Oh. Hello.

It has been a long damn time since I posted.  A month.  Not dead, just lazy.  I do plan to be back full force once Gopher basketball gets going, I really do.  For now, since at least 1 person is asking for a new post, I'll write something.

-  Welcome aboard, Eric Curry!  Quickly following up the Amir Coffey signing (yay!) the Gophers also picked up forward Eric Curry.  He's a combo type forward from Arkansas, and while he's not ranked on Coffey's level he's well regarded in his own right:  ranking #106 by 247sports national composite and the #21 ranked power forward.  He ended up besties with Coffey and once Amir signed Curry was pretty likely to follow in what hopefully becomes a trend.

He's described as a combo forward, which generally means he's either too fast for PF and too strong for SF or too weak for PF and too slow for SF.  Hopefully the former and it sounds good so far.  Scouting reports tout his athleticism and he's already got a decent amount of polish posting up which will be a nice change for a Gopher team that hasn't had a true post up artists since, I dunno, Ralph Sampson I guess.  Before you jump all over that remember Ralph had some moves.  Curry's other highly touted attribute is his "high motor" which means the Sampson comparisons can pretty much end now.

His weaknesses are he needs to get stronger and he needs more of a perimeter game.  Well, he's a high school senior right now, and I'm pretty sure the ESPN scouting report just rubber stamps "must get stronger" on early every recruit because that's a pretty common and understandable need.  The perimeter game should come around because, get this, he's a 78% free throw shooter.  Sign him up!


-  The Twins season ended, you may have learned, and I struggle whether or not to say this was a successful season though I lean towards yes.  We got to watch some meaningful baseball almost all the way to the final day of the season - that's good!  Then again, they cratered and didn't get the Wildcard spot - that's bad!  Though, they probably weren't as good as their record anyway - that's bad!  But we got to see a glimpse of many of the future hopefully building blocks of future success - that's good!  So I'll stick with slightly good.  Here's some other Twins stuff:

1.  Say good-bye to Trevor Plouffe.  I found some sight the other day that gave projected arbitration salaries for players, and Plouffe is guessed at $7.7 million.  I like Plouffe and he's a decent player who works hard and seems like a good dude and was part of some very bad teams without complaint, but at that salary, with Miguel Sano slated to be the third baseman for the next billion years, the world's most unmovable contract stuck at 1st, and a slew of younger, cheaper bats that need DH appearances and spot starts there's nowhere for him to play.  Whether via trade or simply non-tendering him I just can't see him sticking around, which is unfortunate because he's WonderBaby (who is now 7)'s favorite player, though she calls him Treasure Poof.

2.  Do the Twins need an ace?  More on the need for an ace later, if I feel like and/or remember, but I don't think this is doable.  They've tossed way too much money at Ricky Nolasco, Ervin Santana, and Phil Hughes lately to really go after it, unless they were going to pony up the big bucks and do it right by going after David Price or Jordan Zimmermann or something but I don't see that happening.  With Hughes, Santana, Kyle Gibson, and a slew of young arms worth trying out I'm not even sure they need to do anything with the starting staff (but the bullpen?  Fire everybody).  There are enough decent names out there that if they can get a steal (a real steal, like that 2/$20 million contract the Cubs gave Jason Hammel) then it might be worth it.  But please, no 4 year deal for Jeremy Guthrie.  Please.

3.  Overall the future here seems pretty neat.  They need a catcher and a shortstop for sure and those are not very easy to fill so hopefully dudes who are already here can fill those roles, but other than Brian Dozier's second half cratering things seem pretty clear.  I hated the Torii Hunter signing when it happened because that money could have been better spent, but hell, maybe there is something to clubhouse chemistry and veteran leadership.  I'd be happy to see him back at a reduced rate assuming he's cool being the 4th outfielder at best.  Next year should be pretty fun.  Looking forward to it.


-  Seems like we are heading towards a Royals vs. Mets World Series.  I'm good with that.  Of the playoff teams you had teams that were too successful (Cardinals), too evil (Yankees), too rich (Dodgers), too big of assholish fans (Toronto), too unlikable (Rangers), too it hurts because it should have been us (Astros), and the Pirates, Cubs, Royals, and Mets, and you have to eliminate the Cubs because the whole Back to the Future thing is already more irritating the constant DFS commercials.

So really, Royals and Mets gives me probably two of my top three choices (with the Pirates).  And yeah sure, the Mets are terribly run organization and the Royals are kind of dickish and have the most clueless manager in the playoffs, but you're never going to get perfect.  It should be fun and I won't be annoyed no matter who wins.  What's wrong with that?  Plus the less R.A. Dickey there is to watch, the better.  Though I will really miss watching Kyle Schwarber play outfield.

And I'm determined to do a live blog of at least one World Series game.  I think I have almost every year, so I can't just stop now.

-  Wolves should be pretty fun.  Rubio-LaVine-Wiggins-Towns-Dieng.  Could be a lot worse, right?  At least it should be fun.  A legit shot at back-to-back Rookie of the Year winners, finding out if LaVine can be like, good, and seeing if Rubio can stay healthy is a good reason to at least occasionally watch.  I mean, Rubio running a break with those two wings and Towns trailing?  That's awesome.

And how good can Towns be?  Rookie of the Year is pretty much a lock, the only question is can he challenge for MVP.  I say yes.  Did you see him hitting those threes against no defense this offseason?  I mean, most guys can't do that.  And have you seen his preseason stats?  Averaging 10.7 pts, 6.7 rebs, and 1.0 blocks per game, but that's only in 21 minutes per game!  If you extrapolate that out to a whole game it comes out to something like 35 pts, 18 rebounds, 9 assists, and 7 blocks per game.  You know the last player to put up those kind of numbers?  Yep, that's right - Hot Sauce.  Towns is that good.


-  I know what you're thinking - "this blog sucks now."  But I know what else you're thinking, why is there no mention of this year's Gopher hoops team?  Well, I'm not ready yet.  I'll rip something off at some point, but right now it's like, no.  I am not ready to write about Joey King just yet, and I don't really know how to spin the Bakary Konate/Gaston Diedhiou stuff into a positive, nor can I figure out how to look forward to Carlos Morris being a big key to the season.  I'll get around to it, I swear.  For now, let me write something quick about other NCAAB stuff.

-  ACC is going to be garbage, relatively speaking.  Only North Carolina looks poised to be good.  Duke lost everybody and will now count on Grayson freaking Allen, Virginia I'm pretty sick of already so move on, Louisville lost literally their entire roster, Notre Dame without Jerian Grant is meaningless.  Miami and FSU could be semi-interesting but in general I'm expecting the Big 10 to take the challenge thing.

-  LSU is one of my big sleepers and you can still get them at 50/60-1 to win the National Championship.  Yes, they lost Jordan Mickey and Jarrell Martin, but they have a ton of guard play coming back and two absolute stud recruits in do everything big man Ben Simmons (likely #1 pick in next year's draft) and swingman Antonio Blakeney (who is now linked to the Louisville "scandal").  There are a lot of questions about the front court, though Simmons can maybe do it all, but all those guards back and a monster recruiting class scream contender to me.

-  Another team I like a lot is Cal (don't worry, Justin Cobbs is gone).  They pick up the #4 and #7 players in the entire country, both front court guys, who join their three best players, all guards.  Add in Cuonzo Martin, a really, really good coach, and you'd be a fool to pass them up at 20-1.  A FOOL!!

-  I might end up doing a Big Ten preview post, and if I do I promise I won't be like every other writer and say something like "based on talent the Badgers shouldn't be this high, but Bo Ryan blah blah blah barf"  No!  This is the year the Badgers suck ass.  They are gutted.  They have Nigel Hayes, who I love and is awesome, Bronson Koenig, who is annoying and super hateable and sucks, and that's it.  All of their other players suck.  They won't be bottom of the basement, but there's zero chance this team makes the NCAA Tournament.  None.  Zero.  None.

-  A Big Ten team I do like a ton this year is Purdue, though that seems like a not uncommon thought.  And their games are going to suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck to watch.  Massive rim protection in A.J. Hammons and Isaac Haas (Hammons is elite, Haas is 7-2 so should get there eventually) is joined by 6-9 Caleb Swanigan, one of the top couple center recruits in the country, and Raphael Davis is back who, you surely don't remember this, won B10 defensive player of the year.  They also couldn't shoot for shit last year and there's no real reason that should change.  I fully expect multiple games where they win without breaking 50 points.

-  Oh yeah, speaking of points we have a new shot clock now at 30 seconds.  Even better though they got rid of the 5-second closely guarded rule.  I'm not sure if that's a positive change as far as the game goes, but it's going to be super fun to go to games this year and hear morons yell "5 seconds!" one billion times because nobody reads anymore.  Also, speaking of going to games, Snacks and I were lining up our trip out to Sioux Falls with our sons to go check out the Gophers vs. Oklahoma State game and then right as we were figuring stuff out bam, it turns out my parents' have this dumb christmas party that same day where we are supposed to be blackjack dealers or something.  Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

-  Perry Ellis, the 37-year old Kansas power forward, is back for another year.  He has now surpassed Wade Lookingbill, Jess Settles, and Brian Cardinal for longest tenured player in college basketball history.

- I don't know.  I guess that's all for now.

-  Oh yeah.  Also Rick Pitino 100% knew there were sex parties for recruits and also that happens at every single school.  Haven't you seen He Got Game?

Gophers vs. Huskers and some World Series stuff.

I know what you're thinking - DWG doesn't cover football after TRE quit like a little girl.  And you're right, we generally don't and that's only because I don't know what I'm talking about - not really.  The only football preview I think I've ever written here was this year's Iowa game and that's because I was feeling all #HATEWEEK-y and then I didn't even watch the game because I was at a Meat Raffle in Aitkin.  But this week I stumbled into some tickets and will be taking my son to his first Gopher Football game (he's 3 so he won't remember it anyway) but since I'm going I'm also going to write some kind of a short preview because then I will at least know more players on Nebraska than just Taylor Martinez who is actually hurt according to the internet so that sucks I guess.

Despite the Martinez injury which sounds made up, the Huskers are still an eleven point favorite even on the road against your favorite team.  That's because even without Martinez they've been killing teams - really bad teams (So Dak State, Illinois, and Purdue) - but even so killing is killing as Jason Voorhees always says.  Mainly they've been able to kill teams because they have an awesome rushing attack and they have two back-up QBs who can both play.  Looks like the Huskers generally just play both until they figure out which one sucks and then they let the other one finish out the game.  And again, it doesn't really matter who is at QB because they're just going to give the ball to one of their three awesome RBs over and over again.  The Huskers are like the Gophers in that they want to run the ball like, all the time, and only pass when absolutely necessary, except the Huskers are the varsity version of that while the Gophers are the junior high squad.

And.......I'm already bored with this.  I hope the Gophers win but they probably won't because Nebraska is a lot better even without their QB.   I think I heard Leidner has a tummy ache so that means Philip Nelson will start which is probably good because even though Leidner is like giving the ball to an alligator Nelson is better thrower guy which the Gophers will need against Nebraska.  Probably.  I don't know.  I'm more of a David Cobb guy.  Starting to look awfully shifty out there.  Is he the next Gary Russell?  Yes, clearly.

-  Real quick, the Cardinals are looking an awful lot like the 2006 Tigers tonight.  You remember 2006, a magical season when Justin Morneau won the AL MVP, and how the Tigers looked to have the World Series wrapped up before it even started.  St. Louis snuck into the playoffs with just 83 wins but then outlasted everybody else to make the World Series while the Tigers won 95 games and went 7-1 against two other 93+ win teams to make it and looked poised to stomp the Cards.  Then the games started (because they aren't played on paper you know, nerd) and then in the five games the Tigers made at least one error in every game and had two games with 2 or more errors, throwing the ball all over the place, giving easy runs to the Cards, and ended up losing to an inferior team by playing like idiots.

Now the Cards have already made two errors with plenty of other mistakes including a pop-up that didn't make the pitcher's mound that fell in for a "hit."  It's a total repeat of 2006 except instead of a somewhat likeable team being the beneficiary of the meltdown instead this time it's Satan's team.

Even better?  In 2006 I bet on Detroit.  In 2013?  I bet on St. Louis.  Gambling is so stupid and I hate it and you and your family.

DWG College Hoops Preview: Teams #33-26

Pablo Sandoval hits three home runs.  Barry Zito not only is unhittable, but also knocks in a run against probably the best pitcher of this generation.  Angel Pagan gets a double by hitting a routine bouncer that hits the third base bag.  Tim Lincecum strikes everyone out in a season where he's basically been a pitching machine.  Gregor Blanco can suddenly get to everything.  Call me crazy, but are you getting a vibe that the Giants stole that Cardinal October magic?  Good thing I got in on the Giants to win at +160 already.  I know I said I was going to be rooting for the Tigers and thought they were the better team, but so much money poured in on Detroit that the +160 for the Giants was too juicy to pass up.  Obviously.  Any way, I wrote some more previews while watching the game. 

33. Kansas State Wildcats.  You know, K-State has a pretty good thing going lately and have morphed into one of the most consistently athletic teams in the country year-after-year, and that's not going to change this season.  The Wildcats have most of last year's team back, including eight of their top nine scorers from last season, which means they'll most likely still be a god awful jump-shooting team (unless someone or someones went Eric Harris on it this offseason) but that's ok because they should make up for it, again, by being phenomenal at attacking the basket and grabbing a high percentage of all those bricks they throw up there.   Of course, they just hired Bruce Weber and since we all know a coaching match-up between Weber and paper bag would be a toss-up we can probably expect this nice little run by K-State to fall by the wayside as they descend into mediocrity once again and Weber moves on to destroy yet another program.

32.  St. Mary's Gaels.  I know what you're worrying about, and yes don't worry floppy haired uber Beiber dork Matthew Dellavedova is back for one more year.  And someone tell me if I'm totally crazy, but I'm getting a distinct Steve Nash vibe from this kid.  Think about it.  Floppy hair.  From a foreign country that speaks a weird brand of English.  Under the radar recruit who lands at a WCC school.  Immediate impact as a freshman, then end up getting progressively better, developing into one of the best PGs in the land, and single-handedly leading their team to upsets against bigger (and better) teams.  I really think we're in for a monster year from both Dellavedova and St. Mary's, if only to validate my Nash theory.  But if St. Mary's ends up making the Sweet 16 this year I'd start finding ways to bet YES on things like "Someday Matthew Dellavedova will win two NBA MVP awards."

31.  St. Louis Billikens.  St. Louis has been on a slow build since they hired Rick Majerus, so it'll be interesting to see if is absence (taking a year off for some kind of medical leave) hurts them, because this team has a chance to be very good this year.  It's actually kind of a an interesting case because they only lose one dude from last year's team, but it's the dude that was kind of their leader who did everything (1st in points, 2nd in rebs, 5th in assists, 4th in steals, 1st in FG%, 1st in FT%).  Talent-wise they're pretty loaded, but losing the head coach, the team leader, and now their best returning player, Kwamain Mitchell, is out for six weeks with a broken foot.  I don't know, that seems like a lot to deal with for a team who is supposed to be in good shape for this season.  Kind of makes me think of the Cincinnati Bengals for some reason.

30.  BYU Cougars.  It's always interesting how the Mormon faith impacts college hoops.  There's the scheduling, because BYU can't/won't play on Sundays which impacts the NCAA Tournament.  Brandon Davies got suspended for the season two years ago because he had sex and then admitted it to his coach.  And there's always the random Mormon mission that takes a player off the team mid-way through his career.  This time, however, BYU is actually getting a big boost, because Tyler Haws back.  Two seasons ago Haws averaged 11 points and 4 rebounds per game as a freshman and still has a 48-straight made free throw streak.  Getting a guy back who has already proven he can play is golden, and add Haws to a mix that includes the 6-11 Davies (15 & 8 last year) and point guard Matt Carlino (12 & 5) and BYU won't even miss the loss of a couple of seniors and should have no problem grabbing an NCAA bid.  Assuming everybody keeps their pants on, or at least has the common sense to not go running to their bishop about it.

29.  Drexel Dragons.  You know what's a really sweet team name?  Dragons.  Awesome.  Anyway, the Dragons, who are routinely one of the best defensive squads in the country, are set up for success this year.  The only lose one major contributor off last season's team that set a school record for victories, and with VCU now in the A-10 and Old Dominion ineligible for the conference title since they're bolting to C-USA after this season it's wide open for Drexel to take the league crown.  As I mentioned Drexel is always nails defensively, but last year's edition could actually score some points as well and a Dragon team that can score is pretty scary for somebody in round 1 of the tournament.  Like, scary like that Tiamat five-headed dragon from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon.  Yes I watched it as a kid and it was awesome.  I also own a DVD with 10 episodes on it, what of it?  No you're the nerd.

28.  Wisconsin Badgers.  Ok, I've learned my lesson.  I don't know if it's my hatred of the Badgers because they're evil (I mean they even wear red, pay attention) or just because they're so boring, but every year I think the Badgers will be horrible and every year I'm wrong.  Look at this season - Jordan Taylor is gone and there isn't a player on the roster who looks like they can replace his production, even by committee.  Jared Berggren and Ryan Evans are the two best players coming back, and Evans should be a six man and Berggren is terrible.  Their top guards are going to be Ben Brust and Josh Gasser and neither of them scares anybody.  But of course, none of that matters.  They're going to play so slow it puts everyone to sleep, bore everyone to death, never turn the ball over, grab all the available rebounds, and win way more games than I'd ever expect.  Just like every year.  It's like an evil version of college basketball Groundhog Day.

27.  Marquette Golden Eagles.  At first when I was ranking teams off the top of my head I think I had Marquette in the 40s or 50s simply because losing both Jae Crowder and Darius Johnson-Odom to the NBA is a crusher, but when I did more reading I realized there is plenty still here to work with (plus counting out Buzz Williams is like counting on Bruce Weber).  Their back court is loaded with Junior Cadougan and Vander Blue, who is one of my favorite players because he has a sweet name, a sweet game, and he pissed on Wisconsin, and their returning leading scorer is a big man so they'll have a nice balance.  The back court should be their strength, but that doesn't mean their shooting - the three returning guards shot combined 48-162 from 3 last year and that will probably hold them back from being a truly dangerous team.  Still better than Wisconsin though.

26.  Ohio Bobcats.  You only need to know one thing - yes, D.J. Cooper is back.  You remember Cooper, right?  He's the guy who pretty much beat Georgetown two years ago and Michigan last year in the NCAA Tournament.  And he was pretty good against South Florida too, helping Ohio to the Sweet 16.  Yes, he's back and now a senior.  As is last year's second leading scorer Walter Offutt.  And #3 Reggie Keely.  #4 Nick Kellog is back too, but he's only a junior.  #5 Ivo Baltic is a senior though.  You see where I'm going with this?  The Bobcats have their top nine players back and all but one is a senior or junior.  The have top end talent in Cooper and Offutt.  And they must have a pretty good chemistry together because even though their coach left to take the Illinois job nobody transferred out.  This could be a very special year, which feels weird to say about a MAC team. Plus DJ Cooper makes me think of D.B. Cooper and that's awesome.   Of course since they are a MAC team, it's pretty likely if they don't win their conference tournament they don't go dancing at all.  Which would suck like Nick Blackburn.  Or Justin Verlander, I suppose.


Previous:
Teams #68-60
Teams #59-53
Teams #52-47 
Teams #46-39 
Teams #38-34

World Series Game 6 (plus Tyus Jones and fantasy college basketball updates!!)

Watching Game 6.  Typing stuff.  Let's go.

-  Game update - It's 2-2 in the 3rd.  Nick Punto recently tried to kill Chris Carpenter by throwing his bat at him.  No big deal though, he threw it in a gritty way.

-  So the big news in Gopher hoop news is that Tyus Jones, the all-world 10th grader who is ranked as the 5th best sophomore and #1 point guard in the country according to ESPN, came out in an interview and didn't mention the Gophers.   This is, of course, big news because keeping instate recruits, especially at this level, and raising the level of talent coming to Minnesota was supposed to be one of the reasons Tubby Smith was hired, and because Jones would likely be the most important commit in Gopher history if Tubby was able to secure it.  A few points, if I may:

• First thing, ignore the sensationalist headline and keep in mind that when he mentions "Arizona, Michigan State, Ohio State, and Duke" as the schools he's seriously considering he's not just talking about himself.  He is talking about the schools where he and fellow sophomore Jahlil Okafor, a center from Chicago who is ranked #3 by ESPN, are looking at attending together.  It isn't his "official" list.

• There have been a lot of these "we're going to play together" deals, especially when kids are younger like Tyus and Jahlil.  Rarely do they end up happening.  I'd give you an example but I can't think of one.  In any case, Tyus could certainly still consider the Gophers as a strong possibility for himself if he goes his own way from Okafor.

• All that being said, Jones has never come out and said Minnesota is a leader and he's never given me the feeling that he's even seriously considering the U, so it shouldn't exactly be a surprise that the Gophers aren't high on his radar.  Once teams like Kansas, Duke, Michigan State, etc. come calling, the Gophers don't look all that attractive even to many home town kids.  It's a sad reality, but it's a reality.   Remember Naadir Tharpe?  Not a hometown kid, but a kid who had narrowed his choices to Minnesota or Rutgers.  When Rutgers secured a commitment from a different point guard and it seemed inevitable he was going to be a Gopher.  At the last minute Kansas got involved, and like 2 days later he committed to the Jayhawks.  The power programs are power programs for a reason. 

• Tubby HAS reversed the trend of the best Minnesota kids leaving the state.    Going back to 2006 the biggest recruits in the state were Isaiah Dahlman, Cole Aldrich, Jon Leuer, Jared Berggren, and Jordan Taylor, and to the best of my knowledge none of them even considered Minnesota.  Since 2008 the top kids have been Royce White, Rodney Williams, and Joe Coleman - all Gophers.  One miss does not mean he's not doing his job.  By all accounts Tubby has been after Tyus hard.

• But no matter what you do, once a kid hits that level of accomplishment, that level of stardom, and starts receiving those kinds of accolades and has his pick of schools, he will nearly always go to a premier program rather than stay home to try to revive his home town school.  Looking at the Rivals top 10 from 2007-2011 , the only kids I found who actually stayed home were kids whose home town school was a national powerhouse and/or "premier" programs (Sullinger to Ohio State, Bullock to UNC, Holliday to UCLA, Mullens to Ohio State, and Gordon to Indiana),  There were only three exceptions - Perry Jones to Baylor (although technically he lived closer to SMU), Derrick Favors to G-Tech, and Demar DeRozan to USC.  So out of five years and 50 kids, only 3 stayed home to help their hometown school - this was a long shot to begin with.

• A lot can change in the next couple of years, and maybe Tubby will re-energize the program, finally, and maybe Tyus will catch the fever and decide he wants to be a Gopher (and bring his buddy with him).  But I wouldn't consider it likely.  No matter who the coach is, Minnesota isn't the kind of school that gets these kids.  It just is what it is.  Tubby needs to get good, talented kids he can coach up, freaking keep them, and hope that every few years lightning hits and the Gophers are a Sweet 16 team with possible upside.  That's the reality folks.  Learn it.  Live it.  Love it.

This is GOLDEN.  GOPHER.  BASKETBALL.  (Get it.  You want it to be really good but it's just mediocre but you keep watching because you really hope it's going to get better and maybe they'll be a sweet dinosaur that shows up.

-  Dropped pop-up by Holliday after a miscommunication with Furcal.  You know who doesn't miscommunicate there?  Nick Punto.

-  Napoli knocks him in.  Of course he does.  I never realized how good a hitter that guy was.  He snuck up on me, just like that little sister of the girl you went to high school with and knew really well and she was always your little buddy and then all of a sudden it's the summer before your senior year and she's going into 10th grade and she comes into Blockbuster where you work and it's all BAM! boobs and the hotness and it's weird and sweaty.  I've heard.

Like this, only if instead of it being school it was Blockbuster and if the girl was way hotter

-  Throwing error on St. Lou's pitcher.  Looking like we might be witnessing the implosion to end the season.  Stay tuned.

-  Or not.  3-2 Rangers.

-  Oh, right.  You wanted to know how my Fantasy College Basketball Draft was going.  Well here she is:

• ROUND 1 - TREVOR MBAKWE, F, MINNESOTA:  When you're in a college basketball draft with bunches of players who you might not even see on TV this year and a hometown boy should go somewhere near where you're picking, you take him.  I picked 9th, and after what I thought was a clear top 5 (Tu Holloway, Jared Sullinger, Harrison Barnes, Terrence Jones, and Jordan Taylor) it's pretty wide open after that.  Mbakwe is somewhere on that second tier, and with a legit chance to put up 18-12-2-1-2 with 60% shooting this year, I had to take him.

• ROUND 2 - DEE BOST, G, MISS STATE:  Bost managed to average north of 6 assists per game last year while scoring 15 points per contest.  His shooting percentage is a atrocious, but he's going to dominate the ball and put up some serious numbers.

• ROUND 3 - DREW GORDON, F, NEW MEXICO:   I love this pick.  He was the Mountain West newcomer of the year last season and is the front-runner for player of the year this year.  He could easily put up the same numbers as Mbakwe, but I got him three rounds later.

• ROUND 4 - JOSH SMITH, C, UCLA:  He slimmed down a bit and he's also had the talent, hopefully he's a little more motivated this year - and that weight loss is a good sign.  I'm a little bit nervous because the Wear twins are there now and he could end up losing playing time, but he was good last year with the talent to be great, and we start 3 centers so they're at a premium with 13 teams in the league.

•  ROUND 5 - ALLEN CRABBE, G, CAL:  Team was looking a little bit too front-court heavy, so I went with an all-around guard who can help out in most categories.  I regret this one a bit and am thinking I should have gone with Ramone Moore from Temple, but they're pretty similar statistically. 

• ROUND 6 - ANDREW SMITH, C, BUTLER:  I considered Smith a nice sleeper at C, but a huge run on the position caused me to move earlier than I wanted to.  Remember we start 3 centers, and in the last 10 picks prior to me going here Augustus Gilchrist (So Fl), Ralph Sampson (lol), Kenny Frease (Xavier), Reggie Johnson (Miami), and Greg Echenique (Creighton) - all centers - were taken.  I expect Smith to see a nice jump in production with Howard gone, and it was either get my 2nd center here or just forget about it altogether.  I still have some nice sleepers I can't mention here because stupid TRE reads this blog and is in the league, but I feel much better with 2 solid centers on board.

-  Error by Michael Young to open the bottom of the 4th.  I swear this is like watching adapted softball.

-  A 4-pitch walk, and then Andrus throws the ball about 200 feet too high trying to turn the double-play.  What an ugly game.  It's like watching the Twins play the Twins.

-  Top 5, now a 3-3 game and David Freese drops a pop-up.  He drops a pop-up.  He.  drops.  a.  pop-up.  So bizarre right now.  Nobody wants to win.

-  Aaaand I just missed a shitload of the game because my daughter is a psychopath.  It's now the bottom of the sixth, we're tied 4-4 with the bases loaded and one out, and Nick Punto is up.  I'm not going to lie to you, I totally have an erection right now.

-  Matt Holliday picked off third.  Wow.  And according to the inning summary Michael Young made another error as well.  Pretty good chance this is the worst played world series game in history.  Of course Nick Punto was involved.

-  Alexi Ogando just walked Punto to re-load the bases, which means if Matt Holliday didn't have his head up his ass (note:  that is valid for this entire series) the Cardinals take the lead.  Instead the bases are loaded for Jon Jay.  If I'm the Rangers I like my chances here.  Of course, Nick Punto just walked for like the 8th time this series, so whatevs.

-  Jay grounds out to the pitcher.  Colored me shocked.  Which would probably be some shade of blue.

-  Beltre goes yard to lead off the 7th, giving Texas teh lead and winning a bet for me.  Nice.

-  Cruz home run, which probably loses a bet for me.  The lord giveth and he taketh away.  But at least he digs gambling.

-  Nice work Lance Lynn, by the way.  I'm just stunned someone with your name is a terrible pitcher.  It's such a manly name you'd think you'd be throwing gas in the upper 90s and mixing in some filthy breaking stuff.  Instead it's like watching Jamie Moyer but if he never changed speeds.  I'm pretty sure Lance Lynn is the worst pitcher and person ever.  I heard he likes to torture kittens and kick babies.

-  Jesus christ there are five minutes left in this Houston/Rice football and Case Keenum has 483 yards passing with 8 TD passes.  Yes 8.  Houston is just ridiculous.  I don't know that it's even football they play, but they've perfected it.  Sure, there are wannabes like Texas Tech, but nobody has been able to perfectly copy whatever Houston's system is.  Both Andre Ware and David Klingler?  And now this Keenum cat?  Not to mention Kevin Kolb who is heading in that direction.  Just brilliant.  And all this with Donnie Avery being the only WR of note there ever, and I'm not even sure he's of note but I've heard of him because of my unhealthy love of Sam "Six Killer" Bradford.  Also this is way too long of a paragraph talking about a Houston QB.  I miss Rodney Peete.  Who has nothing to do with anything.  I really don't know where that came from.

-  I got to see the new Muppet movie last night as a sneak preview (comes out in a month).  Wonderbaby^TM liked it and so did I.  It was weird because the whole message of the movie was pretty much "Hey you've forgotten about the Muppets but they were a huge part of you life and guess what they're still awesome" and that's pretty much exactly how I felt.  I didn't really even realize how big they were in my own life, but watching this movie I remember every character, every bit, and every joke and when Kermit and the gang sang "Rainbow Connection" it was, no kidding, totally awesome.  Especially when Animal rocks out.  It was just so much fun. 

-  AAAAAH Derek Holland's mustache is back!   Also is Mike Adams dead?

-  Allen Craig goes yard here in the bottom of the 8th to make it a 7-5 ball game, filling in for the "injured" Matt Holliday.  Injured?  Well considering how lost he's looked at the plate, in the field, and on the base paths he better be injured and hopefully for him it's some sort of brain injury.  He's been absolutely terrible.

-  Tivo'd the new Beavis and Butthead tonight.  Gotta at least give it a shot, right?  For old, awesome times, sake? 

-  Weird play, but I guess it's fitting with tonight's theme of sucky plays.  Daniel LaRusso hits a routine grounder to Andrus who looks at second (runner on 1st) despite it being a pretty easy out, double pumps, throws it in the dirt to first and even though it's cleanly picked LaRusso beats it out like he beat up Johnny Lawrence.  Runner safe.  So weird.

-  Base knock for Jay, bases loaded.  Molina, of course, couldn't score because he's slower than dirt and he's still on the base paths because LaRussa will never, ever, take him out because of his defense.  Also the music guy at Busch is playing a little House of Pain here so I'm pretty sure Furcal's clearing the bases here.

-  Groundout to the pitcher.  Might as well have played a little Dido.

My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why-y-y, we traded for Fur-cal.

-   My favorite part of this World Series is now when Tim McCarver said, "A home run doesn't tie it" when there was nobody on base and the Cardinals were down by two.  You can't pay for that kind of insight.  And Pujols just doubled with one out, so now a home run does tie it.  I think.  McCarver hasn't weighed in yet.  He's pretty much a slightly younger, more well-paid Sid Hartman, right?

-  Walk.  Things are interesting.

-  Feliz just froze Craig for strike 3.  And that pitch was a hanging slider.  Should have smoked that one.  Now just one out to go. 

-  I have a feeling Freese wants to walk here.  Looks like he has a giant Louisville Slugger in his rectum.  Also I hardly knew 'em.

-  Shows what I know because Freese just smoked one to the wall to tie the game and now he's sitting on third - the winning run.  Luckily Nelson Cruz's athleticism is approaching Manny from Modern Family levels.

-  We're going to extras.  And I'm supposed to go watch Parks and Rec.  Hold on, brb.

-  That is definitely the best show on tv.  And now I get to watch the rest of the game in speeded up time.

-  With one out Andrus singles, and McCarver can't hold himself back from talking about stealing bases.  Honest to god it's some sick sort of obsession.  It's all he ever talks about.  If we could find stats on this I bet 70% of the sentences he's said in this series have revolved around stolen bases or "sending the runner" which is extra creepy when you think about how often there has been nobody on base when he talks about it.

-  Hamilton with a moon shot and the Rangers are up 2.  Again.  Did that HR hit a fan in the head and kill him?  Seems likely.

-  He thrusts his fists against the post and still insists he sees the ghosts.

-  LaRusso leads off with a knock for the Cards.  They certainly aren't going away.  Although Jon Jay is up, so that's pretty much an automatic out.  The Cards should consider this a win if this isn't a double play. 

-  Texas-Leaguer, base hit for Jay.  2-on, nobody out, and we have a pitcher pinch-hitting for I assume a pitcher but I can't look it up because I'm on tivo and looking it up means I see a box score which means I learn stuff I don't want to.  And the pinch-hitter edwin jackson is pulled and now it's Kyle Lohse.  Former twin.  Up in a huge spot and being asked to bunt.  And since he's a pitcher the corners are going to be way in and if he gets the bunt down they'll get the out at third.  Same thing happened to Colby Lewis earlier.

-  Well he gets the runners over but only by making an absolutely horrendous bunt, which just happened to find an open area and was actually closer to a hit than an out.  Now Ryan theriot is up with runners on 2nd and 3rd and 1 out.  I think they should walk him and pitch to Pujols.

-  Ground out to score a run by Theriot (best case scenario if you're st. louis).  Tying run on second, Pujols up.  Do you walk him and put the winning run on base?  Tough call, but the Rangers are going to do it.  Single by Berkman ties it, double wins it, out ends it.  It ain't game 7, but there's some high drama here tonight.

-  Jesus christ.  Berkman singles to center to tie the game.  Winning run now on third.  I'm so tired and excited. 

-  We're going to 11 folks.

-  I fast forwarded through the top of the 11th to get live.  Nothing happened.

-  Home run David Freese, and of course Buck steals the "we'll see you tomorrow night" line.  Great series.  Calling it now:  Pujols at least 3 hits tomorrow, and probably 2 home runs.  Book it.

- 

Monday Musings (World Series, Vikings, Billy Beane, Racism in football, etc.)

I'm watching the World Series right now (currently 2-0 St. Louis in the 3rd) and watching the Rangers work on imploding, which is exactly what Detroit did to hand the Cards their last World Championship, when they were once again a substantial underdog.  So far C.J. Wilson has walked Lance Berkman after being ahead 0-2, and Berkman then advanced to third on David or Daniel Murphy's error on a single to left (which scored Holliday), and then scored when Keith Moreland's kid booted a ground ball.  C.J. Wilson also threw a Furcal bunt away, but was able to pitch out of it.  And now Moreland just hit a Thome-sized home run.  Looks like a ball game.  I'm not going to live blog it like, but I'll just do that thing where I type whatever comes into my head about whatever.  I guess that's what I usually do.  Whatever.  Shut your big fat face.

-  So I suppose, for the first time in two years, there's something worthwhile to talk about with the Vikings.  Of course, this is only because they have clearly jumped into rebuilding mold and Ponder gave everyone hope, but despite being impressed with Ponder I'm not exactly looking forward to the next couple of years. 

Here's your problem - too old and/or too bad.  What do you have?  Well you have a good start because you have one bona fide superstar on each side of the ball (AP and Jared Allen), both of whom will probably be able to give you 3-5 more years at a high level.  That's an excellent start, and far better than a lot of teams can build around.  But from there it's tough.

Ponder looked very good for it being his first start.  He made his mistakes, misjudged just how fast even an old cornerback is in the NFL, and made some interesting decisions, but he also made a lot of good throws, showed a lot of poise for a rookie, and never seemed rattled.  I don't know what exactly his upside is, but, at the very least, he looks like a young QB the team can build around.  It's been a long time since this team has had that (Culpepper), and I'd say Ponder's downside is as a middle of the pack type starter.  That's very, very good.

But what else do you have?  Nothing.  On offense the only other person who has big-time potential is Percy Harvin, but it's hard for me to see him as anything more than a kick returner slot receiver type.  I think his absolute upside is the kind of guy who can have a 5 catch-180 yd-2 td day and then follow it up the next week with 1 catch for 8 yards.  Who else is there?  Kyle Rudolph I guess, but I'm pretty sure everybody loves him because he's white and he's best friends with Ponder who, it turns out, is also white and everybody loves.  We'll see. 

The real problem here is that there is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, on that offensive line.  There is not one single player who starts on that line who would start for any other team in the league with the possible exception of Steve Hutchinson, but that doesn't matter because he's too old to matter when this team is 2-3 years away at a minimum.  Loadholt I suppose has some potential and I wouldn't exactly give up on him, but he's not nearly as good as I had hoped and the rest of these guys are fuckin' clown shoes.

And the defense?  Who, outside of Allen is remotely interesting?  Greenway is alright and Robison is fine as long as you're ok with a mediocre DE2, but that's it.  E.J. Henderson?  Please.  Guy is so overrated and still can't move around correctly.  Maybe after another year of healing he'll be ok but I'm not betting on it.  Kevin Williams is done, I have no idea who the other DT or LB is, and the only half-way decent defensive backs are a guy who has had 2 knee surgeries and a guy who is currently in jail.  Antoine Winfield is one of my favorite players ever but he's pretty much done unless he can move to safety which they should definitely try because Hussain Abdullah's one skill seems to be allowing the big play and also because he's probably a terrorist.

The good news is there are some legitimately nice players here - AP, Allen, Harvin, Ponder, and Greenway are all quality players.  The bad news is this isn't baseball or basketball and you can't just trade veterans from prospects and/or picks.  It's unfortunate, because guys like Winfield and Hutchinson would be perfect trade bait in other sports, but not the NFL so their kind of stuck.  So I guess my point is that the Vikings will be bad for a while but should at least be fun to watch.  So I guess that's something.  The Gophers are going to be terrible and no fun to watch, so I guess point NFL.

-  You know what I'd rather watch than that Captain America movie that's coming out on DVD tomorrow?  Anything.

-  You know what I do like though?  Walking Dead.  Very good show so far.  Not exactly the most realistic, but if you're looking for realism in a show about zombies I contend you're kind of lost already. 

-  Last time Pujols came up there as a runner on third with 1 out and they walked him.  Holliday grounded into a double play.  Now there are runners on 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.  They're walking him again.  The intrigue is so thick you could cut it with a spoon.

-  Ground out to short.  Holliday is terrible.  Billy Beane was right again.

-  Know who the A's got for Holliday?  Shane Peterson, Clay Mortensen, and Brett Wallace.  Mortensen was then traded to the Rockies for Ethan Hollingsworth, Wallace was shipped to the Jays for Michael Taylor, and Peterson is still in the minors (along with Hollingsworth and Taylor).  And Beane originally had to give up Carlos Gonzalez, Huston Street, and Greg Smith to get Holliday.  So essentially he flipped a superstar outfielder (down year notwithstanding), a still capable closer, and a young starter who is already in the majors for three minor leaguers, only one of which (Taylor) is considered a top 20 prospect in their system.  I guess Joe Morgan was right, moneyball schmoneyball.

-  So not only am I playing in the fantasy Big 10 hoops league with my friends (Snacks, Dawger, Snake, Bogart, Optimator, Elk, and Grandslam), but I'm playing in a bigger college hoops league as well, similar to the won I played in - and won - 2 years ago.  We've got 13 teams and we're using the Big Six leagues plus the meaningful outliers (UNLV, BYU, New Mexico, Memphis, Gonzaga, etc.).  It's a lot harder, and I wish I could talk about it more in depth but unfortunately TRE from Still got Hope? (which if you don't read you should) is also in the league, so I can't divulge my secrets.  We fire up the draft tomorrow and it's slowish style so I might get like 2 picks per day.  I pick 9th, and I'll give you a hint (and also TRE picks after me) - if he's there I'm going to go with a guy whose name rhymes with Shumbakwe and probably has a huge crank.

-  That "huge crank" talk is probably inappropriate but I'm going to leave it in there because it's just going to help the google search results.  Also megan fox lesbian kiss midget vagina fart ass sex nick punto.

-  Speaking of Nick Punto vagina farts, he just struck out with runners on 2nd and 3rd and 2 outs.  Big spot there.  Punto's definitely the guy I'd want up in that situation.

-  Adrian Beltre just hit a home run on a lollipop curve ball from his knees.  No lie.  That was pretty weird and impressive.  Now 2-2.  This has been a great series.

Big fuckin' deal, Beltre.  I could've done that do if that dickhead Veeck would've let me swing.

-  So this morning before work one of our Direct TV remotes stopped working.  It had been going and even when we switched batteries it didn't get any better and today it was just done.  So I looked it up on their website and I can get a replacement remote for $15.  I figured cool, that's a reasonable price and I'll swing by the nearest retailer to my house and see how much more it is, thinking I'd be willing to pay $5-$10 to have it tonight rather than waiting for it to ship.  So I get home from work, grab my damn wiener kids so Mrs. W can do her Tae Bo or yoga or whatever it is tonight, and run up to said retailer.  Almost immediately find the remote.  It's priced at $44.99.  Forty.  Five.  Fucking.  Dollars.  Naturally I walked out without it and am now watching the game with no ability to flip channels on the commercials or mute Tim McCarver, but I'm sure as shit not paying 200% more than I have to.  I'll wait a couple days, thanks.

-  Top 7, tie game.  Allen Craig or someone with a name like that, walks with one out and then tries to steal second and is out by two billion feet.  And now they're walking Pujols.  And guess what they would have done if that steal would have been successful?  Yep.  Walked him.  Since he's nearly as likely to hit an XBH as get a single, maybe you just stay put on first, ok?  I get the stolen base and it certainly has it's place, but these two managers both seem to be way to obsessed with it and have both screwed their teams over in this series.  Also let's see if Holliday can go 0-3 after getting slapped in the mouth.

-  Hey a base hit!  Way to go little buddy!  And thanks to a whole bunch of thrown the ball around-itis, we're at 2nd and 3rd with 2 outs.  20 bucks says Berkman strikes out for the 3rd time tonight.

-  I missed what happened with Berkman but the bases were loaded when David Freese struck out so I assume they walked him.

Let me guess, you were expecting a picture of Arnold as Mr. Freeze?  You probably don't even know who this is, do you you unoriginal bastard? 

-  By the way you should probably ignore everything I wrote about the Vikings above.  I made most of that up. 

-  Bottom 7, 1 out, Kinsler on first.  20 bucks says they send him here. 

-  Nope, but Elvis Andrus struck out on 3 pitches.  God they'd be so much better if they hit Napoli or Cruz or even Beltre second.  But of course, Ron Washington can't do that.  You gotta have a guy there who can handle the bat, right Gardy and every other manager in the stupid world.  And Dawger.

-  Ever want to combine racism with football?  Go nuts. 

-  After a leadoff hit by Yadier Molina I'm pretty sure the Cardinals just pinch hit for Skip Schumaker with Ryan Theriot just so he could sac bunt.  You're telling me a dude named Skip can't bunt?  You might as well tell me that sliding into first doesn't get you there faster.  I can't believe it.  I won't.

-  Punto blows it again, striking out in a still tied game with a runner on 2nd and 1 out.  Takes a special kind of guy to constantly disappoint two franchises.

-  In one fantasy league I'm in today I was offered Cam Newton and James Starks in exchange for Hakeem Nicks and LaSean McCoy.  So that was pretty fun.

-  Bases loaded.  One out.  Bottom of the 8th.  2-2 game.  Mike Napoli up.  A hit, and particularly an extra-base hit, would help my bank account tremendously.  Na-Po-Li.  Na-Po-Li.  Na-Po-Li.

-  Double, scores 2.  Damn dude, shit never works out like this for me.

-  That message board I posted earlier really thinks Peyton Hillis is being held down because he's white.  Why can't they just accept that he's terrible at football?  Probably a good blocker though.

-  I couldn't tell you one thing about Lance Lynn.  Well, other than he's a pitcher for St. Louis who is about to come into a high leverage situation in the World Series.

-  Your name is Lance Lynn and you're gonna roll out the perm?  Interesting choice.  Also he just intentionally walked Ian Kinsler and then got yanked.  Looks like LaRussa  has his overmanaging pants on again.

Oh hello.  I pitch for the Cardinals.

-  Feliz now in for the ninth and he gets 2 strikes on Craig and then plunks him right in the back shoulder on a pitch that was so zeroed in on him that there was no way Craig could've gotten out of the way even if his life was on the line.  Pujols up.  Tying run, can't walk him.  Nice.

-  Jesus Pujols has a great eye.  Now at 3-2.  Laid off three close ones but were clearly balls.  He's really good at hitting stuff. Not unlike Chris Cook, I suppose.

-  Strike 'em out throw 'em out.  Pujols whiffs on a pitch that was ball four and Craig is tossed easily and I have no clue why they sent him.  I know Albert doesn't strike out a ton, but you just took a runner out who, really, didn't matter.  If he gets to second and scores on a single who fucking cares, you're still down by a run.  Stupid play.  Tony LaRussa outsmarted himself here tonight.  I hope Holliday hits a home run here.

-  Holliday walks.  Will probably get thrown out stealing.  Stay tuned.

-  Berkman whiffs.  Texas wins.  Pretty sure we're going 7 folks.  Adios and good night.

World Series Game 1

Man I love the stupid World Series.  Even when it's Texas vs. St. Louis and I can't even decide who I'm rooting for until I put money down on Texas.  I watched the top of the first while folding clothes and drinking a Hamm's and saw Texas kill its early momentum by being too obsessed with running.  Seriously, McCarver and buck suck and are prone to hyperbole, but Yadier Molina really is that good when it comes to throwing out base-runners so here's a tip - don't freaking run on him.  I mean jesus christ Ron Washington, you were on the Oakland A's staff in the salad days of moneyball, did you learn nothing?  I guess that's why you never trust a crackhead manager.

7:17 - Furcal walks to start things up for St. Louis.  Tonights' action:  Rangers to win, over 7.5 total runs, David Freese no RBI, Adrian Beltre YES Hit, Nelson Cruz YES to strikeout, Mike Napoli to have more total bases than Yadier Molina, and Furcal no RBI.  They all matter, but that Furcal no RBI is a monster wager.  We need that one.

7:19 - I think Tim McCarver is watching a completely different game than everybody else.  It's either that or he's completely insane.

7:24 - Michael Young weakly grounds to 2nd and I'm reminded that I hate him.  Throughout the ALDS, which was not a bastion of profit, whatever I bet he did the opposite.  Bet on him to K before he gets a hit, he gets a hit in the first inning.  Bet on him to get a hit, and he goes 0-4.  I think I was like 1-5 wagering on him.  I hope he dies.

7:25 - Base knock for Beltre, a double down the line.  I always like winning those bets on the guys first time up.  Now maybe Nelson could whiff here for me.

7:27 - Joe Buck just said, "It's now 2-1 to a guy who is 31."  What kind of weird ass sentence is that?  What's next, "Here comes the pitch from a guy who really, really digs pine nuts in his salad."

7:28 - Cruz apparently didn't wear his chasing pants tonight because Cruz walks after completely refusing to chase Carpenter's slider which he threw low and away four times.  I'm pretty sure Cuddyer took a swing at his TV there at least twice.

7:30 - That's the second time Carpenter's thrown one in the dirt and yelled "God damn it" loud enough for the camera mics to pick it up.  Pretty sure little Joey Buck's ears are bleeding.  Also DP by Napoli.

7:36 - Lance Berkman, fourth all-time in home runs amongst switch hitters.  That seems odd for some reason.  FUN FACT:  Former Twin Chili Davis is fifth and former Twin Ruben Sierra is 8th, and right up until this very minute of my life I had completely forgotten Sierra played for the Twins.

7:41 - FUN FACT #2 - Roy Smalley holds five of the top 10 HR hitting seasons by a switch-hitter in Twins history.  Of course, it's not a very distinguished list considering Bobby Kielty is in 6th place and Cris Guzman is top 10, but still.

7:45 - Uneventful inning.  But that reminds me that you wanted to know why I was drinking Hamm's.  It's because the local liquor store had it on sale for $11.99 for the 30-pack.  How could I not buy it?  I mean, it's from the land of sky blue waters (waters).  And I have to admit, it is the beer refreshing.

7:47 - What a quaint little story by McCarver.  Turns out C.J. Wilson, get this, even though he's a pitcher, you're not going to believe it, but he considers himself a hitter.  OMG that's so crazy!  He's such a unique snowflake with his California surfer attitude and his really unique necklace that every god damn pitcher in the league wears.

7:53 - Nick freaking Punto with a base hit to lead off the bottom of the third.  Not only is this annoying because he's Nick Punto, but it sets up a sac bunt by Carpenter and then Furcal can get an RBI with a hit AND THAT CAN'T HAPPEN.  Also I'm pretty sure Punto slid into first even though he lined it into center.  They didn't show or anything, but I can just feel it.

God Damn that Punto gives me a boner

7:55 - Carpenter strikes out, which is good.  Still need no extra base hit from Furcal here.  Or maybe an xbh but then Punto slides head first into third instead of scoring.  Because he's so gritty, you see.

7:57 - Furcal whiffs on a pitch that barely crossed the plate in the air and was missed by at least 2 feet.  Now that reminded me of Twins baseball.

8:04 - Tim McCarver is interviewing Ron Washington.  This is like Richard Dawkins interviewing Stephen Hawking, only the exact opposite.

8:06 - Another 1-2-3 inning.  Glad Snacks convinced me to take the over. 

8:13 - Punto hit by a pitch, Holliday double, and Berkman scores them both home by not being able to catch up to a pitch and fisting it into right.  It counts, I know, it's just blah.  I remember the last time these guys were in the Series (I think) and the Tigers should have smoked 'em but they have some kind of jedi mind shit over teams.  It's happening again.

8:14 - I just realized I typed Punto when I meant Pujols.  HE'S IN MY HEAD, MAN!!!

8:18 - With Berkman on 2nd and 2 outs they intentionally walk Punto, and yes this time it is Punto, and that has got to be the first time that's ever happened.  Checking Baseball Reference, and Punto has actually been intentionally walked 9 times in his career (3 this year, 1 with the phils, and 5 with the Twins).  How could he possibly have been IBB'd as a Twin?  Gotta be interleague, right?  I mean it has to be.  I need to figure this out.

8:26 - Carpenter strikes out Cruz with Beltre on 2nd.  The important thing is that that's another bet won.

8:28 - Napoli with a monster shot to right to make it a 2-2 game.  That also gives him a 4-0 advantage in total bases over Molina.

8:30 - This infrared shit might be literally the gayest thing I've ever seen.  McCarver, "This is weird to me, I don't know how you do that."  With infrared cameras you dumb fucking hick.  I swear to god I'm going to find out where he lives and stab him in the tongue with a crocodile.

8:31 - "That camera reminds me of The Thing."  - Tim McCarver.  I'm 99.9% sure he means Predator.  It seems weird to hate someone you've never even met and who is mostly harmless, and yet here we are.

8:38 - A Furcal walk (with no RBI) and then a sac bunt and we have a fast runner on 2nd, representing the go-ahead run, with one out and Albert Pujols up.  Looks like this is where we find out just how valuable he really is oh wait no I guess we don't because they're walking him.  Damn it I wanted to see this.  Now I'm going to have to watch Matt Holliday ground into a double play.

8:39 - McCarver, "Pitchers really struggle to pitch around batters because they're trained to throw strikes and when you ask them not to they can't make that adjustment."  I'm now thinking some kind of garrotte.  Or maybe just C.J. Wilson's cool hip California style necklace.

8:41 - I love it when I call things.  Double play for Holliday.  And that shit rhymes, homeslice.

8:44 - Kinsler with a nice texas leaguer into right for a knock to lead off the sixth.  Hopefully the Rangers don't do any kind of running here.  I could accept a sac bunt from Andrus, if need be.

8:46 - Sac bunt down, now time to see if Hamilton can be a hero or if he's really just a fan murderer.  McCarver, "This is a really evenly matched World Series."  Well, Tim, actually the Rangers are fairly heavy favorite and would likely be almost 1-2 to win if they had home field advantage, so once again you're wrong.  I'm not entirely certain McCarver could outwit a briefcase full of crackers.

The battle of wits has begun

8:48 - McCarver:  "as a pitcher you have to have complete confidence in your catcher where you can throw the ball in the dirt with a runner on third."  He said this after a pitch that was at the batter's knees.  Also no run scored. 

8:56 - Freese with a double with one out (which is fine because there was nobody on base).  With Molina up followed by Punto and pitcher why not just walk Molina?  Punto is terrible and since he already has a hit tonight you know he can't possibly get another one, then the pitcher in which case you force the Cards to pinch hit and get Carpenter out of the game.  Win win win.

8:58 - Wild pitch moves Freese to third.  Looks like Wilson can't trust Napoli.  Probably because he's Sicilian.  I kind of wish I hadn't used my Vezzini picture already.

9:00 - Wilson whiffs Molina on a huge, huge pitch.  All he had to do was put that ball in play and St. Louis takes the lead, instead there are 2 outs and it's up to Nick Punto to get the runner home.  Watch, that little dick is going to get a hit now too, just to eff with me.

9:03 - They walk Punto non-intentionally but intentionally to get Carpenter out of the game.  Makes sense, but now you're facing a legit major league hitter when you could have faced Punto, one of the worst hitters in the history of the game.  Tecas countering with Ogando.  Good move here.  Good game for Wilson, but it's time go get the Ogandonator in there.  I just made that up.

9:08 - And THAT's why you pitch to a shitty hitter like Punto when you have a chance.  Craig, the pinch-hitter for Carpenter, singles to right to score the go-ahead run.

9:09 - Oh shit that means Furcal is up with a runner on third.  God please just bean him or something.

9:11 -  Furcal hits the shit out of it but thankfully he's a little noodle-armed weiner and it dies at the warning track.  I'm not going to lie to you, I'm pretty sure I just made some pants chocolate.

9:12 - These Chili-Lime almonds are really the cat's pajamas.

9:15 - I wonder if this Fernando Salas character is at all related to former Twin Mark Salas.  I kind of doubt it because he's not a big fat pile of goo.  Still, I'll always have a soft spot in my hard for Mark Salas because his was the first autograph I ever got.  It looked like M-scribble S-scribble, but it's a nice memory.  Not like that fuckface Jeff Reardon.

9:20 - I stopped paying attention for a minute but now the Rangers have 2 on and 1 out and Mark Salas is out and the guy with the weird polish name is in.

9:26 - Polish guy strikes out Dennis Nedry in a huge spot, which once again validates the Colby Rasmus trade because polish guy was one of a couple of relievers they picked up.  Rangers have one more shot, but they're pinch hitting with Esteban German so they might as well not have pinch hit.

9:29 - Polish guy whiffs German, which is no surprise.  Slightly more surprising is after that when McCarver says, "It's a five-letter word, S-T-R-I-K-E."  Now, the fact that it's a six letter word isn't even the least bit surprising at this point because it seems like exactly the kind of thing McCarver would say.  Better, though, is that he never follows up on it.  That's his entire point.  He says nothing else, there's awkward silence, and then we cut to some army dude singing.  So bizarre.  I assume twitter must be blowing up about this.  I'd check it, but I'm about 20 minutes behind due to tape delay so I don't want to spoil anything.

9:34 - McCarver, "By the way, I figured out between innings that strike has six letters, not five."  I'll give it to him, I never expected a classic doucher like McCarver to admit his own error.

9:43 - No runs scored, and we go to the 8th.  I seem to be getting a bit sleepy.  Damn Hamm's.

9:45 - So I went to the Gopher tip-off deal last Friday night with Wonderbaby^TM, and it really didn't go all that well.  They started late, I assume because the autograph part of it went long, the intros took forever since they introduced like 30 alumni who were there, and then they ended up skipping the skills competiton for current players (although we did get to see Abdul-Shamala and Brent Lawson win for the alumni).  Then they went to the halfcourt shot thing, which was really stupid because nobody made one so it was really boring.  Then my lovely daughter had finished her popcorn and mello yello and was pretty bored because "nobody's even playing, daddy" and it was almost 2 hours past her bedtime so we left.  Which means other than the half-court shot I didn't see any current players do anything outside of warmup.  Still kind of excited for the year though.  I'm kinda dumb that way.

9:53 - no runs again, despite the Rangers getting a shot at the world's oldest lefty Arthur Lee Rhodes.  We go bottom 8, still 3-2 National League.

9:57 - I miss Derek Holland's mustache.

9:58 - Berkman with an infield hit to open the bottom of the 8th, which seems weird when you think about how he's 800 years old and kind of fat.  The good part of this is, by the way, is that it seems David Freese is out of the lineup and I didn't even know it.  His replacement tosses down a nice sac bunt, setting things up for Molina, Punto, and pitcher's spot.  A true murderer's row.  Although compared to Repko, Butera, Tolbert......I'm just sayin'.

10:01 - IT'S ALL UP TO PUNTO

10:03 - There's not a lot of meat in these gym mats. 

10:04 - Punto whiffs.  I laugh.

10:07 - Looks like Jason Motte is the closer tonight.  I can't keep up.  I do know that I don't like him because I took him like 2-3 years ago late in a fantasy baseball draft because a friend of mine told me he was a "great sleeper" because nobody really knew him and he was assured to win the closer role.  Which he did, but then he pitched as if he was throwing BP and lost the job and my heart.

10:09 - Tim McCarver is definitely retarded.

10:12 - they get all the outs and the Cardinals win.  This game got kind of boring.  Needed more Punto.

World Series Game 5 Live Blog

It could be the last game of the baseball season, so I might as well Live Blog this crap, right?  Plus we'll see if my man-crush on Cliff Lee grows, or just disappears like a john, with nothing more than a crisp new fifty on the night stand and a slight burning sensation during urination.  We're picking this game up in the top of the second after finally getting Wonderbaby^TM ready for bed.  She's a bit wound up after her first day of pre-pre-school today, and I'm a bit concerned because the majority of her classmates look like Sloth from the Goonies.  On to the show.....

-  It's 3-1 Phillies thanks to Chase Utley continuing to be a P.I.M.P.  And I turned it on just in time to hear McCarver say, "American League batters are used to Mariano Rivera breaking bats, but not many of them know about Cliff Lee........even though he was with the Indianas............Lee's a different pitcher with Philadelphia."  Dude.  Just stop.  It makes me glad I've been watching most of this with no sound - which I'll be doing again shortly once Mrs. W gets back from putting the baby down.

-  Speaking of Lee and pitching game five, I think he should have been moved up and pitched last night, but this yahoo article is quite harsh and mostly retarded (like Dawger).  I hardly think that decision "blew the world series" or that Charlie Manuel is like Forrest Gump and "stupid is as stupid does."  He also calls Cliff Lee "not an ace" because he didn't demand the ball for game 4.  I'm seriously stumped.  I didn't like it at the time, but I'm thinking that it was actually a good decision by Manuel.  Think about it - Blanton pitched well enough for the Phillies to win, Lidge blew the game.  If they can steal a win with Blanton going against Sabathia, suddenly the Phillies are in the driver's seat, and they damn near did it, again, if it wasn't for Lidge - not Blanton and not Manuel.  I'm willing to bet Passan had this article typed up before even the first pitch of Sunday night's game, and when the Phils lost he just hit send on his little mac-book.  It's not even surprising, that seems to be the standard for journalism these days.  Except me.  I'm really good.

-   Boy has Texeira been brutal.  Another weak grounder with a runner on base, and he's now at .062 for the series.  And yet since the Yankees will win, nobody will say a word.  This is so unfair to A-Rod. 

-  There is way too much being made of Damon stealing third after stealing second on the same play.  Yes, it was totally heads up and a great, smart, alert play - no doubt.  But also let's try to remember that A-Rod doubled two batters later - Damon is scoring from any base.  I'm just thankful Jeter isn't the one who made that play, can you imagine?  It would make the Madden/Favre love fest look like Twilight.  Because it's a chastity parable.  Shut up.  No, you're gay.

-  Utley walks and steals second - any chance we can get a losing player winning the World Series MVP?  I don't think it's ever happened, right?  I know some defensive guy from the Cowboys won the Super Bowl MVP even though the Cowboys lost back in the 70s, but I don't think it's happened in baseball.  Of course, seeing as how Jeter is on the Yankees and everyone loves him more than life itself, he'll get it for hitting .360 with no runs batted in and just two extra-base hits.  What a joke.  God I hate you Derek Jeter.  You know that scene is Se7en, where Kevin Spacey ties that guy to the bed and like cuts his hand off and somehow tortures him but keeps him alive for like a year?  What?  I'm just asking if you remember that scene, I ain't sayin' nothin'.

-  The NL's Jason Kubel knocks in Utley.  Burnett getting rocked.  And trust me, A.J. Burnett doens't have the mental capacity to recover when he's getting smoked.  Might as well pack up and head to New York, folks, this one's over.

-  Ibanez knocks in another one, and that'll do it for fragile little A.J.  We're going to David Robertson here folks, although if I'm Girardi I call this one over and go to Mitre or Gaudin.

-  Wow, base hit for Cliff Lee.  We're at 6-1 here, and Rollins can break this baby wide open.  Well, wide opener.

-  Strikes out like a jerk.

-  Link to Blue Ribbon's preview of Gopher basketball.  It points out something I had either forgotten or never knew:  The Gophers had more turnovers than assists last year.  Ouch.  Damian Johnson, Al Nolen, and Kevin Payton were the only ones with more assists than TOs, and Westbrook (1/1.5), Iverson (1/2.2), and Busch (1/2.l) were absolute killers.  Let's go ahead and put that as priority #1 for next season, shall we?  Also note that with rounding, future Big Ten P.O.Y. Ralph Sampson was one of only four players with a 1-to-1 ratio or better (and, of course, the preview doesn't fail to compare him to his "Heroin Satan" father - god that must get old).

-  FYI, Colbie Smulders recently had a baby, and she has lost the baby weight, but she hasn't lost it from everywhere, if you know what I'm saying.  (NOTE:  I'm talking about her boobs.)  This is her, if you are unaware:

Now imagine that with some C+ cups.

-  Derek Jeter got a hit.  MVP!  MVP!  MVP!  MVP!

-  Don't worry, nothing came of it.  And a great catch in left-center by Brett Gardner.  He's 10 times the fielder Melky is, too bad he can't hit for shit.  Sounds an awful lot like Carlos Gomez, no?

-  Iowa is ranked #4 in the latest BCS.  Serious question, how many other top 10 teams do you think Iowa would beat more often than not?  Florida?  Texas?  Alabama?  Boise?  Georgia Tech?  Cincy?  TCU?  I'm not sure there's a single team here they are bettre than..

-  Ok, actually they got a run somewhere back there, and it's now 6-2.  I would have known that, but I have become a bit distracted by facebook, and everybody trying to sound cool and ignore the fact that I was part of a group interview of Magic Johnson and Larry Bird today.  You are all jerks.

-  Oh, yeah.  So I was part of a conference call of a bunch of writers who got to do a group interview of Magic and Larry today.  Of course, it was only an hour and there were people from like, ESPN and The Sporting News and USA Today, etc., so I didn't get a chance to actually ask a question since I'm pretty sure I'd be the Pittsburgh Pirates of the invitees, but it was still cool.

- Cliffy keeps rolling along, now through seven with just the two runs allowed.  It certainly wouldn't hurt for the Phillies to pick up a couple of more runs here. 

-  This probably deserves it's own post, but here is a report on Corey Joseph's reaction to his official visit on Saturday.  Sounds good, folks, sounds really good.  In particular pay attention to the first two comments below the article - very insightful.

-  Utley just destroys a pitch down the line, but foul.  Dude, that guy is so dialed in right now it's ridiculous.

-  And the very next pitch he goes yard.  Again.  This guy is a second basemen, it just isn't right.  That's five in this series, which I think is some kind of record.  And we could have two more games.  I'm actually kind of starting to believe the Phillies can come back and win this - delirious, I know.

-  Ibanez goes yard.  This Phil Coke guy sucks.  Let me remind you all that Pedro's career postseason WHIP = 1.07.  Bring it Yanks, because I feel a career defining Pedro performance on Wednesday.  Yes, another one.

-  Cliffy gives up three straight hits, including a double that probably should have been caught but Ibanez is 100 years old to A-Rod and it's 8-4, and we get Chan Ho Park for like the 10th time this series.  Confidence = ug.

-  Park gets three straight guys out, but another run comes in when Ben Francisco - in at CF for the Flyin' Hawaiian who may or may not have injured his hand after taking a Burnett fastball off it - totally lolligags the throw to home and A-Rod tags up from third.  Really a very good, smart play.  He did the bluff-type thing, saw Francisco kind of wasn't really trying, and then just kept going and beat the throw.  Good play.  8-5 Phils, but the Yanks will get one more crack at it.

-  T-Wolves down 25-23 in the first.  I benched Kaman on my fantasy basketball team tonight and put in Ryan Anderson because I need more three-pointers.  Kaman has 8 points and 6 boards already.  Why the hell would I bench a center against the Wolves?  Dumb.  And speaking of fantasy, I now have the details on my fantasy college basketball league.  I'll be posting those sometime this week. 

-  Oh yeah, my fantasy basketball (NBA) team includes LeBron, Dwight Howard, Andrew Bynum, Joe Johnson, and Derrick Rose.  Yeah, I'm dominant.  Also when I just looked up my roster right there I realized that Kaman is still starting until tomorrow, so disregard all that "I'm dumb" talk.  Plus, you should have tried to make me feel better and you didn't.  Why are your feelings the only ones that matter?

-  8-5 still, but Madson gives up a lead-off double to Posada.  Seeing as how you not only can't trust Lidge, but he's probably not available anyway, I'd assume this is Madson's show.  If he sucks and they end up bringing in Brett Myers at any point, we might as well just engrave the trophy for the Yanks right then and there.

-  I just saw Danielle Harris's boobs.  God bless you free Showtime preview.

-  Base hit for Matsui.  If I used swear words on this blog, this would be the part where I would type fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

-  Jeter grounds into a double play.  Ha ha, way to be a True Yankee, Jeter.  Awesome.

-  Damon base hit.  A Tex home run here ties the game.  Awesome.  Nice bullpen Philadelphia.

-  Nevermind, he strikes him out proving that there is at least one person on this planet with the last name Madson who you can trust, and we're going back to New York where the Yankees will almost certainly win it.  But I really hope not.

World Series Game 3 Live Blog

Seeing as it is Halloween, the missus and I are watching Drag me to Hell, which so far is a pretty good movie despite the presence of Justin Long.  It's helped by the fact that I am a little bit in love with Alison Lohman, who could be sisters with both Jenna Fischer and Anna Paquin.  Can you image those three in the same family, because they could easily all be related.  I think I'd go Fischer, Paquin, Lohman, but really, whichever order they want to come to me in is fine by me.

Anyway, I'm also watching the World Series on an internet feed, as I usually do, and the Gophers are being monitored thanks to the game tracker via ESPN.com.  Currently the Gophers are recovering from an almost blown awesome start, but lead 21-10 with 2 minutes left in the first half, the Yanks and Phillies are tied 0-0 in the bottom of the first, and this chick in the movie should not have turned that old lady down for a loan, because I'm pretty sure she's fucked at this point.  Any way, let's roll.

-  Andy Pettitte is the all-time leader in postseason wins?  W.T.F??!?!  This would be like finding out Derek Jeter is third all-time in postseason home runs........WHAT!!??!

-  Just got back from tending to my pumpkin seeds (slow roasted at 300 degrees for an hour, butter spray, seasoned salt, garlic powder) and the Phillies managed to get nothing out of Jimmy Rollins's leadoff single and steal of second.  Can't waste opportunities, boys, you know the Yanks won't.  Or maybe they will.  I don't know.

-  I guess we'll find out as my sort-of boyfriend Cole Hamels plunks a-rod with the first pitch of the second inning.  Cole and I were going really good most of last year, it was pretty serious, I think he might have picked out a ring, but I kind of had to slow things down most of this year.  Now he's been slowly winning me back over, and this is a pretty good chance for him to get back into my good graces.

-  Pedro Feliz, who Tim McCarver keeps insisting is one of the best 3bmen in baseball, bobbles and easy double play ball and they only get A-rod at second.  What do you want to bet that costs them?

-  Nevermind, my boyfriend pitched out of it with no further issues.  I guess that was a bad bet, like most of them that Snacks lays down these days.

-  Wow, this chick in this movie is having a couple of really horrible days.  Nice rack though.

-  Home run Jayson Werth to lead off the second.  He really had to go down and get it, too.  A lot like Matsui's in Game 2, but insead of hitting a pop up that somehow managed to get over the fence by some weird miracle, he laced that sumbitch into like the 15th row in left field.  A right-handed, National League Jason Kubel with speed and fielding.  So really he has nothing in common with Kubel at all, except they are both underrated and I love them both (NOTE:  I love Kubel more).

-  With one out, Feliz doinks one off the wall for a double, and then walks Carlos freaking Ruiz.  Falling apart, Pettitte?  Need a little GHB or your precious "God?"  Well you're on your own, chief.

-  The Spartans took the opening kick of the second half back for a TD?  Good lord.

-  Uh, oh, bunt hit for Hamels because Pettitte can't field.  I'm feeling blow out here folks, this might be a a very short live blog - no point continuing when the Phillies are up 15-0.

-  Pettitte walks in a run, walking Rollins on five pitches.  He looks awful, just awful.  Which, of course, is good for me, and for America.

-  The Phils pick up one more, and it's a 3-0 now going to the third.  This game is huge for Philadelphia, because next up is Sabathia vs. Blanton, in a game the Yankees should win 20-1. 

-  Gophers answer, and it's 28-17.  Honestly, you can't lose that game after the way it started for them, or you might as well quit football and move on to field hockey.  In case you missed it, the Gophers scored on the first play from scrimmage on a long TD pass to Duane Bennett, then MSU fumbled the kickoff and Minnesota recovered, and converted that into another TD with a pass to future stud Brandon Green.  In other words, a near perfect start.

-  so I have no sound with this internet feed (well, I do but instead we are watching some crazy goat-sacrificing seance), but Predro Feliz just fielded a grounder and threw a guy out, and they've now shown the replay four times, paying most attention to how he used two hands to field it.  Twenty bucks says McCarver is having a jizz party over this righ tnow, and that's why we are watching a routine play over and over and over.

-  I'm having trouble getting the ESPN tracker to work, but it appears Sparty just returned a kickoff for a touchdown for the second time this game, and it's now 28-24 Gophers.  I would wager my kickass Protege (with Spoiler) that the Spartans win this game.

-  Oh, nevermind it was only an 84-yard touchdown run, not a kickoff return.  No need to panic, pretty routine.

-  A-Rod dingers after Texeira walks.  It's the Yankees first hit, the first higt A-Rod has ever gotten against Hamels, and it makes the score 3-2.  On a related note, or not, somehow Michigan State now leads the Gophers 31-28.  You pretty much have to get rid of Brewster, right?  Maybe they bring in a new coach and keep Brewster on as tight ends' coach.or something.

-  What the hell?  Wanda Sykes is getting her own talk show? 

-  Error or Rodriguez to lead off the fourth.  I guess we should call him E-Rod.  Can a get a rimshot here?

-  We finished Drag me to Hell.  I'm going to lightly recommend it.  Up next is Orphan, which I'm assuming involves some creepy kid.  I have a feeling I'm going to be very wary of Wonderbaby^TM tomorrow.

-  And now the Gophers are up again, thanks mostly to a fifty-three yard completion from Weber to someone named Da'Jon McKnight, who I have definitely never head of.  What a crazy game.  It's almost enough to make me wish I was watching.

-  Uh, this Orphan movie is pretty effed up right here.  Pretty sure that opening scene is going to give me nightmares for years.  NICE MOVIE PICK MRS. W!

-  Yankees tie it up on a Nick Swisher double and a Pettitte single.  Yes, a Pettitte single.  Call me crazy here, but maybe you don't throw your lollipop curveball to a career .134 hitter.  I'm thinking it makes more sense to save that pitch for guys who can actually hit so you can disrupt their timing.  Not a guy who you could throw nothing but fastballs too and he'd make contact 10% of the time.  You are on thin ice, Hamels.

-  And it's now 5-3 thanks to a Jeter bloop and a Damon double.  And now he walks Texeira to bring A-Rod back up.  and he's being yanked for Happ.  We are so broken up.  And not like a Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson break-up, I mean real one.

-  Sparty field goal, 35-34 Gophers.  Wow.

-  Just got a text from snacks, who is at the Gopher game, which is now 42-34 and clearly the craziest game ever.  He told me to turn the game on, which I did, so I could see the weird Tow-Arnett deflection to Bennett thing, which might be the most unreal play I've seen in a long time.  I kind of wish I was watching that game.

-  This kid in this movie is creepy as all shit.

-  Home run Swisher, 6-3 Gay-nkees.  Interest level:  waning.

-  The NL version of Jason Kubel homers to lead off the sixth, and it's now 6-4.  I am also now watching the last two minutes of the Gopher game, and I was all excited to watch Sparty march down in the last two minutes to end up tying it up, but instead some dumb bastard runs into the punter to give the Gophers a first down, and that should just about do it.  Totally earned that victory, way to go, Brewster.

-  So far the kid is just creepy, and hasn't killed anybody or poisoned anybody or lit anyone on fire yet or anything.  She should probably get on that here pretty quickly, especially since her parents are horny pervs who get it on at the drop of a hat no matter who or what is around.  Seriously, bending the wife over the kitchen table and going to town is good stuff, but when you have three kids and it's like 8pm, I'd probably advise against it.  Pervs.

-  J.D. Durbin.  The Real Deal.  And he still sucks.  Couple hits, couple walks, and a run, and he was bailed out by what could only be described as the worst call in history - Posada was rung up on pitch that was well below the knees and about a foot outside.  Almost wonder if the umps are supposed to make sure this thing gets back to New York.  After those excerpts from the Donaghy book, who the hell knows what's going on in pro sports. 

-  Wait.  This one is Chad Durbin, who has made a decent career out of being a middle reliever.  The Real Deal hasn't pitched in the bigs since 2007, totaled just 72 innings pitched in his career, and is currently floundering about in the Dodgers' system.  But perhaps most damning of all?  Baseball Reference has a section for each player where it lists their nicknames.  There is no mention of "The Real Deal" on his page.  None whatsoever. 

-  She now pushed some mean girl down a slide and she hurt her ankle.  This chick's evil level is closer to Nelson Muntz than Damien.

-  Black taco.

-  Well, now she killed some black nun lady by hitting her in the head wiht a hammer like, fifty times.  That was pretty evil.  But in her defense, she's Russian.

-  Matsui takes Brett Myers yard to make it 8-4.  Amazing somebody can hit the ball that far without opening their eyes.  Also, Brett Myers?  Seriously?  God the Phillies' bullpen sucks.  And now they're screwed.  You can't go with Blanton tomorrow now, can you?  Let's be honest, that guy is terrible, and if they go with Blanton it's going to be 3-1 Yankees.  You need to go with pimp daddy Cliffy, it's the only way.

-  Phillies' are down 8-4 in the 8th, and Marte is pitching.  What they need to do is make the game close enough so Rivera has to come in.  Obviously, ideally they would win, but barring that they need to at least make Mariano pitch. 

-  Good job Phillies.  He strikes out two and gets Ibanez to line out.  Worthless. 

-  I'd love to keep blogging this crap, but we're going to play strip Trivial Pursuit.  I'm sure you understand.  For now, Happy Halloween readers, from the W family: