WCHA Awards and Playoff Preview

The WCHA regular season ended last weekend. Some how the Gophers managed to finish in the top half of the league which really proves how mediocre the WCHA was this year. UND won the regular season title while still managing to suck, amazing! Here are the annual DWG WCHA Awards and a preview of the WCHA playoffs. Sadly Brian Schack did not make All Conference.

WCHA First Team

F- Ryan Stoa (UMN)- Leading scorer in conference play. Will be playing in the NHL next season.
F- Ryan Lasch (SCSU)- Natural goal scorer who once again is one of the top scoring forwards in the country.
F- Ryan Duncan (UND)- This pains me to write because this kid is one of the most overrated players to ever skate in the WCHA. He has had a solid season for the team that won the league.
D- Jamie McBain (UW)- Top player on the Wisco. Probably 1st team All American. Great player.
D- Patrick Wiercioch(DU)- Several players could end up here but this Frosh has been fantastic all season. 2nd best rookie in the league.
G- Mark Cheverie (DU)- Number 1 or 2 in nearly every statistical category in the league. Alex Stalock from UMD would have been here if it wasn’t for his last two weeks. Talk about a case of the Albany’s.

All Frosh Team

F- Jordan Schroeder (UMN)- 2nd leading scorer in the conference and led the league in assists. Will most likely be picked as national frosh of the year be all the media outlets. Great player. Hopefully he sticks around for another season. Will be a top 5 pick this summer.
F- Jason Gregoire (UND)- Scored some big goals for UND this season. Will be a force the next 2 or 3 years.
F- Joe Colborne (DU)- Really started to come on the 2nd half of the season. Will be a monster if he plays another year of college. 1st round draft pick by Boston.
D- Patrick Wiercioch- If it wasn’t for Schroeder he would be frosh of the year.
D- Aaron Ness (UMN)- Much like the all conference team, the second D spot could go to several players. Ness had a good second half of the season and looks to be a stud in the future. Coaches also tend to give the awards to highly touted players. Plus he plays for the Gophers.
G- Brad Eidness (UND)- Also has a crack and making one of the all conference teams. Good young goalie who will only get better in the next couple years.

Conference MVP- Ryan Stoa- I could see several other players winning this award, but there is really no clear cut favorite. Stoa led the league in goals and pts while playing for an average team. I also want to give it to a gopher!

ROY- Jordan Schroeder- Lived up to the hype from day 1. His stats would have been better if Barriball could put the puck in the net.

Coach of the Year- Dave Hakstol- This pains me more than putting Duncan on the all conference team. You can’t deny the success this twat has had. You also can’t deny the fact that classless Dave wins games. UND still sucks and their logo should be changed to a honkie with a white sheet over his head. F’ing racisits!

WCHA Playoffs

#1 North Dakota vs #10 Michigan Tech- Michigan Tech is really bad and really boring to watch. This will most likely be a low scoring series but UND should sweep. UND does have a history of giving away a game in the playoffs but I wouldn’t count on it. UND wins 3-1 and 4-1 for a 2-0 sweep.

#2 Denver vs #9 Alaska- I have heard some people say they feel bad for Denver because they have to play Alaska this weekend. Those people are idiots. Yes, Alaska is better this season. That isn’t saying much. There is also chatter about Denver getting Bozak back this weekend which will really help him during the playoffs. Denver wins 3-2 and 4-2 for the sweep.

#3 Wisconsin vs #8 Mankato- Not sure what to expect in this series. Mankato has been playing really good hockey lately while Wisconsin has kind of gone in the tank. Because Wisconsin stole Mankato’s NCAA bid last year I am going with the revenge factor and picking the Mavericks. Mankato wins 3-2 Friday, Wisco wins 3-2 Saturday and Mankato wins 2-1 Sunday.....book it.

#4 CC vs #7 UMD— UMD couldn’t have got a better match up for the first round. After completely crapping down their leg the past two weekends they have dropped from a top 5 WCHA team looking to make the NCAA’s to this. The one thing they have going for them is CC is the most peace loving arena and team in the WCHA. You will be able to count the number of checks CC throws this weekend on your hands. Both teams have goalies that could potentially be red hot and steal the series. Although all signs are Stalock is in the toilet worse than WWWWWW’s life. CC wins in 3. UMD wins 3-2 Friday, CC 4-1 Saturday and CC 4-2 Sunday.

#5 Gophers vs #6 St. Cloud- Even though the Gophers are 4-0-0 vs St.Cloud this season I am worried. There is no possible way a team can get owned by this version of Gopher hockey. All St. Cloud has to do is sell the farm to shut down the Gophers top line and MN will score maybe 1 goal all weekend. You also have to factor in Kangas to this mess. He hit an all time low last Friday but did bounce back and pitch a shut out on Saturday. Which Kangas shows up this weekend will determine the series. If Jesus returns the Gophers win in two games. If Kangas 2009 shows up St. Cloud wins in 3. Gophers win 4-2 Friday, St. Cloud wins 3-2 on Saturday and who the hell knows on Sunday. I will pick the Gophers just because.

That will give us a final Five of UND, Denver, Mankato, Colorado College and MN. The only teams that should be allowed to play are UND and Denver. Vegas Tip of The Week= Denver wins the Final 5!

I have to go shower after putting Duncan and Hakstol on my awards list.

UND Eats Shit Sandwiches

Its Gopher vs. Sioux weekend so I thought this would be a good time to revive this blog with some sports chatter people actually care about. Both games this weekend will be played in Hitler’s palace (Engelstad Arena) up in lovely Grand Forks, ND. The Gophers enter the weekend ranked #3 in the country with a 10-3-5 record. UND is crawling into the weekend with a 11-10-1 record.

We have been told for years now that UND doesn’t care about the first half of the regular season. That is a good way for UND fans to try and justify a home loss to Alaska and getting 1 pt up in Duluth. The issue with that excuse this year is Coach Hakstol finally has a roster made up of players from his recruiting classes. This means no more high end talent and no second half surge in the standings. This also explains UND starting the second half getting swept at the GL Invite by Michigan St and Michigan Tech “wha-wha-whaaaaa” before rallying for two 4-3 (including OT win at Home) victories over powerful Bemidji State. It has got so bad at UND this year that their Super Fans are calling for Hakstol’s head.

UND is led in scoring this year by Chay Genoway and something called Brad Miller (not the NBA player). Chay Genoway is a very good Offensive defenseman while Brad Miller is, well, Brad Miller. UND also has Ryan Duncan back for his senior season. If you forgot Ryan Duncan stole the Hoby Baker Award from John Toews two years ago. Since winning the award Duncan has become arguably the worst Hoby Baker Award winner in the history of the award. Duncan will now be forever linked to Gino Torretta as the worst major college award winners in the history of college awards. I have a sneaky suspicion the Dawger is secretly a Duncan fan. How else can you explain his complete lack of production.

I do like UND’s frosh goalie Brad Eidness. He is having a bit of a rough year, but guys like Kangas only come every 2008 years. You can’t expect a human frosh goalie to hold up a team, especially a very average team like UND.

I should also mention players Chris Vandevelde and Joe Finley but both players suck and I am tired of talking about UND. Plus the only time anyone will notice Finley is when he cheap shots someone after the whistle or in the handshake line. You might also notice him if an actual fight breaks out. Finley will be the 6-7 blur leaving the screen once the gloves actually drop. Finley is the undisputed king of pussy’s when it comes to fighting. What do you expect, he is from Edina.

The last thing I have to get off my chest is Mario Lamoureux’s name. Mario’s dad needs to be drug outside and have his ass kicked. Not only did he raise his older son to be a complete twat but he tried getting cute with his kids name so it sounds like Mario Lemiuex. An ass kicking is definitely in order here.

Here is a picture of some real women. I am sick of the dirty rags WWWWW keeps giving us.


The Gophers will be led this weekend be our lord and savior Alex Kangas. Alex is undefeated in Englestad Arena and will most likely stay that way after this weekend. Alex’s numbers haven’t been quite as heavenly as last spring but who can complain with a .921 Save% and 2.19 GAA when a player hasn’t been completely on his game. Plus Alex has been busy dealing with everyone’s prayers and other crap god has to deal with.

The Gophers will be in Grand Forks this weekend without their head coach Don Lucia who is suffering from some unknown illness. Coach Lucia has to take some more medical tests on Friday of this week and doctors should know what is effecting him at that time. Plus Lucia figures his team can play without a head coach since UND is basically playing without one also. Rumor has it Lucia also hates the smell of Grand Forks and is looking for any excuse to stay away from stench of sugar beet factories.

The Gophers will finally have their entire roster back. Jay Barriball and Mike Carman are back from injury and Hoeffel, Fairchild and Schroeder are back from the world Jr. Tournament. The only player not available is Taylor Matson. Matson is out the rest of the year with a torn ACL. Did you know Dawger pronounced Matson his favorite player back in October and two weeks later he tore his ACL. I am not kidding. The Dawger curse is for real.

The biggest key for the Gophers this weekend will be the play of their top line. Jordan Schroeder is back which will get Ryan Stoa back on the wing. Stoa has got to start scoring goals again. Jay Barriball also has to find a way to tip in the pesky open net goals he constantly misses. Barriball should honestly have 12 goals this season. Barriball’s shite shooting is also costing Schroeder any chance of being All-American. Patricia White also needs to play on the third line and stay away from either power play unit. This kid has the heart of an interior decorator.

Next, the Gophers have to limit dumb mistakes by their D. Last weekend they gave up way to many 2-1’s by jumping deep into the offensive zone. Fairchild and Fischer should be allowed to make rushes up the ice but the rest of them need to stay put. Especially Wehrs. Ness can get involved on the Power play but he needs to stay home on 5 v 5. He caused way to many odd man rushes last weekend. Plus Ness shoots like a High School JV player. Dawger also continues to talk about Ness being his “Next Guy” but for the benefit of the program I won’t let it happen. Ness has to much talent for Dawger to flush his career down the toilet.

The Todd, rumor has it Schack will be playing this weekend so get your game worn #27 jersey out of the closet.

This is the first weekend in years that the Gophers should enter a weekend with UND and expect to win both games. The Gophers own Engelstad Arena to the tune of a 7-4-0 lifetime record in that dump. The Gophers are very good and the Sioux are down this year. The Gophers have high end talent and the Sioux average talent. The Gophers have the top special teams unit in the nation and the Sioux are average at best in special teams. All this adds up to a split. Gophers win 4-2 on Friday and lose 3-2 on Saturday . Either way UND still sucks .

Did you know Dawger has extremely small nipples? I just found that out yesterday and for some reason it fascinates me.

Gophers Split and I Still Hate UND

Here is a recap of Sioux vs Gopher weekend in Grand Forks. This was suppose to updated daily but the hotel we stayed at used some F’ing internet cable that hasn’t been made since Apple stopped making their IIE Series. Of course they didn’t have any extra cables and Wi-fi was out of the question. This coming from Grand Forks newest and greatest hotel. You now get to enjoy yesterdays news today.

We arrived at the land of wind, tumble weeds and homophobia Friday afternoon. The first two things I noticed when stepping out of my car was 1) the town stinks like an enormous shit factory. I was told it is a sugar beet factory, but I don’t buy it. I think god has played a joke on the city and covered the entire place in invisible shit. 2) The only thing whiter then the snow up there are the people. We did see one token between the 2nd and 3rd periods of Friday nights game, but that was it. Otherwise the first non-white person I saw was Kyle Okposo. How funny is that? The first black person I saw was playing in a hockey game! I kid you not, that place is Hitler’s wonder land. Nothing but blonde hair and blue eyes, it is actually kind of creepy. I guess that’s why Ralph Englestad liked the city so much and decided to build a palace here.

As far as hockey, the Gophers deserved better then a split this weekend. They actually outplayed the Sioux for 5 of the 6 periods. 3 of those periods they actually dominated. The story of the weekend was the Gophers inability to score on Friday when they where out shooting the Sioux 30-8 at one point, yet trailed 1-0. On top of not scoring Friday the fat/drunk goalie decided to play like a complete D-bag in the 3rd period and give up two semi soft goals. On the Sioux’s second goal he decided to duck so the puck didn’t hit him in his mask. Nothing says good goalie like getting out of the way of a puck. At least I can still take the piss out him for the rest of the season. So I have that going for me. The only thing else worth mentioning about Friday night is the city of Grand Forks owns Mad Dog. I have never seen a kid take a bigger beating from a city in my life and I can speak from experience. Next to Jeff Frazee, Mad dog was the biggest disappointment of the night. I take that back, Mad Dog was the biggest disappointment.

Also, UND’s arena sells beer at the games and has two bars, one at each end of the arena. WWWWWW, I thought You would find that fact interesting since beer is the most important thing in your life (hopefully your cigarettes don’t take offence to that comment).

Saturday nights game was completely controlled by the gophers for the first 54 minutes. The Gophers jumped out to a 4-1 lead going into the third period and I think I am going to take most of the credit for that. Obviously Lucia read DWG on Thursday because they used my game plan just as I had drawn it up. The defenders played smart (RJ Anderson was still slow and soft) and the forwards did all of the little things that are needed to win on the road. The Sioux did make it interesting the final 6 minutes by scoring two goals and then pulling their french goalie for the final minute, but the Gophers held on for a 4-3 win. The victory broke my curse of seeing nothing but Sioux victories over the Gophers in Grand Forks. I would have whooped it up after the game but Grand Forks was still owning the Mad Dog and the bars wouldn’t serve Snake Jr even though he is two feet taller then Mad Dog.

Here is my meltdown from the weekend. I left Saturday nights game hating the Sioux hockey team more then ever before. Talk about a bunch of cheap, classless fucks. "Just because your team is the most overrated team in the history of college hockey doesn’t mean you can start taking cheap shots at the worst Gopher team since 1998 just for completely out playing You." "Talk about a classless bunch of Twats led by a classless neanderthal looking coach." Along with the Frenchman, You can now add Kozek to my list of most hated Sioux players of all time. I am also hoping he sustains a season ending injury in the next game or two. I know I will burn in hell for that comment, but it would be worth it to see that cheap twat get carried off the ice. One of the highlights of the weekend came Saturday night when Snake Jr. Got to hear my call Kozek an F’ing Cunt at the end of the second period. Looks like Jr. is all grown up.

Also, no word from Mad Dog since 10:30 Saturday night. I think Grand Forks owned him so much that it actually killed him.

P.S. That was Me who threw my panties on the ice Saturday night when that Sexy S.O.B. Oshie scored the Sioux’s first goal of the game.

8 Reasons to Laugh at UND

I thought I would break this out in prep for this weekends Gophers vs North Dakota series. It will shed a bit more light into why the majority of the hockey world hates UND and everything related to their hockey team. Plus the Gophers still suck so I don’t want to write about them splitting with F’ing Michigan Tech.

1) One of UND’s Official School colors is Pink (that is not a joke).

2) At one time UND’s mascot was a flickertail. A flickertail is basically another type of Gopher. I think this explains all Sioux fans obsession with all things U of MN. This also shows their utter lack of creativity. Not only did they steal the people of the Dakota Nations pride but the also stole their previous mascot from the U of MN and their logos from the Chicago Blackhawks and Notre Dame. Nothing like a college promoting plagiarism. "WWWWW, You could publish your college hoops top 50 in Grand Forks and know one would care."

3) Their #1 donor to the school is a known Nazi sympathizer and they named their arena after him. No need to list this dirt bags history, just do a google search on Ralph Englestad and you will know all you need to know about the schools #1 fan. "I wonder if they would also take money from Hitler?" I am guessing "Yes" as long as he donated in cash. Here is a good link to read up on North Dakota’s biggest shit bag http://www.aistm.org/engelstad.htm

4) Black Uniforms. Nothing piss’s me off more than teams that wear black uniforms. Especially a team and school that is suppose to be so rich in tradition. Schools like St. Cloud State, Mankato State, Utah State and SW Arkansas State are suppose to wear black uniforms, not teams with tradition. Stick to your school colors of Green, White and Pink. The "Kids" aren’t going to flock to the stores to buy UND apparel anyway so quit trying to be "hip".

5) School name. I know this is an obvious softball, but come on already. If the Indian Tribes and NCAA want you to change you name, just change your f’ing name. You are wasting thousands if not millions of dollars fighting for a name that means nothing. Here is an idea, take the millions of dollars you are going to spend fighting this lawsuit and put it back into your college for something useful. You also come off looking like a bunch of honkies when you defend the use of the name. I really could careless either way, I am just sick of hearing about it. It’s just a name people, let it go and change your school’s name so the rest of the midwest can have some peace and quiet. Your making my ears bleed. Honkies!

6) Green Bay Packer History lessons. Great, your cute little team has won 7 national championships. When was the last time you won again? People don’t care about titles you won in the 50's and 60's unless they where a live in the 50's. You sound like Packer fans but not as intelligent. At least the Packers have the most championships in their given sport. There are teams in UND’s own league with as many titles as they have.

7) Inferiority Complex for the U of MN. If UND was a women this would be her biggest flaw. UND’s fans have such an inferiority complex towards the University of Minnesota that even when they accomplish something they still have to compare it to something the Gophers have done and make sure everyone knows their accomplishment was just as important. UND fans have to relax and remember your school is located in America’s Arm Pit. Accept that You are always going to play second fiddle to every school you participate against, especially the U of MN. Someone out there thinks your school is beautiful, You just need to find that special someone and be happy!

8) Fans. Look at the picture at the top of this post. That sums everything up without saying a word. Until that guy is out of your fan base you have nothing to say about other teams fans. Lame-ass Flag Guy looks cool when compared with this chomo. That guy even messed up what a mullet is suppose to look like. How many little kids lives have been destroyed by that monster? Also, what in the world is his friend thinking? I don't care if my buddy saved my life, I still would not be seen in publiuc with anyone looking like that.