Whatever

So, I just got back home from the Diamond Jo Casino in Worth, Iowa, and I'm a little drunk and have nothing better to do, and zero opinion on anything, so why not live blog the baseball game since it seems it's the longest game of all time.

In case you're wondering, we did pretty well for ourselves at the casino. WWWWWW +250, Egypt +150, Snacks +100, Theory +90. Craps is the best game ever.

On to the game. I have five 16oz bottles of Miller Lite here, hoping I don't drink them all.

10:19 - My tv guide says the game should have ended 19 minutes ago. Yet, we're just about to start the 7th. This is excellent, because otherwise I would have to watch Saturday Night Live.

10:22 - Was Terry Francona a good player? I seriously don't remember. Good thing I have the interweb.

10:23 - And Victor Martinez pulls a Greg Gagne and swings at a 3-2 slider in the dirt. Also, I'm really, really pulling for the Indians here.

10:26 - Isn't Okajima really just this year's J.C. Romero? Or Paul Quantrill? Or just that reliever who had an awesome year that one year? Or am I wrong here?

10:28 - Also, Terry Francona career OPS+ was 81. Yikes. Also never had more than 281 At-bats in a season. Most similar to, according to baseballreference.com, Dane Iorg and Thad Bosley. Ouch. His dad was an allstar, finished fifth in MVP voting in '59, and had a career OPS+ of 107. What a disapointment. Have no idea what that would be like.

10:31 - Youkilis, Ortiz, Manny. Not good for Cleveland.

10:33 - Youkilis was featured prominently in Moneyball. If you haven't read it, you should. If you can read. Books, Jerry, books.

10:34 - Manny really, really scares me here.

10:36 - Greg Gagne career OPS+ = 83, and was never over 100 (league average). I never realized he was that bad of a hitter. I knew bad, but not that bad. Great fielder though. By the way, baseballreference.com is like if you took the Baseball Encyclopedia and made it nerdier.

10:41 - longest at bat ever.

10:42 - That should have been strike three. Fox's cameras even cheated on that gay pitch track thing.

10:44 - Manny gets killed on that fastball. So that Gopher game was probably kind of fun to watch. I was busy getting drunk in bars without Big Ten network in southern Minnesota. Actually, at one bar we asked about the Big Ten network and the waitress lady was like "what's that." So, there's that.

10:45 - Also, yeah, we lost on the Northwestern -6.5, but we also hit the over at 66. So there.

10:49 - The announcers have a Papelboner because he's warming up. The one time I was at Fenway, he blew the save so I'm really not impressed.

10:51 - Unnecessary diving catch by Red Sox center fielder. Looks like Snacks playing softball. Just showin' off for the ladies.

10:51 - Breaking news. Dusty Baker hired to manage the Reds. Expect the Reds to continue to be mediocre.

10:54 - Classic "Oh look what I found" by Lowell at third. Actually, very similar to how I play third. I really hate the Red Sox.

10:59 - That was strike three on Lowell. Umps continue to be in love with Boston.

11:02 - Am OFFICIALLY changing my survivor pick to San Diego based on McNair being a game time decision. Also, Lowell just fouled off like six pitches and battled just so he could take a slider right down the pipe. Nicely done.

11:04 - This seems like the kind of time where Varitek would hit a homerun.

11:06 - Or he'll look like the shell of the player he once was. Also, I'm going to go ahead and start FatDale this week. Shut up.

11:18 - Even off roids, Hafner can hit. Single up the middle. AND THEY'RE PINCH RUNNING FOR HAFNER. With two outs. Runner only on first. Tie game. This is the worst move ever. EVER. Seriously what the hell? Why would you pull Hafner, one of your top two hitters here. It's a tie game. Well PR Barfield went ahead and stole second without a throw. That's good. But still. Hafner. Tie game. Just assuming it won't get back around there. I really, really don't get it.

11:21 - Now they walk Martinez and pitch to Garko. I'd rather have Martinez.

11:24 - Also, why can't announcers say anything meaningful or question anything? Taking out Hafner is a BIG deal.

11:25 - Weird. Garko got out. Now you get to play the rest of the game without Hafner. And they're bringing in Borowski who has something like a 8.50 ERA in non-save situations. I might as well just go to bed.

11:31 - This ump is brutal.

11:34 - Base hit for Pedroia. At least something's happening.

11:36 - Actually, it's not Borowski at all, it's still Betancourt. And then Pedroia stole second without a throw. Always good to let that winning run get into scoring position without even trying to stop it. Who's managing this team, Gardenhire?

11:40 - Youkilis has now fouled off the last 27 pitches in a row.

11:41 - V. Martinez could have made an amazing catch but didn't. Now it's about to be game over.

11:43 - I've rarely seen anything like this. I'd just hit him in the ribs and move on. Except it's Ortiz next. So maybe not.

11:44 - And Youkilis flys out and we're going to the tenth. Joe Buck tells us you couldn't have hit it any harder and that's clearly a lie. Youkilis sucks. I blame Billy Beane. Seriously, read Moneyball. Just do it.

11:53 - Peralta stikes out on a pitch at his eyes. That's just good baseball. McCarver informs us that you can't hit a ball up there well. Thanks buddy.

11:57 - Papelbon misses the target by about three feet, but it still might have been a strike. Crowd wanted it. Weirdly, umps iddn't give it to him. Great catch on the next one by Youkilis though.

11:58 - Ortiz up. Does clutch exist? I'm basing it on this at-bat against some guy I've never heard of who seems terrified to throw anything near the strike zone.

11:59 - Great job by Cabrera (who McCarver keeps calling Johnny for some reason) to play a ball off his chest and get Ortiz out. Not off his throat, as McCarver is saying. I think I get why people hate McCarver.

12:02 - Mastny 2-0 to Ramirez, yet it's a fly out to right on pitch three.

12:03 - Lowell chases and we have three outs. I'm going to run out of beer. Dammit.

12:07 - Eric Gagne wears 83 now, probably the speed of his fastball. Zing. And he just struck out Casey Blake, which is not surprising based on teh fact that' he's a former twin

12:08 - Single for Sizemore. DO SOMETHING>

12:12 - A walk and Gagne is done. What the hell happened to that guy? That injury really f'ed him up. He was dominate at one point, and now he's like a poor man's Dennys Reyes.

12:15 - The whole Trot Nixon thing is just awesome, just do it. Come on Trot. And as I type, there it is. Cleveland lead. They should really get a few more since their closer is Borowski. Also, since Nixon got a hit there, the whole taking Hafner thing out didn't hurt but I still maintain that I was right, dammit.

12:17 - Also it's a nice thought that out there somewhere, Sports Guy is pissed.

12:18 - 8-6 on a wild pitch. And there should be another category worse than wild pitch. That was behind the batter.

12:21 - Base hit up the middle to score another and I'm pretty sure Javier Lopez intentionally let that one go back up the middle. I didn't know people were throwing the game. What is this, college sports?

12:26 - Lester comes in and immediately gives up a double to score another run. I'd make a cancer joke here, but that seems mean. Also, since it's a four run lead, hopefully there won't be any kind of Borowski involved at all. I'd rather throw Bob Feller here. At his current age.

12:28 - Three run homer for Gutierrez. I dont' know, feels like this one is over. Guess they didn't need Hafner. Always good to bat around in the eleventh.

12:30 - He got Casey Blake looking though, so that's good. Good for you buddy! Nicely done.

12:32 - That's awesome that they'd put Borowski in. It's really the only way for the Red Sox to get back in this one. And there's a hit for JD Drew (who almost played softball with me once - true story). And it begins.

12:34 - Varitek needs to retire. He' probably be a very good coach, but his hitting is embarrassing. I'm basing this on a sample size of two.

12:37 - Double play and game over. Good. F the Red Sox.

12:46 - I drank all the beer.