I wasn't going to live blog this one because that shit is stressful, but then Boris Diaw hit a huge three and I had another drink and it's 72-71 Miami because Supernintendo hit a bank 3 at the buzzer there. This is crazy basketball and, with only a minimal amount of hyperbole, this is why you watch sports. Plus somebody said something nice about my Game 6 blog which I thought was sweet and made me feel important.
12:00 - I have a small bet on anybody but Lebron winning the MVP (which means I'm a Spurs fan), a smaller bet on Spurs +5.5, and a seething hatred of both Lebron and Lebron haters because let's face it the dude is completely awesome. Money always breaks the tie, so I'm a Spurs fan first, and a Miami fan by less than 6 second. Also, that banked three is going to be the difference in the title. You watch.
11:32 - Battier hits his fifth three of the game. The Heat might win another title while Battier plays hero? Just fucking kill me.
11:08 - Manu on Lebron. Uh oh. James, like an idiot, takes a three and continues to work on building that homeless shelter with all those bricks so your mom and sister will have a place to sleep.
10:28 - I really don't like where we're going with this. Heat role players are starting to do a lot of good things, and all they're going to need is Lebron to take over in the end here. With luck Wade and Bosh will screw it up like they have most of this series. Come on Spo, put in Bosh!
10:07 - This is crazy but Lebron just got called for a foul and he totally doesn't think he should have been called for anything. Stunning.
9:42 - If that god damn freak Birdman guy gets one more offensive rebound I'm going to sit here and bitch about it some more. I DO NOT like the vibe right now. 77-73 Los Heat.
9:18 - Tony Parker's body is too fast for his mind right now. Turning into a fumble machine. I know it's cliched to make a french army joke when Tony Parker struggles in the clutch......so I won't do it.
8:40 - Ha ha Shane Battier missed and he's old and stupid and crappy and I heard his degree from Duke is in something gay like communications.
8:40 - Text from Snacks "I've decided I can't watch." He does this all the time with the Gophers or if the Twins actually make the playoffs, but he seriously has no stake in this game. Not a fan of either team, not a hater of either team (other than the Heat like everyone else but not, you know, like it was Wisconsin or anything), and no significant wagers. What a weirdo.
8:34 - UPDATE: Apparently he really, really hates the Heat after watching the ref bitching from Wade and Lebron all series. Tough to argue with him here, other than the not watching thing.
7:45 - Danny Green and Mario Chalmers trade absolutely horrible three pointers that both miss. I'd make an NBA Faaaaaaaaaaantastic joke but really it's actually been a pretty great series. Also Danny Green really needs to stop doing anything that isn't shooting a spot up three pointer.
6:53 - Two biggest X-factors were Wade and Ginobili. Wade has been outstanding. Ginobilli just literally let the ball slip through his fingers and go out of bounds. Luckily, Chris Bosh (0 points so far) just got called for an offensive foul prior to Ginobilli proving me wrong. 81-77 Heat. Shane Battier is still a huge douche.
6:03 - Ginobili passes it straight out of bounds. Dude is just completely out of control and it's not working.
5:37 - This Lone Ranger movie looks pretty awesome.
5:37 - Just kidding.
4:53 - I'm going to say right now that Duncan looks completely dialed in. I think shits about to get real for Miami. If they can keep scoring they'll win. If they keep letting Bosh shoot the ball, they won't. 83-79 Heat.
4:04 - Danny Green has started believing in his own legend. What a stupid shot.
3:27 - Why would you ever give the ball to an unstoppable Duncan against Bosh? Effing Battier with another three. Ballgame.
3:10 - Three point play by Duncan (told you). 88-85 Heat. Time for a stop. Probably want to make sure Splitter isn't in there, eh.
2:37 - Uh oh.
2:00 - Leonard with a huge three and it's a two point game. If the Heat are going to win can it at least be on another Ray Allen buzzer beater? I might actually enjoy that. A little.
1:35 - Supernintendo misses two free throws, Bosh somehow gets the offensive rebound, and then is stripped by Leonard. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
1:30 - Lebron back on Parker. Somebody else is going to have to do something. Like absolutely brick an open three, Leonard.
1:06 - Wade stupidly keeps the ball the entire possession then bricks a jumper, Lebron gets a huge offensive board and finds your boyfriend Shane Battier for a wide open three pointer which he luckily misses, there's a battle for the board and the Spurs come up with it and there was so much happening so quickly I paused it and now that I look up I see Danny Green dribbling and I know this will not end well.
0:48 - Duncan misses an open chance to tie the game. Wow. That was it, right there. That was it. And he knows it.
0:28 - Lebron jumper puts Miami up 4. Oof. Duncan looks beaten already. I feel a little tiny bit sick. It's weird because I thought I always hated Tim Duncan but, well, here we are.
0:23 - Ginobili turnover basically ends it. Fitting. Congrats to all Yankee, Patriot, and Duke fans out there. You guys deserve this.
Showing posts with label Miami Heat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miami Heat. Show all posts
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Game 6 Live Blog
Hey guys. Since I can barely ever figure out anything to write about since the Gophers are in the offseason and the Twins suck (actually I have a Twins post in the hopper, should be up tomorrow) I'm going to just live blog Game 6 because hopefully their won't be a Game 7 because I've come to loathe Lebron James. Go figure. Also somebody once emailed me to tell me that these aren't really live blogs because the reader can't follow along in real time and they should be called running diaries. He had a good point, so I tracked him to his house and beat him to death with a chainsaw. Anyway, we're picking up the game here with 5:50 left in the first quarter, San Antonio up 18-16.
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
Sunday, July 15, 2012
NBA Moves in Review
I'm changing up the Week in Review a bit here, and rather than looking sportswide at everything that's happened in the NBA so far with the crazy free agent period that's upon us and, as per usual, pointing out the five goods and the five bads. Make sense? I certainly hope so because it's pretty simple. What are you, some kind of idiot?
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis to the Miami Heat. The Heat won the championship in case you hadn't heard yet so there wasn't really a huge need to upgrade and with Lebron, Wade, and Bosh there they didn't have a whole lot of of flexibility, but they managed to upgrade in a big-time way and made the prohibitive favorite for next year even more prohibitiveable. Now instead of Shane Battier and Mike Miller taking all the open threes that are created by their offense, it's going to be Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis. For reference, Battier was a career 38% shooter going into last season (and shot 38% this year) and Miller was at 40% and hit 45% this season. Allen is a career 40% who has been 44% or better the past two years, and Lewis is a career 39%. Looking strictly at those numbers it looks like a push, but Allen is peaking as a shooter as he ages, Miller can't stay healthy and hasn't played in more than 53 games the last three years, Battier is toast as a defender, and both Allen and Lewis are defensive upgrades - for a team that's biggest asset as an overall squad was defense. Make no mistake - barring injury or an ugly "disease of more" situation there's no way Miami doesn't win the title. None. I know, I hate it too.
2. Jason Terry to the Boston Celtics. The main reason the Celtics should stay competitive next season is KG suddenly showing some resurgence and Rajon Rondo remains the most confounding and interesting and one of the most unstoppable point guards in the league. But grabbing Jason Terry to replace the newly departed Ray Allen is a pretty big reason as well. Terry doesn't shoot as well as Allen but he's not far off, and he's a better defender, scorer, and passer and, assuming they keep him in that same sixth man role he played in Dallas he brings more energy to the game when he enters than the more subdued Allen, as well as more athleticism as well - something the super old Celtics can use. The C's weren't without some questionable moves this offseason - the 3 years to KG and the holy shit huge contract they gave to Jeff Green for some reason - but Boston will be in the thick of the East when it all comes down to it. I look forward to 20 annoyingly homerrific articles on them from Bill Simmons next year.
3. Dallas Mavericks sign Elton Brand and Chris Kaman and trade for Darren Collison. The funny thing about Dallas is I'm pretty sure they didn't really expect to be rebuilt into a contender again unless they managed to sign Deron Williams, so after he re-signed with the Nets give Mark Cuban credit for making an effort rather than giving up, because it's working out. The trade for Collison might be the most important part after losing Jason Kidd to New York and not getting Williams, because although he's no great superstar Collison gives them an excellent starting point guard and they got him for basically nothing (see below). They then signed Chris Kaman to a super cheap 1-year/$8 million deal and won an amnesty bid on Elton Brand for just $2.1 million and suddenly they've remade the team without crippling themselves for the future. Given the strength of the league they aren't a serious contender most likely, but a lineup of Collison/Delonte West or Jones/Shawn Marion/Nowitzki/Kaman with Brand coming off the bench is absolutely a play-off team and probably a 4-5 seed, and then they'll have a whole mess of cap room next year to take a run at Howard or whoever. Bravo.
4. Lakers trade draft picks for Steve Nash. Yes, the problems with a Nash/Kobe pairing are apparent, but if things work out and they figure out how to make it work the Lakers become instant contenders to win the West, even if they stand pat and don't end up with Dwight Howard. And I don't see how it's not worth the gamble considering all it cost them was a few pretty worthless draft picks. No matter what you think of Kobe, and I hate him, he is a pretty savvy basketball mind and he should be able to figure out how to play off Nash. As long as his ego will allow him to become a spot-up shooter more often and let Nash work the offense it will benefit him (he can be more fresh later in the season and/or for his when he inevitably breaks out hero ball in fourth quarters), as well as Gasol and Bynum working off pick-and-rolls and post-ups. Of course this all relies on one of the most selfish players I've even seen (I'd put as more selfish than Iverson based on Iverson needing to play that way to win where Kobe could easily let Gasol and Bynum get more involved and probably make the team significantly better) realizing he needs to change if the teams going to win so it's pretty much a toss-up if it'll work, but again, it pretty much cost the Lakers nothing to make this gamble and if they win they're a good bet to end up losing in the Finals to the Heat.
5. Washington Wizards trade for Emeka Okafor and Trevor Ariza. It was a minor move in the big scheme of things, but picking up Okafor and Ariza for the bloated contract of Rashard Lewis (who was then bought out), along with last year's late trade where they picked up Nene for Javale McGee and the drafting of Bradly Beal gives them a starting five of John Wall/Beal/Ariza/Nene/Okafor, which is a definite playoff contender in the East and for a team that hasn't made the playoffs in five years and has only won a single playoff series since 1983 and hasn't won more than 26 games since 2007 it's a big step forward. Not to mention that Okafor, Ariza, and I think Nene will be dropping off the payroll in two years, which should be enough time to figure out exactly what they have in Beal and Wall and rebuild their team around those two. I don't know exactly how we ended up here, but the Wizards are doing a really great job all of a sudden. Now, they'll probably end up trading a couple of guys for Hedo Turkoglu or Spencer Hawes and then we'll be all like, "I knew it" but for now? Curiouser and curiouser.
WHO SUCKED
1. Charlotte Bobcats trade Corey Maggette to Detroit Pistons for Ben Gordon. There are a million good reasons to trade Corey Maggette. He really does nothing but score, he blocks Michael Kidd-Gilchrist's playing time, he makes too much money, and if you're trying to rebuild there's really zero reason to have him around because he's got a bit of a cancer to him as well. Thing is though, I don't know that trading him for Gordon and his $25.6 million he's still got coming his way is what makes sense. I guess he gives you shooting, which the Bobcats need and doesn't duplicate Gilchrist's skillset, and by all accounts is a good dude, and you're getting rid of Corey Maggette who is someone teams should always strive to get rid of, so maybe the Pistons made the bad end of the deal here. Actually I think they both lost.
2. Houston Rockets go all in to try to get Dwight Howard. I understand Houston trying to lure Howard there, even if its more for a rental, and then hoping he'd end up staying, but I kind of feel like once they started they didn't know how to just stop because although they've compiled a lot of assets they're all just kind of like, lame assets. A bunch of middle first round picks and a bunch of guys who drafted in middle rounds I'm not so sure do them much good. Their best asset, a Raptors first round pick, is probably going to be lottery but to get it they gave up Kyle Lowry, who might have been worth more. They've traded off pretty much the entire roster and even amnestied Luis Scola, who is no great shakes but did average 16 & 7 last season. And it looks like the upside is trading away all these assets for Howard and a whole bunch of crap like Hedo Turkoglu and Jason Richardson and the way too much money they're owed. If this works and they get Howard and can somehow convince Chris Paul to sign then this has all been a genius move. Anything else and it's been just a cluster of WTF.
3. Similarly, Orlando Magic have no clue what to do. Is the big plan now to go through a second straight season of circus? I get that it's tough to trade a guy of Howard's magnitude and that makes sense, but at some point you bite the bullet and figure it out - and don't think Howard doesn't deserve an equal portion of the blame for this crazytown as well, especially for signing his option for this year instead of just becoming a free agent. Not to mention that the places Howard seems best suited for (Lakers, Hawks) he seems to have no interest in and the places he wants to go are Brooklyn (which can't make it work) and Cleveland (wait what?) while the place that is busting there ass for him (Houston) he doesn't really want to go nor can they figure out a way to put enough players around him to both trade for him and field a competitive team. All that does is pretty much guarantee another year of same old-same old, because Brooklyn's signing of Brook Lopez kills that trade so it's either L.A., Houston, or it's another year of pussying around and figuring this shit out. But hey, the Magic resigned Jameer Nelson while letting their second best player (Ryan Anderson) walk, so sounds like a huge ole win for Magic fans. HAVE A GREAT SEASON!
4. Indiana Pacers go kind of crazy for unathletic big men. You'd think when Portland offered Roy Hibbert a max deal the Pacers would be all like, "Take 'em" and then giggle under their breath like when Dawger inevitably drafts someone like Roy Helu and then holds onto him for like six years in our keeper league just waiting for that breakout season. But instead they matched so they can pay like $1 million per blocked shot this year. Not only that, but they also drafted Miles or Mason Plumlee (I don't feel like looking it up) when Perry Jones and well, let's face it anybody other than a poor man's Cherokee Parks was available - and this is a team that already has Tyler Hansbrough. Then they traded Collison so they could get Ian Mahinmi and paid him way too much money and, in case you haven't heard of him like me, he's another center. Overall just a bizarre turn of events, especially for a team that has generally seemed to make pretty smart decisions. So maybe it'll turn out I'm wrong here, I suppose there's a first time for almost everything.
5. Phoenix Suns assemble a 20-win team. I can't figure out Phoneix's angle. They traded Nash for very little, seemingly opening up playing time for their first round pick Kendall Marshall, but then went out and signed Goran Dragic for 4 years and $36 million, apparently blocking Marshall for the length of his rookie contract. Not only will Dragic be a career back-up making starter money, but he's not a true distributor and the Suns traded him just a couple of seasons ago (along with a first round pick) for Aaron Brooks who they're now letting go in free agency. So they paid a first round pick to accomplish nothing. They then signed Michael Beasley for three years and won an amnesty bid on Luis Scola, then found out the Hornets matched their max offer to Eric Gordon and vowed to match any offer extended to Robin Lopez, he of the career averages of six points and three boards per game. I'm not suggesting I could have done better, although it wouldn't have surprised me either, but all these moves just reek of a 16-year kid playing franchise mode on NBA Live with no real concise or clear plan for rebuilding post-Nash. I suppose that shouldn't be surprising from a management group that gave huge money to both Josh Childress and Hakim Warrick and routinely sells it's first round picks for cash, but it seems like they're in on every player just because why not that's why. Now they're the leaders for OJ Mayo as well. This team makes zero sense the way it's constructed.
There's also plenty of Wolves' stuff to discuss as well, including this semi-bizarre Nic Batum showdown, but we'll get to that down the road when everything is finalized. And probably TRE will do it not me because he's way more crazy about the T-Wolves than normal people.
Finally, for those of you who believe in prayer send them this way (and if you don't, send good thoughts), I will forward them on. I don't want to say too much since it isn't my place, but someone who all regulars to the blog know well could use them right now.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis to the Miami Heat. The Heat won the championship in case you hadn't heard yet so there wasn't really a huge need to upgrade and with Lebron, Wade, and Bosh there they didn't have a whole lot of of flexibility, but they managed to upgrade in a big-time way and made the prohibitive favorite for next year even more prohibitiveable. Now instead of Shane Battier and Mike Miller taking all the open threes that are created by their offense, it's going to be Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis. For reference, Battier was a career 38% shooter going into last season (and shot 38% this year) and Miller was at 40% and hit 45% this season. Allen is a career 40% who has been 44% or better the past two years, and Lewis is a career 39%. Looking strictly at those numbers it looks like a push, but Allen is peaking as a shooter as he ages, Miller can't stay healthy and hasn't played in more than 53 games the last three years, Battier is toast as a defender, and both Allen and Lewis are defensive upgrades - for a team that's biggest asset as an overall squad was defense. Make no mistake - barring injury or an ugly "disease of more" situation there's no way Miami doesn't win the title. None. I know, I hate it too.
2. Jason Terry to the Boston Celtics. The main reason the Celtics should stay competitive next season is KG suddenly showing some resurgence and Rajon Rondo remains the most confounding and interesting and one of the most unstoppable point guards in the league. But grabbing Jason Terry to replace the newly departed Ray Allen is a pretty big reason as well. Terry doesn't shoot as well as Allen but he's not far off, and he's a better defender, scorer, and passer and, assuming they keep him in that same sixth man role he played in Dallas he brings more energy to the game when he enters than the more subdued Allen, as well as more athleticism as well - something the super old Celtics can use. The C's weren't without some questionable moves this offseason - the 3 years to KG and the holy shit huge contract they gave to Jeff Green for some reason - but Boston will be in the thick of the East when it all comes down to it. I look forward to 20 annoyingly homerrific articles on them from Bill Simmons next year.
3. Dallas Mavericks sign Elton Brand and Chris Kaman and trade for Darren Collison. The funny thing about Dallas is I'm pretty sure they didn't really expect to be rebuilt into a contender again unless they managed to sign Deron Williams, so after he re-signed with the Nets give Mark Cuban credit for making an effort rather than giving up, because it's working out. The trade for Collison might be the most important part after losing Jason Kidd to New York and not getting Williams, because although he's no great superstar Collison gives them an excellent starting point guard and they got him for basically nothing (see below). They then signed Chris Kaman to a super cheap 1-year/$8 million deal and won an amnesty bid on Elton Brand for just $2.1 million and suddenly they've remade the team without crippling themselves for the future. Given the strength of the league they aren't a serious contender most likely, but a lineup of Collison/Delonte West or Jones/Shawn Marion/Nowitzki/Kaman with Brand coming off the bench is absolutely a play-off team and probably a 4-5 seed, and then they'll have a whole mess of cap room next year to take a run at Howard or whoever. Bravo.
4. Lakers trade draft picks for Steve Nash. Yes, the problems with a Nash/Kobe pairing are apparent, but if things work out and they figure out how to make it work the Lakers become instant contenders to win the West, even if they stand pat and don't end up with Dwight Howard. And I don't see how it's not worth the gamble considering all it cost them was a few pretty worthless draft picks. No matter what you think of Kobe, and I hate him, he is a pretty savvy basketball mind and he should be able to figure out how to play off Nash. As long as his ego will allow him to become a spot-up shooter more often and let Nash work the offense it will benefit him (he can be more fresh later in the season and/or for his when he inevitably breaks out hero ball in fourth quarters), as well as Gasol and Bynum working off pick-and-rolls and post-ups. Of course this all relies on one of the most selfish players I've even seen (I'd put as more selfish than Iverson based on Iverson needing to play that way to win where Kobe could easily let Gasol and Bynum get more involved and probably make the team significantly better) realizing he needs to change if the teams going to win so it's pretty much a toss-up if it'll work, but again, it pretty much cost the Lakers nothing to make this gamble and if they win they're a good bet to end up losing in the Finals to the Heat.
5. Washington Wizards trade for Emeka Okafor and Trevor Ariza. It was a minor move in the big scheme of things, but picking up Okafor and Ariza for the bloated contract of Rashard Lewis (who was then bought out), along with last year's late trade where they picked up Nene for Javale McGee and the drafting of Bradly Beal gives them a starting five of John Wall/Beal/Ariza/Nene/Okafor, which is a definite playoff contender in the East and for a team that hasn't made the playoffs in five years and has only won a single playoff series since 1983 and hasn't won more than 26 games since 2007 it's a big step forward. Not to mention that Okafor, Ariza, and I think Nene will be dropping off the payroll in two years, which should be enough time to figure out exactly what they have in Beal and Wall and rebuild their team around those two. I don't know exactly how we ended up here, but the Wizards are doing a really great job all of a sudden. Now, they'll probably end up trading a couple of guys for Hedo Turkoglu or Spencer Hawes and then we'll be all like, "I knew it" but for now? Curiouser and curiouser.
WHO SUCKED
1. Charlotte Bobcats trade Corey Maggette to Detroit Pistons for Ben Gordon. There are a million good reasons to trade Corey Maggette. He really does nothing but score, he blocks Michael Kidd-Gilchrist's playing time, he makes too much money, and if you're trying to rebuild there's really zero reason to have him around because he's got a bit of a cancer to him as well. Thing is though, I don't know that trading him for Gordon and his $25.6 million he's still got coming his way is what makes sense. I guess he gives you shooting, which the Bobcats need and doesn't duplicate Gilchrist's skillset, and by all accounts is a good dude, and you're getting rid of Corey Maggette who is someone teams should always strive to get rid of, so maybe the Pistons made the bad end of the deal here. Actually I think they both lost.
2. Houston Rockets go all in to try to get Dwight Howard. I understand Houston trying to lure Howard there, even if its more for a rental, and then hoping he'd end up staying, but I kind of feel like once they started they didn't know how to just stop because although they've compiled a lot of assets they're all just kind of like, lame assets. A bunch of middle first round picks and a bunch of guys who drafted in middle rounds I'm not so sure do them much good. Their best asset, a Raptors first round pick, is probably going to be lottery but to get it they gave up Kyle Lowry, who might have been worth more. They've traded off pretty much the entire roster and even amnestied Luis Scola, who is no great shakes but did average 16 & 7 last season. And it looks like the upside is trading away all these assets for Howard and a whole bunch of crap like Hedo Turkoglu and Jason Richardson and the way too much money they're owed. If this works and they get Howard and can somehow convince Chris Paul to sign then this has all been a genius move. Anything else and it's been just a cluster of WTF.
3. Similarly, Orlando Magic have no clue what to do. Is the big plan now to go through a second straight season of circus? I get that it's tough to trade a guy of Howard's magnitude and that makes sense, but at some point you bite the bullet and figure it out - and don't think Howard doesn't deserve an equal portion of the blame for this crazytown as well, especially for signing his option for this year instead of just becoming a free agent. Not to mention that the places Howard seems best suited for (Lakers, Hawks) he seems to have no interest in and the places he wants to go are Brooklyn (which can't make it work) and Cleveland (wait what?) while the place that is busting there ass for him (Houston) he doesn't really want to go nor can they figure out a way to put enough players around him to both trade for him and field a competitive team. All that does is pretty much guarantee another year of same old-same old, because Brooklyn's signing of Brook Lopez kills that trade so it's either L.A., Houston, or it's another year of pussying around and figuring this shit out. But hey, the Magic resigned Jameer Nelson while letting their second best player (Ryan Anderson) walk, so sounds like a huge ole win for Magic fans. HAVE A GREAT SEASON!
4. Indiana Pacers go kind of crazy for unathletic big men. You'd think when Portland offered Roy Hibbert a max deal the Pacers would be all like, "Take 'em" and then giggle under their breath like when Dawger inevitably drafts someone like Roy Helu and then holds onto him for like six years in our keeper league just waiting for that breakout season. But instead they matched so they can pay like $1 million per blocked shot this year. Not only that, but they also drafted Miles or Mason Plumlee (I don't feel like looking it up) when Perry Jones and well, let's face it anybody other than a poor man's Cherokee Parks was available - and this is a team that already has Tyler Hansbrough. Then they traded Collison so they could get Ian Mahinmi and paid him way too much money and, in case you haven't heard of him like me, he's another center. Overall just a bizarre turn of events, especially for a team that has generally seemed to make pretty smart decisions. So maybe it'll turn out I'm wrong here, I suppose there's a first time for almost everything.
5. Phoenix Suns assemble a 20-win team. I can't figure out Phoneix's angle. They traded Nash for very little, seemingly opening up playing time for their first round pick Kendall Marshall, but then went out and signed Goran Dragic for 4 years and $36 million, apparently blocking Marshall for the length of his rookie contract. Not only will Dragic be a career back-up making starter money, but he's not a true distributor and the Suns traded him just a couple of seasons ago (along with a first round pick) for Aaron Brooks who they're now letting go in free agency. So they paid a first round pick to accomplish nothing. They then signed Michael Beasley for three years and won an amnesty bid on Luis Scola, then found out the Hornets matched their max offer to Eric Gordon and vowed to match any offer extended to Robin Lopez, he of the career averages of six points and three boards per game. I'm not suggesting I could have done better, although it wouldn't have surprised me either, but all these moves just reek of a 16-year kid playing franchise mode on NBA Live with no real concise or clear plan for rebuilding post-Nash. I suppose that shouldn't be surprising from a management group that gave huge money to both Josh Childress and Hakim Warrick and routinely sells it's first round picks for cash, but it seems like they're in on every player just because why not that's why. Now they're the leaders for OJ Mayo as well. This team makes zero sense the way it's constructed.
There's also plenty of Wolves' stuff to discuss as well, including this semi-bizarre Nic Batum showdown, but we'll get to that down the road when everything is finalized. And probably TRE will do it not me because he's way more crazy about the T-Wolves than normal people.
Finally, for those of you who believe in prayer send them this way (and if you don't, send good thoughts), I will forward them on. I don't want to say too much since it isn't my place, but someone who all regulars to the blog know well could use them right now.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Six Very Important Things from Last Night - 5/17/2012
Maybe this will get me posting more often. Be careful what you wish for.
1. The Twins beat the Tigers today, which would be newsworthy all on its own, but even more shocking is that gives them two straight wins over the Tigers (just the second winning streak of the entire season) and since this was just a 2-game series that means the Twins just swept the preseason division favorite, even if they are two games under .500. Even more shocking is they did it with Blackburn and P.J. Walters (who?) pitching the two games. Blackburn sucked as expected and is now on the DL, but the Twins actually decided to hit for once with a couple of homers (Dozier & Plouffe) and six doubles, managing to score 11 runs which I have to assume is a season high, to pull out the win. Then today Mr. Walters goes all no-hittery through the first four innings en route to a very nice game, picking up his second major league win and lowering his career ERA to a shade under seven. Still, it's a two game win streak against a supposed good team. Just 14 more to go to get to .500. We can do this.
2. It was a shitty day in daytime baseball if you were an ace-type pitcher or took the under on total runs scored today. Mat Latos got knocked around by the Mets and only managed 5 innings, C.J. Wilson couldn't find the plate and walked six without getting out of the fourth, Matt Cain got knocked around pretty good by the Cards, while Adam Wainwright showed once again that he's all kinds of not back from his injury that made him miss all last season whatever it was. Maybe this isn't really all that newsworthy but it matters to me because I took the god damn under on total runs which of course didn't cash because I'm on one of the all-time cold streaks, my friends. It's enough to make me quit gambling if that wouldn't mean my life would be cold and empty.
3. The Pacers completely rolled the Heat 94-75, and you know me and I hate jumping to conclusions or throwing out opinions with little to back them up, but I think this is over, dudes. Here's why. First, that one game the Heat lost earlier they had a chance to tie and Lebron didn't take the shot (of course) and Wade didn't take the shot but Mario Chalmers took the shot. And I like Chalmers and everything especially for when he pissed on John Calipari's dreams that one year, but come on. Then tonight Lebron scores 22, which sounds like a slightly down game, but then you realize that only 7 of those came in the second half, Wade scored just five points on 2-13 shooting, and Chalmers was the team's leading scorer with 25. Plus, here's stiff Roy Hibberts pt/rebs in the 3 games: 17/11, 8/11, 19/18. Roy fucking Hibbert! Does any of this sound like a team who has its shit together? It's over. I'm guessing sportsbooks will still have the Pacers only at like -150 or so to win the series or maybe even better - jump on it.
4. The Colonial Athletic Conference is losing everybody now that Old Dominion has announced it is leaving for Conference USA. First VCU bolted to join Butler in the A-10 and now ODU is taking off, and I'd be stunned if George Mason didn't join VCU in the next few days which means the three biggest basketball powers in the CAA are all leaving. Apparently CAA is going to try to bring in Davidson and Charleston out of the SoCon and Boston out of the America East, but with ODU, VCU, and GMU (I'm assuming) all gone I'm not so sure leaving the SoCon would even be a step up for Davidson and Charleston (although it clearly would be for BU). I assume at some point all this conference realignment will stop and it better stop soon because at the rate I drink alcohol my brain cells are getting very close to not being able to keep up with all this.
5. Toronto's Brett Lawrie dropped his appeal of his four-game suspension for losing his mind on an umpire, and it's probably a good idea because look at this shit:
In response, I've prepared this video:
6. Happy Birthday to Mrs. WWWWWWW. I know you're lucky to have me, but what you probably don't realize is that I'm super lucky to have you. Mostly because you're so hot. Happy birthday, baby. Way to always keep it classy:
1. The Twins beat the Tigers today, which would be newsworthy all on its own, but even more shocking is that gives them two straight wins over the Tigers (just the second winning streak of the entire season) and since this was just a 2-game series that means the Twins just swept the preseason division favorite, even if they are two games under .500. Even more shocking is they did it with Blackburn and P.J. Walters (who?) pitching the two games. Blackburn sucked as expected and is now on the DL, but the Twins actually decided to hit for once with a couple of homers (Dozier & Plouffe) and six doubles, managing to score 11 runs which I have to assume is a season high, to pull out the win. Then today Mr. Walters goes all no-hittery through the first four innings en route to a very nice game, picking up his second major league win and lowering his career ERA to a shade under seven. Still, it's a two game win streak against a supposed good team. Just 14 more to go to get to .500. We can do this.
2. It was a shitty day in daytime baseball if you were an ace-type pitcher or took the under on total runs scored today. Mat Latos got knocked around by the Mets and only managed 5 innings, C.J. Wilson couldn't find the plate and walked six without getting out of the fourth, Matt Cain got knocked around pretty good by the Cards, while Adam Wainwright showed once again that he's all kinds of not back from his injury that made him miss all last season whatever it was. Maybe this isn't really all that newsworthy but it matters to me because I took the god damn under on total runs which of course didn't cash because I'm on one of the all-time cold streaks, my friends. It's enough to make me quit gambling if that wouldn't mean my life would be cold and empty.
3. The Pacers completely rolled the Heat 94-75, and you know me and I hate jumping to conclusions or throwing out opinions with little to back them up, but I think this is over, dudes. Here's why. First, that one game the Heat lost earlier they had a chance to tie and Lebron didn't take the shot (of course) and Wade didn't take the shot but Mario Chalmers took the shot. And I like Chalmers and everything especially for when he pissed on John Calipari's dreams that one year, but come on. Then tonight Lebron scores 22, which sounds like a slightly down game, but then you realize that only 7 of those came in the second half, Wade scored just five points on 2-13 shooting, and Chalmers was the team's leading scorer with 25. Plus, here's stiff Roy Hibberts pt/rebs in the 3 games: 17/11, 8/11, 19/18. Roy fucking Hibbert! Does any of this sound like a team who has its shit together? It's over. I'm guessing sportsbooks will still have the Pacers only at like -150 or so to win the series or maybe even better - jump on it.
4. The Colonial Athletic Conference is losing everybody now that Old Dominion has announced it is leaving for Conference USA. First VCU bolted to join Butler in the A-10 and now ODU is taking off, and I'd be stunned if George Mason didn't join VCU in the next few days which means the three biggest basketball powers in the CAA are all leaving. Apparently CAA is going to try to bring in Davidson and Charleston out of the SoCon and Boston out of the America East, but with ODU, VCU, and GMU (I'm assuming) all gone I'm not so sure leaving the SoCon would even be a step up for Davidson and Charleston (although it clearly would be for BU). I assume at some point all this conference realignment will stop and it better stop soon because at the rate I drink alcohol my brain cells are getting very close to not being able to keep up with all this.
5. Toronto's Brett Lawrie dropped his appeal of his four-game suspension for losing his mind on an umpire, and it's probably a good idea because look at this shit:
In response, I've prepared this video:
6. Happy Birthday to Mrs. WWWWWWW. I know you're lucky to have me, but what you probably don't realize is that I'm super lucky to have you. Mostly because you're so hot. Happy birthday, baby. Way to always keep it classy:
Sunday, June 5, 2011
NBA Game 3. And Go.
I mostly covered everything that was interesting that happened this week in this post from Friday, so I won't rehash with a Week in Review post. Instead I'll do sort of a running blog of the NBA game and mention anything from this weekend that pops into my head. And you're going to sit there and like it.
- First off I'm going to come right out and admit that today was an awful gambling night, one of the worst I can recall in recent memory. If I haven't already told you this, my main gambling during baseball season is to spend time analyzing the player props and making the proper picks based on what my math says are the best plays. So far this season (since a formula tweak in mid-May) the system has been +16.08 units, with only three losing days. Then this weekend it went -1.31 units, -0.48 units, and today was -3.46 units, easily the worst gambling day of the baseball season. Doesn't feel good. With three straight losing days my confidence is shaken right now. Stay tuned.
- That being said, I could take today from a disaster to just a bad day by doing well on NBA props. Here's what I'm going with: Both teams combined under 14 made 3s, Chandler over 17.5 pts+rebs, Bosh over 8.5 rebs, Nowitzki over 7.5 made FTs, Terry over 1.5 made 3s, and Lebron over 1.5 made 3s. It's gonna be a bad night either way, but if I can at least hit a majority of these I can mitigate it. I really don't want to have to deposit again. Sending a $500 Western Union moneygram to Manuel in the Philippines makes me feel icky.
- I should also mention I'll just be doing the second half of the NBA game because I missed the first half. Looking at the box score the Heat are up 5 at half and every single one of my bets is in absolutely terrible shape. Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful.
- I guess if I'm going to talk sports I need to start with the Twins since they just swept the royals in a four game series. I suppose it's tempting to think they may have righted the ship, and with Cleveland getting swept in four by Texas and the second place team barely hovering around .500 that they have a shot, but lets look a little deeper. The offense in this four-gamer was driven by Revere-Rivera-Tolbert in Game 1, Span-Young-Revere-Hughes-Butera in game 2, Revere-Casilla-Tolbert in Game 3, and Casilla-Repko-Hughes in Game 4. Do we really think those guys are that good, or was this lightning in a bottle? And is the pitching, which held the Royals to 6 runs in the four games, suddenly clicking or is KC just that bad? I hate to say it, but I think this was more the demise of 2011 Kansas City more than the resurgence of the Twins. Haters gonna hate.
- I love this Maverick team. Miami scored 8 straight to open the half and drove their lead to 15. So the Mavs just said, "ok" and made smart plays, smart passes, and good shots while Miami acted like a bunch of idiots and suddenly the lead is just 7. Also I hate the Miami Heat and Cameron Diaz.
- Hottest player in ball not named Michael Morse: Jose Reyes of the Mets. He's 2-3 with a double with 2 runs and a ribbie tonight, which is his 10th straight game with a hit and his 12th multi-hit game in his last 18. I'm going to write that again - he's had more than one hit in 12 of his last 18 games. Before this Royals' series I don't know if the Twins had 12 multi-hit games by a player all year.
- Yeah here's the problem with my Lebron over 1.5 made three pointers bet. I forgot that he can't shoot for shit.
- I really like Tyson Chandler. I mean, offensively he's a bit retarded, but he just blocked two shots and then saved a ball back to his team by diving out of bounds. The guy is the perfect kind of building block guy for a team. Excellent defender, excellent rebounder, doesn't need to score but can put it in the hoop if he's close enough, but doesn't give a crap for scoring. Not exactly what you'd want out of the #2 pick in the draft but considering Dallas got him basically straight up for Eduardo Najera I'd call that a steal. Also, Mavs now lead.
- James for three!!!! I mean oh crap. I mean good. I'm so conflicted.
- Terry for three!!!!! Good! I mean good!!!
- By the way, I also have a pretty good chunk of change on both Wade for MVP and Dirk for MVP. If Lebron wins it I'm probably going to have to sell at least one car.
- I know what you're thinking: didn't this used to be a Gopher blog? And yes, it still is, but I know I haven't done much on the basketball team but really you should just shut up because it's the off-season and also you're being kind of rude. But, very quickly, here is a very short rundown of the 5 unsigned players for 2012 that Rivals says the Gophers have offered:
- Uglier jumper: Shawn Marion or random WNBAer? No, you're right that's not fair. Shawn Marion or random women's high school player?
- So how about that Blake Lively?
- I love it when Miami is stupid and leaves Dirk open for three (it's now 70-70 with 10 minutes to go). On this one Dirk set a pick for J.J. Barea and both Chalmers and Haslem fall all over themselves to chase Barea and Wade doesn't even take a step out of the corner to rotate off of Terry. Dirk open. Dirk make. Game tied. Except Bosh just dunked on an absolutely gorgeous pass from Lebron. I really wish he wasn't such a doosh. Such a great passer. Fourth best passer ever at that height: Magic, Bird, Penny.
- You know what I really hate? Restaurants that automatically put lemon in your water. Is this the default now? Is lemon in water so freaking popular with people that it's just assumed everybody loves it? Because guess what? I hate it. New rule: from now on every time there's a freaking lemon in my water without my being asked I'm going to pour the damn thing out on the floor. Join me, won't you? Like they say in all those commercials with sad music and sad animals and sad babies or whatever, "Together, we can make a difference." END LEMON WATER NOW!!!!
- Ha ha go to hell Lebron.
- Lebron has now been called for both a travel and a double dribble in the last five minutes. Also if bitching to the refs was an olympic event they'd just skip gold and give him a platinum. He's like if the Yankees and Kobe Bryant had a kid. What if this thing was Lakers/Heat? I'm pretty sure I'd be going Heat because I like Wade but god, talk about Sophie's Choice of douchery.
- The Mavs have missed about 7 threes in the last 1 minute. I don't like how this is going. Heat up 6 with 4 to play.
- Who the hell is Joel Anthony and why are we pronouncing his name Jo-El? Is that' Superman's dad?
- So I watched the original Tron the other day for the first time in at least 20 years. It was really, really stupid. Yet we get a long-awaited sequel to that and I"m still sitting here waiting for Jurassic Park 4. That's really fair. Although the last rumor I heard for a fourth Jurassic Park was military trained raptors with weapons strapped to their backs (I'm not kidding, that was a legit serious script) so maybe we just hold steady at three, which was actually one too many. Really? Raptors, which have been held up as the smartest of all dinosaurs through the entire trilogy, are going to suddenly NOT eat Dr. Grant and that kid because they blow air through a raptor skull? And do we really need to bring in a bigger badass than the T-Rex? I think he was doing just fine, thanks. Go to hell, movie. Go to hell. At least we got Pterodactyls.
- FACT: Jason Kidd cannot guard Dwyane Wade. Also FACT: Dwyane Wade's mom can't spell for shit.
- Ha ha Lebron you donkey ass face!!!
- Jason Terry has now missed 3 three-pointers, anyone of which would win me a bet. I don't care if I lose all my bets if Dallas wins, but if Miami wins and I get cleaned out I'm going to be VERY unhappy.
- Well the Heat won and I went 1-5 on my game bets. Really just a fabulous day. I'm never posting again.
- Since I'm quitting blogging this will be the last thing I ever write on here, but I do need give a little shout-out to Mrs. W, who ran an entire half-marathon today, while I'm still tired today from mowing half the lawn yesterday. Way to go, baby, and I know you are disappointed in 2:28, but I think it's pretty damn amazing, and I love that even after that you can still give me a look like I'm an idiot when I want to take your picture.
- First off I'm going to come right out and admit that today was an awful gambling night, one of the worst I can recall in recent memory. If I haven't already told you this, my main gambling during baseball season is to spend time analyzing the player props and making the proper picks based on what my math says are the best plays. So far this season (since a formula tweak in mid-May) the system has been +16.08 units, with only three losing days. Then this weekend it went -1.31 units, -0.48 units, and today was -3.46 units, easily the worst gambling day of the baseball season. Doesn't feel good. With three straight losing days my confidence is shaken right now. Stay tuned.
- That being said, I could take today from a disaster to just a bad day by doing well on NBA props. Here's what I'm going with: Both teams combined under 14 made 3s, Chandler over 17.5 pts+rebs, Bosh over 8.5 rebs, Nowitzki over 7.5 made FTs, Terry over 1.5 made 3s, and Lebron over 1.5 made 3s. It's gonna be a bad night either way, but if I can at least hit a majority of these I can mitigate it. I really don't want to have to deposit again. Sending a $500 Western Union moneygram to Manuel in the Philippines makes me feel icky.
- I should also mention I'll just be doing the second half of the NBA game because I missed the first half. Looking at the box score the Heat are up 5 at half and every single one of my bets is in absolutely terrible shape. Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful.
- I guess if I'm going to talk sports I need to start with the Twins since they just swept the royals in a four game series. I suppose it's tempting to think they may have righted the ship, and with Cleveland getting swept in four by Texas and the second place team barely hovering around .500 that they have a shot, but lets look a little deeper. The offense in this four-gamer was driven by Revere-Rivera-Tolbert in Game 1, Span-Young-Revere-Hughes-Butera in game 2, Revere-Casilla-Tolbert in Game 3, and Casilla-Repko-Hughes in Game 4. Do we really think those guys are that good, or was this lightning in a bottle? And is the pitching, which held the Royals to 6 runs in the four games, suddenly clicking or is KC just that bad? I hate to say it, but I think this was more the demise of 2011 Kansas City more than the resurgence of the Twins. Haters gonna hate.
- I love this Maverick team. Miami scored 8 straight to open the half and drove their lead to 15. So the Mavs just said, "ok" and made smart plays, smart passes, and good shots while Miami acted like a bunch of idiots and suddenly the lead is just 7. Also I hate the Miami Heat and Cameron Diaz.
- Hottest player in ball not named Michael Morse: Jose Reyes of the Mets. He's 2-3 with a double with 2 runs and a ribbie tonight, which is his 10th straight game with a hit and his 12th multi-hit game in his last 18. I'm going to write that again - he's had more than one hit in 12 of his last 18 games. Before this Royals' series I don't know if the Twins had 12 multi-hit games by a player all year.
- Yeah here's the problem with my Lebron over 1.5 made three pointers bet. I forgot that he can't shoot for shit.
- I really like Tyson Chandler. I mean, offensively he's a bit retarded, but he just blocked two shots and then saved a ball back to his team by diving out of bounds. The guy is the perfect kind of building block guy for a team. Excellent defender, excellent rebounder, doesn't need to score but can put it in the hoop if he's close enough, but doesn't give a crap for scoring. Not exactly what you'd want out of the #2 pick in the draft but considering Dallas got him basically straight up for Eduardo Najera I'd call that a steal. Also, Mavs now lead.
- James for three!!!! I mean oh crap. I mean good. I'm so conflicted.
- Terry for three!!!!! Good! I mean good!!!
- By the way, I also have a pretty good chunk of change on both Wade for MVP and Dirk for MVP. If Lebron wins it I'm probably going to have to sell at least one car.
- I know what you're thinking: didn't this used to be a Gopher blog? And yes, it still is, but I know I haven't done much on the basketball team but really you should just shut up because it's the off-season and also you're being kind of rude. But, very quickly, here is a very short rundown of the 5 unsigned players for 2012 that Rivals says the Gophers have offered:
- SG Gary Harris (Fishers, Indiana - #6 SG, #26 overall) - Very good player with a lot of quality midwestern offers including Indiana, Michigan State, Purdue, and Louisville. He's not coming here.
- C A.J. Hammons (Mouth of Wilson, VA - #11 C, #55 overall) - a strong season has teams like Ohio State, Kentucky, and Purdue looking at him. None of those teams have offered yet, but if he doesn't sign with Minnesota fairly soon it may be too late.
- G Javontae Hawkins (Flint, MI - #18 SG, #92 overall) - he's from Flint but Izzo doesn't want him so that's kind of weird. He lists Ohio State, Michigan, USC, and West Virginia as the leaders (all have offered) and the Gophers are lumped with about 15 other teams behind them. Outlook: not likely.
- SF Demarquise Johnson (Phoenix, AZ - #28 SF, #122 overall) - Tubby is after him very hard, but he sounds like he's looking to stay on the west coast. This is the guy I really want - he's athletic and can score from in or out. Like everything I'm hearing about him.
- PF Khaliq Spicer (Dearborn Heights, MI - unranked) - Gophers are competing with a couple of crappy MAC and crappy A-10 teams (like Dayton) for his services, so it's either a diamond-in-the-rough situation or a reminder that the Gophers suck. Sounds like he's a pretty good athlete, but also pretty raw, who would be that sweet ass rebounder and shot-blocker whose scoring range is "dunk." I love that kind of guy, as long as he's a complimentary part of the class, not the focal point.
- Uglier jumper: Shawn Marion or random WNBAer? No, you're right that's not fair. Shawn Marion or random women's high school player?
- So how about that Blake Lively?
- I love it when Miami is stupid and leaves Dirk open for three (it's now 70-70 with 10 minutes to go). On this one Dirk set a pick for J.J. Barea and both Chalmers and Haslem fall all over themselves to chase Barea and Wade doesn't even take a step out of the corner to rotate off of Terry. Dirk open. Dirk make. Game tied. Except Bosh just dunked on an absolutely gorgeous pass from Lebron. I really wish he wasn't such a doosh. Such a great passer. Fourth best passer ever at that height: Magic, Bird, Penny.
- You know what I really hate? Restaurants that automatically put lemon in your water. Is this the default now? Is lemon in water so freaking popular with people that it's just assumed everybody loves it? Because guess what? I hate it. New rule: from now on every time there's a freaking lemon in my water without my being asked I'm going to pour the damn thing out on the floor. Join me, won't you? Like they say in all those commercials with sad music and sad animals and sad babies or whatever, "Together, we can make a difference." END LEMON WATER NOW!!!!
- Ha ha go to hell Lebron.
- Lebron has now been called for both a travel and a double dribble in the last five minutes. Also if bitching to the refs was an olympic event they'd just skip gold and give him a platinum. He's like if the Yankees and Kobe Bryant had a kid. What if this thing was Lakers/Heat? I'm pretty sure I'd be going Heat because I like Wade but god, talk about Sophie's Choice of douchery.
- The Mavs have missed about 7 threes in the last 1 minute. I don't like how this is going. Heat up 6 with 4 to play.
- Who the hell is Joel Anthony and why are we pronouncing his name Jo-El? Is that' Superman's dad?
- So I watched the original Tron the other day for the first time in at least 20 years. It was really, really stupid. Yet we get a long-awaited sequel to that and I"m still sitting here waiting for Jurassic Park 4. That's really fair. Although the last rumor I heard for a fourth Jurassic Park was military trained raptors with weapons strapped to their backs (I'm not kidding, that was a legit serious script) so maybe we just hold steady at three, which was actually one too many. Really? Raptors, which have been held up as the smartest of all dinosaurs through the entire trilogy, are going to suddenly NOT eat Dr. Grant and that kid because they blow air through a raptor skull? And do we really need to bring in a bigger badass than the T-Rex? I think he was doing just fine, thanks. Go to hell, movie. Go to hell. At least we got Pterodactyls.
- FACT: Jason Kidd cannot guard Dwyane Wade. Also FACT: Dwyane Wade's mom can't spell for shit.
- Ha ha Lebron you donkey ass face!!!
- Jason Terry has now missed 3 three-pointers, anyone of which would win me a bet. I don't care if I lose all my bets if Dallas wins, but if Miami wins and I get cleaned out I'm going to be VERY unhappy.
- Well the Heat won and I went 1-5 on my game bets. Really just a fabulous day. I'm never posting again.
- Since I'm quitting blogging this will be the last thing I ever write on here, but I do need give a little shout-out to Mrs. W, who ran an entire half-marathon today, while I'm still tired today from mowing half the lawn yesterday. Way to go, baby, and I know you are disappointed in 2:28, but I think it's pretty damn amazing, and I love that even after that you can still give me a look like I'm an idiot when I want to take your picture.
Friday, June 3, 2011
6 Very Important Things so far this week
Man what a crazy week for me (thus the lack of posting). Monday was Memorial Day, then Tuesday I had a fancy work dinner (sashimi style short rib with miso and wasabi appetizer, apple, cheese, and chive salad, and sea bass with a miso glaze), last night was a happy hour that went until 9pm, and tonight was softball. Since I haven't been around this week, I'm forcing myself to post to just make you happy. And what better way than the good ole 6 things format.
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Week in Review - 05/16/2011
Seriously you guys, I am an awesome chef. Not that tonight's meal was particularly difficult (steaks for the guys, turkey burgers for the broads all on the grill plus a romaine salad) but it's the attention to detail that's the important thing. Steaks and turkey burgers were all perfectly cooked and perfectly seasoned, and although the salad was just romaine, cucumbers, carrots, and edamame, but rather than just lazily slicing the veggies the cukes were peeled, sliced, and quartered and the carrots were shaved, not to mention how I boiled and shelled the edamame. Now that's a salad.
But really, I've mastered the grill and can cook anything to near perfection. I can make a great garlic lemon butter for fish and have an absolutely killer dry rub for chicken wings. I took my dad's ole reliable beef stew recipe and, using nothing more than various spices in my cabinet and a little celery revitalized it to the point where my mom was basically begging me to take home the leftovers. Chili? Please. I've got three different recipes that are all great (a tomato-based one, a beef broth based one, and a simple one that can be made in under an hour). The last time I made pork chops I was begged for the brand name of the seasoning I used (hint: I made it myself. Holla.) I'm basically bulletproof (except for homemade fries on the grill. I can season them to perfection but I can't make them crispy. If anybody can help please e-mail or leave your tip in the comment section).
So in other words, I just had a great meal and am possibly a little drunk. Let's type some words.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Joey Votto. Votto always makes me mad because a year or two ago it looked like both leagues would have a monster hitting first baseman from Canada - Votto for the NL, Morneau in the AL. Only now our version has turned into a chicken-legged little girl with noodle arms, a scrambled brain, and a comprised immune system while Votto has continued to build upon his MVP campaign from last year. He's in the top 5 in basically everything in the NL, he's hitting .350 and leads the league in walks, and has the Reds in first in the NL Central - helped by a couple of walk-off hits Votto put up this week. He also reached base in each of the first 33 games of the year, and hasn't hit an infield pop-up since 2009 (no joke, that's for real). Meanwhile our Canadian is at the point where hitting the ball of the wall is a major accomplishment. Gross. This is like trying to book a Canadian music act and hoping for Rush but getting stuck with Bryan Adams. Yes, Rush is awesome. If you don't think so you probably think Nickelback is awesome too. Actually now that I think about it I think Nickelback is Canadian. I should have just used them instead of Bryan Adams in that analogy. Oh well, too late. To sum up; Awesome: Rush, Joey Votto. Girls: Adams, Nickelback, Morneau.
2. Jose Bautista. It's not often I admit I'm wrong (mostly because I rarely actually am) but I was way off on Bautista. I thought we had a bit of a Brady Anderson situation on our hands last year, but this season Bautista hasn't slowed down as evidenced by his three bombs he hit earlier today against your precious Twins squad (although to be fair hitting them against Duensing and Slowey isn't exactly Spahn and Sain). Actually during the broadcast I heard Dick or Bert mention that since September of 2009 Bautista has hit more home runs than any other player in the league with 77 and the next closest was in the 50s. Since Dick or Bert said it I'm going to assume it's probably not accurate, but the point remains - somebody fixed something in this guys swing and he went from Gary Gaetti to Eddie Matthews (no relation to Cory). I don't think he's going to continue to slug .868 because that's just not possible (right?), but he's become the best hitter in baseball. For your reference, his sixteen home runs are more than Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Cuddy, Kubel, Thome, Delmononucleosis, Valencia, and Denard Span combined. Sick.
3. Russell Westbrook. Since we're talking about things I was wrong about why not go ahead and throw Russell Westbrook out there since he basically completely dominated the Grizzlies (along with Kevin Durant of course, which doesn't hurt). I thought his questionable outside shot and so-so ball handling at just 6-3 meant he'd be a tweener his entire career. Maybe he's still a bit of a tweener but it doesn't matter because he's also unguardable. It apparently doesn't matter that he'd still lose a game of HORSE to Ralph Samspon because he can do things like score 40 in game 3 and drop a triple-double in game 7. Seriously if you were starting a franchise today who would you take over him? James, Wade, Howard, Durant, Rose, and that's it. That's the whole list. It's like you don't really realize how good he is, possibly because he's actually in the shadow of his own teammate, but Westbrook is the real deal. Russell, not Lawrence.
4. Carlos Boozer. What the hell Boozer? For most of the playoffs the easiest bet possible was to take the under on Boozer. It'd usually be something like 15 points, 10 rebounds, or 25 combined and it was always easy money. Now all of a sudden in the last two games he's been an absolute dynamo who can suddenly and inexplicably can any jumper he tosses up. In game 6 vs. Atlanta he scored 23 (on 10-16 shooting), just his second 20 point game since April 2, and then had what looked like an ok game in the opener vs. Chicago (14 pts, 9 rebs) but I swear he scored every single time the Bulls needed a bucket. Plus the guy can't shoot for shit yet hit 50% of his jumpers. Or maybe he can shoot, what the hell do I know? I only watch the NBA in the playoffs, I'm not a psycho.
5. Zach Britton. When your team sucks and you have no hope you need one of two things to keep your fans interested: a superstar or a young dude who could become a superstar (which, incidentally, is why the Twins' season is going to be boring until Gibson gets the call). Luckily for the terrible for years Orioles it looks like they might have finally found a new great hope (since Wieters turned out to be more Drew Butera than Johnny Bench) in Britton. After his nine inning 3-hit/no-run performance against Tampa this week (in which he didn't get the win because the O's offense can give the Twins a run for their anti-money) he ranks 7th in the AL in ERA (2.42) and ninth in WHIP (1.02) and has been the starting pitcher in six of the Orioles' wins (out of 18 total). Dude's looking like he's going to live up to the hype. Hope must be a pretty sweet thing to have. I wouldn't know. And I'm not just talking about sports, I'm talking about life. My tears taste like steak tonight.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ron Gardenhire. I've never made it a secret that I think Gardy is a terrible game manager (and why would I because that should be obvious to even the weird old ladies who watch the Twins), but in particular two things he is seemingly addicted to have been absolutely driving me crazy this year: the early inning sac bunt and the late game pinch run. I can sort of give him a pass on the early inning bunting just because this team is so awful and struggles to score so much that maybe getting a runner on first with nobody out is actually a major accomplishment. I can't, however, excuse the late game pinch running. An example would be Saturday's game, where Justin Morneau doubled with 1 out in a tie game in the ninth and was immediately pulled for Alexi Casilla, meaning that one of the only decent bats on this team (despite what I wrote above) was replaced with a faster version of Nick Punto. How often does that pinch runner even matter? What percentage of possible at-bat outcomes would result in a score by Casilla and not a score by Morneau? How often would Casilla do something stupid like getting picked off? You eliminate an important batter (IN A TIE FREAKING GAME) for, at-best, a marginal uptick in your odds to score. Just so stupid. Of course it didn't matter in this case since the bullpen decided getting batters out was for fags, but the point stands. Retarded move.
2. Rajon Rondo. Rondo was basically the key guy if Boston was going to beat the Heat. The big 3 of Boston aren't as good as Miami's 3 guys (and every nickname I've ever heard for these guys is terrible - Moheatos? Heatles? Please) but could at least hang tight. Rondo's matchups, on the other hand, were very Celtic-favorable because let's face it Bibby is about as mobile as Luka Mirkovich at this point and Mario Chalmers is Mario Chalmers. Unfortunately for Boston Rondo never bothered to show up. I know he was hurt for games 4 and 5 and that's rough but it doesn't excuse the missed lay-ups or somehow continually losing Chalmers on defense. And I really think that if Rondo doesn't figure out how to make a jump shot he's got a limited shelf life. Although I'm already baffled at his success despite having Jeff Hagen type range. Whatever. I don't like 'em. He looks like Momaw Nadon.
3. Alex Gordon. Raise your hand if you thought Alex Gordon's hot start meant that after four disappointing years full of up and downs between Kansas City and AAA Omaha everything suddenly clicked. Ok, now if you're currently raised your hand what I'd like you to do: take your other hand and make a little puppet out of it to distract you, and then use the hand you have raised in the air and grab the nearest gardening tool you can find and stab your face. Honest to god, this guy is awful and he can't even field to make up for it. Just in case you're still on his jock here are his stats this week: 0-4 with 2 Ks vs. Freddy Garcia. 0-1 as a pinch hitter. 1-5 with 2 ks against Ivan Nova. 1-4 with 2 ks against Justin Verlander. 1-4 with a K vs. Brad Penny. Seriously. Outside of Verlander that is a shitbox group of pitchers and yet he managed to get almost no hits while striking out almost constantly. Yes, I think he finally gets it. I'm shocked Dawger and Bogart haven't picked this guy up yet.
4. Jon Lester. Sigh. Why do so many players upon whose bandwagon I thrust myself upon end up letting me down? And I don't even like the Red Sox....hate 'em, in fact and all their obnoxious fans with their stupid accents and overuse of the word wicked and the pink mafia that constantly invades Fenway Park. But that's not the point. The point is that for some reason Lester has decided that getting people out is super overrated. I might be overreacting a bit because it's not like he's been awful - he'd pretty clearly be the best pitcher on the Twins (of course, I think whoever the ace of the St. Paul Saints is might take that honor as well) but he's just not taking that next step I've been waiting for. Everybody I love let's me down. Hear that, kids? You're my last hope for happiness.
5. Miami Heat. Oy. That's it? That's all you can do against Chicago? Sorry Heat, but that was pretty freaking pathetic. I would write more but I'm tired and fuck the Heat. Dwyane Wade, despite one of the most egregious misspellings of our generation, is one of my favorite players in the entire world. Lebron and Bosh? Whores. Weak, sissified whores. And despite Lebron's very stellar performance at the close of the Celtics series he still hasn't shown he can be a big time player. He can defer to Wade all day long, because it's pretty clear who the Alpha is here.
Be honest. You googled Momaw Nadon, didn't you? And then you laughed.
Finally, I just want to mention that this will now be the official video of DWG for when something awesome happens.
But really, I've mastered the grill and can cook anything to near perfection. I can make a great garlic lemon butter for fish and have an absolutely killer dry rub for chicken wings. I took my dad's ole reliable beef stew recipe and, using nothing more than various spices in my cabinet and a little celery revitalized it to the point where my mom was basically begging me to take home the leftovers. Chili? Please. I've got three different recipes that are all great (a tomato-based one, a beef broth based one, and a simple one that can be made in under an hour). The last time I made pork chops I was begged for the brand name of the seasoning I used (hint: I made it myself. Holla.) I'm basically bulletproof (except for homemade fries on the grill. I can season them to perfection but I can't make them crispy. If anybody can help please e-mail or leave your tip in the comment section).
So in other words, I just had a great meal and am possibly a little drunk. Let's type some words.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Joey Votto. Votto always makes me mad because a year or two ago it looked like both leagues would have a monster hitting first baseman from Canada - Votto for the NL, Morneau in the AL. Only now our version has turned into a chicken-legged little girl with noodle arms, a scrambled brain, and a comprised immune system while Votto has continued to build upon his MVP campaign from last year. He's in the top 5 in basically everything in the NL, he's hitting .350 and leads the league in walks, and has the Reds in first in the NL Central - helped by a couple of walk-off hits Votto put up this week. He also reached base in each of the first 33 games of the year, and hasn't hit an infield pop-up since 2009 (no joke, that's for real). Meanwhile our Canadian is at the point where hitting the ball of the wall is a major accomplishment. Gross. This is like trying to book a Canadian music act and hoping for Rush but getting stuck with Bryan Adams. Yes, Rush is awesome. If you don't think so you probably think Nickelback is awesome too. Actually now that I think about it I think Nickelback is Canadian. I should have just used them instead of Bryan Adams in that analogy. Oh well, too late. To sum up; Awesome: Rush, Joey Votto. Girls: Adams, Nickelback, Morneau.
2. Jose Bautista. It's not often I admit I'm wrong (mostly because I rarely actually am) but I was way off on Bautista. I thought we had a bit of a Brady Anderson situation on our hands last year, but this season Bautista hasn't slowed down as evidenced by his three bombs he hit earlier today against your precious Twins squad (although to be fair hitting them against Duensing and Slowey isn't exactly Spahn and Sain). Actually during the broadcast I heard Dick or Bert mention that since September of 2009 Bautista has hit more home runs than any other player in the league with 77 and the next closest was in the 50s. Since Dick or Bert said it I'm going to assume it's probably not accurate, but the point remains - somebody fixed something in this guys swing and he went from Gary Gaetti to Eddie Matthews (no relation to Cory). I don't think he's going to continue to slug .868 because that's just not possible (right?), but he's become the best hitter in baseball. For your reference, his sixteen home runs are more than Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Cuddy, Kubel, Thome, Delmononucleosis, Valencia, and Denard Span combined. Sick.
3. Russell Westbrook. Since we're talking about things I was wrong about why not go ahead and throw Russell Westbrook out there since he basically completely dominated the Grizzlies (along with Kevin Durant of course, which doesn't hurt). I thought his questionable outside shot and so-so ball handling at just 6-3 meant he'd be a tweener his entire career. Maybe he's still a bit of a tweener but it doesn't matter because he's also unguardable. It apparently doesn't matter that he'd still lose a game of HORSE to Ralph Samspon because he can do things like score 40 in game 3 and drop a triple-double in game 7. Seriously if you were starting a franchise today who would you take over him? James, Wade, Howard, Durant, Rose, and that's it. That's the whole list. It's like you don't really realize how good he is, possibly because he's actually in the shadow of his own teammate, but Westbrook is the real deal. Russell, not Lawrence.
4. Carlos Boozer. What the hell Boozer? For most of the playoffs the easiest bet possible was to take the under on Boozer. It'd usually be something like 15 points, 10 rebounds, or 25 combined and it was always easy money. Now all of a sudden in the last two games he's been an absolute dynamo who can suddenly and inexplicably can any jumper he tosses up. In game 6 vs. Atlanta he scored 23 (on 10-16 shooting), just his second 20 point game since April 2, and then had what looked like an ok game in the opener vs. Chicago (14 pts, 9 rebs) but I swear he scored every single time the Bulls needed a bucket. Plus the guy can't shoot for shit yet hit 50% of his jumpers. Or maybe he can shoot, what the hell do I know? I only watch the NBA in the playoffs, I'm not a psycho.
5. Zach Britton. When your team sucks and you have no hope you need one of two things to keep your fans interested: a superstar or a young dude who could become a superstar (which, incidentally, is why the Twins' season is going to be boring until Gibson gets the call). Luckily for the terrible for years Orioles it looks like they might have finally found a new great hope (since Wieters turned out to be more Drew Butera than Johnny Bench) in Britton. After his nine inning 3-hit/no-run performance against Tampa this week (in which he didn't get the win because the O's offense can give the Twins a run for their anti-money) he ranks 7th in the AL in ERA (2.42) and ninth in WHIP (1.02) and has been the starting pitcher in six of the Orioles' wins (out of 18 total). Dude's looking like he's going to live up to the hype. Hope must be a pretty sweet thing to have. I wouldn't know. And I'm not just talking about sports, I'm talking about life. My tears taste like steak tonight.
WHO SUCKED
1. Ron Gardenhire. I've never made it a secret that I think Gardy is a terrible game manager (and why would I because that should be obvious to even the weird old ladies who watch the Twins), but in particular two things he is seemingly addicted to have been absolutely driving me crazy this year: the early inning sac bunt and the late game pinch run. I can sort of give him a pass on the early inning bunting just because this team is so awful and struggles to score so much that maybe getting a runner on first with nobody out is actually a major accomplishment. I can't, however, excuse the late game pinch running. An example would be Saturday's game, where Justin Morneau doubled with 1 out in a tie game in the ninth and was immediately pulled for Alexi Casilla, meaning that one of the only decent bats on this team (despite what I wrote above) was replaced with a faster version of Nick Punto. How often does that pinch runner even matter? What percentage of possible at-bat outcomes would result in a score by Casilla and not a score by Morneau? How often would Casilla do something stupid like getting picked off? You eliminate an important batter (IN A TIE FREAKING GAME) for, at-best, a marginal uptick in your odds to score. Just so stupid. Of course it didn't matter in this case since the bullpen decided getting batters out was for fags, but the point stands. Retarded move.
2. Rajon Rondo. Rondo was basically the key guy if Boston was going to beat the Heat. The big 3 of Boston aren't as good as Miami's 3 guys (and every nickname I've ever heard for these guys is terrible - Moheatos? Heatles? Please) but could at least hang tight. Rondo's matchups, on the other hand, were very Celtic-favorable because let's face it Bibby is about as mobile as Luka Mirkovich at this point and Mario Chalmers is Mario Chalmers. Unfortunately for Boston Rondo never bothered to show up. I know he was hurt for games 4 and 5 and that's rough but it doesn't excuse the missed lay-ups or somehow continually losing Chalmers on defense. And I really think that if Rondo doesn't figure out how to make a jump shot he's got a limited shelf life. Although I'm already baffled at his success despite having Jeff Hagen type range. Whatever. I don't like 'em. He looks like Momaw Nadon.
3. Alex Gordon. Raise your hand if you thought Alex Gordon's hot start meant that after four disappointing years full of up and downs between Kansas City and AAA Omaha everything suddenly clicked. Ok, now if you're currently raised your hand what I'd like you to do: take your other hand and make a little puppet out of it to distract you, and then use the hand you have raised in the air and grab the nearest gardening tool you can find and stab your face. Honest to god, this guy is awful and he can't even field to make up for it. Just in case you're still on his jock here are his stats this week: 0-4 with 2 Ks vs. Freddy Garcia. 0-1 as a pinch hitter. 1-5 with 2 ks against Ivan Nova. 1-4 with 2 ks against Justin Verlander. 1-4 with a K vs. Brad Penny. Seriously. Outside of Verlander that is a shitbox group of pitchers and yet he managed to get almost no hits while striking out almost constantly. Yes, I think he finally gets it. I'm shocked Dawger and Bogart haven't picked this guy up yet.
4. Jon Lester. Sigh. Why do so many players upon whose bandwagon I thrust myself upon end up letting me down? And I don't even like the Red Sox....hate 'em, in fact and all their obnoxious fans with their stupid accents and overuse of the word wicked and the pink mafia that constantly invades Fenway Park. But that's not the point. The point is that for some reason Lester has decided that getting people out is super overrated. I might be overreacting a bit because it's not like he's been awful - he'd pretty clearly be the best pitcher on the Twins (of course, I think whoever the ace of the St. Paul Saints is might take that honor as well) but he's just not taking that next step I've been waiting for. Everybody I love let's me down. Hear that, kids? You're my last hope for happiness.
5. Miami Heat. Oy. That's it? That's all you can do against Chicago? Sorry Heat, but that was pretty freaking pathetic. I would write more but I'm tired and fuck the Heat. Dwyane Wade, despite one of the most egregious misspellings of our generation, is one of my favorite players in the entire world. Lebron and Bosh? Whores. Weak, sissified whores. And despite Lebron's very stellar performance at the close of the Celtics series he still hasn't shown he can be a big time player. He can defer to Wade all day long, because it's pretty clear who the Alpha is here.
Be honest. You googled Momaw Nadon, didn't you? And then you laughed.
Finally, I just want to mention that this will now be the official video of DWG for when something awesome happens.
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