Thursday, May 21, 2009

DFW, Take 2

After driving around the Dallas/Fort Worth area for a second day, I realized I wasn't nearly harsh enough before about what a squalid shitbox this area really is. I want to paint a really vivid picture, but I can't come up with the words and you probably wouldn't believe me if I did (we saw a store that advertised two things - Donuts and Jewelry, we saw two guys riding horses on the side of the freeway, and at one place on a road they didn't have stop signs, they instead had painted stop lines on the ground (red lines that said STOP), and another place the stop sign was an octagonal white sign with the word STOP spray painted in green - I swear I'm not making this up).

The best I can do is read this post about Dumpster Arena in Chicago. Now imagine that arena was expanded to the size of two cities, filled with poor people, people who wear cowboy hats, poor people who wear cowboy hats, and people with obscenely large trucks that are older than dirt, and then give everybody a gun and a horse and dump a whole bunch of oppressive heat on them. That's Dallas/FW. Except it's also under construction so badly there is a giant hole in the middle of the main freeway. Anonymous's joke in the comments below is dead on accurate, and I laughed out loud. I can't wait to get out of here. Did you know at the Walgreen's here the Axe Body Spray is under lock and key? Like you have to ask someone to get it out if you want to buy it? Freaking unreal.

Luckily the night ended up pretty well. We had a nice dinner (prime rib, steak fries, and a ceasar salad with a couple vodka & tonics) and then found a Texas dive bar 0.5 miles from our hotel that had cheap booze, golden tee, pool, and alternated between twangy country and eminem. The moral of the story is I'm a little bit drunk right now and have 6.5 beers in the sink with ice that I plan to finish. Rock and roll.

- As good as the news is from Chicago with the Twins breaking their losing streak by stomping the Sox 20-1, there's bad news for Twins fans as well. It seems the Sox and the Padres have agreed to a trade which would bring super stud Jake Peavy over to Chicago, and are just waiting for Peavy to waive his no-trade clause. Reports say it's 50/50 for him, since he loves the west coast and the national league, but with the Padres sucking year-after-year and his former teammate and good friend Scott Linebrink on the Sox, I'm guessing he goes.

And the Padres are getting a pretty good haul. Reportedly it's four players, and the two confirmed already are pitcher Aaron Poreda, Chicago's #2 prospect by Baseball America and a first round pick in 2007, and another pitcher Clayton Richard, their number 3 prospect. It's unknown who the other two might be, but San Diego is looking for a shortstop and with Alexei Ramirez and #1 prospect Gordon Beckham in his way, former top prospect Brett Lillibridge would be a great get for the Padres. He was Atlanta's #6 prospect in 2008, and came over in the Javier Vazquez trade, but has been less than stellar on a pro level. A change to San Diego might do him well, and would sweeten the deal for the Padres.

Also never mind all of this, because I just saw it come across on ESPN that Peavy vetoed the deal so this is all pointless now.

- I love Mila Kunis so much. There are no words.

- Speaking of awesome, did you see that Ricky Weeks is out for the year for the Brewers with a wrist injury? Guy has been pretty hardily maligned in his big league career because he hasn't really lived up to his lofty projections, but I've always been a fan, mostly because I really dig guys with plate discipline. And Weeks has it big time - he was in the top 10 in walk percentage two years ago and in the top 30 last year. He had been more of a Rickey Henderson without the hitting in those years, but this season was finally hitting the ball, putting up 9 homers and a line of .272/.340/.517. Unfortunately, you can forget it, as he's on the shelf for the season. Bummer.

- So let's look at this NBA draft we have upcoming here. It's a pretty big one for the hapless Wolfies, with three first round picks. According to, they will end up with Demar Derozan, BJ Mullens, and Patty Mills. According to, they will end up with Derozan, Mills, and Terrence Williams. Hopefully, they will end up with Earl Clark, Mills, and Sam Young. Unfortunately, the wolves have a fairly detailed history of screwing this all up, and so I expect them to come out of this with Brandon Jennings, a foreigner, and a trade that gets them Zach Randolph. God I couldn't be less interested in a Minnesota team. Talk about mismanagement. I think I read that they actually hired a new GM so hopefully this guy has his shit together. Somebody has to at some point, right? RIGHT?

- The TV wants me to know that for a good time I should text 55425 for a good time and to talk to hot girls. $20 says The Todd actually tries this.

- Have you heard about this Greg Paulus shit? He's seriously going to go play the football at the Syracuse. I guess when you're a top prospect in both football and basketball, and then it turns out you suck at basketball, you must be a super star in football. Jesus talk about getting the superstar treatment. I have never rooted for Greg Paulus in anything, ever, but I am really hoping he gets the starting job since the Cuse opens against the Gophers next year. I'm sure some guy in the secondary and that one guy who is a corner on the team will be licking their chops going against Paulus. Seriously I can't name one defensive player on the Gopher football team. I'm a very robust Gopher blog.

- HBO Family is showing Fletch. Looks like I will be up for a while.

- You know who was awesome in the 80s? Roy Marble and Jeff Moe from Iowa. What a perfect pairing. Marble was the slasher type, and Moe was what Hoffarber wants to be, the perfect dead-eye shooter. I'm trying to research more info on Moe, and all I can find is that he was coked our of his gourd most of his career. Works for me man, shine on you crazy diamond.

- Oh, one thing I forgot to tell you about Dallas is how freaking ugly Texas Stadium (home of the Cowboys) is. Serously it's very dumpster area-like, and essentially looks like an old rundown warehouse but in a football stadium form. It looks about 100 years old, and I think bricks are actually falling out every single day. Seriously, don't ever visit Dallas. I'm doing you a favor.

- Dr. Rosenpenis. Classic.