This is Going to Suck

First of all, let's get the obvious out of the way and just state that I'm a loser before you comment-monkeys mention it. It's 11:50 on Christmas and I'm posting. Well, pregnant wife has to work at 6am tomorrow (it's a girl, FYI), so she's sleeping, and I have the day off. So I'm sitting here, drinking Captain Morgan (I know, right, it's like I'm a loser who is stuck in college so he still drinks captain), watching Superbad (again), and looking at some Santana trade information, and I don't like what I'm seeing.

Before I get into that though, I'd just like to say, again, that Superbad is freaking awesome. If you haven't seen it, see it immediately. If you don't find it funny, just go ahead and shoot yourself in the face.

So here's what I don't get about this Santana thing: nobody seems to really want him. First of all, the most baffling thing is that nobody other than the Red Sox and the Yankees have even gotten involved, or at least not seriously. ESPN.com follows rumors, but you can't go back further than nine reports because it seems the people who run that place are complete retards, so I can only go off memory. I remember seeing a rumor about the Mets, but it was more of a "no we won't include Reyes in a Santana trade" kind of rumor. And of course they effing wouldn't, but they still have the horses to get it done.

Two other teams with the money to sign him and the prospects to get him are the Angels and the Dodgers, but neither team made any kind of move. Seriously, on a national league team, he'd win MVP for sure. He'd go 29-2, 0.90 ERA and WHIP, and probably hit .340. Yet, no national league team has made a play for him. I really don't get it.

So it's down to the Yanks and Sox, and according to reports the Twins are going to get "best offers" sometime after the new year. And to be honest, the Yanks and Sox do not have best offers out there that make me at all happy. Wow, I did not put a lot of Coke in this drink. Anyway, the current offers are terrible. The latest Sox offer, which used to be my favorite, has now gone all to hell, as now Ellsbury is off the table as well as Buchholz. The new offer is Lester, Masterson, Lowrie, and Crisp. The best prospect in this is Lester, who has an upside of a #2 or #3 pitcher. I mean, it's three decent prospects and an established major leaguer, but is that really all that is coming for Santana?

I like Lowrie, because I like getting a shortstop so Harris can move to third and Punto doesn't start next season, even though I'm fairly certain Casilla is a big pile of crap anyway, but that package is not what I'd expect. I also don't give a crap about Crisp. Nice name, homo.

The Yankees offer right now is pretty clearly the best, based on Hughes being in the deal. Hughes rates as one of the top prospects in the majors, and has #1 potential. What I don't like about this, is the Hughes deal is him, Melky Cabrera, and "prospects." Well, if they aren't mentioned by name, they're probably meaningless. I figured a trade would be centered around Hughes, not essentially just Hughes. Cabrera is a "prospect" technically, but he's a crappy fielder who would be made worse with Young and Cuddyer flanking him, and not anything special as a hitter. I think his upside is a fourth outfielder, and it's just not enough for Santana.

I mean, I know he has to be traded, and likely has to be traded this offseason. I just don't understand why nobody seems to really want him. Boston won't include either of their two top prospects, and the Yankees will give their top guy, but wont' package him with anybody. If the Orioles would hurry the hell up and trade Erik Bedard, that might help. Bedard is number 2 in a trade market that is really only 2 deep (unless you think the A's will actually trade Blanton, then it's 3), and once he goes, Santana is the only one left and maybe that will spur some action.

This is just so frustrating, and honestly, other than Tubby coming to the Gophers, Minnesota is turning into a garbage state for sports. And spare me the whole Vikings could make the playoffs thing. You should be hoping they lose so they get a higher draft pick. That team has no shot to do anything in the postseason. Tavaris or Tarvaris or Travaris Jackson is a giant piece of crap. He's like a poor man's Vince Young, and that's saying something.

Did you see that Luis Castillo resigned with the Mets for over $6 mil per? $6 million a year for four years. The dude has only had an OPS+ over 100 three times in 9 full seasons, and not since '05. Essentially, he's a slightly below average second baseman, and he's getting $6+ per year. But he can get on base, so good for him. He's twenty billion times better of a leadoff guy than Juan Pierre. If there's no trade that helps out the infield, a signing is needed badly. Either Pedro Feilz or Morgan Ensberg would be ok at third, if the market doesn't price the Twins out, and Russ Branyan might be a decent fallback, as he should be cheap.

And I just found out the Twins signed Adam Everett to play short. I don't know why I don't know that, but I don't. Everett is essentially a giant piece of crap, and I have no idea why he was even signed. Sure, they needed to sign either a 3B or SS so Punto wouldn't start, but how is this a good idea? $3 million for one year to a guy with OPS+s of 70, 64, and 56 the last three years? Punto was a 52. So this douche is slightly better at hitting than Punto. That's like being slightly better than Corky at not being retarded. You're still retarded. What a stupid signing. God I hate the Twins.

In conclusion, Superbad is awesome. Oh, and my cousin called me an asshole at our Christmas get-together, so that was pretty sweet. She probably shouldn't have been so wrong that I had to call her on it. Get your shit together.

"BREAK YO SELF FOOL"