Monday, October 22, 2007


Hey everybody! I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan and it's totally awesome. And by totally awesome, I mean it sucks. Yet another place I have to travel too that is not very fun at all. The good news: I'm drunk! Yeah for me.

You know what's not a sucky place to visit - Indiana. Specifically South Bend. I hear it's awesome, and they have a kick ass football team that once had a little piece of crap guy named Rudi with the biggest heart ever and made a really boring movie out of his story and probably made stuff up to make it touch the pure of heart. If I was a kickass receiver, I would totally go there.

Wait, what? The mighty Irish are only 1-7? How can that be?

Well, they must still be pretty awesome, since the best player in the history of Minnesota prep football (other than Joe Mauer, who was also awesome at everything he ever tried) Michael Floyd has committed to the IRish. I haven't read this yet, but I'm going to assume paging jim shikenjanski guy has much more lucid thoughts on the subject.

I just don't understand why, if you were going to a shitty shitass team, you wouldn't go to your hometown team. I bet it's that god damned Metrodome.

Seriously, why not go to Florida, Michigan, or Ohio State - his other finalists based on the zero minutes of research I've done. They win stuff. Or lose to Appalachian State. Hey, I'm in Michigan! Up yours Carr! Way to not know how to coach.

Also, Roy Williams should get his ass kicked too. That guy is far too inconsistent to make my fantasy team win all the time single handedly.

Speaking of fantasy football, those of you who think that I'm some sort of fraud for starting FatDale White this week should really probably go to hell. This is why you people never win money. If you really need a running back, and a super fat, horrible running back who gets most of his yards by falling down has the guy he's splitting carries with get hurt and you know he's going to get 25 carries, you should really start him. Even if he's one of the two worst running backs in football right now. It's really just common sense and you should all be embarrassed by your complete inability to understand simple concepts.

I will guarantee that I will never, ever have Reggie Bush on my fantasy team. The only way it would ever happen is never. Actually, there are two ways it could happen:

1) They move him to wide receiver.
2) We start giving points for kick/punt returns, and the Saints use him in the only role where he'll ever excel.

I mean really. The guy is known as a shifty, good runner in space. So we can't expect him to be a grind it out, feature back unless you're the Saints or JC. But you'd think, well, he probably breaks a long one now and again, since he's so good at that kind of thing. Well, in a full year and half, his longest career rush is 22 yards. 22 YARDS. I can't even write that big enough. 22 yards. I'm sorry, he had a 25 yarder in the playoffs last year. But he's so good.

Mewelde Moore's career long is 33 yards. Moore has had 254 carries. Bush has had 241. Yet Moore's career long is 50% longer than Bush's. I believe Snacks, and me, since I posted, has once again been proven correct, he's really just a poor man's Mewelde Moore.

Second to last thing, is that I hate the Gay Sox, and I don't wear a XXXL. I can't wait for this Simmons article tomorrow. Here's some calls, Bert:

1) Pedroia (and probably Brady) are God.
2) No mention of the Drew grandslam, which was the biggest at-bat of that series. If you remember, the Sox had just gotten the series back to Boston, loaded the bases against Carmona with no outs, and the first two guys got out. Then Drew comes out, two outs bases laloded, and hits the grand slam. If he gets out, whole different game.
3) Pretends to fear the Rockies, but you can tell by his writing that he "knows" the Sox have this one.
4) Acts like the Manny Ramirez actions were no big deal - I actually agree with this one.
5) Rips on Paul Byrd, even though the poor guy had a gladular problem.
6) Predicts Ortiz has an awesome world series since he had a bad ALCS, convinced one thing is related to the other. HINT: It's not.
7) Finds a way to rip on both the Yankees and the Colts.
8) Includes one completely non-sensical pop culture laden email.
9) Gives way too much credit to Francona, and himself, for "mixing it up" and putting Ellsbury in the lineup. Ellsbury OPS = .583, which ok, was better than Crisp in the series (.333, ouch that's f'ing terrible), but he'll just give credit to "mixing it up."

Last thing, because I'm bored now, I leave you with a top five moment in sitcom history, and if you don't get it, you're not my friend.

Oh, and go Rockies. They're +180, and I'll be hitting that hard. God I hate Boston. Not the city, the city is actually one of my favorites in the world, but the fans. I'd punch them all in the face if I wasn't a little sissy girl.

Also, in case you're curious, Courtney James is currently playing for the Dodge City Legend in teh USBL. I'd love to give you stats, but it will apparently only cost me 29 cents a day. Some of the college awesomeness wasting away in the USBL: Byron Mouton (Maryland), Kyle Cuffe (St. Johns), Jason Wingate (Manhattan), Jermaine Boyette (Weber St), Darryl Dora (Tex Tech), Lazarus Sims (Syracuse, Coack K Allstar), Roy Tarpley (I wish I was kidding), Shaheen Holloway (Seton Hall and McDonald's Allstar game superstar), Jeff Boschee (Kansas), Keith Langford (Kansas), Michael Lee (Kansas), Shawn Kemp (???????????? - Really?)

Turns out, I was looking at a list of all-time rosters, not current. Good enough. Shawn Kemp? Lot of Kansas guys too. Nice team, Snacks. What's your boy Chenowith up to?

As near as I can tell, Courtney James has been bouncing around minor basketball leagues for years. However, when you search for Courtney James on google, here's the first link: Safe for work? Borderline.


S. Griffin said...

You're an idiot! Do you mean to tell me, that if you had the 1st pick (in 06) in our keeper league you wouldn't have drafted Bush. Spare us, your grandstanding is becoming obnoxious.

A little context to the clip might help. I will give you this, "Mercy Flush" is funny, and pointing to his imaginary watch is funny, but if you laugh at anything other than that, you're the idiot. What's next, clips from Friends? Scrubs sucks. Like Stewie Griffin said, "Which character is supposed to be the funny one."

wwww is sackless said...

You forgot reason # 3 of why you would have Reggie Bush on your team. Which is you have no scruples and would pick him if you needed a back in a heart beat and then back pedal later.

PS Good riddings to Michael Floyd. He can have fun in that pedophile hot bed. We got a better receiver in Brandon Green.

2006 stats

Brandon Green 1875 yds 21 TDs
Michael Floyd 1240 yds 16 TDS

Plus Green is from Chicago. Chicago has more black people. Blacks are better football players. Hence he must be better because he plays against better competition.

PPS B Simmons would kick your ass in a fight, in Madden or in fantasy football. He is also a better gambler then you.

Klinger said...

Thanks for posting the "Poison" clip...Mattie has been telling me about that episode for a year...While he is african, he is definitely not black, and his impersonation of that bit was lackluster at best.

Maybe there was something a while back that I missed, but how do you rip on Simmons so much yet blatantly rip off his format? You and Chad have got to have some sort of crazy homoerotic love/hate relationship going with him.

Anonymous said...

Suzy Colber is hot.

The Todd said...

"What costume?"

snacks said...

I had no idea that Zach Puchtel was gay. I'm also very, very not surprised.

Randy said...

W, if you write one more time that Reggie Bush is only good "in space" I am going to start a campaign to boycott your blog. People read your blog because of its straight shooter approach, not pompous blow-hard non-sense with cute buzz words like "good in space." What the hell does that really mean anyways? He can run away from people better when they are not in his space? If people are in "his space" he's not as good? I think that would apply to pretty much anyone expect maybe Lendale White who would just run right over whoever is in "his space." Rip on whoever you want just don't use some over-technical analysis that you think makes you sound smarter than everyone else. Your analysis of Bush is something straight out of Merill Hoge's or Ron Jaworski's playbook. Football players are either good or not good - not "good in space."

p.s. - No matter what excuse you come up with, you are a complete sell out for picking up the 2nd best RB of the '06 class.

p.p.s. - Suzy Colber is hot and she would never use the term "in space."

WWWWWW said...

1. Promise you I would not have taken Reggie Bush first overall in that draft, I would have gone with Maroney.
2. Scrubs is funny. Family Guy is not.
3. I could take Simmons in Madden and gambling.
4. I don’t hate Simmons. I actually enjoy almost everything he writes, however when he writes about the Sox or Patriots he makes me want to kill his soul.
5. Suzy Kolber is not hot.
6. I apologize for using “good in space.” That was wrong of me.

LenDale White Guy said...

W, would it be possible to have the people who post on your blog take a literacy test? "Good Riddings to Michael Floyd." What is that?

Randy, that was brilliant. I'm sure W is the type of idiot who criticizes AP/AD for running upright, it's just as silly.

W, I'll trade you L. White for S. Alexander. Oh I won't.

Anonymous said...

Scrubs is a good show and the only thing worse then Family Guy is the losers who constantly reference Family Guy ie Klinger.

Anonymous said...

sorry Klinger, I meant s.griffin.