Detroit City is Garbage

I made sure to get all my shit done today in the cesspool that is Detroit so I could pick up some beers, load 'em up with ice and put them in the sink, and watch the Tigers vs. Twins nightcap.  Then I get to my room, and guess what?  This gay hotel doesn't carry Fox Sports Detroit, which means no dice on the game.  They have ESPN on here twice, but no FS.  Sweet.  Luckily the hotel bar does, and that's where I am right now, drinking $5.50 16oz Miller Lites, which I luckily don't have to pay for.  They also claim they have wireless down here, but I can't seem to figure out how to connect.

-  We are in the bottom of the third right now, and it's 1-0 Tigers which has already been rubbed in my face by my waitress.  I must have been staring rather intently at the one tv the game is on down here, because she was asked if I was rooting for Detroit or Minnesota.  After it was 1-0, she came over and said, "My team is winning, my team is winning" and then asked, "whoever wins this game plays the Yankees this weekend, right?"  Jesus lady.  Braggy fans are bad enough, but at least try to have a clue.  Tip amount......dropping.

-  Ok, I now figured it out and I'm logged in, although I'm not sure how much good that does me.  I now just need to figure out an outlet.  My computer has been on since I left Minnesota, on account of I can't turn it off because when we were trying to watch True Blood Season 2 online I somehow downloaded like 20 viruses, most of which I've eliminated but one pesky one keeps hanging on and makes me have to reboot about 10 times to get my computer to restart.  It's pretty awesome. 

-  Now 3-0.  Maybe I won't have to worry about power after all.  Looking like a short night.  Thanks Dunce-ing.  Ha.  I just made that up.

-  Seriously, 3-0?  And Verlander looks as sharp as I've seen him, which of course, I predicted early.

-  Kubel with a hit, of course.  Now if Cuddyer can just stay hot and not look like the fool that he did in his last at bat.  Seriously, the need to get a run here soon. 

-  Nope, and we're scoreless through four.  Well, I mean the Twins are, obviously not the Tigers who are treating Duesning like Liriano.  Verlander is at 55 pitches (40 strikes, jesus) so he should peter out just in time for Fernando Rodney to shut the door.  Awesome.

-  In non-related news, Chuckie Knoblauch is in trouble for choking his common-law wife, which seems about right for a hick.  Tough break for her.  If he had just tried throwing things at her head she would have been golden. 

-  Dear lord is this guy next to me a loud eater.  Take a break tubby, the food will still be waiting for you in a few minutes. 

-  Duensing gives up a double and a single that inning, but manages to pitch his way out of it and thank god since Gardy had Keppel warming up.  They're still playing with fire here, need to get something going.  I'd also like to mention that the squeeze play in Game 1 might have been one of the worst decisions of all time.  I didn't get to see it or anything, since I was on a god damn plane, but I stand by my opinion.  Between that and taking Kubel out for a pinch runner, sometimes I think he tries to lose. 

-  Verlander with another dominant inning, including two strikeouts on some of the best pitching I've seen since Santana was in town.  Just filthy.  This guy needs a nickname.  Let me think on it.  Of course, my little waitress friend had to point out it was still three nothing.  And she keeps doing this thing where she rubs her shoulder on mine while kind of moving up and down.  It's very weird.  I wouldn't mind if she wasn't like, 70.  I'm going to start pretending she's hot.  Otherwise she's going to start noticing that I shudder every time she comes near me.

-  Duensing with a leadoff walk to Raburn, who moves up to third on a couple of outs and then they intentionally walk Cabrera, which probably ranks as the first smart strategic decision Gardy has ever made.  No we have Thames, and I'm pretty sure this is either going to be a home run or a strikeout.  I'm rooting for the strikeout.

-  Ok, a walk.  No problem, nothing hurt.  Inge is up, and he sucks.  Oh crap.  Nevermind, Gardy is going with Keppel.  I think my heart just broke.

-  First pitch, 2-run single.  Let's go ahead and put this one in the books folks.  I'd recommend Gardy just leave Keppel out there for the rest of the game, save the bullpen for the next two games.  Pavano vs. Bodine and Baker vs. Robertson.  Twins have the advantage in both games.  This was the game the Twins were most likely to lose, so I'm not going to quite wave the white flag on the season just yet.  Win the next two and it's tied, with the Twinks facing the Royals and the Tigers going against the Sox.  Yes, the Royals are pitching Greinke in a game, but I just read that Ozzie shuffled the rotation and now Peavy will pitch one of the games against Detroit.  He gave some stupid reason, but you know he's trying to spoiler, and god bless you for that Ozzie Guillen.  God bless you.  I'm sorry I called you gay.

-  Wow, a hit.  And a double even.  Denard Span breaks the streak of I think 34 consecutive outs by Verlander (29 Ks).  Don't worry, this won't go anywhere.  Verlander is still looking like a curve ball pitcher while the Twins look like Jesus Christ.

-  Cabrera knocks him in, but I'm still not excited.  Also just because he's played well these two games that's no reason to sign him for three years at $5 million per.  Settle down, Dawger and PA.

-  Mauer doubles, runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out and the best hitter in the AL up.  Still not confident. 

-  Kubel hit it well, but not well enough.  Gets a run home on a sac fly, still a runner on for Cuddy.  If they can get it to 5-3 going into the bottom of the sixth I'll feel pretty good.  Also Gardy can take Keppel out at any time.  Verlander up to 95 pitches. 

-  Cuddy swings right through a fastball, after changing his apparently irrestible candy of a down and away breaking pitch.  That puts Verlander at 100 pitches.  I'll feel much better if they get to the pen, but of course, Keppel has to hold the lead at three - not bloody likely.

-  Great catch by Mauer in foul ground, or in the stands, actually.  Looks like a fan got a piece of it, but they called the out.  I'm not 100% sure on the rule there, but I don't think that should be an out.  I'll take it though.  The Detroit fans at the table next to me (chubs left, probably to go order room service and porn) are livid right now.  Dudes.  Chill.  You're winning.  Spaz out tomorrow after Pavano tosses a no-no.

-  You're probably wondering what I had for dinner tonight.  Well, it was pretty non-descript.  We were in the air through lunch so had an early dinner at 4:30 at Buffalo Wild Wings.  I went with the Desert Heat, their new dry rub.  It's excellent.  I love a good dry rubbed wing.  Usually most places with a rub offer cajun, which 80% of the time just means "really salty" - although Sensor's has excellent cajun wings and so does Boston's - but this is a really unique spice.  It's got a hint of sweet and then a good chile pepper taste.  Highly recommended.  Keppel has gotten two outs and given up two hits.  Now we are getting Mahay.  Clearly Gardy has punted this game.

-  Mahay gets out of it.  Time to shine boys, time to shine.  *cue Eminem*

-  Or just go down as the easiest inning of all-time.  Brutal when Gomez has the best at-bat of the inning.

-  Snacks just texted me, "If Mauer is a 1B and Cabrera is a catcher, Cabrera is the MVP, right?"  So let's look because it's difficult to watch Crain pitch. 

Mauer:  .368/.442/.598 with 28 homers and 92 rbi
Cabrera:  .329/.399/.550 with 32 homers and 100 rbi

Jesus Snacks, I thought you were smarter than this.  Mauer's numbers kick the hell out of Cabrera's.  Also he leads the league in average, on-base, and slugging.  HE LEADS THE LEAGUE IN AVERAGE, ON-BASE, and SLUGGING.  Mauer could play DH and Cabrera could be Ozzie Smith at short and this still should go to Mauer.  Wow.  This is pretty embarrassing.  Kind of wish I hadn't started this blog entry right now.

-  Crain gives up no runs despite throwing more balls than strikes.  Good work. 

-  According to baseball reference, where we sponsor the Mo Sanford page, Joe Mauer's OPS+ this year is 181, while Cabrera is at 145.  That's the same as Barry Bonds career vs. Vladimir Guerrero.  Think about it.

-  Back to back singles with one out by Span and Cabrera, Mauer up and Verlander still in at 122 pitches.  This is quite the showdown right here.

-  RBI ground out.  Pretty anti-climactic.  Gets them to within a Kubel swing of a tie game though.

-  Big RBI double by the best hitter in baseball.  There is now a permanent ban on Kubel-bashing on this blog.  You dumb people keep trying to tear him down, and he keeps showing how he's the next Lou Gehrig.  Tying run on second with two outs and the Twin Cities' latest hero in Cuddybear up at the plate.  Still not excited.

-  Cuddy grounds out like a girl, reaching for yet another breaking pitch outside the zone.  5-4 as we head to the bottom of the 8th.  The good news is that Fernando Rodney is maybe the worst 35 save pitcher in history.  Just keep it to one run.

-  Guerrier gives up a leadoff homer in the 8th to Granderson.  Great. Waitress comes over to tell me she just loves Granderson because he has such a cute face.  Tip = 0%.

-  Down 2, heading to the top of the ninth with suckface Rodney coming on.  *cue Eminem again*

-  This city is really weird by the way.  I'm not going to bash it - yet - but I'll spend a lot more time down here tomorrow so I'm sure that's to come.  So far, it's looking very much like a have/have not situation, with a lot of really seedy, run down looking bars right next to pretty high end looking restaurants.  I don't think it knows what it's identity is.  And the cars are weird too.  For being mo-town, like the motor city, there are an inordinate amount of crappy cars and cars with damage that are still tooling around.  I'm not a car guy by any means, you pretty much have to be driving the ferrari from Ferris Bueller's Day Off for me to notice, but even I picked up on the multitude of shitty cars here.  Weird.  It's like if nobody here could play hockey.

-  Delmon lead off infield hit.  He's just so fleet of foot.  Willie Mays Hayes like, you could say.

-  Morales strikes out on a pitch at his eyes, and we're left with Tolbert and Punto.  Confidence is high.

-  Punto with a double over Granderson's head?  I have no idea how that happens.  Must have been a great pitch.  That was like when Katie Holmes took her shirt off in The Gift, completely unexpected and completely awesome.  All up to Span here.  Please, just please.  Come on. 

-   Nope, lazy fly out.  Like I said, that's ok.  This was the game they couldn't really expect to win.  Now they need to get the next two, no way around it.  I'll be in attendance tomorrow, so hopefully I have something to cheer about and get beat down by Detroitians who are angry at life because of the cities crappy economy. 

-  70 year old super hot waitress just came over and said, "well they still have the doubleheader tomorrow."  Ugh.  Seems like a good way to end the night.