Thank God!

Some good news from the world of Gopher Hockey. Jeff Frazee has left the program and signed a contract with the New Jersey Devils. Thank god this waste of talent and locker space has finally left the program. I had high hopes for this kid when he entered the program and all he ever gave the gophers was a good two or three months at the end of the 2007 season. The one thing I will miss are the easy cheap shots Frazee gave me every week. I will just have to turn my attention more towards ripping the Hoff!!!! Thats right Dawg!

Attention Dawg- I am not Holy Hell. I went back and read HH's post and that person is clearly a mouth breathing knuckle dragger. You now owe me an apology for calling me HH. Snacks and I are both waiting for our apology......and Hoff still sucks!

Gophers A Lock For Home Ice!

The Gophers travel to Alaska to take on the Eskimos of Alaska Anchorage this weekend. The beauty of this weekend is the Gophers should find themselves all alone in 7th place when they return to Dinky town Sunday with an outside shot at 6th place. MN currently sits in 8th place, 1 pt behind UMD. The bulldogs play a Saturday/Sunday series vs Eva Braun's Babies (Sioux). I would guess Eva's babies would sweep the Dogs seen as how CC destroyed UMD at the DECC last weekend and UND has to sweep if they want any shot at the WCHA. I am predicting a 4-1 Sioux win on saturday and a 3-0 Sioux win on Sunday. I am also predicting Joe Finley starts another fight after a period/game and once again skates and hides while his teammates clean up his mess. Joe Finley is Basically the Bogart and Woz of college hockey. Just like Bogart and Woz, Finley tries living the life but then ends up pissing the bed and puking all over himself when the real fun starts. Then leaves his teammates/friends to clean up for him.

Mankato heads to Colorado Springs to play the CC Tigers this weekend. Mankato currently sits 4 pts ahead of the Gophers. Once I am predicting CC will sweep at home this weekend. A sweep this weekend will clinch at least a share of 1st place in the WCHA for the Tigers. I also think Mankato just plain sucks so I say CC 5-2 Friday and 4-1 Saturday. With this result and a Gopher sweep of the Eskimos they would now be tied for 6th place in the WCHA. The Gophers also hold the tie breaker over Mankato so that would move them ahead of Mankato as far as home ice seeding are concerned.

The last major series of the weekend has Wisconsin traveling to St. Cloud. No matter what happens here one of these teams is going to finish in front of the Gophers. I would guess we will see a split here, but don't be surprised if St. Cloud pulls off a sweep. Wisconsin struggles scoring goals so if St. Cloud can get up and down the ice this weekend they could pull sweep and lock themselves into home ice. A sweep by St.Cloud would leave the Gophers 1 pt. behind Wisconsin heading into the final weekend of the WCHA. Wisconsin is on bye next weekend so a Gopher split with the Bulldogs next weekend would lock MN into the #5 seed in the WCHA tournament and bring a match up with either Mankato/Duluth/Wisconsin to Mariucci. All of those series which the Gophers would probably be favored in at home. St. Cloud wins 4-2 Friday and Wisconsin wins 3-2 Saturday. F’ing Badger, Gophers now need to sweep UMD next weekend at Mariucci to get #5 seed.

UAA has won just one game since Dec. 29, so they clearly suck worse than the movie Jumper. Last weekend, they were swept at Denver and in the prior two weekends they were swept by both Minnesota State and St. Cloud State. The Eskimos are last in the WCHA in the standings, scoring offense and scoring defense. Their penalty kill is also last in the conference, so the Gopher power play will have a good chance to keep building on last weekend. Basically AA is the Northwestern of college hockey. They just plain suck.

The Gophers are coming off their best offensive performance since the opening weekend of the year. Some of that had to do with Wisconsin's shaky goal tending, but either way the Gophers played fairly well all weekend. The two biggest questions for me heading into this series are the play of the real baby Jesus (Kangas) and can Barriball's continue scoring goals.

Kangas really and truly sucked Saturday night. He sucked to a level that even made Frazee chuckle. It would be nice to see him rebound Friday night and post a shut out or a 1 goal game so everyone can forget about last Saturday. I can't believe I am typing this, but a Frazee sighting on Saturday might be a good idea also. Kangas has played a ton of games down the stretch and a night off might be good for him. It would also be nice to give Drinky a game before playoffs begin incase he is needed. God a feel like dirtier now then I did when I watched the shower scene in The Crying Game.

Barriball getting on a hot streak would be huge for the Gophers going down the home stretch. He showed flashes of the old Barriball last weekend and the goal he scored Saturday was the type of goal that can really give a player a ton of confidence. At least I am running with that theory and hoping it fits here. If Barriball continues to score and the 2nd and 3rd line keeps chipping in a goal or two the Gophers will actually be a tough team to deal with. Lets just see if they can keep this up for three or four weeks.

You see it is all quite simple! The Gophers are a lock for home ice in the WCHA which will give them an at large birth in the NCAA. And you all thought this season was for nothing! The Gophers rule! Actually they still really suck and I have a slight feeling they will wet the bed this weekend and will either lose or tie one game in Alaska. Hopefully that happens on Saturday with Frazee in goal so I can come on here next week calling him fat and drunk. Gophers win 3-1 Friday and 3-2 on Saturday.

If the Gophers lose this weekend I am seriously done with Lucia and calling for the immediate hiring of Dean Blais.

Also, I thought this was actually comical. It is a fight in a Woman's college hockey game. How sad is this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZAehXzjG0w . Shockingly a Sioux team is involved.

Lastly. Dawg, how can you expect us to take a movie recommendation seriously when you state moma dawger loved Jumper??? She is the same person who told me Four Letter Lie was the greatest band ever. You just lost all credibility as a critic. P.S. How was that tube sock last night?

Grades For Hockey Team

- The following conversation took place at Williams are.......Jimmy's Bar during the Gophers vs Iowa game.

WWWWWWW- "Hey Snake, You better turn out a hockey post next week or your fired."

Snake- "But Boss Man, The hockey team is on bye next week."

WWWWWWW- "I don't care I want more hockey. I love hockey. Why don't you do a report card for all the players."

Snake- "I guess I could do that"

WWWWW- Thinking to himself, "God that report card idea is so good I will steal it back and use it for the hoops team. Then Snake will look like a complete ass when he posts his grades at the end of the week."

WWWWW- "Also, I am thinking about granting Dawg blogging rights so he can review movie's. How bad to you think they could be?"

Snake- "Ummmm??????Ahhhhh??????Ummmmmm????????"

- Wednesday afternoon.

Snake- Thinks to himself when he sees WWWWW's hoops report card, "God I hate WWWW and his irrelevant blog. I am going to punch him in his slightly over weight gut next time I see him for sand bagging me. What an ass."

Snake- Thinks to himself after reading Dawgs blog, "Man, Dawgs review really sucked. Did he really pick Balls of Fury for his first post?" "God that was bad, it was like he blanked on bits after the first paragraph."

- Here are the grades I have given the Gophers for the season thus far. Thanks again for stealing my thunder WWWWWW! Hope you like your F'ing hockey report card.

Kangas and Wheeler (A)

Rest of team (F)

Frazee (F-) "Leave the program already!" "You Suck!"

W, There are your grades you indian giving SOB.

Groundhog Day

Happy Groundhog day. Celebrate by watching the greatest movie of all time. A really good way to find out if somebody you're just meeting is worth your time is to ask them if they like the movie Groundhog Day. If they say no, you just punch that person in the face and move on.

What was weird was last night I was looking for something to watch, and ended up watching the last 8 minutes or so of the Gopher v. North Dakota hockey match. Weird, I know. I've never been so bored in my life. It was a lot like watching soccer. I do know that the Gophers got a power play with like 5 minutes left in a 1-1 game and didn't even get a shot off, and that RJ Anderson is like, horrible at hockey.

Honestly, the whole 8 minutes was pretty much the two teams alternating not getting shots and turning it over (if that's a thing in hockey) with lots and lots of icing mixed in. There's a reason everybody turns icing off when they play video game hockey, it's really god damn boring.

And then the god damn thing goes to overtime, which of course I feel the need to watch since I've already invested about 10 minutes of my life into this. And the overtime was about three minutes of the North Dakota team attacking the net until some dude scored a pretty incredible goal by batting the puck out of the air. It would have been over sooner but that Kangas guy is a decent goalie. I bet that drunk Frazee wouldn't have even gotten them to overtime.

In conclusion, the Gophers suck and can't run a power play or play defense for shit. Also, hockey is boring.


Georgia Tech -4 vs. Maryland (L)
UCONN -3.5 vs. Pitt (W)
Washington State -5 vs. Stanford (L)
Purdue +5 @ Illinois (W)
UNLV -6 vs. New Mexico (W)
Utah State -4 vs. Nevada (W)
Tennessee PK @ Miss State (W)
Texas A&M -7 vs. Oklahoma (W)
Marquette -2 @ Cincinnati (W)
Georgia -2 vs. Kentucky (L)
VA Tech -4.5 vs. Virginia (W)
Kansas State -5 @ Missouri (L)
Cal +3 @ Washington (W)
Baylor +7 @ Texas (L)
Syracuse/Villanova UNDER 151 (L)
Arizona +9 @ UCLA (L)
Northern Colorado -3.5 @ Sac State (L)
Northern Iowa -2 vs. Southern Illinois (W)
USC -7.5 vs. Arizona State (W)

Thursday: 4-7
Season: 272-255

Bucky Time...Yawn!

It's "Board Battle" time in the WCHA. The Gophers and Badgers will face off this weekend at the Kohl Center in Madison, Wi in a battle of 5th place teams. If either team sweeps this weekend the other will most likely spend the first weekend of the WCHA playoffs on the road.

MN is coming off Defensively their best weekend of the year. Last weekend vs UMD the Gophers only allowed 2 goals the entire weekend. A lot of this had to do with the Gophers below average defenders playing simple and smart hockey instead of trying to make plays. Another reason for only allowing 2 goals was Jeff Frazee only touched the ice when he came out to slap Kangas on the ass at end of each period. The highlight of the weekend was FSN zooming in on Frazee in his suit friday night and the uncomfortable smile Frazee forced out as he tried to look normal. What a turd!

My lasting memory from last weekends tie was the goal Derek Peltier should have scored Friday night. For those who missed the play here is a recap. A wing (I believe Barriball) skated down the right side of the ice towards the UMD goal. Once UMD's goalie committed to the puck the winger slid the puck back in front of the goal for an easy tip in. The only problem was the guy trying to tip the puck into a completely wide open net was Stone Hands Peltier. This is one of the few times in sports that I can say "even I would scored that goal" and it is no exaggeration. WWWWWWW missing this goal is the equivalent of you missing a dunk on the nerf hoop that hangs on your bed room door.

Note to Peltier: Please remove the captains "C" from your jersey and just step away from the team. You are an average player at best, a terrible leader, have stones for hands and have the same attitude as those guys in high school who where on the football team but never played and still thought they "kicked Ass." Live it up while you can Derek, next year you will be selling me my peanuts at games.

This weekends series will most likely be a low scoring affair similar to last weekend. No matter how much talent Wisconsin has their coach (Mike Eaves) plays a defensive system that makes the MN Wild look the Oilers of the 80's. If either team scores 3+ goals in a game they will win.

Wisconsin does have some very high end talent on their roster led by Kyle Turris. Turris was the 3rd overall pick by the Phoenix Coyotes in the 2007 NHL Draft. Turris leads all Wisconsin players in scoring with 24 points in 20 games. Ryan McDonagh (Cretin Grad) and Brendan Smith were also 1st round draft picks last year and anchor the Badger defense. Junior Ben Street the other big threat for Wisconsin. Street has already matched his goal total from last year (10) and currently is the team leader. Wisconsins powerplay sucks like Dawg in volleyball. But even that level of sucking still puts them at a higher percentage than MN. Take that Wisconsin...we suck better than you!

Basically this has potential to be the most boring hockey series in 100 years. I would expect a split with both teams being so similar and shitty. MN wins 3-1 tonight and Wisco wins 2-1 tomorrow. With few goals and the style of play you are going to watch, this is going to have the feel of a soccer match, not a hockey game. Both games are live on FSN this weekend.

- This struck me as funny so I attached it for your reading pleasure. The article was taken from madison.com.

Bucky Badger took a tap on the shins from a North Dakota hockey player on Saturday and now the University of Wisconsin mascot will receive an apology.

WCHA commissioner Bruce McLeod said Sioux defenseman Joe Finley was captured on videotape slashing Bucky Badger played by UW student David Blanchard before Saturday's game, which North Dakota won 3-1.

The commissioner made no ruling on a separate incident in which Blanchard and Sioux goaltender Jean-Phillippe Lamoureux bumped into each other.

Finley must write a letter of apology to Blanchard, McLeod said.

Notice it is another Sioux player getting in trouble. Nice program! When Finley is done beating up fury mascots he should move to the handicapped section and start hitting mouth breathers. F'ing no talent twat!

- WWWWW, You are a communist pig for never watching Rocky 4. Possibly the greatest sports movie ever!

Arf-Arf-Arf! Gophers vs Dawgs Preview

The Gophers travel to the twin ports this weekend to take on the UMD Bulldogs. Just like when the Gophers travel to UND, this is like the Superbowl, World Series and Olympics all rolled into one for the people of Duluth. This always makes for a good an environment but always leaves me wondering why someone would get excited about beating a 7th place team. That would be like someone getting excited for beating Northwestern and Penn State in basketball right?

I am not going to put much effort into breaking down what the Gophers need to do this weekend because I am tired of writing the same shite and trying to put a new twist on it. They also gutted me last Saturday so I refuse to give my best effort. So here you go. Score a couple power play goals, don’t give up goals from the blue and red lines, don’t wet yourself when you have a lead in the 3rd period and play physical for three periods. Hopefully that covers it for you.

One positive going into this weekend is Jeff Frazee has finally been told to "F off" by Lucia, at least I hope so. If you missed last Saturdays game here is a recap of Jeff’s one period of work. Frazee gave up a first period goal from between the blue and red lines. Drinky then followed that up by getting beat from the far blue line as the horn sounded to end the 1st period. Luckily two SCSU players where busy enjoying the song "Cotton Eyed Joe" as it was being blared into the arena for the tenth time that period and forgot they where offsides. Lucia gave Frazee a death stare and promptly yanked him from the game. This should mean we will finally see Kangas for the majority of the games down the stretch. "Jeff, you suck, drink to much for a 20 year old kid and I want you to leave....now!" If Lucia would have listened to me months ago we wouldn’t be having these problems every weekend. God I should have his job.

UMD is currently sitting in 4th place in the WCHA. That sounds good, but they suck and have played 2 more games then all of the showers of shit that are behind them in the standings. UMD has been a fairly good team at home this year with a 6-1-4 record, this is not a good sign for the Gophers who have struggled over the years at the DECC. Also, if Brandt Nicklin is reading this blog, I still hate you and think you are a complete douche bag.

The Bulldogs rank near the middle of the pack in most key conference statistics, including scoring offense (5th) and defense (5th). Their key players are????? Well they really don’t have any key players, just a bunch of solid guys who work hard. Alex Stalock can be dominant in the net for UMD and has improved from his freshman season. Stalock currently has a .909 save percentage and a 2.43 GAA. Stalock can be very fun to watch and has a little flair to his game. He can also have a bit of Frazee to his game so lets hope we see the latter this weekend.

My prediction is a split this weekend, because neither team is really that good. UMD wins on Friday night 3-2 and the Gophers rebound 4-2 on Saturday.

On a positive note, the Gophers received a commitment this week from Zach Budish (Edina). Zach had narrowed his list of schools down to UND and MN. Obviously this shows Zach has taste and is not a racist. Below is a description of Budish I stole and plagiarized from another blog.

The Gophers landed a big recruit yesterday. 6'2, 210 lbs. Edina forward Zach Budish has given a verbal commitment to play for the Gopher hockey program. Budish is well known as being one of the top players of his age group in Minnesota and his recruitment has been a much discussed situation on the message boards during this past year. The final battle for Budish came down to the Gophers and UND. He had visited both schools in November and had been mulling over the decision ever since.

Budish is a physical forward with soft hands and good play making ability. His skating is above average for a player his size but I would imagine that improving that aspect of his game will be a main focus for future improvement. He is strong on his skates and works well in the corners and around the net. But his biggest asset could be the intangibles he brings to the table. He is very much known as a leader and I have heard more than a few of his peers speak highly of him in regard to his effort and leadership. He is a kid who could very well wear the "C" for the Gophers someday.

On a national scale, Budish performed well at the Selects during the past two summers and was been chosen to be a part of the USA Selects team that would play in an international tourney in the late summer (Three Nations tourney in Rochester, NY in 2006 and the Five Nations tourney in the Czech Republic this past summer). He was one of (roughly) 45 of the best 1991 birth year players invited to try out for the USA National Development Program in Ann Arbor this past spring but he was not extended an invite when all was said and done (only former Chaska HS defenseman Nick Mattson made the team out of the MN kids invited to the tryout).

Congrats to Coach Lucia and the staff on landing another important recruit during a rather frustrating season. Welcome aboard Zach!

* An interesting side note for those who aren't aware of it, Zach's father (Kim) played football at the University of Minnesota back in the 1970s. (According to the records I see via Gophersports, he was in the football program in 1972 and 1973). So Zach is following in his dad's footsteps to some degree. Fortunately, I think Zach's college team will be far more successful than any of the Gopher football teams since the 70s!

Lastly, Congratulations are in order for UND. UND finally swept a home series last weekend breaking a streak that lasted 15 months! Also, congratulations to Snacks on his wedding this weekend.WWWWW, will you be blogging live from the wedding?

Special thanks to Gopherpuck.blogspot.com for writing my Budish comments.

I Hate College Hockey And The Gophers Suck

I will break down everything you need to know about the gophers hockey team the past two weeks. They suck. Hopefully that is enough detail for you.

I swear to f’ing god if I read one more article in one of the local papers that quotes Black Wheeler, Kyle Okposo or some other stiff who doesn’t live up to the hype quoted as saying "we just need to keep working hard" I am going down to Mariucci Arena and burning the place down. The problem with this team is they don’t work hard. The next time they play three good periods of hockey this year will be the first time.

How the hell do you explain losing to Alaska F’ing Anchorage on your home ice? That’s right you can’t. Bullshit, they worked hard and just didn’t get any bounces. They gave up 4 goals to a team that wouldn’t win the Division III National Championship. I told myself I wasn’t going to rip the fat, drunk kid in goal anymore because it is just to easy, but this shit box has to graduate or drink himself to death. Jeff Frazee could be the worst starting goalie the Gophers have ever skated onto the ice and that is saying a lot. He gave up a goal vs Michigan over the weekend where he skated behind the net to play a puck, got his stick stuck in the boards which caused him fan on his clearance. Next thing you know a Michigan player picks it off his stick and puts the puck in the net. WTF!!!! That sort of thing only happens to Maddog in video games, it isn’t suppose to happen in real life. I will save my heart from the blood pressure spike and not discuss the three goals he gave up in 4+ minutes vs Alaska the previous weekend.

On a none hockey related note. WWWWWW is no longer the holder of the worst video game player of all time title. Maddog once again holds the crown. It was brought to my attention that Al was humiliated by an 11 year old in Madden 08 over the weekend. 11???? Save us the explanation champ. My source informed me that it was a complete blood bath.

Back to hockey. The Gophers play Michigan Tech this weekend at Home. Normally this would be a guaranteed sweep but I am calling a split on the weekend. Michigan Tech is actually an average team this year. They always work hard and for once have a bit of talent to go with their plucky play. Gophers win a close game 3-2 on Friday then Frazee gets another case of the Albany’s and they lose 4-2 on Saturday. If the gophers want any chance of finishing in the top half of the WCHA they need to find a way to get 4 points this weekend. One way would be to bench Frazee all weekend....just an idea.

Although the title of worst video game player changed hands this week, the title of most overrated college hockey team in the history of college hockey stayed with UND. Over the weekend UND crushed UMD on Friday and followed that up with a 4-2 loss on Saturday for another split with an average team. Both games where played in Grand Forks. Saturdays game also included a game winning goal from center ice by UMD. I would rip their goalie more, but I would just open myself to savagery because the Gophers have Frazee and even he sucks worse than the gay frenchmen UND starts in net. I actually watched Saturdays game because it found its way onto my local cable channel and even the UND broadcast team was talking about how this was the most hyped and talented team in UND history. That seals the title for me because these two guys looked like pro’s pro’s.

Next week is UND vs MN week. I would be more excited but the Gophers suck and I know I am about to drive 5 hours to watch a "slaughter". We will be able to give you two perspectives from next weekends games. Mine will come from the lower bowl and Maddog’s from way up high in the arena where he will be surrounded by the stench of poor people. Either way it should be a fun week and Maddog and I will be live from less than Grand Forks.

Gophers Look To Crush The Seawolves

Well the gophers Hockey Team finally won a game in conference play last weekend. That was so much fun that they actually won two games and swept Mankato State. To make the games even more fun the Gophers actually scored more then one goal in a game and broke an 0 for 30 power play drought. This weekend the gophers should be able to add to their cure little winning streak as lowly Alaska Anchorage comes to town. Both games will be played at Mariucci Arena.

Basically all you need to know about AA is that they suck. They have always sucked and will always suck. Each year they win a couple games up in Alaska to start the season and everyone thinks "Hey look at Alaska, they are going to be better this year". Then reality sets in, Alaska loses 10 or 12 games in a row, players quit trying and opposing fans have to suffer through watching their teams beat up on a bunch of Canadian/ Alaskan quitters. The one thing Gopher fans have going for them is Alaska has just started said free fall, so their players haven’t quit, yet. This means we might see a couple descent games this weekend....or a couple teams that are at least trying to look descent. Either way we should at least see some effort put forth by both teams.

Alaska has basically two forwards, one defender and an average goalie that deserve mention. The rest of the roster is about as interesting and useful as a NBDL blog by WWWWWW. The two forwards worth noting are Josh Lunden and Kevin Clark (easy Maddog, not that K. Clark). Josh Lunden is actually a very good player and teams have to worry about shutting him down. Kevin Clark is an above average player that benefits immensely from the work Lunden does. Luke Beaverson is AA’s top defender. Beaverson is actually a very good attacking defender who can move the puck. His problem is the people he moves the puck to usually can’t move it themselves so his numbers end up suffering. Beaverson will not make anyone forget about Mike Crowley anytime soon, but he is an above average defender in the WCHA. Like I stated earlier, the rest of the roster is made up with guys who would skate on most WCHA teams 4th lines. WWWWWW that means they aren’t very good.

Some blog related news. It looks like coach Lucia is also reading DWG because he actually had Black Wheeler and Okposo skating on the same line together last weekend. Now if Lucia can just step a little further out of that box he will also put Barriball on that line. I might be able to stay awake for an entire game if he puts all three players together. Okposo also finally scored a couple goals last weekend so maybe he will start playing like a potential 1st round draft pick!

Jeff Frazee still looks as solid in goal as J-j-j-joe O’Brien playing in boots at Able park. I have decided Frazee has a case of the Favre’s, he plays better when he is drunk, stoned and slightly over weight. Here is hoping for more Kangas or more Long Islands and pain killers for Frazee.

The Prediction. The Gophers still kind of suck, but AA truly does suck. This should mean a Gophers sweep, but don’t be shocked if AA steals a point in the series. My prediction Gophers win 4-2 Friday night and 3-2 Saturday night for a sweep.

WWWWWW, both games are on FSNN this weekend so you can follow all the action while you are drinking and smoking your life away in Chicago this weekend!

For those keeping track. The greatest team since the 76 Russians lost again this weekend (they actually got shutout in their loss) and now sit one game ahead of the least talented Gopher team since 1999. Looks like Oshie and that other cute little forward should have rode J.Toews coattails to the NHL this season. Both of them are costing themselves thousands of $$$ and are scoring at the same rate as The Todd scores with the ladies. Ryan Duncan should really send that Hoby Baker trophy to its rightful owner, J. Toews. Yes, the Sioux still suck and still hold the title as most overrated team in the history of college hockey.