Thursday, October 25, 2007

Ramblings from The Todd

If you've noticed in the comments section, The Todd is rather talkative today. He's also rather drunk. I'd love to comment on being drunk in the early afternoon on a weekday, but I've done it, and I miss it. Well anyway, he sent me some random ramblings. They're only partially sports related, and far, far too pro-Red Sox, but I like to support drunken rambling as well, so away we go:

- Daytime TV sucks royal ass. I’m the biggest couch potato ever but shit, if I didn’t work, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Embarrasingly enough I’ve been flipping between The Real Housewives of Orange Country and TRL. I think it’s time to fire up the PS2

- I’m the worst dancer ever but somehow love it. And while I’m wasted, I feel JT is working through me. Anyway, I was at the Independent in Uptown for a bit last night and that place was like fricken Footloose. A waitress came up to me and literally said, “you can’t dance here.” WTF is that? Where is John Lithgow. Am I that bad?

- This liqour store by my house has cases of Premium for like $13.50 or something, plus tax. Is that not cheap as hell? If you like the banana beer (I do), you should go to there, it’s on Lake Drive and Lextington Ave in Circle Pines. Call me and I’ll meet you at the DQ next door which has a “closing sale” sign I noticed today. That makes me sad, I love ice cream.

- I love the Shampoo Theory and validate that it holds true: I’m wasted on only my 7th beer in about 3.5 hours.

- Is today Thursday? That really sucks cuz I think I’m gonna have to go into the office tomorrow. Is it true you can’t smell booze on your breath if it’s Vodka? I’m willing to try it. Although my pants wetting might give me away as being drunk. Also I don’t have any vodka right now.

- I’m rambling and it’s amusing me.

- I miss Snacks, The Egytpian and WWWWWWW. We should watch the Sawx tonight while they go up 2-0. And what’s up with them leaving Wakefield off the WS roster….did I read that somewhere or was that my imagination?

- Kevin James is brilliant in the King of Queens but I hate those shows where the fat guy gets some hot babe. It gives douchebags like myself false hope which I refuse to let go of.

- To those Sioux fans I pissed off a few weeks ago, my apologies. I just wanna party. I got nothin but love. I missed the Gopher games last weekend but they got swept by CC in Colorado so….that hurts. UND seems to be solid as usual. Although I swear the Gophers have been slow starters in recent years, correct me if I’m wrong.

- Does anyone agree that I should make a career move and drive a bus for the MTC? How sweet would that job be? Although, I’d forsurely get a DUI. PS, whiskey plates are sweet. Can you buy those on eBay for much less than the actual 3+ DUI’s needed? I’m not sure how those work, someone please fill me in.

- Snacks, remember that time I hit a homerun over the fence off you in batting practice circa 1997? That was fun. I miss you, call me.

- (struggling)

- It’s mildly sobering to go to the liquor store at 10:47 in the morning on a weekday while still drunk to purchase a case of High Life interrupting 75 year old Pearl doing inventory at the counter. Slightly embarrassing. Even better that I’d just crawled out of bed and inevitably smelled of booze and fat girls. I take what I can get.

- That was mean, I apologize.

- The Office is on tonight. God how I love that show. How nice are Jan Levingston’s mammaries (sp?)? I heart boobs!

- Working out is so overrated and just ridiculous. If raging alcoholic, over weight, 27 year olds were cool…then consider me Miles Davis. I just pee’d my pants.

- Who wants to party? Bring the beer bong, I got the beer. Maas , I’m talking to you. Anyone else is welcome.

- Oh, how sad is it that the Gophers football lost to NDSU? I know they are dreadful but christ almighty. I’m seriously considering re-enrolling and trying to walk on. I run a 6.34 forty and can bench about 160…I gotta think that’s fas and strong enough for a starting secondary position, honestly. I have yet to watch a game this year but wow, it’s inexplicable without seeing any of the carnage. Can someone let me now if I could still tryout after re-enrolling? Maybe do a Masters program? I’m already a master at patheticness so I really don’t know how that would work. Snacks, you are smart, please explain.

- Wow, channel surfing and came across GAC….Sara Evans anyone? SMOKIN!

- I bowl in a league on Monday nights and my average is a less than stellar 124. To you, the F (pretty sure that shit ain’t regulation)!

- Jesus country is depressing, next

- Does anyone know how to get into Ultimate Fighting? I think I could be good at that but I’d have to drop about 4 weight classes. Oh wait, I’m a wuss…nevermind. I cried during The Little Mermaind, remember WWWWWW?

- I want to go down on Josh Beckett….with Schilling and Ortiz watching while Man-Ram films the tryst.

- I need a nap.

From the land of gun-racks, pickups and trailer parks….toodles.

The Todd


WWWWWW said...

How can you be a Boston fan? I just don't get it.

snacks said...

I think that's more entertaining than anything WWWWWW has ever written. WWWWW, you need to try more daytime drunken ramblings I think.

snacks said...

I think that's more entertaining than anything WWWWWW has ever written. WWWWW, you need to try more daytime drunken ramblings I think.

Sully said...

Did anybody check on The Todd today to see if he still has a pulse. I'm scared that one of his fat AIDS infested ladies may have suffocated his drunken ass while sitting on his face.

I haven't witnessed self loathing of that magnitude or a lower self esteem since WWWW in his sophmore through 1st senior year at UMD.

WWWWWW said...

Well that's just mean.

The Todd said...

Still here...but I've got three cold sores now...nice piece of shit dental damn.

Stifflers mom said...

The Todd I dont care what any of these "oh I think I am soooo witty with my awesome bit" assholes on here say about you. Your funny as shit. I loved it.
And by the way is past years the Sioux are notorious for starting out slow then winning games after christmas (when it really matters). The gophs tend to come out strong in the beginning then..aghh.....aghhhhhh....shit I have something in my throat.....chaaa...whoooo...
better sorry what I was gonna say was... CHOKE

Stifflers Mom's X said...

Stifflers mom, get back to letting The Todd fuck you like a dirty animal. How can you come on here and stroke The Todd's dick with one hand and then jam your unkept thumb nail up his ass with the other hand?

P.S. Great, the Sioux get hot after Christmas but remember they become ice cold right around Easter.....when the season really matters. Did the WCHA or NCAA start handing out 2nd half of the season championships???

P.S.S. Sioux are people, not mascots!