I wasn't going to live blog this one because that shit is stressful, but then Boris Diaw hit a huge three and I had another drink and it's 72-71 Miami because Supernintendo hit a bank 3 at the buzzer there. This is crazy basketball and, with only a minimal amount of hyperbole, this is why you watch sports. Plus somebody said something nice about my Game 6 blog which I thought was sweet and made me feel important.
12:00 - I have a small bet on anybody but Lebron winning the MVP (which means I'm a Spurs fan), a smaller bet on Spurs +5.5, and a seething hatred of both Lebron and Lebron haters because let's face it the dude is completely awesome. Money always breaks the tie, so I'm a Spurs fan first, and a Miami fan by less than 6 second. Also, that banked three is going to be the difference in the title. You watch.
11:32 - Battier hits his fifth three of the game. The Heat might win another title while Battier plays hero? Just fucking kill me.
11:08 - Manu on Lebron. Uh oh. James, like an idiot, takes a three and continues to work on building that homeless shelter with all those bricks so your mom and sister will have a place to sleep.
10:28 - I really don't like where we're going with this. Heat role players are starting to do a lot of good things, and all they're going to need is Lebron to take over in the end here. With luck Wade and Bosh will screw it up like they have most of this series. Come on Spo, put in Bosh!
10:07 - This is crazy but Lebron just got called for a foul and he totally doesn't think he should have been called for anything. Stunning.
9:42 - If that god damn freak Birdman guy gets one more offensive rebound I'm going to sit here and bitch about it some more. I DO NOT like the vibe right now. 77-73 Los Heat.
9:18 - Tony Parker's body is too fast for his mind right now. Turning into a fumble machine. I know it's cliched to make a french army joke when Tony Parker struggles in the clutch......so I won't do it.
8:40 - Ha ha Shane Battier missed and he's old and stupid and crappy and I heard his degree from Duke is in something gay like communications.
8:40 - Text from Snacks "I've decided I can't watch." He does this all the time with the Gophers or if the Twins actually make the playoffs, but he seriously has no stake in this game. Not a fan of either team, not a hater of either team (other than the Heat like everyone else but not, you know, like it was Wisconsin or anything), and no significant wagers. What a weirdo.
8:34 - UPDATE: Apparently he really, really hates the Heat after watching the ref bitching from Wade and Lebron all series. Tough to argue with him here, other than the not watching thing.
7:45 - Danny Green and Mario Chalmers trade absolutely horrible three pointers that both miss. I'd make an NBA Faaaaaaaaaaantastic joke but really it's actually been a pretty great series. Also Danny Green really needs to stop doing anything that isn't shooting a spot up three pointer.
6:53 - Two biggest X-factors were Wade and Ginobili. Wade has been outstanding. Ginobilli just literally let the ball slip through his fingers and go out of bounds. Luckily, Chris Bosh (0 points so far) just got called for an offensive foul prior to Ginobilli proving me wrong. 81-77 Heat. Shane Battier is still a huge douche.
6:03 - Ginobili passes it straight out of bounds. Dude is just completely out of control and it's not working.
5:37 - This Lone Ranger movie looks pretty awesome.
5:37 - Just kidding.
4:53 - I'm going to say right now that Duncan looks completely dialed in. I think shits about to get real for Miami. If they can keep scoring they'll win. If they keep letting Bosh shoot the ball, they won't. 83-79 Heat.
4:04 - Danny Green has started believing in his own legend. What a stupid shot.
3:27 - Why would you ever give the ball to an unstoppable Duncan against Bosh? Effing Battier with another three. Ballgame.
3:10 - Three point play by Duncan (told you). 88-85 Heat. Time for a stop. Probably want to make sure Splitter isn't in there, eh.
2:37 - Uh oh.
2:00 - Leonard with a huge three and it's a two point game. If the Heat are going to win can it at least be on another Ray Allen buzzer beater? I might actually enjoy that. A little.
1:35 - Supernintendo misses two free throws, Bosh somehow gets the offensive rebound, and then is stripped by Leonard. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
1:30 - Lebron back on Parker. Somebody else is going to have to do something. Like absolutely brick an open three, Leonard.
1:06 - Wade stupidly keeps the ball the entire possession then bricks a jumper, Lebron gets a huge offensive board and finds your boyfriend Shane Battier for a wide open three pointer which he luckily misses, there's a battle for the board and the Spurs come up with it and there was so much happening so quickly I paused it and now that I look up I see Danny Green dribbling and I know this will not end well.
0:48 - Duncan misses an open chance to tie the game. Wow. That was it, right there. That was it. And he knows it.
0:28 - Lebron jumper puts Miami up 4. Oof. Duncan looks beaten already. I feel a little tiny bit sick. It's weird because I thought I always hated Tim Duncan but, well, here we are.
0:23 - Ginobili turnover basically ends it. Fitting. Congrats to all Yankee, Patriot, and Duke fans out there. You guys deserve this.
Showing posts with label NBA Finals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NBA Finals. Show all posts
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Game 6 Live Blog
Hey guys. Since I can barely ever figure out anything to write about since the Gophers are in the offseason and the Twins suck (actually I have a Twins post in the hopper, should be up tomorrow) I'm going to just live blog Game 6 because hopefully their won't be a Game 7 because I've come to loathe Lebron James. Go figure. Also somebody once emailed me to tell me that these aren't really live blogs because the reader can't follow along in real time and they should be called running diaries. He had a good point, so I tracked him to his house and beat him to death with a chainsaw. Anyway, we're picking up the game here with 5:50 left in the first quarter, San Antonio up 18-16.
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
5:20 - Whoa you guys, so weird, but Lebron is bitching at the ref after fat Boris Diaw just went and scored right in his stupid face. I can't believe I used to consider Tim Duncan a whiner. He's like Barry Sanders compared to James, and Wade isn't much better.
3:55 - I think I've figured out a big problem for the Heat. Mike Miller and Ray Allen are their only good outside shooters, and neither one of them could guard your average player at the YMCA. Or Boris Diaw, and that's now two more mentions of Diaw than I was expecting to make on this blog this decade.
2:28 - Problem #2 - the crowd just went nuts because Birdman checked in. Of course they love the guy, he's white. But he can't guard anybody on the Spurs - except maybe Splitter. And Shane Battier just took a charge on one end and then banked in a three pointer on the other. Some hate never dies.
0:53 - Danny Green missed. That was weird.
2Q, 11:42 - Birdman dives for a loose ball on the ground. So gritty.
11:00 - Defensive breakdown by Miami leaves Green wide open and he buries it. It's so ridiculous. I can't decide if this is on the players or Spoelstra, but it's pretty god damn embarrassing that he ever gets an open look.
9:20 - There isn't a lot of meat in these gym mats. Also, Tiago Splitter is pretty terrible.
7:58 - Oh man this shit is crazy, but Dwyane Wade is now yelling at the ref about a "missed" call. What are the odds?
6:56 - If I'm Spoelstra, I immediately bench anybody who passes to Chris Bosh. And if I'm Popovich I give the ball to Duncan every single time Bosh is guarding him because he has no shot at stopping him. I guess what I'm saying is, Chris Bosh is the Ron Weasley of this Big Three.
4:32 - Wade now passing up wide open 14 foot jumpers. It's been surreal watching him in this series. He's become Joe Coleman. You know, in theory and all that, not for reals.
4:18 - Birdman saves the ball by diving into the crowd. He's Puntonian.
2:47 - My wife was a redhead when I met her. By the time I realized the truth, I was hooked and it was too late. She's never dyed her hair that shade again. That's bullshit, right?
1:23 - Jesus Chris Bosh is terrible. Can't stop Duncan on the block, then misses a short jumper, followed by not hustling down the court and allowing a Tim Duncan uncontested dunk, then misses another jumper, then allows Diaw to come right at him and score. So ugly. All the other velociraptors out there must be so embarrassed. Also, how horrible is it that the Toronto franchise named themselves after a trendy animal (extinct - allegedly) from a trendy movie? I know the movie is still an all time great and probably one of my top 5 all-time (well, top 10) but it's still stupid.
0:00 - Spurs 50, Heat 44 thanks to a late run by San Antonio and Tim Duncan completely dominating Bosh. Supernintendo Chalmers was the one who kept the Heat close in the first half, so well, that doesn't bode well for the Heat.
3Q, 11:38 - Ginobilli gives Ray Allen a quick jab step, Allen backs up about 8 feet, Ginobilli with the step back 3. Allen can still shoot the lights out, but he seriously can't guard anybody. I don't know what the answer is though, because nobody is very good on the Heat lately. Maybe Chalmers-Wade-James-Birdman-Haslem? I dunno.
10:17 - Spurs have completely given the offense over to Ginobilli, simply because Allen is on him. Their entire offense the last three trips has been Manu driving on Allen, and they've scored on the first two prior to Danny Green trying to drive on Lebron which he really shouldn't do ever.
8:12 - Bosh's offense seems to be to get the ball on the block and pray to the lord baby santa jesus that a double team comes so he can pass it to someone else. If it seems like I'm being unnecessarily hard on Bosh I assure you it's completely necessary.
7:29 - Sometimes when I watch him I wonder if Ginobilli is drunk.
5:54 - I've now watch Mike Miller (an all-time fave dating back to his Florida days, by the way) drive to the hoop in traffic for a lay-up and get called for a foul battling for a rebound. Honest to god I was pretty sure all that guy did was make 3s, get high, and get weed for other people. Oh, and gets paid like $5 million per year to do it. While played, Stoner. Well played.
5:54 - Good hair, too.
4:54 - What's your favorite movie to prominently feature vampires? I'd say Lost Boys followed by Interview with a Vampire and Lost Boys II.
3:50 - Not to be outdone, now the entire Heat team is bitching at the refs. This is looking like we could have some serious unravel potential here. Spurs 71, Heat 58.
3:22 - Lebron on Parker. Great defense, Spurs turnover, Battier 3. Interesting.
1:36 - Awesome. After the Heat pick up a little momentum scoring five straight with Lebron checking Parker, Lebron drives to the rim and gets bumped a little and decides to sit on the floor and whine to the ref instead of hustling back which leads to Ray Allen trying to guard Parker and you know how that probably turned out.
4Q, 11:40 - I think Mario Chalmers has like, 30 points. He's pretty much kept them in the game. Now Miami has Lebron, Miller, Allen, Birdman, and Chalmers in the game. Weird lineup, but they've scored the first five of the quarter to cut it to 75-70.
10:24 - Now a four point game after a Miller 3. I'm thinking maybe we get Splitter out of there now, yeah?
7:55 - Lebron making this interesting by kind of totally taking over the Heat offense. Like he probably could have been doing many, many times prior to now.
7:08 - Seems like we got ourselves a ballgame. 82-80 Spurs.
6:34 - Tie game. Lebron just thriving without Wade and Bosh in the game. Kind of fascinating.
4:43 - Lebron keeps getting into the lane for lay-ups (87-84 Heat). It's impressive how he's taken over the game, but Spurs need to force him into shooting jump shots . Like that, the one he just missed. I know all.
1:47 - San Antonio ball down by 3. I keep forgetting to type stuff.
1:27 - Holy Tony Parker step back three. Wow.
0:58 - And a steal by Parker, followed by a bucket by Parker to put the Spurs up two. This is fantastic. I just wish I was drunker.
0:37 - Holy crap. James somehow ends up with Parker on him, takes him into the lane, and then just straight up loses the ball which leads to a run out 2-on-1 for the Spurs which leads to Ginobilli making both and a 93-89 Spurs lead. What a turnaround.
0:28 - Lebron airball. This is not going to help his "chocker" legacy. And, you're never going to believe this, but he's bitching at the ref that he got fouled. Also, I'd have to double check, but when did Wade come back in the game? Was that when shit fell apart?
0:20 - Lebron absolutely bricks a three, then Mike Miller (???!!?!?!?) gets the offensive rebound and finds James again who makes this one, and we're at 94-92 Spurs. The real problem I'm having is I hate Lebron, yet I hate the irrational Lebron haters even more. I don't know what to root for. Hopefully I suffer a stroke of some kind and don't know what ends up happening. Can you still get a boner if you have a stroke? This is important.
0:19 - Leonard misses the first. Shit just got real.
0:05 - Lebron misses the three (of course) but after an o-board Ray Allen nails the tying shot (of course). Also, I think we may have a Chris Webber situation here. Please hold. Wait nevermind they're reviewing that shot which was a clear 3-pointer. Also, way not to have Duncan out there so Bosh, who is a tremendous pussy don't forget, could get that huge offensive rebound.
0:00 - And we're heading to overtime. Well shit.
0:00 - Seriously I think if the Heat just leave Wade on the bench for OT they win. Otherwise they lose. Somebody bet me.
4:39 - Allen opens OT by shooting a 2-pointer. What a dummy. Also, they seriously give each team 3 timeouts per overtime? That's outrageous. Also, that turnaround jumper by James from 18 feet when he doesn't have that shot in his arsenal and was only also lightly guarded was outrageous. Also, because shit is happening really quickly here, I think Manu Ginobilli is shockingly dumb for how much basketball he's played in his career.
3:24 - I can't think of a single good reason fro Boris Diaw to be in the game. Other than that huge offensive board he just grabbed. I'm an idiot.
2:42 - You're never going to believe this, but Ray Allen is pretty sure he didn't foul Tony Parker there. Didn't Allen used to be a pretty straight up class act? Effing Wade and Lebron. It's like when those guys in Dazed and Confused turn Tim Lincecum into a pothead. HOW'D THAT ALL TURN OUT, STONERS? Now he's terrible.
1:18 - Allen looks seriously rejuvenated here, like he's in takeover mode. He's even driving to the hope and other Jesus Shuttlesworth things like that and I think he just blocked a shot. If he keeps going he's going to end up in a threesome with pornstars.
0:40 - Ginobilli now appears to be point shaving. Also, that ball was off Lebron. Straight up great defense by Green, and, this will come as a shock, Lebron is bitching at the ref.
0:31 - Bosh with the biggest defensive play of the game blocking Parker's jumper like he was Hakim Warrick. I will admit I really didn't see that one coming.
0:02 - So bizarre. Spurs take Parker out when the Heat have the ball for some reason I either haven't been paying attention to or don't understand. Then the Heat miss and Spurs have the ball with 10 seconds to go, and rather than call timeout to get Parker back in the game they let the point shaver go barrelling into the lane like a 2nd grader who just learned to dribble? Which, of course, leads to a turnover and two Ray Allen free throws to put the Spurs up 3? Fuck me. Heat win another championship.
Lame
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tuesday Talkers
Going to be flipping between the Twins and the NBA Finals tonight, so might as well write some random stuff while doing those things.
- First off, I know we are all very excited about our little Byron Buxton and the just promoted to double-A Miguel Sano and with good reason. Buxton is hitting .350/.444/.578 with 8 triples, 7 homers, and 26 steals while playing amazing defense and Sano hit .330/.424/.655 with 16 home runs in 56 games before his promotion. No doubt these guys are crushing it and, assuming nothing significantly changes, both will be rated as top 10 prospects in all of baseball when next year's rankings come out. It's very, very awesome, but the hype train might want to back up just a hair.
On the radio today I heard both Dubay and PA spout complete inanities about these guys (and yes, they are two of the biggest dummies when it comes to baseball among all people who have a public voice so I know they're almost going to say something stupid, but this just really bugged me). Dubay's big call was that Sano would be a September call-up this year, which is wrong for two reasons. First, you never go from A-ball to the major leagues in one season, it just doesn't happen unless somebody can prove me wrong but I'm sure it's extremely rare. Even if he finishes the year tearing up AA like he did A I just can't see it happening. Secondly, the money issue. It's moot if he ends up starting 2014 in the majors, which I could see happening but kind of doubt it after Aaron Hicks started so slowly this year, but if they call him up in September guess what? That major league service time clock gets going a year early. The Twins are no longer cheap, but that doesn't mean they want to start giving out big money contracts a year early. Won't happen.
The far more egregious and stupid comment came from PA which is something I assume we are all accustom to at this point, in that he said Buxton should be in the majors RIGHT NOW. He also said if Buxton had started the year in the majors (yes this year) he would be as good or better than Aaron Hicks so far. I'm not even going to start to break this doubt because it would be an insult to all of us, but I just don't get the PA popularity. His knowledge of sports is extremely limited to NFL-only and he's only ok with that, his interview skills are subpar, and his personality is grating and annoying. Yet, when I was listening to a Vikings game on the radio with a group of people one time somebody said, "Man I love PA" and then somebody else said "He's the best" and then everybody agreed. I just don't get it. Is it the raging homerism thing? Do people love a homer announcer? He's an idiot and a jackass and is stupid. It's so confusing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in some kind of weird dream world and this isn't real life.
- One other thing that's kind of getting lost in the Buxton/Sano hype is that Eddie Rosario was also promoted to AA along with Sano. Rosario may not have the hype of the other two, but he's a pretty big deal and ranks consistently in the top 5 or top 10 on most Twins prospect lists, and is becoming even more valuable after his conversion from outfield to second base which, based on being promoted here, is likely going well. He can hit (.329/.377/.527 this year) and if he can field at the 4-spot he may be the guy to finally fill that second base hole that's been on this team seemingly since Rod Carew. Hurry up, Eddie, I can't take much more Brian Dozier.
- Since I've been typing I've now seen Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, and Oswaldo Arcia absolutely drill balls back-to-back-to-back off Cole Hamels and it makes one wonder - what is up with that dude? Long time readers may remember that Hamels was my boyfriend for a while, but he's just been brutal this year. Thing is, I can't find a single thing you can point to and say "that's the problem." He's practically been the exact same pitcher this year as he's always been. The only difference at all is batters are making more contact than usual when they swing at pitches in the strike zone (84% vs. 82%), he's given up more infield hits (16% vs. 11%), and more fly balls he's given up are going out of the park (13% vs. 11.5%). All of that says his results have been more the result of a fluke than anything significant going on with him. Then I see him basically put it on a tee for four straight Twin batters and I wonder if he's just making more mistakes this year - the higher contact rates in the zone and homer/flyball rates could back that up. So, I guess I'm not sure yet what's his deal. What am I, Galileo?
- I actually had someone tell me they thought That's My Boy was a really good and funny movie. No I didn't punch him immediately in the neck but only because we were at softball and we are on the same team and that would have caused all kinds of issues, but I kind of wanted to.
- Speaking of movies, I caught a little bit of Reign of Fire recently, which is that movie with Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey about dragons in a post apocalyptic world. It's mostly a terrible movie, but Bale and McConaughey both rock and obviously dragons are like the bomb and stuff so every time I see it I ended up staying on the channel at least long enough to see a dragon fight and quite often end up watching the entire rest of the movie. So if you're a fan of dragons and/or hot guys you should totally check it out on your netflix or hulu or whatever people watch stuff on these days.
- The fact that Lebron James hasn't developed a true post game yet drives me crazy - almost as much as his constant bitching. After the success of having him play the 4 in the Finals last year after Bosh got hurt he had to know they were going to be doing it a lot this season, but still he didn't develop any kind of offensive post moves. I mean yeah he's still effective posting up and finding shooters or cutters, but his offensive game on the block is to put it on the floor and drive to the hoop. Sure that works sometimes and he can get to the line that way as well, but can you imagine him with a turnaround jumper or a little jump hook or something? I know it seems silly to criticize someone who just put up a season where he averaged 27, 8, & 7 while shooting 57%, but man, what if he had an actual post game? That's fairly terrifying, in a boner inducing way. Pretty sure he'd still bitch about everything though.
- Wow the Spurs are just daring Lebron to take jumpers. Seems to be working since he just bricked a wide open three.
- Should be a very interesting U.S. Open. From what I've heard the rough will be rough, but tons of rain will make the greens incredibly soft and slow so you'll see a whole lot of conservative play off the tee (to keep in in the fairway) and then aggressive shots into the green. Sounds like a recipe for an awfully low winning score, which the U.S. Open hates, but there are three par-3s over 235 yards which is going to equalize things a bit, as well as only two par-5s to keep scores in check. I know a lot of people like to say stuff like "I like it better when it's super tough because then the cream really rises to the top" but really the last few winners when the winning score was even or worse were Webb Simpson, Graeme McDowell, Angel Cabrera, Geoff Ogilvy, and Michael Campbell while the last few winners at -5 or better are Rory McIlroy, Jim Furyk, Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Lee Janzen, and Payne Stewart. I mean, that's a pretty clearly better second grouping, right? Just proves my theory that people are idiots. Man, I got a lot of evidence for that theorem. I'll probably be in a magazine soon.
- Wow Lebron has just been terrible. Kawhi Leonard refusing to let him drive by giving him the jumper and James can't hit anything. He's 2-11 from the field right now and if it wasn't for the incredible, incomparable Mike Miller being 5-5 from three this one would be over already. And now that's 2-12, and he's whining to the ref. I think I hate this guy.
- Oh yeah, and I don't have any favorites for the U.S. Open yet. I need to take a look at a few things before I give you your good futures bets, but without spending too much time on it I think Steve Stricker and Matt Kuchar would be the two I'd throw money at if I had to right now with no time to research.
- Wow. This got out of hand quickly. Like Game 2 but in the Spurs favor. It's a 31 point lead. Gary Neal and Danny Green have combined for 51 points so far. Green by himself has outscored Duncan+Ginobilli+Parker. Crazy game. But crazy awesome.
- First off, I know we are all very excited about our little Byron Buxton and the just promoted to double-A Miguel Sano and with good reason. Buxton is hitting .350/.444/.578 with 8 triples, 7 homers, and 26 steals while playing amazing defense and Sano hit .330/.424/.655 with 16 home runs in 56 games before his promotion. No doubt these guys are crushing it and, assuming nothing significantly changes, both will be rated as top 10 prospects in all of baseball when next year's rankings come out. It's very, very awesome, but the hype train might want to back up just a hair.
On the radio today I heard both Dubay and PA spout complete inanities about these guys (and yes, they are two of the biggest dummies when it comes to baseball among all people who have a public voice so I know they're almost going to say something stupid, but this just really bugged me). Dubay's big call was that Sano would be a September call-up this year, which is wrong for two reasons. First, you never go from A-ball to the major leagues in one season, it just doesn't happen unless somebody can prove me wrong but I'm sure it's extremely rare. Even if he finishes the year tearing up AA like he did A I just can't see it happening. Secondly, the money issue. It's moot if he ends up starting 2014 in the majors, which I could see happening but kind of doubt it after Aaron Hicks started so slowly this year, but if they call him up in September guess what? That major league service time clock gets going a year early. The Twins are no longer cheap, but that doesn't mean they want to start giving out big money contracts a year early. Won't happen.
The far more egregious and stupid comment came from PA which is something I assume we are all accustom to at this point, in that he said Buxton should be in the majors RIGHT NOW. He also said if Buxton had started the year in the majors (yes this year) he would be as good or better than Aaron Hicks so far. I'm not even going to start to break this doubt because it would be an insult to all of us, but I just don't get the PA popularity. His knowledge of sports is extremely limited to NFL-only and he's only ok with that, his interview skills are subpar, and his personality is grating and annoying. Yet, when I was listening to a Vikings game on the radio with a group of people one time somebody said, "Man I love PA" and then somebody else said "He's the best" and then everybody agreed. I just don't get it. Is it the raging homerism thing? Do people love a homer announcer? He's an idiot and a jackass and is stupid. It's so confusing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm living in some kind of weird dream world and this isn't real life.
- One other thing that's kind of getting lost in the Buxton/Sano hype is that Eddie Rosario was also promoted to AA along with Sano. Rosario may not have the hype of the other two, but he's a pretty big deal and ranks consistently in the top 5 or top 10 on most Twins prospect lists, and is becoming even more valuable after his conversion from outfield to second base which, based on being promoted here, is likely going well. He can hit (.329/.377/.527 this year) and if he can field at the 4-spot he may be the guy to finally fill that second base hole that's been on this team seemingly since Rod Carew. Hurry up, Eddie, I can't take much more Brian Dozier.
- Since I've been typing I've now seen Josh Willingham, Justin Morneau, and Oswaldo Arcia absolutely drill balls back-to-back-to-back off Cole Hamels and it makes one wonder - what is up with that dude? Long time readers may remember that Hamels was my boyfriend for a while, but he's just been brutal this year. Thing is, I can't find a single thing you can point to and say "that's the problem." He's practically been the exact same pitcher this year as he's always been. The only difference at all is batters are making more contact than usual when they swing at pitches in the strike zone (84% vs. 82%), he's given up more infield hits (16% vs. 11%), and more fly balls he's given up are going out of the park (13% vs. 11.5%). All of that says his results have been more the result of a fluke than anything significant going on with him. Then I see him basically put it on a tee for four straight Twin batters and I wonder if he's just making more mistakes this year - the higher contact rates in the zone and homer/flyball rates could back that up. So, I guess I'm not sure yet what's his deal. What am I, Galileo?
- I actually had someone tell me they thought That's My Boy was a really good and funny movie. No I didn't punch him immediately in the neck but only because we were at softball and we are on the same team and that would have caused all kinds of issues, but I kind of wanted to.
- Speaking of movies, I caught a little bit of Reign of Fire recently, which is that movie with Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey about dragons in a post apocalyptic world. It's mostly a terrible movie, but Bale and McConaughey both rock and obviously dragons are like the bomb and stuff so every time I see it I ended up staying on the channel at least long enough to see a dragon fight and quite often end up watching the entire rest of the movie. So if you're a fan of dragons and/or hot guys you should totally check it out on your netflix or hulu or whatever people watch stuff on these days.
- The fact that Lebron James hasn't developed a true post game yet drives me crazy - almost as much as his constant bitching. After the success of having him play the 4 in the Finals last year after Bosh got hurt he had to know they were going to be doing it a lot this season, but still he didn't develop any kind of offensive post moves. I mean yeah he's still effective posting up and finding shooters or cutters, but his offensive game on the block is to put it on the floor and drive to the hoop. Sure that works sometimes and he can get to the line that way as well, but can you imagine him with a turnaround jumper or a little jump hook or something? I know it seems silly to criticize someone who just put up a season where he averaged 27, 8, & 7 while shooting 57%, but man, what if he had an actual post game? That's fairly terrifying, in a boner inducing way. Pretty sure he'd still bitch about everything though.
- Wow the Spurs are just daring Lebron to take jumpers. Seems to be working since he just bricked a wide open three.
- Should be a very interesting U.S. Open. From what I've heard the rough will be rough, but tons of rain will make the greens incredibly soft and slow so you'll see a whole lot of conservative play off the tee (to keep in in the fairway) and then aggressive shots into the green. Sounds like a recipe for an awfully low winning score, which the U.S. Open hates, but there are three par-3s over 235 yards which is going to equalize things a bit, as well as only two par-5s to keep scores in check. I know a lot of people like to say stuff like "I like it better when it's super tough because then the cream really rises to the top" but really the last few winners when the winning score was even or worse were Webb Simpson, Graeme McDowell, Angel Cabrera, Geoff Ogilvy, and Michael Campbell while the last few winners at -5 or better are Rory McIlroy, Jim Furyk, Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Lee Janzen, and Payne Stewart. I mean, that's a pretty clearly better second grouping, right? Just proves my theory that people are idiots. Man, I got a lot of evidence for that theorem. I'll probably be in a magazine soon.
- Wow Lebron has just been terrible. Kawhi Leonard refusing to let him drive by giving him the jumper and James can't hit anything. He's 2-11 from the field right now and if it wasn't for the incredible, incomparable Mike Miller being 5-5 from three this one would be over already. And now that's 2-12, and he's whining to the ref. I think I hate this guy.
- Oh yeah, and I don't have any favorites for the U.S. Open yet. I need to take a look at a few things before I give you your good futures bets, but without spending too much time on it I think Steve Stricker and Matt Kuchar would be the two I'd throw money at if I had to right now with no time to research.
- Wow. This got out of hand quickly. Like Game 2 but in the Spurs favor. It's a 31 point lead. Gary Neal and Danny Green have combined for 51 points so far. Green by himself has outscored Duncan+Ginobilli+Parker. Crazy game. But crazy awesome.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Week in Review - 6/25/2012
So in Back to the Future, right, Marty goes back in time and effs everything up by pushing his future dad out of the way of that car and then his mom falls for him instead and puts Marty's actual existence in jeopardy to the point where he starts to fade out of existence before his future parents finally kiss, right? But if he fades out of existence, then he can't go back in time and screw everything up between his parents, so then he'd exist again, right?
Wait. Actually they clear all this up in #2. And pretty much make it clear at the end of #1. I really shouldn't have written that paragraph up there with 20 minutes left in the movie. Which, yes, I've seen many times but not in several years. This intro here is really starting to ramble. I'm going to stop talking now. This is me not talking.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Francisco Liriano. I can't remember the last time I wrote anything good about this guy and who knows when this opportunity will occur again so with apologies to Josh Willingham's clutchitude I'm giving Frankie the Twins' reserved spot this week. After another good start against Pittsburgh, Liriano's numbers in his last five starts are looking downright respectable - 30ips, 16 hits, 9 runs, 12 walks, 35 Ks, .155 OAVG, .497 OPS, 2.67 ERA. He's basically been completely different than he was his first first pass through the rotation to start the season where his ERA was near 10 in his six first starts with an OPS over 1.000. He's throwing more strikes and thus cutting back on the free passes, and his K-rate is actually up as well. Which is the real, Liriano? The walk machine who gets knocked around the yard like he's Jason Marquis, or the one who suddenly looks like a capable #3 or #4 starter? Honestly I don't have a clue, so hopefully they trade him right quick and let somebody else figure it out. As the honorable barrister Vincent Gambino (aka Jerry Callow) once said, "I'm finished with this guy."
2. Lebron James. Others have said it better and I'm sure others have said it worse (although that seems slightly less likely) but holy crap did this guy figure all this shit out. His numbers were ridiculous (29 pts/10 rebs/7 assists/2 steals for the finals and similar for the overall playoffs, but they don't tell the whole story because he just completely owned that court. Every time he posted on the wing or block the Thunder could either double, in which case he made the right pass 90% of the time leading to easy Miami baskets, or leave somebody to try to play him one-on-one which led to a Lebron score pretty much every time. He can control the game posting up the way Barkley did with regularity, but with Magic Johnson's ability to see where the defense is going before they go there and make the perfect pass and (early) Jordan's ability to score by driving if he gets 1-on-1 coverage. It's just sick, and I fear his stats next year - he may legitimately threaten to average a triple double. If you're a Lebron hater (and I think somehow I lost my Lebron hate after realizing he's really just a dumb kid who didn't know what he wanted and then seeing him grow up in these playoffs) you better pray to baby santa jesus that he doesn't develop a jump shot. It would be like watching a real life NBA Jam guy out on the court. You wouldn't even have to put in the "big head" code because of that giant 'Bron melon.
3. Mario Chalmers. You could put Mike Miller or Shane Battier here as well because all three of those dorks had either a tremendous series or several huge moments/games, but I'm picking Chalmers to single out because he's young while Battier is like a wrinkly-headed Methusaleh and Miller might legitimately retire because of his severe back issues, and also of course because the A-hole Wolves traded Chalmers on draft day when their point guards were Sebastian Telfair and Kevin Ollie (note: I'm not making this up, those were their PGs that year unless you want to count Randy Foye).Anyway, if you go game-by-game in the Finals you see Game 2: Battier with 17, Game 4: Chalmers with 25, and Game 5: Miller with 23 - there was always someone stepping up for the Heat. While this series was billed as Big 3 vs. Big 3 and Lebron will get most of the credit for the win (and deservedly so) it shouldn't be ignored that while the Thunder became the Big 2 (more on this later) the Heat because the Big 4 each night, albeit with a different 4th piece. Chalmers and Miller hit some big shots which shouldn't be a surprise based on their college resumes, while Battier hitting big shots was a pretty big shock since Duke is a bunch of choking a-holes.
4. Chris Sale. I completely loved this dude the last two years as a reliever, and pretty much figured with his stuff (double-figures in K/9 both the last two years) he was setting himself up as Chicago's future save-getting-saver guy. But, smartly, the White Sox realized he was too good to only use like, 3 innings a week and half of those with a 3-run lead and nobody on base, so they decided to turn him into a starter. Would it work? Of course, because Sale is practically unhittable and he's been that most of this year. After nearly throwing a no-hitter against Milwaukee, Sale now leads the AL in ERA at 2.24 and second in WHIP at 0.96 (behind only teammate Jake Peavy). He has 89 Ks in 88 innings against just 23 walks and 62 hits, leading to a .193 opponent's batting average, which is third in the league. In short, this dude is wicked good. Which is the kind of thing you can get when you spend a high draft pick on a polished college pitcher. Seriously, Kevin Gausman is going to come back to haunt the Twins. Bank on it.
5. Toronto Blue Jays. Not so much the results because they were only 3-3 (although I guess on the road against Milwaukee and Miami that isn't too terrible), but because of their power numbers, the likes of which we haven't seen in Minnesota since I was still playing softball. This past week four dudes in MLB hit four homers - three of them were Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion, and Colby Ramsus (those are all Blue Jays, dumbass). Brett Lawrie hit two as well, to make 14 homers for the week. I'm willing to bet the Twins haven't hit 14 home runs in a week since back in 1930. Pairing that offense with a young pitching staff to build upon including Brandon Morrow, Kyle Drabek, Ricky Romero, Drew Hutchison, and Deck McGuire and the Blue Jays are set up for a long run of success. Is what I would be saying if the Jays weren't in the AL East, but they are so they're pretty much effed.
WHO SUCKED
1. Twins. I know a 3-3 week with two wins over the Reds for this team is like, the best week in history but honestly this might be one of the worst teams, especially offensively, in the history of the history of the world. Fourteen total runs in those six games, which including facing studs like Kevin Correia and Homer Bailey. Twelfth in the AL in runs. Thirteenth in homers. The overall average is decent (8th), but there's zero power behind it (13th in ISO - power discarding average) and is boosted by the 7th highest BABIP despite one of the five worst line drive rates in the league. Awful. And throw in the pitching woes and it's hard not to believe this is the worst team in the league. Worst ERA in the league. Worst opponent batting average in the league. Fewest quality starts in the league. Fewest strikeouts in the league. The only team whose pitching can compete with the Twins in terms of shittiness is the Rockies, and they play in a launching pad so they at least have an excuse. And the real killer is there is nothing on the horizon to make you at least hope for the future. So I quit.
2. Kendrick Perkins. Now, it's probably a little mean to pick on Perkins because his one real skill is defending big centers and the Heat didn't have a big center who they played at all (Joel Anthony and Ronny Turiaf combined for 5 minutes total in all five games), but man was he exposed out there. Bosh just completely owned him in every game and I'm pretty sure I saw Udonis Haslem school him at least once. You don't really expect to get any offense out of him, but outside of a 12 & 10 game in Game 3 he averaged just over 5 boards and about 3.5 points per game, well under his season averages. Basically he was completely useless, but I actually enjoyed watching someone get torched so easily so it was kind of fun at times. Probably not if you were a Thunder fan or anything, but I bet it was a god damned riot if you live in Seattle.
3. James Harden. Remember how the big thing everyone talked about with the Thunder a couple of weeks ago was how they'd have to make a decision on keeping either Harden or Serge Ibaka? Unfortunately the best thing you could say about Ibaka in the Finals was that at least he didn't play as badly as Harden, and boy was he awful. He was actually good in Games 2 and 5 and the Thunder won Game 1, but he was so terrible in Games 3 and 4 - pretty monstrously important games in a best of 7 series, that you can make a pretty convincing argument that he's the biggest reason the Thunder lost. Beardy Bearderson was 4-20 from the floor in those games, including 1-9 from three, and lost his confidence to such an extent that he actually started passing up open shots, which probably hurt the Thunder more than the misses did. Not saying the Thunder could have beaten the Heat even if Harden played well, but they sure as hell weren't going to beat them without him. I mean, would Three's Company have been as funny and sexy without Janet? Actually I'm pretty sure yes.
4. Tim Lincecum. His final line on his latest start actually ended up ok, 6 innings - 3hits -3runs - 4walks-8 Ks - but the way it started was as ugly as his season has been. Against a really, really crappy A's offense he allowed single-single-single-walk-groundout-walk and suddenly Oakland had put up 3 runs. Then he struck out the next three batters and allowed only two base runners the rest of the game. Some might this is a good sign that the old Lincecum might be back, but he's done this before (8 inning 3-hitter against San Diego and a couple other good outings), but all it's really resulted in is an ERA north of six and a WHIP more than 25% higher than his career number. I mean, he's lasted less than six innings nine times already this year compared to just six times all of last season. His walks and home runs are way up, he's allowing way to many line drives and no longer inducing easy pop-ups, and his fastball is down over 2mph to last year - and that last one is really the killer. A lot of things can be ascribed to luck, and Wiley Wiggins here has had some bad luck this year, but when you drop down to a Blackburn-esque fastball when you're a strikeout pitcher? Yikestown.
5. Adam Dunn. Well if you were looking for last year's version of Adam Dunn I think we found him this week, because his extremely stellar season took a short detour off the rails (although not before he covered his season prop of OVER 20.5 HRs - holla). This week Dunn came up to the plate 27 times. He walked 5, and struck out 13. Of the nine times he actually put the ball in play he hit two singles. All of which adds up to a .095 average (and slugging). Granted, when you have a dude like Adam Dunn you're going to get weeks like this and have to hope you get enough of those 4 home run weeks to balance it all out, but it's still worth pointing out a shitty week like this, and it's kind of jarring when you see a dude who struck out 13 times last week. Also I just saw that Michael Cuddyer was 2-25 and I'd love to make fun of him a little bit but now it's too late cuz I wrote all this crap. And you just read it. Ha ha I win.
Pretty excited Juwan Howard has a ring, you guys. I mean he was my fourth favorite Fab Five guy and all (1. Jalen, 2. King, 3. Webber, 4. Juwan, 5. Jackson, 6. Rob Pelinka), but I was/am such a huge fan it's nice to see one of them get a ring, especially since he was such a key cog in that machine. And as we know, Juwan always wins:
Also seriously how freaking sweet is this thing:
Wait. Actually they clear all this up in #2. And pretty much make it clear at the end of #1. I really shouldn't have written that paragraph up there with 20 minutes left in the movie. Which, yes, I've seen many times but not in several years. This intro here is really starting to ramble. I'm going to stop talking now. This is me not talking.
WHO WAS AWESOME
1. Francisco Liriano. I can't remember the last time I wrote anything good about this guy and who knows when this opportunity will occur again so with apologies to Josh Willingham's clutchitude I'm giving Frankie the Twins' reserved spot this week. After another good start against Pittsburgh, Liriano's numbers in his last five starts are looking downright respectable - 30ips, 16 hits, 9 runs, 12 walks, 35 Ks, .155 OAVG, .497 OPS, 2.67 ERA. He's basically been completely different than he was his first first pass through the rotation to start the season where his ERA was near 10 in his six first starts with an OPS over 1.000. He's throwing more strikes and thus cutting back on the free passes, and his K-rate is actually up as well. Which is the real, Liriano? The walk machine who gets knocked around the yard like he's Jason Marquis, or the one who suddenly looks like a capable #3 or #4 starter? Honestly I don't have a clue, so hopefully they trade him right quick and let somebody else figure it out. As the honorable barrister Vincent Gambino (aka Jerry Callow) once said, "I'm finished with this guy."
2. Lebron James. Others have said it better and I'm sure others have said it worse (although that seems slightly less likely) but holy crap did this guy figure all this shit out. His numbers were ridiculous (29 pts/10 rebs/7 assists/2 steals for the finals and similar for the overall playoffs, but they don't tell the whole story because he just completely owned that court. Every time he posted on the wing or block the Thunder could either double, in which case he made the right pass 90% of the time leading to easy Miami baskets, or leave somebody to try to play him one-on-one which led to a Lebron score pretty much every time. He can control the game posting up the way Barkley did with regularity, but with Magic Johnson's ability to see where the defense is going before they go there and make the perfect pass and (early) Jordan's ability to score by driving if he gets 1-on-1 coverage. It's just sick, and I fear his stats next year - he may legitimately threaten to average a triple double. If you're a Lebron hater (and I think somehow I lost my Lebron hate after realizing he's really just a dumb kid who didn't know what he wanted and then seeing him grow up in these playoffs) you better pray to baby santa jesus that he doesn't develop a jump shot. It would be like watching a real life NBA Jam guy out on the court. You wouldn't even have to put in the "big head" code because of that giant 'Bron melon.
3. Mario Chalmers. You could put Mike Miller or Shane Battier here as well because all three of those dorks had either a tremendous series or several huge moments/games, but I'm picking Chalmers to single out because he's young while Battier is like a wrinkly-headed Methusaleh and Miller might legitimately retire because of his severe back issues, and also of course because the A-hole Wolves traded Chalmers on draft day when their point guards were Sebastian Telfair and Kevin Ollie (note: I'm not making this up, those were their PGs that year unless you want to count Randy Foye).Anyway, if you go game-by-game in the Finals you see Game 2: Battier with 17, Game 4: Chalmers with 25, and Game 5: Miller with 23 - there was always someone stepping up for the Heat. While this series was billed as Big 3 vs. Big 3 and Lebron will get most of the credit for the win (and deservedly so) it shouldn't be ignored that while the Thunder became the Big 2 (more on this later) the Heat because the Big 4 each night, albeit with a different 4th piece. Chalmers and Miller hit some big shots which shouldn't be a surprise based on their college resumes, while Battier hitting big shots was a pretty big shock since Duke is a bunch of choking a-holes.
4. Chris Sale. I completely loved this dude the last two years as a reliever, and pretty much figured with his stuff (double-figures in K/9 both the last two years) he was setting himself up as Chicago's future save-getting-saver guy. But, smartly, the White Sox realized he was too good to only use like, 3 innings a week and half of those with a 3-run lead and nobody on base, so they decided to turn him into a starter. Would it work? Of course, because Sale is practically unhittable and he's been that most of this year. After nearly throwing a no-hitter against Milwaukee, Sale now leads the AL in ERA at 2.24 and second in WHIP at 0.96 (behind only teammate Jake Peavy). He has 89 Ks in 88 innings against just 23 walks and 62 hits, leading to a .193 opponent's batting average, which is third in the league. In short, this dude is wicked good. Which is the kind of thing you can get when you spend a high draft pick on a polished college pitcher. Seriously, Kevin Gausman is going to come back to haunt the Twins. Bank on it.
5. Toronto Blue Jays. Not so much the results because they were only 3-3 (although I guess on the road against Milwaukee and Miami that isn't too terrible), but because of their power numbers, the likes of which we haven't seen in Minnesota since I was still playing softball. This past week four dudes in MLB hit four homers - three of them were Jose Bautista, Edwin Encarnacion, and Colby Ramsus (those are all Blue Jays, dumbass). Brett Lawrie hit two as well, to make 14 homers for the week. I'm willing to bet the Twins haven't hit 14 home runs in a week since back in 1930. Pairing that offense with a young pitching staff to build upon including Brandon Morrow, Kyle Drabek, Ricky Romero, Drew Hutchison, and Deck McGuire and the Blue Jays are set up for a long run of success. Is what I would be saying if the Jays weren't in the AL East, but they are so they're pretty much effed.
WHO SUCKED
1. Twins. I know a 3-3 week with two wins over the Reds for this team is like, the best week in history but honestly this might be one of the worst teams, especially offensively, in the history of the history of the world. Fourteen total runs in those six games, which including facing studs like Kevin Correia and Homer Bailey. Twelfth in the AL in runs. Thirteenth in homers. The overall average is decent (8th), but there's zero power behind it (13th in ISO - power discarding average) and is boosted by the 7th highest BABIP despite one of the five worst line drive rates in the league. Awful. And throw in the pitching woes and it's hard not to believe this is the worst team in the league. Worst ERA in the league. Worst opponent batting average in the league. Fewest quality starts in the league. Fewest strikeouts in the league. The only team whose pitching can compete with the Twins in terms of shittiness is the Rockies, and they play in a launching pad so they at least have an excuse. And the real killer is there is nothing on the horizon to make you at least hope for the future. So I quit.
2. Kendrick Perkins. Now, it's probably a little mean to pick on Perkins because his one real skill is defending big centers and the Heat didn't have a big center who they played at all (Joel Anthony and Ronny Turiaf combined for 5 minutes total in all five games), but man was he exposed out there. Bosh just completely owned him in every game and I'm pretty sure I saw Udonis Haslem school him at least once. You don't really expect to get any offense out of him, but outside of a 12 & 10 game in Game 3 he averaged just over 5 boards and about 3.5 points per game, well under his season averages. Basically he was completely useless, but I actually enjoyed watching someone get torched so easily so it was kind of fun at times. Probably not if you were a Thunder fan or anything, but I bet it was a god damned riot if you live in Seattle.
3. James Harden. Remember how the big thing everyone talked about with the Thunder a couple of weeks ago was how they'd have to make a decision on keeping either Harden or Serge Ibaka? Unfortunately the best thing you could say about Ibaka in the Finals was that at least he didn't play as badly as Harden, and boy was he awful. He was actually good in Games 2 and 5 and the Thunder won Game 1, but he was so terrible in Games 3 and 4 - pretty monstrously important games in a best of 7 series, that you can make a pretty convincing argument that he's the biggest reason the Thunder lost. Beardy Bearderson was 4-20 from the floor in those games, including 1-9 from three, and lost his confidence to such an extent that he actually started passing up open shots, which probably hurt the Thunder more than the misses did. Not saying the Thunder could have beaten the Heat even if Harden played well, but they sure as hell weren't going to beat them without him. I mean, would Three's Company have been as funny and sexy without Janet? Actually I'm pretty sure yes.
4. Tim Lincecum. His final line on his latest start actually ended up ok, 6 innings - 3hits -3runs - 4walks-8 Ks - but the way it started was as ugly as his season has been. Against a really, really crappy A's offense he allowed single-single-single-walk-groundout-walk and suddenly Oakland had put up 3 runs. Then he struck out the next three batters and allowed only two base runners the rest of the game. Some might this is a good sign that the old Lincecum might be back, but he's done this before (8 inning 3-hitter against San Diego and a couple other good outings), but all it's really resulted in is an ERA north of six and a WHIP more than 25% higher than his career number. I mean, he's lasted less than six innings nine times already this year compared to just six times all of last season. His walks and home runs are way up, he's allowing way to many line drives and no longer inducing easy pop-ups, and his fastball is down over 2mph to last year - and that last one is really the killer. A lot of things can be ascribed to luck, and Wiley Wiggins here has had some bad luck this year, but when you drop down to a Blackburn-esque fastball when you're a strikeout pitcher? Yikestown.
5. Adam Dunn. Well if you were looking for last year's version of Adam Dunn I think we found him this week, because his extremely stellar season took a short detour off the rails (although not before he covered his season prop of OVER 20.5 HRs - holla). This week Dunn came up to the plate 27 times. He walked 5, and struck out 13. Of the nine times he actually put the ball in play he hit two singles. All of which adds up to a .095 average (and slugging). Granted, when you have a dude like Adam Dunn you're going to get weeks like this and have to hope you get enough of those 4 home run weeks to balance it all out, but it's still worth pointing out a shitty week like this, and it's kind of jarring when you see a dude who struck out 13 times last week. Also I just saw that Michael Cuddyer was 2-25 and I'd love to make fun of him a little bit but now it's too late cuz I wrote all this crap. And you just read it. Ha ha I win.
Pretty excited Juwan Howard has a ring, you guys. I mean he was my fourth favorite Fab Five guy and all (1. Jalen, 2. King, 3. Webber, 4. Juwan, 5. Jackson, 6. Rob Pelinka), but I was/am such a huge fan it's nice to see one of them get a ring, especially since he was such a key cog in that machine. And as we know, Juwan always wins:
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| In your face kid from Modern Family |
Also seriously how freaking sweet is this thing:
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| There are, literally, hundreds of college basketball starting lineups I want. If they exist. |
Sunday, June 5, 2011
NBA Game 3. And Go.
I mostly covered everything that was interesting that happened this week in this post from Friday, so I won't rehash with a Week in Review post. Instead I'll do sort of a running blog of the NBA game and mention anything from this weekend that pops into my head. And you're going to sit there and like it.
- First off I'm going to come right out and admit that today was an awful gambling night, one of the worst I can recall in recent memory. If I haven't already told you this, my main gambling during baseball season is to spend time analyzing the player props and making the proper picks based on what my math says are the best plays. So far this season (since a formula tweak in mid-May) the system has been +16.08 units, with only three losing days. Then this weekend it went -1.31 units, -0.48 units, and today was -3.46 units, easily the worst gambling day of the baseball season. Doesn't feel good. With three straight losing days my confidence is shaken right now. Stay tuned.
- That being said, I could take today from a disaster to just a bad day by doing well on NBA props. Here's what I'm going with: Both teams combined under 14 made 3s, Chandler over 17.5 pts+rebs, Bosh over 8.5 rebs, Nowitzki over 7.5 made FTs, Terry over 1.5 made 3s, and Lebron over 1.5 made 3s. It's gonna be a bad night either way, but if I can at least hit a majority of these I can mitigate it. I really don't want to have to deposit again. Sending a $500 Western Union moneygram to Manuel in the Philippines makes me feel icky.
- I should also mention I'll just be doing the second half of the NBA game because I missed the first half. Looking at the box score the Heat are up 5 at half and every single one of my bets is in absolutely terrible shape. Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful.
- I guess if I'm going to talk sports I need to start with the Twins since they just swept the royals in a four game series. I suppose it's tempting to think they may have righted the ship, and with Cleveland getting swept in four by Texas and the second place team barely hovering around .500 that they have a shot, but lets look a little deeper. The offense in this four-gamer was driven by Revere-Rivera-Tolbert in Game 1, Span-Young-Revere-Hughes-Butera in game 2, Revere-Casilla-Tolbert in Game 3, and Casilla-Repko-Hughes in Game 4. Do we really think those guys are that good, or was this lightning in a bottle? And is the pitching, which held the Royals to 6 runs in the four games, suddenly clicking or is KC just that bad? I hate to say it, but I think this was more the demise of 2011 Kansas City more than the resurgence of the Twins. Haters gonna hate.
- I love this Maverick team. Miami scored 8 straight to open the half and drove their lead to 15. So the Mavs just said, "ok" and made smart plays, smart passes, and good shots while Miami acted like a bunch of idiots and suddenly the lead is just 7. Also I hate the Miami Heat and Cameron Diaz.
- Hottest player in ball not named Michael Morse: Jose Reyes of the Mets. He's 2-3 with a double with 2 runs and a ribbie tonight, which is his 10th straight game with a hit and his 12th multi-hit game in his last 18. I'm going to write that again - he's had more than one hit in 12 of his last 18 games. Before this Royals' series I don't know if the Twins had 12 multi-hit games by a player all year.
- Yeah here's the problem with my Lebron over 1.5 made three pointers bet. I forgot that he can't shoot for shit.
- I really like Tyson Chandler. I mean, offensively he's a bit retarded, but he just blocked two shots and then saved a ball back to his team by diving out of bounds. The guy is the perfect kind of building block guy for a team. Excellent defender, excellent rebounder, doesn't need to score but can put it in the hoop if he's close enough, but doesn't give a crap for scoring. Not exactly what you'd want out of the #2 pick in the draft but considering Dallas got him basically straight up for Eduardo Najera I'd call that a steal. Also, Mavs now lead.
- James for three!!!! I mean oh crap. I mean good. I'm so conflicted.
- Terry for three!!!!! Good! I mean good!!!
- By the way, I also have a pretty good chunk of change on both Wade for MVP and Dirk for MVP. If Lebron wins it I'm probably going to have to sell at least one car.
- I know what you're thinking: didn't this used to be a Gopher blog? And yes, it still is, but I know I haven't done much on the basketball team but really you should just shut up because it's the off-season and also you're being kind of rude. But, very quickly, here is a very short rundown of the 5 unsigned players for 2012 that Rivals says the Gophers have offered:
- Uglier jumper: Shawn Marion or random WNBAer? No, you're right that's not fair. Shawn Marion or random women's high school player?
- So how about that Blake Lively?
- I love it when Miami is stupid and leaves Dirk open for three (it's now 70-70 with 10 minutes to go). On this one Dirk set a pick for J.J. Barea and both Chalmers and Haslem fall all over themselves to chase Barea and Wade doesn't even take a step out of the corner to rotate off of Terry. Dirk open. Dirk make. Game tied. Except Bosh just dunked on an absolutely gorgeous pass from Lebron. I really wish he wasn't such a doosh. Such a great passer. Fourth best passer ever at that height: Magic, Bird, Penny.
- You know what I really hate? Restaurants that automatically put lemon in your water. Is this the default now? Is lemon in water so freaking popular with people that it's just assumed everybody loves it? Because guess what? I hate it. New rule: from now on every time there's a freaking lemon in my water without my being asked I'm going to pour the damn thing out on the floor. Join me, won't you? Like they say in all those commercials with sad music and sad animals and sad babies or whatever, "Together, we can make a difference." END LEMON WATER NOW!!!!
- Ha ha go to hell Lebron.
- Lebron has now been called for both a travel and a double dribble in the last five minutes. Also if bitching to the refs was an olympic event they'd just skip gold and give him a platinum. He's like if the Yankees and Kobe Bryant had a kid. What if this thing was Lakers/Heat? I'm pretty sure I'd be going Heat because I like Wade but god, talk about Sophie's Choice of douchery.
- The Mavs have missed about 7 threes in the last 1 minute. I don't like how this is going. Heat up 6 with 4 to play.
- Who the hell is Joel Anthony and why are we pronouncing his name Jo-El? Is that' Superman's dad?
- So I watched the original Tron the other day for the first time in at least 20 years. It was really, really stupid. Yet we get a long-awaited sequel to that and I"m still sitting here waiting for Jurassic Park 4. That's really fair. Although the last rumor I heard for a fourth Jurassic Park was military trained raptors with weapons strapped to their backs (I'm not kidding, that was a legit serious script) so maybe we just hold steady at three, which was actually one too many. Really? Raptors, which have been held up as the smartest of all dinosaurs through the entire trilogy, are going to suddenly NOT eat Dr. Grant and that kid because they blow air through a raptor skull? And do we really need to bring in a bigger badass than the T-Rex? I think he was doing just fine, thanks. Go to hell, movie. Go to hell. At least we got Pterodactyls.
- FACT: Jason Kidd cannot guard Dwyane Wade. Also FACT: Dwyane Wade's mom can't spell for shit.
- Ha ha Lebron you donkey ass face!!!
- Jason Terry has now missed 3 three-pointers, anyone of which would win me a bet. I don't care if I lose all my bets if Dallas wins, but if Miami wins and I get cleaned out I'm going to be VERY unhappy.
- Well the Heat won and I went 1-5 on my game bets. Really just a fabulous day. I'm never posting again.
- Since I'm quitting blogging this will be the last thing I ever write on here, but I do need give a little shout-out to Mrs. W, who ran an entire half-marathon today, while I'm still tired today from mowing half the lawn yesterday. Way to go, baby, and I know you are disappointed in 2:28, but I think it's pretty damn amazing, and I love that even after that you can still give me a look like I'm an idiot when I want to take your picture.
- First off I'm going to come right out and admit that today was an awful gambling night, one of the worst I can recall in recent memory. If I haven't already told you this, my main gambling during baseball season is to spend time analyzing the player props and making the proper picks based on what my math says are the best plays. So far this season (since a formula tweak in mid-May) the system has been +16.08 units, with only three losing days. Then this weekend it went -1.31 units, -0.48 units, and today was -3.46 units, easily the worst gambling day of the baseball season. Doesn't feel good. With three straight losing days my confidence is shaken right now. Stay tuned.
- That being said, I could take today from a disaster to just a bad day by doing well on NBA props. Here's what I'm going with: Both teams combined under 14 made 3s, Chandler over 17.5 pts+rebs, Bosh over 8.5 rebs, Nowitzki over 7.5 made FTs, Terry over 1.5 made 3s, and Lebron over 1.5 made 3s. It's gonna be a bad night either way, but if I can at least hit a majority of these I can mitigate it. I really don't want to have to deposit again. Sending a $500 Western Union moneygram to Manuel in the Philippines makes me feel icky.
- I should also mention I'll just be doing the second half of the NBA game because I missed the first half. Looking at the box score the Heat are up 5 at half and every single one of my bets is in absolutely terrible shape. Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful.
- I guess if I'm going to talk sports I need to start with the Twins since they just swept the royals in a four game series. I suppose it's tempting to think they may have righted the ship, and with Cleveland getting swept in four by Texas and the second place team barely hovering around .500 that they have a shot, but lets look a little deeper. The offense in this four-gamer was driven by Revere-Rivera-Tolbert in Game 1, Span-Young-Revere-Hughes-Butera in game 2, Revere-Casilla-Tolbert in Game 3, and Casilla-Repko-Hughes in Game 4. Do we really think those guys are that good, or was this lightning in a bottle? And is the pitching, which held the Royals to 6 runs in the four games, suddenly clicking or is KC just that bad? I hate to say it, but I think this was more the demise of 2011 Kansas City more than the resurgence of the Twins. Haters gonna hate.
- I love this Maverick team. Miami scored 8 straight to open the half and drove their lead to 15. So the Mavs just said, "ok" and made smart plays, smart passes, and good shots while Miami acted like a bunch of idiots and suddenly the lead is just 7. Also I hate the Miami Heat and Cameron Diaz.
- Hottest player in ball not named Michael Morse: Jose Reyes of the Mets. He's 2-3 with a double with 2 runs and a ribbie tonight, which is his 10th straight game with a hit and his 12th multi-hit game in his last 18. I'm going to write that again - he's had more than one hit in 12 of his last 18 games. Before this Royals' series I don't know if the Twins had 12 multi-hit games by a player all year.
- Yeah here's the problem with my Lebron over 1.5 made three pointers bet. I forgot that he can't shoot for shit.
- I really like Tyson Chandler. I mean, offensively he's a bit retarded, but he just blocked two shots and then saved a ball back to his team by diving out of bounds. The guy is the perfect kind of building block guy for a team. Excellent defender, excellent rebounder, doesn't need to score but can put it in the hoop if he's close enough, but doesn't give a crap for scoring. Not exactly what you'd want out of the #2 pick in the draft but considering Dallas got him basically straight up for Eduardo Najera I'd call that a steal. Also, Mavs now lead.
- James for three!!!! I mean oh crap. I mean good. I'm so conflicted.
- Terry for three!!!!! Good! I mean good!!!
- By the way, I also have a pretty good chunk of change on both Wade for MVP and Dirk for MVP. If Lebron wins it I'm probably going to have to sell at least one car.
- I know what you're thinking: didn't this used to be a Gopher blog? And yes, it still is, but I know I haven't done much on the basketball team but really you should just shut up because it's the off-season and also you're being kind of rude. But, very quickly, here is a very short rundown of the 5 unsigned players for 2012 that Rivals says the Gophers have offered:
- SG Gary Harris (Fishers, Indiana - #6 SG, #26 overall) - Very good player with a lot of quality midwestern offers including Indiana, Michigan State, Purdue, and Louisville. He's not coming here.
- C A.J. Hammons (Mouth of Wilson, VA - #11 C, #55 overall) - a strong season has teams like Ohio State, Kentucky, and Purdue looking at him. None of those teams have offered yet, but if he doesn't sign with Minnesota fairly soon it may be too late.
- G Javontae Hawkins (Flint, MI - #18 SG, #92 overall) - he's from Flint but Izzo doesn't want him so that's kind of weird. He lists Ohio State, Michigan, USC, and West Virginia as the leaders (all have offered) and the Gophers are lumped with about 15 other teams behind them. Outlook: not likely.
- SF Demarquise Johnson (Phoenix, AZ - #28 SF, #122 overall) - Tubby is after him very hard, but he sounds like he's looking to stay on the west coast. This is the guy I really want - he's athletic and can score from in or out. Like everything I'm hearing about him.
- PF Khaliq Spicer (Dearborn Heights, MI - unranked) - Gophers are competing with a couple of crappy MAC and crappy A-10 teams (like Dayton) for his services, so it's either a diamond-in-the-rough situation or a reminder that the Gophers suck. Sounds like he's a pretty good athlete, but also pretty raw, who would be that sweet ass rebounder and shot-blocker whose scoring range is "dunk." I love that kind of guy, as long as he's a complimentary part of the class, not the focal point.
- Uglier jumper: Shawn Marion or random WNBAer? No, you're right that's not fair. Shawn Marion or random women's high school player?
- So how about that Blake Lively?
- I love it when Miami is stupid and leaves Dirk open for three (it's now 70-70 with 10 minutes to go). On this one Dirk set a pick for J.J. Barea and both Chalmers and Haslem fall all over themselves to chase Barea and Wade doesn't even take a step out of the corner to rotate off of Terry. Dirk open. Dirk make. Game tied. Except Bosh just dunked on an absolutely gorgeous pass from Lebron. I really wish he wasn't such a doosh. Such a great passer. Fourth best passer ever at that height: Magic, Bird, Penny.
- You know what I really hate? Restaurants that automatically put lemon in your water. Is this the default now? Is lemon in water so freaking popular with people that it's just assumed everybody loves it? Because guess what? I hate it. New rule: from now on every time there's a freaking lemon in my water without my being asked I'm going to pour the damn thing out on the floor. Join me, won't you? Like they say in all those commercials with sad music and sad animals and sad babies or whatever, "Together, we can make a difference." END LEMON WATER NOW!!!!
- Ha ha go to hell Lebron.
- Lebron has now been called for both a travel and a double dribble in the last five minutes. Also if bitching to the refs was an olympic event they'd just skip gold and give him a platinum. He's like if the Yankees and Kobe Bryant had a kid. What if this thing was Lakers/Heat? I'm pretty sure I'd be going Heat because I like Wade but god, talk about Sophie's Choice of douchery.
- The Mavs have missed about 7 threes in the last 1 minute. I don't like how this is going. Heat up 6 with 4 to play.
- Who the hell is Joel Anthony and why are we pronouncing his name Jo-El? Is that' Superman's dad?
- So I watched the original Tron the other day for the first time in at least 20 years. It was really, really stupid. Yet we get a long-awaited sequel to that and I"m still sitting here waiting for Jurassic Park 4. That's really fair. Although the last rumor I heard for a fourth Jurassic Park was military trained raptors with weapons strapped to their backs (I'm not kidding, that was a legit serious script) so maybe we just hold steady at three, which was actually one too many. Really? Raptors, which have been held up as the smartest of all dinosaurs through the entire trilogy, are going to suddenly NOT eat Dr. Grant and that kid because they blow air through a raptor skull? And do we really need to bring in a bigger badass than the T-Rex? I think he was doing just fine, thanks. Go to hell, movie. Go to hell. At least we got Pterodactyls.
- FACT: Jason Kidd cannot guard Dwyane Wade. Also FACT: Dwyane Wade's mom can't spell for shit.
- Ha ha Lebron you donkey ass face!!!
- Jason Terry has now missed 3 three-pointers, anyone of which would win me a bet. I don't care if I lose all my bets if Dallas wins, but if Miami wins and I get cleaned out I'm going to be VERY unhappy.
- Well the Heat won and I went 1-5 on my game bets. Really just a fabulous day. I'm never posting again.
- Since I'm quitting blogging this will be the last thing I ever write on here, but I do need give a little shout-out to Mrs. W, who ran an entire half-marathon today, while I'm still tired today from mowing half the lawn yesterday. Way to go, baby, and I know you are disappointed in 2:28, but I think it's pretty damn amazing, and I love that even after that you can still give me a look like I'm an idiot when I want to take your picture.
Friday, June 3, 2011
6 Very Important Things so far this week
Man what a crazy week for me (thus the lack of posting). Monday was Memorial Day, then Tuesday I had a fancy work dinner (sashimi style short rib with miso and wasabi appetizer, apple, cheese, and chive salad, and sea bass with a miso glaze), last night was a happy hour that went until 9pm, and tonight was softball. Since I haven't been around this week, I'm forcing myself to post to just make you happy. And what better way than the good ole 6 things format.
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
1. I have a bad feeling about this, but Rubio's coming to town. I'm sure it makes everybody happy that he's actually coming, but the shine is definitely off this kid. He's gone from the hottest amateur player in the world who everybody wanted to a huge question mark who probably wouldn't even be a lottery pick now. I guess that'll happen when you fail to develop a jump shot and average 6.5 pts and 3.2 assists in EuroLeague. That's not a misprint, those are his stats this year. His career bests in any league are 10.2 pts and 5.8 assists. I know he's young and I know Euro stats don't really translate over here, but that's really underwhelming. It will be an interesting test of statistics vs. perception because a lot of people are still raving about the kid. Not as much as two years ago, but a lot of people still love him. Of course, on the Wolves even if he's the next Chris Paul that would just take them from 17 wins to 23, but at least they should be more fun to watch. At this point I assume Rubio is basically like The Professor:
2. The Twins actually won, and won easily. It seems shockingly unlikely but the Twins managed to score 8 runs in a game and beat KC 8-2. Of course, six of those runs came in the same inning and were off Sean O'Sullivan (or Sean O'Suckivan as I like to call him when I'm drunk) so in reality the offense was generally it's usually inept self. I'd love to write more but I have to be honest and tell you I didn't watch a single pitch. But I bet Casilla did something dumb, Span took a poor route on a fly ball, Delmon did something lazy, Cuddyer chased a slider low and away, and whoever was catching hit a bunch of weak ground balls. Close?
3. Speaking of the Twins, Dan Gladden is quickly becoming the worst announcer in town. For some reason I've found myself in positions where I'm listening to a lot of the Twins' games on the radio this year and I'm realizing that there are a ton of reasons to dislike Dan Gladden beyond his hair and the fact that he goes by "Dazzle" (as if you needed more reasons besides those, amirite?). Last night I was lucky enough to hear a gem. He argued stenuously that the shift the Royals (and everybody else) puts on for Morneau is unnecessary, doesn't make sense, and is "trying to recreate something" (that one is my favorite because I seriously can't make heads or tails of what he's trying to say). The reason is because according to Dazzle, Morneau "can hit the ball either way just as well." Really, dummy? Good thing we can look stuff like this up and see that he's hitting .373 when he pulls the ball and .185 when he goes to left. Same story, year after year, he's far better pulling the ball than going to left. Gladden had another one too, but now I can't remember. Just assume it was really dumb and incorrect. Also if you put "Dan Gladden sucks" into google image search 9 of the first 36 images that pop up are from here. I haven't been this proud since I was teh second site to pop up if you googled "suck my crank."
4. In a kind of "holy shit" game, Dallas stole one. Game 2 looked like it was the Heat's the whole way, and when Dwyane Wade hit a three with 7 minutes to go to put the Heat up 15 it felt over. And it was clear Miami felt the same way because they got lazy on defense and sloppy on offense. One problem - Dallas is a team full of veterans, and they don't just go away. Six straight out of Jason Terry, a couple miscellaneous buckets, two points out of the Heat, and Dirk taking over and bam - we're tied at 90 with 57 seconds to go. Dirk hits a wide open three that's then answered by Mario Chalmers, then the Mavs play for the last shot and Dirky goes right around Bosh for an easy lay-up - ballgame. Huge huge win for Dallas, because they aren't going to sweep at home which means they'll likely head back to Miami up 3-2 with two chances to win the whole thing. And I hope they do. Because the Heat are a bunch of jackasses - especially Mike Miller and his new ridiculous full arm shooting sleeve. And I used to like the guy, too. Turns out you just shouldn't like anybody from any of the Dakotas. They're all terrible people.
5. Rest in Peace, Fu-Schnickens. The man of a billion nicknames (Big Aristotle and Shaq-fu were always my favorites) is calling it an NBA career, and leaving behind some serious numbers: Fifth all-time in scoring, 12th in rebounding, and 2nd in field goal percentage. He doesn't get the credit he deserves because a lot of people credit his success simply to his size and ability to muscle people out of the way, but for a long time he really was an incredible athlete with excellent footwork (although that started going bye-bye when he got less and less interested in staying in shape). He's probably a top 10 all-time player, a completely dominant force, and belongs with Jabbar, Russell, and Chamberlain (apologies to my favorite, Hakeem) as the best big man of all time. Don't forget that he also was one of the dominant players on NBA Jam in the Arcade, and single-handedly changed how basketball hoops were made. I still remember watching this moment as a kid and being completely stunned that someone could do this.
6. Ohio State is a bunch of cheating cheaters. I mean, we all know that everybody cheats, just some people are better at it than others. Jim Tressel, now forced into resigning, was one of the best, capturing about a billion Big Ten championships, a national title (stolen from Miami), and doing it all while maintaining a squeaky clean image thanks to his nerdy sweater vest (note: Snacks and Bogart both love to wear sweater vests). Now it's all come crashing down, the stories are all over the web and Sports Illustrated, Tressel is out and Terrell Pryor is almost certain to follow, and since the NCAA looks at lying about violations the ultimate evil Ohio State's program won't escape unscathed. To this I say "Who cares?"
Seriously though, how enjoyable was that ride for Buckeye fans? Top of the world for like 10 years. It's like the Gopher hoops run to the Final Four under Clem. We were all there, we all saw it, we all loved it. Just because the NCAA says it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't happen (at least until the mass mind eraser technology gets up to code). The scandal came out, the program tumbled (deeply), but would you trade that Final Four run + the dark years for a whole bunch of seasons of mediocrity instead just because it was done "cleanly?" Do me a favor and if you answered yes to that question go light your bible on fire and then try to put it out with your face.
Honestly I just don't understand people who get all pissed if their favorite school is doing something shady or if the players on the team aren't pure as the first snow of winter falling on a baby's bottom while a choir of cherub-faced third graders sing hallelujah as written by Jeff Buckley and played when Marisa Cooper died. I don't watch college sports and cheer for the player with the highest GPA - that's why they don't sell tickets to watch players take a chemistry test. I want to win and I don't care how. If the Gophers could sneak six players on the court at a time and nobody would notice I'd be all for it. If every single player on the Gophers ended up in jail the year after they ran out of eligibility I wouldn't bat an eye. You know why? Because I don't know these guys as people - they could be good guys, bad guys, medium guys, gentlemen, assholes, or sell knives door-to-door on the side and not only would I not know but I wouldn't care. Win. Just win. That's what I'm there for and it's what they're there for. The hope would be that they take advantage of the free ride and get their degree in communications but if they don't IT DOESN'T MATTER TO MY LIFE EITHER WAY. Graduation rates are completely meaningless. In fact, if your graduation rate is too high you're probably doing it wrong.
I hate John Calipari because he's slimy, but he wins. If the Gophers next coach cheats his ass off for five years without getting caught and gets the Gophers to the Final Four and close another couple of times and then gets busted I will sing his praises to the high heavens, just like I did and continue to do with Clem.
Just win, baby. Just win.
By the way, I wrote this entire post while drinking warm PBR from a cup with ice. Classy, right?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Can You Feel the Excitement?
NBA Finals, Game 7. It feels like it's been a while since we've had one of these, or at least one between teams that mattered. See, I generally always watch the NBA Playoffs (although I skip the regular season), but I wouldn't say I really ever get excited for them - more like "interested." I would say my usual level of excitement for them is somewhere between waiting in line at the DMV and watching an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for the 800th time (unless it's the one with the dragon, that one rocks). So why do I watch every year? I guess I'm waiting to get excited.
As you can then imagine, I'm pretty thrilled that my current level of excitement has reached "hearing the ice cream man's bell" levels going into this game. If we get something good here, I'm hoping to at least approach "Audrina just asked me to join her in the shower" levels. At this point I don't really even care who wins (although I'd prefer the Celtics, and I'd prefer Ray Allen win the MVP at 8-1), I just want a good, exciting game. Hopefully somebody will hit a big shot with time winding down in the fourth or a buzzer beater of some kind. I'll even take a big shot by Kobe, even though he's pretty much a dickmitten. I just want to see something good.
This won't be a live blog of the game per se, but I'll be watching and tossing out random thoughts as I think of them. Try to stay with me here.
8:44 1Q - Lakers are looking to pund it low to Gasol and Bynum. That is a really good strategy, which means bad news for the Celtics. And by the way, I am no longer rooting for a close game if i tmeans the Lakers win. It took 3 minutes of watching Kobe, who is now whining about a Rondo foul, to hate them again.
6:54 1Q - I love how they're playing Kobe. Ray Allen playing tough, in-your-face one-on-one, and they're doubling him every time. But they aren't sending the double until he puts it on the floor and starts his move. He seems to be in "I'm Michael Jordan" mode tonight, and he's taking his sweet time getting a shot up so teh double is really affecting him. He's like, 0-3 with couple turnovers already, and the last time down he tried a turnaround fade-away with both Pierce and Allen on him from about 18 feet and hit the top of the backboard. I love it.
5:10 1Q - Wallace out for Boston, Glen Davis in. This is where it gets interesting, because Davis can't score on Bynum, and he can't stop Bynum. Due to Bynum's knee injury though, he can only play limited minutes. I'm a little surprised Rivers is going to Davis already, but I guess with Wallace's bad back and explosive temper you have to pick your spots.
3:52 1Q - Kobe ended up on KG on a switch, fell asleep, and gave up an easy alley-oop dunk. He's really not having a very good first quarter. If this double-teaming defense can frustrate him and get in his head, this could get ugly for the Lakers.
1:36 1Q - My bad, Glen Davis now has 6 points in about 3 minutes, all against either Bynum or Gasol. Now Odom's in. He's a huge key for LA. If he's dialed in, he can destroy either Davis or Wallace. If he's just floating around, dreaming about candy and women who are built like men, he's going to get killed by either of them.
0:00 1Q - 23-14 Celtics after one. Really couldn't have gone much better.
10:43 2Q - Rondo takes a jumper from the elbow and misses. They're going to give him that shot for infinity and if he can't make them pay it's going to be tough for the Celtics to win. He's got to be able to hit that shot.
9:24 2Q - The Lakers have 12 offensive rebounds already, and they're still down 4 after scoring the first five of this half. Incredible. Celtics are playing amazing defense, but just can't get the rebound.
8:44 2Q - So I have some bad news. It seems my body can no longer handle jalapenos. At work the cafeteria has an awesome taco salad, but it's best with jalapenos and this jalapeno salsa. But it destroys me. Like, it wrecks my whole night and I can barely walk by the end of the evening. I've tried with just jalapenos and no salsa, and with just salsa and no actual jalapenos, but no matter what I almost die every time. That is not an exaggeration. It's similar to taking a bunch of Taco Bell's fire sauce, dumping them into a shot glass, sprinkling Ex-Lax on top, and then using it wash down a meal of White Castle and fire.
6:34 2Q - Ray Allen can no longer shoot. This is the most depressing thing I've ever seen. It's like in Superman II, when Superman decides he loves Lois Lane so much that he gives up his powers for her for some stupid reason (probably because all women are evil) and then they go to that diner and he gets beaten up by that hick guy who probably loves "muddin'" in his crappy jeep.
8:18 2Q - And we're tied. 9 straight for LA.
4:22 2Q - Artest seems to be under the impression that he can shoot. That is good news for the Celtics. At this point he's like the guy at open gym who got lucky and hit a couple of threes one day, so now he's convinced he's a shooter, and so you just dare him to shoot and it's like watching Snake and Dawger play a game of HORSE. Clang clang clang.
2:48 2Q - Wow does Derek Fisher whine. WonderbabyTM whines less when you take away her little fairy wand. I mean baseball. Her baseball.
1:22 2Q - Artest goads Pierce into a double-technical. Not smart - at all - by Pierce.
0:41 2Q - I'm not sure who these announcers are, but one of them has the exact cadence of Trent Tucker. It's awesome. "What the Timba-wooves need to do hea, is take the ball........to the bas-ket." Also I think I lied, this is definitely a live blog. I didn't mean it.
HALF - Celtics up 40-34. In a game this ugly, it's easy to expect the Lakers to kick it in gear in the second half, but that would be discounting the Celtics incredible defense. It would be like blaming the Twins for only scoring 1 run against Ubaldo Jimenez this afternoon instead of crediting his pitching. What's that? Mauer sat out because he "took too many foul tips?" That can't be possible. I don't believe you. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's far too preposterous to be true. That would mean Butera, Valencia, Punto, and Tolbert all would have had to play against Ubaldo. They did? Wow. I gotta say, in that case scoring 1 run is basically a victory, no?
10:55 3Q - Allen misses again. I'm going to go ahead and consider that MVP bet a loss. Damn dude. Big State will never want you now.
10:30 3Q - Kobe launches one from about 6 feet behind the three-point line. Getting desperate, and activating Chucker ModeTM despite the fact that he can't get any open looks. Maybe Allen needs to be considered for MVP after all.
9:45 3Q - Celtics up 11 now after a Rondo floater. Also we have Tornado and Thunderstorm warnings all over the place tell you to "take shelter in a structure that is not a mobile home." Sorry Nickelback fans.
8:20 3Q - 49-36 Celtics, and Rondo has the MVP sewn up if Boston doesn't blow this. And what's funny about that, is if the Lakers were up 13 right now, I'd be tempted to just turn the game off and chalk up as a win for evil (like Empire Strikes Back). But it's so hard to believe the Lakers won't make a run, so I'm actually nervous for Boston. Like right there Ray Allen threw a pass that was intercepted by Derek Fisher. Do you know how terrible a pass has to be to be intercepted by Derek Fisher? Let me put it this way, it would take Brett Favre's career-worth of Brooks Bollinger playing QB to have Fisher pick one off. Also, related - hey Pete Rose of basketball - go ahead and hang 'em up anytime.
7:34 3Q - Wait, the NBA draft is next Thursday already? Awesome. That is always a fun time.
6:20 3Q - Gasol can't guard KG. That's at least the third time KG has just blown by him from the perimeter. God damn I still love that insane mofo. I'm willing to bet at least 50 bucks he's killed somebody at some point. Also mini-Laker run, lead down to 6.
3:25 3Q - Rasheed has been ridiculously good tonight. This would be like if Adam Morrison came off the Lakers bench and hit a bunch of threes. Admit it, you giggled thinking of Morrison.
2:12 3Q - Ray Allen with a huge steal against Kobe. Man, if he was playing any offense at all he'd have MVP wrapped up thanks to some pretty incredible defense on Kobe in the series, particularly in the fourth quarters. I don't know what the numbers are, but he's been awful in fourth quarters. Hopefully that continues.
1:24 3Q - Allen now 1-9. Other than his monster game 2 and a good game 6, he's been brutal. Time to bring it in Q4. Luckily Kobe is 5-20. I hated Jordan, but anybody who compares Kobe to him ever again should probably just have their throat ripped out, Dalton-style.
0:00 3Q - C's up 57-53. Best replay ever is Garnet screaming "mother fu...." right after scoring on Gasol and right before ABC cut away. Very nice. Pretty sure this one is coming down to whoever decides to actually make shots, Ray Allen or Kobe. Fingers crossed for Ray.
Also what happened to Heath Slocum? The guy was looking like a genius longshot pick, and now I look and he's at +4. Which is 3 shots better than my pick to win, since Hunter Mahan shot a 78! And Ben Crane, maybe the hottest golfer on the planet, shot an 80! Good god, and 80! I thought this US Open would be a little more reasonable since it was at Pebble. I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm betting -4 ends up taking this thing in the end. Hopefully it ends up being Karlsson or Furyk.
10:22 4Q - Pierce making some horrendous decisions when it comes to shot selection. Honest to god it's like Pierce and Kobe are filming a Bad Idea JeansTM commercial. "Normally I wear protection, but I figured, when am I going to be in Haiti again?"
8:23 4Q - Allen with a floater over two Lakers to put the Celtics up 61-58. Maybe that's the shot he needs to get going. Come on Jesus. I love you Jesus.
7:13 4Q - Kobe actually has sex with Ray Allen as he goes up for a jumper. When he's called for the foul, he reacts as I'm sure O.J. did when they told him he was accused of murder. One difference: Kobe was guilty, while O.J. was innocent.
5:56 4Q - Tied at 64. Kobe heading to the line. I don't like where this is going. Celtics offense has disappeared. Come on, Ray. This is sick.
5:56 4Q - I thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the afffair.
5:33 4Q - Allen misses another jumper. Kobe hits one on the other end. Lakers by four. This feels over. I also think Mark Jackson (announcing the game) is likely retarded in some fashion.
5:33 4Q - They use an Eminem song in the trailer for the video game Call of Duty? I....I....I....I literally can't think of anything to say. I am completely stupified right now. Completely.
Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn it around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
4:38 - I don't mean to sound like some crybaby chowderhead or anything, but the refs are clearly handing this to LA at this point.
4:13 - Allen with a missed layup. Jesus.
3:05 - You can really tell the Lake show is feeling it. They're playing better defense now than they have all game. Three point Laker lead, Gasol going to the line. Hopefully the Lakers win by less than seven.
2:20 - Lakers up 74-68, and they've made about 20 free throws thsi quarter. Thanks refs. Lakers up 32-15 in free throw attemps. I don't even know why I watch this crap. Let's all cheer ourselves up for a moment:
Better? Better.
1:30 - Ballgame.
1:23 - Rasheed 3 pointer. 76-73. Interesting.
1:01 - Artest with a 28-footer. Clearly it's meant to be. Or, Allen answers with a three. Crazy right now. Like a typical sorority after I show up.
0:26 - Kobe misses a three, but Gasol with the rebound and Kobe ends up getting fouled. As was clear early, LA offensive boards are the key. Fuck this sucks. I really hate that guy. Congrats David Stern. No matter how much you orchestrate it ( and the refs made it clear their was a mandate) this dickmitten will never be another Jordan. And I hated Jordan.
0:00 - Gay.
As you can then imagine, I'm pretty thrilled that my current level of excitement has reached "hearing the ice cream man's bell" levels going into this game. If we get something good here, I'm hoping to at least approach "Audrina just asked me to join her in the shower" levels. At this point I don't really even care who wins (although I'd prefer the Celtics, and I'd prefer Ray Allen win the MVP at 8-1), I just want a good, exciting game. Hopefully somebody will hit a big shot with time winding down in the fourth or a buzzer beater of some kind. I'll even take a big shot by Kobe, even though he's pretty much a dickmitten. I just want to see something good.
This won't be a live blog of the game per se, but I'll be watching and tossing out random thoughts as I think of them. Try to stay with me here.
8:44 1Q - Lakers are looking to pund it low to Gasol and Bynum. That is a really good strategy, which means bad news for the Celtics. And by the way, I am no longer rooting for a close game if i tmeans the Lakers win. It took 3 minutes of watching Kobe, who is now whining about a Rondo foul, to hate them again.
6:54 1Q - I love how they're playing Kobe. Ray Allen playing tough, in-your-face one-on-one, and they're doubling him every time. But they aren't sending the double until he puts it on the floor and starts his move. He seems to be in "I'm Michael Jordan" mode tonight, and he's taking his sweet time getting a shot up so teh double is really affecting him. He's like, 0-3 with couple turnovers already, and the last time down he tried a turnaround fade-away with both Pierce and Allen on him from about 18 feet and hit the top of the backboard. I love it.
5:10 1Q - Wallace out for Boston, Glen Davis in. This is where it gets interesting, because Davis can't score on Bynum, and he can't stop Bynum. Due to Bynum's knee injury though, he can only play limited minutes. I'm a little surprised Rivers is going to Davis already, but I guess with Wallace's bad back and explosive temper you have to pick your spots.
3:52 1Q - Kobe ended up on KG on a switch, fell asleep, and gave up an easy alley-oop dunk. He's really not having a very good first quarter. If this double-teaming defense can frustrate him and get in his head, this could get ugly for the Lakers.
1:36 1Q - My bad, Glen Davis now has 6 points in about 3 minutes, all against either Bynum or Gasol. Now Odom's in. He's a huge key for LA. If he's dialed in, he can destroy either Davis or Wallace. If he's just floating around, dreaming about candy and women who are built like men, he's going to get killed by either of them.
0:00 1Q - 23-14 Celtics after one. Really couldn't have gone much better.
10:43 2Q - Rondo takes a jumper from the elbow and misses. They're going to give him that shot for infinity and if he can't make them pay it's going to be tough for the Celtics to win. He's got to be able to hit that shot.
9:24 2Q - The Lakers have 12 offensive rebounds already, and they're still down 4 after scoring the first five of this half. Incredible. Celtics are playing amazing defense, but just can't get the rebound.
8:44 2Q - So I have some bad news. It seems my body can no longer handle jalapenos. At work the cafeteria has an awesome taco salad, but it's best with jalapenos and this jalapeno salsa. But it destroys me. Like, it wrecks my whole night and I can barely walk by the end of the evening. I've tried with just jalapenos and no salsa, and with just salsa and no actual jalapenos, but no matter what I almost die every time. That is not an exaggeration. It's similar to taking a bunch of Taco Bell's fire sauce, dumping them into a shot glass, sprinkling Ex-Lax on top, and then using it wash down a meal of White Castle and fire.
6:34 2Q - Ray Allen can no longer shoot. This is the most depressing thing I've ever seen. It's like in Superman II, when Superman decides he loves Lois Lane so much that he gives up his powers for her for some stupid reason (probably because all women are evil) and then they go to that diner and he gets beaten up by that hick guy who probably loves "muddin'" in his crappy jeep.
8:18 2Q - And we're tied. 9 straight for LA.
4:22 2Q - Artest seems to be under the impression that he can shoot. That is good news for the Celtics. At this point he's like the guy at open gym who got lucky and hit a couple of threes one day, so now he's convinced he's a shooter, and so you just dare him to shoot and it's like watching Snake and Dawger play a game of HORSE. Clang clang clang.
2:48 2Q - Wow does Derek Fisher whine. WonderbabyTM whines less when you take away her little fairy wand. I mean baseball. Her baseball.
1:22 2Q - Artest goads Pierce into a double-technical. Not smart - at all - by Pierce.
0:41 2Q - I'm not sure who these announcers are, but one of them has the exact cadence of Trent Tucker. It's awesome. "What the Timba-wooves need to do hea, is take the ball........to the bas-ket." Also I think I lied, this is definitely a live blog. I didn't mean it.
HALF - Celtics up 40-34. In a game this ugly, it's easy to expect the Lakers to kick it in gear in the second half, but that would be discounting the Celtics incredible defense. It would be like blaming the Twins for only scoring 1 run against Ubaldo Jimenez this afternoon instead of crediting his pitching. What's that? Mauer sat out because he "took too many foul tips?" That can't be possible. I don't believe you. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's far too preposterous to be true. That would mean Butera, Valencia, Punto, and Tolbert all would have had to play against Ubaldo. They did? Wow. I gotta say, in that case scoring 1 run is basically a victory, no?
10:55 3Q - Allen misses again. I'm going to go ahead and consider that MVP bet a loss. Damn dude. Big State will never want you now.
10:30 3Q - Kobe launches one from about 6 feet behind the three-point line. Getting desperate, and activating Chucker ModeTM despite the fact that he can't get any open looks. Maybe Allen needs to be considered for MVP after all.
9:45 3Q - Celtics up 11 now after a Rondo floater. Also we have Tornado and Thunderstorm warnings all over the place tell you to "take shelter in a structure that is not a mobile home." Sorry Nickelback fans.
8:20 3Q - 49-36 Celtics, and Rondo has the MVP sewn up if Boston doesn't blow this. And what's funny about that, is if the Lakers were up 13 right now, I'd be tempted to just turn the game off and chalk up as a win for evil (like Empire Strikes Back). But it's so hard to believe the Lakers won't make a run, so I'm actually nervous for Boston. Like right there Ray Allen threw a pass that was intercepted by Derek Fisher. Do you know how terrible a pass has to be to be intercepted by Derek Fisher? Let me put it this way, it would take Brett Favre's career-worth of Brooks Bollinger playing QB to have Fisher pick one off. Also, related - hey Pete Rose of basketball - go ahead and hang 'em up anytime.
7:34 3Q - Wait, the NBA draft is next Thursday already? Awesome. That is always a fun time.
6:20 3Q - Gasol can't guard KG. That's at least the third time KG has just blown by him from the perimeter. God damn I still love that insane mofo. I'm willing to bet at least 50 bucks he's killed somebody at some point. Also mini-Laker run, lead down to 6.
3:25 3Q - Rasheed has been ridiculously good tonight. This would be like if Adam Morrison came off the Lakers bench and hit a bunch of threes. Admit it, you giggled thinking of Morrison.
2:12 3Q - Ray Allen with a huge steal against Kobe. Man, if he was playing any offense at all he'd have MVP wrapped up thanks to some pretty incredible defense on Kobe in the series, particularly in the fourth quarters. I don't know what the numbers are, but he's been awful in fourth quarters. Hopefully that continues.
1:24 3Q - Allen now 1-9. Other than his monster game 2 and a good game 6, he's been brutal. Time to bring it in Q4. Luckily Kobe is 5-20. I hated Jordan, but anybody who compares Kobe to him ever again should probably just have their throat ripped out, Dalton-style.
0:00 3Q - C's up 57-53. Best replay ever is Garnet screaming "mother fu...." right after scoring on Gasol and right before ABC cut away. Very nice. Pretty sure this one is coming down to whoever decides to actually make shots, Ray Allen or Kobe. Fingers crossed for Ray.
Also what happened to Heath Slocum? The guy was looking like a genius longshot pick, and now I look and he's at +4. Which is 3 shots better than my pick to win, since Hunter Mahan shot a 78! And Ben Crane, maybe the hottest golfer on the planet, shot an 80! Good god, and 80! I thought this US Open would be a little more reasonable since it was at Pebble. I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm betting -4 ends up taking this thing in the end. Hopefully it ends up being Karlsson or Furyk.
10:22 4Q - Pierce making some horrendous decisions when it comes to shot selection. Honest to god it's like Pierce and Kobe are filming a Bad Idea JeansTM commercial. "Normally I wear protection, but I figured, when am I going to be in Haiti again?"
8:23 4Q - Allen with a floater over two Lakers to put the Celtics up 61-58. Maybe that's the shot he needs to get going. Come on Jesus. I love you Jesus.
7:13 4Q - Kobe actually has sex with Ray Allen as he goes up for a jumper. When he's called for the foul, he reacts as I'm sure O.J. did when they told him he was accused of murder. One difference: Kobe was guilty, while O.J. was innocent.
5:56 4Q - Tied at 64. Kobe heading to the line. I don't like where this is going. Celtics offense has disappeared. Come on, Ray. This is sick.
5:56 4Q - I thought about it, and even though it's over, I'm going to tell my wife about the afffair.
5:33 4Q - Allen misses another jumper. Kobe hits one on the other end. Lakers by four. This feels over. I also think Mark Jackson (announcing the game) is likely retarded in some fashion.
5:33 4Q - They use an Eminem song in the trailer for the video game Call of Duty? I....I....I....I literally can't think of anything to say. I am completely stupified right now. Completely.
Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn it around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
4:38 - I don't mean to sound like some crybaby chowderhead or anything, but the refs are clearly handing this to LA at this point.
4:13 - Allen with a missed layup. Jesus.
3:05 - You can really tell the Lake show is feeling it. They're playing better defense now than they have all game. Three point Laker lead, Gasol going to the line. Hopefully the Lakers win by less than seven.
2:20 - Lakers up 74-68, and they've made about 20 free throws thsi quarter. Thanks refs. Lakers up 32-15 in free throw attemps. I don't even know why I watch this crap. Let's all cheer ourselves up for a moment:
Better? Better.
1:30 - Ballgame.
1:23 - Rasheed 3 pointer. 76-73. Interesting.
1:01 - Artest with a 28-footer. Clearly it's meant to be. Or, Allen answers with a three. Crazy right now. Like a typical sorority after I show up.
0:26 - Kobe misses a three, but Gasol with the rebound and Kobe ends up getting fouled. As was clear early, LA offensive boards are the key. Fuck this sucks. I really hate that guy. Congrats David Stern. No matter how much you orchestrate it ( and the refs made it clear their was a mandate) this dickmitten will never be another Jordan. And I hated Jordan.
0:00 - Gay.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tom Izzo Won't Go Away
It seems Tom Izzo will be staying with the Spartans in what seemed obvious from the beginning but had just enough legs to make me hope he'd leave the conference. Seriously, who would want to go to Cleveland to coach, even with LeBron? And without him that team is probably worse than the Timberwolves. I have a feeling ole Tommy wasn't ever too serious about this, and was just wondering why, after 5 final four appearances in 10 years, he doesn't get the ole ass-kiss treatment from the media dickholes like Coach K and Roy Williams enjoy. When the Cavs came a-calling and started stroking Tommy a little bit, I think he probably enjoyed it quite a bit, but when it came time to get down to it he realized what a good thing he has going in East Lansing, and he made the right call. Plus, Cleveland. Oof.
And that's just the latest in a number of possible Big Ten Basketball weakening moves that would have helped the Gophers that went the wrong way. If Izzo left, Delvon Roe had said he'd transfer. Obviously he is now staying. JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore put their names into the NBA draft. Far, far, far worse players with less chance of being drafted have stayed in the draft in the past, but these two made the right decision and backed out. Talor Battle and Demetri McCamey could have stayed in and maybe gotten picked in the second (plenty of players have stayed in hoping for the second round selection) but both made teh right call and came out. Two Ohio State players (William Buford and David Lighty) are exactly the type the NBA loves - neither even entered their name for consideration. Iowa easily could have justified giving Lickliter another year or so, essentially guaranteeing further years of suck. I mean, McCaffrey will probably suck too, but Lickliter was a guarantee, and I'm not so sure the Hawkeyes aren't better off without those transfers (especially booze-hound Tucker).
So yeah, the conference is going to be an absolute monster this year. Purdue and Michigan State are National Championship contenders and Ohio State isn't far behind. Illinois is pretty loaded, and Northwestern is looking feistier than ever. Wisconsin is always a pain in the ass, and Indiana's excellent class from last year will have another year of experience. Plus Talor Battle is back and you know he's going to win a couple of games all by himself, you just hope they aren't against the Gophers.
Tubby's got his work cut out for him.
Other random thoughts while watching the Twins game and the NBA game.
- Wow. Todd Helton just hit that ball a mile. I hear all this talk about him being washed up, and I'm not sure I see it. Guy is a legend. He should probably be able to set his own ground rules at this point. I hope Colorado fans appreciate what they have there. He's just a gritty, gutty gamer who gets it done.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to show up tonight.
- Do you want to know what sucked? Avatar. We rented it this weekend on Blu-ray to watch on my fancy new Blu-ray player, and I'll admit the visuals were not overrated. It was truly some of the most stunning scenery and visual scenes I've ever seen in a movie. Of course, after an hour of that you start getting sick of watching cartoon/computer graphics, realize this story is going no where, and then cry silently to yourself as you realize you have two hours left.
Really though. I've heard so much about this movie, I was tricked into thinking it must have a good, or at least coherent, plot. I didn't count on the fact that if you give most people pretty pictures you don't have to include any kind of fancy "character development", "plot", or "common sense" because your average movie goer is the same kind of slack-jawed yokel who enjoys Olive Garden, Nickelback, Old Country Buffet, High School football, Overalls, Remember the Titans, Garth Brooks, giving their kid a mohawk, David Eckstein, hockey, garage sales, the blue collar comedy tour, church, college football, Teri Hatcher, Marlboro Reds, Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs, brandy, unions, Michael Cuddyer, Wheel of Fortune, State Fairs, the Terminator movies, pick-up trucks, Mama Dawger, Barbecue, Circus Circus, Dean Koontz, wrestling, the Winter Olympics, Josh Hartnett, the Vikings, the sacrifice bunt, naming their kid Tyler, Rob Schneider, showing a little hustle, Disney World, Domino's Pizza, Leann Chinn, and pointing out the difference between Nascar and whatever other kind of car racing there is because when I say "Nascar sucks" I really mean car racing in general and I don't care nor do I need you to explain that open-wheel racing or whatever it's called is better. No, it's not. It's still driving a car in a circle. It's stupid.
Sorry.
Anyway, the plot sucked, I had no reason to care about any of the characters, not even Smurfette, and just when things seem like they're going to make sense and the "good guys" (who are really just blue hippies) are going to get destroyed, perhaps the biggest Deus Ex Machina since The Stand (or Jurassic Park, if you prefer) except this one makes even less sense. Remember how Snow White could get the birds and the squirrels to do her bidding? It's like that, but this isn't supposed to be for kids.
And, and I'm sorry here I'm rambling, there's this part where they make this huge deal about the guy from Clash of the Titans who plugs himself into his World of Warcraft machine so he can hump the bloofer lady has to subdue some dragon/bird thing and now there's this unbreakable bond and crap. Then for the climax, he just goes and gets a different horsedragonbird anyway. So dumb.
Rent it on Blu-ray, watch it for an hour, and then turn it off. That's all you need.
- Fun fact: Joe Mauer signed a contract for $184 million. Those numbers add up to 13. Also adding up to 13? 4-6-3. Believe it.
- The basketball game just went to commercial (it's a Laker romp thus far) and they said, "Avatar on Blu Ray! Own it today!" Don't you dare, people. Don't you dare. If you do it I forbid you from reading this blog. I would rather watch Slovenia/Serbia on a continuous loop. I want you to notice how those teams haven't played, but they are two of the biggest slow-it-down defensive teams who would bore you to tears. Shows I'm paying attention.
- Shannon Brown can still jump.
- I'm not convinced that if the Lakers win this Kobe should win MVP over Gasol.
- Rajon Rondo is 4-16 on free throws in this series. I don't know if I've ever heard anything quite so ridiculous.
- US Open winner call: Hunter Mahan. Grandslam's rebuttal: Dustin Johnson.
- Well this is ugly.
- Delmon 3-4 tonight. Delmon rising? Delmon rising.
- Tiffani Thiessen gave birth to a baby girl tonight. No word on if it's mine. (NOTE: it probably is)
- Lakers up 27. I say again: Lakers up 27. I see no reason to continue here. And the announcer just said "tooken" as in "the Celtics haven't tooken many free throws." I wish I knew who this guy was. I can't decide if he's awesome or I hate him. It's like being married.
And that's just the latest in a number of possible Big Ten Basketball weakening moves that would have helped the Gophers that went the wrong way. If Izzo left, Delvon Roe had said he'd transfer. Obviously he is now staying. JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore put their names into the NBA draft. Far, far, far worse players with less chance of being drafted have stayed in the draft in the past, but these two made the right decision and backed out. Talor Battle and Demetri McCamey could have stayed in and maybe gotten picked in the second (plenty of players have stayed in hoping for the second round selection) but both made teh right call and came out. Two Ohio State players (William Buford and David Lighty) are exactly the type the NBA loves - neither even entered their name for consideration. Iowa easily could have justified giving Lickliter another year or so, essentially guaranteeing further years of suck. I mean, McCaffrey will probably suck too, but Lickliter was a guarantee, and I'm not so sure the Hawkeyes aren't better off without those transfers (especially booze-hound Tucker).
So yeah, the conference is going to be an absolute monster this year. Purdue and Michigan State are National Championship contenders and Ohio State isn't far behind. Illinois is pretty loaded, and Northwestern is looking feistier than ever. Wisconsin is always a pain in the ass, and Indiana's excellent class from last year will have another year of experience. Plus Talor Battle is back and you know he's going to win a couple of games all by himself, you just hope they aren't against the Gophers.
Tubby's got his work cut out for him.
Other random thoughts while watching the Twins game and the NBA game.
- Wow. Todd Helton just hit that ball a mile. I hear all this talk about him being washed up, and I'm not sure I see it. Guy is a legend. He should probably be able to set his own ground rules at this point. I hope Colorado fans appreciate what they have there. He's just a gritty, gutty gamer who gets it done.
- Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to show up tonight.
- Do you want to know what sucked? Avatar. We rented it this weekend on Blu-ray to watch on my fancy new Blu-ray player, and I'll admit the visuals were not overrated. It was truly some of the most stunning scenery and visual scenes I've ever seen in a movie. Of course, after an hour of that you start getting sick of watching cartoon/computer graphics, realize this story is going no where, and then cry silently to yourself as you realize you have two hours left.
Really though. I've heard so much about this movie, I was tricked into thinking it must have a good, or at least coherent, plot. I didn't count on the fact that if you give most people pretty pictures you don't have to include any kind of fancy "character development", "plot", or "common sense" because your average movie goer is the same kind of slack-jawed yokel who enjoys Olive Garden, Nickelback, Old Country Buffet, High School football, Overalls, Remember the Titans, Garth Brooks, giving their kid a mohawk, David Eckstein, hockey, garage sales, the blue collar comedy tour, church, college football, Teri Hatcher, Marlboro Reds, Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs, brandy, unions, Michael Cuddyer, Wheel of Fortune, State Fairs, the Terminator movies, pick-up trucks, Mama Dawger, Barbecue, Circus Circus, Dean Koontz, wrestling, the Winter Olympics, Josh Hartnett, the Vikings, the sacrifice bunt, naming their kid Tyler, Rob Schneider, showing a little hustle, Disney World, Domino's Pizza, Leann Chinn, and pointing out the difference between Nascar and whatever other kind of car racing there is because when I say "Nascar sucks" I really mean car racing in general and I don't care nor do I need you to explain that open-wheel racing or whatever it's called is better. No, it's not. It's still driving a car in a circle. It's stupid.
Sorry.
Anyway, the plot sucked, I had no reason to care about any of the characters, not even Smurfette, and just when things seem like they're going to make sense and the "good guys" (who are really just blue hippies) are going to get destroyed, perhaps the biggest Deus Ex Machina since The Stand (or Jurassic Park, if you prefer) except this one makes even less sense. Remember how Snow White could get the birds and the squirrels to do her bidding? It's like that, but this isn't supposed to be for kids.
And, and I'm sorry here I'm rambling, there's this part where they make this huge deal about the guy from Clash of the Titans who plugs himself into his World of Warcraft machine so he can hump the bloofer lady has to subdue some dragon/bird thing and now there's this unbreakable bond and crap. Then for the climax, he just goes and gets a different horsedragonbird anyway. So dumb.
Rent it on Blu-ray, watch it for an hour, and then turn it off. That's all you need.
- Fun fact: Joe Mauer signed a contract for $184 million. Those numbers add up to 13. Also adding up to 13? 4-6-3. Believe it.
- The basketball game just went to commercial (it's a Laker romp thus far) and they said, "Avatar on Blu Ray! Own it today!" Don't you dare, people. Don't you dare. If you do it I forbid you from reading this blog. I would rather watch Slovenia/Serbia on a continuous loop. I want you to notice how those teams haven't played, but they are two of the biggest slow-it-down defensive teams who would bore you to tears. Shows I'm paying attention.
- Shannon Brown can still jump.
- I'm not convinced that if the Lakers win this Kobe should win MVP over Gasol.
- Rajon Rondo is 4-16 on free throws in this series. I don't know if I've ever heard anything quite so ridiculous.
- US Open winner call: Hunter Mahan. Grandslam's rebuttal: Dustin Johnson.
- Well this is ugly.
- Delmon 3-4 tonight. Delmon rising? Delmon rising.
- Tiffani Thiessen gave birth to a baby girl tonight. No word on if it's mine. (NOTE: it probably is)
- Lakers up 27. I say again: Lakers up 27. I see no reason to continue here. And the announcer just said "tooken" as in "the Celtics haven't tooken many free throws." I wish I knew who this guy was. I can't decide if he's awesome or I hate him. It's like being married.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oh no! What's wrong with Joe Mauer!
This week I've heard from a couple of different radio programs that something must be wrong with Joe Mauer. He must be injured and we don't know about it. He must be pressing too hard because of the new contract. He must be coasting because of the new contract. There's something wrong.
How about he's playing exactly the way we should expect? You didn't really think he'd hit .365 with 28 home runs every year, did you? Even though his career averages suggest he's more of a .325 hitter with 15 homers? You didn't really, did you? Oh my god, you did. How embarrassing for you.
He's hitting .312 this year at this exact moment as I type this thanks to his 1-2 so far tonight. That's not exactly terrible. That still ranks in the top 15 in the AL. And would you be happier if he was hitting .350? Do you know the difference between .312 and .350 at this point in the season? Seven hits. Or, one extra hit every seven games. That's it. And I've got news for you: Batting average will fluctuate wildly for a non-power hitter.
That one hit every seven games could be a liner hit at somebody, a diving catch, or a blooper that just doesn't quite fall in. At some point those are going to fall. His line drive percentage is up quite a bit this year (27.6% to 22.6%), and his BABIP is down from a ridiculous .373 last season (though still high at .337). He's going to be fine.
Oh. Wait. You probably thought he was suddenly going to turn into a power hitter thanks to that ridiculous stretch of games last year. Did you know that last year, according to hittracker.com (which is awesome) that 11 of Mauer's homers were classified as "just enough?" Meaning they barely cleared the wall. Did you also know that last year his HR per Fly Ball spiked to a ridiculous 20.4%, a number which ranked him with guys like Adam Dunn, Albert Pujols, and Alex Rodriguez? Did you know his career number is around 10%?
So process all that. Is it really realistic, in the least, to expect him to hit 30 homers? Or even 25? Using his career fly-ball rate and his career HR/FB rate (including last year's ridiculous number), you can expect Mauer to hit about 14 home runs per year. You can also expect him to hit around .325-.330 ever year.
And this is a disappointment? No, those numbers aren't worth the contract he just signed, but if you thought the contraction was just for his production, you probably think he'll hit 40 HRs in a season, too.
No, you're not dumb. You're a visionary.
- As long as I'm here, I might as well weigh in on Strasburg's debut. I watched the first six innings, and there is no doubt I came away impressed. He was hitting 97-98 with his fastball all game, and I expected the radar gun to be a little juiced, but the way some of those Pirates were swinging at the ball (and yes, granted they are the Pirates) I think I believe it. You can read more about Strasburg than his mom would even want to if you go to basically any website, so I won't belabor it here, but I'm going to make two points.
First, just this line: 7ip, 4 hits, 2 runs, 0 bb, 14k. 14 strikeouts, no walks. Wow.
Second, watching him strike out 5 of 6 batters in the fifth and sixth was like watching a dominant closer come in and shut the door. Except it was two innings, and it was his fifth and sixth frame of the night. Wow.
He had a lot of hype, and it's going to get worse, but for tonight at least (and I'm sure there will be rough patches) he absolutely lived up to it.
And he's on our fantasy team.
- By the way, those of you who thought I was an idiot for calling out that there was something wrong with Zack Greinke can suck it (Dharma Bum -> hi).
- Also Kobe Bryant is absolutely playing like a man possessed tonight. He has been so impressive in this postseason. Like, a whole new level. At this point, I have to say he's the fourth best guard I've ever seen behind Magic, Jordan, and Glen Rice.
- UPDATE: Celtics making a nice little run here, cutting the lead down to four. Getting murdered by the refs though. I didn't think the "Lakers must win" mandate would come down until Game 5, four at the earliest. Also, Rondo is very, very good with the ball, but he's passing up 15 footers out there. He should be in the gym four hours a day this offseason figuring out how to shoot. He'd be unstoppable. Like Big Baby is now, apparently. Wow did he come to play.
- UPDATE: These refs are just brutal either way. Baby goes up for a layup, a little bit of contact. He missed, and now there's a whistle and a foul on the Lakers. Really just terrible officiating. Story of the finals, unfortunately.
- UPDATE: Kobe in "Operation Chucker" mode. Fisher carrying the Lakers right now. Also, Kevin Garnett is not dead yet, having a monster game. If Ray Allen could hit anything (just missed another open three and I think he's 0-12 now) Celtics would have this.
- UPDATE: Garnett 25 points, 11-15 shooting.
- UPDATE: Ray Allen 0-13. Denzel Washington is sad.
- UPDATE: This constant reviewing of out-of-bounds calls is killing this game.
- UPDATE: Ray Allen just missed a layup, although it didn't count because KG was called for a moving pick. John Thompson would be so proud.
- UPDATE: Still hate the Lakers.
How about he's playing exactly the way we should expect? You didn't really think he'd hit .365 with 28 home runs every year, did you? Even though his career averages suggest he's more of a .325 hitter with 15 homers? You didn't really, did you? Oh my god, you did. How embarrassing for you.
He's hitting .312 this year at this exact moment as I type this thanks to his 1-2 so far tonight. That's not exactly terrible. That still ranks in the top 15 in the AL. And would you be happier if he was hitting .350? Do you know the difference between .312 and .350 at this point in the season? Seven hits. Or, one extra hit every seven games. That's it. And I've got news for you: Batting average will fluctuate wildly for a non-power hitter.
That one hit every seven games could be a liner hit at somebody, a diving catch, or a blooper that just doesn't quite fall in. At some point those are going to fall. His line drive percentage is up quite a bit this year (27.6% to 22.6%), and his BABIP is down from a ridiculous .373 last season (though still high at .337). He's going to be fine.
Oh. Wait. You probably thought he was suddenly going to turn into a power hitter thanks to that ridiculous stretch of games last year. Did you know that last year, according to hittracker.com (which is awesome) that 11 of Mauer's homers were classified as "just enough?" Meaning they barely cleared the wall. Did you also know that last year his HR per Fly Ball spiked to a ridiculous 20.4%, a number which ranked him with guys like Adam Dunn, Albert Pujols, and Alex Rodriguez? Did you know his career number is around 10%?
So process all that. Is it really realistic, in the least, to expect him to hit 30 homers? Or even 25? Using his career fly-ball rate and his career HR/FB rate (including last year's ridiculous number), you can expect Mauer to hit about 14 home runs per year. You can also expect him to hit around .325-.330 ever year.
And this is a disappointment? No, those numbers aren't worth the contract he just signed, but if you thought the contraction was just for his production, you probably think he'll hit 40 HRs in a season, too.
No, you're not dumb. You're a visionary.
- As long as I'm here, I might as well weigh in on Strasburg's debut. I watched the first six innings, and there is no doubt I came away impressed. He was hitting 97-98 with his fastball all game, and I expected the radar gun to be a little juiced, but the way some of those Pirates were swinging at the ball (and yes, granted they are the Pirates) I think I believe it. You can read more about Strasburg than his mom would even want to if you go to basically any website, so I won't belabor it here, but I'm going to make two points.
First, just this line: 7ip, 4 hits, 2 runs, 0 bb, 14k. 14 strikeouts, no walks. Wow.
Second, watching him strike out 5 of 6 batters in the fifth and sixth was like watching a dominant closer come in and shut the door. Except it was two innings, and it was his fifth and sixth frame of the night. Wow.
He had a lot of hype, and it's going to get worse, but for tonight at least (and I'm sure there will be rough patches) he absolutely lived up to it.
And he's on our fantasy team.
- By the way, those of you who thought I was an idiot for calling out that there was something wrong with Zack Greinke can suck it (Dharma Bum -> hi).
- Also Kobe Bryant is absolutely playing like a man possessed tonight. He has been so impressive in this postseason. Like, a whole new level. At this point, I have to say he's the fourth best guard I've ever seen behind Magic, Jordan, and Glen Rice.
- UPDATE: Celtics making a nice little run here, cutting the lead down to four. Getting murdered by the refs though. I didn't think the "Lakers must win" mandate would come down until Game 5, four at the earliest. Also, Rondo is very, very good with the ball, but he's passing up 15 footers out there. He should be in the gym four hours a day this offseason figuring out how to shoot. He'd be unstoppable. Like Big Baby is now, apparently. Wow did he come to play.
- UPDATE: These refs are just brutal either way. Baby goes up for a layup, a little bit of contact. He missed, and now there's a whistle and a foul on the Lakers. Really just terrible officiating. Story of the finals, unfortunately.
- UPDATE: Kobe in "Operation Chucker" mode. Fisher carrying the Lakers right now. Also, Kevin Garnett is not dead yet, having a monster game. If Ray Allen could hit anything (just missed another open three and I think he's 0-12 now) Celtics would have this.
- UPDATE: Garnett 25 points, 11-15 shooting.
- UPDATE: Ray Allen 0-13. Denzel Washington is sad.
- UPDATE: This constant reviewing of out-of-bounds calls is killing this game.
- UPDATE: Ray Allen just missed a layup, although it didn't count because KG was called for a moving pick. John Thompson would be so proud.
- UPDATE: Still hate the Lakers.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Random Thoughts while watching the Twins
I once again have the opportunity to watch an entire Twins game with sound, and once again am going to take advantage while blogging whilst watching. I won't be doing a live blog, since those seem to always end up boring lately and it's hard to get excited about the Mariners, but I'm sure some game or announcer related things will sneak in here. I don't know. I don't know if there's time. I gotta go to Home Depot later.
- First, it seems pitching a perfect game has become easier than your sister after a couple glasses of Boone's Farm. On the heels of Dallas Braden and Roy Halladay's perfectos, Armando Galarraga pitched 8 and 2/3 perfect innings before having it broken up by an infield it, and according the radio the guy was only safe thanks to a bad call by the umpire (I haven't seen the replay, but I'll assume the umpire was probably racist). And the list of guys with perfect games is so weird. Out of the 20 perfect games, you have some that don't surprise you. The Hall of Famers: Sandy Koufax, Cy Young, Addie Joss, Jim Bunning, and Catfish Hunter and soon to be Hall of Famers: Randy Johnson and Roy Halladay (if he can keep it up). Then there are guys with electric stuff you don't really surprise you: David Cone, Dennis Martinez, and even Mike Witt - the fact that they were unhittable for one day isn't a huge shock.
But then the rest of these guys. Throw out Charlie Robertson because I've never heard of him and the two guys who did it in 1880 because the rules were all kinds of fucked up then, but Len Barker? He only won double-digit games twice and never posted an ERA under 4.80. Don Larsen? You would never had heard of him if he didn't toss that perfect game in the World Series. He never won more than 11 games in a season, and spent most of his career as a reliever.
The weirdest part is the sheer amount of soft-tossing lefties who achieved perfection: David Wells, Tom Browning, Dallas Braden, Kenny Rogers, and Mark Buehrle. That's as many nancy-boy southpaws who have done it as Hall of Famers. It's just so weird. I'm not taking anything away from the achievement, any way you look at it, it's still only been accomplished 20 times, but the list is mind-boggling. Apparently Brian Duensing is more likely to toss a perfecto than Felix Hernandez. So weird.
- I just saw the replay. That was a bad call. I was also just reminded that Griffey Junior announced his retirement today. Man was that guy good. And since I am pretty sure he was never using anything performance enhancing (other than Mr. Burns' Nerve Tonic, which is not on the banned list) I can't help but wonder what would have happened if he had gone on the Barry Bonds diet.
Griffey played until about 30 years old before he started getting injured all the frickin' time. At that point, he had hit 438 home runs with a batting line of .296/.380/.568, giving him an OPS+ of 147 in 7,319 plate appearances. At age 30, Bonds had hit 292 homers with a line of .286/.398/.541 for an OPS+ of 158 in 6,038 plate appearances. Pretty close to equal. So let's say Griffey stays mostly healthy and got as many at-bats as Bonds after age 30, and hit home runs at his same pace. He would have ended up with 831 career HRs. And if he hit the Balco diet and hit them at the rate Bonds did after age 30, he would have ended up with 908.
I know it's a pretty useless exercise and uses a ridiculous amount of assumptions and conjecture, but still kind of fun to look at. One thing is clear: Griffey should have used the roids. Burnsie's Tonic just couldn't quite cut it.
- Matt Tolbert somehow got a hit. Dick: "The Twins have some speed on the bases." No, he's white and "gritty" and "scrappy." That doesn't make him fast. And he promptly tries to steal and gets thrown out by 8 feet. Beautiful. Gardy's fascination with that guy might be the worst part of him as a manager, and that's saying alot.
- Now Punto walks, and Dick wants him to steal too. What's this guy's fascination with stealing? He would have thrived down in New Orleans after Katrina.
- Milton Bradley just stole third without a throw thanks to Kevin Slowey paying zero attention to him. That's your go ahead run with only one out in a 0-0 game here in the bottom of the fifth. I know Milton Bradley's crazy. Like Carl Everett crazy, but I love his game. I bet you didn't even know that in 2008 he led the league in OBP and OPS, and that he's broken a .400 on base percentage three times. But he doesn't steal a ton of bases (career high of 17, hasn't hit double digits since 2007, and the two he stole in this inning just tripled his season total) so nobody cares that he gets on base all the time. He's like the anti-Vince Coleman, but you probably like Coleman better because you're a moron. Thanks for ruining baseball.
- Oh, and he scored on a sac fly, so his heads up steal of third probably just won the game for the Mariners - who, I'll remind you, I claimed were a sleeper World Series contender. I'm so dumb.
- Since the M's are basically out of it already, I wonder when they'll deal Cliff Lee. He's on the hook for $9 million this year, but he's a free agent after this season. If the Twins tried to acquire him (LOL) I'd assume they wouldn't be looking to add payroll in the amount and length he'd be asking for, so it would have to be a half-year rental sort of deal. Which I would be fine with, depending on what they are asking for. I'm not sure what exactly I'd be willing to give up - haven't really thought about it - and I'm sure somebody else would be willing to offer him more + a contract (I'd bet he ends up a Met), so it's really just a pipe dream, but since they won't end up making a big trade deadline deal, pipe dreams is all I got.
- They just showed the Galarraga replay again, and man, I don't like the guy or anything but that really sucks for him. Maybe even worse, apparently the umpire admitted after the game that he blew it. I'm sure that makes Galarraga feel a lot better. Ugh. Just a terrible situation. And if Miguel Cabrera isn't a terrible terrible terrible fielder and let's the second basemen get that, we aren't even discussing it and are instead trying to figure out why there are so many perfect games this year. He was probably drunk.
- By the way, I just want you all to know that Matt Wieters fucking sucks. It's like he's purposefully going out of his way to intentionally hurt me. I'm shifting all my love to Stephen Strasburg, who, by the way, will be making his first big league start June 8th, which is only six days away. I will be flying out to Washington for the occasion.*
- It's still 1-0 Mariners and we're now in the 7th. The good news is if they can get Lee out of the game (doubtful) Seattle's closer is David Aardsma, who in no way should be a closer and is the kind of closer you can rally against in the ninth. Just like Jon Rauch. :sadface:
- Cuddyer dinger. Tie game. Suck it, Cliff Lee. And Snacks. I know you hate the guy with everything you have, but I can't enable this anymore. There's no reason to hate him, guy can mash. Sure, he chases the slider down and away all the time, but it's small price to pay for the power he brings.
- Oh hell yes. Cuddy is leaving the team for bereavement because his father-in-law died (that's not the hell yes part) and Danny Valencia will be called up. Thank god we finally get to see this guy play. I'm sick of hearing about him without seeing him. And what happened to Luke Hughes? And Trevor Plouffe? Why do they keep recycling Tolbert and Casilla instead of giving one of these guys an extended look? And just cut Harris. Oh wait, you geniuses signed him for two years even though you only had to sign him for one. For such a successful and well run organization sometimes these guys are dumb as shit.
- Valencia's stats at AAA this year: .298/.350/.380 with no homers and 34-13 BB/K ratio. I could not be less excited. Sounds like another slapper. It's almost like they draft these kind of guys on purpose. Seriously, the draft is in like a week and I expect them to go off the board and get a guy whose bio reads:
PROS: Scrappy. Tough. Gritty. Hustles. Dives a lot. Slides into first to show his hustle despite all the evidence that it's a dumb play. Can play multiple positions. Regularly invites teammates over for a barbecue.
CONS: Can't hit. No idea of the strike zone. Gets an extra-base hit once a month. Makes terrible base-running decisions. Is either short and white or short and ethnic. Definitely short. Is a "Gardy" kind of guy.
- Slowey lets the first two batters get hits in the seventh, but gets out of it with a double play (started by Tolbert!) and a pop-up. We got a ballgame here folks.
- Apparently they've given up. Leading off the 8th, Punto attempted to bunt and ended up striking out and then Span did bunt and was thrown out by Lee on a pretty nice play. I guess they've decided they can't hit him. If only it was Aardsma out there.
- I've come around on the Celtics/Lakers final. I'm pretty fired up for it. Definitely rooting Celtics here. Even though I hate all Red Sox fans and most Patriot fans (but definitely all Red Sox fans), I have no problem with the Celtics. I grew up a Laker fan because I hearted Magic Johnson and hated the Celtics and Bird because I had to, as I've gotten older I appreciate the Celtics more and more, and I'm rooting for them because I hate Kobe and still love KG and definitely love Ray Allen. I've also learned to appreciate Michael Jordan. I hated that guy and considered him nothing more than a high-scoring ball hog who managed to win. But after watching a new generation of ball hogs who suck (I'm looking at you Tracy McGrady) I have to give Jordan some props. He's still just the fifth best player ever, but that's higher than I used to have him.
- I think Jesse Crain has a new curveball. That thing is pretty nasty. No way he had that pitch before, I would have noticed. And he put Seattle down 1-2-3 in the 8th. Pretty sure that's never happened before.
- Sweet! Aardsma is in to face Mauer/Morneau/Cuddy in the ninth. This probably will end up not even being a save situation for Rauch.
- Four pitch walk to Mauer. Looking like a Morneau 2-run dinger here.
- Or a wild pitch and a Morneau ground out to move him to third (look at that Twins baseball! Giving up his at-bat to move a runner up!) So now we have go-ahead run on third with one out for Cuddy.
- And he hits the ball as hard as you can, but right at the shortstop who is playing in. So it's up to Kubel. All he does is win games. Or strikeout. Also a big fan of the pop-up.
- Fly out. Shit. And apparently this has turned into a live blog of the game.
- Guerrier goes 1-2-3 in the bottom of the ninth. And I am getting way tired. Stupid west coast. And I hate traveling out there, every single sporting event is done by 8pm. When you're out there alone and have nothing better to do than sit in a hotel bar and watch sports, that really puts a bit of a damper on things.
- Twins lose. Excellent base-running by the Mariner guy. I'd write more on that play but I'm really tired. Suffice it to say, that call to ruin the Big Cat's perfect game wasn't the only bad call tonight.
* = No, I'm not.
- First, it seems pitching a perfect game has become easier than your sister after a couple glasses of Boone's Farm. On the heels of Dallas Braden and Roy Halladay's perfectos, Armando Galarraga pitched 8 and 2/3 perfect innings before having it broken up by an infield it, and according the radio the guy was only safe thanks to a bad call by the umpire (I haven't seen the replay, but I'll assume the umpire was probably racist). And the list of guys with perfect games is so weird. Out of the 20 perfect games, you have some that don't surprise you. The Hall of Famers: Sandy Koufax, Cy Young, Addie Joss, Jim Bunning, and Catfish Hunter and soon to be Hall of Famers: Randy Johnson and Roy Halladay (if he can keep it up). Then there are guys with electric stuff you don't really surprise you: David Cone, Dennis Martinez, and even Mike Witt - the fact that they were unhittable for one day isn't a huge shock.
But then the rest of these guys. Throw out Charlie Robertson because I've never heard of him and the two guys who did it in 1880 because the rules were all kinds of fucked up then, but Len Barker? He only won double-digit games twice and never posted an ERA under 4.80. Don Larsen? You would never had heard of him if he didn't toss that perfect game in the World Series. He never won more than 11 games in a season, and spent most of his career as a reliever.
The weirdest part is the sheer amount of soft-tossing lefties who achieved perfection: David Wells, Tom Browning, Dallas Braden, Kenny Rogers, and Mark Buehrle. That's as many nancy-boy southpaws who have done it as Hall of Famers. It's just so weird. I'm not taking anything away from the achievement, any way you look at it, it's still only been accomplished 20 times, but the list is mind-boggling. Apparently Brian Duensing is more likely to toss a perfecto than Felix Hernandez. So weird.
- I just saw the replay. That was a bad call. I was also just reminded that Griffey Junior announced his retirement today. Man was that guy good. And since I am pretty sure he was never using anything performance enhancing (other than Mr. Burns' Nerve Tonic, which is not on the banned list) I can't help but wonder what would have happened if he had gone on the Barry Bonds diet.
Griffey played until about 30 years old before he started getting injured all the frickin' time. At that point, he had hit 438 home runs with a batting line of .296/.380/.568, giving him an OPS+ of 147 in 7,319 plate appearances. At age 30, Bonds had hit 292 homers with a line of .286/.398/.541 for an OPS+ of 158 in 6,038 plate appearances. Pretty close to equal. So let's say Griffey stays mostly healthy and got as many at-bats as Bonds after age 30, and hit home runs at his same pace. He would have ended up with 831 career HRs. And if he hit the Balco diet and hit them at the rate Bonds did after age 30, he would have ended up with 908.
I know it's a pretty useless exercise and uses a ridiculous amount of assumptions and conjecture, but still kind of fun to look at. One thing is clear: Griffey should have used the roids. Burnsie's Tonic just couldn't quite cut it.
- Matt Tolbert somehow got a hit. Dick: "The Twins have some speed on the bases." No, he's white and "gritty" and "scrappy." That doesn't make him fast. And he promptly tries to steal and gets thrown out by 8 feet. Beautiful. Gardy's fascination with that guy might be the worst part of him as a manager, and that's saying alot.
- Now Punto walks, and Dick wants him to steal too. What's this guy's fascination with stealing? He would have thrived down in New Orleans after Katrina.
- Milton Bradley just stole third without a throw thanks to Kevin Slowey paying zero attention to him. That's your go ahead run with only one out in a 0-0 game here in the bottom of the fifth. I know Milton Bradley's crazy. Like Carl Everett crazy, but I love his game. I bet you didn't even know that in 2008 he led the league in OBP and OPS, and that he's broken a .400 on base percentage three times. But he doesn't steal a ton of bases (career high of 17, hasn't hit double digits since 2007, and the two he stole in this inning just tripled his season total) so nobody cares that he gets on base all the time. He's like the anti-Vince Coleman, but you probably like Coleman better because you're a moron. Thanks for ruining baseball.
- Oh, and he scored on a sac fly, so his heads up steal of third probably just won the game for the Mariners - who, I'll remind you, I claimed were a sleeper World Series contender. I'm so dumb.
- Since the M's are basically out of it already, I wonder when they'll deal Cliff Lee. He's on the hook for $9 million this year, but he's a free agent after this season. If the Twins tried to acquire him (LOL) I'd assume they wouldn't be looking to add payroll in the amount and length he'd be asking for, so it would have to be a half-year rental sort of deal. Which I would be fine with, depending on what they are asking for. I'm not sure what exactly I'd be willing to give up - haven't really thought about it - and I'm sure somebody else would be willing to offer him more + a contract (I'd bet he ends up a Met), so it's really just a pipe dream, but since they won't end up making a big trade deadline deal, pipe dreams is all I got.
- They just showed the Galarraga replay again, and man, I don't like the guy or anything but that really sucks for him. Maybe even worse, apparently the umpire admitted after the game that he blew it. I'm sure that makes Galarraga feel a lot better. Ugh. Just a terrible situation. And if Miguel Cabrera isn't a terrible terrible terrible fielder and let's the second basemen get that, we aren't even discussing it and are instead trying to figure out why there are so many perfect games this year. He was probably drunk.
- By the way, I just want you all to know that Matt Wieters fucking sucks. It's like he's purposefully going out of his way to intentionally hurt me. I'm shifting all my love to Stephen Strasburg, who, by the way, will be making his first big league start June 8th, which is only six days away. I will be flying out to Washington for the occasion.*
- It's still 1-0 Mariners and we're now in the 7th. The good news is if they can get Lee out of the game (doubtful) Seattle's closer is David Aardsma, who in no way should be a closer and is the kind of closer you can rally against in the ninth. Just like Jon Rauch. :sadface:
- Cuddyer dinger. Tie game. Suck it, Cliff Lee. And Snacks. I know you hate the guy with everything you have, but I can't enable this anymore. There's no reason to hate him, guy can mash. Sure, he chases the slider down and away all the time, but it's small price to pay for the power he brings.
- Oh hell yes. Cuddy is leaving the team for bereavement because his father-in-law died (that's not the hell yes part) and Danny Valencia will be called up. Thank god we finally get to see this guy play. I'm sick of hearing about him without seeing him. And what happened to Luke Hughes? And Trevor Plouffe? Why do they keep recycling Tolbert and Casilla instead of giving one of these guys an extended look? And just cut Harris. Oh wait, you geniuses signed him for two years even though you only had to sign him for one. For such a successful and well run organization sometimes these guys are dumb as shit.
- Valencia's stats at AAA this year: .298/.350/.380 with no homers and 34-13 BB/K ratio. I could not be less excited. Sounds like another slapper. It's almost like they draft these kind of guys on purpose. Seriously, the draft is in like a week and I expect them to go off the board and get a guy whose bio reads:
PROS: Scrappy. Tough. Gritty. Hustles. Dives a lot. Slides into first to show his hustle despite all the evidence that it's a dumb play. Can play multiple positions. Regularly invites teammates over for a barbecue.
CONS: Can't hit. No idea of the strike zone. Gets an extra-base hit once a month. Makes terrible base-running decisions. Is either short and white or short and ethnic. Definitely short. Is a "Gardy" kind of guy.
- Slowey lets the first two batters get hits in the seventh, but gets out of it with a double play (started by Tolbert!) and a pop-up. We got a ballgame here folks.
- Apparently they've given up. Leading off the 8th, Punto attempted to bunt and ended up striking out and then Span did bunt and was thrown out by Lee on a pretty nice play. I guess they've decided they can't hit him. If only it was Aardsma out there.
- I've come around on the Celtics/Lakers final. I'm pretty fired up for it. Definitely rooting Celtics here. Even though I hate all Red Sox fans and most Patriot fans (but definitely all Red Sox fans), I have no problem with the Celtics. I grew up a Laker fan because I hearted Magic Johnson and hated the Celtics and Bird because I had to, as I've gotten older I appreciate the Celtics more and more, and I'm rooting for them because I hate Kobe and still love KG and definitely love Ray Allen. I've also learned to appreciate Michael Jordan. I hated that guy and considered him nothing more than a high-scoring ball hog who managed to win. But after watching a new generation of ball hogs who suck (I'm looking at you Tracy McGrady) I have to give Jordan some props. He's still just the fifth best player ever, but that's higher than I used to have him.
- I think Jesse Crain has a new curveball. That thing is pretty nasty. No way he had that pitch before, I would have noticed. And he put Seattle down 1-2-3 in the 8th. Pretty sure that's never happened before.
- Sweet! Aardsma is in to face Mauer/Morneau/Cuddy in the ninth. This probably will end up not even being a save situation for Rauch.
- Four pitch walk to Mauer. Looking like a Morneau 2-run dinger here.
- Or a wild pitch and a Morneau ground out to move him to third (look at that Twins baseball! Giving up his at-bat to move a runner up!) So now we have go-ahead run on third with one out for Cuddy.
- And he hits the ball as hard as you can, but right at the shortstop who is playing in. So it's up to Kubel. All he does is win games. Or strikeout. Also a big fan of the pop-up.
- Fly out. Shit. And apparently this has turned into a live blog of the game.
- Guerrier goes 1-2-3 in the bottom of the ninth. And I am getting way tired. Stupid west coast. And I hate traveling out there, every single sporting event is done by 8pm. When you're out there alone and have nothing better to do than sit in a hotel bar and watch sports, that really puts a bit of a damper on things.
- Twins lose. Excellent base-running by the Mariner guy. I'd write more on that play but I'm really tired. Suffice it to say, that call to ruin the Big Cat's perfect game wasn't the only bad call tonight.
* = No, I'm not.
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