Monday Musings

-  Even though the Twins are terrible this year this still could end up being a pretty fun season.  If nothing else, they're at least finally agreeing with everyone else and realizing they're terrible so they're going to see what they have for the future.  So we're going to get full seasons of Chris Parmelee and Brian Dozier to see what they can offer in the future.  We're going to see extended tryouts for Aaron Hicks and Oswaldo Arcia (who got his first career hit tonight in his first career at-bat which is probably like, the first time that's ever happened in MLB history) and get a chance to find out if Darin Mastroianni or Joe Benson can be a fourth outfielder someday.

It sucks that the pitching rotation is basically made up of crappy guys who are crappy, but you're going to watch 30 starts out of Vance Worley and Scott Diamond so we can see where they could slot in the future rotation.  Liam Hendriks and Cole Devries should get 20+ starts each so we can figure out if they have a future.  Sam Deduno should get a decent shot to see if he can carry over any of his WBC success.  Kyle Gibson should hit the bigs at some point this year, and with a little luck maybe we'll see at least one of Alex Meyer and Trevor May as well.

Yes they'll be terrible, but at least they'll be terrible with young guys who are fun.  Even Pedro Florimon is a little bit fun, what with all the bunting for hits.

- That Masters was pretty effing awesome, no? I won't rehash everything since you've either watched it, read about it, or don't care but I love it when somebody like Adam Scott, who is dealing with that "great player who hasn't won a major" pressure wins one, especially Augusta, because their reactions are like watching the One Shining Moment of golf.  I have no problem with Tiger, I don't hate him or anything but I don't really want to make love to him either, but watching him win is fun too because of the "greatest of all-time" thing, but I'd much rather somebody like Scott win.

That majors pressure just fascinates me with how it affects everyone a little differently.  It was really weighing down on Phil but he managed to get passed it, but Sergio Garcia has let it beat him so far down he's reached the point where he says himself that he doesn't think he's good enough to win a major, while despite 10 career top 10s in majors Steve Stricker doesn't seem to be bothered at all.  Similarly, the two younger guys you heard this about - Luke Donald and Adam Scott - seemed to be on opposite ends of the spectrum as well with Donald seeming to be more relaxed about it and Scott feeling some pressure, and if you want to throw Ian Poulter in that mix I can almost feel the steam coming off of him when it comes to majors.  For some reason I dig Poulter so I hope he's next, but Lee Westwood better hurry up to before his window closes.  Actually I'm calling my shot right now - it's between Westwood and Poulter for the British Open.  Book it.

-  Have you seen what's going down with Purdue's hoops team right now?  Guard Anthony Johnson announced he's transferring, making the third player (Sandi Marcius and Jacob Lawson were the other two) who has bounced from the Boilers this offseason.  Losing these three isn't a killer or anything as all averaged less than 20 minutes and 5 points per game and Purdue has three Rivals Top 150 guys coming in next season, but losing three of your rotation guys is still a bit alarming.  Also keep in mind that Johnson already redshirted, which means that if he transfers to a D-I school he loses an entire year of eligibility when he sits out so you know he really, really wanted out.

I'm sure Painter has everything under control (like I mentioned, great class coming in) it's just odd to see this kind of mass exodus when a coach is already entrenched for eight years and when added to the Kelsey Barlow thing last year it kind of makes you scratch your head.  It's probably nothing, but if it's something, remember how smart I am.  Otherwise forget it.

- The Seahawks signed Antoine Winfield?  Sweet jesus do they just follow the Vikings around waiting to see what they've dropped?  In the last three years 46% of Viking players they got rid off ended up on Seattle according to these numbers I just made up.  How's Sidney Rice, who I believe is behind Doug Baldwin on the depth chart these days, working out?  Maybe the Vikings can use this infatuation to their advantage.  You know, they could be all like, "Hey, if Russell Wilson gets hurt you guys really need somebody with a similar skill set.  How about Joe Webb" and then they'd trade a 5th round pick for him.  I'm a genius.

-  Lastly, Ramon Ortiz is back in the majors.  Yes, that one.  This disturbs me greatly.  Although I did learn his middle name is Diogenes, which I kind of like, so I guess I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Tuesday Talkings

I wasn't planning on posting anything tonight because, let's face it, just the idea of writing two days in a row makes me tired, but there's nothing else to do.

-  I'm watching the Twins for some reason (it's currently 3-2 Twinkies in the 2nd) and holy crap is Chris Davis the worst hitter ever.  Last night, when the Rangers scored something like 30 runs and had 64 hits, he went 0-6 and made two errors.  Now I've just watched him just wildly flail at two Pavano pitches.  He strikes me as the kind of guy who can crush a fastball if you try to blow it passed him, but any finesse whatsoever and he's hacking at it like Delmon Young wearing a blindfold.  Should end up being a hell of a softball player in a few years.

-  You want to know what sucks worse than Jose Mijares?  When you make a bet against Ryan Howard doing well because he's going up against Tim Lincecum and then Lincecum is scratched with the flu and Barry freaking Zito gets the start instead and gives up a home run to Howard in the first inning.

-  As you could have predicted there are a ton of rumors/stories/whatever regarding NFL player movement since they're actually going to play now, and there are plenty regarding your precious Vikings - McNabb, Sid Rice, Tavaris Jackson, Ray Edwards, and Kyle Orton are all linked to Vikings in one way or another.  I was going to run down each of these things individually but then I yawned and now I'm bored.  So I'll just say that T-Jax going to Seattle makes me giggle.  And lest you think they are just handing him a starting gig they've also signed sexy Matt Leinart.  And they still have Charlie Whitehurst who I'm pretty sure is a werewolf.  So yeah, I'd say they're in pretty good shape. 

 -  Other than that I guess losing Sidney Rice would be a big deal, but only because they don't have any other options, not because he's all that good.  He had one good year because Brett Favre realized that you can just throw the ball up high to him and no matter how not open he actually was he'd just go catch it.  Give him a real QB and he can't do jack.  Do you really think Ponder is going to come in and start flinging the ball around like he's playing drunk foosball?  No.  He needs precise route runners with good hands who can get open.  Rice can't do that.  If he comes back to the Vikes he's going to be bust city.  With Seattle he'd have a fighting chance, if only because none of sexy, crappy, or the werewolf are real QBs so they might buy into the whole "lob it up" strategy.

That being said, the Vikes still need him because what's the other option here, Bernard Berrian?  Buzz.  Your girlfriend.  Woof. 

-  Those two broads behind home plate are ridiculously hot.  God bless Texas.

-  I can't prove it, but I strongly suspect Carl Pavano is actually pitching underhanded.  It's the only explanation.

-  I finished the new Song of Ice and Fire book (same series that gave us the Game of Thrones TV show) and I'm stunned.  I cannot believe Voldemort was Frodo's father.  That is just stunning.

-  Chris Davis is the next Brooks Robinson.  Just so smooth, and such a termendous gloveman.

-  J.J. Hardy hit two home runs tonight.  That gives him 16 homers on the year.  You know who else has 16 homers this year?  The entire Twins roster combined.  Fact.  Hardy has become a top five shortstop in all the majors, meanwhile the Twins are hoping either a foreigner who dances around at the plate like Natalie Portman in that lesbian movie or a 28-year old who everyone is still waiting to reach his potential to take over the SS role.  Great.  At least the guys they got when they traded Hardy have done really well. 

-  FUN FACT:  Justin Verlander is completely unhittable against everyone in the league other than the Chicago White Stockings.  Tonight's line: 8ip, 7 hits, 1 walk, 7 Ks, 4 ERs.  Not bad, right?  As a Twins fan we'd take it every night, but not a great outing for Verlander.  The interesting part?  That's just the third time he's given up more than 3 earned runs in a start this year - two of them against the White Sox.  That's just the 8th time he's allowed as many as 7 hits in a game - three of those were against the White Sox.  That's just the 7th time he's had 7 or fewer strikeouts - 3 against the White Sox.  He's allowed 14 home runs this year - six of them against the Sox.  And it doesn't really matter because Detroit won and Verlander got the win, but it's kind of interesting.  Nobody else can hit him.  

-  Matt Capps just threw a fastball that was 93mphand pretty clearly had significant tail on it.  I'm pretty stunned too.  This is just like the ending of The Village - never saw it coming.

-  FUN FACT:  If Tim Lincecum is supposed to pitch and gets scratched they wipe out all player prop bets for that game.  The good news is that I didn't lose my Ryan Howard bet now.  The bad news is that I also had a bet on Aubrey Huff to not get an RBI and Vance Worley to throw more than 99.5 pitches, both won, neither was remotely affected by Lincecum not pitching, and neither is a win now.  Not fair.

-  Thome just came a few feet away from an opposite field jack to take the lead in the ninth.  Which is extra funny because I was just typing how I was watching this game and barely typed anything about it because the Twins have broken my brain.  Also funny - teh ball Thome hit should have been caught by Hamilton.  Looked like he misjudged it a little, got a little off-balance, and lunged a little too far in the wrong direction.  Just like that guy he killed by tossing him a ball.

Too soon?

-  Nishioka is a retarded version of Ichiro, and he just tied the game with a retarded version of a hit by hitting a bouncer up the middle and getting an infield hit out of it.  I really kind of hate him.  Only partially because of racist reasons.

-  Mauer pinch hitting.  Runners on the corners, tie game, one out.  Texas playing back at all infield positions.  You know why?  Because Joe Mauer is god damn ground ball machine and they know they can turn two.  Announcer guys are stunned by them playing back, but that's because they're idiots.  If you took a pitching machine and pointed it at the ground and fed it balls and had a contest with Mauer to see who could hit the most consecutive balls on the ground I'm pretty sure the machine would win.

-  Well fuck me.  You know that Simpsons episode where Skinner says something like, "You know none of these kids are going to college" and then when he realizes the kids are listening he says "Prove me wrong kids, prove me wrong"?  Well that's what I was doing there - daring Mauer to prove me wrong.  I'm a great motivator.

-  I also was going to try to look that quote up and to do it I just typed "google.com" into the google search engine box.  Maybe it turns out I'm the dumb one?

-  By the way, when Nathan blows this one I'm going to bed and not sticking around for extras.  I've got the new James Rollins book to read.

-  Ripped single, fielder's choice, hit batter, strikeout, strikeout and the Twins win and I gotta say, that was vintage Nathan:  some very good unhittable stuff with some terrible pitches mixed in.  He's back, baby.  Now somebody trade something good for him.

Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.25.2010

Obviously the most important thing you should know this morning is that Baby Benny was discharged from the NICU and is currently crying his way around our house.  I won't dwell on that since it's not really what this blog is for and I already mentioned it (with picture) yesterday, but suffice it to say it's a huge relief to both myself and Mrs. W.  Anyway, on to your precious sports, and don't expect me to be back to a post every day quite yet either.  This is just a taste so you don't end up wandering away to other, far better, websites for your daily content.

1. It's now obvious the Twins have zero chance to win a playoff series.  Maybe if Morneau comes back they could have an outside chance to upset somebody, but now that they're playing a good team like the Rangers it's obvious they suck.  Runners and 1st and 3rd in a tie game with nobody out and you can't get a single run across?  Yeah, that might fly against the shitty teams like the Royals and Orioles and White Sox, but when you're playing somebody good you need to take advantage of that situation.  And how many games lately have the Twins given their opponents an extra out in an inning, whether due to an error, a misplay in the outfield, or an easy scoop at first base that isn't made?  Once again, plays you can get away with against the crap of the league, but when you're playing play-off caliber teams those little mistakes are going to lose the game for you every time.  I almost hope the White Sox catch them, because I can't handle another first round sweep, but I don't see any other way this thing is going down.

2.  Imagine how far he can hit a Scott Baker meatball.  Manny Ramirez hasn't been put on waivers yet, but the White Sox have gone ahead and announced they are going to put in a claim on him if he does.  So first the Dodgers have to decide to get rid of him in order to save $4.5 million, then he has to pass through every single NL team with nobody making a claim, and then get passed the majority of AL teams before the White Sox can grab him.  Then he'll have to approve of the deal, and then the two teams will have to agree upon compensation.  So yes, it's a long shot.  And thank god for that, because even though he's been hurt this year he's OPSed .903 this year, which is a better number than Joe Mauer, and can you imagine what he could do to a Baker, Blackburn, or Slowey meatball?  It would be like using an aluminum bat - somebody's gonna die.

3.  Serves him right.  Remember how I've been calling Trevor Mbakwe "Reign Man II" after Shawn Kemp?  Well, we kind of have a problem, because the real Shawn Kemp, Jr. (no word on how many of those there are, but I'd set the over/under at 2.5) is already called Reign Man II and is attending Auburn.  In a stroke of poetic justice and a blow against lazy nick-naming (come on, Reign Man II for his son?), Kemp has been ruled academically ineligible (along with another top recruit, Luke Cothran).  Kemp, a 6-9 center who is ranked as the #105 incoming freshman by Rivals and #14 center, chose Auburn over a couple of other southeast schools, but his lack of good offers leads me to speculate he was a qualification risk from the get go, but Auburn was willing to take a gamble (as a program like that should) - no surprise to anybody who followed the real Shawn Kemp way too closely.  No word on how many offspring the kid has either, but I'm guessing it's more than 1.


4.  You don't see this every day.  The Phillies/Astros game last night ended up going 16 innings, with the Astros winning 4-2, and some interesting things happened.  After Ryan Howard got tossed by the Ump (who was doing him a favor since he was 0-7 with 5 strikeouts), the Phillies needed to bring Roy Oswalt in to play left field since they were out of position players.  The Astros also had to use starter Wandy Rodriguez as a pinch hitter, and losing Philly pitcher David Herndon had to pitch three innings and hit because they were out of players.  I don't know.  I don't really have anything else to add.  Just seemed kind of weird.  In retrospect, I probably should have written about Strasburg to the DL again, but that's just depressing.    

5.  Apparently Johnny Damon isn't a Boston fan.  Johnny Damon, current Detroit Tiger, was placed on waivers and then claimed by the Red Sox.  This would give Damon a chance to return to the city where he reached cult hero status before ripping out their hearts by signing with the hated Yankees.  This also would have given Damon an opportunity to play for a team with a playoff shot, however fleeting, rather than be on a Detroit team that is going nowhere this year, and since he has just a one-year contract he would be a free agent next year either way.  Also since he has a no trade clause, he'd have to approve the deal.  No brainer, right?  Apparently, but the way you'd think since Damon has blocked the move, and will remain a Tiger.  I don't know how somebody could more clearly express that they hate the Red Sox and/or Boston, short of farting in a boston baked bean can while pissing on John Adams grave and then faxing it to Mark Wahlberg in a box with an "I heart NY" logo on it.

6.  So much for all that contract dispute speculation.  There was a lot of talk that Sidney Rice missing practices was more because he wanted a new contract rather than him having an actual serious hip injury.  Either all of that was wrong or Sidney Rice is insanely committed to the bit, because he had hip surgery on Monday which will keep him out until mid-seasonish.  Losing a pro bowl receiver is quite the blow to the team's Super Bowl chances, especially with questions surrounding Percy Harvin, but a plan is in place to fill the hole with Javon Walker.  Yes, the same Javon Walker who was shot at as a Bronco, was beaten to unconsciousness in Vegas, and has caught a total of 51 passes in the last three seasons.  Yuck.  I don't know about you, but I generally live by three rules:
1.  Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
2.  Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
2.  Never play cards against someone whose first name is a place
3.  Headcase wideouts are only worth it when they're young and talented.  Or at least talented.

One last thing you should know is that today (the 25th) is Mrs. W and I's anniversary, and we've now been officially married for 10 years.  Wow.  That is a long time.  For perspective, in the year 2000 the playstation 2 launched, but only in Tokyo.  Also the Elian Gonzalez thing happened, Kazahiro Sasaki won the AL rookie of the year (good call), and the John Rocker thing went down.  It was a long time ago.  Thanks for having such bad taste, for so long, Mrs. W. 

Skoal Vikings and What Not

I haven't lived blogged a Vikings game on here other than the pre-season debut of Favre in purple.  Let's remedy this situation.  Follow along with me, won't you?

7:24 - Wow, how overproduced is this?  Why is Faith Hill singing an ode to football on NBC?  Why are we 9 minutes past official kick-off time and still waiting?  Is Sunday Night Football always like this?  Thank god I haven't watched very often.  This whole production makes Dick Vitale look tame.

7:25 - Plus, they've been on the air for 25 minutes now and not a single mention of the passing of Brittany Murphy?  What happened to a little common decency and a little bit of respect?  One of the greatest actresses of our generation, and these meatheads can't stop talking about Brett Favre's fanny long enough to recognize a tragic day.  I'm expecting the Vikings to be wearing a patch today.  Either "BM" or some sort of tribute to her role in 8 Mile will do.  Gotta be something, right?

7:30 - Game still hasn't started.  Now they're interviewing Childress, who, as usual, is really personable and friendy and just a funny, engaging guy.  He's really like the Dane Cook of football coaches.  Also, did you know Brittany Murphy guest starred in four episodes of Blossom?  Can you imagine a Blossom, Brittany, Six sandwich?  Like, whoa.

7:31 - Kickoff.  Carolina ball.  I'm pretty bummed we aren't getting Delhomme here.  I can't even wrap my head around how many interceptions he'd throw against the Vikes defense. 

7:33 - In my keeper league which I didn't even make the playoffs in, Snake and Bogart are playing in the conference finals and are going down to the wire.  The Adrian Peterson vs. Deangelo Williams matchup in this game is huge for them.  Carolina goes 3-and-out, Deangelo got about four yards.  That's worth zero points.

7:35 - A catch by Kleinsasser?  Carolina might as well pack it in, this one is pretty much over.

7:37 - Favre gets sacked on third down, and now the Vikes will have to punt.  This game is boring as hell.  There's a reason I try to go to the bar to watch football games. 

7:39 - So I was poking around kenpom.com and looking at the stats (From the Barn did this last week as well a bit), and I came across the fact that Al Nolen is 8th in the country in steal percentage, stealing the ball on 6.11% of the opponents possessions when he is in the game, which is insane and the second best number of any major conference player behind Andy Rautins at 6.77%.  And guess who is second in the Big Ten at 5.23%?  Damian Johnson.  Last year those two finished second and third behind Chris Kramer, and two years ago they finished 1st and 3rd.  There's a reason the Gopher defense has been so good these last three years.  I'm suddenly starting to worry that we're spoiled.  Also while I was typing all of that the Panthers went 3-and-out again and then Favre took a sack instead of throwing the ball away.  I am not a purist.  I hate low-scoring games.

7:47 - Vikings punt after both Favre and AP fall down.  What kind of grass we working with here, ice?

7:50 - Viking sack on that QB whose name I forget by Jared Allen which causes a fumble which the Vikings refuse to recover once again.  I've never seen a team so terrible and picking up a fumble.  Mark my words, this is going to cost them big at some point, probalby in the playoffs.  Carolina punts once again, and this time Reynaud (Snacks' guy) takes it all the way back to the Carolina 30 so maybe we'll finally get some scoring.  This game is starting to resemble marriage.

7:55 - Nevermind.  They do nothing at all with it and then Longwell misses a 39-yarder.  Ugh.  Oof.  I need a beer or a shot.  Maybe both.  I kind of feel like Anthony Tucker.

7:59 - Carolina finally manages a first down.  Be still my heart.  Check that, there's another one.  Now we're rolling Matty Moore, now we're rolling.

8:01 - Wow, Muhsin Muhammed still plays.  I wasn't aware of that.  And it's another first down.  Suddenly the Panther offensive line is opening up gaping holes and all their receivers have become uncoverable.  It's like that missed field goal has destroyed the defense.  Must be some kind of built-in momentum meter or something.  It explains a lot about 1998.

8:05 - They just showed a graphic that Steve Smith only has a single one hundred yard receiving game this year after leading the NFL the last three years.  Man, how awesome would it be if you were in a keeper league and traded him at the start of this season?  Genius move.

8:08 - Touchdown Carolina on a pass to a wide open Brad Hoover in the flat, because Hoover is the kind of guy who always seems to be open in the flat.  It's like when the Patriots would bring in Mike Vrabel to block on the goal line, you knew damn well he was going out for a pass, and yet he was open every time.  Ridiculous.  Also ridiculous is that they blocked the extra point.  That's weird.

8:11 - I don't know if you saw this a few weeks ago, but Wofford came to East Lansing to play Michigan State.  The reason that is a big deal is that Noah Dahlman (formerly of Braham High School here in the great state of Minnesota) attends Wofford, while his brother Isaiah (also of Braham) spurned the Gophers to play for Sparty.  Isaiah, you might remember, was ranked the 112th best player in the class of 2005 and was kind of a big deal, but he never gave the Gophers serious consideration.  Noah was a year younger, wasn't ranked or thought of as a national prospect at all, received no interest from the Gophers and ended up at Wofford.  Well, in their big head-to-head battle, Noah scored 19 points and grabbed four rebounds, while Isaiah, usually a bench warmer but given the start by Izzo for the whole brothers thing, scored a whole two points in twelve minutes.  The Spartans won, but I think we know which brother really won this thing.

8:16 - Vikes respond to the challenge in Gopher-like fashion by going three and out.

8:19 - Vikings nearly get a safety, but due to a display of tackling that can only be described as "not tackling" J. Stewart picks up about 8 yards instead.  No matter.  They still have to punt.  There have been a lot of punts this game.  It's like the opposite of playing Madden.

8:20 - Deangelo out with an ankle injury, his return is questionable.  Ouch Snake.  I'd feel bad for you, but last year his five TD performance stole the championship from me, so you can go F yourself. 

8:21 - There's some Bud Light commerical what that I just saw where some dude is all tuxedoed out for a wedding and to put the boutaineer on the chick uses a nail gun.  It's not really that funny or anything, but while she's doing that there is a little message at the bottom of the screen that says "Do Not Attempt."  Now that's funny.

8:27 - AP scores from about the 3 despite being stood up and almost completely stoped by two different Panthers.  This guy is just unreal.  Vikings take a 7-6 lead with the extra point.  Seriously, Peterson is like playing Tecmo Bowl with Christian Okoye when he's in excellent condition - he's just looking for guys to run into and bounce at this point.

8:30 - If I had to pick my final four right now, I'd say Kansas, Texas, Kentucky, and West Virginia, but I am pretty sure that will change.  I still like Cincy, Duke, Michigan State, Villanova, Purdue, Mississippi State, UCONN, Georgia Tech, Syracuse, and Ohio State (when Turner gets back if he's the same player) to all have a chance as well.  I am also really liking this New Mexico team, but they haven't and won't play any elite level talent, so it's tough to get a true read.  Wins over Cal and Texas A&M are nice, and they still play Texas Tech and Dayton, but it's tough to predict how good they actually are.

8:38 - Oh crap.  One of the Vikings' d-backs just tossed Steve Smith to the ground a little after the whistle.  No penalty or anything, but Smith got up talking at the guy, who made the world's biggest mistake and talked back.  I am now expecting Smith to have a monster second half.  Also can anybody explain to me why Childress wouldn't use a timeout with 45 seconds left or so on Carolina's fourth down so the Vikings would get the ball back with a little time remaining?  I'm pretty sure football's Pete Rose can drive them down into field goal range with that kind of time.  Especially now that Carolina picked up a penalty to take them out of field goal range and are now going to run a hail mary rather than punt?  And what if they missed?  Vikings would have gotten the ball at their own 40 with 40 seconds to get twenty-five yards.  It turned out not to matter (the hail mary failed) but once agian Childress fails to understand simple strategy.  Between him and Brewster the football coaching IQ in this town is like seventy-four.

8:58 - Sorry I'm a bit late getting back, Mrs. W was watching some christmas crap movie about some broad who was going to lose her house because she was behind on the payments or something because she was probably either dumb or lazy, and then the whole town bands together to buy her house for her or whatever - essentially a ripoff of that one Christmas movie everybody loves but I've never actually seen.  The one about Clarence the angel or something.  I don't really know, like I said, I haven't seen it.  It has the guy from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington in it.  That one.  I am back in time to see I missed another Viking three-and-out.  Doesn't this team score 30 points every game?  Lame.

9:05 - You're never going to believe this, but Carolina is punting.  God, the one boring game the Vikings have played this year, the only game where playing offense is merely a rumor, and it's the one I pick to live blog.  And it's not like I can just quit.  I also can't just say forget it and not publish this post because I've already put too much work into it.  Damn Vikings.

9:10 - They just flashed up a graphic telling us that Sid Rice is now the first Viking receiver since 2003 to have at least 70 catches in a season.  70 catches?  Since 2003?  That is just sad.  That's just over 4 catches per game, and the Vikings haven't had anybody who could manage it?  That's embarrassing.  Although I suppose the level of QB play might have a little something to do with it, speaking of embarrassing.  Also embarrassing - yet another Viking punt.

9:15 - So is this Avatar thing any good then or what?  I'm kind of a dork, but not dorky enough to give a bad movie a pass just because it's Sci-Fi/Fantasy (other than Phantom Menace) and I really don't want to waste like three hours of my time if it's going to suck.  Better or worse than watching Jumper twice?  Speaking of things that are less entertaining than Jumper, Carolina is punting again.

9:20 - I might be in a death pool this year.  That's where you pick 13 people who you think might die in 2010, then if they do die you get points equal to (100-their age), so like if I had picked Brittany Murphy in 2009 (*makes sign of cross*, rest in peace) she would have been worth 78 points.  Anybody have any good ideas?  Speaking of death, the Vikings finally start moving the ball and then Sid Rice fumbles and Carolina recovers.  Oof.

9:25 -  Dear god, another punt.  I'm starting to wish that homo-riffic christmas movie was back on.

9:26 - Vikings average yardage per game this season = 379.  So far tonight = 137.  This is like if you went to a Globetrotters game and showed up at the one time the Generals decided to say "screw it" and tried to win.  Do you remember when the Trotters played the Gophers several years ago and a 400-pound Oliver Miller destroyed them?  That was interesting.  Not interesting:  another Vikings punt, which just happened.  No, I'm not kidding.

9:32 - Touchdown Steve Smith.  Told you.  Oh nevermind, coming back because of a holding penalty.  That one actually had a direct affect on the play (dude grabbed Kevin Williams, buying the QB just enough time to get the throw off).  Probably just means Smith will score from further out.

9:37 - Al Michaels doesn't believe that was holding.  In related news, Al Michaels is an idiot.  And Steve Smith just caught the TD from about fifty yards on a play that could possibly have been offensive interference, but the ref was probably afraid that if he called it Smith would pop him.  See people, I told you.  You just can't talk trash at him.  He feeds off of it the way Freddy Krueger feeds off of fear.  Just be polite, leave him alone, and be meek and mild and he'll just fade away.

9:41 - They just cut to a shot of Smith before the second half started and he's yelling and ranting and carrying on like a crazy person and just generally acting like the guy you see walking down the street downtown who makes you cross over to the other side because you're terrified to get within ten feet of him.  I love that crazy son of a bitch. 

9:43 - Collinsworth, "Favre doesn't just throw it in the first hole, he waits and throws it in the second hole."  I'm giggling.

9:48 - The DirectTV box was just kind enough to tell me that although our TV is a 1080p level of HD, we had our box set only to 480p and we should switch it - so we did.  Whoa.  That explains why I was kind of thinking that HD was overrated.  I no longer have those feelings.  Thank you DirectTV box, I don't even want to imagine how long it would have taken me to figure that out on my own.  By the way, the Vikings just punted.

9:51 - Steve Smith with about a forty yard gain down inside the five after catching a shorty and deaking Winfield out of his shorts.  He's fired up.  J-Stewart folows that up with a TD run where he broke fifteen tackles and gained just three yards.  Nice job, overrated defense.  Vikes now down 19-7 and continue to refuse to gain any yardage.  On an unrelated note, The Devil Wears Prada was a decent movie.

9:59 -  The Vikings come up huge, answering the Panthers' back-to-back scores with a punt. 

10:00 - By the way, the Mariners are just killing it this offseason.  Did you see they just picked up Milton Bradley for Carlos Silva?  Getting anything for Silva has got to be considered a steal, and Bradley is usually a hell of a player when he keeps his head on straight and doesn't go all Carl Everett-y.  So they've picked up Bradley, Cliff Lee, and Chone Figgins without giving up anything.  Wow.

10:07 - Smith with another big catch, this one is being reviewed to see if his feet were in.  They were.  That gives him 157 yards for the game, mostly in the second half.  Thanks a lot, guy who talked back at him.  I wish I had paid attention to who it was.

10:10 - Winfield misses a tackle on some dumb white receiver who ends up rambling all the way down to the five.  This is not a good night to be Antoine Winfield.  Or any member of the offense.  Or a blogger who picked tonight's game to live blog. 

10:12 - Jonathan Stewart with the receiving touchdown this time.  Too bad it's not Deangelo, huh Snake?  You still suck.

10:13 - Crap, I just read Garrett Atkins got picked up by the Orioles for $4 million for one year (plus incentives) with an option for a second year (and a $500K buyout).  Why the hell wouldn't the Twins do that?  That would have been a perfect deal for him and for them.  One move for J.J. Hardy is not enough.  You have to do more.

10:17 - Favre picked off.  That mercifully ends any reason for me to continue watching this.  Week in Review will be slightly delayed since I did this stupid crap, but I'll have it up today at some point.

Weekend Review - 10/19/2009

I kind of sort of wanted to write about how gopher football sucked this weekend, and a 20-0 whopping by Penn State in which they gained all of 138 yards certainly seems like it might warrant it.  I'm not, though, because I didn't watch the game and although I usually shoot my mouth off without having all the facts, since this is ostensibly a gopher blog, even though it's basketball focused, I'll hold off.  I was going to watch the game, but when I got home from the softball state tournament on Saturday it wasn't on because the Oklahoma/Texas game ran late.  Then when it finally switched over I was busy with Wonderbaby^TM and then it was halftime and then I fell asleep. Go gophers.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Rodney Williams and Blake Hoffarber.  In case you're completely unaware, the Gophers season officially kicked-off Friday night with Midnight Madness, which in this case is called Tubby's Tip-Off and took place at 7:30.  These two get the nod for their big wins in the dunk and 3-point shootout - go ahead and guess who won which contest.  Perhaps more impressive than the Hoff's win was who the runner-up was - Justin Cobbs.  As good a defender as Al Nolen is, it's no secret to anybody with two eyes that his offense was lacking in a big, big way last season.  If it turns out Cobbs can score, even if he can just knock down an open three, that adds another dimension to the offense.  As for Rodney in the dunk contest, do yourself a favor and watch this:

[Video removed because it kept freaking out my browser. You can find it at From the Barn or Gophersports.com or pretty much anywhere. Just make an effort, fatty.]

Turns out those reports that he was an incredible athlete:  ACCURATE.  Additionally, I've read some reports from people who were there (over at the Gopher Hole) and it sounds like Ralph Sampson has bulked up quite a bit this year.  Combine that with the fact that Ralph can run a mile in under six minutes, which I learned straight from Tubby's mouth on the radio, and I don't really see any way he doesn't run away with Big Ten Player of the Year.

If you want some really detailed info on 3-point totals by round, and a thorough report on the scrimmage,  click your mouse device on this hyperlink.

2.  Hakeem Nicks.  He just keeps being awesome, so I just have to keep highlighting him.  In a suddenly crowded group of NY Giant receivers, Nicks keeps putting up good numbers and might have the highest upside of all of them - and that's no slight on the good Steve Smith.  On Sunday he lit up the Saints for 114 and a touch, making this the third straight week he's found the endzone, and, since Eli had a horrid game in the loss, he accounted for 64% of the team's receiving yards.  Smith and Mario Manningham both have more yards receiving this year than Nicks, partially due to Hakeem missing two and a half weeks due to injury, but it's becoming more and more obvious just how talented this kid is.  Steve Smith might end up with better numbers this year, but Manningham is currently being pushed aside, and neither will end up any near as good as Nicks when all their careers are wrapped up.

3.  Sidney Rice.  This guy is an asshole.  I'm sorry, and normally I don't like to use such coarse language in front of a lady (note:  that's you, nancy-boy), but I am required to hate this guy for screwing two of my fantasy teams (yes, I have more than one, kill me). I drafted him in two leagues, and in one of them when I picked him some jackass piped up with "potential will kill you."  Then after two weeks of nothing and looking like less than an afterthought, I had to drop him to make room for other players who were actually playing well.  Well, since then he's been picked up by other retards in my leagues and scored two TDs in the last four weeks, never dipped below 56 yards receiving, and blew up this weekend with a 6 catch, 176 yard game in the Vikes win.  Yeah, well he's too slow to outrun DBs and got caught from behind on what would have been a 70-yard touchdown, so eat it, guys who picked him up.

4.  LaDainian Tomlinson.  Numbers-wise, at first glance LT's performance last night doesn't look that impressive - 19 carries for 70 yards and 3 catches for 30, but two things are worth noting.  First, Denver's defense has been very, very good this year, particularly against the run.  Tomlinson's 70 rushing yards and the second most a back has managed to put up against the Broncos, just barely behind the 76 yards they allowed to Cedric Benson in week one.  Second, and more importantly, this is more about watching the game than the numbers.  Most of last year and this year, Tomlinson has looked slow, tentative, and was unable to either make people miss or break tackles - very similar to Shaun Alexander down towards the end there, and there was quite a bit of talk about how LT might be done.  Watching last night, it appears he might be heading back - not to the lofty heights he had reached previously, but I think he's far from done.  He was quicker than I had seen him in the last couple of years, making several defenders miss, and was making cuts quickly and decisively, much closer to the good LT than the recent LT.  He's not going to be MVP any time soon, but last night was very encouraging.

5.  The Beer Stars.  That's out softball team, and we are awesome.  Took part in the State Tournament this weekend, and ended up walking out with a nice plaque for finishing in fourth place (out of 63 teams).  Keep in mind, this isn't some kind of pansy-ass single elimination garbage like those sissies in the NCAA Tournament, this is double.  That means in order to finish in fourth, we had to win seven games, finishing up with an impressive 7-2 record that included a win over the (now former) #1 team in the state.  Once we got to the final four, I think we were in a different stratosphere.  The team that bounced us walked up and were drinking nothing but water and gatorade, and had warm-up donuts for their bats as well as those heavy warm up bats for the on-deck circle.  Not quite the same attitude we have, as demonstrated by the name "Beer Stars."  It was an excellent two days.  I think Snacks is the only other Beer Star who reads this blog, but if any of the others are out there - congrats fellas.  We kicked some serious ass.



WHO SUCKED

1.  Sam Bradford.  Let me give you people a bit of advice:  If you ever win a Heisman Trophy and are a guaranteed lock for a 1st round pick in the NFL Draft, just go.  Don't be noble.  Don't be loyal.  Don't be idealistic.  Just go.  I'm guessing Bradford's wishing he had done that after getting hurt for the second time this season on Saturday, and this one looks like there's a pretty good chance we're talking season's over here.  After getting his shoulder ripped in half against BYU in the season opener, he made his big triumphant return on Saturday against Texas in the big ole Red River Rivalry game, managed to sling six passes (completing just two) and then had his shoulder ripped off again.  What will this mean for his career?  I don't know.  It's probably not a career ender or anything, but will a team draft a guy who hurt the same shoulder twice in a season with a first round pick?  Seems doubtful.  We're talking a loss of multiple millions here.  All so he could get up and go to class.  Sucker.   

2.  Terrelle Pryor.  Enough with this guy already.  He's a good runner.  That's it.  He's not Michael Vick.  He's not Pat White.  He's not Vince Young (in college).  He's not even Beau Morgan.  He's more like Reggie Bush than anything else - elusive, fast runner who can help his team with his legs, but he is not a quality QB and he showed it again this weekend against Purdue.  Ohio State went in to West Lafayette and got rolled, 26-18 by a Boiler team that had only one other win on the season (against Toledo).  Pryor managed an incredible four turnovers all on his own, not to mention taking a sack on a third-and-five in Purdue territory late in the game with the Buckeyes down eight, and also managed to rush for just 34 yards on 21 attempts.  He's awful.  But you know what's funny?  I just checked, and he actually has a better QB rating than Adam Weber.  Good work Adam.  You're worse than the college equivalent of Tavaris Jackson.     

3.  Tennessee Titans.  Am I completely crazy, or weren't the Titans supposed to be a Super Bowl type contender this year.  Let me check something.  Yep, that's what I thought - they won their division last year.  Seeing as how they have pretty much the same team as last year, I'm guessing that their current 0-6 record is probably a bit of a shock to pretty much everybody.  Not a shock to me though, since I picked them tho finish third in their division.  What is a shock to me is the stats the Titans put up in Sunday's devastatingly embarrassing 59-0 loss to the Patriots.  It's hard to say what was worse, the offense or the defense.  The offense was so bad, that Vince Young was the leading passer for the Titans with a day of 0-2 for 0 yards.  That's because Kerry Collins somehow managed to 2-12 for -7, I have no idea how, which nets out to a QB rating of 4.9, which I assume is some kind of record and they exact opposite of the day the Titans' D let Tom Brady have:  29-34 for 380 yards and 6 TDs, which is a QB rating of 152.8.  He should probalby be in the Awesome portion of this post, but 1) I hate him, and 2) they pulled him for someone named Brian Hoyer who then went 9-11 for 52 yards in his pro debut.  In conclusion, Tennessee sucks worse than this TV movie with Tori Spelling Mrs. W is currently watching.

4.  Hideki Kuroda.  On Sunday for game 3 of the NLCS, Dodgers' manager Joe Torre had a choice:  go with Kuroda or Chad Billingsley.  They had pretty similar numbers on the season (Kuroda 3.76 ERA, 1.14 WHIP, Billingsley 4.03 and 1.32), and I'm sure there are a bunch of other factors that I don't feel like spending the time to research, but it seems he chose incorrectly and Kuroda got shelled, giving up six runs without bothering to get out of the second inning.  Of course, Billingsley didn't do much better in relief and the offense only managed three hits against Cliff Lee, so none of this really mattered, but there's still a valuable lesson here:  you can't trust commies.  Luckily, thanks to the second amendment, every man has the right to bear arms to protect himself from these commies, and the right to Liberty.  Liberty, if you've forgotten, is the soul's right to breath, and without liberty, man is a syncope.     

5.  John David Booty.  Sad news folks.  It's over.  John David Booty was released from the practice squad by the Vikings on Thursday in order to make room for some irrelevant o-lineman.  Seems a little unfair to get rid of a guy who has never thrown a regular season pass, but nobody said Chilly always makes the right decision.  So you people are going to have to give up on your dreams of having discovered a fifth round gem, and I'm going to have to give up on my dreams of using this picture for anything worthwhile:

So it goes.