Circle me Bert

So I've been asked by some very important people to take a look at the Bert Blyleven for the hall of fame discussion. The kind of people you don't say no to. So, of course, I will tackle it the way I always look at difficult issues: Drunk. Still drinking. Semi-coherent while I flip between the Pats/Giants and Arizona/Memphis. The only true way to evaluate anything.

Also please let the Patriots lose. I don't even care if they go ahead and win the stupid super bowl after this, just don't let those homos go undefeated.

So anyway, going into this Bert has a huge strike against him for the whole "Circle me Bert thing." It's just stupid. And, I am very sad to admit, my mother has been circled twice. She's stupid that way. Although when we flew down to Texas on a free trip to watch the Twins, Bert was really nice to my family. Not like that son-of-a-bitch Jeff Reardon. Enjoy prison, dumb fuck!

So, before getting into the stats, my impression of Bert is a very good pitcher for a very long time. Never considered the best at his position at any time, but always very good. He's basically the very definition of a borderline hall of famer. There are two arguments I'd like to dismiss right now:

1) He was never considered the best at his position: I would love to know how the F this is relevant. At all. You know who was the absolute, undisputed, most kick ass pitcher in the world and it wasn't even close in 1984 - Dwight Gooden. Does he deserve to be in? Guess who led the AL in ERA in 1988? Alan Anderson. Should he be in this conversation? Just a stupid argument and stop using it.

2) He has a "signature pitch." Really? You mean that hanging curve that gave up an all-time record 50 homeruns in 1986 and followed it up with 46 in '87? Stupid. You know who else had a great curveball? A billion other guys. The only reason you hear about Bert's stupid curveball all the time is because he announces Twins games and he can't stop talking about himself.

Ok, now that that is out of the way, let's see what we really have here by looking at what really matters, the numbers. Let's look at the most meaningless, but to many people most meaningful, stat: wins. Bert clocks in at 287 wins against 250 losses. Ouch. Those who are in love with the wins will tell you that you need 300 to get in. Not good for our buddy Bert.

Now, strikeouts, which are a pretty big deal, Bert ranks fifth. The top 17 players all are either in the hall or will be in the hall, if Schilling and Smoltz (and Clemens after the whole cheating thing) get in. That's some pretty good evidence.

I think the booze is hitting me hard because I had A LOT to say about this but now I can't seem to remember anymore, so I'll sum up quick:

Bert's strikeouts, complete games, ERA+ of 118, and WHIP of 1.20 over his career pretty clearly indicate he's a hall of fame caliber pitcher. The people not voting for him, I will almost guarantee, are doing it because he doesn't have 300 wins, which is a terribly retarded reason for not voting for someone. I realize stats like strikeouts and complete games are compiling type stats, which I ripped Brett Favre for, but in my defense, Favre is a raging homosexual.

Before I pass out in a haze of unremembering, I'd like to point out something blatantly stolen from Fire Joe Morgan - Blyleven had a ERA+ of 133 or better six times. Jack Morris = never. Or, in idiot terms, Morris never ever ever ever had an ERA less than 3. Blyleven did. Nine times.

Blyleven should seriously be in the hall. If anything should keep him out, it's his career save total of zero.

Tom Brady is also gay. I've seen it.