Saturday Night Live

So I'm sitting here at my parents house with the Bear watching both the Gopher hockey match and the playoff baseball.  My kids are asleep and I'm over here because the Mrs. has a fever of 101 so I had to get the kids out of that Outbreak environment.  We just housed some awesome chili that I made using no recipe and just using what I could find around my parents' house - and it was brililant.  Drinking a couple Coronoas sans lime, and I figured, what the hey, might as well try to find the ole mojo and live blog this bitch, amiright?

-  Scores update - Texas up 3-2 and threatening to blow the game open, Gophers also up 3-2 and I don't know if they're threatening to blow that one out because my understanding of hockey comes from NHL 95.

-  Scherzer walks Napoli on a 3-2 count which sucks because I have Napoli to strikeout in this game.  Scherzer is a dick.

-  Look at this douchebag right here.

-  I'm told the Gopher hockey team looks like they're much better this year and the reason is because they brought back Mike Gentzell, because without him all the coaches were nancy boy feelings coaches who told the players "don't worry, it's ok buddy, get 'em next time" when they screwed up.  But this Gensall guy is more of the Bud Kilmer type who will kick your ass if you're reading Slaughterhouse Five instead of your playbook, even if it's an awesome book.  So anyway the Gophers should be a tougher team this year which I suppose should mean they'll be better and also I have no idea what their record is.  Oh, and for the record, I've heard our hockey guy, Black Snake, hates that Gentzell guy.

-  Some mongolian looking lefty just served up a nice meatball to whoever the Murphy is who plays for Texas and it's now looking like I might have to watch hockey the rest of the night.  At least the Gophers are on the power play right now.  That's the only part of hockey that makes any sense to me - pass it around and get a good shot.  The rest of hockey is just a confusing blur.  Can we get that glowing puck thinger back?

-  GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

-  Pretty sure it was the Gophers.

-  Confirmed.

-  You ever do that thing where you switch the first letter/sound of a guys first name and last name that PA now does even though me, Snacks, 2P, and Bear invented in when we were growing up?  What's your favorite:  Bitch Recker or Fuck Chinley?

-  Delmon boots a routine groundball in left, then, even though the boot means the play at home is now not a possibility, he throws it completely over the cut-off man so Kinsler can get to second and take the double-play chance away.  Looked so familiar.

-  It's now 9-2.  I think I'm going to have to watch hockey.  And the Wild is on, and there's a game on the NHL network and then there's a late game on the NHL network.  This is my own personal hell.

-  Nice 'stache Holland.  He must have lost a bet.  That has to be it, right?  Nobody would voluntarily grow something like that, right?

Oh, hello Derek Holland.  I think your mustache looks smashing.

-  Oh, hello Fox Sports North Girls Paige and Jenny.  'Sup?  I have a Protege with a spoiler if you want to see it some time.

-  You know, I have no real problem with the Rangers as long as they aren't killing their own fans, but can we cut the crap with this "loosey goosey fun loving bunch" shit?  That's the same thing everybody would be saying about the Red Sox, but they didn't make the playoffs so instead they fire the best manager and GM they've ever had.  Enough already.

-  Beer isn't working, just impacting on the surface, switching to vodka.  That was a weird mix of a Top Gun quote and a Star Wars quote, but by the time I realized I was mixing them up, like poor Porkins, it was too late to pull out.

-  MAVIS BEACON reference!!

-  Story from the Bear, "So I have this bike, and I don't know what brand it is or whatever but the model name is the Sorrento.  So I took a piece of tape and wrote Paul on it and put it in front of the model name."  I don't know what's worse, that he's 34 years old or that I can't stop laughing.

-  Gopher power play coming up.  The most beautiful thing in all of hockey besides Paige and Jenny or whatever there names were.

-  GGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

-  We've now found some shitty wrestling on the CW.  I cannot believe I used to watch this crap, even as a kid.  At least I had the decency to grow out of it.  If you are over 15 years old and you watch wrestling just go ahead and remove your own eyes with a bucket of acid.

-  Wrestling announcer guy just compared this wrestler guy to Deion Sanders.  Probably because he's black.  Yes we're still watching.  Missed a UMD goal in there somewhere but it's worth the tradeoff to me.

-  Ring of Honor camerawork is just terrible.  There's a lot of crazy shit happening outside the ring between the tag-team guys who aren't in the ring and we're missing all of it.  Looks like someone didn't get the script.

-  The team in the black pajamas beat the team in the purple booty shorts using the small package move after a kick in the junk - double entendres galore.

-  The ref is asking the winning team if they kicked the guy in the nards and they won't admit to it.  You know who would admit to it?  That kid from that commercial about basketball and sportsmanship who is all like, "It was out on me coach, it was the wrong call" and then goes to tell the ref he got it wrong.  There's no chance that ref wouldn't tell the kid to get the hell out of his face, right?

-  5-4 now Gophers, we missed another goal by the dirty Bulldogs.  ROH wrestling is officially bad luck.

-  Jesus Christ Delmon Young is the worst hitter in history.  So glad I bet on him to have more total bases than David/Daniel/Dale Murphy, who has two singles tonight.  I hate everything.

-  GOPHERS WIN!!!  GOPHERS WIN!!!!  Boner!!

-  The Wild might have just lost in OT.  TOO SOON TO TELL!  There were 8 people in the crease, the goal scored off a skate, and the goal was off it's posts.  If that counts as a goal I'm going to burn Canada to the ground - for inventing hockey, you see.  Actually I should probably do that anyway.  Plus their money looks weird.

-  Need Napoli to K here.  It's going to have to be looking because there is zero fucking way Brad Penny can put one past anybody.

-  Fucking hell.  I hate gambling.

- Text from Bogart:  "I ate a steak tonight that cost $129."  What a dick.  Outback is a special treat for me, and Black Snake usually eats squirrel or possum or whatever he can shoot out his backyard window.  And I think Dawger subsists on Ramen and veggie-burgers.

-  Just took Arizona State +18.5 so we have something to watch besides wrestling.  Will probably still watch wrestling.

-  Musberger just told us that some freshman for Oregon is nicknamed "The Black Mamba."  What the hell is that shit?  Kobe is the Black Mamba and everybody knows that.  You can't recycle the nickname of a guy who is still playing, especially when it's something unique like The Black Mamba instead of just initals like LT and LT.  Although I suppose this information is coming from the guy who actually said, "This is for all the Tostitos" while announcing the Fiesta Bowl, so I suppose it's exceedingly possible that he got his tip sheet for this game mixed up with one from the NBA Finals from a few years ago.  Likely, even.

-  I miss Leapin' Lenny Poffo.

-  World's Greatest QB Andrew Luck threw for 336 yds and 4 TDs today.  More importantly, did you know his nickname is The Black Mamba.

-  Nelson Cruz just hit another home run.  I'm impressed by his postseason, but not really impressed by that home run because he hit it off of Brad Penny, who once again did not strike Mike Napoli out, because he's freaking terrible.  I don't even think he could strike Austin Jackson out.  Also Buck and McCarver are the worst combo ever.  Of anything.

Yep, worse that this.  Which me, Snacks, The Egyptian, and assorted others drank one New Year's Eve 

when we ran out of booze.  Was a bad decision what the hell is going on with this spacing?

-  If Delmon can get a 2b here I can push my bet, anything more I can win it.  And the waste of talent hits a squibber in front of the mound.  I am terrible at everything.  Except cooking.

-  We've been flipping to Monday Night Raw (which doesn't make much sense tonight) for 20 minutes or so.  Still no wrestling.  The soap opera crap is a bit out of control, but apparently people watch this.  Sickos.  But I can tell you what, this guy in the ponytail isn't very happy.

-  Just found a live stream of the Hopkins/Dawson fight.  Also just threw down a cool $10 spot on Hopkins.  I'll bet on anything.

- Bernard Hopkins is 46 years old.  He also wears an executioner's hood into the ring.  I can't decide if these are good omens or bad.  Probably bad.  Also, on Raw, some weird dude in a nose guardy face mask thing like Willie Burton wore just ran in the ring and beat up some guy who was supposed to be fighting some fat black dude.  Then he put a paper bag on the dudes head after he beat him up.  This is the weirdest night ever.

-  ROUND 1 Summary:  Nobody did anything.  Dawson tried one rush but missed everything.  I score that round Hopkins 0, Dawson 0, not watching boxing 8 (and I love boxing).

-  ROUND 2 Summary:  What.  The.  Fuck.  So the match has been called a no-contest because Dawson kind of picked Hopkins up and then Hopkins either hurt his shoulder or pretended he hurt his shoulder and couldn't go on, so they called it.  Honest to god between this and the Mayweather fight I don't really know what to do with boxing.  I haven't watched in years, and now as I try to get back to it I get this garbage.  I give up.  Also on wrestling there were just two hot blonde broads fighting some asian chicks and then it cut to Keith Hernandez.  I told you this was the weirdest night ever.

I don't always watch wrestling, but when I do, I prefer broads.

-  Took Oregon -7.5 for the second half.  So if the Ducks win by between 12 and 17 we win double money.  Anything else and it's a minuscule loss.  Had to be done.

-  God Seth Meyers is awesome.

-  Argument:  I think Anna Faris is hotter than fire.  Bear thinks she's a "plain jane."  Discuss.

Oh.  Hi.

-  Oh for fuck's sake they ruled it a TKO for Dawson.  Boxing is so stupid and I lost more money.  I'm going to go throw myself off a bridge assuming someone can drive me to one.

-  Just flipped over to bull-riding.  You heard me.  The dudes riding the bulls are now wearing kevlar vests and goalie masks.  The last bastion of the true man is now dead.  The only real man left is Ron Swanson.

-  Just learned Bear is a big Jim Rome fan.  Seems like a good time to call it a night because I'm pretty sure I need to punch him in the nuts now.

-  Bear:  "I need some wrestling up in here."  So we switch to Raw or whatever, and we see some wrestler guy limping off into the locker room.  Wrestling and Boxing are completely interchangeable.  Sad.  Also the Miz is wrestling so this seems appropriate:

I taught the Miz about black people!

-  Bear requesting some popcorn chicken up in here.  And at the same time we discover the WWE is doing a battle royal.  I don't recognize any of these people, and there's some giant ginger dude who's wrecking shit, but I'm all in.

-And the big Ginger is elimnated!  This is the worst fucking thing I've ever watched and I've watched bull riding tonight.  Such a weird night.

-  Everyone was elminated within like 4 minutes.  Now it's just Miz and some dude.  And oh my god controversey!  The both went out at the same time oh my god kill me.

-  Middle on Oregon and Ariz state coming down to the wire.  very dramatic.  You're drunk.

-  Wide open ASU reciever for a tD. through his hands, right to a duck.  MIddled.  boom.  I can't type and neither can you and I just won money so eat it.

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Gopher basketball. Any time you go 2-0 in a Big Ten week it’s a success, and particularly when you win one on the road and have a no-doubter in your home game, in this case with yesterday’s 79-59 win over Penn State. It was very clear the Gophers were the better team, and they took it to the Nittany Lions all day. You could point out that the Gophers were fortunate to get some hot shooting after going 9-9 from three and shooting 63% for the game, but you’d be stupid. Penn State pretty much let Minnesota do whatever they wanted all game, and the high shooting percentages were more a function of getting wide open shots than any kind of luck. The heroes yesterday were definitely Devron Bostick, Paul Carter, and Ralph Sampson.

With Colt Iverson battling foul trouble and seemingly having the Penn State forwards in his head, Sampson stepped in and played nearly the entire second half – or at least until the game was no longer in doubt – and played well. He scored ten and blocked three shots. You can see his confidence growing week by week, and his game is improving along with it. For Carter this was his best game as a Gopher, although I swear I’ve written that at least once before. He scored 14, and showed a lot of skill, between his outside shooting and his ability to get to the rim he is a threat to go off any time. The breakout star of the game was no doubt Devron Bostick, who exploded for a career-high 19 points and finally showed why he was the JuCo player of the year last season. He showed the ability to score, both with is outside shot (2-2 from three) and with a variety of moves to the basket, including a nice little floater. My only complaint that was when he was red-hot in the first half, he never took a heat check. Honest to god he could have chucked one up from forty feet and I think the crowd would have been down with it.

This win moves the Gophers to 3-1 in the Big Ten, and sets up a really nice showdown with the Badgers, also 3-1, on Thursday. Bogart, Dawger, and I will all be in attendance in Madison, hopefully getting the Gophers to 4-1 through sheer force of will.

2. Marquette basketball. The NCAA tournament hasn’t been kind to the Golden Eagles since their incredible trio of guards arrived three years ago, as they’ve been bounced in the first round twice and in the second round once in the last three seasons. This year, however, might be different as Jerel McNeal, Wes Matthews, and Dominic James have the team off to a flying start now in their senior season at 4-0 in the Big East after kicking the crap out of a very good West Virginia team 75-53 on Saturday. The three guards continue to do their thing, combining for just shy of 50 points per game with Matthews fourth in the Big East at 18.9, McNeal sixth at 18.6, and James fourth in the conference in assists at 5.2 per game. The difference maker, however, might be 6-6 junior forward Lazar Hayward, who has taken his game to another level this season. The three guards have never had much help inside, but Hayward’s 16 points and 8.5 rebounds per game have changed that this season, and the Golden Eagles have another dimension to their team that makes them very dangerous this year.

3. Michigan State basketball. It seems like I put Michigan State here every week, but when you’re as consistently awesome as the Spartans that’ll happen. A pretty good week here once again for MSU, beating Ohio State 67-58 on Tuesday and putting Kansas in their place by smoking them 75-62 this weekend. Kalin Lucas once again led the way, breaking twenty points in each game. Snacks recently told me he thinks the Spartans are a final four team, and it’s getting more and more difficult to disagree; they’re loaded. I don’t see them losing more than two Big Ten games this year, so they should end up around 26-4 and be in line for a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament, wher they’d probably end up at the Metrodome for the first two rounds. If they manage to get to the Final Four they will have a hell of an advantage, because it’s at Ford Field in Detroit this year.

4. Cal basketball. With Arkansas's loss to Mississippi State over the weekend, more on that later, Cal becomes the most surprising team in basketball. After losing superstar Ryan Anderson and NBA pick DeVon, it looked to be a pretty down year for the Golden Bears. It hasn't turned out that way, however, as Cal is sitting at 15-2 on the year, including 4-0 in the Pac 10 after sweeping the Washington schools on the road over the weekend. That follows up last weekend when they had home games against the Arizona teams and beat them both as well. They are doing it with a very efficient offense, ranking 10th in the country in offensive efficiency. Point guard Jerome Randle is leading the way, averaging 19 points and 5 assists per game while shooting 52%, a huge number for a guard. With non-conference wins over UNLV, DePaul, Utah, and Nevada, the Golden Bears are definitely in a good position for a bid to the Big Dance, despite being picked to finish in the bottom half of the Pac.

5. Clemson & Wake Forest basketball. Both these teams deserve their own entry, but I’m running out of room here so deal. UNC and Duke have pretty much dominated the ACC for years, but this season they have some legit competition at the top. Clemson is currently 16-0, and although that seems to be fairly commonplace with them, this year looks like it might be different and their may be no collapse. Their last two victories are good ones, over Alabama and NC State, and the non-conference wins at Illinois and TCU look like they will be big ones, not to mention the win @ Miami earlier in conference play. Wake is also undefeated at 14-0 following their big win last night over suddenly looking overrated North Carolina, who is 1-2 in their last three. Jeff Teague is looking like a monster, averaging over 20 points per game to go with 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and two steals and has scored over 30 points in their last two wins, both huge ones over UNC and at BYU. With three other double-digit scorers on the team as well, the Deacons are looking loaded.


WHO SUCKED


1. Arkansas basketball. I was all set to type up the Razorbacks as being awesome for a second consecutive week after they followed up last week’s win over #4 Oklahoma with a win over #7 Texas on Tuesday, but then on Saturday they opened SEC play with a 56-70 loss to mediocre Mississippi State at home. Pretty much destroyed all that momentum they built with those two big wins, and must have Arkansas fans scratching their heads. As a team the Razorbacks shot like crap, going just 3-22 from three, and freshman point guard Courtney Fortson proved that you can’t trust a floppy haired point guard with a girls name by putting up the worst game of his career. He shot just 2-13, including 0-5 from beyond the arc, and turned it over 4 times to go with just 4 assists and 3 rebounds – both below his season averages. So what’s up with Arkansas? I don’t know, but two road games (Ole Miss and Florida) this week will go a long way towards telling us.

2. Home favorites in the NFL (other than Pittsburgh). Tennessee, Carolina, and the NY Giants were all home favorites in the playoffs this weekend, and all not only lost but played like total crap. The Titans turned the ball over 3 times and had 3 other fumbles they managed to recover themselves in losing to the Ravens, the Panthers turned it over six times, including a very impressive five interceptions by Jake Delhomme, and the Giants turned it over three times and managed less than 170 passing yards. Just ugly by those three. Although I will say that Arizona looks very, very good all of a sudden. It appears their late season swoon was likely just coasting and resting until the playoffs, not suddenly becoming a bad football team. And Larry Fitzgerald is just sick. I'm pulling for an Arizona Super Bowl, and I don't really care who comes out of the AFC because both teams are boring as hell.

3. Boston College basketball. After pulling off the biggest upset of the year last week by winning at North Carolina, the Eagles rocketing from afterthought all the way to #17 in the country. Well, that won't be lasting very long, thanks to an 0-2 week that included a home loss to Harvard followed up by another home loss to Miami. It's no real secret that Tyrese Rice is the key for BC, and both Harvard and Miami were able to hold him down, leading to the losses. Rice only had 3 points with four minutes to go against Harvard until a late flurry got him to 14, and against Miami he shot 6-18, including 3-12 from three. I don't know if this means they are bad, but they are certainly a tough team to figure out.

4. College Football. I know, I know, everyone thinks so but I have to say it again, college football’s national championship is so meaningless. It just doesn’t make sense to me how they can run the system this way and call Florida the National Champion after beating Oklahoma when Texas, USC, and Utah all have just as legitimate of a claim to being the best team. I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time here, since if you want to read someone crying over this you can pretty much just hit any sports site on the web, but it’s pretty freaking stupid. If you know someone who tries to defend this crap by saying “but every game is like a playoff game” you should kick him in the cubes.

5. Gopher hockey. I don’t know much about puck, but I do know that when you play your biggest rival and don’t even put up a fight and get swept 6-3 and 6-1, you sucked pretty hard and should be plenty embarrassed. I have no doubt Mama Dawger will be weighing in with her opinion soon.

Weekend Review

(note: Weekend Review will now include the entire previous week's events, due to college basketball being awesome and taking place all week not unlike stupid football)

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Iowa football. I wasn’t exactly sure if I should mention this as Iowa being awesome or Penn State sucking, but I decided to put it here mainly because of the performance of Shonn Greene, who also gets points for finding yet another way to spell the name Shawn – every time I think all possibilities have been explored, someone comes up with another one. Anyway, Greene was the main offensive reason the Hawkeyes managed to knock of #3 Penn State 24-23 on a last second field goal. Greene ran for 117 yards and two TDs, and has exceeded 100 yards in every game this season, putting him third in the country in rushing yards and well on his way to becoming sort of a darkhorse Heisman contender.

2. Adrian Peterson. Sweet fancy Moses this guy is just ridiculous (the Vikings’ one, not the Bears’ one if he still exists). It’s been said before, but his combination of size, vision, speed, and quickness is probably even better than LaDainian Tomlinson’s was before he decided to start doing his Shaun Alexander impression this season. On the final drive for the Vikings, AP ran and caught for 64 of the team’s 69 yards, culminating in what turned out to be the game winning 29 yard TD run. But it just doesn’t do the guy justice to talk about his stats, he is simply incredible to watch. Remember when the Vikes had Culpepper and Moss, and you never wanted to miss a play because they could score at anytime from anywhere on the field? That’s what Peterson is like, and I can’t remember a running back like that since Barry Sanders.

3. Atlanta Falcons. I’ve written about this team here before, but I just can’t get over how good they have been this season, moving to 6-3 on the year after beating the Saints 34-20 yesterday. Rookie QB Matt Ryan is looking like the next Peyton Manning, and with high quality skill position players in RB Michael Turner and WR Roddy White, this team could be a contender for years. Turner is third in rushing yards this season, White is fourth in receiving yards, and Ryan has a better QB Rating than Peyton Manning and Ben Roethlisberger. Speaking of Peyton Manning….

4. Indianapolis Colts. Are the Colts back to being a Super Bowl contender? I say yes after going into Pittsburgh and beating the Steelers 24-20, bringing them to 5-4. They won't catch the 9-0 Titans for the division crown, but they are right in the Wild Card race and, if they make it, will be a very dangerous wild card team. After a very bad start to the season that included two pretty "lucky" wins over the Vikings and Texans, Peyton and the rest of the team seem to have hit their stride. A pretty easy schedule the rest of the way that includes Detroit and Cincinnati has the Colts in a very good position.

5. The BCS Title Game. Obviously it hasn't happened so it wasn't awesome, but the circumstances got awesomer with Penn State's loss to Iowa on Saturday. This essentially guarantees the title game will be between a team from the SEC and a team from the Big 12 (or possibly USC) and should make for a very entertaining and competitive game with the two best teams in college football, rather than an awesome team taking on the weak big 10 representative and kicking the crap out of them yet again.


WHO SUCKED

1. Gopher football. Omg omg omg omg. You guys, seriously. What the holy hell? As I said last week, I expected them to lose at least one of their last four, but I didn’t expect them to drop back to back games at home against bad teams. And to score just 6 points against the horrible Michigan defense is embarrassing. It’s beyond embarrassing, there’s just no word invented to describe it. And it’s not even like they were at least moving the football and then made mistakes and turnovers, they couldn’t get anything going all game and didn’t even bother to get a first down until almost halftime and ended up with less than 200 total yards against the same team that let Purdue rack up over 500 the previous week. I picked a hell of a game to go to. And to make it worse, the crazy lady who sits next to us wouldn’t even say anything crazy. I kept trying to talk to her and get her to say something weird, but her answers were all normal and rational. She must have gotten on some kind of medication and that sucks. Just a horrible day all around.

2. Tennessee football. Not the Titans, they’re good, I mean those guys who wear orange and used to be awesome and now suck worse than the Gophers. The program has managed to completely collapse, leading to the school forcing long time coach Phil Fulmer out at the end of the year, and culminating this week in an embarrassing loss to Wyoming at home, 13-7. Wyoming is dead last in college football in scoring, but managed to put up just enough for the big upset. How bad is Wyoming? Tennessee was favored in this game by 28 points, and Tennessee sucks. They have just three wins on the year and got destroyed by South Carolina last week, but were still favored by 28 against Wyoming. That’s how bad Wyoming was, and that’s how embarrassing this loss is. Truly rock bottom.

3. Notre Dame. It’s been easy to pick on the Irish the last few years, but I can’t lay off any longer. Like Michigan and Tennessee, this is another formerly great program that has just imploded. They are 5-4 this year, so it kind of looks like they are turning it around, but that schedule is laughable. Being an independent, they can mess around with their schedule and get it to their liking, and this year’s is a joke. The five wins are against Washington (0-9), Stanford (5-5), Purdue (3-7), Michigan (3-7), and San Diego State (1-9), five of the worst teams in the country. When your best win of the season is against Stanford, you’ve had a bad year. And with Navy and Syracuse still on the roster, the Irish will be heading to a bowl game and everyone will think things are wonderful again but trust me, Notre Dame sucks and their stupid quarterback Jimmy Clausen sucks (4 INTs Saturday vs. Boston College) and is only a sophomore, so it will be at least three more years before they get good again.

4. Vikings special teams. Specifically punt coverage. It's an embarrassment, as Green Bay's Will Blackmon returned yet another punt for a TD against them, bring the season total to 27 against the Vikes. I have no idea if it's the personnel, the special teams coach, or Childress, but something needs to change in a big way. And don't give me the whole "Heath Farwell is out for the year" BS. Who cares? It's Heath Farwell, a ninth string linebacker. It has gotten so bad, that earlier in the game Blackmon fielded a punt two yards deep in his own endzone. Normally a very stupid move, but against this team, why not go for it? It didn't work, but it certainly could have.

5. College Basketball. Obviously, college basketball doesn't suck, it's awesome, but whoever makes programming decisions sucks. The season starts tonight, with the Duke region of the coaches vs. cancer classic. Two games will be played this evening, Georgia Southern vs. Houston and Duke vs. Presbyterian. However, whoever is in charge of these kind of things isn't putting either game on TV, or at least regular TV people get, as the Duke game is on ESPNU, the Houston game is on nowhere despite being the more interesting game of the two. Why? Well ESPN has the Monday Night Football game tonight, but guess what is on ESPN2: a World Series of Poker marathon. Isn't this whole stupid poker craze over? Sure, I got hooked for a while, but then I realized it was really stupid to be watching people play cards. And now it's being televised over college basketball. Looking ahead, there are basketball games all week, and none of them are on anything other than ESPNU or ESPN360, which works for nobody. I blame you America. The terrorists have won.

BCS

In case you were curious, and I'm sure you've been dying to know, I'm pulling for the Buckeyes tonight against LSU. As much as I generally dislike all non-Gopher Big Ten teams, I've had just about enough Big Ten bashing since last years debacle of OSU vs. Florida.

And they're off to a good start with a long TD run by Wells, which gives him 2 carries so only 21 to go to win the O/U prop bet. Also important, Buckeyes +3.5.

LSU's "All-American" white long-haired safety did a horrible job on that run. Which goes to prove, you can't be a good d-back if you're white, no matter how many fake awards The Man tries to give you.

College Football

Good lines:

Iowa St +30 vs. Oklahoma
S. Carolina -13.5 vs. Vanderbilt
Wake Forest -3 @ Navy
Missouri -3.5 vs. Texas Tech
Arkansas -5 @ Mississippi
Maryland -4 vs. Virginia
Cal -1.5 @ UCLA
Ohio State -18 vs. Mich State

Also, I really hate Alex Trebeck.

Leftovers

Just some left over thoughts from the weekend.

1. Sources say that Colt Iverson, Ralph Sampson, and Devoe Joesph all enjoyed their recent visits to the U, and it's been reported that the Gophers likely lead for Joseph. Can you imagine that recruiting class? #76, #84, and #140 on Rivals top 150. Not Fab Five type material, but a HUGE step up for this team.

2. Clearly, things are much worse than even I could have imagined for the fighting Gopher football team. It was obvious that this year would be a struggle, with a new QB and last year's horrible defense that didn't look like it was going to get any better, but I don't think anybody could have expected this. Since you could only see the game on some fancy internet thing that I don't quite understand, I didn't see the game at all, but turning it over seven times to zero and giving up 463 yards passing against Florida Atlantic tell you all you need to know. Much of the blame for this team's performance still falls on Mason, as these were his players, but at some point you have to wonder about Brewster's ability to prepare a team to compete. I mean, this is a freakin' Sun Belt team here. It's hard to imagine this team winning a Big Ten came this year. Or even competing.

3. As bad as things seemed for Michigan, that team looks downright awesome now compared to Notre Dame after the Wolverines bounced the Irish 38-0 on Saturday. Michigan's defense gave up 34 points to Appalachian State and 39 against Oregon, but Notre Dame couldn't get on the board at all. The Irish are 0-3, with losses by 30, 21, and 38 points. They're sort of like the Gophers of the high profile programs this year. Adios, Charlie Weis!

4. QB controversy for the Vikes? Probably not. They traded up and used a second rounder on Tarvaris, so I'm going to guess they'll be pretty committed to him, but wow, did he make some bad decisions yesterday. Four picks, and I don't recall for sure but at least a couple were just horrendously bad. Between the Vikings, Gopher football, and what I expect from Gopher basketball and the Wolves, this is going to be a long, dark, cold winter. Hockey doesn't count.

5. FatDale somehow managed to outrush Chris Brown 64 yards to 34 yards. For the season Brown is not +79 over FatDale.

6. Reggie Bush is still overrated, 10 carries for 27 yards yesterday.

7. Even though the Patriots look awesome, Laurence Maroney is looking like a crappy fantasy pick. He's basically splitting time with Sammy Morris. Sammy Morris? I am not very happy with my Maroney pick right now.

8. I'm going to be in Arkansas next week. Expect drunken rambling posts.