Will the Idiocy Ever Stop?

I don't particularly want to talk about the Twins here, because getting swept four straight games by the Yankees when you basically controlled the series other than the final score and watching Texeira kick the shit out of everyone is rather depressing, but I can't let some comments slide.

Heading to the liquor store tonight, I flipped the radio on the Twins' game to listen to the Twins continue to suck, and here's a gem from John Gordon, "The Twins' bullpen has definitely struggled, but I don't think there's a good bullpen out there." Followed by Gladden, "You're right John. Everyone says the Twins' bullpen is disappointing, but I think it's right up there with the rest of the league."

Two separate, yet equally idiotic claims here we'll examine.

1. The Twins' bullpen is on par with the rest of the league.
This one is easy, and I can do it even though I have no idea how to find separate bullpen (vs. starter) stats for all teams, probably because I'm stupid. Seriously if anybody knows let me know.
Anyway, it's easy enough to see that the Twins as a team have blown seven of their thirteen save opportunities. This is obviously not just Nathan, who is a respectable six of eight. It's the rest of the team that sucks at a big ole zero for five.
That puts the team at a 46% success rate. That's 28th in the league. Out of 30. League average is 62%. I feel comfortable saying the Twins' bullpen is nowhere near on par with the rest of the league. Unless this kind of on par is the same as when I told Snacks his intelligence level was "on par" with mine.

2. There are no good bullpens.
Well, I feel pretty comfortable saying Cincinnati (91% save conversion), Boston (86%), Texas (85%) (Texas???), and Tampa (77%) are pretty damn good. The Reds have blown only one save this year, and have Francisco Cordero closing (2.40 ERA/1.40 WHIP) and being setup by the immortal Arthur Lee Rhodes (0.75 ERA/1.08 WHIP) and someone named Nick Masset (1.23 ERA/0.89 WHIP). Sounds pretty good. I guess they are in the NL though, so there's a pretty good chance Gordie and the Dazzle man haven't heard of them.

How about Boston and Papelboner (1.06 ERA), Ramon Ramirez (0.86 ERA) and Manny Delcarmen (0.96) and their 14/16 on saves? Or Texas (I feel so weird saying this) and Frank Francisco (0.00 ERA, 9/9 on saves) set up by Scott Feldman (1.18 WHIP) and Jason Jennings (3.06 ERA) and their 13/15 on saves? And even Tampa, whose bullpen struggled out the gate, has recovered to save 13 out of 16 tries thanks to Lance Cormeir (who?) (2.17 ERA/1.10 WHIP) and J.P. Howell (2.41 ERA) even with Percival and Wheeler tossing less than average innings right now.

And these teams are all deep too. Where the Twins would be trotting out Gopher-Ball Ayala (5.71 ERA/1.85 WHIP) or the Meatball Kid Jesse Crain (8.25 ERA/1.58 WHIP), for example, Boston would have the Asian Invasion Hideki Okajima (2.89 ERA/1.13 WHIP) and Takashi Saito (3.86/1.43).

Ugh. This makes me sad. The whole point of this was that Gordon and Gladden are completely morons, not that this surprises anybody, but instead now I'm extra sad - sadder than I already was - about the Twins' bullpen. I did hear a radio interview with Gardy the other day where he said they would explore all options to fix the bullpen. I assume this means nothing will change.

Since we're getting all depressed in here, I miss old Tara Reid.

Because the new Tara Reid makes me melancholy. Like listening to Coldplay.