Rheumatoid Picks Up The Pieces For The Bears Guy Peltier!

Talk about having a case of the Albany’s during March Madness. That is exactly what the Bear’s Guy had yesterday when he sent his wild slappa god knows where with fifteen seconds remaining and the Gophers tied 2-2 with St. Cloud State. Hey Peltier, way to be the guy who shite’s the bed when there is every chance in the world to finally be a hero and leave your mark on the Gopher hockey program. You really know how to pick’em Bear!!! Luckily for all Gopher fans Mike "rheumatoid" Howe was hopped up on Advil Gel Caps and was able to pounce on Peltier’s sloppy turd. Lucifer also reared his beautiful head again last night as Howesy scored his "6th" goal of the year. Even more amazing than Howe’s joints working properly was the fact that Dawg called me with 3 minutes left in the game to tell me the Gophers would score before OT. Good call Bert!

Incase you didn’t hear, Alex Kangas walked on water last again last night. My question to all readers. Is Kangas the greatest college goalie ever? Did you also realize that the final five lands on easter weekend this year? Can anything else point to a Gophers championship this weekend?

Seriously WWWWWW, your bracket is terrible. Can we please get Mrs. WWWW or Old Man WWWWW to break down college hoops for us? Those two at least have a clue what is going on. I might butcher the use of "too" but even I could tell that OJ Mayo is a dime a dozen talent and Arizona had the same chance of beating W. Virginia as Wozniak had driving home from Madison without puking on the side of the road.

With all the talk about Bogart’s terrible, flaky and down right disgusting skin I thought I would post a picture of what it looks like for the readers who do not know him. Seriously man, have you ever heard of lotion?

Go Gophers!

WCHA Final Five

The WCHA final five begins tonight at the Xcel. Tonights play-in game features the Gophers vs St. Cloud State. The winner of tonights game moves on to Friday's semi-finals to play #1 seed Colorado College. The other semi-final will feature the University of we hate native americans vs the Denver Pioneers.

The Gophers head to the Final Five after possibly the longest 3 game series in the history of the WCHA. The Gophers lost 1-0 in double OT, won 2-1 in OT and won 3-2 in double OT to advance. There are three keys to tonights game for the Gophers. 1) Kangas, 2) score 3+ goals and 3) stay out of the penalty box. They follow my keys and I guarantee victory.

Next years Hoby Baker winner needs to continue playing like he did last weekend. That might be a bit much to ask, but I have never been one to shy away from asking for to much. Kangas either gets shutouts all weekend or I write him off faster than Frazee! Seriously, if the Gophers want any chance of advancing this weekend Kangas can not allow more than two goals a game. Sad, but true.

Next to the Play of Kangas goal scoring is the next biggest factor for the gophers. I know that sounds like the dip shit analyst who says "whoever scores more goals will most likely win the game", but the Gophers need to find a way to score 3 goals without playing 100 minutes of hockey. Last Sundays game was a perfect example of what I am talking about. The Gophers had numerous chances to score goals right in front of the net and instead of putting the puck in the corner of the net the forwards would rush shots and hit the Mavericks goalie in the chest. The Mavericks goalie (Zacharias) played well last weekend, but the Gophers made him look better than he is. Mouth breather Jase Weslosky is not the goalie Zacharias is, so 3 goals isn't like asking for the moon.

ATTENTION TO THE BEARS GUY PELTIER!!!! The 3rd key to tonights game for the Gophers is staying out of the penalty box. St. Cloud basically lives by it's power play. Their #1 unit of Roe, Lasch and Nodl is possibly the best power play unit in the country. As a team, St. Cloud leads the WCHA in PP efficiency at 21.9%. That means the Gophers can only take necessary penalties. Note to Peltier, we don't need any Cross Checking, Roughing, Boarding or whatever other dumb penalty you decide take 60 feet behind the play. Those are the penalties that will get the Gophers beat tonight. Maybe the gophers should just sit Peltier all weekend? Hey Bear, nice player!

Predictions for the weekend.

Play-in game MN 4 St. Cloud 2. The Gophers will be to tired to skate all over the rink which is a good thing for this team. They will sit back and play "system" hockey and rely on Kangas to make saves. How much does it suck that the Gophers have turned into the Wisconsin Badgers of college hockey? God I can't wait for some actual talent to get back in the program next year! Also, keep your eyes out for the Todd slinging his shit on the ice if the gophers happen to lose. I am on record as saying The Todd doesn't have the arm to get it over the glass.

Semi-final #1 Denver 3 UND 2. Upset of the weekend. UND has been playing to good for to long. The also looked very poor last weekend. On top of that, Denver will be looking forward to this game after the cheap crap UND pulled up in Grand Forks last month. Yet another banner slips through the fingers of Neanderthal Hakstol.

Semi-final #2 CC 3 MN 1. Gophers have nothing left and even if they did Colorado would still beat them. I still think CC is the class of the WCHA.

3rd Place Game. Who really cares other than the Sioux fans who will still act like winning this game is a big deal, f'ing losers!

Championship- CC 5 Denver 2. Denver can't skate with CC. CC locks up a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament.

Tom Pohl update from the University of Minnesota. Gophers Pohl in Intensive Care Following Surgery at Rochester Hospital. University of Minnesota senior Tom Pohl is in intensive care following surgery resulting from an injury suffered in the Golden Gophers double overtime victory over Minnesota State on Sunday in Mankato . Pohl sustained a skull fracture when his head hit the boards in front of the teams bench at 6:09 of the second period. The injury resulted in bleeding on the brain and Pohl was airlifted to St. Marys Hospital in Rochester . Successful surgery was performed to stop the bleeding and stabilize the fracture. Pohl remains at the hospital for further observation.We are very fortunate that he has tremendous medical care, said Minnesota coach Don Lucia, who is in Rochester with Pohl and his family. Were looking forward to him returning to school at one hundred percent and our thoughts and prayers remain with Tom and the Pohl family.

Here is a link to the Gophers incoming recruits. Things are really looking up talent wise. Only two questions marks coming in over the next two years, Brandon Martell and Josh Birkholz. Martell just isn't that good and Birkolz comes off as a whiny kid who pouts when things aren't going his way....f'ing cake eater! http://gopherpuck.blogspot.com/2007/01/committed-gopher-recruits.html

Kyle Okposo played in his first NHL game Tuesday night for the New York Islanders. The Black Ginger played 14 minutes and registered two shots on net. It looks like two months of Minor league hockey got his development back on track. Good thing he got out while the getting was good.

Lastly, even though the smartest man in Grand Forks is on record as saying the Gophers won't make the NCAA tournament they are a lock. The worst team to make the NCAA tournament in Gophers history....without a doubt, but I will still take a game or two in the NCAA after the season this team has had.

Lastly, Lastly....WWWWWW, nice NCAA picks! I thought you where suppose to be the hoops guy on this blog? The Sports Guy knows more about college hoops!

Take A Bit Of That Bucky

After Saturday nights 4-4 tie it is clear Jeff Frazee needs to be removed from the Gophers roster immediately. It was obvious that he is clearly sabotaging Kangas. That is the only way you can explain the game Kangas played Saturday night. Not even Frazee on his worst night would have let in the 3 turds Kangas let in Saturday. Just for the Bear, Kangas was going to get hammered with a couple "You Stupid F'ing C*nt" calls after the 4th goal, but luckily for him Jr. Snake was in attendance. Clearly Kangas is still only Jesus and has yet to turn into god.

Once again the Gophers scored 4 goals on Saturday night and two of those where PP goals. Some of that had to do with Wisconsin's goalie eating a piece of Kansas's shite pie, but the Gophers actually looked like they had a clue on the power play. It was also nice to see Jay Barriball score a pair of goals this weekend. His two goal explosion now gives him as many goals as WWWWWWW guy RJ Anderson (5). That is really sad. Hopefully Barriball can mop up a little on the gimps from Alaska and get himself on a bit of a roll.

Derek Peltier really needs to hurry up and graduate. Not only can he not play at a high level, now he thinks he's some type of enforcer. Peltier is constantly taking cheap shots at players as they skate away and taking stupid penalties. His penalty on Saturday night in the 2nd period was a classic example. Some badger throws a clean check into a Gopher player next to the Gophers bench and for some reason Peltier skates over and takes a roughing penalty? Nice captain. This kid is just plain awful and the worst captain I can remember in my 25 years of following the team. Next to Kangas playing like Jeff Frazee and the Gophers trouble clearing the puck out of their end, Peltier was a true black eye on the weekend. Ya he scored a nice goal Friday, but even a blind Squirell finds a nut once in a while. The only good thing about Dawg showing up to the bar at 6:45 was being late to the game and not having to applaud Peltiers goal.

A message to the guy who sat in front of me during saturdays game. I get Jesus is cool and he is your savor, but you can't make your entire family (wife and 2 kids) say grace before eating hotdogs at a sporting event. Your kids already look like they have no shot in life unless Dungeons and Dragons becomes a professional sport. Making them say grace at sporting events is just going to get them heckled which will lead to them hating you even more than they already will.

Overall the weekend was a success for the Gophers. Some how the Gophers are sitting at #14 in the Pairwise Rankings and need to move up one more spot to make the field of 16 for the NCAA tournament. Currently UMD is in 13th, but they are in complete free fall mode. Duluth hoists UND this weekend at the DECC while the Gophers travel to play the ever mighty Seawolves of Alaska Anchorage. If the Gophers do not take a minimum of 4 points out of this weekend they can piss off. Alaska wouldn't win the MN High School tournament so there are no excuses for not sweeping this series. Especially when they know a sweep will put them into position for the NCAA and give them a first round opponent much easier than Denver, UND or CC.

Lastly, I was told about this "great" band called Four Letter Lie. I have been making fun of said person for a couple days about how this band sucks and a monkey banging on two empty soup cans sounds better. So yesterday I decided to check them out on the internet and give them a shot. Lets just say that is 15 minutes of my life I will never get back. First of all, their website has not been updated since 2/12/07, but they do have a myspace page???? Unless you want everyone of your fans to be 16 years old or younger get a regular website. For everyone else on this blog, please do not tell me a band is the greatest band ever when their upcoming concerts are going to be played at venues such as Jerry's Pizza and Bulldog Pizza. Also, Four Letter Lie is going to be rocking in "Rogers", MN on April 3rd at Showcase Skate Park???? That is 10 minutes from my house if anyone wants to have a pre concert party at my place! Actually, they could move the concert to my basement and the only reason I would go down there would be to shut off the power to my house. These guys seriously suck and whichever band member is trying to look like Jon Bon needs his ass kicked.

P.S. WWWWWWW, Carman is mine, so back off my man bitch!

Bucky Time...Yawn!

It's "Board Battle" time in the WCHA. The Gophers and Badgers will face off this weekend at the Kohl Center in Madison, Wi in a battle of 5th place teams. If either team sweeps this weekend the other will most likely spend the first weekend of the WCHA playoffs on the road.

MN is coming off Defensively their best weekend of the year. Last weekend vs UMD the Gophers only allowed 2 goals the entire weekend. A lot of this had to do with the Gophers below average defenders playing simple and smart hockey instead of trying to make plays. Another reason for only allowing 2 goals was Jeff Frazee only touched the ice when he came out to slap Kangas on the ass at end of each period. The highlight of the weekend was FSN zooming in on Frazee in his suit friday night and the uncomfortable smile Frazee forced out as he tried to look normal. What a turd!

My lasting memory from last weekends tie was the goal Derek Peltier should have scored Friday night. For those who missed the play here is a recap. A wing (I believe Barriball) skated down the right side of the ice towards the UMD goal. Once UMD's goalie committed to the puck the winger slid the puck back in front of the goal for an easy tip in. The only problem was the guy trying to tip the puck into a completely wide open net was Stone Hands Peltier. This is one of the few times in sports that I can say "even I would scored that goal" and it is no exaggeration. WWWWWWW missing this goal is the equivalent of you missing a dunk on the nerf hoop that hangs on your bed room door.

Note to Peltier: Please remove the captains "C" from your jersey and just step away from the team. You are an average player at best, a terrible leader, have stones for hands and have the same attitude as those guys in high school who where on the football team but never played and still thought they "kicked Ass." Live it up while you can Derek, next year you will be selling me my peanuts at games.

This weekends series will most likely be a low scoring affair similar to last weekend. No matter how much talent Wisconsin has their coach (Mike Eaves) plays a defensive system that makes the MN Wild look the Oilers of the 80's. If either team scores 3+ goals in a game they will win.

Wisconsin does have some very high end talent on their roster led by Kyle Turris. Turris was the 3rd overall pick by the Phoenix Coyotes in the 2007 NHL Draft. Turris leads all Wisconsin players in scoring with 24 points in 20 games. Ryan McDonagh (Cretin Grad) and Brendan Smith were also 1st round draft picks last year and anchor the Badger defense. Junior Ben Street the other big threat for Wisconsin. Street has already matched his goal total from last year (10) and currently is the team leader. Wisconsins powerplay sucks like Dawg in volleyball. But even that level of sucking still puts them at a higher percentage than MN. Take that Wisconsin...we suck better than you!

Basically this has potential to be the most boring hockey series in 100 years. I would expect a split with both teams being so similar and shitty. MN wins 3-1 tonight and Wisco wins 2-1 tomorrow. With few goals and the style of play you are going to watch, this is going to have the feel of a soccer match, not a hockey game. Both games are live on FSN this weekend.

- This struck me as funny so I attached it for your reading pleasure. The article was taken from madison.com.

Bucky Badger took a tap on the shins from a North Dakota hockey player on Saturday and now the University of Wisconsin mascot will receive an apology.

WCHA commissioner Bruce McLeod said Sioux defenseman Joe Finley was captured on videotape slashing Bucky Badger played by UW student David Blanchard before Saturday's game, which North Dakota won 3-1.

The commissioner made no ruling on a separate incident in which Blanchard and Sioux goaltender Jean-Phillippe Lamoureux bumped into each other.

Finley must write a letter of apology to Blanchard, McLeod said.

Notice it is another Sioux player getting in trouble. Nice program! When Finley is done beating up fury mascots he should move to the handicapped section and start hitting mouth breathers. F'ing no talent twat!

- WWWWW, You are a communist pig for never watching Rocky 4. Possibly the greatest sports movie ever!

Gopher Hockey Still Sucks

After showing signs of turning the corner three weeks ago in Grand Forks the Gophers came crashing back to earth this past weekend at the Mariucci Classic. The glass half full fans will say that the Gophers where out manned this weekend because of the WJHC. That argument could have been used on Sunday night had the Gophers been playing a good team like Boston College. Instead the Gophers played two shit teams in RIT and Air Force and only managed a tie. The fans who actually have a clue and live in a world with a sun, clouds and rational thinking will say this Gopher team is a heartless, below average team who looks to be mailing in the season at this point. Never a good thing in December!

The effort level at Mariucci on Sunday night resembled the attendance, half ass. With the stands just over 50% full the Gopher responded with about the same effort level. The atmosphere sucked, both teams sucked and if I hadn’t been drinking with W since noon I would have left and driven home after the 2nd period. I figured I would do the streets of Minneapolis a favor and sober up a bit longer before jumping back in the mini with my LT jersey on and white knuckling it 35 miles home. W, please tell me again why you chose to meet at Monte’s in SLP????

It is getting harder and harder to watch this team play. The first line of Wheeler, Barriball and Gordon continue to work hard and generate scoring chances, but none of them can score on a consistent basis. Wheeler missed a wide open net in the first couple of minutes of the game and Barriball also missed a wide open net in the 2nd period that would have put the Gophers up 2-1. Ben Gordon had several chances in front of the net but has decided the best way to try and beat a goaltender is by shooting the puck directly into the logo on his jersey. I am not sure I would take this approach to scoring, but Gordon has been doing it all season so there must be some reasoning to his approach.

The 2nd best line for the Gophers was Tom Pohl- Drew Fischer- and whoever else filled in with them. Fischer had several chances in front of the net and Pohl did a good job of working hard and getting in Air Forces way all night. Hot Rocking Tommy Pohl even scored the Gophers 2nd goal of the game. I can now say I saw Bo Jackson hit the longest home run in the history of the Metro Dome, Dave Winfield get his 3000 hit, Cal Ripken get his 3000 hit (Dawger why did you not applaud this again???), the Gophers win a Frozen Four game and Tom Pohl score a goal in an actual game. How many people can say that? Also, did you know there is a rumor that Dave Winfield gave herpes to both Robin Givens and Robin’s mother.....fascinating.

The line of Howe, White and Hoeffel where a complete joke all night. It looks like Howe has been bitten by the curse of the Dawger. After Dawger proclaimed Howe as "his guy", Howe’s play has gone right into a spiraling vortex. Both Howe and Gino Guyer would like to personally thank Dawger for his curse during their senior year.

As usual the Gophers defense could do nothing with the puck. Their outlet passes where poor and often times put players in poor position for support passes. Only once or twice did a defender ever leave the blue line when the puck got in deep and when a defender did go to the net it was Peltier. WWWWW, Peltier going to the net is the equivalent of Kevin Payton driving down the lane, just not as athletic. This is never a good thing. David Fischer did play well in the defensive end but still can not generate anything in the offensive end of the ice. This is probably a good thing because it will hopefully mean he is be back in 2008-09. Unless Montreal realizes it is Lucia’s fault Fischer hasn’t developed offensively, then they might force his hand to leave school. Stu Bickel continued to play well and physical but that was the lone bright spot for the defenders.

In conclusion, the Gophers are a complete disaster right now. The one thing the Gophers have going for them is the WCHA is really down this year. The two Colorado teams have basically locked up the #1 and #2 seeds in the conference. Literally ever other team has a legitimated shot at finishing in the top half of the WCHA. Wayne State is coming to town this coming weekend. If the Gophers do not sweep Wayne State Mariucci should be boarded up for the remainder of the season. Literally, if Wayne State manages a point in either game the school needs to halt the program, refund all ticket money, revoke all scholarships, fire the coaching staff and board up that no atmosphere arena.

Side Note- North Dakota split again this weekend and got shelled for 7 goals on Saturday. At least the Gophers can say they have poor talent this year. UND sucks with supposedly the most talent in the history of college hockey. I think god is punishing them for being racist.

2008-09 can not come fast enough.