Weekend Review - 10/19/2009

I kind of sort of wanted to write about how gopher football sucked this weekend, and a 20-0 whopping by Penn State in which they gained all of 138 yards certainly seems like it might warrant it.  I'm not, though, because I didn't watch the game and although I usually shoot my mouth off without having all the facts, since this is ostensibly a gopher blog, even though it's basketball focused, I'll hold off.  I was going to watch the game, but when I got home from the softball state tournament on Saturday it wasn't on because the Oklahoma/Texas game ran late.  Then when it finally switched over I was busy with Wonderbaby^TM and then it was halftime and then I fell asleep. Go gophers.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Rodney Williams and Blake Hoffarber.  In case you're completely unaware, the Gophers season officially kicked-off Friday night with Midnight Madness, which in this case is called Tubby's Tip-Off and took place at 7:30.  These two get the nod for their big wins in the dunk and 3-point shootout - go ahead and guess who won which contest.  Perhaps more impressive than the Hoff's win was who the runner-up was - Justin Cobbs.  As good a defender as Al Nolen is, it's no secret to anybody with two eyes that his offense was lacking in a big, big way last season.  If it turns out Cobbs can score, even if he can just knock down an open three, that adds another dimension to the offense.  As for Rodney in the dunk contest, do yourself a favor and watch this:

[Video removed because it kept freaking out my browser. You can find it at From the Barn or Gophersports.com or pretty much anywhere. Just make an effort, fatty.]

Turns out those reports that he was an incredible athlete:  ACCURATE.  Additionally, I've read some reports from people who were there (over at the Gopher Hole) and it sounds like Ralph Sampson has bulked up quite a bit this year.  Combine that with the fact that Ralph can run a mile in under six minutes, which I learned straight from Tubby's mouth on the radio, and I don't really see any way he doesn't run away with Big Ten Player of the Year.

If you want some really detailed info on 3-point totals by round, and a thorough report on the scrimmage,  click your mouse device on this hyperlink.

2.  Hakeem Nicks.  He just keeps being awesome, so I just have to keep highlighting him.  In a suddenly crowded group of NY Giant receivers, Nicks keeps putting up good numbers and might have the highest upside of all of them - and that's no slight on the good Steve Smith.  On Sunday he lit up the Saints for 114 and a touch, making this the third straight week he's found the endzone, and, since Eli had a horrid game in the loss, he accounted for 64% of the team's receiving yards.  Smith and Mario Manningham both have more yards receiving this year than Nicks, partially due to Hakeem missing two and a half weeks due to injury, but it's becoming more and more obvious just how talented this kid is.  Steve Smith might end up with better numbers this year, but Manningham is currently being pushed aside, and neither will end up any near as good as Nicks when all their careers are wrapped up.

3.  Sidney Rice.  This guy is an asshole.  I'm sorry, and normally I don't like to use such coarse language in front of a lady (note:  that's you, nancy-boy), but I am required to hate this guy for screwing two of my fantasy teams (yes, I have more than one, kill me). I drafted him in two leagues, and in one of them when I picked him some jackass piped up with "potential will kill you."  Then after two weeks of nothing and looking like less than an afterthought, I had to drop him to make room for other players who were actually playing well.  Well, since then he's been picked up by other retards in my leagues and scored two TDs in the last four weeks, never dipped below 56 yards receiving, and blew up this weekend with a 6 catch, 176 yard game in the Vikes win.  Yeah, well he's too slow to outrun DBs and got caught from behind on what would have been a 70-yard touchdown, so eat it, guys who picked him up.

4.  LaDainian Tomlinson.  Numbers-wise, at first glance LT's performance last night doesn't look that impressive - 19 carries for 70 yards and 3 catches for 30, but two things are worth noting.  First, Denver's defense has been very, very good this year, particularly against the run.  Tomlinson's 70 rushing yards and the second most a back has managed to put up against the Broncos, just barely behind the 76 yards they allowed to Cedric Benson in week one.  Second, and more importantly, this is more about watching the game than the numbers.  Most of last year and this year, Tomlinson has looked slow, tentative, and was unable to either make people miss or break tackles - very similar to Shaun Alexander down towards the end there, and there was quite a bit of talk about how LT might be done.  Watching last night, it appears he might be heading back - not to the lofty heights he had reached previously, but I think he's far from done.  He was quicker than I had seen him in the last couple of years, making several defenders miss, and was making cuts quickly and decisively, much closer to the good LT than the recent LT.  He's not going to be MVP any time soon, but last night was very encouraging.

5.  The Beer Stars.  That's out softball team, and we are awesome.  Took part in the State Tournament this weekend, and ended up walking out with a nice plaque for finishing in fourth place (out of 63 teams).  Keep in mind, this isn't some kind of pansy-ass single elimination garbage like those sissies in the NCAA Tournament, this is double.  That means in order to finish in fourth, we had to win seven games, finishing up with an impressive 7-2 record that included a win over the (now former) #1 team in the state.  Once we got to the final four, I think we were in a different stratosphere.  The team that bounced us walked up and were drinking nothing but water and gatorade, and had warm-up donuts for their bats as well as those heavy warm up bats for the on-deck circle.  Not quite the same attitude we have, as demonstrated by the name "Beer Stars."  It was an excellent two days.  I think Snacks is the only other Beer Star who reads this blog, but if any of the others are out there - congrats fellas.  We kicked some serious ass.



WHO SUCKED

1.  Sam Bradford.  Let me give you people a bit of advice:  If you ever win a Heisman Trophy and are a guaranteed lock for a 1st round pick in the NFL Draft, just go.  Don't be noble.  Don't be loyal.  Don't be idealistic.  Just go.  I'm guessing Bradford's wishing he had done that after getting hurt for the second time this season on Saturday, and this one looks like there's a pretty good chance we're talking season's over here.  After getting his shoulder ripped in half against BYU in the season opener, he made his big triumphant return on Saturday against Texas in the big ole Red River Rivalry game, managed to sling six passes (completing just two) and then had his shoulder ripped off again.  What will this mean for his career?  I don't know.  It's probably not a career ender or anything, but will a team draft a guy who hurt the same shoulder twice in a season with a first round pick?  Seems doubtful.  We're talking a loss of multiple millions here.  All so he could get up and go to class.  Sucker.   

2.  Terrelle Pryor.  Enough with this guy already.  He's a good runner.  That's it.  He's not Michael Vick.  He's not Pat White.  He's not Vince Young (in college).  He's not even Beau Morgan.  He's more like Reggie Bush than anything else - elusive, fast runner who can help his team with his legs, but he is not a quality QB and he showed it again this weekend against Purdue.  Ohio State went in to West Lafayette and got rolled, 26-18 by a Boiler team that had only one other win on the season (against Toledo).  Pryor managed an incredible four turnovers all on his own, not to mention taking a sack on a third-and-five in Purdue territory late in the game with the Buckeyes down eight, and also managed to rush for just 34 yards on 21 attempts.  He's awful.  But you know what's funny?  I just checked, and he actually has a better QB rating than Adam Weber.  Good work Adam.  You're worse than the college equivalent of Tavaris Jackson.     

3.  Tennessee Titans.  Am I completely crazy, or weren't the Titans supposed to be a Super Bowl type contender this year.  Let me check something.  Yep, that's what I thought - they won their division last year.  Seeing as how they have pretty much the same team as last year, I'm guessing that their current 0-6 record is probably a bit of a shock to pretty much everybody.  Not a shock to me though, since I picked them tho finish third in their division.  What is a shock to me is the stats the Titans put up in Sunday's devastatingly embarrassing 59-0 loss to the Patriots.  It's hard to say what was worse, the offense or the defense.  The offense was so bad, that Vince Young was the leading passer for the Titans with a day of 0-2 for 0 yards.  That's because Kerry Collins somehow managed to 2-12 for -7, I have no idea how, which nets out to a QB rating of 4.9, which I assume is some kind of record and they exact opposite of the day the Titans' D let Tom Brady have:  29-34 for 380 yards and 6 TDs, which is a QB rating of 152.8.  He should probalby be in the Awesome portion of this post, but 1) I hate him, and 2) they pulled him for someone named Brian Hoyer who then went 9-11 for 52 yards in his pro debut.  In conclusion, Tennessee sucks worse than this TV movie with Tori Spelling Mrs. W is currently watching.

4.  Hideki Kuroda.  On Sunday for game 3 of the NLCS, Dodgers' manager Joe Torre had a choice:  go with Kuroda or Chad Billingsley.  They had pretty similar numbers on the season (Kuroda 3.76 ERA, 1.14 WHIP, Billingsley 4.03 and 1.32), and I'm sure there are a bunch of other factors that I don't feel like spending the time to research, but it seems he chose incorrectly and Kuroda got shelled, giving up six runs without bothering to get out of the second inning.  Of course, Billingsley didn't do much better in relief and the offense only managed three hits against Cliff Lee, so none of this really mattered, but there's still a valuable lesson here:  you can't trust commies.  Luckily, thanks to the second amendment, every man has the right to bear arms to protect himself from these commies, and the right to Liberty.  Liberty, if you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breath, and without liberty, man is a syncope.     

5.  John David Booty.  Sad news folks.  It's over.  John David Booty was released from the practice squad by the Vikings on Thursday in order to make room for some irrelevant o-lineman.  Seems a little unfair to get rid of a guy who has never thrown a regular season pass, but nobody said Chilly always makes the right decision.  So you people are going to have to give up on your dreams of having discovered a fifth round gem, and I'm going to have to give up on my dreams of using this picture for anything worthwhile:

So it goes.

Weekend Review - 9/8/2009

If you're just here to read about the shitty Gopher football team, feel free to jump right on down to the "WHO SUCKED" section.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  BYU.   What an excellent win for the Cougars, upsetting the #3 team in the country Oklahoma Sooners 14-13 Saturday.  A lot of morons will point out that returning Heisman Trophy winner Sam "Sixkiller" Bradford was knocked out right before halftime with an injury, and will point to that as the reason why BYU was able to win this game.  Sure, that didn't hurt, but when Bradford went down the score was just 10-7 in favor of the Sooners.  Make no mistake, BYU is a very good team and this is a very impressive win.  The fighting Mormons will still take on Florida State in their non-conference and have Utah and TCU has conference foes, which gives them three more top 20 opponents this season.  If they can run the table after this win, things will be very interesting come year end.  And by interesting I mean they will get screwed out of the BCS championship and there will be a lot of bitching but in the end nothing will change because "money makes the world go round, and ain't nothin' free in the world in life, no matter who you are in life everybody got their price."

Also I just read that Bradford reads the David vs. Goliath story from the Bible before every game.  Dude.  You're favored every time.  That makes no damn sense.  Think on that whilst you peruse this:

2.  Oklahoma State football.  In what was a very good week for the Big 12 (10-2 overall), the Cowboys' week one victory over #13 Georgia is certainly the most impressive.  Dez Bryant (aka the next Michael Crabtree) caught 2 TD passes from gayly named QB Zac Robinson and OSU picked up a big win, 24-10.  You know how good Bryant will be?  I'm going to go ahead and tag this post with his name, just because I know I will be referencing him again in the future.  Yeah.  I did that.

3.   Ralph Bolden.  Yeah, I don't know who he is either, but when a Big Ten running back, in this case a Boiler, goes off for 234 rushing yards and two scores, I figure I should pay some attention.  Since I didn't watch the game, I went to check on what my boys over at Boiled Sports had to say, but I got distracted because Purdue has a fullback with the name "Jared Crank."  Is that the coolest thing you've ever heard or what?  I don't even remember what else I was going to say.  How fun would it be to introduce yourself to people if that was you name?  And you know he hits the emphasis on the Crank, just to make the old white establishment a little uncomfortable.

4.  Wade Davis.  Do the Rays just have an unending stream of completely ridiculous awesome prospects or what?  Davis was the team's #2 prospect going into the season (behind David Price) and made his first start yesterday.  How'd he do?  Seven innings, three hits, a walk, one run, and nine strikeouts.  Seriously, they just have an unending stream of top prospects who actually pan out, so much so that they can go ahead and trade someone like Scott Kazmir.  Meanwhile I'm stuck watching the Twins and the constant "upside = 4th starter" boners they trot out.  Anthony Swarzak in the Twins' system is like Davis for the Rays right now.  Remember when the Twins had a deep farm system?  How do you screw that all up without actually bringing in any kind of worthwhile veteran player?  I'm super crabby right now.

5.  Jared Crank.  Just so awesome.  And he's only a sophomore.  The next Mike Alstott?  Sure, why not.  Abso-freakin-lutely.  Career stat tracker:  1 catch, 4 yds.  0 rushing attempts.  Stay tuned for greatness.

WHO SUCKED

1.  Gopher football.  I know they won, and maybe sucked is a bit rough since they managed to come back and win in overtime, but this was an ugly, horrible, mistake-filled, boring, lame, crappy game - but yes they did win.  Weber was essentially worthless all game, up until the last drive, and our new "weapon" MarQueis Gray got what, two snaps?  Ugly game, luckily the 'Cuse was so awful (although I found myself impressed a bit by Paulus, I expected much worse) that it didn't matter in the end, when Weber finally got his shit together.  Expectations have been tempered, with the defense looking like the same porous unit we saw last year, but, if you want to be an optimist, a win is a win, and a win on the road against a BCS conference team is a good win.  I, on the other hand, prefer to look at this as a reminder that Gopher football sucks, and they'll be lucky to make a bowl game.

I also wanted to quickly say, and this is very difficult for me, that I was wrong about Eric Decker.  I've always thought he was more a product of Weber having radar lock on him, but it turns out he's actually a very, very good receiver.  I don't know what it was about this particular game that won me over (probably that catch in double coverage he had no business coming down with), but I have been won and now think he would be a good second round pick for somebody.

That hurt. 

2.  Big Ten football.  The whole, "The Big Ten Conference sucks" talk is going to start even earlier this season and likely get even more annoying than usual thanks to a lackluster first weekend amongst the teams.  Not only did the Gophers get taken to OT by the Orange, but Ohio State, Iowa, Indiana, Illinois, and Wisconsin were all disappointments as well.  Nobody moreso than the Illini, who welcomed their hated rival Missouri into Champaign and ended up getting their tails kicked, 37-9 as Juice Williams continues to do his best Vince Young impression (the pro version).  Iowa (a 30 point favorite) had to block two Northern Iowa field goals in the last few seconds thanks to a rule that I still don't understand to avoid losing to the I-AA school (or whatever it's called now).  Wisconsin (a 19 point favorite) only beat Northern Illinois by 8 and Indiana, a 30 point favorite over Eastern Kentucky, prevailed by just six after not scoring the entire second half.  Even Ohio State, the jewel of the conference and a 21 point favorite, needed an interception on a 2-pt conversion attempt to beat Navy.  If OSU gets their doors blown off this week by USC (and if Michigan loses to Notre Dame) expect the Big Ten bashing to reach epic proportions.

3.  The Minnesota Twins.  The stupid Twins lost 2 of 3 this weekend to the piece of crap Indians, while the Tigers swept the Rays to extend their lead in the central to an almost certainly insurmountable seven game lead.  The suddenly offensively challenged Twins scored all of seven runs in the three games, which is understandable considering they faced Cy Young contenders Jeremy Sowers, Justin Masterson, and David Huff.  Special shout out to Justin Morneau, who went 0-11 in the series, running his hitless streak to 19 straight at-bats.  Remember those MVP dreams?  Or worrying about Morneau stealing MVP votes from Mauer?  Yeah.  I think we're good.

4.  Josh Hamilton.  Remember last year how everybody was so madly in love with Hamilton because he had the talent to make millions playing a kids' game but pissed it away crack and then got clean because his grandma yelled at him and then made it back to the pros and hit 11 billion home runs in the home run derby but lost to Justin Morneau but nobody remembers that and then this year he has sucked and fell off the wagon that one time with the booze?  Remember all that?  Well Hamilton still stucks this year, but now he is battling a bad back and even had to get an epidural this weekend, as is looking at getting another shot tomorrow.  You know what they say; Epidurals are a gateway drug.  I fully expect a backslide, leading to some time in a Tijuana prison for drug trafficking.  I'm just stating the obvious.  Also I want to use this space to tell you that Ben Stiller is really not that funny.  Stop it.

5.  Pittsburgh Pirates.  Seventeen straight losing seasons.  Seventeen.  They actually held it off yesterday with a walk-off Garrett Jones hit (GARRETT JONES!!!) to beat the Cards, but they aren't going to run the table, and as such are going to hit the record for consecutive losing seasons by a major american sport team.  I do like what the Pirates are doing finally, blowing up the whole deal and essentially starting over.  They have shipped off almost any "veteran" with talent, and with the exception of the McLouth trade they all make a ton of sense, and they are stockpiling arms and prospects and have a little hope for the first time in a long time.  That, of course, doesn't change the fact that they haven't had a winning season since 1992.  Zane freaking Smith was on that team.  As were Gary Redus, Cecil Espy. Lloyd Mcclendon, Steve Buechele, Mike LaValliere, tom Prince, and Bob Walk.  If you're not getting how long ago that was just yet, how about these things which happened in 1992:

• The Redskins won the Super Bowl over the Bills at the Metrodome
• Mike Tyson was convicted of rape (yeah, right)
• The English FA Premier League was formed
• Jeff Dahmer was framed and sentenced to life in prison
• John Gotti was framed and sentenced to life in prison
• Microsoft releases Windows 3.1
• Johnny Carson retires from The Tonight Show
• Brett Favre made his first start for the Pack

Uh.  Yeah.


The last thing I want to mention is that if you aren't watching Greek on ABC Family, you need to start.  It's really an excellent show, and if you need more convincing here are four very good reasons:

Watch Out for the A-10

As I said earlier this week, I won't be writing a Weekend Review because I'm heading to Chicago for vacation tomorrow, but if I did surely the top spot for WHO WAS AWESOME would go to The Atlantic 10 conference, giant killers of the basketball world.

Earlier today Temple knocked off #8 Tennessee decisively, 88-72, and UMass went into Kansas and beat the Jayhawks 61-60, despite trying as hard as they could to choke the game away. Add in that earlier this week St Joe's came within a hair of winning at #15 Villanova and Xavier's continued dominance (currently ranked tenth) and it's possible this conference might be for real this year.

They have a nice handful of good wins earlier this season as well, with Xavier having beat Memphis, Dayton over Marquette, St Louis over B.C., and Charlotte over Mississippi State (and don't forget Rhode Island almost beating Duke at Cameron). Add in the wins from today, and the A-10 is looking pretty good, although it might be tough to get more than 2 bids, as per usual.

Other stuff:

- Took in the Georgetown/Memphis game this afternoon, and got to see two of the better freshmen I've seen this year in Memphis's Tyreke Evans and Greg Monroe from Georgetown.

Evans didn't play his best ever game, shooting just 8-24 and turning it over five times but you can see how good this kid is by watching him. He makea more mistakes and forces more shots than you'd like, and with him and fellow freshmen Wes Witherspoon in charge of the backcourt the Tigers are pretty much doomed to not make it out of the first weekend of the NCAA tournament, but he is immensely talented and full of potential. He's already one of the best I've ever seen at getting to the rim. When he drives, where most people would pull up and shoot the jumper he finds a way to get just a little bit closer - it's crazy. And he plays the game faster than anybody else out there, he will absolutely be gone after this year.

Monroe's numbers didn't stand out either in the 79-70 OT win for the Hoyas, but the guy looks crazy good. He's an excellent defender already, as is typical of a Georgetown big man, and is an excellent scorer in the paint and a very intelligent player with the ball. What sets him apart from most seven footers is his perimeter game. Not so much a jump shot, which I don't think he really has, but he's very comfortable with the ball out there, whether passing to set up the offense or putting it on the floor to get to the rim. His ball handling skills are among the best I've seen in a center, and when another seven footer has to guard him out there he can go right by him - a big reason Memphis held him in check is their big men are athletic, not the bigger, stronger, plodding types.

- Speaking of plodding big men, I didn't get to watch as much of the Kansas/UMass game because I was paying more attention to the Memphis/G-Town game, but from what I did see Cole Aldrich was getting worked over by the Minutemen's Tony Gaffney. It turns out they both ended up with 13 rebounds and Aldrich outscored him 12-6, but Gaffney had six blocks and my eyes don't lie my friend, Cole struggles with the quicker, more athletic guys. Texas is going to beat them by twenty.

- Speaking of my eyes, I know people like it when I interrupt my rambling words with pictures of attractive young ladies, so here's a picture of the video game channel's Olivia Munn dressed up as Princess Leia. Rawr:


- Ok, pay attention again. Speaking of video games, if haven't rented The King of Kong yet, I must insist you stop what you're doing right now and go rent it and then watch it immediately. And if you want more red-hot Billy Mitchell action, search MTV for an episode of True Life called, "I'm a gamer." The whole episode is awesome and mainly follows other people, but there is a nice little bonus of some Billy Mitchell d-baggery that puts a nice follow-up (even thought this episode was filmed first) to King of Kong.

- So you know what's weird and actually pretty irritating? Utah has, right where the player's name is supposed to be, the word "Utah." So it says Utah on both the front and back of the jersey. What I'm guessing is that this is a seriously annoying dork motivational bit to say, "We aren't a collection of individuals. We're a team. We're UTAH!" Gayest thing ever? It's up there. Top five probably.

- And, just to make sure I end this on the right note, can anyone explain why the hell ESPN is showing a game from 1958 on ESPN in prime time tonight? So they've decided to take a game that should be on ESPN Classic, prettied it up and colorized it and made it HD, and then put it on in prime time on Saturday night. What the Mother F? As if it wasn't bad enough when they tried to force their stupid movies and insipid weekly series down our throats in prime time, now they try to give us a fifty year old game? Who is going to watch this? Eighty year olds? I'm lame, I'm not doing anything except sitting around the house tonight and not doing anything remotely interesting, and this is still dead last on the list of things I want to watch at 8pm tonight. Seriously. You know what I'd rather watch that is going up against this? Super Troopers on Comedy Central, and that's a horrible, horrible movie, but it's better than watching a game from back when Leave it to Beaver was must see TV (did you know there's a patron saint of television by the way, as named by the Pope in 1958? That is truly bizarre). You know what else I'd rather watch? ANYTHING. It boggles the mind. There are plenty of basketball games not being televised tonight, and you're supposed to be an all-sports station. PICK ONE.

[Added] I'm popping back in here again because while we were watching Twilight online I had the Cincy/Xavier game on in the background and some big guy for Cincy made a very nice, athletic move at the free throw line leading to a nice dunk, and when he turned around his name was Toyloy, and sure enough, it's the same Steven Toyloy the Gophers offered a scholarship to this offseason. He ended up signing with the Bearcats, and is playing pretty well and looked good the little bit I saw him. He's averaging 16 minutes a game, putting up 4 points and 5 rebounds per game, good enough for second leading rebounder on the team. Guy seems pretty solid.

And also congrats to Sammy "Sixxkiller" Bradford on winning the Heisman trophy. I'm just glad that moron Tim Teblows didn't win.