Weekend Review - 9/14/2009

This was a really good weekend.  Gopher football, NFL season starts, Twins are still playing, and the golf tournaments still matter and aren't the weird World Series of Golf crap and other made for TV events.  Other than college basketball season and specifically March Madness this might be my favorite time of the year.  If only we could get some nice, crisp fall weather instead of this sweltering heat.  Anyway, let's get on with it.

WHO WAS AWESOME

1.  Michigan Football.  It's nice to have a chance to write something positive about a Big Ten team, and Notre Dame is full of a bunch of queers, so it's great to see Michigan knock of the Irish 38-34 to break into the top 25.  There wasn't a whole lot of defense in the game, and it would have been a lot of fun to watch if the stupid people at the stupid bar would have been able to figure out how to change their satellite to a local channel.  Seriously, I thought all that local channels business was straightened out in like, 1999.  I know that everyone I know with satellite has their local channels as part of their regular package, so there is no complicated switching of satellite feeds or anything.  And they didn't even know how to do it.  Yet they advertised drink specials during Vikings' games, which are on local television stations.  I should have gone back during the Vikes game to see if they had that crap figured out yet.  Arg.  Oh, and your friend Micheal Floyd caught 7 balls for 131 yards and a score.  It seems he's pretty good.  Like the opposite of that stupid bar.

2.  Adrian Peterson.  It is just sick how good this guy is.  Just another how hum day at the office, compiling 180 rushing yards and 3 scores.  It's just so fun to watch him.  He has the power to barrel right through people, the quickness to make them miss, and the speed to run away from them.  Favre and Harvin both looked good yesterday too.  Harvin is going to be a handful, running and catching.  He has a world of talent (second only to Hakeem Nicks of the receivers in ths class).  It's clear that Favre's lack of practice has had an effect on his chemistry with the wideouts, since a couple times he threw to an empty area because the receiver went somewhere else, but that can still happen even with a full practice schedule (see Brady Quinn's interception) and should get better with time.  If Favre can contain himself and play just like that all year, there's no reason this isn't a Super Bowl team. 

3.  Drew Brees.  Talk about having your way with someone, Brees violated the Lions yesterday, basically whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, finishing the game with 356 yards and 6, yes 6, touchdowns.  One of those TDs went to Robert Meachem, who I told you was going to break out this year.  Also Mike Bell had 28 carries for 143 yards (a 5.1 ypc average) while Reggie Bush rushed 7 times for just 14 yards.  Seriously you guys, Reggie Bush is a terrible running back.

4.  Brian Duensing.  I am totally falling in love with this guy.  Another start, and another gem, he pitched 7 shut-out innings on Sunday to help the Twins miraculously actually win a game.  This runs his totals as a starter (5 games) to an ERA of  with a WHIP of .  Just incredible.  He's the Francisco Liriano we thought we had but didn't but now do again because of Duensing.  It's tough to find a gem in this lost season of perpetual disappointment.  Seriously, how many Twins are you happy with this year?  Mauer, Morales, Duensing, Nathan, Span, Kubel, and Mijares?  Tough to put Morneau or Cuddyer in there despite their good numbers.  Their dueling late season slumps haven't exactly left a nice impression.  Anyway, Duensing is a stud, and is now 3-0 with a 2.00 ERA and a 1.14 WHIP as a starter.  A quick check of BABIP, K/BB, and GB% tell me this probably isn't a fluke.  If the Sidler was still alive, I'd ask him to do some nerd analysis on this kid, because he looks like the real deal to me. 

5.  TCF Bank Stadium.  The team won, and put out a very good defensive effort against Air Force, a team that runs an offense that can be hard to stop, but I was more impressed by the new stadium.  There were a few issues, such as lines of 30 minutes + for concessions (and longer at halftime), souvenir stands running out of t-shirts, and both Dino's Gyros and Subway stations running out of food, but overall it was a fantastic experience.  It was the first major sporting event I have ever seen in Minnesota out doors, and that's truly how sports should be.  Our seats were in the first row of the upper deck, visitor's side, on the 35 yard line, so we had a great view but it looked like the seating was laid out perfectly, and you would have a great view no matter where you were sitting.  I'd like to write more about it, but really you just have to experience it yourself.  The best way I can sum it up is that it finally felt like watching a real college football game.  If you can snag a ticket, I highly recommend it.

Of course, the real highlight of the night was listening to some 70-year old man say if he ever saw Joel Maturi he would punch him in the face. . It seems he's had season tickets for 56 years, and lost his spot on the 50 yard line and is now on the 15, as we learned on the bus ride from a local establishment to the game.  He was not very happy about it.

WHO SUCKED

1.  Michgan State Football.  I don't live in Michigan, but even I know that when you are Michigan or Michigan State, you don't lose to a directional school - yet that's what Sparty did on Saturday, falling 29-27 to the Chippewas of Central Michigan (aka Chris Kamen U).  The Spartans certainly did everything they could to lose.  CMU scored with just 32 seconds left in the game to bring the score to 27-26, then elected to go for the win and the 2 point conversion.  They failed.  Michigan State then botched the recovery of the onside kick, giving the Chippewas another chance.  They quickly drove into position for a 47 yard game winning field goal - which was missed.  But wait.  Sparty was offsides.  Given another chance, the CMU kicker drilled the 42 yarder for the upset and the embarrassment.  Seriously, this conference is awful.  There's no reason the Gophers can't finish in the top 4.  Other than the fact that they aren't very good either.   

2.  Terrelle Pryor.  Good god is this guy terrible.  The numbers are awful (11-25 for 177 and a pick passing, 10 carries for 36 yards rushing), but they don't even tell the whole story.  Ohio State had every chance to win that game and get the "can't beat the good teams" monkey off both their and the Big Ten Conference's back, but Pryor just couldn't make a play when they needed him to.  He's not a very good passer, is a tentative runner, and is a deer in headlights against a good, fast defense.  Luckily for him, there aren't many of those in the Big Ten so I expect he and the Buckeyes will have a good year once again, and then get destroyed in whatever bowl game they end up in.  I also want to admit here that I have no idea why people use "in a minute" as slang to mean "a long time."  Like as in, "I haven't seen you in a minute" would mean I haven't seen you in a long time.  That makes no sense.  A minute is actually a very short unit of time.  I think it's the stupidest slang I've seen since saying "hella-" before everything.  If you do this, stop. 

3.  Oklahoma State Football.  Remember last week when everybody was all like, wow Oklahoma State what a huge win over Georgia they must be really good lets rank them fifth and put them into the conversation for National Champion contenders?  Well they flushed all that right down the toilet by inexplicably losing to Houston.  The Cowboys came out flat, falling behind 24-7 at halftime.  As good teams tend to do, they came roaring back with three unanswered touchdowns to take a 28-24 lead.  Then, as good teams usually don't do, they pissed it all right away, letting Houston score three times in the fourth quarter including an INT returned for a touchdown when OSU was trying to drive for a winning socre to seal the deal and the 45-35 Cougar win.  So we don't have to worry about them winning a National Championship anymore.  And Dez Bryant is still a superstud.

4.  Cincinnati Bengals.  Remember how I predicted the Bengals would be a playoff team this year?  Nevermind.  They couldn't even beat the shitty Broncos at home, and not even after taking the lead on a Cedric Benson TD run with just 38 seconds left in the game.  Then, knowing full well that the Broncos were basically going to have to chuck the ball deep, they somehow managed to let Brandon Stokely catch a deflected pass and run 87 yards to win the game.  Seriously I have no idea how somebody could let that happen, but then again, it's the Bengals.  Really not a shock. 

5.  Jake Delhomme.  Yuck.  Wasn't this guy actually pretty good a few short years ago?  And now he's an absolute trainwreck, as shown by yesterday's outing - possibly the worst game by a QB in the history of football.  Jake went 7/17 for just 73 yards and threw four picks, and was so bad that not only did the Panthers bring in Luke McCown, they also brought in Matt Moore (who?).  I really wish I would have watched the game, just to see what that kind of performance looks like.  You can go ahead and scratch the Panthers off your Super Bowl contenders list - which I already told you to do.  God I'm brilliant.

Experimental Live College Football Blog

I'm bored, I have tomorrow off, and the baby and Mrs. W are sleeping.  There is no Twins game tonight, so instead I will be taking in the Oregon Ducks vs. Boise State Somethings (Cowboys?), the biggest game on opening college football night with both teams ranked in I think the top 15.  Since I'm bored, this is the only thing on, and I have a brand spanking new bottle of Skyy Vodka, I'm going to try something new.  I'm going to live blog this.

-  Keep this in mind:  I don't watch college football.  I mean, I'll flip it on a game here and there, and I know some teams and players, but I am no expert at all.  I know Boise State has a good QB, Oregon has a good QB, and neither teams plays a lick of defense.  Sounds fun.  Let's see how this goes.

-  We have OVER 65, Oregon +3, and YES there will be a score in the first 5.5 minutes.

-  I've gotten four texts from Snacks who is drafting his work fantasy football team:

1. "2 TEs taken in round three tonight.  Gotta love it."
2. "Percy Harvin just went in round 5!"
3. "First defense off the board in round 6"
4. "Some guys RBs right now are Chester Taylor, Donald Brown, and Beanie Wells."
5. "Oooh Oooh Kicker in the 8th!!!!"

I really hope he wins.

-  Wow, we almost had a fight already.  At the coin flip.  We have a real Montague vs. Capulet vibe going on here.  

-  Jeremiah Masoli is the Oregon QB, and they'll start from their own 42.  If Akili Smith has taught me anything, it's that no matter what kind of numbers this guy puts up, no NFL team should draft him early.  (HINT = he's black and from Oregon).

- A punt?  What the hell is this shit?  I was promised an offensive shoot out.  And Oregon's punter is named Jackson Rice and he's white.  I'm so confused.

- Oh, and he was the #1 high school punter in the country.  That's just weird.

-  Boise's QB is named Kellen Moore (not to be confused with Kellen Clemens, who I think was also a Duck).  He was the WAC freshman of the year last season.  I like to call him the MarQueis Gray of the WAC.

-  Moore is currently slicing up the Duck secondary like a fat girl with a wedding cake.  Want to know his secret?  He's left-handed.  Everything is easier if you're a lefty.  Except Scissors. 

-  Snacks would like you all to know that they just started round 9 and there are already 8 defenses off the board.  Who's in this league, Bogart?  (NOTE:  his first two picks off our keeper league draft were defenses.  He also continues to hold onto Reggie Bush like grim death).

- Do you remember Grandslam from this blog?  He was our golf writer for a while but stopped writing and was replaced by Faldo who might have quit now as well?  He is constantly changing his facebook status to be a catchphrase by one of the KFAN guys.  He probably loves Paul Allen too.  I don't know how it's possible we're related.

- Broncos (NOTE:  not Cowboys) in the midst of a long, tedious drive highlighted by a bunch of short passes by this Moore fella.  Although it's good to know that he has reached Favre-like status with these announcing dingleberries.  He fumbles a shotgun snap, picks it back up, rolls out (left, of course, which confused everyone) and completes it for a 15 yard gain to the three-yard line.  Announcer #1 said it was "obviously a bad snap" even though it was waist high and within his elbow-span and Announcer #2 said it "might have been a trick play, you never know with Boise."  They had one awesome trick play that lead to a win over Oklahoma that one time, it's not like they're out there running Tecmo Style (RIP John Stephens) flea-flickers.  I'm going to have to keep an eye on this.

-  Just saw an email I got from 2P, with mine, his, and Snacks predictions for this Twins season.

The good:

• Crain has an ERA over 4.50 (WWWWWW)
• No reliable 8th inning guy all year (WWWWWW)
• Kubel hits 25 homers (WWWWWW)
• Gomez improves his K/BB rate but everything else is around the same (WWWWWW)
• Crede plays less than 115 games (2P)
• Crain struggles and is a non-factor out of the bullpen (2P)

The bad:

•  Crain with an ERA under 2.50 (Snacks)
• Liriano wins 15+ (WWWWWW, 2P)
  
•  Mauer plays in less than 115 games (Snacks)
•  Span regresses (Snacks) 
• Mauer less than 6 home runs (2P)
• Kubel less than 20 homers (2P)
•  Delmon Young breakout year = 22+ HRs, .300+ avg - (2P)
•  Dickey 10 or more starts (2P)
•  Buscher 10+ homers (2P)
•  Plouffe starting shortstop by season's end (2P)

I win.

-  Boise misses what looks like a 10 yard field goal.  It's still 0-0 with 2 minutes left in the first quarter and the Ducks punted yet again.  These jackass announcers are now extolling the virtues of the blue turf, but I'm starting to realize it's really pretty damn stupid.

- I have to point out a blog post from the Star Trib that my good buddy Klingler pointed out to me.  In it, the writer (Michael Rand) found an article from the Wall Street Journal saying that Derek Jeter should get MVP consideration in a "lifetime achievement award" kind of way, and he destroys it Fire Joe Morgan style.  It hurts to praise the Star Trib, but good is good, so go read it.

- Holy god this is so boring.  I just flipped over to the Seattle/Oakland preseason game.  Maybe I can watch Michael Bush run all over people's faces.

- God, they're interviewing some dork from some MLS team.  I'm flipping back.

- So Percy Harvin has now been traded twice in our keeper league since being drafted less than a week ago.  I don't know that I have a point, I just find it interesting.

- Another missed field goal by Boise.  I have to be honest with you here.  I was, for some reason, really fired up for some college football this year.  Just 26 real minutes into the season, and I'm already limp.  I may have to pull the plug.

- Hey the Raiders have Gary Russell!  Thus kind of making this gopher related.  I've now seen one carry for -2 yards, but to be fair it wasn't his fault, the o-line sucks.  And now he catches a screen, breaks a couple tackles, makes a couple guys miss, and picks up 13 for the first down.  I'm starting to think I should pick him up.

- If you're still reading this, make sure you check out my book recommendation below.

- I really want a PS3, but I'm poor as a dirt farmer in dirt land, so I checked my American Express rewards account.  In the year and half I've had this card and been at my current job, I've racked up 19,800 points.  A PS 3 is 78,900.  So that means I will be the proud owner of a PS3 around April 2014.  Party at my place.

- Touchdown Boise!!!!!!!!!!!111

 

-  And they run in the two point conversion!!!

-  This freaking Masaoli character can't complete a pass at all.  It's like he's the Akili Smith of the Pac 10.  Jackson Rice on to punt yet again.  I think he's their only good player.

-  Boise punts.  This is the most boring thing I've ever done.  I quit.  I can't take it.  I'd rather watch "Sharks in Venice" again.  These are two of the best team's in college football?  I just can't do it.  Here is a picture of a hot duck to make it up to you:

Site News + Overrated Discussion

There will not be a weekend review, or any posts by me, for most of next week. The Mrs and I are heading to Chicago for vacation and to hang with the Bogarts. I'm hopeful one of the other wonderful contributors to this blog will step up with a post or two - perhaps the entertainment value of DWG will increase considerably. Although if there was a weekend review, in the WHO SUCKED category you would certainly find Kyle Orton. I have no idea how the Bears won that game last night. Every time they got the ball in the second half, Orton just went ahead and chucked it right to a dude in a Saints jersey.

I know one guy who didn't help the Saints was the supremely overrated Reggie Bush, who had a stellar 46 total yards. I just don't get the love. The guy is a horrible running back. He's never even been the best RB on his team, even going back to USC where Fatdale was a much better back. Sure, he's a dangerous kick return, but so is Awesome Rossum, even at 50 years old, and you don't have people talking about him every thirty seconds, and Rossum doesn't even have his own Fathead, which is a travesty. Honestly, what does it say when the Saints' featured rusher, Duece McAllister, is hurt/suspended/on leave on they don't even turn over the rushing duties to their Golden Boy, and instead look to Pierre Thomas, a guy nobody has ever heard of who had fifty career rushes going into the season - AND he's a whole lot better? Did you know Bush has never even cracked so much as 600 rushing yards in a season? And he's had twenty or more carries in a game only twice? Ever. Career rushing TD total? 12. In three years. And three of those game in one fluky game. I'm not saying he's terrible, he's clearly a sideshow type of weapon, but let's cool it with the love. He's more in the Devin Hester category than the Adrian Peterson category. Plus, his fiance made a sex tape with some other dude that leaked to the internet, so he's once again playing second fiddle. I've compared him to Mewelde Moore on here, but I'm starting to think that's an insult to Mewelde Moore.

As long as I'm talking about overrated players, let's talk about Davidson's Stephen Curry for a minute. Yes, he's an awesome, awesome player and he had one hell of a run in last year's NCAA tournament. I'll even add that there's nobody in college ball more dangerous in the last two minutes of a game, and it's not even close. But I'm getting a little sick of the praise heaped upon him no matter what he does. He's reaching Brett Favrian levels of love here. Any mistake he makes is either glossed over, blamed on his teammates, or credited to his "willingness to sacrifice for the team and play point guard." Guess what, idiots, he's not sacrificing to play point guard, he's doing it to help his own selfish needs to get drafted. He actually hurts the team because HE'S NOT A POINT GUARD. I heard one talking head guy compare him to Larry Bird. Clearly that can't be the case because Bird is white and you can't compare players of different skin tones, but even if you could, that's ridiculous. Everybody seems to be blinded because he's leading the nation, scoring 30.5 points per game, but look at everything else here.

He also leads the country with 21 shot attempts per game, half of which are three pointers so it stands to reason logically he would lead the country in scoring (also keep in mind the weird game against Loyola where he scored 0 and took only three shots because their coach bizarrely double teamed him everywhere, even without the ball.) He's shooting 48% (38% from three) which is excellent, but really buoyed by games against teams such as James Madison (14 for 19) and Florida Atlantic (13 for 21). Let's look at just the games against good teams: Oklahoma, West Virginia, and we'll throw NC State in here too, although it makes him look better but seems fair to include them anyway.

In those three games, he was 36 for 89, just 40%. From three he was 14 for 45, 31%. Ok, so you say "well of course his numbers will be worse against those good teams, this argument is silly." Ok, I'm with you. I can see where you're coming from although you're wrong, and if you had watched the games you'd see just how wrong you actually are. "Plus," you'd probably say, "look how awesome he's been at the point. He's averaging almost 7 assists per game with only 3.5 turnovers." Ok, you're a bigger idiot than I thought. Once again, he beats up on the bad teams with 10, 9, and 13 assists against Guilford, James Madison, and Winthrop against just 1, 4, and 3 turnovers. In the three games against good teams, his assist to turnovers were 3-3, 3-4, and 10-8. Eight turnovers! In one game! Yet his team won and he hit two big threes in the last two minutes and now everybody wants to make out with him.

Look, I like Curry. He seems like a good dude, and he really is an excellent scorer and an excellent player. This isn't like a Reggie Bush level of overratedness, it's just a warning that people are approaching the Brett Favre area of being unable to criticize anything he does. He's a scorer and that's it. It's time he just embraces it and accepts it like JJ Redick or Curtis Staples. Give it up on the point guarding. Of course, he's going to roll right through the Southern Conference like me at the Y, and just dominate and everyone will praise him until they can't talk anymore. Just wait for the tournament, he could easily shoot them right out of a game, or take his Kerwin Fleming level point guarding and put them in a big hole. Or score fifty points on 90 shots, anything is possible (after the Oklahoma game they mistakenly put up a graphic that he was 19-49 shooting and I didn't even flinch). Again, good player, but let's just relax.

You know who is really overrated though? The Fresh Prince. You know what I'm sayin'?

Weekend Review

WHO WAS AWESOME

1. Matt Garza. And David Price. And BJ Upton. And Evan Longoria. And Willy Aybar. And all the Rays. Awesome bounce back from that crushing loss in game five to come back and win in seven to head to the series to lose to the Phillies. How insanely good was Garza? And Price, shutting the door in the 8th and 9th, despite not even being a relief pitcher and not even being in the majors until September? This team is loaded, and this will most definitely not be their last playoff appearance. Delmon Young better get his shit together.

2. Gopher Football. Congrats to the Gophers on getting themselves ranked in the top 25 (#25 to be exact) and 24th in the BCS rankings. Certainly a great step up from last season, no doubt. With the schedule they have remaining they have a chance to end up going 11-1, it shouldn’t be expected, but it is within the realm of possibility. Would that be enough to get to a BCS bowl? A lot would have to happen with the teams above them, but I don’t think it’s out of the question. In any case, they should end up at a top tier bowl, probably against an SEC team where they’ll get crushed, but it wouldn’t be an embarrassment to anyone. This season has already exceeded most people’s wildest expectations for this team. I’d love to make a smartass comment here, but I just can’t. I’m pretty happy over here.

3. Tennessee Titans. Now 6-0 and basically making it look easy. Yes, I said they wouldn’t be very good this year, but that was with Vince Young at quarterback. Once you get Kerry Collins involved, all bets are off. He’s nothing special, but he does a pretty good job of taking care of the ball and keeping them in the game (exactly what Young doesn't do) so that top shelf defense and solid running game can beat down a team. Chris Johnson looks very AP-like so far and can break one at any time, and FatDale just keeps running into people and falling down until they get so tired and worn out from having 300 pounds bouncing into them over and over again they can barely stand. Note: his 80 yard TD run doesn’t mean he’s good, it just means Kansas City is really THAT bad.

4. Texas Longhorns. Damn dude, those are a couple of very impressive back-to-back wins by the Longhorns, following up last week’s win against Oklahoma with a 56-31 stomping of #11 Missouri in a game that wasn’t even that close. Texas QB Colt McCoy has jumped to the lead of the Heisman race, going 29-32 for 337 yards and 2 TDs (with 2 more rushing). Read that again. 29 for 32. Those are video game numbers. Texas still has a ways to go, with games against Texas Tech, Kansas, and Oklahoma State still to go, but they’ve certainly staked their claim as the best team in college football.

5. Mewelde Moore. I've written before that Mewelde is better than Reggie Bush, and once again I've been proven correct. The Steelers have finally given him the chance to be a feature back he deserves thanks to a few injuries and he's rewarded them big time. Yesterday he rushed 20 times for 120 yards and 2 TDs with another touchdown receiving. Reggie Bush? 9 carries for 55 yards and no touchdowns, and is so bad at scoring TDs that they gave the ball to some white guy named Mike Karney to score their one yard TD. "But what about receiving?" you say. "He's so valuable in the passing game" you say. Really? 1 catch for 5 yards. Mewelde had five catches. And a TD. The previous week, Mewelde went 17 carries for 99 yards, while bush was 14 carries for 27 yards. Case closed.


WHO SUCKED

1. BYU. Yes, this happened on Thursday but whatever, it still counts and it helps strengthen my belief in the DWG Jinx, since I highlighted BYU and their easy road to a BCS Bowl a couple of weeks ago. Of course, they went out on Thursday and got beat by TCU, and got beat badly at that, 32-7 ending their something like one hundred game winning streak. Cougars QB Max Hall threw two picks and was sacked seven times (sacked only once previously this season) as BYU rushed for a total of 23 yards while giving up 410 total yards to the Horned Frogs. Yeah, that’ll do it.

2. Football in the state of Michigan. Wow, where to begin? The Lions didn’t bother to show up until the second half, falling behind 21-0 to the Texans before making a game of it and losing in the end 28-21. They are on an almost inevitable course towards 0-16, and I see no possible way to break it – except maybe against the Vikings in week 14. The Spartans have a great opportunity to show they are a quality team going up against the Buckeyes, and lay a complete egg, getting rolled 45-7, taking their season from “potentially special” to “who the hell cares.” And the Wolverines, whose entire program is basically in the crapper right now, have a huge chance to score a quality upset win against Penn State after going up 17-7 in the second quarter. Then Penn State scored the next 39 POINTS to end up winning 46-17, not only getting a victory but covering a spread that looked completely safe with two minutes remaining in the second quarter. Good thing they at least have the Pistons. And Red Wings I guess. I think they’re good.

3. Minnesota Vikings. Good lord, what the hell was that? One of the worst offensive teams ever (outside of AP of course) manages to somehow miraculously score 41 points and they lose? I know their special teams is brutal, so it’s not surprising they gave away some free points, but what about the defense? I thought this year’s version of the Vikings’ defense was supposed to be a cross between the 86 Bears and the 2000 Ravens? It sure didn’t bother the Bears and Neck Beard, who threw for 286 and two TDs. To be honest, it felt like a whole lot more than that. There was never a point where the Vikings defense looked like they even had a prayer of stopping the Bears. At least they have a bye coming up next week to try to figure out what the hell is wrong.

4. Dustin Pedroia’s nickname. I recently learned that Boston fans call him “Destroyah.” Like, if you were unfortunately born in Boston and have that retarded ingrained inability to enunciate, and you tried to say Destroyer instead of saying it like a normal human person you would say it so it rhymed with Pedroia. Horrible. Worst nickname since Steve Esselink started going by “Sunshine.”

5. Indiana Jones. Yeah, we rented that new movie about the Crystal Skulls and all. I gotta tell ya, I can’t believe they waited twenty years and THIS is the script they came up with. Brutal. Not so much the script, but the idea was brutal. The really frustrating thing is that it felt like an Indiana Jones movie. The action, the archaeology, the music, everything was like Indiana never left, except for the god damn retarded faggy plot. I think what happened was Lucas and Spielberg got some guy and said, “You make this movie for us but here is your plot and you can’t deviate and here are some plot points that go with it that you have to hit.” And that guy took the crap they gave him and did a phenomenal job. But it’s still crap. Although that fictional guy who I made up just there deserves an oscar or emmy or whichever one goes for movies.

Wait....What?

Hey everybody! I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan and it's totally awesome. And by totally awesome, I mean it sucks. Yet another place I have to travel too that is not very fun at all. The good news: I'm drunk! Yeah for me.

You know what's not a sucky place to visit - Indiana. Specifically South Bend. I hear it's awesome, and they have a kick ass football team that once had a little piece of crap guy named Rudi with the biggest heart ever and made a really boring movie out of his story and probably made stuff up to make it touch the pure of heart. If I was a kickass receiver, I would totally go there.

Wait, what? The mighty Irish are only 1-7? How can that be?

Well, they must still be pretty awesome, since the best player in the history of Minnesota prep football (other than Joe Mauer, who was also awesome at everything he ever tried) Michael Floyd has committed to the IRish. I haven't read this yet, but I'm going to assume paging jim shikenjanski guy has much more lucid thoughts on the subject.

I just don't understand why, if you were going to a shitty shitass team, you wouldn't go to your hometown team. I bet it's that god damned Metrodome.

Seriously, why not go to Florida, Michigan, or Ohio State - his other finalists based on the zero minutes of research I've done. They win stuff. Or lose to Appalachian State. Hey, I'm in Michigan! Up yours Carr! Way to not know how to coach.

Also, Roy Williams should get his ass kicked too. That guy is far too inconsistent to make my fantasy team win all the time single handedly.

Speaking of fantasy football, those of you who think that I'm some sort of fraud for starting FatDale White this week should really probably go to hell. This is why you people never win money. If you really need a running back, and a super fat, horrible running back who gets most of his yards by falling down has the guy he's splitting carries with get hurt and you know he's going to get 25 carries, you should really start him. Even if he's one of the two worst running backs in football right now. It's really just common sense and you should all be embarrassed by your complete inability to understand simple concepts.

I will guarantee that I will never, ever have Reggie Bush on my fantasy team. The only way it would ever happen is never. Actually, there are two ways it could happen:

1) They move him to wide receiver.
2) We start giving points for kick/punt returns, and the Saints use him in the only role where he'll ever excel.

I mean really. The guy is known as a shifty, good runner in space. So we can't expect him to be a grind it out, feature back unless you're the Saints or JC. But you'd think, well, he probably breaks a long one now and again, since he's so good at that kind of thing. Well, in a full year and half, his longest career rush is 22 yards. 22 YARDS. I can't even write that big enough. 22 yards. I'm sorry, he had a 25 yarder in the playoffs last year. But he's so good.

Mewelde Moore's career long is 33 yards. Moore has had 254 carries. Bush has had 241. Yet Moore's career long is 50% longer than Bush's. I believe Snacks, and me, since I posted, has once again been proven correct, he's really just a poor man's Mewelde Moore.

Second to last thing, is that I hate the Gay Sox, and I don't wear a XXXL. I can't wait for this Simmons article tomorrow. Here's some calls, Bert:

1) Pedroia (and probably Brady) are God.
2) No mention of the Drew grandslam, which was the biggest at-bat of that series. If you remember, the Sox had just gotten the series back to Boston, loaded the bases against Carmona with no outs, and the first two guys got out. Then Drew comes out, two outs bases laloded, and hits the grand slam. If he gets out, whole different game.
3) Pretends to fear the Rockies, but you can tell by his writing that he "knows" the Sox have this one.
4) Acts like the Manny Ramirez actions were no big deal - I actually agree with this one.
5) Rips on Paul Byrd, even though the poor guy had a gladular problem.
6) Predicts Ortiz has an awesome world series since he had a bad ALCS, convinced one thing is related to the other. HINT: It's not.
7) Finds a way to rip on both the Yankees and the Colts.
8) Includes one completely non-sensical pop culture laden email.
9) Gives way too much credit to Francona, and himself, for "mixing it up" and putting Ellsbury in the lineup. Ellsbury OPS = .583, which ok, was better than Crisp in the series (.333, ouch that's f'ing terrible), but he'll just give credit to "mixing it up."

Last thing, because I'm bored now, I leave you with a top five moment in sitcom history, and if you don't get it, you're not my friend.



Oh, and go Rockies. They're +180, and I'll be hitting that hard. God I hate Boston. Not the city, the city is actually one of my favorites in the world, but the fans. I'd punch them all in the face if I wasn't a little sissy girl.

Also, in case you're curious, Courtney James is currently playing for the Dodge City Legend in teh USBL. I'd love to give you stats, but it will apparently only cost me 29 cents a day. Some of the college awesomeness wasting away in the USBL: Byron Mouton (Maryland), Kyle Cuffe (St. Johns), Jason Wingate (Manhattan), Jermaine Boyette (Weber St), Darryl Dora (Tex Tech), Lazarus Sims (Syracuse, Coack K Allstar), Roy Tarpley (I wish I was kidding), Shaheen Holloway (Seton Hall and McDonald's Allstar game superstar), Jeff Boschee (Kansas), Keith Langford (Kansas), Michael Lee (Kansas), Shawn Kemp (???????????? - Really?)

Turns out, I was looking at a list of all-time rosters, not current. Good enough. Shawn Kemp? Lot of Kansas guys too. Nice team, Snacks. What's your boy Chenowith up to?

As near as I can tell, Courtney James has been bouncing around minor basketball leagues for years. However, when you search for Courtney James on google, here's the first link: Safe for work? Borderline.

I was Right

FatDale White and Reggie Bush combined had less rushing yards than Green Bay's Punter. I told you those guys sucked.

Also, it's pretty clear that Jason Whitlock and Ron Jaworski have been reading this site and stealing my material. In this article, Whitlock says:

"4. I'd like to congratulate ESPN's Ron Jaworski for acknowledging on Monday Night Football what I've been saying for a year: Reggie Bush is overrated as an NFL running back.

The second coming of Gale Sayers is exactly who we thought he was — the second coming of Gale Sayers.

In this era — when 245-pound linebackers run 4.5 40s, 210-pound safeties run 4.5 40s and 260-pound defensive ends run 4.6 40s — Gale Sayers would be a third-down back and return man."

Other than the Gale Sayers comparison, that's what I've been saying. People shouldn't steal from me. It's mean and against the law. And I know an intellectual property lawyer, maybe I'll sue.

Thanks to Snake for pointing out this blatant thievery.

Reggie Bush Proves me Wrong

- Ok, not really. He did score two touchdowns, which ties him for the season with former Gopher Matt Spaeth, but he still sucked. Both were one-yard touchdowns, which actually is really surprising because I didn't think he could score on the goal line, but those two one yard TDs were about his average gain for the night, he had 7 attempts for 15 yards. Tack on 6 catches for 20, and that's a whole 35 total yards on the night. For "the best player to come into the NFL since Barry Sanders." Good call, morons.

- FatDale once again managed to outrush Chris Brown, but only because the coaches decided to give him the ball 17 times to 11 for Brown. White rushed for 50 yards (2.9 ypc) and Brown for 38 (3.5 ypc). Season stats are Brown +67.

- The Saints are clearly broken. With zero running game, Brees can't do much and has 1 TD and 7 Ints, with a QB rating of 57.1

- I wouldn't panic on the Chargers quite yet, they have too much talent to be this bad, but it doesn't look good. Hopefully the Packers aren't for real. I don't think I could handle a good Packers team.

- Mewelde Moore's QB rating after that incompletion on Sunday is 39.6. T-Jax has a rating of 40.0. That's god damned hilarious. And how good does Adrian Peterson look? It's going to be a fun six years or however long RBs last.

- I'm getting bored with football. Can college basketball start now?

Leftovers

Just some left over thoughts from the weekend.

1. Sources say that Colt Iverson, Ralph Sampson, and Devoe Joesph all enjoyed their recent visits to the U, and it's been reported that the Gophers likely lead for Joseph. Can you imagine that recruiting class? #76, #84, and #140 on Rivals top 150. Not Fab Five type material, but a HUGE step up for this team.

2. Clearly, things are much worse than even I could have imagined for the fighting Gopher football team. It was obvious that this year would be a struggle, with a new QB and last year's horrible defense that didn't look like it was going to get any better, but I don't think anybody could have expected this. Since you could only see the game on some fancy internet thing that I don't quite understand, I didn't see the game at all, but turning it over seven times to zero and giving up 463 yards passing against Florida Atlantic tell you all you need to know. Much of the blame for this team's performance still falls on Mason, as these were his players, but at some point you have to wonder about Brewster's ability to prepare a team to compete. I mean, this is a freakin' Sun Belt team here. It's hard to imagine this team winning a Big Ten came this year. Or even competing.

3. As bad as things seemed for Michigan, that team looks downright awesome now compared to Notre Dame after the Wolverines bounced the Irish 38-0 on Saturday. Michigan's defense gave up 34 points to Appalachian State and 39 against Oregon, but Notre Dame couldn't get on the board at all. The Irish are 0-3, with losses by 30, 21, and 38 points. They're sort of like the Gophers of the high profile programs this year. Adios, Charlie Weis!

4. QB controversy for the Vikes? Probably not. They traded up and used a second rounder on Tarvaris, so I'm going to guess they'll be pretty committed to him, but wow, did he make some bad decisions yesterday. Four picks, and I don't recall for sure but at least a couple were just horrendously bad. Between the Vikings, Gopher football, and what I expect from Gopher basketball and the Wolves, this is going to be a long, dark, cold winter. Hockey doesn't count.

5. FatDale somehow managed to outrush Chris Brown 64 yards to 34 yards. For the season Brown is not +79 over FatDale.

6. Reggie Bush is still overrated, 10 carries for 27 yards yesterday.

7. Even though the Patriots look awesome, Laurence Maroney is looking like a crappy fantasy pick. He's basically splitting time with Sammy Morris. Sammy Morris? I am not very happy with my Maroney pick right now.

8. I'm going to be in Arkansas next week. Expect drunken rambling posts.

A Poor Man's Mewelde Moore?

As I am watching the big kickoff game between the Colts and Saints tonight, it reminded me how overrated Reggie Bush really is. I thought so ever since he was drafted. The guy was great college player, but keep in mind he couldn't even take the starting job from FatDale White.

He was great in space. Great return man, very good receiver guy, excellent with the A+++ rated USC line creating holes even bigger than what Emmitt Smith saw, but he will never be a feature running back.

Honestly, if you were to move him to receiver full-time (and return guy) I see him as another Steve Smith (the Carolina one, not the Giants one).

But if you watched him tonight, as Snacks said when we were at the bar, "He's like a poor man's Mewelde Moore." Harsh? Maybe. Accurate? I'm going to say yes, at least as a RB.

He dances around like Barry Sanders, but there was only one Barry. Put your head down, and get the extra couple of yards, instead of dancing around like freakin' Baryshnikov. This isn't college anymore where you're going against guys who have 1/85th of your talent. These are the best of the best and you can't pull that crap. His longest rush last year was 18 yards. Drew Brees's was 16.

Nine rushes for 29 yard and 2 catches for -3 tonight. And one punt return for 2 yards. And I'm almost positive in his 12 touches so far tonight, I haven't seen him break one tackle or make one guy miss. It's sad really.

Everyone freaked out about the Texans taking Mario Williams over Bush. Maybe they were the smart ones. Vince Young, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Laurence Maroney, Marcus McNeil, and Maurice Drew (fine, Jones-Drew), all were selected after Bush - and I'd take every single one of them over him.

Also, Brees just got hit by Freeney and fumbled. Guess who was in at RB that play who didn't see that and pick up the block? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't McAllister or Stecker.

Let's look at this Mewelde Moore comparison. Bush longest rush 18, Moore 15. Bush average 3.6 ypc, Moore 5.5. Bush longest reception was 32 yds, Moore's was 50 yards. Bush averaged 8.5 yds per catch, Moore was at 10.2. Bush's longest reception was 74 yards, Moore was 50 - so Bush has him there. Bush averaged 7.7 yards per punt return, with a long of 65 yards. Moore averaged 10.1, with a long of 71. And worst of all, "Captain Elusive" Reggie Bush averaged 8.2 yards after the catch, while Mewelde Moore averaged 10.5. The numbers don't lie folks. Reggie Bush = Poor Man's Mewelde Moore.

I'll just leave you with this:



Also, quick shout out to The Todd: Go Lions!

And FYI, if Bush picks up a cheap TD at the end of the game or cheap yards it doesn't matter so save it.