Monday, August 17, 2009

Mbakwe Rhymes with Alibi?

We have kind of a good news bad news post here.

First, the good news, and what you're probably more interested in. According to the intrepid Myron P. Medcalf over at the star trib, future (?) Gopher forward Trevor Mbakwe's future is starting to look a whole lot more rosey with the news that he has an alibi like a mo fo for his assault charge.

If you recall, or if you don't, some lying liar woman said that at 2:45 AM on April 3rd, Mbakwe punched her in the face and then tried to pull her pants down before fleeing on a bicycle, in a scene that honestly sounds like Deebo from the movie Friday. As I've said many times in conversations with myself, this woman sounds like a bit of a loon, and I ain't buying her story.

Well, sounds like me (and Trevor, I guess) have now been vindicated, as Mbakwe's alibi is about as good as you can get. He held a party at his place that night, and both the men's and women's basketball teams were in attendance. His lawyer plans to call four witnesses at his trial in September (although I doubt we get to that point) who can place him at the apartment at the time of attack, and it sounds like he could probably produce even more if need be.

And let's be honest, this sounds ridiculous. I know the poor woman had a fractured cheekbone, but doesn't it seem a little bit like the opposite of every domestic assault story? Like, this girl actually fell down the stairs or ran into a door, but was so embarrassed she blamed the first big black guy she saw. And Mbakwe is 6-8 240 and built like Lattimer from The Program. I think if he hit a chick there'd be a bit more damage than just a fractured cheekbone. Maybe he used a phonebook?

And now the bad news, and I have to tell you the worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was playing in a golf tournament down in Elko for work (one of my teammates was a relative of Joe Mauer, by the way) and it was to raise money to fight MS, so they had a silent auction.

One of the items up to bid was a package of a full size basketball autographed by Tubby Smith and a full size football autographed by Tim Brewster (street value = $600 according to the memorabilia joint that donated them). Obviously one of these things I want very much, and the other I don't care about. The starting bid amount was $150, however, so that was that.

Except after the tournament (we shot +2, finishing in the bottom third, and I was the best player on the team which is terrifying) nobody had bid on this yet, and so they dropped the opening bid amount to just $60. So I bid. Then some dude bids up to $70. I go $80, he goes $90, I go $100. At this point he's eating, and they announce the two minute warning on silent auctions and he hasn't gone near it yet, so I'm thinking maybe I win.

Well, he gets up to head over there, and I have an idea. I stop him before he bids and ask, "Hey I'm the one bidding against you, do you want the basketball or the football or both?" He says, "I don't care, I just want to get something autographed by a Gopher for my kid." So I say, "How about this - I just want the basketball. Don't bid, and I'll win for $100 and I'll sell you the football for $50, deal?" He agrees, they ring the time is up bell, and all is good.


Half hour or so later they post the winners. The winning bid for the gopher autographed balls is $125. I go up to the guy and ask him if he bid. Nope. In the final 20 seconds of bidding, some little dickweed snuck in and beat our bid. So instead of getting a really nice ball autographed by Tubby for $50, I get nothing. Well, I got some free tees and a t-shirt and a mug and some weird balls with no writing on them at all, plus I won $20 from the Children's Miracle Network by wagering on myself to put it on the green on a par 3 and taking away some kids meals for a week, which was awesome, but not the same. Some little sneaking dickweed.


Was this all a scam? Was there some little dickweed who was a volunteer or an organizer, saw the balls only went for $100, and decided to make a late, illegal, immoral, and dickweedish bid? After I talked to my business partner he was shocked we didn't win. According to him, he looked at the sheet right as the bell rang, and my bid was still the winner.

I've already talked to Snacks about this (actually he was the first one to call shenanigans) and he tells me we don't have any legal recourse here. Well, that's fine because he's not a real lawyer anyway. I'm putting out a call on the BogartPhoneTM. Tell me what we can do.



Dawg said...

I usually love to tear apart your posts but the Deebo angle is brilliant. It pains me to say this but well done my man.

PS You still suck at life.

snacks said...

I say take them to the People's Court. There's probably some kind of breach of contract action you could pursue. But you'd go over the price you would have paid for the ball the second fancy-ass bogart picks up his phone at his mahogany desk while sitting in his unicorn leather chair. YOu'd end up with a $20,000 Tubby ball.

bogart said...


Optimator said...

Well played, very well played.

SSF said...

WWWW...for the 2nd time ever I need your help. You are the only person nerdy enough to help me.
I was given a very important and time sensitive? job at work today.
Looking up Gay,Fucking stupid,Retarded,Queer,super retarded Star Wars shit.
I need to somehow jimmy 3-4 star wars trophies? WTF?
It is for a Meeting that is apparently Star Wars themed, I work in medical software so I am sure it was some computer geeks idea...naturally.
They are having a costume contest and I need to come up with 3 or 4 star wars categories. HELP!!!! I am not a nerd therefore I have never even seen Star Wars. I know there is Jedi's, luke skyballer, and Princess Leime.
I know that this blog is full of Nerds. I need your help.

Also Check out my blog.

WWWWWW said...

I have no idea what you are asking.

SSF said...

I need 3 star wars themed categories for a star wars costume contest....god how stupid are you?

WWWWWW said...

You mean like, "Best Princess Leia?"

WWWWWW said...

UPDATE: nothing happened