Week in Review 04.11.2011

Do you want to know what's really, really awesome?  The burgers at The Blue Door Pub.  There's only seating for about 25 people in the entire place so even at 6pm on a Friday night when most of the going out public is in Minneapolis following the Twins' home opener the wait was still an hour to get a table for four, but it was totally worth it. 

We tried a variety of their burgers, from The Frenchy (stuffed with caramelized onions and swiss cheese and served with au jus) to the Cajun (stuffed with pepper jack and diced jalapenos) to the Luau (stuffed with mozzarella and Canadian Bacon and topped with grilled pineapple and a sweet chili lime sauce) and they were all awesome, as were the fish tacos, tator tots, and deep fried pickles.  Add in an awesome selection of beer on tap and it might be my favorite restaurant ever.  Of course, seeing as how long it takes to get seated I don't know if I'll be going very often but I really can't recommend it highly enough.  Go there.


WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  The Masters.  Now that, my friends, was a freaking awesome golf tournament.  Really it had everything you could want:  Tiger making a Sunday charge, the best of the young guns (McIlroy) and the most underrated (Day), vets who had won majors before (Ogilvy, Cabrera) and who were still looking for their first (Choi), two guys trying to drop out of contention for the best player never to win a major (Donald, Scott), and and the next in the line of South African studs (Schwartzel).  Most importantly, outside of McIlroy's implosion, which happened early enough to not affect the enjoyment of the back 9, and fades from Bo Van Pelt and Choi on the back, everybody brought their A-game down the stretch.  Donald's chip, Day's putts at 17 and 18, Scott's tee shot at 16, or any of Schwartzel's birdies from 15-18 could have been a signature moment, but this year's year's tournament was just stuffed with 'em, and was so competitive 8 different players had at least a share of the lead on the back nine on Sunday.  Just insane.  Such an awesome tournament, I can only hope the other three majors come close.

2.  Edwin Jackson.  Well shit.  When the Sox were trying to maneuver to acquire Adam Dunn last year, the thought was they got Jackson from Arizona simply because they knew the Nationals were sweet on him and they would use him to try to facilitate a trade for Dunn.  When the trade never materialized, it was awesome because it looked like they screwed themselves.  Unfortunately for all those who hate the White Sox (which is everyone in the world outside Chicago and prisons) it looks like Jackson may be a keeper all by himself.  His 8 inning, 4 hit, 1 walk, 13 strikeout performance against Tampa puts him at 2-0 for the year with a 1.93 ERA, 1.00 WHIP, and 20-5 Ks to BBs.  He looks like he might actually be good and that's unfortunate because the team of evil deserves to have nothing good happen to them, ever.

3.  Alex Gordon.  It's taken forever, a bunch of false starts, a few really poor seasons, and a position change, but maybe, just maybe, Alex Gordon - former #2 overall pick in 2005 - has arrived.  He's been in the majors since 2007 (with a few trips to AAA sprinkled in) and managed just a .244/.328/.405 over that time with about 1 HR ever 40 at-bats and twice as many strikeouts as walks, and he threw in shitty defense to round it out.  Basically the kid was looking like a monster bust.  This year, however, things may be looking up.  He's currently hitting at a .357/.400/.548 while leading the league in hit and playing a passable left field.  He's also showing some power, at least compared to his previous years, and has cut down a bit on the strikeouts.  I'm not saying he's arrived, but he's finally looking like a competent player.  Which brings the Royals total to 3.

4.  Ty Lawson.  It's not often I write about the NBA in the regular season.  I pay attention in the playoffs, of course, because playoff NBA basketball is one of the most entertaining and skillful displays in any sport at any time, but the regular season is nearly as boring as the WNBA or your average Gopher men's home game.  That being said, occasionally something happens that is so inexplicable and/or bizarre that I need to mention it, and that's why this part here with Ty Lawson is here.  Lawson is a great penetrator and distributor and is fast as hell but going back to his days at North Carolina it's always been known as a terrible shooter.  But naturally everything changes and gets flipped on its head when the Wolves are involved, and Lawson hit 10 of 11 three-pointers.  That's 10 of 11 threes, including his first 10 (an NBA record) on his way to 37 points (a career high).  Lawson's previous career high for three pointers hit in a game was three.  THREE!  God the basketball in this town sucks. 

5.  Trevor Plouffe.  I don't know if he's the middle infield answer (more on Casilla later), but he's certainly showing he might be ready by destroying AAA pitching thus far this season.  Rochester kicked off their year on Thursday and Plouffe started slowly going 0-4, but he's followed that up by going 3-5 with a double and a homer, 3-5 with a walk, a double and two homers, and 2-4 with a walk, bringing his early season line to .444/.500/1.056.  Simply put, so far he's been completely on fire.  Some may say it's early still and the Twins should wait and not bring him up yet, but those people are the same idiots who stare at a fire in the corner and wait until the entire house is ablaze before reacting.  Come on Bill Smith, don't let the house burn down.  We need some Plouffe.


WHO SUCKED


1.  Alexi Casilla.  I'm sorry, but this guy is not a shortstop and not a starting caliber bat at any position, possibly including National League pitcher.  I'm not even sure he can throw the ball from the hole all the way to first, and just how many times this year are we going to see him dive to stop a ball, get up, and not get the guy or not even bother throwing the ball?  Just don't even bother stopping the ball if you can't throw anybody out.  And don't even get me started with the bat - he's just terrible.  The worst part is that he's actually the best option right now, because the only other player who can play short on the major league roster is Matt Tolbert and we all know what a giant piece of crap he is.  Honest to god, can we get Plouffe up here please?  Maybe he's the answer and maybe he isn't, but at least he's got potential and brings hope to the position.  Every time they read off the Twins lineup and say Casilla's or Tolbert's name a little piece of me dies inside.

2.  Matt Thornton.  I don't know why you'd bother giving the closer to anyone else when you have the nastiness that is Chris Sale - who might have the best stuff of any pitcher in the league - but for some reason the White Sox decided to roll with Thornton.  He repaid that trust by going 0-2 in save opportunities this week, blowing the first against Kansas City (after they scored 3 runs on Joakim Soria to almost steal the game) and then followed that up by getting absolutely bombed for four hits and five runs against Tampa.  The good news for the Sox, and bad news for all White Sox haters which I assume is everyone, is that they look like they may have moved the closer duties over to the unhittable Chris Sale, who picked up the save on Saturday (although he did give up a run).  Hopefully, for the children and America, they stick with Thornton.

3.  Tampa Rays.  I know Evan Longoria is important - not just to the Rays but to all of Major League Baseball, the world, the safety of our nation, and the love in my heart - but it's pretty sad how Tampa has basically just given up after his injury.  A pathetic 1-8 start to the year, and it's been even uglier than that.  They currently rank dead last in the majors in runs scored, batting average, on-base percentage, and slugging percentage and in the bottom six in ERA, quality starts, and batting average against.  Only B.J. Upton is hitting the ball remotely well and he leads the team in basically every batting stat, while the starting pitching has been atrocious and is backed up by a pretty poorly performing bullpen.  This is really, really ugly.  Who knew Longoria had this kind of effect on the entire team?  Pretty clear he's the AL MVP at this point.  

4.  Austin Jackson.  I like Austin Jackson.  He's fast, a good fielder, and he can hit the ball with power and average - at least in theory - but he's been brutal this year.  He's hitting just .184 this year (with an OBP of .244 and SLG of .289), but that's not even the most troubling part.  That would be his impressive 14 strikeouts in just 38 at-bats, a pace that would leave him at 228 Ks for the year if he reaches the 618 at-bats he had last year - a new single-season record.  Although I feel pretty safe saying that if he doesn't start getting some hits he'll be logging some of those ABs down on the farm.  He's a free swinger and is always going to strike out a lot (and never really bothers to walk), but he needs to produce when he does put the ball in play, as he did last year.  The weird thing is that his contact rate isn't even that bad at 76.5% (Carlos Pena is at 58.5% - worst in the majors) and you can have plenty of success even if you swing and miss frequently (Nelson Cruz is at 64.2%), but when he does hit the ball he's making terrible contact (4.3% line drives vs. 52.2% fly balls).  Things are not lining up well for Mr. Jackson to turn it around.  And yes, he's on our fantasy team.  Joy.  

5.  UND Fighting Sue.  I don't know anything about hockey and to be honest don't even completely understand most of their crazy rules, but I know gambling and I know the Sue were a huge favorite at -220 (meaning you'd have to bet $220 to win $100 - that's a huge favorite) so I know that them losing to Michigan was a pretty epic chocke job.  I'll let Snake elaborate further:

"I would like to take this first sentence to thank the Michigan Wolverines for doing gods work and beating the prairie scrubs from the University of North Dakota.    

Certain things can be expected every spring in the midwest.  Robins return, the snow melts, flowers bloom and coach Hakstol and the University of North Dakota lose in fantastic fashion in the NCAA tournament.  Of course nothing changed this year.  Coach Hak brought the best team in the country into a frozen four field filled with mediocre teams.  Instead of walking through the field they got shutout 2-0 by a Michigan team who played a walk-on goalie and lost to the gophers 3-1 this year.  This was a choke job of epic proportions.  Vegas had the Sioux at -250 to win it all while Michigan was +175, UMD was +450 (which bogart cashed) and Notre Dame was +500.  

So basically UND losing on Thursday was a bigger upset than Russia losing to the USA in 1980 olympics.  Only this was better because the majority of TRUE americans hate North Dakota more than those Red bastards from the USSR.  As usual, UND fans took the loss with class and dignity!"

Merry Late Christmas!

By now you have all opened your presents and found yourself disappointed, but I have one last gift for you.  If you could have anything you want from this blog, what would you pick?  A live blog of a shark movie, right?  I know.  Well, I tried to watch Sharktopus and type it up, but I couldn't get past a half-hour in.  Maybe I wasn't drinking enough or something, but honestly that was so bad I couldn't even enjoy it.  And I've enjoyed some really, really crappy movies.  So my advice is to stay far, far, away from that turd.

So since you don't get that, what would be your second choice?  If you said a guest post from everybody's favorite rambling lunatic alcoholic vegan hockey fan, you're in luck.  Super Sioux Fan checked in out of the blue to send me this preview of some sort of I think hockey game between two teams I don't care about it.

Enjoy!

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UMD vs. UND SHOWDOWN TO THE DEATH(or something…)

What is crackin’ kids….SSF here…living the dream. Always.

Well it is that time of year again AFTER CHRISTMAS hockey. That is when my precious Sioux really kick it in to overdrive and who else to start off their ass kicking spree with than the gay ass Bulldogs. SUCK IT UMD. You want to know why I know UMD is super fucking gay? Cause look at some of its alumni:

Snake

WWWW

Dawger

Bogart

Lorenzo Music

Now everyone knows the first 4 douchers but the ONLY cool famous person from UMD I could find with this guy…Lorenzo Music the voice of Garfield .

Cool UND alumni:

Phil Jackson

My dad- Dr. Jack Knopp

My sister-Future kick ass lawyer Cassie Marka

Mark O’Stuturd-the guy who invented Summit ..the greatest beer on earth

Ed Belfour-I got his autograph in 1^st grade and thought I was the shit!

T.J. Oshie-UND’s #1 alcoholic

Jimmy Kleinsasser

Sally Smith-The president of Buffalo Wild Wings

Zach Parise-Currently the hottest man on earth (according to me)

Ralph Engelstad-#1 nazi

And honestly about 10 million more hockey players I don’t need to name. If you don’t know already then you suck ball sack..so congrats on sucking at life.

We play UMD Thursday for one game in their new stadium. Isn’t a new stadium opening kind of like homecoming….you should schedule the shittiest team to play you so you know you will win. Someone was clearly not thinking that one out.

More random shit…

-Dawger and I brought the future Mr. Hockey into this world in Oct.

He is pretty sweet but I don’t know how good of a hockey player he is going to be because he smiles a lot…like I think he might end up a legitimately nice person. What a waste.

-Dawger deals with his new parenting challenges with a case of pounders a week and I rely on coke zero and ice cream sandwiches. I‘d rather have the booze.

-My vagina did not rip after child birth..so there is a fun fact and a little info for you all…..you. are. Welcome.

Sioux fan out bitches

WCHA Preview

This just came in via fax from Senior Snake, who is in a meeting but took the time to put this together any way.  As usual, I have no idea who any of these people are, but I'm sure Snake does and he's kind of a hockey savant, so I'd go right ahead and listen to him if you know what's good for you.

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The College hockey season started last weekend with a couple non-conference meaningless games.  The true kickoff to college hockey starts this weekend with several big games around the country.  None bigger than the lovable Gophers heading up to the University of We Hate Indians and Jews (UND).

Minnesota enters the 2009-2010 season with plenty of things to prove after a very disappointing 2008-2009 season.  The biggest disappointment from last year was not making the NCAA tournament with the regional being held at their home arena.  There has been plenty of BS printed the last couple of weeks about the Gophers being upset and embarrassed about last season.  To improve on last year the entire team stayed in the cities to work out and hangout together all summer.  I am not sure if it will make any difference, but it sounds good in the paper.

The biggest change to this years Gopher team comes from behind the bench.  Assistant coach Mike Hastings became the associate head coach at the University of Nebraska Omaha were he will work with the greatest coach in college hockey (and future gopher coach), Dean Blais.  Hastings was replaced with former Gopher great Grant Potulny.  Lets just say I am not a big fan of this move.  The first reason is Potulny has as much college coaching experience as I do.  Second, this now gives the Gophers an assistant with no experience and another assistant (John Hill) who is a complete worthless tit.  "Thanks again to Coach Hill for the backbone he showed last year in N. Dakota, Pussy!"  I also believe the only reason Potulny was hired was to silence some Gopher boosters.  Lucia has been taking a lot of heat the past couple of years for his failures in the playoffs.  Last year the boosters where really chirping after missing the NCAA tournament and because no member of the coaching staff was an "M" man. I am not sure what having a former gopher as coach really accomplishes but I guess it is important to the old guys who wear gold sweaters to games.

As far as the team goes, the Gophers should be good this year.  I am not ready to say they will be great yet, but they have a chance.  The biggest on ice question mark for the Gophers is in goal.  Kangas came into last season as the 2nd coming of christ, but better and without the stupid sandals.  He ended the year like every goalie since Travis Weber left and thats not good.  If the Gophers want to make the leap back to the promiss land Kangas needs to return to his old form otherwise it will be an up and down season that will most likely end in the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament.  Whats even worse is Kangas has no backup.  Patterson is just another average MN goalie.

The Gophers have plenty of talent and depth at forward this year.  They are led by all world forward Jordan Shroeder.  If Shroeder stays healthy and Jay Barriball finds a way to score those pesky open net goals, there is a good chance shroeder will break the 60 pt. mark.  If you haven't seen Schroeder play this will be your last chance because he will be in the NHL next October.  Schroeders line mates will be Barriball and Mike Hoeffle to start the year.  This has a chance to be one of the best lines in college hockey.  Hoeffle WILL replace Stoa's production.  After the first line we run into a lot of question marks.  There is plenty of talent and NHL draft picks, but none of the players have proven themselves.  There is a lot of chatter about players like Nico Sacchetti, Jake Hansen and Patrick White stepping up this year.  I have high hopes for Hansen, some hope for White and little hope for Sacchetti.  To be brutally honest I think Sacchetti sucks and I would rather watch Jumpers than Nico play.  I am actually looking for Ryan Flynn to have a big year for the Gophers.  I have always thought he looked good when he got the chance to play with descent players.  If he doesn't get stuck the Lucia and Carman all year I see him scoring 30+ points.  Book it.  Other forwards with a chance to contribute are Taylor Matson (my 2011 man crush), Zach Budish and Josh Birkholz.

One thing I am really excited for this season is the Gophers Defensive unit.  They have a great mix of size, strength and skill this year.  I am also excited because Anderson graduated and Kevin Wehrs will most likely play about 8 games all year!  David Fischer and Cade Fairchild should be the leaders of the D this year.  Fairchild has a great chance to be an All American if he reaches his full potential this season.  Fischer seems like he finally figures things out last year and no longer thinks he needs to prove he's a former first round draft pick. Aaron Ness and Nick Leddy have a chance to be the most fun defenseman to watch since Mike Crowley.  Leddy will be a stud in college and the Wild have already stated they don't want to sign him for at least another year.  Sam Lofquist and Seth Helgeson will add the muscle that the Gophers have been missing for a couple years.  Lofquist can be a bit of a clown at times but I think he is going to be a stud once he gets his head on right.  Lofquist is a big, strong, skilled defender who suppossibly has a much needed mean streak.  Brian Schack.  I have nothing to say about him but wanted to add his name for a very special someone.

Over all I really like this Gopher team.  I haven't been able to say that for several years now. Look for them to challenge for the league title and a top 2 seed in the NCAA tournament.  The regional is back in MN this year (Xcel Center) so things are looking good for MN.

DWG Predictions for WHCA Standings
1) Denver- Denver has everything needed to win the league.  Plus I give them bonus points because they hate North Dakota more than the Gophers. Joe Colborne should be a stud.
2) Wisconsin- This is probably to high but the return a great defensive unit.  Biggest question with Bucky is in goal and the sexual preference of there coach.
3) Minnesota- If they can get through the first 8 games with a good record they could finish higher.  They Play UND, Wiso and Denver all in the first 8 games.  Have I mention how good Jordan Schroeder is?
4) North Dakota- This should be about right for these hacks.  They lost a lot of talent and leadership from last year and have 10 frosh on the roster.
5) St. Cloud- Wild card team in the WCHA.  They have tons of offensive talent and have a highly touted frosh goalie.  Question for Suck Cloud is can they defend.
6) UMD- Lost their goalie and top forward but return some very good talent.  Frosh Dylan Olsen is suppose to be the cats ass.  They could also finish higher, but UMD always finds away to fail.
7) Colorado College- Lost everything worth talking about.  This might be high but the bottom 3 really suck.
8) Alaska Anchorage- They finally have some depth and experience.  Plus no huge issues in the program over the summer.  Push for the top half???
9) Michigan Tech- Probably to high but why not.
10) Mankato State- Stealing a bit from the common man here.  Bad team, bad uniforms, bad mascot, bad arena and retarded coach.  All this adds up to last place.

WCHA Player of the Year- Jordan Shroeder
WCHA Defender of the Year- Cade Fairchild or Ryan McDonagh
Frosh of the Year- Drew Shore, Nick Leddy or Dylan Olson
Coach of the Year- George Gwozdecky- Best team, hates all things UND including SSF and puts on a great show behind the bench.  Until Dean Blais is back in the WCHA George should win it every year.

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Thanks Snake.  No doubt Super Sioux Fan will be here shortly to disagree with everything you just said, and probably in a grammatically correct way.  Enjoy your stupid hockey with it's stupid fighting everybody.

I have no idea what's going on here

I received this post from Super Sioux Fan, and apparently she teamed up with somebody who I don't know who it is to write something about hockey. I couldn't be bothered to read it because I'm currently laughing my ass off at Zack & Miri Make a Porno, which might be the greatest movie of all time.

So, whatever. Here you go. I'm sure this is as awesome as it is lucid.

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Gopher weekend Preview(Epic Guy)

Big series against UMD this weekend for my beloved Gophers; they seem to be suffering from the same ailment that all Minnesota teams have right now. Presently they sit in 7th place with 24 points, a sweep would catapault the Gophs into 5th place.
Kangas has gone from our lord and savior to...well...garbage. The goals he has been letting in have been extremely soft. Granted he is getting zero help from the defensemen. The Gopher's defensive efforts have been downright awful and any high school JV team could score a couple goals on them (see St. Cloud State).
The only Gopher defensemen that has impressed lately has been Aaron Ness. Cade Fairchild should focus more on D and less on shooting the puck into traffic and creating odd man rushes.

Bottom line is the Gophers need to stop trying to make the perfect pass and put a couple bodies in front of the net and get some garbage goals. They have the speed and skill to be the top team in the WCHA but have been lacking any sort of consistency. My prediction? Gophers split with the Bulldogs.


Siouxper Sioux Fan

Nice Epic guy.....WOW finally someone with some knowledge. Epic guy works with me and Snake....he loves the gophers, recently went on a 15 day argyle wearing streak, and has blonde very spiky hair. He is Legit.

So UND play CC this weekend and things are going just as I predicted. Anyone who seriously thought that the beginning of the season set our fate, is clearly an idiot. Granted I am not proud of the BS way we seem to always start out the season but it is our "thing" and whatever works I guess. We are currently in a deadlock for 1st place in the WCHA with Denver, I believe we do have 1 more game then them so we should be in the clear.
Our rookie goalie has really come through here for us as of late and it is like a 10 ton weight taken off of our shoulders (imagine WWWWW sitting on top of your shoulders......ouch)
The whole Siouxper Sioux Fan family will be heading to the final 5 this year. It is like our super bowl and we love it. I am going to be bold and say that we are going to sweep this weekend, I am also going to be obvious and say that the gophers are going to be eating broomstick.
That is just my predicition.

PS

Kangas=Hot Garbage

RIP Don Lucia

You asked for it, so here is a new post from Super Sioux Fan. I've read through this three times now, and I have no idea how to even begin to introduce it, so just read it.....if you can. Or just skip it and read my super insightful review of the Gopher/Iowa game instead.


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Sioux,Sioux,Sioux,Sioux.........you had better get used to that sound Snake cause it is all your gonna be hearing tonight.
This weekend is one of my favorite of the year. I think I said last year that this was "the greatest day of my life" the first day of the series. I dont know that I would go that far this year, but I may feel that way after the weekend is over if we come out with a sweep. Which honestly is about as likely as Dawger ever proposing to me, so needless to say I am not that optimistic. But I am wearing my Sioux Jersey with my Red Pepper Tee Shirt underneath so between the two we might have a chance. I figure it is like double good luck. I am like the walking billboard for Grand Forks right now, Red Pepper and Sioux Hockey.....the two greatest things about GF. They should pay me.

So your beloved Lucia is out with a mysterious illness....which in North Dakota is what we call Pussyitis.
I think he is afraid that Haxtol is going to give HIM the finger this year (which he would rightfully deserve). I just want to see Haxtol jump the boards, glide gracefully across the ice and kick the shit out of that guy. Now that would be the greatest day of my life.

So we have planned to watch the game at Snakes house tonight. I plan to spend the majority of my evening harrassing lil Snake, getting him to say he loves the Sioux, and then probably wrestling Snake to show him what a little girl he is. I am still not able to take Dawger in a wrestling match, he is little but freakishly strong. I am starting a boxing/kickboxing/mma class tomorrow so I can beat up Dawg in a Brock Lesnar kind of way. I cant wait, 2nd Greatest day of my life..?

So did you know that Four Letter Lie is writing a new album? Yeah it is true (3rd greatest day EVER). I am going to go ahead and say that it will probably be awesome.
They played a show with QuietDrive downtown the day after Christmas. Me, my sister and all of my little bro's went to the show. I tried to get Dawg to go but he said he would rather kill himself, I took that as a maybe? But no luck. We of course hung out with the bands in their bus before the show. It was awesome. Although there were a TON of people there......I found that only me and my brothers knew all the words to the songs.....???? I am guess people were just shy??? I have recently been on "the wagon" so I snuck in a few cans of TAB(classy I know), bought some pizza and rocked out. You know they sell pizza and nachos at those concerts...it is freakin awesome. I ate the shit out of that pizza. I was by far the oldest person there....but I am okay with this because being Dawgers live in GF I always feel young! :) It was kind of nice to feel old for once.
Come to think of it I also feel kind of old at work, I am probably in the top 10 oldest people here. Snake is by far the #1 oldest person here. He is also that guy that has worked her FOREVER and is ALWAYS around but NO ONE knows who he is. It is like he doesnt exist. It is the funniest shit. I mention him and people ask if he is new and then are totally confused when I tell them that he is literally always around.




Also it is true Dawg has exteremly small nipples. They are like the size of a skittle. I love it. See look.......


INSERT DAWG/NIPPLE PIC
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Yeah, I'm not really sure what that was and I don't think there's any actual hockey talk, and I decided not to post a topless pic of Dawger for a myriad of reason, not the least of which is what if he decides to run for office some day?

That picture is of her and her family I think that she wanted posted for some reason that I couldn't figure out, but then again, I couldn't really get through that post either. That's her, second from the left I think, although I've never actually met her. It proves two things:

1. I was right and all girls named Kaylynn are hot.
2. She has the crazy eyes and I'm even more terrified of her than I was before.

The Real DWG WCHA Preview

The above photo was taken of Joe Finley as he prepares for the upcoming WCHA season. Fag!!!

- Just for the record there was no delegation of a hockey preview to Moma Dawger. She felt sorry for how pathetic DWG has become and thought she could save the blog from dying. For some reason she also thought people would be interested in reading about the greatest choke job of a program in the last decade of NCAA hockey? Moma D, I could have summed up your Sioux preview in a lot less (and more organized) words. "UND will sucks until January, win a bunch of games to possibly get home ice in the WCHA tournament, Hakstol will get a case of the Albany’s and shit all down his leg in the NCAA tournament and the season ends again without hanging any banners. UND still has the nicest arena in the world though!

WWWWWW, One normally writes a preview the week that the season begins. That would be this week for the Gophers so settle your horses before I send Dawger out to the East side to slap the glasses off your face.

WCHA Preview

1) Colorado College- The majority of the Tigers roster returns this year. They did lose Jack Hillen to graduation but the Tigers have more than enough talent to find a point man to operate their power play. Bachman also returns for the Tigers and will once again be the 2nd best goalie in the WCHA. If he stays healthy Chad Rau will be the WCHA Player Of The Year. I also have a man crush on Bill Sweatt....he is my 2008-09 TJ Oshie.

2) Denver- Probably won’t win the WCHA, but might be the best built team for playoff hockey. They can score tons of goals and also play lock down Bear style hockey when needed. Tyler Bozak is the best player in the conference that never gets talked about. Frosh Joe Colborne is suppose to be the cat's ass. Goalie is their only question mark.

3) Wisconsin- The most boring team in all of sports. Probably has the most talented and deepest defense in the WCHA if they all can reach their potential. That would be a good thing since their angry little coach doesn’t allow the team to attack. Defenders McBain, McDonagh and Gardnier are all high NHL draft picks. The rest of team is like watching Jumpers, really boring but just enough action to keep people watching and from slashing their wrists.

4) St. Cloud- They should be a fun team to watch this year as long as you can block out all of their fans and just concentrate on what is happening on the ice. Ryan Lasch and Garrett Roe are the two main reasons why St. Cloud will score a ton of goals especially on the power play. Look for Soph. Aaron Marvin to be a bigger factor this season. Marvin is big, strong, skilled and can mix it up a bit. He should score 10-15 goals this season. The mouth breather Jase Weslosky returns in goal for SCSU. SCSU fans seem to think this is a good thing. I think he sucks and still can’t believe a kid that stupid can keep himself eligible to play, even if he is attending SCSU. Also Jordy Christian is one of my favorite Frosh players in the WCHA. He is a very fun player to watch.

5) Minnesota- More on Gophers below. They might start a bit slow because of all the frosh, but will be very tough to skate with the 2nd half of the season. The Gophers power play is going to be very fun to watch this year with all the offensive talent. Kangas is back for his Sophomore season and will once again be the best goalie in the WHCA "eat it Bachman". Teams 5-8 are going to be very tight. Kangas’s is our savior.....Jesus Who?

6) North Dakota- No, this isn’t me taking a piss on my most hated team in all of sports. The fact is they just aren’t going to be very talented this year. Gino Torretta (a.k.a. Ryan Duncan) and Chris VandeVelde are the biggest thing they have going for them and that isn’t saying a lot. Joe Finley also returns for his senior season which means Moma Dawger’s Grandma will get to watch him muff a lot of little guys in the face and then skate away when a bigger players skate up to confront him. Otherwise they are just going to have a bunch of blue collar players without a ton of upside. Even though S.S.S. thinks the Sioux have no goalie talent, Brad Eidness will step in right away and give them a very solid #1. They do have a nice frosh class, but other than Jason Gregoire and Brad Eidness none of them will be counted on to make huge impacts this year. This all adds up to a down year in the land of blonde hair and blue eyes.

7) Minnesota State Mankato- Everyone in the world is picking these chowders to finish in the top 3 or 4 teams in the conference. This spells doom for Mankato. The reason they where a bit above average last year is because most teams took them lightly and they could play all loosey goosey. Last year they where a cute little team that people rallied around when Wisco stole their NCAA spot. This year they will be exposed for a team with average talent and will get most teams "A" game because of their high expectations. I could see UMD finishing a head of them. I also hate them for playing that queer soccer song whenever they score a goal.

8) UMD Bulldawgers- They have a real nice goalie in Alex Stalock who can steal games for them. That is about it. Otherwise they are really balanced with no high end talent. This spells 7 or 8th place and Scott Sandelin finally getting fired. I take it back, UMD can't finish ahead of Mankato. At least they have a new rink opening in two years!

9) Michigan Tech- Suck like WWWWWW’s 2007 NFL predictions.

10) Alaska Anchorage- Suck like Baby Dawgers pink Sioux stick. You can see Russia from their campus though! That was a political joke for Bogart... uppity prick!

Gopher Preview

The 2008 Gophers will most likely start the season with up and down results because of the youth that will be in their lineup every Friday and Saturday night. The good news is the hockey SHOULD be entertaining to watch this year. The biggest difference in 2008 is the Gophers power play will be much improved. The return of Ryan Stoa and the addition of Jordan Schroeder and Aaron Ness to the power play unit should be huge. Their will also be enough talent left over to make the Gophers 2nd power play unit as potent as 2007's #1.

The Other key change for 2008 was a major coaching change. Mike Guentzel is now out (now at Colorado College) as the Gophers top assistant coach and has been replaced by Mike Hastings. I was a huge fan of Guentzel because he was kind of a hard ass type coach which was a good thing for some of the fancy boys the gophers recruited. That being said, I do agree with the change because I think the Gophers needed a new voice and some new ideas to freshen up the program. Hastings has a long record of developing high end talent and will be counted on to improve the defense.

Goalies- The Gophers return Alex Kangas and that is all you need to know. Kangas is the greatest Gopher player of all time. ALL TIME!

Defenders- This is the area that scares me the most entering the season. The Gophers top returning defender should be David Fisher, but the kid has shown us nothing other than a 2 month window to start last year. The other two returning players who will be counted on are RJ Anderson and Dawgers sexier and less follicly challenged clone, Cade Fairchild. Fairchild has a chance to be a very good NCAA player if he continues to develop. I wouldn’t pick RJ Anderson for my Phy Ed floor hockey team if I had the 2nd to last pick and had to chose between him and a special needs child. I am not kidding. It scares the hell out of me that Lucia continues to talk about riding RJ this year.

Aaron Ness is going to be a very fun player to watch in the open ice and on the power play, but I think he will struggle in 5 v 5 situations. I am guessing the coaches will need to reel him in a bit because he was in deeper than the forwards in last weeks exhibition game. It makes for fun hockey, but 2 v1's the other direction and RJ being the 1 equals trouble. Other guys who will chip in on D are Werhs, Sam Lofquist, Grant Scott and Schack. The Todd, the Schack mention was for you!

Forwards- The Gophers should score more goals than last year, but that isn’t going to take much. The top line of Stoa, Barriball and Schroeder should be very good if Barriball can find away to tap in those pesky open net goals when Schoeder threads the puck to the far post. For those who don’t know it yet, Jordan Schoeder is going to be sexiest Gopher to ever live. He will be the WCHA’s Paul Kariya.

I am guessing the 2nd line will be made up of Flynn, Lucia and WWWWWW’s guy Carman. I expect Carman to have a big year as long as he continues to attend class and stay eligible. Flynn and Lucia should be career 3rd line guys, but both work hard and create chances. The only problem is they usually Hakstol those chances down their legs. If Patrick White and Mike Hoeffel continue to improve I think they will find themselves moving up to the 2nd line. Granted it was an exhibition game, but both of them looked much improved, especially Hoeffel. My call of the year is Hoeffel will have 15-20 goals this year.

Other players who should see a lot of minutes and chip in this year are Nick Larson (will be a stud in years to come), Justin Bostrom, Taylor Mattson (will be a great penalty kill guy) and Jake Hanson. There are some other talented frosh, but the minutes won’t be there and either will the performance this year.

Overall it will be an up and down year for the Gophers, but a lot more enjoyable to watch than last year. If the Gophers can actually keep some players around, next year could be NCAA Championship #6. Its been a while so I will remind everyone UND sucks. Preview that W!

Sioux Fans Should Not Be Allowed To Breed!

And Sioux fans wonder why fans from other teams make tractor pull and hill billy jokes. Honestly, you people make it to easy.

Here is a quick write up on the big winner from yesterdays Star Tribune.
"Three-year-old Brady Arneson is keeping a tradition alive with his first-place finish in the 2008 Minnesota Mullet Contest. His older brother won the award in 2005."

These parents need their kids taken away from them and their asses kicked. These kids already have no chance. Who would have ever guessed these parents cheer for UND... F'ing losers! If the kid wasn't three I would recommend kicking his ass also. Once Brady turns five he is a dead man. I bet that kid even wears that jersey to Friday night games.

Go Sioux!

Gerbe, Gerbe, Gerbe!!!

The 2008 Frozen Four Championship game is all set. The Final will match Boston College against Notre Dame. Boston College will be playing in their 3rd consecutive championship game (they lost the last two) while Notre Dame will be playing in their 1st championship game in school history.

So how did they get here? Boston College got to the championship game be completely, and I do mean completely dominating the University of North Dakota. If this was a high school game they would have started running time about halfway through the 2nd period. The two big difference makers in this game where Nathan Gerbe and Philly Lamerioux. Gerbe completely dominated the game and was so impressive that a gitty Bear called my just before the first intermission and was almost giggling uncontrollably as he described the Sioux ass raping Gerbe was administering. Gerbe finished the game (actually the first two periods) with three goals and 1 assist.

The other star of the game was Lamerioux, North Dakota's buffoon goalie. He was so remarkably bad in this game that USCHO.com wrote an article last night titled "sieve, sieve, sieve." http://www.uscho.com/news/college-hockey/id,15683/SieveSieveSieve.html. I can't think of a better way for one of the biggest pricks in all of college hockey to end his career. Thanks for the lasting memory frenchy! One last Lamerioux note, in his last two frozen four games Lamerioux has allowed 12 goals...ouch. Briggs was better than that!

This game also places the great coach Hakstol right up on top of the list of greatest choke jobs of all time. 4 straight trips to the frozen four and nothing but participation medals for his efforts. Don't forget this was also suppose to be "the greatest" Sioux team in 25 years and the mouth breather still couldn't get it done. Banners hung in Mariucci the last four years =4. Banners hung in the Nazi bunker the last four years =1. Hakstol equals Doug Woog without the class and personality. And the answer is yes, I do take pleasure in others misery!

On a sad note, this will most likely be the last time sexy TJ Oshie laces up his skates in a college hockey game. God I am going to miss watching that sexy son of a bitch glide up and down the ice!

The other semi-final game pitted #1 ranked Michigan against Notre Dame. Notre Dame raced out to a 3 goal lead before Michigan battled back and tied the game 4-4. The game went into overtime before Frosh Calle Ridderwall scored the game winner. To be brutally honest, I could really careless about this game. I woke this morning and felt like a million dollars because of the gift Boston College gave me last night. If your interested the Championship game will be played tomorrow night on ESPN. My National Championship came last night so I don't really care what happens Saturday. I am going to pick Boston College to beat Notre Dame 4-2. I just can't see Gerbe being stopped. Go Eagles...Caw-Caw-Caw!

Classless Ass Suspended 2 Games. More to Follow?

GRAND FORKS, N.D. -
University of North Dakota men's hockey coach Dave Hakstol has been suspended for two games for his actions during a heated Saturday night game with Minnesota.

During the second period of game, which ended in a 1-1 tie, a television camera showed Hakstol sticking up his middle finger at referee Don Adam after the two discussed a penalty call.
Acting UND athletic directors Betty Ralston and Steve Brekke announced the suspension on Monday.

"We expect our coaches to keep themselves and their teams in control at all times," Ralston said. "Profane language and poor behavior on the part of our coaches and student-athletes is unacceptable."

The Sioux have this week off before playing host to Denver on Feb. 15-16. Hakstol will not coach the two-game series, UND said.

Western Collegiate Hockey Association Commissioner Bruce McLeod said Hakstol violated the league's code of sportsmanlike conduct. Possible punishments include private apologies, a public reprimand from the league, a fine and a suspension.

Information from: Grand Forks Herald, http://www.grandforksherald.com/

UND Wins and Ties, Yet Still Finds A Way To Suck!

Thoughts from this weekends series vs the university of No class. Warning this is going to sound like something right out of Sid Hartman's column.....but unlike Sid this is gospel!

First, Dave Hak-stool (WWWWWW, see what I did there, just like you boss) is a complete clown and his behavior on the bench this weekend reminds me of a crazy little league mom who can't control herself. He is a complete classless ass! Really, giving a ref the finger during a game? I am sure the people of the Sioux tribe really appreciate the way the school represented their name and likeness this weekend. Nice apology also www.startribune.com/sports/gophers/15168841.html. ""I have evaluated and feel terrible about my actions", Hakstol sounds like a complete pussy! This guy needs his ass kicked.

Second, WWWWWWWWW when you steal my material and butcher it like Tubby's Offence please have the decency to give me credit. Plagiarist! I will forgive you because of the Sconny girls. Although one of those girls is really ugly and her friends should burn her face so she never wrecks another one of their photos. Still, A+ work.

Third, North Dakota is by far and away the largest collection of Douche Bags ever collected on one roster. Anyone who watched Saturdays game can see why everyone outside of North Dakota hates that team. I didn't even think it was possible to get thrown out of a game in the first 7 seconds. Now Ryan Duncan holds the record for quickest DQ and the title of worst Hoby Baker winner of all time. Duncans Hoby award makes Gino Torretta's Heisman selection look good.

4th, Joe Finley is a fairy trapped inside a 6-7 mouth breathers body. Honestly, starting a fight in the hand shake line? I don't care if someone said they wanted to mount his mother from behind, you don't do that. Starting a fight in the hand shake line is like booing during the national anthem or not applauding when someone gets hit number 3000. Once the post game scuffle broke out Finley skated around with his gloves and helmet on playing grab ass? What a tough guy! Note to Finley, "If you want to be a real goon you need to take off your gloves and helmet and actually fight. Blake Wheeler made you look like a fool." I can't wait for Finley to pull the shite in the Minor Leagues so someone caves in his neanderthal face. What a twat!

5th, What is the deal with the idiot Sioux fans who wear white jerseys to Friday nights games? I thought that was green out night? If your going to have ridiculous themes like "green out" and "white out" then make sure you follows those simple instructions. Nice fans....idiots!

The highlight of the weekend was Malone getting thrown like a rag doll into the penalty box by a 5-8 ref. Only a ginger would get treated like that.

Lastly, Kangas is Jesus on skates. The only way Frazee should touch the ice again this season is if Frazee spikes Kangas's water bottle. Unless Kangas is so drunk he can't stand on his skates he should never leave the ice. Nice career Frazee, hope you enjoy selling cars!

In conclusion, everything about North Dakota Hockey sucks. Fire Hakstol and bring back Blais! At least Blais's team had goons that knew what it meant to be a goon. Guys who are not proper goons suck.

Groundhog Day

Happy Groundhog day. Celebrate by watching the greatest movie of all time. A really good way to find out if somebody you're just meeting is worth your time is to ask them if they like the movie Groundhog Day. If they say no, you just punch that person in the face and move on.

What was weird was last night I was looking for something to watch, and ended up watching the last 8 minutes or so of the Gopher v. North Dakota hockey match. Weird, I know. I've never been so bored in my life. It was a lot like watching soccer. I do know that the Gophers got a power play with like 5 minutes left in a 1-1 game and didn't even get a shot off, and that RJ Anderson is like, horrible at hockey.

Honestly, the whole 8 minutes was pretty much the two teams alternating not getting shots and turning it over (if that's a thing in hockey) with lots and lots of icing mixed in. There's a reason everybody turns icing off when they play video game hockey, it's really god damn boring.

And then the god damn thing goes to overtime, which of course I feel the need to watch since I've already invested about 10 minutes of my life into this. And the overtime was about three minutes of the North Dakota team attacking the net until some dude scored a pretty incredible goal by batting the puck out of the air. It would have been over sooner but that Kangas guy is a decent goalie. I bet that drunk Frazee wouldn't have even gotten them to overtime.

In conclusion, the Gophers suck and can't run a power play or play defense for shit. Also, hockey is boring.


Georgia Tech -4 vs. Maryland (L)
UCONN -3.5 vs. Pitt (W)
Washington State -5 vs. Stanford (L)
Purdue +5 @ Illinois (W)
UNLV -6 vs. New Mexico (W)
Utah State -4 vs. Nevada (W)
Tennessee PK @ Miss State (W)
Texas A&M -7 vs. Oklahoma (W)
Marquette -2 @ Cincinnati (W)
Georgia -2 vs. Kentucky (L)
VA Tech -4.5 vs. Virginia (W)
Kansas State -5 @ Missouri (L)
Cal +3 @ Washington (W)
Baylor +7 @ Texas (L)
Syracuse/Villanova UNDER 151 (L)
Arizona +9 @ UCLA (L)
Northern Colorado -3.5 @ Sac State (L)
Northern Iowa -2 vs. Southern Illinois (W)
USC -7.5 vs. Arizona State (W)

Thursday: 4-7
Season: 272-255

Nazi U comes to Minnesota

Sorry about the photo, but it was the best photo I could find of "hot" co-eds from UND. The one in the Sioux green isn't that bad I guess? Bogart...would you?

Thats right, the University of North Dakota and their traveling band of racists visit the the University of Minnesota for a weekend series in the WCHA. Both games are at 7 PM this weekend.

If you read the paper and look at the college hockey polls you will be led to believe the North Dakota is coming into this series red hot. They have recently been ranked #3 in the country which is comical seen as how they are the 3rd best team in the WCHA. UND is also riding a 7 game win streak, which is impressive, but those 7 wins have come against the 3 teams tied for 7th place in the WCHA and the last place team in the WCHA. Like I said, a seven game win streak is always impressive, but beating up on a bunch of cupcakes rockets your team to a #3 ranking in the country??? WWWWWWWWWWW, this would be similar to the Gophers football team being ranked #3 in the counrty after the first four games each year during the Mason era.

The Sioux's top line is always a concern. The Gophers must keep them off the scoreboard like they did a few weeks ago in Grand Forks. If North Dakota has to rely on their #2 and #3 lines the gophers will keep the games close and have a shot to steal a game or two. As always TJ Oshie will be hot!

North Dakota's defense has stepped up its play in the past couple of weeks and that has been the biggest reason for their 7 game win streak. The Sioux have only surrendered more than 1 goal once in their past 6 games. No matter how pathetic the competition, that is an impressive streak. Hopefully the Gophers can open up a lead each game and make the Sioux open up their play a bit more. If the Sioux can sit back the Gophers will only muster their normal 1-2 goals per game.

As stated above, the biggest concern for the gophers this weekend will be generating goals. The gophers actually looked dominate last saturday vs Wisconsin but could only muster two goals and had to settle for a tie in a game they should have won going away. The Gophers must find a way to score 3 to 4 goals minimum in both games if they want to have any chance at gaining points this weekend. As usual, North Dakota leads the WCHA in penalty minutes, but Gophers PP is so pathetic this season that they most likely won't take advantage of it.

Lucia did reunite several lines last weekend and it seemed to spark the level of play (still didn't lead to more goals though). Barriball is back on the top line with Wheeler and Gordon. Carman, Flynn and Lucia are on the 2nd line and Howe, Hueffel and White have been reunited on the 3rd line. The Howe line totally dominated the Sioux back in December. Much of the same will be needed this weekend for the gophers win as the lower lines will most likely determine how(e) this weekend goes.

As much as it pains me to say this, I see a tie and a loss for the Gophers this weekend. Friday night 3-3 tie and Saturday 5-2 loss. Either way the Sioux will leave Minnesota as a bunch of Criminal Racists and still suck.

**Dawg will be writing up a review of Fridays game as he will be taking the game in live from Mariucci. Look for that early next week. Dawg, will you be wearing a #95 gophers jersey?**

Welcome To Stearns County

The Gopher hockey team returns to WCHA action with a series vs St. Cloud State this weekend. Friday nights game will be played at Mariucci Arena and Saturday nights game will be played at the National Hockey Center in lovely St. Cloud, MN. This is a huge weekend for the Gopher hockey team. If the Gophers have any hope of gaining home ice in the first round of the WCHA playoffs they need to get a minimum of a split vs St. Cloud. The Gophers Travel to UMD next weekend and follow that with a trip to Wisconsin. Points over the next three weekends will be important to say the least. Anything less than .500 play over the next three weeks will spell disaster for the Gophers.

St. Cloud State comes into this weekend tied with Michigan Tech for 5th place in the WCHA (St.Cloud has played two more games then both Tech and MN) and are coming off a weekend split with UND. St. Cloud State is led by Sophomores Ryan Lasch and Andreas Nodl and Frosh Garrett Roe. Lasch has been at or near the top of the country in scoring all season long. Both Lasch and Roe are smaller players who have a ton of individual skill. Basically they are the type of players the Gophers are lacking in their lineup. Andreas Nodl was the National Freshman of the year in 2007 and is having another good year for St. Cloud. People expected a bit more from Nodl this season but he has been picking up his play lately which has led to his point total jumping up into the upper tier of the WCHA.

St. Cloud States Defense has been it's biggest issue this season. St. Cloud gives up 3 goals per game which means only Alaska Anchorage is worse in terms of scoring defense in the WCHA. I was able to watch St. Cloud vs UND last friday night and the biggest issue in the game for the Huskies was their inability to break out of their own zone. Although St. Cloud was unable to get the puck out of their own zone Friday UND was still so incompetent that the Huskies some how managed to win 3-2. The days of Bobby Goepfert stealing games in goal for St. Cloud State are also over. Jase Wesloskys is considered St. Clouds #1 goalie, but sat out last Friday night and only played the 2nd half of the saturday night game because of some academic issues. I caught an interview with Jase between periods of Friday nights game. After listening to him try and talk and watching him breath through his mouth it was no surprise to hear he was struggling with the books. Not that is matters but Jase also has the worst frohawk I have ever seen.

The MN lineup will get a boost this weekend with the return of Flynn, Carman and Fairchild from the World Jr. Tournament. This will be Carman's first game of the year for the gophers after sitting out the first half of the season with a case of the Jase Wesloskys. Carman will be a huge boost to the team as he is a true center and plays with a ton of skill and grit. Skill and grit are two things this Gopher team is really lacking this season.

The #1 key for the Gophers this weekend will be staying out of the penalty box. St. Clouds power play is one of the top units in the nation and the majority of their scoring comes from the power play. The Gophers penalty kill has been better the past couple of weeks but I personally feel that has a lot to do with the level of competition they have been playing (that includes NoDak). The Gophers penalty kill will get a big boost from Carmans return as he is one of the best penalty killers in all of college hockey. The Gophers power play is still brutal as far as Gopher Hockey is concerned. Fairchild will give them a nice boost at the point and Carman/Flynn will give a little more balance to the two units, but don't expect a huge turn around this year. St. Cloud State also takes the fewest penalties in all of college hockey so the gophers will need to capitalize on the few chances they get.

Defensively a couple of Gophers are starting to show signs of life. RJ Anderson is finally starting to look like a WCHA defender. Anderson has even learned to take a slap shot from the point which has led to some good scoring chances off rebounds and even a couple Anderson goals! David Fischer is starting to attack a bit more and last weekend was oftern leading the attack. This kid has all the potential in the world to be an All-American if he sticks around two more years. Solei (3rd string goalie) got his little Rudy moment last weekend vs Wayne State. I am guessing (hoping) that will be the end of Solei. Yes, it was a cute story and he is some how my wife's favorite player now, but Kangas needs to play the majority of the minutes the rest of the season. I am hoping Frazee has finally drank himself out of the lineup for good and moves on after this season. I have a feeling he is going to be a cancer the rest of the season.

Hoeffel update for Dawger from Gophersports.com. Freshman forward Mike Hoeffel has made significant strides in the last five games. Including a two-goal game at North Dakota, Hoeffel has scored three goals and attempted 20 shots during the recent span after scoring one goal in 21 shot attempts over the teams first 17 games. Hoeffel is also plus-three with no penalties in the last five games after being minus-eight with six penalties prior to the stretch.

If you are attending the Saturday night game in St. Cloud and have a Jewish sounding name or a big nose (Boggart????) I would recommend a fake ID and ski mask. Jews are not welcome in St. Cloud, especially on campus. You can read more about the Jew haters here if you would like, http://news.minnesota.publicradio.org/features/200212/04_helmsm_antisemsettle/ and www.startribune.com/local/12474576.html. I am confused why SCSU hates jews but are disgusted and protests the hostile and abusive name/logo of UND every time North Dakota comes to St. Cloud. It's very confusing why they choose to look differently on two groups of people but it is Stearns County.

I am predicting a split this weekend. I think the Gophers will win 4-3 at home on Friday and get their doors blown off 6-2 on Saturday in Little Berlin. I am also predicting the over/under on the percentage of students wearing Polaris/Arctic Cat jackets in the Huskies student section will be 77%.

Okposo Update- The New York Islanders assigned Kyle Okposo to their American Hockey League affiliate on Sunday. Okposo will practice with the Bridgeport Sound Tigers on Thursday before making his pro debut against the Binghamton Senators on Friday. Live that dream Kyle!

Nothings Going To Stop Them Now!

Down three of their best players, 3rd string goalie plays an entire game and the team is coming off one of their worst home weekends in a decade. Sound like disaster??? Sounds like success to me! The Gophers game out and methodically crushed the power house known as Wayne State 5-1 and 5-2 this weekend. The train is officially back on the tracks and seats are now being reserved for the frozen four in Denver. All Aboard!

Also, UND choked again this weekend. I was lucky enough to watch Fridays St. Cloud vs UND game on T.V.. After not allowing St. Cloud to have a shot on net in the 2nd period and taking a 2-0 lead early in the 3rd period UND still found a way to melt down and lose the game. Nice team. Who was it that claimed my statement of "UND is the most overrated team in the history of college hockey" was the most idiotic thing they ever heard? That person can feel free to send me a personal email and tell me what an intelligent statement that really was and also beg for my forgiveness. Sioux suck!

Lastly, Okposo is a ginger, quitter and a queer!

College Hockey Takes A Break

Hockey is also on break for "finals" over the next couple of weeks. There are a couple of games in the WCHA this weekend, but I don't care enough about them to discuss it.

A couple hockey nuggets worth mentioning. Mike Carman will be back from his academic suspension when the Gophers return to action. This is good for a couple reasons. 1) He is really good 2)He is probably their top penalty killer 3) Okposo can finally move to wing and maybe score some goals. The other nugget worth mentioning is the World Junior tournament starts next weekend and five Gophers will be on the team. Those five players are Okposo, Ryan Flynn, Cade (mad dogs twin) Fairchild, Mike Carman and Jordan Schroeder (08 Frosh). The four current Gophers will all be gone when the team plays in the Mariucci Classic December 29-30. This could be an issue during their 2nd game when a depleted Gopher team will most likely play Boston College. There is also a chance all four members will be gone when Wayne State comes to town the following weekend but WWWWW and his math team could skate 3rd line and the Gophers would still win both games of that series.

Here's hoping for some drunken ramblings from WWWWWWW during the holiday season to pass the time. I will leave you with the above pictures to get you through the next two weeks of no college hockey. Lammy is soooo gay!

(Note: No Gophers are pictured kicking the puck into the net)

Gophers vs Sioux Preview

Well I am leaving for Grand Forks tomorrow morning and will only be working a ½ day tomorrow which I plan to spend reading DWG, Gopher and Sioux Hockey sites and checking email. I figured I would get the preview for this weekends series out today so I could officially do nothing tomorrow morning. WWWWW, you want more hockey, you got it. By the way, you really have nice skin.

The most important thing for the Gophers this weekend will be consistency. I now, I sound like Tony Siragusa with that great bit of insight. The biggest issue plaguing the Gophers this year has been putting together three good periods in a game. By all accounts they did this on Saturday and got a 3-1 victory. Lets see if they can carry that over to this weekend. I am betting no, but will keep my fingers crossed.

The Gophers have to get better play from their defenders this weekend. I am not expecting Paul Martin, Keith Ballard and Jordan Leopold to all of the sudden show up this weekend but they should expect more production than what they have been getting out of the blue line. David Fischer, Cade Fairchild and Stewie Bickel have all been getting better as the season goes on. If David Fischer continues to play at his current rate I could see him leaving for Montreal at the end of the year. In large part the defensive issues have been with the two upper classmen. The Upper classmen have been average at best and usually just bad. Evan Kaufman has not developed at all since his Sophomore year and his effort at times has been Hirsch like. Kaufman was embarrassingly bad last Friday to the point I would have been calling him an F’ing C*nt had The Bear been sitting next to me instead of Snake Jr. I have given up all hope for RJ Anderson. RJ is slow, shoots like my wife and has the offensive creativity of a defender from the Cooper Adaptive floor hockey team. Wehrs is still figuring things out and has been up and down which is expected from a true frosh. I am not going to take the time to break down Schack’s game. Schack is the hockey teams version on Kyle Sanden, he really sucks but is big so they let him play once in a while. Don’t expect to see Schack this weekend unless someone’s leg falls off and even then he might not get the call. If the defenders continue to make soft, cross ice passes out of their zone and don’t get pucks in deep this could be a longer weekend then I am already anticipating. Side note that has nothing to do with hockey- Cade Fairchild’s hair looks exactly like the Dawg’s if the Dawg had a better hairline.

I have no idea what to say about or expect from the forwards. Basically they would have trouble scoring if the other team played half the game with no goaltender. That is not good. This is especially troubling when the Gophers will most likely need to score 4 or 5 goals in a game this weekend if they want to win. I really hoped Lucia would put Barriball, Wheeler and Okposo on the same line, but it looks like he has decided to "stay the path." I am no great hockey mind but this would be a perfect weekend to stack the first line and let them skate against UND’s top line. Lucia could then play clutch and grab hockey with his 2nd and 3rd lines and see what happens. Okposo is starting to look either frustrated or bored. I really can’t blame him with the talent he is getting to skate with, but he needs to be dominant and play with some passion this weekend. The rest of the lines just need to play defensive hockey and be willing to go into the corners. There has been way to many guys turning pucks over to avoid hits and guys not getting into the corners to support the puck. Those are the little things the roll players need to do this weekend so I can look forward to more than just calling Sioux fans racists all weekend. Look for the Okposo/Flynn line to match up with UND’s top line this weekend. Lucia did this with success last year and I would guess he will go with it again this weekend. That means Barriball, Wheeler and Gordon (who couldn’t score in the restroom of Jimmy’s Bar) have to carry the offensive load.

These are suppose to be the games the fat/drunk (Frazee) goaltender is at his best. I could buy into that last season, but say bullshit until he proves me wrong this year. If he goes into Grand Forks and steals a game I will never say he sucks again on this blog. Frazee should get both starts this weekend (unless he sucks Friday) so he will have two chances to prove me wrong.

Obviously the big line the Gophers need to control this weekend is the Oshie/Duncan/VandeValde line. If they can shut that line down they have a chance to steal some points this weekend. The other three lines have talent, but don’t light the world on fire. The gophers need to stay out of the penalty box because the Sioux are at or near the top in every special teams category. Defensively, Taylor Chorney is possibly the top offensive defenseman in the country and makes everything run for UND. Robbie Bina has also turned into a offensive threat (at the age of 37) this year and Joe Finley is a big tall goon who actually tries to play this season. In net Jean-Phillippe Lamoureux (or whatever he calls himself now) is statistically the best goalie in the country this year. That being said, I hate Lamoureux as much as any player ever at UND and would love to see him get run this weekend. I know it is not in vogue to cheer for injuries, but I would smile if this "twat" had his season end. UND’s issue at home this year has been blowing teams away in game #1 then coming back flat and handing teams game #2. I am guessing with the Gophers in town they will have a bit more energy both nights.

To sum things up, I see UND sweeping the gophers this weekend. I would love to see one win for the Gophers, but it isn’t going to happen. I know history says the Gophers own UND up at the Nazi Bunker, but history also use to bring a lot of talent with it. Granted the Gophers will be playing the most overrated team in the history of college hockey (Hey Super Sioux Fan, how idiotic is that comment now......Homer!), but this Gopher team just isn’t that good. This is also like the national championship to the people of Grand Forks so UND will be up for both games. Sioux win 6-3 Friday night and 4-2 Saturday. At least I will be able to call Frazee fat and drunk in the future!

P.S. At least Gopher Fans can say the Gophers lead the all-time series 137-120 (122 after Saturday) vs UND!

P.S.S. Oshie is hot!

I Am Gay For T.J.!

I feel no shame in coming out and saying the following statement. "I am gay for TJ Oshie!" It feels a bit dirty having a huge man crush on a player from UND, but I can’t run from my feelings.

Look at him! He is a cross between Brad Pitt, JT and Carrie Underwood. Not only is he drop dead gorgeous, but he is also the 2nd best hockey player to ever skate at UND (I guess makes me a puck bunny). Here’s hoping that TJ and I cross paths this weekend in Grand Forks so I can express my true feelings to him!

WWWWWW, You know you would play swords with T.J.!

P.S. I am twice the looker as the slut in this photo. If I see her in Grand Forks this weekend one of us is getting an ass beating.

P.S.S. Even though I have a huge man crush on T.J., the Sioux still suck and so does everything about the city they play in. I just wanted to make sure everyone was still aware of that. NDSU also sucks, just not as bad as UND!

8 Reasons to Laugh at UND

I thought I would break this out in prep for this weekends Gophers vs North Dakota series. It will shed a bit more light into why the majority of the hockey world hates UND and everything related to their hockey team. Plus the Gophers still suck so I don’t want to write about them splitting with F’ing Michigan Tech.

1) One of UND’s Official School colors is Pink (that is not a joke).

2) At one time UND’s mascot was a flickertail. A flickertail is basically another type of Gopher. I think this explains all Sioux fans obsession with all things U of MN. This also shows their utter lack of creativity. Not only did they steal the people of the Dakota Nations pride but the also stole their previous mascot from the U of MN and their logos from the Chicago Blackhawks and Notre Dame. Nothing like a college promoting plagiarism. "WWWWW, You could publish your college hoops top 50 in Grand Forks and know one would care."

3) Their #1 donor to the school is a known Nazi sympathizer and they named their arena after him. No need to list this dirt bags history, just do a google search on Ralph Englestad and you will know all you need to know about the schools #1 fan. "I wonder if they would also take money from Hitler?" I am guessing "Yes" as long as he donated in cash. Here is a good link to read up on North Dakota’s biggest shit bag http://www.aistm.org/engelstad.htm

4) Black Uniforms. Nothing piss’s me off more than teams that wear black uniforms. Especially a team and school that is suppose to be so rich in tradition. Schools like St. Cloud State, Mankato State, Utah State and SW Arkansas State are suppose to wear black uniforms, not teams with tradition. Stick to your school colors of Green, White and Pink. The "Kids" aren’t going to flock to the stores to buy UND apparel anyway so quit trying to be "hip".

5) School name. I know this is an obvious softball, but come on already. If the Indian Tribes and NCAA want you to change you name, just change your f’ing name. You are wasting thousands if not millions of dollars fighting for a name that means nothing. Here is an idea, take the millions of dollars you are going to spend fighting this lawsuit and put it back into your college for something useful. You also come off looking like a bunch of honkies when you defend the use of the name. I really could careless either way, I am just sick of hearing about it. It’s just a name people, let it go and change your school’s name so the rest of the midwest can have some peace and quiet. Your making my ears bleed. Honkies!

6) Green Bay Packer History lessons. Great, your cute little team has won 7 national championships. When was the last time you won again? People don’t care about titles you won in the 50's and 60's unless they where a live in the 50's. You sound like Packer fans but not as intelligent. At least the Packers have the most championships in their given sport. There are teams in UND’s own league with as many titles as they have.

7) Inferiority Complex for the U of MN. If UND was a women this would be her biggest flaw. UND’s fans have such an inferiority complex towards the University of Minnesota that even when they accomplish something they still have to compare it to something the Gophers have done and make sure everyone knows their accomplishment was just as important. UND fans have to relax and remember your school is located in America’s Arm Pit. Accept that You are always going to play second fiddle to every school you participate against, especially the U of MN. Someone out there thinks your school is beautiful, You just need to find that special someone and be happy!

8) Fans. Look at the picture at the top of this post. That sums everything up without saying a word. Until that guy is out of your fan base you have nothing to say about other teams fans. Lame-ass Flag Guy looks cool when compared with this chomo. That guy even messed up what a mullet is suppose to look like. How many little kids lives have been destroyed by that monster? Also, what in the world is his friend thinking? I don't care if my buddy saved my life, I still would not be seen in publiuc with anyone looking like that.

I Hate College Hockey And The Gophers Suck

I will break down everything you need to know about the gophers hockey team the past two weeks. They suck. Hopefully that is enough detail for you.

I swear to f’ing god if I read one more article in one of the local papers that quotes Black Wheeler, Kyle Okposo or some other stiff who doesn’t live up to the hype quoted as saying "we just need to keep working hard" I am going down to Mariucci Arena and burning the place down. The problem with this team is they don’t work hard. The next time they play three good periods of hockey this year will be the first time.

How the hell do you explain losing to Alaska F’ing Anchorage on your home ice? That’s right you can’t. Bullshit, they worked hard and just didn’t get any bounces. They gave up 4 goals to a team that wouldn’t win the Division III National Championship. I told myself I wasn’t going to rip the fat, drunk kid in goal anymore because it is just to easy, but this shit box has to graduate or drink himself to death. Jeff Frazee could be the worst starting goalie the Gophers have ever skated onto the ice and that is saying a lot. He gave up a goal vs Michigan over the weekend where he skated behind the net to play a puck, got his stick stuck in the boards which caused him fan on his clearance. Next thing you know a Michigan player picks it off his stick and puts the puck in the net. WTF!!!! That sort of thing only happens to Maddog in video games, it isn’t suppose to happen in real life. I will save my heart from the blood pressure spike and not discuss the three goals he gave up in 4+ minutes vs Alaska the previous weekend.

On a none hockey related note. WWWWWW is no longer the holder of the worst video game player of all time title. Maddog once again holds the crown. It was brought to my attention that Al was humiliated by an 11 year old in Madden 08 over the weekend. 11???? Save us the explanation champ. My source informed me that it was a complete blood bath.

Back to hockey. The Gophers play Michigan Tech this weekend at Home. Normally this would be a guaranteed sweep but I am calling a split on the weekend. Michigan Tech is actually an average team this year. They always work hard and for once have a bit of talent to go with their plucky play. Gophers win a close game 3-2 on Friday then Frazee gets another case of the Albany’s and they lose 4-2 on Saturday. If the gophers want any chance of finishing in the top half of the WCHA they need to find a way to get 4 points this weekend. One way would be to bench Frazee all weekend....just an idea.

Although the title of worst video game player changed hands this week, the title of most overrated college hockey team in the history of college hockey stayed with UND. Over the weekend UND crushed UMD on Friday and followed that up with a 4-2 loss on Saturday for another split with an average team. Both games where played in Grand Forks. Saturdays game also included a game winning goal from center ice by UMD. I would rip their goalie more, but I would just open myself to savagery because the Gophers have Frazee and even he sucks worse than the gay frenchmen UND starts in net. I actually watched Saturdays game because it found its way onto my local cable channel and even the UND broadcast team was talking about how this was the most hyped and talented team in UND history. That seals the title for me because these two guys looked like pro’s pro’s.

Next week is UND vs MN week. I would be more excited but the Gophers suck and I know I am about to drive 5 hours to watch a "slaughter". We will be able to give you two perspectives from next weekends games. Mine will come from the lower bowl and Maddog’s from way up high in the arena where he will be surrounded by the stench of poor people. Either way it should be a fun week and Maddog and I will be live from less than Grand Forks.