Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday Night

I'm a loser and I'm home at 9:49 on Friday night. I've also been out drinking and still have a bunch of beers here, so maybe I can get drunk enough to make this entertaining. But probably not.

- I'd like to point out this article, wherein superstar F.P. Santangelo admits to his HGH use and says things like, "I made this bed and now I have to lie in it" and how he didn't want to be one of the first guys named when the Mitchell Report came out and was summarized on ESPN. Hey guess what F.P., honestly, nobody other than your family gives two shits that you were on HGH, and there wasn't a chance in hell you'd be one of the first guys mentioned on ESPN. Your career OPS+ was 89 and you never had more than 427 PAs in a season. You're basically Denny Hocking. You're completely irrelevant, unless you have info that your '96-'98 Expo teammate Vlad took roids, which I highly doubt. But good job getting yourself as the lead story on

- My father-in-law gave me my Christmas present tonight. A $100 giftcard to the local liquor store. As awesome as that is, it also scares me a little.

- Drake beat Iowa by five. We had Drake -2.5. Awesome. Also awesome is how much Iowa sucks. And Tony Freeman played. 22 minutes, 3-14 shooting, 0 assists to 2 turnovers. Brutal. That team is a complete mess, and the Gophers only get to play them once, which sucks.

- Six bets down for tomorrow: Kentucky -6.5, Louisville +1.5, Xavier -3, Butler -3.5, UIC +9.5, Akron +1.

- MLB Power Pros is an awesome game for PS2. I highly, highly recommend it. I don't think they make it for PS3, but if you're one of those rich bastards with a PS3 you can just go F yourself anyway.

- Here are my NFL picks for the week, and I'm already 0-1. I don't know what I was last week, because I really don't pay attention. I never bet on the NFL, that's for suckers. These picks are coming with zero research, or any thought, to be honest:
Cincy -8.5 @ San Fran
New Orleans -3.5 vs. Arizona
Atlanta +13 @ Tampa Bay
Baltimore -3.5 @ Miami
Cleveland -5.5 vs. Buffalo
Green Bay -8 @ St Louis
Pittsburgh -3 vs. Jacksonville
New England -22 vs. NY Jets
Carolina +7.5 vs. Seattle
Tennessee -4 @ Kansas City
Indy -10 @ Oakland
Detroit +10 @ San Diego
Dallas -10 vs. Philly
NY Giants -4.5 vs. Washington
Chicago +10 @ Minnesota

- This headline, "Model sues Nets star for alleged groping", makes me laugh.

- Remember R Jay Soward? The former USC WR who went to Jacksonville? The Bear freakin' loved that guy, but turns out he was pretty much an alchoholic. He was suspended by the league so many times, that he hasn't even bothered to refile for reinstatement since his only year in the league in 2000, and finished his career with a grand total of 14 catches (Chris Walsh had a career total of 67, so what does that tell you?) He did play in the CFL for a few years, and once, after scoring a touchdown, ran to the concession stand setup behind the endzone, grabbed a bag of popcorn and shared it with the fans. That's just awesome.

- You know who would have been awesome? Tim Biakabutuka. Seriously. He was always hurt though. He was more fragile than Theory or LunnDale on our touch football team. But more awesomer.

- Watching season five of Cu rb your Enthusiasm. This show is just way too funny. They found work for Blossom. Miyam Bialik. Blossom from Blossom is on this show. That's funny in and of itself.

- Six was hot.

- Jesus there is nothing going on tonight and I'm bored. So I'm going to see if Andre Dawson or Kriby Puckett was a better baseball player.
PUckett: 12 seasons, 2,304 hits, 207 HR, career OPS+ = 124
Dawson: 21 seasons, 2,774 hits, 438 HR, career OPS+ = 119

Hmmm. Close. Longevity, which does matter, favors Dawson by quite a bit at this point. How about single season greatness?

Puckett: 1988 - .356/.375/.545, 24 HR, 121 RBI, OPS+ = 152
Dawson: 1987 - .287/.328/.568, 49 HR, 137 RBI, OPS+ = 130

Jesus, neither of these guys had any idea of what the strike zone was, but that's why they make a good comparison to each other. It's pretty close. Puckett was better in their prime, by a pretty good amount, but Dawson's not getting blindness makes it closer than it should be. Puckett has a huge advantage in hitting women and groping random chicks over Dawson, and also leads 1-0 in the category of being creepy to ugly, fat admins who I used to work with when they are shopping at Peter's Billiards. He also leads in the category of deaths, 1-0. All this being said, I would chose Puckett over Dawson, because Puckett is quite seriously one of the best right-handed hitters in the history of baseball, no matter what his personal deal, and Andre Dawson is really just pretty annoying.

- Sweet. It's 12:20 now and they're replaying Drake v. Iowa. This will be the only game all week I've watched on TV. I hate Christmas break. Screw the "students." They should have to play basketball for my amusement. And what's up with all the "academic incentives" in Tubby's new contract? F that crap. I don't care if he graduates a single player, just win baby. Clem is still the best coach in the history of the Gophers, despite the "unpleasantness."

- Iowa basketball is sponsored by Panchero's. If you've never tried it I can't recommend it more highly. It's a burrito joint, and there's one in Block E and probably other places too. If you like Chipotle, this place will make you hate Chipotle for not being Pancheros.

- I really can't believe how bad Iowa is. Alford really should never, ever have a job again. Last year's Gophers would have beaten this year's Iowa team, on a neutral court, by 15 (assuming Molinari was coaching, if Monson was coaching it would have been Iowa by 2).

- College soccer is on ESPNU right now. As tempting as that is, I'm going to keep watching Drake kick the crap out of Iowa. Seriously, if you're a betting man, just bet against Iowa all year long.

- Seriously, FP Santangelo came out to talk about taking steroids. $20 says he has a book out within a year.

- Drake has Klayton Korver, the Ozzie Canseco of college basketball. Seriously parents, if you're going to go with a name as messed up as Clayton, why go with the K instead of C?

- By the way, Oz Canseco only had 65 career major league abs, with zero homeruns. Seems weird.

- I know this game already happened, but Iowa has 21 at half, only because Freeman hit a three with three seconds left in the half. Also, Drake has never won in this building. Stay tuned.

- I can't stress nearly enough how bad Iowa is.

- Snake - this was for you.

- Dammit last beer.

- Louisville is going to beat Purdue by 137 tomorrow.

- I'm bored and runk.


The Bear said...

W, did you notice the obvious similarity between yourself and Soward? Never fear, my love for both of you has never wavered.

Nice father-in-law, did he give you a carton of cigarettes or 100 bucks worth of rippers for your birthday?

P.S. said...

The season of "Curb" that just finished a couple of months ago was the funniest yet. I don't know if it's on-demand or if HBO is rerunning it, but you've got to see it.

The Todd said...

You are my hero.

snacks said...

When you say "betting on the NFL is for suckers." I think you really mean that betting on the NFL is for people smarter than you. I went 7-2 last week for us, including the spread, the over, and winning my fantasy football game thanks to the great Drew Brees on monday night. I expect more greatness today.

Anonymous said...

Pancheros??? That place tastes like dog shit compared to Chipotle. It tastes like Grandmas cooking after grandma has lost the ability to smell or taste so everything is just bland.