Merry Late Christmas!

By now you have all opened your presents and found yourself disappointed, but I have one last gift for you.  If you could have anything you want from this blog, what would you pick?  A live blog of a shark movie, right?  I know.  Well, I tried to watch Sharktopus and type it up, but I couldn't get past a half-hour in.  Maybe I wasn't drinking enough or something, but honestly that was so bad I couldn't even enjoy it.  And I've enjoyed some really, really crappy movies.  So my advice is to stay far, far, away from that turd.

So since you don't get that, what would be your second choice?  If you said a guest post from everybody's favorite rambling lunatic alcoholic vegan hockey fan, you're in luck.  Super Sioux Fan checked in out of the blue to send me this preview of some sort of I think hockey game between two teams I don't care about it.

Enjoy!

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UMD vs. UND SHOWDOWN TO THE DEATH(or something…)

What is crackin’ kids….SSF here…living the dream. Always.

Well it is that time of year again AFTER CHRISTMAS hockey. That is when my precious Sioux really kick it in to overdrive and who else to start off their ass kicking spree with than the gay ass Bulldogs. SUCK IT UMD. You want to know why I know UMD is super fucking gay? Cause look at some of its alumni:

Snake

WWWW

Dawger

Bogart

Lorenzo Music

Now everyone knows the first 4 douchers but the ONLY cool famous person from UMD I could find with this guy…Lorenzo Music the voice of Garfield .

Cool UND alumni:

Phil Jackson

My dad- Dr. Jack Knopp

My sister-Future kick ass lawyer Cassie Marka

Mark O’Stuturd-the guy who invented Summit ..the greatest beer on earth

Ed Belfour-I got his autograph in 1^st grade and thought I was the shit!

T.J. Oshie-UND’s #1 alcoholic

Jimmy Kleinsasser

Sally Smith-The president of Buffalo Wild Wings

Zach Parise-Currently the hottest man on earth (according to me)

Ralph Engelstad-#1 nazi

And honestly about 10 million more hockey players I don’t need to name. If you don’t know already then you suck ball sack..so congrats on sucking at life.

We play UMD Thursday for one game in their new stadium. Isn’t a new stadium opening kind of like homecoming….you should schedule the shittiest team to play you so you know you will win. Someone was clearly not thinking that one out.

More random shit…

-Dawger and I brought the future Mr. Hockey into this world in Oct.

He is pretty sweet but I don’t know how good of a hockey player he is going to be because he smiles a lot…like I think he might end up a legitimately nice person. What a waste.

-Dawger deals with his new parenting challenges with a case of pounders a week and I rely on coke zero and ice cream sandwiches. I‘d rather have the booze.

-My vagina did not rip after child birth..so there is a fun fact and a little info for you all…..you. are. Welcome.

Sioux fan out bitches

The First Ever DWG Mailbag

Big sports day today.  The world's longest Tennis match and a big win for the U.S.A. soccer team to win their pool at the World Cup.  But since I am equal parts don't know enough about it (not that that's stopped me before) and don't really care, I'm going to take a pass on writing about either of those things.


Instead, we're going to go with the first ever DWG Mailbag.  Thanks for writing, those of you who did. 



Q.  Which incoming Gopher basketball freshman are you most excited about?  And what's a reasonable expectation for the upcoming season?  I was unbelievably excited about last year until the debacle, but I'm actually getting pretty excited for this year as well.  I think we have the chance to be better than people give us credit for.

-  James M.

A.  None of the above?  Really, this is an incredibly underwhelming class.  You have a throw-in point guard with a cool name, a skinny white foreigner who might not even be eligible, a skinny shooter with a high basketball IQ who might have to redshirt, and a string bean prairie white boy center with chicken legs who might have to redshirt to go along with Mo Walker.  Since Walker is the only top-100 type, and maybe the only top-200 type, I'd go with him.  If you want a less obvious answer, I'll say Austin Hollins (the skinny shooter with a high IQ referenced above).  Shooting and a high IQ are good traits for a sleeper recruit to have, and a skinny kid can always grow into his body (Tayshaun Prince excepted).

As far as next year goes, if Mbakwe plays and guys like Rodney, Devoe, and Ralph continue to develop I could see a Sweet 16 run, but more likely they'll end up with a lower-upper division finish in conference and around a 6-7 seed.  If Trevor doesn't end up playing and everybody stagnates, you're probably looking at an NIT bid.

Q.  What do you see as the pros/cons of the Twins going out and acquiring Cliff Lee? & are you as baffled/outraged as I am that the Twins allegedly have interest in guys who have been designated for assignment by crappy teams like Pittsburgh and (not as crappy) Toronto (Encarnacion from Tor & some other reliever guy for Pittsburgh)?

-  Andrew W.

A.  The pros of acquiring Lee are that you have an established, proven, shut-down pitcher who always gives you a chance to win and is capable of essentially winning a game all by himself.  Not to mention an outstanding 1-2 punch at the front of the rotation, which can be all you need in the playoffs.

The cons would depend on what you gave up.  I highly doubt they'd be able to or even interested in signing Lee, so you're essentially paying for his services for a few months.  Additionally, every contender is going to be after him, so that price might get driven up pretty high.  The real worry is if they make the trade, don't advance beyond the first round, and then one or more of the traded pieces develop into a star.

Even so, I'm still advocating a Slowey/Ramos/third prospect offer.  Slowey is the kind of pitcher the Twins' minor-leagues are riddled with, so there should be no real issue with trading him.  He throws strikes and has below average stuff.  They have 10 more of these guys ready at AAA.  Ramos is obviously the center piece of the deal, and I'm not saying they should be jumping at the chance to get rid of him, but it's obvious catcher here is taken care of for a while, and they need to use this chip before the shine wears off.  Even if Ramos turns into an all-star, if Lee gets the Twins to the World Series it's worth it.

Also I am pretty sure there is no way they will have the balls to make this trade.  They will be too afraid to "mortgage their future" and instead will continue with the routine of making the playoffs and getting bounced by the Yankees.  Lame.

And I don't know anything about the Pirate reliever, but as far as 3B goes I'm just fine with the Twins exploring any and all possibilities to fill that hole, even if it means looking at the Blue Jays' castoffs or 93-year old Mike Lowell.

Q.  I’ve caught hints in a couple of posts that you watched LOST.  I’d be curious to know what you thought of the final season/finale and the series as a whole.

- John R.

A.  Faithful watcher of Lost since episode 1 here.  The show kind of lost it's way, but it veered pretty hard from what I thought I was getting myself into in the first place.  I was expecting a "stranded on an island with monsters and shit" and instead got something essentially out of the Twilight Zone.  Not that I'm complaining.

One of the best TV moments I can remember watching ever (EVER) was the first flash-forward episode in the season finale of I think season 4.  An absolute, knock-you-on-your-ass-holy-shit-no-way moment if ever there was one.  Or the opening to season 3, where The Others are sitting around, living a normal life and you think it's a flashback.  Nope, it's in real time, and the plane just crashed.  Awesome, awesome tv.  Right up until they started in on the Time Travel, this was the best show I've ever seen.

It was still good, just not great, and I was looking forward to the finale and have mixed feelings about it.  The island stuff was solid, giving you a nice wrap-up to the whole thing, and although they didn't answer all the questions, they answered enough for me.  The sideways world thing I think they could have done without, and if the final season focused on the island, and solely the island, I think it would have been stronger.  That being said, I also understand the need to finish with a big emotional payoff, giving you a happy ending for the characters you watched for the last 6 six years, and it did that.

Overall, I was luke-warm on the finale at first, but I've warmed up to it.  I would still strongly recommend the series to anybody who hasn't seen it, just know that after being blown away for four seasons, you just kind of coast to the end.

Q.  Which is your favorite shark movies of ALL the shark movies?

-  Kaylyn K.

A.  They rank like this:

Tier 1:  Jaws (not just a tier 1 shark movie, a tier 1 movie of all-time, and one which desperately needs to be released on Blu-ray)
Tier 2:  Jaws 2
Tier 3:  Jaws 3, Spring Break Shark Attack
Tier 4:  Almost everything I've blogged on here
Tier 1000000:  Shark Hunter, Deep Blue Sea
Tier 1000001:  Jaws 4

Out of the crap in tier 4, it's tough to pick a favorite.   Malibu Shark Attack will always have a soft spot in my heart for the worst science out of all of these (not counting Jaws 4).  Raging Sharks had Vanessa Angel, which is good, but also had some sort of alien crystals which caused sharks to attack humans, which was very, very bad.  And who could forget one of the Baldwins in Sharks in Venice?

But the best for pure campiness would have to be Shark Attack 3:  Megalodon.  Just go ahead and click on that link, and if you don't want to read the whole thing just watch the Youtube clip at the end.  Totally awesome.

And by the way, I really want to see Red Water again, a movie about a bull shark in a freshwater river starring Kristy Swanson and Mr. Belding (and Coolio).  I watched it when it first came out in 2003 and haven't seen it since, and it never seems to be on TV.  If you ever see that it's going to be on, please please please let me know.

And that's that.  Thanks for the mailings, folks, it was fun.  Feel free to go ahead and email at anytime if you have questions you'd like answered.  I can't say the amount of mailings was anywhere near enough to make this a regular thing, but still, go ahead and email anytime, and I'll get back to you (on here, probably).  Or, if I get enough again, the second ever DWG mailbag.

Two last things:

1.  It seems Super Sioux Fan has finally gone ahead and cracked.  And I mean all the way this time.

2.  It seems Wendy Peffercorn turned into quite the party girl.  No idea if Benny or Ham were involved.

It was probably Squints' fault, anyway.

Tom Izzo Won't Go Away

It seems Tom Izzo will be staying with the Spartans in what seemed obvious from the beginning but had just enough legs to make me hope he'd leave the conference.  Seriously, who would want to go to Cleveland to coach, even with LeBron?  And without him that team is probably worse than the Timberwolves.  I have a feeling ole Tommy wasn't ever too serious about this, and was just wondering why, after 5 final four appearances in 10 years, he doesn't get the ole ass-kiss treatment from the media dickholes like Coach K and Roy Williams enjoy.  When the Cavs came a-calling and started stroking Tommy a little bit, I think he probably enjoyed it quite a bit, but when it came time to get down to it he realized what a good thing he has going in East Lansing, and he made the right call.  Plus, Cleveland.  Oof.

And that's just the latest in a number of possible Big Ten Basketball weakening moves that would have helped the Gophers that went the wrong way.  If Izzo left, Delvon Roe had said he'd transfer.  Obviously he is now staying.  JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore put their names into the NBA draft.  Far, far, far worse players with less chance of being drafted have stayed in the draft in the past, but these two made the right decision and backed out.  Talor Battle and Demetri McCamey could have stayed in and maybe gotten picked in the second (plenty of players have stayed in hoping for the second round selection) but both made teh right call and came out.  Two Ohio State players (William Buford and David Lighty) are exactly the type the NBA loves - neither even entered their name for consideration.  Iowa easily could have justified giving Lickliter another year or so, essentially guaranteeing further years of suck.  I mean, McCaffrey will probably suck too, but Lickliter was a guarantee, and I'm not so sure the Hawkeyes aren't better off without those transfers (especially booze-hound Tucker).

So yeah, the conference is going to be an absolute monster this year.  Purdue and Michigan State are National Championship contenders and Ohio State isn't far behind.  Illinois is pretty loaded, and Northwestern is looking feistier than ever.  Wisconsin is always a pain in the ass, and Indiana's excellent class from last year will have another year of experience.  Plus Talor Battle is back and you know he's going to win a couple of games all by himself, you just hope they aren't against the Gophers.

Tubby's got his work cut out for him.



Other random thoughts while watching the Twins game and the NBA game.

-  Wow.  Todd Helton just hit that ball a mile.  I hear all this talk about him being washed up, and I'm not sure I see it.  Guy is a legend.  He should probably be able to set his own ground rules at this point.  I hope Colorado fans appreciate what they have there.  He's just a gritty, gutty gamer who gets it done.

-  Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to show up tonight.

-   Do you want to know what sucked?  Avatar.  We rented it this weekend on Blu-ray to watch on my fancy new Blu-ray player, and I'll admit the visuals were not overrated.  It was truly some of the most stunning scenery and visual scenes I've ever seen in a movie.  Of course, after an hour of that you start getting sick of watching cartoon/computer graphics, realize this story is going no where, and then cry silently to yourself as you realize you have two hours left.

Really though.  I've heard so much about this movie, I was tricked into thinking it must have a good, or at least coherent, plot.  I didn't count on the fact that if you give most people pretty pictures you don't have to include any kind of fancy "character development", "plot", or "common sense" because your average movie goer is the same kind of slack-jawed yokel who enjoys Olive Garden, Nickelback, Old Country Buffet, High School football, Overalls, Remember the Titans, Garth Brooks, giving their kid a mohawk, David Eckstein, hockey, garage sales, the blue collar comedy tour, church, college football, Teri Hatcher, Marlboro Reds, Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs, brandy, unions, Michael Cuddyer, Wheel of Fortune, State Fairs, the Terminator movies, pick-up trucks, Mama Dawger, Barbecue, Circus Circus, Dean Koontz, wrestling, the Winter Olympics, Josh Hartnett, the Vikings, the sacrifice bunt, naming their kid Tyler, Rob Schneider, showing a little hustle, Disney World, Domino's Pizza, Leann Chinn, and pointing out the difference between Nascar and whatever other kind of car racing there is because when I say "Nascar sucks" I really mean car racing in general and I don't care nor do I need you to explain that open-wheel racing or whatever it's called is better.  No, it's not.  It's still driving a car in a circle.  It's stupid.

Sorry.

Anyway, the plot sucked, I had no reason to care about any of the characters, not even Smurfette, and just when things seem like they're going to make sense and the "good guys" (who are really just blue hippies) are going to get destroyed, perhaps the biggest Deus Ex Machina since The Stand (or Jurassic Park, if you prefer) except this one makes even less sense.  Remember how Snow White could get the birds and the squirrels to do her bidding?  It's like that, but this isn't supposed to be for kids.

And, and I'm sorry here I'm rambling, there's this part where they make this huge deal about the guy from Clash of the Titans who plugs himself into his World of Warcraft machine so he can hump the bloofer lady has to subdue some dragon/bird thing and now there's this unbreakable bond and crap.  Then for the climax, he just goes and gets a different horsedragonbird anyway.  So dumb.

Rent it on Blu-ray, watch it for an hour, and then turn it off.  That's all you need.

-  Fun fact:  Joe Mauer signed a contract for $184 million.  Those numbers add up to 13.  Also adding up to 13?  4-6-3.  Believe it.

-  The basketball game just went to commercial (it's a Laker romp thus far) and they said, "Avatar on Blu Ray!  Own it today!"  Don't you dare, people.  Don't you dare.  If you do it I forbid you from reading this blog.  I would rather watch Slovenia/Serbia on a continuous loop.  I want you to notice how those teams haven't played, but they are two of the biggest slow-it-down defensive teams who would bore you to tears.  Shows I'm paying attention.

-  Shannon Brown can still jump.

-  I'm not convinced that if the Lakers win this Kobe should win MVP over Gasol.

-  Rajon Rondo is 4-16 on free throws in this series.  I don't know if I've ever heard anything quite so ridiculous.

-  US Open winner call:  Hunter Mahan.  Grandslam's rebuttal:  Dustin Johnson.

-  Well this is ugly.

-  Delmon 3-4 tonight.  Delmon rising?  Delmon rising.

-   Tiffani Thiessen gave birth to a baby girl tonight.  No word on if it's mine. (NOTE:  it probably is)

-  Lakers up 27.  I say again:  Lakers up 27.  I see no reason to continue here.  And the announcer just said "tooken" as in "the Celtics haven't tooken many free throws."  I wish I knew who this guy was.  I can't decide if he's awesome or I hate him.  It's like being married.

Tuesday's Rage

I feel compelled to write tonight as an outlet for my rage - rage against stupidity and failure to not be an idiot. I left work late tonight, and was already in a pretty good lather due to co-worker incompetence and some stupid ass parade that went on for five hours down town and forced me to listen to marching band music the entire time while in my giant office with a giant window because I'm so awesome. Marching bands infuriate me, so I wasn't in a good mood heading home and wasn't helped by the massive herds of massive hippos waddling into the metrodome to watch the Twins suck and refusing to get out of the crosswalk or even stop to consider anything regarding the laws as they pertain to pedestrians.

Anyway, I was already in a bad mood, and then I hear Gordo ask Danny-boy Gladden, "The Twins were swept four straight games by the Yankees earlier in the year, do you think they are looking for a little payback here?" Naturally, since I'm not an idiot and I pay attention to the home town club, I knew that at the very least Joe Nathan had said, "We need some revenge", which I had read not only in the linked article but had also heard straight out of Nathan's mouth on the radio. You'd think the radio announcer or color man or resident white trash retard or whatever you want to call him would pay a little attention, but instead we get, "I guarantee you there isn't a single player in that clubhouse who is thinking about revenge." I shit you not. He guaranteed it. A statement that is completely and 100% falsifiable with just a modicum of research, and it's guaranteed. I have no idea why that hack has a job announcing baseball games. If I hear something insightful out of him it will be the first time.

Then, just to add insult to injury, here comes a radio interview with Twins' resident media whore Mike Cuddyer. The question? "The Twins have been playing much better recently than they were the last time these two teams met, what has changed?" The answer from Cuddy Bear? "Nothing's changed. We are just playing better now and not making the mistakes we were making earlier this season." lka;jdf;lsa hgoigh. THOSE. ARE. CHANGES. The definition of changes. You just said nothing has changed and then told us two things that had changed in the SAME SENTENCE. Doesn't this crap bother anybody else? Is it that I'm mad, or is it the rest of the world that is stupid? Isn't that like saying "I'm not gay, I just like giving dudes oral and taking it from behind?" Seriously?

Finally, just to make sure my head explodes, Coom-doggie gives us this on the TV box, "Sabathia is one of those pitchers who if you don't get to him by the fifth, he's pretty much unhittable." Guess what his two worst innings are? Yep, the fifth and sixth. Of course. What else would it be? Now, granted, his point isn't terrible, because Sabathia over his career is pretty much unhittable once he gets to the 7th, 8th, and 9th, but after everything else I had to deal with today, it's the last straw. I've decided to deal with my rage/depression by drinking heavily and blogging about less offensive sports.

- First up, a little bit of a scouting report from an informer who was at the Howard Pulley games last night, in the form of two text messages:

TEXT 1: “U r gonna love this cobbs kid!!! Royce and Rodney combo. Wow”

TEXT 2: “Nvmd. Wrong kid. Cobbs not here. But the kid I thought was him is a freak lol.”

So there you go. We here at Down with Goldy are always striving to bring you the most accurate and up to date information. Glad to help.

- Secondly, I want to recognize with some propers our very own Rockies guy, who called out a Loooooooooooooooong time ago (back in April somewhere, I can't find it) that Jason Marquis was the man. A couple of nights ago Marquis became the majors first eleven game winner, so I'm inclined to agree with Senior Rockies. And since I'm not a retard who judges pitchers solely on wins, I should add he also has a good not great ERA of 3.61 and a WHIP of 1.29. Those are decent numbers on any squad, but for a dude who pitches approximately half his game in Coors he's having a very good season.

Rockies guy also said that Clint Hurdle was the worst manager in the majors next to Gardy, and after canning Hurdle's ass the Rockies have been on fire, bringing their sorry asses back over .500 after starting the season 18-28. Todd Helton is having another solid season (sorry Rockies guy, I know you hate him but it's true), Brad Hawpe is suddenly one of the better hitters in the NL, and Jason Hammel is looking like a future star since being plugged into the starting rotation. The Division is probably too much to ask for being nine back already, but they're just two games out of the Wild Card. I'd expect to see them make the playoffs so Helton can suck again and break everyone's heart one more time.

- Oh hey, speaking of retards who think wins are the best way to measure a pitcher's ability, check out his quote from Joe Morgan's chat today on ESPN, "The name of the game, people always want to forget, for pitchers is wins and losses. If you beat a team 1-0, as he did recently, or 5-4, it doesn't matter. If you win, that goes on the team's side of the victory column. I'm not so much for a guy that has a low ERA and a losing record. That tells me that the other pitcher pitched better than he did, because that team scored more runs." On a single game basis? Yes. For a season? This is what sucks about Firejoemorgan.com going out of business. I really don't have the energy to tear this one apart too much, but here's a simple quiz.

Which pitcher would you rather have on your team in 1992?
A. Jim Abbott, 7-15 with a 2.77 ERA
B. Jack Morris, 21-6 with a 4.04 ERA

If you chose Morris, please chainsaw your own face off (yes, that means you Dawger).

- On a non-sports note, Mrs. W and I recently started renting the HBO Series True Blood, and I have to say it is awesome. It's set in Louisiana, in a world where Vampires have revealed themselves to the general public, and just want to live amongst humans in peace (well, some of them, at least - there are still evil ones). It is masterfully written and very well acted, and to say I'm smitten with female lead Anna Paquin is a major understatement. I recommend this highly. Very highly. And here's a picture of the lovely Ms. Paquin, if you need extra incentive (plus it's on HBO, so it's boobs all over the place:


- A new list of all-time disappointments now needs to start with Rangers' 1B Chris Davis. I mean, sure, it's early and he's only 23 so it's probably too early to judge, but I'm going to anyway.

After a rookie season last year that saw him knock seventeen dingers in just 295 ABs (and a respectable .285/.331/.549) and saw him become THE NEXT BIG THING. Unfortunately, he kept the power this year but lost everything else (15 homers but .202/.256/.415) and a lead leading 114 Ks (in 258 ABs). He was sent down to AAA this week to "get things together." When a guy has a strikeout of an unheard of 44% and doesn't walk very much, he's pretty much screwed. When he can't hit the ball, it's even worse.

Davis's contact rate (% of balls swung at and made contact with) was all of 58%. To give you an idea of how awful that truly is, here is a distribution of all major league players' contact rates, with Davis included:

I'm not going to sit here and explain just how bad that is. If you don't get it, I'd rather you don't even read this blog to be honest with you. Simply put, he's three standard deviations away from the mean, which means 0.1% of all players in history have put up this kind of contact rate. I feel pretty good just giving up on him. Plus, bonus, he was on my fantasy team this year. Go me.

- Speaking of prospects flaming out, the Twins signed some dude from Germany who is apparently a pretty big deal. I've never heard of him and know nothing about him, but with a name like Max Kepler he sounds like a pretty solid Nazi. Super Sioux Fan and the rest of South Dakota or North Dakota or wherever she's from should be pretty stoked.

- The last thing I want to mention is a quick little update on Wonderbaby^TM, as I know I have been lacking in that lately and I'm sure you are dying to know what's up. Well, Wonderbaby^TM has joined her first organized activity, a tumbling class at which she excels and is already a supremely gifted athlete. You can fully expect her to not only be the first female major league pitcher, but also the first pitcher to play a position on her off days. I will leave you with a picture of the most beautiful child of all time doing her gymnastastics:


Ok not the last thing. You should also look at this awesome fish I caught this weekend. I'm awesome at everything. You should try it sometime. Life is much easier for me than you.

And that's the second biggest fish I've caught this year. Recognize.

Well this Should Liven Things Up

I knew my post below about the US Open wouldn't generate a whole lot of discussion, mainly because most of you out there are pure white trash and can't stand a white collar game, especially one dominated by a black (?) man. Luckily, while sifting through my DWG mailbox I came across an email from Super Sioux Fan, sent way back on Friday. These trainwrecks usually generated some discussion, so here you go. Speaking of white trash..........

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Rando thoughts by Siouxper Sioux Fan.............

-I never realized how great brussel sprouts were until this month. They are my new favorite veggie.

-Thinks it is amazing that I have been a receptionist for over 2 years now and I am by no means a "nice and cheery" person. I go out of my way to cut you off and be unpleasant and somehow in these economic times I still have a job....just doesnt seem right.

-Did you know that I have Never stepped foot on an airplane? Being from North Dakota I dont think that is that weird.

-Baby Dawger/Sioux Fan loves to shhhh...us, Shhhh...mama Shhh....daddy She pretty much runs our house, I guess someone has too might as well be the almost 2 year old.

-Baby Sioux fan will be 2 in exactly one month! I cant believe me and Dawg are still together to celebrate it!

-Me and Dawger forgot about our 3 year anniversary this year.....we just totally forgot about it until we were watching "he's just not that into you" and then at the part where Jennifer Aniston is complaining about how her and her bf have been together for like 7 years and he still hasnt popped the question...it totally hit me......We forgot our anniversary and Dawg will never proprose. This was an Epic fail in our relationship.

-We now have a gay roommate! Dawg is especially a fan of this ;)

-I am pretty much offically over facebook...but I am 26 so I think it is appropriate.

-People who wear Ed Hardy REALLY are douchebags
(my brother in law LOVES Ed Hardy)

-Everytime I send out a "sorry" letter to someone who interviewed at my company I really have the urge to put in something totally fucked up like

"Dear Mr. showed up in a suite and red converse shoes"
This is not a Four Letter Lie show and we do not hire Emo's. Sorry but good luck on your career search.
Try hot topic you emo fag.

-TAB is still the worlds most amazing beverage

-I hate most things and most people.....I am sure this is not that shocking

-I smack Snake 9 out of 10x that he walks by me at work this is the most enjoyment I get out of my job

-I am making my first ever trip to Home Depot today to buy a saw for fathers day....when I know all he really wants is The Hills on DVD.

-Children are the best excuse to getting out of shit at work. Thank you baby sioux fan

-Do people acutally still smoke cigs? Isnt that just something that people tried back in the 90's and that they do in trailer parks and bingo halls? I dont get it. I mean I tried smoking for awhile because sex in the city made it look cool but even that was still early 2000's.
It is fucking disgusting and I think Obama should fix it along with the 10 million other things he promised.

-I was dissapointed when I found out that Katy Perry wasnt really a lesbo.

-Speaking of that...I tried to use the word Lesbo in a scrabble game against dawg last friday night and he wouldnt let it fly. Granted I think I spelled it Lezbo but come on. He plays strictly by websters dictionary...I asked if we could compermise and use the urban dictionary...I mean we DO live in North Minneapolis. But he still said no...god he is gay.

-I am really glad that guys dont frost their tips anymore....

-I really wish I had a dick some days...it would be so much easier to masturbate.

-Scott just walked by me carrying a picnic table....haha and now he just winked at me. I think that is his way of hiding his embarrasment.

-Sometimes I wonder how smart I am compared to the average person and every time I decide that I dont want to know the answer

-Me and Dawger once went a WHOLE week without a single fight (last week). We are currently not speaking but dont worry this is very normal for us. Instead of saying good bye this morning I gave him the finger

-Everyone who bought a Wii is realizing that it just sits and collects dust because you actually have to be ambitious to play it and lets be honest we are Americans...Cause this is America

-I am proud of you if you got the Ricky Bobby quote up there...congrats you offically suck less at life then you did a min ago.

-I dont get why people think that people from GF are racist? There arent any black people to discriminate against up there....therefore it is not possible.

-And another picnic table.....jesus what are we having an employee picnic inside the office today that I was apparently not invited to?

-My job consists of talking to assholes all day and sending out fedex's. I am pretty sure this is what happens when you are catholic..kill yourself and end up in purgatory for eternety. FML

-And another wink......

-Epic looks like he dyed his hair today.....but he swears he didnt. I dont think I believe him.

-Okay I am bored now.....

suck it

Sioux Fan Out
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My brain and my soul both hurt. I'm going to go home and drink until I forget that this happened.

Super Sioux Fan Has Some Words For You

A Women's Hockey Update? Oh joy!

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Women's hockey: Lamoureuxs hammer out details for transfer to UND

Oh yes......the most exciting thing to EVER happen in girls hockey. The Lammy twins are going back to their roots transfering back to the most beautiful city on earth, Grand Forks, ND.
Okay so I know that no one give a shit about girls hockey and I know that most of you dont give shit about regular hockey but this is the closest thing to Hockey talk that I have. And without Hockey posts and WWW's Shark Attack movie reviews....I would NEVER repeat NEVER read this blog. Sorry....it is true, I have to listen to Dawg argue stupid points all day every day. Yes you can feel sorry for me, no wonder I am such an angry Bitch who hates Jews.

The girls apparently SHOCKED their coach when they asked for their scholorship to be lifted. To be honest that fact that they actually would stab their family in the back and go to Minnesota should have been the real shocker but why am I not surprised.
They will not be eligible to play next season but they will more then likely playing in the 2010 Olympics. Honestly I know these girls.....well I knew these girls. We used to throw shot put, discus and Javelin on a throwing team in GF and they used to wear berets...so personally I have always thought they sucked. Then when they signed with Minnesota I knew they sucked. But now I must say they suck much less. I would imagine being the 3rd and 4th top players in the game and only being freshman that UND has pretty much got it in the bag for quite a few seasons to come offically making it Hockey Town, USA.

Ps. I only posted this because Snacks told me it would be awesome and that he looked forward to it during a facebook chat yesterday. Yes, I facebook chat at work. My job sucks more dick then The Todd. He also confirmed that El Todd is scared shitless of me. Todd you have never been more smart.
Also Mrs. Snacks is STILL not a lesbian and STILL not into "baby's mama's"........suck

Suck dick Bitches.

Siouxper Sioux Fan
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Thanks again Mama Dawger, you are always entertaining. Although it makes me very nervous and concerned that you and Snacks are chatting away on facebook. Watch your back Mrs. Snacks.

I have no idea what's going on here

I received this post from Super Sioux Fan, and apparently she teamed up with somebody who I don't know who it is to write something about hockey. I couldn't be bothered to read it because I'm currently laughing my ass off at Zack & Miri Make a Porno, which might be the greatest movie of all time.

So, whatever. Here you go. I'm sure this is as awesome as it is lucid.

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Gopher weekend Preview(Epic Guy)

Big series against UMD this weekend for my beloved Gophers; they seem to be suffering from the same ailment that all Minnesota teams have right now. Presently they sit in 7th place with 24 points, a sweep would catapault the Gophs into 5th place.
Kangas has gone from our lord and savior to...well...garbage. The goals he has been letting in have been extremely soft. Granted he is getting zero help from the defensemen. The Gopher's defensive efforts have been downright awful and any high school JV team could score a couple goals on them (see St. Cloud State).
The only Gopher defensemen that has impressed lately has been Aaron Ness. Cade Fairchild should focus more on D and less on shooting the puck into traffic and creating odd man rushes.

Bottom line is the Gophers need to stop trying to make the perfect pass and put a couple bodies in front of the net and get some garbage goals. They have the speed and skill to be the top team in the WCHA but have been lacking any sort of consistency. My prediction? Gophers split with the Bulldogs.


Siouxper Sioux Fan

Nice Epic guy.....WOW finally someone with some knowledge. Epic guy works with me and Snake....he loves the gophers, recently went on a 15 day argyle wearing streak, and has blonde very spiky hair. He is Legit.

So UND play CC this weekend and things are going just as I predicted. Anyone who seriously thought that the beginning of the season set our fate, is clearly an idiot. Granted I am not proud of the BS way we seem to always start out the season but it is our "thing" and whatever works I guess. We are currently in a deadlock for 1st place in the WCHA with Denver, I believe we do have 1 more game then them so we should be in the clear.
Our rookie goalie has really come through here for us as of late and it is like a 10 ton weight taken off of our shoulders (imagine WWWWW sitting on top of your shoulders......ouch)
The whole Siouxper Sioux Fan family will be heading to the final 5 this year. It is like our super bowl and we love it. I am going to be bold and say that we are going to sweep this weekend, I am also going to be obvious and say that the gophers are going to be eating broomstick.
That is just my predicition.

PS

Kangas=Hot Garbage

Random Thoughts from Super Sioux Fan

I suppose I better post this so I don't get stabbed in the eye at some point.

Random Thoughts by Mama Dawger...........

-What is with THAT guy at Bdubs that sits there in his leather jacket with a basket of wings and a pop watching ESPN highlights by himself for lunch? I mean I know said guy doesnt actually have a job...but does he have any idea how pathetic he looks? And he sits right in the middle of the long bar area so people who actually have friends have to sit awkwardly around him....I hate that guy.

-That one guy in every group of friends who feels it is his job to tell everyone how gay they are. "Dude you are soooo gay", "god your gay dude"
Unfortunetly I think I am this person.

-I hate passing out peoples mail at work...I mean I get that it is part of my job "duties" but it pisses me off none the less

-Asshole sales calls....If you are a cold call sales guy....I offically hate you. These jobs are designated to the biggest piles of shit this planet has to offer. Not only are they rude dicks they actually think I might be stupid enough to believe a thing they have to say. No sir you are not "friends" with the owner of my company, no sir you are not "returning" his phone call, no sir you didnt just speak to him last week and I know this because he has been out of the country and your an asshole. Lets just say I am these guys' worst enemy. I have been called a bitch by hundreds of these guys and it makes my day.

-So everyone remember "Epic Guy" well Epic Guy wore a tee shirt today that says "EPIC" on it.....shocking.

-When my boss creeps up on me and asks me some stupid question and just sits and stares at my tool bar to see what I am doing on my computer. Dude I can see you staring at my email. It is rude and weird.

-Everytime Snake gets off the elevator I mouth to him what a homo he is. I think he likes it and agrees.

-There is this really annoying sales girl that just laughs all day long for no Fing reason. She will say good bye to you as she is leaving and then just start 'ahhahhahhhaa' laughing. I am so confused.???? Not only do I want to punch her square in her mouth for being so obnoxious I want to slip a riddlen in her diet coke just to shut her the F up.

-Also Snake loves this girl...she is crazy and likes to kill animals so naturally he is infatuated with her. sad

-Also some douche wore a soccer jersey to work today. I am not sure I need to elaborate on that one. Bear might think it is cool though.

-I ate 3 lunches today....this is the truth as sad as it may be.(left over thai food, Bdubs onion rings and pizza)

-I dont like when guys wear leather jackets in general but then when they accessorize it with the OJ Simpson leather gloves......??? WTF dude. haha

-Gina Maria's Pizza is SO salty. Anyone else ever notice that?

-Alot of people are wearing plaid today and not just one plaid clothing item but 2 mismatching plaid items....together. Did I miss something? Was I drunk for too long and missed a whole new fashion trend? Have I been watching too much Barney and not enough E channel?

-Do people actually listen to country music other then Alex Kangas? I dont think they do.....

-So the movie Taken was freaking amazing. Me and Dawger saw it last weekend and it was intense. I didnt even touch my pop or popcorn the whole movie.

-Baby Dawger runs our house.

-I found out that Dawger hides booze and chew in his upstairs bathroom. That is so fucked up......

-Dont EVER call me a Bitch to Dawgers face or he will punch you in yours. This is a fact.

-The gopher hockey team makes me smile. Epic guy told me he actually cried. This by no means surprises me.

-I think that vodka cran with lime is a super homo drink. I think it reaches into homo territory once you take the time to actually cut a lime and put it in your drink. My 20 year old brother once ordered a vodka cran at the bar cause it was his first time at a bar and the lead singer of Four Letter Lie told him to order one because that is his favorite drink. So maybe since he drinks it, it isnt as gay....????

RIP Don Lucia

You asked for it, so here is a new post from Super Sioux Fan. I've read through this three times now, and I have no idea how to even begin to introduce it, so just read it.....if you can. Or just skip it and read my super insightful review of the Gopher/Iowa game instead.


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Sioux,Sioux,Sioux,Sioux.........you had better get used to that sound Snake cause it is all your gonna be hearing tonight.
This weekend is one of my favorite of the year. I think I said last year that this was "the greatest day of my life" the first day of the series. I dont know that I would go that far this year, but I may feel that way after the weekend is over if we come out with a sweep. Which honestly is about as likely as Dawger ever proposing to me, so needless to say I am not that optimistic. But I am wearing my Sioux Jersey with my Red Pepper Tee Shirt underneath so between the two we might have a chance. I figure it is like double good luck. I am like the walking billboard for Grand Forks right now, Red Pepper and Sioux Hockey.....the two greatest things about GF. They should pay me.

So your beloved Lucia is out with a mysterious illness....which in North Dakota is what we call Pussyitis.
I think he is afraid that Haxtol is going to give HIM the finger this year (which he would rightfully deserve). I just want to see Haxtol jump the boards, glide gracefully across the ice and kick the shit out of that guy. Now that would be the greatest day of my life.

So we have planned to watch the game at Snakes house tonight. I plan to spend the majority of my evening harrassing lil Snake, getting him to say he loves the Sioux, and then probably wrestling Snake to show him what a little girl he is. I am still not able to take Dawger in a wrestling match, he is little but freakishly strong. I am starting a boxing/kickboxing/mma class tomorrow so I can beat up Dawg in a Brock Lesnar kind of way. I cant wait, 2nd Greatest day of my life..?

So did you know that Four Letter Lie is writing a new album? Yeah it is true (3rd greatest day EVER). I am going to go ahead and say that it will probably be awesome.
They played a show with QuietDrive downtown the day after Christmas. Me, my sister and all of my little bro's went to the show. I tried to get Dawg to go but he said he would rather kill himself, I took that as a maybe? But no luck. We of course hung out with the bands in their bus before the show. It was awesome. Although there were a TON of people there......I found that only me and my brothers knew all the words to the songs.....???? I am guess people were just shy??? I have recently been on "the wagon" so I snuck in a few cans of TAB(classy I know), bought some pizza and rocked out. You know they sell pizza and nachos at those concerts...it is freakin awesome. I ate the shit out of that pizza. I was by far the oldest person there....but I am okay with this because being Dawgers live in GF I always feel young! :) It was kind of nice to feel old for once.
Come to think of it I also feel kind of old at work, I am probably in the top 10 oldest people here. Snake is by far the #1 oldest person here. He is also that guy that has worked her FOREVER and is ALWAYS around but NO ONE knows who he is. It is like he doesnt exist. It is the funniest shit. I mention him and people ask if he is new and then are totally confused when I tell them that he is literally always around.




Also it is true Dawg has exteremly small nipples. They are like the size of a skittle. I love it. See look.......


INSERT DAWG/NIPPLE PIC
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Yeah, I'm not really sure what that was and I don't think there's any actual hockey talk, and I decided not to post a topless pic of Dawger for a myriad of reason, not the least of which is what if he decides to run for office some day?

That picture is of her and her family I think that she wanted posted for some reason that I couldn't figure out, but then again, I couldn't really get through that post either. That's her, second from the left I think, although I've never actually met her. It proves two things:

1. I was right and all girls named Kaylynn are hot.
2. She has the crazy eyes and I'm even more terrified of her than I was before.

Best Comments of 2008

I realize most people do their best ofs before the year is quite over, but I'm like a week late. It's hard to go through a full year's worth of posts and read all the comments. Without further ado, here are the best comments of 2008 in no particular order, except chronologically:


- Dawg: "Do you think Hoffbauer will stick around for at least 2 years or will his guranteed NBA lottery pick status force him to leave after his freshmen season?"

- Anonymous: "I will take sweet sweet Pam Oliver anyday"

- Super Sioux Fan: "I am sure you are some old guy who has to stare at it because you cant get it. Creeper"

- The Todd: "I love women...especially ones that are deuce plus and/or in wheel chairs."

- Dawg: "Its a well known fact that Iowans are very anti-vampire."

- Snacks: "fake boobs are very weird"

- Rabid Husky: "Nice blog idiots"

- Joe: "You are without question the most cynical man alive"

- The Todd: "Reason #37 why you are my hero."

- The Todd: "shit my pants drunk or dance with fat girls drunk?"

- Kevin: "Shane Schilling was nice"

- Roy: "Snake is far from a dipshit"

- Jacie Z: "Hot chicks are so nasty!"

- Snake: "I also just had Billy Bob on. One of the greatest pieces of cinema I have ever seen. GOd Damn Mox can sling the pill!"

- Dawg: "I hope they at least have the decency to spit on "it" before they rape us this Sunday"

- Dawg: "I refuse to call a white guy Jamal"

- Everyone: everyone proving how retarded Dawg is about baseball.

- Anonymous: "It's "Hoffarber" not Hoffbauer. You'd think after 20 games you'd know that by now."

- The Sidler: "I always died of dysentery..."

- Larry Eustachy: "Thats the least she could do to make up for her tiny breasts."

- Just telling the truth: "Snacks is gay"

- Anonymous: "This blog just hit rock bottom! Thanks WWWWWWWWWWW, another reader lost!"

- Anonymous: "You guys have to lay off the pipe."

- Jimmy: "I'd rather watch Balls of Fury than read another post from Dawg."

- From the Barn: "another coach was forced to resign because he was underutilizing Rico Tucker."

- Anonymous: "Is that her snizz hanging out?"

- Dawd:"in the last year I've seen you get your ass kicked by a ballerina wearing a white vest and Momma Souix Fan."

- Said Person: "Four Letter Lie is the greatest band ever"

- Dawg: "Why does a team that relies on obtaining free agents on the cheap miss oportunities for a couple of studs that are coming off injuries ie Colon and Prior"

- Theory: "Dr. Acula's boyfriend, Camillo Villegas"

- Dawg: "Give the little gay meat raffle guy from the Knight Cap a pat on his sloppy bottom from me."

- Snack's wife: "i'm all real bitch!"

- Amanda Jax: "the parents will have to sue some poor mexican bar tender from Cancun for his donkey and wool blankets because those sissy mankato students can't handle their drinks."

- Dr. Acula: "My buddy has a gay brother named Colton. His last name is not Iverson. Probably no relation."

- The Sidler: ""Twins Baseball - you're going to need two flasks!""

- Bear: "I'm going to go read Up with Bucky, with a flaccid crank"

- Super Sioux Fan: "most sioux fans are complete douches"

- C. Garey: "If you're looking for friends you've come to the wrong blog"

- Anonnymous: "Has Gardy ever made a mistake? I guess not since he's forgotten more baseball than me."

- C. Haskins: "I want to see a winning product. I couldn't give two shits less what the graduation rate is"

- Holy Hell: "I found this blog by googling suck my crank"

- Anonymous: "I didn't expect Blackburn to regress to the mean in the span of one inning..."

- Hawkeye Fan: "Sorry "friend", You got owned by a farmed raised Iowa boy." - after owning Dawg in one of the staggering amount of arguments he lost in the comments.

- Klinger: "I should clarify for this blog...NHL = National Hockey League - my apologies for wandering into this uncharted territory."

- Snake: "Young's problem is he doesn't swing enough. He needs to take less pitches and just chop away!"

- SLombardozzi#4: "Beasley will be a poor mans Anthony Mason in 2 years."

- Theory: "Tiger could punch an old lady in the face and the announcers would be like, "She probably deserved it."

- The Todd: "My main summer attire includes crocs, workout shorts and an old T'wolves KG jersey from Walmart."

- Snacks: "God I can't stand the people on the gopher hole"

- The Sidler: "Livan is the best pitcher on the team--he has 9 wins"

- Jeremy: "this dude is frickin' hilarious."

- Tiffany L: "So what ever happened to Van Peebles two anonymous "colored" friends on the boat? Hopefully they didn't end up in the water because I am guessing they couldn't swim very well."

- Sharks Love Revenge: "this is by far the best movie review of all time. If I had to listen to that queer talk about paladin's one more time I was going to have to go jump in the ocean hoping that some shark wanted revenge on my family too."

- Tom: "You are clearly one of the top 5 or 6 gopher bloggers out there"

- The Todd: "I'm also known as a very solid penetrator and am currently listed at 5'9/235 with a 17 inch vert and 6.7 forty time."

- Faldo: "Doctors say he will be fine but I say blindness, thats what you get when you dont come through for Faldo you get blindness"

- Dawg: "Blacky wins 16 games next season and probably starts dating Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan."

- Anonymous: "there is nothing worse than homer fan"

- Dawg: "By the way my name is Dawg McDawgerson."

- Anonymous: "Gardy is an asshole and so is anyone who doesnt agree."

- Anonymous: "This blog sucks so I would love to read a blog that is average!"

- Bear: "I think it's called You're A Douchebag In C Minor."

- Bogart: "I live in Chicago where I'm a fancy rich lawyer who makes tons of money and I am so much better than you, peasant."

- Matt: "Please spare me with this "blueprint" and "small ball" bullshit."

- Dawg: "The Gophers blew the doors off of Montana State the supposed cream of the I-AA crop."

- Dawg: "Naked Guy looked great taking naked BP today."

- Justin Bobby: "Heidi with Brody, haha, thats just proposterous!"

- Tiffany: "Bogart- You have been portrayed perfectly on this site by WWWWW. Gambling problem (check), poor eye for NFL QB talent (check), love of wearing NFL jerseys (check) and poor skin (check)"

- The Todd: "Suck it long and suck it hard Dharma Bum."

- Theory: "I thoroughly enjoy these golf posts. They're the only posts on here that I read."

- Trig: "Brady is a man's man, ultimate teammate, and a complete gamer"

- Anonymous: "Reason #2986 why dawg is a complete sports retard!"

- Dawg: "The difference between Okposo and a figure skater is the figure skater isn't afraid to get his hands dirty"

- Mama Dawger: "yeah, your a dork. But I still want to be your live in girlfriend."

- Dawg: "I love you more than Woody Allen and Dusty Rychart combined."

- Super Sioux Fan: "everyone looked at me like I was retarded or something."

- Super Sioux Fan: "I am gay"

- Super Sioux Fan: "I hate the gays..........and the jews."

- Dawg: "When your only interaction with African Americans is watching them from 15 rows up at a Gopher Basketball game then you are probably a racist."

- Mama Dawger: "You have obviously never wrestled. It is a pure man's sport. There is nothing homoerotic about it. Other then the singlettes, the 'saturday night ride' and 'checkin the oil'. I know it makes it "sound" gay. But it's really not."

- Bear: "I thought this was Down With Goldy, not Down With A Blatantly Offensive & Racist Mascot"

- Anonymous: "The only thing that could make that show more gay is to have unicorns prance around the set with rainbow streamers tied onto their little horns."

- Dawg: "Weber throws to Decker every time because nobody can cover him."

- Bear: "Hitler wasn't really that bad of a guy"

- The Todd: "Optimator and I would make out every time the Gophers scored."

- Anonymous: "Sounds like Dawg knows as much about Fantasy Football as he does Baseball and college hoops"

- Super Sioux Fan: "I think I am going to remain drunk until the end of this hockey season"

- Anonymous: "But as we know from Twins talk on this blog, expectations cant change mid year and we need to just accept that this team is doing as good as it is being so young."

- Anonymous: "billy bean can shove moneyball up his gay ass"

- Dawg: "I wish I would have got to see him bean Joe Morgan in his fat head."

- Snacks: "Remember how Hargrow used to put his head down and take it to the rack every single time he had a white guy guarding him?"

- Tubtastic: "D2 football = not able to let go. It is the xfl equivalent for college football. They should blast "Glory Days" in the background during all D2 football games."

- The Todd: "You'll be happy to know I babysat my nephew last night which allowed me some cable access for a few brief hours. And in my stupidity I came across a Gopher basketball game. At Indiana. Thinking it was live. I didn't realize until the very end that it was from last March."


And that'll do it. Do I have a favorite? Nope, comments are like kids, I hate every one equally. Keep up the good work in 2009, comments pretty much make this blog.

A Christmas Wish Answered

If you could have one thing for Christmas, what would it be? For me, it would be a post from Siouxper Sioux Fan, and guess what was in my yahoo mailbox? That's right, it's a wish no more. So without further wasting of time, here she is, possibly drunk at work:

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hey, okay I feel bad for the blog here is a off the cuff post (haha like they havent ALL been)

REAL HOCKEY TEAMS PLAY DURING XMAS BREAK (suck it)
So I felt like this was well needed. Since the last two hockey posts were LITERALLY the worst shit I have ever read in my life, I decided to save the blog once again. HA
And my team is finally on a winning streak (6 games bitch) so I am not as ashamed to write about them now.
We play Michigan State on sat and Michigan Tech on Sunday. I am predicting 2 W's.

Do you know that when WWWW sent us a Christmas card he did not put me or Baby Dawger on the envelope.....????? What kind of shit is that? I was VERY offended but then I remembered the time that he said something about how all girls named Kaylyn were HOT.....So then I was no longer mad at him. And then I decided that he may be a genius.

So who else is in love with W's Shark Reviews lately? I might be your #1 fan W. And FYI the reason that Snake doesnt post anymore is because he quit watching hockey and just sits at home all day on Facebook. What a Loser.
Him and bogart just sit and "poke" each other back and forth.

So honestly I only wrote this post because I am so bored at work today. It is 4:26pm on tuesday which = the longest shit of my life. I just want to get out of here so I can sit in a half an hour of traffic, go to ridgedale to my least favorite store of all time to pick up my dad a Gopher Wrestling Sweatshirt. BS
You know I talked to a big Gopher Hockey "FAN??" today and even though she is a U of M Alum. she didnt know that they had one of the, if not THE best Wrestling programs in the country.......How do you not know that?
I dont get it....... Granted she is the same person that I try to make "small talk" with in the break room and it goes something like this

Hockey"fan?" (wearing a gopher hockey sweatshirt)-"Hey Kaylyn how is it going"?

Kaylyn"siouxper sioux fan"-"oh good, nice games this weekend, huh?

Hockey"fan?"-"HUH?" (with very stunned look on face)

Kaylyn- "The hockey games" (derrrrrrrrrr)

Said Hockey "fan"- "oh yeah I dont ACTUALLY watch the games unless I got to them, I dont like keep track of how they are doing".

Kaylyn-"Nice fan" (then walk away)

That is about how it goes. It really is sad. It seems to be the pattern with Gopher hockey "fans". Except Snake he is an exception to this pattern, if they suck he will gladly say "they fing suck" and that is what I like and appreciate about Snake. What I dont like about Snake is how he is ALWAYS sandbagging me on the blog.....dick.

Anyways that about covers it........shit it is only 4:36pm. Now I get to go home and put the finishing touches on Christmas while dawg spends his evening at the bar, then the Gopher Basketball game. I personally would rather fucking kill myself but, hey whatever.

Siouxfan out Bitches
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Merry Christmas? And thanks Momma Dawger, as always I remain your #1 fan.

Rambling Sioux Fan Post + Additional Reader Content

Are you in the mood for a rambling, semi-incoherent post riddled with spelling mistakes? No, I'm not drunk again. It's time for an email from our favorite racist hockey female, Super Sioux Fan aka Momma Dawger. And if you manage to get through this whole thing, there's a video sent in by a DWG reader that is sure to annoy and horrify you. Anyway, here we go:

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This weekend was pretty uneventful. Mostly because the Sioux had a by.... Yeah that is the only reason it was uneventful.

The Epic Gophers (that is what some guy at work called gopher hockey today...Epic) haha What a douche bag.
Anyways they shared a victory (Tie) with Sconnie on Friday night, then destroyed them on Saturday night.
In funny news Bemidji aka the worst team in the WCHA swept SCSU. That victory last weekend just isnt as sweet now is it gopher fans.
So as of now UofM is #1 in the WCHA and my Sioux are rockin #6. I believe we fell of the top 20 list according to espn.com. Granted this is never a great way to start out the season it is pretty typical of us. We start out shitty and start playing hockey around christmas time. That is usually when the gophers start to win less games and barely make the playoffs.
So I guess it is just another rough start of the season for my Fighting Sioux.

The Sioux play Sconnie next weekend and I am predicting a split. I would say we will sweep them but I am realistic although it is by no means impossible. Maybe Ryan Duncan can get his head out of his ass and remember that he is a god damn Hoby Baker winner. But the chances of that are slim. Maybe Finley will start some sweet fights and kick some Sconnie ass.

Hopefully the Sioux sat at home and used this weekend off to think about they actions last weekend. It was the most embarrasing display of hockey ever played....well not counting the Gopher vs Holy Cross game of course :)

PS. No you guys will NEVER live that down.

Siouxfan OUT!

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So there you go. Once again, I didn't bother to read it since it's about hockey, but she assures me it's awesome.

On to my other email, this one included a video and was sent in by Ryan M., who seems like a pretty awesome dude. I tried to come up with something clever to say about it, but it speaks for itself. It's a video for getting flu shots, something that is good, and they used the world's most annoying mascot, Goldy, something that is pure evil, so it's kind of a mixed message. Unless your message is to be really irritating. Or to say that you should get massive amounts of heroin injected into your blood stream by an oversized rodent.



You peoople should email more often. We could do a mailbag type deal, like the sports buy does but less bostony. Anyone? No? That's cool. I'm busy anyway.

P.S. I think Cole Hamels might be jesus.

Super Hockey Preview Post

I figured I better get this up, seeing how everyone is getting all spastic. Remember, I didn't write this. Mama Dawger did. I'm just posting it because Snake is too lazy to write his own preview and somehow got her to do it. Completely unedited except for page breaks because that shit was impossible to read.

Oh, and the picture was sent to me too. That's Baby Dawger being abused by her parents. No, we aren't going to turn this into a baby pictures blog.

Here we go, Mama Dawger's initial post:

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SIOUX Hockey Preview Bitches

I know that is what you have all been waiting for......a witty, SIOUX hating hockey preview from Snake but that isnt going to happen today. Lucky you. Instead you got SIOUXPER Sioux fan aka Mama Dawger to catch you up on EVERYTHING you wanted to know about this seasons (Sioux) hockey team!

- See above pic! Baby Dawger rockin her Sioux gear. God she loves it.

So after a disappointing semi final game last year 2 of the Sioux's stand out players T.J Oshie and Taylor Chorney swore that they would stay one more year and get that national title......well the little pricks decided to take the paycheck instead and move on and make their NHL debut. We lost Jean-Phillipe Lameroux aka (worst goalie of all time, other then that tool Jordan Parise) to graduation this year along with the worlds best handicapped defense men Robbie Bina (aka Dawgs favorite player).

So this year we are looking at a couple of veterans to lead us to that Championship this year. We have returning of course Ryan 'that guy who won the Hoby a couple years ago but then sucked after' Duncan, and Joe Finley the 'cake eating' kid from Eden Prairie who my Grandma is in love with. She is always telling him to stop fighting..haha...Gma..haha

We also have some new guys on the team this year. Mario Lameroux, David Toews. Sound Familiar? That is because they are all the little bro's of Phil and Jonathan former Sioux stand outs.

We also have a new goaltender by the name of Brad Eidsness who has been drafted by the Buffalo Sabres. People are worried about him and we have suffered in the rankings because of it but hey that is what people thought about CC last season.
Our trend seems to be start out slow and then rock it the last half of the season. Hopefully we can get off to a good start beginning with the BU and UMass games this weekend. We are looking forward to playing against BU's frosh goalie as well.

Gopher's anyone? Incase anyone is interested here is the preview.

They play British Columbia in an exhibition game tonight then have tomorrow off. You will do decent throughout the year of course losing to UND at the Holy Grail of Arena's The Ralph. Which you will all make excuses for and call us goon's (sound familiar Dawg). Then you will get to the point of the season where it actually matters and you will suck it and you will suck it bad. yeah I would say that is pretty accurate.

I would anticipate Gophers will take British Columbia and the SIOUX may spilt. I still hold firm that UMD will beat Superior regardless of what Snake says.
Speaking of Snake he lucked out this year because the gayer then Blake Wheeler NCAA said we are no longer allowed to have a college fantasy hockey league. It is free for god sakes let us have some fun. Snake basically came in dead last....not that I did much better but I still beat him and I am a chic so that means he sucks and I am awesome.

Poor Dawg is going to have to drag his hockey hating, Oshie loving ass to Joe Sensors with me, Snake, Baby SiouxFan Dawger, and On the verge Sioux Fan lil Snake this season to watch the team that God made with his own hands and handed down to the beautiful state of North Dakota...hey.

Well, let the savaging begin..........

-Siouxfan out

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Hurry back Snake.