Sue Come to Mariucci

The puck drops on Gopher Sioux weekend tomorrow night at 7 PM. By the end of this weekend the Gophers will either have a prayer of home ice in the WCHA Playoffs or be dead and buried. This weekend could also determine Don Lucia's future behind the bench. With a solid weekend against our #1 rival Lucia could remove some of the heat he is taking from fans. If the Gophers get run off the ice the fans will be chasing Lucia out the door.

Since WWWWW steals all his ideas from other people, sources and sites, I have decided to do the same. I am stealing WWWWWW's “five things about the game" idea. Here are my top five things to watch for this weekend.

1) Gophers attack or lack of attack- If the Gophers are going to win a game or two this weekend they have to score 3 to 4 goals each night. That won't be an easy task because they struggle to score 3 goals vs. crap teams like Tech, Harvard and Bowling Green. To make matters worse, North Dakota is one of the top defensive units in the country. UND goalie, Brad Eidsness, is a good goalie but not great. If the Gophers settle on shots from the blue line all weekend Eidsness can sleep his way through the series. The top line for MN (Schroeder, Cepis and hopefully not white) need to chip in some even strength goals this weekend. Schroeder needs to start producing instead of counting the days until he turns pro. If he gets shut down like he did back in October the Gophers are in big trouble. I am just hoping here, but consistent production from one of the bottom three lines would also be nice. This all equals bad news for the Gophers.


Did you know the telephone pole is North Dakota's state tree?

2) Power Play- The Gophers power play has been brutal all season. Its like watching the gophers basketball team in a half court set. Part of the issue is the talent level placed on the top unit. There is no reason why MN's top unit isn't made up of Hoeffel, Schroeder, Cepis, Ness and Fairchild. They can do what ever they want with the 2nd unit, but I will cut myself if I see Tony Lucia or Jake Hansen logging major power play minutes this weekend. The Gophers should get plenty of PP chances this weekend, especially on Friday. North Dakota will try and knock the Gophers around early on Friday to set the tempo. As long as players like Flynn don't draw stupid retaliation penalties the Gophers should get some early chances. They need a minimum of three PP goals this weekend.


What has 24 teeth and breathes with it's mouth open? The front row of a UND hockey game!

3) Tony Lucia- Before you fall off your chair laughing, hear me out on this one. Lucia is the one player who seems to get under the skin of North Dakota. His game is suited for this series because he will throw his weight around, can play shut down hockey and he likes to run his mouth. He also has some history with North Dakota. Tony piss pounded Kaip (I think that was who he fought) after a Saturday game two years ago. Last year he baited Green into jumping him in the face off circle. Lucia skated away and left Green looking like a complete retard as the refs pulled him to the penalty box. although nothing really happened up in North Dakota earlier this year, the hot rumor was the Sioux wanted a piece of Lucia. If Tony can be a pest all weekend he could draw lots of attention and plenty of penalties.


Why does the wind blow so hard in North Dakota? Because it also can't wait to leave the state.

4) Goaltending- Alex Kangas needs to be a savior this weekend. If he gives up a goal it needs to be a good goal. Enough of the fluff goals. Kangas also needs to make a couple saves he has no business making. I can’t remember the last highlight reel save he has made. Eidsness is not known for gift wrapping goals so the Gophers can’t be giving away any free ones. I would give Wonder Baby to a band of North Dakota gypsies to see the Kangas of 2008 return this weekend. -Side note- You can add goalie handling and lack of goalie development to my list of MN coaching complaints.

Fact- In North Dakota it is still legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon. "That explains the logo."

5) Heart- Just play 120 minutes of solid hockey this weekend and I will not be completely miserable. Honestly, our #1 rival is coming to town. People are openly questioning the players heart. The coach is getting hammered by fans and media. This is the perfect storm to rally the troops and play inspired hockey. If they can’t do it this weekend lets board up the arena for the rest of the season because it is over. God Damn this team pisses me off!

Why are date rape numbers so low in North Dakota? Livestock can't talk!

My Predictions- Sioux win 5-2 on Friday and Gophers win 3-2 on Saturday. Also, Chicks with guns are hot!

Eh, Go Gophers!

Ok. Here we go. Not exactly the matchup I would like to see right out the gate but sometimes trial by fire is the only way to go. Let's just hope to God that we don't get destroyed by a bunch of fresh face freshmen from UND. SSF won't let us hear the end of it, which may cause me to jump out of a 9th floor window from the office. It wouldn't be the first time I've contemplated that.

I asked the The Todd if he wanted to come over and watch the game. He said he would be tooooooo drunk to drive over by game time. A true fan. Also, a true alcoholic.

1:36 in and we give up a dumb ass penalty. Congratulations, you were your ass as a hat. It's not a fashion statement contrary to what your friends say.

F me! F. F. F. F. F. Well, there it is. We go down 1-0 on the road to the Sioux. That is not good. Who the hell was that in front of the net? Way to clear the net. Bush, bush league. If you were a man I would punch you right in the mouth.

We get an interference call. Looks fairly week but we'll take it. There goes Snake Sr's man, Nico. Go Nico! Jackass.

I don't have a clue what our power play stats were last year but I do remember being very frustrated by how pathetic they looked last year. We are controlling the zone nicely but we aren't generating any traffic in front of the net, whatsoever. Everyone is out on the perimeter thinking they are going to snipe one. This is isn't bantam hockey fellas. Power play...dead. No shots on goal. I would say that is -3 on my weird ass point scale. -1 for the dumbass penalty we gave up, -1 for the not clearing the net, and -1 for no shots on goal during a power play. I am not optimistic at this point. I wish The Todd was here. He could get me a beer so I could keep typing and not get up. The only consolation I have is that he is probably sitting at home wishing someone would get him 13-14 beers.

"I might sit down and drink 30 beers in a sitting but I'm NOT going to chug this beer." - The Todd

Finally, commercial break. Bathroom break, beer.

We managed to kill off the penalty. That call was a little ticky-tack but whatever. As long as it goes both ways. Just like I like my girls.

Also, Woogisms. Let's keep track of those. It will make for a great recap of the season. I don't have any yet. If you catch one, post it to the comments PLEASE!

I think a quarter of these skaters played in the MN state hockey tournament last year.

How much trash is SSF talking at this moment. Dawg, I feel bad for you right now.

I suppose W has had about 3 cranberry vodkas by now. Very manly. I'm sure wonderbaby is embarrassed by this fact. I'm currently enjoying a high life light in a night camouflage can.

I love you Kangas! Great save. Defense, you are dead to me.

End of the 1st period. A good physical game so far. I expect things to slow down and teams to tighten up a bit. They cannot afford any penalties. Then again, based on the Gophers last power play the Sioux can hack away.

I should note that I feel like a complete dork right now. Sitting home on a Friday night blogging. What a damn dork. Whatever, I'm going out tomorrow night for what should be an epic bachelor party. Aren't they all though? Cast should include The Nut, The Todd, Snacks, and Klinger.

It makes me sad to have to watch Sioux fans enjoy a fine hopped beverage while at the game. Apparently the second level and Mariucci and the suites inside the new football stadium aren't "on campus" W T F. Cash rules everything around me. Nuff said. Well, only when the cash comes from Fortune 1000 companies. It's not good enough when it comes from the rest of us schleps.

This post is already too long and probably way too boring. If you've made it this far I probably owe you a beer or 10.

Simply embarrassing. We loose an edge in the corner, turn over the puck, odd man rush, goal. No back check, no hustle. SSF just peed her pants in excitement. Dawg has to change two diapers now. (I have no idea if that comment is relevant or not.)

The music at Ralphy leaves a little something to be desired. I enjoyed the Pantera fill in but "Put your hands up in the air" is where I draw the line. Let's do the chicken dance while we're at it.

First Woogism. In regards to Genoway. "Ya, he'd be all-world, if they were all 5' 10" and under." Sick burn, Woog. Sick burn. Too bad Lameriouoieoix just owned a gopher in the corner just before that.

Another power play for the Gophers. Down 2-0, this is a real test. We need to convert this into a goal, desperately.

End of the 2nd period. Gophers look slow and fat. Where are our forwards? At least Darby finally got a damn haircut and stopped looking like a petterass.

Woogism #2: "He's not the cream in the Oreo. Get him out of there."

Well the Gophers just crapped the bed. Giant ass Budish was in position to block the shot but instead provided a screen. No clue what was going on. Up until that piont, Kangas was looking great considering the number shots he has taken and the amount of time that was spent in our zone.

Ha! Correction. Now they have really done it. 4-zip. I think I'm done here.

Recap:

The Gophers looked overwhelmed, underprepared, and underconditioned. They were out skated, out shot, and out hustled to every loose puck. The defense was repeatedly out of position. The forwards were so quiet and worthless tonight that I couldn't even begin to give an assessment. They did absolutely nothing. The Gophers lost in every possible stat. I can't remember another game that they played this poorly. Lucia did not even begin to get these guys ready for this game. I'm really starting to wonder how much longer Lucia has here. The Gophers have top tier cake-eater talent and didn't do a damn thing. It's not going to be a good year for MN hockey. I'm hoping for a complete 180 tomorrow night but I'm not optimistic. Not at all.

WCHA Preview

This just came in via fax from Senior Snake, who is in a meeting but took the time to put this together any way.  As usual, I have no idea who any of these people are, but I'm sure Snake does and he's kind of a hockey savant, so I'd go right ahead and listen to him if you know what's good for you.

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The College hockey season started last weekend with a couple non-conference meaningless games.  The true kickoff to college hockey starts this weekend with several big games around the country.  None bigger than the lovable Gophers heading up to the University of We Hate Indians and Jews (UND).

Minnesota enters the 2009-2010 season with plenty of things to prove after a very disappointing 2008-2009 season.  The biggest disappointment from last year was not making the NCAA tournament with the regional being held at their home arena.  There has been plenty of BS printed the last couple of weeks about the Gophers being upset and embarrassed about last season.  To improve on last year the entire team stayed in the cities to work out and hangout together all summer.  I am not sure if it will make any difference, but it sounds good in the paper.

The biggest change to this years Gopher team comes from behind the bench.  Assistant coach Mike Hastings became the associate head coach at the University of Nebraska Omaha were he will work with the greatest coach in college hockey (and future gopher coach), Dean Blais.  Hastings was replaced with former Gopher great Grant Potulny.  Lets just say I am not a big fan of this move.  The first reason is Potulny has as much college coaching experience as I do.  Second, this now gives the Gophers an assistant with no experience and another assistant (John Hill) who is a complete worthless tit.  "Thanks again to Coach Hill for the backbone he showed last year in N. Dakota, Pussy!"  I also believe the only reason Potulny was hired was to silence some Gopher boosters.  Lucia has been taking a lot of heat the past couple of years for his failures in the playoffs.  Last year the boosters where really chirping after missing the NCAA tournament and because no member of the coaching staff was an "M" man. I am not sure what having a former gopher as coach really accomplishes but I guess it is important to the old guys who wear gold sweaters to games.

As far as the team goes, the Gophers should be good this year.  I am not ready to say they will be great yet, but they have a chance.  The biggest on ice question mark for the Gophers is in goal.  Kangas came into last season as the 2nd coming of christ, but better and without the stupid sandals.  He ended the year like every goalie since Travis Weber left and thats not good.  If the Gophers want to make the leap back to the promiss land Kangas needs to return to his old form otherwise it will be an up and down season that will most likely end in the 2nd round of the NCAA tournament.  Whats even worse is Kangas has no backup.  Patterson is just another average MN goalie.

The Gophers have plenty of talent and depth at forward this year.  They are led by all world forward Jordan Shroeder.  If Shroeder stays healthy and Jay Barriball finds a way to score those pesky open net goals, there is a good chance shroeder will break the 60 pt. mark.  If you haven't seen Schroeder play this will be your last chance because he will be in the NHL next October.  Schroeders line mates will be Barriball and Mike Hoeffle to start the year.  This has a chance to be one of the best lines in college hockey.  Hoeffle WILL replace Stoa's production.  After the first line we run into a lot of question marks.  There is plenty of talent and NHL draft picks, but none of the players have proven themselves.  There is a lot of chatter about players like Nico Sacchetti, Jake Hansen and Patrick White stepping up this year.  I have high hopes for Hansen, some hope for White and little hope for Sacchetti.  To be brutally honest I think Sacchetti sucks and I would rather watch Jumpers than Nico play.  I am actually looking for Ryan Flynn to have a big year for the Gophers.  I have always thought he looked good when he got the chance to play with descent players.  If he doesn't get stuck the Lucia and Carman all year I see him scoring 30+ points.  Book it.  Other forwards with a chance to contribute are Taylor Matson (my 2011 man crush), Zach Budish and Josh Birkholz.

One thing I am really excited for this season is the Gophers Defensive unit.  They have a great mix of size, strength and skill this year.  I am also excited because Anderson graduated and Kevin Wehrs will most likely play about 8 games all year!  David Fischer and Cade Fairchild should be the leaders of the D this year.  Fairchild has a great chance to be an All American if he reaches his full potential this season.  Fischer seems like he finally figures things out last year and no longer thinks he needs to prove he's a former first round draft pick. Aaron Ness and Nick Leddy have a chance to be the most fun defenseman to watch since Mike Crowley.  Leddy will be a stud in college and the Wild have already stated they don't want to sign him for at least another year.  Sam Lofquist and Seth Helgeson will add the muscle that the Gophers have been missing for a couple years.  Lofquist can be a bit of a clown at times but I think he is going to be a stud once he gets his head on right.  Lofquist is a big, strong, skilled defender who suppossibly has a much needed mean streak.  Brian Schack.  I have nothing to say about him but wanted to add his name for a very special someone.

Over all I really like this Gopher team.  I haven't been able to say that for several years now. Look for them to challenge for the league title and a top 2 seed in the NCAA tournament.  The regional is back in MN this year (Xcel Center) so things are looking good for MN.

DWG Predictions for WHCA Standings
1) Denver- Denver has everything needed to win the league.  Plus I give them bonus points because they hate North Dakota more than the Gophers. Joe Colborne should be a stud.
2) Wisconsin- This is probably to high but the return a great defensive unit.  Biggest question with Bucky is in goal and the sexual preference of there coach.
3) Minnesota- If they can get through the first 8 games with a good record they could finish higher.  They Play UND, Wiso and Denver all in the first 8 games.  Have I mention how good Jordan Schroeder is?
4) North Dakota- This should be about right for these hacks.  They lost a lot of talent and leadership from last year and have 10 frosh on the roster.
5) St. Cloud- Wild card team in the WCHA.  They have tons of offensive talent and have a highly touted frosh goalie.  Question for Suck Cloud is can they defend.
6) UMD- Lost their goalie and top forward but return some very good talent.  Frosh Dylan Olsen is suppose to be the cats ass.  They could also finish higher, but UMD always finds away to fail.
7) Colorado College- Lost everything worth talking about.  This might be high but the bottom 3 really suck.
8) Alaska Anchorage- They finally have some depth and experience.  Plus no huge issues in the program over the summer.  Push for the top half???
9) Michigan Tech- Probably to high but why not.
10) Mankato State- Stealing a bit from the common man here.  Bad team, bad uniforms, bad mascot, bad arena and retarded coach.  All this adds up to last place.

WCHA Player of the Year- Jordan Shroeder
WCHA Defender of the Year- Cade Fairchild or Ryan McDonagh
Frosh of the Year- Drew Shore, Nick Leddy or Dylan Olson
Coach of the Year- George Gwozdecky- Best team, hates all things UND including SSF and puts on a great show behind the bench.  Until Dean Blais is back in the WCHA George should win it every year.

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Thanks Snake.  No doubt Super Sioux Fan will be here shortly to disagree with everything you just said, and probably in a grammatically correct way.  Enjoy your stupid hockey with it's stupid fighting everybody.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Jodie Meeks. I featured Meeks in the section before, right around Christmas time when he dropped 46 and 32 points in back-to-back games, but after this week he gets on here again. He led Kentucky to two huge road wins with 22 points Sunday at Georgia and a Kentucky record 54 in the win at Tennessee, running the Wildcats record in the SEC to 4-0 and showing how you can follow up a huge road win against a big rival by actually winning the next game on the road against a doormat. In the big win over the Vols, Meeks 54 shots came on just 22 attempts, as he hit 15-22 from the field, including 10-15 from three, made all 14 of his free throw attempts, and helped out with 8 rebounds and 4 assists. Wow, 54 points on just 22 shots? Are you paying attention Stephen Curry who scored 28 points in Saturday’s win over Georgia Southern but needed 30 attempts to do so?

2. Wake Forest. The Deacons are starting to truly look like a Final Four kind of team, and their pretty much impossible to ignore after winning two ACC road games this week, over Boston College – the team that knocked off UNC – and at #9 Clemson to move to 16-0, 3-0 in the conference. Wake is a really balanced team, with five guys scoring at least 9 points per game and three guys averaging at least seven rebounds per game, but they are really led by sophomore guard Jeff Teague, who is just 6-2 but plays much bigger. He leads the Deacons in scoring at 21.4 per game, assists at 4.1 and steals with 2.1, and chips in with 4.0 rebounds per game as well. He turns the ball over a little too much (3.7 per game), but makes up for it by shooting over 50% from both two and three. If you get a chance to watch this team, take it. They play lockdown defense, and are very athletic with the ability to score from any where and are about to be ranked #1.

3. Larry Fitzgerald. Remember how I always said that Andre Johnson of the Texans was the best receiver in football? I think I’m maybe changing my mind. Fitzgerald has been an absolute beast in the playoffs, going for 9 catches for 152 yards and three scores yesterday in the Cardinals 32-25 win over the Eagles, sending them to the Super Bowl. That followed up his destruction of the Panthers last week, when he tallied 8 catches for 166 yards and a score. These two games, along with his 6 for 101 in the opening round, give him the all-time record for receiving yards in a single postseason, breaking Jerry Rice’s record. Fitz’s hair might look ridiculous, but he’s pretty much uncoverable right now, and had several big receptions on the Cardinals game-winning drive. He’s no Andre Johnson, but he’s right there with him with size and speed. And he’s a young buc too, not an old man like Steve Smith. Lots of years left to watch.

4. Louisville. I could probably have gone with Terrence Williams here, who has been on fire, but the Cardinals had a great week and look to have things figured out. Not only did they notch the big win over then #1 ranked Pitt, earlier in the week they took out #13 Notre Dame, a struggling Notre Dame (more on that below), but still a win over a highly ranked team that looks good on the resume (and consequently, on the Gopher resume as well). Williams led the team with 20 points (on 7-12 shooting) and 4 assists in the 69-63 win over Pitt (and chipped in with 7 rebounds), which followed up an even more dominating performance over Notre Dame where he put up 24 points, 16 rebounds, 8 assists, and 3 steals. Williams, Clark, and Samuels are a tremendous front court, and as long as the Cardinals' guards play well, they are starting to look like the National Title contender many pegged them as when the season started.

5. Arizona State. Huge, huge win for the Sun Devils this weekend, knocking off #9 UCLA in Pauley Pavilion, a much needed win after dropping a very winnable game at USC on Thursday. No surprise here, but ASU Was led by guard James Harden's 24 points, along with forward Jeff Pendergraph's 18. They are a hell of a tandem, and would make a killer NBA Jam team. Harden, who might have been a lottery pick if he came out last year, is the Pac 10s leading scorer at 22.1 per game, and has already broken 30 points four times. USC managed to hold him down (4 points on 0-8 shooting), but that's a major exception.


WHO SUCKED

1. Gopher basketball. Game thoughts are here and here. If anybody tries to say this week was a success, you should punch them in their stupid face because they are too dumb to live.

2. Notre Dame. You can’t convince me that Notre Dame is a good team, much less that they are the twelfth best team in the nation (which is where they were in the last polls). Everyone is so in love with this team, and you know why? Because they have a big, dopey, hard-working, farm-raised white boy, and there’s nothing Amerikkka likes better than that. Too bad he’s completely overrated. Harangody was destroyed by the Cuse on Saturday, where Arinze Onuaku and Rick Jackson combined to completely dominate him as the Orange rolled 93-74. Oh, you probably won’t get that from any highlight shows, you will point out to you that he had 25 points and 16 rebounds. The 16 rebounds are great, there’s no doubt, but he had to take 28 shots to get those 25 points (9-28), a number even Stephen Curry would be embarrassed about. Meanwhile Jackson had 14 and 10 and Onuaku went for 19 and 7, and combined they only took 22 shots, making 15. You want to talk overall as a team for the Irish? They are now 3-3 in the Big East, and scanning the schedule they have one good win at home over Georgetown, and one over Texas. That’s it. There isn’t a single other good win anywhere. The next best win on here is over freaking Seton Hall, and don’t forget they lost to Ohio State too. They are a pretty good offensive team (6th in offensive efficiency) but awful on defense (167th before giving up 93 points and 55% shooting to the Cuse). I’m sure they’ll make the tournament, but are looking at getting sent home the first time they play an opponent with a decent front court.

3. Clemson. It seems a bit weird to put a previously undefeated team here after losing to another undefeated team, especially the soon to be #1 in the country Wake Forest, but this was, in a way, a must win for Clemson. I know, that seems weird too, since they were 16-0 and ranked #10 at the time, but if you remember last season, the Tigers shot out of the gate with 10 straight wins, and were as good as 12-1 before going into a free fall, finishing up by going just 10-7 in their last 17, barely squeaking into the NCAA tournament where they were run by Villanova. This year’s team has similar questions, as of those 16 wins, not a single one was over a ranked team, and their win over Illinois is the only one that could be considered a “quality” win. With a chance to make a huge statement with a win over Wake, at home, and favored by 2.5 in the game, the Tigers flopped, shooting just 33% and getting beat handily in their own gym, 78-68. It has national commentators and college basketball fans questioning Clemson’s resume, and I have to guess after last year, a whole lot of Tiger fans and maybe even the team themselves.

4. Kansas State. I haven't really followed K-State this season, and why would I? Beasley and Sky Walker are gone to the pros, and although I like their PG Jake Pullen he doesn't exactly pull me into a game. Unfortunately, he hasn't really improved this year, and K State has suffered. I only noticed them because I saw they lost by more than 20 to Nebraska, and when that happens you know something is wrong. The Wildcats are 0-3 in the Big 12, and 11-6 overall with their best win being over Cleveland State, and there's nothing else even close. Looks like the Huggins experiment worked, but when he jumps ship almost immediately there's nothing else left to draw players to Manhattan, KS, and this program is pretty much back to being at the bottom of the barrel.

5. Alex Kangas (sorry Snake). I don't know much about hockey, but I know that the Jesus on the ice is struggling lately. After getting run by the hated Sioux the previous weekend, giving up six goals in back-to-back games, he looked like he might be back on track against St. Cloud, making 24 saves on Friday night and only giving up one goal on Friday. Then came Saturday night, and he once again was lost, giving up six goals on just 31 shots. Luckily, the St. Cloud goaltenders were even worse, letting the Gophers score 8 times (one an empty netter) to grab a wild 8-6 victory. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure if your goalie doesn't play well you aren't going very far.

UND Eats Shit Sandwiches

Its Gopher vs. Sioux weekend so I thought this would be a good time to revive this blog with some sports chatter people actually care about. Both games this weekend will be played in Hitler’s palace (Engelstad Arena) up in lovely Grand Forks, ND. The Gophers enter the weekend ranked #3 in the country with a 10-3-5 record. UND is crawling into the weekend with a 11-10-1 record.

We have been told for years now that UND doesn’t care about the first half of the regular season. That is a good way for UND fans to try and justify a home loss to Alaska and getting 1 pt up in Duluth. The issue with that excuse this year is Coach Hakstol finally has a roster made up of players from his recruiting classes. This means no more high end talent and no second half surge in the standings. This also explains UND starting the second half getting swept at the GL Invite by Michigan St and Michigan Tech “wha-wha-whaaaaa” before rallying for two 4-3 (including OT win at Home) victories over powerful Bemidji State. It has got so bad at UND this year that their Super Fans are calling for Hakstol’s head.

UND is led in scoring this year by Chay Genoway and something called Brad Miller (not the NBA player). Chay Genoway is a very good Offensive defenseman while Brad Miller is, well, Brad Miller. UND also has Ryan Duncan back for his senior season. If you forgot Ryan Duncan stole the Hoby Baker Award from John Toews two years ago. Since winning the award Duncan has become arguably the worst Hoby Baker Award winner in the history of the award. Duncan will now be forever linked to Gino Torretta as the worst major college award winners in the history of college awards. I have a sneaky suspicion the Dawger is secretly a Duncan fan. How else can you explain his complete lack of production.

I do like UND’s frosh goalie Brad Eidness. He is having a bit of a rough year, but guys like Kangas only come every 2008 years. You can’t expect a human frosh goalie to hold up a team, especially a very average team like UND.

I should also mention players Chris Vandevelde and Joe Finley but both players suck and I am tired of talking about UND. Plus the only time anyone will notice Finley is when he cheap shots someone after the whistle or in the handshake line. You might also notice him if an actual fight breaks out. Finley will be the 6-7 blur leaving the screen once the gloves actually drop. Finley is the undisputed king of pussy’s when it comes to fighting. What do you expect, he is from Edina.

The last thing I have to get off my chest is Mario Lamoureux’s name. Mario’s dad needs to be drug outside and have his ass kicked. Not only did he raise his older son to be a complete twat but he tried getting cute with his kids name so it sounds like Mario Lemiuex. An ass kicking is definitely in order here.

Here is a picture of some real women. I am sick of the dirty rags WWWWW keeps giving us.


The Gophers will be led this weekend be our lord and savior Alex Kangas. Alex is undefeated in Englestad Arena and will most likely stay that way after this weekend. Alex’s numbers haven’t been quite as heavenly as last spring but who can complain with a .921 Save% and 2.19 GAA when a player hasn’t been completely on his game. Plus Alex has been busy dealing with everyone’s prayers and other crap god has to deal with.

The Gophers will be in Grand Forks this weekend without their head coach Don Lucia who is suffering from some unknown illness. Coach Lucia has to take some more medical tests on Friday of this week and doctors should know what is effecting him at that time. Plus Lucia figures his team can play without a head coach since UND is basically playing without one also. Rumor has it Lucia also hates the smell of Grand Forks and is looking for any excuse to stay away from stench of sugar beet factories.

The Gophers will finally have their entire roster back. Jay Barriball and Mike Carman are back from injury and Hoeffel, Fairchild and Schroeder are back from the world Jr. Tournament. The only player not available is Taylor Matson. Matson is out the rest of the year with a torn ACL. Did you know Dawger pronounced Matson his favorite player back in October and two weeks later he tore his ACL. I am not kidding. The Dawger curse is for real.

The biggest key for the Gophers this weekend will be the play of their top line. Jordan Schroeder is back which will get Ryan Stoa back on the wing. Stoa has got to start scoring goals again. Jay Barriball also has to find a way to tip in the pesky open net goals he constantly misses. Barriball should honestly have 12 goals this season. Barriball’s shite shooting is also costing Schroeder any chance of being All-American. Patricia White also needs to play on the third line and stay away from either power play unit. This kid has the heart of an interior decorator.

Next, the Gophers have to limit dumb mistakes by their D. Last weekend they gave up way to many 2-1’s by jumping deep into the offensive zone. Fairchild and Fischer should be allowed to make rushes up the ice but the rest of them need to stay put. Especially Wehrs. Ness can get involved on the Power play but he needs to stay home on 5 v 5. He caused way to many odd man rushes last weekend. Plus Ness shoots like a High School JV player. Dawger also continues to talk about Ness being his “Next Guy” but for the benefit of the program I won’t let it happen. Ness has to much talent for Dawger to flush his career down the toilet.

The Todd, rumor has it Schack will be playing this weekend so get your game worn #27 jersey out of the closet.

This is the first weekend in years that the Gophers should enter a weekend with UND and expect to win both games. The Gophers own Engelstad Arena to the tune of a 7-4-0 lifetime record in that dump. The Gophers are very good and the Sioux are down this year. The Gophers have high end talent and the Sioux average talent. The Gophers have the top special teams unit in the nation and the Sioux are average at best in special teams. All this adds up to a split. Gophers win 4-2 on Friday and lose 3-2 on Saturday . Either way UND still sucks .

Did you know Dawger has extremely small nipples? I just found that out yesterday and for some reason it fascinates me.

More Gopher Puck

Fear not, Gopher Hockey fans! My good friend Optimator has heard the desperate call for Gopher hockey related posts, and has answered the call like Roland Deschain! His first ever guest post is below, and I'm pretty sure it sets a DWG record for least grammatical and/or spelling errors, and certainly it does for hockey posts. Without further ado....

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can’t wait to sit down tonight with a cold beer and watch some Gopher hockey. What’s this? Why was I not notified of this? Apparently the usual Friday and Saturday night college hockey bout is off for this weekend. The Gophers will be hosting, the other husky women of the WCHA, the Michigan Tech Huskies on Saturday and Sunday at 1 PM. I can’t seem to find any information as to why the time change is in play. Anyone? Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?... In all seriousness though, what is going to get my blood pressure going on Friday night and encourage copious amounts of drinking if not for the Gophers regularly scheduled Friday night tie. Nothing. Reading the previous post would probably do the trick though…moving on.

The usually slow starting Gophers appear to be off to a very strong start this year. This quick start is largely contributed to the outstanding goal tending of Sophomore Alex Kangas. This bodes very well for the Gophers if he bucks the usual trend as of late and sticks around for two more years. I’m not holding my breath. Couple this with good scoring production from the junior class and stud freshman Jordan Schroeder and things start to look like the dominant Gopher teams of the past.

This weekend’s test against the Huskies is hardly a test. I expect the drunken play of the Huskies to give away the game. I imagine it will look something like this to Husky fans:



Michigan Tech might hang around for awhile and then boom, they’ll be on their ass trying to figure out how they got there. Much like the Todd on an epic bender. Bummer. The Huskies give up an average of 3.2 goals per game compared to the Gophers 2. If the Gophers’ 3rd period efficiency from last Saturday’s game is any indication it will be a blood bath. This will be very beneficial in that I won’t have to channel flip between hockey and football for 3 hours. The Gophers scored 4 unanswered goals in the 3rd period last Saturday and all 4 were well earned. No bad bounces or garbage here folks. Just good old highlight reel passes and shots. Brilliant! I fully expect a sweep with the first game being a blow out and the second game coming down to the wire.

Somebody get me a beer, it’s Friday.

Optimator

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Well done Optimator, feel free to send me any Gopher related posts that you come up with in the future. Maybe we'll even have some sort of debate between you and Super Sioux Fan, assuming you can understand her responses.

NCAA Hockey Preview #2

Seriously, what is wrong with you WWWWWW. Sarah Chalke???? Thanks to that disgusting photo I can’t even eat my donut this morning. What really pisses me off is I bought one of those really good raised donuts with white frosting and the cute little spring colored sprinkles. Now that is wasted thanks to Sarah "I am 30 pounds over weight" Chalke. You really need to step it up. Also, screw drivers are gay. Not white wine spritzer gay, just plain old gay. Why is C. Garey so angry and why does he use his entire name as a moniker??? C. Garey, I am only asking why you are so angry and I am in know way judging you. On to hockey.

Midwest Regional (Madison, Wi "greatest city on earth")

Did you know that Bogart once puked crap out of his mouth and onto his arm while road tripping it in Madison. It what just like that episode of South Park where Cartman poops out his mouth. The only difference is Cartman had an actual turd come out his mouth and Bogart had some hybrid combination of turd and #3's. I know this is disgusting, but it is also fascinating if you really think about it. You know this isn’t any worse than the picture of nasty ass Sarah Chalke. God I still feel sick. F U WWWWWW!

#1 North Dakota vs #4 Princeton- I would love nothing more then to start this preview by predicting a Princeton victory but I don’t want to look like one of those bitter guys who say Brett Farve sucks and then tries to prove it. Instead I will just say North Dakota sucks but is still really good? Either way they win this game, but I don’t think it will be a blow out. I still say North Dakota is a one team line. Anyone who shuts down the Duncan-Oshie line will be in the game with North Dakota. NoDak does have a great defense and possibly the 2nd best goalie in the country. Kangas is clearly a better goalie than Lamerioux. North Dakota wins 3-1. God knows I would love to see an upset here! Also, have you heard the internet rumor about the time Duncan and Lamerioux got real drunk and put live pocket gophers "in" each other? Sick.

#2 Denver vs #3 Wisconsin- I still can’t believe Wisconsin is in this tournament. You can take your pairwise rankings a stick them right up Sarah Chalke fat ass. However you do the math Mankato State got screwed. To top it off Wisconsin gets to play at home. F’ing Bucky cheated somehow and he will burn in hell when it comes out. Denver really should win this game but Bucky in the Kohl Center scares me a bit. I am going to pick Denver to win 2-1, but my gut is saying Wisconsin at home. Whoever wins this game wins the region, book it!

Regional Final #1 North Dakota vs #2 Denver- This game will set college hockey back 10 years. Denver will play trap hockey that makes the MLS look interesting. The beautiful part about this game will be another failure by the mouth breather Hakstol. Denver wins 2-1. With all the talents UND loses this year it will be a minimum of three years before they are title contenders again. Suckers!

Northeast Regional (Worcester, MA)

#1 Miami (shit house!) vs #4 Air Force- Miami is the classic team that puts up huge numbers all year and then goes up in a ball of flames every year at the NCAA tournament. This year will be no different. Miami does have a legit stud in Ryan Jones. Jones has scored 30 goals in 38 games this year and made the Hoby Baker top 10 list. All I know about Air Force is I watched them get out played by the Gophers back in December. At that point the Gophers absolutely sucked and where playing without the team members who where playing in the world Jr. Tournament. You know that Air Force will work real hard because that is what idiots in the armed forces do. The problem is these kids are playing for a service school because they aren’t good enough to play for a top tier program or they want to make something out of their lives other than athletics. That’s not exactly American if you ask me. Miami wins 3-2.

#2 Boston College vs #3 Minnesota. Boston College is led by Nathan Gerbe. The beauty of Nathan Gerbe is Dawg towers over him. Gerbe stands 5-6 but is skilled as hell. He is exactly the type of player the Gophers need to start recruiting. Here is a little history for you. Do you know the last time the Frozen Four was in Denver the Gophers won the NCAA title? And.....The last time the Gophers lost to Denver in the WCHA Final Five Championship they went on to win the NCAA Title. What does this mean???? Boston College wins 3-1! This is a game the Gophers can win, but my gut tells me they won’t. That is to bad because the winner of this game will move onto the Frozen Four. Saturday will also be a sad day for The Bear as he will say good bye to his all time favorite Gopher, Derek Peltier. The good news for The Bear is he will be able to have Peltier caddy his golf clubs for him this summer at Meadow Brook.

Northeast Championship #1 Miami vs #2 Boston College. Miami once again wets the bed. Boston College wins 5-2. Eat it Ryan Jones!

NCAA Hockey Preview #1

The above picture has nothing to do with NCAA hockey but I felt I had to give the readers of this blog a photo of some trashy pelt to make up for WWWWWW’s poor lack of judgement. Snacks, you will not be able to spin this photo into anything that has to do with your fetish of boy and girl love, so be on your toes until WWWWWW post another disgusting pic later tonight. There is something about girls in camo and bullets that is strangely hot. Holy Hell will definitely be soiling some of his mom’s linens after this photo.

A quick recap from my experience at last weekends WCHA Final Five Championship Game. I would like to start by thanking The Bear for allowing be to attend Saturdays Championship game basically by myself. Last weekends snow storm confused the big fella and sent him back to his cave for a couple more weeks of hibernation. Thus leaving me to attend the game with some old wrinkled bastards who have gopher season tickets next to me. To make things even worse, I was surrounded by idiotic Nodak fans (more to come on them in a minute) and what I believe was a crazy father and son combination right next to me. The father in the pair was possibly the angriest man on the face of the earth. Yes Bear, even angrier than you. All I heard the entire game was this old mean bastard of a father telling his 40 something kid what a loser he was, how drinking is bad (nice advice old man) and if the "kid" questioned his hockey knowledge one more time he was going to "knock his f’ing teeth down his throat." At that point everyone in my section got a little nervous and you could cut the tension with a knife for the next five minutes. Luckily the Gophers scored their one and only goal minutes later so the entire section could explode and release said tension.

Now to the Nodak fans. Not to generalize, but they are all a bunch of F’ing losers. To the guys in front of me who thought they where a combination of Chris Rock, Richard Prior and Chris Farley, duct taping DU over the Sioux logo on jersey is not funny. In the future you don’t need to stand up for the majority of the game laughing and taking photo’s of each other. Your bit was as old as the guys I was at the game with. Here’s a question, Why would you ever openly cheer for another rival team/school (DU) when you don’t have money on the game? The more I am around these Nodak fans the more they puzzle me. I have never seen a group of people with a bigger inferiority complex than UND fans have to the U of Minnesota. Losers! Super Sioux fan I am not lumping you into this group. You are super funny, hot and real intelligent.....especially about hockey. How do you like that for a compliment girl!

The game finished 2-1 with the Gophers losing their 4th WCHA Final Five Championship game I have attended. Other than Jesus’s play in goal the game was rather boring. The highlight of the night came afterwards when Kangas won MVP of the tournament. I cried at this point. Like anyone was going to vote against him on Easter weekend. That is enough breakdown.

The real NCAA tournament start tomorrow night when the puck drops on the NCAA hockey tournament. WWWWW, your hockey readers want to thank you for also offering a NCAA hockey contest. I guess you where out of old things laying around your house. This would have also given you a chance to redeem yourself after your basketball bracket performance. Man where your picks bad!

Here are my predictions for the NCAA tournament. Friday night the East and West regional’s begin play.

East Regional (Albany, NY)-

#1 Michigan vs #4 Niagara- This game should be a cake walk. Michigan is really, really good and Niagara is average at best. 6-1 Michigan.

#2 St. Cloud State vs #3 Clarkson- St. Cloud State has never won an NCAA game and this is by far their best opportunity to do so. The one thing St. Cloud has to do is find a way to score even strength goals. A perfect example of this was last weekend vs the Gophers. St. Cloud went 1-7 on the power play and ended up getting beat 3-2. They rely much to heavily on the power play. I still think they are to much for Clarkson. St. Cloud gets the monkey of their back and wins 4-2.

East Regional Final Michigan vs St. Cloud. Michigan is just way to deep and a much better team than St. Cloud. I am guessing Motzko and Co. will try and slow the game down a bit and that is not St. Clouds strength. If they decide to skate with Michigan they will also get out played. Their only hope is their mouth breathing goalie stands on his head and there is a better chance of WWWWW winning the DWG basketball bracket than that happening. Michigan wins 4-1.

West Regional (Colorado Springs, CO.)

#1 New Hampshire vs #4 Notre Dame- This is actually a really pesky #1 vs #4 matchup. Notre Dame is a descent team that just hasn’t clicked all season. I wouldn’t be shocked if Notre Dame pulled the upset here. The only problem is Notre Dame sucks at all sports and has about as good of a tournament record as St. Cloud. New Hampshire has frosh James VanRiemsdyk who was the 2nd overall pick in last years NHL draft. James only had 31 points this year but is extremely fun to watch when he is on his game. New Hampshire wins 3-2.

#2 Colorado College vs #3 Michigan State- This is one of the two top games in the first round of the tournament. Michigan State is the reigning NCAA champion and CC is the WCHA regular season champion. If the game wasn’t being played in Colorado Springs I would take Michigan State going away because CC also sucks in March. Because of the games location I hesitantly select CC to win 3-2. I could also see Michigan State winning 3-2. The stars of this game will be the goalies.

#1 New Hampshire vs #2 CC- Once again CC sucks in March, New Hampshire wins 3-1. That is the kind of hard hitting breakdown readers come to DWG for.

Tomorrow I will break down the Northeast and Midwest brackets. I would do it now, but I am hungrier than WWWWW before a trip to Old Country Buffet.

Rheumatoid Picks Up The Pieces For The Bears Guy Peltier!

Talk about having a case of the Albany’s during March Madness. That is exactly what the Bear’s Guy had yesterday when he sent his wild slappa god knows where with fifteen seconds remaining and the Gophers tied 2-2 with St. Cloud State. Hey Peltier, way to be the guy who shite’s the bed when there is every chance in the world to finally be a hero and leave your mark on the Gopher hockey program. You really know how to pick’em Bear!!! Luckily for all Gopher fans Mike "rheumatoid" Howe was hopped up on Advil Gel Caps and was able to pounce on Peltier’s sloppy turd. Lucifer also reared his beautiful head again last night as Howesy scored his "6th" goal of the year. Even more amazing than Howe’s joints working properly was the fact that Dawg called me with 3 minutes left in the game to tell me the Gophers would score before OT. Good call Bert!

Incase you didn’t hear, Alex Kangas walked on water last again last night. My question to all readers. Is Kangas the greatest college goalie ever? Did you also realize that the final five lands on easter weekend this year? Can anything else point to a Gophers championship this weekend?

Seriously WWWWWW, your bracket is terrible. Can we please get Mrs. WWWW or Old Man WWWWW to break down college hoops for us? Those two at least have a clue what is going on. I might butcher the use of "too" but even I could tell that OJ Mayo is a dime a dozen talent and Arizona had the same chance of beating W. Virginia as Wozniak had driving home from Madison without puking on the side of the road.

With all the talk about Bogart’s terrible, flaky and down right disgusting skin I thought I would post a picture of what it looks like for the readers who do not know him. Seriously man, have you ever heard of lotion?

Go Gophers!

WCHA Final Five

The WCHA final five begins tonight at the Xcel. Tonights play-in game features the Gophers vs St. Cloud State. The winner of tonights game moves on to Friday's semi-finals to play #1 seed Colorado College. The other semi-final will feature the University of we hate native americans vs the Denver Pioneers.

The Gophers head to the Final Five after possibly the longest 3 game series in the history of the WCHA. The Gophers lost 1-0 in double OT, won 2-1 in OT and won 3-2 in double OT to advance. There are three keys to tonights game for the Gophers. 1) Kangas, 2) score 3+ goals and 3) stay out of the penalty box. They follow my keys and I guarantee victory.

Next years Hoby Baker winner needs to continue playing like he did last weekend. That might be a bit much to ask, but I have never been one to shy away from asking for to much. Kangas either gets shutouts all weekend or I write him off faster than Frazee! Seriously, if the Gophers want any chance of advancing this weekend Kangas can not allow more than two goals a game. Sad, but true.

Next to the Play of Kangas goal scoring is the next biggest factor for the gophers. I know that sounds like the dip shit analyst who says "whoever scores more goals will most likely win the game", but the Gophers need to find a way to score 3 goals without playing 100 minutes of hockey. Last Sundays game was a perfect example of what I am talking about. The Gophers had numerous chances to score goals right in front of the net and instead of putting the puck in the corner of the net the forwards would rush shots and hit the Mavericks goalie in the chest. The Mavericks goalie (Zacharias) played well last weekend, but the Gophers made him look better than he is. Mouth breather Jase Weslosky is not the goalie Zacharias is, so 3 goals isn't like asking for the moon.

ATTENTION TO THE BEARS GUY PELTIER!!!! The 3rd key to tonights game for the Gophers is staying out of the penalty box. St. Cloud basically lives by it's power play. Their #1 unit of Roe, Lasch and Nodl is possibly the best power play unit in the country. As a team, St. Cloud leads the WCHA in PP efficiency at 21.9%. That means the Gophers can only take necessary penalties. Note to Peltier, we don't need any Cross Checking, Roughing, Boarding or whatever other dumb penalty you decide take 60 feet behind the play. Those are the penalties that will get the Gophers beat tonight. Maybe the gophers should just sit Peltier all weekend? Hey Bear, nice player!

Predictions for the weekend.

Play-in game MN 4 St. Cloud 2. The Gophers will be to tired to skate all over the rink which is a good thing for this team. They will sit back and play "system" hockey and rely on Kangas to make saves. How much does it suck that the Gophers have turned into the Wisconsin Badgers of college hockey? God I can't wait for some actual talent to get back in the program next year! Also, keep your eyes out for the Todd slinging his shit on the ice if the gophers happen to lose. I am on record as saying The Todd doesn't have the arm to get it over the glass.

Semi-final #1 Denver 3 UND 2. Upset of the weekend. UND has been playing to good for to long. The also looked very poor last weekend. On top of that, Denver will be looking forward to this game after the cheap crap UND pulled up in Grand Forks last month. Yet another banner slips through the fingers of Neanderthal Hakstol.

Semi-final #2 CC 3 MN 1. Gophers have nothing left and even if they did Colorado would still beat them. I still think CC is the class of the WCHA.

3rd Place Game. Who really cares other than the Sioux fans who will still act like winning this game is a big deal, f'ing losers!

Championship- CC 5 Denver 2. Denver can't skate with CC. CC locks up a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament.

Tom Pohl update from the University of Minnesota. Gophers Pohl in Intensive Care Following Surgery at Rochester Hospital. University of Minnesota senior Tom Pohl is in intensive care following surgery resulting from an injury suffered in the Golden Gophers double overtime victory over Minnesota State on Sunday in Mankato . Pohl sustained a skull fracture when his head hit the boards in front of the teams bench at 6:09 of the second period. The injury resulted in bleeding on the brain and Pohl was airlifted to St. Marys Hospital in Rochester . Successful surgery was performed to stop the bleeding and stabilize the fracture. Pohl remains at the hospital for further observation.We are very fortunate that he has tremendous medical care, said Minnesota coach Don Lucia, who is in Rochester with Pohl and his family. Were looking forward to him returning to school at one hundred percent and our thoughts and prayers remain with Tom and the Pohl family.

Here is a link to the Gophers incoming recruits. Things are really looking up talent wise. Only two questions marks coming in over the next two years, Brandon Martell and Josh Birkholz. Martell just isn't that good and Birkolz comes off as a whiny kid who pouts when things aren't going his way....f'ing cake eater! http://gopherpuck.blogspot.com/2007/01/committed-gopher-recruits.html

Kyle Okposo played in his first NHL game Tuesday night for the New York Islanders. The Black Ginger played 14 minutes and registered two shots on net. It looks like two months of Minor league hockey got his development back on track. Good thing he got out while the getting was good.

Lastly, even though the smartest man in Grand Forks is on record as saying the Gophers won't make the NCAA tournament they are a lock. The worst team to make the NCAA tournament in Gophers history....without a doubt, but I will still take a game or two in the NCAA after the season this team has had.

Lastly, Lastly....WWWWWW, nice NCAA picks! I thought you where suppose to be the hoops guy on this blog? The Sports Guy knows more about college hoops!

God Does Love Gophers Hockey!

Last nights Gopher game was one of the most exciting games I have watched in several years while also being one of the most frustrating. I have never seen a team that is so inept at scoring goals in all my life. Hopefully after this season it will be another 30 years before I have to see it again.

A special thanks to Dawger for leaving me at the bar last night by myself. It was really much more enjoyable watching the 2nd overtime with the Hispanic cooks and the table full of metro sexual Sioux fans who thought they where king shit because they just knocked off Michigan Tech in 3 games. Note to all metro sexual Sioux fans, hockey jerseys aren’t meant to be tucked into your jeans and the word "Dude" died with pinned jeans.

Alex Kangas is now the greatest goalie in the history of college hockey. If he doesn’t win the Hoby Baker the next three years they should just do away with the award. If Lucia wouldn’t have screwed him out of playing time the first half of the season Kangas most likely would have gone for the grand slam and won the Hoby all four years of his career. Kangas was so good last night that Dawger had a wet spot on his jeans after the third period.

The Gophers also now skate with Lucifer on their side. Lucia obviously sold his soul to make the NCAA tournament this year. How else can you explain all three Gophers (Barriball, White and Lucia) scoring their sixth goal of the season last night? 6-6-6! Looks like it will be foam parties for the all Gophers other than Kangas! Can the Gophers be beat with both Jesus and Lucifer on their side? I don’t know either.

One of the greatest lines ever mumbled on T.V. took place during the Gophers game last night. Incase you missed it, during the first overtime Doug Woog said "everyone in the arena is standing except for the people in wheel chairs." As soon as he said that I pictured Woog wearing Bogarts I Hate Cripples t-shirt. P.S. Real classy shirt Bogart! Get a heart you unsympathetic son of a bitch!

Final Five Preview to come later this week.

Gophers A Lock For Home Ice!

The Gophers travel to Alaska to take on the Eskimos of Alaska Anchorage this weekend. The beauty of this weekend is the Gophers should find themselves all alone in 7th place when they return to Dinky town Sunday with an outside shot at 6th place. MN currently sits in 8th place, 1 pt behind UMD. The bulldogs play a Saturday/Sunday series vs Eva Braun's Babies (Sioux). I would guess Eva's babies would sweep the Dogs seen as how CC destroyed UMD at the DECC last weekend and UND has to sweep if they want any shot at the WCHA. I am predicting a 4-1 Sioux win on saturday and a 3-0 Sioux win on Sunday. I am also predicting Joe Finley starts another fight after a period/game and once again skates and hides while his teammates clean up his mess. Joe Finley is Basically the Bogart and Woz of college hockey. Just like Bogart and Woz, Finley tries living the life but then ends up pissing the bed and puking all over himself when the real fun starts. Then leaves his teammates/friends to clean up for him.

Mankato heads to Colorado Springs to play the CC Tigers this weekend. Mankato currently sits 4 pts ahead of the Gophers. Once I am predicting CC will sweep at home this weekend. A sweep this weekend will clinch at least a share of 1st place in the WCHA for the Tigers. I also think Mankato just plain sucks so I say CC 5-2 Friday and 4-1 Saturday. With this result and a Gopher sweep of the Eskimos they would now be tied for 6th place in the WCHA. The Gophers also hold the tie breaker over Mankato so that would move them ahead of Mankato as far as home ice seeding are concerned.

The last major series of the weekend has Wisconsin traveling to St. Cloud. No matter what happens here one of these teams is going to finish in front of the Gophers. I would guess we will see a split here, but don't be surprised if St. Cloud pulls off a sweep. Wisconsin struggles scoring goals so if St. Cloud can get up and down the ice this weekend they could pull sweep and lock themselves into home ice. A sweep by St.Cloud would leave the Gophers 1 pt. behind Wisconsin heading into the final weekend of the WCHA. Wisconsin is on bye next weekend so a Gopher split with the Bulldogs next weekend would lock MN into the #5 seed in the WCHA tournament and bring a match up with either Mankato/Duluth/Wisconsin to Mariucci. All of those series which the Gophers would probably be favored in at home. St. Cloud wins 4-2 Friday and Wisconsin wins 3-2 Saturday. F’ing Badger, Gophers now need to sweep UMD next weekend at Mariucci to get #5 seed.

UAA has won just one game since Dec. 29, so they clearly suck worse than the movie Jumper. Last weekend, they were swept at Denver and in the prior two weekends they were swept by both Minnesota State and St. Cloud State. The Eskimos are last in the WCHA in the standings, scoring offense and scoring defense. Their penalty kill is also last in the conference, so the Gopher power play will have a good chance to keep building on last weekend. Basically AA is the Northwestern of college hockey. They just plain suck.

The Gophers are coming off their best offensive performance since the opening weekend of the year. Some of that had to do with Wisconsin's shaky goal tending, but either way the Gophers played fairly well all weekend. The two biggest questions for me heading into this series are the play of the real baby Jesus (Kangas) and can Barriball's continue scoring goals.

Kangas really and truly sucked Saturday night. He sucked to a level that even made Frazee chuckle. It would be nice to see him rebound Friday night and post a shut out or a 1 goal game so everyone can forget about last Saturday. I can't believe I am typing this, but a Frazee sighting on Saturday might be a good idea also. Kangas has played a ton of games down the stretch and a night off might be good for him. It would also be nice to give Drinky a game before playoffs begin incase he is needed. God a feel like dirtier now then I did when I watched the shower scene in The Crying Game.

Barriball getting on a hot streak would be huge for the Gophers going down the home stretch. He showed flashes of the old Barriball last weekend and the goal he scored Saturday was the type of goal that can really give a player a ton of confidence. At least I am running with that theory and hoping it fits here. If Barriball continues to score and the 2nd and 3rd line keeps chipping in a goal or two the Gophers will actually be a tough team to deal with. Lets just see if they can keep this up for three or four weeks.

You see it is all quite simple! The Gophers are a lock for home ice in the WCHA which will give them an at large birth in the NCAA. And you all thought this season was for nothing! The Gophers rule! Actually they still really suck and I have a slight feeling they will wet the bed this weekend and will either lose or tie one game in Alaska. Hopefully that happens on Saturday with Frazee in goal so I can come on here next week calling him fat and drunk. Gophers win 3-1 Friday and 3-2 on Saturday.

If the Gophers lose this weekend I am seriously done with Lucia and calling for the immediate hiring of Dean Blais.

Also, I thought this was actually comical. It is a fight in a Woman's college hockey game. How sad is this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZAehXzjG0w . Shockingly a Sioux team is involved.

Lastly. Dawg, how can you expect us to take a movie recommendation seriously when you state moma dawger loved Jumper??? She is the same person who told me Four Letter Lie was the greatest band ever. You just lost all credibility as a critic. P.S. How was that tube sock last night?

Take A Bit Of That Bucky

After Saturday nights 4-4 tie it is clear Jeff Frazee needs to be removed from the Gophers roster immediately. It was obvious that he is clearly sabotaging Kangas. That is the only way you can explain the game Kangas played Saturday night. Not even Frazee on his worst night would have let in the 3 turds Kangas let in Saturday. Just for the Bear, Kangas was going to get hammered with a couple "You Stupid F'ing C*nt" calls after the 4th goal, but luckily for him Jr. Snake was in attendance. Clearly Kangas is still only Jesus and has yet to turn into god.

Once again the Gophers scored 4 goals on Saturday night and two of those where PP goals. Some of that had to do with Wisconsin's goalie eating a piece of Kansas's shite pie, but the Gophers actually looked like they had a clue on the power play. It was also nice to see Jay Barriball score a pair of goals this weekend. His two goal explosion now gives him as many goals as WWWWWWW guy RJ Anderson (5). That is really sad. Hopefully Barriball can mop up a little on the gimps from Alaska and get himself on a bit of a roll.

Derek Peltier really needs to hurry up and graduate. Not only can he not play at a high level, now he thinks he's some type of enforcer. Peltier is constantly taking cheap shots at players as they skate away and taking stupid penalties. His penalty on Saturday night in the 2nd period was a classic example. Some badger throws a clean check into a Gopher player next to the Gophers bench and for some reason Peltier skates over and takes a roughing penalty? Nice captain. This kid is just plain awful and the worst captain I can remember in my 25 years of following the team. Next to Kangas playing like Jeff Frazee and the Gophers trouble clearing the puck out of their end, Peltier was a true black eye on the weekend. Ya he scored a nice goal Friday, but even a blind Squirell finds a nut once in a while. The only good thing about Dawg showing up to the bar at 6:45 was being late to the game and not having to applaud Peltiers goal.

A message to the guy who sat in front of me during saturdays game. I get Jesus is cool and he is your savor, but you can't make your entire family (wife and 2 kids) say grace before eating hotdogs at a sporting event. Your kids already look like they have no shot in life unless Dungeons and Dragons becomes a professional sport. Making them say grace at sporting events is just going to get them heckled which will lead to them hating you even more than they already will.

Overall the weekend was a success for the Gophers. Some how the Gophers are sitting at #14 in the Pairwise Rankings and need to move up one more spot to make the field of 16 for the NCAA tournament. Currently UMD is in 13th, but they are in complete free fall mode. Duluth hoists UND this weekend at the DECC while the Gophers travel to play the ever mighty Seawolves of Alaska Anchorage. If the Gophers do not take a minimum of 4 points out of this weekend they can piss off. Alaska wouldn't win the MN High School tournament so there are no excuses for not sweeping this series. Especially when they know a sweep will put them into position for the NCAA and give them a first round opponent much easier than Denver, UND or CC.

Lastly, I was told about this "great" band called Four Letter Lie. I have been making fun of said person for a couple days about how this band sucks and a monkey banging on two empty soup cans sounds better. So yesterday I decided to check them out on the internet and give them a shot. Lets just say that is 15 minutes of my life I will never get back. First of all, their website has not been updated since 2/12/07, but they do have a myspace page???? Unless you want everyone of your fans to be 16 years old or younger get a regular website. For everyone else on this blog, please do not tell me a band is the greatest band ever when their upcoming concerts are going to be played at venues such as Jerry's Pizza and Bulldog Pizza. Also, Four Letter Lie is going to be rocking in "Rogers", MN on April 3rd at Showcase Skate Park???? That is 10 minutes from my house if anyone wants to have a pre concert party at my place! Actually, they could move the concert to my basement and the only reason I would go down there would be to shut off the power to my house. These guys seriously suck and whichever band member is trying to look like Jon Bon needs his ass kicked.

P.S. WWWWWWW, Carman is mine, so back off my man bitch!

Grades For Hockey Team

- The following conversation took place at Williams are.......Jimmy's Bar during the Gophers vs Iowa game.

WWWWWWW- "Hey Snake, You better turn out a hockey post next week or your fired."

Snake- "But Boss Man, The hockey team is on bye next week."

WWWWWWW- "I don't care I want more hockey. I love hockey. Why don't you do a report card for all the players."

Snake- "I guess I could do that"

WWWWW- Thinking to himself, "God that report card idea is so good I will steal it back and use it for the hoops team. Then Snake will look like a complete ass when he posts his grades at the end of the week."

WWWWW- "Also, I am thinking about granting Dawg blogging rights so he can review movie's. How bad to you think they could be?"

Snake- "Ummmm??????Ahhhhh??????Ummmmmm????????"

- Wednesday afternoon.

Snake- Thinks to himself when he sees WWWWW's hoops report card, "God I hate WWWW and his irrelevant blog. I am going to punch him in his slightly over weight gut next time I see him for sand bagging me. What an ass."

Snake- Thinks to himself after reading Dawgs blog, "Man, Dawgs review really sucked. Did he really pick Balls of Fury for his first post?" "God that was bad, it was like he blanked on bits after the first paragraph."

- Here are the grades I have given the Gophers for the season thus far. Thanks again for stealing my thunder WWWWWW! Hope you like your F'ing hockey report card.

Kangas and Wheeler (A)

Rest of team (F)

Frazee (F-) "Leave the program already!" "You Suck!"

W, There are your grades you indian giving SOB.

Gopher Hockey Travel West

The Gophers travel to Denver, Colorado this weekend to take on the Pioneers of Denver University. WWWWW, get the picture? Oregon Trail......the Gophers play the Pioneers..... get it! Pure brilliance on my part. That picture does remind of one thing that always pissed me off as a kid. How in the hell was that little slut Mary always breaking her arm or getting sick? Every time you would start making some progress on your journey to Oregon you would receive an urgent message that little slut girl is hurt again or drank some water and has diarrhea. Seriously, someone should have just traded Mary to the indians for a bottle of fire water and 2 blankets. Having Mary on the Oregon trail would be like driving home from Canada or Madison with Dawg, only 10 times worse. Back to hockey. Minnesota's mission is to see if they can actually get more than 1 pt this weekend. With the way the Gophers have been scoring this season I would say no chance, but things haven't been going very smoothly for Denver the past 3 weekends either.

Denver has lost 4 of their past 5 games (loss to Air Force and twice to Mankato, ooouch) and their leading scorer, Brock Trotter, left school earlier this week. Rumors have been flying all over the internet about why Trotter left school. He has been accused of cheating on a test, plagiarism (WWWW, you should have him write for this blog), legal troubles or having personal issues. Seen as how this is part of that internet thing I am going to go on record as saying the reason Trotter left school is his teammates outed him on a road trip a couple weeks ago. How is that for breaking news! The University has kept quiet about the matter, only saying the Trotter is still a member of the team. The only thing that is known for sure is Trotter will not be playing this weekend and I still say he is gay and ashamed. Sophomore Tyler Ruegsegger was injured last weekend when Denver was swept by Mankato State and is questionable for this weekends series. If both Trotter and Ruegsegger are out this weekend it is very likely a pair of soccer matches will break out again this weekend.

A couple notable Denver players that will actually put on a pair of skates this weekend are freshman forward Tyler Bozak (12 goals and 11 Assists) and sophomore forward Rhett Rakhshani (9 goals 10 assists). Both are extremely talented young players who could be dominant when Trotter and Ruegsegger are also in the lineup. Chris Butler is the lead man on Denver's D and is a classic offensive defenseman. Butler is strictly a puck mover and nothing illustrates that more than his zero penalty minutes for the season....pussy! Lastly, the key for Denver this weekend will be goalie Peter Mannino. Mannino is one of the elite goalies in college hockey and that spells trouble for a Gopher team that couldn't score with puck bunnies right now.

As usual the key for this weekend will be wether or not the Gophers can actually score 3 goals in a game. If I was Bogart, and bet on everything humanly possible, I would bet the Gophers would not score 3 goals in a game this weekend. To make things worse, Denver's penalty kill is one of the best in the WCHA. That is not good since the Gophers sport one of the worst power plays in all of college hockey. The two bright spots for the Gophers the past couple of weeks have been the play of Defense and of course Alex Kangas. The Defense was suppose to be this teams weak link coming into the season and since December have been very good. If the Gophers could ever find a couple of goals their D and goalie are actually playing well enough for them to make a run. Alex Kangas should have his jersey retired right now. Not only has he been outstanding, he is also the guy who banished Jeff Frazee from my life. For that I will always owe him and would gladly give him my first child in return. I love you Alex.

The Gophers will play Friday nights game without Tony Lucia who is suspended for "the fight" at the end of last saturdays game. Expect Hoeffel to move up to the 2nd line and fill Lucia's spot. I have heard a lot of crap this week from homer gopher fans who think the little slap and tickle episode with UND last weekend will bring this team together??? Seriously, if all it takes is a cat fight to get this team playing well I will be the first guy through the doors at Blarney's next October looking to start shit with next years incoming freshmen. It would almost be worth the beating to actually watch good hockey next winter.

My prediction, the Gophers tie 2-2 and win 3-1. That is right, I am now changing what I said earlier in this post, the gophers will score three goals in one game. Probably not, but I didn't want to be all negative like WWWWWWW. Friday nights game is on BTN at 8 PM and Saturdays game is on FSN following the Wild game. Also, why is the gophers game part of hockey day MN (or what ever cheesy name FSN is calling saturday), but the game isn't in MN? Why wouldn't FSN work with the WCHA and have MN play UMD or another MN team this weekend??? F'ing retards. Hockey Day MN my ass!

**Extra** Alex Goligoski was called up by the Pittsburgh Penguins this week. Add another player to the list of players the Gophers coaches never developed.

UND Wins and Ties, Yet Still Finds A Way To Suck!

Thoughts from this weekends series vs the university of No class. Warning this is going to sound like something right out of Sid Hartman's column.....but unlike Sid this is gospel!

First, Dave Hak-stool (WWWWWW, see what I did there, just like you boss) is a complete clown and his behavior on the bench this weekend reminds me of a crazy little league mom who can't control herself. He is a complete classless ass! Really, giving a ref the finger during a game? I am sure the people of the Sioux tribe really appreciate the way the school represented their name and likeness this weekend. Nice apology also www.startribune.com/sports/gophers/15168841.html. ""I have evaluated and feel terrible about my actions", Hakstol sounds like a complete pussy! This guy needs his ass kicked.

Second, WWWWWWWWW when you steal my material and butcher it like Tubby's Offence please have the decency to give me credit. Plagiarist! I will forgive you because of the Sconny girls. Although one of those girls is really ugly and her friends should burn her face so she never wrecks another one of their photos. Still, A+ work.

Third, North Dakota is by far and away the largest collection of Douche Bags ever collected on one roster. Anyone who watched Saturdays game can see why everyone outside of North Dakota hates that team. I didn't even think it was possible to get thrown out of a game in the first 7 seconds. Now Ryan Duncan holds the record for quickest DQ and the title of worst Hoby Baker winner of all time. Duncans Hoby award makes Gino Torretta's Heisman selection look good.

4th, Joe Finley is a fairy trapped inside a 6-7 mouth breathers body. Honestly, starting a fight in the hand shake line? I don't care if someone said they wanted to mount his mother from behind, you don't do that. Starting a fight in the hand shake line is like booing during the national anthem or not applauding when someone gets hit number 3000. Once the post game scuffle broke out Finley skated around with his gloves and helmet on playing grab ass? What a tough guy! Note to Finley, "If you want to be a real goon you need to take off your gloves and helmet and actually fight. Blake Wheeler made you look like a fool." I can't wait for Finley to pull the shite in the Minor Leagues so someone caves in his neanderthal face. What a twat!

5th, What is the deal with the idiot Sioux fans who wear white jerseys to Friday nights games? I thought that was green out night? If your going to have ridiculous themes like "green out" and "white out" then make sure you follows those simple instructions. Nice fans....idiots!

The highlight of the weekend was Malone getting thrown like a rag doll into the penalty box by a 5-8 ref. Only a ginger would get treated like that.

Lastly, Kangas is Jesus on skates. The only way Frazee should touch the ice again this season is if Frazee spikes Kangas's water bottle. Unless Kangas is so drunk he can't stand on his skates he should never leave the ice. Nice career Frazee, hope you enjoy selling cars!

In conclusion, everything about North Dakota Hockey sucks. Fire Hakstol and bring back Blais! At least Blais's team had goons that knew what it meant to be a goon. Guys who are not proper goons suck.