Six Very Important Things this Morning 8.17.2010

1.  In Gopher Football talk, this sucks.  According to whoever runs the Pioneer Press's Gopher twitter, MarQueis Gray spent the day playing WR for the Gophers, which I would assume means he won't be playing QB and we're stuck with Adam Weber again, but this time sans security blanket.  That leads to an upside of a mid-tier bowl, with a downside of zero bowl.  I've talked here about how I love what Fred Hoiberg is doing to try to turn Iowa State around by taking big risks, and I think that's where the Gophers need to go if they want a shot at relevance.  The best way to go about that is to scrap whatever kind of boring typical offense they're running and go with something more interesting.

The spread would have been an option (which Brewster has already killed), as would the wishbone (no chance), but my favorite option is to take the ball and give it to an incredible athlete with some QB experience in his background and turn him loose.  If only they could find somebody like that somewhere.  And if he was ranked as the 3rd best dual threat QB in his high school class, that would be even better.  But how could the Gophers ever land somebody like that?  I guess it's a pipe dream.


2.  No, not that kind of punchout.  In news that sucks for Mets' fans and Francisco Rodriguez fantasy owners, K-Rod is going to miss the rest of the season after injuring his thumb punching out either his father-in-law, girlfriend's father, or baby mama's father depending on which article you read.  Of course, that's not really the important part, the important part is that an ace reliever is going to miss the rest of the season after punching an old man who ended up in the hospital with (a lump on his head and scratches on his face.)  Is it just me here, or does it kind of sound like K-Rod fights like how I imagine Nick Punto probably fights.

3.  Since we're talking domestic violence, how about "Born Ready?"  I feel sad, because Lance "Born Ready" Stephenson was one of my favorite players last year.  Not because of his play, which kind of alternated between disinterested, ballhog, and unstoppable star, but because of his potential.  If he could harness himself a little better, focus more, and stay in control he could have been an absolute beast for Cincy.  Instead he turned pro, got drafted by the Pacers in the mid-first round, had an excellent summer league, and then threw his girlfriend down the stairs and slammed her head into said stairs after she was done rolling.  That's not domestic violence, that's like, a whole new level.  I think I saw Steven Seagal pull that move on Gary Busey in Under Siege.  Awesome then, just like that entire movie.  Not so awesome here.

4.  I wonder how this will turn out.  As of this writing (it's 10:30pm) #1 overall pick Bryce Harper had exactly a half hour to sign with the Nationals.  If he doesn't the Nats lose his rights and he would go back into the draft next year following another year of college ball.  There is, of course, no way that this will happen, because this is the guy who dropped out of high school after his sophomore year so he could get his GED, get started in JuCo ball and get drafted as soon as possible.  Everything this kid has done has been geared towards getting him into the Major Leagues, there is no way he's going to set the clock back an entire year over what is basically peanuts compared to his potential earnings.  Then again, douchebags who wear war paint eye black and get habitually tossed from games for arguing with umpires aren't exactly known for making sound decisions. 

[UPDATE:  He signed.  SHOCKER.]

5.  Shawn Marcum almost pitched a no-hitter against Oakland.  But that's no the exciting part since we are learning that the A's can't hit even a little bit.  The exciting news was that I saw, with m own two eyes, Boof Bonser on the hill for Oakland.  He looked awfully familiar, still featuring a low-nineties fastball, a lollipop slow curve, and an incredibly hittable slider, all to go along with a general lack of ability to hit his spots.  He threw two decent innings, allowing no runs on 3 hits and striking out one and lowering his season ERA to 7.20 and his WHIP to a terrifying 2.40. 

He's only pitched on four occasions this year:  June 9th with the Red Sox when he got destroyed and didn't get an out, June 11th with the Sox when he got knocked around the yard, then August 6th with Oakland when he pitched a good inning, and finally last night.  He's actually put up pretty awful numbers in the minors this year as well so I'm not really sure what Oakland is doing exactly, but I'm rooting for him for what it's worth.     

6.  This would be so awesome.  I've talked about a similar idea here before, but four top Indiana hoops programs are getting together to create the Crossroads Classic, where Indiana, Notre Dame, Purdue, and Butler will combined to play a doubleheader in both 2011 and 2012 at Conseco Fieldhouse.  Very cool.  My idea is some sort of Mid-West Classic tournament, say the Gophers, Iowa State, a Missouri Valley team, and either a MAC, OVC, or Horizon League team and just play a four-team tournament, alternating hosts each year between the Gophers and Cyclones.  Some years you could invite really good teams (Northern Iowa, Butler, etc.) and other years you could go further down the list.  I think this would rock.  But of course, since it's fun and awesome it will never happen since athletic directors and presidents hate fun.


As far as some site/personal news goes, Wonderbaby 2.0 will be arriving today at approximately 11:30am.  As such, posting may (or may not) be far more sporadic for a while.  I'll do my best to post as often as time and energy permits, but just know that you might not get a post every day for a while.  No, stop crying.  Come on.  You're embarrassing yourself.  Your co-workers are looking at you.  You're so ugly when you cry. 

Boof is Back, Baby!

The Boof is back!  That's right folks, the one and only Boof Bonser is finally back in baseball after being M.I.A. since 2008 with apparently the world's worst shoulder injury.  Of course, he's no longer a Twin, having been sent over to the Red Sox in 2009 for minor league reliever Chris Province (who is sporting a 5.86 ERA in AA this year).

Tonight, with the Red Sox down 3-0 to the Indians going into the 8th, and Clay Buchholz tuckered after throwing 107 pitches, they turned to Mr. Bonser to hold down the fort.  Here's how that went:

0ip, 2 hits, 2 walks, 4 runs.  Every batter he faced scored.  Season ERA = ∞. 

Ouch.  Welcome back indeed.

Friday Fillibusters

Wow, what a long week, am I right?  I could pretty easily not go back to work for a month and I wouldn't miss it - other than the money that is.  As such, I am going to go ahead and knock back a couple few Coors Lights and type random thoughts as they enter my brain.  If you're looking for a preview of St. Joseph's, scroll to the post underneath this one, genius.

-  We'll start with the Twins here, and how guys I wanted them to pick up are just flying off the board.  Iwamura was traded to the Pirates, Polanco signed with the Phillies, Figgins with the Mariners, Scutaro with the Red Sox, J.J. Putz with the White Sox, and Rich Harden with the Rangers.  That's almost my entire list of people I was interested in.  Who's left?

Adrian Beltre is still out there, and still someone I'd love to see land with the Twins, but that's looking less and less likely.  It was just reported today that the Red Sox, after shipping off Mike Lowell (someone I wouldn't have minded the Twins getting depending on how much of that contract the Sox were paying) have decided to move their intentions to Beltre.  It was also reported that Beltre has asked for a 5 year, $65 million contract.  At that price I'd be pissed if the Twins signed him, and we all know there's not way they would so let's just move on.

A name I've heard a lot on the radio recently is Mark DeRosa, another 3b who I would like to see signed, but once again it seems his asking price is fairly ridiculous - 3 years, $27 million.  It's been reported that Billy Smith has said the team has "substantial funds" to put together the roster for next year, but this, like Beltre, isn't a good spend (would you rather get the 35-year old DeRosa or the 31-year old Figgins?).

Orlando Hudson is still available and is probably my first choice to play 2b right now, although Felipe Lopez would probalby be cheaper.  Kevin Kouzmanoff is almost certain to be traded by the Padres and would be a good addition to the squad, but it seems San Diego wants more than just Glen Perkins.  Now, if that "more" is like, Aaron Hicks they should tell the Pads to go screw.  But if it's something more like "Bobby Keppel" (who apparently was more valuable than Bonser - seriously WTF?) or some low-level dingleberry whose upside is playing for the St. Paul Saints, just toss him in and do it and get it over with already.  I'm still convinced Melvin Mora ends up here.  

-  Seriously, nice job keeping Keppel over Boof.  I can't even remotely come close to wrapping my head around that one.  Just weird.

-  Had a chance to watch a decent chunk of the Dayton/Old Dominion game tonight (thank you internet + knowing where to look) and let me tell you something - Dayton is awful.  Just awful.  They have squeeked by ODU, George Mason, Miami (OHIO), and Towson this year.  The only good player on the whole team is Chris Wright, who is actually a beast.  Like, literally, a beast.  He's built like Ving Rhames and plays like a slightly less athletic Blake Griffin.  Consider me very impressed with him, but super unimpressed by the team.  Kind of like Fergie.  Super impressed by the body, disgusted by the face.  That's Dayton.  Dayton = Fergie.  

-  FUN FACTS:  Dayton's last first round NBA pick was way back in 1979 - Jim Paxson, despite Negele Knight having a fantastic 1990 season - 22.8 points and 6.8 assists per game.  Also back in the very early 80s when DePaul was a dominant program (seriously, it happened) they had a 49-game home winning streak.  It was broken on January 10, 1981 on a steal and layup at the buzzer by Old Dominion.

-  Speaking of those FUN FACTS, I owe you one on St. Joseph's, don't I?  Well, Jameer Nelson ended his career as the Hawks all-time leader in points, assists, and steals, won the A-10 Rookie of the Year, the A-10 Player of the Year, and the National Player of the Year, and started every one of the 125 games he played in his career.  There's a reason I referred to it as "Jameer Nelson U" in my preview.


-  And I don't think I gave one for Morgan State either.  But did you know that the best player in Morgan State history, Marvin Webster, played from 1971-1975 and is still the team's all-time leader in points and rebounds, holds the single-season record for points and rebounds, and once grabbed 32 boards in one game.  He also has perhaps the best nickname of all-time, "The Human Eraser."

-  Have I mentioned how much I love the College Basketball Encyclopedia?

-  I ended up having to make a few changes to the final Fantasy College Hoops roster, including the heart-breaking and devasting decision to cut Ralph Sampson loose.  I think I'm just a year early.  He'll probably end up in consistent double-double territory by the end of the year, and then explode his junior season for the first of two Big Ten Player of the Year Awards.  Anyway, here's the final (probably) roster with the season starting on Monday:

G Jordan Crawford, Xavier
G Deonta Vaughn, Cincinnati
G Nic Wise, Arizona
G Chris Warren, Ole Miss
G Mikhail Torrance, Alabama
G Ronald Moore, Siena
G/F Tyler Smith, Tennessee
G/F Edwin Ubiles, Siena
F Luke Harangody, Notre Dame
F Jon Leuer, Wisconsin
F Damian Johnson, Minnesota
F Draymond Green, Michigan State
F Jamelle Horn, Arizona
F/C JaJuan Johnson, Purdue
F/C Derrick Favors, Georgia Tech
C Kenny Lawson, Creighton

Seems like a championship to me.

-  I wonder where Raymar Morgan would have been drafted if he had come out after his sophomore year (if he would have been drafted at all).  He's certainly been in free-fall mode since, absolutely refusing to build off that excellent sophomore year.  I can't remember what happened to him.  Did he get mono or something like that?  AIDS?  I don't remember.  And do you think the chicks call him Ray-Ray?

-  I love how Tiger is taking an "indefinite leave" from golf in order to fix his marriage.  Yeah, this will last all the way until the Masters.  No chance in hell he's going to miss a major - no chance in hell.  If Elin hasn't taken him back, or at least comitted to making it work and giving him "permission" to go play he's just going to go play.  No chance his misses a major.  If he has to, he'll just play the "addiction" card and get out of jail free.  You know, like every celebrity who has ever been in trouble for anything.  Sex addict, alcoholic, drug addict, gambleholic - it doesn't matter, just play the "disease" card and you're fine.  He probalby should have just pulled that shit right off the bat.  But - again - no way he misses a major.

-  Lastly, according to this article filled with a lot of mindless speculation and opinions reported as fact, it seems the Big Ten will be pushing for a twelfth team soon (apparently so it can be known as the Big Twelve, part II).  I don't know who it would be, but it seems clear it won't be Notre Dame since they've turned them down for like, 100 years.  Maybe a MAC team.  That would make sense.  Or what about a Missouri Valley team if their football team is ready to jump to D-IA?  Northern Iowa actually makes a ton of sense here since their basketball/football programs are probably most ready.  Although who am I kidding?  This decision, if we're pretending it's actually going to happen, will be made with football and football only in mind, so maybe Ohio?  I think best case (outside Northern Iowa) would be Temple, but I don't see them leaving the A-10.  In any case, this is really pointless and stupid.  Like your face.

I am back and I smell like Hippies.

Hey folks, hope you didn't miss me too much while I was enjoying a much-needed vacation in Portland, but I'm back and better than ever.  Or not, who the hell knows.  Before I get into the sports goings-on that I missed, let me tell you something about Portland.  It is full of two things:  1.  Beer and 2.  Hippies.  I only approve of one of these.

The beer is awesome, with Portland being just full of Microbreweries and a ton of Brewpubs.  Pretty much everywhere had a huge selection of local beers on tap (and always just one macrobrew), and even places like hotel bars had a selection in the double digits.  My favorite joint was a place called Henry's, which had 105 beers on tap, enough to make even Old Chicago feel embarrassed.  If you're ever in the Pacific Northwest, I highly recommend trying Mac and Jack's African Amber.  Very, very good.

The hippies were far less awesome, and they are seriously every where.  The problem is you can't tell the hippies from the homeless, and the city is overstaffed with both.  I saw some dirty person sitting on the ground with a cup in front of them and assumed it was a homeless dude, but when we got closer his cup was actually full of coffee and he was listening to an ipod.  So really he was just some dirty hippy sitting on the ground listening to his hippy music.  And every dude here either has those ear gauge things that stretch your ipod like some kind of African tribal shaman or is wearing a stupid looking hipster hat, and all the chicks here wear really tall socks with weird designs on them.  And they're proud of it, too.  There are signs and bumper stickers everywhere that say, "Keep Portland Weird."  Well you're doing a hell of a job.

Lastly, three quick recommendations if you are ever in Portland:

1.  Voodoo Donut is absolutely worth the hype.  The line was never shorter than a 15 minute wait, but like I said, worth it.

2.  If you like books, definitely check out Powell's City of Books.  It's the biggest non-chain bookstore in America, and they aren't kidding with the "big" part.  Imagine a Walmart, but on three levels, and all they sell are books.  It's huge.  There's like, a room for sports books, and a room for history books, and different rooms for each book subject, and they aren't small rooms either.  Very cool, and I could have probably spent a full day in there, no problem. 

3.  Rent a car and take a drive up the Columbia Gorge.  Very scenic and a really cool drive.  Thanks to a recommendation from my good buddy Tim Dogg, we crossed into Washington and drove up that side, stopped at Cape Horn to take some incredible pictures, then kept going and crossed back into Oregon at the Bridge of the Gods to head back, stopping in Multnomah Falls for lunch and a little hiking on the trails.  Good times. 

This concludes your travel guide portion of this post.

- Obviously the biggest news since I've been gone is the Twins getting bounced from the playoffs without so much as a whimper.  It wasn't exactly a shock, but it was definitely a disappointment.  There were plenty of opportunities in Game 2 and Game 3 to win, but thanks to Joe Nathan's batting practice fastballs they were swept and revealed to be exactly what we should have always known they were - a thoroughly mediocre team who got white hot at the same time as their biggest division rival commenced completely tanking their season.

Meaningful baseball in september and making the playoffs are always good things, and honestly I'm having trouble being at all negative about this season since I didn't think they had a chance to really beat the Yankees anyway, but it would have been really nice if they would have at least put up a fight.  I was really hoping for a split in New York and getting it back to the Dome with a chance to win two and take it, and it almost looked like that was going to happen, but unfortunately Nathan and A-Rod decided not to let that happen.  Second choice would have been to win both at the Dome after losing the first two in New York and getting it down to a 1-game toss up, but once again, it was not to be - although Pavano looked awesome for about five innings.

Obviously for me the biggest disappointment was Jason Kubel, who looked like he regressed back to two years ago when he had zero chance of hitting lefties and was nothing more than a fourth infielder type, not the top ten hitter in the league he developed into this season.

It's still too early to really think about next season, but the Twins should be similar.  Span-Morneau-Mauer-Kubel-Cuddyer is a very nice base to a line up, but there are plenty of other holes and decisions that need to be made.  I've warmed up quite a bit to Punto, but you can only have one of him in the lineup, not two or three.  I'd like to see Crede back, but only if he will sign for 1-year at $1 or $2 million, other to man third for 80 games again or, if Valencia is ready, to be an actual power bat off the bench - the Twins' pinch hitters this year were really sad.  I suppose bringing Cabrera back wouldn't be the worst thing, if he's cheap, and in terms of free agents I haven't really done any research yet, but if the Tigers let Polanco go I'd like to see them go after him.  I hear Chone Figgins name a lot, but I don't think that's possible.  He's going to have a lot of interest, and even in a down economy I expect him to get a pretty good deal.

As for pitching, if Slowey comes back all the way you have three pretty good young pitchers as your core, and that's not counting whatever you think of Duensing (optimistic) or Perkins (not optimistic).  I haven't thought to hard about if I want Pavano back, so that's a maybe, and I have no idea who might be available.  The bullpen is interesting because the numbers look pretty good, but I swear they suck.  Nobody typifies this more than Guerrier, whose numbers show he had an excellent year but I swear he got lit up every time I watched him hit.  I've heard talk of Nathan being washed up, but that's pretty retarded.  Who knows what happens with Bonser or Neshek and how they come back.  I know of at least one pretty big Twins fan (Snacks) who is convinced Bonser will be an absolute shut-down 8th inning guy.  We'll see.

Maybe the biggest question is what to do with the outfielders.  Kubel should be locked in as DH even against lefties, despite his struggles in the playoffs, which still leaves you with four outfielders for three spots.  Both Gomez and Young need a full year as a starter so we can really figure out what they can do, but with Span and Cuddy needing to be in the lineup that can't happen.  Maybe a trade.  They can't trade Gomez yet and Delmon's value is likely pretty low, so it might have to be Cuddyer.  His numbers show his value, but he has a big contract as well and is wildly inconsistent.  If you put Cuddyer together with someone like Morales or a minor league prospect, maybe that will get teams interested, who knows?  Could be an interesting off-season, or perhaps the Twins will follow the same model and do nothing except sign a couple of retreads and hope they stick.  The fact of the matter is, they need to get better.  A mid-eighty win team in the worst division in baseball isn't going to get it done. 

-  Finally, in case you missed it, my NL team, the Rockies, also got bounced thanks to a blown save by a usually reliable closer.  In this case, you are probably wondering who I am rooting for now.  I think my answer is "not the Yankees."