning.  So, to recap, three idiots who get paid handsomely to do a job I could do much better, just spent an entire inning talking about a game that was already over.  Brilliant.  And I know everybody thinks they could be a better announcer than the actual announcers, and most of you are wrong, but I actually could be better.  I'd be the next Jack Buck (NOT Joe) crossed with a little Vin Scully and a dash of Keith Olbermann back when he was good combined with Brad Pitt's looks and Brad Pitt's body.

-  Texeira double here in the top 6 with one out.  It's still 3-0, and now I'm terrified Liriano is going to walk A-Rod because he's scared to set up the 3-run, game tying HR.  Seriously, if that happens this is a sweep.  No way the Twins could survive having the momentum yanked out from under them like that.

-  Indeed, he walks A-Rod (although I'm pretty certain that ball four was a strike).  Game all set to be tied here.  Full expecting my heart to be ripped out.

-  Base hit by Cano, 3-1.  I don't think I can do this.  Might have to just change the channel for a while.

-  Strikes out Thames, which has to be huge pyschologically since that guy hits everything Liriano throws, and hits it a ton.  Now it's Posada, and Franky is at 97 pitches so you know Gardy's hair trigger is getting itchy.

-  Old man time with a base hit to score one, now 3-2 Twins, runners on first and second for Granderson, who should probably strike out on 3 pitches.  Christ, guy has no clue where the strike zone is anyway.

-  Granderson off the wall.  Yanks lead 4-3.  I'm done.  Fuck this.

-  Oh my sweet christ Sabathia walked in the tying run after walking Valencia on four straight pitches.  How can that possibly happen?  And with two outs after having struck Valencia out twice already.  Just throw it down the middle and odds are he pees his pants.

-  Tied heading to the seventh, just waiting to see if it's Guerrier or Crain who loses the game.  In the meantime, I'll tell you about my dessert.  I went with the Nutella crepe with vanilla ice cream and I have to tell you this might have been the best thing I've ever eaten.  I had never had Nutella, but I know it's popular in certain places, and it was certainly popular with my mouth last night. The warm chocolatey crepe combined with the cold vanilla ice cream was perfect, and I'm not a dessert guy at all.  No chance I would have ordered it on my own if it wasn't part of our Prix Fixe menu.  And I'm damn glad it was.  Outstanding.

-  Crain on.  Hopefully he'll be the Nutella Crepe in my garbage can of my life.

-  Now I'm done for real.

Win Twins: American League Division Series Preview

Even though we all know the New York Yankees are going to sweep since they completely own the Minnesota Twins in every way, Kubel homer off Rivera aside, I feel like I should toss up some kind of preview of some kind since I like to pretend I'm a Twins writer. So how about we take a look, position by position, so we can truly get a read on how badly teh Yanks are going to own this sucker.

CATCHER: Joe Mauer (.327/.402/.469 - 9 HRs) vs. Jorge Posada (.248/.357/.454).  Mauer is going to win this battle against any playoff catcher this year, although there's somebody in San Fran who might make a pretty good argument, but his hitting - even with his power disappearing - combined with his defense make him easily the winner in this argument.  Posada is still an ageless wonder but his skills are starting to diminish, even though - and you're going to hear this a lot with NYY - he's still patient and draws a lot of walks and can still hit for power.  His arm is basically shot (he only threw out 16% of base-stealers this year) but that won't really matter since the Twins can't/don't really run.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins

FIRST BASE:  Michael Cuddyer (.271/.336/.417 - 14 HRs) vs. Mark Texeira (.256/.365/.481 - 33 HRs).  This year was an off year for Tex (worst avg, obp, and slugging since he was a rook), but he still blows what the Twins have to offer completely out of the water.  The bad Cuddy showed up this year, which is unfortunate because this is when they could use him most, what with their best player on the shelf the second half of the year.  Hopefully he can recapture some of that 2006/2009 magic, because the Twins are going to need all the big bats they can get.  Plus, Texeira is a 3-time gold glover, and although it's commendable that Cuddy is willing to play wherever they need him he's a god awful 1B-man.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees 

SECOND BASE:  Orlando Hudson (.268/.338/.372 - 10 SBs) vs. Robinson Cano (.319/.381/.534 - 29 HRs).  Look at those numbers.  Cano is just ridiculous.  Do you realize that slugging percentage of Cano's is the second-highest of any player in this series, behind on Jim Thome?  And we know what Thome has done, but Cano isn't that far behind.  And he plays frickin' second base!  I don't mind Hudson, despite the fact that he's hit .171 since September 8th, but he's far, far, far outclassed here.  Cano is basically Joe Mauer with power, while O-Hud is, well, Alexi Casilla with a a better reputation.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

THIRD BASE:  Danny Valencia (.311/.351/.448 - 7 HRs) vs. Alex Rodriguez (.270/.341/.506 - 30 HRs).  Similar to Texeira, A-Rod had one of the worst years of his entire career but still blows the Twins' offering away.  Not as badly as Tex, thanks to Valencia's high average, good defense, and the fact that he seems to be getting better, but Rodiguez is still so far beyond Dannyboy that, much like Dr. Dre said to his rival rappers, "You couldn't see me with binoculars."  Oh, and if you want to make the argument right now that A-Rod chokes in the playoffs do me a favor:  shut down the internet window you are viewing this blog on and never, ever, ever come back here again because you are a retard.  Also, and this has nothing to do with anything right now except that I'm watching Zombieland, I really dig Emma Stone.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

SHORTSTOP:  J.J. Hardy (.268/.320/.394 - 6 HRs) vs. Derek Jeter (.270/.340/.370 - 18 SBs).  In what is quickly becoming a common theme, Jeter is having the worst year of his career, but this one is at least close.  In actually, Hardy out OPSes Jeter, even though it's like comparing Alexi Casilla to Matt Tolbert, thanks to his higher slugging, and according to every defensive metric I looked it, which is everything fangraphs has, Hardy is a better fielder.  So we're going to have to give this one to Minnesota.  Which doesn't feel right.  And not because it's Captain Intensity and Sportsmanship, because he's been overrated for years, but because it's Hardy and he kind of sucks.  Sorry ladies.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins

LEFT FIELD:  Delmon Young (.298/.333/.493 - 21 HRs) vs. Brett Gardner (.277/.383/.379 - 47 SBs).  Tough call, because these guys couldn't be more different.  Young is the lumbering stick-man, finally coming into his own and showing some of his promise while at every pitch within a 4-mile radius of home plate.  Gardner is the fleet of foot slap-hitter who is probably the best left-fielder in baseball and is very selective at the plate.  It is close, but Young's extra power can't make up for Gardner's non-hitting skills.  And I don't mean like, his ability to cook a nice steak on the grill (top notch from what I hear.  He uses a little bit of garlic butter is the rumor), I mean the speed and fielding thing.   ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

CENTER FIELD:   Denard Span (.264/.331/.348 - 26 SBs, 10 3Bs) vs. Curtis Granderson (.247/.324/.468 - 24 HRs).  Sigh.  Remember when Span looked like he was going to become your prototypical leadoff hitter?  Like a poor man's Tim Raines with less steals?  Well now he's more like a poor man's Vince Coleman with way, way less steals (NOTE:  Coleman was actually a terrible hitter, which you probably don't remember because you were blinded by his blindingly blinding speed.  Blind.)  Granderson has been just barely good this year, but he destroys the new, slower Vince Coleman.  Quick, guess how many walks Spoleman has had since August 24th:  It's 12.  Jason Repko has nine in that same time frame, and he plays like every 8th day.  In short, Denard Span is a huge disappointment and I hope he gets the mumps.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

RIGHT FIELD:  Jason Kubel (.249/.323/.427 - 21 HRs) vs. Nick Swisher (.288/.359/.511 - 29 HRs).  Both of these guys would be better off playing softball so don't expect any great fielding antics (unless you count diving and catching a ball a normal fielder would get to standing up as a great fielding play), but Swisher is merely bad while my boy Kubes is basically a butcher of historic proportions.  And as far as hitting goes, Kubel is Kubel this year, while Swisher is what Kubel was last year.  No contest.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

DESIGNATED HITTER:  Jim Thome (.283/.412/.627 - 25 HRs) vs. Lance Berkman (.248/.368/.413).  Thank god Thome is involved here, because he'd win a comparison against anyone.  Berkman?  Please.  A-Rod?  Not this year.  Babe Ruth?  Sorry fatty.  Zeus?  No mythical beings allowed.  Jesus?  I said no mythical beings allowed.  So Berkman and his big giant chin have no chance.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins

STARTER #1/#5:   Francisco Liriano (14-10, 3.62 ERA, 1.26 WHIP) vs. CC Sabathia (21-7, 3.18 ERA, 1.19 WHIP).  This is an incredibly even matchup, especially because when you start looking at the nerd stats Liriano actually comes out pretty far ahead thanks to his great HR/9 mark and because his walk and strikeout numbers are way better than Sabathia's.  Just looking at the "mainstream" stats you'd pick Sabathia, but go a bit deeper and it's pretty obvious Liriano has actually been the better pitcher this year, and it's actually not all that close.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins

STARTER #2:  Carl Pavano (17-11, 3.75 ERA, 1.19 WHIP) vs. Andy Pettitte (11-3, 3.28 ERA, 1.27 WHIP).  This is a pretty even matchup, if you ignore the fact that the Twins seemingly couldn't hit Pettitte if he tossed the ball underhand.  A little wrinkle here is that Pettite is just getting back from injury, having pitched just three times since mid-July, and topped out at just 88 pitches in those three starts since returning.  Pavano has been very good this year, even though he's tapered off a bit since that streak of 18 consecutive complete games or whatever it was, and with his propensity to throw strikes the patient approach of the Yankees shouldn't bother him, and may even play in his favor.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins

STARTER #3:  Brian Duensing (10-3, 2.62 ERA, 1.20 WHIP) vs. Phil Hughes (18-8, 4.19 ERA, 1.25 WHIP).  One thing I really love about this matchup is that since the all-star break Hughes has been absolutely awful, with an ERA near 5 despite a fluky low BABIP of .262 and less than a 2-1 KK/BB ratio.  That means he's been simply dreadful.  And we know, outside of his last few starts, that Duensing has been brilliant this year, so all signs point to a Twinkie advantage.  Except of course, that the last time he pitched at Yankee Stadium in the playoffs he got shelled.  Still.....ADVANTAGE:  Twins

STARTER #4:  Nick Blackburn (10-12, 5.42 ERA, 1.45 WHIP) vs. A.J. Burnett (10-15, 5.26 ERA, 1.51 WHIP).  I know Blackburn has been pitching must better since his trip to AAA, and I know Burnett is mostly a mess, but I can't possibly give the advantage to the Twins here.  Blackburn doesn't have great stuff so he must rely on location so much that his margin for error is razor-thin, and when he's even slightly off he's gotten roasted by the likes of Baltimore, Oakland, and Kansas City - can you imagine what the Yankees will do to him if he's not 100% locked in?  It's not like Burnett has been great lately, since June 4th his ERA is 6.46, and I know Blackburn has come up in the clutch in the past, but I just can't do it.  Plus Sabathia is almost certainly going to be the one pitching this game.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

[NOTE:  New York hasn't announced their pitching lineup, so this is all just conjecture.  Good chance Sabathia comes back to pitch game #4 (where he'd obviously have a huge advantage over Blackburn), leaving Pettitte vs. Liriano for game 5 if it gets that far.]

CLOSER:  Matt Capps (42/48 saves, 2.47 ERA, 1.26 WHIP) vs. Mariano Rivera (33/38 saves, 1.80 ERA, 0.83 WHIP).  Father fucking time aka the Sandman just keeps rolling along, and you can throw out that blown save to the Twins earlier because those 2 ERs he allowed accounted for 33% of the ERs he allowed through August.  Of course, he's been super-mortal here in September, with an ERA of 7.38 and 3 blown saves in the month, but I'm not exactly ready to call him done just yet.  Plus, the best team Capps has ever played on before this year was a 68-win Pirate team, so not only has he never pitched in the playoffs, but he's really never pitched in a meaningful game.  Seriously, how do you feel when you think about Capps coming in to Yankee Stadium in the bottom of the ninth with the Twins up 3-2? Nauseous, at best.  ADVANTAGE:  Yankees

BULLPEN:   Crain/Fuentes/Guerrier/Mijaries/Rauch vs. Wood/Chamberlain/Robertson/Gaudin/Logan.  I haven't seen the Yankees postseason roster, so I'm not sure if all those guys will be on there, but the main three - Wood, Chamberlain, and Robertson - certainly will be.  Wood has basically been unhittable since he came over from Cleveland, but Chamberlain hasn't been great this year (although he still strikes out a ton of guys and can be untouchable when he's on) and Robertson is definitely hittable.  One thing that should help the Twins out is that the only lefty in the pen is Boone Logan, and although he's been good this year and particularly tough on lefties, he's been awful in his career overall and hasn't ever pitched in the postseason - could be where the Twins can take advantage.  Overall, despite the struggles in the last couple of weeks, I like the Twins' group better.  Although every single one of them scares me to death.  ADVANTAGE:  Twins 

Total it all up and the Twins look good on the mound, with the Yankees holding an advantage at the plate and win the overall breakdown by the slimmest of  margins at 8-7.  Of course, games aren't played with words on crappy, third-rate blogs, they're played between the lines where anything can happen.  Because this is your state, this is your team, and this is Twins Territory!

Yanks in 4.

But not if Wonderbaby^TM has anything to say about it.






If you're looking for another take, here's Reusse's breakdown using a similar method, but the results are very, very different and a lot more stupider.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME:

1. Gopher Football. Nice to finally be able to put them up in this category instead of down below, but they belong here after a very nice win at Illinois on Saturday. I won’t even emphasize how the Illinois were pretty much able to move up and down the field at will, and basically did everything in their power to give the game away and still managed to almost win. Instead, I’ll focus on the Gophers’ ability to make the big play when needed, whether the big run by Eskridge or VanDeSteeg getting after The Juice and causing yet another Illini turnover. Any way you want to slice it, this is a huge win for the program, and it really shows that they have come along way, even since last season. Although let’s not start talking Rose Bowl just yet, nerds. For a better breakdown on the game, check out Buck Bravo and The Gopher Football blog's takes.

2. Baseball Playoffs. How awesome are the baseball playoffs? It’s this time of the year when I really don’t understand those folk who dislike baseball. I can kind of get it during the regular season, since it is quite long with the 162 games – even though it’s perfect to me. But during the playoffs here? The awesome fun of the couple of extra inning games already? Watching Evan Longoria in his first playoffs, leading the young, awesome, fun Rays against the dirty evil Red Sox. Watching Cole Hamels and Dice K slice up the opposing batters, and just the whole overall dynamic where every game means so much. It’s just so awesome.

3. Andre Johnson. Speaking of awesome, did you see how the incredible and uncoverable Andre Johnson run around the Miami Dolphins secondary like they were children? The guy is just straight up amazing. Ten catches for 178 yards and a TD and it doesn’t even look like he’s trying. So good.

4. Penn State. Maybe the Big Ten does have an actual good team this year, just not the one everyone thought it would be at the beginning of the season. The Nittany Lions dismantled Wisconsin 48-7 over the weekend in Madison, running their Big Ten record to 3-0. With a win in the books over Illinois as well, they only have a game at Ohio State and a home game against Michigan State left to deal with. After everything else that happened this weekend, Penn State is up to #3 in the country and has a shot to end up in the National Title Game. Woo hoo! Go Big Ten!

5. Indianapolis Colts. If you're going to make a statement, why not make it against a top defense when your starting running back gets hurt after just two carries? Peyton shredded the overrated Ravens defense to the tune of 271 yards and 3 scores in a 31-3 Colts' win that ended up pretty much being a game of call your own score.

WHO SUCKED

1. Vikings. Wow, just wow. And not in a good way. A 13 point favorite at home against a team that is bottom five in the league in passing yards allowed, rushing yards allowed, and points allowed and you manage to come up with 12 points, 10 by the offense? And pretty much need to be bailed out by the refs to end up winning this game? Might was well forget about the playoffs at this point. Sure it’s a win, but this can’t be a proud day for that weirdo we saw at the Fridley Legion Saturday night wearing a Vikings hat, Vikings shirt, and Vikings pants. Yes, Vikings pants.

2. Patriots. I guess at least the Vikings won, unlike New England, who embarrassed themselves all over national TV against the Chargers last night, going down 30-10. I guess Tom Brady is pretty important to that team after all, especially since, with the exception of one long TD against Miami, Randy Moss has pretty much turned into Bobby Wade with Cassel running the show. Or maybe the problem last night was that Maroney was hurt? That's probably it.

3. Top 4 Ranked College Football Teams (Except Alabama). Now, as Snacks mentioned to me, some of these probably shouldn't be called "upsets", but three of the top four teams went down hard (insert your own joke) this weekend. #1 Oklahoma lost to Texas, #3 Missouri lost to Oklahoma State, and #4 LSU got beat by Florida. The only real upset here was the Mizzou loss, particularly being at home. Losing to Texas at a "neutral" site or losing at Florida is nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't really be considered at upset, but because college football's way to crown a national champion is so awesome, these teams are probably screwed now. I LOVE THE BCS!!!!!!11

4. Josh Beckett/Scott Kazmir. I was all excited to watch this big Kazmir/Beckett matchup on Saturday night, expecting a nice, tight, low scoring game, probably well under the post Over/Under of 8 runs. Instead I got Livan Hernandez vs. Carlos Silva. Kazmir "outdueled" Beckett, both not even getting out of the fifth, Kaz giving up five runs, Beckett eight. Beckett was pretty much the opposite of his big-time playoff pitcher reputation, getting absolutely smashed, while Kazmir, an excellent strikeout pitcher (led AL in K/9) suddenly turned into Nick Blackburn*, continually getting two strikes on guys and then letting them hit the ball very hard where there wasn't a fielder or sometimes even over the fence like that little weiner nerd Dustin Pedroia. Anyway they both sucked. And why the hell is the Tampa/Boston game at 3:30 today? Super irritating.

5. The DWG Jinx. I'm not exactly sure if this is awesome or sucks. Sometimes it happens to teams I actually like and/or talk up and it sucks, but to have this kind of power is pretty awesome. Last week, I mentioned Missouri, Vanderbilt, and the NFC East all as being awesome. Both Missouri and Vandy lost to inferior teams, while the Cowboys were upset by the Cardinals and the Skins gave the Rams their first win. Previous version of the Weekend Review talked up CC Sabathia who then got bombed in the playoffs, Scott Baker and the Twins who then lost to the White Sox, and East Carolina who were then upset by a crappy team to kill their BCS hopes. Now, I'm not saying this is all proof of a DWG Jinx or anything, but it's definitely something to keep an eye on. And let me just say, The Red Sox are totally awesome and will kick the crap out of everyone.


* comparison originally made by Snacks

It's Almost Here

We are exactly one week away from the start of college basketball season, with the Coaches vs. Cancer regionals (Memphis, Kentucky, UCONN, and Oklahoma) and I couldn't be more ready. Baseball is over (F the Red Sox), Football is starting to get boring - although if AP continues to get 25 or so carries it might be more interesting. Also, F the Patriots too. I hate that team as well. The whole Boston area is a wasteland of idiocy - although I actually love the city - the sports fans up there are basically the exact kind of fans who give sports fans a bad name. I really hope Manning and the Colts beat them next week, but I'm not counting on it.

My good buddy The Sidler is preparing a nice write up on the game, and on why the Patriots and Belichick are the devil. He's very qualified, as he's a big Colts fan who grew up in Indy and went to school at Wabash College. He's such a big Colts fan, that he named his son James Edgerrin and his daughter Peyton Manning, and his best friend in high school was Courtney James. So we should all listen to what he has to say.

Unfortunately, I'm heading to Utah later this week and will miss both of the Gopher basketball exhibition games. I'm going to assume that Dan Coleman isn't tough enough, Spencer Tollackson is slightly uncoordinated and fouls too much, Lawrence McKenzie takes a lot of ill-advised shots but makes a lot of them, Abu-Shamala can't play defense or create, and Kevin Payton can't score.

The good news is, I'll be taking in a Utah State (I'll look for Bryce) vs. Laval University exhibition and a Weber State vs. Fort Lewis College exhibition. I'll be sure to report on Jaycee Carroll, who I'm actually pretty excited to see. One of the best players in the WAC over the past few years. Weber State could be interesting as well, considering they are the favorite to win the Big Sky this year. Are they better than the Gophers? I'll try to figure it out.

Anyway, the ESPN/USA Today Coach's Poll is out, and it's not perfect. Such as,

#4 KANSAS - Yeah, save the whole "they have a ton of talent back and now they'll have Cole Aldrich to give them somebody else down low" stuff. It's Kansas. It doesn't matter how talented they are, they'll choke.

#5 GEORGETOWN - Losing your best player and keeping a poor man's Dikembe Mutombo (with less offensive game) does not make you the #5 team in the country. The Hoyas do have two awesome freshmen coming in, but they're both up-tempo style guards, which doesn't work with a big guy who takes three minutes to run the length of the court.

#10 WASHINGTON STATE - Huh? They play the world's most boring style of basketball and it manages to put teams to sleep during the regular season, but as soon as they play a half-way athletic team they lose. And this year the Pac-10 is all revamped and awesome. They'll be out of the top 25 by mid-January (not before, because their non-conf schedule is something you'd expect to see from Monson's Gophers).

#20 PITTSBURGH - What? This team hasn't been very good in years, is always rated highly, and I'd like to know why. They lost three starters, and are going to be relying for most of their offense from three guards who can't shoot.

#21 STANFORD - Worst ranking ever. They barely got into the tournament last year, where they were thoroughly embarrassed, and they added nothing. The halfway decent twin is suspended because he won't go to class, and most of the rest of the team can't take care of the ball. Horrible.

#25 VILLANOVA - You can't be good when you lose three starters from a mediocre team, don't add much, and your point guard shoots constantly. Scottie Reynolds took as many shots as Lawrence McKenzie last year, and more than twice as many three pointers. Wow.

MISSING: Clemson, Syracuse, and Kansas State are all in the "others receiving votes" section, but should be top 25. Syracuse is a top ten team this year, even with Rautins out for the year, Devendorf is quality, Paul Harris is amazing, and freshmen Johnny Flynn and Donte Greene could be all conference types right away. K-State has not only possible top freshman Michael Beasley, but Bill Walker and David Hoskins as well. As long as somebody can play point, they'll be tough. Clemson started 17-0 last year before crashing - then recovered and made it to the NIT championship game. The only starter they're losing is their point guard, and last season's Mr. Basketball in North Carolina is there to step in.

And F the Red Sox.

Let's Go Rockies - Still!

8:53 - Sitting here waiting for our Tivo to stop recording two shows so I can watch the game (Criminal Minds and Gossip Girl.) Criminal Minds is very good, I haven't watched Gossip Girl, ever. Also, remember those other blogs where I mixed weird alcohols or drank from flasks (you're never getting it back Snacks) or complained that I was out of booze? Well it turns out we had an almost full thing of Bailey's in the fridge the whole time. Dammit. So I did a couple of shots. I also have had 40 ounces of beer so far. You know how I know it was 40 ounces? Because I got a 40. Whatup.

8:55 - Oh yeah, I have 6, 16oz bottles of Miller Lite, and a mostly full bottle of Baileys. Only five minutes to go. Rox are down 4-1 already, heading to the bottom of the fourth.

8:56 - Pam Beasley is very attractive.

9:00 - I'm on the game now, and the first thing I see is a comparison of Troy Tulowitzki and Cal Ripken. Uh....what? Can we stop with this obsession with comparing everybody to someone great? How dumb. Tulowitzki had a nice season, .291/.359/.479 with 24 HR and 99 rbi. Very good for a shortstop, gives you an OPS+ of 108. Almost certainly has a very bright future. But not quite Ripken yet, so let's relax.

9:04 - Actually, Ripken isn't as impressive as I thought. Started out hot, as a rookie with a 115 OPS+ and then had four totally awesome years, but kind of levelled out except for '99 and '91. And where the hell did '99 come from? His OPS+ leading up to it was 92, 97, 107, 91, 102, 93, and 89, then he comes in at 143. That equates from a slightly below average shortstop offensively for seven straight years to an MVP level performance. Nevermind, I'm an idiot, that was only 332 ABs. Then he finished up with 95 and 70 OPS+. I'm less impressed with him than I used to be, but he's still clearly a first ballot hall of famer.

9:08 - Francis can't get anybody out.

9:10 - I have a feeling we're going to see LaTroy Hawkins tonight.

9:12 - Varitek double to score two more. Jesus. Take out Francis now and maybe you can try him at home in game four. I haven't seen a pitcher this bad since Snacks got drunk until 4 in the morning and then tried to pitch the next day at noon.

9:17 - Just saw a T-Wolves commercial featuring Madsen, McCants, Brewer, Jefferson, and Foye. It's like the somehow knew that Ricky Davis and Mark Blount weren't in the teams long-term plans. Freaky.

9:19 - Oh yeah, the Rockies suck. 103 pitches for Francis in 4 innings. Francis was an ace tonight the way Tapani used to be the Twins ace. But that was for like 3 years. I bet Maddog used to love that guy.

9:24 - Do you think Beckett wears #19 because he was a big Scott Erickson guy?

9:27 - So I email this guy in my keeper league because I really need a RB for this week due to byes and injuries. He is in last place, with a nightmare of a team, and has Thomas Jones and Earnest Graham. I would be interested in either because they are alive, and I let him know that I'd like one of them if he wants to trade, but want to trade draft picks. In this league, if your team is going nowhere, a second round pick for Thomas Jones is pretty standard. If you think Graham is a future star, well, you're stupid, but then he's worth more than that. He emails me back that he wants to talk about Chad Johnson. What the hell? What is that? I'm not going to trade Johnson, I don't want to trade Johnson, and you don't have anybody you could package together to get him. Thomas Jones is really not going to turn your perpetually shitty team around and make you a contender. I want to trade you a second round pick for Thomas Jones so I can start him this week, and that's it.

9:31 - Boston tries a sac bunt and instead the guy is out at second. Also, why would you sac bunt up 6-1? What's the point of that one extra run? Especially since the correlation between sac bunting and scoring is tenuous at best. I get it if you need one run for any good reason, but this sure as hell isn't the situation.

9:33 - They just informed us that after the first stolen base of the world series, america gets a free taco from taco bell. I'm officially rooting for stolen bases.

9:35 - They call a balk, and our announcers spend more time discussing tacos rather than explaining the balk. If you watch the replay, it's pretty clear he stepped too close to first base on the throw to first - which is funny, because McCarver said that he "clearly stepped towards first" which is pretty clearly not the case. Weird, I know.

9:37 - Umpire makes it clear that the balk was called because of the not stepping to first thing. McCarver concurs, ignoring the fact that he said the exact opposite earlier. Also, a double for Youkilils making it 7-1. This sucks. I want to blog for a close game. I hate the god damn Gay Sox.

9:43 - Maxim named Sarah Jessica Parker the world's Unsexiest Woman. I agree. Also, another Boston run makes it 9-1. Then the announcer decides to tell us how the Rockies only had to face an overrated Cubs team and a Diamondbacks team that "wasn't very good." Yet both those teams made the playoffs. I was going to look some stuff up to prove how stupid these announcers were, but 53-year-old Mike Lowell just doubled to make it 10-1 and I'm very angry right now.

9:46 - Seriously, the smart move would be to take Beckett out. Take him out now and you have a shot to use him two more times if the series happened to go seven.

9:54 - Ten run rule?

9:55 - Joe Buck is already beginning the Red Sox love affair. I believe he used words like passion, experience, patience, love, to describe the team. I can't wait for another week of this, really I can't.

10:00 - I'm pretty sure McCarver's whole announcing thing is to just look through the boxscore and find oddities. We've just been informed that Mike Lowell is the only Gay Sox player without an RBI tonight. He never, ever, ever, says anything interesting ever. It has to be intentional.

10:08 - Infield hit for Matsui. Thus starteth the rally.

10:10 - or not.

10:15 - I really dislike those Dane Cook commercials.

10:24 - The announcers are completely convinced the reason the game is not close tonight is because the Rockies had a long layoff. Like, they won't stop talking about it. Maybe the Red Sox were just way better tonight? I know, crazy right?

10:29 - I hate to agree with announcers, but why is Beckett still out there? It's 13-1. Yes, he's only at 81 pitches. Which means that last inning they probably could have taken him out and had hte option to use him in game four. Now there justg going to go ahead and keep pitching him.

10:30 - Beckett just struck out his ninth. They tell us the record is Bob Gibson's 16 as a way for Buck to compliment McCarver who caught Gibson in that game. I'm really bored.

10:31 - Cal Ripken, Jr., Jr. doubles. It would be kind of cool if somebody lines one off of Beckett's melon or something. Just because Francona is an idiot.

10:37 - By the way, GopherNation got an interview with Colt Iverson. It's here. Go read it.

10:40 - You know, if Boston has to win it would be awesome if Drew was MVP. I'm also wondering how the hell I'm going to be able to root for KG, knowing all the idiots in Boston are in love with him. That's a toughy.

10:52 - Hey, game 2 is tomorrow. I think I'll just skip it, since I haven't watched an entertaining baseball game in far too long.

10:58 - I knew LaTroy would be involved. And he gets to face one of the worst rookie-of-the-year winners ever. And strikes him out. Well done. He should probably be a closer somewhere. Also, I'm done. Bye.