Tom Izzo Won't Go Away

It seems Tom Izzo will be staying with the Spartans in what seemed obvious from the beginning but had just enough legs to make me hope he'd leave the conference.  Seriously, who would want to go to Cleveland to coach, even with LeBron?  And without him that team is probably worse than the Timberwolves.  I have a feeling ole Tommy wasn't ever too serious about this, and was just wondering why, after 5 final four appearances in 10 years, he doesn't get the ole ass-kiss treatment from the media dickholes like Coach K and Roy Williams enjoy.  When the Cavs came a-calling and started stroking Tommy a little bit, I think he probably enjoyed it quite a bit, but when it came time to get down to it he realized what a good thing he has going in East Lansing, and he made the right call.  Plus, Cleveland.  Oof.

And that's just the latest in a number of possible Big Ten Basketball weakening moves that would have helped the Gophers that went the wrong way.  If Izzo left, Delvon Roe had said he'd transfer.  Obviously he is now staying.  JaJuan Johnson and E'Twaun Moore put their names into the NBA draft.  Far, far, far worse players with less chance of being drafted have stayed in the draft in the past, but these two made the right decision and backed out.  Talor Battle and Demetri McCamey could have stayed in and maybe gotten picked in the second (plenty of players have stayed in hoping for the second round selection) but both made teh right call and came out.  Two Ohio State players (William Buford and David Lighty) are exactly the type the NBA loves - neither even entered their name for consideration.  Iowa easily could have justified giving Lickliter another year or so, essentially guaranteeing further years of suck.  I mean, McCaffrey will probably suck too, but Lickliter was a guarantee, and I'm not so sure the Hawkeyes aren't better off without those transfers (especially booze-hound Tucker).

So yeah, the conference is going to be an absolute monster this year.  Purdue and Michigan State are National Championship contenders and Ohio State isn't far behind.  Illinois is pretty loaded, and Northwestern is looking feistier than ever.  Wisconsin is always a pain in the ass, and Indiana's excellent class from last year will have another year of experience.  Plus Talor Battle is back and you know he's going to win a couple of games all by himself, you just hope they aren't against the Gophers.

Tubby's got his work cut out for him.



Other random thoughts while watching the Twins game and the NBA game.

-  Wow.  Todd Helton just hit that ball a mile.  I hear all this talk about him being washed up, and I'm not sure I see it.  Guy is a legend.  He should probably be able to set his own ground rules at this point.  I hope Colorado fans appreciate what they have there.  He's just a gritty, gutty gamer who gets it done.

-  Uh oh, looks like Lamar Odom decided to show up tonight.

-   Do you want to know what sucked?  Avatar.  We rented it this weekend on Blu-ray to watch on my fancy new Blu-ray player, and I'll admit the visuals were not overrated.  It was truly some of the most stunning scenery and visual scenes I've ever seen in a movie.  Of course, after an hour of that you start getting sick of watching cartoon/computer graphics, realize this story is going no where, and then cry silently to yourself as you realize you have two hours left.

Really though.  I've heard so much about this movie, I was tricked into thinking it must have a good, or at least coherent, plot.  I didn't count on the fact that if you give most people pretty pictures you don't have to include any kind of fancy "character development", "plot", or "common sense" because your average movie goer is the same kind of slack-jawed yokel who enjoys Olive Garden, Nickelback, Old Country Buffet, High School football, Overalls, Remember the Titans, Garth Brooks, giving their kid a mohawk, David Eckstein, hockey, garage sales, the blue collar comedy tour, church, college football, Teri Hatcher, Marlboro Reds, Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs, brandy, unions, Michael Cuddyer, Wheel of Fortune, State Fairs, the Terminator movies, pick-up trucks, Mama Dawger, Barbecue, Circus Circus, Dean Koontz, wrestling, the Winter Olympics, Josh Hartnett, the Vikings, the sacrifice bunt, naming their kid Tyler, Rob Schneider, showing a little hustle, Disney World, Domino's Pizza, Leann Chinn, and pointing out the difference between Nascar and whatever other kind of car racing there is because when I say "Nascar sucks" I really mean car racing in general and I don't care nor do I need you to explain that open-wheel racing or whatever it's called is better.  No, it's not.  It's still driving a car in a circle.  It's stupid.

Sorry.

Anyway, the plot sucked, I had no reason to care about any of the characters, not even Smurfette, and just when things seem like they're going to make sense and the "good guys" (who are really just blue hippies) are going to get destroyed, perhaps the biggest Deus Ex Machina since The Stand (or Jurassic Park, if you prefer) except this one makes even less sense.  Remember how Snow White could get the birds and the squirrels to do her bidding?  It's like that, but this isn't supposed to be for kids.

And, and I'm sorry here I'm rambling, there's this part where they make this huge deal about the guy from Clash of the Titans who plugs himself into his World of Warcraft machine so he can hump the bloofer lady has to subdue some dragon/bird thing and now there's this unbreakable bond and crap.  Then for the climax, he just goes and gets a different horsedragonbird anyway.  So dumb.

Rent it on Blu-ray, watch it for an hour, and then turn it off.  That's all you need.

-  Fun fact:  Joe Mauer signed a contract for $184 million.  Those numbers add up to 13.  Also adding up to 13?  4-6-3.  Believe it.

-  The basketball game just went to commercial (it's a Laker romp thus far) and they said, "Avatar on Blu Ray!  Own it today!"  Don't you dare, people.  Don't you dare.  If you do it I forbid you from reading this blog.  I would rather watch Slovenia/Serbia on a continuous loop.  I want you to notice how those teams haven't played, but they are two of the biggest slow-it-down defensive teams who would bore you to tears.  Shows I'm paying attention.

-  Shannon Brown can still jump.

-  I'm not convinced that if the Lakers win this Kobe should win MVP over Gasol.

-  Rajon Rondo is 4-16 on free throws in this series.  I don't know if I've ever heard anything quite so ridiculous.

-  US Open winner call:  Hunter Mahan.  Grandslam's rebuttal:  Dustin Johnson.

-  Well this is ugly.

-  Delmon 3-4 tonight.  Delmon rising?  Delmon rising.

-   Tiffani Thiessen gave birth to a baby girl tonight.  No word on if it's mine. (NOTE:  it probably is)

-  Lakers up 27.  I say again:  Lakers up 27.  I see no reason to continue here.  And the announcer just said "tooken" as in "the Celtics haven't tooken many free throws."  I wish I knew who this guy was.  I can't decide if he's awesome or I hate him.  It's like being married.

Larry David is My Friend

Still here in L.A., or, more accurately Marina del Rey (or Marina del Gay) and just got back from the Laker game at Staples. The game went to double O.T. and the Bobcats actually won, but that's not the important thing. The important thing happened before the game even started, which stresses the importance of getting to games on time, a skill that has been sorely lacking for me when it comes to Gopher games.

We're sitting there up in the third deck, basically the top of the world and the only seats we could get for under $100, and before the game we see some people standing around with tags around their necks that say "Curb Your Enthusiasm Crew." We assume they're in some kind of fancy skybox or something as a thank you or crew get together or something. Not so. Right before the game is about to start, they turn on the cameras and all of a sudden Larry David and the guy who plays Jeff start walking up the stairs. Of our section. About ten feet away from me.

Awesome. They go up and sit in their seats, two rows behind us, and do this about five or six times to get the shots they need. They then leave before the ball even tips off, but it was a truly excellent experience, especially considering I think of Larry David as pretty much the comedic genius of all-time. I didn't get to talk to him or anything of course, but at one point he looked at me and we made eye contact and I'm pretty sure he gets that we should be friends. So now I consider us so. Probably even best friends, I don't know, I don't want to speak for Mr. David. I have a cell phone video of him walking up the stairs, but I have no idea how to post it or youtube it or whatever you kids do, so I suppose you'll have to take my word for it. But if you're some fancy rich guy who gets HBO and you watch the next season of Curb, in the episode where he gets nosebleeds to a Laker game, look for the really handsome guy who gets all the chicks in a black polo shirt - that's me.

- Overall Staples was pretty cool. Very nice stadium, where the third deck actually has a better view than the Target Center, although I haven't been there in years and haven't sat in anything other than a suite in over five years. The funny thing was we ended up with an extra ticket, because the dude we were going to go to the game with (my boss) ended up having to fly home early, and we wanted to sell his ticket for beer money, since they are $9 at Staples (for a Miller Lite) but you can't scalp tickets there.

So there were a bunch of people just walking around and would say under their breath, "need tickets?" or "got tickets?" We tried to play the game but we aren't really Golgo 13 kind of guys, so the closest we got to selling the ticket was when I tried to get a guy to buy it for one dollar and he wouldn't take it. At that point we just decided to go in and forget it, but when we were in line to get it some dude comes up and asks if anybody has a ticket. We say yes, to which he says, "Can I have it?" And we said "how much" and he said, "no man, I just really want to see the game, I don't have any money." And he looks somewhere between a homeless guy and a hippy, and he's white, so we are like, "ok fine, but buy us a beer." Obviously we don't really expect anything, but we don't want to have to buy him a beer. So we get in and we go into the souvenir shop and the dude ditches us, and we don't see him again. But at about halftime, some mexican kid shows up with the actual ticket we gave that dude. We didn't ask him how that whole thing went down, but I'm pretty confused here because it's not like it's a premium ticket. Very weird.

- Overall it's been a pretty good day out here in Marina del Gay, mostly because our boss is the one who left and we've been able to accomplish twice as much in half the time. I didn't get any more insight into the peculiarities of women of varying ethnicities, but we went to a bunch of stores today, which is what we're out here for - to understand the L.A. market because it's very different from Minneapolis. Although at one point we accidentally ending up at the Crenshaw Walmart (Crenshaw is the neighborhood Boyz N the hood was based on), where it was really busy and we were literally (and I mean literally not the way stupid people use the word) the only white people in building. It was a little scary but not really because it's California and the people here are pretty much hippie pacifists, much like the people in Madison.

Not only did I meet and become best friends with Larry David, but I also got to try In-N-Out Burger for the first time (good, but a bit overrated) and I got to walk out on the pier at Venice Beach and have a beer whilst overlooking the Pacific Ocean, which I've rarely seen. Pretty cool day.

- As far as the game goes, Kobe Bryant shoots the ball the time but also looks about ten times more athletic than everybody else out there, Adam Morrison cut his hair and completely sucks, and the best thing was watching Shannon Brown play well. I've always been a Shannon Brown fan, and tonight he scored 14 points and looked really good, especially since he was matched up on both ends against your boyfriend Kobe all night. Really like that kid.

- If you really want to be entertained, check out the post below this one ("L.A. is garbage") and head down into the comments section. It once again proves what I think everybody knows - the commenters are what really make this sight go. God bless you people.

- Remember on Seinfeld, how there's that whole thing about when George and Elaine have to be together without Jerry it's totally awkward and then have nothing to talk about? Well that's crap. Because in an earlier episode they work together to slip George's ex-boss a mickey, so they should be pretty comfortable around each other.

- Oh, and the guy I was with tonight, who seems like a pretty solid guy despite the constant racist and sexist comments, gave me an interesting statement tonight. He said, "When I have the opportunity to go golf with clients or co-workers I love to take it, because I usually come off as a god." So I was like, "Wow, what's your handicap" and he said, "about a fifteen." A fifteen. And you're a god? I was expecting more of a "3" or similar answer. Hell, my good friend 2P is like a three, and that guy sucks.

- If you're looking for a Gopher/Illinois preview, you should just go ahead and check one of the other blogs. I know you're thinking I should do it, but jesus christ stop being so god damn lazy and do your own research, I'm not your mom.

- Since everybody scared the golf guy away, here's your preview: If Mickelson doesn't win, it's going to be Baddeley or Snedeker. Sleepers: Villegas and Howell.

- By the by, if you're thinking about hoops here, Notre Dame is one of the worst defensive teams ever. Harangody looks like a Neanderthal, but it seems he's pretty effective. After than Mcalarney is a damn good shooter and Tory Jackson is good but a horrible shooter. That's pretty much it, and coupled with their horrid defense they could be an easy out.

- I think maybe my sleeper pick of Baylor is not going to quite pan out. Now, the first time I ever picked a sleeper and put money on them it was Syracuse at 40-1 and it was the year they won, so expect to win every year, but I don't think Baylor has the horses and losing to almost every good team they've played doesn't exactly win me over. It's not as bad of a pick as that Missouri team I thought would be awesome when they had Paulding and those other guys and missed the tourny, but I'm starting to think Baylor has no shot.

- For that one weirdo one time who wanted more baby pics, here you go:

That's her dicking around in her grib. As far as a Wonderbaby genius update, she currently says "hi" to pretty much everyone and everything, and the first time she saw stairs she didn't F around and just booked ass heading upwards. So smart. Much cuter and intelligent than Souix Baby (tm)

- Speaking of Sioux, I miss Super Sioux fan.

- Speaking of babies, you people should really buy more condoms. But only the most famous brand, none of that second or economy brand crap. And if you're a condom buyer, some real advice is to buy them at a place like Target. Honestly drug stores mark them up so crazy, don't ever buy there.

- We drove past Pepperdine today. Pretty sure my heart skipped a beat.

- Have you ever done this steak for the cash garbage on ESPN? That shit is hard. I had a streak of five at one point, but since 2009 started my best is only two, and I'm actually something like 8-12. Way harder than I would have thought.

- Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

- You want to know who I don't feel sorry for; Brandon Jennings. You should remember him as the #1 recruit before this season who was too effing dumb to get into anywhere, even Arizona, and decided instead to just head over to Italy to play ball, hoping to still get drafted highly next season. Well, he gave an interview this week where he cried about not getting paid on time, and getting treated like a kid and how some nights he didn't even play. well cry me a river you big baby. How about qualifying instead and getting into a school? Thamk god it seems this isn't working out so we don't have to worry about this turning into a whole thing.

- I really can't recommend the King of Kong any more highly. You've got to rent it. So good.

- too drunk now. hope that was good. westbrook still takes carter in a fight. Illini 68, Gophers 61. Here's a picture to make it up to you. Can we still be friends? Although I'm best buds with Larry David so I don't really care.