Six Very Important Things from Last Night - 5/17/2012

Maybe this will get me posting more often.  Be careful what you wish for.

1.  The Twins beat the Tigers today, which would be newsworthy all on its own, but even more shocking is that gives them two straight wins over the Tigers (just the second winning streak of the entire season) and since this was just a 2-game series that means the Twins just swept the preseason division favorite, even if they are two games under .500.  Even more shocking is they did it with Blackburn and P.J. Walters (who?) pitching the two games.  Blackburn sucked as expected and is now on the DL, but the Twins actually decided to hit for once with a couple of homers (Dozier & Plouffe) and six doubles, managing to score 11 runs which I have to assume is a season high, to pull out the win.  Then today Mr. Walters goes all no-hittery through the first four innings en route to a very nice game, picking up his second major league win and lowering his career ERA to a shade under seven.  Still, it's a two game win streak against a supposed good team.  Just 14 more to go to get to .500.  We can do this.

2.  It was a shitty day in daytime baseball if you were an ace-type pitcher or took the under on total runs scored today.  Mat Latos got knocked around by the Mets and only managed 5 innings, C.J. Wilson couldn't find the plate and walked six without getting out of the fourth, Matt Cain got knocked around pretty good by the Cards, while Adam Wainwright showed once again that he's all kinds of not back from his injury that made him miss all last season whatever it was.  Maybe this isn't really all that newsworthy but it matters to me because I took the god damn under on total runs which of course didn't cash because I'm on one of the all-time cold streaks, my friends.  It's enough to make me quit gambling if that wouldn't mean my life would be cold and empty.

3. The Pacers completely rolled the Heat 94-75, and you know me and I hate jumping to conclusions or throwing out opinions with little to back them up, but I think this is over, dudes.  Here's why.  First, that one game the Heat lost earlier they had a chance to tie and Lebron didn't take the shot (of course) and Wade didn't take the shot but Mario Chalmers took the shot.  And I like Chalmers and everything especially for when he pissed on John Calipari's dreams that one year, but come on.  Then tonight Lebron scores 22, which sounds like a slightly down game, but then you realize that only 7 of those came in the second half, Wade scored just five points on 2-13 shooting, and Chalmers was the team's leading scorer with 25.  Plus, here's stiff Roy Hibberts pt/rebs in the 3 games:  17/11, 8/11, 19/18.  Roy fucking Hibbert!  Does any of this sound like a team who has its shit together?  It's over.  I'm guessing sportsbooks will still have the Pacers only at like -150 or so to win the series or maybe even better - jump on it.

4.  The Colonial Athletic Conference is losing everybody now that Old Dominion has announced it is leaving for Conference USA.  First VCU bolted to join Butler in the A-10 and now ODU is taking off, and I'd be stunned if George Mason didn't join VCU in the next few days which means the three biggest basketball powers in the CAA are all leaving.  Apparently CAA is going to try to bring in Davidson and Charleston out of the SoCon and Boston out of the America East, but with ODU, VCU, and GMU (I'm assuming) all gone I'm not so sure leaving the SoCon would even be a step up for Davidson and Charleston (although it clearly would be for BU).  I assume at some point all this conference realignment will stop and it better stop soon because at the rate I drink alcohol my brain cells are getting very close to not being able to keep up with all this.

5.  Toronto's Brett Lawrie dropped his appeal of his four-game suspension for losing his mind on an umpire, and it's probably a good idea because look at this shit:


In response, I've prepared this video:


6.  Happy Birthday to Mrs. WWWWWWW.  I know you're lucky to have me, but what you probably don't realize is that I'm super lucky to have you.  Mostly because you're so hot.  Happy birthday, baby.  Way to always keep it classy:

Six Very Important Things from Last Night - 8/3/2011

Here are six very important things from last night.

1.  The Twins did a great impression of a team that can hit, beating the Angels 11-4.  Cuddyer hit two bombs, including a grand slam, Delmon somehow hit two as well, and Kubel lagged behind by only hitting one.  This now brings the Twins to 51-59, 8 games behind the Tigers, 4 behind Cleveland, and 1.5 behind the White Sox.  We all know they can't win the division now, right?  Good thing they moved the pieces that had value at the trade deadline to help rebuild a farm system that is pretty much in shambles.  And let's just go ahead and not start celebrating just yet, because they faced Joel Pineiro who has an ERA of 14.85 over his last four starts and has a career ERA of 4.76 against the Twins.  If they couldn't win this one, they can't win any of them.  And now Haren will probably throw a no-hitter tonight.

Anthony Swarzak picked up the win in relief, going 5 innings and allowing just one hit and proving that, as hard as it is to believe, he might be their only reliable pitcher right now.  I would have said Scott Baker before this, but he was pulled after throwing just 77 pitches last night. He had a 45-pitch fourth inning and didn't return afterwards, mentioning in an interview afterwards that you just can't recover from a 40-pitch inning which is the stupidest and babyist thing I've ever heard in my life.  Seriously, could this team be any softer?  Well, I guess they could, but then they'd be the Gopher basketball team. 


2.  Drunky McDrunkerson will be back catching passes from TD Jesus.  Worth noting due the local angle, in a move that only shocked the very naive Michael Floyd was reinstated by whoever the coach is at Notre Dame.  You may remember that Floyd was suspended indefinitely after his DUI in March, his third alcohol related issue since enrolling at South Bend.  Irish coach guy had said he would either play in every game this season or zero games this season because "a one or two game suspension would not solve the problem" but come on, which way did you think this was going to go?  Floyd is possibly the best receiver in the country and is about to break just about every Notre Dame receiving record - of course he's not going to sit out the year.  And, again, I'm just fine with him being reinstated - college kids do stupid stuff - but what I'm not so fine with is one of the reasons they say he's being reinstated is because he "changed his circle of friends."  So basically he sold out and turned his back on his friends.  Didn't anybody see Above the Rim?

3.  Speaking of movies, Bubba Smith died.  This is only slightly sports related, but Smith played pro football for the Colts and other teams it's relevant.  Of course he's probably more well known these days as Hightower from the Police Academy movies, however many there were.  I tell you what, Steve Guttenberg may have been the star, but there was nothing better than when Hightower used his ability to make crazy sound affect sounds from his mouth that would always fool the chief and/or the bad guys.  I still remember the first time I heard him, it took forever to convince me that those noises were really him and not computer generated.  He was pretty good doing that in Spaceballs too.  Unfortunately I can't find any clips on youtube for "Bubba Smith sound effects" or "Bubba Smith funny noises."  Anyway, rest in peace Bubba.  You were hilarious and talented.

4.  ESPN has started unveiling some of the brackets from the kick-off and holiday tournaments.  It seems worth discussing a little and I had originally planned to do a whole post on it, but it turns out my brain isn't on college basketball yet and I can barely remember who graduated from where or left early.  Some of the things that are interesting that I know enough to talk about are

• Can Long Beach win the Diamond Head Classic?  With their top 3 players back from a good team last year they have a shot.  They're probably the second best team in this thing behind Xavier.  Bad news - LBSU and Xavier play in round one.
• How good can St. John's be?  They have nine new players coming to replace 10 departees, with six of those newcomers ranking in the Rivals Top 150 for this year.  
• Northwestern should let us know early if they're going to contend for that elusive first ever NCAA bid.  The Charleston Classic isn't exactly loaded with talent and the Wildcats should bring home the title.  LSU, Seton Hall, VCU, and Georgia Tech all have the potential to upset, but Northwestern should be able to take this one down.  Emphasis on should.
• Will Vanderbilt dominate?  They have Jeffrey Taylor, John Jenkins, and Festus Ezeli all back from a good team last year.  Beating NC State and Texas would be a great start.
• How will new look Purdue handle no more college KG and no more E'Twaun?  How good will Robbie Hummel be?  And Purdue gets a hell of a test out of the gate in Puerto Rico, taking on Iona - a mid-major on a lot of people's "good mid-major teams" lists.

If you dig on this the way I do pay attention to ESPN, they'll be revealing all the in-season tournament matchups this week, including the Old Spice Classic which features your Minnesota Golden Gophers.


5.  What was your favorite "The Pirates might make the playoffs moment?"  After losing tonight to the Cubs 1-0 that's now their sixth straight loss and not only are they no longer leading the division but they're 6.5 back of Milwaukee, 3 back of St. Louis, and back under .500.  It was a nice fun story and they even made a couple of very smart moves to supplement the weaknesses on their team, but it goes to show you can't win without good pitching.  They've been walking a tightrope so thin it's like Kramer sliced it with his slicer and you can't even see it with a rotation that included Kevin Correia (career ERA 4.59), Jeff Karstens (4.36), James McDonald (3.99), Paul Maholm (4.32), and Charlie Morton (5.28).  You know sometimes the Twins drive you crazy because their whole rotation is a bunch of #3-#4 guys?  Well the Pirates have a bunch of #5 guys (Morton has maybe #3 upside someday) so when the hitting goes, the pitching won't/can't pick them up.  It's especially brutal to waste an excellent performance from Maholm.  They've taken major strides, but until some pitching arrives to go with a pretty good nucleus of batters they aren't going to be able to take that next step.

6.  ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod  Yes please.  Opening night.

6 Very Important Things so far this week

Man what a crazy week for me (thus the lack of posting).  Monday was Memorial Day, then Tuesday I had a fancy work dinner (sashimi style short rib with miso and wasabi appetizer, apple, cheese, and chive salad, and sea bass with a miso glaze), last night was a happy hour that went until 9pm, and tonight was softball.  Since I haven't been around this week, I'm forcing myself to post to just make you happy.  And what better way than the good ole 6 things format.

1.  I  have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town.  I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid.  He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now.  I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague.  That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year.  His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists.  I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming.  It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid.  Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him.  Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch.  At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:


2. The Twins actually won, and won easily.  It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2.  Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self.  I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch.  But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls.  Close?

3.  Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town.  For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?).  Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem.  He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say).  The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well."  Really, dummy?  Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left.  Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left.  Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember.  Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect.  Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here.   I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."  

4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one.  Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over.  And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense.  One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away.  Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go.  Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame.  Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing.  And I hope they do.  Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve.  And I used to like the guy, too.  Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas.  They're all terrible people.

5.  Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens.  The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers:  Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage.  He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape).  He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time.  Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made.  I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.

6.  Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters.  I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others.  Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note:  Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests).  Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed.  To this I say "Who cares?"

Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans?  Top of the world for like 10 years.  It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final  Four under Clem.  We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it.  Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code).   The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?"  Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.

Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died.  I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test.  I want to win and I don't care how.  If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it.  If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye.  You know why?  Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care.  Win.  Just win.  That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for.  The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY.  Graduation rates are completely meaningless.  In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.

I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins.  If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.

Just win, baby.  Just win.

By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice.  Classy, right?

6 Very Important Things from Last Night - 04.19.2011

1.  The Twins got rolled 11-0 by the hapless Orioles.  I only watched half of this one because it was apparent very early that the Twins had no shot, but from what I saw Pavano was all over the place.  That's bad for anybody unless you're a guy like Carlos Marmol who throws 99mph and has no idea where it's going but nobody can hit it anyway, but for Pavano to miss his spots means it's going to be a rough night.  Not only by falling behind in counts and walking guys (3 walks and just 60% strikes) but because when he misses by a little bit his 89mph fastball goes from a well placed tough to hit pitch to an easy to drive pitch, and Pavano was run after four and two-thirds after allowing 8 hits and 7 runs.  Naturally, the Twins were unable to score, a consistent problem not helped by the absence of Mauer, Morneau, and Delmoney from the lineup.

Maybe the most discouraging part of last night's festivities, however, was Joe Nathan getting rocked again, giving up a couple of hits and a 3-run home run to Vlad Guerrero in his inning of work, which means he's now given up 7 runs in his last three times out, with at least two runs coming in each game.  It's pretty clear he's not all the way back from injury, and his fastball is clocked consistently 2-3 miles per hour slower than it was in his prime, making him essentially Nick Blackburn but who doesn't know how to pitch like he has a noodle arm.  I don't know what you do with him - could he do a minor league assignment? - but he's not good right now, and he just needs more time.  I guess we'll have to rely on Cappsy.  Get ready for some brutal emotional swings, fans.

2.  Carmelo Anthony could almost do it himself but Jared Jeffries and Bill Walker fucked it all up.  Chauncey Billups is out with an injury and Amare Stoudamire was only able to play a half before getting knocked out due to back spasms, and the Knicks opponent was the Celtics one of the best defensive teams in the league.  The stage was set for Melo to channel Bernard King and elevate the Knicks to victory and he damn near pulled it off, scoring 42 points and grabbing 17 rebounds (and dishing 6 assists).  Unfortunately Bill Walker couldn't hit a shot all game, going 0-11 from the floor, and eventually Boston realized Carmelo had no help and they started double-teaming him before he even had the ball.  Remarkable.  This defensive strategy resulted in Jared Jeffries having to make a play on the two biggest possessions of the game for the Knicks, and you can imagine how that went.  If you're imagining it was like watching Gardy try to figure out a Rubik's Cube, you're not far off. 


3.  Sticking with the NBA, I thought ESPN said Atlanta had the guys to stop Dwight Howard?  In fact, I know they did because in my preview on here I said Atlanta couldn't deal with Howard and Snacks emailed me to say that ESPN said that the Hawks' Jason Collins and Zaza Pachulia would be able to handle him.  Wrong, idiots.  33 points and 19 rebounds last night in the Magic's Game 2 win following up his 46-19 in game 1 - a Magic loss.  It's actually interesting because it's become clear that Atlanta is simply going to single cover Howard - and let him destroy them - and concentrate all their defensive efforts on shutting down Orlando's jumpshooters, which is basically the entire rest of the team. 

That strategy worked brilliantly in Game 1, the Hawks big win, with Jameer Nelson the only non-Howard player to have a good shooting game with Gilbert Arenas, Hedo Turkoglu, JJ Redick, Ryan Anderson, and Jason Richardson shooting a combined 2-14 from three.  In Game 2 it almost worked again with Orlando shooting 5-23 from three as a team but this time the Magic played good enough defense to get the win.  What seemed to be a boring series in the beginning has suddenly become interesting based on the Hawks' strategy.  Or at least as interesting as any series involving the boring as hell Hawks could ever be.

4.  Josh Johnson is unhittable.  Maybe it's because he's in the NL, or maybe it's because he's on a small market team, or maybe it's simply because nobody cares about the Marlins, but Josh Johnson is one of the best pitchers in baseball and I'm not sure how many people know it.  Last night he tossed seven scoreless innings against Pittsburgh, allowing just two hits and striking out nine, and the only notable thing about it was how un-notable it really was - this is the norm for this nerd.  His season stats are now at 3-0 with a 1.00 ERA, a WHIP of 0.59, and a strikeout per inning.  Looking at his career arc it reads like a big-time pitcher - good rookie year (5th in ROY), two injury plagued seasons, then a comeback year where he was an all-star, followed last year by his 2.30 ERA and fifth place finish in the Cy Young balloting.  The guy may look like a slightly less nerdy Davis Love III, but he's an absolute super star.  I wonder if he'll end up on the Yankees or the Red Sox.

5.  Penn State is going to be even worse than you thought.  Not that there was a whole lot of optimistic feelings towards Penn State's 2011-2012 basketball season with Talor Battle, Jeff Brooks, Andrew Jones, and David Jackson all graduating (that's four of their top five scorers and top four rebounders), but one of the few rays of hope has now been crushed with the news that Taran Buie is transferring/has been kicked out.  It's not a surprise given that Buie was suspended from the team twice for various violations, but it's still a kick in the junk since he was one of the highest rated recruits in many, many years at Penn State.  Not to mention this leaves them with Tim Frazier and a bunch of guys who never played, and it's not like either Jones or Jackson should have been hard to beat out for playing time since they are severely flawed players, so those guys coming back are probably even worse than Colton Iverson (for reals).  Should be fun to watch a team whose only good player's #1 skill is distributing the basketball play with a bunch of teammates who couldn't score on a date with your sister.

6.  The Vikings schedule (if there's a season) was announced last night.  But let's be honest, if you get excited about this you are a retard, and you're probably a big fan of mayo sandwiches, think Nickelback and Hinder "fuckin' rock", consider Borat to be quality cinema, and name Olive Garden as your favorite "fancy" restaurant.

6 Very Important Things from Last Night

Remember last year there was that very exciting 2-week or so period where I was writing daily posts so you worker drones would have something to do while you drink your coffee at your desk every morning?   And then my stupid second baby was born and that all went right out the window?  Well, I'm bringing it back.  Daily posts, either regular type posts or, if I don't have anything I'm thinking about writing about, I'll do it in this "6 things" list format.  Starting today and going until I get bored or lazy.

1. Drew Butera is my hero.  Mauer schmauer, who needs 'em?  The Twinks won their second straight, beating the Orioles 5-3 last night and giving Francisco Liriano his first win of the season.  Matt Capps tried to blow the game in the ninth by giving up a crushed home run to Luke Scott, but it turns out when you're up by three no matter how long of a home run you give up it's still only worth one point.

The real story of the game, however, was "no hit" Butera who went 2-4 with a career high three RBI, two coming on a big double in the second to give the Twins the lead, and the last one coming in the ninth, helping to give the Twins in a little insurance, something they will always need since they have the world's worst bullpen.  So a multi-hit game with three RBI, clutch hits, zero stolen bases by Baltimore probably because they were too afraid to run on his cannon arm, and such an outstanding ability to all a game that he made Francisco Liriano, Jose Mijares, and Jim Hoey all good, and Matt Capps only allowed one run which I assume is a season best?  I think this might be the Joe Mauer we always wanted, and without all the little baby injuries and "viruses."  With the DH spot already locked up I think it's time we start exploring trading him before it's too late.  I'll have to have a post later this week looking at what the Twins might be able to get for Mauer.  Stay tuned.

2.  Harrison Barnes is coming back.  Yep, Barnes, a consensus top-3 pick in the NBA draft, will be returning to North Carolina for his sophomore hoops season.  The effect of this is two-fold.  First, with John Henson and Tyler Zeller also staying in school plus the additions of James McAdoo (Rivals #8 overall player nationally and a guy who is just going to be ridiculous), P.J. Hairston (#14 nationally), and Desmond Hubert(#15 Center), the Tar Heels are going to be the prohibitive favorite to win the National Title (although if Kendall Marshall gets hurt it's over for them - he's the single most important player in college basketball next year).  The second, and more Minnesota-centric, effect is that this year's NBA draft is going to completely suck.  With Barnes, Baylor's Perry Jones, and Ohio State's Jared Sullinger all staying in school the only real blue-chippers are Arizona's Derrick Williams and Duke's Kyrie Irving.  We've all been here before.  Pencil the Wolves in for the third pick.  And of course with next year shaping up to be one of the deepest and best classes in recent memory the Wolves have already traded their pick.  Oof.

3.  This guy who was almost a Twin can really hit the ball.  And he's a shortstop.  You may remember the name Jed Lowrie, because he was part of the package the Red Sox offered the Twins for Johan Santana way back when.  The full offer was Lowrie, Jon freaking Lester, Justin Masterson, and Coco Crisp.  Lowrie is currently hitting .516 with 2 home runs after going 4-5 with a dinger today in the Red Sox 9-0 thumping of Toronto, and would be leading the league in average with just a few more plate appearances (not to mention he'd be tied for the team lead in homers if he was a Twin) and is starting to look like a potential franchise type shortstop.

Which means that with a different decision, Johan could have netted the Twins a possible franchise shortstop, a #1/#2 type starter, a potential #3/#4 type starter (depending on your opinion of Masterson), and another outfielder who could have been a trade chip, made someone else a trade chip, or at a minimum might have stopped the Twins from picking up Cuddy Bear's option which pays him $11 fucking million this year to hit singles.  Instead, they ended up netting out with two crappy relievers the Orioles didn't want (yes Hoey looked ok last night) and a pitching prospect who lost velocity and can't get out of double-A.  I know hindsight is 20/20, and I know that according to prospect rankings the trade with the Mets looked about on par with the Sox trade, but god damn it does it rankle me every time I see Lowrie or Lester do well.  Imagine how much better this team would be if that was the trade they made.  I'm going to go light something on fire.   

4.  Use up that $2.27 million signing bonus already?  In what can only be described as "totally fucking bizarre", Cincinnati Reds second year pitcher Mike Leake was arrested for stealing $60 worth of shirts from Macy's.  I totally don't get it because first of all Leake's signing bonus a year and a half ago was $2.27 million.  Second, he is making $425 million this year.  Third, he stole six shirts whose total cost was $59.98, or under 10 bucks a piece.  Fourth, the guy is a total stud and is soon, within the next couple few years, going to end up signing a nice big contract.  Fifth, what the fuck?   And finally, these are apparently the brand of shirts he was stealing.  What the hell?  You're telling me you can't just go down to ragstock or the salvation army and get the same thing for like a buck a piece?

Only two possible explanations here.  First, Leake must be a huge pothead and was just confused. like Smokey after he ate too much corn.  If I may be allowed to generalize and stereotype, Leake has surfer hair and went to Arizona State, so I'll assume he's not unfamiliar with the herb.  Plus he went straight to the pros from the minors so he hasn't really had any time to "grow-up" or "be poor", if you will.  The second possibility is that Macy's is somehow infested with a demon that causes athletes to steal even when it's the dumbest thing they could possibly do.  Is it possible that Royce White was really innocent and it was just some evil force that made him try to steal those pants and push that old man?  Maybe Fred Hoiberg is a secret Choctaw shaman who was able to recognize that Royce was good at heart and was just possessed, cast out the demon, and is now ready to reap the rewards of an All-American season.  Stupid Baptist Tubby.  I bet if they had hired Archambeau he'd be all over this.

5.  Look out, world.  Here comes Pricey.  Tampa's David Price burst onto the scene in the 2008 playoffs, had a decent rookie year, then last year finished second in the Cy Young balloting, so his slow start this year was a bit puzzling.  Well you can stop worrying so much, because he completely shut down the Sox last night, going 8 shut-out innings, allowing just four hits and striking out nine.  That's the Price I'm talkin' about.  Plus he did it to the White Sox, the most evil team in the history of evil, even worse than the Nazis or Packers.  Does this make David Price some kind of Angel or maybe God?  But in November of 2007 the owner dude changed the team name from Devil Rays to Rays, just three short months after they drafted and signed Price.  Coincidence?  You tell me, Robert Stack.  You tell me.

6.  The Pacers almost did it again.  For the second straight game the Pacers looked like they might be in position to steal a win in Chicago, and for the second straight game Derrick Rose said "No soup for you."  Seriously, this guy is ridiculous and completely unguardable.  When it gets down to it in the fourth Chicago justs shifts into the "give Rose the ball and everybody get out of the way" offense and he gets to the rim and either finishes, gets fouled, or finds an open teammate - and nobody on the Pacers can keep him out of the lane.  Last night he scored 14 of his 36 in the fourth quarter, similar to Game 1 when he scored 9 of his 37 in the quarter and came up with the game's biggest play on an assist to Kyle Korver for a three to give the Bulls the lead.  Completely ridiculous.  This is just like watching me play at the Y - completely unstoppable.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 9.16.2010

It's going to be pretty tough to keep up the post-per-day strategy I started up with before Baby Ben arrived on scene, at least until the little tyke learns to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, but I feel I can fire one off here.

1.  Well that should do it.  The Twins won again last night, beating the Sox 9-3, which brings their division lead to 8 games with just 17 left to play.  Their magic number is now 10, which essentially means it would take an epic collapse as well as a hell of a run by Chicago to keep the Twins out of the playoffs - something I haven't ruled out.  Most impressive last night was Brian Duensing, who wasn't very sharp and that is precisely the reason he was so impressive.  Throughout the game he seemed to always be on the verge of giving up the big inning, but kept getting key outs and bid double plays whenever he needed them.  It was a very impressive display of "battling" for such a young pitcher with less than twenty career starts.  There is no doubt in my mind he needs to be the third starter in any playoff series the Twins are in.  When Baker, Slowey, or Blackburn are off, rarely do you see them still manage to go six innings and scatter nine hits the way he did, they generally get killed and don't see the fourth.  Behind Mauer, Thome, Valencia, Pavano, and Liriano there's no doubt he's been the most valuable player this year, not only for what he's done since joining the rotation, but his stellar bullpen work earlier this year as well.  Finishing sixth as an MVP might not sound that impressive, but did you expect him to be there? 

2.  How fast did everybody get to the waiver wire?  Once again proving that you need to have waivers in your fantasy football league rather than some kind of crazy first-come, first-served style, Ryan Grant was announced to be out for the year on Tuesday, cementing Brandon Jackson as the waiver wire pickup who will win many fantasy leagues for people who drafted like crap.  Also setting off a firestorm of whining from every Grant owner who didn't draft Jackson and then had to watch some dork with a bad team scoop him up in front of them when waiver claims were processed, assuring that said owner will be starting someone like Fred Jackson next week.  To which I say:  You are all nerds.  But seriously, anything that hurts the Packers is a friend of mine, which is why Tony Mandarich is still one of my favorite players.  The Incredible Bulk or Barry Sanders?  Nice decision, Packer-jerks!

3.  Mark Ingram is ready to run over your face.  Last year's Heisman trophy winner, this year's favorite to win the Heisman, and the guaranteed #1 rookie pick in fantasy football next year was cleared to play after missing the first two weeks of the college season after having knee surgery.  I know knee surgery is never something you want, particularly if you're a running back, but he's got an awful nice blend of speed and power, so even if he's 80% he's still going to be better than pretty much everybody, and even at 10% he'd be better than anybody the Gophers have trotted out there since Amir Pinnix left.  I haven't decided if he's the next Curtis Martin or the next Ron Dayne at the NFL level, but luckily, I don't have to decide yet.  Although I can guarantee you if Dawger gets him in our keeper league, he'll turn into the next Dayne.  How's Darren McFadden working out for you, little guy? 

4.  Hard to believe he could be dirty.  I don't believe it either, but it's possible John Calipari and Kentucky cheated in order to get Eric Bledsoe to qualify to attend Kentucky last season.  You might remember it was looking iffy that he would get in, and you might also remember his name surfaced earlier this offseason with an investigation into whether or not he and/or his family received money while he was being recruited.  This time, the issues arise from his high school transcript which not only shows that, after never receiving higher than a C in his high school career, he received an A or a B in seven of his ten classes senior year, but also that he took Algebra 3 before Algebra 2.  And this isn't like taking History of World War II before History of World War I, this would be liking taking a class on spelling before you learned the alphabet.  Hard to believe this of Calipari.  This reminds me of when I saw Star Wars Episode III and, spoiler alert, suddenly Anakin turns to the dark side at the end.  Talk about a shocker!

5.  Speaking of dirty coaches, how about the guy in Orange?  Tennessee coach Bruce Pearl, noted tattle tail, is now in trouble for lying to the NCAA about possible violations and obviously, those same violations which include phone calls that shouldn't have been made and recruit visits that may have been violations.  Right now it sounds like the violations wouldn't be too major, the school is sticking behind Pearl, and he hasn't lost any players or recruits.  Which, coincidentally, is how it started for Kelvin Sampson at Indiana when the shit started coming down as well, and we know how that worked out - they still haven't recovered.  So is this the end for Bruce Pearl and Tennessee basketball?  I don't really care, because this kind of stuff doesn't really bother me, but I think Pearl is kind of a huge douche so seeing him crying at his press conference while he apologized was pretty neat.  

6.  In case you hadn't noticed, these guys can't lose.  Again.   The Colorado Rockies, a longshot to make the playoffs not that long ago, have gotten hot in September and suddenly right in the thick of the division race.  Yes, again.  No, this isn't last year.  Or that other year.  This is a new thing.  They have won 11 of 13, including a 10-game win streak, and are just 2.5 back of San Diego (and 2.5 back of the wildcard).  Yes, again.  This year.  I consider the Rockies my NL club, and with the Twins my AL team, I might as well not even watch the first few months each year.  Neither of these teams ever bothers to get going until the last two months anyway.  Besides them just being my favorite NL team I want them to win because Rocktober is just plain fun to say. 

And I also want to mention that Troy Tulowitzki has hit 11 home runs in his last 13 games because jesus.

Six Very Important Things this morning 9.02.2010

Can I tell you guys something?  I'm really tired.  See, when you have one kid, a baby, say, you can just sleep whenever that kid is asleep.  Babies need to be fed every 3 hours or so, which means they are up at all times of night, but you can just feed the kid, put it back to sleep, and then sleep yourself if need be.  Easy peasy.  But when you have a 2.5 year old on top of that, even one as awesome as Wonderbaby, that doesn't work because when the baby is alseep during the day, the toddler isn't.  And toddler's need attention.  Lots of it.   And they aren't afraid to demand it.   And you can try to ignore them, but when they realize they aren't getting the attention they want by asking for it they start doing things like writing on the wall in crayon or hitting the baby with a toy hammer until you look at them.  Because much like Paris Hilton a toddler believes that any attention is good attention, even when it's bad attention.  So yeah. 

I'm back at work, so this doesn't affect me as much as Mrs. W since I do most of my dealing with Baby Benny in the evenings or at night, but his curious habit of refusing to go to sleep after I get up to feed him at 5:30am is not exactly helpful to my brain waves.  Although I have ended up watching more Saved by the Bell lately.  That Zack, what a character!

Also let's hope that's the last time I compared Wonderbaby to Paris Hilton.  On to the important stuff, assuming I don't pass out.

1.  The Twins won another squeaker.  This time it was in the 10th and off the bat of Danny Valencia, in a game that ended up spoiling incredible pitching efforts from both Francisco Liriano and Max Scherzer.  Liriano pitched seven innings of shutout ball only to watch Crain and Guerrier blow his lead, while Scherzer was even more brilliant, throwing nine innings of four-hit ball, allowing just one run while striking out nine.  Not much more to follow up on with this one.  Just an all around amazingly pitched game, where the smallest error was going to make the difference.  The difference last night was that the Tigers' closer of the future is not the reliever of the present, and the Twins' third baseman of the future is suddenly the third baseman of right now.  Danny Valencia has been everything you could have hoped for and more.  Ideally he'll develop more power down the line, but I have no complaints right now.  Except for the fact that the Twins can't seem to pull away from Chicago.

2.  The god damn Indian bullpen is not helping things.  You know what would be super helpful to the Twins winning the division?  If the White Sox would freaking lose, but they can't lose because the Cleveland bullpen is even worse than Chicago's own bullpen (and that's saying a lot).  Carlos Carrasco, in his first start of the year and sixth all-time, put together a very solid outing and left in the 8th with a 4-2 lead.  Then Justin Germano conspires against me, giving up a monstrosity of a 3-run home run to Paul Konerko and the Sox win the stupid game.  This comes after the Cleveland pen gave up a 3-run game winner to Pierzynski the night before, and two nights after they let the Sox score four runs in the 11th inning to lose.  I would have guaranteed you Chicago had the worst bullpen in the division, but looks like it's not even close.  This is like being sure Jaws IV:  The Revenge is the worst movie of all-time, and then seeing Rudy.   

4.   Some people really like Rodney Williams.  According to the article from DraftExpress, Rodney is the #1 NBA prospect in the Big Ten.  Wow.  That is a huge statement, but in a lot of ways it makes sense.  There's is no doubt in my mind that he is the best athlete in the conference, and, as Shawn Respert or Ed O'Bannon will tell you, skill only get you so far.  To succeed in the NBA you need that kind of athleticism (yes, there are plenty of exceptions, but it's a good guideline).   As you'd guess, this lofty ranking of Williams is based on potential, much as expectations of the Gopher faithful are, because aside from the noted athleticism he didn't show all that much last year. 

Now, Tubby's system probably isn't the best for a player like Rodney (can you imagine him in an open offense like Washington or something), but I do believe he will be given every opportunity to improve where he needs to (ball-handling, mid-range game) and at the same time be able to use the skills he already has (jumping, dunking) and could very well end up as an unstoppable force, but I'd say it's up to him.  The potential is there, but will he end up as the next Scottie Pippen?  Scottie Hopson?  Travarus Bennett?  Jermaine Stanford?  Let's hope we at least get the next Vincent Grier, at a minimum, or someone failed.

4.  This leaked all day, but it's now official.  The Big Ten announced the division splits as they'll breakdown when Nebraska joins in 2011:  the Gophers, Iowa, Nebraska, Northwestern, Michigan, and Michigan State in one with Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Illinois, Indiana, and Wisconsin in the other.  Each school will also have a dedicated rival in the other division they will play each year, with Minnesota matching up against Wisconsin and, of course, Michigan/Ohio State hooking up every year.  It was also announced that the division names would be announced at a later date, and with the way the teams are broken up I don't really see how they could do geographic names, so maybe it will be legends of the Big Ten.  Like the Bo and Woody divisions, or the Foggie and Fleetwood.  Thompson and Darkins?

And although this is mostly about football so that's what's being focused on, but if they keep the division system (no guarantee) there is some interesting things at work here.  In the Gophers' division, they'd be the second or third best program from a historical perspective, and the clear #2 from a "recent history" perspective.  The division would also have the current three worst programs, and two of three perennial doormats (with apologies to Northwestern who admittedly are much better lately).  Basically it stacks up heavily in the Gophers' favor and should make NCAA bids easier to come by in the future if they go with this (and lord knows the Gophers need the help).  Since the division are so skewed when it comes to hoops, with one loaded and one crappy, I doubt they'll adopt the system, but we can always hope.  Hey, a bid is a bid, no matter what kind of breaks the schedule gives you.  And I'm only referring to basketball there, not football, Mr. Music City Bowl.

5.  Hopefully this will surpass the Gopher scandal.  You know how whenever there is ever any kind of academic fraud at an institution of higher learning, whether rumored or proven, the article always has to bring up the Clem Haskins frame job as the "worst ever example of academic fraud"?  Well North Carolina and Butch Davis are doing their best to get the Gophers knocked out of that top spot, with the latest allegations that Davis's nanny or former tutor (depending on the report, and either way it sounds like porn) was writing papers for the football team.  And there's definitely something here, because apparently the entire starting defense was playing with the scout team at practice today, and the Russ Archambeau of this situation, D-lineman Marvin Austin, has been suspended indefinitely along with a couple other starters, and a starting cornerback has been kicked off the team.

I say he's the Russ Archambeau because he's the one who tipped off the NCAA, but unlike Swift Bird, who was just a whiny bitch with a grudge, Austin is just an idiot with a Twitter account who posted pictures of a brand new fancy watch, fancy pants douche sunglasses, and talked about bottle service at clubs.  Not a big deal for a college kid, but for a future NFL player still in college whose other tweets talk about how broke he is, it drew the eye of the NCAA Fascists and has turned into possibly the biggest academic fraud ever.

And thank god.  I'm sick of seeing the Gophers mentioned over and over whenever anything like this happens.  I hope that nanny tutor school girl nurse lifeguard wrote every paper for every sport at UNC for the last five years. 

6.  College Football starts tonight.  You are probably aware, seeing as how your beloved Gophers are traveling to Murfreesboro, TN to take on the hated Blue Raiders of Middle Tennessee State.  If you recall, your favorite football team was a 4.5 point underdog to this Sun Belt Juggernaut, but then stud QB and sweet name haver Dwight Dasher was ruled ineligible, and now the Gophers are a 2.5 point favorite.  Does this seem fishy to anybody else?  I was lead to believe in the very little reading I did on the game that Dasher was a super stud of Major Harris proportions and the main/only reason MTSU was a dangerous team.  Yet the line only moved to 2.5 in Minnesota's favor, which probably means the game is actually a pick 'em.  Which means the Gophers are dead.  D-E-A-D.  You heard it here first.

If you're looking for a preview of the game, you're in the wrong place, but let me recommend the always outstanding Daily Gopher, who you probably read anyway and who recently absorbed the Gopher Football blog.  There is more info there about the Gophers and MTSU and Gophers vs. MTSU than any sane person could possibly want or need.

More importantly, the Gopher basketball team begins their Canadian trip tonight, and you can watch the game on the web at SportsCanada.tv.  I'm going to try, but no promises.  Stupid wiener kids.


Well that certainly was a lot of words.  Apparently not writing often enough just causes some sort of word backup, so when I do write it all just comes pouring out.  Like that pipe full of crap that Andy Dufresne burst open with that rock.

And yes, I'm serious, Rudy is the worst movie of all-time.  If you disagree, you are a sentimental idiot who probably loved The Notebook as well.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.17.2010

1.  In Gopher Football talk, this sucks.  According to whoever runs the Pioneer Press's Gopher twitter, MarQueis Gray spent the day playing WR for the Gophers, which I would assume means he won't be playing QB and we're stuck with Adam Weber again, but this time sans security blanket.  That leads to an upside of a mid-tier bowl, with a downside of zero bowl.  I've talked here about how I love what Fred Hoiberg is doing to try to turn Iowa State around by taking big risks, and I think that's where the Gophers need to go if they want a shot at relevance.  The best way to go about that is to scrap whatever kind of boring typical offense they're running and go with something more interesting.

The spread would have been an option (which Brewster has already killed), as would the wishbone (no chance), but my favorite option is to take the ball and give it to an incredible athlete with some QB experience in his background and turn him loose.  If only they could find somebody like that somewhere.  And if he was ranked as the 3rd best dual threat QB in his high school class, that would be even better.  But how could the Gophers ever land somebody like that?  I guess it's a pipe dream.


2.  No, not that kind of punchout.  In news that sucks for Mets' fans and Francisco Rodriguez fantasy owners, K-Rod is going to miss the rest of the season after injuring his thumb punching out either his father-in-law, girlfriend's father, or baby mama's father depending on which article you read.  Of course, that's not really the important part, the important part is that an ace reliever is going to miss the rest of the season after punching an old man who ended up in the hospital with (a lump on his head and scratches on his face.)  Is it just me here, or does it kind of sound like K-Rod fights like how I imagine Nick Punto probably fights.

3.  Since we're talking domestic violence, how about "Born Ready?"  I feel sad, because Lance "Born Ready" Stephenson was one of my favorite players last year.  Not because of his play, which kind of alternated between disinterested, ballhog, and unstoppable star, but because of his potential.  If he could harness himself a little better, focus more, and stay in control he could have been an absolute beast for Cincy.  Instead he turned pro, got drafted by the Pacers in the mid-first round, had an excellent summer league, and then threw his girlfriend down the stairs and slammed her head into said stairs after she was done rolling.  That's not domestic violence, that's like, a whole new level.  I think I saw Steven Seagal pull that move on Gary Busey in Under Siege.  Awesome then, just like that entire movie.  Not so awesome here.

4.  I wonder how this will turn out.  As of this writing (it's 10:30pm) #1 overall pick Bryce Harper had exactly a half hour to sign with the Nationals.  If he doesn't the Nats lose his rights and he would go back into the draft next year following another year of college ball.  There is, of course, no way that this will happen, because this is the guy who dropped out of high school after his sophomore year so he could get his GED, get started in JuCo ball and get drafted as soon as possible.  Everything this kid has done has been geared towards getting him into the Major Leagues, there is no way he's going to set the clock back an entire year over what is basically peanuts compared to his potential earnings.  Then again, douchebags who wear war paint eye black and get habitually tossed from games for arguing with umpires aren't exactly known for making sound decisions. 

[UPDATE:  He signed.  SHOCKER.]

5.  Shawn Marcum almost pitched a no-hitter against Oakland.  But that's no the exciting part since we are learning that the A's can't hit even a little bit.  The exciting news was that I saw, with m own two eyes, Boof Bonser on the hill for Oakland.  He looked awfully familiar, still featuring a low-nineties fastball, a lollipop slow curve, and an incredibly hittable slider, all to go along with a general lack of ability to hit his spots.  He threw two decent innings, allowing no runs on 3 hits and striking out one and lowering his season ERA to 7.20 and his WHIP to a terrifying 2.40. 

He's only pitched on four occasions this year:  June 9th with the Red Sox when he got destroyed and didn't get an out, June 11th with the Sox when he got knocked around the yard, then August 6th with Oakland when he pitched a good inning, and finally last night.  He's actually put up pretty awful numbers in the minors this year as well so I'm not really sure what Oakland is doing exactly, but I'm rooting for him for what it's worth.     

6.  This would be so awesome.  I've talked about a similar idea here before, but four top Indiana hoops programs are getting together to create the Crossroads Classic, where Indiana, Notre Dame, Purdue, and Butler will combined to play a doubleheader in both 2011 and 2012 at Conseco Fieldhouse.  Very cool.  My idea is some sort of Mid-West Classic tournament, say the Gophers, Iowa State, a Missouri Valley team, and either a MAC, OVC, or Horizon League team and just play a four-team tournament, alternating hosts each year between the Gophers and Cyclones.  Some years you could invite really good teams (Northern Iowa, Butler, etc.) and other years you could go further down the list.  I think this would rock.  But of course, since it's fun and awesome it will never happen since athletic directors and presidents hate fun.


As far as some site/personal news goes, Wonderbaby 2.0 will be arriving today at approximately 11:30am.  As such, posting may (or may not) be far more sporadic for a while.  I'll do my best to post as often as time and energy permits, but just know that you might not get a post every day for a while.  No, stop crying.  Come on.  You're embarrassing yourself.  Your co-workers are looking at you.  You're so ugly when you cry. 

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.12.2010

1.  Reverse the curse?  I'm not surprised the Twins lost there, because Perkins vs. Danks is clearly tilted in the White Sox favor, but I'm really unsettled by how they lost.  Getting thrown out at third trying to stretch a double into a triple?  Failing to turn an easy double play?  Making multiple errors?  Picking a runner off of first but being unable to get the actual out because of a poor throw by the first baseman?  Having a pitcher failing to cover first on a grounder to the first baseman?  Not being able to get a big hit?  These are all the same things we've watched the Sox do against the Twins, and are the reason the Sox, Guillen, and their fans felt cursed against the Twins.

I don't want to take anything from Danksy, because he was brilliant tonight and kept the Twins off balance all game, but the Twins made damn sure they had no chance to win tonight.  Perkins didn't pitch well by any means, but he wasn't completely awful and he gave the team a solid chance to win.  Except that they played like morons.  Or, more accurately, the played like the White Sox, while the Sox played like the Twins.  If tonight was a sign of the roles flipping and we have to expect that kind of shit for the next 7 years or whatever you can count me out.  I'm going to track down the Zoltar Machine at Sea Point Park and get that crazy gypsy to fix this shit right quick.

2.  Break up the O's?  Don't look now, but suddenly the Orioles are white hot.  After beating the Indians tonight Baltimore has suddenly won four games in a row, which might not seem like a huge deal but you have to realize that is 10% of their victories on the season.  Even more shocking, the won thanks to a Brad Bergesen 2-hit shutout.  Let that one sink in for a moment.  Brad Bergeson with the 5.84 ERA.  Brad Bergesen with the 1.53 WHIP.  Brad Bergesen who hasn't won a game in his last 13 starts.  Brad Bergesen with the unbent bill of his cap.  Brad Bergesen who once got hurt shooting a commercial.  Apparently anything Buck Showalter touches turns instantly to gold.  Word is Joel Maturi has inquired to see if he has any interest in Gopher football.

3.  There was a fun trade in the NBA.  This isn't exactly going to shake the NBA landscape, but any time you get a four-team, five-player trade it's worth noting because hey, that's fun.  Houston traded Trevor Ariza to the Hornets, who traded Darren Collison and James Posey to the Pacers, who traded Troy Murphy to the Nets, who traded Courtney Lee to the Rockets.  So the Hornets get a good player to show Chris Paul they are serious about winning (although Ariza, really?), the Pacers get a steal in getting a potential top line PG for a slow white dork, while the Nets can use that same slow white guy to eat up minutes so they don't have to force Derrick Favors to play too much too quickly.  And the Rockets shed some salary, which they needed to after signing a bunch of large contracts this offseason, but get back a good quality, young rotation player at the same time.  The elusive win-win-win-win trade.  Meanwhile the Timberwolves traded a player they just signed last year for 4 years and $16 million dollars for two players who they immediately cut, assuming Telfair has been cut by now.  So I guess it's win-win-win-win-win.  Go team.    

4.  It's wide open.  The season's fourth and final major, the PGA Championship, starts today, and it's an absolutely wide open field.  The usual favorite is a complete mess, the #2 guy just completely melted down last Sunday, can't take advantage of his opportunities to become the world #1 and sucks at links style golf (which this course is), and the #3 isn't entered due to injury.  Beyond that there about 30 different guys who have a legit chance to win this and you could make a solid argument for.  I won't do that, but I will give you my top 6 and a sleeper:

1.  Rory McIlroy

2.  Steve Stricker

3.  Jeff Overton

4.  Retief Goosen

5.  Nick Watney

6.  Graeme McDowell

SLEEPER:  Ross Fisher

This, of course, means that Hunter Mahan is going to win.

5.  The most dangerous player in the Big Ten may have found a new home.  Chris Allen, the most dangerous player in the Big Ten and if you disagree I will fight you, recently visited our good friend Freddy Hoiberg at Iowa State and it sounds like he might be leaning towards joining the Cyclones.  This would help Hoiberg with his apparent need to collect players of questionable moral character - which of course is genius for him.  The Clones have been a nightmare since Jake Sullivan left, and no offense to Ames (which is currently underwater) but I've visited there and I don't exactly see a lot that would be a draw for a big-time recruit.  As such, collecting talented players whose background's scare other team's off is a calculated, and I think smart, risk that could bring this team back to prominence.  Or they crash and burn and suck and nobody notices the difference.

6.  Finally, the Great Villain triumphs.  If you've read this post of mine or have heard me talk about it since or have pretty much ever been to my house, you'll seen the greatest movie ever, "The King of Kong" by now.  I'm not going to break it all the way down for you here, but seriously if you haven't seen it you have to go find it on Netflix or Blockbuster or Vudu or CinemaNow or whatever - go watch it.  It is the most fascinating look at the people who make up the world of championship gaming (retro games only, of course) centering around a battle for the world record of Donkey Kong between Steve Wiebe (clearly painted as the hero) and Billy Mitchell (clearly painted as the villain).  Of course, it wasn't too difficult to make him look bad, since his combination of smugness and douchery has only been seen before in a villain in an 80s movie (Karate Kid, Back to School, and Teen Wolf immediately come to mind), but douche though he may be, he once again has set the World Record in Donkey Kong (and Donkey Kong Jr. to boot).

Seriously, find a way to watch this and watch it.  I'm not being sarcastic or ironic or anything like that.  It is epically awesome to watch.  Check this:


Please, I beg you, watch this movie.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.11.2010

It makes me sad that I didn't do a 6 Things on 8/9/10, but Gopher business takes precedence.  At least when that's what I'm in the mood for.

1.  First place baby!  Love it!  Beating the Sox in their house to take over first is great, of course, but to do it in game one of a series and to do it in an emphatic fashion could be huge.  Will the Sox go into a huge tailspin, get swept, and become a non-factor the rest of the year?  Probably not, but they might.  And we at least know the Twins won't.

Scott Baker gave us exactly what he is capable of, electric stuff that looks unhittable mixed with terrible mistakes that get hit 500 feet, and all in one game, but he pitched well enough to get the win thanks to an offensive outburst that saw dingers hit by Thome, Mauer, Hardy, Cuddy, and Kubel.  This was exactly how they should have won this game.  Ripping the Sox pitching, and shutting down (mostly) the Sox bats.  This was the biggest advantage they had in starting pitching though, so it's not exactly a series won just yet.  Perkins/Danks is almost certainly a win for Chicago, so it will come down to Liriano/Floyd.  Either way, I'm pretty sure one team is walking out of here with a 1 game lead, and we got ourselves a dogfight.

Poor Detroit.

2.  Anybody else getting officially worried here?  Justin Morneau was supposed to travel with the team to Chicago, not to play, just to travel and get some workoutting in.  No big deal, you'd think.  But that's been called off and he'll stay behind in Minnesota, while Bill Smith "declined to give details about how Morneau has been feeling."  What?  He's been out since July 7th, well over a month at this point, and we're still not giving out details?  Seriously, I'm done making jokes or calling him a girl and/or sissy for not playing, and officially moving into "very very very worried" territory.  We've all heard the comparison's to Corey Koskie, and at first they seemed quite over blown and "sky is falling" type stuff, but at this point - ugh, I don't know, but it certainly isn't normal to miss this much time for a head injury.  Ask Trent Green.

3.  So why even have practice then?  I know this blog is 40% Twins, 40% Gophers, 15% other sports happenings from around the world, and 5% bad movies, but I do pay attention and am a fan of the Vikings.  So with that I ask, what is the point of even having a training camp right now?  Percy Harvin has missed the last 9 days due to a combination of his mother's death and his ongoing Migraine issues (can't we just let the man have his weed?).  Sidney Rice has yet to practice due to either a hamstring issue or a contract dispute, depending on who you ask.  Brett Favre is, well, I assume you know all about Peter Primadonna right now, and I heard on the radio today Adrian Peterson just now was able to go full speed - no word on how many times he fumbled in non-contract drills.  So really, this offense is going to be a mess.  At least it probably makes the defense feel better.  Kind of like a struggling NBA team gets to play the Timberwolves.

4.  I really should have mentioned this before.  If you're a Gopher football fan, and why wouldn't you be - Rose Bowl, baby - The Daily Gopher is doing a really excellent rundown, position by position, of how this year's team breaks down in comparison to last year's team.  Let's hope the answer is "better."  And if I'm being completely honest here, I didn't read all of them.  I read a couple but it was difficult because I don't really know any of the players.  I think I could name about five guys on the Gopher football team, and odds are at least half of them don't play anymore.  

5.  He probably just should have kept going with the "tired arm" thing.  Phenom and super stud Stephen Strasburg made his return from the DL last night, although he probably shouldn't have.  He got knocked around pretty good, lasting just 4 and 1/3 innings (a career low) and allowing six runs (a career high).  Not a great combo.  He did keep up his nice strikeout totals with four in those just over four innings, and that's what I'm going to choose to pay attention to rather than all that other blabbity blah.  Those are just numbers, anyway, numbers can't tell you the whole story.  He's clearly still dealing with some arm issues, because there's no way the real Strasburg walks somebody named Logan Morrison.  I would refuse to live in such a world, so sometimes I have to ignore certain facts in order to maintain my sanity.  I'm like Shelley Duvalle in the Shining.  I'm just going to keep ignoring any problems until I get smacked in the melon with a baseball bat.

6.  I don't have a link for this.  I don't have a link or any way to prove this and it would have zero impact on the Gophers so I'm not going to spend a lot of time on it, but there is some speculation among people I know, some who have some insight into things, that Myck Kabongo, class of 2011 point guard who committed to Texas way back in January 2009 and is ranked  as the #7 overall player in the class by ESPN and #11 by Rivals, as well as the #2 point guard by both, is unhappy with Texas.  Apparently he's not real pleased with how the Longhorns' season went last year, and there is a little bit of speculation that he may re-open his recruitment.  Now I'd guess that nothing will come of this, and it's not like my sources are more than people like me who are fans who try to keep their fingers on the pulse, but I wanted to put it out there so I can look smart if anything actually happens.  Plus sometimes where there's smoke, there's fire.  Just ask David Koresh.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.6.2010

I really don't intend every single post to be in this format, it just worked out that way this week.  It's so easy and I like doing it.  I do still intend to do some more in depth type of posts, and definitely will during basketball season.  But for now, you'll get what you get and you won't get upset.

1.  The bullpen tried like hell to blow the game.  Luckily, the Twins were able to scrap together a couple of runs in the top of the ninth, mainly thanks to a Jason Kubel popup that hit the catwalk above the field and resulted in a hit and the first run, and then Matt Capps managed to shut the door.  I didn't get to watch the game, being at work and all, so I don't have too much to add except that they really surprised me.  Splitting a four-gamer on the road against a team like the Rays is a very positive outcome, especially considering they dropped the first two.  If they can keep splitting with the good teams and win the series against the bad, they should be in good shape assuming Chicago decides to lose once in a while.  With 63 games to go they probably need to go about 34-29 or so.  That would get them to 95 wins, and I have to assume that would win this division.  Again, assuming Chicago doesn't go 45-15 like they have recently.


2.  Naturally the White Sox won as well.  Because they never lose.  Not even when world's worst closer and possible worst pitcher and human being ever Bobby Jenks gives up a 3-run home run in the bottom of the ninth to tie the game.  Why he is still closing I'll never understand, especially since they have Thornton, Putz, and Santos who are all much better pitchers.  It's that damn save statistic.  Man, people are more obsessive and devoted to that then their bibles.

3.  In case there weren't enough young pitchers making noise this year.  Go ahead and add James McDonald to the list.  McDonald, once a pretty good prospect in the Dodgers' system, made his debut for the Pirates after being acquired for Octavio Dotel at the trade deadline and pitched well.  He had mainly been working out of the bullpen in his one full season with LA last year, but acclimated himself well, going six innings and allowing just four hits and no runs while striking out 8.  I like what the Pirates are doing, maximizing the value on some marginal veterans over the last few years to acquire some possible future solid talent.  I was going to list all the upside-y guys on their roster, but there's just too many.  Just know that the Pirates might be finally starting to move in the right direction.  They're young, they have some talent, and if some of these young prospects develop they could find themselves on the right side of .500 sooner rather than later.  At the very least there seems to be a plan here, unlike, say, Kansas City.

4.  Tiger Woods officially sucks at golf.  Tiger shot a 74 today in the first round of the Bridgestone Invitational, which is +4, and you may think that's just a bad round and other golfers like Anthony Kim and Camilo Villegas shot similar scores, but this is notable for one big reason:  he completely dominates this course.  Forget about Augusta, Pebble, or St. Andrews, Firestone is where he really dominates, having won this tournament something like 7 out of the last 10 times he's played it with a runner-up mixed in as well.  That 74 is not only his worst score on this course by two strokes, but it also puts him in a tie for 70th - and there are only 81 golfers entered.  He only shot better than seven golfers, several of whom barely even count, on a course he's owned.  I think it's safe to say his career is pretty much over.  Might as well retire and start collecting stud fees.

5.  I guess Calipari didn't teach Josh Pastner everything.  Slick Cal never seemed to have issues getting his recruits eligible (see:  Rose, Derrick and Evans, Tyreke) but Josh Pastner has just run into some issues with Will Barton, Class of 2010's #2 rated shooting guard and #11 on the Rivals list.  Barton has been ruled academically ineligible for the year, and if the NCAA doesn't pass him on appeal (they won't), it will be a major blow to Pastner's attempts to keep Memphis relevant.  The question for Gopher fans is how will this affect Trevor Mbakwe and his possible choice between the Gophers and Tigers?  There's some speculation that seeing Memphis suspend a player for the entire year would turn him off, but I don't really see it.  If his trial is pushed back again and Minnesota won't let him play but some team promises he can suit up, whether it's Memphis or Morehead State, I have a feeling he'll be there.  And then, in two years, we can watch both Royce White and Trevor Mbakwe make All-American teams while the Gophers grab yet another double-digit seed.

6.  The Gophers will play Western Kentucky in the Puerto Rico Tip-off.  And if they beat the Hilltoppers, and they should, they will likely have a date with Harrison Barnes and the North Carolina Tarheels.  Can Tubby and the boys pull off another marquee win in an early season tournament to go with their wins over Louisville and Butler the last two years?  I don't know, probably.  


As far as WKU goes, they're generally amongst the top team's in the Sun Belt, but they are still a far cry from the sweet 16 team or the team led by Taco Hawk, and are losing their top player in guard A.J. Slaughter.  Still, the Hilltoppers have proven over and over again that this isn't a program you can ever take lightly.  They have four of their top seven back from the 20-12 team from last season, the same team that beat Vanderbilt and Mississippi State, and have a Rivals Top 150 player coming in guard Derrick Gordon (#126).  Great, I've suddenly talked myself into being terrified for this game.

The rest of the schedule was released as well, and I sort of feel like it maybe deserves it's own post but ugh.  Look at this:  Northeastern State, Winona State, Wofford, Siena, NDSU, Virginia, Cornell, @ St. Joe's, Eastern Kentucky, and Akron.  Woof.  I know three of those teams were in the NCAA Tournament last year, but both Siena and Cornell were hit hard by graduations.  Wofford is the only team on there that is likely to get a bid, although Siena could still grab one with what they have left.  Overall pretty underwhelming.  Just like your mom.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.5.2010

1.  An ugly win is still a win.  And any win over a team like the Rays is a good thing, but man did they do everything they could to lose this one.  They wasted a monster outing from Scott Baker, the kind that reminds us that when he is on he is nearly unhittable.  They missed countless opportunities to get more runs across, and ended up heading into the ninth with just a 1-0 lead that was promptly squandered by new closer Matt Capps, with a healthy assist to the piss-poor outfield that seemed to make mistakes all game long, only to have Baker pitch around them - something Capps couldn't do. 

But despite their stunning ability to strike out on pitches out of the zone last night, they managed to squeak out a win over the Rays thanks to Delmon Young's big single in the 13th.  Of course, that hit came with runners on the corners and nobody out, so you would have thought a big inning was coming, but this was the Twins, and much like the rest of this series they were unable to get anything resembling a timely hit after Young, ending up on the right side of the 2-1 victory thanks to Matt Guerrier's six straight outs.

I do realize I've been a bit hard on this team in this series, and if they can win tomorrow they end up with a split, and you can't really expect anything better on the road against a team like Tampa, but they have just been so close in every game.  When two good teams matchup it's often the little things that make the difference, and do you really feel good with Gardy out there being the difference between a win and a loss (hello Guerrier vs. Upton two nights ago).  He clearly does some things right, enough to make the playoffs more often than not, but he is not a good game manager.  Sometimes that makes the difference.  I'm not calling for his head or anything, but sometimes he can really piss me right the hell off.  Seriously, go ahead and start keeping track of all the really good game decisions he makes.  I'll wait.



2.  Is it weird that nobody cares about this?  A-Rod finally hit his 600th career home run yesterday afternoon, just a mere 12 games and 46 at-bats since he hit #599.  I know everybody hates A-Rod, and for some reason the fans boo whenever he comes to bat, but I've never quite understood that.  Because he makes a ton of money?  They all make a ton of money.  Because he used steroids?  They all used steroids.  I mean, 600 HR, even in this day and age, is still a pretty special thing.  Only six other people have done it, with A-Rod being the youngest to reach that mark, and before you go spouting off about cheaters know that two other members, Bonds and Sosa, are cheaters too.  And doesn't A-Rod's cheating seem slightly less grievous somehow than Bonds or Sosa.  Bonds went from a great hitter to probably the second best of all-time, while Sosa went from a AAAA player to a home run hitting machine who still sucked.  A-Rod, to me, just doesn't seem anywhere near that level.  I actually kind of like the guy.  I'm not saying I want to go pick out curtains or anything, but if he threw some money at me and there was a little wine and maybe a back rub involved, who knows?  

3.  There is no way Bud Selig will be able to handle this.  You have probably heard the Texas Rangers are having all kinds of financial troubles, which is really too bad since they could make a run at the World Series this year.  What you may not have heard is that they are currently up for auction and it's basically Nolan Ryan vs. Mark Cuban.  So it's stoic, professional, respects the game ex-stud pitcher and maybe the most famous baseball name in history Nolan Ryan versus trashy, spazzy, do it his own way, insult every in power and get fined every five minutes Mark Cuban.  Now I think Cuban would be good for baseball - he would treat his players great, spend on a Yankee-level for payroll, and give MLB its best villain since John Rocker - but I'm guessing Bud Selig disagrees.  Of course, this is the same guy who thinks the All-Star game should mean something and almost wrecked the game twice (strike, steroids), so I like my chances.

4.  This is what Carlos Gomez should have been.  Sigh.  Back in 2007, Carlos Gomez was one of the Mets top prospects while Carlos Gonzalez was one of the top prospects in the Arizona system.  Both were centerfielders.  Both were fast as all hell.  Both were toolsy.  Both were plus defenders.  And neither understood the strike zone.  Both have been traded since then (Gonzalez twice), but while we've seen Gomez struggle to become more than a fast, inconsistent player, Gonzalez has become one of the best in the game.  After hitting two home runs today he now has a line of .319/.349/.559 with 23 home runs, 72 RBI, and 15 steals, numbers that rank him as #2 in the NL in batting average, #4 in slugging, #6 in RBI, #7 in homers, and #6 in OPS.  Take heart though, Carlos Gomez fans (all one of you), most defensive metrics have Go-Go as a much better defender than Gonzalez.  Take that!  Although Gonzalez did have one unfair advantage - he go to learn from the great Todd Helton.

5.  Edwin Jackson made me look like an idiot.  Remember how I was all like, "Jackson will suck in the AL he's not even good in the NL" and "Chicago is so stupid they totally got stuck with Jackson" and "I'm smart"?  Well I'm still an idiot.  Jackson led the White Sox to yet another stupid win, which makes them something like 50-1 in the last two months, pitching seven very good innings, allowing just one run on nine hits and a walk while striking out six.  Not a masterful shutdown performance, but pretty solid, even if it was against the suddenly punchless Tigers.  Seriously, what is going on with the Sox pitching?  It doesn't even matter who they throw out there, they are all Cy Young candidates.  I don't know what kind of magic elixir they have in Chicago, but I suspect it has something to do with Dayton wings.

6.  Brett Favre is a creepy perv?  Favre retirement talk, with him finally coming out and saying it's all about the health of his ankle and that he hasn't made a decision yet, but that's not important.  More interesting is that Jenn Sterger (pictured below), famous for having a large rack and being a Florida State fan in a cowboy hat, has told Deadspin that Favre used to send her pictures of his ding-dong when they were both employed by the Jets.  Now, I'm all in favor of people sending each other pictures of themselves in various stages of undress, but generally only when it is something both parties are interested in (or the sender is a woman).  When it's a dude sending pictures of his crank (or of him holding his crank while wearing crocs) to a chick who isn't interested, not to mention to a not interested chick who is 20 years younger than him, I get a little skeeved out.  Like, Pete Rose in his underwear skeeved out.  But doesn't this also seem like something Rose would do?  Looks like my Favre = Rose comparison just continues to get more and more accurate.