Sad Day for Twins Fans

It is with a heavy heart that I report Mike Redmond, backup catcher extraordinaire, has signed with the Cleveland Indians and will no longer be a Minnesota Twins.

Most often described as a "gritty", "hustley" prankster,  Redmond may have been completely terrible at the plate and only registered one season better than league average in the five years he played with Minnesota and never broken more than 272 at-bats (all while playing terrible defense with an arm worse than Johnny Damon's) but nobody could keep a clubhouse looser, and we all know how important chemistry is on a baseball field (how he never won an MVP is beyond my reckoning.)  Best known for taking batting practice naked, running around the clubhouse naked, and jerking off teammates when they were in hitting slumps, Redmond will be hard to replace and the team may suffer next year without him around.

I'm kidding of course.  That guy sucks and he annoys the crap out of me.  Good riddance.  If they picked him over Jose Morales as the backup to Mauer again I was going to have to drive to Bill Smith's house and go Mark David Chapman on him.

-  Hell, as long as I'm here I might as well mention a couple of other Twin-related stories, but these both actually bum me out (and weirdly are both Padre related).

First, and this was pretty much a pipe dream from the start, Heath Bell resigned with the Padres for 1-year/$4 million.  I never really expected the Twins to go after him, and especially after they picked up Clay Condrey (as if he's the answer), but I still hoped.  Actually at $4 million for one year for a team that will struggle to win 70 games you can pretty much guarantee Bell will be available right around the trade deadline.  Expect a bunch of teams to show interest, me to get excited the Twins might get him, and then Bell to end up on the Red Sox.

Second, the Glen Perkins for Kevin Kouzmanoff rumors are done since the Pads dealt Kouz to the Athletics.  Kouzmanoff heads to Oakland for two mediocre outfielders, including Scott Hairston who played mediocrely for San Diego already from 2007-half of last season, and Aaron Cunningham who has hit .211 in 133 career at-bats since being drafted in 2005.  This is the third time both of these guys have been traded.  You're telling me Perkins wouldn't be more attractive than these two clowns?  Seriously Smith, Perkins isn't good.  His upside is a middle reliever.  You should have made this trade.

But none of that disappointment can compare to no longer having Redmond around.  My soul hurts.  Who will be the naked Twin now?  Hopefully J.J. Hardy, he's one sexy son of a bitch. 

Friday Fillibusters

Wow, what a long week, am I right?  I could pretty easily not go back to work for a month and I wouldn't miss it - other than the money that is.  As such, I am going to go ahead and knock back a couple few Coors Lights and type random thoughts as they enter my brain.  If you're looking for a preview of St. Joseph's, scroll to the post underneath this one, genius.

-  We'll start with the Twins here, and how guys I wanted them to pick up are just flying off the board.  Iwamura was traded to the Pirates, Polanco signed with the Phillies, Figgins with the Mariners, Scutaro with the Red Sox, J.J. Putz with the White Sox, and Rich Harden with the Rangers.  That's almost my entire list of people I was interested in.  Who's left?

Adrian Beltre is still out there, and still someone I'd love to see land with the Twins, but that's looking less and less likely.  It was just reported today that the Red Sox, after shipping off Mike Lowell (someone I wouldn't have minded the Twins getting depending on how much of that contract the Sox were paying) have decided to move their intentions to Beltre.  It was also reported that Beltre has asked for a 5 year, $65 million contract.  At that price I'd be pissed if the Twins signed him, and we all know there's not way they would so let's just move on.

A name I've heard a lot on the radio recently is Mark DeRosa, another 3b who I would like to see signed, but once again it seems his asking price is fairly ridiculous - 3 years, $27 million.  It's been reported that Billy Smith has said the team has "substantial funds" to put together the roster for next year, but this, like Beltre, isn't a good spend (would you rather get the 35-year old DeRosa or the 31-year old Figgins?).

Orlando Hudson is still available and is probably my first choice to play 2b right now, although Felipe Lopez would probalby be cheaper.  Kevin Kouzmanoff is almost certain to be traded by the Padres and would be a good addition to the squad, but it seems San Diego wants more than just Glen Perkins.  Now, if that "more" is like, Aaron Hicks they should tell the Pads to go screw.  But if it's something more like "Bobby Keppel" (who apparently was more valuable than Bonser - seriously WTF?) or some low-level dingleberry whose upside is playing for the St. Paul Saints, just toss him in and do it and get it over with already.  I'm still convinced Melvin Mora ends up here.  

-  Seriously, nice job keeping Keppel over Boof.  I can't even remotely come close to wrapping my head around that one.  Just weird.

-  Had a chance to watch a decent chunk of the Dayton/Old Dominion game tonight (thank you internet + knowing where to look) and let me tell you something - Dayton is awful.  Just awful.  They have squeeked by ODU, George Mason, Miami (OHIO), and Towson this year.  The only good player on the whole team is Chris Wright, who is actually a beast.  Like, literally, a beast.  He's built like Ving Rhames and plays like a slightly less athletic Blake Griffin.  Consider me very impressed with him, but super unimpressed by the team.  Kind of like Fergie.  Super impressed by the body, disgusted by the face.  That's Dayton.  Dayton = Fergie.  

-  FUN FACTS:  Dayton's last first round NBA pick was way back in 1979 - Jim Paxson, despite Negele Knight having a fantastic 1990 season - 22.8 points and 6.8 assists per game.  Also back in the very early 80s when DePaul was a dominant program (seriously, it happened) they had a 49-game home winning streak.  It was broken on January 10, 1981 on a steal and layup at the buzzer by Old Dominion.

-  Speaking of those FUN FACTS, I owe you one on St. Joseph's, don't I?  Well, Jameer Nelson ended his career as the Hawks all-time leader in points, assists, and steals, won the A-10 Rookie of the Year, the A-10 Player of the Year, and the National Player of the Year, and started every one of the 125 games he played in his career.  There's a reason I referred to it as "Jameer Nelson U" in my preview.


-  And I don't think I gave one for Morgan State either.  But did you know that the best player in Morgan State history, Marvin Webster, played from 1971-1975 and is still the team's all-time leader in points and rebounds, holds the single-season record for points and rebounds, and once grabbed 32 boards in one game.  He also has perhaps the best nickname of all-time, "The Human Eraser."

-  Have I mentioned how much I love the College Basketball Encyclopedia?

-  I ended up having to make a few changes to the final Fantasy College Hoops roster, including the heart-breaking and devasting decision to cut Ralph Sampson loose.  I think I'm just a year early.  He'll probably end up in consistent double-double territory by the end of the year, and then explode his junior season for the first of two Big Ten Player of the Year Awards.  Anyway, here's the final (probably) roster with the season starting on Monday:

G Jordan Crawford, Xavier
G Deonta Vaughn, Cincinnati
G Nic Wise, Arizona
G Chris Warren, Ole Miss
G Mikhail Torrance, Alabama
G Ronald Moore, Siena
G/F Tyler Smith, Tennessee
G/F Edwin Ubiles, Siena
F Luke Harangody, Notre Dame
F Jon Leuer, Wisconsin
F Damian Johnson, Minnesota
F Draymond Green, Michigan State
F Jamelle Horn, Arizona
F/C JaJuan Johnson, Purdue
F/C Derrick Favors, Georgia Tech
C Kenny Lawson, Creighton

Seems like a championship to me.

-  I wonder where Raymar Morgan would have been drafted if he had come out after his sophomore year (if he would have been drafted at all).  He's certainly been in free-fall mode since, absolutely refusing to build off that excellent sophomore year.  I can't remember what happened to him.  Did he get mono or something like that?  AIDS?  I don't remember.  And do you think the chicks call him Ray-Ray?

-  I love how Tiger is taking an "indefinite leave" from golf in order to fix his marriage.  Yeah, this will last all the way until the Masters.  No chance in hell he's going to miss a major - no chance in hell.  If Elin hasn't taken him back, or at least comitted to making it work and giving him "permission" to go play he's just going to go play.  No chance his misses a major.  If he has to, he'll just play the "addiction" card and get out of jail free.  You know, like every celebrity who has ever been in trouble for anything.  Sex addict, alcoholic, drug addict, gambleholic - it doesn't matter, just play the "disease" card and you're fine.  He probalby should have just pulled that shit right off the bat.  But - again - no way he misses a major.

-  Lastly, according to this article filled with a lot of mindless speculation and opinions reported as fact, it seems the Big Ten will be pushing for a twelfth team soon (apparently so it can be known as the Big Twelve, part II).  I don't know who it would be, but it seems clear it won't be Notre Dame since they've turned them down for like, 100 years.  Maybe a MAC team.  That would make sense.  Or what about a Missouri Valley team if their football team is ready to jump to D-IA?  Northern Iowa actually makes a ton of sense here since their basketball/football programs are probably most ready.  Although who am I kidding?  This decision, if we're pretending it's actually going to happen, will be made with football and football only in mind, so maybe Ohio?  I think best case (outside Northern Iowa) would be Temple, but I don't see them leaving the A-10.  In any case, this is really pointless and stupid.  Like your face.

Monday Mumblings

Of course the big news today is Joe Mauer winning the MVP, and it nearly being unanimous.  I'm just curious about the guy who voted for Miguel Cabrera instead.  It seemed the consensus #2 candidate was Mark Texeira, not Miguel Cabrera.  But let's look:

Cabrera:  .324/.396/.547, 34 HRs, 104 RBI
Texeira:  ..292/.383/.565, 39 HRs, 122 RBI

Pretty close, right?  But by voting for Cabrera, this dude is saying he values things like average and on-base percentage over home runs and rbis, which is actually pretty refreshing.  But at the same time it's completely bizarre, because Mauer beat everybody in those stats.

If some ass clown had voted for Tex based on home runs and RBI, it wouldn't have surprised me one bit, as wrong as it would have been.  I was actually expecting Jeter to end up with a 1st place vote as well, since people are morons who want to make out with him all the time, but Cabrera?  You can't even use the "playoffs" argument since the Twins did that miracle comeback thing to steal the playoff spot.  I can't come up with any conceivable argument, and I've looked at this in every stupid way possible, to vote for Cabrera.  Boggled.

Lastly on MVP, I haven't been able to find the the actual full breakdown of the votes/points, but according to ESPN's "Others receiving votes" section, both Mike Cuddyer and Jason Kubel received votes.  There's not way that a hot 1-month stretch out of Cuddy would vault him ahead of the season-long excellence Kubel showed, right?  RIGHT?  Someone tell me when you find the voting breakdown.

-  Sticking with the Twins for a minute, Shooter had this little ditty in his "column" today:

It wouldn't be surprising if the Twins tried to make a deal with the San Diego Padres for third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff, 28, who in 141 games last season batted .255 but hit 18 homers with 88 runs batted in. Starter Glen Perkins would seem to be the bait.

 Now, it's Charley Walters here, so I'm guessing this is more him taking a name that was bandied about last year and tossing a rumor at it, but it's worth a short look at because Kouzmanoff's name seems to keep coming up.

Walters, of course, hits on average, home runs, and rbi, the relevant stats if this was 1988, but since we are no longer in the dark ages, let's look further. 

The Kouz hit .255/.302/.420 this year, and was about an average fielder range wise, although is .990 fielding percentage was obviously outstanding, and a major league record.  Those aren't great numbers, but I don't much care for Glen Perkins anymore, so I'd be willing to do that deal depending on Kouzmanoff's contract.

Which brings me to the real problem - I can't for the life of me find any details of his contract, and one site actually says he's a free agent.  Now, would it shock me if he was actually a free agent and Walters had no idea?  No, it would surprise me one bit. But I won't assume that, as much as I want to, and for now I will just say that pending his contract, I would be interested in a Perkins for Kouz swap.  If he's going to cost $5 million or less, I want him.  And if he's on the open market, and I don't think the Pads would resign him since they have prospect Chase Headley coming up to play 3b, I be willing to pay more like $6-$7, as long as it's just for two years or so - enough time for Valencia to properly marinate.

Thanks to intrepid reader Kate J. for the tip.

-  Hey, you guys remember how I told you Cincinnati would be all awesome this year, and how you should have watched them today in the Maui Classic?  Well, they rolled a pretty good Vandy team (ranked #24 with a win already over St. Mary's) 67-58, and believe me the game wasn't nearly that close.  I really hope you got in on the Bearcats when they were 200-1 to win the National Title, because that number is going to go way, way, way down.  Might as well jump on it now before it gets to like, 10-1 before the tournament starts.

-  Since we're talking about things I watched tonight, I also want to mention that although I hate Pitt, and I loathe them, and specifically Pitt point guards - from Brandin Knight to Carl Krauser to LeVance Fields, hate them all - but I think I might really like this kid Travon Woodall, and I'm kind of wishing I had picked him in my fantasy league (last four picks:  Ralph Sampson, Courtney Fortson, Mikhail Torrance, Jon Leuer - I feel dirty).  He's a sophomore, and although he wasn't a highly ranked recruit when he came out, and didn't make much of an impact last year, he's killing it this year.  Coming into tonight, he was averaging just 7.7 points per game, but added in 7.7 assists and 3.7 rebounds, and then tonight against Wichita put up 19 points, 6 boards, 5 assists, and 4 steals and just seems to be moving at a whole different speed than everybody else out there - almost Rico Tucker like.  Well, I like him.  And I'm actually giving him his own tag.  Yeah, that's right.  With luck I can grab him next round (only 3 left!)

-  This Lewis Jackson injury is going to be a big deal, mark my words.  It makes me a bit nervous that Boiled Sports seems to disagree with me, since they cover Purdue hoops and my opinions are basically of the "JaJuan gives me a boner" type, but they seem to be pretty split on this one over there.  Of course, as seen by the post above and my continued Rico Tucker love, I seem to have a real affinity towards lightning quick, slightly out-of-control point guards.  I know I'll miss him at least.

-  The television program "The Big Bang Theory" is simultaneously the most underrated and overrated show on TV. 


-  Finally, since I'm keeping this short tonight, I'll close with an email from studly reader Stan N.:

Minnesota Golden Gophers--what a ridiculous mascot. Maybe Minnesota Golden Mosquitos would be more appropriate. There's plenty of them in Minnesota too, and a mosquito is more intimidating than a gopher--at least they get more attention. When you're facing Wolverines, Badgers, Wildcats, Hawk(eye)s, etc. what can a Gopher do? I guess their record speaks for itself. Although I'm a Minnesota alumni and support its sports teams, I can't support Goldy the Gopher. I wish we could impeach Goldy and substitute a Timberwolf(I guess that's already taken), a Lumberjack or anything else that would command respect.

I'm not entirely certain about a Lumberjack, since that seems pretty gay, but I'm pretty on board with this.  Any chance we can get rid of Goldy altogether?  Snacks and Bogart, you are both lawyers, can we file a class-action or something?