MLB Playoff Preview

When TRE, from the latest and greatest Gopher blog Still Got Hope? reached out to me to ask if I wanted to do a co-MLB playoff preview with him my first though was "jesus that sounds like work."  Then I remembered that I've seen TRE in real life and he's a gigantic monster man who would probably rip my arms out my sockets and beat me over the head with them wookie-style if I angered him, so I figured I better do it.

So here's the protocol - I'm previewing the AL, he's previewing the NL which works well for me because my knowledge of the NL is on par with Super Sioux Fan's knowledge of cooking - NOT ALL THAT MUCH.  Then we'd each write a paragraph in response to the other's original paragraph.

Will we agree?  Disagree?  Fight?  Will we come to blows?  TOO SOON TO TELL.  But it should be exciting.  My pants are already half-off in anticipation.

AMERICAN LEAGUE



TEXAS RANGERS vs. TAMPA RAYS  

DWG:  Classic match-up here of momentum vs. unstoppablenessittude.  The Ranger offense is really good at hitting and scoring, much like Bobby Brown, and really has no holes.  But that's the fun thing about good pitching, it creates those holes.  Tampa has the two best pitchers in this deal in Shields and Price, and in a short series sometimes that's all you need.  Evan Longoria is looking sexy and mashing baseballs, and the Rays have heaps of karma from playing the role of Will Hunting to the Sox Carmine Scarpaglia, and saving the world from the hoards of Boston douchefans that always come out of the woodwork for the playoffs.  THAT ROBAHT ANDINO IS WICKED GOOD!  This should be a dogfight, but I give the edge to pitching and karma.  Rays in Five.

TRE:  Evan Longoria is as good a hitter as he is a dreamboat.  On Wednesday he basically willed the Rays into the playoffs and it was amazing.  TREbro cried like a river when the Sox missed the playoffs. (he's a longtime fan, don't try and make sense of it)  TREbro's wife bombarded facebook with Red Sox propaganda too.  None of that could make Carl Crawford not suck extremely hard.

The Rays and Rangers did this dance last year and it took five games for the Rangers to take them down.  They're a year wiser and a year better.  Rangers noob Napoli had a monster second half (.383 AVG, .706 SLG) and co-noob Adrian Beltre has returned from the hamstring injury and has destroyed in September. (Player of the Month I guess!) Tampa may have a slight edge in starting pitching, but Texas has a TRE's head sized edge in the bullpen.  Especially with Ogando and Holland joining the pen for the playoffs.

Oops

DWG is right that the edge should go to pitching, but wrong in choosing Tampa for having the edge.  This series goes to the Rangers.  Ron Washington will do a head spin on that bald pate of his afterwards.  Verdict: Rangers in four.

 


NEW YORK YANKEES vs. DETROIT TIGERS

DWG:  Obviously nobody likes the Yankees, that's a universal law like water or dinosaurs, but the question is do the Tigers have enough to knock them off?  Both teams have a stone cold ace at the front of the rotation and a bunch of question marks to follow so game 1 is even more important than it usually is in a 5-game series.  Just like the Death Star, Justin Verlander has one weakness, and his is giving up home runs.  If that comes into play with the 230 foot right field fence in Yankee Stadium and a bunch of power-hitting lefties the Tigers could get shoved in a hole they can't climb out of, especially since Jim Leyland has already said he won't pitch Verlander on short rest in Game 4 even if Detroit is facing elimination (Sabathia is already slated for Game 4) which makes so little sense to me I'm convinced Leyland was replaced with Ron Gardenhire.  Easily the most difficult series to pick.   It's either Yankees in four or Tigers in five.  I say Detroit gets two wins from Verlander and squeaks one out somewhere else.  Tigers in five.

TRE:  I love Verlander and think he's the best pitcher in baseball.  All of the cool kids are saying that now, but if you ask Doctor Detroit, I've been saying this for awhile.  I get this feeling though that the Tigers believe too much.  Fans think Doug Fister is the new Bob Welch.  A lot rides on CC Sabathia.  Can that big SOB that was somehow robbed once on the street get the best of Verlander?  If he does, it's freaking over.  Doug Fistplay will curl up into the fetal postion.  The bad news for the Yankees is they're not playing the Twins.  Since 2002, they're 12-2 in ALDS games against the Twins and 5-12 against everyone else.  Last time I checked though, former Twin Delmon Young was batting in the 3-hole.  Even Ivan Nova and Freddy Garcia can get Delmon out.  The Tigers are ready for this.  They're going to join the Twins in the slop bucket of AL Central victims by leg sweep.  Verdict: The Jeterses in three.

NATIONAL LEAGUE


ST LOUIS CARDINALS vs. PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES

TRE:  The Cards snuck into the playoffs on the last day of the season. They were down 8.5 games from Atlanta on September first, but went 18-8 in the month and watched Atlanta piss the bed. The Phillies get an opponent that they struggled with in 2011; going 3-6 against them. It sounds like we'll see Roy Halladay against Kyle Lohse in game 1 and Cliff Lee against Edwin Jackson in game 2. So, that's basically 2-0 Phillies. Since this is a best of 5 series, the Cardinals are pretty much screwed at this point. I assume they'd throw Chris Carpenter in game 3 against Cole Hamels; perhaps on short rest. That might get them a win, but then they'd lose to Roy Oswalt in game 4 against Jaime Garcia. Matt Holliday has an injured hand/wrist and is unlikely to start the series, but Allen Craig has played well of late. In my opinion the Cardinals lineup just doesn't stack up with the Phillies. It's basically Pujols and The Big Puma and pray for HBP. The Phillies have a lineup that's solid from top to bottom and they even have some decent depth on their bench. I suppose that explains the franchise record 102 wins. Verdict: Phillies in four.


DWG:  Ok great, the Cards went 6-3 against the Phillies this year.  That's awesome and everything but I mean, come on.  Nobody really thinks the Cardinals can win, do they?  It's taking every ounce of restraint and personal responsibility I have to not put the largest wager of my lifetime down on the Phils to win this series at -300.  Then again, the last time I discounted a Cardinals team this badly they ended up winning the World Series after the Tigers pitchers took turns playing the smash hit game "Throw the ball into the dugout."  Still though, the Phil's worst pitcher (of four) is better than the best St. Louis can trot out there and outside of Pujols their second string offense might be better than the Cards' starters.  Phillies sweep.

MILWAUKEE BREWERS vs. ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS

TRE:   This is an intriguing series and sadly will probably be the least watched due to market size. The Brewers have a solid lineup headed by my NL MVP choice Ryan Braun. Prince Fielder, Corey Hart and Rickie Weeks all bring a lot to the table as well. Casey McGehee took the year off, but I give him a break because he's bald and ugly like me.

The Brewers led the NL in homeruns and did it while posting a decent average, OBP and a relatively low strikeout total. They also brought in some pitching that doesn't blow goats. Shawn Marcum and Zack Grienke joined with Yovanni Gallardo to provide a solid top 3. Lefties Randy Wolf and Chris Narveson round out the rotation. They also have a solid bullpen with Saito and K-Rod joining Axford for the late innings.

Arizona also packs a pop with Justin Upton, Chris Young (the black one, not the tall dork from Princeton) and Miguel Montero being the core run producers. They also have a solid top 4 starters with Ian Kennedy, Daniel Hudson, Josh Collmenter and Joe Saunders. This is a five game series to me. Kennedy went 21-4 and will likely start the series against Gallardo. I really dislike that the Diamondbacks abbreviate themselves with "D-Backs". That's a little too close to d-bags. Verdict: Brewers in five.

DWG:  I agree that this will be an interesting series because these teams are pretty evenly matched.  Milwaukee has more star power with Braun, Fielder, Greinke, and Weeks and seem more glamorous, or at least as glamorous as annything from dirty, dirty Wisconsin can be, but Arizona is a surprisingly good, and complete, team.  Kennedy, Hudson, Collmenter, and Saunders might not sound like much, but they're one of the best starting groups in the NL.  I know, I didn't believe it either, but every single one of them has an ERA under 3.70 and a WHIP under 1.32.  Not really a true ace in the group, sorry Kennedy but I'm not buying it yet, but that really plays well for them.  They can reasonably expect to hold Milwaukee to 3 runs per game, so all they have to do is score 4 runs three times in five games.  They have one of the highest scoring offenses in baseball, so that shouldn't be a problem, and Justin Upton is the Patrick Jane of baseball.  D-Bags in five and TRE is an idiot and a traitor.

Week in Review 04.11.2011

Do you want to know what's really, really awesome?  The burgers at The Blue Door Pub.  There's only seating for about 25 people in the entire place so even at 6pm on a Friday night when most of the going out public is in Minneapolis following the Twins' home opener the wait was still an hour to get a table for four, but it was totally worth it. 

We tried a variety of their burgers, from The Frenchy (stuffed with caramelized onions and swiss cheese and served with au jus) to the Cajun (stuffed with pepper jack and diced jalapenos) to the Luau (stuffed with mozzarella and Canadian Bacon and topped with grilled pineapple and a sweet chili lime sauce) and they were all awesome, as were the fish tacos, tator tots, and deep fried pickles.  Add in an awesome selection of beer on tap and it might be my favorite restaurant ever.  Of course, seeing as how long it takes to get seated I don't know if I'll be going very often but I really can't recommend it highly enough.  Go there.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  The Masters.  Now that, my friends, was a freaking awesome golf tournament.  Really it had everything you could want:  Tiger making a Sunday charge, the best of the young guns (McIlroy) and the most underrated (Day), vets who had won majors before (Ogilvy, Cabrera) and who were still looking for their first (Choi), two guys trying to drop out of contention for the best player never to win a major (Donald, Scott), and and the next in the line of South African studs (Schwartzel).  Most importantly, outside of McIlroy's implosion, which happened early enough to not affect the enjoyment of the back 9, and fades from Bo Van Pelt and Choi on the back, everybody brought their A-game down the stretch.  Donald's chip, Day's putts at 17 and 18, Scott's tee shot at 16, or any of Schwartzel's birdies from 15-18 could have been a signature moment, but this year's year's tournament was just stuffed with 'em, and was so competitive 8 different players had at least a share of the lead on the back nine on Sunday.  Just insane.  Such an awesome tournament, I can only hope the other three majors come close.

2.  Edwin Jackson.  Well shit.  When the Sox were trying to maneuver to acquire Adam Dunn last year, the thought was they got Jackson from Arizona simply because they knew the Nationals were sweet on him and they would use him to try to facilitate a trade for Dunn.  When the trade never materialized, it was awesome because it looked like they screwed themselves.  Unfortunately for all those who hate the White Sox (which is everyone in the world outside Chicago and prisons) it looks like Jackson may be a keeper all by himself.  His 8 inning, 4 hit, 1 walk, 13 strikeout performance against Tampa puts him at 2-0 for the year with a 1.93 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, and 20-5 Ks to BBs.  He looks like he might actually be good and that's unfortunate because the team of evil deserves to have nothing good happen to them, ever.

3.  Alex Gordon.  It's taken forever, a bunch of false starts, a few really poor seasons, and a position change, but maybe, just maybe, Alex Gordon - former #2 overall pick in 2005 - has arrived.  He's been in the majors since 2007 (with a few trips to AAA sprinkled in) and managed just a .244/.328/.405 over that time with about 1 HR ever 40 at-bats and twice as many strikeouts as walks, and he threw in shitty defense to round it out.  Basically the kid was looking like a monster bust.  This year, however, things may be looking up.  He's currently hitting at a .357/.400/.548 while leading the league in hit and playing a passable left field.  He's also showing some power, at least compared to his previous years, and has cut down a bit on the strikeouts.  I'm not saying he's arrived, but he's finally looking like a competent player.  Which brings the Royals total to 3.

4.  Ty Lawson.  It's not often I write about the NBA in the regular season.  I pay attention in the playoffs, of course, because playoff NBA basketball is one of the most entertaining and skillful displays in any sport at any time, but the regular season is nearly as boring as the WNBA or your average Gopher men's home game.  That being said, occasionally something happens that is so inexplicable and/or bizarre that I need to mention it, and that's why this part here with Ty Lawson is here.  Lawson is a great penetrator and distributor and is fast as hell but going back to his days at North Carolina it's always been known as a terrible shooter.  But naturally everything changes and gets flipped on its head when the Wolves are involved, and Lawson hit 10 of 11 three-pointers.  That's 10 of 11 threes, including his first 10 (an NBA record) on his way to 37 points (a career high).  Lawson's previous career high for three pointers hit in a game was three.  THREE!  God the basketball in this town sucks. 

5.  Trevor Plouffe.  I don't know if he's the middle infield answer (more on Casilla later), but he's certainly showing he might be ready by destroying AAA pitching thus far this season.  Rochester kicked off their year on Thursday and Plouffe started slowly going 0-4, but he's followed that up by going 3-5 with a double and a homer, 3-5 with a walk, a double and two homers, and 2-4 with a walk, bringing his early season line to .444/.500/1.056.  Simply put, so far he's been completely on fire.  Some may say it's early still and the Twins should wait and not bring him up yet, but those people are the same idiots who stare at a fire in the corner and wait until the entire house is ablaze before reacting.  Come on Bill Smith, don't let the house burn down.  We need some Plouffe.


WHO SUCKED


1.  Alexi Casilla.  I'm sorry, but this guy is not a shortstop and not a starting caliber bat at any position, possibly including National League pitcher.  I'm not even sure he can throw the ball from the hole all the way to first, and just how many times this year are we going to see him dive to stop a ball, get up, and not get the guy or not even bother throwing the ball?  Just don't even bother stopping the ball if you can't throw anybody out.  And don't even get me started with the bat - he's just terrible.  The worst part is that he's actually the best option right now, because the only other player who can play short on the major league roster is Matt Tolbert and we all know what a giant piece of crap he is.  Honest to god, can we get Plouffe up here please?  Maybe he's the answer and maybe he isn't, but at least he's got potential and brings hope to the position.  Every time they read off the Twins lineup and say Casilla's or Tolbert's name a little piece of me dies inside.

2.  Matt Thornton.  I don't know why you'd bother giving the closer to anyone else when you have the nastiness that is Chris Sale - who might have the best stuff of any pitcher in the league - but for some reason the White Sox decided to roll with Thornton.  He repaid that trust by going 0-2 in save opportunities this week, blowing the first against Kansas City (after they scored 3 runs on Joakim Soria to almost steal the game) and then followed that up by getting absolutely bombed for four hits and five runs against Tampa.  The good news for the Sox, and bad news for all White Sox haters which I assume is everyone, is that they look like they may have moved the closer duties over to the unhittable Chris Sale, who picked up the save on Saturday (although he did give up a run).  Hopefully, for the children and America, they stick with Thornton.

3.  Tampa Rays.  I know Evan Longoria is important - not just to the Rays but to all of Major League Baseball, the world, the safety of our nation, and the love in my heart - but it's pretty sad how Tampa has basically just given up after his injury.  A pathetic 1-8 start to the year, and it's been even uglier than that.  They currently rank dead last in the majors in runs scored, batting average, on-base percentage, and slugging percentage and in the bottom six in ERA, quality starts, and batting average against.  Only B.J. Upton is hitting the ball remotely well and he leads the team in basically every batting stat, while the starting pitching has been atrocious and is backed up by a pretty poorly performing bullpen.  This is really, really ugly.  Who knew Longoria had this kind of effect on the entire team?  Pretty clear he's the AL MVP at this point.  

4.  Austin Jackson.  I like Austin Jackson.  He's fast, a good fielder, and he can hit the ball with power and average - at least in theory - but he's been brutal this year.  He's hitting just .184 this year (with an OBP of .244 and SLG of .289), but that's not even the most troubling part.  That would be his impressive 14 strikeouts in just 38 at-bats, a pace that would leave him at 228 Ks for the year if he reaches the 618 at-bats he had last year - a new single-season record.  Although I feel pretty safe saying that if he doesn't start getting some hits he'll be logging some of those ABs down on the farm.  He's a free swinger and is always going to strike out a lot (and never really bothers to walk), but he needs to produce when he does put the ball in play, as he did last year.  The weird thing is that his contact rate isn't even that bad at 76.5% (Carlos Pena is at 58.5% - worst in the majors) and you can have plenty of success even if you swing and miss frequently (Nelson Cruz is at 64.2%), but when he does hit the ball he's making terrible contact (4.3% line drives vs. 52.2% fly balls).  Things are not lining up well for Mr. Jackson to turn it around.  And yes, he's on our fantasy team.  Joy.  

5.  UND Fighting Sue.  I don't know anything about hockey and to be honest don't even completely understand most of their crazy rules, but I know gambling and I know the Sue were a huge favorite at -220 (meaning you'd have to bet $220 to win $100 - that's a huge favorite) so I know that them losing to Michigan was a pretty epic chocke job.  I'll let Snake elaborate further:

"I would like to take this first sentence to thank the Michigan Wolverines for doing gods work and beating the prairie scrubs from the University of North Dakota.    

Certain things can be expected every spring in the midwest.  Robins return, the snow melts, flowers bloom and coach Hakstol and the University of North Dakota lose in fantastic fashion in the NCAA tournament.  Of course nothing changed this year.  Coach Hak brought the best team in the country into a frozen four field filled with mediocre teams.  Instead of walking through the field they got shutout 2-0 by a Michigan team who played a walk-on goalie and lost to the gophers 3-1 this year.  This was a choke job of epic proportions.  Vegas had the Sioux at -250 to win it all while Michigan was +175, UMD was +450 (which bogart cashed) and Notre Dame was +500.  

So basically UND losing on Thursday was a bigger upset than Russia losing to the USA in 1980 olympics.  Only this was better because the majority of TRUE americans hate North Dakota more than those Red bastards from the USSR.  As usual, UND fans took the loss with class and dignity!"

MLB Preview: American League

After I won multiple awards for my NL preview yesterday, I couldn't very well ignore the American League, especially since that's all anybody around here cares about.  So that's what we got goin' down here tonight, a little American League chatter.  


Also I want to mention as a public service announcement that although the 5-8 Club is famous for their Juicy Lucys you shouldn't ignore the broasted chicken.  It's not quite as good as any random place at least 1 hour north of the cities (and the more norther the better), but for a city joint it's very good.  


Anyway, here you go.

 
AL EAST

1.  Boston Red Stockings.  There's a reason all thdork Red Sox fans are so excited for their team - they're going to be really god damn good.  They signed the top 2 free agent position players available who filled holes for them in Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford, have an excellent rotation 1-5, a bullpen good enough that they can ship Hideki Okajima to triple-A, and, lest you think their 3rd place finish last year means they're overrated, they still won 89 games and several key players (Pedroia, Ellsbury, Youkilis) missed substantial time last season. In short, no matter how much you hate them and their fans (and I do with one exception) this team is going to be a monster.  The shark move here would be to make sure and get Papelboner as your fantasy closer, since he's going to get a ridonkulous amount of save opps.

2.  New York Yankees.  They're lucky that the offense is loaded up because that rotation is brutal.  Sabathia is good, I guess, but AJ Burnett is terrible, Phil Hughes is a dandy, Freddy Garcia is dead, and Ivan Nova will be in AAA ball by June.  That said, they're going to be tough to beat and should win a lot of 8-6 ball games, plus with Soriano setting up for Rivera they essentially just have to outscore you through 7 innings.  Side note: if you look at the lineup there's absolutely no reason Derek Jeter should be hitting anything other than 8th or 9th.  Other than the intangibles of course.  And those piercing blue eyes.

3.  Tampa Bay Rays.  Whoever stocked up the Rays farm system did one hell of a job, because it seems no matter who leaves there is always a hot young prospect ready to step in, and that especially includes the pitching staff.  This year those guys will have to be dead on, because behind provens David Price and James Shields are a bunch of youngins - talented youngins in Wade Davis, Jeff Niemann, and Jeremy Hellickson - but young just the same.  Two other things:  1.  FREE DESMOND JENNINGS!  and 2.  Kyle Farnsworth as your closer?  Seriously?  I dropped them from #2 to #4 for that reason alone.  Then bumped them back to #3 because Evan Longoria is both awesome and sexy.

4.  Baltimore Orioles.  I feel bad for these guys, I really do.  After years of throwing good money after bad, making poor decisions, and decimating the farm system they're finally starting to do things right.  They got a solid manager (Buck Showalter), good young talent (Adam Jones, Nick Markakis, Brian Matusz, Jake Arrieta), with more on the way (Zach Britton, Manny Machado, Chris Tillman), and are signing reasonable free agents who make sense and fit with the roster (Derrek Lee, Mark Reynolds, Kevin Gregg, and trading for JJ Hardy).  Really they're doing a lot right and in any other division they'd be a sleeper to win it.  Here, however, fourth place is their absolute upside.

5.  Toronto Blue Jays.  This is definitely a fun team if you like a youth movement - the oldest pitcher in the rotation is 26.  They also have fun prospects like LF Travis Snider and C JP Arencibia who are going to be handed starting jobs and told to run with them.  If the youth is good and crap factories Adam Lind and Aaron Hill - two of the biggest disappointments in all of baseball last year - can bounce back this team might be able to threaten for fourth place.  That being said, this team would be a contender in the AL Central.  Thank god the Twins are in such a shitty division.


AL CENTRAL

1.  Minnesota Twins.  Hey, speaking of the Twins being in a shitty division, here I am picking them to win again even though I'm not remotely impressed with this team.  If you're reading this you probably know everything you need to about the Twins so all I'm going to say is I hate hate hate hate hate the middle infield and I still don't understand the Hardy trade, but my biggest question is how they handled the whole Scott Diamond thing.  Trading Billy Bullock, he of the 150 strikeouts in 108 innings in two years at age 22 and the Twins second-round pick just TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO means that Diamond better be the best god damn reliever in history.   AGAGDASHKJ the season hasn't even started yet and I'm already mad.  Let's just move on.

2.  Detroit Tigers.  You know who I love this year?  Justin motherfuckin' Verlander.  He's been awesome the last several years, no doubt, but I think this is the year he goes from awesome to AWESOME.   I also love Austin Jackson, and I think if he can just have half of Delmon Young's plate discipline he's got super star written all over him, and the youngster SP duo of Scherzer and Porcello has got potential.  That's it that I like on that team because I hate everybody else including fat alcoholic and girl hair McGee.  I guess I don't hate Will Rhymes, but that's not because of his play (Punto-esque) but because of his sweet name.  If Snow had just called himself Will Rhymes Informer would have hit #1 on the charts.


3.  Chicago Gay Sox.  Ever have a player you love (Adam Dunn) who goes to a team you hate with every fiber of your being?  I always loved Mike Mussina and it broke my heart when he signed with the Yankees, but I never really really cared because it was AL East crap.  This time it's really going to test me.  I harbor no ill will towards Dunnsy right now, but I'm pretty sure the first time he takes a Nick Blackburn 88 mph heater 500 feet the other way (and you know it's coming) I'm pretty sure the hatred will rise up quickly.  Looking forward to the Twins facing Jesse Crain though, pretty sure we have some guys who will return that 500 foot favor.  Of course I'm assuming/hoping they got old Crain, not fancy new Crain from the second half of last season.  Because that guy was good.  Ah god dammit.  This is going to be so frustrating.

4.  Kansas City Royals.  Holy shit you guys are these last two teams brutal.  Honestly these might be the two worst teams in the entire league.  I'm going to throw the Royals in the lead because I like that fat doubles machine and $nake has a shirt of the Mexecutioner.  There's your upside, plus that Hawai'ian dude who's slugging like 3 in spring training.  The future is supposedly very bright here, which is good because the present is full of Jason Kendall and Bruce Chen.  No shit.  The Chenner.  Want to know how fucked up the Royals' are?  ESPN lists Melky Cabrera as their starting CF and starting RF, and that seems like it might be accurate.

5.  Cleveland Indians.  Carlos Santana is going to be awesome.  That's the entire list of positives I can come up with unless you believe in Justin Masterson (kind of sort of) or think Matt LaPorta might still be good (no chance).  Since I got nothin' else to say, here's a picture of a naked Grady Sizemore:

You know you love it.


AL WEST

1.  Oakland Athletics.  Ok fine, I'm buying in.  If San Francisco can win an entire World Series on the strength of their pitching staff, why can't Oakland win a crappy AL West on the strength of theirs?  Trevor Cahill and Brett Anderson are studs in the making, Gio Gonzalez is nasty, and Dallas Braden has the soft-tossing lefty thing down pat.  Add in bullpen additions in Brian Fuentes and Grant Balfour and I really like the pitching they've got here.  The offense was downright dreadful last year, and although the pick-ups of David DeJesus, Josh Willingham, and Godzilla will help it still isn't going to be pretty.  This is going to be another team that's going to have to win those 3-2 ball games quite a bit if they're going to contend.

2.  Texas Rangers.  These guys are the opposite of Oakland with their potent lineup that gets more potenter with Adrian Beltre at the hot corner, but with Cliff Lee gone the entire rotation is rather underwhelming, especially if you're like me and think they all suck outside of C.J. Wilson.  With such a shaky staff I don't understand why they're so strident in keeping Neftali Feliz as their closer.  Yes he was good last year, but he's easily the most talented pitcher on the team and came up through the minors as a starter, and since that's where they could maximize his value I'm baffled at the choice to keep him closing games.  Good for the rest of the AL, I suppose.

3.  Los Angeles Angels.  Just a massive pile of meh, which seems odd because these guys were perennial contenders not that long ago, but I guess missing out on Carl Crawford and having a back-up plan of standing around doing nothing will generally drag you down a smidge.  Jered Weaver and Dan Haren are a great 1-2 punch, especially since it turns out Weaver is actually good which shocked the hell out of me, but after that everybody is boring unless you think 1B Mark Trumbo can win rookie of the year.  I don't, because I have never heard of him.  When the left-side of the diamond is made up of Maicier Izturis, Erick Aybar, and Alex Rios you know damn well you aren't competing for anything, and don't forget their still trying to force Fernando Rodney to be a closer so they'll lose their share of close games as well.

4.  Seattle Mariners.  I picked these guys as my sleeper team last year.  Turns out I'm an idiot.  Good news though, they've taken major steps to turn this thing around by acquiring Jack Cust, Gabe Gross, Adam Kennedy, Miguel Olivo, and Brendan Ryan.  Jesus Christ guys, you only won 61 games last year and THIS is how you address your issues?  How can you be this shitty and only have three young, high upside guys in the entire system (Justin Smoak, Dustin Ackley, Michael Pineda)?  At least the Pirates and Royals look like they have a plan, and don't forget they had Cliff Lee!  What did they get for him, Smoak and a bag of balls?  This is terrible.  I can't wait until Felix forces his way out, maybe the Twins can get him for Cuddyer and Dusty Hughes.


POSTSEASON AND AWARDS:

NL MVP:  Troy Tulowitzki (alternate:  Buster Posey)
AL MVP:  Adrian Gonzalez (Evan Longoria)
NL Cy Young:  Clay Kershaw (Roy Halladay)
AL Cy Young:  Justin Verlander (Jon Lester)
NL Rookie: Domonic Brown (Freddie Freeman)
AL Rookie:  JP Arencibia (Desmond Jennings)
NL Division Winners:  Phillies, Reds, Giants
NL Wild Card:  Brewers
AL Division Winners:  Red Sox, Twins, A's
AL Wild Card:  Yankees
World Series:  Reds over Red Sox

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.5.2010

1.  An ugly win is still a win.  And any win over a team like the Rays is a good thing, but man did they do everything they could to lose this one.  They wasted a monster outing from Scott Baker, the kind that reminds us that when he is on he is nearly unhittable.  They missed countless opportunities to get more runs across, and ended up heading into the ninth with just a 1-0 lead that was promptly squandered by new closer Matt Capps, with a healthy assist to the piss-poor outfield that seemed to make mistakes all game long, only to have Baker pitch around them - something Capps couldn't do. 

But despite their stunning ability to strike out on pitches out of the zone last night, they managed to squeak out a win over the Rays thanks to Delmon Young's big single in the 13th.  Of course, that hit came with runners on the corners and nobody out, so you would have thought a big inning was coming, but this was the Twins, and much like the rest of this series they were unable to get anything resembling a timely hit after Young, ending up on the right side of the 2-1 victory thanks to Matt Guerrier's six straight outs.

I do realize I've been a bit hard on this team in this series, and if they can win tomorrow they end up with a split, and you can't really expect anything better on the road against a team like Tampa, but they have just been so close in every game.  When two good teams matchup it's often the little things that make the difference, and do you really feel good with Gardy out there being the difference between a win and a loss (hello Guerrier vs. Upton two nights ago).  He clearly does some things right, enough to make the playoffs more often than not, but he is not a good game manager.  Sometimes that makes the difference.  I'm not calling for his head or anything, but sometimes he can really piss me right the hell off.  Seriously, go ahead and start keeping track of all the really good game decisions he makes.  I'll wait.



2.  Is it weird that nobody cares about this?  A-Rod finally hit his 600th career home run yesterday afternoon, just a mere 12 games and 46 at-bats since he hit #599.  I know everybody hates A-Rod, and for some reason the fans boo whenever he comes to bat, but I've never quite understood that.  Because he makes a ton of money?  They all make a ton of money.  Because he used steroids?  They all used steroids.  I mean, 600 HR, even in this day and age, is still a pretty special thing.  Only six other people have done it, with A-Rod being the youngest to reach that mark, and before you go spouting off about cheaters know that two other members, Bonds and Sosa, are cheaters too.  And doesn't A-Rod's cheating seem slightly less grievous somehow than Bonds or Sosa.  Bonds went from a great hitter to probably the second best of all-time, while Sosa went from a AAAA player to a home run hitting machine who still sucked.  A-Rod, to me, just doesn't seem anywhere near that level.  I actually kind of like the guy.  I'm not saying I want to go pick out curtains or anything, but if he threw some money at me and there was a little wine and maybe a back rub involved, who knows?  

3.  There is no way Bud Selig will be able to handle this.  You have probably heard the Texas Rangers are having all kinds of financial troubles, which is really too bad since they could make a run at the World Series this year.  What you may not have heard is that they are currently up for auction and it's basically Nolan Ryan vs. Mark Cuban.  So it's stoic, professional, respects the game ex-stud pitcher and maybe the most famous baseball name in history Nolan Ryan versus trashy, spazzy, do it his own way, insult every in power and get fined every five minutes Mark Cuban.  Now I think Cuban would be good for baseball - he would treat his players great, spend on a Yankee-level for payroll, and give MLB its best villain since John Rocker - but I'm guessing Bud Selig disagrees.  Of course, this is the same guy who thinks the All-Star game should mean something and almost wrecked the game twice (strike, steroids), so I like my chances.

4.  This is what Carlos Gomez should have been.  Sigh.  Back in 2007, Carlos Gomez was one of the Mets top prospects while Carlos Gonzalez was one of the top prospects in the Arizona system.  Both were centerfielders.  Both were fast as all hell.  Both were toolsy.  Both were plus defenders.  And neither understood the strike zone.  Both have been traded since then (Gonzalez twice), but while we've seen Gomez struggle to become more than a fast, inconsistent player, Gonzalez has become one of the best in the game.  After hitting two home runs today he now has a line of .319/.349/.559 with 23 home runs, 72 RBI, and 15 steals, numbers that rank him as #2 in the NL in batting average, #4 in slugging, #6 in RBI, #7 in homers, and #6 in OPS.  Take heart though, Carlos Gomez fans (all one of you), most defensive metrics have Go-Go as a much better defender than Gonzalez.  Take that!  Although Gonzalez did have one unfair advantage - he go to learn from the great Todd Helton.

5.  Edwin Jackson made me look like an idiot.  Remember how I was all like, "Jackson will suck in the AL he's not even good in the NL" and "Chicago is so stupid they totally got stuck with Jackson" and "I'm smart"?  Well I'm still an idiot.  Jackson led the White Sox to yet another stupid win, which makes them something like 50-1 in the last two months, pitching seven very good innings, allowing just one run on nine hits and a walk while striking out six.  Not a masterful shutdown performance, but pretty solid, even if it was against the suddenly punchless Tigers.  Seriously, what is going on with the Sox pitching?  It doesn't even matter who they throw out there, they are all Cy Young candidates.  I don't know what kind of magic elixir they have in Chicago, but I suspect it has something to do with Dayton wings.

6.  Brett Favre is a creepy perv?  Favre retirement talk, with him finally coming out and saying it's all about the health of his ankle and that he hasn't made a decision yet, but that's not important.  More interesting is that Jenn Sterger (pictured below), famous for having a large rack and being a Florida State fan in a cowboy hat, has told Deadspin that Favre used to send her pictures of his ding-dong when they were both employed by the Jets.  Now, I'm all in favor of people sending each other pictures of themselves in various stages of undress, but generally only when it is something both parties are interested in (or the sender is a woman).  When it's a dude sending pictures of his crank (or of him holding his crank while wearing crocs) to a chick who isn't interested, not to mention to a not interested chick who is 20 years younger than him, I get a little skeeved out.  Like, Pete Rose in his underwear skeeved out.  But doesn't this also seem like something Rose would do?  Looks like my Favre = Rose comparison just continues to get more and more accurate.

Six Very Important Things this Morning - 8.3.2010

1.  Jeremy Hellickson had an awfully good debut.  Nice outing for the rookie, even against a Twins lineup that didn't have Morneau or Mauer, but at least had 9 guys who aren't gigantic pussies.  Seriously, has there ever been a team whose two best players missed this many games?  The real M&M boys would be ashamed.  Mickey Mantle drank a fifth of whiskey on a slow night and would regularly knock back enough to kill Nicolas Cage, washed it down with a couple big ole stogies, followed that up with a roll in the hay with some random broad, and then got two hours of sleep before rolling out of bed and going 2-4 with a home run.  And everybody knows Roger Maris was functionally retarded, as is everyone from North Dakota, but he managed to have some of the better seasons of his era (and no, he's not a hall of famer.  Don't be an idiot).  Yet Morneau gets bumped in the head and Mauer is a little sore and they can't be bothered to play despite the team being in the middle of a good ole fashioned pennant race.  Seriously pathetic.  I say they trade them both.  Except for Morneau.

2.  The Big Ten is gonna make bank.  With the Big 10 (11) changing to the Big 10 (12) next season, it also gains a championship game for football.  This is good, because it's an extra game, and it's an extra game between two good teams (at least for the conference, not necessarily nationally - zing), so that means extra money.  I read somewhere else that it would be approximately $5 million more bucks to the already cash-stuffed conference, which will also get a boost from adding Nebraska TV sets.  If you click on the link and read the article there's a bunch more in there, but to be honest I got really bored and then scrolled down and it was way too long to keep reading.

3.  The Reds are loaded with young pitching.  Seriously, this team is going to be a serious NL contender for years with all the young stud arms, the latest example of which is Travis Wood, who tossed 7 innings of 2-hit ball last night, which isn't even his best outing of his seven career starts because he nearly tossed a perfect game in his third career time out, ending up with a one hitter.  With him, Mike Leake (7-2, 3.57 ERA), Johnny Cueto (10-2, 3.32) they already have three guys under 25 who have shown they can do it and they still have Homer Baily (super talented but constantly injured), Edinson Volquez (recovering from injury but awesome when pre-injury), Aroldis Chapman (famous foreigner) and Matt Maloney who has only made two starts but has been solid (3.09 ERA, 1.11 WHIP).  If you want to go deeper they have four other guys on John Sickels' top 20.  I predict them to become a dynasty, but based on my history of predicting they're probably going to become the next Pirates.   

4.  So much for the Smoak monster.  This happened over the weekend, but I didn't get around to mentioning it ever and I figured I should since I've been blowing so much Smoak about him:  Justin Smoak was sent down from Seattle to AAA.  I guess these days a .198 batting average and .624 OPS don't get you anything these days, what with all the politics and all.  Seriously though, he's been successful in the minors, he's just 23 and in his third professional season, and he still shows good plate discipline (39 walks in 340 big league plate appearances).  He'll be fine.  Or he's the next Scott Stahoviak.

5.  So much for that trade.  Carlos Santana, rookie catcher, super stud, future star, the next Joe Mauer but less of a girl, non-guitar player or Rob Thomas collaborator, guy who would lead the Majors in OPS for catchers if he had enough at-bats, and guy I just MOTHER FUCKING TRADED FOR in fantasy baseball on Sunday ended up leaving the Indians' game last night with an apparent leg injury after Ryan Kalish of the Red Sox, who doesn't matter now and will never matter, barreled into him on a play at the plate.  The best part of that article is the end, where they make sure you know that "Television replays showed his left leg buckled."  Awesome.  He was on my team for less than 24 hours.  Wait, no.  I mean this is a terrible blow to baseball and Cleveland and this poor young man's career or something else less selfish.

6.  Is Miami-Dade the new convict U?  I'll assume you are all aware of Trevor Mbakwe and his legal woes, and if you're not I think you're in the wrong place (unless you like crappy SyFy movies, in which case stay tuned)), but his Miami-Dade teammate Darnell Dodson is now in a bit of a pickle at Kentucky.  Well maybe not a pickle, since there doesn't seem to be any definitive information out there, but John Calipari announced that Dodson will not be playing for Kentucky this season, although he seems to be academically ineligible.  Apparently there has been some friction between Calipari and Dodson, so this isn't a huge surprise, but it could hurt the Wildcats since Dodson was their #1 three-point shooter last year.  Of course, since basically the entire team turned pro, we don't really have any idea what their strenghts and weaknesses are next season.  Although I feel comfortable saying a strenth will be sliminess and a weakness will be ethics.


By the way, dickmittens, start paying attention.  I've now had two people who I know read this blog regularly say something like, "oh, you're on Twitter?"  Yes, idiots.  Look at the text bar at the very top of the screen.  And then go sign up.

Here's What Happened - 4/14/2009

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Denard Span. Don't look now, but when nobody was paying attention Span turned into the perfect leadoff hitter, or at least a pretty damn good one. He started the game with a ten pitch at bat (that ended in a groundout), then got the team's first hit and scored the first run, and later got an infield hit and stole a base. I'm just completely enamored with him right now. A .324 average, with 7 walks (to just 4 Ks) to bump his OBP to .439, with just a little bit of power and enough speed to beat out infield hits and steal bases (3 steals on 3 attempts). He's everything I ever wanted in a leadoff hitter and I just can't get enough of him. I could have gone with Crede for getting the game-winning hit to snap the world's longest losing streak, but I can't get over Span. I think I'm developing a serious crush.

2. Kansas Jayhawks. Ok, this actually happened on Monday, but I'm just now getting to it - both Sherron Collins and Cole Aldrich of the Jayhawks said they are coming back to school for another season. I have seen in a couple places where Kansas is now considered the favorite to win the National Title this year, and why not? Collins and Aldrich were one of the top inside/outside combos last year, and will probably be the best this season with another year of experience. They went 14-2 in conference last year, and are losing nothing but end of the bench, Kevin Payton types. Soon-to-be-sophomores Tyshawn Taylor, Marcus Morris, Travis Releford, and Markieff Morris - all top 100 incoming freshmen last year - will only continue to get better, and the Jayhawks have two newcomers for next season who rank in the top 30 freshmen. Even without Aldrich and Collins, the cupboard wasn't going to be bare, but with them it looks like Kelly Clarkson's secret junkfood drawer at fat camp.

3. Nick Swisher. I wrote about Swishy pants in my weekend review this week, about how he's tearing up pitchers like he tears up the broads. Then on Monday, he hit another home run, his third of the year, not to mention pitching a shut out inning in relief, but I figured I probably shouldn't write about him two days in a row, at least as long as he refuses to grow back his sexy locks. Then yesterday, he hits another bomb and adds a double, raising his average to .458 and a league-leading slugging percentage of 1.208. Leading the league in slugging and sporting a 0.00 ERA? Could Swisher be the reincarnation of Babe Ruth? I think it's pretty obvious.



WHO SUCKED

1. Marco Scutaro. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Marco Scutaro has always sucked. Why is this news, assface?" Well jerk, in case you missed it Scutaro actually started out the season hot, going 10-23 and adding in a couple of home runs, and everybody suddenly decided he was the sleeper of the year at shortstop. Well guess what morons? He's a career .262 hitter with a career OPS+ of 88 and a highs of .273 and 96. Do you really think he's going to suddenly become the next Cal Ripken? Welcome back to earth Mr. Scutaro, who after going 0-4 last night is now in an 0-11 slide, bringing his average back to a normal, though still too high, .294. And no matter what Dawger says, Ripken is one of the greatest players ever - Scutaro not so much.

2. Rays Bullpen. Remember last year, how the Rays pen was so good with Balfour (that one hurts), JP Howell, and Danny Wheeler? Not so much last night, with both Howell and Wheeler blowing up to lose the game for Tampa against the Yankees. Howell, who was nearly unhittable last season with a 1.13 WHIP and 2.22 ERA, picked up the loss last night giving up two hits and a run in his inning of work and has been less than impressive this year, racking up a WHIP of 1.88 and ERA of 4.91 in his four appearances. Wheeler had been fine this season up until yesterday, when he got rocked for four hits and four runs to run his season ERA to 12.00. I wouldn't exactly panic or anything just yet, but if those two (and Balfour whose ERA is over 20 right now) continue to struggle, it's going to be a real problem.

3. Cleveland Indians. Sitting at 1-7, it's suddenly looking like the Tribe's problems are not all Cliff Lee's fault. They lost last night to the perky Royals 9-3 despite a decent outing from human disabled list Carl Pavano (longer at least than the one inning he lasted in his previous start), mainly thanks previously unhittable reliever Rafael Perez giving up three walks and four runs in just over an inning pitched. There are plenty of reasons the Indians suck this year, and Sizemore's .176 average doesn't help, but it's pretty hard to look past a league worst team ERA of 8.46 - that is not a misprint - and a team WHIP of 1.8. Think about it, that's almost two opposing runners on base in EVERY SINGLE INNING. It's early still, but it's awfully hard to think they can turn it around without a single pitcher who can throw a good game and a suddenly shaky bullpen.


Tonight I will be in attendance at the Twins' win over Toronto in Scott Baker's triumphant return. Or to see him throw 1.1 innings and leave in pain, then see Phil Humber get knocked around the yard. In any case, the daily post probably won't be up until the afternoon tomorrow, so you'll have to find some other way to get through the morning at your dead-end job. Try this article, sent to me by Snacks this morning.

Game 1: I'm not Drinking. Well maybe a little.

I'm not drinking or anything, so you should probably stop reading right now, but since I love the World Series just so damn much I figured I might as well put down a thought or two.

- Seriously, I really love the World Series. I've been majorly looking forward to it all day, and not just because my boyfriend Cole Hamels is pitching. I think if the Twins ever get to another series in my lifetime (not bloody likely) I might not be able to take it. I could possibly, quite literally, explode.

- On the radio on the way home tonight, some doofus was talking about how this series is the talent of the Rays vs. the experience of the Phillies. What the hell does that even mean? The Phillies are just as talented as the Rays, and have just as much World Series experience. So I'd say it's the talent of the Phillies vs. the talent of the Rays. Kind of like every World Series/Playoff Series/regular season game.

- The Backstreet Boys? What year is it, 1983?

- Phillies to win tonight and to win the series, if you're curious.

- We have Utley here to not get a hit tonight, but I wouldn't mind a dinger donger right here.

- HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 2-0. That should be more than Hamels needs.

- First batter for the Rays, Ichiro-Lite, get's an infield hit because Ryan Howard is too fat to move. Guy is a perfect DH, too bad there's no DH in the NL. Wait, what's that you say? American League park tonight, thus there is a DH? Hmmm, perhaps whoever the Phillies manager is (is it Charlie Manuel, maybe?) is like Ron Gardenhire. Because you know damn well if he was in this situation no way Howard would DH. If he doesn't have the energy to move Redmond down in the order no way would he even begin to imagine something as radical as "move the fat guy to DH." Which reminds me, how is Matt Stairs in the NL at all? Where does he play? He has to be like a designated pinch hitter, right?

- Victorino was out there. Break for the Phils.

- Uh, nevermind. Why would you send him there on Upton? Upton has an absolute cannon, and that fly ball (nay, pop up) was barely beyond the infield, might have been shorter than the Griffey/Cuddyer play. I know Victorino is fast, I mean, they don't call him the Flyin' Hawaiian because he's high on crack cocaine like Jeff Dubay, but I don't even think Vince Coleman could have scored on that one.

- Garza backs up my assessment of Upton with the comment, "Don't test the Cannon! Don't test him!" Agreed.

- Hamels making people look silly, even my other boyfriend Evan Longoria who didn't even come close to making contact on that at bat. Watching Hamels pitch to Longoria is like watching my parents fight.

- God dammit, I really wish they'd stop pointing out the Rays/Twins trade. It makes my heart hurt.

- Upton v. Hamels with the bases loaded and one out. I don't feel too good.

- Double play hell to the yeah!! Hamels is like the white Johan Santana. (Ok, actually that ball was smashed and Pedro Feliz made an amazing play considering he's forty three years old).

- I just looked up Matt Stairs stats, and after coming to the NL in September he played in sixteen games and he had more than one at bat exactly once. And that time he had two. He started that game in RF, and it was the first game he was with the Phillies. I'm assuming they started him, and it took exactly four innings for them to realize he should be nowhere near the field of play unless he has a bat on his shoulder, and pinch hit Pat Burrell for him. Now that's funny.

- Back to back hits by Victorino (in serious danger of becoming Ecksteined by the media if the Phils win - except he's a lot better) and Feliz, and the Phillies have yet another scoring opportunity. They've been knocking Kazmir around in every inning, but except for the Utley homerun can't take advantage. I know Hamels is on the mound and what not, but it wouldn't hurt to grab a couple extra runs. You know, just in case.

- Well, they pick up one on a groundout, it's something at least. Phils making Kazmir throw a lot of pitches. Which Reusse would hate. I don't think I mentioned this anywhere, but the world's worst columnist wrote up an "article" which is pretty much nothing more than bitching about players who take walks. The title gives away the stupidity, "Games drag on in era that rewards the walk" and features bonus bitching about umpires by Tom Kelly. My favorite quote by Reusse: "Kelly played only briefly in the big leagues in the 1970s. He was around long enough to know that hitters were expected to swing the bat." Can't you just see him ranting and raving about how real men don't watch pitches go by. Real men swing at everything. If a real man had three balls and the next pitch was in the dirt, he'd swing just so he wouldn't embarrass himself by having to take a walk, which, as we all know, is worse than getting caught making sweet, sweet love to your third base coach. Homerun Carl Crawford. I should pay more attention. Also I just cracked a beer. Trader Joe's Oktoberfest.

- FYI: Darius Miles was cut by the Celtics, paving the way for Bill "Sky" Walker to dominate.

- Pena dropping Kazmir's girl-like throw at first here reminds me: Did you know that in adapted softball, if you hit someone in a wheelchair with the ball it's considered a caught ball? So all the adapted softball teams put a player in a wheelchair at first base, and the infielders just chuck the ball at them. True story.

- Man that Japanese guy is pesky. Foul ball, foul ball, foul ball, base hit - in this case a double to knock in Bartlett and make it 3-2. Let's see, he fouls pitches off and takes a lot of balls - Reusse must hate him. I know I hate him. And is there a scarier #2 hitter than BJ Upton? Yamma hamma, it's fright night.

- Upton fouls out to first as the fat guy I said should be a DH reaches into the stands to make the catch. That doesn't mean he can field, don't be foold. But let's not worry about that now, instead let's concentrate on how awesome Cole Hamels is. I wonder if there's any way the Twins could get him. He's still under salary control, as in he made only $500K this year (less than Nick Punto or 1/10th of what Livan Hernandez made) but I don't know how long that would last. Maybe they should offer Liriano, Delmon Young, and Scott Baker. And Joe Mauer. And whatever else the Phillies want. Throw in Adrian Peterson for the Eagles.

- Ryan "I'm a fat pig who can't play in the field but I can hit like a mofo" just played juggly ball with a grounder, and now Pena is on for Longoria with nobody down.

- Never mind, Pena picked off first. Why would you run there? With Longoria up? Don't think he can get an extra base hit? That makes no sense. Seriously people, the stolen base is an extremely overrated weapon. And that's a classic example of why. That's why Gardy loves it.

- Yet another wasted opportunity by the Phillies, leaving two on thanks to strikeouts of Howard and Victorecksteinino. That is an assload of runners left on base, and that usually doesn't work out particularly well for that team.

- If Toronto was in the World Series, would they still sing "God Bless America?"

- Hamels still dealing like Koufax, getting two week grounders and a strikeout, basically making most of the Rays look like fools - although definitely not the Japanese guy who is 3-3. Pretty much everybody else though. That should do it for him tonight, 7ip/5h/2bb/5k/2er. Pretty damn good. The Phillies should have him pitch 3 games in the series, even though that's so ten twenty years ago - like jean jackets and cocaine.

- I freakin' love the internet. Did I mention I'm watching the game on an internet feed? Go to www.justin.tv and click on sports, and there it is. Or any football game. Or any sporting event pretty much. Very cool stuff.

- With one out, following a Jayson Werth double, the Rays decide to walk Utley to pitch to Ryan Howard. Risky? Not really, he's looked absolutely lost up there. And now he's going to be facing a lefty in Trever Miller, who I could have sworn was a former Twin but it turns out he isn't.

- Well, it worked. Howard strikes out. AGAIN. On an absolute gem of a pitch. Howard has to act all like, "dude, ump, you screwed me, probably because I'm black you racist son of a bitch" because he's embarrassed at being such a shitty hitter to go along with being a terrible fielder. A dual threat, if you will.

- It works, and we go to the bottom of the ninth at 3-2 Phils. Hopefully Brad Lidge doesn't turn into that one version of Brad Lidge from a few years ago where he sucked. He's got Pena/Longoria/Crawford in a one run game, so it's gonna be a toughie.

- Lidge's slider is nasty. Almost as nasty as that gigantic mole on his face. I want to give him a quarter and have him go down to the docks and have a rat gnaw that thing off his face. MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY!!!!!!!!!

- That'll do it. And without a hit from Rollins or Howard.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Matt Garza. And David Price. And BJ Upton. And Evan Longoria. And Willy Aybar. And all the Rays. Awesome bounce back from that crushing loss in game five to come back and win in seven to head to the series to lose to the Phillies. How insanely good was Garza? And Price, shutting the door in the 8th and 9th, despite not even being a relief pitcher and not even being in the majors until September? This team is loaded, and this will most definitely not be their last playoff appearance. Delmon Young better get his shit together.

2. Gopher Football. Congrats to the Gophers on getting themselves ranked in the top 25 (#25 to be exact) and 24th in the BCS rankings. Certainly a great step up from last season, no doubt. With the schedule they have remaining they have a chance to end up going 11-1, it shouldn’t be expected, but it is within the realm of possibility. Would that be enough to get to a BCS bowl? A lot would have to happen with the teams above them, but I don’t think it’s out of the question. In any case, they should end up at a top tier bowl, probably against an SEC team where they’ll get crushed, but it wouldn’t be an embarrassment to anyone. This season has already exceeded most people’s wildest expectations for this team. I’d love to make a smartass comment here, but I just can’t. I’m pretty happy over here.

3. Tennessee Titans. Now 6-0 and basically making it look easy. Yes, I said they wouldn’t be very good this year, but that was with Vince Young at quarterback. Once you get Kerry Collins involved, all bets are off. He’s nothing special, but he does a pretty good job of taking care of the ball and keeping them in the game (exactly what Young doesn't do) so that top shelf defense and solid running game can beat down a team. Chris Johnson looks very AP-like so far and can break one at any time, and FatDale just keeps running into people and falling down until they get so tired and worn out from having 300 pounds bouncing into them over and over again they can barely stand. Note: his 80 yard TD run doesn’t mean he’s good, it just means Kansas City is really THAT bad.

4. Texas Longhorns. Damn dude, those are a couple of very impressive back-to-back wins by the Longhorns, following up last week’s win against Oklahoma with a 56-31 stomping of #11 Missouri in a game that wasn’t even that close. Texas QB Colt McCoy has jumped to the lead of the Heisman race, going 29-32 for 337 yards and 2 TDs (with 2 more rushing). Read that again. 29 for 32. Those are video game numbers. Texas still has a ways to go, with games against Texas Tech, Kansas, and Oklahoma State still to go, but they’ve certainly staked their claim as the best team in college football.

5. Mewelde Moore. I've written before that Mewelde is better than Reggie Bush, and once again I've been proven correct. The Steelers have finally given him the chance to be a feature back he deserves thanks to a few injuries and he's rewarded them big time. Yesterday he rushed 20 times for 120 yards and 2 TDs with another touchdown receiving. Reggie Bush? 9 carries for 55 yards and no touchdowns, and is so bad at scoring TDs that they gave the ball to some white guy named Mike Karney to score their one yard TD. "But what about receiving?" you say. "He's so valuable in the passing game" you say. Really? 1 catch for 5 yards. Mewelde had five catches. And a TD. The previous week, Mewelde went 17 carries for 99 yards, while bush was 14 carries for 27 yards. Case closed.


WHO SUCKED

1. BYU. Yes, this happened on Thursday but whatever, it still counts and it helps strengthen my belief in the DWG Jinx, since I highlighted BYU and their easy road to a BCS Bowl a couple of weeks ago. Of course, they went out on Thursday and got beat by TCU, and got beat badly at that, 32-7 ending their something like one hundred game winning streak. Cougars QB Max Hall threw two picks and was sacked seven times (sacked only once previously this season) as BYU rushed for a total of 23 yards while giving up 410 total yards to the Horned Frogs. Yeah, that’ll do it.

2. Football in the state of Michigan. Wow, where to begin? The Lions didn’t bother to show up until the second half, falling behind 21-0 to the Texans before making a game of it and losing in the end 28-21. They are on an almost inevitable course towards 0-16, and I see no possible way to break it – except maybe against the Vikings in week 14. The Spartans have a great opportunity to show they are a quality team going up against the Buckeyes, and lay a complete egg, getting rolled 45-7, taking their season from “potentially special” to “who the hell cares.” And the Wolverines, whose entire program is basically in the crapper right now, have a huge chance to score a quality upset win against Penn State after going up 17-7 in the second quarter. Then Penn State scored the next 39 POINTS to end up winning 46-17, not only getting a victory but covering a spread that looked completely safe with two minutes remaining in the second quarter. Good thing they at least have the Pistons. And Red Wings I guess. I think they’re good.

3. Minnesota Vikings. Good lord, what the hell was that? One of the worst offensive teams ever (outside of AP of course) manages to somehow miraculously score 41 points and they lose? I know their special teams is brutal, so it’s not surprising they gave away some free points, but what about the defense? I thought this year’s version of the Vikings’ defense was supposed to be a cross between the 86 Bears and the 2000 Ravens? It sure didn’t bother the Bears and Neck Beard, who threw for 286 and two TDs. To be honest, it felt like a whole lot more than that. There was never a point where the Vikings defense looked like they even had a prayer of stopping the Bears. At least they have a bye coming up next week to try to figure out what the hell is wrong.

4. Dustin Pedroia’s nickname. I recently learned that Boston fans call him “Destroyah.” Like, if you were unfortunately born in Boston and have that retarded ingrained inability to enunciate, and you tried to say Destroyer instead of saying it like a normal human person you would say it so it rhymed with Pedroia. Horrible. Worst nickname since Steve Esselink started going by “Sunshine.”

5. Indiana Jones. Yeah, we rented that new movie about the Crystal Skulls and all. I gotta tell ya, I can’t believe they waited twenty years and THIS is the script they came up with. Brutal. Not so much the script, but the idea was brutal. The really frustrating thing is that it felt like an Indiana Jones movie. The action, the archaeology, the music, everything was like Indiana never left, except for the god damn retarded faggy plot. I think what happened was Lucas and Spielberg got some guy and said, “You make this movie for us but here is your plot and you can’t deviate and here are some plot points that go with it that you have to hit.” And that guy took the crap they gave him and did a phenomenal job. But it’s still crap. Although that fictional guy who I made up just there deserves an oscar or emmy or whichever one goes for movies.

Ha Ha: A Photo Essay