Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hello My Friends

Yep, traveling once again, and once again I'm in the great state of New Jersey. Since I have nothing better to do, let me fill you on some of my random, no doubt profound, thoughts.

- I'd like to start with a little story from the airport this morning. After I cleared security and was putting my shoes back on - with little to no foot odor - some other doofus gets through and walks up to his two friends. One of these said friends, an even bigger doofus - with bluetooth headset - says to doofus #1, "so you cleared waivers" and then looked around for a laugh. His friends ignored him. He said it again. Still nothing. Then he goes, "Hey Tommy. Tommy. Hey Tommy. Hey. Hey Tommy" like a little kid. When "Tommy" finally said, "what?", he goes, "So you cleared waivers, huh?" and his friends looked at him like a retard (I tried to pay attention, he didn't actually seem special in any identifiable way.) It was awesome. Yet, strangely familiar.

- Pretty good flight though. I got upgraded to first class (again) and accidentally got a little drunk (I ordered a screwdriver and two cranberry & vodkas, and each time they would bring me a glass with ice and full of the juice, and then a little airplane sized bottle of Skyy vodka. I thought the juice was just juice, but instead of that, it was actually an already mixed drink which I didn't figure out until the end. So I had six drinks instead of three. Still trying to figure out of this was a positive or a negative. The real good news is that I had an empty row for myself. There's nothing worse than having some guy start talking to you. One time I was reading a book on Quantum Physics, and the guy started telling me that he was a science teacher in Utah (ALERT! ALERT!) and then told me that what he really loves about science is how it shows how God really loves building blocks and how everything is ordered. I asked him how he reconciles that belief with Quantum Theory and the inherent randomness at the level, and he started telling me about how an atom is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. Hi. I'm reading a Quantum Theory book. I'm pretty sure I get it. At that point I just pulled the same move that Snake pulled when I gave him the upgrade on our way home from Chicago when some guy started talking soccer with him - smile and put on the headphones.

- Speaking of God, there are a shitload of God stations on the radio out here. I was trying to find something to listen to and found at least four or five, including one that wanted us all to know, "The economy will never recover as long as abortion is legal." I'm pretty sure that would only make things worse, but since that is an issue I have no wish to delve into in this forum, instead I will just say that stridently religious people are loony tunes.

- Enough of that garbage. I'm much more interested in what the holy hell is going on with Joe Mauer's back. Since this apparently isn't related to his December 22nd kidney surgery, we'll ignore that for now. The most recent update I can find is from March 18th, and its says that although Mauer is experiencing back pain that won't allow him to play, it's "not a surgical issue." So, like, I don't get it. It seems nobody really knows what's going on, but it seems that letting your all-star, two-time batting champion and most important player on the team just linger is not a major issue. The only diagnosis I've found is that he has an inflamed sacroiliac joint in his lower back. What's that you ask? It's lower back pain. Yep, that's it. You know what the treatment is? Ice and Ibuprofen. The real Jesus resurrected from the dead, but the baby Jesus sits out two months with a backache. Maybe it's time for a new nickname. All I know is if Wendell the black running back can keep playing with a busted up knee after a simple shot of the Bud Kilmer juice, Mauer has no excuse for missing months upon months of baseball. Can't he just DH?

- Speaking of injuries, it looks like Ty Lawson is the latest one to pull the Tiger Woods aka the Michael Jordan, and overplay his injury/illness when things aren't going well only to be miraculously cured if things go his way. One of the lead stories on ESPN right now is that Lawson will play for the Heels on Friday against Gonzaga. Really? Well I'd god damned hope so. He just played 31 minutes on Saturday in a win against LSU, and although there was a shot of him on the sidelines with his shoe off whining like he was Joe Mauer, you better believe when he was in there running around his shots were somehow miraculously falling and when he found the trampoline in the floor like they used to have in rock and jock and managed to dunk, he was jumping around celebrating like a slave who made it to the north. Old....Man.....River...(dammit I can't find the actual clip, but if you can it's hilarious). What was my point? Oh yeah, you watch on Friday. If things are going well for him and the Heels, he'll be fine. But if he's missing shots or turning it over, look out for the waterworks - just like Tiger in the US Open.

- Ok, my co-worker just called and she just arrived, so I have to go meet her in the hotel bar for a drink. While I'm gone, I want you to ponder this: "That Travis Busch, he do be hustlin'"

- Back. Some assface in the bar is a dick. I asked them to change the channel from some stupid Primetime show called "What would you do" to the NIT game, and before the bartender gets any further than the guide, dickhead guy is like, "Aw man, you're changing it? We was watching that" and yes he said was. So they don't change it. Keep in mind it's a show about how people react to situations, and yet there was no volume or subtitles. So I watch this dink the whole time I'm in bar, ignoring my co-worker but I'm pretty sure I didn't miss anything - and he doesn't look at the tv the whole time. Not even once. He was too busy making googly-eyes at his boyfriend. So I missed Penn State knocking off Florida. I'm sure it was thrilling.

- I got it. The baby Tracy McGrady. That dude is hurt constantly, and I'm pretty sure I read somewhere half the time it's because he's just being a whiner. Perfect for Mauer.

- Well, well, it looks like America's boyfriend who is really a douche but America is too close to see it but all America's real friends (me) can see he's a douche and no matter what we do America won't break up with him, Stephen Curry, blew it once again. This time in the prestigious NIT. The Currys lost to St. Mary's, with Curry going for 26 points, 9 rebounds, and 5 assists. And once again, that's all you'll hear about. Nobody will mention the 11-27 shooting or the six turnovers, it's all about the fantasy stats. I'm not going to rehash it for the millionth time, because obviously America won't listen, but go here and scroll down to the Davidson section and re-read up on his stats versus good teams. I'll wait, it's the first entry in the WHO SUCKED section. I seriously hope he doesn't turn pro so I can watch this trainwreck of a relationship again. He'll suck against good teams and just when America is starting to question their love, he'll go off and have a huge night against Furman and it'll be first love all over again. Great guy, America, you sure can pick winners. Curry and Favre. Really top notch. You're dead to me.

- Speaking of the NIT and meltdowns, which I think is where I started that whole Curry thing but I can't remember for sure, Auburn just completely blew it against Baylor. Baylor was up like 7 with 2 minutes left, and thanks to a few three pointers and a couple of forced turnovers, they got the ball back down one with 16 seconds left because Baylor is a bunch of idiots who refused to make the NCAA tournament despite having the talent to win the whole thing. So they get fouled, need one to tie and two to take the lead with 9 seconds left. Miss both. Lose.

- I want to quick mention a book I'm highly recommending, When March went Mad by Seth Davis of CBS and SI fame. The good people over at Press Box Publicity were kind enough to send me an early review copy of the book, and in all seriousness I loved it. I finished it up on the way to Chicago, and plan to have a review next week. It chronicles the 1978-1979 college basketball season following Magic Johnson and the Spartans and Larry Bird and Indiana State, climaxing with their championship matchup that changed college basketball. It also does a great job of following the peripheral players and coaches as well. If you liked the John Feinstein college basketball books (Season on the Brink, The Last Amateurs, a March to Madness) or like basketball in general, pick it up. Full review coming next week.

- - Oh crap, here's something awesome. I just saw that America's boyfriends little brother, Seth Curry, is transferring from Liberty. I don't know why, and nobody knows where yet, but I can only hope he goes to a big school so he can be exposed for the fraud that his whole family (except Dell) is. Seth led all freshmen this year by averaging 20.2 points per game, but I'd assume it's because Dell taught his kids to just shoot constantly - hopefully none of them is a crip or a blood. I did check the stats just to be sure, and he shot 42% from the floor and 35% from three with a 1-1 Assist/Turnover ratio, so it's pretty much more of the same. Plus, does anybody really like anybody named Seth? I mean, really?

- I think that's pretty much it for tonight. Hasta Manana.


Anonymous said...

Steph Curry

Good thing you only look at box scores and don't actually watch games so we can read moronic statements like Steph Curry sucks. I watched the 1st half of the Davidson/St.Mary's game and was very impressed with his play. He had at least 10 tremendous passes that showcased his court vision and accuracy. However his team stinks worse then your feet after not showering for 2days. The guy is faster then a 22 year old Bear, can get to the rack whenever he wants and can shoot the lights out.

He is forced to start jacking shots in the 2nd half after he realizes that his team is completely hopeless.

The guy will be an all star caliber pro.

The other impressive thing about Steph Curry is how freaking hot is mom is.

Steph Curry's mom said...

That Michigan St v Indiana St game was on BTN Big Ten Greatest Games last night. I think you can watch it on the BTN website as well. great game.

snacks said...

- Remember when both Neshek and Bonser's arm problems "weren't surgical issues" as well

- Wait, so Tiger was exaggerating up his torn ACL and fractured fibia?

- To anonymous above, did you real just say he'll be an NBA all-star? I would like your name, address, and some odds on that bet. Not a lot of all-star 6'2" shooting guards these days. If he hangs on he'll be nothing more than a role player/spot up shooter.

Anonymous said...

One would think that reading comprehension skills would be required to be a lawyer. I said he will be an all star caliber "pro". That could mean NBADL, Israel, Turkey, New Zealand or the NBA. I stand by my comment and I would love to take your 5 bucks.

He will also be a point guard at the next level. Did you just skip over the section in my comment when I addressed his impressive point guard qualities? He would average 15 assists a game if his team could make a shot.

snacks said...

Well that's a pretty vague statement. See, most people assume when they read "pro" that it is referring to the NBA. Considering the wide difference in talent between an all-star in the NBA vs. the NBDL, Turkey, etc., it doesn't make a lot of sense to try and group "all-star caliber" pros of all levels together.

But I agree, he could be an all-star caliber player at the local YMCA for sure. And maybe he could be a solid point guard there too. I just know he's unlikely to make it as a star quality point guard (or shooting guard) in the NBA due to his lack of size and elite athleticism.

Jerry Falwell said...

Seth, leave Liberty and I'll haunt the shit of out of you with my legion of ghost fetuses.

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