Saturday, December 12, 2009

I thought Hawks ate Gophers (or something)

Wow.  That was a brutal team.  I don't recall seeing such awful defense ever, not counting if you played Snacks in Coach K College Basketball on Sega Genesis and he was Michigan State with Jamie Feick anchoring the middle.  The Gophers shot 53% from the field and 45% from three and should almost be embarassed of those numbers.

I've seriously never seen so many open shots and easy dunks.  I have no idea how St. Joe's hung tough with Villanova.  Maybe that was "their Super Bowl" kind of game since they are heated rivals, but that team I saw out there tonight was embarrassing.  They weren't much better on offense either, particularly in the second half when it kind of turned into an "Imitate Reggie Holmes" contest and passing became little more than a rumor.  Even worse, this was Wonderbaby'sTM first ever Gopher game. I hope it didn't turn her off of basketball forever.

Rather than focus on the evil in this world (such as St. Joe's defense), let's just highlight some Gophers who performed well, keeping in mind they were essentially going up against a bunch of cardboard cutouts or those awesomely tight Fatheads. Seriously, I own like 20 fatheads. They're awesome and totally something a grown man should own. You definitely don't need to re-evaluate your life if you own any of them or anything.

- Ralph, who I just dropped in my fantasy league, put up some huge numbers - finishing with 16 points, 10 rebounds, 3 blocks and 3 assists.  He had like, seven dunks or something late in the game when St. Joe's went into their ole defense, but prior to that he played a pretty solid game with some nice moves, including an alley-oop that he effed up and accidentally made the layup instead.  Now I have to think about picking him back up.  F me.

-  Colt Iverson is starting to look, dare I say, kind of polished in the post and finished with 11 and 7.  I'm terrified he's becoming what I wanted Ralph to be.  Although Ralph still has a pretty touch from the perimeter and Iverson looks like he's throwing a hatchet and a hostile injun when he's outside of six feet, so maybe I don't have to worry just yet.

- Blake Hoffbauer definitely deserves mention after putting up a nearly-career high 20 after hitting five of his nine three-point attempts.  His shot being back after a rough year last season is overshadowing perhaps the most interesting part of his game; this guy can ball.  His other stats aren't that great today (3 rebs, 1 assist, 1 steal, and 1 turnover that was actually Ralph's fault please don't hurt me Ralph I still love you), but the guy is just a heady player.  Always around the ball, capable of a ten rebound game, and an excellent assist-to-turnover ratio; I'm just falling for the Hoff in such a big way.  Somebody invite me to a kegger at the U so I can get drunk and follow him around and compliment him so much he gets really uncomfortable but he's so polite he won't tell me to F off.

-  Devoe can shoot that rock like nobody's business.  I think the famous "guy who sits next to us who yells a lot and is a total homer and has almost zero understanding of how basketball actually works" had his crowning achievement today when he yelled at Devoe for shooting a wide open (and I mean wide open, even on a day when everybody was wide open this was wide open) three pointer (which he made) by saying, "No!  Get it inside, No!".  Oof.  This guy would be a psychiatrist's dream.  

-  Finally, this isn't Gopher related, but I promised I'd follow Morgan State's Reggie Holmes and report on him here and so I must.  Also I decided any post that contains a Holmes update will have his picture way up top, so you know the excellence will be broughten - sort of like the Bat Signal.The Bears beat my formerly beloved Manhattan Jaspers today behind 31 from Mr. Holmes on some most excellent shooting (10-17) with four turnovers.  Assists = 0, bringing his season totals to 4 assists and 19 turnovers.  He's still 15 assists shy of his career high.  Stay tuned.

Also here is a picture of Wonderbaby at the game because I know you want to see it.

1 comment:

Snake said...

Did Dawger write this post? Ralph has been dropped from your fantasy team (ps. you are no longer allowed to cheer for him or call him your guy, "sellout"), Hoffbauer is great and Colton Iverson is great? Somewhere dawger has a tear in his eye.