Well they won. Winning is better than losing, right? Even in the NIT which forces me and you to watch another game that we barely care about. They certainly tried to lose, but FSU just wanted the loss more. Anyway, here are ten things I liked and didn't like.
1. Joey King was a total spaz. For someone who was such a big part of the offense in this NIT run to win with him scoring just 3 points is a good thing. He only played 7 minutes due to foul trouble from the get go and I have no idea what he was doing out there. With Eliason out the Gopher "bigs" were in such bad shape Oto had to come back and play, yet King's out there jumping around like a little kid up past his bedtime. Maybe he was trying to hard to be a major factor, but the majority of his fouls were just stupid and caused by hyperactivity and lack of body control. It was probably the worst game anybody has ever played in the history of basketball. Probably.
2. Speaking of Oto, was it all just a lie? It has to be, right? Just a month or so ago we were all told Oto had such a serious injury that he had to hang it up for his career, yet here the Gophers are short handed and all of a sudden he's not only playing, but playing 32 minutes. He mostly looked like a guy who hadn't been playing basketball, but he made due with a hell of an effort and was pretty key for the Gophers - that rebound off a missed FT he grabbed in overtime was 100% pure hustle as he was boxed out by two Seminoles and just forced his way through. But clearly Pitino told hm he probably wasn't going to get minutes next year and Oto chose to retire rather than transfer, and they concocted this bogus story. I get it, but it sucks when it blows up like this. I can never trust anyone ever again.
3. Florida State did the Gophers a lot of favors. With Minnesota undermanned and undersized in the paint FSU should have attacked the basket all night. They grabbed 43% of their misses and were clearly better and bigger, but for some reason the majority of the night they were content to shoot perimeter jumpers, going 1-9 in the first half from three and then still doing it, going 3-9 in the second half and overtime. When they made their big run to take the lead as the game was winding down they did it by pounding the ball inside, mainly to Okaro White, and it worked (helped by a Gophers shooting slump). I have no idea why this wasn't the game plan consistently, especially when everyone on the Gophers ended up with foul trouble. I assume it's because Florida State is a dumb team, year after year.
4. Speaking of FSU, their defense was really horrible. It's surprising because Leonard Hamilton almost always has his Seminole teams as top defensive squads and their size, but the Gopher guards had their way with FSU driving to the paint last night. Fifty-one of the teams 67 points came from their guards, which shouldn't be surprising given the team make-up I guess, but Austin Hollins was as driving machine all night and Dre Hollins and Dre Mathieu were able to waltz in for easy layups on back to back plays near the end of regulation. With Florida State's size and shot blocking (23rd in the country by percentages) two little guys like that shouldn't be able to get to the rim, but they did it consistently either scoring or finding others for open looks. FSU also turned the ball over a ton, but enough about FSU. They done.
5. The A topic on twitter last night was the horrible announcing team. And they weren't wrong. Bobby Knight was terrible. Long stretches with no talking, rambling Abe Simpson like stories about wearing an onion on his belt (it was the style at the time) and his old teams and players, harping on the same points over and over, and asking his colleagues questions about the game he was allegedly watching. I usually like Knight as an announcer and I'm not going to make the obvious joke about him being drunk and/or senile because it was pretty clear he was just completely bored with the game. Even as it got towards the end and was supposedly getting pretty exciting he was still droning on about some dude from his 1978 team or something. He clearly has no interest in the NIT, and honestly I can't even blame him. Even I just wanted that game to hurry up and end.
6. The court was left alone, unlike NCAA games. You remember
how back in the day the host schools court for the NCAA Tournament
basically looked the way the court always looked? Maybe they'd change a
logo or two but it was basically the same? And now how they white wash
all courts to look identical, so if you're watching a game in Orlando
and switch to a game in Anaheim it looks exactly the same except the
location name is on the baseline? I was afraid they'd do something
similar to MSG, but luckily they left it alone other than replacing any
Knicks stuff with NIT stuff. Maybe it was apathy because it's the NIT, I
don't know but I liked it. I'm actually now realizing I didn't notice
if they changed it for the Sweet 16/Elite 8 games. This would be a way
better point if I remembered to notice.
7. Malik Smith is broken. It's to the point where I'm actually feeling bad for him since this is the way his career is ending. He missed three of his four free throw attempts including two with eight seconds left and the Gophers up 3 so one make wins the game, and all four of his three-point attempts which drops him to two makes in his last 34 attempts and a line of 8-58 since he exploded against Nebraska. Did that game wreck him? It shouldn't considering he had a few games like that in his FIU days, but the results since are pretty remarkable. If you watch him his fundamentals are all over the place now too - he's not even squaring up to shoot a lot of the time. It would be nice for him to have a good game to close out his career against SMU, but at this point I think you have to hope for just a non-shitty game.
8. The Gophers did a really nice job of shutting down Aaron Thomas. Thomas played 36 minutes before fouling out and managed just 3 points on 1-8 shooting. Thomas led the team in scoring this year at 14.1 per, hit double figures in 16 straight games and 27 of their last 30, and had been over 20 points in each of their NIT victories before the Gophers stopped him. This is where I'd write about how they did it but I forgot to pay attention to it and by the time I realized they had completely stymied him he was in the process of fouling out. I'm a really good blogger.
9. Dre Hollins looked a lot better. His shot is still iffy, but he seemed much more lively to me and was attacking the rim more like he did prior to his injury, and his defense was a lot better too. He's had 2 steals in three of four NIT games, and prior to that the last time he had more than 1 was the Ohio State, two games prior to getting hurt. He's also had 7 and 4 assists the last two games with the last time he had more than 3 the Purdue game in Minneapolis on January 5th. I was of the opinion that shutting him down for the NIT and making sure he's healthy for next season might have made some sense, but everything seems to be coming up Milhouse so party on.
10. So now the Gophers have a chance at a Championship. And what do you hear over and over? "Making a deep run in the NIT is a springboard to success the following season." Is this true? I don't know, let's look.
NIT CHAMPIONS (next season results):
2013: Baylor (sweet 16) over Iowa (First Four)
2012: Stanford (missed tournament) over Minnesota (second round)
2011: Wichita State (first round) over Alabama (first round)
2010: Dayton (missed tournament) over North Carolina (elite 8)
2009: Penn State (missed tournament) over Baylor (elite 8)
That's the last five years which is all the effort I'm going to put into this. Seven of the 10 teams made the NCAA Tournament the following year with four of those recording a victory. I'm going to say that making the NIT Championship is a decent indicator of a team that makes the NCAA Tournament the following season but that's about it - and I'll take it. With only two seniors departing from this team they fit the profile. Maybe next year is the year I will finally see LOCK: Minnesota in ESPN's Bubble Watch. Still waiting.
Up next is SMU, a really good team who probably should have made the NCAA Tournament. I might preview it if I feel like it later. No promises.
Showing posts with label Stupid Announcers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid Announcers. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Gophers 81, Southern Miss 73
Good win, and on to Madison Square Garden. Here are 10 things I liked and didn't like about the Southern Miss game. And it's going to be fast, because I have some sweet 16 stuff I need to ignore my real work for tomorrow.
1. Obviously the A topic here is Austin Hollins's monster game. 32 points. 6-11 from 3. 2-3 from 2. 11-11 from the line. 4 assists and 3 steals with no turnovers to boot. Plus he was as active as I can ever remember seeing him, just running all over the court especially without the ball which is a place he can disengage from a game from time to time. Great going away game from Austin in his final game at the Barn and I'm glad he got to have a huge moment in front of the home crowd after he's been beaten up pretty hard by a certain segment of fans (*cough* gopherhole). A good well rounded player who cares as much about defense as offense is always a nice luxury to have and although I wouldn't call him a Gopher legend (he's no Stan Gaines) he will be sorely missed next season. I'd slot him somewhere below Damian Johnson and above Travarus Bennett. Pretty good spot to be in.
2. The other A topic should be the freaking horrible announcers and actually all around production by ESPN. Good lord are Dan Dakitch and whoever the other guy was terrible. How many times did they get Austin and Andre Hollins confused? And every time the Gophers had the ball all they could talk about was how the Gophers needed to get Austin the ball, even though I'm positive they meant Andre because they had no idea he wasn't 100% because I don't think - no, I know - neither of them has seen a Gopher game this year. Then what happens? The show a graphic to show Austin's great stats and the picture is Andre. Good lord we could have expected this in year 1 with both of them, but it's year 3. I was surprised, however, they never mentioned that they are brothers. Odd.
3. Great job handling pressure......until the last two minutes. The Gophers turned the ball over 10 times which for them I would consider good. But two of the ten came in the last two minutes and it felt like a lot more because the Gophers suddenly seemed all panicky. Southern Miss is a big time turnover creating team, which makes the overall numbers very impressive. I said they'd have to take care of the ball to win and they did. If they had played like this more often, well, we probably wouldn't have any more Gopher ball to watch, but we'd all be a lot happier with the season.
4. Someone in the middle of the zone - unstoppable. Against that matchup zone, and really any zone, is getting someone in the middle of the zone, right about the free throw line, and getting them the ball. Tonight it was usually either Joey King (more on him later) or Elliot Eliason there - when someone was there - and almost every time they got the ball either King hit a jumper or King or Eliason were able to find an open shooter, and the team was actually hitting open shots tonight so everybody was all smiling and stuff. Sadly, far too often nobody bothered to get in the middle, which is like why not? I would love to have some kind of breakdown of points per possession when they got a touch in the middle vs. not. One led to easy shots, the other a ton, and a mean a ton, of contested long jumpers and three pointers. Just some terrible shots tonight. Some great offense too. Schizo team, as usual.
5. The rebounding and defense kind of sucked. A 14-4 edge on the offensive rebounds is not very good, and letting Southern Miss shoot over 50% on twos is not ideal. No reason to harp on this, because it's been a season long theme, luckily tonight their offense was good enough to overcome it. Moving on.
6. This Mavsurgence is not real. Mav has made some headlines after scoring 21 in the first round game against High Point, but that was High Point. Since then he's come back to normal but is at least hitting his shots which is really his only role or should be. Tonight he had a possession where he basically like, kicked the ball away from himself and then fell down. It felt like a metaphor for something, but I'm not sure what.
7. Joey King is good? Seriously, is he? I hated him at first, he slowly won me over, but after scoring 15 points tonight that makes four straight games in double figures, which I'm told is the first time he's done that in his career, I'm wondering if he's actually good. Like, starting Big 10 caliber good? He looked awfully good as the middle guy against the zone, he's started to get better from three without relying on it, he's gone from zero post moves to something like 0.8 post moves, and just, stopped being such a tit. I can't believe I might be a fan. Not what I was expecting.
8. Dre Hollins is still broken. He's shooting like shit, yes at 6-38 in his last four games (not a misprint) but other than a down tick because he can't get to the rim as easily as he used to that's not what I'm talking about. There were two plays tonight that made it crystal clear he doesn't have the burst he did before he hurt his ankle. One was a run out where he had one of those one on two breaks but the two are out of position so you generally take it right at the rim and he tried but was turned back because he was too slow and the other was a trap towards the end of the game that he usually would be able to dribble out of with his quickness but was unable to. It makes this win (and the last one) even more impressive by the Gophers doing it with a best player who is max at 90% of his capability. Hopefully he's all back next year.
9. I am far too excited about Mo Walker next year. I can't get over about how good he's been since his breakout against Ohio State. He's learned to trust his body and can just bull his way into lay-ups, even against good defenders. He's got a semi decent jumper out to about 16 feet, and he can pass the ball very well for a man his size. If he adds 1-2 post moves other than his jump hook and the drop step lower your shoulder he could end up nearly unstoppable. Generally I don't trust college kids to work all that hard because I remember being a college kid, but this is a guy who lost 60 pounds or whatever, I can see him busting his ass to add a dream shake and a fall away or something. So excited. Unreasonably so.
10. Why not win it I guess. The NIT mostly sucks. It's hard to care about, you play mediocre teams who you have no idea whether they're at all interested, and many of the games run up against NCAA games and as such go unwatched. But hell, as long as you're stuck in it you might as well win it, right? And wins over St. Mary's and Southern Miss are nice wins you can build on? I don't know. The Gophers are still playing, and god help me I'm still watching. Let's hope they win two more.
1. Obviously the A topic here is Austin Hollins's monster game. 32 points. 6-11 from 3. 2-3 from 2. 11-11 from the line. 4 assists and 3 steals with no turnovers to boot. Plus he was as active as I can ever remember seeing him, just running all over the court especially without the ball which is a place he can disengage from a game from time to time. Great going away game from Austin in his final game at the Barn and I'm glad he got to have a huge moment in front of the home crowd after he's been beaten up pretty hard by a certain segment of fans (*cough* gopherhole). A good well rounded player who cares as much about defense as offense is always a nice luxury to have and although I wouldn't call him a Gopher legend (he's no Stan Gaines) he will be sorely missed next season. I'd slot him somewhere below Damian Johnson and above Travarus Bennett. Pretty good spot to be in.
2. The other A topic should be the freaking horrible announcers and actually all around production by ESPN. Good lord are Dan Dakitch and whoever the other guy was terrible. How many times did they get Austin and Andre Hollins confused? And every time the Gophers had the ball all they could talk about was how the Gophers needed to get Austin the ball, even though I'm positive they meant Andre because they had no idea he wasn't 100% because I don't think - no, I know - neither of them has seen a Gopher game this year. Then what happens? The show a graphic to show Austin's great stats and the picture is Andre. Good lord we could have expected this in year 1 with both of them, but it's year 3. I was surprised, however, they never mentioned that they are brothers. Odd.
3. Great job handling pressure......until the last two minutes. The Gophers turned the ball over 10 times which for them I would consider good. But two of the ten came in the last two minutes and it felt like a lot more because the Gophers suddenly seemed all panicky. Southern Miss is a big time turnover creating team, which makes the overall numbers very impressive. I said they'd have to take care of the ball to win and they did. If they had played like this more often, well, we probably wouldn't have any more Gopher ball to watch, but we'd all be a lot happier with the season.
4. Someone in the middle of the zone - unstoppable. Against that matchup zone, and really any zone, is getting someone in the middle of the zone, right about the free throw line, and getting them the ball. Tonight it was usually either Joey King (more on him later) or Elliot Eliason there - when someone was there - and almost every time they got the ball either King hit a jumper or King or Eliason were able to find an open shooter, and the team was actually hitting open shots tonight so everybody was all smiling and stuff. Sadly, far too often nobody bothered to get in the middle, which is like why not? I would love to have some kind of breakdown of points per possession when they got a touch in the middle vs. not. One led to easy shots, the other a ton, and a mean a ton, of contested long jumpers and three pointers. Just some terrible shots tonight. Some great offense too. Schizo team, as usual.
5. The rebounding and defense kind of sucked. A 14-4 edge on the offensive rebounds is not very good, and letting Southern Miss shoot over 50% on twos is not ideal. No reason to harp on this, because it's been a season long theme, luckily tonight their offense was good enough to overcome it. Moving on.
6. This Mavsurgence is not real. Mav has made some headlines after scoring 21 in the first round game against High Point, but that was High Point. Since then he's come back to normal but is at least hitting his shots which is really his only role or should be. Tonight he had a possession where he basically like, kicked the ball away from himself and then fell down. It felt like a metaphor for something, but I'm not sure what.
7. Joey King is good? Seriously, is he? I hated him at first, he slowly won me over, but after scoring 15 points tonight that makes four straight games in double figures, which I'm told is the first time he's done that in his career, I'm wondering if he's actually good. Like, starting Big 10 caliber good? He looked awfully good as the middle guy against the zone, he's started to get better from three without relying on it, he's gone from zero post moves to something like 0.8 post moves, and just, stopped being such a tit. I can't believe I might be a fan. Not what I was expecting.
8. Dre Hollins is still broken. He's shooting like shit, yes at 6-38 in his last four games (not a misprint) but other than a down tick because he can't get to the rim as easily as he used to that's not what I'm talking about. There were two plays tonight that made it crystal clear he doesn't have the burst he did before he hurt his ankle. One was a run out where he had one of those one on two breaks but the two are out of position so you generally take it right at the rim and he tried but was turned back because he was too slow and the other was a trap towards the end of the game that he usually would be able to dribble out of with his quickness but was unable to. It makes this win (and the last one) even more impressive by the Gophers doing it with a best player who is max at 90% of his capability. Hopefully he's all back next year.
9. I am far too excited about Mo Walker next year. I can't get over about how good he's been since his breakout against Ohio State. He's learned to trust his body and can just bull his way into lay-ups, even against good defenders. He's got a semi decent jumper out to about 16 feet, and he can pass the ball very well for a man his size. If he adds 1-2 post moves other than his jump hook and the drop step lower your shoulder he could end up nearly unstoppable. Generally I don't trust college kids to work all that hard because I remember being a college kid, but this is a guy who lost 60 pounds or whatever, I can see him busting his ass to add a dream shake and a fall away or something. So excited. Unreasonably so.
10. Why not win it I guess. The NIT mostly sucks. It's hard to care about, you play mediocre teams who you have no idea whether they're at all interested, and many of the games run up against NCAA games and as such go unwatched. But hell, as long as you're stuck in it you might as well win it, right? And wins over St. Mary's and Southern Miss are nice wins you can build on? I don't know. The Gophers are still playing, and god help me I'm still watching. Let's hope they win two more.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Minnesota 68, Penn State 65
After the Purdue game I wrote "a win is a win." After this game, I'll say a road win in the Big Ten is a road win in the Big Ten. Despite one of the worst stretches of the season since the Arkansas game, the Gophers played a little better down the stretch, took advantage of some luck with Penn State's two best players fouling out, and got a conference road win. I'll take it. Mostly because I don't exactly have a choice. Anyway, here are 10 things I liked and didn't like about the Penn State game:
1. No matter how ugly the game was, the Gophers made the plays they needed to down the stretch. And yes, it was crazy ugly, but they did what they needed too. Malik Smith nailing four key free throws after not hitting a thing all day. DeAndre Mathieu with a huge steal and a huge tip in after struggling to score most of the first half. Austin Hollins, having maybe his worst game as a Gopher which is hard to envision after how he played against Michigan, coming up with an absolute monster steal right when the Gophers needed it. Maybe it doesn't get to that point if Frazier and Newbill don't foul out, and maybe none of those plays get made and Penn State coasts to a W. But guess what? They did, they didn't, and the Gophers did what they needed to win. It probably seems a bit Pollyanna-ish, which is generally against my character, but screw it, this is most likely a lost year between coaches anyway, so I'm gonna take what I can get.
2. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could stop Tim Frazier. Mathieu tried, both Hollinses tried, even Ahanmisi tried and it didn't matter, because Frazier could get into the lane whenever he wanted - and he wanted to a lot. And I don't know if it was by design as an overreaction to the end of the Purdue game, but it seemed like every time Frazier (or one of their crappy guards, even) got into the lane the Gopher help hung back, giving Frazier floater after floater after floater as the world's worst announcing team was happy to tell you over and over and over again. Luckily he fouled out right as we were getting down to it, and I don't think the Gophers win that game if he's still on the floor because, like I said, the Gophers had zero ability to stop his dribble penetration.
That's now three straight Big Ten games and dribble penetration has been a major, major issue in all three, and most of it is coming off ball screens. Early in the game, when the Gophers had control, the big men were hedging well and pushing the ball handler out until the screened man could recover and all was well. Then it all went to shit. The Gopher bigs started hedging too early or too late, and when Penn State started doing the double pick at the top of the key for Frazier the Gophers basically started committing four players to dealing with it, which meant there were skip passes available. I'm starting to think the Gophers just don't have the personnel to handle most Big Ten teams defensively, and that's no good for anyone.
3. Elliott can kind of control the paint. Another double double with four blocks, and it looked early like the Gopher game plan was going to force feed him the ball on the block and it was working. Even when Mo was in getting him the ball down low was working offensively. Then the Gophers decided to go completely away from that strategy and become a jump shooting team again. Do you know that Eliason only had two field goal attempts in the second half, and one of them came on a tip in? Not that he should be getting a ton of FGAs, but when he's demonstrated already that Penn State struggles to guard him I wouldn't mind seeing a touch or two, you know? And I'm not even sure Walker played in the second half. I can't believe I'm saying this, but against most teams Elliott needs to be an offensive focal point, just for variety's sake. Not against Michigan State.
3. I've always been an Oto defender, but he's just lost out there far too often. He has no idea where to go on defense, and that goes for both his positioning as well as things like hedging on screens and help defense. These things aren't new, but as his playing time becomes more and more high profile they just stand out more and more. Then he does things like, let's a pass go through his legs five hole style and then falls down trying to go after it which leads to a Penn State lay-up, or he let's himself get pushed under the basket on a Penn State free throw leading to a Nittany Lion rebound in a big, big, big spot. And it's not like it's just this game, you can point to at least 2-3 mistakes of his each game, easy. I think he's got some offensive ability as the jump shot seems to have come back as Pitino's given him more confidence to take open shots, and he brilliantly slipped a screen at one point and then nailed the 18 footer, but I really don't know if he can offset his piss poor defense with his mediocre offense. Then again, the only other choice at the 4 spot is a Joey King who completely panics any time he has the ball in a non scoring position, so really Pitino is pretty well screwed here.
4. Speaking of things that are horrible, Stephen Bardo is just the worst announcer ever. Repetitious, stating the obvious, creating a narrative and sticking with it no matter what, repetitious, infatuated with anyone banking in a shot, and he tends to repeat the same thing over and over again. Honestly, how many times did you hear that the Gophers were the best free throw shooting team in the Big Ten but were having a bad game? Or that it was a miracle Penn State was winning even though Newbill was barely playing due to foul trouble? How about him trying to sell the fact that bad free throw shooting is contagious. Seriously, once I noticed how horrible he was I kept waiting to see if he'd bring any insight at all to the broadcast, and he did - once. When Oto slipped that screen mentioned above, Bardo made sure to point it out and even explain it. But that was it. There was literally not one single other word he uttered that added to the broadcast. Someone should light his car on fire.
5. I'm all for consistency and installing a system, but if it's not working I'm not sure sticking with it makes sense. Naturally I'm talking about the press, which wasn't working and was creating easy buckets for Penn State who kept beating the Gophers down the floor and creating odd man rush situations and wasn't creating any turnovers or easy baskets for Minnesota. I suppose I shouldn't have expected it, given that he never backed off when Arkansas was shredding the Gophers. Normally I would say you need to adapt your system to your personnel and if it's not working it's not working, but in this case I think I'm ok with it. Pitino likely knows his ceiling is an NCAA bid this year and next and it's not likely either team will have much of any chance to go further, so it's all about building his brand for the class of 2015 and beyond. Let those kids see how Minnesota basketball is balls to the wall and fun fun fun for 40 minutes and hope it pays dividends. It's going to cause some ugly situations, like tonight, but it should pay off down the road. I hope. Please.
6. Penn State doubled on a lot of ball screens, and neither team took advantage. The point of doubling on a ball screen of course, is to create turnovers, and although the Gophers turned it over an uncomfortable 14 times I can't remember even one coming off of a Penn State double. If you're not turning it over on a double, that means you should be able to find an open man and unless the defensive rotations are very tight you should be able to get an open shot. That didn't happen either. And it wasn't because Penn State's rotations were so great, more that the Gophers were slow to swing the ball, or hesitant to drive the ball, or just couldn't make the right pass. Overall the Gopher offense was pretty rough tonight, and getting a win on a night when things just aren't working properly is probably a good sign. Or not. I don't know. This team is frustrating.
7. Malik Smith has proven himself to be a very valuable Gopher, but I'm not exactly sure he should be driving the paint. I love a lot of what he brings, and my buddy, "The Bear" has taken to calling him J.R. after J.R. Smith which is pretty much perfect, but when he puts the ball on the floor and drives it's an adventure. As with all true chuckers, which Malik most definitely is even though he has toned it down a bit from his FIU days, once he has the ball in the paint he's damn sure he's going to be able to score which leads to some, um, creative moves. And creative can work, just look at Mathieu and Dre Hollins when they get into the lane, but that's not exactly something that's in his skill set. When he puts his head down and heads to the hole it's kind of like Mav bringing the ball up against the press - just hope things don't go too terribly wrong and somebody gets lucky.
8. Dre Mathieu's gambling finally paid off. Dre has a habit of going after a steal, and I don't mean jumping passing lanes, I mean he tries to pick pockets all the freaking time. He loves both not moving his feet and swiping at the ball in front of him and trying to sneak around behind a ball handler and poke the ball out from behind. I can't actually remember any of this working for him this year, although with a steal rate in the top 70 of the country it must have happened, but I remember plenty of times he put himself completely out of proper defensive position. Tonight, however, he managed to poke the ball away from whoever it was that's Penn State's third ball handler is in one of the biggest spots of the game and, I guess, the season so far. I've said I like my point guard a little bit reckless, and that includes defense when you're as fast with hands as quick as Mathieu's, so I'm ok with all this, I'm just happy to see it pay off in a big, big way.
9. Speaking of the Honey Gopher, he just doesn't quit and I love it. Mathieu's best move is to drive way into the lane, probably too far truth be told, and then figure out what he's doing from there. At just 5-9 and against Big Ten big men, both in size and ability, this can lead to some really ugly shots and/or turnovers - and it has, no doubt. But in a situation where that wasn't working many less confident players would change their game and start playing differently, but Honey Gopher just kept pounding away and it paid off huge for Minnesota with him scoring the team's last four field goals including two absolute monsters. He's proven himself to be a huge late get for Pitino, and he's perfect for what Pitino wants to do on both sides of the court. I am a big, big fan.
10. Illinois is ranked?!??!?! How can this be? I'm watching the game and all of a sudden the flash up "Next, #23 Illinois takes on #4 Wisconsin" and I was like, wait, Illinois is ranked? The same team who lost to Georgia freaking Tech? The same team who almost lost to UIC, IPFW, and Dartmouth? The team whose best win was a lucky one over Missouri? Sorry folks, but Illinois is terrible. Completely terrible. Fact. And losing to Wisconsin by like, a hundred or something just proves I'm right. You watch, the Gophers will lose by less at Wisconsin than Illinois, and that's a guarantee I would have made before tonight, too.
Alright so I admit most of these things sound negative even though they won, but seriously that was a really ugly win. There is, and I'm not saying anything you don't know, a whole lot of major flaws with this team and right now it's really difficult to envision them upsetting any of the top tier Big Ten teams. Right now I can come up with 6 maybe 7 more games they really should win, but 3 of those are on the road so it's hard to think they can take all 3 down. They're going to need to win the games they should and steal at least 1, two depending on how many the drop where they shouldn't. It's going to be awfully tough to get an NCAA bid, but hey, what the hell, right? I'll just enjoy the ride. Until I end up throwing the remote at my TV. But if I didn't do it tonight, maybe I'm actually a level headed fan? Seems unlikely, but hey, on Boy Meets World Eric goes from a girl obsessed but mostly normal teenager to a completely ditzy buffoon of a college kid, so I guess anything is possible.
1. No matter how ugly the game was, the Gophers made the plays they needed to down the stretch. And yes, it was crazy ugly, but they did what they needed too. Malik Smith nailing four key free throws after not hitting a thing all day. DeAndre Mathieu with a huge steal and a huge tip in after struggling to score most of the first half. Austin Hollins, having maybe his worst game as a Gopher which is hard to envision after how he played against Michigan, coming up with an absolute monster steal right when the Gophers needed it. Maybe it doesn't get to that point if Frazier and Newbill don't foul out, and maybe none of those plays get made and Penn State coasts to a W. But guess what? They did, they didn't, and the Gophers did what they needed to win. It probably seems a bit Pollyanna-ish, which is generally against my character, but screw it, this is most likely a lost year between coaches anyway, so I'm gonna take what I can get.
2. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could stop Tim Frazier. Mathieu tried, both Hollinses tried, even Ahanmisi tried and it didn't matter, because Frazier could get into the lane whenever he wanted - and he wanted to a lot. And I don't know if it was by design as an overreaction to the end of the Purdue game, but it seemed like every time Frazier (or one of their crappy guards, even) got into the lane the Gopher help hung back, giving Frazier floater after floater after floater as the world's worst announcing team was happy to tell you over and over and over again. Luckily he fouled out right as we were getting down to it, and I don't think the Gophers win that game if he's still on the floor because, like I said, the Gophers had zero ability to stop his dribble penetration.
That's now three straight Big Ten games and dribble penetration has been a major, major issue in all three, and most of it is coming off ball screens. Early in the game, when the Gophers had control, the big men were hedging well and pushing the ball handler out until the screened man could recover and all was well. Then it all went to shit. The Gopher bigs started hedging too early or too late, and when Penn State started doing the double pick at the top of the key for Frazier the Gophers basically started committing four players to dealing with it, which meant there were skip passes available. I'm starting to think the Gophers just don't have the personnel to handle most Big Ten teams defensively, and that's no good for anyone.
3. Elliott can kind of control the paint. Another double double with four blocks, and it looked early like the Gopher game plan was going to force feed him the ball on the block and it was working. Even when Mo was in getting him the ball down low was working offensively. Then the Gophers decided to go completely away from that strategy and become a jump shooting team again. Do you know that Eliason only had two field goal attempts in the second half, and one of them came on a tip in? Not that he should be getting a ton of FGAs, but when he's demonstrated already that Penn State struggles to guard him I wouldn't mind seeing a touch or two, you know? And I'm not even sure Walker played in the second half. I can't believe I'm saying this, but against most teams Elliott needs to be an offensive focal point, just for variety's sake. Not against Michigan State.
3. I've always been an Oto defender, but he's just lost out there far too often. He has no idea where to go on defense, and that goes for both his positioning as well as things like hedging on screens and help defense. These things aren't new, but as his playing time becomes more and more high profile they just stand out more and more. Then he does things like, let's a pass go through his legs five hole style and then falls down trying to go after it which leads to a Penn State lay-up, or he let's himself get pushed under the basket on a Penn State free throw leading to a Nittany Lion rebound in a big, big, big spot. And it's not like it's just this game, you can point to at least 2-3 mistakes of his each game, easy. I think he's got some offensive ability as the jump shot seems to have come back as Pitino's given him more confidence to take open shots, and he brilliantly slipped a screen at one point and then nailed the 18 footer, but I really don't know if he can offset his piss poor defense with his mediocre offense. Then again, the only other choice at the 4 spot is a Joey King who completely panics any time he has the ball in a non scoring position, so really Pitino is pretty well screwed here.
4. Speaking of things that are horrible, Stephen Bardo is just the worst announcer ever. Repetitious, stating the obvious, creating a narrative and sticking with it no matter what, repetitious, infatuated with anyone banking in a shot, and he tends to repeat the same thing over and over again. Honestly, how many times did you hear that the Gophers were the best free throw shooting team in the Big Ten but were having a bad game? Or that it was a miracle Penn State was winning even though Newbill was barely playing due to foul trouble? How about him trying to sell the fact that bad free throw shooting is contagious. Seriously, once I noticed how horrible he was I kept waiting to see if he'd bring any insight at all to the broadcast, and he did - once. When Oto slipped that screen mentioned above, Bardo made sure to point it out and even explain it. But that was it. There was literally not one single other word he uttered that added to the broadcast. Someone should light his car on fire.
5. I'm all for consistency and installing a system, but if it's not working I'm not sure sticking with it makes sense. Naturally I'm talking about the press, which wasn't working and was creating easy buckets for Penn State who kept beating the Gophers down the floor and creating odd man rush situations and wasn't creating any turnovers or easy baskets for Minnesota. I suppose I shouldn't have expected it, given that he never backed off when Arkansas was shredding the Gophers. Normally I would say you need to adapt your system to your personnel and if it's not working it's not working, but in this case I think I'm ok with it. Pitino likely knows his ceiling is an NCAA bid this year and next and it's not likely either team will have much of any chance to go further, so it's all about building his brand for the class of 2015 and beyond. Let those kids see how Minnesota basketball is balls to the wall and fun fun fun for 40 minutes and hope it pays dividends. It's going to cause some ugly situations, like tonight, but it should pay off down the road. I hope. Please.
6. Penn State doubled on a lot of ball screens, and neither team took advantage. The point of doubling on a ball screen of course, is to create turnovers, and although the Gophers turned it over an uncomfortable 14 times I can't remember even one coming off of a Penn State double. If you're not turning it over on a double, that means you should be able to find an open man and unless the defensive rotations are very tight you should be able to get an open shot. That didn't happen either. And it wasn't because Penn State's rotations were so great, more that the Gophers were slow to swing the ball, or hesitant to drive the ball, or just couldn't make the right pass. Overall the Gopher offense was pretty rough tonight, and getting a win on a night when things just aren't working properly is probably a good sign. Or not. I don't know. This team is frustrating.
7. Malik Smith has proven himself to be a very valuable Gopher, but I'm not exactly sure he should be driving the paint. I love a lot of what he brings, and my buddy, "The Bear" has taken to calling him J.R. after J.R. Smith which is pretty much perfect, but when he puts the ball on the floor and drives it's an adventure. As with all true chuckers, which Malik most definitely is even though he has toned it down a bit from his FIU days, once he has the ball in the paint he's damn sure he's going to be able to score which leads to some, um, creative moves. And creative can work, just look at Mathieu and Dre Hollins when they get into the lane, but that's not exactly something that's in his skill set. When he puts his head down and heads to the hole it's kind of like Mav bringing the ball up against the press - just hope things don't go too terribly wrong and somebody gets lucky.
8. Dre Mathieu's gambling finally paid off. Dre has a habit of going after a steal, and I don't mean jumping passing lanes, I mean he tries to pick pockets all the freaking time. He loves both not moving his feet and swiping at the ball in front of him and trying to sneak around behind a ball handler and poke the ball out from behind. I can't actually remember any of this working for him this year, although with a steal rate in the top 70 of the country it must have happened, but I remember plenty of times he put himself completely out of proper defensive position. Tonight, however, he managed to poke the ball away from whoever it was that's Penn State's third ball handler is in one of the biggest spots of the game and, I guess, the season so far. I've said I like my point guard a little bit reckless, and that includes defense when you're as fast with hands as quick as Mathieu's, so I'm ok with all this, I'm just happy to see it pay off in a big, big way.
9. Speaking of the Honey Gopher, he just doesn't quit and I love it. Mathieu's best move is to drive way into the lane, probably too far truth be told, and then figure out what he's doing from there. At just 5-9 and against Big Ten big men, both in size and ability, this can lead to some really ugly shots and/or turnovers - and it has, no doubt. But in a situation where that wasn't working many less confident players would change their game and start playing differently, but Honey Gopher just kept pounding away and it paid off huge for Minnesota with him scoring the team's last four field goals including two absolute monsters. He's proven himself to be a huge late get for Pitino, and he's perfect for what Pitino wants to do on both sides of the court. I am a big, big fan.
10. Illinois is ranked?!??!?! How can this be? I'm watching the game and all of a sudden the flash up "Next, #23 Illinois takes on #4 Wisconsin" and I was like, wait, Illinois is ranked? The same team who lost to Georgia freaking Tech? The same team who almost lost to UIC, IPFW, and Dartmouth? The team whose best win was a lucky one over Missouri? Sorry folks, but Illinois is terrible. Completely terrible. Fact. And losing to Wisconsin by like, a hundred or something just proves I'm right. You watch, the Gophers will lose by less at Wisconsin than Illinois, and that's a guarantee I would have made before tonight, too.
Alright so I admit most of these things sound negative even though they won, but seriously that was a really ugly win. There is, and I'm not saying anything you don't know, a whole lot of major flaws with this team and right now it's really difficult to envision them upsetting any of the top tier Big Ten teams. Right now I can come up with 6 maybe 7 more games they really should win, but 3 of those are on the road so it's hard to think they can take all 3 down. They're going to need to win the games they should and steal at least 1, two depending on how many the drop where they shouldn't. It's going to be awfully tough to get an NCAA bid, but hey, what the hell, right? I'll just enjoy the ride. Until I end up throwing the remote at my TV. But if I didn't do it tonight, maybe I'm actually a level headed fan? Seems unlikely, but hey, on Boy Meets World Eric goes from a girl obsessed but mostly normal teenager to a completely ditzy buffoon of a college kid, so I guess anything is possible.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tuesday Talkers
Going to be flipping between the Twins and the NBA Finals tonight, so might as well write some random stuff while doing those things.
- First off, I know we are all very excited about our little Byron Buxton and the just promoted to double-A Miguel Sano and with good reason. Buxton is hitting .350/.444/.578 with 8 triples, 7 homers, and 26 steals while playing amazing defense and Sano hit .330/.424/.655 with 16 home runs in 56 games before his promotion. No doubt these guys are crushing it and, assuming nothing significantly changes, both will be rated as top 10 prospects in all of baseball when next year's rankings come out. It's very, very awesome, but the hype train might want to back up just a hair.
On the radio today I heard both Dubay and PA spout complete inanities about these guys (and yes, they are two of the biggest dummies when it comes to baseball among all people who have a public voice so I know they're almost going to say something stupid, but this just really bugged me). Dubay's big call was that Sano would be a September call-up this year, which is wrong for two reasons. First, you never go from A-ball to the major leagues in one season, it just doesn't happen unless somebody can prove me wrong but I'm sure it's extremely rare. Even if he finishes the year tearing up AA like he did A I just can't see it happening. Secondly, the money issue. It's moot if he ends up starting 2014 in the majors, which I could see happening but kind of doubt it after Aaron Hicks started so slowly this year, but if they call him up in September guess what? That major league service time clock gets going a year early. The Twins are no longer cheap, but that doesn't mean they want to start giving out big money contracts a year early. Won't happen.
The far more egregious and stupid comment came from PA which is something I assume we are all accustom to at this point, in that he said Buxton should be in the majors RIGHT NOW. He also said if Buxton had started the year in the majors (yes this year) he would be as good or better than Aaron Hicks so far. I'm not even going to start to break this doubt because it would be an insult to all of us, but I just don't get the PA popularity. His knowledge of sports is extremely limited to NFL-only and he's only ok with that, his interview skills are subpar, and his personality is grating and annoying. Yet, when I was listening to a Vikings game on the radio with a group of people one time somebody said, "Man I love PA" and then somebody else said "He's the best" and then everybody agreed. I just don't get it. Is it the raging homerism thing? Do people love a homer announcer? He's an idiot and a jackass and is stupid. It's so confusing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in some kind of weird dream world and this isn't real life.
- One other thing that's kind of getting lost in the Buxton/Sano hype is that Eddie Rosario was also promoted to AA along with Sano. Rosario may not have the hype of the other two, but he's a pretty big deal and ranks consistently in the top 5 or top 10 on most Twins prospect lists, and is becoming even more valuable after his conversion from outfield to second base which, based on being promoted here, is likely going well. He can hit (.329/.377/.527 this year) and if he can field at the 4-spot he may be the guy to finally fill that second base hole that's been on this team seemingly since Rod Carew. Hurry up, Eddie, I can't take much more Brian Dozier.
- Since I've been typing I've now seen Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, and Oswaldo Arcia absolutely drill balls back-to-back-to-back off Cole Hamels and it makes one wonder - what is up with that dude? Long time readers may remember that Hamels was my boyfriend for a while, but he's just been brutal this year. Thing is, I can't find a single thing you can point to and say "that's the problem." He's practically been the exact same pitcher this year as he's always been. The only difference at all is batters are making more contact than usual when they swing at pitches in the strike zone (84% vs. 82%), he's given up more infield hits (16% vs. 11%), and more fly balls he's given up are going out of the park (13% vs. 11.5%). All of that says his results have been more the result of a fluke than anything significant going on with him. Then I see him basically put it on a tee for four straight Twin batters and I wonder if he's just making more mistakes this year - the higher contact rates in the zone and homer/flyball rates could back that up. So, I guess I'm not sure yet what's his deal. What am I, Galileo?
- I actually had someone tell me they thought That's My Boy was a really good and funny movie. No I didn't punch him immediately in the neck but only because we were at softball and we are on the same team and that would have caused all kinds of issues, but I kind of wanted to.
- Speaking of movies, I caught a little bit of Reign of Fire recently, which is that movie with Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey about dragons in a post apocalyptic world. It's mostly a terrible movie, but Bale and McConaughey both rock and obviously dragons are like the bomb and stuff so every time I see it I ended up staying on the channel at least long enough to see a dragon fight and quite often end up watching the entire rest of the movie. So if you're a fan of dragons and/or hot guys you should totally check it out on your netflix or hulu or whatever people watch stuff on these days.
- The fact that Lebron James hasn't developed a true post game yet drives me crazy - almost as much as his constant bitching. After the success of having him play the 4 in the Finals last year after Bosh got hurt he had to know they were going to be doing it a lot this season, but still he didn't develop any kind of offensive post moves. I mean yeah he's still effective posting up and finding shooters or cutters, but his offensive game on the block is to put it on the floor and drive to the hoop. Sure that works sometimes and he can get to the line that way as well, but can you imagine him with a turnaround jumper or a little jump hook or something? I know it seems silly to criticize someone who just put up a season where he averaged 27, 8, & 7 while shooting 57%, but man, what if he had an actual post game? That's fairly terrifying, in a boner inducing way. Pretty sure he'd still bitch about everything though.
- Wow the Spurs are just daring Lebron to take jumpers. Seems to be working since he just bricked a wide open three.
- Should be a very interesting U.S. Open. From what I've heard the rough will be rough, but tons of rain will make the greens incredibly soft and slow so you'll see a whole lot of conservative play off the tee (to keep in in the fairway) and then aggressive shots into the green. Sounds like a recipe for an awfully low winning score, which the U.S. Open hates, but there are three par-3s over 235 yards which is going to equalize things a bit, as well as only two par-5s to keep scores in check. I know a lot of people like to say stuff like "I like it better when it's super tough because then the cream really rises to the top" but really the last few winners when the winning score was even or worse were Webb Simpson, Graeme McDowell, Angel Cabrera, Geoff Ogilvy, and Michael Campbell while the last few winners at -5 or better are Rory McIlroy, Jim Furyk, Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Lee Janzen, and Payne Stewart. I mean, that's a pretty clearly better second grouping, right? Just proves my theory that people are idiots. Man, I got a lot of evidence for that theorem. I'll probably be in a magazine soon.
- Wow Lebron has just been terrible. Kawhi Leonard refusing to let him drive by giving him the jumper and James can't hit anything. He's 2-11 from the field right now and if it wasn't for the incredible, incomparable Mike Miller being 5-5 from three this one would be over already. And now that's 2-12, and he's whining to the ref. I think I hate this guy.
- Oh yeah, and I don't have any favorites for the U.S. Open yet. I need to take a look at a few things before I give you your good futures bets, but without spending too much time on it I think Steve Stricker and Matt Kuchar would be the two I'd throw money at if I had to right now with no time to research.
- Wow. This got out of hand quickly. Like Game 2 but in the Spurs favor. It's a 31 point lead. Gary Neal and Danny Green have combined for 51 points so far. Green by himself has outscored Duncan+Ginobilli+Parker. Crazy game. But crazy awesome.
- First off, I know we are all very excited about our little Byron Buxton and the just promoted to double-A Miguel Sano and with good reason. Buxton is hitting .350/.444/.578 with 8 triples, 7 homers, and 26 steals while playing amazing defense and Sano hit .330/.424/.655 with 16 home runs in 56 games before his promotion. No doubt these guys are crushing it and, assuming nothing significantly changes, both will be rated as top 10 prospects in all of baseball when next year's rankings come out. It's very, very awesome, but the hype train might want to back up just a hair.
On the radio today I heard both Dubay and PA spout complete inanities about these guys (and yes, they are two of the biggest dummies when it comes to baseball among all people who have a public voice so I know they're almost going to say something stupid, but this just really bugged me). Dubay's big call was that Sano would be a September call-up this year, which is wrong for two reasons. First, you never go from A-ball to the major leagues in one season, it just doesn't happen unless somebody can prove me wrong but I'm sure it's extremely rare. Even if he finishes the year tearing up AA like he did A I just can't see it happening. Secondly, the money issue. It's moot if he ends up starting 2014 in the majors, which I could see happening but kind of doubt it after Aaron Hicks started so slowly this year, but if they call him up in September guess what? That major league service time clock gets going a year early. The Twins are no longer cheap, but that doesn't mean they want to start giving out big money contracts a year early. Won't happen.
The far more egregious and stupid comment came from PA which is something I assume we are all accustom to at this point, in that he said Buxton should be in the majors RIGHT NOW. He also said if Buxton had started the year in the majors (yes this year) he would be as good or better than Aaron Hicks so far. I'm not even going to start to break this doubt because it would be an insult to all of us, but I just don't get the PA popularity. His knowledge of sports is extremely limited to NFL-only and he's only ok with that, his interview skills are subpar, and his personality is grating and annoying. Yet, when I was listening to a Vikings game on the radio with a group of people one time somebody said, "Man I love PA" and then somebody else said "He's the best" and then everybody agreed. I just don't get it. Is it the raging homerism thing? Do people love a homer announcer? He's an idiot and a jackass and is stupid. It's so confusing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in some kind of weird dream world and this isn't real life.
- One other thing that's kind of getting lost in the Buxton/Sano hype is that Eddie Rosario was also promoted to AA along with Sano. Rosario may not have the hype of the other two, but he's a pretty big deal and ranks consistently in the top 5 or top 10 on most Twins prospect lists, and is becoming even more valuable after his conversion from outfield to second base which, based on being promoted here, is likely going well. He can hit (.329/.377/.527 this year) and if he can field at the 4-spot he may be the guy to finally fill that second base hole that's been on this team seemingly since Rod Carew. Hurry up, Eddie, I can't take much more Brian Dozier.
- Since I've been typing I've now seen Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, and Oswaldo Arcia absolutely drill balls back-to-back-to-back off Cole Hamels and it makes one wonder - what is up with that dude? Long time readers may remember that Hamels was my boyfriend for a while, but he's just been brutal this year. Thing is, I can't find a single thing you can point to and say "that's the problem." He's practically been the exact same pitcher this year as he's always been. The only difference at all is batters are making more contact than usual when they swing at pitches in the strike zone (84% vs. 82%), he's given up more infield hits (16% vs. 11%), and more fly balls he's given up are going out of the park (13% vs. 11.5%). All of that says his results have been more the result of a fluke than anything significant going on with him. Then I see him basically put it on a tee for four straight Twin batters and I wonder if he's just making more mistakes this year - the higher contact rates in the zone and homer/flyball rates could back that up. So, I guess I'm not sure yet what's his deal. What am I, Galileo?
- I actually had someone tell me they thought That's My Boy was a really good and funny movie. No I didn't punch him immediately in the neck but only because we were at softball and we are on the same team and that would have caused all kinds of issues, but I kind of wanted to.
- Speaking of movies, I caught a little bit of Reign of Fire recently, which is that movie with Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey about dragons in a post apocalyptic world. It's mostly a terrible movie, but Bale and McConaughey both rock and obviously dragons are like the bomb and stuff so every time I see it I ended up staying on the channel at least long enough to see a dragon fight and quite often end up watching the entire rest of the movie. So if you're a fan of dragons and/or hot guys you should totally check it out on your netflix or hulu or whatever people watch stuff on these days.
- The fact that Lebron James hasn't developed a true post game yet drives me crazy - almost as much as his constant bitching. After the success of having him play the 4 in the Finals last year after Bosh got hurt he had to know they were going to be doing it a lot this season, but still he didn't develop any kind of offensive post moves. I mean yeah he's still effective posting up and finding shooters or cutters, but his offensive game on the block is to put it on the floor and drive to the hoop. Sure that works sometimes and he can get to the line that way as well, but can you imagine him with a turnaround jumper or a little jump hook or something? I know it seems silly to criticize someone who just put up a season where he averaged 27, 8, & 7 while shooting 57%, but man, what if he had an actual post game? That's fairly terrifying, in a boner inducing way. Pretty sure he'd still bitch about everything though.
- Wow the Spurs are just daring Lebron to take jumpers. Seems to be working since he just bricked a wide open three.
- Should be a very interesting U.S. Open. From what I've heard the rough will be rough, but tons of rain will make the greens incredibly soft and slow so you'll see a whole lot of conservative play off the tee (to keep in in the fairway) and then aggressive shots into the green. Sounds like a recipe for an awfully low winning score, which the U.S. Open hates, but there are three par-3s over 235 yards which is going to equalize things a bit, as well as only two par-5s to keep scores in check. I know a lot of people like to say stuff like "I like it better when it's super tough because then the cream really rises to the top" but really the last few winners when the winning score was even or worse were Webb Simpson, Graeme McDowell, Angel Cabrera, Geoff Ogilvy, and Michael Campbell while the last few winners at -5 or better are Rory McIlroy, Jim Furyk, Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Lee Janzen, and Payne Stewart. I mean, that's a pretty clearly better second grouping, right? Just proves my theory that people are idiots. Man, I got a lot of evidence for that theorem. I'll probably be in a magazine soon.
- Wow Lebron has just been terrible. Kawhi Leonard refusing to let him drive by giving him the jumper and James can't hit anything. He's 2-11 from the field right now and if it wasn't for the incredible, incomparable Mike Miller being 5-5 from three this one would be over already. And now that's 2-12, and he's whining to the ref. I think I hate this guy.
- Oh yeah, and I don't have any favorites for the U.S. Open yet. I need to take a look at a few things before I give you your good futures bets, but without spending too much time on it I think Steve Stricker and Matt Kuchar would be the two I'd throw money at if I had to right now with no time to research.
- Wow. This got out of hand quickly. Like Game 2 but in the Spurs favor. It's a 31 point lead. Gary Neal and Danny Green have combined for 51 points so far. Green by himself has outscored Duncan+Ginobilli+Parker. Crazy game. But crazy awesome.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
World Series Game 1
Man I love the stupid World Series. Even when it's Texas vs. St. Louis and I can't even decide who I'm rooting for until I put money down on Texas. I watched the top of the first while folding clothes and drinking a Hamm's and saw Texas kill its early momentum by being too obsessed with running. Seriously, McCarver and buck suck and are prone to hyperbole, but Yadier Molina really is that good when it comes to throwing out base-runners so here's a tip - don't freaking run on him. I mean jesus christ Ron Washington, you were on the Oakland A's staff in the salad days of moneyball, did you learn nothing? I guess that's why you never trust a crackhead manager.
7:17 - Furcal walks to start things up for St. Louis. Tonights' action: Rangers to win, over 7.5 total runs, David Freese no RBI, Adrian Beltre YES Hit, Nelson Cruz YES to strikeout, Mike Napoli to have more total bases than Yadier Molina, and Furcal no RBI. They all matter, but that Furcal no RBI is a monster wager. We need that one.
7:19 - I think Tim McCarver is watching a completely different game than everybody else. It's either that or he's completely insane.
7:24 - Michael Young weakly grounds to 2nd and I'm reminded that I hate him. Throughout the ALDS, which was not a bastion of profit, whatever I bet he did the opposite. Bet on him to K before he gets a hit, he gets a hit in the first inning. Bet on him to get a hit, and he goes 0-4. I think I was like 1-5 wagering on him. I hope he dies.
7:25 - Base knock for Beltre, a double down the line. I always like winning those bets on the guys first time up. Now maybe Nelson could whiff here for me.
7:27 - Joe Buck just said, "It's now 2-1 to a guy who is 31." What kind of weird ass sentence is that? What's next, "Here comes the pitch from a guy who really, really digs pine nuts in his salad."
7:28 - Cruz apparently didn't wear his chasing pants tonight because Cruz walks after completely refusing to chase Carpenter's slider which he threw low and away four times. I'm pretty sure Cuddyer took a swing at his TV there at least twice.
7:30 - That's the second time Carpenter's thrown one in the dirt and yelled "God damn it" loud enough for the camera mics to pick it up. Pretty sure little Joey Buck's ears are bleeding. Also DP by Napoli.
7:36 - Lance Berkman, fourth all-time in home runs amongst switch hitters. That seems odd for some reason. FUN FACT: Former Twin Chili Davis is fifth and former Twin Ruben Sierra is 8th, and right up until this very minute of my life I had completely forgotten Sierra played for the Twins.
7:41 - FUN FACT #2 - Roy Smalley holds five of the top 10 HR hitting seasons by a switch-hitter in Twins history. Of course, it's not a very distinguished list considering Bobby Kielty is in 6th place and Cris Guzman is top 10, but still.
7:45 - Uneventful inning. But that reminds me that you wanted to know why I was drinking Hamm's. It's because the local liquor store had it on sale for $11.99 for the 30-pack. How could I not buy it? I mean, it's from the land of sky blue waters (waters). And I have to admit, it is the beer refreshing.
7:47 - What a quaint little story by McCarver. Turns out C.J. Wilson, get this, even though he's a pitcher, you're not going to believe it, but he considers himself a hitter. OMG that's so crazy! He's such a unique snowflake with his California surfer attitude and his really unique necklace that every god damn pitcher in the league wears.
7:53 - Nick freaking Punto with a base hit to lead off the bottom of the third. Not only is this annoying because he's Nick Punto, but it sets up a sac bunt by Carpenter and then Furcal can get an RBI with a hit AND THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. Also I'm pretty sure Punto slid into first even though he lined it into center. They didn't show or anything, but I can just feel it.
7:55 - Carpenter strikes out, which is good. Still need no extra base hit from Furcal here. Or maybe an xbh but then Punto slides head first into third instead of scoring. Because he's so gritty, you see.
7:57 - Furcal whiffs on a pitch that barely crossed the plate in the air and was missed by at least 2 feet. Now that reminded me of Twins baseball.
8:04 - Tim McCarver is interviewing Ron Washington. This is like Richard Dawkins interviewing Stephen Hawking, only the exact opposite.
8:06 - Another 1-2-3 inning. Glad Snacks convinced me to take the over.
8:13 - Punto hit by a pitch, Holliday double, and Berkman scores them both home by not being able to catch up to a pitch and fisting it into right. It counts, I know, it's just blah. I remember the last time these guys were in the Series (I think) and the Tigers should have smoked 'em but they have some kind of jedi mind shit over teams. It's happening again.
8:14 - I just realized I typed Punto when I meant Pujols. HE'S IN MY HEAD, MAN!!!
8:18 - With Berkman on 2nd and 2 outs they intentionally walk Punto, and yes this time it is Punto, and that has got to be the first time that's ever happened. Checking Baseball Reference, and Punto has actually been intentionally walked 9 times in his career (3 this year, 1 with the phils, and 5 with the Twins). How could he possibly have been IBB'd as a Twin? Gotta be interleague, right? I mean it has to be. I need to figure this out.
8:26 - Carpenter strikes out Cruz with Beltre on 2nd. The important thing is that that's another bet won.
8:28 - Napoli with a monster shot to right to make it a 2-2 game. That also gives him a 4-0 advantage in total bases over Molina.
8:30 - This infrared shit might be literally the gayest thing I've ever seen. McCarver, "This is weird to me, I don't know how you do that." With infrared cameras you dumb fucking hick. I swear to god I'm going to find out where he lives and stab him in the tongue with a crocodile.
8:31 - "That camera reminds me of The Thing." - Tim McCarver. I'm 99.9% sure he means Predator. It seems weird to hate someone you've never even met and who is mostly harmless, and yet here we are.
8:38 - A Furcal walk (with no RBI) and then a sac bunt and we have a fast runner on 2nd, representing the go-ahead run, with one out and Albert Pujols up. Looks like this is where we find out just how valuable he really is oh wait no I guess we don't because they're walking him. Damn it I wanted to see this. Now I'm going to have to watch Matt Holliday ground into a double play.
8:39 - McCarver, "Pitchers really struggle to pitch around batters because they're trained to throw strikes and when you ask them not to they can't make that adjustment." I'm now thinking some kind of garrotte. Or maybe just C.J. Wilson's cool hip California style necklace.
8:41 - I love it when I call things. Double play for Holliday. And that shit rhymes, homeslice.
8:44 - Kinsler with a nice texas leaguer into right for a knock to lead off the sixth. Hopefully the Rangers don't do any kind of running here. I could accept a sac bunt from Andrus, if need be.
8:46 - Sac bunt down, now time to see if Hamilton can be a hero or if he's really just a fan murderer. McCarver, "This is a really evenly matched World Series." Well, Tim, actually the Rangers are fairly heavy favorite and would likely be almost 1-2 to win if they had home field advantage, so once again you're wrong. I'm not entirely certain McCarver could outwit a briefcase full of crackers.
8:48 - McCarver: "as a pitcher you have to have complete confidence in your catcher where you can throw the ball in the dirt with a runner on third." He said this after a pitch that was at the batter's knees. Also no run scored.
8:56 - Freese with a double with one out (which is fine because there was nobody on base). With Molina up followed by Punto and pitcher why not just walk Molina? Punto is terrible and since he already has a hit tonight you know he can't possibly get another one, then the pitcher in which case you force the Cards to pinch hit and get Carpenter out of the game. Win win win.
8:58 - Wild pitch moves Freese to third. Looks like Wilson can't trust Napoli. Probably because he's Sicilian. I kind of wish I hadn't used my Vezzini picture already.
9:00 - Wilson whiffs Molina on a huge, huge pitch. All he had to do was put that ball in play and St. Louis takes the lead, instead there are 2 outs and it's up to Nick Punto to get the runner home. Watch, that little dick is going to get a hit now too, just to eff with me.
9:03 - They walk Punto non-intentionally but intentionally to get Carpenter out of the game. Makes sense, but now you're facing a legit major league hitter when you could have faced Punto, one of the worst hitters in the history of the game. Tecas countering with Ogando. Good move here. Good game for Wilson, but it's time go get the Ogandonator in there. I just made that up.
9:08 - And THAT's why you pitch to a shitty hitter like Punto when you have a chance. Craig, the pinch-hitter for Carpenter, singles to right to score the go-ahead run.
9:09 - Oh shit that means Furcal is up with a runner on third. God please just bean him or something.
9:11 - Furcal hits the shit out of it but thankfully he's a little noodle-armed weiner and it dies at the warning track. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure I just made some pants chocolate.
9:12 - These Chili-Lime almonds are really the cat's pajamas.
9:15 - I wonder if this Fernando Salas character is at all related to former Twin Mark Salas. I kind of doubt it because he's not a big fat pile of goo. Still, I'll always have a soft spot in my hard for Mark Salas because his was the first autograph I ever got. It looked like M-scribble S-scribble, but it's a nice memory. Not like that fuckface Jeff Reardon.
9:20 - I stopped paying attention for a minute but now the Rangers have 2 on and 1 out and Mark Salas is out and the guy with the weird polish name is in.
9:26 - Polish guy strikes out Dennis Nedry in a huge spot, which once again validates the Colby Rasmus trade because polish guy was one of a couple of relievers they picked up. Rangers have one more shot, but they're pinch hitting with Esteban German so they might as well not have pinch hit.
9:29 - Polish guy whiffs German, which is no surprise. Slightly more surprising is after that when McCarver says, "It's a five-letter word, S-T-R-I-K-E." Now, the fact that it's a six letter word isn't even the least bit surprising at this point because it seems like exactly the kind of thing McCarver would say. Better, though, is that he never follows up on it. That's his entire point. He says nothing else, there's awkward silence, and then we cut to some army dude singing. So bizarre. I assume twitter must be blowing up about this. I'd check it, but I'm about 20 minutes behind due to tape delay so I don't want to spoil anything.
9:34 - McCarver, "By the way, I figured out between innings that strike has six letters, not five." I'll give it to him, I never expected a classic doucher like McCarver to admit his own error.
9:43 - No runs scored, and we go to the 8th. I seem to be getting a bit sleepy. Damn Hamm's.
9:45 - So I went to the Gopher tip-off deal last Friday night with WonderbabyTM, and it really didn't go all that well. They started late, I assume because the autograph part of it went long, the intros took forever since they introduced like 30 alumni who were there, and then they ended up skipping the skills competiton for current players (although we did get to see Abdul-Shamala and Brent Lawson win for the alumni). Then they went to the halfcourt shot thing, which was really stupid because nobody made one so it was really boring. Then my lovely daughter had finished her popcorn and mello yello and was pretty bored because "nobody's even playing, daddy" and it was almost 2 hours past her bedtime so we left. Which means other than the half-court shot I didn't see any current players do anything outside of warmup. Still kind of excited for the year though. I'm kinda dumb that way.
9:53 - no runs again, despite the Rangers getting a shot at the world's oldest lefty Arthur Lee Rhodes. We go bottom 8, still 3-2 National League.
9:57 - I miss Derek Holland's mustache.
9:58 - Berkman with an infield hit to open the bottom of the 8th, which seems weird when you think about how he's 800 years old and kind of fat. The good part of this is, by the way, is that it seems David Freese is out of the lineup and I didn't even know it. His replacement tosses down a nice sac bunt, setting things up for Molina, Punto, and pitcher's spot. A true murderer's row. Although compared to Repko, Butera, Tolbert......I'm just sayin'.
10:01 - IT'S ALL UP TO PUNTO
10:03 - There's not a lot of meat in these gym mats.
10:04 - Punto whiffs. I laugh.
10:07 - Looks like Jason Motte is the closer tonight. I can't keep up. I do know that I don't like him because I took him like 2-3 years ago late in a fantasy baseball draft because a friend of mine told me he was a "great sleeper" because nobody really knew him and he was assured to win the closer role. Which he did, but then he pitched as if he was throwing BP and lost the job and my heart.
10:09 - Tim McCarver is definitely retarded.
10:12 - they get all the outs and the Cardinals win. This game got kind of boring. Needed more Punto.
7:17 - Furcal walks to start things up for St. Louis. Tonights' action: Rangers to win, over 7.5 total runs, David Freese no RBI, Adrian Beltre YES Hit, Nelson Cruz YES to strikeout, Mike Napoli to have more total bases than Yadier Molina, and Furcal no RBI. They all matter, but that Furcal no RBI is a monster wager. We need that one.
7:19 - I think Tim McCarver is watching a completely different game than everybody else. It's either that or he's completely insane.
7:24 - Michael Young weakly grounds to 2nd and I'm reminded that I hate him. Throughout the ALDS, which was not a bastion of profit, whatever I bet he did the opposite. Bet on him to K before he gets a hit, he gets a hit in the first inning. Bet on him to get a hit, and he goes 0-4. I think I was like 1-5 wagering on him. I hope he dies.
7:25 - Base knock for Beltre, a double down the line. I always like winning those bets on the guys first time up. Now maybe Nelson could whiff here for me.
7:27 - Joe Buck just said, "It's now 2-1 to a guy who is 31." What kind of weird ass sentence is that? What's next, "Here comes the pitch from a guy who really, really digs pine nuts in his salad."
7:28 - Cruz apparently didn't wear his chasing pants tonight because Cruz walks after completely refusing to chase Carpenter's slider which he threw low and away four times. I'm pretty sure Cuddyer took a swing at his TV there at least twice.
7:30 - That's the second time Carpenter's thrown one in the dirt and yelled "God damn it" loud enough for the camera mics to pick it up. Pretty sure little Joey Buck's ears are bleeding. Also DP by Napoli.
7:36 - Lance Berkman, fourth all-time in home runs amongst switch hitters. That seems odd for some reason. FUN FACT: Former Twin Chili Davis is fifth and former Twin Ruben Sierra is 8th, and right up until this very minute of my life I had completely forgotten Sierra played for the Twins.
7:41 - FUN FACT #2 - Roy Smalley holds five of the top 10 HR hitting seasons by a switch-hitter in Twins history. Of course, it's not a very distinguished list considering Bobby Kielty is in 6th place and Cris Guzman is top 10, but still.
7:45 - Uneventful inning. But that reminds me that you wanted to know why I was drinking Hamm's. It's because the local liquor store had it on sale for $11.99 for the 30-pack. How could I not buy it? I mean, it's from the land of sky blue waters (waters). And I have to admit, it is the beer refreshing.
7:47 - What a quaint little story by McCarver. Turns out C.J. Wilson, get this, even though he's a pitcher, you're not going to believe it, but he considers himself a hitter. OMG that's so crazy! He's such a unique snowflake with his California surfer attitude and his really unique necklace that every god damn pitcher in the league wears.
7:53 - Nick freaking Punto with a base hit to lead off the bottom of the third. Not only is this annoying because he's Nick Punto, but it sets up a sac bunt by Carpenter and then Furcal can get an RBI with a hit AND THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. Also I'm pretty sure Punto slid into first even though he lined it into center. They didn't show or anything, but I can just feel it.
 |
| God Damn that Punto gives me a boner |
7:57 - Furcal whiffs on a pitch that barely crossed the plate in the air and was missed by at least 2 feet. Now that reminded me of Twins baseball.
8:04 - Tim McCarver is interviewing Ron Washington. This is like Richard Dawkins interviewing Stephen Hawking, only the exact opposite.
8:06 - Another 1-2-3 inning. Glad Snacks convinced me to take the over.
8:13 - Punto hit by a pitch, Holliday double, and Berkman scores them both home by not being able to catch up to a pitch and fisting it into right. It counts, I know, it's just blah. I remember the last time these guys were in the Series (I think) and the Tigers should have smoked 'em but they have some kind of jedi mind shit over teams. It's happening again.
8:14 - I just realized I typed Punto when I meant Pujols. HE'S IN MY HEAD, MAN!!!
8:18 - With Berkman on 2nd and 2 outs they intentionally walk Punto, and yes this time it is Punto, and that has got to be the first time that's ever happened. Checking Baseball Reference, and Punto has actually been intentionally walked 9 times in his career (3 this year, 1 with the phils, and 5 with the Twins). How could he possibly have been IBB'd as a Twin? Gotta be interleague, right? I mean it has to be. I need to figure this out.
8:26 - Carpenter strikes out Cruz with Beltre on 2nd. The important thing is that that's another bet won.
8:28 - Napoli with a monster shot to right to make it a 2-2 game. That also gives him a 4-0 advantage in total bases over Molina.
8:30 - This infrared shit might be literally the gayest thing I've ever seen. McCarver, "This is weird to me, I don't know how you do that." With infrared cameras you dumb fucking hick. I swear to god I'm going to find out where he lives and stab him in the tongue with a crocodile.
8:31 - "That camera reminds me of The Thing." - Tim McCarver. I'm 99.9% sure he means Predator. It seems weird to hate someone you've never even met and who is mostly harmless, and yet here we are.
8:38 - A Furcal walk (with no RBI) and then a sac bunt and we have a fast runner on 2nd, representing the go-ahead run, with one out and Albert Pujols up. Looks like this is where we find out just how valuable he really is oh wait no I guess we don't because they're walking him. Damn it I wanted to see this. Now I'm going to have to watch Matt Holliday ground into a double play.
8:39 - McCarver, "Pitchers really struggle to pitch around batters because they're trained to throw strikes and when you ask them not to they can't make that adjustment." I'm now thinking some kind of garrotte. Or maybe just C.J. Wilson's cool hip California style necklace.
8:41 - I love it when I call things. Double play for Holliday. And that shit rhymes, homeslice.
8:44 - Kinsler with a nice texas leaguer into right for a knock to lead off the sixth. Hopefully the Rangers don't do any kind of running here. I could accept a sac bunt from Andrus, if need be.
8:46 - Sac bunt down, now time to see if Hamilton can be a hero or if he's really just a fan murderer. McCarver, "This is a really evenly matched World Series." Well, Tim, actually the Rangers are fairly heavy favorite and would likely be almost 1-2 to win if they had home field advantage, so once again you're wrong. I'm not entirely certain McCarver could outwit a briefcase full of crackers.
 |
| The battle of wits has begun |
8:56 - Freese with a double with one out (which is fine because there was nobody on base). With Molina up followed by Punto and pitcher why not just walk Molina? Punto is terrible and since he already has a hit tonight you know he can't possibly get another one, then the pitcher in which case you force the Cards to pinch hit and get Carpenter out of the game. Win win win.
8:58 - Wild pitch moves Freese to third. Looks like Wilson can't trust Napoli. Probably because he's Sicilian. I kind of wish I hadn't used my Vezzini picture already.
9:00 - Wilson whiffs Molina on a huge, huge pitch. All he had to do was put that ball in play and St. Louis takes the lead, instead there are 2 outs and it's up to Nick Punto to get the runner home. Watch, that little dick is going to get a hit now too, just to eff with me.
9:03 - They walk Punto non-intentionally but intentionally to get Carpenter out of the game. Makes sense, but now you're facing a legit major league hitter when you could have faced Punto, one of the worst hitters in the history of the game. Tecas countering with Ogando. Good move here. Good game for Wilson, but it's time go get the Ogandonator in there. I just made that up.
9:08 - And THAT's why you pitch to a shitty hitter like Punto when you have a chance. Craig, the pinch-hitter for Carpenter, singles to right to score the go-ahead run.
9:09 - Oh shit that means Furcal is up with a runner on third. God please just bean him or something.
9:11 - Furcal hits the shit out of it but thankfully he's a little noodle-armed weiner and it dies at the warning track. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure I just made some pants chocolate.
9:12 - These Chili-Lime almonds are really the cat's pajamas.
9:15 - I wonder if this Fernando Salas character is at all related to former Twin Mark Salas. I kind of doubt it because he's not a big fat pile of goo. Still, I'll always have a soft spot in my hard for Mark Salas because his was the first autograph I ever got. It looked like M-scribble S-scribble, but it's a nice memory. Not like that fuckface Jeff Reardon.
9:20 - I stopped paying attention for a minute but now the Rangers have 2 on and 1 out and Mark Salas is out and the guy with the weird polish name is in.
9:26 - Polish guy strikes out Dennis Nedry in a huge spot, which once again validates the Colby Rasmus trade because polish guy was one of a couple of relievers they picked up. Rangers have one more shot, but they're pinch hitting with Esteban German so they might as well not have pinch hit.
9:29 - Polish guy whiffs German, which is no surprise. Slightly more surprising is after that when McCarver says, "It's a five-letter word, S-T-R-I-K-E." Now, the fact that it's a six letter word isn't even the least bit surprising at this point because it seems like exactly the kind of thing McCarver would say. Better, though, is that he never follows up on it. That's his entire point. He says nothing else, there's awkward silence, and then we cut to some army dude singing. So bizarre. I assume twitter must be blowing up about this. I'd check it, but I'm about 20 minutes behind due to tape delay so I don't want to spoil anything.
9:34 - McCarver, "By the way, I figured out between innings that strike has six letters, not five." I'll give it to him, I never expected a classic doucher like McCarver to admit his own error.
9:43 - No runs scored, and we go to the 8th. I seem to be getting a bit sleepy. Damn Hamm's.
9:45 - So I went to the Gopher tip-off deal last Friday night with WonderbabyTM, and it really didn't go all that well. They started late, I assume because the autograph part of it went long, the intros took forever since they introduced like 30 alumni who were there, and then they ended up skipping the skills competiton for current players (although we did get to see Abdul-Shamala and Brent Lawson win for the alumni). Then they went to the halfcourt shot thing, which was really stupid because nobody made one so it was really boring. Then my lovely daughter had finished her popcorn and mello yello and was pretty bored because "nobody's even playing, daddy" and it was almost 2 hours past her bedtime so we left. Which means other than the half-court shot I didn't see any current players do anything outside of warmup. Still kind of excited for the year though. I'm kinda dumb that way.
9:53 - no runs again, despite the Rangers getting a shot at the world's oldest lefty Arthur Lee Rhodes. We go bottom 8, still 3-2 National League.
9:57 - I miss Derek Holland's mustache.
9:58 - Berkman with an infield hit to open the bottom of the 8th, which seems weird when you think about how he's 800 years old and kind of fat. The good part of this is, by the way, is that it seems David Freese is out of the lineup and I didn't even know it. His replacement tosses down a nice sac bunt, setting things up for Molina, Punto, and pitcher's spot. A true murderer's row. Although compared to Repko, Butera, Tolbert......I'm just sayin'.
10:01 - IT'S ALL UP TO PUNTO
10:03 - There's not a lot of meat in these gym mats.
10:04 - Punto whiffs. I laugh.
10:07 - Looks like Jason Motte is the closer tonight. I can't keep up. I do know that I don't like him because I took him like 2-3 years ago late in a fantasy baseball draft because a friend of mine told me he was a "great sleeper" because nobody really knew him and he was assured to win the closer role. Which he did, but then he pitched as if he was throwing BP and lost the job and my heart.
10:09 - Tim McCarver is definitely retarded.
10:12 - they get all the outs and the Cardinals win. This game got kind of boring. Needed more Punto.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Monday's Musings - 8/29/2011
- First off, my fantasy football draft was a disaster. We play in a modified keeper league where you keep 6 and have two players available in a transition round where you can take a player off someone else's team in exchange for your first round pick. I had #7 and there are really only 5.5 good rookie prospects so I figure I'll take Santonio Holmes off another dude's roster. Well then freaking Snake takes him instead at #4.
I'm not panicking yet, figuring I have good RB depth with Ray Rice, LaSean McCoy, and Deangelo Williams, so I'll just hope I can get WR Greg Little or something at 7 and everything will be ok. Then fucking Bear takes Williams off my roster with his #9 pick and I go into minor panic mode. But now I have #7 and #9. I know I now need a RB and, since I was unable to consummate a trade for Sam Bradford, need a QB as well since I'm not sure of Peyton's status. I figure I'll grab Matt Stafford at #7 and then take the best available RB at #9.
Well guess what? Bear takes Stafford at #9 and now all hell breaks loose. It's suddenly going down as if I have no idea what I'm doing. I end up drafting Delone Carter at #7 despite the fact that I have no idea how to pronounce his name and that he's the back-up RB, then Greg Little goes right after me and there is literally nobody interesting left to draft. I end up going with Kevin Kolb and, just to show how panicked I was, I nearly took Jay Cutler here which is a move that I do believe would have gotten me kicked out of the league - although Bogart's dad probably would have tongue-kissed me since he loves the Bears like Joe Mauer loves sitting.
Then round 2 rolls around and I take Joe Addai because apparently I'm now handcuffing shitty running backs together. Everything just snowballs somehow and by draft end I end up with all four Colt running backs and a receiver I've never heard of but he's #2 on Arizona and I've already got Kevin Kolb so what the hell? Yes, all four Colt running backs (Addai, Carter, Donald Brown, and Javarris James). Then the night ended with me getting a case of Coors Light out of the trunk of my car and me, Snake, Dawger, Bogart, and Bear plowing into a 30-pack of White Castle sliders. Or maybe Snake walked home by then. I don't know. I had a lot of beer.
Still, though, I ended up with my big WR sleeper who I might as well tell you is Brandon Gibson from St. Louis because I know one of those assholes will put it in the comments anyway. Trust me on this. St. Louis is going to throw the ball a lot and Bradford won't be content to go dinking around to RBs and Danny Amendola again, one of the grown-up wideouts is going to have a big year. You know it won't be Mike Sims-Walker because we've already seen his upside, so that leaves Donnie Avery, Gibson, or Danario Alexander. Avery is coming off an injury and his name is Donnie and Alexander is already hurt, so not only is Gibson the most talented off all those dorks but he'll have the best opportunity as well. Holy shit was that paragraph football nerd-y. Sorry. I like to stick to baseball and college basketball nerdy. That's way more high class. Like Outback vs. Olive Garden.
Anyway, here's the team:
Qb Peyton Manning, Kevin Kolb
Rb Ray Rice, LaSean McCoy, all the Colts, Demarco Murray, Javon Ringer
WR Hakeem Nicks, Dez Bryant, Jeremy Maclin, Andre Roberts, Brandon Gibson
TE Jason Witten
K don't remember
DEF probably someone like the Saints
Not too bad.
- You probably missed this because you don't pay attention to cool things, but Andre Drummond finally is officially on-board the UCONN train. Drummond was ranked as the #1 center by everybody, and the #1 overall player for 2012 by ESPN and NBAdraft.net and the #2 player by Rivals and Scout. Bascially he's an absolute monster - think Dwight Howard/Kevin Garnett - awesome on defense, awesome rebounder, and a developing offensive game, although based on sheer size and athleticism he's going to get his points. A program changing type of player (assuming he ends up being eligible - some minor questions there).
UCONN was rumored to be in the lead for him, but he announced he was going to go to prep school for a year. Then last Friday he tweeted that he would be attending UCONN after all, and the one UCONN fan I know pretty much lost his mind and maxed out multiple betting accounts taking the Huskies to win the whole thing at 30-1. Not bad, actually, because it's now dropped to 15-1.
Basically they now have Drummond, Jeremy Lamb who really started to come into his own at the end of last year, and Shabazz Napier and Alex Oriakhi who were keys in the tournament victory and should be better this year. Add in freshman small foward DeAndre Daniels, the #10 player in the country no less, and UCONN has suddenly gone from a good team to a legitimate threat to repeat. Fellow freshman Ryan Boatright (#48 nationally) can push Napier, so between the two the biggest weak link for UCONN is handled, and with Lamb, Oriakhi, Drummond, and Roscoe Smith this is going to be an incredibly good defensive team. Between them, North Carolina, Ohio State, and Kentucky there are going to be some insanely good teams this year. Should be fun. Until I have to go watch the Gophers play.
- I guess the big NFL news, besides that my team rocks, is that Mike Vick signed a 6 year, $100 million deal with the Eagles. I was so interested in this news that I farted and then yawned.
- Oh dude I almost totally forgot about this. The other day on the radio Dark Star and one of the sidekick guys were talking Twins and they started talking about a the Twins needing a legit ace. Whoever it was asked if Dark Star thought there was any way the Twins could get Felix Hernandez. Dark Star said they'd have to give up "Kubel, a starter, and a young guy like Plouffe or Tolbert." What. The. Eff? I can't even see PA making that statement and he's a total retard, while Star - although a total retard - at least seems to understand baseball and the Twins. I was just floored. I think Kubel, any starter, and Plouffe or Tolbert might land you like,
- Jesus Christ J.J. Hardy hit another home run tonight. That's #26. He's the first AL shortstop since 2007 to hit 25 or more in a season. You know who the last one was? J.J. freaking Hardy. In a related note, did you know Khalil Greene hit 27 home runs in 2007? That's weird. Too bad he went all wack-o and crazied himself right out of the league. True story. Also a true story - I'm bored. God this blog sucks.
- Oh, but dinner tonight was a white chicken chili put together by the missus. She likes her food a little less spicy than I do, so I would have added some cayenne pepper, but the flavor was excellent. Mixing in black beans with the cannellini beans not only gave it a better flavor, but also was a nice contrast in color. I mean come on, white, black, it's just like the black and white cookie. Mrs. W - bringing racial harmony to the world one delicious recipe at a time.
I'm not panicking yet, figuring I have good RB depth with Ray Rice, LaSean McCoy, and Deangelo Williams, so I'll just hope I can get WR Greg Little or something at 7 and everything will be ok. Then fucking Bear takes Williams off my roster with his #9 pick and I go into minor panic mode. But now I have #7 and #9. I know I now need a RB and, since I was unable to consummate a trade for Sam Bradford, need a QB as well since I'm not sure of Peyton's status. I figure I'll grab Matt Stafford at #7 and then take the best available RB at #9.
Well guess what? Bear takes Stafford at #9 and now all hell breaks loose. It's suddenly going down as if I have no idea what I'm doing. I end up drafting Delone Carter at #7 despite the fact that I have no idea how to pronounce his name and that he's the back-up RB, then Greg Little goes right after me and there is literally nobody interesting left to draft. I end up going with Kevin Kolb and, just to show how panicked I was, I nearly took Jay Cutler here which is a move that I do believe would have gotten me kicked out of the league - although Bogart's dad probably would have tongue-kissed me since he loves the Bears like Joe Mauer loves sitting.
Then round 2 rolls around and I take Joe Addai because apparently I'm now handcuffing shitty running backs together. Everything just snowballs somehow and by draft end I end up with all four Colt running backs and a receiver I've never heard of but he's #2 on Arizona and I've already got Kevin Kolb so what the hell? Yes, all four Colt running backs (Addai, Carter, Donald Brown, and Javarris James). Then the night ended with me getting a case of Coors Light out of the trunk of my car and me, Snake, Dawger, Bogart, and Bear plowing into a 30-pack of White Castle sliders. Or maybe Snake walked home by then. I don't know. I had a lot of beer.
Still, though, I ended up with my big WR sleeper who I might as well tell you is Brandon Gibson from St. Louis because I know one of those assholes will put it in the comments anyway. Trust me on this. St. Louis is going to throw the ball a lot and Bradford won't be content to go dinking around to RBs and Danny Amendola again, one of the grown-up wideouts is going to have a big year. You know it won't be Mike Sims-Walker because we've already seen his upside, so that leaves Donnie Avery, Gibson, or Danario Alexander. Avery is coming off an injury and his name is Donnie and Alexander is already hurt, so not only is Gibson the most talented off all those dorks but he'll have the best opportunity as well. Holy shit was that paragraph football nerd-y. Sorry. I like to stick to baseball and college basketball nerdy. That's way more high class. Like Outback vs. Olive Garden.
Anyway, here's the team:
Qb Peyton Manning, Kevin Kolb
Rb Ray Rice, LaSean McCoy, all the Colts, Demarco Murray, Javon Ringer
WR Hakeem Nicks, Dez Bryant, Jeremy Maclin, Andre Roberts, Brandon Gibson
TE Jason Witten
K don't remember
DEF probably someone like the Saints
Not too bad.
- You probably missed this because you don't pay attention to cool things, but Andre Drummond finally is officially on-board the UCONN train. Drummond was ranked as the #1 center by everybody, and the #1 overall player for 2012 by ESPN and NBAdraft.net and the #2 player by Rivals and Scout. Bascially he's an absolute monster - think Dwight Howard/Kevin Garnett - awesome on defense, awesome rebounder, and a developing offensive game, although based on sheer size and athleticism he's going to get his points. A program changing type of player (assuming he ends up being eligible - some minor questions there).
UCONN was rumored to be in the lead for him, but he announced he was going to go to prep school for a year. Then last Friday he tweeted that he would be attending UCONN after all, and the one UCONN fan I know pretty much lost his mind and maxed out multiple betting accounts taking the Huskies to win the whole thing at 30-1. Not bad, actually, because it's now dropped to 15-1.
Basically they now have Drummond, Jeremy Lamb who really started to come into his own at the end of last year, and Shabazz Napier and Alex Oriakhi who were keys in the tournament victory and should be better this year. Add in freshman small foward DeAndre Daniels, the #10 player in the country no less, and UCONN has suddenly gone from a good team to a legitimate threat to repeat. Fellow freshman Ryan Boatright (#48 nationally) can push Napier, so between the two the biggest weak link for UCONN is handled, and with Lamb, Oriakhi, Drummond, and Roscoe Smith this is going to be an incredibly good defensive team. Between them, North Carolina, Ohio State, and Kentucky there are going to be some insanely good teams this year. Should be fun. Until I have to go watch the Gophers play.
- I guess the big NFL news, besides that my team rocks, is that Mike Vick signed a 6 year, $100 million deal with the Eagles. I was so interested in this news that I farted and then yawned.
- Oh dude I almost totally forgot about this. The other day on the radio Dark Star and one of the sidekick guys were talking Twins and they started talking about a the Twins needing a legit ace. Whoever it was asked if Dark Star thought there was any way the Twins could get Felix Hernandez. Dark Star said they'd have to give up "Kubel, a starter, and a young guy like Plouffe or Tolbert." What. The. Eff? I can't even see PA making that statement and he's a total retard, while Star - although a total retard - at least seems to understand baseball and the Twins. I was just floored. I think Kubel, any starter, and Plouffe or Tolbert might land you like,
- Jesus Christ J.J. Hardy hit another home run tonight. That's #26. He's the first AL shortstop since 2007 to hit 25 or more in a season. You know who the last one was? J.J. freaking Hardy. In a related note, did you know Khalil Greene hit 27 home runs in 2007? That's weird. Too bad he went all wack-o and crazied himself right out of the league. True story. Also a true story - I'm bored. God this blog sucks.
- Oh, but dinner tonight was a white chicken chili put together by the missus. She likes her food a little less spicy than I do, so I would have added some cayenne pepper, but the flavor was excellent. Mixing in black beans with the cannellini beans not only gave it a better flavor, but also was a nice contrast in color. I mean come on, white, black, it's just like the black and white cookie. Mrs. W - bringing racial harmony to the world one delicious recipe at a time.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thanks, Comcast
I was going to post last night but unfortunately for everyone, or fortunately, whatever, Comcast is a dick and my internet was down from 8:15 until 12:15. I know the exact timing it was out because I was doing an internet fantasy football draft and was unable to log in to the draft room or log in anywhere really since, you know, I had no internet. I considered going to a bar somewhere like a BW3 that would have free wi-fi so I could be the weirdo with the laptop drinking beer by himself, but then a generous soul offered to email me every single pick so I could follow long on my phone and then email him my picks whenever it was my turn. It actually went rather smoothly.
Anyway, you guys remember how two years ago I told you how Hakeem Nicks was going to be awesome and then he was? And last year how I was pimping Dez Bryant and now he's looking like he's going to be special? Well I got a third guy. I don't think his upside is on the Nicks/Bryant level, but he has a chance to reach the next tier and right now nobody is paying any attention to him or even knows who he is, and in a lot of drafts he isn't even getting drafted. I really wish I could tell you who I'm talking about, but I have my big keeper league draft this weekend and then an auction on Labor Day. Since too many people in those leagues read this crap, I'm going to have to keep it under wraps until after then. Sorry.
And speaking of keeping things under wraps, over labor day weekend Snacks and I are taking our dad on an awesome trip. It's a surprise and he sometimes reads this and I'm sure is super proud, so I can't spill the info here, but I plan to take a computer with me and update from the place that we're going. Stay tuned. On to the sporty sports:
- So I guess we might as well start with the Twins, and we'll specifically go with the fact that Kubel and Thome were put on waivers, a fact which for some reason seems to have a lot of people spazzing out even though it's basically standard operating procedure and if they're smart the Twins will throw almost everybody out there at some point. It's pretty simple, at some point some team will claim each of them - and they will both get claimed - and then the Twins will try to work out a trade. In Thome's case they'll probably take whatever they can get because there's zero reason to hold on to him, but in Kubel's case they'll probably ask for quite a bit more.
That's good because Kubel has real value to a contender, now and in the future, but also not good because they're probably under some misguided notion that not trading him will help them sign him. If they want to. I don't know. I don't even know if they should, but I'm pretty sure I'd take him over Cuddyer. Maybe trade Kubel for a second-tier prospect, then sign either him or Cuddy, whoever offers the bigger discount. And if you can't sign either of them who gives a crap, right? And speaking of that why isn't Cuddy on waivers yet? And Pavano? And every reliever on the roster?
Seriously, this team as currently constructed has no shot to do anything ever. Might as well move everything that has value and isn't part of your long term plans while you can. Kubel, Cuddyer, Thome, Pavano, Blackburn, Nathan, Capps, basically every other reliever and possibly Danny Valencia are clearly not part of the future. I see no reason why not to ship 'em all out of here. You could get a decent return for everybody except Blackburn. Start over. Move on. It's over. This team sucks forever. They can't even win a series against Baltimore for god's sake.
Which reminds me of a fun little nugget I heard on the radio today, and you'll never believe this but it illustrates once again how much of a complete moron P.A. is. Since every Twins fan just watched J.J. Hardy homer against the team Monday night and then hear about how he has more home runs than every other Twin and basically a better HR rate than the entire team combined and P.A. is a giant homerdouche he had to down play Hardy, and act like the retard that he is. So he went with, "Everyone who is saying the Twins should have kept Hardy is just saying that in retrospect, I don't remember anybody caring when they traded him" which is super bizarre because I remember everyone hating that trade - I know I did and I put it on paper.
Oh look. I decided to check the first three Twins blogs I could think of to see what they had to say. Aaron Gleeman called the move "questionable", Twinkie Town said, "Do I think it's a bad deal? Definitely.", and Nick's Twins blog used the headline, "Hardy Trade Cripples Infield Depth." And those were the only three places I checked, that's not exactly nobody. I think the only people who liked this trade were Bill Smith, P.A., Bert Blyleven, and Sid Hartman since Hardy wasn't a gritty gamer who hustled and gritted his way around the field because he was a pussy unlike captain gritty mchustlepants Nick Punto.
Oh, and then even better he started going on and on about how obviously Hardy didn't have much worth because no teams wanted him and Baltimore was the only team who would make a deal. I'm not kidding he honestly said this. Then, with the least research anybody has ever done ever, I find this link. In case you are too lazy or don't know how to click on links, it is an article by Lavelle Neal which quotes Bill Smith as saying there were "at least a half dozen teams" interested in Hardy. So I guess my point is that P.A. is still incredibly dumb and anybody who listens to his show and thinks he knows anything about anything is so dumb they probably like Olive Garden.
- In the entertainment world I recently watched Trespass. Not a recent movie by any means, but I'm not sure I've seen it. To refresh you, it's the one where Bill Paxton and that guy from Shawshank are hunting for gold in an abandoned factory and end up in a shoot-out with Ice-T, Ice Cube, Argyle from Die Hard, and Deebo from when he was still skinny. It was mind-blowing to see the two Ices in the same movie, and even worse to see how terrible their acting was, especially because this movie actually came after Boyz N the Hood, which I thought Cube was pretty solid in, although two years before his mini-breakout in Higher Learning and 3 before his total breakout in Friday. It's really a shame he died in 1998 after Player's Club, I wonder how far his career could have gone, maybe a more "street" Denzel. Shame we'll never know.
Ice-T, on the other hand, was terrible in this and has always been terrible, outside of being tolerable in Law & Order: SVU (although to be fair I haven't seen Leprechaun in the Hood, which seems like a glaring weakness in my movie watching history). There is, of course, the one notable exception of Surviving the Game, which is an awesome awesome awesome movie and I will fucking fight anyone who says otherwise. Rutger Hauer, Gary Busey, Ice-T in his best ever role ever, the black dude from Rudy, and Dr. Cox in a movie about hunting homeless people for sport? Hell. Yes. God I want to watch this now. Ask Snacks, he'll tell you how good this was. Ice-T should have just quit acting after this and he'd be a legend. "Hey Burns, always check the barrell."
Seriously, this movie is so good dude. I can sum it up in three pictures:
Holy crap this movie is so awesome. I have no idea why you are sitting there watching something stupid when you could be watching this.
- Apparently Rick Adelman interviewed with the Timberwolves which leads me to believe he either really likes hookers, really likes drugs, has a serious gambling debt, or perhaps collects Faberge eggs because the only reason I can figure a guy like Adelman would want the Wolves job is a desperate need for immediate money. Why join this mess instead of waiting a year and waiting for a more attractive job to turn up? He's made the playoffs like, 20 times, so why go to a trainwreck? Maybe he likes a challenge I guess, but why not go for the Sunday crossword instead of the one billion piece puzzle of the sky? Weird.
- Finally, we got us a new blog to check out,Still Got Hope, which focuses on gopher football for some reason. I actually sort of know one of the guys (from the internet) and even though he's kind of a doofus and looks like Shrek his first post made me laugh even though it was about Tutu Atwell which I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't lived it, and their intro post was nice as well. I recommend you give them a read. They're known as a poor man's Down with Goldy according to me.
Anyway, you guys remember how two years ago I told you how Hakeem Nicks was going to be awesome and then he was? And last year how I was pimping Dez Bryant and now he's looking like he's going to be special? Well I got a third guy. I don't think his upside is on the Nicks/Bryant level, but he has a chance to reach the next tier and right now nobody is paying any attention to him or even knows who he is, and in a lot of drafts he isn't even getting drafted. I really wish I could tell you who I'm talking about, but I have my big keeper league draft this weekend and then an auction on Labor Day. Since too many people in those leagues read this crap, I'm going to have to keep it under wraps until after then. Sorry.
And speaking of keeping things under wraps, over labor day weekend Snacks and I are taking our dad on an awesome trip. It's a surprise and he sometimes reads this and I'm sure is super proud, so I can't spill the info here, but I plan to take a computer with me and update from the place that we're going. Stay tuned. On to the sporty sports:
- So I guess we might as well start with the Twins, and we'll specifically go with the fact that Kubel and Thome were put on waivers, a fact which for some reason seems to have a lot of people spazzing out even though it's basically standard operating procedure and if they're smart the Twins will throw almost everybody out there at some point. It's pretty simple, at some point some team will claim each of them - and they will both get claimed - and then the Twins will try to work out a trade. In Thome's case they'll probably take whatever they can get because there's zero reason to hold on to him, but in Kubel's case they'll probably ask for quite a bit more.
That's good because Kubel has real value to a contender, now and in the future, but also not good because they're probably under some misguided notion that not trading him will help them sign him. If they want to. I don't know. I don't even know if they should, but I'm pretty sure I'd take him over Cuddyer. Maybe trade Kubel for a second-tier prospect, then sign either him or Cuddy, whoever offers the bigger discount. And if you can't sign either of them who gives a crap, right? And speaking of that why isn't Cuddy on waivers yet? And Pavano? And every reliever on the roster?
Seriously, this team as currently constructed has no shot to do anything ever. Might as well move everything that has value and isn't part of your long term plans while you can. Kubel, Cuddyer, Thome, Pavano, Blackburn, Nathan, Capps, basically every other reliever and possibly Danny Valencia are clearly not part of the future. I see no reason why not to ship 'em all out of here. You could get a decent return for everybody except Blackburn. Start over. Move on. It's over. This team sucks forever. They can't even win a series against Baltimore for god's sake.
Which reminds me of a fun little nugget I heard on the radio today, and you'll never believe this but it illustrates once again how much of a complete moron P.A. is. Since every Twins fan just watched J.J. Hardy homer against the team Monday night and then hear about how he has more home runs than every other Twin and basically a better HR rate than the entire team combined and P.A. is a giant homerdouche he had to down play Hardy, and act like the retard that he is. So he went with, "Everyone who is saying the Twins should have kept Hardy is just saying that in retrospect, I don't remember anybody caring when they traded him" which is super bizarre because I remember everyone hating that trade - I know I did and I put it on paper.
Oh look. I decided to check the first three Twins blogs I could think of to see what they had to say. Aaron Gleeman called the move "questionable", Twinkie Town said, "Do I think it's a bad deal? Definitely.", and Nick's Twins blog used the headline, "Hardy Trade Cripples Infield Depth." And those were the only three places I checked, that's not exactly nobody. I think the only people who liked this trade were Bill Smith, P.A., Bert Blyleven, and Sid Hartman since Hardy wasn't a gritty gamer who hustled and gritted his way around the field because he was a pussy unlike captain gritty mchustlepants Nick Punto.
Oh, and then even better he started going on and on about how obviously Hardy didn't have much worth because no teams wanted him and Baltimore was the only team who would make a deal. I'm not kidding he honestly said this. Then, with the least research anybody has ever done ever, I find this link. In case you are too lazy or don't know how to click on links, it is an article by Lavelle Neal which quotes Bill Smith as saying there were "at least a half dozen teams" interested in Hardy. So I guess my point is that P.A. is still incredibly dumb and anybody who listens to his show and thinks he knows anything about anything is so dumb they probably like Olive Garden.
- In the entertainment world I recently watched Trespass. Not a recent movie by any means, but I'm not sure I've seen it. To refresh you, it's the one where Bill Paxton and that guy from Shawshank are hunting for gold in an abandoned factory and end up in a shoot-out with Ice-T, Ice Cube, Argyle from Die Hard, and Deebo from when he was still skinny. It was mind-blowing to see the two Ices in the same movie, and even worse to see how terrible their acting was, especially because this movie actually came after Boyz N the Hood, which I thought Cube was pretty solid in, although two years before his mini-breakout in Higher Learning and 3 before his total breakout in Friday. It's really a shame he died in 1998 after Player's Club, I wonder how far his career could have gone, maybe a more "street" Denzel. Shame we'll never know.
Ice-T, on the other hand, was terrible in this and has always been terrible, outside of being tolerable in Law & Order: SVU (although to be fair I haven't seen Leprechaun in the Hood, which seems like a glaring weakness in my movie watching history). There is, of course, the one notable exception of Surviving the Game, which is an awesome awesome awesome movie and I will fucking fight anyone who says otherwise. Rutger Hauer, Gary Busey, Ice-T in his best ever role ever, the black dude from Rudy, and Dr. Cox in a movie about hunting homeless people for sport? Hell. Yes. God I want to watch this now. Ask Snacks, he'll tell you how good this was. Ice-T should have just quit acting after this and he'd be a legend. "Hey Burns, always check the barrell."
Seriously, this movie is so good dude. I can sum it up in three pictures:
- Apparently Rick Adelman interviewed with the Timberwolves which leads me to believe he either really likes hookers, really likes drugs, has a serious gambling debt, or perhaps collects Faberge eggs because the only reason I can figure a guy like Adelman would want the Wolves job is a desperate need for immediate money. Why join this mess instead of waiting a year and waiting for a more attractive job to turn up? He's made the playoffs like, 20 times, so why go to a trainwreck? Maybe he likes a challenge I guess, but why not go for the Sunday crossword instead of the one billion piece puzzle of the sky? Weird.
- Finally, we got us a new blog to check out,Still Got Hope, which focuses on gopher football for some reason. I actually sort of know one of the guys (from the internet) and even though he's kind of a doofus and looks like Shrek his first post made me laugh even though it was about Tutu Atwell which I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't lived it, and their intro post was nice as well. I recommend you give them a read. They're known as a poor man's Down with Goldy according to me.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Twins/A's Live Blog - 7/29/11
Well let's see: kids are asleep, wife is sick and passed out in bed fro the Nyquil I slipped into a glass of wine, the Twins have a late game and I have brand new bottle of Captain Morgan, a mostly full 2-liter of ginger ale, and a few sticks of Lawry's hickory beef jerky sitting around. Yeah. I might as well blog the game. What else am I gonna do, watch it with nothing to distract me?
10:00 - We are just beginning the top of the fourth, Twins lead 3-2. And I've looked at that three times and thought maybe the 3 was a typo or a backwards E and the misspelled Twins, but apparently the Twins are actually leading. Weird.
10:02 - Two quick outs and then a single by Tolbert, who is back on the big league club because he has a pulse and Alexi Casilla is on the DL which is weird because I never even knew he was hurt. How did this happen? Is this one of those injuries where you sneeze and throw out your back or burn your hand on the grill trying to save a piece of ostrich burger from slipping through the grate onto the dirty coals below? Also, I guarantee I miss Casilla more than I ever would have thought possible right now. WAY TO BE ADEQUATE, guy.
10:04 - While I was looking up the spelling of adequate to make sure I had it right (I did) whoever was up popped out. I'm going guess it was Butera. But man can that son a bitch sling that pill. He should be a pitcher.
10:05 - Actually he'd be a terrible pitcher because, although he could probably touch 98 on the gun, his ball is completely straight, as it should be for a catcher, so he'd just get ripped. Although Matt Capps seems to find a modicum of success by throwing a straight ball and it's about 8 mph slower, so who knows? They should try it. Couldn't be worse than Dumatrait.
10:07 - Clearly Liriano brought his A-game tonight since he just gave up a double to Hideki freaking Matsui. Of course, even though he's having by far the worst season of his major league career he'd still be the fourth best hitter on the Twins. Seriously he'd be third in extra-base hits and fourth in OPS+. OPS+, you'll remember, takes your OPS and compares it to the league average and spits out a number where 100 = completely average hitter. Matsui's is 96 this year. And he'd be fifth on the Twins. And that's if you count Thome and Kubel. I'm moving out of state.
10:12 - Damn. Just read that Asomugha signed with the Eagles. He was almost a Jet and I wanted to see what that would be like with Asomugha and Revis on the same team. Would teams throw at all? And you could always have an extra safety to either play up to stop the run or load up against a TE or a 3rd wideout. How could anybody ever score ever? I really wanted to see that. Freaking jerks. Also the Twins turned a DP and are out of the inning.
10:15 - Ben Revere just picked up a bunt hit by making and absolutely terrible bunt that he popped up over the pitchers head but beat it out because he's so god damn fast. That was a terrible terrible play but holy god on a cracker is he fun to watch.
10:16 - Speaking of Revere I just don't know about this possible Span trade. I don't think Revere is ready to be a leadoff hitter and they don't have another one. On the other hand it's not like Span is the greatest player in the world, and he's basically an average leadoff hitter and that's it. I guess if Drew Storen is included I won't hate it hate it, but I just can't imagine loving a Span trade. He still has value for the next several years.
10:18 - Steal by Revere, base hit by Plouffe to score him, and then a single by Mauer. Shit, if I knew it was gonna be that kinda party I'd a sticked my dick in the mashed potatoes.
10:22 - Well this will shock you, but Cuddy just struck out on a ball outside of the strikezone. Honest to god it doesn't even matter how well he may be running or hot hot he is at least once a week he's going to have an at-bat where he honest to god looks like he's never played baseball before. It's a law, like water or dinosaurs.
10:25 - Dick just called Cliff Pennington "Chris" Pennington. Ha ha you're old. Serious question though, do you really think Dick knows a lot about baseball? Or John Gordon for that matter? Do you think they ever watch a game they aren't calling? Do you think either of them ever read up on what's going on around the league other than to prep for the team the Twins are about to play? How many National League players do you think they could name combined? Albert Pujols, Roy Halladay, and about 8-10 former Twins? Probably a couple of Brewers? Seriously, do you think they could tell you anything about Brian McCann? It's not like he's a household name but he's a damn good player, maybe the best catcher in baseball, and a guy any MLB fan would know, but I think if you put the two of them in a room together and asked them to tell you who McCann is they'd probably piece it together but there answers would have a lot of question marks attached. "Uh, Atlanta?" "Umm, I think he's a catcher?" Am I off here.
10:36 - By the way, we won our co-ed softball championship. It was awesome because the team we beat was a bunch of douchers, especially their pitcher, and he got doubled off first on a line drive for the last out of the game and then probably went home and killed himself. Also great was in the semifinal when we beat another douche team whose biggest douche guy was their shortstop, and in one of the last innings with two outs we had Snacks on first and another fast guy up (whose nickname is Douche, interestingly enough) and after Douche singled Snacks was on third and their doucher shortstop had the ball and we know he's dumb so Douche dances off the base just far enough to entice douchestop to throw it to first at which point Snacks takes off for home and their first base girl stands there like she's lost and the radio is playing some Sixpence None the Richer and Snacks scores. And it's great because we won by one run. Such it douche shortstop.
10:40 - Bases loaded and one out for Revere after a four-pitch walk to Butera. Think about that one. I'm thinking maybe Gio Gonzalez doesn't have it tonight. Honestly just throw the ball down the middle to Butera, even if he makes great contact it's probably still just a fly out. Sure can fire that ball though.
10:43 - And Gonzalez walks Revere to force in a run. Again, it's Ben Revere. Just throw the damn thing down the middle. The farthest he can hit it would be just short of the center fielder. It's like a real hitter try to hit a kitten ball - it's just not going to go that far. Good lord it would suck to be an A's fan. Way to go, Bear. way to go.
10:50 - Jesus Blyleven has his Joe Mauer love pants on tonight. He's complimented Mauer as a "great hitter" three times already tonight and compared him to Wade Boggs (a guy whose career average Mauer has only beaten in a season twice). The latest - Mauer is so good, he's just not afraid to get to 0-2 in the count, he knows he can hit. Ok. I'm going to go ahead and look this up. Hold on. Mauer this year: 1-29 after reaching 0-2 in an at-bat. Once again Bertram, your insight is compelling and sounds good but is completely inaccurate. Just like your face.
10:58 - Whoa, look at that. Suddenly it's the bottom of the sixth and the A's have two runners on with nobody out. This is kind of shit that happens if I don't pay attention. At least Conor Jackson is up, although thinks would be better for the Twins if it was Daric Barton. What do you think Dick could tell you about either of those guys? Seriously, am I wrong here?
11:00 - Bob Welch and Barry Zito both won Cy Young awards? Maybe we just blow that award right up.
11:01 - Wait, you're going to tell me Matsui wasn't out of the baseline there? He was on the infield grass. Clearly I don't understand the rule.
11:03 - Speaking of things I don't understand, why would anybody give WR1 money to James Jones? Apparently he's a huge target of some teams this offseason and the Vikings might be one of them. Honest to little baby mary jesus whoever gives him a truckload of cash is going to end up with nothing but blue balls from all the excitement he doesn't deliver on. The guy is absolutely freaking terrible. And for those of you in my fantasy leagues no this is not a bit or a feint to throw you off - he's awful and I'd never draft him. He catches as well as the Venus de Milo.
11:11 - Delmon Young walked. So that's weird.
11:13 - Hughesy strikes out to end the threat. Probably because Dawger loves him.
11:14 - Gotta say, I think this new Planet of the Apes movie looks kind of good. And I have no interest in any of the Planet of the Apes movies outside of Estella Warren's sweet can in the Marky Mark version. Whatever happened to that broad? She should probably do a shark movie on SyFy.
11:20 - 1-2-3 seventh for Liriano. Twins winning 5-2 still. Beef jerky gone. Still plenty of booze. Interest level = waning. Luckily Liriano is done and they're going to the pen so things are going to get interesting in a hurry. I just hope we either get some Dumatrait or some Burnett. Smells like runs!
11:24 - Bert think the reason Oakland has never had a batting champion is because of all the foul territory that's in play at their stadium. and this is the part where I feel stupid because I only wrote that prior sentence because I was sure Carney Lansford won a batting title when he was with Oakland and was going to point that out but it turns out Lansford won it when he was with Boston. Oops. He did, at least, finish second in 1989.
11:29 - Butera with a double! Don't worry, he just placed it down the line perfectly he didn't hit it to the wall or anything so you don't have to change your worldview.
11:31 - RBI Babe Plouffe. All he does is produce.
11:31 - That swing right there Cuddyer. That's pathetic. That's not an all-star swing and hell that's not even a professional swing. More of a "Joes vs. Pros" thing where this particular Joe never played baseball in his god damn life. I like Cuddy, I really do, but holy black taco does he ever frustrate.
11:33 - Well now he just hit a 3-run dong. All I do is motivate. Suck it, Bear.
11:36 - Funny thing is that this Michael Wuertz guy is supposedly one of the guys the A's should look to move because there's a lot of interest. This probably isn't going to help, especially since after that home run he's now walked Mauer and Young back-to-back. Yes that's two walks for Delmon. I'm assuming that's a career high. Also I would have bet you money that Wuertz was a lefty. I guess I don't know players as well as I thought. OH NO!! I'M DICK BREMER!!!
11:43 - 9-2 as we go to the bottom of the 8th. Boredness and tiredness levels off the charts. So instead here is a picture of Gardy at the greatest bar in the world, Roddy's in North St. Paul.
He may not have a freaking clue how to manage a game, but his taste in drinking establishments is impeccable.
11:50 - So this is interesting. No, not the game, even though Jose Mijares is just lollypopping the ball and the A's have a couple runners going. Apparently the Pirates are hard after Jason Kubel. I love Kubel and would hate to see him go (home run Josh Willingham, it's now 9-5 - trade Mijares now before he eats himself out of interest), but depending on what you get back, you never know. The Pirates are loaded with pitching prospects (always a plus) and also one of their top prospect guys is a catcher, which would give the Twins the flexibility to make Mauer play somewhere else. I don't know, but it's pretty interesting.
12:07 - Alex Burnett is so bad.
12:14 - Twins win. I'm tired. You suck.
10:00 - We are just beginning the top of the fourth, Twins lead 3-2. And I've looked at that three times and thought maybe the 3 was a typo or a backwards E and the misspelled Twins, but apparently the Twins are actually leading. Weird.
10:02 - Two quick outs and then a single by Tolbert, who is back on the big league club because he has a pulse and Alexi Casilla is on the DL which is weird because I never even knew he was hurt. How did this happen? Is this one of those injuries where you sneeze and throw out your back or burn your hand on the grill trying to save a piece of ostrich burger from slipping through the grate onto the dirty coals below? Also, I guarantee I miss Casilla more than I ever would have thought possible right now. WAY TO BE ADEQUATE, guy.
10:04 - While I was looking up the spelling of adequate to make sure I had it right (I did) whoever was up popped out. I'm going guess it was Butera. But man can that son a bitch sling that pill. He should be a pitcher.
10:05 - Actually he'd be a terrible pitcher because, although he could probably touch 98 on the gun, his ball is completely straight, as it should be for a catcher, so he'd just get ripped. Although Matt Capps seems to find a modicum of success by throwing a straight ball and it's about 8 mph slower, so who knows? They should try it. Couldn't be worse than Dumatrait.
10:07 - Clearly Liriano brought his A-game tonight since he just gave up a double to Hideki freaking Matsui. Of course, even though he's having by far the worst season of his major league career he'd still be the fourth best hitter on the Twins. Seriously he'd be third in extra-base hits and fourth in OPS+. OPS+, you'll remember, takes your OPS and compares it to the league average and spits out a number where 100 = completely average hitter. Matsui's is 96 this year. And he'd be fifth on the Twins. And that's if you count Thome and Kubel. I'm moving out of state.
10:12 - Damn. Just read that Asomugha signed with the Eagles. He was almost a Jet and I wanted to see what that would be like with Asomugha and Revis on the same team. Would teams throw at all? And you could always have an extra safety to either play up to stop the run or load up against a TE or a 3rd wideout. How could anybody ever score ever? I really wanted to see that. Freaking jerks. Also the Twins turned a DP and are out of the inning.
10:15 - Ben Revere just picked up a bunt hit by making and absolutely terrible bunt that he popped up over the pitchers head but beat it out because he's so god damn fast. That was a terrible terrible play but holy god on a cracker is he fun to watch.
10:16 - Speaking of Revere I just don't know about this possible Span trade. I don't think Revere is ready to be a leadoff hitter and they don't have another one. On the other hand it's not like Span is the greatest player in the world, and he's basically an average leadoff hitter and that's it. I guess if Drew Storen is included I won't hate it hate it, but I just can't imagine loving a Span trade. He still has value for the next several years.
10:18 - Steal by Revere, base hit by Plouffe to score him, and then a single by Mauer. Shit, if I knew it was gonna be that kinda party I'd a sticked my dick in the mashed potatoes.
10:22 - Well this will shock you, but Cuddy just struck out on a ball outside of the strikezone. Honest to god it doesn't even matter how well he may be running or hot hot he is at least once a week he's going to have an at-bat where he honest to god looks like he's never played baseball before. It's a law, like water or dinosaurs.
10:25 - Dick just called Cliff Pennington "Chris" Pennington. Ha ha you're old. Serious question though, do you really think Dick knows a lot about baseball? Or John Gordon for that matter? Do you think they ever watch a game they aren't calling? Do you think either of them ever read up on what's going on around the league other than to prep for the team the Twins are about to play? How many National League players do you think they could name combined? Albert Pujols, Roy Halladay, and about 8-10 former Twins? Probably a couple of Brewers? Seriously, do you think they could tell you anything about Brian McCann? It's not like he's a household name but he's a damn good player, maybe the best catcher in baseball, and a guy any MLB fan would know, but I think if you put the two of them in a room together and asked them to tell you who McCann is they'd probably piece it together but there answers would have a lot of question marks attached. "Uh, Atlanta?" "Umm, I think he's a catcher?" Am I off here.
10:36 - By the way, we won our co-ed softball championship. It was awesome because the team we beat was a bunch of douchers, especially their pitcher, and he got doubled off first on a line drive for the last out of the game and then probably went home and killed himself. Also great was in the semifinal when we beat another douche team whose biggest douche guy was their shortstop, and in one of the last innings with two outs we had Snacks on first and another fast guy up (whose nickname is Douche, interestingly enough) and after Douche singled Snacks was on third and their doucher shortstop had the ball and we know he's dumb so Douche dances off the base just far enough to entice douchestop to throw it to first at which point Snacks takes off for home and their first base girl stands there like she's lost and the radio is playing some Sixpence None the Richer and Snacks scores. And it's great because we won by one run. Such it douche shortstop.
10:40 - Bases loaded and one out for Revere after a four-pitch walk to Butera. Think about that one. I'm thinking maybe Gio Gonzalez doesn't have it tonight. Honestly just throw the ball down the middle to Butera, even if he makes great contact it's probably still just a fly out. Sure can fire that ball though.
10:43 - And Gonzalez walks Revere to force in a run. Again, it's Ben Revere. Just throw the damn thing down the middle. The farthest he can hit it would be just short of the center fielder. It's like a real hitter try to hit a kitten ball - it's just not going to go that far. Good lord it would suck to be an A's fan. Way to go, Bear. way to go.
10:50 - Jesus Blyleven has his Joe Mauer love pants on tonight. He's complimented Mauer as a "great hitter" three times already tonight and compared him to Wade Boggs (a guy whose career average Mauer has only beaten in a season twice). The latest - Mauer is so good, he's just not afraid to get to 0-2 in the count, he knows he can hit. Ok. I'm going to go ahead and look this up. Hold on. Mauer this year: 1-29 after reaching 0-2 in an at-bat. Once again Bertram, your insight is compelling and sounds good but is completely inaccurate. Just like your face.
10:58 - Whoa, look at that. Suddenly it's the bottom of the sixth and the A's have two runners on with nobody out. This is kind of shit that happens if I don't pay attention. At least Conor Jackson is up, although thinks would be better for the Twins if it was Daric Barton. What do you think Dick could tell you about either of those guys? Seriously, am I wrong here?
11:00 - Bob Welch and Barry Zito both won Cy Young awards? Maybe we just blow that award right up.
11:01 - Wait, you're going to tell me Matsui wasn't out of the baseline there? He was on the infield grass. Clearly I don't understand the rule.
11:03 - Speaking of things I don't understand, why would anybody give WR1 money to James Jones? Apparently he's a huge target of some teams this offseason and the Vikings might be one of them. Honest to little baby mary jesus whoever gives him a truckload of cash is going to end up with nothing but blue balls from all the excitement he doesn't deliver on. The guy is absolutely freaking terrible. And for those of you in my fantasy leagues no this is not a bit or a feint to throw you off - he's awful and I'd never draft him. He catches as well as the Venus de Milo.
11:11 - Delmon Young walked. So that's weird.
11:13 - Hughesy strikes out to end the threat. Probably because Dawger loves him.
11:14 - Gotta say, I think this new Planet of the Apes movie looks kind of good. And I have no interest in any of the Planet of the Apes movies outside of Estella Warren's sweet can in the Marky Mark version. Whatever happened to that broad? She should probably do a shark movie on SyFy.
11:20 - 1-2-3 seventh for Liriano. Twins winning 5-2 still. Beef jerky gone. Still plenty of booze. Interest level = waning. Luckily Liriano is done and they're going to the pen so things are going to get interesting in a hurry. I just hope we either get some Dumatrait or some Burnett. Smells like runs!
11:24 - Bert think the reason Oakland has never had a batting champion is because of all the foul territory that's in play at their stadium. and this is the part where I feel stupid because I only wrote that prior sentence because I was sure Carney Lansford won a batting title when he was with Oakland and was going to point that out but it turns out Lansford won it when he was with Boston. Oops. He did, at least, finish second in 1989.
11:29 - Butera with a double! Don't worry, he just placed it down the line perfectly he didn't hit it to the wall or anything so you don't have to change your worldview.
11:31 - RBI Babe Plouffe. All he does is produce.
11:31 - That swing right there Cuddyer. That's pathetic. That's not an all-star swing and hell that's not even a professional swing. More of a "Joes vs. Pros" thing where this particular Joe never played baseball in his god damn life. I like Cuddy, I really do, but holy black taco does he ever frustrate.
11:33 - Well now he just hit a 3-run dong. All I do is motivate. Suck it, Bear.
11:36 - Funny thing is that this Michael Wuertz guy is supposedly one of the guys the A's should look to move because there's a lot of interest. This probably isn't going to help, especially since after that home run he's now walked Mauer and Young back-to-back. Yes that's two walks for Delmon. I'm assuming that's a career high. Also I would have bet you money that Wuertz was a lefty. I guess I don't know players as well as I thought. OH NO!! I'M DICK BREMER!!!
11:43 - 9-2 as we go to the bottom of the 8th. Boredness and tiredness levels off the charts. So instead here is a picture of Gardy at the greatest bar in the world, Roddy's in North St. Paul.
He may not have a freaking clue how to manage a game, but his taste in drinking establishments is impeccable.
11:50 - So this is interesting. No, not the game, even though Jose Mijares is just lollypopping the ball and the A's have a couple runners going. Apparently the Pirates are hard after Jason Kubel. I love Kubel and would hate to see him go (home run Josh Willingham, it's now 9-5 - trade Mijares now before he eats himself out of interest), but depending on what you get back, you never know. The Pirates are loaded with pitching prospects (always a plus) and also one of their top prospect guys is a catcher, which would give the Twins the flexibility to make Mauer play somewhere else. I don't know, but it's pretty interesting.
12:07 - Alex Burnett is so bad.
12:14 - Twins win. I'm tired. You suck.
Friday, June 3, 2011
6 Very Important Things so far this week
Man what a crazy week for me (thus the lack of posting). Monday was Memorial Day, then Tuesday I had a fancy work dinner (sashimi style short rib with miso and wasabi appetizer, apple, cheese, and chive salad, and sea bass with a miso glaze), last night was a happy hour that went until 9pm, and tonight was softball. Since I haven't been around this week, I'm forcing myself to post to just make you happy. And what better way than the good ole 6 things format.
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Monday's Musings
I promise that I plan to get back to doing the week in review type posts every Monday, but Easter weekend was hectic as all hell and by the time I finally got to sit down on a stupid computer it was late Sunday and I just didn't have the energy or care enough to slap together something. Plus, that wouldn't live up to the fine tradition I've started here of high quality postings every single time. I couldn't possibly betray you that way, gentle reader, so I just didn't type up anything. Instead I'll just put together my thoughts into this evening's post. Just like this:
- Tip o' the ole cap to our buddy Grandslam for bringing this to my attention, but guess how much money Kyle Lohse is going to make this year. Go ahead, guess. You're way low. It's $12 million. Nope, not in his career, but this year alone Lohse will make $12 mother-effing million dollars. And in 2009 and 2010 combined he made about $16 million to deliver right around a combined 200 below-average innings to the Cardinals. This, my friends, would be why you don't suddenly throw a 4-year, $41 million extension at a pitcher with a history of mediocrity simply because he has one slighly above average season, especially when advanced metrics can tell you, if you take the time to put down the binoculars and game worn miniature scorebook pencil, that he was a little bit lucky and you can fully expect him to regress back to the same mediocre pitcher.
Now Lohse is off to a 3-1 start and coming off a gem of a 2-hit shutout against Washington (WASHINGTON!!), and has a low ERA and WHIP, but honestly you don't need advanced metrics to tell you he's not that good (note: he's been very, very lucky so far). He's an average pitcher at best who has just enough of a live arm that he's going to jump up and give you a good start or two here or there - he did it for the Twins, he did it for the Phillies, and he's done it before for these very same Cardinals. But guess what? There's not a chance in hell he's worth $12 million.
Want to know the best part? When they extended him they also gave him a full no-trade clause. L-O-freaking-L. Who's running this team, McHale? I'm expecting another extension any day.
- And since we are on the subject of former Twins' pitcher who define mediocrity (or worse) guess who currently has a no-hitter through five innings against the Yankees? Phil freaking Humber. I know there's no way this can last more than another batter or two, but could there possibly be a bigger kick in the nuts? Player acquired for former superstar who the team couldn't afford to keep who washes out pitches a no-hitter for a hated division rival against the old team's arch nemisis that's bounced them from the playoffs the last three times they've been there? Honestly, the only way you could possibly make this worse is to have it be a playoff game. But yeah, this will do. Ouch.
- Greivis Vasquez plays a meaningful role for the Grizzlies? I had no idea (but I guess why would I when it pertains to the Memphis NBA team). I've been watching this game for about four game minutes and he's hit two buckets as well as a three-pointer. I think he might be MVP.
- Humber now through six. Still hitless. If he can get through the seventh (Granderson, Texeira, A-Rod) he'll have a chance. Of course, that still lives Cano. Wait. I got it. He's going get all the way to the last out, which will be Jeter. Jeter will break it up. All announcers/journalists everywhere will collectively mess their shorts to race to their typewriters to write up an article about how tough he is and his intangibles. One journalist will out-crazy them all by writing about how he believes "some part of Jeter really didn't want to break that up, because he knew what a great story it was, but he's such a competitor that the though of lying down never crossed his mind." Book it.
- I just realized A.J. Burnett is on the other side of this, and he's only allowed 2 hits and one run. This is like bizarro-world. There must be a five-hundred mile per hour wind blowing in, the infield grass must be three times longer than normal, and whoever is umping home plate obviously is calling everything a strike tonight. That has to be it, no?
- Moment of silence of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, who died nine years ago today. You may remember her as the crazy as shit broad from TLC who burned down Andre Rison's house, but what you might not remember is that Andre Rison died exactly four years ago today. Creepy, right? But I should mention that I actually have no idea if Andre Rison is dead or alive, and if he is dead he probably didn't die on this date. But he could have, and that's creepy.
- I just read that a judge or something lifted the NFL lockout. I'm not going to lie to you. I have no idea what this means. All I know is I want scab players in at least one NFL game. Come on. Tell me you don't want to see Adam Weber throw a TD pass to some 33-year old slob who was selling cars or schlepping concrete last year. How much fun would it be to go through the rosters and see guys you remember as the third WR on Michigan in 2002 and be all like, "Ronald Bellamy! I remember that guy! He's a fag!" Seriously, it would be like Christmas.
- A-Rod breaks up the no-hitter with one down in the 7th. I feel both relieved and saddened at the same time.
- That Joe Mauer/Troy Polamolu commercial creeps me out.
- I know what you're wondering. You're wondering what's going on with the NBDL right now. Well I'll tell you. They've reached the finals (which is a best of three affair) and the Iowa Energy are up on the Rio Grande Valley Vipers after taking game one by a score of 123-109. Iowa was led by Curtis "The Curt Man" Stinson who notched a triple-double (29-10-10). Also apparently Stinson was MVP of the D-League. How proud of that would you be? I'd say it's kind of like getting into Harvard and getting a communications degree. I mean, it's better than slinging crack or living off welfare, but even so you gotta feel like you didn't quite get everything out of life that you maybe should have.
- I don't know how anybody could root for the San Antonio Spurs. You have the world's most boring superstar surrounded by a bunch of commies and some ooh la la frenchman who probably smells like Drakkar. Gross.
- Speaking of Drakkar, Memphis is about to be up 3-1 on the Spurs tonight and I can't help but a feel a bit of a pang of jealousy. I know this would be their first playoff series win ever, and they picked up their first playoff win ever earlier, and I also know the Wolves did have that nice run the conference finals, but Memphis being successful when the Wolves are in the pooper makes me, and baby jesus, cry. How can Zach Randolph become a leader? How can a backcourt of O.J. Mayo, Mike Conley, and Tony Allen do, well, anything? And the Wolves are not just worse, but significantly worse. That feels like a place to end. Plus I have to go stab myself in the temple with a crossbow quarrel, but before I go I want to leave with this piece of wisdom...."The eyes are the groin of the head."
- Wait, I just realized I didn't even put a picture in here. So here's a pic of Alison Brie. Top 10, easy. Should also drive some traffic because cash money ya'll.
- Tip o' the ole cap to our buddy Grandslam for bringing this to my attention, but guess how much money Kyle Lohse is going to make this year. Go ahead, guess. You're way low. It's $12 million. Nope, not in his career, but this year alone Lohse will make $12 mother-effing million dollars. And in 2009 and 2010 combined he made about $16 million to deliver right around a combined 200 below-average innings to the Cardinals. This, my friends, would be why you don't suddenly throw a 4-year, $41 million extension at a pitcher with a history of mediocrity simply because he has one slighly above average season, especially when advanced metrics can tell you, if you take the time to put down the binoculars and game worn miniature scorebook pencil, that he was a little bit lucky and you can fully expect him to regress back to the same mediocre pitcher.
Now Lohse is off to a 3-1 start and coming off a gem of a 2-hit shutout against Washington (WASHINGTON!!), and has a low ERA and WHIP, but honestly you don't need advanced metrics to tell you he's not that good (note: he's been very, very lucky so far). He's an average pitcher at best who has just enough of a live arm that he's going to jump up and give you a good start or two here or there - he did it for the Twins, he did it for the Phillies, and he's done it before for these very same Cardinals. But guess what? There's not a chance in hell he's worth $12 million.
Want to know the best part? When they extended him they also gave him a full no-trade clause. L-O-freaking-L. Who's running this team, McHale? I'm expecting another extension any day.
- And since we are on the subject of former Twins' pitcher who define mediocrity (or worse) guess who currently has a no-hitter through five innings against the Yankees? Phil freaking Humber. I know there's no way this can last more than another batter or two, but could there possibly be a bigger kick in the nuts? Player acquired for former superstar who the team couldn't afford to keep who washes out pitches a no-hitter for a hated division rival against the old team's arch nemisis that's bounced them from the playoffs the last three times they've been there? Honestly, the only way you could possibly make this worse is to have it be a playoff game. But yeah, this will do. Ouch.
- Greivis Vasquez plays a meaningful role for the Grizzlies? I had no idea (but I guess why would I when it pertains to the Memphis NBA team). I've been watching this game for about four game minutes and he's hit two buckets as well as a three-pointer. I think he might be MVP.
- Humber now through six. Still hitless. If he can get through the seventh (Granderson, Texeira, A-Rod) he'll have a chance. Of course, that still lives Cano. Wait. I got it. He's going get all the way to the last out, which will be Jeter. Jeter will break it up. All announcers/journalists everywhere will collectively mess their shorts to race to their typewriters to write up an article about how tough he is and his intangibles. One journalist will out-crazy them all by writing about how he believes "some part of Jeter really didn't want to break that up, because he knew what a great story it was, but he's such a competitor that the though of lying down never crossed his mind." Book it.
- I just realized A.J. Burnett is on the other side of this, and he's only allowed 2 hits and one run. This is like bizarro-world. There must be a five-hundred mile per hour wind blowing in, the infield grass must be three times longer than normal, and whoever is umping home plate obviously is calling everything a strike tonight. That has to be it, no?
- Moment of silence of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, who died nine years ago today. You may remember her as the crazy as shit broad from TLC who burned down Andre Rison's house, but what you might not remember is that Andre Rison died exactly four years ago today. Creepy, right? But I should mention that I actually have no idea if Andre Rison is dead or alive, and if he is dead he probably didn't die on this date. But he could have, and that's creepy.
- I just read that a judge or something lifted the NFL lockout. I'm not going to lie to you. I have no idea what this means. All I know is I want scab players in at least one NFL game. Come on. Tell me you don't want to see Adam Weber throw a TD pass to some 33-year old slob who was selling cars or schlepping concrete last year. How much fun would it be to go through the rosters and see guys you remember as the third WR on Michigan in 2002 and be all like, "Ronald Bellamy! I remember that guy! He's a fag!" Seriously, it would be like Christmas.
- A-Rod breaks up the no-hitter with one down in the 7th. I feel both relieved and saddened at the same time.
- That Joe Mauer/Troy Polamolu commercial creeps me out.
- I know what you're wondering. You're wondering what's going on with the NBDL right now. Well I'll tell you. They've reached the finals (which is a best of three affair) and the Iowa Energy are up on the Rio Grande Valley Vipers after taking game one by a score of 123-109. Iowa was led by Curtis "The Curt Man" Stinson who notched a triple-double (29-10-10). Also apparently Stinson was MVP of the D-League. How proud of that would you be? I'd say it's kind of like getting into Harvard and getting a communications degree. I mean, it's better than slinging crack or living off welfare, but even so you gotta feel like you didn't quite get everything out of life that you maybe should have.
- I don't know how anybody could root for the San Antonio Spurs. You have the world's most boring superstar surrounded by a bunch of commies and some ooh la la frenchman who probably smells like Drakkar. Gross.
- Speaking of Drakkar, Memphis is about to be up 3-1 on the Spurs tonight and I can't help but a feel a bit of a pang of jealousy. I know this would be their first playoff series win ever, and they picked up their first playoff win ever earlier, and I also know the Wolves did have that nice run the conference finals, but Memphis being successful when the Wolves are in the pooper makes me, and baby jesus, cry. How can Zach Randolph become a leader? How can a backcourt of O.J. Mayo, Mike Conley, and Tony Allen do, well, anything? And the Wolves are not just worse, but significantly worse. That feels like a place to end. Plus I have to go stab myself in the temple with a crossbow quarrel, but before I go I want to leave with this piece of wisdom...."The eyes are the groin of the head."
- Wait, I just realized I didn't even put a picture in here. So here's a pic of Alison Brie. Top 10, easy. Should also drive some traffic because cash money ya'll.
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