Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Matt Garza. And David Price. And BJ Upton. And Evan Longoria. And Willy Aybar. And all the Rays. Awesome bounce back from that crushing loss in game five to come back and win in seven to head to the series to lose to the Phillies. How insanely good was Garza? And Price, shutting the door in the 8th and 9th, despite not even being a relief pitcher and not even being in the majors until September? This team is loaded, and this will most definitely not be their last playoff appearance. Delmon Young better get his shit together.

2. Gopher Football. Congrats to the Gophers on getting themselves ranked in the top 25 (#25 to be exact) and 24th in the BCS rankings. Certainly a great step up from last season, no doubt. With the schedule they have remaining they have a chance to end up going 11-1, it shouldn’t be expected, but it is within the realm of possibility. Would that be enough to get to a BCS bowl? A lot would have to happen with the teams above them, but I don’t think it’s out of the question. In any case, they should end up at a top tier bowl, probably against an SEC team where they’ll get crushed, but it wouldn’t be an embarrassment to anyone. This season has already exceeded most people’s wildest expectations for this team. I’d love to make a smartass comment here, but I just can’t. I’m pretty happy over here.

3. Tennessee Titans. Now 6-0 and basically making it look easy. Yes, I said they wouldn’t be very good this year, but that was with Vince Young at quarterback. Once you get Kerry Collins involved, all bets are off. He’s nothing special, but he does a pretty good job of taking care of the ball and keeping them in the game (exactly what Young doesn't do) so that top shelf defense and solid running game can beat down a team. Chris Johnson looks very AP-like so far and can break one at any time, and FatDale just keeps running into people and falling down until they get so tired and worn out from having 300 pounds bouncing into them over and over again they can barely stand. Note: his 80 yard TD run doesn’t mean he’s good, it just means Kansas City is really THAT bad.

4. Texas Longhorns. Damn dude, those are a couple of very impressive back-to-back wins by the Longhorns, following up last week’s win against Oklahoma with a 56-31 stomping of #11 Missouri in a game that wasn’t even that close. Texas QB Colt McCoy has jumped to the lead of the Heisman race, going 29-32 for 337 yards and 2 TDs (with 2 more rushing). Read that again. 29 for 32. Those are video game numbers. Texas still has a ways to go, with games against Texas Tech, Kansas, and Oklahoma State still to go, but they’ve certainly staked their claim as the best team in college football.

5. Mewelde Moore. I've written before that Mewelde is better than Reggie Bush, and once again I've been proven correct. The Steelers have finally given him the chance to be a feature back he deserves thanks to a few injuries and he's rewarded them big time. Yesterday he rushed 20 times for 120 yards and 2 TDs with another touchdown receiving. Reggie Bush? 9 carries for 55 yards and no touchdowns, and is so bad at scoring TDs that they gave the ball to some white guy named Mike Karney to score their one yard TD. "But what about receiving?" you say. "He's so valuable in the passing game" you say. Really? 1 catch for 5 yards. Mewelde had five catches. And a TD. The previous week, Mewelde went 17 carries for 99 yards, while bush was 14 carries for 27 yards. Case closed.


WHO SUCKED

1. BYU. Yes, this happened on Thursday but whatever, it still counts and it helps strengthen my belief in the DWG Jinx, since I highlighted BYU and their easy road to a BCS Bowl a couple of weeks ago. Of course, they went out on Thursday and got beat by TCU, and got beat badly at that, 32-7 ending their something like one hundred game winning streak. Cougars QB Max Hall threw two picks and was sacked seven times (sacked only once previously this season) as BYU rushed for a total of 23 yards while giving up 410 total yards to the Horned Frogs. Yeah, that’ll do it.

2. Football in the state of Michigan. Wow, where to begin? The Lions didn’t bother to show up until the second half, falling behind 21-0 to the Texans before making a game of it and losing in the end 28-21. They are on an almost inevitable course towards 0-16, and I see no possible way to break it – except maybe against the Vikings in week 14. The Spartans have a great opportunity to show they are a quality team going up against the Buckeyes, and lay a complete egg, getting rolled 45-7, taking their season from “potentially special” to “who the hell cares.” And the Wolverines, whose entire program is basically in the crapper right now, have a huge chance to score a quality upset win against Penn State after going up 17-7 in the second quarter. Then Penn State scored the next 39 POINTS to end up winning 46-17, not only getting a victory but covering a spread that looked completely safe with two minutes remaining in the second quarter. Good thing they at least have the Pistons. And Red Wings I guess. I think they’re good.

3. Minnesota Vikings. Good lord, what the hell was that? One of the worst offensive teams ever (outside of AP of course) manages to somehow miraculously score 41 points and they lose? I know their special teams is brutal, so it’s not surprising they gave away some free points, but what about the defense? I thought this year’s version of the Vikings’ defense was supposed to be a cross between the 86 Bears and the 2000 Ravens? It sure didn’t bother the Bears and Neck Beard, who threw for 286 and two TDs. To be honest, it felt like a whole lot more than that. There was never a point where the Vikings defense looked like they even had a prayer of stopping the Bears. At least they have a bye coming up next week to try to figure out what the hell is wrong.

4. Dustin Pedroia’s nickname. I recently learned that Boston fans call him “Destroyah.” Like, if you were unfortunately born in Boston and have that retarded ingrained inability to enunciate, and you tried to say Destroyer instead of saying it like a normal human person you would say it so it rhymed with Pedroia. Horrible. Worst nickname since Steve Esselink started going by “Sunshine.”

5. Indiana Jones. Yeah, we rented that new movie about the Crystal Skulls and all. I gotta tell ya, I can’t believe they waited twenty years and THIS is the script they came up with. Brutal. Not so much the script, but the idea was brutal. The really frustrating thing is that it felt like an Indiana Jones movie. The action, the archaeology, the music, everything was like Indiana never left, except for the god damn retarded faggy plot. I think what happened was Lucas and Spielberg got some guy and said, “You make this movie for us but here is your plot and you can’t deviate and here are some plot points that go with it that you have to hit.” And that guy took the crap they gave him and did a phenomenal job. But it’s still crap. Although that fictional guy who I made up just there deserves an oscar or emmy or whichever one goes for movies.

Out of Here

And I'm out of here. I'll try and post when possible from the beautiful state of Utah, and I've asked a few people to try to fill in and post on here and some point while I'm gone.

Also, FatDale White is no longer on my fantasy team.

Week 8 NFL Picks

Seriously, I hate the Red Sox and all their fans. Please let the Rockies come back and win this, I can't take it anymore.

On to the picks, 8-5 last week:

St. Louis +3 vs. Cleveland: So Steven Jackson is back this week, but it won't matter much with that banged up O-Line. No matter how bad the Rams have looked, they have two things going for them this week which lead me to pick them:
1. The Browns are unpredictable and inconsistent. This is the type of team that can lose this kind of game and
2. More importantly, this is one of only two very winnable games left for the Rams. Unless they pull a big upset, they need to win this one or the game vs. Atlanta to avoid going winless. I bet they get that first win this week.

Detroit +5 @ Chicago: The Lions have had a couple of embarrassing losses on the road this season, and that worries me. Chicago, on the other hand, might be a broken team - they really don't have an impressive win this season.

Indianapolis -7 @ Carolina: Several reasons to take Carolina here: Carr is the last QB to beat the Colts, Manning has never beaten Carolina, Road Monday night team going on the road again, and Home dog coming off a bye. I'll ignore all of that and take the Colts.

NY Giants -9 vs. Miami: Woo hoo, the big London game how exciting. Too bad Miami is the crap.

Tennessee -7.5 vs. Oakland: You know what else? I'm starting FatDale again this week. You know what else? He still sucks. But you know what else? It doesn't matter. They give him the ball 30 times and he falls forward and racks up yards. It's all about the W.

Minnesota +1.5 vs. Philadelphia: McNabb and Kevin Curtis will probably have very good days, but the Eagles are a bad team, just noboby has figured it out yet. Childress also said in an interview that AP's role would increase. I'm hoping it'll happen this week finally, but I'm not counting on it.

Pittsburgh -3.5 @ Cincinnati: This is probably one of those trap games people talk about, but this line seems way to low. The Steelers should crush, and the Bengals should just pack it in for the season. They are not "back", as it took everything they had to beat the Jets at home. Horrible team.

NY Jets -3 vs. Buffalo: Here's the thing about Buffalo, they are pesky at home, but terrible on the road. The Jets are terrible, but not terrible enough to lose to a terrible road team.

San Diego -11.5 vs. Houston: Will probably be at a neutral site and the Chargers will have a lot on their minds and blah blah blah. They roll. Also, come back Andre Johnson - I miss you.

Tampa -3.5 vs. Jacksonville Pretty much a coin flip. EDIT: Changed this because I forgot Garrard was hurt.

New Orleans -2.5 @ San Fran: I'm still non on the Saints are back train, but San Fran is in a full on dive into the toilet. Nice sleeper pick America!

Washington +16 @ New England: I keep picking against these ridiculous spreads they give the Patriots, and I keep getting it wrong. I guess I've learned my lesson. [EDIT: I'm switching to Washington. There's just no way NE can keep it up, and Washington has a good defense.]

Denver -3 vs. Green Bay: Maybe it's my intense burning hatred for all things Wisconsin, but I just don't believe in the Packers. They're too gay.

Last Week: 8-5
Season: 50-43-9

Wait....What?

Hey everybody! I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan and it's totally awesome. And by totally awesome, I mean it sucks. Yet another place I have to travel too that is not very fun at all. The good news: I'm drunk! Yeah for me.

You know what's not a sucky place to visit - Indiana. Specifically South Bend. I hear it's awesome, and they have a kick ass football team that once had a little piece of crap guy named Rudi with the biggest heart ever and made a really boring movie out of his story and probably made stuff up to make it touch the pure of heart. If I was a kickass receiver, I would totally go there.

Wait, what? The mighty Irish are only 1-7? How can that be?

Well, they must still be pretty awesome, since the best player in the history of Minnesota prep football (other than Joe Mauer, who was also awesome at everything he ever tried) Michael Floyd has committed to the IRish. I haven't read this yet, but I'm going to assume paging jim shikenjanski guy has much more lucid thoughts on the subject.

I just don't understand why, if you were going to a shitty shitass team, you wouldn't go to your hometown team. I bet it's that god damned Metrodome.

Seriously, why not go to Florida, Michigan, or Ohio State - his other finalists based on the zero minutes of research I've done. They win stuff. Or lose to Appalachian State. Hey, I'm in Michigan! Up yours Carr! Way to not know how to coach.

Also, Roy Williams should get his ass kicked too. That guy is far too inconsistent to make my fantasy team win all the time single handedly.

Speaking of fantasy football, those of you who think that I'm some sort of fraud for starting FatDale White this week should really probably go to hell. This is why you people never win money. If you really need a running back, and a super fat, horrible running back who gets most of his yards by falling down has the guy he's splitting carries with get hurt and you know he's going to get 25 carries, you should really start him. Even if he's one of the two worst running backs in football right now. It's really just common sense and you should all be embarrassed by your complete inability to understand simple concepts.

I will guarantee that I will never, ever have Reggie Bush on my fantasy team. The only way it would ever happen is never. Actually, there are two ways it could happen:

1) They move him to wide receiver.
2) We start giving points for kick/punt returns, and the Saints use him in the only role where he'll ever excel.

I mean really. The guy is known as a shifty, good runner in space. So we can't expect him to be a grind it out, feature back unless you're the Saints or JC. But you'd think, well, he probably breaks a long one now and again, since he's so good at that kind of thing. Well, in a full year and half, his longest career rush is 22 yards. 22 YARDS. I can't even write that big enough. 22 yards. I'm sorry, he had a 25 yarder in the playoffs last year. But he's so good.

Mewelde Moore's career long is 33 yards. Moore has had 254 carries. Bush has had 241. Yet Moore's career long is 50% longer than Bush's. I believe Snacks, and me, since I posted, has once again been proven correct, he's really just a poor man's Mewelde Moore.

Second to last thing, is that I hate the Gay Sox, and I don't wear a XXXL. I can't wait for this Simmons article tomorrow. Here's some calls, Bert:

1) Pedroia (and probably Brady) are God.
2) No mention of the Drew grandslam, which was the biggest at-bat of that series. If you remember, the Sox had just gotten the series back to Boston, loaded the bases against Carmona with no outs, and the first two guys got out. Then Drew comes out, two outs bases laloded, and hits the grand slam. If he gets out, whole different game.
3) Pretends to fear the Rockies, but you can tell by his writing that he "knows" the Sox have this one.
4) Acts like the Manny Ramirez actions were no big deal - I actually agree with this one.
5) Rips on Paul Byrd, even though the poor guy had a gladular problem.
6) Predicts Ortiz has an awesome world series since he had a bad ALCS, convinced one thing is related to the other. HINT: It's not.
7) Finds a way to rip on both the Yankees and the Colts.
8) Includes one completely non-sensical pop culture laden email.
9) Gives way too much credit to Francona, and himself, for "mixing it up" and putting Ellsbury in the lineup. Ellsbury OPS = .583, which ok, was better than Crisp in the series (.333, ouch that's f'ing terrible), but he'll just give credit to "mixing it up."

Last thing, because I'm bored now, I leave you with a top five moment in sitcom history, and if you don't get it, you're not my friend.



Oh, and go Rockies. They're +180, and I'll be hitting that hard. God I hate Boston. Not the city, the city is actually one of my favorites in the world, but the fans. I'd punch them all in the face if I wasn't a little sissy girl.

Also, in case you're curious, Courtney James is currently playing for the Dodge City Legend in teh USBL. I'd love to give you stats, but it will apparently only cost me 29 cents a day. Some of the college awesomeness wasting away in the USBL: Byron Mouton (Maryland), Kyle Cuffe (St. Johns), Jason Wingate (Manhattan), Jermaine Boyette (Weber St), Darryl Dora (Tex Tech), Lazarus Sims (Syracuse, Coack K Allstar), Roy Tarpley (I wish I was kidding), Shaheen Holloway (Seton Hall and McDonald's Allstar game superstar), Jeff Boschee (Kansas), Keith Langford (Kansas), Michael Lee (Kansas), Shawn Kemp (???????????? - Really?)

Turns out, I was looking at a list of all-time rosters, not current. Good enough. Shawn Kemp? Lot of Kansas guys too. Nice team, Snacks. What's your boy Chenowith up to?

As near as I can tell, Courtney James has been bouncing around minor basketball leagues for years. However, when you search for Courtney James on google, here's the first link: Safe for work? Borderline.

Whatever

So, I just got back home from the Diamond Jo Casino in Worth, Iowa, and I'm a little drunk and have nothing better to do, and zero opinion on anything, so why not live blog the baseball game since it seems it's the longest game of all time.

In case you're wondering, we did pretty well for ourselves at the casino. WWWWWW +250, Egypt +150, Snacks +100, Theory +90. Craps is the best game ever.

On to the game. I have five 16oz bottles of Miller Lite here, hoping I don't drink them all.

10:19 - My tv guide says the game should have ended 19 minutes ago. Yet, we're just about to start the 7th. This is excellent, because otherwise I would have to watch Saturday Night Live.

10:22 - Was Terry Francona a good player? I seriously don't remember. Good thing I have the interweb.

10:23 - And Victor Martinez pulls a Greg Gagne and swings at a 3-2 slider in the dirt. Also, I'm really, really pulling for the Indians here.

10:26 - Isn't Okajima really just this year's J.C. Romero? Or Paul Quantrill? Or just that reliever who had an awesome year that one year? Or am I wrong here?

10:28 - Also, Terry Francona career OPS+ was 81. Yikes. Also never had more than 281 At-bats in a season. Most similar to, according to baseballreference.com, Dane Iorg and Thad Bosley. Ouch. His dad was an allstar, finished fifth in MVP voting in '59, and had a career OPS+ of 107. What a disapointment. Have no idea what that would be like.

10:31 - Youkilis, Ortiz, Manny. Not good for Cleveland.

10:33 - Youkilis was featured prominently in Moneyball. If you haven't read it, you should. If you can read. Books, Jerry, books.

10:34 - Manny really, really scares me here.

10:36 - Greg Gagne career OPS+ = 83, and was never over 100 (league average). I never realized he was that bad of a hitter. I knew bad, but not that bad. Great fielder though. By the way, baseballreference.com is like if you took the Baseball Encyclopedia and made it nerdier.

10:41 - longest at bat ever.

10:42 - That should have been strike three. Fox's cameras even cheated on that gay pitch track thing.

10:44 - Manny gets killed on that fastball. So that Gopher game was probably kind of fun to watch. I was busy getting drunk in bars without Big Ten network in southern Minnesota. Actually, at one bar we asked about the Big Ten network and the waitress lady was like "what's that." So, there's that.

10:45 - Also, yeah, we lost on the Northwestern -6.5, but we also hit the over at 66. So there.

10:49 - The announcers have a Papelboner because he's warming up. The one time I was at Fenway, he blew the save so I'm really not impressed.

10:51 - Unnecessary diving catch by Red Sox center fielder. Looks like Snacks playing softball. Just showin' off for the ladies.

10:51 - Breaking news. Dusty Baker hired to manage the Reds. Expect the Reds to continue to be mediocre.

10:54 - Classic "Oh look what I found" by Lowell at third. Actually, very similar to how I play third. I really hate the Red Sox.

10:59 - That was strike three on Lowell. Umps continue to be in love with Boston.

11:02 - Am OFFICIALLY changing my survivor pick to San Diego based on McNair being a game time decision. Also, Lowell just fouled off like six pitches and battled just so he could take a slider right down the pipe. Nicely done.

11:04 - This seems like the kind of time where Varitek would hit a homerun.

11:06 - Or he'll look like the shell of the player he once was. Also, I'm going to go ahead and start FatDale this week. Shut up.

11:18 - Even off roids, Hafner can hit. Single up the middle. AND THEY'RE PINCH RUNNING FOR HAFNER. With two outs. Runner only on first. Tie game. This is the worst move ever. EVER. Seriously what the hell? Why would you pull Hafner, one of your top two hitters here. It's a tie game. Well PR Barfield went ahead and stole second without a throw. That's good. But still. Hafner. Tie game. Just assuming it won't get back around there. I really, really don't get it.

11:21 - Now they walk Martinez and pitch to Garko. I'd rather have Martinez.

11:24 - Also, why can't announcers say anything meaningful or question anything? Taking out Hafner is a BIG deal.

11:25 - Weird. Garko got out. Now you get to play the rest of the game without Hafner. And they're bringing in Borowski who has something like a 8.50 ERA in non-save situations. I might as well just go to bed.

11:31 - This ump is brutal.

11:34 - Base hit for Pedroia. At least something's happening.

11:36 - Actually, it's not Borowski at all, it's still Betancourt. And then Pedroia stole second without a throw. Always good to let that winning run get into scoring position without even trying to stop it. Who's managing this team, Gardenhire?

11:40 - Youkilis has now fouled off the last 27 pitches in a row.

11:41 - V. Martinez could have made an amazing catch but didn't. Now it's about to be game over.

11:43 - I've rarely seen anything like this. I'd just hit him in the ribs and move on. Except it's Ortiz next. So maybe not.

11:44 - And Youkilis flys out and we're going to the tenth. Joe Buck tells us you couldn't have hit it any harder and that's clearly a lie. Youkilis sucks. I blame Billy Beane. Seriously, read Moneyball. Just do it.

11:53 - Peralta stikes out on a pitch at his eyes. That's just good baseball. McCarver informs us that you can't hit a ball up there well. Thanks buddy.

11:57 - Papelbon misses the target by about three feet, but it still might have been a strike. Crowd wanted it. Weirdly, umps iddn't give it to him. Great catch on the next one by Youkilis though.

11:58 - Ortiz up. Does clutch exist? I'm basing it on this at-bat against some guy I've never heard of who seems terrified to throw anything near the strike zone.

11:59 - Great job by Cabrera (who McCarver keeps calling Johnny for some reason) to play a ball off his chest and get Ortiz out. Not off his throat, as McCarver is saying. I think I get why people hate McCarver.

12:02 - Mastny 2-0 to Ramirez, yet it's a fly out to right on pitch three.

12:03 - Lowell chases and we have three outs. I'm going to run out of beer. Dammit.

12:07 - Eric Gagne wears 83 now, probably the speed of his fastball. Zing. And he just struck out Casey Blake, which is not surprising based on teh fact that' he's a former twin

12:08 - Single for Sizemore. DO SOMETHING>

12:12 - A walk and Gagne is done. What the hell happened to that guy? That injury really f'ed him up. He was dominate at one point, and now he's like a poor man's Dennys Reyes.

12:15 - The whole Trot Nixon thing is just awesome, just do it. Come on Trot. And as I type, there it is. Cleveland lead. They should really get a few more since their closer is Borowski. Also, since Nixon got a hit there, the whole taking Hafner thing out didn't hurt but I still maintain that I was right, dammit.

12:17 - Also it's a nice thought that out there somewhere, Sports Guy is pissed.

12:18 - 8-6 on a wild pitch. And there should be another category worse than wild pitch. That was behind the batter.

12:21 - Base hit up the middle to score another and I'm pretty sure Javier Lopez intentionally let that one go back up the middle. I didn't know people were throwing the game. What is this, college sports?

12:26 - Lester comes in and immediately gives up a double to score another run. I'd make a cancer joke here, but that seems mean. Also, since it's a four run lead, hopefully there won't be any kind of Borowski involved at all. I'd rather throw Bob Feller here. At his current age.

12:28 - Three run homer for Gutierrez. I dont' know, feels like this one is over. Guess they didn't need Hafner. Always good to bat around in the eleventh.

12:30 - He got Casey Blake looking though, so that's good. Good for you buddy! Nicely done.

12:32 - That's awesome that they'd put Borowski in. It's really the only way for the Red Sox to get back in this one. And there's a hit for JD Drew (who almost played softball with me once - true story). And it begins.

12:34 - Varitek needs to retire. He' probably be a very good coach, but his hitting is embarrassing. I'm basing this on a sample size of two.

12:37 - Double play and game over. Good. F the Red Sox.

12:46 - I drank all the beer.

I was Right

FatDale White and Reggie Bush combined had less rushing yards than Green Bay's Punter. I told you those guys sucked.

Also, it's pretty clear that Jason Whitlock and Ron Jaworski have been reading this site and stealing my material. In this article, Whitlock says:

"4. I'd like to congratulate ESPN's Ron Jaworski for acknowledging on Monday Night Football what I've been saying for a year: Reggie Bush is overrated as an NFL running back.

The second coming of Gale Sayers is exactly who we thought he was — the second coming of Gale Sayers.

In this era — when 245-pound linebackers run 4.5 40s, 210-pound safeties run 4.5 40s and 260-pound defensive ends run 4.6 40s — Gale Sayers would be a third-down back and return man."

Other than the Gale Sayers comparison, that's what I've been saying. People shouldn't steal from me. It's mean and against the law. And I know an intellectual property lawyer, maybe I'll sue.

Thanks to Snake for pointing out this blatant thievery.

Reggie Bush Proves me Wrong

- Ok, not really. He did score two touchdowns, which ties him for the season with former Gopher Matt Spaeth, but he still sucked. Both were one-yard touchdowns, which actually is really surprising because I didn't think he could score on the goal line, but those two one yard TDs were about his average gain for the night, he had 7 attempts for 15 yards. Tack on 6 catches for 20, and that's a whole 35 total yards on the night. For "the best player to come into the NFL since Barry Sanders." Good call, morons.

- FatDale once again managed to outrush Chris Brown, but only because the coaches decided to give him the ball 17 times to 11 for Brown. White rushed for 50 yards (2.9 ypc) and Brown for 38 (3.5 ypc). Season stats are Brown +67.

- The Saints are clearly broken. With zero running game, Brees can't do much and has 1 TD and 7 Ints, with a QB rating of 57.1

- I wouldn't panic on the Chargers quite yet, they have too much talent to be this bad, but it doesn't look good. Hopefully the Packers aren't for real. I don't think I could handle a good Packers team.

- Mewelde Moore's QB rating after that incompletion on Sunday is 39.6. T-Jax has a rating of 40.0. That's god damned hilarious. And how good does Adrian Peterson look? It's going to be a fun six years or however long RBs last.

- I'm getting bored with football. Can college basketball start now?

Leftovers

Just some left over thoughts from the weekend.

1. Sources say that Colt Iverson, Ralph Sampson, and Devoe Joesph all enjoyed their recent visits to the U, and it's been reported that the Gophers likely lead for Joseph. Can you imagine that recruiting class? #76, #84, and #140 on Rivals top 150. Not Fab Five type material, but a HUGE step up for this team.

2. Clearly, things are much worse than even I could have imagined for the fighting Gopher football team. It was obvious that this year would be a struggle, with a new QB and last year's horrible defense that didn't look like it was going to get any better, but I don't think anybody could have expected this. Since you could only see the game on some fancy internet thing that I don't quite understand, I didn't see the game at all, but turning it over seven times to zero and giving up 463 yards passing against Florida Atlantic tell you all you need to know. Much of the blame for this team's performance still falls on Mason, as these were his players, but at some point you have to wonder about Brewster's ability to prepare a team to compete. I mean, this is a freakin' Sun Belt team here. It's hard to imagine this team winning a Big Ten came this year. Or even competing.

3. As bad as things seemed for Michigan, that team looks downright awesome now compared to Notre Dame after the Wolverines bounced the Irish 38-0 on Saturday. Michigan's defense gave up 34 points to Appalachian State and 39 against Oregon, but Notre Dame couldn't get on the board at all. The Irish are 0-3, with losses by 30, 21, and 38 points. They're sort of like the Gophers of the high profile programs this year. Adios, Charlie Weis!

4. QB controversy for the Vikes? Probably not. They traded up and used a second rounder on Tarvaris, so I'm going to guess they'll be pretty committed to him, but wow, did he make some bad decisions yesterday. Four picks, and I don't recall for sure but at least a couple were just horrendously bad. Between the Vikings, Gopher football, and what I expect from Gopher basketball and the Wolves, this is going to be a long, dark, cold winter. Hockey doesn't count.

5. FatDale somehow managed to outrush Chris Brown 64 yards to 34 yards. For the season Brown is not +79 over FatDale.

6. Reggie Bush is still overrated, 10 carries for 27 yards yesterday.

7. Even though the Patriots look awesome, Laurence Maroney is looking like a crappy fantasy pick. He's basically splitting time with Sammy Morris. Sammy Morris? I am not very happy with my Maroney pick right now.

8. I'm going to be in Arkansas next week. Expect drunken rambling posts.

Told you so.

Remember that one time how I told you all that Chris Brown was going to destroy FatDale White in total rushing yards for the year? Turns out, I was totally right. See:

Chris Brown: 19 rushes, 175 yards (9.2 ypc)
FatDale: 18 rushes, 66 yards (3.7 ypc)

Domination. But wait, 9.2 yards per carry is ridiculous. Chris Brown must have had a long run that totally skewed the stats in his favor.

Good point, guy. Brown did have a long of 42 yards (FatDale's long: 13 yards. He must have been very tired after that.) So let's take that out, then both RBs will have 18 carries. It's probably very even.

FatDale: 66 yards
Brown: 131 yards.

Wow. Almost double. Clearly, I am right and you might as well just admit it. Anyone who didn't see this coming deserves to be in last place.

YTD: Brown +109

In conclusion, Hayden Panettiere is hot.

EDIT: Mario Williams 1 TD, Reggie Bush 0

A Poor Man's Mewelde Moore?

As I am watching the big kickoff game between the Colts and Saints tonight, it reminded me how overrated Reggie Bush really is. I thought so ever since he was drafted. The guy was great college player, but keep in mind he couldn't even take the starting job from FatDale White.

He was great in space. Great return man, very good receiver guy, excellent with the A+++ rated USC line creating holes even bigger than what Emmitt Smith saw, but he will never be a feature running back.

Honestly, if you were to move him to receiver full-time (and return guy) I see him as another Steve Smith (the Carolina one, not the Giants one).

But if you watched him tonight, as Snacks said when we were at the bar, "He's like a poor man's Mewelde Moore." Harsh? Maybe. Accurate? I'm going to say yes, at least as a RB.

He dances around like Barry Sanders, but there was only one Barry. Put your head down, and get the extra couple of yards, instead of dancing around like freakin' Baryshnikov. This isn't college anymore where you're going against guys who have 1/85th of your talent. These are the best of the best and you can't pull that crap. His longest rush last year was 18 yards. Drew Brees's was 16.

Nine rushes for 29 yard and 2 catches for -3 tonight. And one punt return for 2 yards. And I'm almost positive in his 12 touches so far tonight, I haven't seen him break one tackle or make one guy miss. It's sad really.

Everyone freaked out about the Texans taking Mario Williams over Bush. Maybe they were the smart ones. Vince Young, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Laurence Maroney, Marcus McNeil, and Maurice Drew (fine, Jones-Drew), all were selected after Bush - and I'd take every single one of them over him.

Also, Brees just got hit by Freeney and fumbled. Guess who was in at RB that play who didn't see that and pick up the block? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't McAllister or Stecker.

Let's look at this Mewelde Moore comparison. Bush longest rush 18, Moore 15. Bush average 3.6 ypc, Moore 5.5. Bush longest reception was 32 yds, Moore's was 50 yards. Bush averaged 8.5 yds per catch, Moore was at 10.2. Bush's longest reception was 74 yards, Moore was 50 - so Bush has him there. Bush averaged 7.7 yards per punt return, with a long of 65 yards. Moore averaged 10.1, with a long of 71. And worst of all, "Captain Elusive" Reggie Bush averaged 8.2 yards after the catch, while Mewelde Moore averaged 10.5. The numbers don't lie folks. Reggie Bush = Poor Man's Mewelde Moore.

I'll just leave you with this:



Also, quick shout out to The Todd: Go Lions!

And FYI, if Bush picks up a cheap TD at the end of the game or cheap yards it doesn't matter so save it.

Awesome Football Prediction

So here's a fearless football prediction: FatDale White is going to be an absolute suckhole this year. Seriously, geez look at him. He's so fat. And I know fat.

And also - he's bad. Honestly, it's ridiculous. People (Nissey) are all like, "OMG, he was so awesome in college, I love that guy", but really. You know who esle was good in college - Ron Dayne. You know who else - Ed O'Bannon (that hits Nissey right where it counts.)

And then you're probably all like "But wait WWWWWWWW, he's the starting running back for the Titans, he must be awesome." And I'm all like, "Guess what Morons, look at these sweet stats from the preseason:"

Game 1: 6 rushes, 12 yards
Game 2: DNP - fatness
Game 3: 11-51. That's pretty good, a 4.6 ypc average. But wait. Chris Brown (who had an awesome game that one time against Nebraska, which is irrelevant except that it was awesome) averaged 7.0 yards per carry. I'm no genius (just kidding) but that's way better than FatDale.
Game 4: 15-58. Wow, pretty good again, maybe I'm wrong. Wait, what? Chris Brown averaged 7 ypc once again. Well, he's clearly the better runner. But if I was in a keeper league I'd totally keep FatDale. Good call.

He's not nearly as overrated as Reggie Bush, who would be a sweet WR but is basically Warrick Dunn+, but holy god why do people like FatDale?

I will leave you with this, a little Chris Brown (aka Titans second best RB behind V. Young):



To be fair, here's a FatDale highlight film as well:



I was going to say something else, but I don't remember.

Also, I'm drunk.