Greetings from the City of Angels

That would be Los Angeles, just so you know.  I know back in the day when I used to travel all the time I would just fill up the hotel room sink with a bunch of beer and ice, drink it all, and just blog like crazy.  I would like you to know that I've grown up from those days - the beer is in the fridge. 

-  I was at the Dodger game tonight (more on that later) and I opened up Twitter on my phone to tell everyone how cool I am for being at Dodger Stadium and what do I see?  J.P. Macura committed to Xavier.  Shit.  Everything Pitino has been doing with recruiting has been impressive so far with getting on so many top 5 and top 3 lists for a whole bunch of really good prospects, but none of that matters if nobody actually, you know, signs on to become a Gopher.  Right or wrong (actually obviously wrong) Macura was the one everybody just kind of assumed would be a Gopher.

He was a Minnesota kid, and although he was highly regarded (#104 according to Rivals) he wasn't so highly regarded that the big time programs would be after like with Rashad Vaughn, Tyus Jones, and Reid Travis (recently offered by Duke by the way - FML) and so the Gophers would have an edge despite the late start for Pitino in chasing him.  There was also the perception, for some reason, that the other two schools in the hunt (Xavier and Creighton) were lesser programs and that also gave the Gophers a real good shot.  Well, oops.

The new Big East is a pretty damn good hoops conference (Xavier, Creighton, DePaul, Georgetown, Marquette, Providence, St Johns, Seton Hall, Butler, and Villanova) with some pretty good history among those individual programs, not to mention between each other in the old Big East, so you can certainly see why Macura would be interested.  Minnesota's enrollment is north of 50,000, while Xavier is just shy of 5,000, so if the kid wants smaller class sizes and student body (I have no idea if this was a factor) there's a dramatic difference.  And it's not like J.P. didn't do his due dilligence, he unoffically visited the U like 5 times, but Xavier showed up to visit with him today and left with his verbal, so good on them. 

There's no doubt that this sucks.  Even though Macura wasn't the highest rated player Pitino has worked to have a shot with, he was the most likely to become a Gopher, or so we thought.  Those who are talking themselves into the fact that Macura didn't commit to Minnesota because he's worried Pitino will recruit over him with a higher rated wing (hi gopherhole) are just chasing unicorns (along with those thinking oh well he wasn't a program changer anyway or Pitino is after bigger fish anyway).  Although I remain confident, there is nothing really to be confident about and that's the honest truth. 

Some fans are panicking.  Some are almost absurdly confident.  The truth, as usual, is somewhere in the middle.  There's no doubt Pitino has made some serious recruiting inroads, and the Gophers remain very much in the game for some very good players.  The most important right now is probably Lourawls Nairn, ranked #61 by Rivals who has narrowed his list to the Gophers, Oklahoma, and Indiana.  If Pitino can ink him we can all throw a party with sombreros and pie and move on with confidence.  There are still a handful of others who could make us all feel warm and happy (Isaiah Whitehead, Paul White, Josh Martin) as well as the remaining three Minnesota kids, but recruits are committing all over the place right now and I would feel much, much better if the Gophers could sign one of them.  Any one.

-  We went to the Dodger game tonight which was cool.  It was supposed to be the whole group of 20 or so who are out here for this work thing, but everything fell apart and it was just me and one co-worker.  We cabbed it out there (nearly an hour, stupid LA traffic) and as we're getting out of the cab I say, "You brought your ticket right?" because I had purchased them (corporate card, of course) and printed his out and gave it to him before we left Minnesota.  He says, "oh shit no, it's in my laptop bag."  I chuckled because of course I assume he's kidding.  He wasn't, and he's like, what do we do now?

Luckily I'm like Jason Bourne and quick on my feet, so I'm like "boom smartphone" and pull up the ticket and we should be good to go.  Well the 100-year old man at the gate is like, "no, you have to have a printed ticket" and I ask if there's anywhere to print them here assuming he'll say no and we're shit out of luck.  Fortunately, however, he says we can go to Lot G where they actually have Stubhub ticket booths to print tickets.  Nice.  We walk halfway around the stadium and get the ticket printed and we're good to go.

Then we get in and I look where we are and we are walking in by section 52.  Our tickets are section 53.  This is working out well.  We look around, however, and can't find 53.  So we ask the usher dude who kind of chuckles and says, "you're on the wrong side of the stadium guys."  Turns out the even sections are on one side of the stadium and the odd are on the other.  We walked in by the right field foul pole and our seats are by the left field foul pole only we can't get there going through the outfield sections and have to pretty much walk all the way around the stadium.  So at least we got to see pretty much all of it, which was nice.

-  Dodger Stadium was really nice, and you'd never know it was built in 1962 and is the third oldest major league ballpark still in use behind Fenway, which is a dump, and Wrigley, which I'm ashamed to admit I still haven't been to.  It's got that thing all the newer ballparks have where you can see the game from the concourse no matter where you are (which came in handy tonight) and was just a real nice, pleasant field.  We had seats right by the Dodger bullpen in the third row in left field and I never had a ball hit anywhere near me.  Still have never caught a ball at a major league game which seems ridiculous considering how many games I've been to in my life.  Stupid probability.

-  Juan Uribe hit 3 home runs which was pretty cool because I can't recall ever being at a game where somebody hit 3 home runs.  You know how many homers he hit last season?  Two.  The year before that?  Four.  So this was the rarest of rare occurrences and I think it makes me pretty awesome.

-  There were way more non-white people there than at Target Field.  Like way more.

-  Carlos Marmol throws really, really hard.  That's not breaking news, but we were right next to the Dodger bullpen and a bunch of guys warmed up and you could hear the catcher's mitt pop but when Marmol got up it was a whole different sound - like when he first aired it out everyone in the section's head just jerked in that direction to see what was going on.  Of course, he has no idea where he's throwing it, but he has no idea where he's throwing it pretty fast.

-  Dodger Stadium is pretty spendy.  I got what they're famous for - a Dodger Dog (good as advertised) and garlic fries (not nearly as good as I expected) plus a domestic light beer and the total was $24.  I guess it's pretty stupid to continue to get surprised by stadium/airport/movie theater/hotel prices, but I've never said I'm not stupid. 

-  Speaking of that, this hotel I'm at might be the fanciest I've ever stayed in, and I've stayed at the Cornhusker Inn in Lincoln, NE.  And a water costs $4.  I'm not talking some fancy water from the mini-bar either, just regular old bottled water.  The mini-bar water is $7.50, as is a bag of chips that would normally cost 99 cents.  Snickers?  $5.  I know, I know, I sound like a cranky old man.  I kind of want to kick my own ass right now.  Let's just move on.

-  This cars.com commercial with James van der Beek is easily the greatest commercial ever.  In case you haven't seen it:



Awesome.

-  I finally started watching Breaking Bad, and let me tell you that the hype is totally valid.  It's so awesome.  I think I've been watching for two weeks and I'm already up to Season 5, Episode 6.  I can't describe it, it's seriously amazing.  Every time you think you know where they're going, they go somewhere else and every episode is good.  My favorite shows have been the first 3 seasons of Lost and Game of Thrones, and I think Breaking Bad might be better than either.  We'll see how they wrap it up here in a couple of weeks, but if you can get to it, start watching it.  DO IT.

-  That's all I guess.  See you tomorrow.

Canada was awesome, dude.

-  The fishing trip was a rousing success.  Tell me how this sounds to you:  Five full days of fishing in 60 degree sunny weather catching walleye after walleye with an occasional Northern Jackfish thrown in.  I ended up catching 235 Walleye and 50 Jacks, which is pretty incredible, and mostly with decent size.  I topped out with a 35 inch Pike and 25 inch Walleye, while Bear won the week with a 30 inch Walleye and a 43 inch Jack and finished at the top of the weekly Yahtzee standings as well.   I know Bogart grabbed a 26 Walleye (and won the end of the week Yahtzee tournament) and Dawger had a 37 Pike and was at the helm when I got my two biggest fish so it's not like anybody got shut out.  Many beers were drank, much vodka was consumed, many fish were caught, one night was particularly hilarious, and overall it was just an outstanding trip.  Basically the trip of a lifetime, and along with my trip to Italy with the wife and baseball trip out east with my dad and bro I've had 3 of them now.  Pretty lucky dude.

Having been out of both internet and cell service areas for over a week, I've missed a lot.  So I'll try to catch up.

- It appears the Twins have done well since I've been gone, winning six of their last seven, which is good.  Even though Seattle is shitty and Milwaukee is even shittier it still means something that they're beating these shitty teams instead of losing like they were doing for a while.  Instead of trying to go over these games, which would be impossible, I want to make two Twins' related points:

1.  Aaron Hicks has hit .286 (8/28) in these seven games, and has now raised his season average all the way up to .173 (and yes, all the way is supposed to be sarcastic).  His walks are way down compared to earlier in the season (to be fair, his strikeouts are too), but I would guess that's a result of pitchers forcing him to hit and refusing to walk him until he proves he can punish them if they groove it.  His 3-4 day with 2 XBH today will certainly help.  His season line now stands at .173/.246/.335, which is really pretty awful, but there are plenty of other underachievers, and veterans at that, who are putting up similar numbers at this early stage.  B.J. Upton (.153/.236/.252), Jason Heyward (.142/.283/.236), Dustin Ackley (.205/.266/.250), Josh Reddick (.170/.280/.270), and Ben Revere (.251/.293/.287) are all notable names, for one reason or another, who are performing on a similar level.  So what I'm saying is, if you've given up on Hicks already you're an idiot.  And you probably are anyway and you probably like Big Bang Theory, Olive Garden, and Nickelback.

2.  Glen Perkins is having a really good year out of the pen.  His two blown saves were gross and he's had a couple poor outings in non-save situations, but overall an ERA of 3.05 (with a FIP of 2.31 which is really, really good) with 14+ Ks per nine and 5 Ks per walk is really, really effing good.  I'm hopeful the Twins end up trading him for something good at the deadline because saves are overvalued like a mofo, but that's not what I found fascinating looking at stuff today.  What's fascinating is the Perkins, in his 20 innings this year he has more Ks than Kevin Correia in his 70, Mike Pelfrey in 50, or Vance Worley in 48.  Also Scott Diamond in his 50, and any other pitcher on the team.  Yes, Glen Perkins leads the Twins in strikeouts.  And you want to know who is third?  Jared Burton.  If it weren't so sad it would be hilarious.  And sad.

-  Man oh man I think the Royals might be cursed or haunted or something.  Mike Moustakas was a top 10 prospect in all of baseball a couple of years ago, and this year his stats resemble Aaron Hicks but with no speed and less power coming from a more premium offensive position.  Eric Hosmer was the #5 prospect at one point and he's hitting on a level equal to Eduardo Escobar, but with slightly less power which is awful enough but as a 1B it's just horrendous.  And that's hardly the only issues they've had.  Most of their top pitching prospects have either gotten hurt or flamed out, and the ones who have looked ok are either stuck in the bullpen or got traded (and don't forget, Luke Hochevar was the #1 overall pick in 2006 and after seven years is finally having his first decent year - but as a middle reliever).  It's yet another example of "potential" not translating to actual performance, and maybe the most dramatic one outside of this year's Lakers.

-  Last year I said that shutting down Stephen Strasburg after 159 innings in a season when you have legitimate World Series hopes was a stupid, stupid move.   Throwing away a tangible benefit (having one of the best pitchers in baseball on your side in the playoffs) for some unprovable, perhaps even hypothetical future benefit (Strasburg's future health) rarely works out, and now he ended up leaving his start last Friday after just two innings with an oblique strain.  I'm not sure how bad that actually is or if he'll miss any games, but it should help serve as a warning to other teams in similar situations in the future.  Play your best when that window is open, because nobody knows how quickly it could shut - just ask the OKC Thunder.

-  This was pretty neat:


-  After being a pretty big backer of the Pitino hire and the system he's going to be bringing to the Gophers, as time has passed and I've been looking at things more rationally I'm getting more nervous that next year may be a disaster.  Let's assume for a minute that Pitino is able to force other teams into a more up-and-down type game than is generally played in the Big 10 (a pretty big assumption, granted, that may actually be the key next year anyway).  A more uptempo game results in more possessions, and traditionally the more possessions in a game the more likely the more talented team will in - is that really the position the Gophers want to put themselves in next year?  With that mish-mash of a front court?  Pitino's goal is something that has rarely been done successfully in the Big 10 with only Ohio State in 2011 finishing above .500 in conference with one of the fastest paced teams (top 100) in the country going back to 2005.  That team had elite talent, this Minnesota team doesn't and really has only two players you could call above average.  My confidence is wavering, and wavering significantly.  I'm now terrified for next year.

And speaking of that mish mash of a front court, the Gophers signed on Drake transfer Joey King, formerly of East View, giving them a Minnesota presence and another bigger body if he gets the waiver he's looking for to make him eligible next year (the ole "move home because of a family situation" waiver).  There are a lot of conflicting opinions on King.  On the one hand, he was on the MVC All-Freshman team last year after averaging 7 pts and 3 rebs per game, which is decent for freshman and the MVC was a quality league last year (and he played some of his best ball against the best - 17 vs. Creighton, 15 vs. Wichita, and 21 vs. Xavier).  The bad news is despite being 6-9 he was just a slightly better rebounder than Joe Coleman (RIP) last season, shot more twos than threes, and only took 20% of his shots at the rim last year which was less than Julian Welch last year.

Basically King is, potentially, a good stretch 4 which is what Pitino is looking for.  However, along with Osenieks and Buggs that gives them three of those with only one true post player, meaning that Mo Walker may very well end up being the key to the season.  Read that again.  Think about it.  Digest it for a minute.  How does that feel?  I feel yucky.

-  Oh yeah, Epic was a pretty sweet kids movie.  You should go see it and stuff.

Brew Crew/D-Backs Live Blog?

So here's the sitch.  Wife and kids have peaced out.  Wife is on her way with her mother to Colorado to visit her sister on what sounds like the world's longest road trip, especially when you have to stop in the middle of nowhere Nebraska to get your car checked out because it's overheating.  Kids are at my parents because they're retired and it makes little sense for me to drop them off before work and pick them up after for two days, so I'm on my own.  I just got done schooling my boys Theory and Lunny in hoop by raining Js and teaching class (no shtick, I was 3-0 in 21-hustle) and then we hit the local pub for a few beers.  Now I have nothing else to do so I'm going to watch the Brewers/D-Backs game.  Because what else am I gonna do?

-  Just poured myself a captain & coke.  Except we have a stupid fridge that we can't quite get the temp figured out on just right, so in order to add the coke I had to open three coke zeros and one diet coke to get the non-frozen parts out to make a full drink.  And this is like 60% captain here.  So that happened.

-  Bets for today's game:  Nyjer Morgan YES Hit, Miguel Montero YES Hit, Prince Fielder more total bases than Justin Upton.

-  And Morgan is not in the lineup because of that ass Carlos Gomez.  That was a guaranteed winner.  You guys remember when Snacks said that Gomez would eventually be a 30-30 guy?  He still has gotten there in his career.  He's still only 25 so it's not like it's over yet and he's definitely got 3 tools, it's just that the two he's missing are hitting and hitting.  I don't know, I feel saucy.  I'm going to predict a big day for Mr. Gomez.

-  Announcer guy:  Saunders has to pitch from behind in the count.  It's just how his offspeed stuff works better.  Wow holy crap I just looked it up because it sounded like an incredibly stupid thing to say and he's actually right.  His two best counts are 1-0 and 2-0, while his worst count is 0-2.  How fucked up is this guy?

-  Fuckin' Fielder.  Walks don't count as bases.

-  FYI - I assume he's gone in any leagues you're in, but Denarius Moore is about to destroy the NFL.  Fact.  Might be next year, might even be the year after that, but if you're in a keeper don't let him go.

-  I can't believe Willie Bloomquist is leading off for a playoff team.  That's like seeing Matt Tolbert lead off for a playoff team in a couple of years.  Bloomquist career OPS+ = 75, Tolbert 65.  Once you get under 90 it's pretty much the same thing.  Unless you're talking about Butera or Rivera, they're in a special class.  Not Ramos though.  He's basically the 6th best catcher in the league (M. Montero, McCann, Avila, Santana, Posey) and that's if he doesn't get better.  But hey, at least we have a completely average reliever.

-  Upton walks.  So we're even.

-  Montero base knock.  Looking good.  Oh also I have the Brewers to win fairly heavy, which is super awesome because Ryan Roberts, who is terrible at baseball, just hit a grand slam.  Nice pitch, Wolf.  Looked super Blackburny.

-  So somebody in the comments wanted me to talk about football.  Well what should we talk about?  The Gophers?  Why?  If you want Gopher talk you have The Daily Gopher and Still Got Hope?  I literally have nothing to say about the Gopher football program.  It's a mess.  I like what Kill is spilling, but Brewster left the team barren of talent and it shows.  Vikings?  Also terrible.  You really want me to rehash the whole "out in Ponder" bit?  Yeah, I think they should put him in, but on the other hand this paragraph has been excrutiatingly difficult to write so I'm just done.

-  Announcer guy just tried to make a Guns N Roses joke.  I don't get it.

-  I must be getting old.  It's 9:26 and I'm very tired and I got nothin'.  I don't know.  Go read another blog.

-  So this New Girl show, by the way, has turned terrible.  I recommended it on here based on the first episode and Zooey Deschanel's boneriffic cuteness, but holy crap has it taken a turn for the worst in the next 2 episodes.  Really been quite awful.  If it wasn't for zooey i would quit.

-  I think it's over folks.  I think I'm done with blogging.  I'm alone and drunk and there is baseball on and I just can't care.  It's been a good run.

-  Do you think when there's a single hit to Gomez and he just has to throw the ball in to second he gets pissed?  That just happened and he did the biggest crow hop wind up ever to throw the ball 10 feet.  I feel like he's a lot like the kid in little league who is chasing butterflies and eating flowers.  He's not really paying attention, he just wants to throw the ball hard somewhere.  $20 says the middle infielders have to tell him to just throw it in lightly.

-  Maybe this party pizza will lighten my mood/wake me up.

-  It's 7-3, there's a ton on offense, and yet I'm bored out of my mind here.  Maybe it's not my fault, maybe it's this game.  Probably because Wisconsin is involved.  They ruin everything.

-  So I'm a huge nerd, no shocker there, and I've actually kept track on a spreadsheet the books I've read dating back to 2006.  I read 52 in 2006, 62 in 2007, 43 in 2008 (Wonderbaby ^TM was born), 47 in 2009, 37 in 2010 (Baby Ben^TM was born) and a pathetic 28 so far this year.  Having two kids and a job with no travel will really kill that number.  I need to spend more time in the bathroom.

-  Gomez with a hit and a steal.  So good.  If the Twins had Hardy instead of him I'm fine, if they have two shitty ass relievers instead of him that's the biggest shit show in history, other than Brewster's Gophers.

-  Do you realize that the best pitcher in Brewer history was Ted Higuera?  And other than striking out 6 straight dudes in an all-star game a good season or two he really wasn't that good.  I find that surprising for some reason.  Twins have what, Kaat, Blyleven, Viola, Erickson, Santana who are all as good or better?  Yeah, suck it Sconnie!  We own you guys as long as you don't count anything recent.

-  That pizza was pretty good.  I feel healthy.

-  Fielder double.  2-1 over Upton.  what up?

-  Gomez slides into first on a bunt attempt.  Some things never change.  $20 says Gardy has a boner right now.

-  God I'm tired and lame.  Go read one of my drunk blogs from 2 years ago, realize that I suck now, and go read something else. so tired.

Holy Chicken Drumsticks

You want some awesome chicken drumsticks?  Take 1-2 lbs. of chicken drumsticks and make this recipe (note:  if only using 1 lb. the seasoning mix is a bit too much so only use about 80-90% of it).

Take the drumsticks and remove the skin.  Then mix this up together:

2 t salt
1 T paprika
2 t chili powder
1 t onion powder
1 t thyme
1 t garlic powder
1 t cumin
1/2 t black pepper
1/2 t cayenne pepper

Mix.  Throw drumsticks and spice mix in a bag.  Leave overnight in fridge.  Then take a piece of foil and line the bottom of your crockpot.  Throw drumsticks in there and cook on low for 4-5 hours.  Then eat them and thank me.

Cooking is Awesome

Guess who made the best dinner last night?  Oh my god you guys it was awesome.  Chili-lime shrimp, cumin roasted potatoes, and grilled walleye with a brown butter sauce.  The walleye was good, but the shrimp and potatoes were completely amazing (and pretty simple, too).  Since you people are constantly begging me for recipes, here's how I did the shrimp:

De-vein and peel raw shrimp, put in a plastic bag
In separate bowl combine 3 tablespoons olive oil, 3 cloves of garlic (minced), 1 and 1/2 squeezed limes worth of lime juice, some finely shredded lime peel (about a half a lime's worth), 1 teaspoon chili powder, and 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper.
Poor marinade into bag with shrimp and rub into shrimp.  Let sit for 10 minutes.  Flip over and do the same on the other side.  Let sit for another ten minutes.
Put on skewers and grill until done.

Boom.  So good.

-  Fine.  Here's the recipe for the potatoes.

Slice 2-3 russet potatoes into 1/2 inch or so slices (enough slices to singly cover a baking sheet) and put into a bowl.
In separate bowl combine 2-3 cloves of garlic (minced), 1 tablespoon of olive oil, 1 teaspoon of cumin, 1/2 teaspoon of salt  (I use sea salt), and 1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper.  Add to bowl with potatoes and toss to coat.
Layer on baking sheet and cook for 20 minutes at 500 degrees.

That's it.  Enjoy the best meal you've ever had.

Week in Review - 5/30/2011

 Another excellent Memorial Day weekend, probably the best weekend of the year.  I caught the biggest crappie, biggest northern, and biggest bass out of everybody at the cabin, and while this would usually be the point where I'd brag about how awesome I am - and I am - but pretty much everybody killed it, or at least as much as we could when it wasn't too windy.  We collectively caught a ton of crappies that all ranked among the biggest we ever caught at the cabin, and in one stretch of about 45 minutes out on the boat we caught 15 northerns.  It was totally awesome.  You're so jealous.  Anyway I'm really tired so you can expect a definite half-assed effort here.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Nick Blackburn.  Generally he's pretty overrated, but I get it - good lookin' guy, killer side burns, little bit of a "I don't care what anybody think about me" beard, unflappable on the mound, and just a cool, calm guy who can absolutely shut down a team once in a while, so I get it.  If you actually look at stats and whatnot, however, he's generally been pretty bad over his career, even finishing in the top 4 in hits allowed twice in his career.  I have to give it up to him, however, because he has somehow become the team's only reliable pitcher - the only one you know will keep you in the game this year. 

In his six games pitched in the month of May his worst outing would have been today - 6ip, 7 hits, 5 runs.  Using Game Score (I won't bore you but it's explained mid-page right here) that comes out as a 40.  Looking at every other Twins starter they've only equaled or beaten that score 19 times between five guys, and only 16 times prior to this weekend before the hapless Angels gave everybody a boost.  Blackie's average for the month was 59, a score only reached by a non-Blackburn twin 7 times.  All of which is a nerdy way of saying that an average Nick Blackburn outing is probably better than the best any other Twin can pitch right now, which is actually of really succinctly summing out just how crappy this season is going.

2.  Mike Miller.  This already feels like a million years ago but technically it happened last week, but did you see Miller against the Bulls in those final two games?  After playing sparingly in the first two playoff rounds and even in the first 3 games versus Chicago he suddenly burst back onto the scene and played 26 and 24 minutes in games 4 and 5, averaging 10 pts and 8 rebs in the two games and, no joke, was probably the biggest reason the Heat won game 4 and swung the series.  No kidding if you watched it he registered the majority of his stats in the fourth and absolutely was the difference in that game.   There's a decent change he'll matter again against Dallas, but let me tell you watching him in that fourth quarter was jarring and a reminder of how good he used to be.  At Florida, I mean, when he played a complete game, not the jump-shooting nancy boy he became in the NBA. 

3.  Bartolo Colon.  I will admit that I thought Colon was a big-fat tub of goo who was basically washed up and done and when the Yankees signed him I was like "good, suck it Yankees you queers!" but well fuck me I guess.  Colon shut out the A's today on just four hits while striking out six, and now has just a 3.26 ERA on the year.  And I don't care because the Yankees are still stupid and still suck and Bartolo is still fat and has a stupid name.  He's probably going to give up eleventeen runs his next time out, assuming he's not throwing at the Twins.  

4.  Carl Crawford.  Well it's about time, Mr. Crawford.  After signing that huge contract with the Red Sox he's been one of the biggest disappointments of the year and was sort of the symbol for Red Sox suckage to start the season, but he's starting to turn it around.  Well, he's had a few good games, I should say, including a 4-4 with 2 doubles and a homer on Wednesday and 4-5 with two triples the next day.  Then I went out of town and now I just looked up his next few games and they were 0-4, 0-3, and 0-4.  So who knows.  He's still just hitting .232/.267/.362 now for the year, which sounds bad but would be the fifth highest OPS on the Twins.  Wow.  Fifth highest on the worst team in the league.  I guess he's still really bad.  But at least he had a good week.  Has any twin had even a single 4-hit game this year?  Looking it up, yes.  Span had 4 hits April 13th and Cuddyer had four the day before.  So the Twins have gone nearly two months without a 4-hit game from a single player, and one the season have as many as Carl Crawford, the guy synonymous with disappointing player this year, had in one week.  This season is so much fun.

5.  Michael Morse.  I seriously have no idea who this guy is, but I do a lot of wagering on individual players and the Nationals have been a gold mine to bet against players not getting an rbi or not scoring a run in a game.  So every time I see Washington has scored a run I have to look up immediately how they scored to see if I lost a bet and need to punish myself.  So that's how I know that Morse hit a home run on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Monday and in that stretch he's knocked in 11 of his team's total 27 runs.  So I picked up in Fantasy.  Stay tuned to find out if I'm a genius, like I was with Charlie Morton.     


WHO SUCKED

1.  Derrick Rose.  No lie, it was kind of tough to watch Rose those last couple of games against Miami.  The good news is he clearly wanted the ball, was the leader, and was aggressive.  The bad news was he couldn't have scored with your mom after a glass of white zin.  He's still one of the best in the NBA and he'll be fine and all, but yuck.  More here if you need it.

2.  Kevin Durant.  Much the same as Rose, Durant certainly didn't do himself any favors in the final few games against the Mavericks.  In game 3 he was 0-8 from three, in game 4 he turned it over 9 times including a killer down the stretch where he just straight lost control of the ball, and overall he shot just 23% from three for the series.  I love the guy and he's obviously one of a handful of people you'd consider as your #1 choice if you were starting a franchise, but I almost wonder if he needs a littler more killer in his blood.  I'm interested to see if any kind of possible feud develops between him and Westbrook.  You can only have one alpha on a team, and it's obvious to everyone that Durant should be that alpha - obvious to everyone except Durant and Westbrook.  Pay attention.  You'll see.


3.  Washington Nationals.  It's hard to believe a team could be as bad as the Twins - because that's actually impossible so the joke's on you - but Washington is bad, bad, bad.  They're 1-8 in their last 9 and have given up five or more runs in six of those games while scoring three or less runs in five (we've already talked about that offense above).  That's a bad combination.  Also a bad combination?  Their rotation.  Jason Marquis and Livan Hernandez in the same rotation?  Possibly the two worst pitchers of the last five years?  Seriously that's like the pitching equivalent of a middle infield combination of Alexi Casilla and Matt Tolbert, as if anybody would be dumb enough to roll with those two. 


4.  Joakim Soria.  Did I, or did I not, tell you about this?  I did, because I'm a genius and so much smarter than you.  Soria's week - 2/3 inning, 3 runs allowed, blown save - 1 good ip in a meaningless 12-7 game -  2/3 ip, 2 runs allowed, blown save - 1 ip, 3 runs allowed, blown save.  He now has an ERA of almost 7 and is seven for twelve in save opps after having now blown 4 of his last 5.  Done.  And I told you so. 

5.  Car Racing.   I normally wouldn't bother to include car racing in the sucks column since it always sucks - I mean, come on man, it's just cars driving in a circle and whoever has the fastest car wins, you know it, I know it, and racing fans know it no matter what they try to say - but tonight was a special case.  I only know this because it was all over the radio when I was driving back from the cabin, but now we have special proof of how stupid it all is.  There were two big races this weekend, one in each league (called, I believe, NASCAR and NASCAR2), and in one some dude was winning until the very last turn on the last lap where, for some unknown reason, he drove straight in a wall despite having a big lead and ended up finishing second, and the other where some dude was winning almost until the end when he ran out of gas.  He ran out of gas.  He ran out of gas in car racing.  That would be like a baseball player going out into the field without his glove (I would guess Casilla almost does this twice a week) or a basketball player not wearing shoes.  So dumb.  But honestly if you like racing you probably don't own a computer so you can't read this and your Memorial Day BBQ likely consisted of squirrel or possum or whatever you ran over in your truck recently (you know, your truck with a door that's a different color than the rest of the truck and has a sticker of calvin pissing on a logo on the back window, along with an "Ass, Cash, or Grass bumper sticker.)  In conclusion, racing is stupid and so is your face.


Since I mentioned Memorial Day BBQ you're probably wondering what we had.  So I will tell you.  We simply had Kobe beef burgers on the grill (lightly seasoned with salt and pepper - you don't want to mess with these too much - and topped with provolone), corn on the cob (garlic and herb butter), and really excellent cauliflower gratin that Mrs. W made.  It was excellent, and I highly recommend going for the Kobe burgers once in a while.  They're about twice the price of regular burger patties and about 3 times more than lump burger you form yourself, but holy crap they were worth it.  Also, before any smartass posts a comment here, I will come clean and admit I screwed up cooking turkey burgers and brats on the grill this weekend, but in my defense I haven't cooked on a charcoal grill since we got our sweet gas one about 6 years ago.  Plus everything was fine once my dad figured out the bottom grate was closed.  So shut up.

What's a Gatoroid? (Movie Blog)

Seriously, what is a Gatoroid?  I have no idea, but it's about to battle a Mega Python in this movie I'm about to watch appropriately named "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid."  Bonus:  this one stars both Debbie Gibson, star of Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and Tiffany, star of Mega Piranha.  Oh joyful day!  Let's rock and roll.

-  One concern:  this movie was both written and directed by women.  Now don't get me wrong, I love the ladies - they really rev my engine, but should they really be involved in these kinds of movies?  These movies should be about bad science, bloody deaths, and gratuitous T & A, and women are only generally associated with bad science because their brains are smaller than men's.  I'm skeptical.  Plus I heard that their periods attract bears.

-  Oh, you probably want to know what was for dinner tonight.  Pork chops poached in a ketchup/worchestershire/chili powder/lemon/onion bath along with some spanish rice.  Nothing complicated, but very delicious.  Thanks for the recipe Grandma June.

-   We open - where else - in the Florida everglades, complete with swamp, fanboats, gators, snakes, cajun rednecks, and every other Florida cliche you can think of.  Great.

-  Apparently Debbie Gibson is the leader of a group that breaks into, what appears to be a cabin of some sort, and steals snakes from their cages.  If she really wants a snake I'd be happy to give her one.  It's in my pants.

-  Well they tripped an alarm but luckily she is such an incredible driver she was somehow able to maneuver her crappy jeep in a way that made the one cop car that responded to the alarm flip over and explode. 

-  Going back to Miz Writer and looking at her writing credits she's previously written Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (gonna have to rent this), #1 Cheerleader Camp, 18-year old Virgin, 2012 Doomsday, and Barely Legal.  I have no idea if those are any good, but the titles sound good.  Maybe we're going to be ok here.

-  So they took the snakes they stole and dumped them in the swamp.  No doubt that won't end up wrecking things.  By the way, guess who had Shackelford at both 12-1 to win and 5-1 to win, place, or show at the Preakness today?  If you could see me right now you would see that I'm doing a happy dance, waving my hands in the air while jumping from foot to foot.  It's pretty white, but it conveys my happiness well enough.

-  Debbie Gibson then will be playing the crazy animal lover, while Tiffany, who just showed up will be playing her arch enemy the sheriff with giant boobs.  Seriously, those things are massive.

-  God dammit some redneck cajun hippy just stole my "I'll show you a snake, it's in my pants" joke.  Assholes.

-  This redneck is played by Bob Vance.  Jarring.

-  Some 200 foot python or something ridiculous like that just killed the hell out of a big ole gator.  And Tiffani informs us that's the 72nd dead Gator, which means the pythons Debbie Gibson, who is supposed to be a scientist who cares about the environment and eco-system remember, released into the wild are now completely fucking up the swamp's ecosystem.  Nice, Debbie, nice.  So this is going to end up being animal lover touchy-feely chick with a great ass Debbie vs. shoot the animals and kill them don't fuck with my swamp chick with big boobs Tiffany.  Too close to call.  I just want to know when the gatoroid comes in.  And also what it is.

-  Tiffani's boyfriend runs over a snake in order to save Debbie who then gives me a big yelly speech about how these snakes shouldn't be killed because she "returned them back to their natural habitat where they belong."  But guess what?  Florida isn't a natural habitat for any pythons.  In fact, Florida is actually having problems with invasive python species wrecking the habitat right now.  Something Tiffany just mentioned.  So, in a bit of a surprise, this isn't an example of more poor science it's actually just that Debbie's character is super super dumb.  How odd.

-  Now one of the snakes just killed a people.  A people1!!!!!!!1  Damn you Debbie Gibson! [shaking fist].

-  Tiffany's plan to deal with the snakes is to issue snake hunting permits to a bunch of drunken cajun rednecks, including Bob Vance, with assault rifles.  What could possibly go wrong?

-  I'm not going to lie to you - this is the most boring movie ever.  We are 24 minutes in and we've had one person death which took less than 5 seconds.  Mainly it's been snakes killing dogs or gators or other various wildlife.  If I wanted to see that I'd just watch Nat Geo.

-  If you shoot a giant python egg does it explode in a shower of cascading blood?  According to this movie:  yes.

-  This assistant deputy in this movie looks just like my friend Leif, who looks just like Jesse McCartney.

-  Well hell.  The Snake just growled.  This is just like every single shark movie where the shark roars.  Why do shitty directors of shitty animal movies feel the need to add sound effects to the creatures?  They're menacing enough, and their silence is even part of it.  Did the shark roar in Jaws?  No, not until the fourth one, and everybody knows how shitty the fourth one was.  Freakin' morons.  I need to write one of these.

-  The snakes are at least killing people now, even if it's poorly CGI'd crap.  Even better, they decapitated a guy.  As in severed his head at the neck bone.  Constrictor snakes, which kill by - appropriately enough - by constricting their prey decapitated someone.  They could have the snakes grow arms and use a scimitar and it would be as realistic.  Not to mention that these snakes are suddenly showing a strong preference for human flesh which also makes just a ton of sense.  Seriously they're picking off these cajuns left and right.  Team Boobs is losing numbers rapidly.

-  This wine is terrible.

-  Here's what Debbie Gibson looks like now in case you were wondering

A better picture would be one from the back, but I can't find one so deal.

-  The snake went after Leif and Tiffany knifed it to death.  While knifing it a cell phone fell out of it's skin.  I don't get it either.  I'm just typing here, man, don't ask me to explain it.

-  I still don't understand what's going on with this "gatoroid" thing.  There's no gatoroid at all.  The only gators have been snake food so far.  They could have called this Mega Python and it would have been a much better name.  Or gone with "Two former teen pop stars who have been in Playboy looking for another check."  Or even "Tits vs. Ass."  Any of those would have been more accurate.

-  That is really not a regulation cop uniform Tiffany is wearing.  It looks like a sheriff outfit, but it's unbuttoned to the waist and she's got some low cut undershirt going on.  Not complaining, mind you, but it's definitely not regulation.

-  Team Ass is now installing cameras all throughout the everglades in order to watch everything Tiffany does and see if she "hurts their snakes."  Hopefully they make sure to get a camera in her shower.  "I think I'm alone now" indeed.

-  Here's Team Boobs' plan to deal with the snakes:  feed a bunch of super steroids to a bunch of gators to create super gators, or the titular "gatoroids", which of course will end up growing too big and too strong and turning on their creators.  I feel like the foresight of the characters in this flick is sorely lacking.  First Team Ass releases pythons into the wilds of the Florida Evergaldes in order to "return them to nature" not thinking through the consequences or releasing these top of the food chain predators into a new habitat that can't support them (come to think of it, there's not real Mega-Python here - but I'll guess it's coming).  Now they go with the classic "feed steroids to a gator" gambit, popularized by Ulysses S. Grant in aught eight, with no regard for the fact that even if it works and the gators kill all the pythons they still have a bunch of roided up gators to deal with.  This is what happens when you let women be in charge.

-  This picture comes up when you search for "steroids gator" in google:

I don't know who that is but it made me laugh.  Cheaters.

-  Tiffany's crying.  No I don't know what happened.  Stop asking stupid questions.

-  It's been one day and suddenly these gators are just monstrous.  One day.  And know we are getting a montage of gators growing, cells multiplying, snakes eating, other microscopic things happening that I'm guessing actually have nothing to do with what steroids would do to reptiles, and it's all set to the same song melody as "There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance."  I shit you not.  The summary here is that the gators are getting huge and aggressive because of the roids and the snakes are getting bigger and more aggressive because they are eating gator eggs that have been laid by roided out gators.  Again, it's been one day.

-  I stopped the movie for a minute to check in on the basketball game and now I'm wondering whatever happened to Josh Howard?  He was always a really underrated player until he became so underrated he was overrated, but he was always pretty good.  Let me look this up.  Ok, they traded him in a package of guys that netted them Brendan Haywood, Caron Butler, and DeShawn Stevenson.  And it looks like since he was traded he played 3 games for the Wizards in 2009-2010 and 18 games in 2010-2011 due to injury and massive pot usage.  Looks like Dallas dumped him at the right time even if the center piece of their return, Butler, has only played 56 games the last two years.

-  The everglades are now entirely populated with giant mega pythons and giant gatoroids, yet this crisis is being handled by a big-boobed washed up pop star ranger, my friend Leif, a female deputy who is like 100, Dr. Nick Rivera (or some other mexican doctor guy, but we'll go with Nick Rivera), and some hot chick.  Seems like they can handle this crisis.  And is there a really important fundraiser tonight?  They kind of fundraiser that will be highly attended?  Of course.

-  Giant gator just ate some chinese chick from team ass.  Probably gonna be hungry again in about an hour.

-  That was a terribly predictable joke.  But so's your face.

-  How the hell is there still an hour and 10 minutes of this left?  I'm probably going to have to kill myself.

-  This is totally going to shock you, but neither Tiffany nor Debbie is a very good actress.  Hard to believe I know.  Also hard to believe:  I'd totally have sex with either of them.  Sober.

-  Dr. Nick just saved Debbie from a 300-foot gator by picking her up in his helicopter which he apparently has.  He also saved her by grabbing her and flying away, leaving some jackass who was with her to get eaten by that gator.  I'd claim he was irresponsible and a bad doctor, but I would have done the same thing.  Easier to sleep with her that way.  Get her all emotionally vulnerable rather than having some cockblocking jackass in the helicopter with you and your target.  It's really pick-up artist 101.

-  I like how rednecks always have dynamite with them to blow a snake to bits even after they've been eaten by said snake.  Classic Hollywood.

-  Oh my god those boobs.  Oh my god.  Also I am pretty sure that one dude from the Monkeys just showed up in this movie.  With an actual monkey.  I can't decide if this is totally lame or totally awesomely self-aware.  Probably the first.

-  Guess what I just ordered from a used DVD broker?  Red Water, Shark Swarm, Grizzly Rage, Blue Demon, and Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.  You're god damn right I did.  I can't wait to watch Red Water again.  Kristy Swanson?  Lou Diamond Phillips?  Coolio?  The only movie ever about a bull shark?  Fuck yeah.

-  And the fundraiser must go on.  Just like Jaws and every single giant creature movie since then.  So cliched.  I think the next one of these movies should be called Mega Shark vs. Giant Boobs.  Tiffany stars.

-  No, you have a one track mind.

-  Dr. Nick keeps finding and blowing up giant nests of giant gator eggs.  Once again, it's been one day.

-  They just referred to Dr. Nick as "that Indian doctor."  Now I feel racist.  More so than usual, I mean.

-  Naturally Debbie Gibson is invited to the big fundraiser.  Every time they show her from behind all I can think is I wonder if her father was a baker, because that's a nice set of buns.

-  If you're getting the impression that this movie was written basically as a showcase for Tiffany's boobs and Debbie's ass you're completely accurate.  And yes, I'm complaining.  I want the showcase to be giant animals killing people who are stupid with a side dish of T & A.  Not the main point to be T & A.

-  That's a lie.  I would be very happy if the whole point of the movie was T & A.  Just not Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.  I mean, the nostalgia factor on these two is great, and although I applaud their efforts with my penis it's really kind of meh.  More killing please.

-  Oh my god I take it all back.  Debbie Gibson/Tiffany cat fight.  CAT FIGHT!  Wrestling.  Grabbing.  Groping.  Slapping.  Hair-pulling.  I need a minute.

- 

-  I bet they made out after that in one of their trailers.  Also this movie just lost all credibility.  And yes, going from a 1 to a 0 still means you lost all credibility.

-  Oh my god now their in the water and Debbie Gibson is wearing a white dress.  I feel like I'm 15 again.

-  Well apparently the snakes and gators have teamed up.  That makes total sense.  Jesus this is really stupid.

-  Every time Debbie Gibson throws a punch (yes, they're still fighting) she then has to pull up the top of her dress.  Seriously, Debbie, you already let those puppies free in a magazine, just do it again for this movie.  It's like the same thing.  Prude.

-  Debbie "I think we're alone now."  Tiffany "There doesn't seem to be anyone around."  No lie.  Credibility now -1.  I'm actually pretty pissed at this move.  Despite my love of Tiffany's boobs and Debbie's Ass and Tiffany's boobs this is really freaking stupid.  Instead of making a monster movie with former popstars this is a former popstars movie with a few creatures in it.  When did monster movies stop being about the monsters?  Fucking sell-outs.

-  Fun fact:  if you shoot a 60-foot gator in the mouth it immediately dies.  Less fun fact:  this movie makes me want to stab my brain with a rusty pitchfork.

-  Shocking shocker of shocking writing:  Tiffany and Debbie have now teamed up to kill the rogue monster reptiles.  In a telling moment of female behavior everywhere, neither has apologized or even acknowledged their role in this mess.  Next thing you know they'll be blaming the men and then telling them to take out the trash.  Is this post misogynistic enough for you?  Jesus I feel like

-  If you could switch lives with anyone in the world, how many people would you pick over Justin Timberlake?  Can't be many.  And, understanding the whole natural draw of sports to the readers of this blog, what about non-sports people?  He has to be #1.  Handsome, talented, funny, hot, incredible dancer, great singer, sexy as hell, adorable, charismatic, and just the kind of guy who even though you know he's humping everything in town you still want him to date your daughter.  Just perfect.

-  Oh my god there's a movie coming out with Timberlake and Mila Kunis.  World's most perfect couple and my dream threesome (not counting Evan Longoria).  And yes, to answer your question we are watching Saturday Night Live now.  Thanks for asking.

-  Well, I got a boner.

-  Well now the girls (Tiff and Debbie) won't stop talking.  First realistic thing in this whole movie.

-  The gators and snakes, by the way, have now moved into the city and are migrating to Miami according to Dr. Nick.  Why are they on their way to Miami?  I don't have a clue.  Either they didn't explain it or I wasn't paying attention.  Maybe both.  Also I should mention that all the reptiles are now the size of a house due to the steroids in their systems.  It's been one day.

-  Too bad Bonds didn't take this brand of steroid.  His whole body would swell up like Ken Griffey Jr.'s head after too much of Burns's nerve tonic.

-  The aurora borealis?  At this time of year?  At this time of day?  In this part of the country?  Localized entirely in your kitchen?

-  Snake just ate the Goodyear blimp.  So yeah.  That should do it.

-  New plan.  Use "pheremones - first we've heard of these - to lure the reptiles all to "the quarry" and then blow them up with dynamite.  God this movie is stupid.  And now these broads are screaming because soem old lady deputy became snake lunch.  And they're shrill and hurty.  I thought they were singers.  Shouldn't their screams not make my head break?

-  They have a grand total of 3 bundles of dynamite.  I'm no demolitions expert, but it seems to me that you'd want more to blow up a whole shit ton of snakes and gators that are now the size of Rhode Island. 

-  So in the Everglades snakes and gators are natural enemies who can't stop killing each other.  In the city, however, they're buddies who team up to eat buildings.  This movie can go to hell.

-  I just remembered I have beef jerky in the kitchen.  Score!

-  Commercial just came on for adamandeve.com.  I just want to warn you that if you ever order anything from them be prepared to get like three emails and a day every day for the rest of your life.  And if you aren't familiar with them you probably shouldn't go visit that site from your work computer.  Or go ahead and do it, I don't really care.

-  Debbie was just putting dynamite in the cave with the gator eggs when they began to hatch.  Then the mommy gator came in through the front door so she's trapped between the mom and the kids with no where to go and a with only a handgun to protect her.  She managed to not get eaten though by hiding behind a rock.  Go to hell, movie.

-  Serious question:  what do you think Delmon Young's IQ is?  Like, I think both Denard Span and Alexi Casilla are stupid ballplayers, but they don't strike me as guys who would be particularly dumb in real life.  Delmon, on the other hand?  90 tops, but it wouldn't shock me if he came in slightly under 80.

-  Tiffany just blew up that gator that was menacing Debbie by turning her car into a rolling molotav cocktail and jumping out as it got to the gator and then the car exploded as soon as it touched the gator for some reason.  I don't know.  I don't ask questions.  On a related note, Tiffany is wearing black underwear.

-  Wow, Tiffany got eaten by a gator.  Definitely didn't see that coming.

-  Dr. Nick and Ms. Gibson blew up all the animals.  Well, except for the one snake that just ate the crap out of Debbie Gibson.  So I guess Dr. Nick is the hero here.  Just like most Simpsons episodes, whether he appears in them or not.

-  Movie over.  Here's what I learned:  Tiffany has ridiculous boobs, snakes and gators are natural enemies in the swamp but friends in the city, SyFy is getting even worse with the movies they're churning out, and I'm a complete idiot for watching this crap.

Then again, who's dumber:  me for watching, or you for actually reading this?

Week in Review - 05/16/2011

Seriously you guys, I am an awesome chef.  Not that tonight's meal was particularly difficult (steaks for the guys, turkey burgers for the broads all on the grill plus a romaine salad) but it's the attention to detail that's the important thing.  Steaks and turkey burgers were all perfectly cooked and perfectly seasoned, and although the salad was just romaine, cucumbers, carrots, and edamame, but rather than just lazily slicing the veggies the cukes were peeled, sliced, and quartered and the carrots were shaved, not to mention how I boiled and shelled the edamame.  Now that's a salad.

But really, I've mastered the grill and can cook anything to near perfection.  I can make a great garlic lemon butter for fish and have an absolutely killer dry rub for chicken wings.  I took my dad's ole reliable beef stew recipe and, using nothing more than various spices in my cabinet and a little celery revitalized it to the point where my mom was basically begging me to take home the leftovers.  Chili?  Please.  I've got three different recipes that are all great (a tomato-based one, a beef broth based one, and a simple one that can be made in under an hour).  The last time I made pork chops I was begged for the brand name of the seasoning I used (hint:  I made it myself.  Holla.)  I'm basically bulletproof (except for homemade fries on the grill.  I can season them to perfection but I can't make them crispy.  If anybody can help please e-mail or leave your tip in the comment section).

So in other words, I just had a great meal and am possibly a little drunk.  Let's type some words.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Joey Votto.  Votto always makes me mad because a year or two ago it looked like both leagues would have a monster hitting first baseman from Canada - Votto for the NL, Morneau in the AL.  Only now our version has turned into a chicken-legged little girl with noodle arms, a scrambled brain, and a comprised immune system while Votto has continued to build upon his MVP campaign from last year.  He's in the top 5 in basically everything in the NL, he's hitting .350 and leads the league in walks, and has the Reds in first in the NL Central - helped by a couple of walk-off hits Votto put up this week.  He also reached base in each of the first 33 games of the year, and hasn't hit an infield pop-up since 2009 (no joke, that's for real).  Meanwhile our Canadian is at the point where hitting the ball of the wall is a major accomplishment.  Gross.  This is like trying to book a Canadian music act and hoping for Rush but getting stuck with Bryan Adams.  Yes, Rush is awesome.  If you don't think so you probably think Nickelback is awesome too.  Actually now that I think about it I think Nickelback is Canadian.  I should have just used them instead of Bryan Adams in that analogy.  Oh well, too late.  To sum up; Awesome:  Rush, Joey Votto.  Girls:  Adams, Nickelback, Morneau.

2.  Jose Bautista.  It's not often I admit I'm wrong (mostly because I rarely actually am) but I was way off on Bautista.  I thought we had a bit of a Brady Anderson situation on our hands last year, but this season Bautista hasn't slowed down as evidenced by his three bombs he hit earlier today against your precious Twins squad (although to be fair hitting them against Duensing and Slowey isn't exactly Spahn and Sain).  Actually during the broadcast I heard Dick or Bert mention that since September of 2009 Bautista has hit more home runs than any other player in the league with 77 and the next closest was in the 50s.  Since Dick or Bert said it I'm going to assume it's probably not accurate, but the point remains - somebody fixed something in this guys swing and he went from Gary Gaetti to Eddie Matthews (no relation to Cory).  I don't think he's going to continue to slug .868 because that's just not possible (right?), but he's become the best hitter in baseball.  For your reference, his sixteen home runs are more than Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Cuddy, Kubel, Thome, Delmononucleosis, Valencia, and Denard Span combined.  Sick.


3.  Russell Westbrook.  Since we're talking about things I was wrong about why not go ahead and throw Russell Westbrook out there since he basically completely dominated the Grizzlies (along with Kevin Durant of course, which doesn't hurt).  I thought his questionable outside shot and so-so ball handling at just 6-3 meant he'd be a tweener his entire career.  Maybe he's still a bit of a tweener but it doesn't matter because he's also unguardable.  It apparently doesn't matter that he'd still lose a game of HORSE to Ralph Samspon because he can do things like score 40 in game 3 and drop a triple-double in game 7.  Seriously if you were starting a franchise today who would you take over him?  James, Wade, Howard, Durant, Rose, and that's it.  That's the whole list.  It's like you don't really realize how good he is, possibly because he's actually in the shadow of his own teammate, but Westbrook is the real deal.  Russell, not Lawrence. 

4.  Carlos Boozer.  What the hell Boozer?  For most of the playoffs the easiest bet possible was to take the under on Boozer.  It'd usually be something like 15 points, 10 rebounds, or 25 combined and it was always easy money.  Now all of a sudden in the last two games he's been an absolute dynamo who can suddenly and inexplicably can any jumper he tosses up.  In game 6 vs. Atlanta he scored 23 (on 10-16 shooting), just his second 20 point game since April 2, and then had what looked like an ok game in the opener vs. Chicago (14 pts, 9 rebs) but I swear he scored every single time the Bulls needed a bucket.  Plus the guy can't shoot for shit yet hit 50% of his jumpers.  Or maybe he can shoot, what the hell do I know?  I only watch the NBA in the playoffs, I'm not a psycho.    

5.  Zach Britton.  When your team sucks and you have no hope you need one of two things to keep your fans interested:  a superstar or a young dude who could become a superstar (which, incidentally, is why the Twins' season is going to be boring until Gibson gets the call).  Luckily for the terrible for years Orioles it looks like they might have finally found a new great hope (since Wieters turned out to be more Drew Butera than Johnny Bench) in Britton.  After his nine inning 3-hit/no-run performance against Tampa this week (in which he didn't get the win because the O's offense can give the Twins a run for their anti-money) he ranks 7th in the AL in ERA (2.42) and ninth in WHIP (1.02) and has been the starting pitcher in six of the Orioles' wins (out of 18 total).  Dude's looking like he's going to live up to the hype.  Hope must be a pretty sweet thing to have.  I wouldn't know.  And I'm not just talking about sports, I'm talking about life.  My tears taste like steak tonight.


WHO SUCKED

1.  Ron Gardenhire.  I've never made it a secret that I think Gardy is a terrible game manager (and why would I because that should be obvious to even the weird old ladies who watch the Twins), but in particular two things he is seemingly addicted to have been absolutely driving me crazy this year:  the early inning sac bunt and the late game pinch run.  I can sort of give him a pass on the early inning bunting just because this team is so awful and struggles to score so much that maybe getting a runner on first with nobody out is actually a major accomplishment.  I can't, however, excuse the late game pinch running.  An example would be Saturday's game, where Justin Morneau doubled with 1 out in a tie game in the ninth and was immediately pulled for Alexi Casilla, meaning that one of the only decent bats on this team (despite what I wrote above) was replaced with a faster version of Nick Punto.  How often does that pinch runner even matter?  What percentage of possible at-bat outcomes would result in a score by Casilla and not a score by Morneau?  How often would Casilla do something stupid like getting picked off?  You eliminate an important batter (IN A TIE FREAKING GAME) for, at-best, a marginal uptick in your odds to score.  Just so stupid.  Of course it didn't matter in this case since the bullpen decided getting batters out was for fags, but the point stands.  Retarded move.


2.  Rajon Rondo.  Rondo was basically the key guy if Boston was going to beat the Heat.  The big 3 of Boston aren't as good as Miami's 3 guys (and every nickname I've ever heard for these guys is terrible - Moheatos?  Heatles?  Please) but could at least hang tight.  Rondo's matchups, on the other hand, were very Celtic-favorable because let's face it Bibby is about as mobile as Luka Mirkovich at this point and Mario Chalmers is Mario Chalmers.  Unfortunately for Boston Rondo never bothered to show up.  I know he was hurt for games 4 and 5 and that's rough but it doesn't excuse the missed lay-ups or somehow continually losing Chalmers on defense.  And I really think that if Rondo doesn't figure out how to make a jump shot he's got a limited shelf life.  Although I'm already baffled at his success despite having Jeff Hagen type range.  Whatever.  I don't like 'em.  He looks like Momaw Nadon. 

3.  Alex Gordon.  Raise your hand if you thought Alex Gordon's hot start meant that after four disappointing years full of up and downs between Kansas City and AAA Omaha everything suddenly clicked.  Ok, now if you're currently raised your hand what I'd like you to do:  take your other hand and make a little puppet out of it to distract you, and then use the hand you have raised in the air and grab the nearest gardening tool you can find and stab your face.  Honest to god, this guy is awful and he can't even field to make up for it.  Just in case you're still on his jock here are his stats this week:  0-4 with 2 Ks vs. Freddy Garcia.  0-1 as a pinch hitter.  1-5 with 2 ks against Ivan Nova.  1-4 with 2 ks against Justin Verlander.  1-4 with a K vs. Brad Penny.  Seriously.  Outside of Verlander that is a shitbox group of pitchers and yet he managed to get almost no hits while striking out almost constantly.  Yes, I think he finally gets it.  I'm shocked Dawger and Bogart haven't picked this guy up yet.

4.  Jon Lester.  Sigh.  Why do so many players upon whose bandwagon I thrust myself upon end up letting me down?  And I don't even like the Red Sox....hate 'em, in fact and all their obnoxious fans with their stupid accents and overuse of the word wicked and the pink mafia that constantly invades Fenway Park.  But that's  not the point.  The point is that for some reason Lester has decided that getting people out is super overrated.  I might be overreacting a bit because it's not like he's been awful - he'd pretty clearly be the best pitcher on the Twins (of course, I think whoever the ace of the St. Paul Saints is might take that honor as well) but he's just not taking that next step I've been waiting for.  Everybody I love let's me down.  Hear that, kids?  You're my last hope for happiness.

5.  Miami Heat.  Oy.  That's it?  That's all you can do against Chicago?  Sorry Heat, but that was pretty freaking pathetic.  I would write more but I'm tired and fuck the Heat.  Dwyane Wade, despite one of the most egregious misspellings of our generation, is one of my favorite players in the entire world.  Lebron and Bosh?  Whores.  Weak, sissified whores.  And despite Lebron's very stellar performance at the close of the Celtics series he still hasn't shown he can be a big time player.  He can defer to Wade all day long, because it's pretty clear who the Alpha is here.       



Be honest.  You googled Momaw Nadon, didn't you?  And then you laughed.


Finally, I just want to mention that this will now be the official video of DWG for when something awesome happens.

All-Star Game Jibber Jabber (aka I rock at cooking)

So here was my plan.  I was going to blog about possible other options with Cliff Lee off the board for the Twins tonight and then give a little British Open preview tomorrow.  However I've had a great day.  At work I had the opportunity to meet Disturbed and listen to their new album (dropping 8/31) and it was awesome.  Sounded great and the guys were cool as hell.  Then I came home and my parents came over and I grilled them up the awesomest meal ever:  Herb & Garlic grilled pork chops, grilled lemon pepper asparagus, and grilled seasoned american fries.  It was out of this world good.  And now I have a couple Negra Modelos in me, along with a couple of Brewfarm Selects, and their might have been a daquiri mixed in there, so I'm feeling good, and we're going to blog the All-Star game.  Maybe you'll get some possible Twin targets, and maybe you'll get some British Open.  I don't know.  What am I, Nostradamus?

-  Ok, so we might as well break down this Twins crap.  They aren't going to go after Oswalt or Haren.  Too much money remaining, plus Oswalt has basically ruled out the AL central teams and has a no trade clause, and the D-Backs owner has said he would need to be "blown away" to trade Haren.  Not going to happen.  The Cubs are clearly looking to trade either or both of Ted Lilly or Ryan Dempster, and I am interested in Lilly but Dempster is worthless.  The real problem with Lilly is that he's now the hands down #1 arm on the market, and with just $6 mil this year (pro-rated) and nothing due to him after that, he's an attractive arm and everybody is going to be putting on their lowest cut top and body glitter to go after him.  Pretty sure the Twins philosophy is more Kelly Kapowski than Valerie Malone, so they have no chance.

-  Other options are Jake Westbrook, Kevin Millwood, and Ben Sheets, but do you really think they'd upgrade the Twins rotation?  Oh, right.  Blackburn.  Good point.  Still, I can't imagine anybody being dumb enough to give up anything of substance for any of those guys.

-  Another name I heard on the radio today is Jarrod Washburn, who has been linked to the Twins more often than Audrina to Justin Bobby.  He hasn't pitched all year but somehow a completely mediocre pitcher is going to command a big salary and come in and contribute in a pennant race?  Please.  In all seriousness, as bad as Blackburn and, frankly, the rest of the rotation have been I don't really see any way they can improve unless they can find a way to steal Lilly away.  Of course, if David Kahn was in charge of the Twins he'd trade Orlando Hudson and Jason Kubel for Livan Hernandez and a $7 million trade exemption, so I guess we're lucky tight-ass Billy Smith is in charge.

-  I watched an inning and a half of the all-star whilst typing that and I didn't notice a single thing that was memorable.  Good show, MLB.  The best part of this entire broadcast has been this sneak peek at Inception I'm seeing right now.  Also, and this is really not cool to say, but there is a commercial with MLB players helping out special people, and they showed a guy and I thought, "oh, poor guy, looks like he's doing well for himself though", and it turned out to be Jake Peavy.  I know, I feel bad.  I'm just sayin' is all.

-  So British Open, huh?  My favorite of the majors.  I love the weird times, and I love the weird, unpredictable golf.  I'd love to give you a full breakdown, but I haven't done the necessary research.  I will tell you that either Justin Rose or Ernie Els is going to win though.  I have a couple of sleepers, too, but I'm not ready to release that information.  Maybe for a small fee.  Send me an email.

-  1-0 in the bottom of the sixth.  That over 8.5 is looking AWESOME.

-  You know, right after the first inning they were talking about the weird shadows and how it would be difficult to pick up the ball.  With guys like Ubaldo, Josh Johnson, David Price, etc. pitching early there was no way anybody was going to score.  How is that fair?  How come they don't tell you that before you bet on the over 8.5?  See, this is why all those dicks in Vegas are rich.  Not because gambling is inherently stupid and a losing proposition, but because they are all cheaters.  And dicks.

-  Al Jefferson to the Jazz for a couple picks, which won't be lottery, and a big ole trade exemption.  Well, if hey do something good with that exemption I'll be in favor, but if they eat it to sign guys like Luke Ridnour this is going to be an awful trade, and to be honest I'm not really feeling good.  They are trying or have I'm not sure signed Ridnour to a 4 year/$16 million deal, one year after signing Ramon Sessions to the same deal, and are now trying to trade Sessions.  Honestly, there's no doubt that Kahn is either a genius or is setting Minnesota basketball back ten years, and it's already six years behind everybody else.

-  Capps is 2-2 to Ortiz, shakes off the catcher three times, and then gets Ortiz looking with a tailing heater.  Nicely done.

-  Wow.  Scott Rolen.  .290 with 17 dingers so far this year.  This dude is an ageless wonder.  He's got his 300 homers and will end up around 2,700 career hits.  Not hall of fame numbers, but combined with his great fielding year after year and he's going to end up as one of those really good players who isn't a hall of famer but is still recognized as awfully good.  I dunno, that's gotta count for something.

-  By the way, my dad really, really hates Tim McCarver.  I can't argue with him.

-  You probably haven't noticed because you are probably not smart enough to notice these things, but Derrick Caracter is destroying Summer League.  Steal of a pick for the Lakers.  Remember that when you see him playing meaningful minutes in the playoffs.

-  It' still 1-0 in the bottom of the seventh and I'm finding it awfully hard to pay attention.  Probably has something to do with the wine cooler I'm currently drinking.  Yep, wine cooler.  Because that's all we have left.  Come on, you've been there.

-  This summer, grant us all the power, to drink on top of water towers.

-  Brian McCann just cleared the bases with a bases-loaded double to put the NL up 3-1 and in position for their first win in like 20 years.  Naturally, we took the AL.  FML.

-  Ok, I don't like to admit stuff like this, but who in the hell is Andrew Bailey?  Apparently he is the closer for the A's, and has quite a few saves this year.  I've never heard of him.  Has he been around a long time?  Wait, he was rookie of the year last year?  Are we sure?  Wasn't it Elvis Andrus?  I know way too much about baseball, but I don't know who this guy is.

-  He struck Brandon Phillips out.  Like that's hard.  God this game is taking forever.  There have only been four runs scored and it's already 10:09.

-  I maybe had a little bit of an idea who Andrew Bailey was, but I seriously have never heard of Koby Kalay.

-  You know how if you ever read anything about a good curveball the guy they always point out amongst current players is Adam Wainwright?  There's a reason.

-  John Buck being an all-star makes me sad.

-  And he promptly doubles, although it shouldn't probably count because Matt Holliday did a nice little Delmon Young/Mike Cuddyer impression and let himself get all mixed up and that one hit off his glove.  Seriously, is there a worse defensive outfield than the Twins (outside Denard)?  Let's say you played a game where a machine threw out random flyballs to all areas of the field, and there were two teams who each had to field 10 balls each.  Team one was Delmon, Kubel, and Cuddyer.  Team two is Carlos Gomez.  Who wins?  Seriously.

-  Scene:  3-1 NL, bottom of the seventh, two out, Torii Hunter up in his home park.  Any doubt, any doubt at all that he strikes out against a guy with a breaking ball like Wainwright?

-  1-1 pitch, Wainwright breaker down and away and nowhere near a strike.  Wait, I mean it was strike 2 - swinging.  LOL.

-  1-2 pitch.  Wainwright breaker down and away and nowhere near a strike.  Wait, I mean it was strike 3 - swinging.  LOL.  Seriously.  If it wasn't so predictable it would just be sad.

-  Did you guys know Rafael Soriano is is the first Rays reliever selected to the All-Star game since 2005?  Did you also know that that's probably the stupidest thing I've read in my life?

-  Jack Buck?  That's not right.  Jim?  Jay?  Tim?  Mike?  Whatever.  The son of the good one wants us to know that "Brian Wilson showed up to media day with a mohawk" and his voice sounds as if he has a schoolgirl crush on Wilson because of that bit of teenage rebellion by a 30-year old.  So a crappy retard mohawk is cool, but the fake mooning Randy Moss did is the most disgusting thing in sports history?  This guy sucks.  He almost makes Chris Berman listenable but not really because I'd rather stab my face off than listen to Berman for more than 6 seconds at a time.

-  Valverde struck out the side in the top of the ninth, so to win both our bets we somehow need the AL to score five runs.  Could easily happen, but would take some luck.  I'm struggling to come up with any good closer in the NL who could shut this thing down, so I'm thinking it's a lock for the AL.

-  Broxton?  This is a gimme for the AL.

-  Base hit Ortiz.  Like Fergie said, let's get it started uh huh, let's get it started in here.......

-  Beltre strikes out but that's not a surprise because that guy sucks.  Not sure what Girardi is saving A-Rod for.  Don't think Nick Punto is due up anytime soon.  Also every single pitcher has hit 99 on the gun tonight.  Going to go ahead and surmise that thing might be juiced up for TV.  Also now John Buck is up, and we're still not getting A-Rod.  I know there's something something about only having one catcher or some crap, but I'm not a big believer in planning ahead.  That's why I'm about to have two kids.

-  Ortiz gunned at second on what should have been a bloop single by Buck.  Look, I get that you want to play everybody, but the All-Star game now counts for something, and something fairly substantial, so shouldn't you be prepared with your 33 man roster to deal with this situation?  Just make Go-Go an all-star for his pinch running duties.  And therein lies the problem with trying to make an exhibition into a meaningful game.  I feel like an essay is due here but I'm tired and much like my scholastic life I'm going to go to bed instead of turning in my homework.  NL won.  They didn't score over 8.5 runs.  Joy.

Weekend Review - 10/19/2009

I kind of sort of wanted to write about how gopher football sucked this weekend, and a 20-0 whopping by Penn State in which they gained all of 138 yards certainly seems like it might warrant it.  I'm not, though, because I didn't watch the game and although I usually shoot my mouth off without having all the facts, since this is ostensibly a gopher blog, even though it's basketball focused, I'll hold off.  I was going to watch the game, but when I got home from the softball state tournament on Saturday it wasn't on because the Oklahoma/Texas game ran late.  Then when it finally switched over I was busy with Wonderbaby^TM and then it was halftime and then I fell asleep. Go gophers.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Rodney Williams and Blake Hoffarber.  In case you're completely unaware, the Gophers season officially kicked-off Friday night with Midnight Madness, which in this case is called Tubby's Tip-Off and took place at 7:30.  These two get the nod for their big wins in the dunk and 3-point shootout - go ahead and guess who won which contest.  Perhaps more impressive than the Hoff's win was who the runner-up was - Justin Cobbs.  As good a defender as Al Nolen is, it's no secret to anybody with two eyes that his offense was lacking in a big, big way last season.  If it turns out Cobbs can score, even if he can just knock down an open three, that adds another dimension to the offense.  As for Rodney in the dunk contest, do yourself a favor and watch this:

[Video removed because it kept freaking out my browser. You can find it at From the Barn or Gophersports.com or pretty much anywhere. Just make an effort, fatty.]

Turns out those reports that he was an incredible athlete:  ACCURATE.  Additionally, I've read some reports from people who were there (over at the Gopher Hole) and it sounds like Ralph Sampson has bulked up quite a bit this year.  Combine that with the fact that Ralph can run a mile in under six minutes, which I learned straight from Tubby's mouth on the radio, and I don't really see any way he doesn't run away with Big Ten Player of the Year.

If you want some really detailed info on 3-point totals by round, and a thorough report on the scrimmage,  click your mouse device on this hyperlink.

2.  Hakeem Nicks.  He just keeps being awesome, so I just have to keep highlighting him.  In a suddenly crowded group of NY Giant receivers, Nicks keeps putting up good numbers and might have the highest upside of all of them - and that's no slight on the good Steve Smith.  On Sunday he lit up the Saints for 114 and a touch, making this the third straight week he's found the endzone, and, since Eli had a horrid game in the loss, he accounted for 64% of the team's receiving yards.  Smith and Mario Manningham both have more yards receiving this year than Nicks, partially due to Hakeem missing two and a half weeks due to injury, but it's becoming more and more obvious just how talented this kid is.  Steve Smith might end up with better numbers this year, but Manningham is currently being pushed aside, and neither will end up any near as good as Nicks when all their careers are wrapped up.

3.  Sidney Rice.  This guy is an asshole.  I'm sorry, and normally I don't like to use such coarse language in front of a lady (note:  that's you, nancy-boy), but I am required to hate this guy for screwing two of my fantasy teams (yes, I have more than one, kill me). I drafted him in two leagues, and in one of them when I picked him some jackass piped up with "potential will kill you."  Then after two weeks of nothing and looking like less than an afterthought, I had to drop him to make room for other players who were actually playing well.  Well, since then he's been picked up by other retards in my leagues and scored two TDs in the last four weeks, never dipped below 56 yards receiving, and blew up this weekend with a 6 catch, 176 yard game in the Vikes win.  Yeah, well he's too slow to outrun DBs and got caught from behind on what would have been a 70-yard touchdown, so eat it, guys who picked him up.

4.  LaDainian Tomlinson.  Numbers-wise, at first glance LT's performance last night doesn't look that impressive - 19 carries for 70 yards and 3 catches for 30, but two things are worth noting.  First, Denver's defense has been very, very good this year, particularly against the run.  Tomlinson's 70 rushing yards and the second most a back has managed to put up against the Broncos, just barely behind the 76 yards they allowed to Cedric Benson in week one.  Second, and more importantly, this is more about watching the game than the numbers.  Most of last year and this year, Tomlinson has looked slow, tentative, and was unable to either make people miss or break tackles - very similar to Shaun Alexander down towards the end there, and there was quite a bit of talk about how LT might be done.  Watching last night, it appears he might be heading back - not to the lofty heights he had reached previously, but I think he's far from done.  He was quicker than I had seen him in the last couple of years, making several defenders miss, and was making cuts quickly and decisively, much closer to the good LT than the recent LT.  He's not going to be MVP any time soon, but last night was very encouraging.

5.  The Beer Stars.  That's out softball team, and we are awesome.  Took part in the State Tournament this weekend, and ended up walking out with a nice plaque for finishing in fourth place (out of 63 teams).  Keep in mind, this isn't some kind of pansy-ass single elimination garbage like those sissies in the NCAA Tournament, this is double.  That means in order to finish in fourth, we had to win seven games, finishing up with an impressive 7-2 record that included a win over the (now former) #1 team in the state.  Once we got to the final four, I think we were in a different stratosphere.  The team that bounced us walked up and were drinking nothing but water and gatorade, and had warm-up donuts for their bats as well as those heavy warm up bats for the on-deck circle.  Not quite the same attitude we have, as demonstrated by the name "Beer Stars."  It was an excellent two days.  I think Snacks is the only other Beer Star who reads this blog, but if any of the others are out there - congrats fellas.  We kicked some serious ass.



WHO SUCKED

1.  Sam Bradford.  Let me give you people a bit of advice:  If you ever win a Heisman Trophy and are a guaranteed lock for a 1st round pick in the NFL Draft, just go.  Don't be noble.  Don't be loyal.  Don't be idealistic.  Just go.  I'm guessing Bradford's wishing he had done that after getting hurt for the second time this season on Saturday, and this one looks like there's a pretty good chance we're talking season's over here.  After getting his shoulder ripped in half against BYU in the season opener, he made his big triumphant return on Saturday against Texas in the big ole Red River Rivalry game, managed to sling six passes (completing just two) and then had his shoulder ripped off again.  What will this mean for his career?  I don't know.  It's probably not a career ender or anything, but will a team draft a guy who hurt the same shoulder twice in a season with a first round pick?  Seems doubtful.  We're talking a loss of multiple millions here.  All so he could get up and go to class.  Sucker.   

2.  Terrelle Pryor.  Enough with this guy already.  He's a good runner.  That's it.  He's not Michael Vick.  He's not Pat White.  He's not Vince Young (in college).  He's not even Beau Morgan.  He's more like Reggie Bush than anything else - elusive, fast runner who can help his team with his legs, but he is not a quality QB and he showed it again this weekend against Purdue.  Ohio State went in to West Lafayette and got rolled, 26-18 by a Boiler team that had only one other win on the season (against Toledo).  Pryor managed an incredible four turnovers all on his own, not to mention taking a sack on a third-and-five in Purdue territory late in the game with the Buckeyes down eight, and also managed to rush for just 34 yards on 21 attempts.  He's awful.  But you know what's funny?  I just checked, and he actually has a better QB rating than Adam Weber.  Good work Adam.  You're worse than the college equivalent of Tavaris Jackson.     

3.  Tennessee Titans.  Am I completely crazy, or weren't the Titans supposed to be a Super Bowl type contender this year.  Let me check something.  Yep, that's what I thought - they won their division last year.  Seeing as how they have pretty much the same team as last year, I'm guessing that their current 0-6 record is probably a bit of a shock to pretty much everybody.  Not a shock to me though, since I picked them tho finish third in their division.  What is a shock to me is the stats the Titans put up in Sunday's devastatingly embarrassing 59-0 loss to the Patriots.  It's hard to say what was worse, the offense or the defense.  The offense was so bad, that Vince Young was the leading passer for the Titans with a day of 0-2 for 0 yards.  That's because Kerry Collins somehow managed to 2-12 for -7, I have no idea how, which nets out to a QB rating of 4.9, which I assume is some kind of record and they exact opposite of the day the Titans' D let Tom Brady have:  29-34 for 380 yards and 6 TDs, which is a QB rating of 152.8.  He should probalby be in the Awesome portion of this post, but 1) I hate him, and 2) they pulled him for someone named Brian Hoyer who then went 9-11 for 52 yards in his pro debut.  In conclusion, Tennessee sucks worse than this TV movie with Tori Spelling Mrs. W is currently watching.

4.  Hideki Kuroda.  On Sunday for game 3 of the NLCS, Dodgers' manager Joe Torre had a choice:  go with Kuroda or Chad Billingsley.  They had pretty similar numbers on the season (Kuroda 3.76 ERA, 1.14 WHIP, Billingsley 4.03 and 1.32), and I'm sure there are a bunch of other factors that I don't feel like spending the time to research, but it seems he chose incorrectly and Kuroda got shelled, giving up six runs without bothering to get out of the second inning.  Of course, Billingsley didn't do much better in relief and the offense only managed three hits against Cliff Lee, so none of this really mattered, but there's still a valuable lesson here:  you can't trust commies.  Luckily, thanks to the second amendment, every man has the right to bear arms to protect himself from these commies, and the right to Liberty.  Liberty, if you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breath, and without liberty, man is a syncope.     

5.  John David Booty.  Sad news folks.  It's over.  John David Booty was released from the practice squad by the Vikings on Thursday in order to make room for some irrelevant o-lineman.  Seems a little unfair to get rid of a guy who has never thrown a regular season pass, but nobody said Chilly always makes the right decision.  So you people are going to have to give up on your dreams of having discovered a fifth round gem, and I'm going to have to give up on my dreams of using this picture for anything worthwhile:

So it goes.