Thursday, September 3, 2009

Experimental Live College Football Blog

I'm bored, I have tomorrow off, and the baby and Mrs. W are sleeping.  There is no Twins game tonight, so instead I will be taking in the Oregon Ducks vs. Boise State Somethings (Cowboys?), the biggest game on opening college football night with both teams ranked in I think the top 15.  Since I'm bored, this is the only thing on, and I have a brand spanking new bottle of Skyy Vodka, I'm going to try something new.  I'm going to live blog this.

-  Keep this in mind:  I don't watch college football.  I mean, I'll flip it on a game here and there, and I know some teams and players, but I am no expert at all.  I know Boise State has a good QB, Oregon has a good QB, and neither teams plays a lick of defense.  Sounds fun.  Let's see how this goes.

-  We have OVER 65, Oregon +3, and YES there will be a score in the first 5.5 minutes.

-  I've gotten four texts from Snacks who is drafting his work fantasy football team:
  1. "2 TEs taken in round three tonight.  Gotta love it."
  2. "Percy Harvin just went in round 5!"
  3. "First defense off the board in round 6"
  4. "Some guys RBs right now are Chester Taylor, Donald Brown, and Beanie Wells."
  5. "Oooh Oooh Kicker in the 8th!!!!"
I really hope he wins.

-  Wow, we almost had a fight already.  At the coin flip.  We have a real Montague vs. Capulet vibe going on here.  

-  Jeremiah Masoli is the Oregon QB, and they'll start from their own 42.  If Akili Smith has taught me anything, it's that no matter what kind of numbers this guy puts up, no NFL team should draft him early.  (HINT = he's black and from Oregon).

- A punt?  What the hell is this shit?  I was promised an offensive shoot out.  And Oregon's punter is named Jackson Rice and he's white.  I'm so confused.

- Oh, and he was the #1 high school punter in the country.  That's just weird.

-  Boise's QB is named Kellen Moore (not to be confused with Kellen Clemens, who I think was also a Duck).  He was the WAC freshman of the year last season.  I like to call him the MarQueis Gray of the WAC.

-  Moore is currently slicing up the Duck secondary like a fat girl with a wedding cake.  Want to know his secret?  He's left-handed.  Everything is easier if you're a lefty.  Except Scissors. 

-  Snacks would like you all to know that they just started round 9 and there are already 8 defenses off the board.  Who's in this league, Bogart?  (NOTE:  his first two picks off our keeper league draft were defenses.  He also continues to hold onto Reggie Bush like grim death).

- Do you remember Grandslam from this blog?  He was our golf writer for a while but stopped writing and was replaced by Faldo who might have quit now as well?  He is constantly changing his facebook status to be a catchphrase by one of the KFAN guys.  He probably loves Paul Allen too.  I don't know how it's possible we're related.

- Broncos (NOTE:  not Cowboys) in the midst of a long, tedious drive highlighted by a bunch of short passes by this Moore fella.  Although it's good to know that he has reached Favre-like status with these announcing dingleberries.  He fumbles a shotgun snap, picks it back up, rolls out (left, of course, which confused everyone) and completes it for a 15 yard gain to the three-yard line.  Announcer #1 said it was "obviously a bad snap" even though it was waist high and within his elbow-span and Announcer #2 said it "might have been a trick play, you never know with Boise."  They had one awesome trick play that lead to a win over Oklahoma that one time, it's not like they're out there running Tecmo Style (RIP John Stephens) flea-flickers.  I'm going to have to keep an eye on this.

-  Just saw an email I got from 2P, with mine, his, and Snacks predictions for this Twins season.

The good:
  • Crain has an ERA over 4.50 (WWWWWW)
  • No reliable 8th inning guy all year (WWWWWW)
  • Kubel hits 25 homers (WWWWWW)
  • Gomez improves his K/BB rate but everything else is around the same (WWWWWW)
  • Crede plays less than 115 games (2P)
  • Crain struggles and is a non-factor out of the bullpen (2P)
The bad:
  •  Crain with an ERA under 2.50 (Snacks)
  • Liriano wins 15+ (WWWWWW, 2P)
  •  Mauer plays in less than 115 games (Snacks)
  •  Span regresses (Snacks) 
  • Mauer less than 6 home runs (2P)
  • Kubel less than 20 homers (2P)
  •  Delmon Young breakout year = 22+ HRs, .300+ avg - (2P)
  •  Dickey 10 or more starts (2P)
  •  Buscher 10+ homers (2P)
  •  Plouffe starting shortstop by season's end (2P)
I win.

-  Boise misses what looks like a 10 yard field goal.  It's still 0-0 with 2 minutes left in the first quarter and the Ducks punted yet again.  These jackass announcers are now extolling the virtues of the blue turf, but I'm starting to realize it's really pretty damn stupid.

- I have to point out a blog post from the Star Trib that my good buddy Klingler pointed out to me.  In it, the writer (Michael Rand) found an article from the Wall Street Journal saying that Derek Jeter should get MVP consideration in a "lifetime achievement award" kind of way, and he destroys it Fire Joe Morgan style.  It hurts to praise the Star Trib, but good is good, so go read it.

- Holy god this is so boring.  I just flipped over to the Seattle/Oakland preseason game.  Maybe I can watch Michael Bush run all over people's faces.

- God, they're interviewing some dork from some MLS team.  I'm flipping back.

- So Percy Harvin has now been traded twice in our keeper league since being drafted less than a week ago.  I don't know that I have a point, I just find it interesting.

- Another missed field goal by Boise.  I have to be honest with you here.  I was, for some reason, really fired up for some college football this year.  Just 26 real minutes into the season, and I'm already limp.  I may have to pull the plug.

- Hey the Raiders have Gary Russell!  Thus kind of making this gopher related.  I've now seen one carry for -2 yards, but to be fair it wasn't his fault, the o-line sucks.  And now he catches a screen, breaks a couple tackles, makes a couple guys miss, and picks up 13 for the first down.  I'm starting to think I should pick him up.

- If you're still reading this, make sure you check out my book recommendation below.

- I really want a PS3, but I'm poor as a dirt farmer in dirt land, so I checked my American Express rewards account.  In the year and half I've had this card and been at my current job, I've racked up 19,800 points.  A PS 3 is 78,900.  So that means I will be the proud owner of a PS3 around April 2014.  Party at my place.

- Touchdown Boise!!!!!!!!!!!111
-  And they run in the two point conversion!!!

-  This freaking Masaoli character can't complete a pass at all.  It's like he's the Akili Smith of the Pac 10.  Jackson Rice on to punt yet again.  I think he's their only good player.

-  Boise punts.  This is the most boring thing I've ever done.  I quit.  I can't take it.  I'd rather watch "Sharks in Venice" again.  These are two of the best team's in college football?  I just can't do it.  Here is a picture of a hot duck to make it up to you:


Anonymous said...

God thing you shut the game off right before all hell broke loose at the end, Dip Shit! Sounds like the Boise player went down faster than WWWWW at a duluth pool hall!

catapult said...

Wouldn't a dirt farmer in dirt land be doing pretty well for himself? Sounds like he'd have a good crop of dirt every year. I would think a dirt farmer would struggle more in say, asphalt city or swampville.

WWWWWW said...

I meant it as like, a dirt farmer in a land where everyone has so much dirt of their own nobody ever has to buy any from the farmer.

Like that. But I see how that's a little unclear.

Jeremy said...

Good Lord, that IS a hot duck. Complete with a duck toe?